Thursday
November 15 - 21 2004
Page 29
maybeoneday@dreamonpseudojournalist.org
...so much information in fact that I can fill entire TV pages without ever revealing what’s on the telly. What a skill! Sadly it’s a non-transferable skill, which will be of no use on my CV. Arse. 9.25 Coronation Street. 9.55 Emmerdale. 10.25 Sally Jessy 11.10 Judge Judy. 12.30 Coronation Street. 1.00 Emmerdale. 1.30 Airline. 2.00 Trisha. Ah wow, just found out who’s turning on Cardiff’s splendid Christmas lights. You’ll have to guess. There are lots of them. They’re at the forefront of hip-hop. You won’t be able to distinguish between them and the rogues of Cardiff. Yeah, it’s Blazin’ Squad. 3.05 Jerry Springer. 3.55 The John Walsh Show. 4.40 Sally Jessy Raphael. 5.30 Judge Judy. 6.55 The Block Australia. 7.50 Movies Now. 8.00 I'm a Celeb... Top Ten Trials. 9.00 FILM: The Edge. 11.20 I'm a Celeb... Top Ten Funny Moments. 0.20 Jerry Springer. 1.05 Late Show with David Letterman. 1.55 The John Walsh Show.
PRIMETIME
6.00 GMTV. (Widescreen) 6.00 GMTV News Hour with John Stapleton and Penny Smith. 7.00 GMTV Today: 9.25 Trisha. 10.30 This Morning. 1.00 Today with Des and Mel. 2.00 I Want That House.2.30 The Food Show. 3.00 ITV1 Wales News and Weather. 3.15 Miffy and Friends. 3.20 Fun Song Factory. 4.00 Play the Game. 4.30 Barking! The Big Sausage Fnarr! What’s this? Gotta tune in for this one, anything for a big sausage baby! 5.00 The Paul O'Grady Show. 6.00 ITV1 Wales 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather. 7.00 Emmerdale. Patty eats Gloria’s pansies and Geoff’s member gets hot. 7.30 Stage by Stage. 8.00 The Bill. 9.00 Holiday Showdown. 10.00 The Frank Skinner Show. 10.30 ITV News. 11.00 The Frank Skinner Show. 11.35 Soccer Night. 0.05 The Guest List. 0.30 Cliff Richard's Orange Playlist. Good God, why would we want to hear Cliff’s favourite songs? This is Desert Island Disks stuff, surely? 0.55 Wolf Lake. 1.40 ITV at Reading 2004. Matt Brown and Sarah Cawood introduce performances from the White Stripes, the Streets, Razorlight, Lost Prophets and the Distillers. I really like the Distillers, when are they gonna play Cardiff? Or the UK for that matter. They’re lazier than the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. 2.30 Strictly Soho. 2.55 CD:UK Hotshots. g the videos deemed too risky for 3.20 Cybernet. 3.45 Grounded for Life. 4.10 ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Early Morning News.
19.00 The Planets I can see your Uranus 20.00 The World 20.30 Yes, Prime Minister 21.00 Malaria: The Vaccine Challenge BBC4 take two publcity hungry celbrities and set them loose in the jungle with one challenge: Be the first to get malaria! 22.30 What Leonard Cohen Did for Me Well he started with a nice massage, then shined my shoes. Then he write a lovely little ditty about the way I cook rice. Hallulujah. Bema me up. And wha-tnot. 23.00 Chuck D - Pop and Politics: Profile 23.30 Malaria: The Vaccine Challenge 01.00 Reach for the Stars: Days That Shook the World Series 02.00 Frank Hurley: The Man who Made History 03.00 What Leonard Cohen Did for Me 03.30 Chuck D - Pop and Politics: Profile I’ll say again. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaar (Rubbish) rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggg ggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg ghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
6:00am: James Martin Delicious 6:30 Chefs at Sea with Ed Baines Livorno. Four amateur chefs get lucky and join Ed Baines for a culinary tour of the Mediterranean. Ed is up at dawn, poor thing, to prepare zabaglione for his crew. Then there’s a shopping trip to buy cheese and wine to accompany spiedinos - Italian scallop kebabs. Oi Oi. 7:00 Floyd’s American Pie 7:30 Good Food Live 9:00 Ainsley’s Meals in Minutes Ainsley Harriott with more quick and easy dishes for those in a hurry. 9:30 Food and Drink 10:00 TV Dinners 10:30 David Rocco’s Dolce Vita 11:00 Floyd’s American Pie 11:30 Ainsley’s Meals in Minutes 12:00pm: Rick Stein’s Taste of the Sea 12:30 Good Food Live Jeni Whether you love to cook or simply enjoy eating good food, this is the show for you. 1:30 TV Dinners A couple celebrate the Chinese Moon Festival with an eight-course feast, and a Southampton couple mark the Battle of Trafalgar anniversary with a dinner party for 12 friends!! 2:00 Good Food Bites 2:30 James Martin Delicious 3:00 Food and Drink 3:30 Rick Stein’s Taste of the Sea 4:00 Floyd’s American Pie 4:30 Wild and Fresh , 5:00 Chefs at Sea with Ed Baines 5:30 Ainsley’s Meals in Minutes 6:00 Good Food Live 7:00 Good Food Bites 7:30 TV Dinners 8:00 David Rocco’s Dolce Vita 8:30 Rachel’s Favourite Food 9:00 Rick Stein’s Taste of the Sea 9:30 James Martin Delicious 10:00 Good Food Live 11:00 Floyd’s American Pie in
07.00 Gladiators 08.00 The Crystal Maze 09.00 Fort Boyard 10.00 100 Per Cent 10.30 Soap Addict 11.00 Bruce's Price Is Right 11.30 Family Fortunes 12.00 Wheel of Fortune 12.30 Catchphrase 13.00 Classic Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? 14.00 Boot Sale Challenge 14.30 DIY Dads 15.00 Help Me Rhonda15.30 House of Dreams 16.30 Dream Holiday Home 17.00 Bruce's Price Is Right 17.30 Catchphrase 18.00 Takeshi's Castle 19.00 World's Craziest Outdoor Outtakes 19.30 Ultimate Guinness World Records 20.00 Blockbusters 20.30 Bullseye 21.00 Classic Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? I have a nice warm bed at home being filled by my lovely girlfriend, yet I am here making up programme descriptions for Challenge TV. I do wonder sometimes. 22.00 The Casino 23.00 World Poker Tour Poker here, poker there, poker everybloody where. Including there. Yes, there.
06.00 Russell Grant's Postcards 06.05 WideWorld 06.30 Dappledown Farm 06.55 Tickle, Patch and Friends 07.25 Milkshake! 07.30 Peppa Pig 07.35 Funky Valley 07.45 Make Way for Noddy Noddy throws down the gauntlet and invites all his special friends for a huge party bash in toyland. The cast of My Little Pony and the Care Bears join in to really get the entertainment going. The merriment continues long into the night and everyone invited has a thoroughly enjoyable evening. 08.00 The Book of Pooh 08.30 The Save-Ums! 08.45 The Save-Ums! 09.00 Babar 09.30 George Shrinks 10.00 Snobs 10.30 Michaela's Wild Challenge 11.00 Wishbone 11.30 A Different Life That of TV Desk 12.05 FAQ 12.35 Big Art Challenge 13.05 five news update 13.10 The Chart 13.40 Pop City Live 17.40 FILM: The Parent Trap With Dennis Quaid and Natasha Richardson. (Comedy, 1998) *** 20.00 Britain's Worst... Mother-in-Law The moral of this fantastic insight into the life of another worthwhile human being, is to never judge a mother by her cover. She’s really a lovely person but so misunderstood. I’d love to meet her and gain valuable life experience from the depths of her knowledge. 21.00 FILM: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines With Arnold Schwarzenegger and Nick Stahl. (Science Fiction, 2003) *** 23.05 He's Back... The Terminator Story 00.10 Seniors Golf: San Remo Masters 01.00 NFL Live: New England Patriots v Buffalo Bills 04.45 Argentinian Football
P R I M E T I M E
P R I M E T I M E
PRIMETIME
19.00 The 7 O'Clock News on BBC Three Another cock up with TV listings this week. Bugger. Speaking of which, here’s an awesome little fact for you to devour. Did you know that in Papau New Guinea, they used to trade with Englishmen, back in the old days. Because different languages were spoken, they created a creole of limited words and verbs in order to communicate. The Papau New Guineans (?) picked up certain English words, one of which was ‘baggarap’ which means accident. How cool?! I’m a veritable dustbin of information.... 19.30 Body Hits 20.00 Trauma 20.30 Little Angels 21.00 Who Rules the Roost? 22.00 EastEnders 22.30 Not Under My Roof 23.25 Mind, Body and Kick Ass Moves with Chris Crudelli 23.55 Mind, Body and Kick Ass Moves with Chris Crudelli 24.25 Brothel 24.55 Brothel 01.25 Who Rules the Roost? 02.20 Not Under My Roof 03.20 Body Hits (Face Value) 03.50 Close
6:00am: CBBC: The Animals of Farthing Wood. Awww, is this still on? Such a cute programme! Except for that irritating cockney weasel. 6:25 Noah's Island. Much Ado about Vultures. 6:50 There's a Viking in My Bed. 7:05 Metalheads. 7:30 Raven. 7:55 Newsround. 8:00 CBeebies: Big Cook Little Cook. 8:20 Tots TV. 8:30 Rubbadubbers. 8:40 Pablo, the Little Red Fox. In the Balance. 8:45 Little Robots. 9:00 Balamory. 9:20 The Roly Mo Show. 9:40 Tweenies. 10:00 Sergeant Stripes. 10:10 Yoho Ahoy. 10:15 Bob the Builder. (Followed by CBeebies Birthdays) 10:30 Emotional Literacy. Working Together. 10:40 The Maths Channel. 10:55 Watch. 11:10 Ancient Greece. 11:30 The Daily Politics. 12:30pm: Working Lunch. 1:10 FILM: Cornered. (1945) 2:50 The Flying Gardener. 3:00 Charlie's Wildlife Gardens. 3:30 Escape to the Country. 4:30 Ready Steady Cook. 5:15 Weakest Link. Check out Anne’s hair at the mo, it’s unbeatable! 6:00 Beg, Borrow or Steal. 6:30 Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two. 7:00 The Culture Show. 8:00 Natural World. 8:50 Deer Diary. 9:00 Edge of Life: Who Should Get the Transplant. June Sarpong should:of her face. 10:00 Neighbours on Patrol. What’s this? Harold Bishop with his Salvation Army gang, roaming the streets of Bristol? Cool! 10:30 Newsnight. 11:20 The Culture Show. 12:20am: FILM: Eloge de l'Amour. (Digital Widescreen) (2001) 2:00 BBC Learning Zone 4:00 GCSE Bitesize Revision: Maths 2 dum de dum dum doo de doo da day
Cliffʼ’s Playlist 12.30am ITV1
Your Union
6:00am: Breakfast. (Followed by the National Lottery Daily Play) 9:15 Critical Condition. 10:00 Homes under the Hammer. 11:00 Builders Sweat and Tears. 11:30 Houses Behaving Badly. 12:00pm: Cash in the Attic. 1:00 BBC News; Weather. 1:30 Regional News and Weather. 1:40 Neighbours. Steph and Max are shocked by the results of their fertility tests: they’re fertile, have being using the wrong hole all this time. Jack receives a surprise visitor spoil it for you, it’s Delta Goodrem, back from being Born to Try. Lana invents a crush on Boyd. Why invent a crush? Real ones are more fun. 2:05 Doctors.2:35 Murder, She Wrote. 3:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News. 3:25 CBeebies: Sue's Make and Do Thursday: Big Cook Little Cook. 3:45 CBBC: Tom and Jerry Kids. 4:05 Mona the Vampire. Flutopia. 4:20 Tracy Beaker Parties with Pudsey. 4:35 SMart. 5:00 I Dream. Of getting out of here and filling my belly with leftover food. Mmmm.5:25 Newsround. 5:35 Neighbours. 6:00 BBC News. 6:30 Regional News Programmes; Weather. 7:00 Wildlife on One. 7:30 EastEnders. 8:00 Truants. 8:30 Too Close for Comfort. 9:00 Blackpool. 10:00 BBC News. 10:30 Regional News and Weather. 10:35 Question Time. Featuring Greg Dyke as pannelist. Oooh. 11:35 This Week. 12:20am: FILM: On the Edge of Innocence. (1997) 1:55 Sign Zone: Watchdog.2:25 Sign Zone: Panorama. 3:15 Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow. 4:05 Joins BBC News 24.
The Big Sausage 4.30pm ITV1
PRIMETIME
Houses Behaving Deer Diary 8.50pm Badly 11.30am BBC1 BBC2
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7:50 Doctors 8:25 EastEnders 9:00 The Bill 10:00 Holby City 11:00 Casualty 12:00pm: Doctors 12:40 EastEnders 1:20 Last of the Summer Wine 2:00 Bergerac 3:00 The Bill 4:00 Holby City 5:00 Casualty The emotions of a patient’s wife force Lara to confront her own feelings about Patrick in the long-running medical drama. She does like it, and putting it in there isn’t going to hurt anyone. She doesn’t think. 6:00 Bergerac 7:00 Dad’s Army 7:40 Last of the Summer Wine Who’s that Bloke with Nora Batty then? Not sure, but I give him about three years before he goes the way of Cleggy et al. 8:20 As Time Goes By 9:00 The Royle Family 9:40 The Royle Family 10:20 Gimme Gimme Gimme 11:00 Blackadder Goes Forth 11:40 The Royle Family 12:20am: The Royle Family 1:00 Gimme Gimme Gimme To remove the onion sized-chip from poor TV Willy’s shoulder. Just looked at some old TV pages. The words ‘superior’ and ‘infinitely’ spring to mind.
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