i SPY
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PRANCING PRINCE ON NORTH STREET You were running down the street. I was playing with friends at Pomeroy Park. You caught my eye with your gold-tipped, pink knit crown. You had a fluffy green pullover to match, and you had some serious pep in your step. Have you ever been to Guatemala? Let’s quit our jobs and take a trip together! When: Sunday, March 19, 2023. Where: North Street. You: Woman. Me: Genderqueer. #915724 KALEIDOSCOPE OF BUTTERFLIES When we walk in nature, the animals show themselves to us. I feel in love with the moss before you. Now it has grown thick, dripping with pleasure. You are a treat in the morning when the sun hits your body. A dream to wrap myself around in the evening. The days are rich when we share them together. XOXO. When: Monday, December 31, 2018. Where: in everything. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915723 SKI-WITH-ME ON MATCH Hi. I saw your profile, but I’m not a member. I am also looking for someone to ski with. And kayak, and hike, and all kinds of fun outdoor activities. Say hello? And what ski area do you prefer? Maybe we can meet there. When: Monday, February 27, 2023. Where: Match. com. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915721 JUMP-STARTING YOUR MOM’S VAN I brought the jumper cables and noticed the tires on your Volvo were bald. Was too shy to ask you out in front of your mother. You seemed nice. Would like to get to know you. Meet me for a coffee sometime? Would be happy to show you the sights in the Capital City. When: Saturday, February 18, 2023. Where: Montpelier City Hall parking lot. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915720
PAID FOR MY MCDONALD’S I spy a very kind man who paid for my order at about 8:15. That was very kind and generous. As a single woman, I don’t get a lot of special things in my life. You made my day and made me feel special. Thank you. When: Tuesday, February 21, 2023. Where: McDonald’s, Barre. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915719 BOLD AND SILKY You: rich amber-haired City Market clerk. Me: chatty customer, green-and-red plaid shirt, gray jacket, beret. When: 3:42 p.m. You were working the right-hand 15-items-or-less checkout; I bought dinner and then the “bold and silky” chocolate bar, and we chatted. You are intriguing in many ways, and I’d like to get to know you. If you’re a 4/20 kind of woman or like quirky poets, get in touch and we’ll see what flowers. When: Monday, February 20, 2023. Where: City Market checkout lane. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915718 IF YOU’RE DUE NORTH I know discretion is important, so I’ll keep it brief. We chatted for a bit, tried to make plans but I had something come up, and you called me a phony and seemingly disappeared. I’m still utterly devoted to the idea of getting together with you, so let’s reconnect and I’ll prove I’m no phony yet. When: Sunday, February 19, 2023. Where: chatting on an app. You: Man. Me: Man. #915717 I LOOK LIKE JIMMY FALLON? Your eyes, warm and curious, catch mine twice. You ask me if anyone’s told me I look like Jimmy Fallon. I’m shocked at a compliment out of the blue and answer that, yes, in fact they have. Uninspired response, for sure. Maybe you’ll see this, and we’ll find a time to meet when I’m not in a rush? When: Sunday, February 19, 2023. Where: City Market hot bar downtown. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915716
FIDIUM GUY AT THE LOCAL I had you in my peripherals the entire time I was wine tasting. You walked by and gave me the brows and smile. I was too chicken to talk to you. Wanna meet for a drink? I was the only girl in the room wearing sparkles. When: Thursday, February 16, 2023. Where: the Local. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915715 KRIS KRISTOFFERSON I saw you over cocktails a few months back in Winooski in a black beanie. I am more curious if this is the first iSpy you have seen for you. Hope you have booked the flight to Italy and have a copilot ready for the ride. Hope this made you smile. When: Wednesday, December 14, 2022. Where: celebrating the holiday. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915714 OGE/WALGREENS MEET-CUTE We were leaving OGE at the same time, skis in tow. It was raining — we both groaned and smiled. A minute later, we saw each other again in the Walgreen’s lot, which we agreed is the best place to park for a quick run into OGE. Want to go skiing and show me the best runs? When: Tuesday, February 7, 2023. Where: OGE/Walgreen’s lot. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915712 RE: MISSING MY TWINFLAME I needed time and space to become the best version of myself and to attend to matters I could never explain. Where I went, you could not follow. I tried to tell you tête-à-tête, but it wasn’t in the cards. I still keep that Jack close, and I keep warm with the thought of being in your arms. Soon. When: Wednesday, April 29, 2020. Where: the astral plane. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915711 VTHOMESTEADER Thank you for the iSpy! I’m still interested in checking out the paradise you have created in Hardwick, and I would like it if we can finish our novel we have started. If all goes well, perhaps I can be your Papa Ganoush! When: Tuesday, February 7, 2023. Where: un-Hinge. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915710 BEAUTIFUL BROWN EYES Dear woman, I miss you. Though you are just three houses down the street, it seems you are 1,000 miles away. I miss you and would love to move beyond the past to a brighter future with you. Always! When: 2014 to present. When: Monday, January 30, 2023. Where: central Vermont. You: Woman. Me: Woman. #915706
Ask REVEREND Dear Wild Willie,
Irreverent counsel on life’s conundrums
Dear Reverend,
I really hate using condoms, but the woman I’m dating insists that I do. She also doesn’t want to go on birth control. How can I make her understand that sex isn’t as good for me when I wear one?
Wild Willie (MAN, 24)
Dude. What year is it where you live, 1973? If the person you’re having sex with wants you to wear a condom, then that’s what you do. No glove, no love. If sex doesn’t feel as good to you when you’re wearing a condom, you’re most likely using the wrong kind. Condom technology is far more advanced than it used to be, resulting in all sorts of sizes and styles. There’s tons of information available online about how to find the one that’s right for you. Check out condom-sizes.org, condomjungle.com or good ol’ trojanbrands.com. Condoms don’t require a visit to a doctor or a prescription, and they aren’t all that expensive. They don’t have any of the side effects of many female birth
LIFE DRAWING AT KARMA BIRD HOUSE You were drawing, super focused. IDK if you even noticed me, but I love how seriously you take your craft, and you’re sooooo cute! You: blue hair and septum piercing. Me: 30-y/o woman, overalls, backward cap. Sometime in the beginning of January on a Tuesday night. Come back to class! I go most weeks. We could draw each other. When: Tuesday, January 3, 2023. Where: Karma Bird House. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915709 UNTAPPED, TOO NERVOUS TO SPEAK Hi! I was too shy surrounded by my friends at Friday’s Untapped show to strike up a conversation. You kept checking people into the show, and my friends hung out at the bar. But you seemed like a lovely person and also someone who may possibly enjoy grabbing a beverage and conversation sometime? When: Saturday, February 11, 2023. Where: Winooski circle. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915708 REDHEADED WONDER, TAKE TWO I saw you having lunch with two other women. I think I also saw you at Shanty on the Shore a few weeks earlier. If you are the same woman from the airport a few months ago with the white Mercedes, maybe we could have lunch together sometime. You name the place, and I’ll be there. When: Wednesday, February 8, 2023. Where: Grazers. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915707 MUDDY WATERS SMILE I saw you when I walked in around 4:30. You were sitting by the window in a multicolored crocheted hat. I had my hair in two pigtails, and you smiled at me on your way to the bathroom. You look really thoughtful and introspective. I’d love to get to know you more. When: Friday, February 3, 2023. Where: Muddy Waters. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915705 CROSS-COUNTRY SKIER IN HUBBARD PARK We crossed paths while skiing and chatted for a bit while I was waiting for my friend to catch up to me. I enjoyed talking with you! Care to meet up for a ski together? When: Friday, January 27, 2023. Where: Hubbard Park. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915701
OLD POST BLONDE, BAD BAND We spoke briefly as you and your friend were about to leave. I asked you about talking in a place more conducive to conversation. Here’s another invite to talk. Interested? I could try and catch up with you again at Old Post but would rather see you elsewhere — dinner or drinks? I know your name; it starts with an M. When: Monday, January 30, 2023. Where: the Old Post. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915704 BRIGHT-EYED, ENERGETIC SUNFLOWER You give me the goosebumps. Your eyes are light like water, but your mind is strong and driven — like a freight train. I can’t see myself anywhere else but with you. Why don’t we share some red grenadine? Down by the black, muddy river, perhaps. I hope you see me here, and I hope you see me today. When: Saturday, January 28, 2023. Where: close by, but I’d love to say “in my arms.” You: Woman. Me: Man. #915702 DENNY’S BEAUTY You were our server this morning and told me to eat a pancake bite for you. When I offered you one, you said you couldn’t because you’re watching your figure. You don’t need to. I tipped you personally before I left. Would love to hear from you! When: Wednesday, January 25, 2023. Where: Denny’s, South Burlington. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915700 TRADER JOE’S CASHIER QUEER You: working at Trader Joe’s, shaggy haircut with brown, blond and purple. Me: buying almond butter, pink hair, wearing post-dance class sweats. You rang up my groceries and asked about my pink dye. I tried to play it cool, but when you said I had a nice laugh, I couldn’t meet your eye. Let’s bleach each other’s hair sometime? When: Tuesday, January 24, 2023. Where: Trader Joe’s. You: Genderqueer. Me: Woman. #915698 BELLA’S BARTOK AT ZENBARN You wore a jean jacket. I wore a derby and the eye. We chatted after the show around the fire, and on our way to leave you told me your name. I regret not giving you my phone number. I’d love to reconnect sometime. When: Thursday, December 29, 2022. Where: Zenbarn, Waterbury. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915697
control methods — such as headaches, nausea, weight fluctuations, depression and mood swings. I can’t blame your girlfriend for not being excited about her birth control options, which are all much more complicated than slipping on a condom when it’s go time. Not to mention dealing with the consequences if the best-laid plans fail. Condoms are also very effective at preventing pregnancy with the added benefit of protecting against sexually transmitted diseases. As a person with a penis, instead of complaining, you should really be thanking your lucky stars that you got the easier end of the birth control stick. And remember: Sex with a condom feels better than no sex at all. Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend What’s your problem? Send it to asktherev@sevendaysvt.com. SEVEN DAYS MARCH 22-29, 2023
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