Television
November 1 2003
Page 27
where’smyfeckingpizza@cf.ac.uk
Thursday 6 November BBC1
BBC2
ITV1
06.00 Breakfast 09.00 Kilroy 10.00 Garden Invaders 10.30 House Invaders 11.00 Trading Up 11.30 To Buy or Not to Buy 12.00 Trading Treasures 12.30 Bargain Hunt 13.00 BBC News; Weather 13.30 Regional News and Weather 13.40 Neighbours 14.05 Doctors 14.35 Murder, She Wrote 15.20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15.25 CBeebies: Fimbles 15.45 CBBC: Arthur 16.10 New Scooby and Scrappy Show 16.20 The Story of Tracy Beaker 16.35 Fairly Odd Parents Aren’t they all? 17.00 Byker Grove 17.25 Newsround 17.35 Neighbours Lyn is caught shoplifting. Edwina tells Taj the truth about Jack. Karl and Susan are at odds over Darcy's trial. 18.00 BBC News 18.30 Wales Today 19.00 Bargain Hunt 19.30 EastEnders The day of reckoning arrives for Martin as Sonia attacks him for his behaviour. Garry talks about the future with Lynne. Kat gets into hot water with Andy. I’d never share a bath with that slapper - I bet she’s got flange like a clown’s pocket. 20.00 Superstars 21.00 Hunting Chris Ryan 22.00 BBC News 22.30 Regional News and Weather 22.35 Question Time 23.35 Dragon's Eye 00.05 This Week 00.55 FILM: My Very Best Friend * 02.35 Sign Zone: Design Rules 03.05 Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow 04.00 Sign Zone: Watchdog 04.30 Joins BBC News 24 News Desk joins me in appreciating Smog’s Cold Blooded Old Times. Great song, but he’s not actually Scottish Pete...
06.00 CBeebies: Angelmouse 06.10 Fireman Sam 06.20 Fimbles 06.40 Tweenies 07.00 CBBC: ChuckleVision 07.20 Fix and Foxi 07.30 Super Rupert 08.00 Newsround 08.05 Blue Peter 08.30 CBeebies: The Story Makers 08.50 Dr Otter 09.00 Tweenies 09.20 Sergeant Stripes 09.30 Fimbles 09.50 Teletubbies 10.20 Aiming for Excellence 10.50 Pod's Mission 11.05 Bobinogs 11.20 Focus Citizenship 11.30 The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 13.00 Golf: Seve Trophy 15.30 Escape to the Country 16.30 Ready Steady Cook 17.15 Weakest Link 18.00 The Simpsons 18.20 The Fresh Prince of Bel Air 18.45 Buffy the Vampire Slayer When Dawn, Buffy, Anya and even Willow find themselves head-over-heels in love with a quarterback, Xander and Spike must find out if magic is involved. Lucky bastard.. awesome group sex scenes. 19.30 Counties of Wales: Cardiganshire 20.00 Escape to the Country 21.00 Does Healing Work? Three people suffering from chronic illnesses test the powers of healer Maureen Ramm, while their GP visits a man who claims to be able to cure cancer. 22.00 QI With guests Alan Davies, Jo Brand, Jeremy Hardy and Dave Gorman, who I’m going to see tomorrow. He’s a bit of a legend really. 22.30 Newsnight 23.20 BBC Four on BBC Two: Holidays in the Danger Zone 00.00 BBC Four on BBC Two: Quentin Tarantino talks to Kirsty Wark 00.30 BBC Learning Zone
06.00 GMTV 09.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.00 This Morning: Soaps Special 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 13.00 Today with Des and Mel 14.00 Love 2 Shop 14.30 Moving Day 15.00 HTV News and Weather 15.15 Meg and Mog 15.20 Engie Benjy 15.30 SpongeBob SquarePants 16.00 Beat the CyBorgs 16.30 That's So Raven 17.00 Boot Sale Treasure Hunt 17.30 I Want That House 18.00 HTV News and Weather 18.30 ITV Evening News 19.00 Emmerdale 19.30 Fishlock's Wild Tracks 20.00 The Bill Racial tension in Sun Hill reaches boiling point as the force show off their new white hood helmets. 21.00 Holiday Showdown 22.00 ITV News at Ten 22.30 Follow the Fans 23.00 Wales This Week 23.30 The Joy of Decks Series following four unknown DJs as they are guided by Roni Size, Sister Bliss, Tom Middleton and Mr C into life as a working DJ, with a place on a global tour as the prize. Pathetic attempt to bring Pop Idol to the dance scene. And what the flying monkey jizsm is former Jedi Knight and Warp Records legend Tom Middleton doing getting involved? Has he no shame anymore? What next, Aphex Twin presents his own cookery show? Grrr. 00.05 Love Match 00.30 Turn On Terry More porn. 00.55 Dare to Believe 01.20 CD:UK 02.25 The Machine 02.50 Cybernet 03.15 Motorsport UK 03.40 Ghost Stories 04.05 ITV Nightscreen 05.30 ITV Early Morning News
BBC3
ITV2
19.00 The 7 O'Clock News on BBC Three 19.15 Kurt Cobain's Rock Shrine BBC Choice joins America's disillusioned youth outside the Seattle house where Nirvana rock star Kurt Cobain once lived. Been there, seen that, bought the shotgun... 19.30 FightBox 20.00 Liquid News 20.30 What Not to Wear 21.00 India's Ladyboys Documentary following four eunuchs as they attend the annual Koovagam Festival, the biggest eunuch gathering in India. We’ll be sending Sports Desk off to have the chop to cover it. Fetch me the hacksaw. Mwahahahahaha! 22.00 EastEnders 22.30 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 23.00 Liquid Assets: Robbie's Millions 00.00 Liquid News
09.25 Coronation Street 09.55 Emmerdale 10.30 Trisha Extra 11.00 Sally Jessy Raphael 11.50 Judge Judy 12.40 Coronation Street 13.10 Emmerdale 13.40 Trisha 14.45 Trisha Extra 15.15 The John Walsh Show 16.05 Sally Jessy Raphael 16.55 Judge Judy 17.45 Dancing in the Street 18.00 Coronation Street 18.30 Emmerdale Steph decides it is time to kiss and tell by working at A Touch Of Class. 19.00 Jerry Springer 19.50 Chart Choice 20.00 Cruises from Hell 21.00 FILM: Fear ** 22.55 The Frank Skinner Show. 23.45 Jerry Springer 00.35 Late Show with David Letterman 01.25 Felicity 02.15 Teleshopping 03.15 Trisha 04.15 Trisha Extra 04.40 Judge Judy 05.00 Movies Now 05.10 Late Show with David Letterman
India’s Ladyboys BBC3 9.00 pm
The Bill ITV1 8.00 pm
S4C
five
06.05 The Hoobs 06.30 The Hoobs 06.55 RI:SE 09.00 Ysgolion 12.00 News at Noon 12.30 Planed Plant Bach: Binca 12.40 Planed Plant Bach: Rhacsyn a'r Goeden Hud 12.50 Planed Plant Bach: Lisabeth 12.55 Planed Plant Bach: Joshua Jones 13.15 Fifteen to One 13.45 Fifteen to One 14.15 A Place in the Sun 15.15 Countdown 16.00 Planed Plant: Byd Bach Bedwyr 16.15 Planed Plant: Hotel Eddie 16.50 Planed Plant: Ffeil 17.00 Richard and Judy 18.00 The Salon 18.30 Wawffactor! 19.00 Wedi 7 19.30 Newyddion 20.00 Pobol y Cwm 20.25 Hwyl y Noson Lawen 21.00 Pawb a'i Farn 22.00 V Graham Norton 22.40 Y Sesiwn Hwyr Music from the Pop Factory in Porth, Rhondda. 23.40 Daisy Daisy Daisy Donovan presents a series in which she infiltrates a number of different worlds. In this edition, she investigates the world of the spelling bee. Am I the only person that thinks that Miss Donovan is a dirty little minx that likes nothing better than being tied to the bedposts and rodgered senseless? Ah well, on my own again. 00.10 Scrubs 00.35 Monkey 01.25 Headliners: Travis 01.50 British Rally Championship 2003 02.45 Brazilian Football Championship “SHIT - That was a goal!”, “The goalkeeper has football pie all over his face.”, etc. etc.
06.00 Sunrise 06.30 A House That's Just like Yours 06.55 Hi-5 07.30 Make Way for Noddy 07.45 Make Way for Noddy 08.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 08.30 Rolie Polie Olie 08.55 MechaNick 09.05 Franny's Feet 09.20 Softies 09.30 Capital Floyd 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 The Terry and Gaby Show 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 13.00 Family Affairs 13.30 BrainTeaser 14.35 Charlie's Angels 15.35 FILM: The Games ** 17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Family Affairs Eileen is devastated when Mike tells Doug a nasty secret. There’s no shame in being a hermaphrodite Eileen, just look a Riath and Gloria Hunniford. 19.00 five news 19.30 Great Artists 2 with Tim Marlow 20.00 Young Elizabeth 21.00 FILM: Escape to Victory With Michael Caine and Sylvester Stallone, Pele, Bobby Moore and Ossie Ardiles. “F*cking Amazing” screams Riath whilst enacting Robbie Keane’s victory celebration. “Stallone’s a twat who should never have scored” proffers TV Steve returning from the dole queue. ** 23.15 Real Sex 00.15 Jonathan Pearce's Football Night 00.55 UEFA Cup Football 02.25 Dutch Football: Ajax v Az Alkmaar 03.55 Argentinian Football: River Plate v Rosario Central 05.15 Argentinian Football Highlights
E4
SKY 1
C4
10.00 The Salon Live 17.00 Friends 17.30 Friends 18.00 Celebrity Five Go Dating June Sarpong presents an all-new series of the celebrity dating show, as five boys and five girls move into two loft apartments and then through the week date each other. Dave proves unpopular when he gives all the other contestants leprosy. Serves them all right the diseased whores. 18.30 The Salon Live 19.00 Smallville 20.00 Friends 20.30 Friends 21.00 Joe Millionaire 22.00 Six Feet Under David arrives at a crossroads in his relationship with Keith. Rico finds it hard to find refuge from his domestic demons. 23.05 Queer as Folk 23.45 V Graham Norton 00.25 Hollyoaks 00.55 The Salon 01.25 The Michael Essany Show 01.50 Smallville: Superman the Early Years 02.35 Joe Millionaire
06.00 Dr Phil 07.00 Transformers: Armada 07.30 Yu-Gi-Oh! 08.00 Gamezville 09.00 Stargate SG-1 10.00 The X-Files 11.00 Angel 12.00 Dharma and Greg 12.25 Jenny Jones 13.20 Dr Phil 14.15 FILM: Deep Family Secrets ** 16.00 Gamezville 17.00 Star Trek: The Next Generation 18.00 Stargate 19.00 The Simpsons Homer fakes his own death in order to avoid doing a tedious job for Mr Burns. 19.30 The Simpsons 20.00 Little Monsters 21.00 Fear Factor 22.00 Football Years The 1989/90 season. 23.00 Naked Angels in Beach Paradise 00.00 Star Trek: The Next Generation 01.00 The X-Files 01.50 Angel 02.40 Philly 03.30 Shipmates 03.55 Better Mind Your Bollocks The mind boggles at what this shite might be. I’d avoid if I were you. 04.45 Dirty Money 05.10 Guilty!
As S4C except: 09.00 Bewitched 09.30 4Learning 9.30 Life and Living Processes 3. 9.50 Maths Mansion 3. 10.10 Self Portrait . 10.35 Extra 3: Auf Deutsch. 11.00 The Hoobs. 11.25 The Virtual Body. 11.45 Living and Growing 2. 12.30 Water Stories 12.35 Home Sweet Home 12.50 FILM: Hungry Hill ** 14.45 Fifteen to One 16.00 A Place in the Sun 18.30 Hollyoaks Tony gives Bombhead a chance to prove himself but it blows up in his face... 19.00 Channel 4 News 19.55 Mesh A series of animated films made on Channel 4's digital and interactive animation scheme MESH. 20.00 Tales from River Cottage 20.30 French Leave 21.00 The Queen's Lost Uncle 22.00 V Graham Norton 22.40 Daisy Daisy 23.15 Wife Swap 00.20 Namibia Challenge 01.20 Freesports on 4 01.50 KOTV 02.20 Honda Formula 4Stroke Powerboat Championship
Thursday 6 November