Television
October 4 2003
Page 18
grtelevision@cf.ac.uk
Monday 6 October BBC1
BBC2
ITV1
06.00 Breakfast 09.00 Kilroy 10.00 City Hospital 11.00 Hot Houses 11.30 To Buy or Not to Buy 12.00 Bargain Hunt 12.30 Judgemental 13.00 BBC News; Weather 13.30 Regional News and Weather 13.40 Neighbours 14.05 Doctors 14.35 Murder, She Wrote Essential. 15.20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15.25 CBeebies: Boo! 15.35 Bob the Builder 15.45 CBBC: Arthur 16.10 Metalheads 16.25 Eureka TV 16.40 Jackie Chan Adventures 17.00 Blue Peter 17.25 Newsround 17.35 Neighbours 18.00 BBC News 18.30 Wales Today; Weather 19.00 Holiday: You Call the Shots In Hong Kong. TV Andy’s parents have been. “Fucking loved it.” Don’t let this piss-poor excuse for inter-celebrity love-in, probably with Rowland “Professional ‘Celebrity’” Rivron change your opinion. 19.30 The Biz 20.00 EastEnders 20.30 Changing Rooms 21.00 Waking the Dead 22.00 BBC News 22.30 Regional News and Weather 22.35 Trevor's World of Sport 23.05 FILM: Yanks *** 01.25 Sign Zone This week, the seven sided stop sign, the only signpost in use on the British highways not to be circular, square or triangular. Actually, bit of advice, don’t tune in expecting this to be as fascinating as that gem, because this will actually be a series of repeats of programs not even people with perfect hearing would bother watching. More proof, along with how shoddy See Hear is, that the deaf do get a rough deal in life.
06.00 CBeebies: Spot 06.10 Noddy 06.20 Fimbles 06.40 Tweenies 07.00 CBBC: ChuckleVision 07.20 Rotten Ralph 07.30 I Love Mummy 08.00 Newsround 08.05 Bring It On 08.30 CBeebies: The Story Makers 08.50 Binka 09.00 Tweenies 09.20 Wide Eye 09.30 Fimbles Eat shit, Tweenies. 09.50 Teletubbies 10.20 Little Bear 10.45 Andy Pandy 10.50 English Express 11.20 BBC Primary Geography 11.30 Let's Write a Story 11.50 Let's Write a Story 12.10 See You, See Me 12.30 Working Lunch 13.00 Numbertime 13.15 Words and Pictures 13.30 Snooker 14.30 The Daily Politics Conference Special 16.00 Snooker 17.15 Weakest Link 18.00 The Simpsons 18.20 The Fresh Prince of Bel Air 18.45 Snooker 19.30 Landscape Mysteries 20.00 Mastermind This week’s specialist subjects include video game history, Benjamin Franklin and Henry VIII’s wives, which surely someone has as a specialist subject every week. 20.30 University Challenge 21.00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks With Clint Boon and that boring woman from Kosheen. Spot the personality time. 21.30 The Kumars at No 42 Completely unfunny “comedy, with Sanjeev “That Asian guy who’s always the special guest on wannabe-PC talk shows like Des O’ Connor and Parkinson” Baskar 22.00 Early Doors 22.30 Newsnight 23.20 Snooker 24.30 BBC Learning Zone: Open University: The Trouble with Love...is that it exists.
06.00 GMTV 09.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 13.00 Today with Des and Mel 14.00 Everything Must Go! 14.30 Moving Day 15.00 HTV News and Weather 15.15 Tiny Planets 15.20 Hilltop Hospital 15.30 The Flintstones 16.00 All Grown Up! 16.30 My Parents Are Aliens 17.00 I'm The Answer 17.30 I Want That House 18.00 HTV News and Weather 18.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 19.00 Emmerdale 19.30 Coronation Street 20.00 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 20.30 Coronation Street Dev and Steve go head to head as Les is offered his old job back. Fnarr. 21.00 Family 22.00 ITV News at Ten 22.30 The Frank Skinner Show With Jordan and Blue. So The Late Review, this ‘aint. 23.20 The Premiership on Monday Who cares? Everyone would rather hear about The Premiership on Saturday Night, after lights out. Back of the net! 24.25 Champions League Weekly 24.50 Football League Extra 01.30 Today with Des and Mel 02.20 Now and Again 03.10 Entertainment Now! 03.35 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 03.55 Get Stuffed! As probably one of the few people qualified enough to talk about this, this is a home-video-cooking spectacular, in which moderately fit university students cook banana shortbread badly and get crap all over their bedsits. Go away.
BBC 3
ITV 2
19.00 The 7 O'Clock News on BBC Three 19.15 The Best of Fame Academy 20.00 Liquid News 20.30 EastEnders 21.00 Burn It 21.30 Terri McIntyre 22.00 22.30 Little Britain 23.00 Grass Another spin-off raping the corpse of The Fast Show, although this time with one of the better characters, and probably the best actor, Simon Day. Screw Paul Whitehouse. 23.30 The Best of Fame Academy Oh no! It’s all over. Sob. Also - why isn’t Ainslie from series one famous? 24.15 Liquid News 24.45 Stupid Punts 01.15 Human Race 01.45 CCTV 02.15 Dreamspaces Oh - OK then I dreamed last night I was beside a campfire with my dad and then realised I didn’t have any teeth. Apparently this is a castration complex.
10.30 Trisha Extra 11.00 Sally Jessy Raphael 11.50 Judge Judy 12.40 Coronation Street 13.10 Emmerdale 13.40 Trisha 14.45 Trisha Extra 15.15 The John Walsh Show 16.00 Pop Idol Extra 19.00 Jerry Springer 19.50 Movies Now 20.00 Planet's Funniest Animals Go away 20.30 Champions League Weekly 21.00 RealLife: Heroes for Six Minutes Andy’s pick of last week. Fight Club with gay architects. True story. 22.00 Bad Boys 2 Not the film. 22.30 Coronation Street 23.00 Coronation Street 23.30 Baddiel and Skinner Unplanned 24.00 Pop Idol Extra “Last night I dreamed Alex was dressed up in Steve’s clothing and he threw postcards at me,” Apparently this is an inbred office torture complex.
Coronation Street ITV 2 22.30pm
The Premiership on Monday ITV1 11.20pm
S4C
five
06.05 The Hoobs 06.30 The Hoobs 06.55 RI:SE 09.00 Bewitched 09.30 4Learning 12.00 News at Noon 12.30 Planed Plant Bach: Ribidires 12.45 Planed Plant Bach: Caleb 12.50 Planed Plant Bach: Mr Men and Little Miss 13.00 Planed Plant Bach: Bibi 13.15 Grand Designs 14.15 Home from Home 14.45 A Place in the Sun 15.15 Countdown 16.00 Planed Plant: Troeon Tristan 16.15 Planed Plant: Sgiliau Mas Draw 16.25 Planed Plant: Dennis a Dannedd 16.50 Planed Plant: Ffeil 17.00 Richard and Judy 18.00 The Salon 18.30 Xtra 19.00 Wedi 7 19.30 Newyddion 20.00 Yr Ocsiwniar 20.30 Ffermio 21.00 Pobol y Cwm 21.30 Sgorio 22.30 Teachers Nobody watches this anymore. The soundtrack’s worse than previous years, Andrew Lincoln is hardly in it, the one point of interest exhausted. Go away. 23.30 SAS: The Real Story: 24.30 Will and Grace 24.55 Speed Machines 01.55 The Other Final 02.55 Muse: Live at the Zenith DON’T watch this, they’re awful. And surely if you do insist on loving their pompous “no seriously, they’re so talented” up-thecanal bullshit, buy their live album Hullabaloo because then I’ll feel smug I haven’t wasted £15 on some flabby good-for-nothing CRAP. 04.00
06.00 Sunrise 06.30 A House That's Just like Yours 06.55 Hi-5 07.30 Make Way for Noddy 07.45 Make Way for Noddy 08.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 08.30 Rolie Polie Olie 08.55 Barney 09.25 Floyd's India 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 The Terry and Gaby Show 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 13.00 Family Affairs 13.30 BrainTeaser 14.35 Charlie's Angels 15.35 FILM: The Return of Charlie Chan ** 17.30 five news National and international news with Charlie Stayt. 18.00 Home and Away Josh discovers that love is not always enough. Max's book arrives. Is Alf completely mad? You can’t make this stuff up. 18.30 Family Affairs 19.00 five news 19.30 Animal Mummies 20.00 Killer Bee Attack . 21.00 FILM: Judgement Day **22.45 FILM: Showdown in Little Tokyo * 24.10 NFL Update 24.50 European Seniors Golf 01.40 Once again C5’s irrelevant foreign sports listings make way for this weeks hot hot music hits. This week: The Weakerthans - Aside, Black Eyes - Someone Gets Their Fingers Broken, The Rapture House Of Jealous Lovers, KoRn - All In The Family, Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees and the irrepressibly named ‘!!!’, with Intensify. Buy them all right now.
E4
SKY 1
C4
10.00 The Salon Live 17.00 Friends 17.30 The Salon Live 19.00 Smallville 20.00 The Salon 20.30 Friends 21.00 Dawson's Creek 22.00 Sex and the City 22.30 The Pilot Show Sounds great, watch it. 23.05 Eurotrash Isn’t great, don’t watch it. 23.30 Trigger Happy TV 24.05 Hollyoaks 24.35 Smallville 01.30 Dawson's Creek 02.20 Sex and the City 02.45 The Pilot Show “I also dreamed that I’d been set loads of tasks to do and then Michael Jackson dressed in full Bad outfit (including glove) started following me around.” I don’t even want to know what complex this “apparently” is. Anyway, any other hilarious dreams which aren’t just space filler because there’s never anything interesting to say about satellite channel repeat-a-thon’s, feel free to send them in, see them printed rather than us struggling to talk about Eurotrash.
06.00 Star Trek: Deep Space Nine 07.00 Zoids 07.30 Transformers: Armada 08.00 Gamezville 09.00 Beverly Hills, 90210 10.00 Buffy the Vampire Slayer 11.00 Angel 12.00 The X Files 13.00 Pop Years: 1986 Hopefully including Depeche Mode, The Smiths, and The Cure, if they weren’t AWOL in ‘86. 14.00 Temptation Island 15.00 Beverly Hills, 90210 16.00 Gamezville 17.00 Star Trek 18.00 Buffy the Vampire Slayer One of the “When Willow goes mad” episodes. Wahey. 19.00 The Simpsons 19.30 The Simpsons 20.00 21.00 FILM: Close Encounters of the Third Kind The most boring sci-fi film ever? With competition like Batteries Not Included, Short Circuit, Misson to Mars, Stargate and Star Trek - Search for Spock, it’s tricky. 23.35 South Park With Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, but don’t go thinking that will make this funny, yeah? 24.05 Star Trek: The Next
12.30 Compatible A short film examining the relationship between man and machine. Err... fnarrr? 12.35 Cheers Dubious sounding episode I’ve never seen, in which Sam, Carla and Norm go sailing and find a bomb onboard the ship. Cheers goes all Speed 2 on us? Wah. 13.05 FILM: It Always Rains on Sunday 14.45 Fifteen to One 15.15 Countdown 16.00 A Place in the Sun 16.30 Home from Home 18.30 Hollyoaks Lee takes Natalie for a cruise in Dan's car but, when Natalie takes the wheel, things go wrong. Ben has to attend a road traffic accident while on duty. Are these things related? 19.00 Channel 4 News 19.55 Building of the Year 20.00 Speed Machines 21.00 SAS: The Real Story: 22.00 FILM: Dogma “Whaddayamean you haven’t seen Dogma!” - Andy **** 24.20 The Q Awards See pick of the week. 01.30 Headliners: Paul Weller Yeah don’t watch this either, Muse fans.
Monday 6 October