uKunst Edition 017: Special Edition >Britain Unchained

BRITANNIA UNCHAINED To paraphrase Rousseau, ‘Man has voted to be free, but everywhere is in chains.’ We had been promised greater freedoms, but I had certainly not seen any. It was time for some answers. Putting on my roving reporter hat I decided to call Conservative Central Office.

Logic would suggest, all I had to do was believe the exact opposite of what they told me and I would know where we stood. I got through to the switchboard almost instantaneously.

“Good morning, I’m a journalist for uKUNST” “You what?” “uKUNST” “Fuck off!” The line went dead I needed another approach. I called again. “I’m putting together an article about the new freedoms Brexit has brought us and wondered if I could talk to a minister?”

“Are you having me on?”

“Not at all. I believe there was a minister for Brexit benefits, could I talk to him?” There was a strange honking noise on the other end of the phone. “Are you alright?” I asked “Sorry, just snorted some tea out of my nose. We had to let that minister go. He wouldn’t come out of his room.”

“Oh dear, that’s a shame. It’s a really important question, whether we have any of the freedoms promised to us, whether we have been able to shrug off any of our chains, and I’d like to get the government’s point of view. Is there anyone from the Home Office – the Home Secretary maybe?”

“Not for a few days, I’m afraid, that department’s on a ban, no electronics for the rest of the week. We’ve had to take their phones and computers away.”

“OK. How about this. I understand there’s now a Minister Without Portfolio, they should have a general idea of what’s going on in all the departments.”