Jerilynn feels fortunate because she says Jon is great at talking to the boys and her about racial issues. “I’ve always had the mantra that you can’t fight the whole world, and if you do, you can’t win,” Jon says. “So, I teach our kids that you can’t let racism stop you from achieving. You have to make intelligent decisions and react in a calculated manner. My son’s experience on the basketball court may have changed his demeanor, but he managed to maintain his sense of what is right, maintain a level of decorum and not let it disintegrate and affect what he wanted to accomplish.” Even though Jerilynn felt helpless, Jackson is extremely proud of his mother. “She’s selfless,” he says. “She never puts herself above anybody else. She makes sure everyone around her is OK.” When Jerilynn thinks about her white privilege, she says she doesn’t ever have to worry that when people meet her or when she goes out, she’ll be judged on the color of her skin. “Every time my kids go out, they do,” she says, recalling when the boys got their driver’s licenses. “Jon said he needed to talk to them about getting pulled over and I was like, ‘What do you mean you have to talk to them about getting pulled over?’ I take it for granted,” Jerilynn says. “If I get pulled over, I will reach over and pull out my license and I don’t think about those things.” Jon taught the boys a protocol. If they get pulled over, he explained they need to place their wallet, license and insurance on the dashboard. If stopped at night, they must turn on the dome light. Most importantly, they must always keep their hands visible to the police officer. “Even if they believe they’ve been pulled over for a bogus reason, Jon taught the boys they still need to follow the directions,” she says. “I’m guessing most white people don’t have to tell their kids that, but we did.”
overt versus covert racism
not all
Black students are athletes
Christian, who is now 23, has always been intelligent. He was the salutatorian when he graduated from Oak Grove Lutheran School in Fargo. In 2019, he graduated from the University of Minnesota with a bachelor’s degree in biochemistry. A talented athlete, he originally planned to attend Concordia to play football, but decided to go to the U of M last minute. Christian wanted to concentrate on his education while learning more about people from different cultures and backgrounds. He says people always assumed he was there to play a sport because he looked athletic and was Black, and that hurt. “He worked so hard and those assumptions diminished everything that he worked for,” she says. “Christian told me that sometimes those smaller things are worse than being called the N-word or being overt. The little things start to add up and wear on you after a while.” Even though those situations were difficult, Christian says his mother’s support helped him maintain his confidence to succeed. “She has high expectations but is still reasonable about the timeframe and believes that no matter what, we’ll get there,” he says.
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In the early years of their marriage, Jon and Jerilynn did some traveling. “I will say that when we traveled to the south, places like Nashville and Texas, we experienced more overt racism,” she remembers. “People yelled things at us about me being with a Black man. As an interracial couple, Black women were unhappy that I was with Jon. In the south, it was in your face.” When comparing experiences with racism in the Fargo-Moorhead area, Jerilynn says it feels more covert. “The difference is that here, it’s behind your back. It’s as soon as you leave. It’s the whispers. It’s the looks,” she says. “People act like they’re not racist here, but they talk about you when you’re not there. Sometimes that’s harder.” Jon calls it “North Dakota nice” or passive aggressive racism. “What is unique to the Midwest and North Dakota is the avoidance of the topic of race. No one wants to approach the topic because that doesn’t lend itself to polite conversation and people go out of their way to not offend or insult on the surface,” he says. “What we need to do is call out our friends, family or business partners when they make racist comments.” When Jerilynn has tried to explain the importance of the racial equality movement to friends or acquaintances, at times she finds they try to change the subject or equate it to an inequivalent issue their family is facing. People try to offer justification uttering the phrase “we don’t see color” and you can see the frustration in Jerilynn’s eyes when she explains why the statement is unacceptable. “Everyone sees color. And to pretend you don’t see color is to ignore the fact that racism exists,” she says. Jon says Jerilynn’s moral compass and sense of right and wrong is impeccable. “If it’s right, it’s right. If it’s not, we’re going to correct it,” he says. “Those are her values and I wouldn’t be able to do the things I do if it weren’t for her. I’m a better person because of her.”