Valley Living Summer 2016

free!

Summer 2016

Also:

Keeping love alive at Pleasant View

Pooches who work

Celebrate with us!

See page 9 for Photo Contest details

12

ways to work your workout

www.valleyliving.org

Family Life Resource Center 273 Newman Avenue, Harrisonburg, VA 22801 434-8450 e-mail: services@flrc.org

“COUNSELING FOR HOPE, HEALTH AND HEALING” - Addressing marital, family, parenting and other relationship problems - Coping with losses, grief and major life adjustments - Dealing with depression, anxiety and other mental health challenges - Overcoming substance abuse and other addictions - Providing educational resources for congregations and other agencies Contact services@flrc.org or 434-8450.

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www.mrlib.org/summerreading 2 living • Summer 2016

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Contents 4 Editorial 5 Community Connections 6 Pooches who work 10 A caring staff keeps love alive at Pleasant View 12 It’s time to take a break 14 The three best gifts we ever gave our kids 15 I still love my spouse, I’m just not “in love” with him/her anymore

26

16 Consider the ant 17 Fiesta Bean Salad 18 Shenandoah Spotlight on Ginny Miller 20 How to find smooth sailing on vacation 22 Please save my boys!

10

24 There’s nothing like a good story(teller) 26 How doesn’t my garden grow?

28 Twelve ways to work your workout 30 What’s your pet saying?

32 My husband’s wedding band 35

24

Word Search

In Every Issue

Community Connections pg. 5

Money Matters pg. 12

Family Forum pg. 15

Cooking Corner pg. 17

Shenandoah Spotlight pg.18

Living can be found at these locations, and more, throughout the Valley: Harrisonburg DQ Grill & Chill, Carlton St. DQ Grill Harmony Square Friendly City Food Coop Gift and Thrift Golden Corral Hardesty Higgins Harrisonburg Farmer’s Market Kate’s Natural Products Massanutten Regional Library Mercy House

Mr. J’s Harmony Square Red Front Supermarket Sentara RMH Clinic Sentara RMH Medical Center Rt. 11 North Exxon Salvation Army Store Sharp Shopper Shenandoah Heritage Farmers Market Styles Unlimited

Bridgewater/Dayton Dayton Farmer’s Market Bridgewater Foods Supermarket Broadway/Timberville Broadway Supermarket Crider’s Store Mac’s Superette Turner Ham

Elkton/Shenandoah Countryside Market/Exxon 340 Market & Deli/Liberty Elkton Grocery Mamma Mia Restaurant Linville Mac’s Market Luray Shoppers Value Foods

Mt. Crawford Joy Foodmart Exxon

Penn Laird 7-Eleven On The Run

Mt. Solon/Augusta Co. Zach’s Country Store North River Country Store

Singer’s Glen Grandle’s Glenview Market

New Market 7-Eleven

Weyers Cave Weyers Cave Super Save

Cover photo: Maya Troop reads to therapy dogs Gemma and Kayla. PHOTO BY MELODIE DAVIS

Summer 2016 • living 3

Interconnected

© BRADLEY STRIEBIG PHOTOGRAPHY

“Your publication has helped to rehabilitate me ...”

I was quite stunned, pleased and moved to read the letter from an inmate, “Gene” over at Coffeewood Correctional Center in central Virginia, one line of which is my headline above. He says reading Valley Living for the last couple years makes him feel “I will be a better grandfather, father, son, uncle, nephew, cousin and citizen” as he leaves incarceration soon. You can read the rest of the note on page 5. You may also recall an article five years ago we did about the chaplain from Harrisonburg who was ministr over at Coffeewood, Robby Burke.

Thank you so much for your note, Gene! It is so perfect that the founder of this magazine, 25 years ago, goes by the informal name “Gene,” Eugene Souder. He too will be delighted to read your note. (Find more about Eugene and how he started Living, http://www.valleyliving.org/about/history/media-pioneer-eugenesounder/) This is exactly why we write, edit, design, publish and distribute Valley Living: to help make better fathers and mothers and sons and daughters and all the rest. This is also why our advertisers support us.

In June we celebrate Father’s Day. Summer is a perfect time to kick back and throw a softball, go to the playground, camp out, take a real vacation together if possible, and make sure Dad is connecting with the kiddos on an every day basis as often as humanly possibly. An actively involved father adds so many strengths to a child’s life: attention, love, stability, fun, his gifts (not the kind you buy), and many other intangibles.

Announcing contest #2 Along these lines, we’re pleased to announce the second contest in our year of Celebrating 25 years publishing Valley Living. Pull out your cameras and grab some stunning or funny or heartwarming photos of your family enjoying summer; it can be a vacation photo, but keep it local as explained below.

The theme is “Favorite Family Vacation Photo – Virginia” which means the photo needs to have been taken in Virginia. Of course Virginia is a big state with much to enjoy: mountains, beaches, rivers, hiking, caverns, waterfalls and farms, not to mention cities like Arlington, Richmond, Williamsburg. This contest is for teens and adults from 13 through 100+. We hope you’ll enter your best shots and if we find one that works for the cover of a future issue of Living, we may pay $75 for a suitable cover shot. You will find more details on p. 9. Contest winners will receive other prizes regardless of whether the photo works for a cover shot.

Enjoy your summer and thank you for reading and supporting Valley Living in many ways!

Melodie Davis, editor melodie@valleyliving.org

4 living • Summer 2016

Volume 25 No. 2

Valley Living inspires hope, encourages faith and builds positive relationships in the home, workplace and community.

Media for Living, Publisher Melodie Davis, Editor Ivette Churney, Sales Representative Peter Churney, Sales Representative Mary Jo Veurink, Layout & Design Lindsey Shantz, Production & Finance Manager

Advertising

To reserve space in future editions (540) 433-5351 or info@valleyliving.org

Media for Living Board of Directors Trisha Blosser, President David Rohrer, Vice President Tracey Veney, Secretary Jonas Borntrager Beth Driver Bonnie Hamilton LaDawn Knicely Angela Rempel

Opinions expressed in Valley Living are not necessarily those of Media for Living.

Published cooperatively with Media for Living, a non-profit corporation, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22802 (540) 433-5351 • info@valleyliving.org www.valleyliving.org Printed in the USA by Engle Printing, Mount Joy, Pa. © 2016 by Media for Living

Community Connections Letters, local events, news

Letters from readers Your publication helped rehabilitate Please know that I thank God for each and everyone associated with Valley Living. During the last years of my incarceration, your publication has helped to rehabilitate me, helping me to see better the importance of family.

I am about to re-enter society. Glory be to God, I will be a better grandfather, father, son, uncle, nephew, cousin and citizen. Thank you for sending Valley Living into the Coffeewood Correctional Center in bulk. God bless you.

–Gene Seefeldt, Henrico, Va.

“ ”

I love the word searches and the articles.

Thanks!

–Julie Dearing, Elkton

Local news

Valley Living welcomes two new board members

Beth Hoover grew up in northern Rockingham County and is an The 24th season of the Shenandoah attorney at Hoover Valley Bach Festival returns to the Penrod PLC in campus of Eastern Mennonite University Harrisonburg where June 12-19 featuring orchestra and her practice focuses chamber music programs, choir, a on civil litigation.

Leipzig Sunday worship service, She received her Baroque music workshop and youth undergraduate degree programs. Ken Nafziger, the founder from Roanoke College and her law of the festival continues as the main degree from George Mason University Clean air director. The shorter noon chamber The entire spring 2016 issue was like a music series at First Presbyterian Church School of Law. She and her husband Brandon currently live in Broadway. breath of clean air compared to much of is especially suited for families with Angela Rempel has retired after lifethe local and national news. Keep up the children; donation basis, no tickets long involvement good work. required. For more information check in various church –Carolyn Freeman, Bridgewater emu.edu/bach. ministries, including working together Youth sports with her husband, Games have really changed Erwin, in since we played basketball a pastorate in the late 40s and early and two 50s. We had good coaches, overseas Mr. League and Mr. Sanger, mission and played to win. But assignments. She has also win or lose, we could enjoy worked in the church relations the interactions with the other and communications department teams. Today sports have gotten so of Mennonite Mission Network.

Word search puzzles completed by 263 competitive, since coaches push the Erwin and Angela moved to Readers who sent in completed puzzles voted players to win and parents interfere, Harrisonburg five years ago for their favorite article in the spring 2016 issue of that the players no longer enjoy the where four grandchildren (and Valley Living.

“A Mother’s Day story about two sons” games. It’s not whether you win or their families) are located. was the most enjoyed article reported, at 97 votes; lose, but how you play the game. the other top four were as follows: “In search of a –Janice Jones, Shenandoah sunset, I found serenity, too” 61; “What houseplants do for you” 59; “What do you know about Easter’s Good advice origins?” – 43; and “The good fight” – 41.

As always the stories were all very interesting and I appreciated them all. We can learn and do so much with the advice in many of your Letter policy: Valley Living prints letters from readers only when signed with a name and articles. Thank you kindly. location, as space allows in this section of the paper. Names and locations may be withheld upon request or at the discretion of the editor. We read all letters but cannot print anonymous letters.

–Ethel Ernst, Churchville

Shenandoah Valley Bach Festival

Word Search Notes

Responses from readers

Summer 2016 • living 5

Pooches who work

PHOTO BY MELODIE DAVIS

Local chapter of Therapy Dogs International endorses certified dogs and handlers

by MELODIE DAVIS

M

ost dogs are mostly pampered pooches we sometimes joke about envying because they don’t have to work for a living. But increasingly, many breeds of dogs are trained not only as hard working canines who guide the blind on busy city streets or sniff out bombs in airports and stadiums—but to comfort and nourish children, cheer up the elderly, soothe cancer patients and a wide range of persons with special needs.

The Harrisonburg/Rockingham County area is fortunate to have a chapter of Therapy Dogs International (TDI) operating here in the Valley. But when Jessica Troop of Bridgewater first became interested in having her dog trained and certified to visit nursing homes, hospitals, schools or libraries, she had to drive almost three hours round trip to Culpepper to a testing location. In testing, the dog is put through a variety of tough situations simulating actual therapy work. Jessica arrived so stressed she resolved to help begin a local training program certifying therapy dogs—which she did and now serves as director of the local TDI chapter.

Therapy Dogs International is just one organization of this nature, coordinating volunteers who regulate, test and register 6 living • Summer 2016

dogs and dog handlers for “work” wherever therapy dogs are helpful. TDI makes sure dogs in the program are up to date on vaccines and other shots, have an annual health exam, and provides overall insurance and a reference point when institutions sometimes cautiously explore having therapy dogs.

Bonnie Ayers, a retired pediatric nurse, is assistant director (volunteer) of the local chapter of TDI. She enjoys taking Gemma, her laid back yellow lab to Spotswood Elementary school once a week, Smithland Elementary once a week and the Massanutten Regional Library Central Branch twice a month. The children take turns reading aloud to Gemma which promotes a love of reading.

Bonnie points out this is helpful because dogs are nonjudgmental. “They make excellent listeners to early readers who might stumble or be shy in reading to an adult or someone who corrects them,” she enlightens. While children often need help in pronouncing words, corrections can make reading stressful and distasteful for some children. “Reading to a dog builds their confidence” says Bonnie.

Initially Gemma was in a training program learning to guide the blind. But Gemma was so laid back she didn’t show the

“It took my breath away when a child stopped stuttering when she petted my dog.”—Ann Baker

PHOTO BY MARY JO VEURINK

and found out later the child had recently been involved in a fatal car accident where someone died.” Gemma somehow sensed something and paid the child extra attention, putting her head on the girl’s shoulder while the child read. “It was like she knew,” recalled Bonnie. “The child’s demeanor was completely turned around after her session with Gemma.

Jessica says at times it doesn’t appear much happens when a therapy dog visits a nursing home or hospital room. But later she’ll hear from a staff member who says, “That’s the first time that person smiled all week! Then I’m reminded, that’s why we do what we do,” explains Jessica. “Sometimes we don’t see the immediate effects.”

PHOTO BY MARY JO VEURINK

needed energy to undergo that rigorous training and lifestyle— perhaps walking miles a day for city dwellers. So Bonnie adopted and trained her for gentler therapy work.

Bonnie and Gemma have also visited with children with multiple disabilities or autism at various schools in the past.

The children “pet on her, love on her” and greet her as a “rock star.” Sometimes children “come in scared of dogs, especially large ones,” notes Bonnie. But as they get to know Gemma and find out what a gentle soul she is, they are educated about how to behave around dogs.

There are no breed restrictions or prejudices against breeds such as pit bulls or Rottweilers for the program. Even dogs that have been unruly and perhaps mistreated and put up for “rescue” or adoption can be trained. Jessica said her dog, Kayla, at 1 year of age, had been tied to a tree with her feet frozen to the ground. Jessica and her daughter Maya have had Kayla now for six years and sometimes people recoil in fear when they find out she’s a pit bull, but relax as they get to know her.

Visiting schools, hospitals and nursing homes can be very rewarding. At one school Bonnie recalled reading with a student. In greeting the child, Bonnie casually asked her how she was. “She just froze up. I didn’t know what was wrong

Bonnie and Jessica both connect with Ann Baker, who had the first registered therapy dog in Harrisonburg public schools.

Ann notes it all started locally when Gail Fox and Andrea Nolley at Waterman Elementary School heard about “reading” dogs and were eager to try them out in the library there. Ann’s Ruby Veurink reads a book to Gemma at dog Bailey was Massanutten Regional Library’s Main Library. an instant hit.

Now Ann works as scheduler and mentor for others, as Bailey has passed on. Ann keeps an email list for when a new school or institution requests a therapy dog. She also helps Jessica teach some classes and found another chapter member to help her teach in Augusta County.

Ann says it takes a lot of work to get a dog certified.

“Jessica and I tell the folks taking classes that they are already special just to even consider starting this process. It is heartbreaking when they don’t pass, as so much effort has gone into it.” Ann adds many do retest successfully which means “there is an excellent team producing well qualified trained dogs and owners here in Harrisonburg.”

Ann testifies to the gifts therapy dogs offer those with whom they come in contact. “To see an adult that is confined to a wheel chair break out into a broad grin is truly awesome,” Ann says. “It took my breath away when a child stopped stuttering when she petted my dog.”

The local chapter has certified an estimated 100 people and their dogs for therapy work—and there is still more demand from homeless shelters, schools, Western State Hospital, other hospitals, hospice care and library programs. Newly trained therapy dog owners need to make a working visit to a location within the first three months of training or they lose certification; after that, they make visits as often as it suits them. As an all-volunteer organization, each dog owner is Continued on page 8 Facing page: Jessica Troop’s daughter Maya reads to Bonnie Ayer’s dog Gemma—both women are members of the local chapter of Therapy Dogs International. Jessica and Maya’s dog Kayla relaxes in the background.

Clockwise from bottom left: Clara Weiler, Robert Dunford, Brittany Weiler, Henry Weiler, Bonnie & Gemma, Ruby Veurink, Anna Veurink at Massanutten Regional Library’s Main Library.

Summer 2016 • living 7

Continued from page 7 responsible for initiating and maintaining visiting schedules.

Children can be certified to be a dog handler for therapy visits. Jessica’s daughter, Maya, took the test but Kayla wouldn’t listen to some of her commands, so as yet hasn’t passed the test. “Even if a dog is already certified with a handler, if a different handler wants to work with that dog, that handler must pass the test with the dog as well,” notes Jessica.

She explained a dog might work well with one person, but not another.

Maya is homeschooled and says Kayla helps her as she’s learning to read. But it’s not only young students who benefit from the relaxation and devoted attention dogs can bring. TDI dogs sometimes hang out with college students at EMU, JMU and Bridgewater, especially during exam weeks to help relieve stress.

Jessica and Bonnie see the program as a win-win-win: for the dogs (some who have been rescued from certain death); for

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8 living • Summer 2016

MELODIE DAVIS, editor of Valley Living, is the mother of three young adult daughters, and lives with her husband near Harrisonburg, Va. She also blogs at www.FindingHarmonyBlog.com.

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their owners who may be retired and looking for meaningful community involvement; and for the children, young adults and senior citizens they often visit.

-Jessica’s business, “The Balanced Dog, LLC” offers dog training especially for dogs with behavioral issues. Through the City of Harrisonburg Parks and Recreation program and Blue Ridge Community College, she also offers therapy dog preparation classes, with a certification test offered at the end of the class. She has also just started similar classes in Augusta County. The website for her business is www.balanceddogllc. com.

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Announcing:

Photo Contest for Readers

Celebrating 25 years publishing Valley Living!

Theme: “Favorite Family Vacation Photo - Virginia”

The contest will be judged in three age categories, 13-19, 20-25 and 26 & up.

Winners announced, with photos published, in the Fall issue of Valley Living and on our website.

Deadline July 5, 2016, midnight.

Prizes!

One overall Grand prize Winner: New 16 megapixel digital camera ($70 value) Honorable Mention from each category: One of three “how to do better photography” books from Green Valley Book Fair Bonus: If your photo works for a future cover of Living, we will pay $75. However, Valley Living does not promise or guarantee to use any photo in this way.

Rules 1. No more than three entries per individual.

2. The decisions of the judges and our graphic designer shall be final.

3. Staff and immediate families of Valley Living not eligible for prizes.

4. Winners will be announced on the website www.ValleyLiving.org by July 19, and on the Valley Living Facebook page.

“Like” the page so you’ll see announcements!

How to enter: By email: Send in JPEG format to info@valleyliving.org or via Dropbox link. Deadline: midnight July 5, 2016.

By mail: Send to: Photo Contest, Valley Living, 1251 Virginia Avenue, Harrisonburg, VA 22802. Entry must be postmarked

by July 5, 2016. If you desire your photo(s) back you will need to make arrangements to pick them up during office hours.

Please include: Name, address, phone number, parent’s name (if under 18), email address, age (will not be published), title of photo. By submitting a photo, you give permission for this photo to be published in Valley Living’s Fall 2016 issue of contest winners and online.

Summer 2016 • living 9

A caring staff keeps love alive at Pleasant View

by LAUREE PURCELL

PHOTOS PROVIDED

P

leasant View residents David and Linda Swartzendruber, who are in their 50s, are individuals who have barriers that could have kept them from achieving their goals. Linda was born with an intellectual disability and convulsive disorder. David had a childhood illness that, due to a prolonged fever of 107 degrees, left him with an intellectual disability. Despite their disabilities, David and Linda are able to enjoy a fulfilling, productive life together due in large part to the support they are receiving from the professional staff and friends at Pleasant View.

David and Linda have been married for over 12 years. They met at Pleasant View’s Lee High Residence in the mid 1980s and soon became close, inseparable friends. David suggested they get married, but it took Linda a little time to decide.

The two talked with family and friends about it, and Harvey Yoder provided them with premarital counseling. When the time was right, they had a nice wedding with both of their families involved. Pleasant View staff helped with the flowers and the reception. Pam Miller, the current development director, helped her then 6-year-old daughter find the purple dress Linda specified so she could be their flower girl. Pleasant View’s pastor Dave Gullman and Zion Mennonite Church’s then pastor Clyde Kratz helped marry them.

“They communicate so well and are good at negotiating their differences and listening to each other,” said Nancy Hopkins-Garriss, executive director of Pleasant View. “They make compromises and have impressive conversations.”

David and Linda live in a spacious living area within a group home run by Pleasant View in a single-family neighborhood in Broadway.

According to its website, Pleasant View grew out of a concern many families in the Virginia Mennonite Conference had in the late 1960s about what would happen to their family member with an intellectual disability if they were no longer able to care for him/her. The doors to the first residential home, now known as Turner House, opened in March 1971. Through the intervening years, David and Linda were wed over twelve years ago with the support of their families and Pleasant View staff.

10 living • Summer 2016

Pleasant View has grown from a six-person group home to a multidimensional agency that serves over 170 people through a variety of services and supports. The Lee High Residence, where Linda and David met, opened in 1979 in Broadway.

The people being served by Pleasant View range from having severe medical issues to being able to work at their own jobs. Most individuals supported by Pleasant View have intellectual disabilities that started before they were 18 and that interfere with their ability to perform two life skills. Once a person’s needs and wants are assessed, they are supported with a variety of programs. Day programs with community outings, volunteer work through Community Connections and Supported Employment are all possible through Pleasant View’s services. There is always one staff adult for every two to five people going on an outing. Pleasant View receives 88 percent of its funding from Medicaid. There is a lot of fundraising to cover the rest. Pleasant View has 11 residential locations and two facility-based day programs.

The people being served by Pleasant View range from having severe medical issues to being able to work at their own jobs.

David and Linda have both been members of Zion Mennonite Church since the 1980s. They like to sing in church services, see their friends each Sunday and enjoy having dinner there one night each week. They are also part of Pleasant View’s worship team - a fun and meaningful community outreach in which anyone supported by Pleasant View may participate. The team is invited to local churches, community organizations and clubs to share their gifts of vocal choir, bell choir, scripture reading and a message.

Pleasant View staff help David and Linda with cooking meals, shopping, balancing their checkbook and any other life skills they find too challenging to do independently. A cleaning woman takes care of most housework within their home. Linda sets the table and David helps make the spaghetti and chili they enjoy. They go shopping together with a staff member for their groceries and other essentials.

Pleasant View staff take David and Linda on a short vacation each year to celebrate their anniversary. Linda’s favorite was a trip, led by Human Resources Director Tamra Puffenbarger, to Pigeon Forge, Tenn. five to six years ago to see Dolly Parton, other music shows and shop.

Both David and Linda participate in Special Olympics. They enjoy swimming, basketball, bowling, softball and volleyball,

Faith and Light Worship services

Linda and David enjoy volunteering at fundraising events for Pleasant View. The snack table is an especially enjoyable place to help.

one sport at a time. Teams from all over Virginia gather for tournaments and meet to compete regularly.

David is also a fan of many sports. He attends most of the Broadway High School basketball team’s home games with a friend, Sandy Tolle, and has taken many bus trips with his Aunt Ruby to see the Baltimore Orioles. He loves the Washington Redskins and has been to one of their football games, as well.

David has been able to bag groceries at Sharp Shopper without much support for nine years. His job coach, Laura, checks on him twice a month and talks with his supervisors, Diane Michael and Doris Earles, to make sure no problems have developed. “He’s very good at his work. He has such a nice smile and positive outlook that customers remember him and purposely go down his lane so they have a chance to chat with him,” said Donna Click, Pleasant View’s coordinator for Supportive Employment. So it’s not surprising that Sharp Shopper has given him pay raises over the years. He’s proud of his performance and attendance there and loves the praise he receives from Diane.

Linda spent most of her childhood and early 20s institutionalized at Central Virginia Training Center in Lynchburg before moving to Pleasant View’s Lee High building in the mid ‘80s. Back in the 1960s when she was a child, going to an institution was the norm for many people with intellectual disabilities. Children were sometimes sent as young as 2 years old. Life has blossomed for Linda since leaving that institution in her early 20s.

Linda started working as a dining room attendant at Hardees in July of 1998, so some of the employees and regular customers there have known her for a long time. She enjoys greeting them, and she takes the trash out, cleans the tables

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Pleasant View is a faith-based organization with accountability to the regional Virginia Mennonite Conference and other health related professional associations. Pleasant View’s pastor, Dave Gullman, provides spiritual support to the individuals within Pleasant View and through Faith and Light, a national organization with a chapter in our community. Dave, Mike Shenk, Gwen Carr, Preston Sudduth and John Gullman lead two Faith and Light worship services per month open to the community. Faith and Light is an international Christian association with intellectually disabled people, their parents, and friends. The worship service includes music, teaching and ministry, and a time of fellowship. There are currently about 90 people attending. Both Trinity Presbyterian Church, Harrisonburg, and Zion Mennonite Church, Broadway, hold one Faith and Light service every other month.

Pastor Dave Gullman’s book

Dave Gullman has written a book published in 2015, “Teachers of the Soul: The Heart of God Revealed Through People With Disabilities.” It is about his personal and family journey with a daughter with Down syndrome. It can be purchased at Pleasant View or online at WestBowPress.com.

and washes dishes. At Goodwill, she hangs at least 425 items of clothing on hangers during her three to four hour shift.

Pleasant View residents are paid competitive wages in range with what other people make—not a subminimum wage.

She has a job coach employed by the state of Virginia to stay with her at all times, to make sure she stays safely in her work area and to help her meet job expectations. There are about ten job coaches who work with Linda at different times. Crystal Musser is Linda’s Pleasant View instructor at Goodwill, and her Pleasant View job coach at Hardees is Loren Breeden.

To help Linda meet her quota of clothes she needs to hang up during her shift, her job coach brings materials to her and helps with whatever she needs. “Everybody is different in the amount of support they need, so we help Linda and the others meet the requirements of their employer at whatever level of help they need,” said Donna.

David and Linda have been fortunate to find each other and to have support through Pleasant View. They each have fulfilling lives with opportunities to continue learning, growing, helping others and enjoying their time together. To find out more about what Pleasant View staff can do to help Shenandoah Valley residents with intellectual disabilities, call (540) 433-8960 or visit their website at pleasantviewinc.org.

LAUREE STROUD PURCELL serves as an editorial consultant for Living.

She and her husband Steve have two daughters.

Summer 2016 • living 11

©ADOBE STOCK

Money Matters

Guidance on family finances

It’s time to take a break

by KEN GONYER

T

his time of year makes me jealous of school-aged children. For kids, it’s the end of a long season of bus rides, classrooms and homework. It’s also the beginning of what feels like an endless expanse of time to sleep in, to get outdoors and to have fun with friends. I’m not as envious of the length of their time off as I am of the rhythm of their life— the fact that after they’ve made it through a school year, they now get to take a break for the summer.

For Karen and me, like many adults, the demands of life at work and home can seem to go on and on without pause.

There isn’t a rhythm of renewal. We sleep each night and have

There isn’t a rhythm of renewal. We sleep each night and have time off every weekend, but it isn’t quite enough. time off every weekend, but it isn’t quite enough. Thanks in part to technology, we stay connected to the to-do lists, the work and the worries. Those short nightly or weekly reprieves don’t feel nearly as exciting and life-changing as summer vacation felt when I was a kid. When that big, yellow bus

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12 living • Summer 2016

lurched to a stop in front of our house on the last trip home of the school year, I leapt out with glee and didn’t give school another thought for months.

As a couple, we’re realizing the need to set a higher priority on routinely disconnecting and taking breaks. Not doing so can wreak havoc on our relationships, our finances and even our health. When we try to press on through weeks or months of fatigue and work-related frustration, we eventually do things we’d resolved not to do. Instead of cooking meals from the menu we’d planned, we hurriedly pick up less healthy, more expensive take-out food. Instead of reflecting together on our day and going to sleep at a reasonable hour, we work until our brains are fried and wind-down by staring at our respective screens and surfing social media or watching worthless programs. Before long, we both realize it—we need a vacation!

As financial coaches, we encourage people to make wise money choices. When it comes to vacations, however, we don’t believe the least expensive option is always the best or wisest. For example, neither of us can get excited about a “stay-cation” in which we’d stay at home for a week and do some day trips for fun. This could save us a lot of money, but it wouldn’t be worth the savings. To us, vacation implies vacating the premises; as in leaving and going somewhere else for a while. If we stay at home, we simply can’t disconnect from unfinished projects and other items on our mental todo list. Even if we do nothing about them, they hang on our minds and drag us down. For the most restful break, we need to go somewhere else—and of course, that costs money.

We’ll need to pay for transportation, lodging, food and entertainment, but it will all be worth it because of the mental and emotional renewal we’ll experience.

According to a report from American Express in 2013, the average vacation expense per person in the United States is $1,145, or $4,580 for a family of four. Figures were from the article “Summer travel soars; Americans spend more” 2013).

Does vacation have to be this expensive? We don’t think so.

One of my favorite childhood memories is a summer road trip to visit relatives in New England. We roamed the roads for two weeks, stopping overnight to stay with uncles, aunts, cousins and old friends. Lodging was free. We slept on floors when needed—one night we even slept in a hayloft in my uncle’s goat barn! Entertainment cost very little. We met cousins for picnics, fished with uncles, paddled canoes and went sailing on the lakes where our uncles had modest “camps.” Food was shared generously at pot-luck meals. We shared messy and delicious lobster dinners, feasted on buttered corn-onthe cob and licked clean our bowls of strawberry shortcake.

For our family, this vagabond life was a welcome break—an experience of true refreshment and renewal.

I’ve heard that, on average, Americans only use half of the vacation time for which they’re eligible each year. While I can understand the economic circumstances that might motivate that self-denial, I think taking an occasional break is critical

to long-term health in all areas: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. As hard as we work to meet our needs, there will always be more work to do. We need rest, and according to Watchman Nee, “Our rest lies in looking to the Lord, not to ourselves.” Resting is an opportunity to trust God and appreciate all the blessings of life. This summer, whether you can take a vacation away from home or not, I hope you’ll take time—a day or two at least—to slow down, read, pray and enjoy family and friends. Take walks. Take naps. Notice the beauty around you. Breathe deeply. Smile. Take a break!

KEN GONYER is Director of Member Care at Park View Federal Credit Union (www.pvfcu.org) in Harrisonburg, Va. KAREN GONYER is a real estate agent with KlineMay Realty in Harrisonburg, Va. Email questions to ken.gonyer@pvfcu.org.

Art contest winners!

Valley children entered the “What I like about living in the Shenandoah Valley” art contest celebrating the magazine’s 25th anniversary.

The grand prize winner overall was James Nolt, age 10, son of Michelle Nolt in Bridgewater, Va. He titled his artwork, “Hunting.”

He drew a hunter laying in the grass near a river, aiming with a young buck in his rifle sight. He won an art kit donated by Take Them A Meal website.

The winners in the other age categories were as follows: Ages 10-12 1st prize (left) – Judah Dotson, age 10, “The Mallard Family,” Bruce and Samantha Dotson, Quicksburg, Va. 2nd prize (right) – Haya Adnan, age 10, “Nature is All Around Us!” Zaid Hassan, Harrisonburg, Va. Ages 7-9 1st prize (left) – Noelle Rankin, age 8, “Sunset in the Mountains,” Katie Rankin, Harrisonburg, Va. 2nd prize (right) – Shiloh Dotson, age 7, “Shiloh’s Rainbow,” Bruce and Samantha Dotson, Quicksburg, Va. Ages 4-6 1st prize (left) – Nolan Graham, age 4, “Police of the Night,” Reuben and Mary Graham, Harrisonburg, Va. 2nd prize (right) – Leeland Graham, age 5, “Firefighters Spray Out Fire, then Peace,” Reuben and Mary Graham, Harrisonburg, Va. The judges for this contest were two local artists, Ashley Sauder Miller and Brandy Somers.

Sauder Miller specializes in painting and drawing and has a studio at Spitzer Art Center in Harrisonburg. Somers is a photographer specializing in portraits, weddings, events and families.

Both have websites: www.ashleysaudermiller.com, and http://brandysomersphotography.com/.

Summer 2016 • living 13

The three best gifts we ever gave our kids

by LISA A. BEACH

I

©ADOBE STOCK

f you asked my two teens to name the best gifts they ever in the library’s reading challenge every summer. They even received, they would undoubtedly mention their videogame volunteered at the library as teenagers. console, cell phones and other technology-related presents.

We artfully instilled a love of reading, which only got But as a parent, I know better. stronger through the years as our Technology will be replaced every family bought and borrowed thoufew years, upgraded to smaller, sands of books, both for leisure better, faster versions. But some and for homeschooling. gifts? They last a lifetime.

Gift #3: The gift of boredom When I think of the best gifts With all the “enrichment” opmy husband and I have ever given portunities available—from art our boys, these three “intangible classes and music lessons to gifts” top the list: soccer clinics and tae kwon do Gift #1: The value of educaclasses—we wanted to make sure tion our kids were never bored.

For various reasons, we chose Big mistake. to homeschool our boys for alBoredom is often the catalyst most ten years. We found when for inspiration, allowing creativthe public school wasn’t meeting ity to flourish. It gives kids the their needs, we could provide unstructured time and space to a better education for our two cultivate their creativity, big ideas Children can learn to entertain themselves if allowed unstrucboys. Both gifted and with special tured time, especially in summer. and out-of-the-box thinking. This needs (autism spectrum for the oldholds true even more so now, as est, ADHD for the youngest), our boys thrived with a flexible the pervasiveness of technology infringes on the free time they schedule and a custom-tailored curriculum. do have.

By homeschooling them, we exposed them to a learning One summer, after a ridiculously busy homeschool year, lifestyle, where education takes place anywhere at any age. we decided against letting organized activities swallow up yet We filled their childhood with field trips, hands-on experianother one of our kids’ summers. Instead, we chose to give ences, co-op classes, books, art, music, service opportunities, them the gift of boredom. documentaries, games, experiments, projects, recipes, real-life learning activities, plays and concerts. Everything was a teachable moment.

Boredom is often the catalyst for inspiGift #2: The love of reading ration, allowing creativity to flourish.

My dad nicknamed me “Booka” because, as a child, I absolutely loved to read. Books ignited my imagination and fueled my love of language, which led me to pursue a writing career.

What a payoff! When my kids got bored, they got creative.

And I wanted to pass on this same gift—this love of reading— They explored, thought of new ideas, played together (and by to my boys. themselves), daydreamed, read books, tackled new projects, So, visits to bookstores and our local library became part of experimented, invented things, collaborated and wondered. the pages of their lives. They enjoyed the library’s story time Now that is enrichment. programs, puppet shows and magic shows. They participated These days, I think of giving in different terms. I don’t need to focus exclusively on buying gifts in a store or presenting them in beautifully wrapped packages. Instead, I ensure that, among the many tangible gifts I give my children over the years, I am also giving them bigger, immaterial gifts that will  last far beyond their childhood.  

 

 

 

14 living • Summer 2016

LISA A. BEACH is a freelance writer, blogger, mother of two teenagers, and recovering stay-at-home mom & homeschooler. Her writer’s website is www.LisaBeachWrites.com, and at www.TweeniorMoments. com, she writes about midlife, family and friends.

Family Forum

Strengthening family relationships

I still love my spouse, I’m just not “in love” with him/her anymore

by HARVEY YODER

A

rational and yet very powerful and natural attraction we exs a marriage counselor I often hear people lament while perience when we say we are “in love.” Eros, which means they still care for their marriage partner, they’ve some“desire,” is also the name of the mischievous Greek god of how lost the “madly-in love” feeling that once drew them romance, known as Cupid in Roman mythology. It is often the together. They often conclude this is not only true beyond any easiest kind of love to come by as well as being the easiest to doubt, but there is nothing that can be done to change the fact, go. which means their relationship is no longer a real marriage.

So if one concludes, “I still have a strong God-given It’s over. kind of unconditional and filial love for my spouse, But is that really the case, or might the marriage be but I no longer feel the same cupid-inspired deentering another phase that could lead to an even better sire for pleasurable intimacy with him or her,” “happily ever after?”

Sweets then he or she should ask, “OK, how can we A lot depends on how we use and define terms and desserts: get back more of what we once enjoyed?” And, like “love” and “in love.” intense romance “What’s gotten in the way of that once very In our English language we use the same normal and natural enjoyment?” word (love) to describe our fondness for chocoSoup for the soul: Maybe love isn’t really something we late as we do for our devotion to God or to intimate companionship “fall out of” like Humpty Dumpty falla valued family member. But in the Greek spiritual fellowship ing off a wall. Even the loss of Eros language used in New Testament times, is likely happening because we there were at least three distinct words haven’t nurtured it the way we for love, each of which contributes Spirit fruit: Basic entrees: did when we were dating, and/ to a good marriage, as in the dialove, joy, peace regular diet patience, kindness, of work, play or because too many other gram above: goodness, faithfulness, and conversation desires have gotten in the “Agape” is the divinely gentleness and self-control together as best friends way. inspired ability to care for Far better to restore other people as we care Daily breads and cereals: whatever love has for ourselves, the abilbeen lost than to ity to unselfishly unconditional commitment, leave a relationand unconditionacceptance, respect and empathy ship in disreally forgive and pair and try serve others. to find love It forms the and happiness elsewhere. Because a lasting love isn’t so much foundation for any enduring relationship, but especially one something to be found as to be created and nurtured. in which partners pledge to remain together in “sickness and health, for richer or poorer, for better or for worse, until death HARVEY YODER is a family counselor and do us part.” teaches parenting and marriage classes at the “Philia” is the kind of warm kinship we naturally feel with Family Life Resource Center. Questions relating close friends and family members, associated with the fun and to family concerns can be addressed to FLRC, enjoyment of everyday living and working together. Success273 Newman Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22801 or ful couples find it just as important to do things that enhance to Harvey@flrc.org. His blog can be followed at their genuinely liking each other as they do things that add to harvyoder.blogspot.com. “in love” feelings.

“Eros” is the romantic desire we feel for another, the less

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Relationship Pyramid

Summer 2016 • living 15

Consider the ant

by SONIA RANDALL

he ant is often regarded as a model of tireless industry. I on their slaves that they lose their ability to forage for food or love what King Solomon said in Proverbs 6:6-8, “Go to even care for their own young. Solomon might have made an the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It apt proverb out of that! has no captain, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions Like bees, each colony of ants has a queen who is mother in summer and gathers its food at harvest.” to all the workers. The queen continues laying eggs all her life The world of the ant while the workers are is fascinating—how divided into groups. the ant goes about Each ant has natufounding a colony, ral instincts which constructing a home guide it in carrying for it, and caring for out its duties with its members. The confidence. Some various methods of ants work at keeping providing food for the the eggs at the proper colony are interesting temperature while in themselves. Many others feed and clean ants collect seeds the young ants. Others and other insects and are guards who destore them. Some are fend the colony from gardeners who raise enemies. special types of yeastMany ant workers like fungi in their spend their lives connests. They actually We all know ants are amazing hard workers—but did you know some ants spend their lives structing more rooms just building more rooms and longer tunnels in the colony? And more! fertilize their gardens and longer tunnels in with leaves and flower the colony to make petals brought from room for an expandoutside. The fungi produce tiny nourishing knobs which the ing population. Some rooms are used for storing food while ants eat. others provide “nurseries” for eggs and young ants. Other ants Other ant species accumulate their own “herds” of aphids clean and repair the tunnels and reorganize the rooms. The ant (or plant lice) and tend them much as ranchers tend their carries out all these tasks using only its claws and tiny powercattle. The ants build tiny shelters for them and even take them ful jaws. In some anthills, the rooms may be up to two inches to new locations when aphid food becomes scarce. They do in width, which is quite an excavation for such a tiny creature! this because Other insects they dearly love can be attracted the sweet nectar Some ants work at keeping the eggs at the proper temperato the colony by they receive ture while others feed and clean the young ants. Others are its orderliness, from the aphids. the continuing guards who defend the colony from enemies.

There is anfood supply and other ant species the fierce guards which Solomon might not have thought so admirable. They who defend it. Tiny beetles, which look like ants, often move raid other ant colonies and bring the young back to their own into the ant community and earn their keep by helpfully eating nest to be “worker slaves.” In fact, some become so dependent dead ants and other refuse. The ants help care for the young beetles and don’t seem to mind when the beetles eat a few of the ant youngsters.

Quality Vehicles Reasonable Prices Solomon was wise when he told us to consider the amazing ant, just one of God’s marvelous creatures. There are lessons on foresight, hard work and community cooperation. And the psalmist has told us: “The Lord is good to all; He has 3986 Linville Edom Road compassion on all He has made,” (Ps. 145:9 NIV). Even the Linville, VA 22834 tiny ants!

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16 living • Summer 2016

Cooking Corner

Recipes and tips for cooking at home

Fiesta Bean Salad

A delightful summer side—or main dish, served with or without tortilla chips! This recipe is from Take Them A Meal website and originally from SkinnyTaste.com. It serves four. Enjoy!

Ingredients:

2 cloves 3 tbsp.

1 tbsp.

1 tsp. pinch 1/2 tsp.

15 oz. can 1 cup 1 cup 1/4 cup 1/4 cup 1

garlic, minced fresh lime juice extra virgin olive oil cumin crushed red pepper flakes salt black beans, rinsed and drained canned chickpeas, rinsed and drained cherry tomatoes, halved minced red onion, finely diced cilantro, chopped medium avocado, diced

Directions:

1. In a large bowl, combine the garlic, lime juice, oil, cumin, crushed red pepper and salt.

2. Add the black beans, chickpeas, tomatoes, onion and cilantro.

3. Mix well.

4. When ready to eat, gently fold in the avocado and serve.

See more at: http://www.takethemameal.com/recipes/ side-dishes/all/fiesta-bean-salad/#sthash.783V9JK6. dpuf

Maureen Witmer is the Director of Outreach and Engagement, as well as the Recipe Specialist for TakeThemAMeal.com. Her recipes and photographs can be found on the recipe section of TakeThemAMeal.com. She and her husband Andrew, a professor of History at James Madison University, live in Harrisonburg, Va. Maureen works from home where she cares for their young children.

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Shenandoah Spotlight Young adults to watch

Ginny Miller

by LAUREE S. PURCELL

F

ourteen-year-old Ginny Miller was homeschooled until last summer. She dove head first into her first year at Eastern Mennonite Middle School by taking a lead role in her school’s play “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” last December. “Acting as the mother helped me grow in knowledge of the theater and of myself,” said Ginny. “I learned how to take charge when I’m needed and enjoyed working with the other actors,” she said.

Ginny was one of six middle school students in “Brigadoon” at Eastern Mennonite High School in May. As part of her role, she learned some Scottish dance steps and sang in the children’s chorus.

Since joining the Shenandoah Valley Children’s Choir (SVCC) in 2014, Ginny has saved all her earnings from her lawn-mowing business to enjoy SVCC’s future trips. This year, they’ll sing in Baltimore with Maryland State Boychoir and travel to Peru in 2017. “It’s a challenge balancing my schoolwork with the rigorous practice schedule of the SVCC, but it’s worth it because I’m learning about being professional on stage and about solfege [the first step toward sight reading music],” Ginny said.

Participating in her church’s children’s choir and taking piano lessons for several years helped prepare Ginny for SVCC. Ginny enjoys volunteering at Highland Retreat camp near Bergton. After enjoying day camp for a summer, she had her first week of overnight camp there when she was 10. She’s been back for more outdoor experiences at Highland every summer and has helped serve meals, spread wood chips, mulch, weed and do deep cleaning of the cabins. “I like working with kids and want to continue spending my summers surrounded by the beautiful mountains,” said Ginny. She hopes to be part of the “staff in training” next year and work at Highland as a counselor during her summer breaks while in college. “The counselors at Highland Retreat are awesome,” said Ginny.

She has plenty of water experience by competing on the

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18 living • Summer 2016

Westover Waves swim team for the past five summers.

“My grandmother loved the water and taught that love to her grandchildren, so swimming is in my blood,” she said.

Ginny enjoys helping her dad with his hobby of reworking bicycles in their garage. With his help last winter and spring, she fixed up a Schwinn Fastback bike from the 1960s for herself.

“We tore it down to its bare bones. It’s fun to ride and now I understand the mechanics of a bike,” she commented.

Ginny, her parents Carmen and Chad Miller, and 12-year-old brother Clint are all active members of Harrisonburg Mennonite Church (HMC). She and her brother keep HMC’s grass cut, and she’s helped plant trees along the walking path and in the memorial grove there. “Digging in the dirt on Saturdays with my dad is fun,” said Ginny. “And it’s a way to honor some of our members past and present, like Wayne and Doris North.” She grew up helping church women quilt and knot comforters on sewing day. Now that she is in school when they sew, she misses her older friends there.

When Ginny was 8, she and her mother were part of a team of five providing childcare for a conference in Dhaka, Bangladesh.

“We brought big Legos, finger puppets and books for the 20 children in our care that week. It was hard work but very enjoyable because I got to connect with kids living in another part of the world,” she recalled.

Like many teenagers in the Shenandoah Valley, Ginny is thriving in the supportive environment created by her parents, her school, her church and the many local community organizations dedicated to helping young people succeed.

LAUREE STROUD PURCELL is an editorial consultant and writer for Living.

Know someone 30 or under to nominate for a future Shenandoah Spotlight? Requirements are: Valley resident or grew up here, outstanding for their job, community, or church work, and the model they provide. Contact us at info@valleyliving.org.

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Summer 2016 • living 19

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How to find smooth sailing on vacation M

Differences often come out in relationships when spending time together on vacation, but careful communication will help you learn to appreciate strengths in new ways.

by GAYLA GRACE

y husband, Randy, and I have differences that initially brought us together, but turned difficult to manage as a married couple - particularly on vacation. Randy loves spending every waking hour with people as an extreme extrovert. Although I appreciate his strong people skills, I need time alone to recharge and reflect with my introverted disposition.

Vacations can bring out the worst in a married couple. Long days together in cramped spaces with expectations of a picture-perfect time of rest and relaxation often results in conflict.

If we don’t relate well to the differentness of our spouse, we can’t escape the tension. But working through differences with compromise can create an enjoyable vacation.

We’ve all heard the old adage “opposites attract.” It isn’t hard to find extreme differences in most married couples.

Some theorists believe we are attracted to those who represent our underdeveloped side of self, balancing out the qualities we lack. But the ironic part comes when we try to change that person to function as we do.

We want well-developed plans for vacation while our spouse prefers spontaneity. We like order in the cabin and nag our partner’s messiness. We can’t relate to our spouse’s punctuality since we don’t mind being late. The list goes on.

We’re confronted with a choice: Will we allow the time together on vacation to help teach us how to appreciate personality strengths and negotiate through differences, or will we spend our time trying to mold our spouse into a person more like us, creating inevitable tension while sabotaging the efforts of an enjoyable vacation?

When opposites attract, we need good communication with one another to learn how to accept each other’s uniqueness.

Vacation needs require compromise for partners to get along 20 living • Summer 2016

while making decisions on where to go or how to spend money while travelling. It may involve acceptance of something we don’t like, but will tolerate for the sake of our mate’s creative or artistic side. Or it could include going separate ways one afternoon, with each one choosing different outings. But if we find ourselves trying to control every detail of the vacation or constantly manipulating our partner’s personality to get our way, we need to evaluate our motives and talk about our differences.

Vacations can bring out the worst in a married couple. Long days together in cramped spaces with expectations of a picture-perfect time of rest and relaxation often results in conflict.

For my husband and me, vacations became disastrous as I tried to keep up with his energy level that’s re-charged by people, finding myself exhausted at the end of the day due to my need for time alone. Being surrounded by our children exacerbated my need to find a corner to myself. After frustrating vacation stints because of misunderstood judgments of each other, we began to understand and accept our differentness. We changed our expectations of one another on vacation and learned to express our needs, such as my desire for an hour with a good book when I needed a break from activity.

As you discuss your next vacation, consider the differences of your mate and the challenges of unique personalities in your family. Talk about what accommodations need to be made to create an enjoyable vacation for everyone. Stepmom Jan Gull

recognizes her need for separation from her teenage stepson after extended hours together. She and her husband agree to stay in two hotel rooms at night with her husband and stepson in a separate room to give her time away from the tension her stepson creates. Although it might appear to be a radical compromise, for this stepfamily in its early years of bonding, it’s a helpful one.

Your family has unique differences that dictate what accommodations need to be made. As you recognize and verbalize your needs with your mate, you’re more likely to find solutions in the midst of differences. Enjoyable vacations are created as you learn to appreciate one another’s uniqueness and seek compromising solutions when personalities collide.

Don’t give up if you’ve had a bumpy vacation. Learn from your challenges and head out again. I hope you’ll find smoother sailing at the next dock, like we did.

GAYLA GRACE is a freelance writer, wife, and mom to five, from Louisiana, who looks forward to vacationing with her family.

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Summer 2016 • living 21

©ADOBE STOCK

Please save my boys!

by ARTHUR R. LEE

W

hen I was 20 years old, our family went for a picnic at Capitola Beach, in California. My brother, three years younger than me, invited a high school friend to share our holiday. We all enjoyed an afternoon of good food, horseshoe pitching and beach ball sports. My brother and his friend were both on the high school swimming and diving team, and I was home on leave from the U.S. Navy.

My brother and I loved to swim, having been raised in the warm waters of Hawaii. But, the waters off the coast of Northern California are a frigid 50 to 60 degrees most of the time.

Although refreshing, the temperatures are far too cold for more than a brief, invigorating swim.

Playing with my brother’s rubber football was fun and it was inevitable we would run and splash in the surf. Throwing the ball back and forth, we passed the ball farther and farther into deeper water, daring the receiver to make the catch.

Finally, my brother had enough. I had thrown the ball too far out for him, a form of teasing, and he refused to go after the ball. The fun was out of the game and he complained to our mom and dad. To make matters worse, his ball was be-

ing blown past the surf by an off-shore wind. To keep peace in the family, I decided it was my responsibility to go after the ball. After all, I had caused this end to our fun. I ran and dived into the surf.

I was a good swimmer but had not counted on the numbing A carefree day at effects of the cold water. I had the beach turns gone out a fourth of a mile when into trouble for two brothers.

I slowed down considerably.

Then I heard my brother, close behind me and calling my name.

“Forget the ball,” he gasped in short breaths between strokes, “it isn’t worth it. It’s just an old ball and we can get another.

Let’s go back in.” Concerned he had caused me to be so stubborn and foolish, he had swum out and caught up to me. I was quite surprised as I hadn’t heard him before. I agreed. We were a long way out—too far out, really.

We swam toward the shore but had been in the water for over a half hour. Our swim had attracted the attention of people fishing on a pier, an old cement ship sunken in place for that purpose. We were twice the distance of the length of the pier off shore. Our father was greatly alarmed and ran out to the end of the pier. He contacted a park ranger, begging him to help us. There was no boat or life guard available. Nothing could be done. “But I could lose both of my sons!” our father pleaded.

I was a good swimmer but had not counted on the numbing effects of the cold water. I had gone out a fourth of a mile when I slowed down considerably.

Our mother was extremely concerned too, and was afraid our father might have a stroke from his high level of anxiety.

The ranger was not a life guard and had only a small life ring available. Due to the distance, throwing it to us was impos-

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sible. My brother’s friend had climbed to the rail of the ship and was poised to dive in to help us, when the ranger stopped him. Large waves broke against the cement pier and jagged rocks were just under the surface. My brother and I were tired and on our own.

Hypothermia was beginning to set in as we two, side-byside, battled the cold water in our shoreward swim. My arms grew heavier and heavier, to the point where I could barely lift them out of the water for my strokes. My leg kicks became less and less effective as exhaustion overtook me. My brother was falling behind and I feared for him.

We were approaching the surf line which had built up to about eight foot waves. My arms and legs felt like lead weights and my head went below the surface of the water more and more. Strong thoughts crossed my mind that we wouldn’t make it. I didn’t think I had enough wind left in me to survive the crushing and tumbling I knew we would experience in the breakers, even if we could get that far. I began to pray. “Lord, please help us make it to the shore, we can’t do it without your help.”

Then, a very strange thing happened. I felt myself lifted up out of my body. I was suspended about fifty feet in the air, looking down on my own body struggling in the water. There was a warm, diffused light glowing about me. Then, through the air, I was transported to the beach. I lay there in splendid comfort with my brother, basking in the rays of the sun. My arms and legs slowly, luxuriously churned the hot sand, bringing warmth to my body. We were safe.

Then, just as strangely, I found myself back in the sea, but I was no longer cold. A huge wave crashed down on me, and I rolled with the effects of tons of water pushing me down.

I gasped for air in the salty foam. Miraculously, my toes touched, then dug into the hard sand and shells of the bottom.

Another wave broke over me but my legs and arms and whole body were amazingly strong, as if all my energy had been restored! I stroked with my arms and kicked with all my might and broke free of the grip of the surf.

Over my left shoulder I spotted the form of my brother. He was upside down on the crest of a large wave, legs and feet spread apart and pointing skyward. I ran up the beach and took an inner tube away from a small boy, rushing back into the waves to save my brother. It wasn’t necessary. He staggered out of the surf on his own, arms stretched wide. I returned the inner-tube to the boy.

My brother and I flopped down in the sand—in exactly the same place I had seen us from above, only a few minutes earlier! We both lay there, exhausted, not moving for several minutes. We felt the rays of the sun and the warmth of the sand flowing into us.

Today there are many books, films and even academic study of near death and out-of-body experiences that look at what happens in the brain during such times. Many people are profoundly changed by the experience and I was as well.

I couldn’t explain it. It was such a remarkable and extraordinary experience. I hadn’t dreamed it, it was not a dream but an occurrence I shall never forget.

ARTHUR R. LEE is a freelance writer from California.

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Summer 2016 • living 23

There’s nothing like a good story(teller)

by RUTH O’NEIL

I

©ADOBE STOCK

love a good story. It doesn’t matter if I’m writing it or watching it as a play or movie. Reading was one of my favorite hobbies as a child. My sister and I would ride our bikes to the library on summer days and then spend the afternoons in front of the pool with our noses in books. I read so much that after a while it became difficult to check out books that I hadn’t already read.

When my oldest daughter was old enough to enjoy being read to we would pick out a new book at the grocery store each week. That would be her “well-behaved” treat. I thought a book was better than candy. When we got home and had put groceries away we would sit together and read our new book.

My other daughter would bring out all of her favorites when Aunt Susan came to visit. They would sit together and read several books in a row while they ate chocolate.

As my kids got a little older, reading wasn’t on their own top ten lists of favorite things to do. I would bribe them by offering money for each book they read. It worked because they would read and find they actually enjoyed a book at which they had previously turned up their noses.

Later I rediscovered reading to my kids. Most parents read to their kids when they are young, but we all seem to stop as the kids get older. As my kids entered their teens, I didn’t think they would like to listen to me read. I started with the Chronicles of Narnia and they loved it! Since the movie was coming out soon, I wanted to get them excited about seeing it. Reading it worked! Everyday they would ask me to read another chapter. It was a story they looked forward to hearing more of everyday.

Despite the excitement of a good story in our household, I

have learned the art of storytelling is something that seems to be on the verge of extinction. Most children aren’t taught to read aloud in schools anymore; therefore when they do have to read out loud, it is choppy and not easy to listen to. How to tell a story is something that should be continued and passed on to our students and children. This can be a fun and exciting way to pass the time and enjoy being with our children (or if your house is like ours, the children of the entire neighborhood).

Despite the excitement of a good story in our household, I have learned, the art of storytelling is something that seems to be on the verge of extinction.

Don’t let storytelling fall by the wayside. In my experience, even the children who have difficulty sitting still and being quiet have no trouble being still and quiet once they have been drawn into and are mesmerized by a good story. Make storytelling days special days. Rainy or snowy days are perfect for this because otherwise we will be tempted to allow them to watch too much TV. Instead, sit everyone in a circle on the floor or cuddle up on the couch with a quilt if it is a cool day and help their imaginations run wild as you tell them a story.

Storytelling is a great way to connect with kids and let creativity flow – theirs and ours. Don’t be afraid to relax and let your hair down so to speak. Don’t be afraid to let kids laugh at you. If it is a funny story and they laugh, you have told the story successfully. The same is true if it is a sad story and they look like they want to cry.

Storytelling is a good way for kids to learn about deceased relatives. Whenever one of my children does something that reminds me of my mother, the grandmother they never knew, I tell them a little story they will think is funny or they will enjoy. This gives them an opportunity to get close to her even though she is gone. It also is a way they can see where their own little habits and idiosyncrasies came from.

The marvelous part about being able to tell a captivating story is you can do so anytime, anywhere, without special equipment!

24 living • Summer 2016

So, how can you make storytelling interesting?

1. When you read a story, read loud enough for all to hear and understand. Trying to listen to someone speak whose voice is hard to hear is more stressful than enjoyable. During lectures or sermons, if I can’t hear the speaker, I have a tendency to zone out and not pay any attention. When working with children, this is definitely not something we want to happen.

2. Read with excitement in your voice instead of sounding monotone. I have listened to books on tape and I have to admit I much more enjoy the versions where the reader uses different voices for different characters. Kids are going to be the same way. They like to hear those voices, especially if they are silly.

This helps their imagination to develop. When they begin to do more reading on their own, the characters voices will develop in their own heads.

3. When you are telling a story from memory, use facial expressions and make eye contact to keep attention better. When

I was a child and had been caught daydreaming by my teacher, it was embarrassing. I felt guilty that I had been caught not listening. Also, facial expressions keep kids’ attention. If you have a funny face for a particular character, the children will wait in anticipation for you to do it again.

4. Allow the children to participate. Have them join in making funny faces for the characters. Let them tell the story in their own words. Let them reenact the story using drama, by giving different children different parts. Interrupt your storytelling to ask them what they think will happen next; then continue talking or reading the story to see if they are right.

When is the last time you told your kids a story? Today is a great day for a story!

RUTH O’NEIL is a freelance writer from Virginia.

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Summer 2016 • living 25

©ADOBE STOCK

So you’re not much into gardening?

This author frees her daughters to take matters into their own hands.

How doesn’t my garden grow?

by HEATHER LEE LEAP

“I

When our oldest daughter was a toddler she wanted to gardo not garden. I am not going to help you, and I will den and my husband and I were nudged by guilt into digging not referee. If you want a garden you need to do it a small plot and planting tomatoes, basil and zucchini. We’d alone or figure out a way to work together.” I slammed been raised by gardeners who simultaneously built our charthe door, so to speak, in the face of my children’s enthusiasm. acter and tortured us by requiring us to pull weeds. We remiDid I really say that? And, more importantly, did my words nisced about eating freshly harvested carrots and peas shucked carry over the back fence to the mom with the lovely garden directly into our mouths. and two children younger than mine?

Turns out my oldest daughter and I are alike. We like the We live in an area that causes gardeners to sing rhapsodicalidea of a garden, we’re happy to pluck a tasty, ripe delight ly. Things grow here. Despite my astonishing neglect, I rarely from a vine, but we’d rather stretch out in a lawn chair in the manage to actually kill plants. I used to fear neighbors would yard, lifting a finger only to turn the next page of a book. shun me for my poorly thriving roses or my straggly rhodoLast year dendrons. another mom FortuMommy-guilt related to gardening seize me at low moments. Good strode toward nately my me in front neighbors parents support and encourage their children to garden, right? of our daughdon’t seem ters’ school, to care, or if they do they are too nice to say so. alight with enthusiasm, her Schnoodle dancing along beside Still, bouts of mommy-guilt related to gardening seize me her at the end of his leash. at low moments. It’s so wholesome. Good parents support and “I thought it would be great to create a gardening workencourage their children to garden, right? One year the Easter group so we can knock out all our spring yard work over a few Bunny brought little packet of basil seeds, diminutive pastel weekends, taking turns at each other’s houses,” she said as her pots and dehydrated discs of soil: “Just add water.” The pots dog wound around our ankles and she spun to disentwine us and packets still clutter the built-in cabinet in my dining room, from the leash. mocking me.

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I shrank away from her, shaking my head, “I don’t garden.”

She paused in mid-twirl, “Well, you must have some…”

“Nope,” I interrupted her. “I don’t garden. I also don’t do pets. I’ve removed both of those items from my Super-Mom requirement list.” I gave her a smile that I hoped said, “I don’t do pets, but other people’s pets are probably okay.” Luckily, she already knows about my pet resistance. Our girls are friends.

I’m pretty sure I’m already known as the weird anti-pet-parent.

Maybe I’m just lazy, but I find yard work mind-numbingly dull. I’m told gardening is soothing and therapeutic and grounding, but I am restrained by my profound dread of wasting anything, whether that be time or lettuce. I fear planting things and having them fail to grow, as much as the possibility of producing more veggies than I can handle.

Just thinking of tomatoes rotting on the vine or neighbors closing the door in the face of my proffered excess zucchini makes me sweaty. It’s not the good clean sweat from hard work, but the rank sweat of anxiety.

My husband and I cultivate excuses. We sow discouragement. “The yard is too shady. We’ll be traveling and unable to maintain a garden. It’s a lot of work and really, we’re not going to help you,” we tell the kids.

My girls are getting old enough to take matters into their own hands. Despite my words bellowed from the doorway last spring, two of them, ages 8 and 11, decided to start a garden.

Two separate plots, one for each of them. They took turns wailing at me from the back door, their feet planted in muddy boots on the mat.

“She won’t let me use the shovel! She won’t help me dig!”

As well as being a failure at teaching my kids to garden, I’ve failed to teach them teamwork. I speculated we would end up with two giant pits in our yard and two fatigued and bored children who would develop new passions before they ever reached the planting stage.

The little one lasted a few days, but perseverance carried our middle daughter through. She claimed the site of an old raised bed, where rogue cherry tomatoes had cross pollinated and sprouted a mystery variety after our last haphazard gardening adventure. On her own, she dug a garden bed three feet wide

and eight feet long. My husband rewarded her by helping measure the plot and build a frame. Together they bought seeds and eventually staked a forest of tomatoes.

Despite my aversion to gardening, I love to cook. I serve regular meals created from whole foods, albeit not grown from soil adjacent to my own home or requiring dirt to accumulate beneath my fingernails. This year I’ll write a check to our CSA farm. On Wednesday afternoons I’ll get up from my lawn chair, walk down the street to the neighborhood drop, and scoop up brilliant greens, onions, root vegetables, mouthwatering fruit and the occasional mystery vegetable. If my daughter retains her enthusiasm for gardening, I’ll slice her tomatoes into salads. If the fall rains come early I’ll avert my gaze and seal my lips if her brilliant fruits rot on the vine.

Some days I worry that I’m the slacker mom. It’s tempting to grab hold of a child’s dream and dig the holes and lift the rocks for them. Then I remind myself my children do not benefit from my trying to be someone I am not, and they’ll learn far more pursuing their own paths. I’ve realized it is ok to step back and allow our children to explore without our help, to find their own solutions and to harvest their own fruit.

I guess I’m a gardener after all. I’m growing children.

Freelance writer HEATHER LEE LEAP lives in the Pacific Northwest where things grow exceptionally well, particularly children.

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Summer 2016 • living 27

by ASHLEY TALMADGE

T

he benefits of exercising regularly are no secret. From controlling weight, to staving off chronic disease, to improving memory and sleep—physical activity seems to be a cure-all for whatever ails you.

And yet how many times have you renewed your commitment to exercise more, only to have life get in the way? Studies show you’re not alone. Most gym memberships go unused within a month or two of purchase.

Take heart! There are ways to beat the odds and ensure your personal success. Take a long-term view of your health, start slowly and don’t expect a miracle in three weeks. You can break the old cycle and make active habits a part of The key to keeping a workout routine is to find something you enjoy—but switch it up if you need to daily life. Follow these twelve sure- inject fresh enthusiasm. fire tips to start and maintain your workout routine. detailed and specific. So “I’ll exercise more,” becomes “I’ll 1. ❱ Baby steps first. Promise yourself a brisk 15-minute bike five miles, three times a week.” Amy Carroll, full-time walk on your lunch hour each day, or a 20-minute yoga DVD insurance agent and mother of two, has been going to the gym while the baby’s napping. Start with something you know you regularly for almost four months. She says, “My long-term can manage and grow from there. goal is to be the weight that is on my driver’s license. I have 2. ❱ Beware the Shortcut Charlatan. No, you can’t use “vibramini goals to shoot for along the way, and currently have hit tion technology” to jiggle flab into a beach-ready bikini body. my first goal of losing 15 pounds!”

The quicker you’re able to ignore such outlandish claims, the 5. ❱ Personalize it. One-on-one time with a personal trainer quicker you can get to the real business of getting fit. Exercising can help demystify the vast array of techniques and equipcan be fun, but it’s not effortless. View your health and fitness as ment. Personal trainer Brandon Senn claims many people a creative lifelong endeavor, rather than a phase. choose a “cookie cutter” routine, and then can’t stick with their fitness program. He says, “Often people don’t understand what they’re doing and why.” A personal trainer can help you Take a long-term view of your health, create a flexible and diversified program. Most can also prostart slowly and don’t expect a miracle vide advice regarding nutrition and weight management.

6. ❱ Scale back. Resist the urge to weigh yourself every day. in three weeks.

Sure, you want a concrete way to track the pounds being si3. ❱ Know yourself, be yourself. Nothing causes burnout phoned away in your sweat. But for most people, losing more quicker than hating every minute of your workout. Use the than a pound-and-a-half per week is unrealistic. Senn says equipment and techniques that motivate you. Not a rooster? progress is more accurately tracked by getting a regular body Don’t schedule your workouts at 5 a.m. Enjoy camaraderie? fat measurement (easily obtained at most gyms). In addition, Join a fitness class. Inspired by screams of, “Make it burn!” as he recommends keeping an accurate log of your workouts as you writhe in pain after your hundredth crunch? Hire the burly “a great way to see where you’re making progress, and where retired marine as your personal trainer. you might need to modify what you’re doing.” Hop on the 4. ❱ Precision counts. It’s easier to work toward a goal that’s scale only weekly, or even less often, to avoid discouragement

28 living • Summer 2016

©ADOBE STOCK

❱12

ways to work your workout

and get a better sense of how your weight is trending.

7. ❱ Buddy up. A workout partner with similar goals can foster some healthy competition. You don’t need to coordinate every workout, but check in with your buddy regularly to compare notes. Choose a person who won’t let you off the hook too easily if you miss your workout.

8. ❱ Use bribery and blackmail. Reward yourself in some small way for completing your workout. Sometimes all it takes is the thought of a post-workout shower at the gym, uninterrupted by small children pounding on the door. If you’re more motivated by penalty than reward, agree to buy your workout buddy lunch if you miss more than two sessions in a row. Use social media to post your intentions.

9. ❱ Remember your physics. A body at rest tends to stay at rest, while a body in motion tends to keep moving. This goes for your body, too. Adopt a “something is better than nothing” attitude. When unforeseen schedule challenges arise, do a brisk 20-minute walk or jog rather than ditch your workout completely. Missed workouts pile up quickly, while your feet get more comfortable on the ottoman.

10. ❱ Avoid the blame game. So you ate a huge piece of cake after your daughter’s party, and now you feel like your workout was for naught. Allow yourself a mini guilt party (no more than 15 minutes!) and move on. Emphasis on move. And don’t try to compensate for those cake calories by doubling your workout time. Forget the “sugar debt” and keep moving.

11. ❱ Mix it up. Try something new when you feel stuck in your routine. Carroll says she loves her Zumba class, but also uses the elliptical, some weight machines, and some free

weights. She adds, “I just started doing some basic kick boxing stuff at home, and I have enjoyed that, too.”

12. ❱ Get inspired. Look for someone who makes you think, “If she can do it, so can I.” Whether it’s the restaurant blogger who shed 90 pounds, or the 90-year-old who still walks three miles a day, let your “hero” spur you on.

ASHLEY TALMADGE is a freelance writer and mother of two boys from Oregon. She has been faithful to her workout routine for four years... and counting.

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November 9 - 18, 2016

“Holy Land Adventure”

Make the Bible come alive as we visit Haifa, Tiberius, Capernaum, Nazareth Village, Caesarea, Sea of Galilee, Bethlehem, Jerusalem, and more.

March 20 - 30, 2017

“Spain and Portugal”

Visiting Lisbon, Seville, Cordoba, Granada, Toledo, Madrid, Zaragoza, Barcelona, including the famous La Sagrada Familia Church

For More Information contact Ed & Edie Bontrager 540-438-8304 (Office), 540-209-7457 (Cell) ~ Harrisonburg, VA www.travelventuretours.com ~ eebontrager@comcast.net Summer 2016 • living 29

What’s your pet saying?

by ASHLEY TALMADGE

W

e’ve seen them posted online or traded between phones: the adorable home video clips capturing kidand-pet antics. Who doesn’t admit to an “Awwww!” moment, as the preschooler wraps her arms around her dog’s fluffy neck, and presses her face to his nose?

But for animal specialists, these scenes can be tense rather than tender. Why? The dog’s body language (stiff posture, quick lip-licks, and visible crescent-shaped white of an eye) shows that he’s stressed. There’s clearly a loving bond between the child and her canine companion. But the pooch is sending a message: “I don’t like this squeezy hug!”

Nearly half of American households include a dog, and almost 40 percent include a cat. Science shows our physical and mental health are improved by relationships with companion animals. The simple act of stroking a pet’s fur can decrease anxiety and reduce blood pressure. Kids are often calmed by the presence of an animal, and many use a pet’s uncritical ear to sort through problems, or even improve their reading skills.

But how many times do we take this unconditional love for granted?

When a dog bites or a cat scratches a child, parents often report the animal was unprovoked – it happened “out of the blue.” Yet shelter manager Kim Latos, says there are always warning signs. Unfortunately kids – and often their parents – do not know how to read them. For instance, Latos says, “Dogs don’t like to be hugged. Kids always want to hug animals, but how often do we see animals hugging each other?”

Warning Behaviors in Pets Dogs and cats display warning signs to show social discomfort. Always supervise child-pet interactions, and separate them if you see these signs: • Stiff posture • “Nervous” licking of lips and/or yawning • Half-moon eye (where you see a crescent of white) • Attempts to leave • Tucked tail • Lifted lip/snarl In cats: • Quickly-twitching tail • Ears laid back or pointed back • Eyes dilated • Paw swipes • Growling/hissing 30 living • Summer 2016

When warning signs continue to go unheeded, a dog is at risk for snapping or biting out of frustration. dog can bite, and any cat can scratch. She says the majority of animal bites and other pet-related injuries are preventable, and it comes down to better supervision. “Children should never be left around pets unsupervised,” Latos says. “I can’t stress that enough.” She explains that a child is not developmentally ready to interpret the pet’s language and respond appropriately without assistance.

And kids are often vulnerable for reasons beyond their control. A child’s short stature means he can easily come face-toface with a large dog. Consequently, the vast majority of dog-related injuries to a young child are inflicted to the head and neck.

Katie Ball, CEO of the Love Your Pet Expo and Sanctuary, says, “Young children often smell like food,” and this can lead to confusion. “ A dog might be licking a child’s face because it has remnants of donuts, crackers, or chicken – and the child is thinking the dog wants to kiss!” says Ball. Face-to-face contact between a pet and child dramatically increases the risk of injury. ©ADOBE STOCK

In dogs:

While many dogs tolerate this human display of affection, they also give clues about their discomfort. And when warning signs continue to go unheeded, a dog is at risk for snapping or biting out of frustration.

We cannot expect our pets to be “on call” 24/7, and sometimes our failure to read the “I need a break” clues has severe consequences. Statistics indicate more than 75 percent of pet-related injuries to children are inflicted by a familiar pet, whether their own or a friend’s. Yet, until an incident occurs, most parents believe their pet to be completely kid-safe.

This is frustrating to experts like Latos who cautions any

Typical kid behavior can unintentionally provoke a dog or cat. Children move quickly and erratically; they’re loud and have high-pitched voices; and their lack of coordination means they may stumble onto a pet’s body or tail. The younger the child, the less able she is to empathize with a pet’s perspective. It’s important for parents to closely monitor all pet-child interactions. Sometimes that means giving the pet a safe place to go, away from the child.

Both Latos and Ball do presentations of the internationally acclaimed “Be a Tree” (see sidebar) program for schools and community groups. Ball says the program “teaches children how to read dog body language, and how to act safely around dogs.” She explains while education saves children from injury and trauma, it can actually save pets’ lives. “The dog might have ‘cranky leave-me-alone’ days, especially as it gets older,” she says. “What do you think happens to a 10-year-old dog that’s bitten a child? It’s put down … that’s why this education is so important.”

Latos agrees. Though cat-related injuries are not associated with the same level of trauma as dog bites, the consequences for the cat can be just as dire. She encourages parents with questions about kid-pet issues to call their local humane organization, especially if there’s a behaviorist on staff. “If we can help with the home environment, it works in the long run. We want to prevent animals from coming to the shelter.”

So before you point a lens at that precious puppy-child scene, take a moment to see it from your dog’s perspective.

If he’s not having as much fun as your child, it’s time to say “cut” and let the actors take a break.

ASHLEY TALMADGE is a freelance writer from Oregon and mother of two boys. Her articles have appeared in dozens of parenting publications across the U.S. and Canada. Her family currently includes a sweet rescue dog and two bossy cats.

The “Be a Tree” Program “Be a Tree” is a dog bite prevention program. Children learn to interpret dog body language and make safe proactive decisions when interacting with dogs. Emphasis is on informed choice, not fear. Large photographs, interactive games, role playing and practice are incorporated into two 15- 20-minute presentation segments.

What does it mean to “Be a Tree?”

• Stand still • Hold your arms (branches) straight down • Clasp hands in front of you (thigh level) • Look down at your feet (watch your roots grow) • Wait for dog to leave A child can “Be a Tree?” when: • Her own dog is too frisky • A strange dog approaches her • A dog makes her feel nervous/scared • A dog is chasing her Why does it work? Movement excites dogs, but a “tree” standing still is boring. Dogs quickly move on to something more interesting.

GIFT & THRIFT Large Variety of Men’s, Women’s & Children’s Clothing● Household items ● Books ●Crafts ● Linens ● Electronics ● Furniture ● and More!

Serving the local and global community for over 32 years 731 Mt. Clinton Pike Harrisonburg, VA 540.433.8844 www.giftandthrift.org

SHOP DONATE VOLUNTEER Summer 2016 • living 31

©ADOBE STOCK

My husband’s wedding band

by MARTY MAGEE

S

he swallowed her three-carat engagement ring? My ice cream sundae almost melted as I eavesdropped. I couldn’t help it. They sat only a booth away from me. I overheard two women talk about an acquaintance swallowing her three-carat engagement ring. The nurses, doctor and emergency room staff admired this jewel that showed up bright and clear on the x-ray.

I don’t know how or if they retrieved the expensive morsel.

I’ll never know how she happened to swallow it—or if they fabricated the story. I needed to leave in the middle of this better-than-TV drama. Truth or fiction, it took me back to my own ring story.

Several years ago, we lived and worked at a youth camp in Oregon with a lot of amenities and much freedom, but little money or clout.

“Wanna go with me to the dump?”

Once a month, my husband, David, hitched the garbage trailer to the camp truck and headed for the county dump. I often went along for the diversion. It’s bad when you depend on the landfill for entertainment.

I felt my heart in my throat. “You don’t want it? It’s beautiful.”

David opened the door of this mobile dumpster by a pulley.

He turned it. He tried to grab it, but it spun too fast. It kept turning and broke his ring finger on his left hand.

I helped him finish his garbage patrol. We then headed straight to the medical center, where he signed in and we waited—and waited. His finger swelled around his eleven-dollar wedding band I’d purchased 18 years earlier.

David finally got a hospital personnel’s attention. Sure enough, they’d forgotten him. Now his ring needed to be cut

If some wedding bands could talk—oh the stories they’d tell!

off. This broke my heart. David’s mind stayed on his pulsating finger.

They returned his amputated wedding band—in two pieces.

David drove the camp truck, pulling the empty garbage bin the 20 miles back home. I planned to work overtime to buy him a new ring: Maybe Lois will give me extra hours in the kitchen.

David drove with his right hand on the wheel and his left hand above his heart to relieve the throbbing.

A few days later, I went to Fred Meyer Jewelers. I found a better ring. I put it on layaway and religiously made a payment each week with only a little sacrifice required.

On our anniversary, December 22, we splurged and went to the River Queen, which became a yearly tradition since moving to Oregon. We liked to watch the decorated yachts go down the Willamette River.

“I need to go by Freddy’s,” I told David on our way home. I almost couldn’t contain my excitement.

New Beginnings Church 101 Pike Church Road Harrisonburg, VA

Worship Services Sundays at 8:30 & 10:30 a.m.

Celebrating 60 Years!

540-298-1271 • 800-522-1271

www.myersford.com

32 living • Summer 2016

Children’s Church, 8:30 & 10:30 a.m. — Dynamic, and exciting Bible teaching, using music, videos, games, & more.

Adult, Youth and Children’s Sunday School Classes — meet at 9:50 a.m.

Website: www.newbeginchurch.org Call 540-434-1555 for more information

“I’d like to pay off the account for Magee.” The clerk brought out the shiny new ring. I smiled so big. Surely David shared my excitement.

“No,” he said in his barely audible voice. “I don’t want it.”

I felt my heart in my throat. “You don’t want it? It’s beautiful.”

“When I’m buried, I want to wear the first and only ring you gave me.

I tried to compose myself, going between proud and hurt.

We used the money I’d paid down to weld his old ring back together, with enough left to repair a watch he’d given me during our courting years.

Nearly 20 years later and out of the camping business, we lived in a comfortable home and even went on a week-long cruise on the Mississippi River Queen. David worked for the City of Clovis, California, as a water technician, using the skills he’d learned during those camp days. One day he came home and quietly put his lunch box on the counter.

“I lost my wedding ring.”

With over 30 wells to care for, he knew he likely wouldn’t find this shiny needle in a haystack. The marriage survived, but I so wanted the symbol to live on. I began to dream of matching gold bands for our anniversary. I even became excited about it, almost able to give up the thought of the old ring.

Another sunny California day while driving around in the city truck, David felt uneasy about well 21. It wasn’t on his schedule, but something made him think he needed to check that well possibly for an incorrect reading. Since he might need to open and close some valves, he went to the passenger

side of his truck to get his gloves. He doesn’t usually go to that side of the truck. As he opened his toolbox something shiny on the ground caught his eye. He bent down and picked up his ring.

We’re only a few years away from our 50th anniversary, and we’re not tempted by three-carat swallowable diamonds. David now wears his eleven-dollar gold band. We know we could lose it again, or—heaven forbid undergo another ring amputation and soldering. It seems that since the ring had been cut and repaired some years earlier, though it appears shiny and brand new, it also seems more loose and easier to lose.

We also know it’s a covenant with God and with each other that holds our marriage together, not an eleven-dollar ring.

By the way, David found well #21 in perfect running order.

MARTY MAGEE is a freelance writer from Oregon.

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Summer 2016 • living 33

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to those who successfully completed the word search from the spring issue of Living.

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Address: ________________________________________ City: ___________________ State: _____ Zip: ______________ 34 living • Summer 2016

Summer insects SUMMER INSECTS

by Jeanette Baer Showalter

by Jeanette Baer Showalter Every summer we deal with those pesky insects, and while we find them annoying, some are beneficial to our plants and environment. The ladybug, praying mantis and wasp eat other insects and, of course, the honey bee gives us a healthy and delicious sweetener. Others, like mosquitos, can carry diseases, and swarms of locust can wreak havoc on crops. But we all delight in the colors of a butterfly or the circling of a June bug on a hot summer day. In the puzzle you will find these insects crawling or flying forwards, backwards, horizontally, vertically, and diagonally.

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JAPANESE BEETLE YELLOWJACKET

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Summer 2016 • living 35

How do you teach your children what ’s most important?

Our actions as parents speak louder than words.

Enroll your children in the Vacation Bible School of your choice this summer!

this encouragement from valley living & these area churches Harrisonburg First Assembly of God

“Camp Galaxy” June 13-17, 8 am-4 pm $55 by 6/1, $65 after 6/1 register at HFAchurch.org or (540) 433-8687

Mt. Clinton & Weavers Mennonite Church

First Presbyterian Church

Lindsey and Timothy Shantz

Bridgewater United Methodist Church

Glendon Blosser

June 26-30 6:30-8:30 pm www.weaversmc.org (540) 434-7758

Asbury United Methodist Church

Harrisonburg Baptist Church

Harrisonburg 1st Church of the Nazarene “Surf Shack” June 20-24 6:30-8:30 pm age 4 - 5th grade 1871 Boyers Rd., Harrisonburg

36 living • Summer 2016

Peter and Ivette Churney

A Family-Style Deep Sea Discovery July 25-28 5-8 pm (540) 434-6551

“Under The Big Top” • June 26-30 dinner served at 5:45 pm program to begin at 6:15 pm www.bridgewaterumc.com (540) 828-0890

“Surf Shack” June 20-24, 5-7:30 pm, with dinner served 5-5:30 pm nightly preschool - 5th grade register at asburyumc.cc or 434-2836

and individuals

“Deep Sea Discovery” June 27-July 1 9am-12noon register at hbcalive.org/vacation-bible-school age 3 - 5th grade

New Beginnings Church July 7 & 8 6-8:45 pm July 9 10 am-12 pm (540) 434-1555

Byard and Betty Deputy Dorothy Hartman Jonas Borntrager David Rohrer Bernard and Joan Martin