Valley Living Spring 2018 by Valley Living

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Spring 2018

Be a hero to a hero Shenandoah Spotlight on

ISAAC ALDERFER

Rearing kids whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be good parents

An education with a +

www.valleyliving.org

2018

Highland Summer Camps

grow seeds of faith meet new friends enjoy time in nature learn new & unique skills

Camps for ages 5-16. Located in NE Rockingham Co. Learn more at:

www.highlandretreat.org

Call 540-705-0554, or e-mail youthoffice@highlandretreat.org

to the following donors for helping fulfill the vision of Valley Living to build positive relationships in the home, workplace and community. Richard & Patricia Armstrong Franklin & Retha Baer Kelley Bell Arlan & Karen Blosser Carroll & Erma Blosser James Blosser Glendon Blosser Jeremy & Trisha Blosser Art Borden Jonas & Barbie Borntrager Norma Bowman Raymond Brunk Lois Burkholder Ruth Burkholder Steven Carpenter Clark & Bradshaw Carolyn Clements-Lamb Peter & Ivette Churney Dennis & Debbe Coffman Linda Cooper Stuart & Melodie Davis Byard & Betty Deputy Rachel Derrow Nina E. Desper Warren & Jeanie Diehl Laura Douglass Becky Driver Brandon & Beth Driver Christopher & Marti Eads Geraldine Eaton Ethel Ernst Friends of Valley Living Douglas Gardner

2 living • Spring 2018

Walter Gerner Eva Glanzer Jim & Dorcas Good Linda Gooden Tim & Karen Green Dana Hartman John & Mary Ann Heatwole John F. Henderson Nancy Hoag Edna Hosaflook Richard Hottinger Don Hunsberger David & Karla Irving Wilhelmina Johnson Janice M. Jones Elwood & Dorothy Keener Sam & Kay Kibler Karen Kimble Gay Hottinger Kirby LaDawn Knicely Norman & Dorothy Kreider LD&B Insurance & Financial Services Bob & Sue Lambert Herman & Charlotte Landes Juanita Lantz Lydia Lapp Eldon & Bettie Layman Galen & Gloria Lehman Thelma Lohr Matt & Beth Lohr Laura Mapp Bernard & Joan Martin

Dr. Mark & Dawn Mast Dessil D. May Tom & Barb Melby Loretta Miller Sara Miller D. Paul & Catherine Mishler Paula Mitchell Greg & Karen Montgomery Frank Mundy Charlotte Murray Jim & Aldine Musser John & Linda Neff Nielsen Builders Annie S. Olaker Laban Peachey Richard & Annie Pierce L. Doug Propst Roger Rae Phyllis Ramer Erwin & Angela Rempel Julia Rhodes Steven C. “Dusty” Rhodes Frances Ritchie Jane Robinson Louise Rohrer Paul & Esther Rohrer Vernon & Anna Rohrer David Rohrer & Crystal Musser JC Saylor Robert & Elizabeth Selkirk Timothy & Lindsey Shantz Joseph W. Shifflett Beverly P. Silver

Juanelle Simmons Marvin T. Slabaugh Betty Smith Mary Soisson Donna Sommers Eugene & Alice Souder John & Virginia Spicher Janet S. Stepp Irene Strickler Nelson & Gloria Swope The Community Foundation of Harrisonburg and Rockingham County William J. “Bill” Troyer Lucile Vaughn Tracey Veney Viola Weaver Ferne M. Wenger Patricia Wichael William Wilson Patricia Wingo Shannon Winton Billy Wright Kevin & Linda Yoder Shirley M. Young

Contents 4 Editorial 5 Community Connections 6 An education with a + 10 Be a hero to a hero 11 Flourless Chocolate Cake with Raspberries and Cream 12 Pittsburgh, Punxsutawney & Flight 93 Memorial 16 “I don’t have anything to worry about” 18 When your teen is learning to drive 19 How would Jesus parent?

20 Rearing kids who’ll be good parents 21 Shenandoah Spotlight on Isaac Alderfer 22 Downsizing: A priority in moving to the Valley 24 Natives in the garden 26

Mom’s apron

28 Thanks a lot! Cultivating gratitude in children 29 How to tell if you’ve been online too long 30 Stress: It’s a family affair 32 Make me a triangle

33 Indoor family fun activities 35

Word Search

In Every Issue

Community Connections Cooking Corner pg. 11 pg. 5

Weekend Road Trips pg. 12

Money Matters pg. 16

Family Forum pg. 19

Shenandoah Spotlight pg. 21

Living can be found at these locations, and more, throughout the Valley: Harrisonburg DQ Grill & Chill, Carlton St. DQ Grill Harmony Square Finders Keepers Friendly City Food Coop Gift and Thrift Golden Corral Hardesty Higgins Harrisonburg Farmer’s Market Kate’s Natural Products Massanutten Regional Library

Mercy House Mr. J’s Harmony Square Red Front Supermarket Sentara RMH Clinic Sentara RMH Medical Center Rt. 11 North Exxon Salvation Army Store Sharp Shopper Shenandoah Heritage Farmers Market Styles Unlimited

Bridgewater/Dayton Dayton Farmer’s Market Bridgewater Foods Supermarket Broadway/Timberville Broadway Supermarket Crider’s Store Mac’s Superette Turner Ham

Elkton/Shenandoah Countryside Market/Exxon 340 Market & Deli/Liberty Elkton Grocery Mamma Mia Restaurant Linville Mac’s Market Luray Shoppers Value Foods

Mt. Crawford Joy Foodmart Exxon

New Market 7-Eleven

Mt. Jackson Save-A-Lot

Penn Laird 7-Eleven On The Run

Mt. Solon/Augusta Co. Zach’s Country Store North River Country Store

Singer’s Glen Grandle’s Glenview Market Weyers Cave Weyers Cave Super Save

Cover photo: Two families were interviewed for the Valley Living cover story regarding family experiences attending local religious schools; featured on the cover is the McGlaughin family of four: Chad, Grady, Jill and Marley. Article found on pages 6-9. PHOTO MELODIE DAVIS

Spring 2018 • living 3

Interconnected The in-between stages of life—or organizations—or churches—or periods like engagement or between high school and college or more unpleasantly—in hospice care and knowing you won’t get well but you’re not quite ready to die yet either, are difficult. One could say Valley Living is kind of like in hospice care right now. We have had a great run—26 years entering our 27th—of a successful print publication and in the winter issue sent out what was planned as a “final request” for your support to see if it would run another year or more. We were aiming for a fundraising goal of $10,000 set by the board. We raised a little more than half ($6,000) of the funds needed to keep Valley Living alive and sustainable (see news item on page 5). So, rather than end it prematurely, it seemed good to the board and staff to publish two more issues, spring and summer, of the finest magazine we could and which you have come to love and expect, and then with dignity, slip peacefully off the publication scene. But the in-between stages are where we can learn much about our friends, our families, and ourselves. We were excited to receive more than we ever have in a fundraising campaign, and even more blessed to hear from people like the couple who called to find out if the paper was continuing and said they so looked forward to the positive and encouraging stories they find in its pages. Like many others, they also love doing the Word Search puzzles, a trademark of this magazine which my own daughters spent some years designing. Those of us who like to work with planned schedules, clear expectations and checking things off lists don’t do so good in the not-yet phases of life. We want to either quit and be done, or get on with it—on to the next project or task. Treading water? Yes. But enjoying the water? Yes, it is possible, even though it’s messy. For those of you wondering how it affects me personally, in case you hadn’t noticed I’m old enough now to retire (from this very part-time side job), and had asked the board to find a replacement for me this spring anyway. So I’m hanging on for the summer issue although we haven’t ruled out a new editor and are talking to an interested prospect if the winds should change. We also need new board leadership if the paper and organization is to continue. I have to think of the Easter story and the resurrection themes we look for in our celebrations at this time of year. New flowers, buds on trees, birds returning, babies of all kinds hatching. Yes, there will be life after Valley Living, whether it needs to fold, or by some Easter miracle experiences a resurrection. And we know that good people everywhere, especially in this community, will continue to do as founder Eugene Souder envisioned, “Light a candle rather than curse the darkness.” At least I invite you to do that going forward: take up the motto and be the change you wish to see, be positive and encouraging in the difficulties of life, and know that whatever lies ahead, God does go with us. Hugs.

The in-between and not-yet

Volume 27 No. 1

Valley Living inspires hope, encourages faith and builds positive relationships in the home, workplace and community. Media for Living, Publisher Melodie Davis, Editor Ivette Churney, Sales Representative Kay Kibler, Sales Representative Mary Jo Veurink, Layout & Design Lindsey Shantz, Production & Finance Manager

Advertising

To reserve space in future editions contact: Ivette, (540) 810-1044, ivette@valleyliving.org Kay, (540) 820-2331, kay@valleyliving.org To make a donation, please send checks payable to Valley Living or give online at www.valleyliving.org.

Media for Living Board of Directors Trisha M. Blosser, president Tracey Veney, vice president David Rohrer, secretary Kevin Yoder, CPA, Treasurer Jonas Borntrager LaDawn Knicely Beth Driver Angela Rempel Art Borden Michael Evans Aldine Musser

Opinions expressed in Valley Living are not necessarily those of Media for Living.

Melodie Davis, editor melodie@valleyliving.org

4 living • Spring 2018

Published cooperatively with Media for Living, a non-profit corporation, P.O. Box 1501, Harrisonburg, VA 22803 (540) 433-5351 • info@valleyliving.org www.valleyliving.org Printed in the USA by Engle Printing, Mount Joy, Pa. © 2018 by Media for Living

Community Connections Letters, local events, news Letters from readers

I was traveling with my husband from the state of New York to Texas. During the packing, my book was misplaced. [Later] I picked up your magazine to have something to read. What a blessing! It was hard to pick the top three stories. Every one was enlightening, informative and touched me. I’ve decided to get a subscription and can’t wait for the next issue. Keep up the good work. Thank you. –Kelley Bell, Damon, Texas I have gotten the Living magazine for years but this issue is really the best ever. All the writers outdid themselves. Every story was excellent. I read and re-read them. Thank you. –Lucy Helmick, Singers Glen When it’s good, I smile. When it’s bad, I cringe. “Combating ex-spouses” was a term I saw in the latest Valley Living. “Brethren, these things ought not to be so,” says the book of James. [Bible]. –Name withheld

Adventures in gardening offered at New Market library

The fourth Saturday of every month through May, 3-5 p.m., the New Market library features a series of talks about various aspects of gardening. Each talk lasts 45 minutes to one hour, followed by Q&A, door prize raffles, and plant/ seed/garden stuff swaps. Attendees are encouraged to bring extra plants, seeds and garden items to share or swap. Schedule: March 24: “Herbs! Delicious additions to your garden and kitchen,” by Paula Brownlee April 28: “Plants are cliquish too: Fun with companion planting,” by Sari Carp (See Sari’s column on trees in this edition of Valley Living.) May 26: “What’s wrong with my vegetable garden? Common problems and how to prevent them,” by Lora Steiner

Spring concert and audition dates for children’s choir announced

The Shenandoah Valley Children’s Choir offers a spring concert “Joy in the Journey” featuring all SVCC choirs and a cappella group Good Company! at Lehman Auditorium, Eastern Mennonite University, Sunday, April 15, at 4 “Brent Berry food drive” article p.m. For tickets, call the EMU box office, tallied the most votes (540) 432-4582, 10:30 Readers returned 248 correct Word Search a.m.-2:30 p.m., Monday puzzles to Valley Living from the winter issue through Friday. and voted for their favorite articles as follows: The next opportunity “Brent Berry food drive” – 78 votes; “Freedom for children to audition on four legs” – 59; “A familymoon for Sarah” for SVCC is May 2 – 48; “Good old-fashioned Christmas days and 3. To schedule an with 19 children” – 45; and “An Advent letter audition, call (540) 432to my Mama” – 36. All of these articles and the 4650 or email svcc@ Word Search can be found at valleyliving.org. emu.edu

Word Search Notes

Responses from readers

Your generous responses appreciated!

Thanks to the generosity of community donors, Media for Living has raised around $6,000 toward our budget shortfall for 2018 for this magazine, Valley Living. Board president Trisha Blosser says, “This much-needed income will allow us to continue with the spring and summer issues of Valley Living. However, our goal was $10,000, to ensure adequate cash flow and a healthy, and sustainable organization. While we remain hopeful, the board recognizes that without additional revenue, board leadership, and hiring of a new editor, we will not be able to continue beyond the summer issue.” It was encouraging to hear there are many people who love Valley Living and appreciate its endeavor to shares positive stories, insights, and encouragement.

A few comments sent with donations for Valley Living:

• Since I am an elderly woman and have limited my driving your magazine bring outside news for my enjoyment. Thanks so much. • I really enjoy the local stories with photos. Thank you for your excellent work and dedication to producing Living. • [I enjoy] the true stories with an upbeat message. It is edifying. • [I enjoy] stories that show love and compassion for others, especially those in difficult circumstances. • Sorry to hear about your budget problem … please accept this small donation to help with your finances. Spring 2018 • living 5

An education with a + Two families share their experiences by MELODIE M. DAVIS

children from public to private schools recently, starting in the fall of 2015. Jill is the owner of Classic Kitchens in Harrisonburg and Chad is president of Classic Distribution, Inc. in Mt. Crawford. Their children are son Grady, a seventh grader at Eastern Mennonite Middle School and daughter Marley, in the fifth grade at Eastern Mennonite Elementary School. At Marley’s previous school, she recalls the playground being fenced in and feeling like it was too small for everyone to play. “They kind of put you in a box there,” she observed. At Eastern Mennonite, she enjoys an expanded environment playing in the woods, on the basketball court and more. Plus she likes that students are not put in other boxes, such as a “smarter” or a more advanced group while other students are in a slower group. At her new school there is only one class of fifth graders, and at her former school there were four rooms of fifth graders. Marley feels like she knows all the children in the entire elementary school. Grady notes while he doesn’t really know what the transition to middle school would have been like in public school, he has enjoyed the much more hands-on teaching style in many of his middle school classes including science, where teachers sometimes double up periods so they can explore things like fungus or trees through hikes in the nearby woods. “And instead of working alone in math, you are in partner groups,” Grady commented. He’s experiencing extra requirements, like each student has to learn an instrument in sixth grade. Grady chose to play the oboe and although he is not required to keep on playing after the sixth grade he has continued to play his instrument of choice. Jill added both children have struggles with dyslexia, and the move to private school was in part motivated by the desire for a more intimate class environment and individualized attention when needed. As parents, they have been very pleased with teachers who seem “really ready to listen and help children succeed in the classroom,” stated Jill. Plus the elementary school principal, Maria Archer, took a special interest in learning more about this common learning disability. Jill, Chad, 7th grader Grady and 5th grader Marley McGlaughin, along with their dog D.D., Overall, the McGlaughlins have been

PHOTOS BY MELODIE DAVIS

hy pay for a private school for your children for elementary, middle or high school when there are so many excellent public schools in the Valley with abundant, well-trained teachers—and many with strong faith backgrounds? What’s more, these teachers have often graduated from noteworthy education programs at the four-year schools here: James Madison University, Eastern Mennonite University and Bridgewater College. Chad and Jill McGlaughlin are parents who switched their

relax in their living room near Keezletown.

6 living • Spring 2018

impressed with “the quality of the administration, great classes in history and science, and communication with parents,” said Jill. They teach about faith, but more with the goal of helping kids grow into being “good persons with good character, and good citizens,” she noted. Along these lines, Marley mentioned her peacebuilding class where children do practical peacemaking by helping around the school with a school garden, organizing a The Carr family near Dayton includes from left to right, Jacob, 12; Sam, 14; Daniel, 7; and Emma, 9, and parents Brian and Ashley. They enjoy expanded family space in the kitchen of their new home. peace parade with a dove flag and origami common in most churches). paper birds for decorations. Eastern Mennonite also enjoys Chad admitted his son was not excited about transferring to an ample diversity of students from different races, cultures, his new school a year and a half ago. In fact he did not want religions and social backgrounds. to make the move. Adjusting to middle school is hard enough At the elementary level, every Wednesday they have what without having to find new friends at school. is called “a gathering” where someone speaks or performs But after a year at Eastern Mennonite Middle School, as music, or artists talk about their work. they were driving somewhere, Grady told his dad, “I love my school.” It was sweet affirmation of the family’s decision. The atmosphere in most private In a different part of the county, Brian and Ashley Carr’s schools, because of smaller size, is four children who are now 7, 9, 12 and 14 have gone to a private school ever since they began preschool, although the more of a family atmosphere. parents kind of stumbled into doing that. Brian and Ashley both went through Rockingham County public schools in the Grady enjoys the opportunity of learning outside the confines of a school building. “My cousin goes to a public Continued on page 8 middle school where they are lucky to have two field trips in a year; we have five or six, like a camping trip, exploring and studying parasites in creeks at Riven Rock,” he explained. An additional feature Grady enjoys about his new middle school is every Tuesday morning, school starts thirty minutes later because teachers have a weekly meeting. Jill drives the children to school, so on Tuesdays, after they drop Marley off at her school, Grady and Jill enjoy special one-on-one time with bagels at a Mr. J’s Bagels shop. At the seventh grade level, the children participate in wider community service days where they have helped do things like clean out a garden for winter and worked with students at Thomas Harrison Middle School to build a bike path for their school, which Dad Chad thought was notable. For church, the McGlaughlins alternate between Keezletown United Methodist Church and Asbury UMC. At Eastern Mennonite school meetings or events where there is oftentimes singing, they always enjoy the beautiful voices of the gathered parents, faculty and children (many of them from Mennonite backgrounds where a cappella singing is still very Spring 2018 • living 7

Jacob demonstrates the art of sliding down their in-home homemade slide, going from one floor of their home to the next and made from a culvert covered with cedar strips and coated with a high polish finish.

Continued from page 7 Bridgewater area (John Wayland, Wilbur Pence and Turner Ashby schools) and felt they got a fine education. The Carrs live near Dayton where Brian is co-owner of Carr Masonry and Construction, and Ashley is a stay-at-home mother. At the point their oldest son Sam was ready to start pre-K, they felt it made sense for him to go to nearby Blue Ridge Christian School which has its elementary and middle school in Bridgewater. Then when he was ready for kindergarten, continuing there seemed best and thus it went on up through elementary. Sam is now a freshman at the high school campus of BRCS in Dayton. One of the things Ashley loves about the school is the fact the middle schoolers still have many connections with the younger children (reading buddies, prayer buddies) and seem to know children at every grade level.

That’s also part of the atmosphere in most private schools where generally, the much smaller size compared to larger public schools lends more of a family or at least friendly atmosphere. When asked what they like about their school, Jacob, 12 said the teachers at Blue Ridge are “kind and nice. They keep your interest and teach things in different ways.” Emma, 9, recently participated in “Math Olympics,” which is like a spelling bee for math—a subject that all of the Carr children enjoy and do well in. With a carpenter father, they sometimes put math into practice helping him; when they try to respond to this reporter’s question about how long their dining room table is in the large new home they moved into last August, one quickly grabs a measuring tape (that is too short) but add up their answer: 14 feet. At Blue Ridge, the overall head of the school is Karen Shomo. It began in 1990 with 80 students enrolled from K through 7 and now the increasingly diverse 275 students can participate in numerous intramural and extracurricular sports like basketball, baseball, soccer, volleyball and crosscountry. In March they gear up for the schools’ own “March Madness” basketball teams and playoffs; there are ample music opportunities with classes held at the school in piano, guitar, choir and band. There is drama, with the fourth graders annually putting on C.S. Lewis’s “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe,” which is becoming a beautiful shared tradition among all the Carr children, according to Ashley. There are no school uniforms but they do observe a dress code where kids are to dress modestly and not wear shirts with messages; they are also encouraged to dress up on Wednesday, chapel day. (Young Daniel, age 7, donned a necktie just for fun for this interview. See photo on p. 7.) The school observes a grandparents’ day and a pastor appreciation day when pastors come from the 70-some churches represented at the school. They can choose a “worship band” class for high school and middle schoolers, where kids practice leading music for their respective church worship services. The Carr family participates in New Beginnings church near Dayton. Scholarship help for tuition and expenses is available for low to middle income families (and fees are found on various school websites). A loyalty program gets your family a break for each year a student has been enrolled ($100 a year up to eight years) on tuition, in addition to a pastors’ discount program. And yes, there is some misbehavior. When asked what kind, the Carr children mentioned kids talking when they’re not supposed to, and that offenders were assigned “lunchtime detention.” “We trust each other,” said one of the children. “We don’t

Christian schools in the Valley Living area (not a complete list) • Redeemer Classical School, Keezletown, Pre-K through 8th grade, www.redeemerclassical.org • Cornerstone Christian School, Broadway and Harrisonburg, preschool through middle school, www.ccsconnection.org • Grace Christian School, Staunton, preschool to 12th grade, two campuses, www.gcswarriors.org • Eastern Mennonite School, Harrisonburg, includes Eastern Mennonite Elementary School (EMES), Eastern Mennonite Middle School (EMMS) and Eastern Mennonite High School (EMHS), www.emhs.net • Blue Ridge Christian School, Bridgewater and Dayton, preschool through high school, www.brcschool.org 8 living • Spring 2018

have locks on our lockers.” Then Emma deadpans, “Sure, you can take my homework, go ahead. There isn’t anything of much value in the lockers!” As a mother, one of the things Ashley appreciates is the sense of family as part of a relatively small school. “The teachers are so invested, so committed to working with you on everything, and really concerned about character development as well. Academics are outstanding, but without character, what good are academics?” asks Ashley. Good behavior is often very evident on field trips and

children “reflect the light of Jesus wherever they go,” said Ashley. For instance, on trips to see the Shenandoah Caverns near Mt. Jackson, at the deepest part of the cave the tradition is for children, teachers and chaperones to sing the beloved hymn, “How Great Thou Art.” The beautiful tones and words echo in the cavernous space. “I cry every single time,” smiled Ashley. Melodie Davis is editor of Valley Living and grew up in northern Indiana where she went to a Christian high school for three years.

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Spring 2018 • living 9

Be a hero to a hero A mid the Memorial Day barbecues, cookouts and pool parties, Steve Wingfield works to recognize the heroes the holiday represents. For the last five years, Steve Wingfield Ministries have made it a point to recognize veterans and active military members at the Rockingham County Fair Grounds during the local Memorial Day celebration organized by the ministry. The annual celebration is an offshoot of Victory Weekend, a popular part of Steve’s ministry he holds in various locations. The seeds of Victory Weekend were sown when Steve did a crusade festival at a NASCAR race in Bristol, Tennessee. “I’d never been to a race but I’d follow NASCAR a bit to use it as a witnessing tool and to be able to talk about racing with people,” Steve said. “I came out of the chapel and saw how many people were sitting around this track and thought ‘There has to be a way to reach these people.’ Bristol gave me the first opportunity to do it and made me aware this could be viable.”

It’s a way of saying thank you and also helping our community to be aware of the many difficulties that veterans are facing

PHOTOS PROVIDED

More than 300,000 people fill the grounds of race tracks on race weekends with many fans arriving on Wednesday or Thursday. Once they are settled in, race-goers are reluctant to leave the grounds. “They don’t want to drive anywhere because of the traffic, so we entertain them and represent Jesus,” Steve said. Despite his captive audience, Steve’s first attempt was far from perfect. “I learned how not to do it the first time out,” he laughed. His mistakes taught him valuable lessons, though. During his second attempt, Victory Weekend was at three races. This past year, it appeared at 14. “We’re seeing God move in great ways,” he said. While Steve was reaching out to racing fans, Victory Weekend made it clear to him there was another group of

by STEPHANIE HERTZENBERG

A group of veterans stand with their medals of recognition at Steve Wingfield’s annual Memorial Day celebration. Veterans are recognized at an emotional ceremony every year.

people that needed his help. “I observed so much pain within the military community. The suicide rate is 22 per day among veterans and that does not count their spouses or children.” He began honoring veterans at each Victory Weekend location. “[We are] helping everyone be aware of the needs within this community of people who have served us,” says Steve. The Memorial Day celebration allowed Steve to focus more on the veterans themselves. “It’s a way of saying thank you and also helping our community to be aware of the many difficulties that veterans are facing,” he explains. During the celebration, Steve calls all veterans and active-duty military to the stage where he and his volunteers hang a medal around the necks of the veterans and military attendees. Steve thanks them for their service, gives them a hug or handshake and leads a prayer. “The reaction is overwhelming,” Steve said. “The crowd goes crazy. They’re cheering and weeping. For those that hang the medals, if you can do that and keep a dry eye, it’s rare. The people that have the honor of presenting the medals are overwhelmed by the privilege.” That cheering crowd has swelled since Steve first started this celebration. More than 6,000 people attended the 2017 celebration including 160 veterans and active-duty military personnel. Seventy-five members of the community volunteered their time and numerous food vendors provided meals and snacks for those in attendance. There were also over 300 classic cars on display. Preparing for those large numbers of attendees and volunteers requires careful planning. “We start planning the next celebration at the end of each Memorial Day,” Steve said. “We talk about what went right and how we can improve on what we’re doing.” The upcoming 2018 celebration is no different in this regard. “We are currently finalizing our entertainment for 2018, and hopefully we will be able to roll that out within the next couple weeks.” Steve hopes the events continue to grow and bring the A crowd listens to live music at Steve Wingfield’s annual Memorial Day celebration at the Rockingham County Fair Grounds.

10 living • Spring 2018

Cooking Corner

Recipes and tips for cooking at home

Flourless Chocolate Cake with Raspberries and Cream

Ingredients: 1/2 cup butter, softened 1 cup + 2 Tablespoons sugar 1 cup ground almonds or walnuts 8 oz. gluten free semi-sweet chocolate, melted (such as Baker’s Square Semi Sweet Chocolate Squares) 4 eggs. separated 1 cup whipping cream 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 cups raspberries Directions: 1. Preheat oven to 350. Coat a 9-inch round pan with glutenfree cooking spray (use any cooking spray that uses oil like Mazola, Crisco and Pam. Do not use baking cooking sprays, as they contain flour and are not gluten free). 2. Melt the chocolate in the microwave. Beat the butter until smooth. Add 1 cup of sugar and beat until creamy. Add ground nuts, chocolate and egg yolks. Beat thoroughly. 3. In a separate bowl beat egg whites until soft peaks form. Continued from page 10 community together “to celebrate our veterans and remember the fallen.” The Memorial Day celebration is also a way to spread awareness about the high suicide rates among veterans and their families. “Their pain is off the charts,” Steve said. “[Veterans’] spouses and children are killing themselves too. It’s a crisis.” Beyond spreading awareness, Steve hopes the Memorial Day celebration will give local veterans some of the support they need. He is challenging everyone to be aware of the difficulties both veterans and the families of veterans face and to support them. Steve’s goal is to let veterans know they have friends and family who support them, and urges people to show their love and appreciation for these brave men and women. “Be a hero to a hero,” Steve said. “Look for ways that we can befriend our veterans. Say thank you, be available to

©TAKETHEMAMEAL.COM

This is a perfect dessert for any special occasion, from Valentine’s Day to Easter to “look, the snow is gone!” The whipped cream is light enough for warmer weather, but the gluten-free cake is rich and decadent enough for a cold night. Strawberries, blackberries and other fruits also pair well with this recipe if raspberries are unavailable. This recipe serves eight to 10.

4. Stir 1/3 of the egg whites into the chocolate mixture. Gently fold in remaining egg whites. Scrape batter into pan and bake 35-45 minutes until a toothpick comes out clean. Let cool in the pan for 30 minutes. 5. Combine the whipping cream, vanilla and 2 tablespoons of sugar. Beat until soft peaks form. Top the cake with cream and berries. Maureen Witmer is the Director of Outreach and Engagement, as well as the Recipe Specialist for TakeThemAMeal.com. Her recipes and photographs can be found on the recipe section of TakeThemAMeal.com. She and her husband Andrew, a professor of history at James Madison University, live in Harrisonburg, Va. Maureen works from home where she cares for their young children.

talk with someone or pray with or for them.” Regardless of whether or not you attend Steve’s Sixth Annual Memorial Day celebration this May, take a moment to give back to those who were willing to give everything for others. STEPHANIE HERTZENBERG was a year-long intern with Valley Living.

We’ve moved! Mt. Jackson Masonic Lodge #103 5938 Main Street For more info call: Worshipful Master Craig Everette 540-435-9490 Spring 2018 • living 11

Weekend Road Trips Local and nearby travel ideas

Pittsburgh, Punxsutawney & Flight 93 Memorial

The Steel City, legends and folklore, and recent tragic history by JESSE NEVE

PHOTOS PROVIDED

Pittsburgh Before we visited Pittsburgh, we had never heard of an Incline. But, I saw a picture of the neat little train car going up the side of a mountain and I knew our kids would love to be a part of that action. I was right. From the moment we parked at the bottom of the Duquesne Incline, the whole thing intrigued the kids. “Why doesn’t it tip over?” “Why don’t they take that thing underneath off so people can ride at more of an angle?” “What happens if we get stuck halfway up it?” Our crew is never want for questions in a new situation. We purchased our tickets at the bottom and started the ride, which took us 400 feet up the mountain at a 30-degree angle. The Duquesne Incline was completed in 1877 and was

12 living • Spring 2018

originally built to carry cargo up and down the mountain, but soon people got the idea it could carry passengers, too, and the trek up and down the hill became a lot easier. It has been used as a tourist attraction since 1963. The traincar-esque box we rode in could hold 18 people, and much to 10-year-old Jonathan’s disappointment, they did NOT take the equalizing boards out and let us do the ride at a severe angle. The view of “the Steel City” from the top is incredible. The intersection of the three rivers (Allegheny, Monongahela

and Ohio) with all of the bridges and the Pittsburgh skyline is postcard-perfect. The kids were also very interested in the inner workings of the machines at the top. There is a museum-like area that showed the cables and wheels and gears and “stuff” that was loud and constantly running. Five-year-old Ben summed it all up with, “The ‘inclimbs’ was cool. It’s good that it went straight and not tilty. I wouldn’t have liked it if it was tilty or fast. It’s not. It’s peaceful.” The Steel City has a whole host of activities for families. Just a few of these are: • Just Ducky Tours: Amphibious tour of city and river. 125 W Station Square Drive. 412-402-3825. www.justduckytours. com. • Pittsburgh Tour Company’s Double Decker Hop On/ Hop Off Tour: entertaining, guided historic tour with 21 stops to get off and explore the area on your own, and then catch the next bus that comes by. 445 S 27th Street. 412-381-8687. www.pghtours.com. • Carrie Blast Furnace Tours: Visitors learn about the ironmaking process at the former U.S. Steel Homestead Works. Hours vary with the season. Tickets available online. Carrie Furnace Blvd., Swissvale, PA. 412-464-4020. www. riversofsteel.com. • Gateway Clipper Fleet River Cruises. Various sightseeing and dinner cruise tours along the three rivers in Pittsburgh. Fully narrated. Many kid-specific cruises available (Princess, Santa, Halloween, Galactic Battle, Superhero, Under the Sea, Enchanted Rivers, Pirate). 350 W Station Square Drive. 412-355-7980. www.gatewayclipper.com. • Duquesne Incline: 1197 West Carson Street. 412-381-1665. www.duquesneincline.org. Punxsutawney Our family has an abnormal obsession with Groundhog Day. We celebrate the lesser-known holiday every February 2nd. Who doesn’t love a large rodent meteorologist?! So, when we had the opportunity to head to Punxsutawney, Pa., we were all psyched. Our first stop was Gobbler’s Knob, which is on the outskirts of town. There we got to see the famed tree stump from which the groundhog makes his yearly prediction. We all took turns up on the stage chatting with the ”groundhogs” that we had brought along with us (aka stuffed monkey, koala bear, bird and penguin). We drove into town and visited the “Groundhog Zoo” where Phil rests up for his big yearly forecasting extravaganza. The zoo is actually a terrarium at the local library that has glass walls, so groundhog enthusiasts passing by can keep tabs on

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Opposite page: The view from the top of the Duquesne Incline in “the Steel City.” Right: The Neve family in Punxsutawney, Pa.

the local talent. Our kids tried their luck at waking up Phil and Phyllis, who were both sleeping at the time of our visit. They were pretty deep into naptime. It’s a lot of work to predict the weather. All around town, you will find the “Phantastic Phils” of Punxsutawney. A collection of 32 statues, each six feet tall portraying the famous weatherman in creative ways by local artists. We had a fun time searching around town to find them. Our kids’ favorites were : “Freedom Phil” (dressed like the Statue of Liberty) and “It’s a WonderPhil World.” You just can’t have enough Phun with Phil the Groundhog in Punxsutawney. Since our adventure in Punxy took place in the summer, we were mostly on our own to explore. But, if you arrive around the big day, there is a plethora of other activities to keep your family busy. Although activities may change from year to year, Groundhog Day festivities may include: • Chain Saw Carving • Groundhog Story Time for kids • Phantastic Phil Walking tour • Hay rides • Free showings of the Groundhog Day movie • Corn Hole Tournaments • Groundhog Bingo • Phil’s Birthday Party Punxsutawney locations/information: • Gobbler’s Knob is located at 1548 Woodland Avenue. • The Groundhog Zoo is at 124 West Mahoning Street. • Maps to the Phantastic Phils and Groundhog Day festivities and schedules can be found online at www.groundhog.org. Continued on page 14 I have planted … but God gave the increase.

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Spring 2018 • living 13

Continued from page 13

Family Friendly Places to Stay

Flight 93 Museum and Memorial We had visited Ground Zero in New York awhile back, and we decided we should learn about the rest of the story from that tragic day, September 11, 2001. The Flight 93 National Memorial and Museum are just north of Shanksville, Pa. From the moment we parked the van, we were in a somber, reverent mood. And so was everyone else. It’s like everyone there understands the seriousness of the situation, and they are there to pay homage to those tragically lost. The complex is divided into two sections, the Visitor Center and Museum, and the Memorial Plaza. We started out walking through the Visitor Center. They do an incredible job depicting the events leading up to the crash. We heard voice clips from inside the plane and we saw diagrams and models of the plane. There were pieces of the plane and luggage that had been found scattered around for miles. We learned what was happening inside the plane and around the country as that September morning unfolded. The weather on the day we visited was pleasant, so we took the long walk down to the Memorial Plaza (but, we could have driven the one-mile from Visitor Center parking lot to the Memorial Plaza parking lot). There is a quarter mile long walkway adjacent to the crash site and debris field. It’s hard to wrap one’s mind around it all after just having had the story re-told to us in the Visitor Center and then to see the field and imagine the crash. The whole experience was overwhelming for all of us. The Museum and Memorial are very well done and they do a wonderfully in-depth job explaining the awful events and honoring the heroes who were on Flight 93. • Flight 93 National Memorial: 6424 Lincoln Highway, Stoystown, Pa. 15563. www.nps.gov/flni.

Monroeville, Pa. (14 miles east of Pittsburgh) • Hampton Inn Pittsburgh/Monroeville. Indoor pool, free hot breakfast or a Hampton On the Run Breakfast Bag, fitness room, free wifi. 3000 Mosside Blvd. 412-3804000. www.hamptoninn.com. • Holiday Inn Express & Suites Pittsburgh-Monroeville. Indoor pool, free Express Start breakfast, fitness center, free wifi. 3936 Monroeville Blvd. 412-376-4900. www. holidayinn.com • SpringHill Suites Pittsburgh Monroeville. Indoor pool, free breakfast, fitness center, free wifi. 122 Daugherty Drive. 412-380-9100. www.springhillsuites.com.

JESSE NEVE is a freelance writer from Minnesota and regular writer of this feature for Valley Living.

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Punxsutawney, Pa. • Cobblestone Hotel & Suites. Indoor pool and whirlpool, free breakfast buffet, free wifi, onsite exercise facility. 188 Alliance Drive. 814-938-5144. www.staycobblestone. com. Indiana, Pa. (28 miles south of Punxsutawney) • Days Inn Indiana. Family/Oversized rooms available, free Daybreak breakfast, fitness center, free breakfast, free wifi. 1350 Indian Springs Road. 724-465-7000. www. daysinn.com. • Park Inn by Radisson. Indoor pool, game room, fitness facilities, free wifi, “Happiness Guarantee” (if you’re not 100 percent happy with something, they’ll make it right or you won’t pay.) 1395 Wayne Avenue. 724-463-3561. www.parkinn.com. Ebensburg, Pa. (44 miles north of Flight 93 Memorial) • Quality Inn. Indoor pool and spa, free hot breakfast, free wifi, fitness center. 111 Cook Road, Routes 22 and 219. 814-472-6100. www.choicehotels.com. Cresson, Pa. (a little ways off the beaten path, 8 miles east of Ebensburg, but worthwhile for a unique lodging experience) • Station Inn. Bed and Breakfast that accommodates families with children age 8 and above, as well as college students, bikers, train lovers. Their website says it all: “We is what we is.” They are right next to the railroad tracks, and they don’t claim peace and quiet beyond their control. They do claim great breakfasts and pleasant rooms. They provide a 50 percent rebate on the room charge if there is less than one train per hour average during your total stay. Watch trains from the front porch. 827 Front St. 814-886-4757. www.stationinnpa. com. Johnstown, Pa. (32 miles north of Flight 93 Memorial) • Holiday Inn Johnstown-Downtown. Indoor pool and whirlpool, exercise facility, $5 parking fee, free wifi. 250 Market St. 814-535-7777. www.holidayinn.com. • Heritage House Inn. Family friendly Bed and Breakfast. Suites available that can sleep up to 7. Free wifi. Includes full breakfast, ice tea and coffee during the day and freshly baked cookies. 916 Broad St. 814-254-4319. www.heritagehouseinnbnb.com.

hen you have questions, that’s okay. God loves us—doubts, questions and all. The death and resurrection of Christ we remember at Easter is a profound mystery we may never understand, but God offers hope and peace to all. Join with a local congregation of your choice to explore more. We wish you hope and joy at Easter from Valley Living and these sponsors:

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Money Matters

Guidance on family finances

“I don’t have anything to worry about” by KEN GONYER

Money worries can feel lighter when sharing them together with God.

16 living • Spring 2018

who tend to worry a lot about money. Gallup’s 2017 Financial Worry metric, which tracks the percentage of Americans worried about multiple common financial challenges, indicates that the top worries are not being able to pay medical costs of a serious illness or accident (61 percent), not having enough money for retirement (58 percent), and not being able to

Although I had not shared with him all of the various worries and anxieties that I carried around with me every day, his words made me look at my worries differently. maintain the standard of living we enjoy (48 percent). Other major worries revolve around not being able to pay rent, mortgage, credit cards and monthly bills. Although we’ve worked hard to get control of our finances over the years, I’ve worried at some point about each of these. The weight of those anxieties lifted as I heard a man of 79 declare “I know God will take care of us. I don’t have anything to worry about.”

©ADOBE STOCK

called my father on his birthday this year, as I always do. Sometimes I feel like a bad son since that call is often the only one he’ll get from me in a year. Phone conversations aren’t always easy for Dad; he suffers from hearing loss as a result of a bout of scarlet fever in young adulthood. It’s hard for me, too, not being sure he’s hearing what I’m saying Even so, I know how much he enjoys being remembered on his birthday. The call this year was especially meaningful to me because of something he said when I asked him how he’d been feeling. This birthday was number 79, and he’d had some health issues over the last 10 years or so. Surprisingly, instead of sharing a list of physical aches and pains, he mused about the mental impact of being stuck inside during the long, cold winter. What he said was simple, but so profound that I recall it word for word. “You could almost call it depression,” he said, “but I know it’s not that - what have I got to be depressed about?” Before I could ask him to say more, he answered his own question: “I’m in good health, sitting in a warm house, with oil for the furnace and plenty to eat. I have my family, my friends and things to keep me busy. I have all I need and I know God will take care of us. I don’t have anything to worry about.” As his child, I was of course happy to hear this declaration, but it wasn’t what I expected. My parents have struggled with numerous health issues and financial challenges, problems we’ve spent a lot of time discussing over the years. For him to sum things up so simply, with such a confident contentment, was a bit shocking. It was also inspiring and encouraging to me. Although I had not shared with him all of the various worries and anxieties that I carried around with me every day, his words made me look at them differently. I’m like a lot of Americans

The conversation with my father reminded me of a speaker at a Christian marriage conference we attended. He spoke of the many ways that difficulties and problems had worked themselves out when he and his wife prayed. The quotable quote that stuck with me was delivered with tongue-in-cheek wonder: “You know, it’s almost like you can trust God!” For my father, whose faith came late in life, the trust is real. He’s an example of someone who applies scriptural advice that says “Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down.” (from Philippians 4:6-7 MSG). That’s great advice and a wonderful promise. I believe it, but I admit it’s hard to live out this wisdom from the Bible. Here at age 50, I hope I can keep it in mind until I’m 79 and beyond. For now I think I’ll just be sure to call Dad more often.

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Spring 2018 • living 17

When your teen is learning to drive ©ADOBE STOCK

by AMY BURDICK

y 15-year-old daughter Cheyenne had her driving permit for almost a month but I was still only allowing her to drive around the apartment complex. She was getting good at making tight turns and parking in between two cars until one day just after Thanksgiving. She drove around the complex like usual and then went to park in the same spot she had come out of which was between a minivan and a sedan. She pulled into the spot perfectly but when she went to stop she pressed her foot on the gas pedal instead of the brake. I told her to stop but she did it again; she had gotten the two pedals mixed up, a common mistake for beginning or elderly drivers. Next thing I knew the car went over the sidewalk and was headed for the mailboxes, but a garbage can encased in a wooden frame on a metal pole stopped us. Luckily no one was hurt and no one was around to see what happened which was fortunate because on the other side of the mailboxes was a playground.

Cheyenne turned off the car and jumped out. She was embarrassed and freaked out. She couldn’t believe what she had done. Cheyenne turned off the car and jumped out. She was embarrassed and freaked out. She couldn’t believe what she had done. I quickly dove into the driver’s seat and tried to back out the car but it would not budge. It was stuck. So I sent Cheyenne upstairs to get my friend Wayne to try and help us out. He brought over his little SUV, attached a rope to the back of my car, and tried to pull it out.

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An accident of any kind is a huge shake up, especially for new drivers.

The car rocked a little as the tires on his SUV spun but the car remained stuck. So I was left with no other choice but to call AAA. They sent out a flatbed tow truck. The driver, named Joe, brought the flatbed down like he would if he was towing the car away, but instead he slid it under the car, hooked a chain to the back of it and started pulling the car up onto the flatbed. The car moved fine but then the front bumper caught onto the wood casing of the garbage can. As the car moved backwards, the bumper went forward but it did not come all the way off. After the car was released, the wonderful tow truck driver found some screws and put the plastic bumper back on. Looking at the car now you can barely notice any damage done to it. I notified the apartment complex and told them I would pay for the damages. Afterwards, Cheyenne wanted to give up on driving. She said she never wanted to drive again. This too is a common response for a young driver, but I told her even though life gets tough and accidents happen, you need to learn from them, move on and never give up. She took my advice and was driving the very next day. Now a few months later she is driving on the road. If she wants to go to the salon to get her nails done, I say “you’re driving” or if she wants money for shopping, I say “drive me to the ATM.” None of this would have been possible if she had given up. But how very fortunate we all were her first accident was not anything more serious. So never give up, no matter how bad or scared you may be at the time. Persevere and press on. We can learn so much from our mistakes. AMY BURDICK has written for Valley Living before and resides in Florida.

Family Forum

Strengthening family relationships

How would Jesus parent? M by HARVEY YODER

any people seem to believe the main thing the Bible says about child discipline is “Spare the rod and spoil the child,” even though that saying is found in Ben Franklin’s Poor Richard’s Almanac rather than in scripture. True, there are a couple of verses in Proverbs about the use of a rod in correcting a child, but the primary use of a shepherd’s rod (or staff) is not for punishing sheep but for protecting and guiding them. There are several other texts calling us to diligently teach children God’s love and God’s ways—“when we get up, when we lie down and when we are on the way with them.” In other words, around the clock. There are also two brief texts which urge parents to bring up their children in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord” that is, in the spirit and teachings of Jesus, and that we should never correct in ways that incite anger or cause discouragement. Neither of these New Testament passages mentions the use of a rod or promotes any form of physical punishment like spanking, slapping or whipping. So how would Jesus have us parent? While we seldom think of Jesus as a model for child rearing,

©ADOBE STOCK

The parenting role is one of the greatest opportunities and challenges we have, especially when it comes to discipline.

he was a fully engaged mentor to twelve young followers with whom he practiced the kind of assertive toughness and soft tenderness we could all learn from. And he showed great concern for the wellbeing of children.

He showed great concern for the wellbeing of children. 1) Jesus gives high priority to children and condemns in the strongest terms any kind of disrespect or harm done to them. 2) Jesus affirms the teachableness, defenselessness and dependency of children as examples we should all learn from. 3) Jesus teaches his followers faith and values by word and everyday example, explains things by using simple illustrations, devotes himself to meeting his followers’ needs, shows them honor and respect, prays for them, answers their questions, engages them in ongoing conversations, gives them challenging work assignments, and is assertive in correcting them as needed. 4) Jesus corrects by word and by reproof, without the use of any form of physical force. He nowhere advocates the use of a rod or any kind of violence toward anyone of any age. 5) Jesus’s teaching about dealing with someone who commits a wrong (Matthew 18:15-17) might serve as a model for correcting misbehavior in people of all ages: a) Appeal to the offending person respectfully and in private. b) Address the issue (the fault) rather than attack or put down the person. c) Appeal for change rather than simply administer punishment. d) Take another with you if necessary to urge a change of heart and behavior. e) As the ultimate sanction, remove the offender from fellowship with the rest of the family or faith community (a form of time out!) until the misbehavior is acknowledged and corrected. Could this be a good example of how we should parent? HARVEY YODER is a family counselor and teaches parenting and marriage classes at the Family Life Resource Center. Questions relating to family concerns can be addressed to FLRC, 273 Newman Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22801 or to Harvey@flrc.org. His blog can be followed at harvyoder.blogspot.com. Spring 2018 • living 19

Rearing kids who’ll be good parents by MILLIE BAKER RAGOSTA

f all the rewards I’ve gleaned from “co-rearing” our eleven kids, the one I most treasure is watching their excellent parenting skills. While that also forces me to confess to incredible egomania since I was the “other-half” of the pair that reared them, our kids are better parents than Vince and I ever dreamed of being. For instance, although Ruthie usually takes 5-year old Justin and 2-year-old Em with her when she goes shopping, her husband Larry’s birthday was coming up. She knew the presence of two little boys in a men’s haberdashery on a busy Saturday would be trying, to say the least. So she left the kids with Larry and went shopping by herself. When she got home, she took her purchases upstairs to their room to be wrapped. Justin (miffed at being excluded from the “shopping-forDaddy” excursion) followed her and said, “What did you buy Daddy for his birthday?”

©ADOBE STOCK

“I didn’t select even one of them, I didn’t pay for them so it certainly isn’t right for me to put my name on them.” “Some new shirts and ties and slacks, honey. You know Daddy really needed some new clothes for the office.” She spread her purchases—three dress shirts, three silk ties and two pairs of dress slacks—out on her bed for his inspection. “But what am I going to give Daddy for his birthday?” he demanded. “Choose one of the shirts and a tie to match them and you can wrap them yourself,” Ruthie said.

Taking time to really listen to children— and have fun together—is one way to help your kids grow up to also raise good children.

20 living • Spring 2018

He stared at her with a long-in-the-face look as only a 5-year-old can. “I had nothing at all to do with these gifts, Mommy. I didn’t select even one of them, I didn’t pay for them so it certainly isn’t right for me to put my name on them.” “Oh, Justin, I guess I should have taken you along shopping with me,” Ruthie said contritely, “but I simply didn’t have time to get you and Em all dressed up. Just this once, can’t you give Daddy something you didn’t personally pick out?” “They are all very nice, but I didn’t select them, I didn’t pay for them and—” “I know, ‘it isn’t right for you to put your name on them,’” Ruthie sighed. “Would it make you feel better if you had paid for them?” Justin brightened a little. “Yes it would. I could take the money out of my bank account.” Ruthie agreed he could. After all, she and Larry had opened college savings accounts for both children in which they deposited money the boys received from both sets of grandparents for Christmas and birthday gifts. So she handed Justin a withdrawal slip and said, “You write on the slip how much money you want to withdraw from the bank and you sign your name.” Justin indicated a shirt and tie. “How much did they cost, Mommy?” “The shirt was $21, and the tie was $14.” Justin nodded and laboriously filled out the slip and then proudly handed it to his mother. Only then, with his financial obligation taken care of, would he wrap the shirt and tie for his daddy. While Ruth and Larry had intended the boys’ saving accounts only for the anticipated expense of college, Ruthie wisely realized her little son’s budding sense of responsibility is as important as attending college … maybe even more so. And does that little guy ever have a sense of responsibility! A couple of years previously, Justin had been watching a newscast showing hungry children in the Philippines after some natural disaster. He fretted over it for days and finally insisted Ruthie send the entire contents of his piggy bank to CARE with his strict instruction that every penny of it was to buy food for the Philippine children. These stories help illustrate why my greatest pride in what I have done with my life is raising kids who raise good kids. And that’s better than a Pulitzer or Oscar! MILLIE BAKER RAGOSTA is the mother of 11 children and author of Baker’s Dozen, an anthology of humor columns she wrote for Catholic Twin Circle weekly newspaper.

PHOTO BY MELODIE DAVIS

Shenandoah Spotlight Young adults to watch

Isaac Alderfer by MELODIE DAVIS

magine traveling to Kenya over your Christmas break your senior year of high school: not for a safari or sightseeing, but to install a water filter helping the population there filter out excess fluoride in water. And what’s wrong with fluoride in water anyway? Isaac Alderfer and six other students traveled to Africa over their Christmas break along with two teachers, as part of the Massanutten Regional Governor’s School for Environmental Science and Technology (in Mt. Jackson), one of 19 Governor’s schools in Virginia. Isaac is also a student at Broadway High School where he enjoys cross country, track and participating as president of the school’s National Honor Society, Science Club and Leader Club. He was recently WHSV-TV’s student-athlete of the week for indoor/outdoor track and cross country. In Kenya, the students helped on some projects for Nasaruni Academy For Maasai Girls. Isaac said girls traditionally don’t go to school much beyond primary grades and are married off for a bride price—typically cattle—by the age of 13 or 14 and end up having 7 to 8 children or more. Isaac’s project was using “bone char” (dried and burned cattle bones) to create an effective filter removing fluoride from the water there—which can be dangerous for humans when consumed in massive amounts. In the U.S. of course, cities typically add fluoride to water to protect teeth but that isn’t the problem in Kenya. Isaac also mentioned Maasai education was typically very traditional or lecture-based, rather than using group or interactive learning. The Mt. Jackson teachers took along kits to lead science experiments with “snap circuits” and Lego projects in addition to working to reduce the fluoride levels in water. The group also helped work on rooms at the boarding

school where mothers can stay when they come visit their daughters. The trip has led to Isaac searching for a college next year with a really good study abroad program. His credits through the Governor’s school mean he’ll have enough credits to be considered a second semester sophomore when he starts college, which will allow him to explore additional fields and perhaps have a double major. He especially enjoys the STEM classes he’s been taking, (with STEM standing for science, technology, engineering and mathematics). When asked what has been the biggest influence on the path Isaac’s traveled so far, he responded, “I’d have to say the environment I’ve been brought up in, which is a shout out to my parents.” Isaac also credits his family’s ongoing involvement at Zion Mennonite Church. There Isaac enjoyed hearing varied experiences from mission workers from many countries over the years, which helped whet his interest in going to Kenya. It was his first experience of this kind in another country, “and it won’t be my last,” he plans. He also served recently on a search committee for a new associate pastor at the church, a two-year process. Isaac’s parents are Doug and Kathy and he has one brother, Ben, a sophomore at Broadway. Isaac encourages other teens to get involved and try new things. “If you discover you don’t like it, try something else.” Good advice for anyone! Find out more about the Nasaruni Academy at www. nasaruniacademy.org. MELODIE DAVIS is editor of Valley Living.

Know someone 30 or under to nominate for a future Shenandoah Spotlight? Requirements are: Valley resident or grew up here, outstanding for their job, community, or church work, and the model they provide. Contact us at info@valleyliving.org.

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Spring 2018 • living 21

Downsizing: A priority in moving to the Valley by BRUCE STAMBAUGH

©ADOBE STOCK

cut to come to Virginia. Though we had only moved twice in y wife and I sat at the dining room table, extended as all those years together, a more recent tradition my wife and I far as possible to accommodate the small party of exbegan each winter helped us prioritize our possessions. Ohioans. We all had a lot in common, having moved For the last four winters, Neva and I have spent most of from Ohio to the Harrisonburg area for the same reason. We January and February in northern Florida. We rented a condo wanted to be close to our grandchildren. on Amelia Island northeast of Jacksonville. It wasn’t always My wife and I moved from Ohio to the Shenandoah Valley balmy there, but it wasn’t as cold as Ohio either. The condo in early May 2017. At ages 13, 11 and 8, they all participate was two-thirds smaller than our house. So we had to pack in school, church and community activities here we just didn’t wisely. We shared want to miss. We’ve one clothes closet enjoyed soccer and and had insufficient baseball games, storage. We only piano and violin took essentials, concerts, hiking and with clothing being so much more. the bulk of what In the process, we packed. We we’ve run into planned to dress several other couples in layers with the that have moved to changeable weather. The Valley for the That concept exact same reason. worked well for us, Their grandchildren given the variety live here, too. We of weather and have enjoyed getting activities we have to know these folks experienced over who have moved those few winters. from many different Movers pack belongings of the Stambaughs in the Ohio home. Most of the antique items shown made the move to Virginia, including the dining room table and chairs. There was a states. We have also lesson to be learned been reacquainted in that seasonal exercise. We applied it to our move. Why with others we had known previously in Ohio. did I need all of those dress shirts? Moving to Virginia meant In the course of our conversations with these grandparent I would be retired from my second career in marketing and replants, I noticed a common theme. Downsizing to make the public relations. I could do with fewer shirts, dress pants move caused a lot of angst. My wife and I could relate. and the rest. Our entire wardrobe was significantly reduced. With both of us in the same mindset, our closet spaces in Items we had hung onto for 46 years of Rockingham would suffice. marriage would have to go. But which Of course, we couldn’t fit all of our furniture into our new house either. This became problematic since my wife and I ones? owned a house full of antiques, mostly family heirlooms and pieces that had more personal value than functionality. We had The house we purchased near Harrisonburg in Rockingham to make hard choices. We used our cell phones to photograph County was 700 square feet smaller than our Ohio home. Plus, pieces we decided not to take. We texted the photos to family this retirement ranch had no basement, no attic for storage and and friends we thought might have an interest in them. The no outside garden shed for lawn tools. Items we had hung onto ones that weren’t claimed were either sold at garage sales or for 46 years of marriage and 30 years each in public education donated to a local thrift store where Neva had volunteered for would have to go. But which ones? many years. We knew the answer to that leading question. We listened We also used photography for personal items we knew we to both our hearts and our minds as to what would make the 22 living • Spring 2018

couldn’t take but didn’t want to forget. So memorable school items, for example, that sat in file cabinets were captured digitally and physically discarded. Much of that sorting was done while watching college basketball’s March Madness. The overall downsizing hit home when I determined my cherished 1970 Chevy Malibu coupe had to go. I had helped the original owner buy it brand new. Sure I had tears when I had to say goodbye. It had to be done. You can’t squeeze three cars into a two-car garage. Despite all of that, there was another element to downsizing that caught me by surprise. My life was also downsized. Other than my free-lance writing, I no longer had to work. Once we knew the timeline for moving, I quit my two part-time jobs and resigned as an elected township trustee. I loved my work, but it was time to move on. Our new emphasis in life would be family first. And that’s just what has happened. Both our daughter and son-in-law run hectic schedules with work and volunteering in the community. Our Ohio son gave us his blessing as well for

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this phase. We will also travel frequently back to Ohio. This downsizing move has opened our lives to new adventures, new friends, new life purpose and new routines. And we couldn’t be happier. BRUCE STAMBAUGH is a retired educator who moved in 2017 to Rockingham County with his wife, Neva. He is a freelance writer and writes a column for a weekly newspaper in Millersburg, Ohio. Bruce blogs at brucestambaugh.com.

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Spring 2018 • living 23

Natives in the garden by SARI CARP

hese days, it’s all about the natives. No, this isn’t a political statement; we’re talking trees here. Planting native trees is the most rewarding route to restoring the balance of our forests and fields, damaged by invasive imports like the absurdly named “Tree of Heaven” (Ailanthus altissima). Natives sustain wildlife, resist blights and infestations, and adapt to local conditions like proximity to black walnut trees (whose toxic compound juglone kills most non-natives). Most natives have something exciting going for them, be it stunning flowers, delicious fruit, drop-dead fall color, winter interest, or all of the above. They’re all around us too, so you can easily check out mature trees in the wild (or a local arboretum) before deciding which ones you’d like to add to your own garden.

Most natives have something exciting going for them, be it stunning flowers, delicious fruit, drop-dead fall color, winter interest, or all of the above.

©ADOBE STOCK

Not all natives are suitable for garden planting. Some (e.g. walnuts and butternuts) kill too many other plants, while others (e.g. sycamores and tulip poplars) are too large for most situations. Often, cultivars have been developed of natives, offering gardeners a wider range of leaf color, shape and size, or improved fruiting habits. As always when planting, consider the tree’s needs with regards to light, moisture and especially, space. Many natives grow quickly, and you don’t want an eventual monster too close to your house, your driveway or a power line. Also, if you plant in the spring, water, water, water throughout the summer! Newly planted trees need far more

water than established ones. Here are 10 of the most appealing and versatile natives: Dogwood (Cornus florida) Mature size: 25’ high by up to 25’ wide Virginia’s state tree needs little introduction, known for its four petaled white “flowers” (actually bracts, or leaves, growing around a very tiny flower). It’s a highly flexible tree, flowering well even in shade. A pink flowering cultivar is available for gardens, and both colors are readily available for purchase. Redbud (Cercis canadensis) Mature size: 20’ high by 25’ wide; cultivars may be smaller Like dogwoods, redbuds are an understory tree in woodlands, though they demand a bit more sun than dogwoods. Fluorescent pink flowers, heart-shaped leaves and long brown seedpods provide all-season interest. If the standard version of redbuds isn’t exciting enough for your garden (though how could it not be?!), many cultivars are available, including weeping redbuds and varieties with red, multicolor or variegated leaves. Spicebush (Lindera benzoin) Mature size: up to 12’ high by 12’ wide The often overlooked spicebush is one of the first heralds of spring, and practically the only flowering bush that thrives in deep shade and floodplains. Its pale yellow flowers appear in early spring, giving way to delicate leaves with a citrus-y taste. The fresh leaves make a delicious sun tea (brewed with cold water), while hot tea can be made in winter from the twigs. Spicebush’s bright red berries, referred to as “Appalachian allspice”, do taste considerably like allspice, and can be used fresh or dried. Witch Hazel (Hamamelis virginiana) Mature size: 12’ high by 12’ wide Witch hazel also flowers happily in heavy shade, but its bizarre, hairy looking yellow blossoms appear in winter,

A Shenandoah Valley favorite: glorious redbud blossoms are frequently found in early spring at the edges of forests.

24 living • Spring 2018

when most leaves have already fallen from the trees. Slightly contorted branches add to its winter interest. Intriguing nonnative cultivars are also available. Sweetbay Magnolia (Magnolia virginiana) Mature size: 30’ high by 20’ wide If you want a flowering evergreen that tolerates frequently flooded soil, the “swamp magnolia” may be your only choice. Its thick white flowers and dark green oval leaves resemble those of its more celebrated cousin, Magnolia grandiflora, though they’re less dense. It needs at least 4 hours of sun a day. Serviceberry (Amelanchier spp.) Mature size: around 20’ high by 15’ wide A favorite of native tree connoisseurs, this tree offers a little bit of everything: pretty white flowers, huge wildlife appeal and yummy red berries (tasting a bit like blueberries, with a hint of cherry). Serviceberries suit a wide number of garden uses, including rain and wildlife gardens, and are fairly shade tolerant. Persimmon (Diospyros virginiana) Mature size: up to 80’ high by 30’ wide; cultivars are smaller Persimmons are often thought of as Asian fruits, but we have our own native variety. American persimmon fruits are smaller than their Japanese and Korean cousins, but just as sweet and edible if harvested at the right time (late fallwinter). Persimmons are a fantastic tree to plant for wildlife, who also love the fruit. The distinctive bark, divided into scaly plates, is my favorite of any tree, and subtle cup-shaped yellow flowers intrigue in spring. Native persimmons aren’t self-fertile, so you need both male and female trees to get fruit. Some cultivars or crosses with Asian varieties (e.g. “Nikita’s Gift”) are self-fertile and begin fruiting at much younger ages than the pure native.

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Pawpaw (Asimina triloba) Mature size: up to 40’ high by 25’ wide The pawpaw isn’t a shy, retiring tree. Its giant dark green leaves, deep purple flowers and massive fruit (weighing in at up to a pound, the largest of any natives) demand to be noticed. Pawpaws’ taste is perhaps best described as a cross between a banana and a pear. If you plan to harvest the fruit, cultivars, such as those developed by Peterson Pawpaws, are available with improved production and flesh-to-seed ratios. Pawpaws tolerate shade and wet soil and tend to be deer resistant; always a plus around here! They’re also the only host for the larvae of an important pollinator, the zebra swallowtail butterfly. Mulberry (Morus rubra/Morus alba) Mature size: up to 60’ high and 40’ wide Mulberry’s another great choice for floodplains, which most fruit trees find too damp. Wildlife and humans alike love the berries. They look like long, thin blackberries, ripening in mid-summer to a deep purple (on the more common rubra) or white (alba). Mulberry leaves are fun, too, as there are three different shapes on the same tree: oval, three lobed, and two lobed (in a mitten shape). A dwarf weeping cultivar is available, ideal for sheltering chickens, wildlife or children under its dense branches. River Birch (Betula nigra) Mature size: 70’ tall by 55’ wide The only native birch in our area is a rock star at stabilizing eroding creek banks. Its peeling bark, curling like a giant cinnamon stick, and its catkins, which remain on the branches after leaf drop, make it tops for winter interest too. River birches are easy to find, even in many “big box store” garden departments. SARI CARP shares her love of native trees from a farm in Edinburg, Va.

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Mom’s apron A

prons were a very necessary part of Mom’s wardrobe as a farmer’s wife. She had to be careful not to soil the few nice clothes she had. So protecting her dresses (Mom never wore slacks—she considered them sinful) from stains and splashes was a priority. In looking at a few of Mom’s old 1920s photos, I noticed a cover-up type of apron over her dresses. In checking the history of aprons, I found that in the 1920s and 1930s, women’s aprons followed the silhouette of a dress—long, flowing and no waistline. I hadn’t known how important aprons were for Mom until my oldest sister, Anita, told me when she was married in the 1940s, Mom’s advice to her as a new homemaker was, “Make sure you have your hair combed and wear a clean apron!” My older sisters, Anita and Jannetta, filled me in on Mom’s first aprons. She sewed her own, of course, and usually they were from a discarded dress or material someone had given her. Some were colorful, trimmed in rick-rack, always with pockets. The material could be cotton, even “feed bags” that once held flour. She did have nice half-aprons (tied at the waist), that she usually wore only on Sundays when she wouldn’t have soiled her dress as much (usually doing less heavy-duty cooking on Sundays).

When someone I didn’t know stopped by, I’d run to Mom, hang on her leg, and hide my face behind her apron.

Stir up some memories of how Mother’s apron served so many purposes.

26 living • Spring 2018

had a few hooks and this is where Mom kept her aprons. My memory, possibly when I was only 4 or 5 years old, is of me pulling on Mom’s apron and crying because I couldn’t pull the apron off the hook. My sisters also told me as a child, I was a “scaredy cat.” When someone I didn’t know stopped by, I’d run to Mom, hang on her leg, and hide my face behind her apron. I outgrew that stunt but I’m sure I wasn’t the only child to hide my face in an apron. Since I’m the only sister who has an aversion to cooking, I never wore an apron. All my sisters tell me when they did dishes at home, they wore aprons. I tell them, “I never did.” They, as usual, chastise me, “No wonder. You never worked!” All my sisters and I have vivid memories of Mom’s resourcefulness when it came to her trusty apron. She had a large garden with a variety of vegetables in the field behind our house. When she felt a certain vegetable was in season, she’d be the first to check on it. Soon she’d arrive at the kitchen door yelling, “Hurry. Open the door. My hands are full!” Indeed, her hands clutched two ends of her apron, filled to the brim with a batch of freshly picked green beans. That night we had a great ham and bean supper. But it was the children who then picked the next batches of bounty. The same with eggs. As each of us became “of age” to gather the eggs, Mom first showed us “how,” always with her apron. Her left hand would hold the corners of the apron, making it into a sort of folded bowl. The right hand gathered the eggs and very gently laid them in the “apron bowl.” All of us remember Mom gathering little chicks or ducklings in her apron. Once these little ones started walking, they could be found all over the place. When found, Mom brought them back to their mother in her apron. We all recall having had our mouths wiped off with Mom’s ©ADOBE STOCK

As the youngest child, I remember Mom in mostly bib aprons—either a bib pinned to the bodice of a dress or shoulder straps attached to the waistband and crisscrossed in back. I do recall Mom’s aprons were quite stained and were seldom washed. My sisters were quick to point out, “Mom never wasted anything—even water. If she felt an apron had worn itself out, she’d take what she considered ‘still usable’ pieces and use them in her quilts.” My earliest memory has to do with Mom’s apron. A closet underneath the stairs held all our coats, sweaters and hats. The inside of the closet door

by CAROLE CHRISTMAN KOCH

apron before meals, whether we felt that we needed it or not. We remember her sitting at the kitchen table, a bushel of apples on the floor nearby. Before cutting up slices of apple for us, she would wipe it off on her thoroughly stained apron. I’m sure one of the main attractions in rural households was the kitchen stove. In the ‘50s, when I was a teen, Mom had a more modern electric stove. But as a youngster, I remember all of us were served our hot meals from a large, black cast iron stove. This stove had what I considered spindly legs, close to the floor. The oven was heated from one side, fueled by wood or coal. It had a high, white headboard with a short ledge, where items could be set. When there were many youngsters at home, we had a large wooden chest at one side of the kitchen table. It not only served as a seat, but large logs, to start the fire, were placed in it. In order to start a fire, we had to gather corn cobs, small tree branches or small slats of wood left over from Pop’s carpentry work. Of course, it was the kids’ chore to get the corn cobs or slats of wood and fill the coal bucket, which sat on the floor in back of the stove. If we forgot, it was Mom, who, with her “apron bowl,” gathered some cobs or slats of wood and filled the bucket herself. Mom did the cooking and baking herself; the girls did whatever chore she gave us. When making pie dough and rolling it on the kitchen table, Mom’s apron was dusted in flour. After the dough was rolled and in the pan, her apron came off. She then gathered it so the flour wouldn’t spill, and one of us kids had the privilege of shaking the apron over the railing on the front porch. When checking on her pies in the oven, Mom would wipe her face clean with her apron from the pie’s hot steam blasted from the 3.5”oven. x 2”

We always had plenty of potatoes since Pop planted and sold them. I loved when Mom made fried potatoes in the large black cast iron frying pan. I know she had hot pads in the drawer, but if they weren’t handy, I’d see her wrap her apron into 3-4 folds and grab that hot skillet pan with her apron. The uses of Mom’s apron were endless—even in the living room. When calling us, “Supper’s ready!” she would take the edge of her apron and use it as a dust rag on the end of a piece of furniture. Mom is no longer with us, but her apron is. Unknown to us, my sister Dorothy saved one of Mom’s colorful aprons. She presented each of us with “a piece of Mom’s apron” in the shape of a small, colorful heart. Mine hangs on the kitchen wall and serves as a reminder of a skilled woman with plenty of grit. CAROLE CHRISTMAN KOCH writes from Pennsylvania.

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  

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 

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Thanks a lot!

Cultivating gratitude in children

If your kids are a bit older, take a day to observe your interactions, not just with your children, but with everyone you speak with. Looking for more ways to instill an attitude of gratitude in your little ones? Here are activities or games to consider with them. ✓ Roses and Thorns Sometimes called simply “Highs and Lows,” this is a practice of each participant sharing one positive thing and one negative thing that happened during the day. Consider offering roses last to end on a positive note, or up your gratitude game by taking time as a family to consider what good may have come from the “thorns.” Don’t forget to express thanks for the people with whom you can share these highs and lows. ✓ Five Pennies … or Beads or Small Stones Have your child think of five things he or she is grateful for and allow each small treasure to represent one of those things. Keep them in a special spot or precious container, or take them to school in a pocket as a reminder throughout the day. ✓ Downward Social Comparisons Rather than lamenting how everyone else has it better than we do, an upward comparison can breed dissatisfaction, Froh and Bono suggest we bring our attention, and that of our children, toward friends and family whose plans haven’t worked out as they’d hoped. These types of downward comparisons encourage empathy. With that empathy, comes 28 living • Spring 2018

Do your children know when and how to write—and how to mail— a real thank you note?

greater appreciation for the things we have. Kids also begin to see everyone has a different perspective, and their circumstances could spark envy in others. ✓ Basket of Thanks Keep a basket or other container in a prominent place in your home, along with index cards and pens or colored pencils. Encourage family members to stop by and write a quick note of thanks for people, pets and things in your home throughout the day. ✓ Thank You Cards Writing thank you notes cultivates thoughtfulness and gratitude, and can become a regular habit. Author and mom Sage Cohen writes and sends thank you cards daily. “My son is very aware of my gratitude practice,” she says. “In my household, writing thank you notes is like brushing your teeth, going to bed on time, and being gentle with the cats. It’s both modeled and required, but in a friendly and integrated way. It’s just a rhythm of life that we co-create and enjoy together.” Rather than an occasional obligation, thank you notes can be an opportunity for family members to talk regularly about what and who they appreciate, as well as a time to consider what our words of thanks mean to the recipient. ✓ Gratitude Journal Help your children keep a daily list of people and things for which they are grateful. Spending time to write or draw things we appreciate focuses our attention on them in a way that can magnify their value. Entries can be a simple drawing or more detailed written entries such as “I am thankful for … because …” As a parent, in any season, you can plant seeds of appreciation and watch gratitude grow in your life, and in the lives of your children.

HEATHER LEE LEAP is a freelance writer from Oregon. Connect with her at her blog, wellnessandwords.com.

©ADOBE STOCK

by HEATHER LEE LEAP ot ungrateful kids, or just hoping to start them off right when it comes to appreciating the big … or little things in life? Kids learn through modeling and repetition, and gratitude is no exception. The more often your children see or hear you showing thanks, the more seeds you plant in their garden of appreciation. In their book, “Making Grateful Kids: The Science of Building Character,” Jeffrey J. Froh and Giacomo Bono note young children first practice thankfulness as politeness, rather than genuine gratitude, which comes when they are old enough to appreciate why others are offering them kindness. The words please and thank you are building blocks of gratitude and for many of us they come easily when our children are learning to talk. If your kids are a bit older though, take a day to observe your interactions, not just with your children, but with everyone you speak with. How often do you use the “magic words?”

©ADOBE STOCK

SALUTE TO VETERANS featuring

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How to tell if you’ve been online too long by EVELYN HORAN 1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave. 2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 4. You email the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is they don’t have e-mail addresses. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries. 7. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.

You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee. 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it. 10. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee. 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. Evelyn Horan has written many articles over many years. She lives in California.

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Spring 2018 • living 29

Stress: It’s a family affair by JANIS NORTON

©ADOBE STOCK

eth sat in the examination room waiting for the doctor to come and listen to her symptoms. Naturally, her headache wasn’t as bad today as it had been recently, now she had taken the afternoon off. Maybe she shouldn’t have bothered. But then again, it was true she had been having these awful headaches, and the day she called to make the appointment she was exhausted from several nights in a row with poor sleep. Things always seemed so impossible in the dark. The doctor came in. She was her usual methodical questioner and Beth felt herself relaxing with the attention. In fact, she found herself crying when the physician asked about recent events and any issues that might be bothering Beth. She explained about her father’s dementia and the work pressures that had surfaced in the past few months. There was more but she decided not to take up the doctor’s time with the litany of household happenings and frustrations she was experiencing. Most of those seemed so small, hardly worth mentioning in a medical consultation. The doctor thought Beth might be having stress headaches and Beth agreed. She gratefully accepted prescriptions and promised to come back in a month. Once in the car she saw a text from her son saying he left his shin guards at home and couldn’t go to soccer practice without them. Could she bring them to the school? Now. Frowning face emoji. She looked at her watch and saw she could manage. She sighed and her head pounded a little more at the thought of cross town traffic and now two trips to the soccer field instead of one. And what to make for dinner tonight? She contemplated dinner on her way home, traffic congested

for blocks around a construction site. She should double the meal so she’d have food to take to her parents. Her father’s functioning was worse lately: moody and irritable with people, which was frightening her mother, and all of them. Beth pulled into the driveway frowning at the sight of her daughter’s boyfriend’s car there. She walked in to find the two of them close together on the couch, glued to a music video, after school snacks littering the coffee table.

Relationship stress is the day in and day out pressure that results from the way we relate to and rub up against each other. Jessica was supposed to be doing her homework and putting in time on her SAT preparation. And the boyfriend was not a welcome visitor when no adult was in the home. The boyfriend scattered, embarrassed, when Beth reminded her daughter of their agreement. Beth cleaned up the snacks as Jess flounced to her room. It was easier to clean up herself; she was not in the mood to argue with a pouty teenager. Several texts to her son revealed the whereabouts of the shin guards and she made the delivery to the high school. The drive-through line at the pharmacy was long so she went into the store and then there was a line for drop off prescriptions. She would have to come back later to pick up the prescriptions. Dinner was late but finally they were all together. Jessica was still in her pout and Josh was gloomy. His soccer coach had threatened to bench him because of his shin guard lapse, today’s being the third in two weeks. Is all going to be well in this perfectly ordinary family of completely normal individuals? In so many ways this is a typical American family. They have education, work, adequate resources, as well as healthy children who are headed for college and a bright future. They also have church, friends and some family close by although most of the family is at a distance. Most importantly, Beth is at the doctor for stress symptoms. In truth though, both spouses are tired and overwhelmed and the children aren’t nearly as responsible for themselves as they could be. What’s up? There are two kinds of stress. There is the stress that comes with change and meeting a challenge. A major project is coming due and the success is on your shoulders. Or, the surgery has been scheduled and as the day approaches you prepare yourself for discomfort and disruption. With the project, or the surgery, coping kicks in and you get through it. What are the signs that you and your family are stressed out not just from activities, but relationally?

30 living • Spring 2018

Big relief follows and most of the time life returns to normal. The other kind of stress is the stress that stays. This is relationship stress. Relationship stress is the day in and day out pressure that results from the way we relate to and rub up against each other. This kind of stress is subtle, sometimes hard to perceive, and at the same time powerful in its impact. Anxiety is contagious in families. An uptight mood or response is passed from person to person through words, glances, facial expressions, rolled eyes, gestures, and vocal tone, just to name a few of the ways the “bug” gets around. The automatic nature of the stress response in a family means it is difficult to stop. Probably the biggest obstacle to interrupting stress contagion is it is hard to see it in action until it is out of hand. The loud argument everyone notices probably began as a series of emotional sensitivities traded back and forth between people at a subtle level over a period of time. The reactivity is multidirectional but mostly people focus outward: on the other guy and what he is doing is a problem. When stress is high the ability to observe self is often in limited supply. Beth’s husband, Tim, can see Beth is overdoing it for the children. He doesn’t see how his distance and critical posture with her pushes her closer to the kids and further away from him. She has some notion the way she picks up the pieces for her kids is not the best but feels trapped into this role saying, “It’s easier to do it myself.” And the kids, being kids, are just responding to the environment as it is. Of course, they have begun to play their own part in the stress response by behaving dependently and waiting for mom to organize some of their responsibilities. Doing things for kids, or anyone, that they can do for themselves is an anxious response that neglects the ultimate outcome, which can be learned helplessness.

The automatic nature of the stress response in a family means it is difficult to stop. Unfortunately, there is no one answer to relationship stress. The way we relate is as intricate and profound as the human condition itself. The good news is there are some guidelines for calmer and happier family life. And these ideas work. Recognize the entire group is under stress, either each in their own personal situation or in simply dealing with the emotional atmosphere of the family. Each member can be seen as reacting from his/her particular position in the circuitry of the travelling anxiety. Each member is part of the whole. And true, some may be behaving in ways that amp up the current in the circuitry but still their functioning has evolved in a system of others and the response of others. Drop blame, of self or others. Blame clouds a clear view of what is happening between and among people. Blame fixates a problem on the other making it difficult to imagine what self can do to solve problems that are occurring. Endeavor to make a study of the specific way anxiety is contagious in the family. After an unpleasant encounter, reflect on what happened with a focus on the who, what, when and where of it all. Working at clarity and objectivity does not include becoming uncaring or distant. Put the focus on managing self and not on changing others.

If everyone is involved in the circuitry of stress, any individual can step up and work at managing differently. A serious effort at managing with more awareness and equanimity is not a minor project but it’s not impossible either. The emotional intelligence of the human is actually quite wondrous! A focus on self precludes “talking it out” with others or “calling a family meeting” to work at problem solving. There are times and places for these kinds of activities, of course. But the building of awareness and the effort to address one’s own position in the stress contagion is very much an individual project. Having an objective outside party to think with about the who, what, when and where can be valuable and sometimes indispensable. A pastor, therapist, thoughtful parent or calm friend can help track the family’s ups and downs. Having a neutral de-briefer can be a game changer. If stress is contagious, is there a vaccine? Well, we can’t inoculate against stress, and the evidence is out there we shouldn’t hope for such a thing. A certain level of stress keeps us fit and on our toes. We mature as we try out and learn new ways to cope. But perhaps there is some protection against being done in by relationship stress through keen awareness and the option always present to consider oneself in the stress circuit. As a sage philosopher once said about family life “It’s messy.” Fortunately, more often than not, it’s messy in a good way. JANIS NORTON, LCSW is a family therapist in private practice in Harrisonburg, Va. She has been studying and applying family systems ideas for over thirty years. She can be reached at www.janisnorton.com.

ADVENTURES IN TRAVEL March 19-29, 2018

“The Best of Ireland and Northern Ireland”

T U O LD

July 16-18, 2018

Motorcoach trip to “Ark Encounter and Creation Museum”

Dublin, Belfast, Nine Glens of Antrim, Donegal, “Yeats Country”, Galway, Williamstown, KY and Cincinnati, OH Cliffs of Moher, Ring of Kerry, A replica of Noah’s Ark - 510 feet Blarney Castle, and more. Terrific price long, 85 feet wide, 51 feet high - Only $2729! Incl. overseas air from The largest timber frame D.C., First-class hotels, most meals. structure in the world (several spaces left) Blue Grass/Celtic Music Performance

May 15-16, 2018

“Motor Coach trip to Lancaster, PA”

Two features - Sight and Sound with new production “Jesus”; Bird-in-Hand feature show “Home Game” - A musical of an Amish boy who dreams of playing major league baseball

October 15-26, 2018

“The Magic of Morocco”

Features - Casablanca, Rabat, Sahara Desert, Camel Ride, High Atlas Mountains, nomadic villages, Fez, one of the holiest cities in the world, Marrakesh, and more (several spaces left)

For More Information contact Ed & Edie Bontrager 540-574-3833 (Ofﬁce), 540-209-7457 (Cell) ~ Harrisonburg, VA www.travelventuretours.com ~ eebontrager@comcast.net Spring 2018 • living 31

©ADOBE STOCK

Make me a triangle by BETTY THOMSEN-DINIUS

“M

ommy, can you make me a triangle?” my son, Alex, eagerly asked in his inquisitive 3-year old’s voice. He loved to watch me crochet, and the triangle was his favorite shape. In the evenings after a long day at work, I would relax by sitting in my rocking chair and crocheting. Sometimes the items were for a friend, sometimes a family member. This time I happened to be crocheting granny squares for an afghan. To anyone who crochets it sounds like such a simple request, but to those of us who are pattern dependent, it is not so easy. His brief, innocent question gave me pause. Excuses, I needed excuses and quick. “Well, I don’t know, honey. I don’t really have a pattern for one and I’m not really sure how to do it. I really don’t think I can,” I explained. Besides, the yarn was too thick; the yarn was too thin; anything I could think of. I was stalling for time, but it was either that or have my precious son find out his mommy couldn’t crochet his favorite shape.

“Mama, you can do anything you set your mind to.” Then from out of the blue, he looked at me and said, “But Mama, you can do anything you set your mind to.” And there it was. The phrase of encouragement most parents use, certainly one of my go-to phrases, and it had come back to haunt me. Now what was I going to do? If I didn’t at least

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32 living • Spring 2018

Magic happens when a child eggs you to do something you’re not sure you can do.

try, then he would not try new activities. Think, think. If I crocheted a triangle, it would make my little guy happy, and I would have achieved something new. If I tried and found out I really could not crochet a triangle, my son would see that you have to at least try; you can’t just say “I can’t” without trying first. In my mind, I quickly ran through my list of crocheted shapes. There were squares and circles; give me a pattern, and I could crochet a sundress, a soaker, a christening gown, vintage baby bonnets in thread, a pumpkin hat, a grocery bag, a table runner, roses, angels, bells. I could crochet using thread, thick yarn, thin yarn, chances are I could do it, but he wanted a triangle, a shape not currently in my repertoire! That triangle was going to be crocheted even if I had to do it a gazillion times. I WOULD SUCCEED! Seeing his pleading eyes peering out from under his tousled hair, my thinking suddenly took a new direction. No more excuses. Don’t say, “I can’t,” instead say, “I can!” So I set out with the knowledge I already had and attempted to crochet a triangle. I knew a triangle tapers the closer you get to the top. That seemed simple enough; I knew how to increase and decrease. I created the base of the triangle then started decreasing as I got to the top. After about two hours of crocheting, which included pulling out row after row and redoing them, I presented my son with a rather lopsided triangle, but a triangle nonetheless. And the amazing part was he recognized it as a triangle. The feeling of accomplishment overcame me that evening as I put my son to bed with a newly crocheted triangle done in his favorite color yarn. Still grasping the triangle, he drifted off to sleep after I read him his favorite bedtime story. My son is older now and doesn’t take much interest in watching me crochet. But if I ever have grandchildren and they ask, “Grandma, can you make me a triangle?” I’ll be able to say, “Sure thing. No problem!” BETTY THOMSEN-DINIUS crochets and knits from her home in Arizona. Her other hobbies include writing.

Indoor family fun activities by KIMBERLY BLAKER

©ADOBE STOCK

he warm sunny days you can conduct at home with of spring and summer basic household products and may not have arrived ingredients. Perform several. yet. But don’t let it get your Then make your own video of family down. These months a really amazing one to post are perfect for lots of cozy on Youtube. indoor family fun. Try these Have a family ideas to brighten your spirits workout. Physical fitness and strengthen your bonds. is important for the entire Make a tent or family. But if you live in fort. Indoor tents and forts a cooler climate, it can be make for fun play areas as especially difficult to do this well as cozy retreats for time of year. Look for a HIIT reading or watching movies. (High intensity interval To build a tent, take several training) Zumba, or another bed sheets, tablecloths, or cardiovascular exercise video An old fashioned family game night—using whatever games you enjoy blankets, and drape them over the most is a great way to step away from too much screen time. with today’s hottest music tables or backward-facing and moves. chairs. For a more permanent structure, connect PVC tubing in Paint a wall mural. Is your family artistic? If so, choose a the shape of a box. Then drape it with sheets. wall in your basement, garage, mudroom, or playroom in need Hold an art workshop. Gather the basics such as paper, of a personal touch. Before you begin, draw what you want to paint and markers. Then scrounge around for a variety of do on a piece of paper. Then pick up 3 or 4 quarts of primary recyclables such as boxes, toilet paper rolls, plastic bottles, color paints plus a quart of white and black. At home, you can caps, old magazines and anything else you can think of. If you mix the colors to create additional colors and shades. have any crafting supplies such as yarn, fabric or glitter, you Do a family game night. Pull out the cards and board can throw them in as well. Now, let your family’s inspiration games. Pop some popcorn. Put on some music. Then start flow, and create to your heart’s content. keeping score to see who will be the night’s grand winner. Have a picnic. Who said picnics are only for the outdoors? Put together all the workings of a picnic complete with picnic Have everyone pitch in and help cook basket, if you have one. Then spread out a blanket in your the international fare. family room, and enjoy the grub. Tell stories. Write out a dozen or so story prompts each on a Have a family read-in. First, head to the library and have separate piece of paper and toss them all in a bowl. Then take everyone pick a selection of books. At home, pull pillows and turns drawing a story prompt from the bowl and telling a story. blankets out for the family room, and spend the day lounging Another option is for one person to start the story. Then, go and absorbing your new reads. For another option, everyone around the room, and each of you add a sentence to the story. could take turns reading out loud from an age-appropriate See how long you can keep the story alive. chapter book or novel. Get cultured. Choose a culture your family would like to Learn self-defense. Buy or rent a martial arts DVD on learn about and experience. Then find recipes from that culture basic self-defense. Then gather the whole family to practice online. Have everyone pitch in and help cook the international techniques that could help them escape a dangerous situation. fare. Also, look up mealtime customs for the culture you’ve Hold a magic show. Pick up some magic trick books or chosen so you can have a full-blown experience. watch magic videos online. Then practice up and invite the Perform a puppet show. Pull out old socks or brown paper neighborhood kids to come and watch your act. lunch bags and make your own puppets. Draw on the faces Have a dance-a-thon. Crank up the volume to some pop, and use yarn or string for the hair. Then take turns performing hip-hop, or whatever your kids’ favorite music, and see who’s your shows. energy can hold out the longest. KIMBERLY BLAKER, of Michigan, is a lifestyle and parenting freelance Play bakery. What better way to warm up the day writer. Her articles have appeared in more than 250 newspapers, parand enjoy quality family time than to bake up batches of enting and women’s magazines, and other publications throughout scrumptious treats? Make a day of it. Once you’ve sufficiently the U.S. Find more at www.KimberlyBlaker.com. sampled the goodies, freeze the remainder. Sizzling science fun. Search online for fun experiments Spring 2018 • living 33

Congratulations…

to those who successfully completed the word search from the winter issue of Living. Bergton Woody Brown Dorothy Fitzwater Dana Hartman Johnny Hottinger Judy Hottinger Colin Whetzel Holly Whetzel Renée Wilkins Emma Wittig Bridgewater Hensel Armentrout Lois Auville Nancy Dagen Sam Dagen Charlotte Fifer Carolyn Freeman Anna Keller Carolyn Price Clooney Rodeffer Glen Thomas June White Brightwood Virginia Coppedge Broadway Martha Brady Helen Brunk Debbe Coffman Carolyn Cubbage Juanita Lantz Eldon & Bettie Layman Karen Mongold Aileen Pettit Darlene Runion Sammy Runion Savilla Shipe Mark Showalter Eleanor Showman Kim, Paisley, Rilee & Sierra Showman Evelyn Shultz Cathy Slifer Barbara Sweet Sherwin Tusing Churchville Ethel Ernst Criders Carroll Coffman Bernice Keplinger Doug Propst Sheila Reedy Doc Ritchie

Crimora Ethan Bruce

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Grottoes Kendra McDonald Angel Moore Edna Thompson Harrisonburg Dolores Barnett Sue Boone Ruth Burkholder Mary Cline Howard Curry Hirut Dadebo Jeanie Diehl

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Judy Liskey Mildred Lutz Dessil May Randy May Teresa May Brenda Rhodes Linda Ritchie Catherine Showalter Nancy Stultz Jim Sumption Phyllis Vandervander

Shenandoah Mertie Blakemore Rebecca Comer Trudy Comer Mary Frances Dorraugh Catherine Good Janice Jones Carolyn Lamb Jean McAlister Mary Frances Nichols Annie Olaker Annie Pierce Singers Glen Betty Demastus Lucy Helmick Frank Mundy Linda Mundy Stanley Mary Hunkley Arletta Painter Staunton Chloe Auville Helen Bartemslager

Melony Lambert Paul Luther Law Woodstock Cindy Copp Diana Crider Carolyn Derflinger Phenix City, AL Dick Hottinger Senoia, GA Elicia Soisson Franklin, KY Gay Kirby Ringres, NJ Daniel Collins Mount Airy, NC Linda Jackson Gaston, SC Judy Carper Richard Dean Damon, TX Kelley Bell Bartow, WV Julia & Jason Bauserman Delray, WV Shirley Heishman Franklin, WV Betty Smith

Stuarts Draft Nina Desper

Martinsburg, WV Edith Mills

Timberville Jean Ankers Ruth Coffman Blanche Collins Pricilla Pence C.J. Ritchie Linda Roadcap Patsy Ryman

Mathias, WV Merlin Delawder Patsy Delawder Helen May Jane Robinson Donna Whtetzel Portia Wilkins

Waynesboro Joanna Grimm Peter Grimm Weyers Cave Lucretia Carter Patricia Early Dorothy Ann Keener

Sugar Grove, WV Naomi Mitchell Paula Mitchell Upper Tract, WV Karen Kimble

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Famous American figure skaters Famous American Figure Skaters by Jeanette Baer Showalter

by JEANETTE BAER SHOWALTER One of the most-watched winter sports is figure skating, and this past Olympic Games in PyeongChang, South Korea was no exception. The United States has historically had strong competitors in men’s and women’s singles. Some of these American champions are listed below. You can find them in the puzzle skating forward, backward, horizontally, vertically, and diagonally.

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