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W h ite B lank Pag e
R eb ec c a R as kin
In the chill of the room her body was like a furnace. She had been keeping the apartment cold ever since she had returned from the hospital. She was used to the arctic temperatures she explained, and the last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable. She was so warm; maybe she had a fever. It was something he was constantly worried about now, her temperature. Too high and they had to go back to the hospital. She was thin. Really thin. She had lost so much weight in the last few months. At the beginning she had joked about it. I’ll be like a model now she had said. And he laughed, even though he didn’t think it was funny. He had liked how she looked. Before.
Holly Jy, Spring, Pen and Whiteout
When her hair fell out because of the chemo, he wasn’t upset. At first. The less hair the more uncomfortable he became. Cancer. Six months to a year the doctors had said. Lung cancer. He had asked if there was anything to be done. Just the usual, chemo and prayers. Will I die? she asked. Oddly it was him crying, not her. We’ve seen miracles, they said uncomfortably. Six months to a year. They said. Lung cancer. She didn’t even smoke. But he did. They said that second hand smoke was the worst. Their eyes were accusing. Quit, they said, or you’re next. So he quit. Well, not really. He quit for a little while, but he started up again after the second trip to the doctor He smoked when she was staying at the hospital, out on the stoop, so the air would wash away the smell. He made sure to wash his clothes and scrub the smell of his skin before he went to visit her.
Holly Jy, Ornamented Limbs, Pen and Whiteout
Her bony arm brushed his and he shuddered. He was cheating on her. He had been since the second doctor’s visit. Well, not really. He met the other women while he was in line to buy cigarettes. He was holding a book about cancer and she apologized. Her mother died of cancer the year before. Breast cancer. They got coffee. And then they went to her place. She was almost twenty years older than he was. And he felt horrible that he was with her, but how do you leave someone with cancer? After six weeks the cancer had spread to her right breast. So they cut it off. They didn’t want it getting to the lymph nodes. She cried for days. After they cut it off she replaced it. He tried to explain that she still looked beautiful with only one breast. And he was being honest, she really did. She was being vain, he said. He hated the fake breast. He wouldn’t touch it when they made love. It felt 72
Holly Jy, The Woods, Pen and Whiteout