Valley Living Winter 2017

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Winter 2017

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How one family helps feed 300 Valley families a month

Freedom on four legs Moving to the Valley for the most important reason Shenandoah Spotlight on Eva Didot www.valleyliving.org

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2 living • Winter 2017

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7 ed ne g fundraisin Valley Living of re tu fu e th r e fo e are facing: e not sustainabl This winter, w reserves that ar g in at es er ns op pe w ce g ex • critically lo ase and movin ed online presen fice building le g, with expand of tin r da ou ng up vi of s Li ss ed y lo ne • that rtising in Valle site technology bers to sell adve em m • outdated web am te s le sa ditional • the need for ad a year) ng (four times vi Li : y ed lle ne Va e of W sue lp? h gifts to run in each is blication throug How can you he ng pu ei e re th ag of s on er si is vi vert t to advertise supporting the • additional ad rs and readers nesses who wan si no bu do l d na ge tio ga di en • more tions to ad rrals and connec to t from you!

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Our board felt de ed , rite 8 t meet budget ne y $10,500 to w hing in 2018. close if we can’ s approximatel st co it ), es y Living publis pi lle co Va 0 ep 00 ke 1, (1 ill r, e w 0 one issu convenience. O goal of $10,00 is issue for your nd fundraising th -e ar in ye pe r lo ou ve d ar en of the page. ed an Your gift tow t and left sides We have includ gh e. ri e lin th on on ve ns gi tto ur gift today, or w “Donate” bu Please send yo one of the yello ct and help this le se d an g g.or 000 will step up $1 en ev or visit valleylivin 00 , $5 le to give $100 me who are ab so ount will help! at am th ny ay A . pr e ue W in nt co n io at y public wonderful Valle , With gratitude

Melodie Davis

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Give online with a credit card using PayPal at valleyliving.org or send your check payable to Valley Living in the envelope included in this issue for your convenience.

Yes, I will help Valley Living to bring light and hope to our community! __$500 __$100 __$50 __$25 __$10 __Other Name _____________________________________ Email address (optional) ______________________________________________ Address _________________________________________________________________________________ Phone ________________________ (This will be used only if there is a problem with your check.)

Okay to use your name in a list of contributors in the magazine? yes no Suggestions for potential advertisers and local story ideas _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Winter 2017 • living 3 ALL PHOTOS PROVIDED OR TAKEN BY MEDIA FOR LIVING STAFF & CONTRIBUTORS, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF: 1. MIKE MIRIELLO 2. EMILY SACRA PHOTOGRAPHY 3. PINWHEEL COLLECTIVE 4. PINWHEEL COLLECTIVE 5. JOHN KNEPPER

6. KELLY DEAN PHOTOGRAPHY 7. CHRISTINA KUNKLE 8. BRADLEY STRIEBIG PHOTOGRAPHY 9. ELSIE CHEN

Interconnected

How do you feed your soul?

Food—it’s essential to our survival, and it becomes a centerpiece for strong social connections. Sharing food with a new mother or family in grief gives more than nutrition to their weary hearts. The smells and tastes of a dish today can transport me back to gatherings that happened years ago. And as we approach the holidays, I will remember the meals I savored with those who are no longer living.

As a mother, I’m amazed at the strong, instinctual desire to feed my children. My oldest son is 10, and he’s starting to learn how to prepare food, a big step on his journey to independence. He can cook an egg, make a sandwich and is working up to Mac-n-Cheese (the boiling water and the heavy pot is still tricky). But will he know how to feed his soul as an adult?

Will he be able to find peace when the journey gets rough? Will he be able to comfort another? Will he find joy in his work, family and friends? When words like church, God and hate find their way into the same sentence, how will he find a spiritual home?

I don’t know what his future holds, but I do know he won’t be able to do it by himself. My role as a parent will move to the background, while friends, work, church and media in all its forms will move to the forefront. I hope and pray he will find support on his journey that helps him to be the best he can be. While he’s still in his formative years, every time I say to him, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” I’m offering soul food. And that nourishment is bigger than me. It’s bigger than him. It’s bigger than all of us.

When I joined the Valley Living board in 2010—I wanted to give back to something bigger than me—with a larger reach and a greater impact than what I could do alone. Since then, Valley Living has distributed over 300,000 copies, and I truly believe many of those publications and articles found people who needed to hear words of encouragement, stories of hope and examples of inspiration. As our organization reaches a crossroads, I invite you to join with me. I support organizations that feed the hungry and provide shelter for the poor. I also support organizations like Valley Living that feed our human need to connect with others and our need to be part of something bigger than ourselves.

So how do you feed your soul? And how do you feed the souls of others? Your gifts, when shared at the right time and with the right people, can multiply and have a greater impact than you realize.

Trisha Trisha Blosser is board chair of Valley Living and resides with her family near Harrisonburg.

She works in development for Explore More Discovery Museum.

4 living • Winter 2017

Volume 26 No. 4

Valley Living inspires hope, encourages faith and builds positive relationships in the home, workplace and community.

Media for Living, Publisher Melodie Davis, Editor Ivette Churney, Sales Representative Kay Kibler, Sales Representative Mary Jo Veurink, Layout & Design Lindsey Shantz, Production & Finance Manager

Advertising

To reserve space in future editions contact: Ivette, (540) 810-1044, ivette@valleyliving.org Kay, (540) 820-2331, kay@valleyliving.org To make a donation, please send checks payable to Valley Living or give online at www.valleyliving.org.

Media for Living Board of Directors Trisha M. Blosser, president Tracey Veney, vice president David Rohrer, secretary Kevin Yoder, CPA, Treasurer Jonas Borntrager LaDawn Knicely Beth Driver Angela Rempel Art Borden Michael Evans Aldine Musser

Opinions expressed in Valley Living are not necessarily those of Media for Living.

Published cooperatively with Media for Living, a non-profit corporation, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22802 (540) 433-5351 • info@valleyliving.org www.valleyliving.org Printed in the USA by Engle Printing, Mount Joy, Pa. © 2017 by Media for Living

Contents 4 Editorial 6 Community Connections 7 Brent Berry Food Drives 10 Freedom on four legs 12 Weekend Road Trips: Washington, D.C. 14 A letter to future me 16 An Advent letter to my Mama 17 No batteries necessary 18 The benefits of music lessons outweigh the costs

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19 Tamale Shepherd’s Pie 20 The green-eyed monster is just a pussy cat 21 Shenandoah Spotlight on Eva Didot 22 Moving to the Valley for the most important reason 24 Relax, American parents, you’re doing just fine

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26 Good old-fashioned Christmas days with 19 children 28 A familymoon for Sarah 30 Today’s mommy bloggers can thank Erma Bombeck 32 And where have all the wise men gone with their gifts?

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18

Word Search

In Every Issue

Community Connections Weekend Road Trips pg. 12 pg. 6

Money Matters pg. 14

Family Forum pg. 17

Cooking Corner pg. 19

Shenandoah Spotlight pg. 21

Living can be found at these locations, and more, throughout the Valley: Harrisonburg DQ Grill & Chill, Carlton St. DQ Grill Harmony Square Finders Keepers Friendly City Food Coop Gift and Thrift Golden Corral Hardesty Higgins Harrisonburg Farmer’s Market Kate’s Natural Products Massanutten Regional Library

Mercy House Mr. J’s Harmony Square Red Front Supermarket Sentara RMH Clinic Sentara RMH Medical Center Rt. 11 North Exxon Salvation Army Store Sharp Shopper Shenandoah Heritage Farmers Market Styles Unlimited

Bridgewater/Dayton Dayton Farmer’s Market Bridgewater Foods Supermarket Broadway/Timberville Broadway Supermarket Crider’s Store Mac’s Superette Turner Ham

Elkton/Shenandoah Countryside Market/Exxon 340 Market & Deli/Liberty Elkton Grocery Mamma Mia Restaurant Linville Mac’s Market Luray Shoppers Value Foods

Mt. Crawford Joy Foodmart Exxon

New Market 7-Eleven

Mt. Jackson Save-A-Lot

Penn Laird 7-Eleven On The Run

Mt. Solon/Augusta Co. Zach’s Country Store North River Country Store

Singer’s Glen Grandle’s Glenview Market Weyers Cave Weyers Cave Super Save

Cover photo: Harrisonburg mayor Deanna Reed looks on as Bucky Berry and his son Brent cut the opening ribbon for the Brent Berry Food Drive benefiting the Harrisonburg area Salvation Army. Also sharing the limelight is Bucky’s wife, Pamela Berry. PHOTO BY GARY STITELER

Winter 2017 • living 5

Community Connections Letters from readers

Living is such an uplifting magazine and we look forward to each publication.

Thanks for making this available. We all need to focus on the positives in the world.

—Rich & Pat Armstrong, Harrisonburg My brother from Alabama sent me a copy of the puzzle and info for a subscription to Living. … [Commenting on the Word Search theme, “Classic TV shows”] I remember every one of the shows, and still watch many of the reruns, as do my grown children and grandchildren. Thank you.

—Gay Kirby, Franklin, KY I noticed you use more local stories and I appreciate that—continue the excellent work you do! God bless!

—Alice Souder, Harrisonburg

Family Care Class offered at Sentara RMH

A Family Care class will be offered at the Sentara RMH campus in Harrisonburg Thursday, Dec. 14 from 6:30-9 p.m. The class teaches parents what to expect during the first weeks at home with a new baby. A family birthplace nurse addresses topics such as bathing, feeding, child safety, mother’s care after delivery, how to calm a fussy baby, swaddling techniques, when to call the doctor, midwife, or pediatrician.

Parents practice baby care techniques and may ask questions. Cost: $25 for two people, the mother and one guest. Registration required. Contact 1-800-SENTARA (1-800-736-8272).

Children’s Christmas concert features harpist and cellist

Shenandoah Children’s Choir (SVCC) Christmas Concert will be Sunday, Dec. 3 at 4 p.m. at Lehman Auditorium, Eastern Mennonite University. The

6 living • Winter 2017

PHOTO PROVIDED

Letters, local events, news

concert is called “On A Silent Night” and will feature all SVCC choirs as well as harpist Anastasia Jellison and cellist Ed Gant. The SVCC choristers enjoy singing and spending time together in rehearsals, on trips, retreats and more.

Janet Hostetter has been the artistic/ executive director for SVCC since 2014.

For more information on SVCC or tickets for the concert call 540-432-4560 or contact through svcc@emu.edu.

Christmas dinner and hand bell concert Dec. 2

Group or individual support meetings for families who’ve lost a child

The Sadie Rose Foundation in Dayton, Va., founded by Regina Cyzick Harlow after the death of her baby girl, offers bereaved parent support meetings the second Monday of each month at 7 p.m. at the Foundation’s headquarters, 195 Main Street, Dayton and bereaved family meetings the fourth Friday of each month. The meetings offer support, empathy and understanding for parents who have experienced the death of a child of any age, and are led by Harlow.

Grandparents can also attend.

Harlow notes attending a support meeting can be intimidating and even scary. “Although our monthly meetings are relaxed and informal, our weekly online support chat offers a way for parents to connect with other bereaved parents within the comfort of their own homes.” The weekly online meetings are held Sundays at 9 p.m. EST. To join the online meeting, go to http:// sadierosefoundation.org/outreach.

For more information, call Regina at 540-810-0307 or email regina@ sadierosefoundation.org.

Massanetta Springs is offering a special Christmas dinner and concert in early December to kick off seasonal festivities. Participants will be treated to a handbell concert after the meal. Dinner includes hors d’oeuvres, salad, main course with sides, and dessert. The event is at Massanetta Springs and Conference center just east of Harrisonburg, at 6 p.m. Dec. 2. Reservations required. Price is $20 adult and $13 children ages 5-17; children under 5 are free.

The after-dinner concert Top fall stories: stepfathers, doing with less, is by the Mosaic Handbell and donut making Ensemble, directed by Readers who returned their completed Word Kath Wissinger. Overnight Search puzzles voted for their favorite articles as accommodations on the follows: “Dear stepdad, you’re important, too”–66 grounds are also available votes; “Less means more”–65; “Making twelve at a discounted rate if thousand donuts”–55; “A letter, photo, and lace”–47; you wish to stay after the “A family-owned business: standing the test of concert. For information or reservations, call 540time”–35. In all, 265 fans sent completed puzzles, 434-3829 or email nolaa@ and their names can be found on p. 34. You can remassanettasprings.org. read or check the favorite articles at valleyliving.org.

Word Search Notes

Responses from readers

Brent Berry Food Drives

How one family helps feed 300 families a month

by MELODIE DAVIS

W

hen Bucky Berry was a 5-year-old boy, he remembers living in a shack in Harrisonburg and not having enough to eat. He remembers how the Salvation Army came and put food on their table and toys under his Christmas tree.

The vision which motivates him to endure freezing cold sometimes for 24 hours or seven days a week, collecting cans and boxes of food from area shoppers for the hungry, started way back then.

“They [the Berry family] literally collect most of the food we use in a year to feed the 300 families a month who get food supplies from our food pantry,” says Ashley Gordon-Becker, director of financial development for Harrisonburg’s Salvation Army.

The massive food collections they spearhead is a family operation and Bucky clarifies they are just volunteers and as a family they choose to give the results to the Salvation Army rather than some other charity. They also attend the Salvation Army church.

Bucky is an entrepreneur with a heart of gold and the willingness to work hard. He says he would give away his

(Below) The Berrys have been conducting food drives for nine years on behalf of the Salvation Army, and typically invite various dignitaries to bless and cut the ribbon as they launch each major effort. From prior years here you see (left to right), former council member Chris Jones, former vice mayor Charles Chenault, Pamela Kay Berry, Bucky Berry, and Brent Berry.

last quarter. But he started earning quarters and dollars as a child—mowing lawns when he was just a boy— three to four yards a week. He started an official lawn mowing business in 1993, and has a rig marked “Bucky Berry Landscaping” you sometimes see parked around town. He cuts 25 to 30 residential and commercial yards through the spring, summer and fall and his wife, Pamela Kay Berry has worked at Kroger over 28 years to help support their family.

“There are many who may be down on their luck and go to bed hungry. If the Salvation Army wasn’t here, they’d be up a creek.”

Eighteen years ago the Berrys were thrilled to be expecting a child, who ended up being premature and weighed just 1.8 pounds. Little Brent struggled for his life at the UVA Children’s Hospital for two months and was finally released.

Brent loves helping with the food drives that are named in his honor.

Brent and Bucky are a team at the various collection sites they have set up around town over the last nine years. Son

Continued on page 8.

PHOTOS BY GARY STITELER

Winter 2017 • living 7

Family Life Resource Center 273 Newman Avenue, Harrisonburg, VA 22801 434-8450 e-mail: services@flrc.org

“COUNSELING FOR HOPE, HEALTH AND HEALING” - Addressing marital, family, parenting and other relationship problems - Coping with losses, grief and major life adjustments - Dealing with depression, anxiety and other mental health challenges - Overcoming substance abuse and other addictions - Providing educational resources for congregations and other agencies Contact services@flrc.org or 434-8450.

Continued from page 7.

Brent hands out a slip of paper to customers going into stores listing the various products that work well for the food drives (see sidebar) and Bucky happily receives what the shoppers bring back out of the store to donate.

The week before Thanksgiving, the Berrys will head to the James Madison University campus to pick up the proceeds from a food drive carried out by students, and then from December 15-26 the Berrys will be conducting what has become their twice yearly food drives at Walmart, including collecting all 24 hours that Walmart is open. “Snow and ice don’t stop us,” says Bucky.

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8 living • Winter 2017

Brent Berry flags a shopper at Red Front to pass out a flier soliciting nonperishable foods for a food drive his family organized to help stock the pantry for those who get canned and boxed foods at Salvation Army.

Brent Berry Food Drive suggested items:

Proteins: canned chili; canned stews; soups; canned tuna, chicken, meat, or beef; powdered eggs; peanut butter, baked beans; canned nuts.

Grains: cereal (hot or cold), rice, pasta products, oatmeal, pancake mix, flour, dried beans, crackers, mashed potatoes, granola bars.

Fruits: canned fruit/fruit cups, dried fruit (raisins, plums, cranberries), applesauce, 100% juice and juice boxes, jams/jellies.

Vegetables: canned vegetables, tomato products – spaghetti sauce, etc. V-8 juice.

Dairy: dry milk, evaporated milk, instant breakfast drinks, canned or boxed pudding.

Other: sugar, vegetable oil, syrup, honey, salad dressing.

Baby products: diapers, wipes, formula, infant cereal, Ensure.

Hygiene Items: feminine products, hand sanitizer, toothbrushes, soap, shaving items.

“This is a pretty giving community,” Bucky explains further. “We meet a lot of people, and businesses come and donate lunch or supper for us or the other volunteers,” notes Bucky. He also enjoys ringing the Salvation Army bell for cash donations and has done so for 30 years straight. GordonBecker agrees regarding the generosity of local citizens and is especially grateful for the tremendous work of the Berry family which ran an extra two-day food drive in October at Red Front Supermarket, when the Salvation Army’s food pantry supplies were getting low and they weren’t sure whether food would last until the Christmas drive. The Salvation Army food pantry also gets donated perishable food from the Blue Ridge Area Food Bank and other community donations.

Gary Stiteler, owner of Glen’s Fair Price Store and a former board president for the Salvation Army recalls seeing Bucky as a child ringing those Salvation Army bells at Christmas. He marvels at the dedication of the Berrys and notes especially how much Brent loves the work, often asking his father at the close of one work day or collection drive, “Can we do it again tomorrow?”

Next March, they will celebrate running the food drives for ten years, and Bucky’s family is planning some plaques and surprises for various helpers including the Harrisonburg Fire Department, Harrisonburg City Police and the Rockingham County Sheriff department, who have all helped organize and donate time to the food drives.

“There are many who may be down on their luck and go to bed hungry. If the Salvation Army wasn’t here, they’d be up a creek,” Bucky points out. He notes about 70 percent of Harrisonburg city children receive free or reduced price lunches and breakfast, which means their family has a low income and may go hungry on weekends or summers when they don’t get two meals at school.

Bucky also recounts the work involved in setting up the food drives, such as securing insurance, permits, banners that cost $700 to $800 which he arranges for sponsors to cover. “It takes weeks to plan a big event like that. You gotta get meals and drinks lined up for volunteers and 25 different sponsors; there’s a lot involved.”

His memories from childhood of when his family was going through hard times drive him forward. “My family wondered where we would get our food, and the Salvation Army kept us from going hungry.” He adds none of us know when a bad accident or illness means the loss of a job and anyone can end up needing help.

We hope you will patronize our advertisers and thank them for helping to publish this free, positive publication for your enjoyment!

The Harrisonburg Police Department participates in multiple ways with the Brent Berry Food Drives held each year at supermarkets such as Walmart and Red Front. Honored here is Officer Mike Gangloff, far right, and from left, Brent’s grandmother, his father Bucky, Brent, and mother, Pamela Kay.

Bucky adds, “We’re going to keep doing this until we die or Jesus comes back. We do it for the citizens of this community.”

MELODIE DAVIS, editor of Valley Living, is the mother of three adult daughters, and lives with her husband near Harrisonburg, Va. She also blogs at www.FindingHarmonyBlog.com.

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Winter 2017 • living 9

Freedom on four legs

by STEPHANIE HERTZENBERG

I

PHOTO PROVIDED

t was still winter in Staunton when Helyn Stowe noticed the pads of her chocolate lab, Astro, were badly cracked. Helyn knew there were dog balms to help dogs with cracked pads, but she wanted to use something all-natural. She knew coconut oil was safe for dogs and had always enjoyed working with bees, so she decided to make a dog balm out of coconut oil and beeswax.

“When I put it on him,” Helyn said, “he loved it. I watched his pads for the next couple days, and they became soft and pliable again.”

Helyn enjoyed making the dog balm, now called Astroglyde, and decided to create more dog products. “I had a farm up in New York, and it kept me really busy. I used to sell eggs, turkey and goat meat up there. I started making dog products and found it was something I was good at. I could talk to people about the products.”

Almost every dog owner has wanted to pamper their pooch at some point, but Astro is more than just Helyn’s companion.

Astro is her service dog.

After being wounded in Afghanistan, Helyn was fast-tracked for a K9’s For Warriors service dog. “I’d always wanted a chocolate lab, but we needed to make sure my service dog was good for mobility because I have more than PTSD,” Helyn said. “I can’t walk down the stairs by myself, so he needed to

be at hip height in case I tripped.”

On her second day at Camp K9’s, Helyn was matched with Astro. “You see people go in the kennel and then you see people come out with their dog,” Helyn said. “It’s a big secret.

When it was my turn, I went in and they said, ‘And Helyn gets Astro.’ I turned around, and it’s the chocolate lab.”

Four years later, Astro would be the inspiration for Helyn’s line of dog products, Paws 4 Freedom. Products include Buddy Bug Be Gone tick and mosquito spray, peanut butter based treats called Molly Mud Bites and Gracie Poo dog shampoo. All of the products are made with all-natural, simple ingredients such as aloe and beeswax. “Making products has helped me with my PTSD,” Helyn said. “When I got here I didn’t have the military, I didn’t have the farm. I sat in my apartment and I thought ‘Ooh, Helyn. We need to find something do to.’ And I thought, I need to do something [for Astro].”

Helyn enjoyed making the products and has begun marketing them on her Facebook page, Facebook.com/ Paws4Freedom, as well as around the Valley. She sold the products at the Fine Earth Adventure Race in June and at the Dayton Muddler in August. “The goal is to do the Harrisonburg and Staunton farmers’ markets next year. It’s always fun to jump right in, but sometimes you have to start with baby steps and my PTSD doesn’t allow me to run out the door full force,” Helyn said. Her products are also sold on WarPaints.org, a website devoted to selling veteran-made products and art.

In addition to helping the four-legged members of the community, each Paws 4 Freedom product is named after a K9’s For Warriors service dog. “I didn’t realize when I first started that I had named the overall line after my mentor’s service dog, Freedom.” Helyn said. “I called it Paws 4 Freedom because Astro gave me the freedom to do things I never thought I could do again…He is my best friend, he is my lifesaver.”

For Helyn, “lifesaver” is more than a figure of speech. Before she was matched with Astro, Helyn had stopped eating and was starving herself. After they were matched together, her marriage became abusive and Helyn was ready to take her own life. “I sat down and loaded my weapon and thought, ‘I’m done.’ My husband was at work and my daughter was in college,” Helyn said. “Then Astro went and got his ball. I kept ignoring him, and he kept giving me the ball. When I finally realized what he was doing …

Helyn Stowe (right) and Christina Kunkle (left) speak before the Red, White and Boogie Zumbathon benefiting K9’s For Warriors begins. Astro enjoys the attention of the crowd at Helyn’s side.

10 living • Winter 2017

I said, ‘Tomorrow we’re going to leave and we’re going to Virginia.’”

After Helyn left her husband, K9’s For Warriors was there for her. “The next day, Shari Duval [the founder of K9’s For Warriors] called me and asked, ‘What do you need?’ She has over 300 of us graduates, and she keeps up with us. She knows if we need anything. It’s like a family.”

Unfortunately, few stories like Helyn’s have happy endings. Twenty-two veterans kill themselves every day, though organizations such as K9’s For Warriors are working to decrease that number. Individuals and business owners throughout the area have joined forces to help organizations dedicated to assisting veterans through events such as the Dayton Muddler and the Fine Earth Adventure Race. Proceeds from the Dayton Muddler benefit the Boulder Crest Retreat for Military and Veteran Wellness, and the proceeds from the Fine Earth Adventure Race benefit K9’s For Warriors.

Unfortunately, few stories like Helyn’s have happy endings. Twenty-two veterans kill themselves every day.

The two Fine Earth Adventure Races put on by Chad Layman have been wildly successful. The 2016 race raised $175,000, and the 2017 race raised over $200,000–enough to cover the cost of an entire class of K9’s For Warriors graduates. In recognition of the size of the donation, K9’s For Warriors allowed Chad to name one of the service-dogs-intraining. Chad decided to name the young black lab Duke.

“I chose the name because I’m a JMU alumnus,” said Chad.

“JMU is a huge part of my life, and I’m a big football fan.”

Duke may be part of a graduating class as early as spring 2018, but it will depend on both how quickly she completes her training and when a veteran arrives who is a good match.

“K9’s For Warriors wants to know the veteran,” Chad said, “So they can pair the vet with the best service dog…They really spend a lot of time making sure it’s the right fit.”

In addition to acting as a PTSD service dog, Duke may be like Astro who is trained to deal with both Helyn’s PTSD and mobility issues. “We train the dogs to fit the veteran’s needs,” said Tim Tonsor, Manager of K9 Training and Behavior, such as if the dog needs to heel on the right because the owner uses a cane in the left hand. One veteran wasn’t wheelchair bound but when traveling by air needed a wheelchair to get to the flight gate. “We made sure the dog was trained to heel by the wheelchair,” said Tim. Service dogs have been known to form an instant bond with their owners. The day after Helyn was paired with Astro, he started whining and leaning against her during one of the group training classes. “I was thinking, ‘Did you guys give me a defective dog? How am I going to handle him? I can’t even handle myself!’ and the trainer told me to check myself. Was I feeling alright? I said I was fine, but ten minutes later I was hit with a vertigo attack. He was trying to tell me he knew it was coming.”

Tim relayed he saw a similar situation where a veteran had

a fainting episode the day he got his service dog. “The dog stayed with him, laid over top of the veteran and wouldn’t let anyone come near him … They had only known each other for 6 or 7 hours. The dog just naturally stayed with him until help arrived.”

That bond never weakens, either. “He has never let me down,” said Helyn. “He has always known when my vertigo is coming on or my anxiety or when I forget to put my hearing aid in. He always finds a way to tell me.”

Chad is hopeful that the veteran Duke is paired with will be open to connecting with Chad. “I’d really like to get to meet the owner and invite them to the community. Hopefully we can do something cool like recognize them at halftime at a JMU football game.”

As well as hoping to plan a trip to Florida to see Duke graduate with a warrior, Chad is already working on next year’s Adventure Race. Chad hopes the race will help lower the stigma against those with mental health issues. “It’s stigmatized anyway, but especially among veterans.” Though not a veteran himself, Chad struggled with depression and anxiety that ultimately led to a 12-hour ordeal with the authorities attempting to talk him out of suicide.

“You are only as sick as your secrets,” Chad said. “If you keep it inside you are carrying around this pain and suffering.

It’s difficult to heal if you don’t share that…You need to find someone, preferably a professional, but at least some loved ones and get it out. We’ve been very aggressive about trying to take on the stigma so that people know they are not alone.

There are people that want to help them.”

Those like Chad Layman and K9’s For Warriors are looking to take care of veterans. “It’s up to nonprofits to help,” said Chad. “That our community stepped up to be part of that made me feel really proud and really humble. Everyone put differences and politics aside and said, ‘We want to help. We want to have our veterans’ backs.”

Like other service-dog–veteran pairs, Astro has certainly had Helyn’s back in a way no one else could. “The service dog already knows what to do,” she laughed. “They are training you. I had to learn that he’s never acting up. He’s trying to tell me something. Our dogs are connected with us. Astro passed his training when he did because that was the time I was coming. He was meant for me.”

Stephanie Hertzenberg is a year-long intern with Valley Living.

Chimney Rock VFW & Auxiliary Post 9660 14450 Runions Creek Rd., Broadway, VA

WE ARE RECRUITING FOR NEW MEMBERS! Meetings are held the 2nd Tuesday of the month Commander Spencer White Auxiliary President, Joyce VanOrden 540-421-8243 540-896-1479 Find us on Facebook: Chimney Rock VFW Post 9660 and VFW Auxiliary Chimney Rock Post 9660 Mission: Helping veterans and their families in the community.

Winter 2017 • living 11

Weekend Road Trips Local and nearby travel ideas

Visit Washington, D.C.

D.C. with a crowd of kids: Parking the van and walking away

by JESSE NEVE

PHOTOS PROVIDED

W

hen I first started planning our trip to Washington, D.C., I was overwhelmed. We only had a couple days, and the quantity of things to see is so vast.

How would our crowd of four kids (age 6 to 12) get around from place to place? Which things would keep their interest? I didn’t want them to be bored during our live history lesson … er, I mean vacation.

My goal was to find a hotel that was within walking distance of sites and the Metro. We decided to stay at Hotel Harrington, which is in a fantastic old brick building built in 1914, between the Capitol and the White House. It was a perfect home base for our adventures.

All parking in the area is in paid ramps and lots. The hotel gave a discount on a specific garage, but our (regular-sized) van was too tall for the garage, so we found an open air lot a few blocks away. We arrived in D.C. early in the day, and the hotel allowed us to leave our bags in their locked storage room so we could begin touring the city before our room was ready.

We parked the van in the lot, and left it there for the next two days while we hiked and metro-ed around the city.

The best thing we did to prepare was to check non-fiction kids’ books out from the library in the weeks before our trip.

We had “Vacation Reading Time” every day, where we would go through the books and learn about the places we planned to go and things we would see. That way, when we arrived at places, they were already familiar with the back-stories.

They knew about the Declaration of Independence and the Vietnam War. Ten-yearold Jonathan was excited to see the “external flame” at JFK’s grave. (“Mom, it’s OUTSIDE—it should be called ‘external!’”) This Neve family at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C.

12 living • Winter 2017

simple preparation really enhanced their understanding and appreciation of the things we saw along the way.

FORD’S THEATER I was a little concerned about bringing the kids to the Ford’s Theater. It’s a very somber place, with a horrible historical story. But, they were prepared, and they knew about the “bad guy” who killed Lincoln. They were severely on Lincoln’s “side” and angry about the whole situation, coming up with ways history could have been different. We had purchased our timed-entry tickets online ahead of time, and the museum did an excellent job of walking us through the time period leading up to Lincoln’s death. It was remarkable to be in the theater where it all happened.

We succeeded in keeping the kids’ interest and attention, while also teaching them things.

NATIONAL ARCHIVES “Next stop, the Gary of Rights!” proclaimed Jonathan as we started our hike toward the National Archives.

“The ‘Gary’ of Rights, Jon?” I asked with a questioning look.

“Sure. EVERYone goes to see the Bill of Rights. I’M going to see the Gary of Rights.” So, off we trekked.

The National Archives holds the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, collectively known as the Charters of Freedom. Admission to the museum is free, but for a small fee, timed-entry tickets can be purchased online, which allow you to avoid the line, and enter through a separate entrance. Being in the presence of these historical documents is unbelievable.

ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY We took the Metro (nicknamed “the Nitro” by the kids) to Arlington Cemetery. The Metro is very user-friendly and with just a little research online before our trip, we knew exactly which routes to take. Tickets can be purchased right at the station. Six-year-old Ben had the greatest time telling people we “rode on the subway—but not the kind you eat!”

We booked a tour of the cemetery with Arlington National

Cemetery Tours. The ride was in an open-air bus and our expert tour guide informed us of the many famous sites including John F. Kennedy’s gravesite, the Tomb of the Unknown Solider and the Robert E. Lee Memorial. We watched the majestic changing of the guard ceremony, and the kids were exceptionally interested in the rifles with bayonets the soldiers carried. They were also greatly intrigued by the eternal flame.

WHITE HOUSE The White House is the official residence of the President of the United States. Tours of the White House must be requested through one’s Member of Congress. These requests can be submitted 21 days to three months before the scheduled arrival. The tours are free of charge and self-guided. There are a lot of security measures to be followed, and very little “baggage” is allowed in, so it takes some serious planning ahead, since there are no storage facilities on site. We opted, instead, for the “walk-by” tour.

NATIONAL MALL There are so many things to see on the National Mall, and every site is within walking distance of the next. We knew we wouldn’t be able to take in EVERY monument and memorial on the Mall, so we mapped out our walking route beforehand.

National Mall highlights include: • Lincoln Memorial: This famous site features a larger than life marble statue of Abraham Lincoln. The words above Lincoln proclaim, “In this temple, as in the hearts of the people for whom he saved the Union, the memory of Abraham Lincoln is enshrined forever.” Martin Luther King Jr. gave his famous “I have a dream” speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.

• World War II Memorial • Thomas Jefferson Memorial • Vietnam Veterans Memorial: The names of the more than 58,000 Americans who gave their lives in the controversial Vietnam War are inscribed on a reflective wall, so one can see him or herself at the same time as seeing those who gave their lives.

• Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial • Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial • World War I Memorial • Korean War Memorial • Washington Monument: The famous obelisk landmark commemorating our first president is currently closed until 2018 for elevator renovation.

UNITED STATES CAPITOL The Capitol is a beautiful monument as well as a working office building. A tour of the Capitol can be booked through one’s Representative, Senator or self-reserved online. Guided tours include the Crypt, the Rotunda and National Statuary Hall. There are also limited same-day tour passes available.

See the visitor center to learn about which areas are available.

SMITHSONIAN MUSEUMS There are over a dozen separate buildings in Washington, D.C. that collectively comprise the Smithsonian. It is officially the world’s largest museum with over 154 million artifacts.

Neve family at the U.S. Capitol Building

Since a person could spend weeks viewing it all, it is wise to do some research online beforehand and narrow your interest to specific buildings, floors and exhibits.

As we ended our visit, and headed out of the Smithsonian in search of some mid-afternoon ice cream before our next adventure, Jonathan proclaimed, “Next up: Something less old!” I’m not sure we succeeded in finding THAT in Washington, D.C., but we did succeed in keeping the kids, interest and attention, while secretly teaching them things (which is my ultimate goal on vacation).

JESSE NEVE is a freelance writer from Minnesota and regular writer of this feature for Valley Living.

Washington, D.C. attractions · Ford’s Theater: 511 10th St NW. 202-347-4833. www. fords.org. · National Archives: 700 Pennsylvania Ave NW. www. archives.gov/museum/visit. · Arlington National Cemetery: Arlington, Virginia. 877907-8585. www.arlingtoncemetery.mil. · White House: 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW. www. whitehouse.gov/participate/tours-and-events. · National Mall: www.nps.gov/nama. · United States Capitol: East Capitol St NE & First St SE. www.visitthecapitol.gov. · Smithsonian Museums: Multiple locations, most right on the National Mall, or within a few blocks. www.si.edu/ museums. · The Metro: www.wmata.com/rider-guide/new-riders/ index.cfm.

Family-friendly places to stay in Washington, D.C. · Hotel Harrington: 436 11th St NW. 202-628-8140. www. hotel-harrington.com. 242 guest rooms. Free Wi-Fi, 2 onsite restaurants, easy walk to all the sights and museums. · Residence Inn Washington, D.C./Capitol: 333 E St SW. 202-484-8280. www.marriott.com. Free hot breakfast, pool, suite-style rooms, 10 minute walk to National Mall. · JW Marriott Hotel: 1331 Pennsylvania Ave NW. 202-3932000. www.marriott.com. Pool and fitness center. Steps from the White House. · Courtyard Washington Embassy Row: 1600 Rhode Island Ave NW. 202-293-8000.www.courtyardembassyrow.com.

Indoor pool and fitness center, 3 blocks from the White House, large rooms, family packages.

Winter 2017 • living 13

Money Matters

Guidance on family finances

A letter to future me

by KAREN GONYER

W

©ADOBE STOCK

e’re almost empty-nesters now, and to be honest, the transition has been tough for me. It’s hard to believe the parenting years with kids at home are coming to an end. I’m happy for our kids and their independence, but a little bit sad as well as it hits me they don’t need me, or at least don’t need me in the same way I’ve been needed for almost 21 years. I find myself spending a lot of time thinking about the past. For me, this is a time of personal reflection and evaluation, a pause between one season of life and another.

This is also a time when my husband and I begin to think of ourselves not primarily as parents, but as a couple that is growing older together. Instead of focusing on the past, we dream about our future. We think and talk more about our health, our marriage, our families and of course, our finances.

At this stage, our conversations about money move back and forth between regret and hope. We’ve made quite a few mistakes in managing our money (many of which we’ve written about in this column) but we’ve learned a lot from

those errors. We’re cautious now, but optimistic about the future.

It may sound strange, in these chaotic economic times, to hear someone say they’re optimistic. I think our hope arises out of a lifetime of challenging experiences in which we’ve trusted God and He’s provided for us. In the Bible, God says “…do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” When we consider our future, promises like that energize us with hope.

As a couple, our financial goals aren’t very complex or sophisticated. Yes, we will continue to save and invest for retirement, consulting with a licensed financial advisor all along the way, but we aren’t feeling stressed out about it. We want to keep working at minimalism and simple living for the rest of our days. With that goal for our lifestyle, we have peace of mind our modest financial goals do seem achievable.

Less anxiety about money frees us to think about other aspects of our future. Although finances are a big part of our planning, money isn’t going to be the most important thing. There is so much more to living than just making a living! We want to talk about “quality of life” in a broader sense and ask each other important questions about our priorities. Do I know what’s really going to matter to me 20 years from now?

Here in this pause between seasons of life, I’ve tried something unusual, an exercise that’s helping me to refocus and define my priorities in a really personal way. I’ve written a letter to my future self – to the woman I will be in 20 years. Here’s what it said: Dear Future Karen, As you look back on the last 20 years of your life, I hope you realize you had an important contribution to make to this world, and to the lives of many special people whom you’ve Imagining your financial future helps bring goals into focus.

14 living • Winter 2017

gladly served and helped. I believe you’ll be glad of the many times you’ve invited families or single moms over for dinner, even when the house wasn’t perfectly clean and you didn’t feel completely ready. I hope too you’ll feel good about the many times you’ve given generously when you’ve seen a need, whether with your talents or money.

At the same time, I hope you’ve taken care of yourself, that you’ve nourished yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I have no doubt you’ve enjoyed sewing every chance you got, crossed quite a few things off your bucket list, and achieved your personal goals to travel and to spend lots of uninterrupted, quality time with those you love. I hope you’ve often chosen to put away the cell phone and “screens” and chosen instead to bring out board games and coffee, that you’ve picked up the phone when you got the feeling you

Here in this pause between seasons of life, I’ve tried something unusual, an exercise that’s helping me to refocus and define my priorities should, and made that phone call to someone who was lonely.

I hope you’ve taken the opportunity to spend time with family—your aging parents and relatives as well as your husband and kids. I’m sure you’ve sat down regularly with Ken and set goals together, carefully thinking through where you wanted to be financially and how you were going to get there. I hope you’ve worked hard on the things that mattered to you and that through it all, you didn’t sweat the small stuff.

I believe you’ll be happy to have lived the life you wanted and not what others expected of you. I hope you haven’t worried about what others thought of you, and that you’ve forgiven yourself and others freely and haven’t allowed unforgiveness to ruin your life.

Most of all, Karen, I hope that you’ve kept your heart open to God and continued to recognize His enduring love for you.

I hope your life has been an example of someone who trusted God. Sincerely, Karen from 2017 As another new year approaches, what would it be like to skip the New Year’s Resolutions and try this letter-writing exercise for yourself? What would you say to a future version of yourself? What will make the next year - or the next 20 years—an expression of what you really value? Write a letter and tell yourself your hopes and dreams. Then begin, day by day, to do something that will make them come true.

Ken and Karen Gonyer live in Broadway, VA. Email your response or questions about life and money to ken.gonyer@gmail.com.

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Winter 2017 • living 15

by ANDI CUMBO-FLOYD

D

ear Mama, This morning, I found out we are, yet again, not pregnant … and all I want to do is turn on the Christmas tree lights, sit beside you and hear you tell me about how you were surprised to find out you were pregnant. I want to ask your advice. I want to get some of the comfort you gave out like breath.

But you are not here. It is the third Sunday of Advent, and I cannot help but sit heavy with sadness; grief, once it comes in, shades everything a little more charcoal: The white Christmas lights I insist on because you taught me their beautiful simplicity. The jigsaw puzzle of Santa that I am putting together SO slowly, doing the straight-edges first as you taught me. The journal that sits next to your Bible, the one I read every morning. All of these things carry both the light and the shadow of your existence.

In this season of waiting—for babies both eternal and mortal—I miss you.

In this season of waiting—for babies both eternal and mortal—I miss you. I miss your laugh and the way it filled a room with its joy. I miss your wisdom, doled out in tiny measure over coffee on pj-clad mornings when I came home as an adult. But this time of year, I miss your music most.

When you sat at the piano, a dust of glory shown around

ANDI CUMBO-FLOYD is a writer, editor and farmer who lives in Madison County, Va., with her husband, 4 cats, 4 dogs, 6 goats, 28 chickens and 3 rabbits. Her books include “The Slaves Have Names” and “Steele Secrets” and she writes regularly at andilit.com and GodsWhisperFarm.com.

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16 living • Winter 2017

PHOTO PROVIDED

An Advent letter to my Mama

you. Your whole body moved behind your fingers, beauty streaming forth, praise to the God you trusted—with strenuous commitment and a whole bevy of doubt— glowing into the whole room like frankincense.

Oh, there is worship even in memory.

Remember that year you wrote that Christmas cantata from the perspective of “the least of these.” How The author’s mother, who was dealing you took to heart God’s with cancer treatments at the time. She passed away on Thanksgiving Day, 2010. choice to send Jesus as an infant and pushed us all to see that when we are on the bottom, we sometimes see the glory best? That was my favorite Christmas program you ever did.

This morning, I feel a bit on the bottom, and yet, you taught me when you’re really low-down, the best thing to do is look up and give yourself over to the work that lets you shine. For me, Mama, that’s words … and I can only pray that when I write them well, a little of that glory dust spills out and shines up the room as your music did.

Merry Christmas, Mama. I love you and I can’t wait to see you again.

Love, Andi

Family Forum

Strengthening family relationships

by HARVEY YODER

T

oday’s profit-driven toy industry has gone high tech, producing more and more gadgets and games for children that require less and less of their imagination and creativity.

But lots of batteries.

Check out the glossy fliers promoting Christmas toys this time of year. Sadly, what is often missing are things like ordinary building blocks, erector sets, art supplies, hand puppets, finger paints, modeling clay or simply a selection of good books.

Also missing in many children’s play areas are simple every day materials one would find at a good pre-school and day care program, things like old typewriters, used kitchen utensils, cardboard boxes and sand trays. Or tables wth nature collections—bird nests, rocks, gourds and freshly gathered leaves.

If play is the child’s work, as someone has said, we would do well to simply give our children lots of good materials to work with and turn them loose. And when we’re looking for gifts for them this Christmas, we should choose those that can be used for building and creating rather than offering them play stations and video games for practicing destruction.

And let’s give them baby dolls for pretending to be nurturing parents rather than Barbie and Ken dolls for playing the roles of pampered teens with impossible figures.

A group called Alternatives, which publishes an annual newsletter entitled “Whose Birthday is it Anyway?” (https:// simpleliving.startlogic.com/) suggests we give up using Christmas catalogues as a guide for our shopping, and stop going to the local mall to get ideas for Christmas gifts. Instead, we start with a modest budget we can live with, then make our choices of what to buy (or make) based on considering the following: Does this gift reflect our faith and values?

Does the material from which the gift is made reflect a careful use of the environment?

Does this gift encourage activity rather than passivity; selfreliance rather than dependence?

Does this gift stimulate spiritual, mental or physical growth?

Who profits from the purchase of this gift?

©ADOBE STOCK

No batteries necessary

If play is the child’s work, as someone has said, we would do well to simply give our children lots of good materials to work with and turn them loose.

Jesus, whose birthday we are celebrating, once asked his followers the question, “If your children ask for bread, or for a fish, will you give them a stone? Or a scorpion?”

In the same way, when a daughter or son complains, “I’m bored. There’s nothing to do?” let’s offer them a ball, some boxes, some paper and other art supplies and challenge them to see what they can come up with.

No batteries necessary.

HARVEY YODER is a family counselor and teaches parenting and marriage classes at the Family Life Resource Center. Questions relating to family concerns can be addressed to FLRC, 273 Newman Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22801 or to Harvey@flrc.org. His blog can be followed at harvyoder.blogspot.com.

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Winter 2017 • living 17

The benefits of music lessons outweigh the costs

by GAYLA GRACE

iano lessons were not an option for me as a child. As a trained musician, my father insisted his four daughters start piano lessons at an early age. I didn’t always enjoy it and often grumbled about the mandated practice sessions before and after school. My father was a strict teacher and had high expectations of his students, but today I’m thankful piano lessons were a requirement my parents didn’t budge on.

©ADOBE STOCK

P

Music lessons for even very young children can benefit the brain, eyehand coordination, and bring lifelong satisfaction for many.

Music lessons compete with a host of other activities for our childrens’ time and our money. How do we determine if music lessons are right for our child? Does it really make a difference in the long run if we expose our children to music education? The evidence of several studies supports the conclusion that the benefits of music lessons outweigh the cost and inconvenience it poses to parents to provide them.

What does the research show?

A study led by Dr. Glenn Schellenberg with 6-year-old children and another study led by Dr. James Catterall at UCLA, tracking more than 25,000 students over a ten-year period, cite the advantages of music lessons.

• Increase in IQ scores • Promotes intellectual development • Achieve higher test scores on standardized tests and other proficiency exams • More cooperative with teachers and peers • More self-confident • Better able to express their ideas • Improvements in hand-eye coordination, concentration, memory development, listening skills and the overall process of learning 18 living • Winter 2017

•

Enhanced self-esteem and confidence as they perform in front of a teacher on a weekly basis and participate regularly in recitals or other performances.

Studying music encourages self-discipline and perseverance, along with time-management and organizational skills. Weekly lessons require students to prioritize their schedules to allow for regular practice time. When taking lessons as a child, I was prepared with each assigned piece to avoid an uncomfortable lesson or reprimand by my father. I was actively involved in church activities and sports at school, but I learned to manage my time to allow adequate practice time on the piano.

When should my child start?

Music lessons can begin as early as 4 years old but an older child (7 or 8 years of age) has a greater attention span and more focus for a musical instrument. It’s important the child has the desire to play an instrument. Mom and Dad should encourage their child to show an interest, but not force them to take lessons. Experimenting with different instruments will help a child determine what instrument he is best suited for.

When a child begins lessons, he should commit to several months of study to gain a feel for the instrument.

Where can I find a teacher?

Finding a teacher your child can relate to is important.

Learning to play an instrument should be fun and interactive, although it requires a fair amount of work. Referrals from other parents and students offer valuable insight. Interviewing a potential teacher also helps identify teaching styles and personality traits before beginning lessons. Be sure to know the fee schedule and policies regarding make-up lessons before committing to a series of lessons.

Is it too late to learn?

It’s never too late to learn to play a musical instrument.

As a former piano instructor, I loved working with teenage and adult students, who were often more committed and disciplined in the learning process. Older students prioritize their lessons and practice time over other commitments and have better focus and longer attention spans, which allows for faster learning and greater satisfaction with the process. Music lessons offer a new challenge for teenagers and adults and can have therapeutic effects.

Learning to play a musical instrument is like earning an education-once you obtain the skill it can’t be taken away from you. It will provide enjoyment and satisfaction for years to come. So, what are you waiting for? Seize the opportunity and schedule music lessons today for you or your child!

GAYLA GRACE is a freelance writer and mom to five children who have all taken music lessons. She enjoys playing the piano at her local church and other community events.

Cooking Corner

Recipes and tips for cooking at home

Tamale Shepherd’s Pie

Directions:

Place potatoes in a pot and submerge in salted water. Cover and bring to a boil. Once boiling, lower heat to simmer and cook for about 15 minutes, or until potatoes are tender.

Drain potatoes and immediately transfer them back into

Ingredients: For the mashed potato layer: 2 1/2 lbs unpeeled red potatoes, cut into big chunks

(1 1/2 inches or so) 1/2 cup unsweetened non-dairy milk, at room temperature 2 tablespoons olive oil 1 scant teaspoon grated lime zest 3/4 teaspoon salt (or to taste) For the stew: 2 tablespoons olive oil (plus extra) 1 onion, diced medium 1 poblano pepper, seeded, diced medium 4 cloves garlic, minced 8 oz mushrooms, cut in half and sliced 1/4 inch

thick or so 1 cup lightly packed cilantro, chopped 1 1/4 lbs plum tomatoes (about 6), chopped 1/2 cup corn (fresh or frozen) 1/4 cup dry red wine 3/4 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon ground cumin 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes 2 ounces tortilla chips (about 4 good-sized handfuls) 2 tablespoons lime juice 2 tablespoons hot sauce (plus extra for serving) 3 cups cooked black beans (2 15 oz cans rinsed

and drained) Optional garnish: Hot red chilis, fresh cilantro and lime slices

©TAKETHEMAMEAL.COM

This is a fabulous dish for when friends and extended family come by during the holidays. Gluten-free, vegan and vegetarian, it is an excellent way to provide for visiting loved ones who have special dietary needs. With spicy peppers and rich mashed potatoes, it’s also a good choice to eat with just your immediate family on a cold winter night. Add chicken, pork or beef to the stew if you want a non-vegetarian version.

This recipe serves eight and is from isachandra.com. the pot.. Mash, then add the milk, olive oil, lime zest and salt.

Mash again until creamy, taste for salt, then cover and set aside.

To prepare the stew: Preheat a large, heavy bottomed pan over medium-high heat.

Saute onion and pepper in olive oil and a pinch of salt, until peppers are softened, about 10 minutes. In the meantime prep all your other ingredients.

Add garlic and saute until fragrant, 30 seconds or so. Add mushrooms and cilantro and cook until the mushrooms have released a lot of moisture, about 5 minutes. Add tomatoes, corn, wine, salt, cumin and red pepper flakes. Turn heat up and cover the pan, stirring occasionally, for 5 to 7 minutes. The tomatoes should break down and become saucy (if corn was frozen it may take a bit longer).

Crush the tortilla chips into fine crumbs with your hands.

Add them to the stew and mix well. Mix in the lime juice and hot sauce, then fold in the black beans and heat through. Taste for salt and seasonings.

To assemble: Preheat oven to 350 F. Lightly grease a deep 11x13 casserole (cooking spray works just fine). Transfer the stew to the casserole and even it out with a spatula. Add the potatoes in dollops, and spread it into an even layer.

Place in oven and bake for about 25 minutes, until potatoes are lightly browned. Stick under the broiler for a minute or two just in case the browning isn’t happening. Serve hot garnished with cilantro, chili peppers and lime.

Maureen Witmer is the Director of Outreach and Engagement, as well as the Recipe Specialist for TakeThemAMeal.com. Her recipes and photographs can be found on the recipe section of TakeThemAMeal.com. She and her husband Andrew, a professor of history at James Madison University, live in Harrisonburg, Va. Maureen works from home where she cares for their young children.

Winter 2017 • living 19

©ADOBE STOCK

The green-eyed monster is a just a pussy-cat

by MILLIE BAKER RAGOSTA

M

ost of our babies were born so close together—the first ten within just over fourteen years—that none of them got to be the baby of the family for long. One positive aspect to this was the inevitable outbreaks of newbaby jealousy seemed mild and short-lived.

But when the eleventh baby’s birth was imminent, I worried about Billy. He had been the baby for more than five years.

Would he, the pet of six big brothers and three big sisters resent this newcomer who was usurpering his place as baby of the family?

I shared my worries with husband, Vince and the older kids.

“According to my baby-book, jealousy of the expected baby can be a real problem for the next older child,” I said. “I think we all need to help Billy adjust.”

The experts who write about sibling rivalry don’t know everything.

“You could let him help you get the baby clothes ready, Mom,” Kathy suggested.

Vince nodded in agreement. “And I’ll let him help me assemble the crib.”

“We could take him to the store to buy the new baby a toy,” Ruthie contributed.

The other kids agreed enthusiastically.

So, on Saturday, after the crib was assembled, Vince took Billy and the other kids into town to buy a toy. By now, I couldn’t force my swollen feet into any of my footwear except my slippers so I stayed home to enjoy the peace and quiet.

When they returned, Billy came running to show me what they’d bought.

“It’s a koala bear, Mommy. Daddy already named him: Phineas Quincy Willoughby III. We’ll just call him Phineas Q.” He stroked the bear’s fur and went up-stairs to put it into the waiting crib.

“You don’t have to worry about that boy being jealous,” Vince said confidently. “He’ll love the new baby.”

I wasn’t convinced. After all, Billy had been the baby for over five years.

A few days later, my best friend Evelyn came to see me and gave me a tiny pair of booties she’d knitted for the expected baby. She had chosen mauve in that age of no pre-natal knowledge of the baby’s gender.

Billy stared at them in wonder. “They’re so little,” he said.

20 living • Winter 2017

Siblings often experience jealousy regarding the lavish time and attention showered on a new little one.

“The baby will be little,” I said and laid the booties on the kitchen table.

When I returned from seeing Evelyn out, Billy and the booties had disappeared. Just as I feared; jealousy was rearing its ugly head.

I summoned Billy to me.

He came right away, but his eyes were lowered and he was flushed.

“Where are the booties, Billy?”

He wouldn’t meet my gaze.

“I want to put them upstairs with the baby’s other clothes,” I said gently.

He sighed deeply and, taking me by the hand led the way to the basement where he retrieved the booties from under the stairs and handed them to me.

I knelt down and put my arm around him. “What’s the matter, honey? Are you afraid we won’t have time for you after the baby comes?”

He looked at me as if I’d lost my mind. “No, Mommy, I’m not afraid of that,” he said.

“Then why did you hide the baby’s booties?”

“Well,” he said hesitantly, “The koala bear is a present from all of us, but I want the baby to have something just from me.”

So I gave him a really, really big hug … just from me. And, you know what? The experts who write about sibling rivalry don’t know everything. I think a child who has received love, knows how to share it.

MILLIE BAKER RAGOSTA is a freelance writer from Pennsylvania.

©MEDIA FOR LIVING

Shenandoah Spotlight Young adults to watch

Eva Didot

by MELODIE DAVIS

E

va Didot is a senior at Harrisonburg High School who had just earned a spot on her school’s varsity soccer team when she had to make a tough decision: play soccer or keep running her business at Harrisonburg Farmers Market on Saturdays.

She truly could not do both and still have a life.

Eva’s last name (pronounced “de-doh”) somehow just seems to go with the name of her business, Crepes Didot. Crepes are a French pastry similar to a pancake, but much more delicate.

They can be laced with different kinds of ingredients from fruits to vegetables to meats or sweet syrups or Nutella.

She credits her inspiration as coming from her parents, who are both entrepreneurs; her mother owns A Bowl of Good restaurant in north Harrisonburg, which started at the Farmers Market. So Eva grew up from the age of 6 helping her mother there on Saturdays. She has one older brother.

Two summers ago they traveled to Montreal, Quebec where Eva fell in love with crepes. When they got back her friends were getting jobs. “Dad was kind of like, yeah, it’s time to get a job,” Eva recalls.

She started with a booth at the market and a cheap crepe maker of the type that lasts maybe five months. She then invested in a more professional one that was a lot more expensive. But it “really brought to life what a crepe is,” Eva remarks. She began using other more specialized equipment such as crepe spatulas.

Her friends have asked to help which she loves. “Friends make it fun, sharing the work and excitement.” Even so, Eva has also gained a new appreciation for what hard work is. In summer, she estimates spending about 22 hours a week for preparation and running the market Tuesday and

Eva prepares crepes at Eastern Mennonite University’s homecoming weekend in early October.

Saturday mornings. During the school year, she works a more manageable 14 hours a week, including selling at her school tailgates before football games. She’s not operating Crepes Didot during the winter market in downtown Harrisonburg, when customers are fewer and profits slimmer; she plans to do indoor track at her high school instead.

Eva plans to apply to George Mason University in D.C. with a double major in business and communications. She knows college is a great way to broaden her experiences and hopes to travel and learn from different cultures.

“When I’m older, I can’t see myself doing anything other than running a business,” she says. She would say to others if they have a passion for something and are willing to work hard, “Go for it. If I hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t be the person I am. Take the risk.”

MELODIE DAVIS is editor of Valley Living.

Know someone 30 or under to nominate for a future Shenandoah Spotlight? Requirements are: Valley resident or grew up here, outstanding for their job, community, or church work, and the model they provide. Contact us at info@ valleyliving.org.

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dansbodyservice.com Winter 2017 • living 21

Moving to the Valley for the most important reason

by BRUCE STAMBAUGH

M

y wife and I loved where we lived. We had spent our entire adult lives among the world’s largest Amish population in Holmes County, Ohio. Why would anyone want to leave that serene setting for the Shenandoah Valley?

Since we had visited the Valley several times in the last two decades, we could have provided numerous viable answers to that question. The picturesque mountains, the agrarian culture, the abundant natural beauty and recreational options, the rich history, the lively arts and educational opportunities all would have sufficed as legitimate reasons for new retirees to live in the Shenandoah Valley.

To us, however, those were all secondary benefits. Our move to Rockingham County was inevitable for one perfect, personal reason. Like so many retiring baby boomers, we wanted to be near our grandchildren in our senior years. We wanted to be close to them in their active formative years and assist their busy household however we could.

We observed we weren’t alone in relocating for that familial reason. We discovered many others either already had moved to the area or were going to do so. Grandchildren were important to them, too. That alone affirmed our decision to move.

Ironically, my older brother and his wife did the same thing for the same reason only in reverse. One month after we left, they moved from Williamsburg, Va., to our old county in Ohio.

Before we pulled up roots, however, our daughter and her husband assured us the Valley would remain their home no matter what path their careers took. With that, we moved to Virginia last May. However, the planning and preparations began long before that.

Before the move, we delved into the possibility of living in or near Harrisonburg. We spoke with friends who had already done so. Their advice was not to wait too long. The grandchildren grow up fast.

We researched the cost of valley living, and discovered it was a bit higher than what we had experienced in Ohio.

Housing was especially a concern. Our ever-alert daughter found a house in our price range that looked promising. Our real estate agent set up an appointment.

Like so many retiring baby boomers, we wanted to be near our grandchildren in our senior years.­ We liked the house and the location. We quickly agreed on a price with the owners and my wife signed the papers in a parking lot on the trunk of the realtor’s car late at night.

Having gone home for some required meetings, I signed electronically online, a new experience for me.

It was shockingly out of character for us. In our 46 years of marriage, my wife and I never had been spontaneous buyers.

Yet here we were making the largest purchase of our lives only 48 hours after having seen the home.

Moving wasn’t an easy decision by any means, though. We thought long and hard about it. Both my wife and I were born and raised in Ohio. We spent our careers in public education

Teaching their granddaughter to sew has been just one of the benefits of living close to grandchildren for Bruce and Neva Stambaugh shown here with granddaughter Maren Bert.

22 living • Winter 2017

PHOTO PROVIDED

there and both served with several community organizations over the years. All the rest of our immediate family lives in Ohio, including our son. He gave us his blessing to move, but it wasn’t easy to let go of all of that.

To soften the change, we decided to take our time moving to the Shenandoah Valley. As quickly as we bought the house, we didn’t move in until 18 months later. We didn’t want to merely cut and run from the people and place we loved. My wife and I worked diligently for a year and a half to prepare for the move, taking the opportunity and space we needed to adjust to this major, life-changing decision.

We met with the local mover we hired. A sincere young man, he clearly knew his business. We found the combination of his expertise and experience immensely helpful in deciding what to take and what to leave. Our Virginia home was considerably smaller than the one in Ohio. We were downsizing after all.

We also spent much effort sorting and packing clothing, furniture and household goods. We found homes for family heirlooms that wouldn’t fit in our smaller Virginia home and donated many items to a local thrift store. We also met with family members and close friends before we exited, often over meals. Relationships are worth more than any material item.

While we were preparing to move, we rented the Virginia home to a family for a few months. After they had moved out, we hired contractors to update the landscaping and the house.

We wanted to put our own personal touches on the place to make it our own. The contractors were glad to have these small jobs during their usually slower winter season.

I’m glad it took us that long to transition from one place to the other. Not everyone has the luxury of a slower moving like my wife and I did. But if you can, the benefits of taking your time can make it more than worthwhile. That’s especially true if you get to regularly enjoy your grandchildren.

ADVENTURES IN TRAVEL

BRUCE STAMBAUGH is a retired educator who moved last May to Rockingham County with his wife, Neva. He is a freelance writer and writes a column for a weekly newspaper in Millersburg, Ohio. This is the first in a series of four articles about moving to the Shenandoah Valley.

March 19-29, 2018

“The Best of Ireland and Northern Ireland”

Events at the fairgrounds will get you in out of the cold. Check out what’s happening at:

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Dublin, Belfast, Nine Glens of Antrim, Donegal, “Yeats Country”, Galway, Williamstown, KY and Cincinnati, OH Cliffs of Moher, Ring of Kerry, A replica of Noah’s Ark - 510 feet Blarney Castle, and more. Terrific price long, 85 feet wide, 51 feet high - Only $2729! Incl. overseas air from The largest timber frame D.C., First-class hotels, most meals. structure in the world (several spaces left) Blue Grass/Celtic Music Performance

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July 16-18, 2018

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October 15-26, 2018

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For More Information contact Ed & Edie Bontrager 540-574-3833 (Office), 540-209-7457 (Cell) ~ Harrisonburg, VA www.travelventuretours.com ~ eebontrager@comcast.net Winter 2017 • living 23

Relax, American parents, you’re doing just fine

by LISA A. BEACH

1,807 U.S. parents. The findings also show parents (whether arenting—you’re doing it wrong. At least that’s the takemarried or single) care a lot about how others view their home message American parents regularly hear. parenting skills. Roughly nine-in-10 married or cohabiting Just scan the ever-burgeoning parenting section in a parents (93 percent) say it matters a lot their spouse or partner local bookstore for hundreds of titles on how to “do” every sees them as a good parent. aspect of parenting better, from potty training to Ivy League

preparation. Our bundle of joy turns us into a bundle of nerves as we try to perpetually raise the bar on our own parenting So what, specifically, are American parents doing right? skills. As The Washington Post journalist Brigid Shulte points out in “NPR’s Tell Me More“ we’re an achievement • More moms breastfeed. Research continues to culture, always wanting to be our best and pushing our kids to demonstrate breastfeeding provides many substantial be their best. physical and mental health benefits to both infants We feel the push-pull of simultaneously being overinvolved and mothers. Increasingly, mothers in the U.S. are and overscheduled, yet not driving our kids hard enough heeding the to achieve message, according perfection. We’re to Child Trends, also perplexed, the nation’s leading as new parenting nonprofit research styles pop up every organization year, making us focused on second-guess our improving the lives existing skills. of children, youth In the end, many and their families.

American parents Between 2000 and feel dazed, drained, 2011, the U.S. saw a confused and filled growing proportion with self-doubt, of infants who were wondering if they’re breastfed, with the doing it all wrong. ­ biggest increase (70 “We’re so very percent) of infants Mealtimes—even breakfast—can bring some of the best moments in family life. afraid of getting still being breastfed it wrong that we at 12 months (from overdo it to try 16 to 27 percent). to get it right,” says Julie Lythcott-Haims, former Dean of Overall, more than three-quarters of infants were Freshmen at Stanford University, in an essay published in the breastfed for at least some duration, an increase of 12 2016 edition of ”The Parents League Review.” percent (from 71 to 79 percent).

But, are American parents really that bad? Do we truly fail • Parents protect their kids and their community in raising our own kids? through vaccinations. According to a 2015 study in No, and we need to stop thinking that we’re doing Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, vaccination everything wrong. rates among children ages 19-35 months for 2014 remained high. Over 90 percent of children received vaccinations for measles-mumps-rubella (MMR); polio; Our bundle of joy turns us into a bundle hepatitis B; and varicella. of nerves as we try to perpetually raise • Families still eat dinner together. A 2013 Gallup the bar on our own parenting skills. poll of U.S. families shows that, despite our busy lifestyle, the majority of U.S. families still eat dinner Fortunately, more than 50 percent of parents with children together. Among adults with children younger than 18, younger than 18 think they do a very good job raising their more than 50 percent eat dinner together at home at kids, according to a recent Pew Research Center survey of least six nights a week. ©ADOBE STOCK

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24 living • Winter 2017

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Parents spend more time on educational activities than previous generations. We read to our kids, ask them questions, play math games and teach life skills. Americans of all socioeconomic backgrounds devote increasing amounts of time to stretching kids’ minds compared to our parents or grandparents, says the Institute for Family Studies. Although parents with higher levels of education are more likely to devote time to educationally enriching activities than less educated parents, we’re all doing better than we did just a few decades ago.

Parents set a good example of civic involvement. According to 2014 statistics from the Corporation for National and Community Service, 32.7 percent of parents volunteer, donating 2.3 billion hours of service in activities such as fundraising, tutoring, mentoring, coaching and collecting/ distributing food. And 2013 data shows that 96.1 percent of parents frequently talk with neighbors, 44.5 percent of parents participate in groups and/ or organizations, and 89.8 percent of parents engage in “informal volunteering” (such as helping out neighbors).

Teens get high marks for giving back. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, teenagers (16 to 19-year-olds) continue to have a relatively high volunteer rate, at 26.4 percent, compared to 20 to 24-year-olds (18.4 percent), and 25 to 34 years (22.3 percent).

Substance use among teens is declining. Recent findings from NIH’s National Institute on Drug Abuse shows a decrease in the use of alcohol, cigarettes and many illicit drugs over the last five years among American eighth, 10th and 12th graders—many

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to their lowest levels since this survey’s inception.

The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services Office of Adolescent Health reports similar findings, citing tobacco use by adolescents has declined substantially in the last 40 years. And a report from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration notes from 2002 to 2013, the rate of underage drinking decreased 6.1 percent.

• Teen pregnancies and sexual activity are declining.

According to 2014 findings by the Guttmacher Institute, the U.S. teenage pregnancy rate reached its lowest point in more than 30 years (57.4), down 51 percent from its peak in 1990. And a 2015 study from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention notes teen sexual activity dropped dramatically over the past 25 years.

In 2011–2013, 44 percent of female teenagers and 47 percent of male teenagers aged 15–19 had experienced sexual intercourse, declining significantly (by 14 percent for females and 22 percent for males) since 1988.

• High school graduation rates reach record high. In 2015, the U.S. Department of Education announced the U.S. high school graduation rate has steadily increased for the past four consecutive years, rising to an all-time high with 82 percent of teens graduating in the 2013-14 school year.

The bottom line: Relax, American parents—you’re doing just fine.

Excerpted and reprinted with permission from Parent.co.

LISA BEACH is a freelance writer, copywriter and recovering homeschool mom who lived to write about it. Check out her writer’s website at www.LisaBeachWrites.com.

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Winter 2017 • living 25

Good old-fashioned Christmas days with 19 children

by ROSE HUYARD The long-awaited Sears Christmas catalog, a thin book Editor’s note: Rose Huyard grew up in a family of 19 filled with images of things we longed for, brought its own children along the Susquehanna River in Pennsylvania. This decorative touch to the season. It was almost as if dreaming chapter on Christmas is excerpted from her memoir, “Children over the bikes, red wagons, binoculars, dolls, and play food of the River.” She has lived in Virginia for 17 years. was as good as having them. I knew I would never dare ask

for the expensive things, but just in case, I’d mark the pages of hristmas time, as for many families, was a pivotal point especially coveted items, circling the items themselves. Then of our year, when excitement mounted and anticipation I’d put the open catalog in obvious places where Mom would was palpable. The weather was often so cold that my have to move it and hopefully see what I had marked. breath hung heavy in cloud formation. But the Christmas season brought much warmth.

We always made Christmas sugar cookies in various It was almost as if dreaming over the shapes—animals, angels, stars, trees—and decorated them with sprinkles, raisins, and silver balls. We carefully chose bikes, red wagons, binoculars, dolls, which one to eat as if certain figures tasted better than others. and play food was as good as having Cookies were also for giving. When my brothers Parke them. and Elam were small, Mom insisted they take cookies to Harry Brumbach, an old, frequently dirty, heavy-whiskered, Though we wouldn’t have had much to look forward to tobacco-chewing hermit who wore a big black hat and coat if Christmas had just been about getting gifts, we eagerly and mumbled as he walked by. Harry lived about a quarter anticipated the one gift that we would each receive. In the mile away. Parke and Elam were afraid of him and would hide weeks before Christmas day, Mom and Dad would talk quietly when he walked on the road in front of the house. And now in Pennsylvania Dutch—in the front seat of the car, while they were being forced to take him cookies. they were standing in the corner of the kitchen, or wherever Tiptoeing up to his door, they knocked timidly. From inside they heard a gruff, “Who’s there?” Together they chorused, “We have cookies for you.” When Harry not only invited them to come in, but also thanked them when they entered, they stood flabbergasted for a second, then turned and walked back out the door. The experience took away any fear Parke and Elam had of the hermit.

Though we made Christmas trees in cookie form, we didn’t have an actual Christmas tree in our house, because they were “worldly” in our faith tradition.

Instead, we brought our “tree” in branch by branch as we cut off evergreen sprigs and laid them on mantles with tall, red candles rising up out of them The family in which author Rose Huyard grew up, for Christmas decorations. with all nineteen children as adults. Inset: Some of Sometimes we added shinythe Huyard children with their parents in an earlier colored ball ornaments among time, when some of the older siblings were already the branches. living independently.

C

PHOTOS PROVIDED

26 living • Winter 2017

they happened to be—so we couldn’t understand what they were saying. Convinced they were discussing gifts for us, we strained to hear.

When Christmas Eve arrived, Dad went Christmas caroling with the church while Mom stayed home with us. We could hear her shuffling around in the attic where she had hidden our gifts, as we lay in bed giggling under the covers, hardly able to contain our eagerness. A bunch of us would sleep in the same bed so we wouldn’t sleep as soundly and would wake up easier at midnight—the time we were allowed to go downstairs to see our presents. Sisters Mim and Tina were so keyed up one Christmas evening that they sang song after song, trying their best to stay awake. As we “slept,” Mom would set a plate down at each person’s spot around the table, then place that person’s gift on their plate. Usually she set an orange on each plate, too, and sometimes a hard-candy animal sucker.

When we awoke, we’d scurry down the stairs, run out to the kitchen, and flip on the switch, unwrapping the whole magical scene with light. I’d stand still for a moment, enraptured by the gift-filled table. They were simple gifts, not wrapped.

We’d run to our own plate first to see what we got, then make our way around the table ooohing and ahhhing over everyone else’s gifts—a wallet, a pocket knife, a doll … We all felt the joy of each person’s gift. Occasionally Dad would come down with a pleased scowl on his face, telling us we were making too much noise playing with our toys and that we should go back to bed. Mom and Dad both seemed to get joy from giving to us. They could tell by the looks on our faces that we were delighted with our gifts even though they were small.

Other things at Christmas were also predictable, such as Dad asking the day before Christmas, “Say, what can I get for Mom for Christmas?”; luxuries like the caramel-walnut candy sister Barb made; or a bowl of walnuts sitting around for us to crack. We could also predict when we turned sixteen that our gift would be a wristwatch, and that when the girls were about to grow out of playing with dolls, we would get a keepsake— an older-looking doll, complete with an outfit and actual hair.

This would be our last doll.

One surprise, however, was a little, blue, metal table and two chairs with thin black legs and arms near my place at the table one Christmas morning. Some other gifts, too, came as a surprise, such as Elam’s wind-up Cletrac bulldozer and Tim’s red-hose, toy fire truck with all the bells and whistles. And on

rare occasions, once the recipient was older, a bike appeared, sitting on the floor next to their plate.

One year, Edith and I both got a copy of the coloring book “The Night Before Christmas,” with Santa Claus in a red, velvet suit on the cover. I rubbed my fingers over the velvet so much that it eventually wore off. Though “The Night Before Christmas” seemed strangely out of place with the true meaning of Christmas emphasized in our home, Edith and I both memorized it from cover to cover.

For the rest of Christmas day, activity on the farm came to a standstill. Dad would sit in his chair reading or falling asleep as Handel’s Messiah filled the airwaves around us. A local radio station played this music every Christmas, and we always listened to it. Dad was fond of these Christmases when we could just stay home; he referred to them as “good oldfashioned Christmas days.”

ROSE HUYARD is a freelance writer from Virginia.

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Winter 2017 • living 27

A familymoon for Sarah

by NANCY HOAG

H

(Far right) Tharen and Sarah Dundas enjoyed taking Tharen’s two children, son Eastyn and daughter Elizabeth on a “familymoon” as they began married life as a new family. (Inset) Son Eastyn especially loved going to a Seattle Mariner’s baseball game.

28 living • Winter 2017

beginning. I’d found friends who would care for my children, but not once had I thought about taking them with us. Today, I wish I had. I especially began to regret my choice when Sarah shared all they’d seen and done in Seattle. “We purchased a ‘Seattle Pass’,” she said, “which gave us an affordable way to see so much!” She hadn’t checked other cities, but she believes most major cities offer some sort of pass. Meanwhile, during the wedding ceremony, Sarah spoke vows to both

With the Familymoon behind them and their first anniversary around the corner, does Sarah still feel the same about the non-traditional honeymoon she and her husband chose? children to reassure them. She also expressed her love with, “Thank you for letting me be a part of your life; I will always be there for you to help and guide you to become good people.” She then asked if it was okay with them for her to become a part of their lives forever. She completed her pledge with the gift of a necklace for her new daughter, 7-year-old Elizabeth, and a bracelet for her new son, 5-year-old Eastyn.

After the ceremony, Sarah and her husband made the PHOTOS PROVIDED

er name tag said her name was Sarah and she was enormously happy. I could see that in the way she smiled and greeted those of us who’d stopped by her booth. While I wasn’t interested in mattresses, I did always enjoy the annual home and garden show in our town, and at this booth, I also felt drawn to the way Sarah greeted each of us who seemed even slightly interested. The “slightly interested” changed to “very” within minutes after we both said, “Hello.”

“Are you looking for a new mattress?” she asked.

“Actually, no, not yet,” I said, “but your display is wonderful, and I couldn’t help noticing how warmly you welcome—” “I like my work,” she said.

No wonder they’d made her manager of one of the newest stores in town.

What followed was what women do best, we ask questions.

“Where are you from? What brought you here?” Then I asked, “Do you have family?” and Sarah’s lovely smile broadened.

“Yes!” she exclaimed, like a woman who’d just won the lotto. “In fact,” she said, “we’ve just come back from our Familymoon.”

“Familymoon?” I’d never heard— “Married two months ago,” she said.

“And—?”

“I’d never been married, but my husband had two small children, and now I have two small children!” Her eyes fairly twinkled.

From there, she told me how she was married in Montana and traveled to Seattle for what most might have called their honeymoon. “But we took ‘our’ children,” she said, “because they needed to know, from Day One, that they were being included and would always be important to us. My husband and I had moved slowly when we were dating; there were actually family adventures before our marriage. Like fishing, camping …

All of this to help our children feel absolutely included.”

I thought back to my own second marriage. I’d come to that union with children. But, starry-eyed, I’d gotten caught up in the getting away with my new husband and my brand new

decision to drive all night so the traveling would be easier on the children. Admittedly, both parents were exhausted, but they began their tour very soon after they checked into their “inexpensive motel a bit away from the city.” They’d selected a less expensive motel in order to hang onto the money they would need for what would be the most fun for their family. They then began their Familymoon with a visit to the Woodland Park Zoo. At the gate of the zoo where they picked up their tickets, Elizabeth said to the woman at the booth, “My dad and Sarah just got married! We’re on our Familymoon!”

Smiling, the woman handed all four members of the family a badge that read, “Today is Our Special Day!” Each time they encountered a zoo employee, they were greeted and asked if they’d like to have their pictures taken, or how could an employee make their day even more special.

Next, they visited a museum where everything is made of glass and the Space Needle. Their pass also gave them admission to The Seattle Aquarium, something totally new for the entire family. Later, they were able to use their passes to take a boat tour of the harbor where warehouses and shipping docks were pointed out (to the delight of their 5-year-old son) and where Sarah and her husband again reminded themselves that this was their children’s special journey, too.

The following day, they drove through the Olympic Peninsula’s rainforest to an ocean beach and gathered snails and shells. They discovered an eagle’s nest and dined (their one splurge) at a restaurant that faced the ocean. When they returned to Seattle, they even ate at a “real Chuck E Cheese.”

Next on their list, a Seattle Mariner’s game. They went early to watch the teams warm up. During the game, a boy who was a bit older caught the ball and gave it to Eastyn. After the game, Sarah’s husband got one of the players to sign the ball for his son.

Today, with the Familymoon behind them and their first anniversary around the corner, does Sarah still feel the same about the non-traditional honeymoon she and her husband chose? “Yes, still!” she said, smiling. She does add this new family is a daily work in progress, but she insists, “This marriage isn’t about me; it isn’t about him; it’s for these children.”

Nodding, I thought back to my precious second marriage and the man I’ve loved for 42 years. I also recalled our honeymoon without my children, and as I listened to Sarah I knew that could I do it over, we wouldn’t have simply gone

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somewhere for a private honeymoon. Instead, like Sarah and Tharen Dundas, we would have created scrapbook memories from our own Familymoon.

NANCY HOAG is a freelance writer from Montana.

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Winter 2017 • living 29

Today’s mommy bloggers can thank Erma Bombeck

other than a shared love of laughter and writing. I was single, childless, and living in a college dorm at the time, while Erma was queen of suburban housewife drudgery and stay-at-home mom frustrations.

At 18, I was still years away from a life filled with whiny kids, a stubborn husband and the monotony of housework. Yet, Erma’s funny observations about everyday life struck a chord, turning me and millions of others into lifelong fans.

Over the years, I inhaled her comic genius in “At Wit’s End” (1967), “If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?” (1978) and “Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession” (1983).

Now 52, my life practically mirrors Erma’s as I navigate a midlife career reboot after being a stay-at-home mom. Her sharp observations often hit painfully-yet-hilariously close to home. And that “it-happened-to-me-too” relatability is why Erma’s humor stands the test of time.

Look at some of the best of Bombeck over the years as she takes on family, marriage, men and beauty:

by LISA A. BEACH

oday’s mommy bloggers can thank Erma Bombeck for paving the way. In a time when Al Gore hadn’t yet “invented” the Internet and blogs weren’t a thing, humorist Erma Bombeck became the first mommy blogger.

Tackling everything from motherhood and marriage to selfesteem and body image, Erma put the fun in dysfunctional as she laid her soul bare in weekly newspaper columns and a dozen books. Never one to shy away from a hilarious mistake or a teachable moment gone hysterically awry, Erma thrived on sharing the insanity of everyday life at a still-politicallycorrect time when married Rob and Laura Petrie slept in separate beds on “The Dick Van Dyke Show.”

With her groundbreaking (and self-deprecating) humor, Erma set the world on fire.

In 2017, Erma’s 1967 breakthrough hit “At Wit’s End” celebrates its 50th anniversary. While Erma passed away in 1996, her humor stands the test of time. It resonates with any mother facing the demanding challenge of raising kids without losing your mind, any wife dealing with the ups and downs of marriage without killing your spouse, and any woman struggling with body image and aging in a Size 0, photoshopped world.

I fell in love with Erma’s humor in my teens. Busy with college homework, hanging out and a part-time retail job, I had absolutely nothing in common with the midlife humorist

T

With her groundbreaking (and selfdeprecating) humor, Erma set the world on fire.

©ADOBE STOCK

“I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for a romp in bed.” (Especially if they serve a basket of crusty ciabatta bread. Men just can’t compete.)

“You are going to have a good time on this vacation if we have to break every bone in your body.” (Nothing drives a family apart quicker than 12 hours together in a car.)

“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”

(I’m looking at you, Target.)

“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.” (You just never know when that brownie will be your last one. Ever.)

“I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: ‘Checkout Time is 18 years.” (Sadly, your kids will probably never see the sign buried in the cluttertrap they call “their bedroom.”)

“Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.” (Also known as mom’s little motivator.)

“I’m trying very hard to understand this generation. They have adjusted the timetable for childbearing so that menopause and teaching a sixteen-year-old how to drive a car will occur in the same week.” (That’s so you can’t distinguish between a hot flash and an anxiety attack.)

“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.

No one else cares. Why should you?” (Way to manage expectations, Erma.)

Hard to keep up with changing technology? You can bet humor columnist Erma Bombeck would have found ways to get some laughs.

30 living • Winter 2017

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Winter 2017 • living 31

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And where have all the wise men gone with their gifts?

by CAROLE CHRISTMAN KOCH

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hen they had heard the king they went their way; and lo, the star which they had seen in the East went before them, ‘til it came to rest over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy; and going into the house they saw the child with Mary his mother, and they fell down and worshiped him. Then, opening their treasures, they offered him gifts, gold, and frankincense and myrrh.”

Matthew 2:9-11 (RSV)­ According to tradition the wise men visited the Christ child on January 6. Some scholars claim the visit may have been a year or so after the birth: Luke does not mention their visit; Matthew states they went “into the house,” not the stable; and it would have taken them time to find the star and interpret its meaning.

The Christian feast commemorating the wise men’s visit is called Epiphany, which comes from the Greek epiphaneia, meaning “appearance” or “manifestation.” It is also referred to as the Feast of Three Holy Kings.

What we know of these wise men and their gifts comes through stories, legends, traditions and the prophecies. Psalm 72:10-11 predicts “the kings of Spain and of the islands will offer him gifts; the kings of Arabia and Ethiopia will bring him offerings. All kings shall fall down before him” (TEV).

It was through these biblical prophecies the wise men became known as “kings.” These men are also known as “magi,” an Indo-European word meaning “great” or “illustrious.” The magi originated in ancient Persia and were priestly scholars who devoted their time to studying religion, as well as math, science, medicine and the stars. The English word magic comes from magi.

So where did the three wise men we know come from?

The only reference to place is when Matthew says, “from the East.” (v.9) Some scholars feel the wise men were from Persia, but their origin is uncertain.

There are no biblical references to their names or their

number. Ancient paintings have represented two, three, or as many as 12 men. In time, three became the accepted number, possibly from the biblical reference to three gifts—each thought to be given by a different man. Another suggestion is they represented all humanity in its three races.

By the sixth century the wise men had names, origins and features. Melchoir, King of Arabia, representing the elderly with a long white beard, brought the gift of gold. Caspar, King of Tarsus, was young, beardless and represented the future. He brought frankincense. The black-skinned, middleaged man with a thick dark beard brought myrrh. He was called Balthazar, King of Sheba.

Why were gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh offered to Jesus?

During biblical days, as now, gold was considered a precious metal and important medium of exchange. Gold represented tribute to a king, frankincense meant worship, and myrrh symbolized death.

The incenses frankincense and myrrh were valuable to ancient peoples. Both came from the gum resin of trees found in the arid regions of the Red Sea Their value was high due to difficulty transporting them by sea and caravan.

Incense of all kinds was used in the home for honored guests, as well as for religious and medical reasons.

What we know of these wise men and their gifts comes through stories, legends, traditions and the prophecies. ©ADOBE STOCK

32 living • Winter 2017

Frankincense was considered helpful in the treatment of wounds and bruises, while myrrh was used to treat eye, ear and nose ailments. Mixed with wine, myrrh was thought to dull pain. When Jesus was crucified it was Nicodemus who “brought a mixture of myrrh and aloes … Then they took the body of Jesus, and wound it in linen clothes with the spices, as the manner of the Jews is to bury” (John 19:39-40, KJV).

But what happened to the wise men after they left the Christ child?

Matthew 2:12 (TEV) reports “they returned to their country by another road, since God had warned them in a dream not to go back to Herod,” while an old legend tells us the apostle Thomas met them 40 years later. He instructed them in the Christian faith and baptized them. All became priests.

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A similar legend also notes they were martyred together and buried in the city of Sewa in the Orient. Yet another story tells us the relics, or bones, of the three wise men were discovered

by Empress Helena and taken to the Church of St. Sophia in Constantinople. Later, in the sixth century, they were taken to Milan. From there, Emperor Barbarossa transferred them to a shrine in Cologne, which is today a center for pilgrimages.

Though their final resting place is uncertain, the wise men and their gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh have not been lost. You’ll still find them today by giving the gift of love to all peoples of all races and colors.

CAROLE CHRISTMAN KOCH is a freelance writer from Pennsylvania.

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Winter 2017 • living 33

Congratulations…

Basye Regina Taylor Bergton Woody Brown Dorothy Fitzwater Dana Hartman Johnny Hottinger Judy Hottinger Colin Whetzel Holly Whetzel Emma Wittig Bridgewater Opal Alt Hensel Armentrout Nancy Dagen Sam Dagen Charlotte Fifer Carolyn Freeman Anna Keller Elizabeth Roach Clooney Rodeffer Glen Thomas June White Brightwood Virginia Coppedge Broadway Martha Brady Helen Brunk Sharon Caplinger Debbe Coffman Carolyn Cubbage Juanita Lantz Eldon & Bettie Layman Dottie Miller Karen Mongold Amy Ours Aileen Pettit Darlene Runion Sammy Runion Phyllis Sherman Savilla Shipe Eleanor Showman Kim, Paisley, Rilee & Sierra Showman Evelyn Shultz Churchville Ethel Ernst Criders Carroll Coffman Bernice Keplinger Doug Propst Sheila Reedy Betty Ritchie Doc Ritchie

to those who successfully completed the word search from the fall issue of Living.

Dayton Debbie Billhimer Christine Hill Donna Hoover Harriet Kemp Judith Kile Brenda Miller Norman Mongold Sue Ringgold Edinburg Shelby Hollar Donna Shafer Maddie Shafer Carol Shaffer Elkton Elizabeth Bailey Leon Bailey Tina Coffman Linda Cooper Chic Comer Brenda Dean Wayne Dean Julie Dearing JoAnn Foltz Alison Galvanek Norawood Good Linda Gooden Martha Gooden Maxine Hines Vivian Hitt Joyce Lam Pam Lilly Buddy Merica Loretta Miller Sandra Morris Joyce Sheets Yvonne Tincher Idelma Winegard Fulks Run Anna Dove Norma Fulk Becky Morris Grottoes Margie Mayes Angel Moore Faye Ritchie Genevieve Ritchie Kelsey Ritchie June Wise Harrisonburg Dublas Aldana-España Richard & Patricia Armstrong Norma Bowman Ruth Burkholder Mary Cline Hirut Dadebo

Clarence Davis Wilma Davis Jeanie Diehl Geraldine Eaton Joyce Foltz Dorothy Goshey Luci Greene Linda Hamilton Vera Hansen Merlin Harman Mildred Hensley Don Hunsberger Wilhelmina Johnson Lowell Kauffman Naomi Kniss Paul Kniss Charlotte Landes Susanna McMurray Delores Merrick Audrey Metz Melody Metzinger Beverly Miller Sara Grace Miller Dena Moyers Jerry Painter Iona Pennington Frances Ritchie Juanelle Simmons Dennis Showalter Alice Souder Winton Stearn Cindy Suter Betty Troyer Herb Warble Mary Whetzel Scott Whetzel Billy Wright Shirley Young Hinton Vada Brooks Marion Thompson Patsy Thompson Keezletown Beatrice Clark Arlene Kirby Lewis Omps Lacey Spring Sarah Miller Lexington Debbie Mohler Linville Sherrie Carr Lola Dove Sheila Fitzwater Vernon Graber Minnie Kline Carolyn Taylor

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Rileyville Catherine Mishler Rockingham Loretta Blank Jonas Borntrager Lois Burkholder Nancy Callahan Anna Cline Helen Kwuelum Glen Layman Judy Liskey Mildred Lutz Dessil May Randy May Teresa May Brenda Rhodes Brittany Ritchie Linda Ritchie Bonnie Smith Nancy Stultz Jim Sumption William Wright Shenandoah Mertie Blakemore Carolyn Clements-Lamb Mary Frances Dorraugh Catherine Good Shelby Hartman Sarah Hines Janice Jones Mary Frances Nichols Annie Olaker Annie Pierce Singers Glen Betty Demastus Lucy Helmick Frank Mundy Linda Mundy Stanley Mary Hunkley Arletta Painter Ruth Vogdes Timberville Jean Ankers Ruth Coffman Blanche Collins Pricilla Pence C.J. Ritchie Linda Roadcap Patsy Ryman Marie Stroop

Greg & Jenny Turner Tomsbrook Judy Anderson Vinton Cliffor Gray Waynesboro Peter Grimm Weyers Cave Lucretia Carter Patricia Early Paul Luther Law Don & Karen Sellers Winchester Paul Adams Woodstock Cindy Copp Carolyn Derflinger Phenix City, AL Dick Hottinger Franklin, KY Gay Kirby Carney, MD Glenn Spamer Mount Airy, NC Linda Jackson Gaston, SC Judy Carper Richard Dean Antioch, TN Lisa Meyer Bartow, WV Julia & Jason Bauserman Martinsburg, WV Edith Mills Mathias, WV Merlin Delawder Patsy Delawder Helen May Donna Whtetzel Jane Robinson Sugar Grove, WV Naomi Mitchell Paula Mitchell Upper Tract, WV Karen Kimble

Yearly subscription to If you would like to receive this quarterly publication in your mailbox, it is available by subscription for $16 a year. To subscribe, return this form with your check or money order made payable to Valley Living, or go online to valleyliving.org. ❏ Payment of $16 is enclosed for 4 issues (or $32 for 8).

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Address: ________________________________________ City: ___________________ State: _____ Zip: ______________ 34 living • Winter 2017

Winter WINTER SPORTS AND ACTIVITIES sports & activities

by Jeanette Baer Showalter

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Mail your completed puzzle and your name will be published in the next issue of Living. _________________________________________________ name/please print

_________________________________________________ address

ACROSKI BANDY BIATHALON BOBSLED BROOMBALL BUILDING A SNOWMAN CROSS-COUNTRY SKIING CURLING DOGSLED RACING DOWNHILL SKIING FIGURE SKATING HUNTING ICE CLIMBING ICE FISHING ICE HOCKEY ICE SCULPTING LUGE MOGUL SKIING SKELETON SKIJORING SKI JUMPING SLALOM SLEDDING SLEIGH RIDING SNOWBALL FIGHT SNOWBOARDING SNOWMOBILING SNOW SNAKE SPEED SKATING TUBING

What stories did you find most interesting in this issue?

1. ______________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________

_________________________________________________ city

©ADOBE STOCK

The snow and ice of winter afford many opportunities for outdoor activities. Long ago Iroquois nations engaged in a game of snow snake, just as the Welsh have played Bandy since the Middle Ages, and northern peoples of the world have traveled by sleigh out of necessity. Many of the sports listed are part of the Winter Olympic Games, taking place this February in South Korea. You can enjoy these activities, both old and new, by finding them in the puzzle forward, backward, horizontally, vertically, and diagonally.

state

zip

Share comments or suggestions on separate sheet.

Please advise if you do not want this to be published.

Print off additional copies of this puzzle at valleyliving.org.

Mail by January 24, 2018, to Living, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22802. Winter 2017 • living 35

J e s u s came to earth to sho w us love.

May the love of Jesus bring about peace in our families, neighborhoods and world.

“Blessed are the peacemakers.”

Matthew 5:9 Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year from Valley Living staff & board members, advertisers & these supporters.

Living Board & Staff Melodie Davis Ivette Churney Kay Kibler Mary Jo Veurink Lindsey Shantz Trisha M. Blosser Tracey Veney David Rohrer

C. Kevin Yoder Jonas Borntrager LaDawn Knicely Beth Driver Angela Rempel Art Borden Michael Evans Aldine Musser

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