gates hurt feelings as she pilots between the two households. Though she has a younger sibling at each house, her experience of shared custody is one she traverses alone. It breaks Zoe’s heart because she’s been there. As a child, her mother had a series of marriages. Zoe, an only child throughout, came home from camp one summer to a new stepfather. “From the moment I met my husband, I knew what I was bringing into my life,” Zoe says. “A man with a child, there’s an inherent responsibility. In spite of the fact that I didn’t have a good experience myself, I saw this as an opportunity.”
OPT IN
Stepmothers Aren’t Wicked “When it comes to being a stepmom, society typically views the woman entering the picture as an interloper,” says Brenda Ockun, Publisher of Stepmom Magazine, an online resource written predominantly by therapists who understand family dynamics. “In other societies, it takes a village to raise a child. In North America, we expect one person to do it all.” Ockun feels there’s a double standard for stepparents. “Stepmothers are seen as treading on a woman’s turf; stepfathers are seen as heroes who rescue single moms.” It’s confusing for stepparents, who may not know where they stand. Society tells them to love the children as their own, but even seemingly harmless decisions like going to the Little League game or parent-teacher conference have to be measured. Are you having to Opt Out of part of your child’s education? Zoe is careful in how she speaks with her stepdaughter. In the morning, rushing to get everyone ready for school and work, she might be short with Why not Opt In to an education that fosters your child’s innate curiosity and passion for learning? her four-year-old in ways she won’t be with her stepdaughter. Her younger daughter has a confidence in their relationship that seems easily shaken with her stepdaughter, who is now also at the fragile age of 13. Zoe hopes that one Come tour our 7.5 acre school and campus farm in day things will be less polite between them. “There’s no bank for stepparents,” the Village of Rhinebeck and learn about Waldorf Now Enrolling Zoe says. “You’re only as good as the last thing you did, only as loving as the last education and our tuition adjustment program. PreK through expression of love. If anything happens to change that, it’s all wiped away.” Matt 5th Grade feels it’s a matter of learning each other’s language and developing a language www.primrosehillschool.com IT STARTS WITH (845) 876-1226 together. “You have to build the history,” he says. “One of the most important lessons is to follow the children’s lead,” advises INDIVIDUALS CORPORATIONS PRIVATE FOUNDATIONS NONPROFIT ORGANIZATIONS Ockun. “And to understand that, over the years, things can change.” Ockun started the magazine as a new stepmom herself. She knew that blended families face challenges like emotionalWITH adjustments A and financial factors due to child support, alimony, and legal fees, which first families rarely do. A 20-year veteran of corporate marketing, she’d seen trade magazines and websites for just ENVIRONMENT & EDUCATION ARTS & COMMUNITY FAITH about every subject, but she couldn’t find any resources for stepparenting. Yet ANIMAL WELFARE ENTERTAINMENT WELLNESS Ockun feels educating oneself is really important. YTINUM MO C EHunT SEOD Katz writes a column for the magazine and says, “Stepmothers are often EHT FO SNOITADNUOF WHO USE THEIR CASH SECURITIES REAL fairly blamed for the problems in stepfamilies. They shouldn’t KROinvest W YELtoo LAVmuch NOSDUH ASSETS RETIREMENT FUNDS in trying to correct this image because it’s often a waste of time.” Instead, INSURANCE BEQUESTS Katz suggests considering the role of a kindly aunt figure or friend, to ease the HTIW STRATS TI pressure. “Treat your stepchildren as you would anyone else you’re getting to DOESDOES THEDOES COMMUNITY THE THE COMMUNITY COMMUNITY DOES THE COMMUNITY DOES THE COM and support the causes you FOUNDATIONS OFFOUNDATIONS THE know. Some relationships will TO grow and develop into something really intimate FOUNDATIONS FOUNDATIONS OF THE OF THE OF THE FOUNDATIONS A HVALLEY TIW WORK HUDSON VALLEY WORK care about most! HUDSON HUDSON VALLEY WORK and lovely; and some just might not.” HUDSON VALLEYFULFILL WORK FROM THE ENDOWMENTS THEIR HUDSON VALL TO THE CAUSES CHARITABLE PASSIONS THROUGH Children of blended families are in a loyalty bind. If they like or accept ENDOWED FUNDS YOU CARE ABOUT MOST DOES THE COMMUNITY a stepparent, they might feel that they’re being unfaithful, unless they’ve reIT STARTS FOUNDATIONS OF THE IT WITH STARTS IT STARTS WITH WITH RIEHT ESU OHW LAER SEITIRUCIT ESSTARTS HSAC IT STARTS WITH WITH ceived both verbal and nonverbal permissionUNRESTRICTED from to SDNthe UF TNbiological EMERITER STEparent SSA HUDSON VALLEY WORK ALL ARE GOVERNED BY AN AGREEMENT DONOR ADVISED SEUQEB ECNARUSNI Individuals Corporations Private build that relationship. As kidsENDOWED get older, loyalties mightSTchange. That constant BETWEEN THE COMMUNITY DONOR DESIGNATED AGENCY Foundations CORPORATIONS INDIVIDUALS CORPORATIONS PRIVATE FOUNDATI INDIVIDUALS PRIVATE FOUNDATIONS NONPROFIT ORGANIZATIONS DOES THE COMMUNITY SCHOLARSHIP OTYOUR state of flux often catches stepmoms and that’s GRANTS TO CHARITABLEDOES THE C SCHOLARSHIPS FUNDS: off guard, SNOITwhy UBIROckun TSID feels WATCH CHARITABLE FOR ORGANIZATIONS STUDENTS CHARITABLE REMAINDER TRUSTS INVESTMENT CASH FOUNDATIO FOUNDATIONS OF THE AofWITH letting the stepchild determine the intimacyWITH level the relationship is helpful. AWITH A STOCK SDNUF DEWODNE IT STARTS WITH MARKETABLE ASSETS WITH A HUDSON VALLEY WORK HUDSON VA WITH A From reading the magazine she publishes, Ockun has learned that one of the RETIREMENT FUNDS LLA HELPS DONORS ACHIEVE THEIR CHARITABLEINSURANCE GOALS D E W O D N E PROVIDESINDIVIDUALS QUARTERLY REPORTS ON FUND ACTIVITY CORPORATIONS PRIVATE FOUNDATIONS NONPROFIT BEQUESTS greatest gifts a stepparent can COMMUNITY give to a stepchild is one-on-one time with their :SDNUF ENVIRONMENT & EDUCATION ARTS & ENVIRONMENT EDUCATION ARTS & COMMUNITY CHARITABLE TRUSTS & Health & EducationFAITH ASSISTS DONORS WITH GIVING COMPLEX GIFTS OFFERS EXPERTISE ON COMMUNITY NEEDS ANIMAL WELFARE ENTERTAINMENT ANIMAL WELFARE ENTERTAINMENT WELLNESS Human Services biological parent. Blended families can fall into the trap of wanting everyone FOUNDATION ITYSTARTS WITH ITUSE STARTS WHO USE THEIR WHO USE WHO THEIR THEIR WITH CASH SECURITIES SECURITIES REAL REAL DONNOR WISHES IN PERPETUITY TISECURITIES NCASH UPRESERVES MMOCASH C REAL WITH A to be one big, happy family, and so they plan a lot of group outings. “But just STAFF ASSETS RETIREMENT FUNDS ASSETS RETIREMENT FUNDS FUNDS N OITA DNUOASSETS FRETIREMENT WHO USE THEIR WHO USE THEIR CASH CASH SECURITIES REAL F F A T S TO YOUR FUND ANDINSURANCE BEQUESTS INSURANCE INSURANCE BEQUESTS BEQUESTS as you would in a nuclear family, sometimes kids want alone time with Mom CORPORATIONS PRIVATE CORPORATIONS PRIVATE FOUNDATIONS NONPROFIT ORGANIZATIONS ASSEFO ASSETS INDIVIDUALS RETIREMENT FUNDS RECEIVE AINDIVIDUALS TAX DEDUCTION NOW ENVIRONMENT & EDUCATION ARTS&& COMMUNITY Community Arts INSU INSURANCE BEQUESTS or Dad,” Ockun says. She says stepparents can gain a greater sense of inclusion ANIMAL WELFARE WELLNESS Improvement ENTERTAINMENT Culture TO TO TO DISTRIBUTIONS DISTRIBUTIONS DISTRIBUTIONS when the stepchildren see that they get it, that they want a close WITH A THE ENDOWMENTS WITHrelationship A FROM THE ENDOWMENTS FULFILL THEIR FROM FROM THE ENDOWMENTS FULFILL THEIR FULFILL THEIR WHO USE THEIR TO CHARITABLE PASSIONS THROUGH TO FUNDS CHARITABLE CHARITABLE PASSIONS THROUGH PASSIONS THROUGH DIS DISTRIBUTIONSCASH SECURITIES between the children and the biological parent, too.ENDOWED ENDOWED FUNDS ENDOWED FUNDS FROM TH FROM THE ENDOWMENTS FULFILL THEIR ASSETS RETIREME Let us help you achieve CHARITA ENVIRONMENT & EDUCATION ARTS & For the Dunns, that means daddy-daughter time onUNRESTRICTED the weekends, and an CHARITABLE PASSIONS THROUGH ENVIRONMENT & EDUCATION ARTS & COMMUNITY FAITH Environment & Faith INSURANCEENTERTAIN BEQU ENDOWED FUNDSENTERTAINMENT ENDOWED UNRESTRICTED UNRESTRICTED FUNDS ANIMAL ANIMAL WELFARE WELLNESS Animal WELFARE Welfare ALL ALL DONOR ALL ADVISED ARE GOVERNED BY AN AGREEMENT ARE GOVERNED ARE GOVERNED BY AN AGREEMENT BY AN AGREEMENT your philanthropic dreams. DONOR ADVISED DONOR ADVISED annual girls’ trip with Zoe to NewYork City.ENDOWED “It’s really nice to have both sets of COMMUNITY THE BETWEEN COMMUNITY THE COMMUNITY DONOR DESIGNATED AGENCY ENDOWED ENDOWED DONOR DESIGNATED DONOR DESIGNATED AGENCYBETWEEN AGENCYTHEBETWEEN UNRESTRICTED SCHOLARSHIP SCHOLARSHIP UNRESTRICTED FUNDS: FUNDS: SCHOLARSHIP ALLARE GOVERNED ALLUSE ARE GOVERNED BY AN AGREEMENT BY AN AGREEMENT WHO USE THEIR parents involved in my older daughter’s life,”FUNDS: Matt says. “Often you hear about WHO THEIR before December 31 SECURITIES DONOR ADVISED CHARITABLE REMAINDER TRUSTS DONOR ADVISED CHARITABLE CHARITABLE REMAINDER REMAINDER TRUSTS TRUSTSCall TO 845.452.3077 CASH REAL DISTRIBUTIOC BETWEEN THE COMMUNITY BETWEEN THE COMMUNITY ENDOWED DONOR DESIGNATED AGENCY ENDOWED DONOR DESIGNATED AGENCY ASSETS RETIREMENT FUNDS FROM THE ENDOWMENTS FULFILA tax deduction. one parent being more involved than another. We have her 50 percent SCHOLARSHIP SCHOLARSHIP to maximize your GRANTS TO CHARITABLE SCHOLA SCHOLARSHIPS FOR FUNDS:year-end FUNDS: of the CHARITABLE PASSIONS THROUGH ORGANIZATIONS STUD HELPS DONORS ACHIEVE THEIR CHARITABLE GOALS PROVIDES QUARTERLY ON FUND ACTIVITY CHARITABLE REMAINDER TRUSTS I HELPS DONORS HELPS ACHIEVE DONORS THEIR ACHIEVE CHARITABLE THEIR CHARITABLE GOALS GOALS CHARITABLE REMAINDER TRUSTS PROVIDESREPORTS PROVIDES QUARTERLY QUARTERLY REPORTS ON REPORTS FUND ACTIVITY ONSTUDENTS FUND ACTIVITY INSURANCE BEQUESTS ENDOWED FUNDS COMMUNITY COMMUNITY COMMUNITY time, and she’s richer because of it. The experience we offer her ASSISTS and the expeDONORS WITH GIVING COMPLEX GIFTS ONEXPERTISE COMMUNITY NEEDSON COMMUNITY ASSISTS DONORS ASSISTSWITH DONORS GIVING WITH COMPLEX GIVING COMPLEX GIFTS OFFERS GIFTS EXPERTISE OFFERS OFFERS EXPERTISE ON COMMUNITY NEEDS NEEDS CommunityFoundationsHV.org FOUNDATION FOUNDATION FOUNDATION PRESERVES DONNOR WISHES IN PERPETUITY PRESERVES PRESERVES DONNOR WISHES DONNOR INWISHES PERPETUITY IN PERPETUITY UNRESTRICTED rience she has at her other house, it makes her a richer, well-loved person.” HELPS DONORS ACHIEVE THEIR CHARITABLE PROVIDES QUAR HELPS THEIR CHARITABLE GOALS STAFF PROVIDES QUARTERLY ON FUNDGOALS ACTIVITY STAFF STAFF ALL DONORS ACHIEVE ARE GOVERNED BY AN REPORTS AGREEMENT COMMUNITY DONOR ADVISED TO TO COMMUNITY D DISTRIBUTIONS ASSISTS DONORS GIVING COMPLEX GIFTS BETWEEN THEWITH COMMUNITY OFFERS EXPERTI ASSISTS DONORS WITH GIVING COMPLEX GIFTS OFFERS EXPERTISE ON COMMUNITY NEEDS ENDOWED DONOR DESIGNATED AGENCY FOUNDATION FOUNDATION FROM THE ENDOWMENTS FULFILL THEIR SCHOLARSHIP GRANTS SCHOLARSHIPSPRESERVES FOR FUNDS: DON PRESERVES DONNOR WISHES IN PERPETUITY CHARITABLE PASSIONS THROUGH STAFF ORG STAFF FUNDS STUDENTS CHARITABLE REMAINDER TRUSTS ENDOWED FUNDS ENDOWED 11/16 ChronograM kids & Family 37
DOES THE COMMUNITY FOUNDATIONS OF THE HUDSON VALLEY WORK
DONORS PASSION
Create Your Donor Advised Fund With Us
GIFTS
CREATE SNOITAZINAGRO TIFORPNON
HTIAF
SNOITADNUOF ETAVIRP
YTINUMMOC SSENLLEW
SNOITAROPROC
& STRA TNEMNIATRETNE
NOITACUDE
SRONOD
SLAUDIVIDNI
DISTRIBUTIONS
& TNEMNORIVNE ERAFLEW LAMINA
NOISSAP
GRANT
$
STFIG DONORS DONORS DONORS DONORS DONORS ETAERC GROW PASSION PASSION PASSION DONORS PASSION PASSION
INDIVIDUALS INDIVIDUALS CORPORATIONS PRIVATE FOUNDATIONS NONPROFIT ORGANIZATIONS INDIVIDUALS CORPORATIONS CORPORATIONS PRIVATE FOUNDATIONS PRIVATE FOUNDATIONS NONPROFITNONPROFIT ORGANIZATIONS ORGANIZATIONS
RIEHT LLIFLUF STNEMWODNE EHT MORF HGUORHT SNOISSAP ELBATIRAHC
DETCIRTSERNU DESIVDA RONOD
TNEMEERGA NA YB DENREVOG ERA
ELBATIRAH C OT STNARG SNOITA ZINAGRO
ROF SPIHSRA LOH CS STNEDUTS
ENVIRONMENT & ARTS FAITH & EDUCATION EDUCATION ARTS & COMMUNITY COMMUNITY YTENVIRONMENT INUMMOC EHENVIRONMENT T EDUCATION NE&EWTEB YCNEGA DETAN&GISED RONARTS OD &COMMUNITY ANIMAL WELFARE ENTERTAINMENT WELLNESS ANIMAL WELFARE ANIMAL WELFARE ENTERTAINMENT ENTERTAINMENT WELLNESS WELLNESS PIHSR ALOHCS
FAITH
FAITH
STSURT REDNIAMER ELBATIRAHC
GIVE DONORS GIFTS GIFTS GIFTS DONORS GIFTS GIFTS PASSION YTIVITCA DNUF NO STROPER YLRETRAUQ SEDIVORP
SLAOG ELBATIRAHC RIEHT EVEIHCA SRONOD SPLEH
SDEEN YTINUMMOC NO ESITREPXE SREFFO
STFIG XELPMOC GNIVIG HTIW SRONOD STSISSA
YTIUTEPREP NI SEHSIW RONNOD SEVRESERP
CREATE CREATE CREATE
CREATEGIFTSCREATE PASSION PASSION GIFTS GIFTS CREATE
GRANTS SCHOLARSHIPSSCHOLARSHIPS FOR GRANTS CHARITABLE TO CHARITABLE SCHOLARSHIPS FORTO CHARITABLE FOR TO GRANTS STUDENTS ORGANIZATIONS STUDENTSORGANIZATIONS STUDENTS ORGANIZATIONS
CREATE
ALL
UNRESTRICTED DONOR ADVISED
CREATE UNRESTRICTED
DONORS ACHIEVE THEIR CHARITABLE GOALS ALL BYHELPS ARE GOVERNED AN AGREEMENT COMMUNITY DONOR ADVISED
PROVIDES REPORTS ON FU ARE GOVERNED BYQUARTERLY AN AGREEMENT