BEFORE YOU GO
RETAIL RANDOMS
RAGING BULL The energy drink of the same name doesn’t really give you wings, but this red bull certainly knows how to send things flying. Caught on CCTV in the Peruvian capital Lima, the stampeding beast escaped from a truck that was taking it on a one-way trip to the local slaughterhouse. No wonder it was angry. The hapless shop owner must have been fairly upset as well, when the bull made short work of their parasol, took out a plastic table and chairs then flattened an A-board. It then took advantage of the open shop front to head inside to continue its wrecking spree. Locals took 40 minutes to recapture the rampaging lump of beef, but not one before person was injured and had to be taken to hospital. Eyewitness Oscar Portales said: “The bull attacked a lady who was selling food. The husband tried to defend her and pull the bull by the horns, then it attacked him.” At least the little dog in the fetching coat seemed to enjoy the proceedings.
B R IG H TO N S H O C K TWIR has now twice reported
up his suntan on holiday in
on men (it’s always men in
Brighton at the time.
these stories) who have had
Amazingly, the self-styled
supermarket loyalty card bar-
‘coolest looking guy in Essex’
codes tattooed on their arms
was tattoo-free until he was 52.
for convenience and bants.
Now he’s got more ink than a
We’re not sure if Keith
Sunday newspaper, with next
Gordon has a barcode lurking
to no bare skin left.
anywhere but, even if he did,
The shocked former civil
it’s unlikely he could scan it.
servant later complained to the
For Britain’s ‘most tattooed
supermarket in question and
man’ has been chucked out of
received a 20 quid shopping
an unnamed supermarket after
voucher for his pain.
an employee – who was clearly
Which must pale into insig-
feeling needled – told him he
nificance when compared to
wasn’t welcome in the store.
the pain of a tattoo gun pierc-
Pensioner Keith, 66, hails from Romford and was topping
ing your eyelids 50 times a second.
WEDNESDAY 31ST AUGUST 2022 / ISSUE 120 / SLRMAG.CO.UK I 25