ON MY MIND
Cardiac attest by Paul Kandarian
Ah, the wonders of modern medicine.
I
got an email bill from my doctor recently about a co-pay I apparently owe for $15. It was for my annual physical, for which I have never been charged a co-pay because they don't ever charge a co-pay for the annual physical. I know this because every year at the reception desk for my physical they say, “No co-pays for annual physicals!” all bright-andsunny-like. So I called the billing number and got someone I could barely hear because her phone was cutting in and out. I’m assuming, like 99.9% of the world, she was working from home even
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though the pandemic is more or less over, living in a place where cellphone connection is as unreliable as the medical billing system. But when I finally understood what she was saying, it seems the co-pay was because, and I quote, "You apparently discussed things outside what is covered in the annual physical." Then it went like this (“Me” is me, and “GICWHPR” is Godless Insurance Company With Horrible Phone Reception): Me: What kind of things does it say we discussed? GICWHPR: Celiac disease, cardiac concerns,
August 2023 | The South Coast Insider
prostate exam, blood work… Me: [stunned] You mean medical issues that doctors and patients tend to talk about in the, you know, annual physical? Because it’s all related to, you know, health and this was the annual physical which is largely about health? I mean, how is that outside what's covered by, oh, let's call it, “the annual physical?” GICWHPR: [silence most telling] Me: [lightening the mood by being funny regarding one of the most ridiculous charges I’ve ever seen] Okay, here's another thing on the bill. It's a $57 charge that was paid
for but it says it was for the “Medicare Annual Depression Screening.” Do you suppose that depression is from the ridiculous billing system in health care? GICWHPR: [silence most telling, but then again, it could be the crappy connection and she is laughing heartily at my joke. Doubtful, but I remain hopeful] Me: Okay, here’s the thing: they paid the $57 but I have no recollection of a depression screening at my annual physical that I apparently have a co-pay for that technically doesn’t exist. GICWHPR: Oh, that