WHAT’S NEXT Transition to Civilian Life By Eve Nasby & Kristin Hennessy
From Military to Civilian Life: A Spouse’s Perspective on Transition Meet Surinder Goode, a military spouse of over 30 years and mother of two teenagers. After moving to the U.S. in 1997, she initially worked for various companies before making the bold move to open her first coffee cart on a military base in San Diego in 2002. Over the next fourteen years, through perseverance and hard work, Surinder grew her business to 7 carts across 5 different base locations in the area. While her entrepreneurial story is one of personal pride and success, Surinder is well acquainted with the unique challenges of being a military spouse and primary caregiver while operating a business. She joins us today to reflect candidly on how her husband’s transition out of military service impacted their family, and to offer helpful advice to others navigating this major life change. However, three years ago it all changed with his retirement. In preparation, Surinder and her husband had sat down together eighteen months prior to plan his retirement date, viewing it as the long-awaited chance to become a true family unit after so many years apart. Feeling Alone & Uncertain
The Rhythm Change As a Navy wife for 30 years, Surinder experienced the full gamut of moves, deployments, and periods apart from her husband. And while these challenges were never easy, one of the most difficult transitions they went through was when her husband finally retired from the Navy. After decades fully immersed in the military community, its rhythms and culture had become second nature to Surinder. Her closest friends were fellow military spouses, who intrinsically understood what she was going through. They were bonded through long deployments, celebrations of promotions or new duty stations, and every up and down along the way. 54 WWW.SanDiegoVeteransMagazine.com / November 2023
But despite excitement at starting a new chapter, the transition also brought profound feelings of isolation and uncertainty. As the spouse who had always handled the household affairs and logistics, Surinder felt the heavy responsibility of now establishing their entirely new civilian lifestyle. One of her biggest personal challenges was figuring out her own identity and purpose apart from the military spouse label she’d held for so long. For the first time in her adult life, she had to chart her own course and career aspirations outside the structure of military life she’d known. Adjusting to Unpredictability Financially, the loss of the military safety net also led to unpredictability. Her husband faced his own struggles adjusting to corporate culture and norms after decades in the military’s hierarchical system. Suddenly the clear career progression and structured environment he was accustomed to disappeared. He had to learn to sell his abilities to employers who didn’t understand military acronyms or culture. After a lifetime of military service, basic civilian employment tasks like networking, resumes, and interviewing were entirely foreign.