The Female Voice

THE FEMALE VOICE BE KIND, BE BRAVE, GO ON ADVENTURES WORDS FROM WOMEN TO GIRLS

FIND YOUR VOICE

BECAUSE WHAT YOU SAY IS WORTH HEARING

Build a healthy relationship

with yourself and the people around you

GIRLS & WOMEN

ON THE IMPORTANCE OF FEMINISM

Meet the traindriver, footballer, director, writer...

Women who can and women who are

Stories!

Poetry!

Interviews!

Articles!

Every reason to be proud of being a woman

Welcome to The Female Voice, the magazine written by women and girls, for women and girls.

What is it all about you might ask?

Well, The Female Voice started as a podcast project during lockdown. A group of girls came together over Zoom to interview women about the female experience.

Conversations included stereotyping, body image, periods, female leadership, and the sisterhood. Some pretty consistent themes emerged around gender stereotypes, body image, and the media.

So, we decided to make a magazine that celebrated girls and women for International Day of the Girl. We wanted to make a magazine full of different girls’ and women’s voices. We wanted to celebrate the achievements of girls and women, highlighting the fact that the girls of today are and will be the leaders and change makers of the future.

The magazine features interviews with a range of women in all sorts of roles. Some are from The Female Voice podcasts and are marked with (symbol e.g. gender equality sign) so you can visit our website and listen to the conversations. Others are from girls and women wanting to champion a different sort of representation of women in the media.

It’s been a pleasure and a privilege to make it.

In the wise words of Michelle Obama, “When women and girls rise, their communities and countries rise with them.”

Happy International Girls Day! From everyone at Bounce Theatre The Female Voice Team: Louise Bathurst Ines Huet Rebekah Penney Alice Wilson Supported by: Andrew Demetrius Harriet Ditmore Lily Einhorn Louise Pendry Lauren Purser Dan Ramsden

In these pages you will find information on healthy relationships, periods, speaking up, female role models and lots more. But let’s start at the very beginning.

Feminism. What is it? Is it relevant to me?

Do we still need it?

There is a huge number of working definitions of feminism across time periods and cultures. In essence, it is the belief that people should have political, social, and economic equality regardless of their sex.

It does not say that women are ‘better’ than men, that feminists do not like men, or that they think all men are evil. In fact, feminism has a lot more to say about women, all women: trans, disabled, ethnically diverse.

Ask yourself a few questions: • Do I think it’s ok that last year there was a 17.3% gender pay gap in in the UK?* • Do I think its ok that on average women were paid 83p for every £1 men were paid?* • Do I think women should have the same opportunities as men?

• Do I think men and women should share childcare responsibilities and it be valued as an important role in society?

• Do I think girls should have the opportunity to receive the same education and study the same subjects as boys?

If the answer to these questions is yes, then you are a feminist. Unfortunately, there are still huge amounts of inequality in our society. Men make up the majority of CEOs and scientists, female sports professionals generally earn less than men and their sports are televised less often, and women make up the majority of (low paid or unpaid) carers in the UK. Feminism is about equality and it is about kindness - because it is an unkind society which restricts opportunities for someone based purely on their sex. And it doesn’t do boys any good, either. ‘Boys shouldn’t cry’. ‘Be a real man’. ‘Boys have to be tough’.

‘Nursing is a woman’s job’. None of these attitudes are helping men and boys be any happier. They are also restricting their options in life based on sex. So feminism benefits us all.

Are you a feminist? Yes, you are! * https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/how-muchless-were-women-paid-in-2019/

Louise (age 16) and Alice (age 14) led The Female Voice podcast team during lockdown with Bounce Theatre. Lily caught up with them for a conversation on feminism, advice for other girls, and what doing the podcasts has taught them.

So, what does feminism mean to you?

Making

The Female Voice

can form insecurities as they can’t open up about things.

Louise: I get the chance to speak to younger boys. I explain to them it’s ok to have emotions and cry. I run Police Academy Juniors, there are a lot of boys and I tell them it’s alright, you don’t have to be manly all the time you can show emotions and let them out.

a woman… They cover the curriculum. They could cover stereotyping, what What makes you hopeful? women have to face, female leadership, females who have Louise: If there were more gone on to do great things, clubs and events like Police do typically ‘male’ jobs. They Cadets - it’s such a good should teach boys to respect experience for people. The girls, and to understand police are known as a ‘man’s that boys matter as well and job’ but cadets are equal and they should feel safe and they build up a community respected. where people respect each other. These clubs and What makes you angry? communities give an insight into how things should be.

Alice: I get angry when Alice: in simple terms it We need more clubs to open people say things which means equality for everyone. up. are clearly sexist and I get Gender equality and women’s annoyed with myself that rights. That covers not Alice: In my school we can when I’m angry I can’t form a just rights but equity and start clubs and societies and proper sentence or argue my stereotypes. we have Feminist Society. point. It’s fine if they say they We have open discussions, didn’t realise, but if they just What advice would you give to people can do a presentation, are ignorant… younger girls which you wish everyone is supportive of you had had? one another, but it should be Louise: When someone in normal lessons, the only says you can’t do something Louise: If you have people going are already because you’re a girl, it’s just something you want to do in feminists. sexist and rude. If a boy can the future, just go for it. Be do it then a girl can do it too. What did you take away from out there, or be shy. As long doing the podcasts? as you’re happy, as long as Alice: Even in primary school you’re not harming anyone they’d say, ‘We need some else, go for it.

Alice: It’s nice to have a big strong boys to lift up this space where we could all table,’ we are 8 years old!

Alice: Stand up for yourself. talk about things openly and We’re all the same. It’s telling Going into a new school can there weren’t people bashing people boys should all be be overwhelming and girls’ against your views. strong. voices can get shut down in classrooms. Do what Louise: Same, nice to hear Louise: It’s mentally scarring you enjoy and follow your other peoples’ points of for kids, people say things to passions. Even if teachers view and gave me more of kids, it gets engraved in their aren’t actively thinking it, an insight into what girls do brain and they grow up with they show biases, they often face, it’s not just a story, it’s it. look to the boys in science, real life. they might not realise: they Alice: Telling boys they have need to catch themselves.

Alice: It’s definitely made to be strong is so damaging. me think about it more.

Not just physically but Louise: School doesn’t really It’s always good to do your mentally - it’s so difficult as it cover stereotypes or being research!

Louise: Supporting other women, smashing stereotypes, and trying to overcome struggles. People are always telling girls that they can’t do things when they can. The more people say it about women, they start to believe it. If someone says, ‘This is a man’s job’ over and over they’ll start believing it and in the end, they won’t do it.

Words by Lily Einhorn

Becci French Train Driver

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STIONS E S U E T Q IN 5 MI NU

STIONS E S U E T Q IN 5 MI N U Maz Pacheco Professional Footballer, West Ham United (Left Back)

Are you a feminist?

Yes, I am most definitely a feminist.

Are you a feminist?

What piece of advice would you give yourself aged 14/15?

Yes, of course. I think we should all be fighting for equality and to have equal rights. It’s an ongoing fight and, to be honest, it’s one of those things that shouldn’t be an issue, but is, and is going to take all of us to achieve true equality.

I would have advised the 14/15 year old me to be a bit kinder to herself, to not follow the crowd and to own her own opinions and not be afraid to voice them. I would tell her that there is no rush to grow up and to find something that really, truly interests her as a job. I’d also tell her not to be embarrassed by her love of reading... It will stand her in good stead.

Who is your female role model?

My female role model is currently Kamala Harris, the Democrat nominee for Vice President of the USA. She’s super smart, a great debater, anti-Trump, and she wears Chuck Taylors [Converse trainers] with her suits... She’s amazing!

When have you felt most confident?

I feel confident when I arrive safely at London, Waterloo with a twelve-car train and all the people I’ve bought with me along the way from Portsmouth. I love the double takes when people realise they had a female driver. I drove my first train on my 50th birthday which was brilliant. You are never too old!

Can you name something you are really proud of?

I’m really proud of raising four children, mostly which I did on my own as a single mum. I have a teacher, social worker, office manager, and one off to uni. They are kind, peaceful, respectful, and decent people.

Compiled by Lily Einhorn.

What piece of advice would you give yourself aged 14/15?

I would say to keep working hard. For me personally, I made my senior football debut for Liverpool at 15 years old which, looking back, was such a young age. But I think you can achieve anything you want if you set your mind to it and work as hard as you can.

Who is your female role model?

I have a couple. I would name Jessica Ennis, Serena Williams and, in football, Fara Williams. I was always a fan of Fara and looked up to her. I got to play alongside her at Reading as well, which was amazing.

Those three athletes are my top role models because of how determined they were and how they wrote their own success.

When have you felt most confident?

I feel at my most confident when playing football, but I also feel confident in the classroom. I recently completed a Law degree and I would definitely back myself in education. I like getting things right and trying to be the top of the class. No matter if I’m in sport, or education, I want to be the best I can be.

Can you name something you are really proud of?

I’m really proud of getting my law degree and I’m also really proud of playing for the England U20s too. I’m also proud of signing for West Ham United, so they’re my top three.

Compiled by Lily Einhorn

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INTERVIE W An interview with Sian Faith Lyle, Year 10, aged 14 on equal opportunities, Disney, and well thought out life plans.

What does feminism mean to you?

It’s equal rights with men. Why is it normalised when a woman cries but not when a man cries?

Why can’t we both do the same things and it be ok? We need the same level of respect.

There are a lot of words for strong women.

Bossy, domineering, overbearing… They are words which conjure up a picture of a woman as demanding and unreasonable, rather than claiming the space they should quite rightly take up. These words aren’t generally used for men. Men are straighttalking go getters. Women: not so much.

So how do you become a strong woman at home, at school, and in the workplace? How do you voice your opinion without being called a ‘bossy boots’? Well, you can’t always.

What you can do is learn not to apologise for your own opinions. To speak up, and not allow other people’s ideas of what a woman or girl should sound like dominate you.

So here are some Top Tips for speaking up and speaking out.

Apologising. ‘Sorry, but…’ Are you sorry?

Or is someone else wrong? Are you using ‘sorry’ to tell people that you are in the room? Try one of these instead, ‘I have to disagree with you there’; ‘May I offer another point of view?’; ‘I’m going to interject.’

Does that make sense? I don’t know. Does it?

This is a verbal tic that a lot of us use when we finish speaking. If you are really unsure, by all means use it. But if you want to make sure you have been heard, without suggesting that you were unclear, you could try ‘Is there

anything else I need to explain’ ‘Does anyone need any more information?’

I can’t hear you. Some women are more softly spoken than some men. Take a deep breath and project. You know you have something to say. If you say it too softly or too fast, no one else will. Practice in front of the mirror (preferably when no one else is watching!)

Conflict. Standing up for yourself can be tough, and it is easy to feel muddled when trying to call out something you didn’t like.

Use BIFF. Behaviour, Impact, Feelings, Future.

‘When you spoke over Fatima in class, she shut down. It made me feel really sad she hadn’t had the chance to share her opinion How could you make sure that doesn’t happen in future?’ Have a go.

Body language. 93% of communication between people is non-verbal. This makes body language really important for being heard. Stand up tall, don’t fidget or fiddle, speak slowly. And if you don’t feel it yet, cheat. Research suggests that if you strike a pose with your body, your brain will catch up.

Look powerful: feel powerful.

What you have to say is worth hearing. There are a lot of words for strong women. Make one of them you.

Words by Lily Einhorn

What advice would you give to younger girls that you wish had been given to you?

If you’re faced with an issue don’t fight fire with fire. Especially over small petty situations which don’t deserve your time. You don’t always need drama. Better to move on and ignore it, that’s one of the smartest things you can do. I think girls can be portrayed as very dramatic, I’d like to see them portrayed doing their own thing: ‘You do you.’ You need not to care too much what other people think of you, standing up for yourself, knowing your worth. I try not to care what others think - people call me childish as I am a fan of Disney, I’m still going to love it. Always know your self-worth and give yourself enough appreciation.

I’ve planned my life out fully.

I’m going to get a good score in my drama GCSE. Then get into a really good university, fly to America and make films. Then I meet a producer at Disney, and I’m hired for a six digit salary, I buy a lovely house with a Disney staircase, a Mercedes Benz

GLC Coupe and Range Rover.

The other one is my sport life plan. I do athletics and football so I’d become the world’s best female footballer!

I think the only thing that could possibly stand in my way is myself. If I put my mind to it I can achieve my dreams.

It doesn’t matter what other people think. I will not let any haters get in my way.

What makes you angry?

Trump is one. Oh Lord. He tickles my nerves quite a lot. How he speaks about females is disgusting to say the least. He doesn’t deserve the platform that he has.

Or when males act as if they are better than females.

That’s what happened in my last primary school. One boy always said girls couldn’t do what boys can do. I wanted

to prove him wrong. Some girls made fun of me because I liked to play football. But [the boys] wouldn’t always pass me the ball so it was a struggle on both sides.

Teachers should make it fair – it should be normalised that girls can play ‘boys’ sports.’

I don’t want to be treated differently just because I’m a girl. Another thing I don’t like when females are called things by boys: cat calling. It’s not nice and not funny and disrespectful.

What makes you hopeful?

When I see more people spreading awareness of what feminism is: that inequality is not ok and not nice and should not be happening.

I believe it will get better over time.

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Katie Bowden coach, HR consultant and mum joins TFV podcast team for a conversation about female leadership.

Alice Williams Firefighter

What piece of advice would you give yourself aged 14?

I’d absolutely hammer into myself that seeing other women succeeding doesn’t make me any less successful. I’ve spent so much of my life comparing, competing, and putting myself down just because I wasn’t matching up to everyone else’s standards, but since growing up and realising that there is enough room for all women to be whole without diminishing yourself I have surrounded myself with the strongest, most powerful, most inspirational women I have had the pleasure of meeting. Women succeeding is something I celebrate every single day, and I couldn’t be prouder of every woman in my life. I’d also tell myself to spend less time thinking about what others think, because honestly, no-one has noticed that you had a fat arm in that one picture from 2018.

owning yourself and how to stand up for what you believe, without putting anyone else down. I think I accidentally quote Florence every day because I can’t help but feel completely seen by every word she writes. Also, her Instagram is KILLER and lifts me up every time she posts.

When have you felt most confident?

I have always had a massive issue with my confidence, and it’s something I’m working hard to overcome, but lately I’ve started feeling so much more confident in seeing my own value, without feeling the need to demonstrate it constantly to people who I know couldn’t care less. I’m having trouble thinking of a time when I’ve felt most confident, which probably says a lot about how I view myself, but I guess I’d say the day I was officially signed off to drive a fire engine. Not only did it feel outrageously cool, it was just the last thing I ever expected myself to do, and honestly, it made me think: ‘I can drive a bloody fire engine, what *can’t* I do?’ Y’know?

Compiled by Lily Einhorn

Ines: Did you have any difficulties that you had to overcome?

Katie: Things that I’ve observed by working with other senior female leaders is when women try and display male qualities.

Something that I would really implore all of you to do is to embrace being a woman because we really rock and we need to build on that confidence and use those qualities in leadership to influence the world.

Louise: Have you ever been treated differently because you’re a female leader?

Katie: I don’t know if you’ve ever heard the expression, ‘Oh she’s trying to have it all,’ you know women who are trying to work and have a family… That’s put on us by society because they’re like well no this is your place as a woman, and

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I believe there’s no such thing as having it all. There’s [nothing] about successful leadership which doesn’t mean that you can’t get home and put your kids to bed and can’t read them a bedtime story, in fact far from it.

Katie: Yeah, absolutely.

Alice: Instead of female leaders fitting into male leaders’ [shoes] and trying to act more masculine, they should just embrace the femininity and know that that is just as strong.

Katie: Yes, you wouldn’t see Jacinda Ardern doing push ups to prove her masculine strength or to show how physically fit she is like Boris Johnson felt the need to do, would you!?

Edited by Lily Einhorn

Ines: What advice would you give to encourage young women to be brave?

Katie: Seek out your female mentors, fill your world with positive people; challenge, ask questions and give your opinion. You have an opinion, you have a voice: say what you’re thinking and feeling, coupled with listening… I really believe that femininity is an amazing quality.

Alice: Yeah, cos otherwise you’re just going against your whole point: if you’re showing that females are strong but only strong if they’re masculine.

Katie: It’s a bit like trying to live in something that isn’t you.

Alice: Representation is really important because then people have someone

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Can you name something you are really proud of?

I guess work is the obvious answer here; I applied and worked my ass off to get into a job that was so far out of my comfort zone, and not only did I get in, but I consistently surprised myself and surpassed my own expectations at every turn. I struggle massively with imposter syndrome, and so often have had to sit myself down and force myself to look at how far I’ve come and the woman I’ve grown up to be, and she is so much more than I ever expected for myself, and so much more than I think people expect when they meet me. I’ve always been the kind of person to go for what I want, even if it scares the hell out of me, and that makes me really, really proud every time I do it.

Katie: I was a deputy director of HR and organisational development and I did that for about 15 years and then I took a massive leap of faith and started a coaching business. I coach a number of different people through lots of different issues. I am particularly interested in coaching women, who are going back to work after having children and are having a crisis of confidence and trying to work through what it’s like being a female leader.

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they look up to and if they see a female leader being powerful and making a difference, they can go, ‘oh I can be like her’.

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Who is your female role model?

Is it clichéd to say my mum? That’s my gut reaction, as she is quite simply the most incredible woman in the world. (I know everyone says that about their mum, but honestly, it’s actually true). If it could be someone fictional, then Elle Woods for SURE, but if not either of those then I’ve been massively inspired by Florence Given lately. She’s an illustrator, author and queer feminist icon, recently written an unbelievable book, Women Don’t Owe You Pretty, which I wish I could go back 10 years and hit myself with. It has taught me so much about gender, sexuality, confidence,

Alice: Katie, would you like to introduce yourself ?

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Are you a feminist?

Absolutely; to me, if a person isn’t a feminist then they either simply don’t understand feminism or they are actively not a person I want to associate with. I’m hugely feminist, however I’ve actually only really educated myself on and become proud of being so in the past seven or eight years; before that I think I did what so many people are guilty of doing, and assumed it meant putting one gender ahead of the others, but I took the time to learn and figure out what it really meant and now I will not shut up about it! If more people admitted they were wrong and educated themselves in that way then we would be taking so many more huge steps towards true equality, for all the genders.

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In conversation with Olivia Boult

Actually, I think it’s so important to have a wider life view. I left Ed’s office because it was too much politics. I don’t want to be an MP. I work at a record shop as my day job. It’s the happiest I’ve ever been. I’ve come to see why most councillors are a bit older as they can dedicate the amount of time it needs. It’s a lot, I do my full-time job then can have a council meeting 7.30pm10pm.

Two years into a four-year term as a Liberal Democrat Councillor for Kingston, and Deputy Mayor of Kingston 2018-2019, Councillor Olivia Boult spoke to The Female Voice about resilience, being fulfilled, and female leadership.

Olivia, we are going to dive straight in: what does feminism mean to you?

It’s important for women to feel they can go for any job and have equal opportunities and not be discriminated against because they’re not men. Some women have negative experiences in certain industries.

Feminism should be about supporting women whoever they are and where they are from.

Do you get paid?

You get an allowance.

Is there an issue then, with who can afford to do it?

I think there is, it’s not enough to live on. You need to be dedicated to it.

All the young councillors have other full-time jobs.

Have you ever felt that discrimination?

When I was Deputy Mayor. You have an ‘escort’, so my boyfriend at the time would be with me at events and people would come up to him and great him as if he was the Deputy Mayor! The Mayor at the time was a lovely guy from Sri Lanka, Thay Thayalan. I am not from there, but because we have a similar skin tone, at one event a woman quite high up said ‘Oh, you only got this role because the Mayor is your dad.’

So a real intersection of racism and misogyny?

Yeah you have to laugh it off.

Given, then, that you didn’t become Deputy Mayor because the Mayor was your dad, how did it happen?

You have to get elected as a councillor first, which involves you having to campaign for months and months - years - before. Thay Thayalan had been a councillor for years.

The leader of the council elects the Mayor and Mayor elects the Deputy.

How did you get into politics?

My mum has always been very involved. I started helping out on general election days – a lot of data entry. Then after I graduated, I got a job as a case worker for Ed Davey

Would you recommend studying politics, then?

You must lose so many talented people?

[Lib Dem MP] which was really eye-opening: very out of my comfort zone, I’d been interning in social media and fashion. They then suggested I stand for council. Case work is a lot, it’s heavy, it’s about doing the best for people who need your help. It’s frustrating and upsetting and rewarding. You know you are doing good but you don’t win all the time, so you have to be prepared for that, and prepared to fight your corner.

So you need resilience?

Yes. It takes time, you can be working on the same case for months. It’s everything from someone just trying to contact someone else, to homelessness, to refugee status. I did drama at university: I didn’t feel qualified for that.

Yeah, even campaigning we are out in the rain, snow, sun: canvassing. You have to do it and put yourself out there which is a really scary thing. I have had scary moments where people have invited me in and it’s felt uncomfortable. If I was a six-foot man they might not have done that.

What would your advice be to a young woman interested in being a councillor?

I wish people had been transparent about the amount of work it is. Know that it’s a lot of reading and research but also know that you are trying your best to do something good. You’ll never please everybody, just try your best to be fair and do the best you can, it sounds really clichéd but it’s important to hold onto. And remember why you want to stand. I was interested in mental health. It’s easy to lose sight of that when you get caught up in the day to day.

Would you change anything?

I’m glad I did it. Being Deputy Mayor was the best year of my life, I learned so much.

It’s probably not what I want to do forever, though some people do take that path. It’s important we have young people become councillors as it’s easy to become set in your ways. In fact, we need more young female everything! I keep looking at the PM of New Zealand. She is so cool and she’s done it all with a baby on her front!

What do you think women like Jacinda Ardern [PM of New Zealand] can bring to leadership roles?

I think they are fair, they listen well (which is not to say that men can’t, I know incredible men), they are supportive, they have a strong sense of empathy, these are important qualities. And then when they are allowed to be, they are strong and assertive as well. Young women need to own what they’re good at. People are worried about being ‘big-headed’ if they do that, or they love what they look like. I knew I was good at writing. And trust the process, you are where you need to be.

I interned in East London, I didn’t do work experience for the PM, and now I sell records and I’m a councillor!

Edited by Lily Einhorn

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Dear Harriet, Funny to think everyone called you Harriet back then, you always wanted someone to give you a nickname but eventually will decide to claim your own. I’m writing to tell you I know you are struggling and that it’s okay. Even though not all of the friends around you will understand your anxiety and depression, how you feel is really, truly normal, and actually super common. I’m not saying how you feel isn’t important, just that you aren’t alone. Probably a lot of your friends are struggling with similar challenges, but they keep their feelings locked up, and do you know what? That’s just their way of coping.

In the last 15 years or so, I’ve discovered how differently we all manage our anxieties, and how some of the most brilliant people I look up to the most, are those who have been struggling with their mental health for the longest. The honest truth is, it hasn’t gone away, I still have my demons which I fight on a regular basis, but the good days always come eventually.

I’ve found little ways of helping myself to remember this, do you remember those gold sticky stars that teachers used to give us in primary school? I bought a packet of those, and for a few months, every time something good happened I put a gold star in my diary to remind myself. I know it sounds a bit silly, but it wasn’t to reward myself. It was so that when I was having a really hard day, I could look back at the week in my diary and see that good things did happen, and that I can be happy.

I also know you’ve had some bad friendships, and some bullying at school, and I want to tell you that you are coping super well with it. It may not feel like it, but you are. It’s important to give yourself credit for the little things that you do everyday, getting up and going to school and facing those people who look down on you is only possible because you are strong and brave. You are a star. Try not to spend time holding onto friendships and relationships that make you feel sad, or bad about yourself, pick out the people who make you feel good, and hold you up when you are struggling. You will meet some truly wonderful humans in the next few years, people who will stay by your side through thick and thin.

I’m not going to tell you what happens, but I do want you to know that it’s worth fighting for.

Lots of love Hattie (Aged 31)

Jordana Golbourn is a theatre maker working with community artists. Her work has taken place in schools, theatres, and prisons across the UK, New York USA, Thailand, and Germany for companies such as Almeida Theatre, Donmar Warehouse, and Shakespeare Schools Foundation. Her work draws on the personal, community, and political narratives of the artists she collaborates with.

Here she joins TFV podcast team for a conversation about emotional health.

Louise: Would you like to introduce yourself?

Jordana: Hi I’m Jordana, I’m a community theatre maker, I work with community artists - so non-trained performers, in youth theatres in schools and I also do a lot of work with women in prison.

Alice: We want to talk about sharing our emotions with other people and talking about how we feel. How does that go into your work?

Jordana: Yes, it’s complicated. The women that we’re working with are leading very traumatic lives.

The way that art is useful is that it becomes a metaphor.

It’s a way that they can speak their experiences through this kind of mask - of a character or a theme. We often say, ‘It’s ok to not be ok’. It’s ok not to be ok and to present those emotions in the space, and as a team, a collective, together we will work through that.

Alice: I read something about toxic positivity being happy all the time - if someone says, ‘Oh I’m worried about this,’ you shouldn’t just say, ‘Think

or sensitive or caring and masculine to be strong and brave and tough and we want a world in which we hold all of those qualities.

Alice: Yeah being sensitive isn’t a feminine quality, it’s a human quality.

positive’ – [it] tells someone that their feelings aren’t valid. With teenagers they get called ‘emotional and moody’ and so if they’re sad it’s like, ‘Oh this will pass’.

Jordana: If I think back to being a teenager, I remember feeling the guilt of scale in terms of emotion. Just feeling like at that moment in time that’s the biggest thing that’s happened in your world and compared to big world events maybe its incomparable and not significant.

Alice: It’s easy for people to say, ‘You shouldn’t be sad about falling out with your friend because there are people who don’t have a house.’ It makes you feel like you’re just being over dramatic and emotional.

Ines: I think comparing a big problem to a small one doesn’t really help.

Alice: With women, sometimes they can be told: women are so emotional, women are so sensitive, but then with men it’s the other way round, you shouldn’t cry, you shouldn’t talk about these things.

Jordana: Yeah it feels like it’s feminine to be emotional

Jordana: I think gender is rightly being seen as a more fluid thing and certainly with lots of the young people I work with I feel that there’s much more openness to what that is and maybe that will move us away from these ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ qualities to just these are all the things that make up a human being.

Alice: I think what young people and teenagers need is someone to listen to them.

Jordana: For me that’s what theatre is about, that’s why I want to work with community artists, I want to make work that enables people to feel listened to in situations in which they feel unlistened to.

Alice: I think it’s so important to not hold it in.

Even if you don’t want to talk to someone about it it’s good to write it down because then you don’t have to keep it all in your head.

Jordana: Yeah I completely agree. In that sense it’s about listening to yourself as much as listening to others, and radical self-care. You’ve inspired me to go away and do some drawing!

Edited by Lily Einhorn

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These days I struggle a lot with social anxiety, meeting up with people and worrying about how it will go. Will I say something stupid? Will they think I’m an idiot? Will I have to pretend I’m 100% happy and normal, or is it okay to talk about how I’m really feeling?

I have no way of ever knowing what other people really think of me, perhaps if they tell me I might believe them, but even then I can worry about whether they are ‘just saying that’ or not. So recently, I’m trying to notice when I start worrying about what other people think. Even just realising that I’m doing it helps me to stop, and gives me a chance to remind myself that worrying about it doesn’t help me, or change anything! Of course, it’s much easier to say that than to stop worrying, but I’ve wasted so much energy and time over the years second guessing what this person thinks, or what that person says when I’m not there and all it’s ever done has made me miserable. Perhaps in telling you this now, you can start to notice a bit earlier than I did, because I know that you are capable of being utterly brilliant.

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HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS Relationship is a big word.

Huge. It governs every aspect of our lives. Our relationship with parents, siblings, friends, families, romantic partners, our work, our school, our bodies, ourselves. So it is vitally important that each of these relationships is healthy.

This means there are some key components which need to be present: trust, respect, honesty, a feeling of wellbeing, a feeling of being empowered.

And it means that some key components should never be present: fear, dishonesty, disrespect, belittling, control, manipulation, jealousy, violence of any kind.

It is often easiest to think about the relationships we have with friends. A good friendship is supportive and fun. A good friend is fun to be around. There is laughter, but not cruel laughter, there is room for someone to be sad but not caused by the friend. There is honesty and trust: here is someone who you can confide in, who will accept you no matter what, who won’t check up on you, demand to know where you have been, or ask you not to have other friends.

Who is not jealous of those other friendships. (Jealousy is often used as proof of affection, ‘I’m only jealous because I like you so much.’

But jealousy is not the responsibility of anyone but the person feeling it. It can hide a desire to control the other person. ‘Beware the green eyed monster,’ said Shakespeare. (He was right).

Thinking about this healthy friendship, then, is a good way to approach other types of relationships, particularly those with boyfriends or girlfriends. Because these should be even better, even more full of trust, honesty, respect and fun. Something which makes you feel good about yourself. Someone who never, ever, asks you to do something you don’t want to do. Who would never use the line, ‘If you loved me you would do it.’ You know what? If you loved me, you wouldn’t ask or demand me to. If someone ever makes you feel unsafe, threatens or hurts you in any way, it won’t be the last time. Talk to a real friend, get support, and find someone who makes you happy.

If a relationship is not as good as your best friendship, then it’s not good enough.

Full stop.

Where to go if you need help or advice:

If you do find yourself in an unhealthy or unsafe relationship, with family, friends or a boyfriend or girlfriend, whoever you are, whatever your ethnicity, age or sexuality, there are people who can help. Teachers, youth workers and social workers are always ready to listen.

If you don’t feel comfortable with them, Childline: 0800 11 11 or https://www. childline.org.uk/ is available to anyone up to the age of 19 and can give advice or provide a listening ear on any topic. Women’s Aid https://www.womensaid. org.uk/ (Helpline 0808 2000 247) is there if you, a female relative or friend, needs advice or help to leave an unsafe, unhealthy relationship. Both of these numbers are available 24 hours a day. Childline does not show up on your phone records so no one will ever know you called them.

Words by Lily Einhorn

WOMEN INSPIRING WOMEN Emma Watson (no, not that Emma Watson!) is my inspiring woman. She has a successful career at Imperial College London, is a great friend, an inspirational fund-raiser, an academic (Dr.Emma Watson!) and an avid baker of cakes, Over the years she set herself personal fitness challenges: from swimming “a mile a day in May” to the tough Scilly Swim Challenge (15km swim, 10km walk). In 2017 Emma decided to up the stakes, joined forces with two friends and signed up to take on the ultimate challenge – to swim the English Channel.

to France in 13 hours and 36 minutes. After seven months of training and four months #waitingforthecall it felt like the end of an era.

Emma achieved what most dare not even dream of, and in doing so she raised over £5,000 for Endometriosis UK.

“What got me to France? Teamwork, love, messages of support, hours of training, the likes from hundreds of fellow swimmers or endo sufferers. My body got me to France. This body that has been ridiculed by others since my teens. The body that endo has ravaged and may not bear me children. But it still has a family. My brain and my thoughts got me to France. The one full of your support. We cannot always take the pain away from others, but we can shoulder it together. We can fight the good battle together. And I will aim to be kind. Always.” #waitingforthecall was a social media campaign Emma launched whilst she was waiting for her slot (The wait can take months, but it’s the biggest swimming challenge in the UK). Her aim was to raise awareness and money for Endometriosis UK. It took ten years for Emma to be diagnosed with endometriosis stage 4. The campaign featured pictures of Emma in her Channel swimming kit in everyday situations. She wanted to create eye-catching images to get people talking and raise awareness of endometriosis; but also nurture positive body image.

On 26 October 2017 the team got the call, and they swam the English Channel! Battling icy temperatures and strong tides, they swam

WHAT IS ENDOMETRIOSIS? Endometriosis is a chronic and debilitating condition that causes painful or heavy periods.

It can lead to infertility, fatigue, and bowel and bladder problems. Endometriosis affects one in 10 women. It’s a condition that doesn’t discriminate. If you know 10 women, one of them will undoubtedly have endometriosis. It can affect all women and girls of a childbearing age, regardless of race or ethnicity. It takes an average of 7.5 years to diagnose. That’s too long. For more info on Endometriosis: www. endometriosis-uk.org Photography by Laura Ward: www.lauraward. co.uk Words by Lauren Purser

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LINE A conversation about female friendships, the sisterhood and girls supporting girls. Alice and Louise talk to Gill Simmons of ‘Brave Bold Drama’, a theatre and community arts company based in Bristol.

Alice: We’re talking about female friendships, the sisterhood, and girls supporting girls.

Gill: My name is Gill Simmons. I run a theatre and community arts company called ‘Brave Bold Drama’.

Alice: So, over the past few weeks, we’ve covered a lot of topics mainly focusing around females.

Louise: Do you have any advice or opinions about how we can change stereotypes and the way women can support each other?

Gill: It’s about representation, I’ve heard the phrase a lot, if you see it, you can be it.

[Stereotyping can happen] in a family set up where it’s just expected that the women will do the washing up, or with a little girl they compliment her on what she’s wearing…

That’s already starting to tell girls that what they look like is the first thing that anyone will ever think about.

Alice: I’ve seen a little animation video about how to talk to little girls, saying, “oh, don’t say ‘that’s a nice dress’ or ‘your hair is this or that’, just ask my opinion”…

Gill: It means that you end up ascribing a lot of significance to that and end up limiting yourself. it is really difficult when you are a young person, because you are working out who you are and experimenting with identity and interests. People seek comfort in this tribal identity, but sometimes groups can inadvertently become quite cliquey and a super kind and empathetic thing to do is to keep the door open for people who are treading a different path or looking a different way but who will definitely will need support, friendship, inclusion, and the feeling of being celebrated for who they are.

Alice: You particularly see that in movies, there is always the particular group: the nerds, the jocks, the popular girls…

Gill: Yes, it reinforces it doesn’t it? It’s such a dangerous thing, we see this in wider society – the idea that only certain types of people have validity, or are the right way to be and it does no one any favours. Because that’s [not] what breeds a progressive and empathetic society in my opinion.

Alice: With the groups at school, it creates a sort of social hierarchy and the popular people are given more power and they now feel that they can be mean and belittle others.

Gill: If you are presented with just those choices - are you the geek or the nerd, you know those awful group stereotypes - you end up with people that are living quite inauthentically. I used to have a salary, I was a teacher, I owned a house, I was married: those are tick boxes in the adult world. Then I walked away from all of that. Now I don’t have a house, a husband, a set salary, but I am living more authentically.

It is really important that everybody, young men and young women, is given the space and opportunity to find out who they really want to be because the world needs lots of different people…

Louise and Alice: YEAH Alice: We are only shown one route. Go to school and university, [get] a job and work in an office, get married, have kids, buy a house... and we need to be shown that that is not the only option.

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People often say “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”. I think better advice is “If you can say something nice: do.”. People are embarrassed to tell others that they care or that they like them; but we all need to hear it. And we remember the people who tell us.

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People like you more than you think they do. Also: you have gifts – a lot more of them than you think. Explore them.

Treasure them. They make you, you.

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Saying things that matter hurt, but not saying them hurts more.

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People need and are wired for connection, so don’t cut yourself off (it won’t work.)

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Gill: I really hope if any good things come out of the crisis [it’s] that young people are shown lots of different opportunities and routes and meet different people, because not everyone works in an office nine to five.

That would be a far better way of educating all young people, rather than just funnelling everybody down the same path, because human brains are not uniform.

Equally, don’t worry too much about other people. Everyone is constantly shifting, so if you’re fragile, worry about building yourself up and the rest will fall into place.

Alice: Even if we don’t understand someone, whether that’s their appearance, their gender or sexual orientation… you should still respect them and celebrate them for their differences and for their courage to be themselves.

Be grateful. For beautiful mornings, for great stories, for your favourite songs Beauty is always there, you just don’t always see.

Gill: Exactly, like you say, if something is not harming somebody, it’s good to celebrate that. Being brave and authentic: being a girl and a woman can be represented in lots of different ways, it’s ok to explore and it’s also important to support other people, to be an ally. Be kind, be brave and go on adventures, don’t let people tell you what your life should be.

Some life choices are “jump off the cliff” moments where you just have to dive in. Most are like moving a heavy piece of furniture (a little bit every day). Be patient with the heavy pieces of furniture, a little push every day makes everything different in the end.

Alice: Yes, I think over the past few weeks, we’ve been talking about all sorts of things, like societal expectations: that you can push past stereotypes. Be proud of who you are Edited by Lily Einhorn

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Build yourself up often.

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One of the top regrets of people on their deathbeds was having not been braver, so be brave! Be the person who volunteers, be the person who makes the plans. Accept when you feel afraid and give

yourself a pat on the back when you face your fears. It always makes your life more interesting.

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Women more than men are taught to be agreeable. Make sure you also know how to think critically and put yourself first.

It’s not rude to say no and ask for what you need.

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Sometimes life let’s you be Woody in Toy Story 1. Other times, you have to be Woody in Toy Story 4. Whatever part you play in someone else’s life, make sure you still get to be you.

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Be willing to change your mind.

Sometimes, you will feel less wonderful than those around you. Know that those around you also feel less wonderful than you. Regularly.

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Remember that, no matter how badly things go wrong, if you are willing to work hard, it is always possible to turn things around. If you don’t believe this, read the memoirs of anyone who has started a company or become really successful.

Often you have to fail before you succeed.

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Commit to always be learning and having adventures. The people in life who are the least happy, I think, are the ones who hide away and never try anything new.

You are not only the you of today or of your childhood. You are the infinite possibilities of tomorrow and the future, you are the culmination of your future favourite songs and stories. You are the future risk taker, future mark maker, future speaker of brave things and funny things and lovely things.

Who knows what sort of life you will have?

Make it the one that sings.

Amber Demetrius Global Learning Manager, Welsh Centre for International Affairs

A N TI M C O R FICTION Books, books, books. We all love ‘em.

They got us through six months of tedious lockdown, didn’t they? I think I probably read around fifty, in between eating my weight in cake and sobbing over emotional movies. I cried over books too. Characters die. Characters reminisce. Characters have sweet, romantic moments that make me feel single. The tears rise up before I know it.

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The wonderful thing about today’s technology is that books are LITERALLY everywhere. Fanfiction sights float around the internet and sites for amateurs to post their works have hundreds of millions of readers. I will always prefer the soft swish of pages, the feel of their smooth yet rough texture in my hands to swiping a screen.

STIONS E S U E Q IN 5 MINUT Malorie Blackman

and a space for themselves in spite of and sometimes because of opposition. Women like Michelle Obama, Malala Yousafzai, and Jacinda Ardern.

Writer

When have you felt most confident?

Are you a feminist?

That’s a tough one. Confidence and I tend to be strangers. But what boosts my confidence is knowing I have prepared and practised something (a presentation, a talk, whatever) and I know it inside out and backwards. I like tutoring creative writing courses and even though I’m always still learning (and will be until the day I die!) I love helping others to develop their writing skills. I feel that after 70 books, I know something about creative writing!

I call myself a womanist, it’s more inclusionary. I have a problem with using the word feminist. Feminism has routinely ignored the rights and concerns of women of colour, disabled women, and trans women.

What piece of advice would you give yourself aged 14/15?

Be true to yourself and for God’s sake stop worrying so much about what others think of you. Your happiness lies in your own hands, not in the hands of others.

Who is your female role model?

All the women who have forged a place

Can you name something you are really proud of?

Professionally speaking, I’m proudest of when children, teens and adults alike tell me that they didn’t like reading until they read one of my books. That is the highest compliment.

Compiled by Lily Einhorn

I love books. You’ve all probably gathered that by now - they’re like my oxygen.

They’re MORE IMPORTANT than oxygen to me. I read ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events’ in a week. I read ‘The Deathly Hallows’ in three hours straight. I haven’t been to many places abroad, so I like to think reading is like adding seasoning to your food-that-is-a-euphemism-for-life; it gives me worldly experience. But the fact that I’ve read so much has introduced me to the dark side of romance too, and what is so shocking is that I’ve only just realised how bad this stuff really is. I love romances more than any other genre, but… …When did being a violent, dominant, abusive a**hole suddenly become attractive in a man?

Bad boy books, I totally get the allure - the leather jacket, the smouldering eyes, the smirk, the dark past. That isn’t what is so bad about today’s teen fiction. My problem is when these male love interests command their girlfriends to do as they say: ‘You will come over here right now and kiss me before I choke you’. My problem is when he has a double-life as a mafia gang-leader and jumps in puddles of people’s blood as enthusiastically as Peppa and George jump in

B y Ad e l ka D e l ev a n t e muddy puddles. My problem is when he has to shove his manliness and possessiveness in everyone’s face: fighting the first guy who so much as looks at his girlfriend.

Girls, girls, girls. My fellow females. My Eves.

Please, let’s have a little respect for ourselves!

Is that what love is to you? A man who acts like he owns you and your body, who treats you like an inferior, who won’t let you so much as make eye contact with another be-testicled human? The fact that girls are reading this type of fiction and finding it APPEALING is a little scary. If you think love is violence, what sort of thing are you going to grow up to accept from your partner?

There are so many books out there that describe beautiful, heartwrenching romances between two people in love... books that DON’T romanticise violence against women. Ever heard of ‘nice guys’? A guy can be attentive and kind to his girlfriend without being emasculated - it’s okay to be male and have a heart! Or even, god forbid, respect for women!

Stereotypical gender roles in romance should be cancelled. The guy doesn’t have to plan the dates, make the first move, or kiss first. The girl doesn’t have to be saved from a drunk dude at a party by the sexy-eyed love interest - it can be the other way around!

Men don’t always have to be the dominant ones. In fact, let’s cancel dominance in relationships, too. And writers, stop making your main characters little, skinny and gorgeous but somehow still so sure they’re ugly. Dysmorphia is a real thing, but it isn’t pretty girls repeating “I’m not beautiful, ugh, stawp it!” whenever they’re complimented.

It’s also highly annoying how the male love interest likes the girl who ‘doesn’t throw herself at me like those hoes’! I’m sick of modesty being the main thing that makes a girl attractive.

Men In Fiction, stop being hypocrites.

Girls: respect yourselves.

READ Storm before the Calm

By Maia Wootton Panic washes over me Almost drowning me in a puddle of worry Nothing can make me feel better I can’t breathe

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Can I keep going?

STIONS E S E U T IN 5 MI NU Q

Can it really be that these two emotions are different sides of the same coin?

As I breathe in, I ponder this...

Let cool, calming thoughts flow into my head

Tinuke Craig

Maybe writing is my calm place, where I just am...

Theatre Director

My name is Maia. I am 11 years old. I have lived with anxiety my whole life. When I am feeling overwhelmed, I talk to my dog Storm. She is a very good listener. And I write. Writing is my happy place. It is here that I go to find my calm

Are you a feminist?

Yes. I’m happy to be identified as a feminist or a womanist. I subscribe to a feminism which is intersectional, inclusive, and uplifts ALL women. I think if your feminism isn’t intersectional it’s not really feminism.

Hounslow, Summer 1996

What piece of advice would you give yourself aged 14/15?

Just to keep going, cut yourself some slack, try to do the things you want to do (even if no one else is doing them), try and love the things you want to love (even if no one else is loving them!) and know that there are far better times ahead. Also stop comparing yourself to other people (though to be fair I still have to give myself that advice now!)

Who is your female role model?

I have so many! First that spring to mind are: Michelle Obama, Diane Abbott, Julian of Norwich, Caster Semenya, Florence Foster Jenkins, Kuchenga, Angela Davies, Fiona Apple, Lizzo, Toni Collette, Zadie Smith, and my Mum. When have you felt most confident?

I’ve never been particularly confident, it’s a lifelong project! That said, when I’m working with great collaborators and we’re bouncing ideas off each other I start to get into the zone that makes me feel really grounded and confident. One thing that really helps my confidence is to try new skills and hobbies. When I learn how to do

READING RECOMMENDATIONS

I’m playing Tetris with my ex-girlfriend, I’m not over her, it’s hard to tell how she feels. Which way I over-interpret what she does, this minute, informs me. something new, it reminds me that I have all sorts of capabilities. At the moment I’m really into climbing, and every time I scale a difficult wall - especially if it’s one I previously couldn’t do - it gives me a little boost that I carry into my relationships, my career and my sense of self.

What are you proudest of?

Work-wise, I’m proud of the work I have made that has brought people together and allowed them to have a profound collective experience. I love that I have a job that can bring joy to people. That’s why I make theatre I think. In my personal life, I’m proudest of the friends I have made and the community I have found. I was a really lonely and isolated teenager, and I can still get really shy and anxious socially. I never thought I would find my place in the world, so I’m really proud of myself for working hard to put myself out there and find people who make me feel like I belong.

Compiled by Lily Einhorn

Just now, her girlfriend would really like her to be involved in buying a new television, a new expensive sort, with a slot for video.

She is probably asking the assistant to show her the most expensive ones in the shop – I don’t know because I am busy playing Tetris with her girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend, staring at the big screen the tv shop has to keep the kids quiet, while they show the adults the most expensive tvs. And my exgirlfriend, hot through last night’s unchanged shirt, smells of sharp body-spray after no shower.

And she, by the counter looking cross, could be no-one except they will leave together.

Alice Thurling

Want to learn more about the F word?

Alice, from The Female Voice podcast gives you her top three feminist reads. You can read the book or look these women up on Instagram for inspiration!

Women Don’t Owe You Pretty Florence Given Through Florence’s story you will learn how to protect your energy and discover that you are the love of your own life.

The Guilty Feminist Deborah Francis White A funny, joyful, frank and inspiring book about embracing both feminism and our imperfections.

Feminists Don’t Wear Pink (and other lies) Scarlett Curtis We asked 52 women: what does the F word mean to you? The result is extraordinary.

The Female Voice A podcast project made in lockdown Talking about politics, leadership and why it’s good to be you.

Listen to the episodes: www.bouncetheatre.com