Sex Survey 2019

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The Sex Survey

12.02.19

Editorial

"Sophie... does that count?"

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What's inside?

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Sophie Bunce Editor-in-Chief

Like Otis in Sex Education, I have found myself in a position more intimidating than anything in the Kama Sutra. Since launching this year’s Sex Survey I have become a confidant. An agony aunt.

Friends have asked how long, how far, and who it really counted with. They want my perspective, my experience, want to know my number - and more confusingly, what theirs is.

While I’m happy to give it a stab in the dark (metaphorically) I can’t know anything about them for certain - I wasn’t there. I can’t determine if your fumble in the LCR or Lake antics count for anything. That’s up to you. What I can say, is that UEA students have opened their hearts and incognito tabs to answer this year’s survey, and I hope it clears up your questions.

I’ve been asked a lot if I’ve had any weird answers, and while the political fantasies have amped up since last year, I blame Brexit, the answer is no. Sex is sex and UEA says you can do it how and with anyone you like as long as everyone agrees to be there.

Your thousands of responses show that while preferences differ, UEA is overwhelmingly in favour of consent. When asked what makes good sex, you answered; communication, respect, confidence and consent and thank fuck for that. Also obviously. It’s a pretty low bar.

I only learnt it’s spelt Kama not Karma Sutra since writing this editorial. I’m evidently no expert. So don’t listen to me - take a look at what you all thought. There’s blindfolds, gags, and sexts galore.

Maybe pick up a few tips.

You’re welcome.

I drink a double gin and tonic if you want to thank me.

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Editorial & Contents Alcohol & Consent Overview of survey demographics Relationships Ending The Awkward Masturbation and Sexual Education Lets Get Medical

Tech and Sex Upskirting, Sex Work, and the Law Kinks and Fetishes PSA: Not Everyone Has Sex

Sex: the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Consent

Alcohol and sex: the sobering truth

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Jess Barrett

Dutch courage, going out for a drink, and meeting up in a club are terms used when discussing dating and sex at uni. But they all have one thing in common: alcohol.

Sex and dating in the 21st century seems to revolve around having a drink.

This can vary from having a cheeky pint on your date to being pretty messy, and often ends with taking someone back home who is in the same state. Onenight stands aren’t just about you and your chosen partner, it’s a three way with alcohol.

One way that alcohol plays a part in our sex lives is the courage it gives us to get ourselves out there. When we’re a bit tipsy, most decide to download dating apps, swipe right and text first. Alcohol is an enabler for dates and hookups. The Sex Survey undertaken in the last month showed that more people text to arrange dates and hookups when they have had a drink than when they’re sober. What is it about alcohol that enables us to message people? The Dutch courage it provides leads us to make decisions we probably wouldn’t have made sober. This could be anything from buying a round of shots to taking someone home. Many students rely on alcohol to give them the confidence to approach people. Alcohol makes us flirty. It’s a fact.

The majority of one-night stands that happen at uni are after nights out. The invitation to go back for drinks after a night out sounds great, nothing wrong with a few more? It’s a done deal.

But the large consumption of alcohol raises more problems than it solves.

Especially in regard to consent. Many students often wake up and have no recollection of what happened the night before. What if you roll over and find another person lying beside you? You would have no idea if you slept together or even if you had consented. Sure, in the drunken heat you might have thought

it was a good idea, but if you were sober would you have made the same choice?

How can we be sure that both parties would take part when sober? The likely answer is that it wouldn’t have happened.

No flirty messages would have been sent, and you definitely wouldn’t end the night stumbling home. It is important to have fun and relax when drinking, but it is also

important to know your limits and when to slow down. Alcohol is an enabler for sex at uni. It gives us the opportunity, the motive and the means. So, if you do decide to take someone home with you after a night out in the club, make sure that everything you do is consensual, and you would do the same if you were sober.

No (17.29%) Unsure (0.73%)

Yes (81.98%)

30% have lied about the number of people they have slept with

'Have you ever had sexual experiences under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol?'

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What and who 38% watched porn with a partner 5% last an hour+ bed 89% had sex 5% agree with abstinence 80% said I love you 37% had sex when they didn't want to

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'What is your gender identity?'

'What is your sexual orientation?'

o do UEA do...

75% have never done an L 5% had 31+ sexual partners 64% struggle to orgasm 97% recieved oral sex 96% gave oral sex 3.5% exchanged sex acts for reward 'At what age did you first have sex?'

'How many sexual partners have you had since coming to UEA?'

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Ending the Disability and sex: ending the awkward

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Why it's ok to be the little spoon

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Jordan Hunnisett

The term ‘spooning’ has become part of our language over the last decade, bringing with it titles for partners in this now-celebrated cuddling act: the ‘big spoon’ and ‘little spoon’. While being the big spoon (the hugging partner) or the little spoon (the hugged partner) have their advantages and disadvantages - as often debated by couples throughout the country - there has been a disturbing element with the rise of these affectionate titles: their conceptualised associations with gender, particularly in heterosexual relationships. In the evergrowing debate over hyper-masculinity in our contemporary world, the once romantic vocabulary of spooning has been caught up in the same arguments that kindle the likes who found Gillette's recent advertising campaign offensive to men. Despite the bigger spoon still having somewhat of a bond with ideas behind traditional masculine dominance, researchers such as psychoanalyst Steve McKeown have found that men who prefer to be the little spoon typically make more compromise in relationships, are usually more sensitive and emotionally intelligent, and tend to cope better in today’s stress-driven society [TB Unilad]. This asks the question: shouldn’t men try being the

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little spoon more often?

Being the little spoon when cuddling with your partner already lists a long number of contentments, such as feeling wonderfully warm, cocooned and sheltered. According to one student at UEA, who claimed that ‘having your partner’s arm as a pillow for your neck’ as practiced in spooning - ‘is ergonomical for your spine’: being the little spoon even provides a health benefit. Moreover, though, if research shows male little spooners are particularly communicative and supportive partners in relationships, as well as far removed from toxic masculine behaviours, then being the little spoon once in a while may encourage emotional development in men. It can be easily said that being the big spoon, for both men and women, has its benefits too - but crucially in terms of balancing relationships with its ability for female big spooners to assert themselves with partners. This isn’t at all to claim that, from time to time, men shouldn’t find it uncomfortable being the big spoon, either - some would say it depends on the dynamic of your relationship. The important notes to take away from the men-as-little-spoon debate is the need for neutrality, trust and vulnerability in relationships, and also, perhaps, that there’s a certain ridiculousness of gender being associated with spooning terms and titles in the first place.

Lewis Oxley

Disability and Sex, a topic that I know full well from experience, is in the murky water. The subject is something that I find occasionally bewildering, still to this day. Being a Hemiplegic (for those unfamiliar, it is a condition down the right side of my body where my joints become stiff and tight) I knew the topic of sex was going to be an awkward one with a lot of strange questions, most notably: am I doing it right? Or does it work properly? I found these questions bizarre at first, yet expected. It might have been assumed that people with disabilities were going to live quite miserable sex lives. And so, I thought sex education was a thing targeted at only able-bodied people who wouldn’t have these problems. This meant the concept of sex was something I had a difficulty with right from the start.

In my early experiences of sex, things were weird. I thought I had done all the normal preparation: the usual routine of having a decent shower prior to a night out, getting the essentials of condoms and flavoured lube and just hoping my nerve and dignity would remain.

Sadly, it didn’t go according to plan.

Like for many disabled adolescents, I had to wait slightly longer than most to go all the way. Having not been in an active sexual relationship for some time, I did find university a new chance to reinvent myself sexually and within a more tolerant environment; I knew sex would become a little more hasslefree and perhaps a bit easier at uni, given the spontaneity of it all. My sexual experiences while at uni have overall been positive. I feel the confidence in my body and in my sex life generally has grown: I petered out the ignorance of previous sexual encounters, and focused on the intimate joy and pleasure sex can provide. From my current experiences and past ones, I can say my experience with sex as a disabled person has been far from ideal at the best of times, but I believe a disability is not something that should always hold students back from partaking in an active and enjoyable sex life.

awkward

Long distance relationships

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Amelia Rentell and Alex Dalton

We used to live a five minute walk apart until my study abroad year took me 4,600 miles away. It’s hard to pop round for a quicky when popping round includes a ten hour flight.

Being six hours apart, by the time my day is beginning, his is about to wind down. So how do you keep the spark alive? How do you keep the flame alight when you don’t see it each other for months at a time? Here are three chunks of advice we have for you, from our experience.

Make time - if you’re only really both awake at the same time for six hours of the day, you will have to plan ahead and make a bit of time. We try to have one long facetime a week that fits in with both our schedules. That way, you have something to look forward to and know when you can reliably talk.

Sometimes, this is hard. You have opposite routines now, so his evening might be your middle of the day. You may need to do some trial and error but when you really want to talk to each other, you’ll make it work.

Sexting - duh. It works wherever you are. With the extra distance, you might have to get creative. Videos, pictures, voice clips… the possibilities are pretty endless.

Though it can be uncomfortable to not feel silly, you simply shouldn’t

17%

have cheated on a partner

These are just a few of the things be having sex with someone you can’t laugh with, let alone be in a long distance we think are vital to maintaining long relationship with them. One of the distance relationships, but of course hardest parts, is the intimacy. You can’t your mileage may vary.

The real main point is to cater to hold hands across an ocean so you really do have to be invested. We’ve found apps each other - you both know best what like Couple and Without to be handy, as the other likes, and the distance doesn’t well as countdown apps to know when change that, you’ve just got to be savvy and ready to try. you’ll next see each other.

Gifts - when you’re close it’s easy to be able to pop round with some chocolates if the other is poorly, or a treat they really like as a congratulations.

In long Unsure distance, this is still possible, and (1.41%) easier than you think.

No answer If the other is (13.7%) having a bad day, order them some food for dinner that they really like.

We’ve bought each other things on Amazon in secret too, and sent cards across the Atlantic postage isn’t terribly expensive, and is cheap if you’re both in the UK. When you do see each other, we find giving things that can be opened while you’re apart best. Giving each other stacks of letters to open has been wonderful, but you can do pretty much anything!

Yes (18.69%)

No (76.71%)

'Have you ever lived with a partner?'

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Relationships

Opening up about open relationships Consensual non-monogamous relationships have made it into the news a lot over the last few years due to Vice and their documentary Inside London’s Hedonistic, Polyamorous Unicorn Movement and Louis Theroux’s first episode of his new series, Altered States: Love Without Limits. From the start of my relationship with my partner, I was interested in an inclusive kind of love. I began by showing an interest in threesomes.

We have always been quite emotionally open with one another, so I would tell him about my current Pornhub fix and he would suggest ways of further exploring our fetishes in the bedroom.

There are a number of different ways of dating more than one person at once: polyamory, polygamy, open relationship, to name a few. But I have realised that honesty is fundamental for this to work.

There must be a strong trust between a couple to even talk about attractions to other people. Concerns broaching this subject are often about resentment and jealousy. Therefore, if you have managed to start a dialogue, then you’re probably one step ahead of most of us.

Before you have voiced your interest, it is important to make sure your partner knows that the fact you are interested in other people does not have a bearing on the love you have for your partner. Poly relationships require a genuine effort from both parties and some serious soul searching. They should not be invoked to excuse one’s own hedonistic impulses scot-free. If you are not sexually or emotionally fulfilled in your relationship, polygamy could be a dangerous road to go down.

I have been in a relationship for four years and for about a year we tried being in an open relationship. My desire to experiment was because he was my first boyfriend and I had lost my virginity to him. I knew that I wanted to be with him forever, but I was worried that a few years down the line, of our possible marriage or even family, I would wonder: what if?

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What if I lived my entire life having only ever experienced sex with one man? For many people, having sexual relations with one partner is incredibly passionate and liberating and they wouldn’t have it any other way. But I was curious.

I have always been quite sexually charged and fascinated in kinks. For most couples, the sexual dimension is usually a private affair – but does it have to be? The mystery was tantalising.

So, my boyfriend agreed to try an open relationship with me.

We first had to set ground rules.

Firstly, always wear a condom. Secondly, be honest about everything because deception – even if done with good intention – spells disaster. Lastly, and most importantly, the experiments had to be only sexual. So, if either of us met someone and became emotionally attached to them, we would have to stop seeing them.

But, alas, I met someone, we slept together a few times, I got emotionally attached, and my boyfriend was distraught. I had to choose between the new man and the boyfriend I was in love with. My relationship with my boyfriend nearly ended.

Of course, I chose my boyfriend. But it wasn’t easy. I fell pretty hard for the new guy. We got to know each other, and I kept convincing myself we were friends

with benefits. But that wasn’t part of the deal. Emotions and physicality could not collide. It was my fault. I was given an inch and I took a mile. I knew I couldn’t have my cake and eat it.

My boyfriend, while all of this was happening, kept hearing from me that I loved him and what was happening with this other man was simply experimental. He always tried to see the best in my actions, but he knew that something wasn’t right in this case.

He became incredibly anxious and felt emasculated because of the way I was using the trust he had given me. He tried to conceal these worries, but he had to tell me eventually and I felt awful.

With hindsight, new relationship energy (NRE) had become my drug. I allowed myself to forget the incredible connection and journey I had been on with my boyfriend. When I stopped seeking NRE, I realised that it had been warping my vision from the offset.

I have now realised that being in an open relationship had been about seeking instant gratification. It had been about being told by a man I had only just met that I was beautiful. It was being given attention I hadn’t usually got because I was putting myself out there as a ‘single woman’.

Relationships are more than just compliments and the spark of a first kiss. They are about knowing when your partner is having a quiet panic attack in the middle of a posh wine bar and hugging them because you know that’s all they need.

It is about hearing your partner sneezing in the night and waking up early to make them a honey and lemon tea because you know that’s all they want. It is about unashamedly admitting that you do not want to try anal again because it honestly feels like you’re doing a massive poo and you know they’ll understand.

I would definitely not admit that last one to a one-night stand. Me and my partner are now repairing things. It will take time to rebuild the incredible trust we once had, but we stand hopeful.

0.5% are unsure if they've had sex with more than one person at a time

The farcical one night stand Laundrette (2%) Library (7.5%)

Lake (11.3%)

Which of the Five L's have you done?

None (64.9%) LCR (12.3%) Lecture Theatres (3%)

60%

Most have only had two relationships

look for partners through friends

64%

had a one night stand

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Ella Dorman-Gajic

I’m sure all of us are all too familiar with the tale: it’s first year, first semester, you’re at the LCR, and you’ve most definitely had one too many blue VK’s.

Girl sees boy, girl says two words to boy, and boy responds by falling on top of girl. It’s at that moment you conclude he’s everything you’ve been waiting for.

With your blue tongue and his inability to stand-up straight, you are the perfect match. You drunkenly guide him back to your flat. Much of the walk back I fail to remember, and after finishing a succession of (unfortunately) brief sexual activities, I immediately conk out. The next morning I wake, sprawled across the bed, alone. Fair enough.

Until I see a glimmer of light reflecting off something on the floor. A pair of keys. Next to a wallet. Next to a pile of clothes. But boy, nowhere to be seen.

The flatmates filled me in on what I'd missed while asleep. Picture the scene: I’m asleep, and he slips out my room to go to the toilet. Then, minutes later, my sweet, innocent flatmate Nicholas wakes to a naked guy spooning him. I tell no lies. Luckily, Nick is one of the most chill guys you could meet, so he probably just said ‘yo, what’s up bro?’. To which, said guy realises that there is no longer a naked female lying next to him, but a deeply confused male basketball player.

Wrong room. The guy explains and Nick redirects him to my room. Lovely Nick.

‘Thank fuck’, one-night stand guy must have thought. ‘I’ll go back, and this can be remembered as a terrible nightmare.’

But oh no - those VKs weren’t done with you yet. Nick had directed the guy to the wrong door. Fortunately, the wise occupier of this room had thought to lock up. So by this point, I imagine him to be a tad distressed, and incredibly naked. The combination is not ideal. He goes back to Nick’s room, concluding I locked him out, rather than figuring out it was the wrong room (this part I only found out two years later!). Nick lends him boxers to walk home in - it was the beginning of February. No shoes. No clothes. And probably little pride to speak of.

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Masturbation

Bite the bullet and buy a bullet

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Jess Cappi

My friend’s mum used to work as an account officer for a sex toy company and she received LOTS of freebies. On said friend’s 18th birthday her Mum made a pass the parcel, and under each layer was a sex related item.

I got lucky (pun intended) whilst unwrapping my layer – it was a vibrator.

This was my gateway into the world of sex toys (thank you Jodie’s mum) and my collection from there on only got larger.

However, sex toys and female sexual pleasure are not openly discussed.

Another friend told me that in first year she mentioned to her male flatmate she was buying a bullet (a very small vibrator) to which he responded ‘ew’.

Male masturbation or ‘wanking’ has been part of peer conversation since secondary school and this is completely normalised.

I never heard anyone at school discussing female masturbation or even female sexual pleasure in general. This I’m sure is not because girls didn’t do it, but because we were made to feel embarrassed for doing so.

From a young age, women learn to repress their sexuality as slut-shaming is ever prevalent in our social structure.

Therefore, it is unsurprising that only 38% of female university students have orgasms during sexual encounters, whereas 91% of males do (The incidental

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orgasm, Wade LD).

During the familiar university drinking game ‘Never have I ever’, a popular statement is ‘Never have I ever faked an orgasm’ to which every female in the room laughs and drinks; it is just accepted and expected that women will not orgasm during sex.

Once we begin to normalise female masturbation, we acknowledge that women are sexual beings and do enjoy sex. Sex toys are the perfect gateway for discovering what it is you like and how you like it.

Whether you 3% need a quick ten-minute 12% Unsure break from No your essay answer writing, or you’d like to have a new experience with a partner there are lots of fun ways to Do you own a reach the ‘big 64% said no O’.

Most sex toys are relatively inexpensive. Many come in at just under the £20 mark and Ann Summers also do a 10% discount on Unidays!

Life is too short to have average sex, and if you or your partner are struggling to reach climax, a sex toy could be the perfect answer. In conclusion, bite the bullet and buy a bullet.

What does UEA use?

Rabbit vibrator from LoveHoney £14 17 inch dick rambone I’m an Ann Summers toy tester - I've got them all

Blowjob popping candy

21% Yes sex toy?

Door frame wrist restraints

4% 12% Dildo

never masturbate

masturbate daily 15% rarely 32% occasionally 36% frequently

Cucumbers and condoms

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Shannon McDonagh

Scotland has looked at the bigger picture, becoming the first country globally to commit to embedding education on LGBTQ+ issues as a whole.

As a queer person, I’ve often wondered how my secondary school experience would have been shaped had I been provided with even a basic level of sex education relevant to my interest in kissing people that weren’t boys.

Of course, access to good quality sex education is not limited to classrooms, but for most it tends to be a starting point. Being educated in a former convent meant the chances of identity and gender ever coming up in class were near impossible.

Much of my education came in the form of conversations with friends who were also cautiously trying to navigate their own identities within an all girls Catholic school. This, and the internet were essential in ensuring my questions weren’t left unanswered.

Excluding this information as don't use if it were somehow abnormal contraception does weird things to a person.

Is it really that big of an ask to want to know what to do if there aren’t any penises in the equation? Moreover, for those that have TWO penises in the equation?

Or those that have a penis biologically but do not identify as such?

Over 25 percent of the respondents to our survey dentify as LGBTQ+ in some capacity, so the information has to be relevant to somebody.

Thankfully there are countries that have made steps within the past year to make things less weird for us all.

Last year both Wales and Scotland made proposed real, legislative change to ensure their state schools are required to embed topics relevant to LGBTQ+ youth into their curriculums.

Wales announced a total overhaul of the way sex and relationships are taught, with plans to streamline LGBTQ+ sex education and what is already available into one.

22%

The state of England’s sex education policy leave a lot to be desired, with Stonewall reporting that the government guidance for teachers has gone untouched since 2000, with promises to address this over the coming year.

It’d be an understatement to suggest that the picture globally is pretty bleak.

In America, only 12 states require sexual identity to be discussed in class, with three of those states requiring that the information given is entirely negative. I had to fact check this several times before I could put it in print.

A deep dive into the injustices LGBTQ+ people face as a whole beyond (and within) the Western world would require - most of you should know the situation is far from ideal. Naturally, sex education pertaining to the needs of the people these countries are working so hard to oppress isn’t a high priority.

Though the UN can attempt to advise on what is acceptable, it’s power is not executive.

As I mentioned previously, the internet played a crucial role in allowing LGBTQ+ people to date. I don’t recall what sites were useful, but the pool was a fraction of what is available to people now. Ten years on, the ever expanding nature of our online culture has enabled LGBTQ+ people to seek out high quality, accurate resources that cover sex, culture and beyond. Discussions on LGBTQ+ sex and identity have permeated the mainstream in a way that feels both progressive and a permanent feature of the internet.

Leading online media organisations committed to producing informative, engaging content on a regular basis something that wasn’t available when most of us were having to sit through our science teacher bumble through a powerpoint presentation on how babies are made.

55% struggle with confidence issues

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Let's get medical

Demystifying dental dams

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Emily Latimer

‘With a dental dam you can pretty much lick anything’ So if like me you’d never heard of a dental dam, you may be wondering what on Earth they are and who in their right mind uses them.

Well those who are familiar will know that a dental dam is a square piece of stretchy latex, used over a woman's genitals when she receives oral sex, in order to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

Put in between the mouth and the partner's vulva, the person is able to lick just as they would without one. So why have so few of us heard of them?

Sex therapist Dr. Madeleine M. Castellanos, states that less than ten percent of women use them at all, with only a fraction of us using dams regularly.

Despite the fact that oral sex can transmit herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, Chlamydia, HIV, hepatitis, and

genital warts. So what's going on here?

Is using dental dams really that bad that we've collectively decided that ditching them is worth the health risks?

Perhaps we can put this down to the lack of awareness surrounding both them and how to use them, and the embarrassment. After all, no one wants to be the person to kill the mood with a weird piece of latex.

Not to mention the effort of buying them on top of condoms.

However, doctors do in fact suggest opening up a condom and using it in place of a dental dam is just as effective!

So perhaps the real issue lies not with dental dams, but w i t h

educating people on the risks of oral sex. As if this doesn’t change, using contraceptives for it will continue to be seen as abnormal, and at the end of the day who really wants to contract genital herpes?

3.5%

are unsure if they've had an STI Most people have had 1-3 sexual partners

89%

have not had an STI

UEA uses: 1.Condoms

2.The combined pill 3.The progestogen-only pill 4. The implant 5.Contraceptive injections

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7.5%

have had an STI

UEA's top 5 STIs 1.Chlamydia

2.Yeast infections 3.Human Papillomavirus 4.Gonorrhea 5.Herpes

Have you ever struggled to reach an orgasm?

Unsure (3.16%) No answer (15.2%)

Yes (53.99%) No (27.66%)

You aren't alone, over half of UEA students told us they fake it 'till they make it.

The science behind your orgasm .

Jake Morris

Perhaps, if like me, you’ve googled the science behind orgasms before and have been baffled by the complexity of it all, you’re in the right place to get a quick guide into the biology of an orgasm.

We’ll start with the male orgasm – an arguably simpler and more straightforward affair.

We all think of this as just ejaculation, but males can orgasm purely from stimulation of the prostate alone. But I will focus here on the average male ejaculation.

The parasympathetic nervous system is essential for getting an erection by causing the trabecular arteries in the penis to expand.

This response can occur in your sleep - hence a wet dream - but this usually only occurs due to a sexually stimulating dream. Interestingly, sight, memories and imagination play a far greater role in sexual stimulation in males than in females, and alone are potent enough to ejaculate from. The spinal ejaculation centre at the base of the spine cause semen, produced in the testicles, to pulse through the urethra which is ejected in rhythmic contractions. The average male produces seven spurts of semen at speeds of up to eleven mph. One study claimed that the longest distance a male can ejaculate is six feet, but from my humble experience, I would take that with a pinch of salt. During the orgasm, the hypothalamus and pituitary gland releases a wave of prolactin, vasopressin and oxytocin, with the latter involved in emotional responses and which can give feelings of love.

Coupled with testosterone release during stimulation, the cocktail of hormones also gives the classic male

trait of falling fast asleep right after ejaculation.

Unlike men, women are capable of eleven different types of orgasms. Whilst we are all familiar with the classic clitoral and G-spot orgasms, women are capable of non-vaginal orgasms from stimulation of the nipples or anus. Interestingly, a study in the US found that 69 percent (very unfortunate number for this statistic) of women reported they had experienced a mild orgasm during exercise.

During a vaginal penetrative orgasm, the clitoris expands as the woman gets nearer to climaxing due to increased blood flow. A series of muscular contractions then occurs throughout the vagina at the point of orgasm, coupled with a pleasurable sensation. Biologists have worked out that these contractions aim to push semen into the uterus.

Female orgasms last longer than males on average, and as women have no refractory period after they climax, they are able to orgasm again straight away.

Women experience a release of prolactin and oxytocin upon climaxing, coupled with increased activity in two areas of the cerebral cortex associated with emotional processing. It’s suggested that these two areas enable women to double their pain threshold during orgasms. They also have the potential for greater pleasure than men, with the clitoris having 8,000 nerve endings – twice as much as the head of the penis.

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f

Tech and sex Facebook doesn’t want you to get laid

Emily Taithe

Facebook is constantly updating what it deems acceptable. The newest weird choice is taking down posts that could ‘facilitate, encourage or coordinate sexual encounters between adults’.

It’s a strange new rule, there is nothing illegal about two consenting adults wanting to have a ‘sexual encounter’, nor is it illegal to set people up; it’s a very prudish move from a website which surely has bigger fish to fry, like, I don’t know, cyberbullying, catfishing and fake news. It’s an odd move to decide that adults shouldn’t use Facebook to get some.

Personally, I’ve never seen a page for setting people up on Facebook, has Mark Zuckerberg not heard of Tinder? And so what if some people use your site to pull – I thought the whole point of Facebook was to help people connect?

Even the language of the new rule is bizarre, particularly ‘encourage’, maybe Zuckerberg has suddenly decided the only form of birth control is abstinence.

Maybe he’s rebranding Facebook as a sort of anti-aphrodisiac, ‘go on Facebook, you’ll never want to have sex again’.

Perhaps he doesn’t want any unplanned pregnancies on his conscience because, you know, so many babies born nowadays are a direct result of Facebook.

If I were to play devil’s advocate and make some guesses as to why this new rule has been put in place, there are a few possibilities that come to mind.

Perhaps it’s a moral choice aimed at preventing people from using Facebook to facilitate extra-marital affairs, maybe in a post Ashley Madison scandal internet people started relying on Facebook pages to help them find like-minded people.

Maybe these pages/posts had begun to include a level of facilitation to monetary exchanges in return for sexual acts, or perhaps they had just become too explicit in the language or images posted on them.

Perhaps similarly to Tumblr, Facebook decided to sanitise itself and prevent its users from using it to view or post softcore porn.

But honestly who knows

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why Mark Zuckerberg does what he does.

Four years on and I still have no idea why - in order to promote Facebook Live he did a half hour stream about ‘smoking meats’ from his decrepit looking garden.

He was already a millionaire, he could’ve splashed out on more than just a camping chair.

Her

t

x ve se a h 40% ass in cl

Tinder

73% Grindr

use dating apps Gaydar OK Cupid

11%

used dating apps while in Hinge relationships Bumble

Best sext?

'I want to pin you up against a wall and call you mummy'

'I was gonna post something hot and sexy over to you but the postman told me to get the stamp off my ass and climb out of the post box x' 'That shirt looks very becoming on you. If I was on you, if be coming too'

44%

recieved unsolicited images on dating apps

'Wanna fuck?

'U up?'

xoxo ;)

Hinge?

Huh, what's

.

Shannon McDonagh

Not a week goes by where there isn’t a thinkpiece published attributing the failures of modern romance to dating apps. The eroders of human connection, promoting superficial decision making, rendering it impossible for two people to truly click.

They are a mainstay in the way we conduct our romantic interactions and UEA is no different. 68 percent of the participants in our survey having used a dating app, with 18 percent users stating they found a relationship through them.

Market leader Tinder came out as the most popular app by far, with 4 out of every 5 students using it as their primary app.

Contrasted with the imagery of endless swiping, the outcomes for students using dating apps at UEA appears to be more positive than the British population as a whole.

A recent Yougov survey found that while up to half of young people regularly use dating apps, it is their least preferred means of meeting people. Our university environment may have a lot to say for why people see greater levels of success, but does beg the question as to whether dating apps are in need of a shake up. Data is utilised to explore the romantic potential of pairings since the sixties. These practices have followed suit over each decade’s advancements in technology, with the development of Match.com in 1995. Match.com remains the world’s biggest dating site but

that hasn’t stopped it’s owners from advancing into purchases of applications in later years such as Tinder.

The creation of the internet amplified this framework to an alarming degree. The threading of matchmaking into mobile applications represents a newfound portability and efficiency. Many users of the apps concede that their standards are raised to an unreasonable standard.The past few years have seen a shift in the psychological and social frameworks in which these apps operate. The concept of ‘dating app fatigue’, argued by Julie Beck of The Atlantic has become a real problem, wherein the current leading apps on the market has fostered the promise of endless potential partners.

People are increasingly discarding potential dates on the basis that there is a perfect match swipes ahead.

Adversely, people enter the experience with zero expectations due to previous disappointments, swiping on people they have no intention of ever speaking to.

Is the damage permanent? Described

by Refinery29 as the ‘anti-Tinder’, Hinge seems to think not. Having experienced an overhaul across 2016 and 2017 after years of haemorrhaging users, the app has been leading the way in manufacturing a new attitude that reaches beyond just swiping. In its marketing attempts to puncture through

the fogginess, it presents prospective users with the promise that it is ‘designed to be deleted’. Hinge places an emphasis, offering prompt questions for the user to input detailed responses to unique question prompts in order to give other users more room for common ground and conversation openers. It gives you options to input data such as political preferences and height. It even proposes to have added ‘anti-ghosting features’, wherein the user is prompted to engage with specific activities related to the user they have connected with.

It seems that other apps are following suit in stimulating their Bumble’s current marketing strategy mimics that of a lifestyle brand, with sections of its website dedicated to utilising the app for networking and blogging. LGBTQ+ female targeted app HER puts on regular clubbing events that encourage its users to meet.

However, though Hinge is growing in some of the UK’s larger cities, Tinder still boasts over 50 million daily active users globally. There are people who wish to use the app for nothing more than mindless swiping. Things aren’t always as black and white, - it’s likelier that instead of Hinge proposing to change the dating app game, it has noticed that people in 2019 require different things from their experience.

on why men send unsolicited photos of their genitalia; validation? It’s possibly a man's way of reaching out for a compliment. Another reason may be down to the fact that some men treat it as a numbers game where, after they send their un-asked for photo, they will either never hear from the recipient again, or they will get a result. This isn’t the most dignified of reasons, but it’s a convincing one, as most of us may have experienced someone ‘trying their luck’.

Is it against the law? It depends. Sending and/or receiving an image of your own or someone else’s genitalia under the age of 18 is a crime. For anyone above the

age of 18, receiving an unsolicited image can be considered harassment. To prevent this, education needs to start from the ground up, rather than through the law. Unfortunately, sexual harassment has been normalised and is considered a typical part of dating.

Unless the received image is reported to the police, then no crime will be recorded.

It is more effective to teach that it is not acceptable or appropriate to send an image of your own genitalia unless it has been asked for AND because it is something you want to do.

The rise in unsolicited images Receiving ‘dick pics’ is prevalent in modern dating. A baffling phenomenon that often occurs in the midst of a conversation, when a (usually) male counterpart sends a photo of genitalia without consent. A YouGov study states one in five women (19 percent) have received an unsolicited photo from someone who was not a romantic partner. This figure rises to 40 percent for women between the ages of 18 and 34. 62 percent of women who have received an unsolicited image state that it was through text or WhatsApp. But why does it happen? There hasn’t been a significant amount of research

15

Sex work 'I am a webcam model'

'Received €60 in Paris for receiving head from someone of the same sex'

'Sugar daddies are a thing and boy does it keep me out of the overdraft'

.

Jess Barrett

The sex industry is something everyone is aware of but hardly any one speaks of their experiences with it. With many students struggling to juggle their social life with the financial restrictions of their maintenance loan, the sex industry is a way that students can earn a little extra on the side.

The sugar daddy industry is bigger than it appears. Twitter accounts pledge to send you large amounts of cash just for following them and retweeting their content. Many girls have their tinder settings with a wide age range in order to match older, financial stable men.

This unique type of dating has a large number of sites dedicated to it, Seeking Arrangement appears to be the largest with over 10 million clients. Seeking Arrangement have said the age of their average sugar daddy is 38, with the sugar babies averaging 25 and making £2,140 a month. One thing to be clear on is that sugar babies are not paid for their services, they are given gifts, and that being a sugar baby doesn’t necessarily mean sex work. These distinctions separate the sugar daddy industry from prostitution. The law surrounding prostitution is complex.

There are over 70,000 prostitutes in the UK, with many more women using the term escort

16

instead. Although the act of prostitution is not a crime, soliciting is. Therefore, offering your services, or even offering the services of someone else is considered illegal. The expansion of the sex industry from escorting to cam girl work this modern era has created blurred lines for the legality of these acts.

Sex work in Eastern Europe is often associated with exploitation, such as sex trafficking. However, the Cam girl industry is different - Bucharest, Romania is known as the Camgirl capital of the world, it could almost be described as the red-light district for webcamming.

The Cam girl work there is considered to be controversial because of their high earnings and provocative work. There is a lot of stigma surrounding sex work particularly in Romania’s conservative society. This being said, the Cam girl industry is becoming increasingly professional, using studios and investing a lot of time and money in order to build an inviting and alluring site. One of the important elements within Camgirling is that the girls build a friendship with their clients in order to secure their returning custom. Cam girl work ranges from quite pornographic, using sex toys and featuring full frontal nudity, whilst others are more conservative and focus on building relationships without sexual gratification. Strip clubs are another element of the sex industry not immune to students. There are 576 listed strip

'I tried to become a male prostitute at one point but the legal issues made it too much effort'

'I haven't done it before but everyone has their price, right?'

clubs in England, the most per person being in the royal county of Berkshire – home to Windsor Castle. A recent YouGov survey showed that most people are open to their partners potentially visiting a strip club, particularly if it was part of a stag or hen party. But since many students aren’t quite at this stage of their lives yet, our partying lifestyles can be seen to have similarities to these types of parties. Many students have said that in the aftermath of a night out they find that they have gone with a group to a strip club for a laugh. This indicates that many students go for the experience and to say that they have been, not for any sexual gratification.

Onlyfans.com is a platform gining a lot of traction and seems to be replacing cam girl work. It enables users to pay for subscriptions to accounts that unlock pornographic images and videos. The app disables your phone’s screen shot function, preventing content from being shared. Many share their onlyfans. com information on their social media, asking people to subscribe and appears to be very popular amongst students, both subscribing but also creating their own accounts and providing content for others to see. The sex industry is evolving, and students are becoming increasingly active in providing material and being involved in the sex industry but are also quite active the consumption of the sex industry too.

Law making

'Upskirting is an act of violation and 2.5% a tool for humiliation' . have participated in non-sexual, romantic activity in exchange for reward

2% have paid for sex

Yes (2.99%) Unsure (0.42%) er nsw ) a No 29% .

(14

'Have you ever performed a sexual act in exchange for financial or material reward whilst at university?'

No (82.31%)

Josephine Dowswell

On 15 January 2019, the House of Lords approved a ban on upskirting, one that was previously blocked June 2018 by MP Christopher Chope – at the time, the sole objector to the bill.

It’s a ban that was tirelessly campaigned for by Gina Martin, who, at the British Summertime Festival in London 2017, became the victim of what will legally be a sexual offense after Royal Assent.

Overjoyed by the result, Martin said of the new ban, ‘it means agency over your own body, and the power to be able to take things into your own hands and get justice when your body is treated as if it's public property. I didn't have that opportunity when it happened to me.’

‘Agency’ truly encapsulates what this bill will mean. Upskirting is an act of violation and, more importantly, a tool for humiliation.

Like catcalling, it is a method of sexual intimidation where a man invades the space of a woman to assert an entitlement over her body, as Martin says, as if it is ‘public property’: I see you, and I can say and do whatever I like to you.

It is most certainly a gendered issue too. Take Daily Mail headlines such as ‘New Year Revellers celebrate 2019 in drunken mayhem and a LOT of flesh on show’, where the focus is

primarily on women who not only don’t realise that their bodies have been exposed, but who also don’t realise that they are being photographed.

Deceit is a huge part of this particular brand of ‘journalism’, and it is the same with upskirting: a part of the thrill, almost, of the crime is its surreptitiousness, the act of deceiving a woman by taking an obscene photo of her unaware.

Furthermore, photography without consent is widely considered violating in and of itself. Take the ‘Afghan Girl’, less commonly known by her real name, Sharbat Gula, and criticisms of the UK’s excessive use of CCTV: to have your very image stolen and used outside of your control is disconcerting at the very least.

For this stolen image to be deliberately sexual should undeniably be seen as assault, technological voyeurism.

Like ‘creepshots’, and the once infamous and, for many women, creepy and disturbing ‘Women who Eat on Tubes’ project, upskirting is a malicious invasion of women’s privacy, some of whom are even as young as ten. It’s about time that the men who do it face justice.

only 1/3 of the British Police Forces

keep records on upskirting offences.

17

Twice a month (11.41%)

'Kinky'

Kinks 53%

have had public sex

No answer (18.57%)

Yes (11.51%)

Daily (6.94%)

Multiple times a day Unsure (19.22%) (1.39%) No (50.7%)

Weekly (24.21%)

Monthly (29.3%)

No answer (19.58%) Never (7.17%)

How often do you watch porn?

‘Embrace your kinks instead of feeling so insecure’

Whether it’s choking, sex outside, a foot fetish, or anything Fifty Shades, everyone has a kink.

Yet in my experience, I’ve met more people who are closed off from talking about their kinks to those who are open about it.

So why is society so secretive about what makes them happy? Many people are embarrassed. It seems like we’ve built up defence systems when talking about what gets us going in the bedroom.

I believe the largest and perhaps most frightening problem facing kinks and fetishes is people’s reaction when you reveal what you enjoy; more often than not they will laugh, so there’s no point having friends who laugh at you for

18

Has porn affected your view of sex?

'Use a belt or zip ties'

trying to be honest.

Imagine you have just met someone gorgeous, with a brilliant sense of humour. They live close and you have great sex.

They’re perfect in your eyes, but they like having sex outside (and I don’t just mean the five Ls). How do you react?

Do you build up a wall against the topic, or do you relax and try to be accepting of their kink? Maybe it’s the thrill of the moment or the idea you could be caught.

Personally I would try to embrace it, but a lot of people may run.

Another example is bondage. Being handcuffed to the bed facing whips and paddles is some people’s cups of tea. Pain in the bedroom is unconventional, but if it’s consensual, who cares?

In a lot of heterosexual couples, the male likes to be the dominant, while many women think it’s degrading to be dominated by a man. If you ask me, this isn’t the case.

What happens behind closed doors is between the couple and the couple only.

Whether you like to be dominated or you find it empowering, it is not an outsider’s place to ridicule your actions.

Everyone should embrace their kinks instead of feeling so embarrassed about them.

No one should care if you like having sex outside, choking, or BDSM. As long as you’re happy and comfortable you should do what makes you happy.

After all, no one wants to have bad sex!

Fetishes

What does UEA want you to do?

'Wealthy sex'

52% have tried bondage

'After sex, someone pays off my student loans and credit card debts' 'My little pony or spongebob' 'Paper macheing my partner with the latest copy of Concrete' 'Teacher student' 'Hickies, always hickies' 'Lots of role play, knee high socks' 'Respect me'

'Choke me?'

'Pleasing the other person by doing what they are interested in' 'Poison Ivy restrains me with her vine tendrils' 'Urinate in my mouth'

'They piss on me'

19

PSA: not everyone Interview: ‘I’ve never experienced sexual attraction. It’s completely alien to me’

.

Sophie Bunce with Gus Edgar-Chan

Gus Edgar-Chan is amongst the 1.5 percent of respondents to Concrete’s Sex Survey who identify as asexual. While the term accounts for an estimated one percent of the population, and thousands of people in the UK, there is limited research available to those questioning their sexual orientation. A simple Google search will tell you the proportion of the UK population identifying as lesbian, gay or bisexual - you won’t find statistics on asexuality.

Gus began dating in his first year at UEA; ‘I went into a relationship thinking we’re going to have sex and that’s going to be great, because there’s that societal convention of - hey it’s normal to have sex at this age. Why aren’t you having sex at this age?’

‘When I got into that situation, I realised I didn’t want to at all.’

According to Concrete’s Sex Survey ninety percent of UEA students are having sex, which places Gus in the minority, however, he says; ‘I don’t feel like I’m missing out.’

Despite never experiencing sexual attraction, Gus is keen to address a primary misconception about the asexual community; that they don’t like sex. ‘Some asexual people do. They still have a libido but some are sex repulsed - asexuality is simply the lack of sexual attraction. For me, I think I’m sex repulsed. Cuddling and kissing is ok - it’s just the sex part I don’t fly with.’

His sexuality first became clear while watching The Handmaiden, ‘there was this incredibly pornographic lesbian sex scene, and I remember the only thing going through my mind was - ooh, this music sounds a bit like the music from the Thin Red Line.’

‘I came to the realisation - yeah I definitely am this and I need to understand what this is.’

This, meaning Gus’s asexuality, has been met with both congratulations, confusion and contempt. ‘But everyone loves sex?’ ‘You just can’t get any.’ Gus has been asked if he should go to a doctor.

20

5% have not had sex

While some reactions are frustrating, Gus tries to empathise with them; ‘we’re living in such a sex-centric world, the notion that people who don’t like sex exist seems a bit alien or strange, I do understand.’

Though he adds; ‘I’ve never experienced sexual attraction. It’s completely alien to me.’

For those who identify as asexual, acceptance is fought for both outside and inside the LGBTQ+ community with a ‘a loud minority of LGBTQ+ people’ resisting the group’s inclusion on the grounds of ‘it’s not an orientation, it’s just not wanting to have sex.’ Gus has found most people accepting, however, he admits this conflict is difficult.

While asexuality is a sexual orientation, Sexual Desire Disorders exist which warrant medical attention. As the two are often incorrectly conflated, Gus explains his situation. ‘I know it’s unhealthy to resent the way you are, but at the same time it would be much easier to date if I wasn’t asexual and there was something wrong with me. So I have been contemplating going to a doctor to find out, but it may just be part of my identity that I need to come to terms with.’

In adjusting to his asexuality, Gus found his dating pool significantly smaller.

Seventy-three percent of Concrete’s Sex Survey respondents use dating apps, with the majority downloading the likes of Tinder and Bumble to find romantic

relationships. However, no responses listed asexual dating sites like Asexualitic, a platform Gus has had limited success with.

He is personally open to a level of compromise. ‘Part of being asexual is compromising if you’re in a relationship with somebody else who is not asexual.

I’d be fine with the person I’m dating being in an open relationship but also it’d be something I’d feel forced into if I wanted to continue the relationship.’

Simply finding other asexual people at UEA has proved difficult, and Gus explains he is yet to meet anyone else like him on campus. To improve the visibility of asexuality Gus said ‘I would like to see it portrayed in film or media - first of all.

I think there were some very unhealthy portrayals of asexual people in film last year.

There was a film called On Chesil Beach that had Saoirse Ronan in it. It wasn’t explicit that she was asexual, but the whole plot centres around her not wanting to have sex on her wedding night.

Then a later scene implies a childhood trauma involving her uncle or her dad. It exacerbated the myth that asexual people are asexual because they’ve had trauma in the past. Which may be the case for some asexual people but not for me - and not for most.’

'Normalise it. That’s what I’d be up for seeing.’

wants to have sex Why haven't you had sex?

The V word 'Just haven't met a guy who is not a twat'

'Um.... single and it’s hard to mingle babey' 'I’m ugly x ' 'I ditch as soon as I feel rushed' 'Need to learn how to kiss first lol' 'Drank too much and couldn’t get hard' 'I dunno, you tell me Chief' In the words of Whoopi Goldberg: "I don't want somebody in my house"

The conversations regarding sex and sexual experiences at university can be really exciting. Liberating. Informative.

But how do you engage with these conversations when you’re a virgin?

I’m in my second year at UEA, and a virgin. I would say that I’m not ashamed of this, but I think the anonymity of this article suggests differently. Whilst the increasingly open conversations about sex are incredibly important, I think the reminder that everyone isn’t necessarily ready for sex by university age is one that’s become lost. I think the assumption is that, if the opportunity for sex arises, most students would take it. Some may not be ready to take that step until after they’ve graduated from their degree. I’ve been in longterm relationships and one night stand situations but haven’t felt the desire to go all the way. The other people involved in these encounters have always been understanding and never made me feel guilty or ashamed. I’m content with this too, knowing that I’m in control of my decisions and that the time to have sex will come at the right time in the way that my experiences of other sexual acts did. The cause of my discomfort when talking about virginity is the judgment it can create in social situations. I’m sure we’ve all been at those pres when someone has related a humorous or bad sex experience, and then expected the rest of the people present to follow suit. I’ve been lucky so far, and the question has never been addressed to me, but I dread the day when it is. I find it impossible to come up with a convincing lie, and if I share what feels like the secret of my virginity with another, I’m greeted with pity. People don't understand; my lack of sexual activity is my decision, and that it is possible to reach the average university age and not feel ready for sex. I’ve never felt pressure to have sex, but people can be very shocked.

Consider this the next time you think of teasing someone for not having made that final step!

21

Good What makes good sex...?

'Spontaneity'

21%

'Communication' 'Trust'

are fairly confident naked

'Me'

'Ideally you both cum'

'Humour and compatibility' 'Asking what the other person likes if they know'

'They're fit'

'Foreplay'

'Consensual, passionate and a lot of doggy style'

'LOVE'

'Different positions'

'Enjoying it!

65% 'Liking the person'

'Establishing safe words if needed or signals' 'Honesty'

22

'That juicy connection'

don't feel pressured to have sex

'I cum, she cums, we all cum'

Bad 'Sex out of habit'

30%

'Lack of consent'

have been cheated on

'STIs'

'Peer pressure at uni for a "body count"

'A selfish partner'

'Not being able to keep it up...'

'My ex

'When they ask me to call them daddy' 'Rushed' 'Thinking they're the only one entitled an orgasm' 'Rude'

'Sexists'

'Unwilling to take constructive criticism' 'Bacterial vaginosis' 'Both sides being too fucked' 'No respect for boundaries or each other’s needs'

'No contraception'

2%

agree with cheating

'They rub your clit too hard too soon'

What makes bad sex...?23

'I’m the president of the USA' 'I would love to use a strap-on'

'Mile high club'

'I’m a sugar baby' 'Mummy' 'Sex sling'

'Lots of foreplay'

'He cums, she cums, we all cum'

'Rugby guys in changing rooms' 'We both cum'

'Piss in my mouth 'Daddy'