Is It A Shovelhead Or Sporster?

his story starts in 1969 when, at the tender age of 16, Paul Emmonds went to the movies to see Easy Rider. He didn’t know what to expect from the film, but, t like many people at the time (and particularly of his age), he was completely blown away by the two Harley Panhead chops in the movie. A year later, he had his bike license, and the world of motorcycles lay before him.

For Paul, it was not just bikes.

Over the years, Paul had a succession of custom bikes, custom cars, and hot rods. During that time, he kept the iconic images from Easy Rider at the back of his mind. Finally, he realized that he would like something a little easier to push in and out of his garage. So, he decided to sell his current ride, a Big Dog K9 Chopper. In complete contrast, he decided that a lightweight, lane splitterstyle bobber would be the way for him to go, which was far removed from his 300-section backends.

Paul began the search for a suitable donor in good shape and one that wasn’t hundreds of miles away. He was quite positive about what he wanted. It took a two-year trawl through eBay and small ads before he finally located a oneowner, low mileage 2001 Harley Sportster. Paul is quite honest about his limitations – “I’m not the best mechanic in the world,” he says. So it was an easy decision to give Si Harris at Attitude Cycles in Southampton on the south coast of England a call. Si is one of the UK’s leading bike builders, and Paul wasn’t sure whether he would have the time or inclination to take on the task of building his

bobber. But, to Paul’s amazement, Si told him to bring the Sportster over to the workshop the next day so he could get started. Like many builders, Harris is a man who, if you approach him with a project that captures his imagination, will move heaven, earth, and lesser jobs to get started!

Si was more than capable of building a bike from scratch. His many showwinning builds where he used his own frames, suspension, handlebars, and more, bear that out: but by now, Paul was a man on a mission to get that bike going. So, rather than wait for Si to get out his welder, he opted for an offthe-shelf rigid Kraft Tech frame and a 4-inch understock DNA springer to get the project up and running. The overall concept for the bike would be loosely based on the Frisco-style bobbers.

Because Attitude Cycles is not far from his house, Paul admits that he became a regular visitor; “I was always in the workshop, checking up on progress and making a nuisance of myself,” he says. After each visit, he would return home and wade through his piles of American cycle magazines to get more ideas for the project. Paul would be armed with a folder of photos, sketches, and ideas to run past Si on the next visit. Some builders would find this amount of customer involvement a little frustrating, but Harris took it all in stride. Whatever Paul threw at him, he would calmly say, “No problem, I can make that for you, mate.” He fabricated many parts, including the combined alloy oil tank and battery box, a really

neat machined alloy plate to cover the top of the battery and mount the seat, the stainless sissy bar, stainless exhausts with alloy tips, and matching taillight and forward control hangers.

Paul wanted a fairly traditional look for the wheels, so he chose a 3.00 x 16inch Harley rim out back and a 21-inch front rim laced with stainless spokes and brass nipples and then wrapped in Shinko and Firestone rubber, respectively. The 883cc Sportster engine was vapor blasted and carefully popped into the frame. The bike was suddenly starting to take shape. Paul figured it still lacked a little bit of

Owner: Paul Emmonds City/State: Christchurch UK Builder: Attitude Cycles, UK Year: 2001 Model: 883 Sportster Value: Undisclosed Time: 6 Months

ENGINE Year: 2001 Model: 883 Sportster Builder: Attitude Cycles UK Ignition: Stock Displacement: 883cc Pistons: Stock Heads: Stock / EMD Shovel Carb: Stock Rejetted Cam: Stock Air Cleaner: Modified Chrome Teardrop Exhaust: 2 into 1 W/ Machined Aluminium Tips Primary: Stock W/ EMD Finned Cover

TRANSMISSION Year: 2001 Make: H-D Shifting: Stock

FRAME Year: Unknown Model: Kraft Tech Twin Downtube Rigid Rake: Stock Stretch: Stock

Forks: 4” Under DNA springers Builder: Attitude Cycles Type: Springer Triple Trees: DNA Extension: 2.5”

WHEELS Front Wheel: HD/stainless Spokes Brass Nipples Size: 21” Tire: Firestone Front Brake: HD Disc, DNA Caliper Rear Wheel: HD/stainless Spokes Brass Nipples Size: 16” Tire: Shinko Double Whitewall Rear Brake: HD Caliper & Disc

PAINT Painter: Roosters Voodoo Paintshop, UK Color: Pagan Gold Type: House of Kolor Graphics: Nefarious Pinstriping (R.I.P.) Chroming: Stock

ACCESSORIES Bars: Wild Eagle Loose Handlebars Risers: 2.5” Brass Hand Controls: Aftermarket Foot Controls: Custom-Attitude Cycles Gas Tank(s): Alien Wasp Egg Oil Tank: Attitude Cycles Front fender: None Rear Fender: one off steel Seat: Black Vinyl W/ Silver Metalflake Headlight: 5.5” Bates Replica Tail light: One Off Alloy & Brass Housing Speedo: Aftermarket imagination, which he soon rectified with the addition of EMD Shovelhead rocker covers, finned cam, and primary covers.

The handlebars had to be widened by two inches to enable the brass risers to clamp onto a straight section. The bars also had to be kept clutter-free, save for brass grips and the stylish Kustom Tech polished brass and alloy controls. A very discreet horn button is located in the end of the left-hand grip. An Attitude Customs’ electrician performed the dark art of wiring by running everything through the frame and into a brass pyrene fire extinguisher which contains the fuses, starter button, and ignition switch.

With the bike now almost complete, there was still one of the biggest decisions to be made; the paint, which can make or break the overall look of any bike. It was a fairly easy decision in the end, as Paul explains; “I like flames, so I decided to put them on one side of the tank. Paul went to his selection of American bike magazines for help. He decided on the idea of fish scales and a sunburst on the other side. It was all perfectly executed by Roosters Voodoo Paintshop of Southampton in House of Kolor Pagan Gold – and there you have it!”

Paul could not be more pleased with how the bike has turned out, and he has nothing but praise for the Attitude Cycles team. There’s one more person that Paul owes thanks to, and that’s his wife, Helen, who accompanied him on every trip to see the bike being built. In reality, that may have more to do with the fact that Paul promised her a meal and a pint in a quaint country pub on their way home!

Hey, Crazy times, but if you want to taste the best of times, read this news, and hopefully, you came to Sturgis for the rally. If you turn off your TV and scrap reading any newspapers, you’ll discover that life is an open road wonderland. If you came to the Badlands and didn’t experience blame, hatred, Covid, Global Harming, electric mania, nothing but hardworking, tax-paying Americans enjoying cool motorcycles and wide-open roads. Let’s hit the news:

Buell Dominates the NHRA Nationals - On July 16th, 2021, the NHRA Nationals Championship were wide open throttle off the starting line. Buell blew the Bike Pros out of the water with both Matt and Angie Smith on their Denso Buell® bikes taking 1st and 2nd place in the Bike Pro qualifiers. Matt and Angie had a strong run both reaching the semifinals. It didn’t stop there though, in the semifinals all 4 racers were on Buell® bikes. Matt Smith (Buell®) vs Andrew Hines (Buell®) and Angie Smith (Buell®) vs Eddie Krawiec (Buell RX®). The semifinals were a tight race. Matt Smith took Hines by fractions of a second for the win, and Kraweic did the same to Smith. “No doubt that Buell was King of the mountain in Denver, Qualifying #1 & #2 with Matt & Angie Smith on their Buell’s was certainly a highlight of

Saturday evening. However, things got even better by Sunday evening as Matt Smith rode his Denso Buell to the winner’s circle, besting second place finisher Eddie Krawiec on his Vance & Hines Buell RX,” said Steve Laham, Chief Product Officer at Buell Motorcycles. After this event the new rankings for the NHRA Nationals are as follows: Matt Smith (Buell®) in 1st, Angie Smith (Buell®) in 6th, Eddie Krawiec (Buell RX®) in 7th and Andrew Hines (Buell RX®) in 11th. Follow more Buell rider success at the NHRA Sonoma Nationals on July 23-25. Visit the Buell website for the latest information at: www. BuellMotorcycle.com.

NEW VINTAGE ROAD RALLY - Rick Salisbury, owner of Legends Motorcycle Museum, has announced details for the 2022 “Legends and Legacies Memorial Run.”

Planned as a cross-country motorcycle endurance ride in memory of antique motorcycle enthusiast Lonnie Isam Jr. (Junior), the event will be held September 7 through September 25, 2022 and will feature antique motorcycles pre-dating 1922.

Junior was the visionary who led antique motorcycle riders across America four times before passing away in 2017 at age 48. Salisbury was friends with Junior and participated in all his endurance rides, except for the first in 2010. Through his continued friendship with Junior’s parents, Lonnie Sr. and Marianne Isam, Salisbury became inspired to memorialize Junior’s legacy by following Junior’s last request – for his friends to go on a motorcycle ride in his memory in lieu of funeral services.

Now, five years after Junior’s passing, his friends are doing just that. “We are beyond thrilled to have our son honored and remembered in this way,” Lonnie Sr. shared. “The 2022 Legends and Legacies Memorial Run will shine a light on Junior’s incredible legacy,” Marianne added. Antique motorcycle enthusiasts from around the world will be invited to honor the individual who revitalized the sport of antique motorcycling by experiencing Junior’s first route while riding 100-year-old (or older) motorcycles. Stay tuned for more information on the 2022 Legends and Legacies Motorcycle Endurance Memorial Run. info@

legendsandlegaciesrun.com

HARLEY-DAVIDSON LAUNCHES H-D1 MARKETPLACE--Ultimate Destination for Pre-Owned HarleyDavidson Motorcycles in North America

Today we are launching H-D1 Marketplace on H-D.com. H-D1 Marketplace will provide consumers with the most comprehensive opportunity to search, experience, sell and purchase pre-owned HarleyDavidson motorcycles across North America.

Backed by the strength and scale of our dealer network and enhanced by the HarleyDavidson Certified™ program for extra peace of mind, H-D1 Marketplace will facilitate a seamless purchase experience for customers looking for that special pre-owned HarleyDavidson.

“The launch of H-D1 Marketplace is the first step towards our ambitious transformation of H-D.com into the leading online destination for everything HarleyDavidson,” said Jochen Zeitz, Chairman, President and CEO, Harley-Davidson. “We want our online presence to connect and support our H-D network - from enhanced online experiences, unique community engagement, to exclusive content and learning. The H-D1 Marketplace platform will connect our customers, community and our strong dealer network, with the goal to become the largest marketplace for pre-owned HarleyDavidson motorcycles in the United States.”

Launching first in USA, H-D1 Marketplace will start with the entire selection of pre-owned HarleyDavidson motorcycles from our participating dealer network, that will be available for our customers to browse and customize online. Powered by H-D Financial Services, customers will have access to innovative, industry-leading financing solutions, to make purchasing even easier. Through the ‘Sell My Bike’ feature, customers will also be able to sell their motorcycles directly into the Harley-Davidson dealer network. Customer experience is a key element of the Hardwire Strategic Plan, designed to enhance our position as the most desirable motorcycle brand in the world. The Hardwire puts customers at the forefront of our products, experiences and investments. Our goal is to

seamlessly engage with customers, creating a meaningful, unique and personalized experience with HarleyDavidson, every day.

H-D1 Marketplace also fulfills our Hardwire objective to include riders of pre-owned Harley-Davidson’s as an important part of the H-D customer base, recognizing their unique perspectives and contributions to the brand. To experience and learn more about H-D1 Marketplace, visit www.H-D.com.

ROYAL ENFIELD ANNOUNCES NEW ASSEMBLY FACILITY IN COLOMBIA - All-new CKD facility in Envigado, Antioquia marks Royal Enfield’s second assembly plant to produce motorcycles outside of India

Royal Royal Enfield, the global leader in the midsize motorcycle segment (250-750cc), is proud to announce the opening of a CKD assembly plant in Colombia, the third-biggest motorcycle market in Latin America, in partnership with its local distributor, Colombiana de Comercio (Corbeta Group). The motorcycle assembly plant in Envigado, Antioquia marks the second motorcycle assembly plant outside of India, a significant milestone for Royal Enfield. Royal Enfield set up retail operations in Colombia in

July 2014, with its first store in Cedritos in Bogotá. Since then, the company has expanded its retail network in the market and now has 15 exclusive stores in Colombia. Overall, Royal

Enfield has 57 exclusive stores and 40 other retail touchpoints in all of Latin American countries. The local assembly unit in Colombia will be based at Colombiana de Comercio facility located in Envigado, Antioquia. To begin with, the plant will locally assemble the Royal Enfield Himalayan, starting this month. From 2014 to 2021, Royal Enfield has seen significant growth in Colombia. From January 2015 to the present, Royal Enfield has sold more than 7,000 motorcycles in the market. The brand has seen an almost 70% growth in sales from January to July 2021, over the same period in 2020.

HAMSTERS USA RAISE $538,252 FOR SPECIAL KIDS AT LIFESCAPE IN RAPID CITY, SOUTH DAKOTA - Hamsters USA, the international motorcycle group with big hearts, roared into western South Dakota to make an unparalleled impact for local kids with disabilities!

These amazing guys came together to raise funds for LifeScape of Rapid

City totaling an unprecedented $538,252, all staying local to support children with disabilities in western SD!

Hamsters USA has raised and donated funds at their annual meeting for the last 16 years, with a deep desire to give back to the greater Black Hills community, which many Hamsters consider their second home.

Their gifts help provide services to children in their Black Hills area homes and communities, delivered by LifeScape personnel who drive over 10,000 miles a month to provide services. Inspired by little Ruby Lehmann, who spoke on stage with her mom, Shannon, and her brother, David, the Hamsters stepped up to do more than ever before! Hamsters stormed the stage to give cash and credit card pledges, which were matched by John McCarthy and Bobby Garone. That piece of the presentation raised approximately $204,000 alone!

At only nine months of age, Ruby was diagnosed with spastic diplegic cerebral palsy after her parents noticed she wasn’t meeting typical milestones, such as rolling over and sitting up on her own. Doctors believe Ruby had a stroke in utero early in her development, which prevented part of her brain from fully forming. It affected three-fourths of her body – her entire left side and her right leg.

Ruby started physical and occupational therapy at 10 months, and at the age of three, began speech therapy, primarily for a “funky gag reflex.” She had braces on her feet and began receiving additional therapies through LifeScape. RISE Custom Solutions, a subsidiary of LifeScape, fitted her for a reverse walker and wheelchair when she outgrew the hospital walker.

Ruby now receives physical and occupational therapies at school, as well as through LifeScape. She is a very determined young lady, proving doctors wrong and surpassing all expectations. She is extremely smart and very artistic. She also thinks very literally, so a vivid imagination is not as evident, but she is very vocal and opinionated.

LifeScape of Rapid City, SD, is affiliated with LifeScape, based in South Dakota. LifeScape is a private, independent, non-profit organization with a mission to empower children and adults with disabilities to lead fulfilling lives.

THE LATEST FROM THE MAGNIFICENT ARCH MOTORCYCLE COMPANY-MOTUL NAMED OFFICIAL LUBRICANT FOR ARCH MOTORCYCLE - ARCH Motorcycle, the Los Angeles based bespoke production motorcycle company co-founded by Gard Hollinger and Keanu Reeves, today announced its partnership and collaboration with Motul, a world-class French company specializing in the formulation, production, and distribution of hightech powersports and motorsports lubricants.

Motul will provide lubricants for the entire ARCH Motorcycle lineup, including the ARCH KRGT-1 as well as the upcoming ARCH 1s and

ARCH Method 143 models. Motul will also serve as a technical partner for ARCH Motorcycle’s new product development. Both companies share a “no-compromise” approach to developing the best products in their industries, and Motul’s offerings – such as their highly recommended Motul Twin Line oils – use a racederived “Ester technology” to ensure proper performance on the street for ARCH’s motorcycle lineup.

“As ARCH celebrates its 10th Anniversary this year and we look ahead to the future, we’re honored to have the opportunity to work with a brand that’s created a legacy like Motul has. The ability to work closely with Motul’s team plays an essential role in the performance and reliability of our current products,” said Gard Hollinger, co-founder at ARCH Motorcycle. “We’re excited to work with Motul to evolve our lubricant collaboration further through our ongoing product development program.”

In addition, ARCH and Motul look forward to a successful partnership with some pretty exciting collaborations to come in the future. More details to be shared soon.

For more information on ARCH Motorcycle and its bespoke production motorcycles, please visit www.archmotorcycle.com.

Follow ARCH on social media platforms to stay updated with the latest news.

NEW MOTORCYCLE SALES - Up by Double Digits Through Second Quarter - New-model motorcycle sales among leading brands increased 15.2 percent through the second quarter of 2021, according to the Motorcycle Industry Council Retail Sales Report. The year-todate sales figures, compared to the same period last year, jumped by double digits in the on-highway and dual-purpose categories, and scooter sales were up, too. Only off-highway sales dipped slightly through Q2, by just 3.2 percent – and that was compared to a phenomenal first half of 2020 that saw offhighway sales rocket up by 50.3 percent, among leading brands, compared to the previous year. Year-to-date sales of onhighway motorcycles were up the most, by 25.2 percent. The dual category was up 16.7 percent. Scooter sales rose 8.3 percent.

“We’re seeing strong performance in motorcycle sales,” said Erik Pritchard, MIC president and CEO. “Through the second quarter of 2021, the increases with streetlegal motorcycles – on-highway motorcycles, dual-purpose bikes, and scooters – demonstrates continued interest in our products and the lifestyle. Our industry continues to work hard at keeping up with strong consumer demand amid supply chain pressures.” -MIC

STUFF IS GOING TO GET WILD - Hang on, join your local and national motorcycle rights group. If you need a weekly news fix, come to Bikernet. com.

Ride Fast and Free Forever-Bandit

since we last dragged a steel shoe through the pages of Cycle Source Magazine, there have been no less than 7 rounds of the American Flat Track national series. The number would have been 8 if it weren’t for Mother Nature opening the heavens the week leading up to the DuQuoin Mile. That’s a lot of races to jam into one single column, but hey, my shepherds here behind the scenes just give me guidelines; it’s up to me to make things happen, so let’s get to work.

The series took off from the Super TT in Atlanta and, throughout May, June, July, and part of August, have made stops in Illinois, Oklahoma, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York. Not only has the geography varied, but so have the track sizes and conditions. The series has made

Article By: Tyler Porter Photos Courtesy of : American Flat Track

stops everywhere, from high-banked clay half-mile ovals to cushion miles and half miles. They even threw in a couple of short track rounds to keep things interesting. Heck, if press time was pushed back a couple of days, we could have covered the legendary

Peoria TT, which is making its return to the series after a year hiatus due to the heavy COVID related restrictions in Illinois last season.

Oh, how the tides have turned since Atlanta! Defending AFT Singles champion Dallas Daniels looked poised to continue his dominant reign for 2021 winning two classes in Atlanta, but Factory Red Bull KTM’s Max Whale has had something to say about that. Since May 1st Max has put on an incredible run, going from 4th in the standings and 17 points out of the lead to second in the standings leaving the New York short track by only 2 points! He even had the points lead by 15 before the New York doubleheader. There have been other drastic swings as well, but none have been more impressive in my eyes than Morgen Mischler. The Wisconsin native is not only the most entertaining person in the pits but the number 13 Mission Foods/Roof Systems of Dallas KTM rider is also one of the most entertaining on the track. Typically the first and sometimes only

rider to go check out the high lines around the race track, Morgen has vaulted himself from 9th in points at the beginning of May to 3rd in points currently. His win in New York on Night 2 was his first since 2018, and guess how he did it? By riding the high line when nearly everyone else “pole-putted” around the bottom. You just have to love how this kid races! Henry Wiles has found some spark

too, with two wins on the year, he still has a trick or two up his leather sleeves to show these youngsters, especially with the Peoria TT on the horizon.

I certainly wouldn’t count Dallas Daniels out yet for repeating his 2020 championship, but Max and company have made things a lot more interesting. While the singles class rarely disappoints fans because of the rough and tumble action, there’s also a long-time series veteran that is quietly steady, unlike his other “classmates.” That rider is Mikey Rush. Mikey has rarely been off the podium all season, but in 2021 he has yet to spray champagne from the top step. Mikey sits in 4th place, which is now 50 points out of the lead, so if Mikey wants to make something happen, he needs to do

it now. Barring any more weather cancellations for the season, we have 6 rounds remaining in the series, so I truly believe anything can happen in this class.

With all of the excitement in the AFT Singles class, one would think we were just ratcheting things up through the column. The Production Twins class field isn’t as deep as the other two, but top-level racers

are on good equipment putting on a show at every event. So far this year, Cory Texter has been back to his dominant ways with 5 wins on the season and sports a commanding 36 point lead on his Yamaha. Daulton Gauthier has one win on the season, which came at Port Royal Speedway at the end of July and Dan Bromley is another 30 points back in 3rd. From 3rd place on back, the points start to tighten up, with Dan Bromley only having 15 points separating him from 7th place. As the season goes on, there’s nothing to say any of these top 7 riders don’t catch fire and really shake the standings up like we are seeing in the Singles class. I also think of this class as the “working man’s class.” There’s not a lot of factorylevel involvement, a lot of these racers have normal jobs just like you and I, and they are just living their dream. I’ll encourage you to do this at these remaining rounds, just get a little louder for these warriors when it’s their time to hit the track.

Of course, I’m saving the best for last; my update through the Super Twins class. To be honest, how in the world can we be surprised by Briar Bauman? Since watching him come up through amateurs, I’ve had a feeling that we were watching a generational talent move through the ranks. There were some hiccups in his early SuperTwins years when he wasn’t on top-level equipment, but since he landed on the seat of an Indian, we have all been watching something special take place. So far this season, he has only been off of the podium twice. Once with a 4th place, his worst finish of the season was during the second round in New York, where he finished 6th. He took his first win at the Chicago half-mile, then reeled off another on the limestone cushion of Lima, Ohio, and another on the clay-packed banks in Pennsylvania.

My favorite surprise of 2021 has been the resurgence of Brandon Robinson. He is one of the most likable people I’ve ever met in the flat track pits, and it’s just awesome to see someone like him doing so well in the series. Last year he ended the season on back-to-back wins while battling injuries so tough that he could barely walk. This season hasn’t been a cakewalk either, as he’s had some tough results at the Atlanta rounds. He’s also shown that he had more heart than just about anyone on the track when he was taken out in Chicago, where he was visibly hurt in a crash, but not only remounted after the red flag but sliced and diced his way to salvage a 4th place finish. How can you NOT cheer for a guy like that?

Another surprise has been Jarod

Vanderkooi. Like Brandon, Jarod spent several seasons on the Vance and Hines Harley Davison XG750’s, trying to get them up to race-winning trim. Now armed with an Indian FTR750, Jarod has put himself on the podium several times this year, and I believe under the right conditions, he could easily reel off a win before this season is dusted. Another rider who is catching a little bit of fire is Brandon Price. The young rider from Maryland treated his hometown fans to a career-best second-place finish at Port Royal speedway. With the season making a few more stops around his stomping ground and armed with the knowledge that he belongs up front, can he put his name in the history books as an AFT Super Twins winner?

I think it would be impossible to wrap up an InSLIDE Line in the pages of Cycle Source without mentioning Jared Mees. You can’t stop the guy; he is a machine! Love him or hate him as much of the AFT fan base does; you can’t doubt his tenacity. Suffering a severe knee injury just before the Atlanta TT, he did everything in his power to salvage some points. His win at the second Oklahoma City Mile served as a reminder that he’s never going to stop being a threat for the win. My only reservations on his season at this point is how his knee is actually doing. During night two in New York, his win says that he is 100% and ready to add to his career stats again. Still, the Peoria TT is arguably the most physically demanding track on the circuit. If he isn’t 100% going into that race, it could spell trouble for the little glimpse of a title hope that he still has. He is currently down 22 points. Jared sure isn’t one to throw in the towel and “ride a season safe” to rebuild for 2022, and with 4 miles making up the last 6 rounds, there’s an excellent chance you’ll see Jared add to that win total before the season concludes in North Carolina. As always, thanks for tuning in and supporting this little corner of flat track within these magazine pages each and every issue. Now, LET’S GO RACING!

Battery Outlet.......................113

BikerNet.com.........................110

Bling’s Cycles.........................91

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Chopper Time.........................79

Cycle Source Gear.................39

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Drag Specialties.......................5

Drag Specialties Seats.............9

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Garage Built Podcast..............91

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High Seas Rally.......................45

Hijinx Apparel.......................101

Hot Leathers.........................109

Kiwi Indian...............................29

Law Tigers................................2

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Lone Star Rally........................27

MC Creations.........................113

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Motion Pro.............................107

No School Choppers..............35

Pandemonium........................20

Paughco.............................19,55

Progressive Insurance...........31

Providence Cycle Worx..........87

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Spectro Oils............................21

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Send Your Gut Buster to: cyclesourcemain@comcast.net

On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, Katie goes straight to her grandparents’ house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asks how her grandfather has died, her grandmother replies, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Katie tells her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex will surely be asking for trouble. “Oh no, my dear. Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. It was nice, slow, and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong.” She pauses, wipes away a tear and then continues, “And if that damned ice cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today!”

Rick

Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a nasty divorce from Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. “I’m sorry Mickey, but I can’t legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane,” said the judge. Mickey replied, “I didn’t say she was mentally insane, I said that she’s f*cking Goofy!” Three people get arrested and are taken into holding for questioning. The officer talks to the first girl, asking, “What’s your name?” She says, “Yo.” The officer asks, “What are you in for?” She responds with, “Blowing bubbles.” The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He asks the second girl, “What’s your name?” She responds with, “Yo Yo.” The officer asks, “What are you in for?” She responds with, “Blowing bubbles.” The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He talks to the guy and says, “Let me guess, your name is Yo Yo Yo.” The guy replies with, “No, it’s Bubbles.” Billy

One weekend, a husband is in the bathroom shaving when the local kid Bubba he hired to mow his lawn, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can’t help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. “Well,” says Bubba, “every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!” The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, “Bubba? Is that you?” A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. “Well sister, this looks pretty grim.” “I know, father.” “In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.” “I agree.” “Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?” “Anything father.” “I have never seen a woman’s breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.” “Well, under the circumstances I don’t see that it would do any harm.” The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty. “Sister would you mind if I touched them?” She consented and he fondled them for several minutes. “Father, could I ask something of you?” “Yes sister?” “I have never seen a man’s penis. Could I see yours?” “I supposed that would be OK,” the priest replied lifting his robe. “Oh father, may I touch it?” This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection. “Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life.” “Is that true father?” “Yes it is, sister.” “Then why don’t you stick it up that camel’s ass and lets get the hell out of here.” Jack

At Christmas this year, Mrs. Jankowitz met the mailman at the door and invited me in for a great breakfast. After mail carrier ate, he thanked her and she said, “There’s more.” She took him to her bedroom and showed him moves he had never imagined. Dumbfounded he told her he had no idea she felt this way. She said, “I don’t.” so he asked, “What was all this about?” She says, “I asked the husband what to give the mailman.” He said, “Screw the mailman. Breakfast was my idea.”

Phil