12 opinion
2/10/23
You can’t find yourself if you’re searching for your soulmate Cailee Zeraat Staff Writer Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, Hinge; there is no shortage of ways to meet romantic partners in the modern world. Finding a match is as easy as swiping right or scrolling through hand-selected pictures on a customized profile. When navigating through college, “finding yourself” seems to be the common theme pushed onto us. However, many fall victim to the idea that finding yourself is synonymous with finding someone to be a partner in that journey. While companionship is comforting, it often hinders our personal growth and development of selfidentity. When in a relationship, especially one formed during a pivotal moment in your lifetime, it can be easy to conflate your romantic partner with your own identity, constantly lumping the two together. Your days suddenly revolve around your partner, even if you don’t see each other that often. A “good morning” text is your first priority when you wake up, and an evening FaceTime call before you go to sleep becomes a necessity. Plenty of energy goes into romantic relationships, regardless of how long you have been together. A couple who has been together for two months may spend a lot
of effort keeping each other interested in the early stages. A couple who has been together for two years may spend the same amount of effort resolving conflicts and managing finances. Regardless of the stage of your relationship, there is constant work that needs to be put in. While putting effort into a romantic relationship is rewarding, if overdone, it can take away from the effort that you should be putting into yourself. And for many college students who are entering their first relationships, it is often overdone. Teenagers and young adults already struggle to develop a sense of identity, and that challenge is especially amplified in a new environment hundreds of miles away from home. When in a relationship, your partner’s needs become important to you—or at least they should if you’re doing it right. Daily decisions are made with your partner’s best interests in mind, which can lead to you ignoring your own interests. You may lose sight of your own personal, academic and professional desires to appease your partner. While it may be endearing in the moment to turn down an internship offer to spend the summer with your partner, you later can
find yourself regretting revolving your decisions around your relationship. Living for yourself is the most important thing you can do, especially when building the foundation for your adult life. The college experience is heavily reliant on independence and transitioning into adulthood. Students all too often turn to romantic pursuits as they adjust between stages of life, limiting their potential to be independent. When you share such a transition with another person, that important experience becomes irrevocably intertwined with them. And unless you plan to stay with that partner for the rest of your life, those happy memories of lifetime milestones can easily be tainted by the reminder of a relationship that once was. Finally, no matter how perfect your relationship may be, all couples experience drama and conflict. Adding this emotional stress on top of the mental stress of a challenging academic experience can often be overwhelming for many students. It can be exhausting trying to study for your biology final while also trying to apologize to your partner for ignoring them because you were studying for said final.
All of this is not to say that relationships are bad and you should never love anyone. However, I am urging those of you in relationships to balance your priorities and remember to put yourself first. And for those not in relationships, consider if you have spent enough time finding yourself before you find someone else. Romantic and sexual companionship is tempting, but it can consume most of your time and energy until you have none left for yourself. As someone in a long-term and long-distance relationship, I have been victim to the downfalls of young love. While I still have much to work on and many codependency problems to undo, my relationship has been immensely rewarding. However, if I were to do it all over again, I would spend more time on my personal growth and self-discovery before entering into a relationship with my current partner. There is no need to rush into anything in life, especially romantic relationships. Your potential to find love doesn’t end when you graduate or when you’ve dated 15 people by the time you’re 30. You have your entire life ahead of you to love deeply and beautifully, but you can only do that if you have loved yourself first in that same way.
It’s time to stop making Valentine’s day so stressful Caroline Kuntzman Staff Writer Valentine’s Day is a highly commercialized holiday. It certainly is not unique in this regard, as Christmas and Thanksgiving are the biggest holidays for consumer spending in the United States. However, the consumerism surrounding Valentine’s Day is still significant. In 2021, the average American spent $164.76 per person, with the country as a whole spending $21.8 billion. This is without getting into intangible costs surrounding Valentine’s Day, such as the pressure single people may feel to have a partner or the pressure people in relationships may have to interact with their significant other in a certain way. Between social pressures and deep commercialization, Valentine’s Day is now about much more than love. The precursor to Valentine’s Day dates back to the Romans. Called the Festival of Lupercalia, its focus was not on love but rather on female fertility. Priests would sacrifice a goat and a dog and then bring a piece of the animals’ skins into contact with the women, believing that this would help them have children. The Festival of Lupercalia was outlawed by the Roman Empire later on following the empire’s conversion to Christianity and Valentine’s Day
replaced it, celebrated one day earlier than the original festival. The holiday received its name from Pope Gelasius, who referenced one or possibly several saints named Valentine. The exchange of Valentine’s Day cards began many years later in the 1500s, and exchanges of small gifts began in the 1700s. What the history of Valentine’s Day shows is that its meaning and traditions are not constant. They have evolved over time, and so it should not necessarily be treated as a holiday with any one particular meaning or importance. Ultimately, its significance will be what general consensus decides it is. However, to say that Valentine’s Day is all about love ignores what the holiday has become. The first mass-produced Valentine’s Day cards began circulating in the 1840s. Developed by Esther Howland, her work paired with Richard Cadbury’s development of the chocolate box, creating two modern Valentine’s Day gift staples. The commercialization of Valentine’s Day is typical for American holidays, but what is unusual are the expectations surrounding sex. According to data collected in 2017, most Americans in relationships do want to have sex on
Valentine’s Day. Only 14% of women and 6% of men say that this is not important to them. Psychology Today points towards marketing as a critical source of these expectations. Regardless of where these expectations stem from, the fact is that they can cause people with and without partners to feel as though they have to have sex on Valentine’s Day, which is unhealthy. Another unique aspect of Valentine’s Day is that its messaging focuses exclusively on romantic love, cutting out a significant segment of the population. It is becoming increasingly common for American adults to be single, with this number jumping from 22% in 1950 to 50% in 2012. For single people—especially those wanting to be in a relationship—, Valentine’s Day can be difficult. However, perhaps the most striking aspect of the holiday is how people feel about their Valentine’s Day plans. According to the same 2017 source referenced previously, only 42% of women and 43% of men were “excited and happy” about their Valentine’s Day plans. This leaves a significant portion of the population not thrilled about their plans. As it is currently celebrated, Valen-
tine’s Day is a severely flawed holiday. It causes people—both in and out of relationships—to feel pressure, and can be isolating for others. It is a holiday associated with heavy spending, yet it does not seem to bring the joy one would hope it would. Valentine’s Day needs to be reframed in a more positive manner that better acknowledges the realities of the 21st century. Instead of focusing so heavily on couples, it could be more inclusive of other types of love. Love of family. Love of friends. Love of self. It could acknowledge the holistic range of relationships people enjoy, instead of focusing so heavily on romantic ones. It could shift away from marketing a specific image of what Valentine’s Day should look like, and instead be about individuals doing what makes them happy. Moreover, open dialogue about expectations for Valentine’s Day should be encouraged. For people in relationships especially, talking with their partners about how they want to spend Valentine’s Day could help make the day less stressful and prevent unnecessary spending on gifts or extravagant dates neither necessarily want. As a whole, Valentine’s Day is due for an overhaul of what its focus is.
CLEVELAND continued from pg. 11 But my biggest beef with the city of Cleveland is its roads. I’d truly like to have a talk with whoever designed the roads here because absolutely nothing about them makes sense. Who decided that three-way and six-way intersections were a good idea? Why did no one change them? That, paired with the random structure and winding nature of roads make for absolute chaos when driving—especially for those who are unfamiliar with the area. Even within University Circle, the driving pattern baffles me. I’ve seen a number of vehicles park on the
side of the road and just block off a whole lane, instantly backing up traffic for minutes at a time. To top it all off, there is the issue of the quality of the roads; for instance, the number of potholes is ridiculous. Overall, driving in Cleveland is simply a nightmare. Even though there aren’t too many places to go to in Cleveland, getting around to those places can be difficult if it’s in unknown areas. There’s no one singular solution for this city—or, at least, none that we can individually act on. However, there are two direct options here in terms
of how to cope with it. Option one is to leave while you can. Go back to your hometown or explore a different place, whether that be within the U.S. or outside of the country. Most places will be a level up from here, so it’s a great setup for experiences after your time at CWRU is over. But the other option is to find things to love about Cleveland. The one promise I made to my friends in my third year was that I’d give the city a chance by exploring the surrounding areas—finding if there were things I liked to do or food I’d like to get. I followed through on
that and it honestly made Cleveland a bit more bearable of a place to live in. Whether it be Tremont, Beachwood, Shaker Heights or the myriad of areas outside of Uptown, there are a few places that make the area a bit more fun, even when it takes a bit of an effort to get there. Being in Cleveland has definitely been a wild time. But I’ll admit, the city has grown on me over the years. But just because Cleveland has developed a special place in my heart, it doesn’t mean I won’t continue to criticize all the weird parts of living here.