Television
Page 26
November 17 2003
frothyflaps@cf.ac.uk
Friday 21 November BBC1
BBC2
ITV1
06.00 Breakfast 09.00 Kilroy 10.00 Homes under the Hammer 11.00 Big Strong Boys 11.30 Trading Up 12.00 Cash in the Attic 12.30 Kennedy 40: JFK Legend and Leader Target and Bleeder more like. 13.00 BBC News; Weather 13.30 Regional News and Weather 13.40 Neighbours 14.05 Doctors 14.35 Bergerac 15.20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15.25 CBeebies: Tweenies 15.45 CBBC: Arthur 16.10 Rugrats 16.20 The Basil Brush Show 16.45 Rugrats 17.00 Blue Peter 17.25 Newsround 17.35 Neighbours Hopefully Sky will have dumped that skankweed Boyd by now. 18.00 BBC News 18.30 Wales Today; Weather 19.00 Children in Need Inane tedious bugger-for-nothing scroungers being thoroughly un-hilarious. Although it’s for a good cause, so that makes all this fuckabilly acceptable. 22.00 BBC News 22.30 Regional News and Weather 22.35 Children in Need With Kool And The Gang for some reason. And Atomic Kitten for another. 02.05 FILM: Up the Chastity Belt Hmm... BBC1 choose to follow up Children In Need with a film with Frankie Howard featuring a chastity belt. Possibly BBC hinting that the best way to avoid the problem of children being in need is not to have any. Or have they dedicated so much air time to their charity japes that any old shit with Frankie Howard will do to fill up the space? Who knows? I think both answers are right. I don’t like children anyway, everyone should wear chastity belts. ** 03.35 Joins BBC News 24
06.00 CBeebies: Pingu 06.10 Fireman Sam 06.20 Fimbles 06.40 Tweenies 07.00 CBBC: ChuckleVision 07.20 The Lampies 07.30 Round the Twist Thank god this is on again. In the unlikely event of C4 ever showing Eerie Indiana again, we’ll have to make do with this. 08.00 Newsround 08.05 Noah's Island 08.30 CBeebies: The Story Makers 08.50 Dr Otter 09.00 Tweenies 09.20 Little Robots 09.30 Fimbles 09.50 Teletubbies 10.20 Magic Key 10.35 Watch 10.50 Science Clips 11.00 Speak for Yourself 11.20 BBC Primary History 11.40 BBC Primary Geography 12.00 Working Lunch 13.00 FILM: Every Girl Should Be Married *** 14.20 Racing from Ascot 16.00 Escape to the Country 16.30 Ready Steady Cook 17.15 Weakest Link 18.00 The Simpsons 18.20 Celebrity Relics With Anthea Turner, Gary Wilmot, John Leslie, Freddy Starr, and the godfather of the relics, Hugh Scully. 18.30 Top of the Pops 19.00 FightBox 19.30 Time Flyers: The Stonehenge of the North 20.00 Small Town Gardens 20.30 Gardeners' World 21.00 Timewatch: Britain's Greatest Hoax 21.50 The Rise and Fall: Egyptian Old Kingdom 22.00 As Time Goes By 22.30 Newsnight 23.00 Newsnight Review 23.35 Later with Jools Holland With Annie Lennox (urgh), Ryan Adams (yay), Oumou Sangare (err...) and the 22-20s (fuck-awful). 00.35 The X Files 01.20 FILM: The Ticket ** 03.00 BBC Learning Zone: National Test Revision
06.00 GMTV 09.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.00 This Morning: Plastic Surgery Week 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 13.00 Today with Des and Mel 14.00 Love 2 Shop 14.30 The Test 15.00 HTV News and Weather 15.15 Meg and Mog 15.20 Boohbah 15.30 What about Mimi? 16.00 Fingertips 16.20 You Can Do Magic But you can fuck off. 16.30 All Grown Up! If this is that Rugrats spin-off where they’re all really old and Tommy has gone skate-punk, then this can go away. 17.00 I Want That House Special Florida Week 18.00 HTV News and Weather 18.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 19.00 Emmerdale 19.30 Coronation Street 20.00 A Touch of Frost When a beautiful woman is found dead in a car park, the list of suspects leads Jack Frost into the heart of a religious community. Because obviously, psychopaths who kill beautiful women are deeply religious. Give the man a promotion. 22.00 House of Horrors 22.30 ITV Weekend News 23.00 Rugby World Cup 2003 23.30 The Food Show 00.35 FILM: Diabolique A fitting number of stars here: * 02.35 ITV at the Festivals 03.30 Mixmasters 03.55 Entertainment Now! Still on at five to four, still hilarious. Get a grip. 04.20 World Football 04.50 ITV Nightscreen 05.30 ITV Early Morning News Anorexia is phat. But bulimia is sick.
A Touch of Frost ITV1 8pm
S4C 06.05 The Hoobs 06.30 The Hoobs 06.55 RI:SE 09.00 Ysgolion 12.00 News at Noon 12.30 Planed Plant Bach: Sali Mali 12.40 Planed Plant Bach: Twm 12.50 Planed Plant Bach: Pot Mel 13.15 Fifteen to One 13.45 Fifteen to One 14.15 A Place in the Sun 15.15 Countdown 16.00 Planed Plant: Uned 5 16.50 Planed Plant: Ffeil 17.00 Richard and Judy 18.00 The Salon 18.30 Friends 19.00 Popcorn 19.30 Newyddion 20.00 Dau Ddisgo ac Angladd See pick of the week. 20.30 Pobol y Cwm 21.00 Cwpan Rygbi'r Byd 21.30 How Clean Is Your House? Apparently unmissable television, although I’ve not seen it yet. But you might have, so um, watch it again. 22.00 Catching Up with the Osbournes 22.35 V Graham Norton . 23.15 Bo Selecta: The Xmas Single The first playing of the guaranteed-to-be-utterly-shit single. Given the competition (The Darkness, and the compelling version of Mad World by Gary Jules used in Donnie Darko) this is about as deserving to be number one is as the BNP are deserving to be ruling the country. And hopefully it’s about as likely. 23.25 The Pilot Show Finally on terrestrial, this is going to be good. 23.55 Dirty Sanchez 00.25 South Park 00.55 Distraction 01.25 FILM: Nightwatch. ***
five 06.00 Sunrise 06.30 A House That's Just like Yours 06.55 Hi-5 07.25 Milkshake! 07.30 Make Way for Noddy 07.45 Make Way for Noddy 08.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 08.30 Rolie Polie Olie 09.00 MechaNick 09.05 Franny's Feet 09.20 Softies 09.25 Domestic Magic 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 The Terry and Gaby Show 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 13.00 Family Affairs 13.30 BrainTeaser 14.35 The Streets of San Francisco 15.40 FILM: Married to a Stranger * 17.30 five news Charlie Stayt. 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Family Affairs 19.00 five news 19.30 19 Keys 20.00 House Doctor 20.30 Dream Holiday Home 21.00 FILM: The Assignment *** 23.20 FILM: Cold Sweat ** 01.10 FILM: Babies Hmm... ANOTHER film about the trials and tribulations of having children. I sense a theme, definitely. But it has reminded me of the song of the same name by Pulp, which is probably much better than this morbid and morose sounding drama. *** 02.40 FILM: Bloodhounds of Broadway Again, don’t get excited, this has Randy Quaid in it. ** 04.05 Starting From Scratch 04.30 High School Reunion 05.10 Sons and Daughters 05.35 Sons and Daughters
BBC3
ITV2
E4
SKY 1
CH 4
19.00 The 7 O'Clock News on BBC Three 19.15 Bob Marley's Rock Shrine 19.30 FightBox 20.00 Celebdaq 20.30 EastEnders 21.00 Sex, Lies and Michael Aspel 22.00 Celebrity Dog School 22.40 Trevor Nelson's Lowdown 23.10 Liquid Assets: Robbie's Millions 00.05 What Not to Wear 00.35 Celebdaq 01.05 Sex, Lies and Michael Aspel 02.05 Stupid Punts 02.35 India's Ladyboys 03.35 Celebdaq Interestingly, TV Desk went for a quick pint earlier in the Graduate Centre earlier, and yum, is it ever swanky. Just makes you want to stay in Cardiff forever, and never leave university properly. Really. The Guinness didn’t even smell of rancid meat, although the mince pie dish ashtrays need a bit of work. Overall rating: 8/10.
09.25 Coronation Street 09.55 Emmerdale 10.30 Trisha Extra 11.00 Sally Jessy Raphael 11.50 Judge Judy 12.40 Coronation Street 13.10 Emmerdale 13.40 Trisha 14.45 Trisha Extra 15.15 The John Walsh Show 16.05 Sally Jessy Raphael 16.55 Judge Judy 17.50 Movies Now 18.00 Coronation Street 18.30 Emmerdale Emily becomes suspicious of Eddie as he continues to hoodwink Viv and Bob. Fnarr. Viv AND Bob. 19.00 Jerry Springer 19.50 Dancing in the Street 20.00 Rugby World Cup 2003 20.30 Pop Idol Extra 22.00 The Joy of Decks 22.30 Coronation Street 23.00 Harry Hill's TV Burp 23.30 The Making of Matrix Revolutions 00.00 Pop Idol Extra 01.25 Jerry Springer Go away.
10.00 The Salon Live 17.00 Friends 17.30 Friends 18.00 Celebrity Five Go Dating 18.30 The Salon Live 19.00 Dawson's Creek Audrey becomes the singer of a punk band. Good for her! Although the Dawson’s Creek idea of “punk” will probably contain more froth than your idea of punk. 20.00 Friends 20.30 Friends 21.00 Wife Swap Changed My Marriage 22.00 Little Friends 22.35 Little Friends 23.05 Little Friends 23.35 Master and Commander 00.05 V Graham Norton 00.45 The Salon 01.15 Hollyoaks 01.40 The Secret Life of Us 02.40 The Secret Life of Us 03.25 Little Friends Music time: This week I highly recommend the immense new album by Canadian indie-punks The Weakerthans, called Reconstruction Site. Go and buy it. Also still listening to Low, deciding latest flavour of...
06.00 Dr Phil 07.00 Malo Korrigan 07.30 Yu-Gi-Oh! 08.00 Gamezville 09.00 Stargate SG-1 10.00 The X Files 11.00 Angel 12.00 Dharma and Greg 12.25 Jenny Jones 13.20 Dr Phil 14.15 FILM: Atomic Twister ** 16.00 Gamezville 17.00 Star Trek: The Next Generation 18.00 Stargate SG-1 19.00 The Simpsons 19.30 The Simpsons 20.00 Malcolm in the Middle 20.30 Scrubs 21.00 Dead Like Me 22.00 Angel 23.00 Unofficial World Records of Sex This week featuring the longest lapdance and naked cycling. 23.30 Double Entry 00.00 Mile High 01.00 Star Trek: The Next Generation 01.50 The X Files 02.40 Angel 03.30 JAG 04.20 Shipmates 04.55 Dirty Money 05.10 Guilty! ...the month The Distillers aren’t actually very good, still waiting for the new album from metalcore warriors From Autumn To Ashes, and Andrew WK is still a genius. Yay.
As S4C except: 09.00 Bewitched 09.30 4Learning 9.30 Brain Box. 10.20 Book Box: Malorie Blackman and Jamila Gavin. 10.35 What's This Channel 4? 11.00 The Hoobs. 11.25 Extra 3: En Espanol. 11.50 Making It. 11.55 Quit. 12.30 Cheers 13.00 FILM: The Yangtse Incident *** 14.45 Fifteen to One 16.00 A Place in the Sun 18.30 Hollyoaks 19.00 Channel 4 News 19.30 The Art Show Presented by journalist Jon Ronson who travels to Bel Air to meet his idol, Uncle Phil. 20.00 Unreported World: A Quick Fix 20.30 Friends 21.00 Will and Grace 21.30 Catching Up with the Osbournes 22.00 V Graham Norton 22.40 Distraction 23.25 The Pilot Show 23.55 Dirty Sanchez 00.25 South Park 00.55 The PJs 01.25 The PJs 01.50 Abe's Manhood 02.05 Adult at 14: Lovestruck Documentary about a bisexual girl trying to get her gay boyfriend to convert. Surely some mistake here? Gay boy? Bisexual girl? Hmm?
Dead Like Me Sky One 9pm
Friday 23 November