Teens, Tweens & Screens

We all remember when our parents warned us “not to talk to strangers.” For those of us north of 35, that mostly meant we were not to talk to someone in person we did not know. Or do not talk to someone who approaches you that your parents do not know. Today this takes on a whole different meaning. Do not talk to strangers now applies more to the “online space” than the “in-person” space. But what are the odds that your kid will talk to someone online they do not know? And how early is this happening?

Every parent worries about online predators at some point, and we must be cautious. While it is rare for our kids to be contacted by a predator, it does happen, and it is best to be prepared. While the incidence of these unwanted contacts seemed to be declining between 2005-2010, the numbers surged back up post-pandemic. This is due to many of us being isolated and on our devices more than ever, giving predators a perfect opportunity to take advantage of and manipulate new online users.

Today’s article will be the first of a two-part series. First, we will discuss how these dangerous interactions can come to be in the first place and the risks associated. Then, next month, we will discuss how to prevent it from happening and how to talk with your child specifically.

A recent survey in 2019 of almost 4000 children found that 43 percent, ages 8-13, are talking to people they do not know online. They chat either via social media or gaming platforms. Some research indicates kids as young as five are chatting with strangers. This typically happens when they get access to gaming devices. It is equally terrifying that more than half of these kids are providing their addresses and phone numbers. We will also be remiss to think these conversations happen only among young children. Teens are just as guilty, and the incidence of meeting these strangers in person rises once young kids become teenagers. Many of these meet-ups result in a teen being taken. So chatting with a stranger can have many consequences, ranging from inappropriate conversations to grooming, soliciting of pictures, and even sex trafficking.

In reality, anyone can create a fake profile and pretend they are someone else. These predators can “groom” your child into thinking they are your child’s best friend or, for older kids, someone with whom they can have a romantic relationship. Research shows that predators will wait days, months, or even years to establish a strong relationship with your child or teen before they act on any plans they have for your child. It is incredibly easy for hackers to glean information from young children and then use it to access their parents’ accounts.

With older teens, we see a disturbing trend of predators using information to blackmail teenagers. For instance, if inappropriate pictures have been shared, the next step may be to ask for videos. If those are shared, then the predator may ask for more videos. If the teen refuses, this is when harassment and blackmail begin. This becomes a viscous, exhausting, and terrifying cycle that most teens feel they cannot escape.

Let me stop here for a second and mention that many times instead of an unknown predator asking for pictures or information, the “predator” is someone your child DOES know. More often, I see kids and teens pressuring one another for inappropriate information and pictures than I see predator activity.

As parents, we want to lead from confidence and knowledge rather than fear. Next month we will discuss what to look for specifically on your child’s devices and what conversations to have. In the meantime, your best defense is your open dialogue with your child and random device checks. It will be your absolute best way of discovering what your child is doing online.

Kristi Bush serves as a national education consultant and social media safety advocate. She is a licensed social worker with greater than 15 years of clinical practice and health care experience. She attended Troy and Auburn University where she studied social work and counseling. Kristi travels nationally and has spoken with thousands of children, parents, professionals and organizations about the benefits and threats associated with social media. You may reach Kristi through her website at www.knbcommunications.com.

tumpka , AL, 36092 This class meets the first Tuesday

will be open on the first Thursday of each month!

variety of items!

conversation for creative inspiration!

2023! Free food, nutrition and exercise classes, and more. Come out, ask questions and get started on physically becoming a healthier you!

singers. Sit and Sew encourages all quilters, knitters

showcase of antique cars located in Downtown

the show!

Prattville, Montgomery, AL, 36066 New year! New you! Come into your local Michaels and learn a new hobby!

present this National Theatre Live film.

grower will identify the different types of orchids we

series. The second film in the series, and one of its most successful films, is dedicated to the life and

away!

bring a sack lunch and a friend too!

color theory and colored pencil techniques to create

to start 2023 off running!

elry maker? Come learn about the benefits and deals

jewelry making needs!

and queens for more than 150 years. This production

ery Qualifier, January 12-14 at Taylor Road Baptist

to our students. No experience is required! Judging

and debate league is all about! Go to ncfca.org, click “judge,” and find Montgomery on the map. Questions?

montgomery-al-qualifier/

purchase. This cruise is offered each Sunday. Don’t miss the boat!

dinner cruise is available every Friday! Don’t miss the boat!

RRP: How do you balance being a mom and the Assistant Principal at Bear Exploration Center and Forest Avenue Academic Magnet?

Brandi: Some days are mentally heavy. I try to compartmentalize my different worlds. When I get home, I turn off my day to focus on my family and get that mental break. Also, I try not to let anything happening at home affect my work. It’s also easy working at two schools that I love. I am blessed to call these faculty members my family. We celebrate, encourage, and pray for each other daily.

RRP: You’ve been with MPS for over two decades. What advice would you give to new moms entering the workforce?

Brandi: Allow yourself grace because being a new mom and a working mom is tough. Home is home, and work is work. Try to maintain a balance, not mix the two, and be present at home. Nothing is more important than spending time with your children and family. Time goes by quickly, and we’ve all heard it said before – the days are long, but the years are short. Do your best never to miss a moment.

RRP: How does motherhood keep you grounded as a person?

Brandi: It helps me to stay in the moment. Motherhood is both rewarding and challenging. It made me a different person and changed me in ways I never imagined. It also made me appreciate my mother more. Motherhood taught me how to love someone more than I ever knew possible.

RRP: You have two children (a senior and a fourth grader). How does your parenting style differ between the two?

Brandi: Emma (17) and Jackson (9) are unique children. Both are pleasers, but in different ways. Emma was compliant as a child, and RRP: What hobbies do you enjoy when you’re not in mom or work mode?

Brandi: I’m always in mom mode, and my favorite thing is watching my children play sports. When I have free time, I love spending it at the beach, finding new fun places to have dinner, lazy days with Netflix, and hanging out with friends.

RRP: What’s the best part about being a mom?

Brandi: Unconditional love, theirs and mine. Knowing that God picked me to be their mom is the best job in the world. Being a mom slows life down. I don’t wish for the next big event to be here. A simple day at home snuggling on the sofa or playing cards around the table holds just as much value and memories as a big occasion or holiday. Motherhood makes me step back and appreciate all the small things.

RRP: How do you teach your children to find value in themselves and stay authentic to who they are?

Brandi: I’ve always taught my kids to know who they are and whose they are. They certainly are not perfect, but they know they are a children of God and have been raised to know their worth and value.

RRP: How do you address technology/social media in a day and age when kids have so much access at their fingertips?

Brandi: It’s a daily battle with both children. I do not allow devices at the dinner table and ensure both children leave their phones downstairs at night. Jackson being the youngest, has more restrictions. He’s only permitted to play Xbox on the weekends. Sometimes, I allow a mid-week free night after homework is finished. I try to teach Emma to self-regulate her time spent on social media. It’s hard, really hard, and I’m not always sure how successful I have been with this.

RRP: What parenting hack did you gain from your parents?

Brandi: Say what you mean and mean what you say. Consistency is important. I try hard to follow through with what I say. However, sometimes it can be difficult, and I must reevaluate the lesson I’m trying to teach at that moment. Ultimately, I want my children to understand what is expected of them.

RRP: If you could go back in time, what advice would you give yourself about raising kids?

Brandi: Get to, not have to. Don’t look at everything as having to do it, but rather getting to do it. One day you won’t get to do it anymore. Cherish everything!