JOURNAL VOLUME 001
WINTER/SPRING 2019
To Love Like Jesus “L
ove is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance. Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 This is one of my favorite passages of Scripture in The Passion Translation. I like to refer to it often when I question my own motives to see if what I am doing or saying is based on love or something else. In today’s political and spiritual climate, it is very important to have a measuring stick to see where our hearts lie. And what better measuring stick than the Bible? I wanted to highlight these verses to you so that when you read about the stories of real women in these pages who have poured their hearts out, my hope and prayer is that you will put away any cynicism or preconceived judgments about women of color, divorce, or even self-care. Rather, it is my hope that you will read these stories and be understanding, loving, supportive, challenged and reflective. Doing so is good for your soul and good for your relationship with Jesus.
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(Photos: Trenelle V. Photography @tvp_pix)
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people of color, in this case, women called by God to
Sadly, many of his sentiments remain true to this day
be ministers of the Gospel? To answer this question,
with only eight percent of American congregations
we have to be honest about where this nation is and
having a significant racial mix (Van Biema, 2010).
how men and women can begin to partner in on what God’s plan has always been, redemption and restoration through His son Jesus.
Several years ago, following the acquittal of George Zimmerman, I conducted a study to understand how race affected Black congregants in predominantly
Many people believe that years 2013-2016 were
White church spaces. For centuries the Black church
some of the hardest and most pivotal years in the
had been a place of social action against the evils of
21st century for Blacks in America. Phrases and
segregation, discrimination, racism, and also a place
buzzwords like “Black Lives Matter”, “All Lives Matter”,
for social activism and safety. So fast forward to 2016,
police brutality, racism, and evangelicalism surged
and I wondered how the silence of churches on the
to the forefront of American life and permeated all
issue of race significantly affected the racial identity
media platforms. Following the verdict of the Trayvon
of Black congregants. What I discovered was that the
Martin case in the summer of 2013, the Pew Research
closer a Black individual felt to their racial identity, the
Center Poll found that 78% of Blacks reported that
less sense of community they felt in a predominately
the case raised “important issues about race that
white church space (Makinde, 2016). This research
needed to be discussed,” while 60% of Whites
indicated that having a strong sense of self and Black
thought race “received too much attention” (Noble,
racial identity came at a cost. It placed difficulties
2014, p.19). Fast forward to 2018, and a recent NBC
on an African Americans’ ability to find strong
News/SurveyMonkey poll found, “...while 30 percent
connections with other members within the church,
of people said racism was not a major problem, they
shed light on invoked feelings of Black congregants
still agreed that it exists. Only a tiny sliver, 3 percent,
having inadequate resources, and showed that
said it does not exist” (White, 2018).
having a strong sense of Black racial identity meant
Looking at the history of racism in the United States and studying the teachings of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and other leaders during the civil rights era, you
you felt that you could not make a difference within a predominantly White congregation due to a lack of influence (Makinde, 2016).
might notice the push for civil liberties on legislative
As a push for multi-ethnicity within churches
grounds and also the push of civil rights within the
increases, this is a worrisome reality because African-
confines of the church. These leaders called out the
Americans attend religious services more frequently
pervasive silence of church leaders who chose not
than the general population (Pew Research Center’s
to speak out against the racism and prejudices ailing
Religion & Public Life Project, 2019). This isn’t to say
society. In 1960, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. stated that
that having multi-ethnic leadership positions is not
“11 o’clock Sunday morning is the most segregated
part of the answer, but one does have to ask how
hour of the week ... And the Sunday school is still the
these discoveries in research move society to a place
most segregated school” (Dart, 2001). In saying this,
where individuals can live out who God created them
he hoped to impress upon society the reality that the
to be (according to His word) and also feel a sense of
issue of race was just as problematic in the church
community within a church space?
pews as it was in the segregated movie theatre.
In Rom 12:10, Christians are commanded to “Love one
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One week into my employment as a personal trainer, I
the sidelines of allowing the relationship to develop
got the tragic news that my older brother had passed
any further than weekend sleepovers and an endless
away from an accidental prescription opiod overdose.
stream of text messaging.
I was devastated, and upon returning back to work, I was even more persistent about isolating myself and devoting all of my time into making money, building my business, and focusing on my bodybuilding competition.
Nearly a year after we started dating, Xavier started going to church. After my divorce and my brothers death, I wanted nothing to do with the church or God. I was so angry, and it actually made me question whether or not I could be with someone who attended
Xavier quickly became one of my closest friends. He
church. Funny enough, Xavier never even invited me
would encourage me during my long and difficult
to church, and I wasn’t sure if I should have been
workouts, and would often join me to push me to
offended or thankful. Either way, God’s plan was way
complete them. He was the only person to notice when
bigger than our own, and He knew I wasn’t far off from
I was having a hard day and would try to conspicuously
coming back into His love and grace.
slip out of the gym to get some fresh air when I knew I was on the verge of a meltdown. He would always follow up with me when I returned and ask me how I was. He made me laugh and always tried to bring some silliness into my day. Six months later, we went on our first date, although I don’t know that either of us planned it that way. It was our company’s annual summer picnic, and our gym had planned to go out together afterwards, but everyone went their separate ways after the picnic. I headed home, and a few hours later I received a text from Xavier asking if we were still going to go out that night. I replied, “Sure!” We met up at a bar near my apartment, and we spent most of our free time together after that day. It sounds like a fairytale, but the beginning of our relationship was far from that. We were both coming off of breakups and somewhat wild living. I still hadn’t taken time to fully understand myself after my divorce, as I had been continuously placing different types of band-aids over the wound and pretended it had healed. Neither one of us were going to church, so our souls were thirsty for love and acceptance. This resulted in a lack of boundaries. We were two people who really enjoyed spending time with each other and really cared for each other, but were somewhat standing on
Through a series of God-ordained circum-stances, I had a tugging on my heart to go to church, and God placed the exact church I was supposed to be in right in front of my face. I was so nervous, and I was very hesitant to go, but I told myself that I only had to go once and never again. When I walked into that church, my life changed drastically. Not overnight, but in a series of moments in time. My life now is impossibly different from where it was headed six years ago. I rededicated my life to Christ on that day, and very slowly, I started to receive healing and freedom from all of the pain I had been carrying. I started to value myself because I was a child of God, not because of my body, not withholding worth because of my divorce, which was a badge of shame I had been carrying. About a year later, while still very much on a tortoise pace in accepting my new identity in Christ, I invited Xavier to attend church with me. We had still been seeing each other, and he was still attending his church, but it was still something we didn’t discuss with each other. It was our private journey as individuals. His work schedule changed and he started working on Sundays and was no longer able to attend church. My church had services through the evening, so I asked him if he
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that as black women, we are seen and visible in a book that for so long has been whitewashed with images of Europeans and most recently, Middle Eastern women who don’t look like us. Also, I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have been told by some well-meaning friends, “I don’t see color” or “I’m colorblind.” But this isn’t a compliment or an inclusive statement. It’s actually one of the worst things that you can say to a person of color. “I don’t see color” really means “I don’t see you” or “your color doesn’t matter.” But I believe that it does matter to God. Throughout the 66 books of the Bible, we are told in very descriptive terms the gender, genealogy, and cultural background of most of the people mentioned. Why? Because those things are important to God. And, if we’re honest, they matter to all of us, especially as women. We want to be seen and to know that we possess a beauty that the world didn’t give us and can’t take away from us. God made us the way we are on purpose. We are created in His image and He sees us.
And as black women, our past extends back further than slavery or the savage things done to us over the course of history or the ways American culture has viewed us. Here in the garden where Solomon is playing with his beloved, he sees a beautiful black woman and he says, “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” (Song of Songs 4:7) I believe that God wanted us to see this woman as Solomon did – black but beautiful. I believe that this is God’s heart toward His black image-bearers. Rather than holding onto the Euro-centric standard of beauty, these passages in Song of Songs gives us an opportunity to embrace and celebrate the beauty of black women, without taking away from the beauty of women of other races and ethnicities. I also believe that He sits on high and sees us all – our color, our culture, and our history – and He has redeemed every flaw and imperfection through His son Jesus Christ. His redemption of mankind has given us the opportunity to love and forgive each other, and also to see our inherent and Imperishable Beauty, not just in honor of Black History Month, but every day in honor of our Creator.
Author Bio Yolande is a digital strategist, writer, and speaker who lives in Brooklyn, NY. She is also the Editorin-Chief and Founder of Wit + Grace Magazine, a magazine focused on the intersection of faith with health, travel, love, music, fashion, and social justice. Keep up with her on Instagram: @yolande_michelle and @witandgracemag
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G
etting engaged is one of the most exciting seasons of your life! However, if you’re not careful, it could also become stressful
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