Five Towns Jewish Home - 3-23-17

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MARCH 23, 2017 | The Jewish Home

On Twitter yesterday Rachel Maddow wrote, “I have Trump’s tax returns, I will be revealing them on-air.” Of course everyone went nuts. This is how crazy he’s made us. We’re rushing to our TVs screaming, “Quick! Rachel Maddow’s about to show a 1040 form!” – Jimmy Kimmel

This report concludes, on the basis of overwhelming evidence, that Israel is guilty of the crime of apartheid, and urges swift action to oppose and end it. - Conclusion of a report commissioned by the UN Economic and Social Commission for Western Asia about the IsraeliPalestinian conflict which was written by a Jordanian who is a vocal critic of Israel and a supporter of BDS

The United States stands with our ally Israel and will continue to oppose biased and anti-Israel actions across the UN system and around the world. The United States is outraged by the report. The United Nations secretariat was right to distance itself from this report, but it must go further and withdraw the report altogether. - U.S. United Nations Ambassador Nikki Haley, responding to the report

Today was Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s 84th birthday. I don’t know how she celebrated, but I hope it was carefully. – Seth Myers

He has no justification for his objection to having a small nation be part of NATO that is under assault from the Russians… The senator from Kentucky is now working for Vladimir Putin. - Sen John McCain (R-AZ) after Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) denied his request for unanimous consent to pass a treaty that would let the former Yugoslav republic of Montenegro into NATO

I think he makes a really, really strong case for term limits. I think maybe he’s past his prime; I think maybe he’s gotten a little bit unhinged. - Sen. Rand Paul, on MSNBC, responding to Sen. McCain

Russia may have trouble getting athletes to compete in the 2018 Olympics after their big doping scandal. People were confused. They were like, “You can rig an ELECTION, but not a urine test?” – Jimmy Fallon

Hel-“LO”! This is Bob Eleveld. As I write this notice, I am still with you, although my doctors have informed me that this status will change in the near future. I have decided, however, to eschew the normal process of others celebrating my life after I die and, instead, would like to celebrate your lives with me. I would like to invite those who are able to attend my “Celebration of Life” Open House on Saturday, March 18, from 1-3 PM at Thousand Oaks Golf Club. I’m planning on being there with you. I would like the opportunity to share a moment with all of the people who have touched my life in so many ways and to let you know how much you have meant to me. My loving partner, Michele; my children… grandchildren…and great-grandchildren…are at ease with the fact that we’re in the fourth quarter with no more Hail Mary passes. I recognize that the timing of this event may be a bit odd, considering that I will be with you for this Celebration of Life. Doing this brings me great joy. We’d be honored if you would drop in, say hi, share a glass of red and a laugh…You are my friends, my colleagues, my family – the people I would absolutely love to share a roast beef sandwich, some shrimp and a beer with – on me! … Please know that the end of my life is the ultimate “peanut item” in comparison to how much I have enjoyed my life with all of you. – From Robert Eleveld’s (age 80) “nobituary” in the Grand Rapids Press, inviting all of his friends to a “celebration of life,” after he was informed that he was terminally ill and his passing would be imminent

This is a test. - Sean Patrick Keoughan, of Roanoke, Virginia, as he was being arrested by Secret Service agents near the White House for stating that he had a bomb in his car

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