Valley Living Fall 2017 by Valley Living

free! Fall 2017

HOUFF CORP:

A family-owned business standing the test of time Shenandoah Spotlight on Lauren Pichon & Kendra Yoder

Virginia Mennonite Relief Sale:

A day of family fun helps people in dire need www.valleyliving.org

Over 25 years of positive encouragement for families

We are grateful to our donors who are a part of this publication. We could not do this without you!

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Donors help to provide meaningful and well-told articles, columns and stories to support the foundations we all believe in: • work hard as you are able • hold on to faith • keep your family together if at all possible • share generously with one another • encourage positive and helpful love for others • care about this community

WAYNESBORO VIRGINIA The Shenandoah Valley Art Center

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2 living • Fall 2017

To make a donation, please send checks payable to Valley Living or give online at www.valleyliving.org.

Contents 4 Editorial 5 Community Connections 6 A day of family fun helps people in dire need 10 A family-owned business: standing the test of time 12 Protect. Serve. Create. 14 Weekend Road Trips: Philadelphia area 16 Less means more 18 In the midst of chaos 19 Apple Pie by Grandma Ople 20 A letter, photo and lace

21 How Mom Rachel ‘so loved the world’ 22 Create your own science kit 23 Shenandoah Spotlight on Lauren Pichon & Kendra Yoder 24 Glorious greens: add a zing to salads, sandwiches, soups and stir-fries 26 Dear stepdad, you’re important, too 28 Cake walks, then and now 29 For the sake of love

30 Everything you need to know to get rid of unwanted stuff

32 Better than badmouthing: how to debrief difficult co-parenting situations 35

Word Search

In Every Issue

Community Connections Weekend Road Trips pg. 14 pg. 5

Money Matters pg. 16

Cooking Corner pg. 19

Family Forum pg. 21

Shenandoah Spotlight pg. 23

Living can be found at these locations, and more, throughout the Valley: Harrisonburg DQ Grill & Chill, Carlton St. DQ Grill Harmony Square Finders Keepers Friendly City Food Coop Gift and Thrift Golden Corral Hardesty Higgins Harrisonburg Farmer’s Market Kate’s Natural Products Massanutten Regional Library

Mercy House Mr. J’s Harmony Square Red Front Supermarket Sentara RMH Clinic Sentara RMH Medical Center Rt. 11 North Exxon Salvation Army Store Sharp Shopper Shenandoah Heritage Farmers Market Styles Unlimited

Bridgewater/Dayton Dayton Farmer’s Market Bridgewater Foods Supermarket Broadway/Timberville Broadway Supermarket Crider’s Store Mac’s Superette Turner Ham

Elkton/Shenandoah Countryside Market/Exxon 340 Market & Deli/Liberty Elkton Grocery Mamma Mia Restaurant Linville Mac’s Market Luray Shoppers Value Foods

Mt. Crawford Joy Foodmart Exxon

New Market 7-Eleven

Mt. Jackson Save-A-Lot

Penn Laird 7-Eleven On The Run

Mt. Solon/Augusta Co. Zach’s Country Store North River Country Store

Singer’s Glen Grandle’s Glenview Market Weyers Cave Weyers Cave Super Save

Cover photo: On a fall morning, Hope Shantz enjoys a slice of strawberry pie at the 2016 Virginia Mennonite Relief Sale after her shift. She was one of about 20 members of Mt. Clinton Mennonite Church who prepare and sell the fresh strawberry pies. The variety of homemade pies are always a popular item at the sale, often selling out. PHOTO BY LINDSEY SHANTZ

Fall 2017 • living 3

Interconnected

When advertising supports a vision

Melodie Davis, editor melodie@valleyliving.org

4 living • Fall 2017

Has advertising ever moved you emotionally? Ok, yeah, the Hallmark TV commercials do that sometimes, and there have been great Super Bowl commercials that tug at the heart strings, but I’m talking print ads, like you see here in Valley Living. I recently paged back through some 20 years of Living (we added the “Valley” to our name later) and was overwhelmed with the sponsors that have been with us that long. Notably many of our local educational, retirement and radio facilities have advertised for over 20 years, but also: LD&B Insurance and Financial Services, Houff Corporation, The Dayton Market, Landes Heating & Air Conditioning, Miller’s Cabinets, Maust Enterprises, Dan’s Body Service, Family Life Resource Center, and E & M Auto Paint. I did not take time to page through every issue from the last 20 years. My apologies if I missed someone. I’m incredibly moved personally because these faithful advertisers have literally supported my family; I work for Valley Living approximately only ten percent of my time, but that extra paycheck has helped pay for braces, surgeries, groceries, house payments and electric bills. And I’m not the only employee or contractor who can say that: Living has been a helpful supporter of numerous valley families through the years. How cool is that? But you know what? These sponsors have supported YOUR family too even if you’ve never worked for Valley Living. They have helped provide meaningful and well-told articles, columns and stories to undergird the foundations we all believe in: work hard as you are able, hold on to faith, keep your family together if at all possible, share generously with one another, encourage positive and helpful love for others, and care about this community. I was fascinated to sit down with the president of one of our local familyowned businesses that is included in the above roster, Houff Corp., formerly known as Houff Fertilizer, based in Weyers Cave. Jonas Borntrager, a long time board member for Living had urged me to write such a piece for years. We tend to use family stories and the Houff enterprise is indeed a family story (see p.10). Obviously there are other companies named above who have similar roots and provided long term ethical and honorable services that deserve to have their stories told too. More and more of our readers have also become financial supporters, even if they can only send $10. This is not a plea, but a heart felt thank you for all who have given. We do depend on contributions for this magazine in addition to advertisers. We cannot exist without both arms of support. We are guided by a talented board who generously donate their time. I’m especially proud of the generosity demonstrated in the local stories found in this issue. The article on the Virginia Mennonite Relief Sale by contributing writer Lauree Purcell, speaks of the huge amount of money the auction and other activities raise for those with acute needs around the world and here locally. In a sidebar, columnist Harvey Yoder issued a challenge for relief sale goers to give generously beyond their purchases. Editorial intern Stephanie Hertzenberg helps us be mindful of local veterans by highlighting some delightful artwork they’re producing. Finally, we wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you loyal readers. Many of you have responded to our Word Search “favorite articles” question that helps guide us as we make article selections. Thank you and we’ll keep sharing your names! Feeling very grateful today! Perhaps you can spend some time counting your blessings, too.

Volume 26 No. 3

Valley Living inspires hope, encourages faith and builds positive relationships in the home, workplace and community. Media for Living, Publisher Melodie Davis, Editor Ivette Churney, Sales Representative Peter Churney, Sales Representative Kay Kibler, Sales Representative Mary Jo Veurink, Layout & Design Lindsey Shantz, Production & Finance Manager

Advertising

To reserve space in future editions contact: Ivette, (540) 810-1044, ivette@valleyliving.org Kay, (540) 820-2331, kay@valleyliving.org To make a donation, please send checks payable to Valley Living or give online at www.valleyliving.org.

Media for Living Board of Directors Trisha M. Blosser, president Tracey Veney, vice president David Rohrer, secretary Kevin Yoder, CPA, Treasurer Jonas Borntrager LaDawn Knicely Beth Driver Angela Rempel Art Borden Michael Evans Aldine Musser

Opinions expressed in Valley Living are not necessarily those of Media for Living. Published cooperatively with Media for Living, a non-profit corporation, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22802 (540) 433-5351 • info@valleyliving.org www.valleyliving.org Printed in the USA by Engle Printing, Mount Joy, Pa. © 2017 by Media for Living

Community Connections

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Letters, local events, news Letters from readers Thank you for your magazine. I truly enjoy reading the stories and doing the puzzle. I am encouraged to study into my family’s history! – Ethel Ernst, Churchville I had to write again. The stories “The question most often asked” and “Reunion” were fabulous. Each issue of Living is wonderful and every issue has at least one story that stands out. If everyone read the two stories I mentioned above, they would and should get something from them. – Lucy Helmick, Singers Glen “Gifting your family’s history” held much helpful and new information for me. Our genealogy can be full of surprises. I must get organized and busy! – Carolyn Freeman, Bridgewater Through the years I have received many different magazines in my home, Living is by far the best one. I love the strong Christian concept of it. I am a Christian minister. – Lucretia Carter, Weyers Cave “The question asked most often” was excellent. I’ve never given a lot of thought about losing my husband. The author is so right when he says, “The normal thing is for one spouse to die and for the other to be left behind.” I gave this article to a dear gentleman from our church who just lost his wife after 60+ years of marriage. I believe it will comfort him. “Mason Qiu finds his forever family” also was excellent. A young couple from our church adopted a baby girl from China. They went through the same “hoops”—but it is well worth it. She is now 12 years old and an all-A student, well-adjusted, and we

Through the years I have received many different magazines in my home, Living is by far the best one.

all love her! So happy for all. – Carolyn Derflinger, Woodstock

Ag Day offered at Green Valley Book Fair Aug. 26

A special day encouraging learning about agriculture and more will take place Sat. Aug. 26 from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. at Green Valley Book Fair. There will be tractors, educational displays, free books for children, food trucks, petting zoo, face painting and dog adoptions available. The book fair is open from Aug. 12 to Sept. 4. They are also offering a kids bookmark contest with a deadline of Oct. 31. Find details for the Ag Day and Bookmark Contest at GoBookFair.com

Outdoor Writers Association sponsors writing contests

Frank Mundy, a Virginia game warden (now retired) and Rockingham County resident for many years, is a board member for the Virginia Outdoors Writers Association (VOWA).

Word Search Notes

”

They conduct a writing contest for high school and college students, offering encouragement and recognition for budding young journalists. Homeschoolers are welcome to enter. For more information visit vowa.org or Mundy’s own publishing website, mundypublishing.com

JMU prof writes acting handbook

James Madison University associate professor of musical theatre Julio Agustin (Matos, Jr.) has helped youth and young adults work professionally in theater through his monthly workshops. He has recently published “The Professional Actor’s Handbook: From Casting Call to Curtain Call.” Julio has worked in theater for over 20 years, and his students maintain active careers in New York and regional theatre. For more information on the book, find it and more info at JulioAgustin.com

Memoir of growing up in a family of 19 children

Responses from readers

Word search enthusiasts set recent record The total number of completed word search puzzles sent in by readers for the summer issue of Valley Living topped 254—a recent record. The favorite articles of these readers were: “Mason Qiu finds his forever family” – 73 votes; “The question asked most often” – 70; “Bless this house” – 60; “A tsunami of pain” – 52; and “Cheyenne’s little secret” – 35. All of these articles can be found at valleyliving.org.

Rose Huyard, a valley resident for over 17 years, has written a book, “Children of the River,” a memoir about her experience of growing up with eighteen brothers and sisters along the Susquehanna River in Pennsylvania. Binding the family together are Mennonite parents with unshakable values, singing at every turn; and the constant demands of farm life. The book is sold on Amazon or by email, 19childrenoftheriver@gmail.com. Fall 2017 • living 5

A day of family fun helps people in dire need by LAUREE PURCELL PHOTOS BY JIM BISHOP

“T

he quilts are more art than a bedspread,” says Dave Rush, chair of the annual quilt auction which takes place each year at the Virginia Mennonite Relief Sale (VMRS), coming up this year at the Rockingham County Fairgrounds September 29-30. The annual massive effort helps address so many needs around the world and here in the Valley. This year will be the 51st annual opportunity, opening to the public with a BBQ beef dinner by donation with live music from local groups from 4:30 to 6:30 p.m. Friday the 29th. That night from 7 to 9 p.m., a live auction begins and a silent auction opens. The auctions are famous for their beautiful handmade quilts, comforters, wall hangings, art, furniture, unique woodwork, collectables and a variety of handmade items. Items auctioned can be viewed at vareliefsale.com.

“We feel called by God to help people,” said Dave. “If you’re making over $38,000 a year, you’re in the top one percent of world inhabitants.” A plated breakfast and lunch will be available by donation Saturday, but many attendees enjoy sampling the food available at various booths starting at 7 a.m. Popular food items include homemade potato chips, pies, glazed donuts, Brunswick stew, apple butter, fresh cider, barbecued chicken halves, chili, whoopie pies, hand-dipped ice cream and Indian dishes. New this year will be a catfish dinner. A 5K Race for Relief Run/Walk begins at 8:30 a.m. Saturday, then the live auction resumes at 9:30 with a PHOTO BY LAUREE PURCELL

children’s auction at 10 a.m. The marketplace will be selling fresh produce, canned goods, jams and jellies, QMT brand wind chimes, country décor items, pumpkins, plants, flowers and much more. Participants can also compete for prizes at the sporting clay skeet shoot. Campsites on the fairgrounds are available for a donation of at least $25. In the past 50 years, the VMRS has raised almost $7 million to help people in about 60 countries in addition to the U.S. through Mennonite Central Committee (MCC). MCC strives to ease poverty, oppression and conflict, as well as to lead natural disaster relief efforts, community development and peace work. Last year, the sale was able to net over $275,000 for these efforts in just 24 hours. VMRS organizers also hope to raise $10,000 to support two local organizations: People Helping People and the Waynesboro Area Refuge Ministry Left: Kellie Kauffman leads children’s activities. Above: Alex Wynn and Eli Stoll participate in last year’s annual 5K Race for Relief.

6 living • Fall 2017

(WARM). Attendees are invited to contribute paper towels, toilet paper, trash bags, cleaning supplies, full size shampoo, conditioner and body wash, and paper plates to the sale’s supply drive for the WARM shelter. Dave Rush was Lindale Mennonite Church’s representative in charge of ice cream and bread sales for several years before becoming the chair of VMRS in 2010. He also helped organize the first 5K at VMRS. He sees the sale as a great communitybuilding event bringing people together to work for a common cause. In the wide spectrum of Mennonites from the very conservative old order to the quite liberal, over 1000 people from churches in Rockingham and Augusta counties volunteer to help with VMRS. “We feel called by God to help people,” said Dave. “If you’re making over $38,000 a year, you’re in the top one perecent of world inhabitants.” Dave spent three months in Guatemala for his cross-cultural experience while attending Eastern Mennonite University. Lindale Mennonite’s effort to rebuild an orphanage right after an earthquake in Haiti also influenced his desire to lead VMRS efforts. Over 10,000 people come each year, and many from Richmond and Northern Virginia make it an annual family event. It is a time to reconnect with old friends and continue a tradition they may remember from their childhood in Goshen, Indiana or in Pennsylvania if not here. To some, sampling the good food here is like “eating for Jesus!” someone once quoted. People of all faiths are welcome to attend, volunteer and enjoy the fun of raising money to help those in need. He says extra hands are appreciated to help set up on Thursday

Above: Karen Gonzol holds her book “For the Least of These: 50 Years of the Virginia Mennonite Relief Sale” in front of the quilt that appears on the book’s cover. The commemorative quilt was pieced by Charlotte Swope and Carolyn Bontrager; Charlotte Swope completed the quilting. Bottom left: The son of Micah Horst, youth pastor at Weaver’s Mennonite Church, packages and sells kettle corn.

and Friday at the fairgrounds and take down and clean up Saturday afternoon after 3 p.m. To reserve seats and find out the schedule for the auction and details of what will be sold, go to vareliefsale.com. Women in area churches spend years working on preparing quilts, and many Valley woodworkers take great pride in planning and building special wood crafts to donate to the sale. A book about the history of the Virginia Mennonite Relief Continued on page 9.

S.O.S. Campaign: Share our Surplus Valley Living columnist Harvey Yoder dreamed with others of ways to perhaps double this fall’s Virginia Mennonite Relief Sale income by encouraging attendees to be prepared to give generous cash, check or credit card donations in addition to their participation in auction and food sales in light of the extraordinary refugee needs in the world today. The relief sale board has officially endorsed this initiative. With some 10,000 relatively well-to-do people attending the sale, most of whom do not participate in the auction, a table will be set up for the sole purpose of accepting and receipting cash contributions from attendees—in addition to auction and other spending. The S.O.S. campaign offers these ideas: • Give a tithe of what you have in your savings account. • Match what you and your household spend annually on eating out. • Save the equivalent of a month’s rent or mortgage payment to help provide refugee housing. Fall 2017 • living 7

Making twelve thousand donuts by JENNIFER MURCH

PHOTO BY JENNIFER MURCH

y husband and I agreed to take over the homemade donut stand at the Virginia Mennonite Relief Sale. Here’s the inside story on how you make 12,000 donuts in one day. After we agreed to manage the booth, for about ten months I messed around with recipes, ran numbers, had several meetings with the previous donut-makers, pored over the three-ring binder of detailed photos and instructions, made lists, and after much agonizing, placed the final order for ingredients. A couple weeks in advance, we did a preliminary walk-through of the donut-making spot. It was not encouraging. Low ceilings, uneven concrete floors, a row of fryers, a few rickety tables. How in the world...??? And then I started not sleeping. I’d wake up in the middle of the night and think, “We need 140 pounds of mashed potatoes but we’re only making 35 recipes. That can’t be right!” and then I’d struggle with mental math for a very long and entirely unproductive time. In the morning, I’d be like, four pounds of mashed potatoes times 35 is 140, duh. My husband took off work on Thursday and we all went to the fairgrounds to begin setting up. We scrubbed the place down, laid donated carpet remnants (to facilitate clean-up), rearranged the room, hauled in the donut-making equipment that was stored on the relief sale truck, and washed supplies. That evening we dropped the younger two children at my parents’ house (where they would stay for the next two nights before transferring to my friend’s house for the third night). Friday morning, my husband and I, plus the two older kids, headed back out for a full day of prep work. Supplies started to arrive. Gallons of milk, cases of butter, cartons of eggs, 50-pound sacks of confectioner’s sugar, granulated sugar, vanilla, and mace. Except instead of the “three boxes of mace” from the bulk food section of the store that I had ordered, they sent three buckets of the stuff. Then I discovered they had sent 700 pounds of all-purpose flour instead of bread flour. The relief sale organizers flew into top gear, searching local stores for flour. They cleaned out a couple stores before finally finding a bulk food store that had the remaining six hundred pounds of bread flour in stock. When it arrived, one bag weighed 5 pounds 9 ounces! I said we’d have to weigh and rebag all of it; weights needed to be exact. I muttered to my husband, “I am so going to lose it.” One of the relief sale workers overheard me. Without saying a word, he took off his coat, stepped up to the The author’s daughter, Caroline Murch, with a roomful of additional table, and for the next hour and a half, he twisted shut donutmakers at the 2016 Mennonite Relief Sale. She was excited to help the remeasured bags. He did more than that, though. and took her job seriously! His presence prevented me from having a full-blown meltdown. That evening, we went to bed at 8:30. We managed to actually fall asleep. We arrived at the fairgrounds soon after 1:00 a.m, and for the next 12 hours, we made donuts. It was an absolute blast. There were three shifts of volunteers, about 30 in each shift. Many of the volunteers were experienced and knew more about the process than we did, which was wonderful. There were a few glitches (our dough uses less yeast so it took longer to rise, we ran out of boxes, we went over-time and had to call in extra volunteers), but they were totally manageable. It’s just donuts, I kept telling myself (and my fretful husband). Exhaustion happened. Around 11:00 that morning, my face stopped working—I could hardly smile, and it was a struggle to form words. My entire body ached, even my toes. I was hungry. Dehydrated, too. I felt like I might start weeping at any moment. After clean up (with lots of help), we got home mid-afternoon, unpacked a few things, washed up dishes and a bunch of kettles, ate a donut, vacuumed. My son went to bed at four p.m., and my husband and I were in bed by five. I slept for thirteen hours. The end. PS. Except not really. We keep talking about the process, making changes, planning for next year. PPS. We are not at all sick of donuts. Crazy, but true. Keep up with Jennifer Murch, family tales, and delicious recipes on her blog, www.jennifermurch.com.

8 living • Fall 2017

Continued from page 7.

MCC provides food, relief kits and blankets in the days following a disaster. It works alongside local communities to seek long-term solutions to poverty, hunger and poor health. MCC workers and projects support people building peace and justice around the world. Children in area churches also enjoy collecting coins in large plastic containers each Sunday during the year, and presenting them at the relief sale. This past year, the coins collected raised over $25,000 for MCC and the Virginia Mennonite Missions. To learn more about Mennonite Central Committee, visit their website at mcc.org. LAUREE STROUD PURCELL serves as an editorial consultant for Living. She and her husband Steve have two daughters.

Above: Joe Arbaugh (left) and other volunteers flip pancakes for the big sale breakfast. Right: Auctioneer Kent D. Weaver manages bids on an item donated to raise money to help ease poverty, oppression and conflict around the world

Sale is available for $15 at Gift and Thrift, located in the Park View area at 731 Mt. Clinton Pike, Harrisonburg. Profits from Gift and Thrift also go to MCC. The 81-page softcover book by Karen Gonzol is entitled “For the Least of These: 50 Years of the Virginia Mennonite Relief Sale.” It is full of old photographs and interesting tidbits about what was sold, who was involved, and how much money was raised. Dave points to the words of Jesus in Matthew 25:40, “Whatever you do for the least of these you did for me” as part of the idea driving the relief sale. Participants are encouraged to make a financial contribution in addition to making purchases at VMRS. People Helping People is a cooperative ministry of churches in Harrisonburg and Rockingham County, Virginia, which helps people in an emergency crisis with resources and guidance. The purpose of WARM is to provide support, temporary shelter or housing, and community development for homeless adults and families in the Waynesboro and Augusta County areas of Virginia.

Family Life Resource Center 273 Newman Avenue, Harrisonburg, VA 22801 434-8450 e-mail: services@flrc.org

“COUNSELING FOR HOPE, HEALTH AND HEALING” - Addressing marital, family, parenting and other relationship problems - Coping with losses, grief and major life adjustments - Dealing with depression, anxiety and other mental health challenges - Overcoming substance abuse and other addictions - Providing educational resources for congregations and other agencies Contact services@flrc.org or 434-8450. Ad sponsored by: LD&B Insurance and Financial Services

September 29 & 30

51st Annual

Rockingham County Fairgrounds, Harrisonburg, VA

Quilts, artwork, homemade donuts, applebutter, country breakfast, bbq chicken, international foods, antiques, crafts, music, and activities for the whole family.

Don’t miss the annual 5k race, sport clay shooting and live & silent auctions! More information, a complete schedule of events, and reserved auction seating is available online.

www.vareliefsale.com Photo by Jim Bishop

Fall 2017 • living 9

A family-owned business: standing the test of time by MELODIE M. DAVIS

ou never know how or when a great idea will start— perhaps with two brothers brainstorming how to improve their farm crops—bigger yields—better income for the family and produce more food for the world. Two dairy farming brothers—Fred and Harry Houff, put their heads together in the late 60s about their need for liquid fertilizer to grow better crops. Then they began offering that service to a few neighbors. The collaboration grew into a diversified family business, known today as Railside Enterprises, supporting not only their own families, but also those of some 115 additional employees. Today Houff Corporation and IDM Trucking Inc. are the main companies making up Railside Enterprises. In addition to fertilizer, the enterprise handles products or services such as storing de-icing materials for roads, managing and transferring loads shipped by train cars onto trucks for delivery, collecting and repurposing food by-products from production at Valley poultry or beverage processing plants, and much more. Fred is now 90 and his oldest son, Kern, is now retired but

“The owners still know everybody, and it still feels like a family business.”

PHOTOS PROVIDED

plays an advisory role to the companies he was instrumental in developing; Fred’s youngest son, Neil, is president of Houff Corporation, and the middle son, Dennis, is the president of IDM Trucking. Fred’s son-in-law, J.D. Patton, is the financial controller of Railside Enterprises. The company is managed with a mix of family and non-family members. Railside Enterprises, Inc. is owned 49 percent by employees (through an employee stock ownership plan) and 51 percent by the Houff family. Incidentally, IDM Trucking delivers Valley Living magazine to the Shenandoah Valley from a printing plant in Pennsylvania, and

has for many years. Fred’s three sons all received four-year degrees from Virginia Tech, a background which helped prepare them not only for careers in agriculture, but with the skills, imagination and hard work it took to diversify from a small liquid fertilizer company to the multifaceted business it is today. Neil explains their company lives by these values: integrity and ethical business practices; a strong work ethic (work hard and show up on time); create products or services which add value for their customers; a strong emphasis on family and community for employees and customers; and finally, compliance with regulatory agencies related to safety on the job, the highways and the environment. Neil says they hire individuals according to a person’s work ethic, values and skills, but are willing to train and transfer the right persons to other jobs. “We hire by these values, live by them, and do evaluations based on them,” Neil outlines. The business moved in 1993 to its current site just off Interstate 81 at the Weyers Cave interchange, with an old railroad line going right across the property. The rails were scheduled to be idled, but “we saw it as a God-given opportunity” and worked to supply services using the railroad as an active part of their business plan. Today they have added 7000 foot of siding for transloading 2500 train cars to trucks annually. This keeps “Valley industries competitive and reduces truck traffic on highways” such as I-81, company literature notes. Other services and products through Railside Enterprises include Pioneer brand seeds for farmers and producers, warehousing and distribution, servicing poultry houses between flocks by applying a substance that reduces ammonia levels (improving the health of baby chicks when they come in), and recycling materials known as biosolids and applying them to Valley farms. About 85 percent of their employees have commercial driving licenses as a job necessity. As far as succeeding generations being part of the business, Neil looks for about half of the third generation of Houffs (his sons and their cousins) to be involved, with others choosing other careers. Some of the “third generation,” including one of his sons, are still in college. He and his own siblings were never pressured to join the business, rather it was an opportunity. The fact the company is as diverse as it is, supplying services in a number of related fields, helps provide openings where many can find a niche. Tim Grove, bio-solids manager emphasizes a strong point of the company is its diversity. “Between our fertilizer and trucking, (agricultural and industrial), individual marketplaces can rise and fall and the whole company is not impacted so much.” He illustrated that by saying if you have a severe Neil Houff at his desk at Railside Enterprises in Weyers Cave where he serves as president of Houff Corporation. Inset: Photos of the two Houff brothers who started Houff Fertilizer, Fred and Harry, hang in the reception area of Railside Enterprises in Weyers Cave. Fred, now 90, is Neil’s father while Harry is his uncle.

10 living • Fall 2017

drought or wet spring, for instance, if you are only a fertilizer company that’s hurtful, or if it’s a heavy or light winter, that affects how much de-icing material is sold, “making a much bigger swing on the bottom line. So the diversity adds to the stability of the company and its profits.” Neil admits as they’ve grown, “It is a challenge to maintain the close-knit feel of a family company.” Tim adds, “We’re growing to the point that we have the stature to get involved in bigger contracts, but the owners still know everybody, and it still feels like a family business. For employees, the company offers a spring banquet every year (because the annual Christmas banquet came at such a busy time for families). The event includes a nice meal and presentations on the successes and challenges the company is experiencing. Tim points out the community right around Weyers Cave is still very agriculture-based but the community embraces the newer sectors Houff added as they grew. “But we’ve held onto the relationships with the company’s original customers for fertilizer. They’ve appreciated that style of growth.” For Railside’s customers, vendors and employee families, there is an annual summer barbecue for around 800-900 at the Weyers Cave Community Center that is “just an opportunity to sit down and talk to our friends and neighbors” says Neil; in other words, not a business or company meeting. The company also encourages employees to support local schools, civic groups and has employees who serve on various charitable boards in the community to “give back.” Neil stresses they do so quietly, without “attaching their company name” on everything they do. Neil and his wife Sara are an active part of the Pleasant Valley Church of the Brethren in Weyers Cave where his father and one brother also goes; other family members go to Covenant Presbyterian in Harrisonburg. Tim offers a testament to the Houff family being well known and liked in the community. “I’m not a Houff,” he points out, “but I’ve been an employee since 1998, and I have never in all these years had to apologize for the name of the company. Instead it is an edge up, a positive thing.” He says employee morale is good and their positive employee retention speaks to that. The fact that employees share in the success of the company through the employee stock ownership plan gives extra meaning to their work and the desire to make sure the business as a whole is doing well. Some of their current challenges are the complexities of staying organized. They have set up a structure for mid-level management of the various operations, studying a book

Above: Houff Corporation partners with Pioneer and other premier seed brands to distribute and sell high quality seeds, including corn, soybeans, alfalfa and sorghum. Bottom left: One service they offer is transloading and warehouse storage of bulk liquid and dry ingredients.

“Good Profit,” by Charles Koch, on managing from a values basis. “We’ve implemented some of the ideas throughout the company—and are working on how to roll it out to employees in the next 18 months to two years,” Neil says. “We feel every employee matters and appreciate new thoughts and ideas coming often from the employee base—where they see places to make improvements. There’s a good feel and vibe and I am proud of employees we have here,” he concludes. Melodie Davis is editor of Valley Living and grew up on a farm in Indiana where her father used liquid fertilizer and Pioneer corn back in the day.

An innovative company … … for a changing environment

houffcorp.com

97 Railside Drive, Weyers Cave, VA 24486 (540) 234-9246 or Toll Free (866) 224-9246

Fall 2017 • living 11

Protect. Serve. Create. by STEPHANIE HERTZENBERG

PHOTO PROVIDED

a brick and mortar gallery where we will display artwork from oo often, veterans find themselves pigeon-holed. They veterans all over,” Rusty said. “It won’t just be a place to are seen purely as soldiers and protectors, but, while that show artwork, but a place where veterans can work. Veterans is undoubtedly a part of who they are, many of them can come in, practice their craft, participate in classes and also possess a creative side. There are many veterans who share their ideas and inspirations with enjoyed painting or carving prior to others. I like to call it the tangible their deployment or took up jewelry manifestation of the website.” making when they returned. But The website, WarPaints.org, is where would they sell the pieces they open for anyone to make purchases create? Is there a place for veterans or donations, and Rusty urges people to showcase their wares and start a to spread the word. “Make your following? friends and family aware of it and That’s exactly what former Navy tell veterans and first responders to SEAL Rusty Noesner has created with join the website and showcase their War Paints. War Paints is an online products.” social market place where veterans Any veteran or first responder who and first responders can display and has served is welcome to set up a sell their creative works. “We’ve got profile on the website. Rusty is proud about twelve folks, including Army, to point out how unique this is. “No Marines, Navy, National Guard, War Paints founder Rusty Noesner works on one of one has done this yet, especially on Airforce and a Firefighter,” Rusty his paintings in his basement. Rusty served with SEAL this scale. No one has said ‘Hey, if said. “There’s sixteen people on it TEAM 10 in Kandahar, Afghanistan from 2010-2011 you’ve served in any capacity, we total, but a few haven’t uploaded and was awarded Army Commendation Medal for are going to help you showcase and or priced their products yet.” These meritorious service in the line of duty. sell your creative products. War products range from paintings and Paints will fuel that and get people photographs to paracord bracelets interested in your work.’ That kind of support and teamwork is and homemade dog care products. “War Paints is about incredible.” empowering veterans to create. We’re looking to open the War Paints gives creative servicemen and servicewomen a doors to whatever interests veterans have,” said Rusty. tangible sort of support as well. The money from a purchase on War Paints goes directly into the service member’s account, providing the veteran both the funds to continue their creative “No one has done this yet, especially on works and the motivation to continue putting their pieces out this scale. No one has said ‘Hey, if you’ve for the public to purchase. The creations themselves are as unique as War Paint’s served in any capacity, we are going to structure. Each piece is handmade and influenced by the help you showcase and sell your creative veteran’s or first responder’s experiences. “We are seeing a products. War Paints will fuel that and whole new aspect to artwork,” Rusty said. “We’ve been at war for a long time, and as a society, we have been deprived of an get people interested in your work.’” opportunity to see artwork coming from those who continually experience adverse situations. And they’ve often been denied the opportunity to show what they can do outside the scope of The next step for War Paints is to create a physical location soldiering and police work.” in addition to the website, WarPaints.org. “We want to create Visit War Paints online at www.WarPaints.org to purchase creative works and browse vendor profiles. You can also read about new vendors and get sneak peeks at new pieces on War Paints’ Facebook page, www.Facebook.com/ WARPAINTS.ORG. To set up a profile as a veteran or first responder, click the “register” button in the top right hand corner of the homepage, www.WarPaints.org. On some systems, the registration button will appear as a pen-and-paper icon. After you complete the short form provided, a request for access will be automatically sent to Rusty Noesner where the request will be recorded and cleared. 12 living • Fall 2017

Rusty hopes the program will continue to grow and become more established in the community. “We can’t move forward until foundational roots take hold.” There is a potential studio location for War Paints in downtown Harrisonburg, but the construction or acquisition of a permanent, physical gallery is likely one to two years away. Once the studio is in place, Rusty has plans to involve the local community further. “We’ll be asking for volunteers to help and teach. So if you know an art teacher, have them come and give a class. It doesn’t just have to be traditional art, it can be a wide variety of creative disciplines.” Indeed, the entire point is to revive and nurture the creative side of those who serve and showcase those abilities to the larger community. Regardless of whether the veteran is drawing with charcoal or welding metal, Rusty hopes War Paints will bring balance back into the lives of veterans and first responders. “I’m tired of seeing veterans and servicemen shed in a particular light. We have a much larger spectrum that people never see, and I think promoting that is just the right way to balance ourselves and say ‘I’m a protector and

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a soldier, but I am also a multitalented and multi-disciplined human being. I can be a renaissance man or woman.’” War Paints is still a relatively young organization, but it has already begun to gain a solid foothold in the Shenandoah Valley. Several vendors sold their wares at the K9’s For Warriors Adventure Race in June, and Rusty has been outspoken about the benefits of creative work for veterans and first responders. “No matter branch of service, politics or experience level, War Paints is for everyone,” Rusty said firmly. Hopefully, his vision will soon take physical form in the valley and have a gallery to showcase the works of those who protect, serve and create. STEPHANIE HERTZENBERG is a year-long intern with Valley Living. She also works part-time for the Shine children’s Sunday school curriculum and interns at WMRA.

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Fall 2017 • living 13

Weekend Road Trips Local and nearby travel ideas

George Washington during and after the Revolutionary War . . . and Elmo too! by JESSE NEVE

Philadelphia:

Liberty Bell Our kids’ biggest surprise when we walked up next to the Liberty Bell was that it was still “broken.” “It cracked hundreds of years ago,” Sarah scoffed, shaking her head. “Nobody has had time to fix it in all those years?!” The kids were very impressed that we could walk all the way around the famous bell, and, more importantly, look underneath it. It is creatively situated with a wall of windows beyond it, so the backdrop is the beautiful Independence Hall. The Liberty Bell was our first stop of the day on our walking tour around Philadelphia. We picked up our reserved tickets for Independence Hall before getting into line to see the Liberty Bell. We had about an hour before our scheduled tour at Independence Hall, so we viewed the bell and watched one of the two free films in the visitor center beforehand. Independence Hall “Well, that’s Independence Hall,” ten-year-old Jonathan proclaimed as we stood in line with our tickets. “It’s where Independence started!” Independence Hall is a beautiful, stately brick building that was built in 1732, the year George Washington was born. It was originally the State House of the Province of Pennsylvania. Our thirty minute guided tour with a National Park Service Ranger led us into the Assembly Room. He painted pictures in our minds of the signing of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence. It was surreal to see the chair that George Washington sat in and to imagine all of the Family friendly places to stay: We stayed in Bensalem, because I had researched it beforehand and, generally speaking, hotels were less expensive in Bensalem than in either the Philadelphia area or Langhorne. Bensalem: · Sleep Inn and Suites Bensalem. 3427 Street Rd. 215-2442300. www.choicehotels.com. · Holiday Inn Express Philadelphia Northeast-Bensalem. 1329 Bristol Pike. 215-245-5222. www.holidayinn.com. Philadelphia · Days Inn Philadelphia-Roosevelt Blvd. 4200 Roosevelt Blvd. 14 living • Fall 2017

Neve family at the Liberty Bell.

excitement, courage and fear surrounding the signing of those two world-altering documents. United States Mint “It shouldn’t be called ‘the mint,’” Jonathan said, as we neared the indestructible-looking concrete cube built in the late 1960s. “It should be called ‘the coin.’” The Philadelphia Mint has the capability to produce nearly two million coins per hour. It’s hard to determine how many we saw on our 45-minute self-guided tour. From a walkway forty feet above the factory, we watched huge sheets of metal travel through the press and transform into rolling carts filled with coins. We also saw an original coin press used back in the 1700s. The kids were pretty sure they should be handing out free samples at the end of the tour. No such luck. Betsy Ross House Everyone knows of Betsy Ross’ prowess as a seamstress 215-289-9200. www.daysinn.com. · Holiday Inn Express-Philadelphia Midtown. 1305 Walnut St. 215-735-9300. www.holidayinn.com. Short walk to historical sites, daily self-parking fee. Langhorne: · Holiday Inn Express-Philadelphia Northeast Langhorne. 3101 West Cabot Blvd. 215-757-4500. www.holidayinn.com. · SpringHill Suites Philadelphia-Langhorne. 200 North Buckstown Drive. 215-891-5501. www.springhillsuites. com. Walkway connects hotel to Sesame Place, mandatory complementary valet parking in the summer.

PHOTO PROVIDED

Philadelphia, Sesame Place & Washington Crossing

and flag maker. The self-guided tour walked us through her life story in her family’s home, the birthplace of the American flag. We met “Betsy” in person, and learned about the tools and trade of upholstery and flag making in the 1700s. Philly Mini Golf What walking tour of Philadelphia (with a crowd of kids) would be complete without a round of mini golf? This unique attraction is located in Franklin Square and each hole is created to match a local Philly site. We golfed around a mini Independence Hall, Liberty Bell, Love Statue and Ben Franklin Bridge. The Square also includes a carousel, a picturesque fountain, an amazing playground, and the famous SquareBurger, if your crew is running low on fuel. As we returned our putters at the end of our day, Jonathan told the man, “It was completely and totally awesome.” We agreed. The City of Brotherly Love was indeed.

Sesame Place:

I grew up on Sesame Street. Our kids grew up on Sesame Street. Finally, I could tell them how to get to Sesame Street! Sesame Place is an amazing combination of theme park and waterpark. Kids who are are between the ages of two and twelve, will love this 14-acre park (older kids will have a blast, too, if they aren’t interested in colossal, death-defying, multi-story-drop coasters). Our crew spent the entire day at this brightly colored, beautifully landscaped land filled with Elmo and Big Bird. The large variety of rides and coasters keeps youngsters constantly running to see “the next thing.” There are also crawl-and climb-through play areas, a kid-powered railroad, slides, and plenty of places for kids to expend their never-ending supply of energy. There are shows and parades, and we could dine with (or without) Sesame Street characters. Picnic areas are available outside the park gates, so we brought our lunch with us. We even found ourselves on the classic recreation of the Sesame Street TV show set. And then there’s the water rides! Our kids’ favorite was the family ride, where all six of us could ride together on one big raft. There is also a large variety of single and double-person rides, and places for little ones to splash around. As Cookie Monster counted our six tired bodies as we exited the park, we agreed that it was a successful day at Sesame Place.

Washington Crossing:

Just fifteen minutes north of Sesame Place is Washington Crossing State Park in Titusville, New Jersey. We stumbled on this little gem and decided that it was a wonderful discovery worth mentioning. We entered the park and I read the story about that blustery Sesame Place and Washington Crossing: · Sesame Place: 100 Sesame Road, Langhorne, Pennsylvania. 215-702-3566. www.sesameplace.com. Advance tickets available online. Deals and discounts on multiple day passes. Life jackets are free of charge. Lockers and stroller rental available. Parking fee. · Washington Crossing the Delaware State Park: 355 Washington Crossing-Pennington Road, Titusville, New Jersey. 609-737-0623. http://www.state.nj.us/dep/ parksandforests/parks/washcros.html. Park Entrance fee charged per vehicle in the summer.

Christmas Eve, during the American Revolution when George Washington led 2400 men, plus horses, cannons and ammunition across the Delaware River for their surprise attack on the opposition. We parked the van and the six of us piled out into the hot, summer afternoon. It was nothing like the nor’easter Washington and his men were enduring that night. We hiked down the path and onto the grass by the river. I recalled the famous painting of Washington Crossing the Delaware that had hung in our house when I was little. My husband found the painting on his phone and I could see a light bulb forming over his head. Before I knew it, he was showing the kids where to stand, giving them large sticks for oars, and removing sunglasses. We suddenly had a modern reenactment of Washington Crossing the Delaware right there on the bank. Although perhaps our rendition was not historically accurate (George’s men weren’t wearing jeans shorts or soccer jerseys), but we will always remember the bank of the Delaware River where George Washington and his many soldiers crossed that cold night in 1776. And that is what taking a weekend road trip with the family is all about—creating lasting memories (while secretly expanding their horizons). JESSE NEVE is a freelance writer from Minnesota and regular writer of this feature for Valley Living..

Philly Attractions · Independence National Historical Park. 215-965-2305. www.nps.gov/inde. Visitor Center at 41 North 6th Street. Films free of charge. Parking in underground garage (for a fee) or on 2nd street between Chestnut and Walnut Streets (also a fee). · Liberty Bell: 6th Street and Market St. Free admission, first-come first served. · Independence Hall: 520 Chestnut St. Admission by tour only. Purchase tickets online or in person. Tickets sell out early in the day, so advanced purchase is advised. · Benjamin Franklin Museum: 317 Chestnut St. Artifacts and exhibits from the life of this Founding Father. Admission fee. · Franklin Court Printing Office: 322 Market St. See what Franklin’s printing equipment would have looked like. Free admission. · President’s House Site: Across from the Visitor’s Center. Location where presidents Washington and Adams both lived. Outdoor exhibit. Free admission. · Declaration House: 599 South 7th St. Thomas Jefferson lived here while writing the Declaration of Independence. Free admission. · Tomb of the Unknown Revolutionary Soldier: Outdoor exhibit at Washington Square · United States Mint: 151 Independence Mall East. 215408-0112. www.usmint.gov/about/mint-tours-facilities/ locations/philadelphia. Free admission. No parking facilities. · Betsy Ross House: 239 Arch Street. 215-629-5801. www. historicphiladelphia.org/betsy-ross-house. Admission charged. Tickets available online or at the door. Adult and kids audio tours available. · Philly Mini Golf at Franklin Square: 200 North 6th Street. 215-629-4026. www.historicphiladelphia.org/franklinsquare. Tickets available online or at Franklin Square ticket counter. Pay parking available. Fall 2017 • living 15

Money Matters

Guidance on family finances

Less means more by KAREN GONYER

inimalism: a tool to rid yourself of life’s excess in favor of focusing on what’s important—so you can find happiness, fulfillment, and freedom. Financial coaches will tell you there are only two ways to improve your financial condition—earn more or spend less. We’ve tried to do both in our family, but to be honest, it’s never been much fun to cut spending. Lately, however, I’ve been doing a lot of reading about an inspiring way to look at paring down the budget: minimalism. The definition of minimalism above comes from Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus, authors and bloggers known as “The Minimalists.” They focus on the concept of owning less so we save money and have less to maintain. It’s the process of taking away the things in our lives we don’t need or things that add stress, and then adding more of the

In spite of a lower income and having to work hard for everything they had, my parents enriched our family life through intangible things – simple things that money could never buy.

16 living • Fall 2017

©ADOBE STOCK

things that are most important to us. For some folks, it’s about living in a “tiny house.” For others, it’s about focusing on getting out of debt so they don’t have to work as much and therefore have time for other priorities. Others just desire a simpler lifestyle, slowing down from the rush and hurry, saying no to filling up a calendar. The more I read, the more it resonates with me. The appeal for me is to embrace simplicity, intentionally pursuing new purposes and priorities. For example, many minimalists give away or sell the majority of their current possessions, keeping only what they regularly use or what carries significant personal meaning. Their goal is to become aware of how the things they buy and own impact their life and decisions. While we sorted through and gave away a lot when we downsized to our current house a couple years ago, I am still interested in doing more. I would like to make more room for the nontangible priorities of our family’s life. We are almost empty nesters. This time of transition has given us an opportunity to take a look at our lives and evaluate

where we are and where we want to be. In all my pondering, I’ve often found myself reminiscing about my childhood. It struck me recently my parents were actually minimalists. In their case, however, it wasn’t by choice; it was something they just did. They were the parents of seven children, raising their family on a small farm in the country. My father was a pastor. With a pastor’s salary, Dad had to augment his income with other ventures, such as school bus driving and masonry. We always had a big garden and grew a lot of our own food, including beef cattle and chickens. It was a necessary part of life. Although we didn’t have a lot of extras, we were always warm and had plenty to eat and wear. In spite of a lower income and having to work hard for everything they had, my parents enriched our family life through intangible things—simple things that money could never buy: Hospitality—I can remember many Sunday dinners with guests after church. My mother would work much of Saturday to bake pies and prepare for these meals. I also remember two older bachelors who would often stop by on Sunday evening, right around suppertime. They seemed lonely, and I bet they enjoyed all the activity of a house full of kids. Generosity—One clear memory etched in my mind is from a very cold winter night. We had heard the house across the hill had burnt to the ground. We knew there were a number of children in the family. While no one was hurt, they lost everything. I remember standing on the threshold of our front door while my mother handed someone several bags of clothes

for those children. That’s just one of many stories of their generosity. They were also generous with their time in helping others. Beauty—My father loved gardening, especially growing flowers. Dad grew some of the prettiest roses, and knew all by name. His mother, my Grandma, also had a green thumb. Both thrifty gardeners, they would start root cuttings and dig up bulbs to give away and share their beauty with others. Creativity—My mother has always loved quilts and enjoyed recycling fabric scraps to make something beautiful as well as useful. She still quilts and donates to her local relief sale. It is her joy to be creative and share with others. Rest—Other than cooking a meal and taking care of the animals, my parents always took a rest from work on Sundays. This was time for going to church, visiting with family, and of course, a good Sunday afternoon nap if they could. They knew the value of having a break from the day-to-day routine and allowing their minds and bodies to be refreshed. As I reflect on ways to practice minimalism, it isn’t just about saving money or keeping expenses in check. It’s more of a way to maximize the intrinsic value of each day. I want to integrate more of what I appreciate about my parents’ life into my own—the intangible but valuable fruits of simplicity. I’d love to be okay when someone drops in for a visit. In fact, I want to welcome it. I’d like to make more plans to have guests after church—even if our version of Sunday dinner is just a simple meal of baked potatoes with toppings. I want to embrace beauty and make time for creativity. I want to recognize the value and need for rest and make it a priority.

I may not embrace every facet of minimalism, but I want to focus on what’s important in life and be intentional about enjoying each day. Ken and Karen Gonyer live in Broadway, VA. Email your response or questions about life and money to ken.gonyer@gmail.com.

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©ADOBE STOCK

In the midst of chaos by BARBARA WEDDLE

was driving through Tennessee with my 4-year-old granddaughter a week after a storm system dropped several tornadoes across the state. Signs of havoc were everywhere—homes, barns, farm machinery destroyed, trees uprooted, power lines downed, massive piles of debris everywhere. No one had died and injuries were minimal; still, the material loss as well as the psychological impact on those having experienced the storms, I thought, had to be devastating. Anna and I, except for Anna’s occasional, “I feel sorry for the people,” were stunned to silence by the miles-long destruction we were witnessing. Anna, unusually sensitive, warm and caring for someone so young, also expressed concern for the horses, cows, dogs, cats and even frogs that may have suffered from the storm. Suddenly, Anna cried out, “Grandma, look!” She was bouncing up and down excitedly and pointing to something

outside the passenger-side window. “Look, Grandma, at all that beautiful nature!”

Anna, unusually sensitive, warm and caring for someone so young, also expressed concern for the horses, cows, dogs, cats and even frogs. I turned my head. In the midst of all the devastation, the destruction of all that was once serene and beautiful, Anna had discovered a small pond in which, untouched by the storm, emerald-green lily pads floated on sky-blue water and brilliant yellow water lilies poked upward. Out of the tornado-ravaged landscape, Anna had discovered beauty. And the promise and hope of a new day. BARBARA WEDDLE is a freelance writer from Oconto, Wis.

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Cooking Corner

Recipes and tips for cooking at home

Apple Pie by Grandma Ople Homemade apple pie is the perfect treat for the last days of summer and the beginning of fall. Apples are in season, so be sure to take advantage of local orchards. Using fruit from the area will create the freshest taste and give it a little extra sweetness. Enjoy the last of summer’s heat by pairing a slice of pie with vanilla ice cream or welcome the first of fall’s crisp nights by serving the pie warm. Adapted from allrecipes.com. Yields (1) 9-inch pie. Ingredients: 1 recipe pastry for a 9 inch double crust pie 1/2 cup unsalted butter 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour 1/4 cup water 1/2 cup white sugar 1/2 cup packed brown sugar 8 Granny Smith apples - peeled, cored and sliced Directions: 1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Melt the butter in a saucepan. Stir in flour to form a paste. 2. Add water, white sugar and brown sugar, and bring to a boil. Reduce temperature and let simmer. 3. Place the bottom crust in your pan. Mix apples with half of the sugar/flour mixture and pour into crust, mounded slightly. Cover with a lattice work crust. Gently pour the rest of the sugar and butter liquid over the crust. Pour slowly so it does not run off. 4. Bake 50-60 minutes, until apples are soft. Serve cold.

©TAKETHEMAMEAL.COM

Maureen Witmer is the Director of Outreach and Engagement, as well as the Recipe Specialist for TakeThemAMeal.com. Her recipes and photographs can be found on the recipe section of TakeThemAMeal.com. She and her husband Andrew, a professor of History at James Madison University, live in Harrisonburg, Va. Maureen works from home where she cares for their young children.

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A letter, photo and lace

fter a busy work day, I saw the birthday card that included my personal note to my Aunt Millie was still on my desk. It should have been mailed a week earlier, but a book on my desk had mistakenly been placed over the greeting card. If I hurried to the post office, the card and its contents could still reach her in time—or only a bit late. The gesture would still be a “visit” to let her know she was not forgotten. My family and I were among the few remaining relatives in my disabled aunt’s life, and I would feel so negligent if Aunt Millie did not receive my card and gift on time!

When I dropped the envelope in the post office slot, I had no idea how much that mailing would enhance my Aunt Millie’s life. I drove to the post office with the card holding my letter and wallet-sized photo of my husband, four children and me. I had also enclosed a new lace-edged handkerchief in the large envelope. When I dropped the envelope in the post office slot, I had no idea how much that mailing would enhance my Aunt Millie’s life. Later, a cordial letter arrived from my lifelong friend, Charlene, who had visited Aunt Millie. “I learned that a nursing home assistant framed your family photo,” Charlene told me. “She placed it on the lace-edged handkerchief on your aunt’s bedside table. Your Aunt Millie beamed when she told me, ’See my family! I look at that picture every day. Even when no one visits, I can still look at them.’” It was uplifting to know even if a traditional greeting card

©ADOBE STOCK

by AUDREY CARLI

A small act of remembering can make a huge difference in the life of an aging friend, relative or parent.

was not available, a photo and a few written words on plain paper have the ability to cheer up relatives and friends. After I received Charlene’s letter, I sent greeting cards, snapshots of our family from long-saved albums, a heartshaped pin for Aunt Millie’s robe lapel and an occasional chocolate candy bar. The nursing home dietician I phoned had okayed the treat in my gift packages. When I thought about how much my Aunt Millie appreciated these things, a favorite verse by the American poet, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, came to mind: “Talk not of wasted affection; affection never was wasted.” (From the poem, “Evangeline”.) AUDREY CARLI is a freelance writer from Michigan.

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Strengthening family relationships

How Mom Rachel ‘so loved the world’ by HARVEY YODER PHOTOS PROVIDED

t age 85 Rachel Stoltzfus, a member of our house church, got to see the Atlantic Ocean for the first time. She had grown up in the Midwest and eventually moved with her husband Robert to Harrisonburg, but never got to travel far from her roots. As a youth she had dreamed of someday going abroad in some kind of mission work. But when she and her husband volunteered to the Mennonite Board of Missions soon after their marriage, they Rachel Stoltzfus were assigned to plant an experimental integrated church in Louisiana instead. They were later transferred to Breathitt County, Kentucky, where they opened up their home to foster children and pastored a small Appalachian congregation. When they moved to the Valley, they settled into a modest three-bedroom house near EMU with their two children and befriended and housed scores of international students, something Rachel continued to do alone for over a decade after Robert’s death in 1995. In her final years Rachel went to live with her daughter Debbie and husband Gonzalo in Bethesda, Md., and about six years ago they rented a beach house and took Rachel with them to see the ocean. She marveled at being able to see so much of the horizon and taste the ocean salt water for the first time. Rachel died in May of this year while on a visit here with her son David and wife Twila. On Independence Day members of her family, friends and our house church congregation celebrated her life in a memorial service held in her honor. Notably present were some of the individuals from other parts of the world whom Rachel and Robert had befriended, many of whom expressed their deep gratitude for all she had done for them as their second mom. So while Rachel never got to cross the Atlantic or Pacific, she had the kind of warm heart that welcomed the world into her own home, offering hospitality and room and board to new friends from places like the Congo, Kenya, Palestine, China and elsewhere around the globe. Scores of these individuals have gone on to careers in business, law and the medical field and see their time with ‘Mom Rachel’ as an invaluable part of their journey to success.

Rachel did all this out of sheer love for God and neighbor, without support of a board of directors or a charitable organization, and without any salary or retirement benefits. If everyone lived like this, it would truly save the world. HARVEY YODER is a family counselor and teaches parenting and marriage classes at the Family Life Resource Center. Questions relating to family concerns can be addressed to FLRC, 273 Newman Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22801 or to Harvey@flrc.org. His blog can be followed at harvyoder.blogspot.com.

Fall 2017 • living 21

Create your own science kit by HEATHER LEE LEAP om, do you have a 6-volt battery, two funnels, masking tape and some steel wool I can use?” My daughters often ask questions like this— usually when I’m up to my elbows in dirty dishes. Buying science books to entice them had been easy, but following through was not. For months I had to answer, “I don’t know, and I don’t have time to look for them now.” Chances are you find yourself saying “no” to your kids’ ideas more often than you would like. Relax and say “yes” by creating a custom science box for your family. You can open up a world of exploration by following these easy steps: Select a book of experiments. If your kids are already clamoring to try experiments in a book at home, you are all set to begin your supply list. If not, browse the local library and bookstores for a book at your child’s level they will love. Consider your child’s age and how involved—or not involved—you will be with the experimenting. Our family has had great success with the “Science for Every Kid” series by Janice VanCleave.

“M

Never underestimate what can be unearthed from the depths of the basement or garage. Create a master supply-list. Once you’ve made your choice, sit down with the book and a piece of paper. If you are lucky enough to have chosen a book with a comprehensive list of supplies, turn to that page. Otherwise, start with the first experiment in the book and copy any supplies you do not have or would need to search for to complete the experiment. Do this for each experiment in the book and include any common household items you do not want to sacrifice to the science

Bring Your Herd to Special Events All Year!

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box. Do your kids already walk off with the masking tape? A new roll to keep in the science box can go on your list. Do not include basic items your kids have quick and easy access to. Gather supplies. Invite your partner to check your list. Chances are there are things on the list one of you can locate quicker than the other. Grab a box or bag and fill it with items on your list that are already in your home. Never

A creative idea for helping children get back into school by stocking supplies that will come in handy as they learn and explore the world of science.

underestimate what can be unearthed from the depths of the basement or garage. Next, determine where you can find the remaining items. Physics books in particular may warrant a trip to the hardware store, but search second-hand or dollar stores on your way. Round out your kit with a journal. An unlined spiralbound book will lay flat and be easy to use, with space for

Books of inspiring experiments: “Janice VanCleave’s Big Book of Play and Find Out Science Projects: Easy Activities for Young Children” by Janice VanCleave “Janice VanCleave’s Science for Every Kid Series: 101 Easy Experiments that Really Work” by Janice VanCleave. Titles include astronomy, biology, chemistry and physics. “The Everything Kids’ Science Experiment Book” by Tom Robinson

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22 living • Fall 2017

“The Science Explorer: Family Science Experiments from the World’s Favorite Hands-On-Museum” by P. Murphy; L. Shore; E. Klages and The Exploratorium

PHOTOS PROVIDED

Shenandoah Spotlight Young adults to watch

Lauren Pichon & Kendra Yoder by LAUREE S. PURCELL

ack in the spring of 2016, James Madison University graduate and ESL teacher Lauren Pichon was proctoring a Virginia Studies SOL test at Stone Spring Elementary School when she started writing a children’s book loosely based on the real-life experiences of her third grade Iraqi newcomer students. Lauren hadn’t found many books showing what her students had endured, so she tried in her story to show the struggles refugee children are facing as they flee their home countries, wait in camps for another country to accept them, and then adjust to the new language, culture, customs, and opportunities they find in the new community where they settle. Lauren knew her artist friend Kendra Yoder shared her interest in Harrisonburg’s refugee population, so she invited Kendra to use her skill in watercolor painting to illustrate Lauren’s story. Together, they published “Messages From Maryam” later in 2016. Available at Amazon.com, this heartwarming fictional story is appropriate for upper elementary readers. Lauren and Kendra, both members of Eastside Church in Harrisonburg, had become friends as they met at 7 a.m. each Wednesday morning at Shenandoah Joe to discuss their Bible readings. They also both worked with many immigrant children as they volunteered at a kids club. They built relationships with the children and other volunteers as they led craft activities, taught bible stories, led

drawings and notes. Include this to encourage your junior scientist to make and record observations—and to sneak some writing into her day. Tape or copy your master equipment list into the back of this journal. Use the back page to keep track of supplies as they are used up and you will always be ready to restock. Create your box. Get a sense of how much equipment you have, and don’t forget to put the science book and journal in your pile. Two yard sticks or other awkward items? Those aren’t going to fit reasonably in any container you choose, so store them separately. Once you’ve got a grasp of how much you have, look for a permanent home for your collection. Use any type of container that suits your style and budget. A clear storage box with a lid that snaps on with clasps will keep

Lauren Pichon

Kendra Yoder

games both inside and outside, and enjoyed snacks with them. A graduate of Eastern Mennonite University, Kendra majored in English with minors in writing and art. She is continuing her studies at JMU, and will earn licensure in art education next spring. She hopes to teach art in an elementary school, and would love to illustrate more children’s books and possibly write. For the past two summers, she has helped children explore their creativity with a variety of media at Larkin Arts summer camps. This fall, Lauren will be transitioning from her role as an ESL teacher over to a new position as a second grade teacher. Lauren and Kendra will be signing and selling “Messages from Maryam” at the Virginia Mennonite Relief Sale September 29 and 30. They’ll be reading their book to children and possibly leading children in a craft activity. All profits from their book sales that weekend will be donated to the Mennonite Central Committee Relief Fund to help people in crisis all over the world. LAUREE STROUD PURCELL is an editorial consultant and writer for Living.

Know someone 30 or under to nominate for a future Shenandoah Spotlight? Requirements are: Valley resident or grew up here, outstanding for their job, community, or church work, and the model they provide. Contact us at info@ valleyliving.org. things from spilling and provides a visual reminder of the fun to be had. Finally, place all of your equipment, the science book and journal in your container, snap on the lid and you’re ready to go. The next time your child says, “Hey Mom! Can I do some experiments?” You can say, “Sure! Go get the science box!” Grandparents might want to try having a box like this ready at their house also when grandchildren come to visit, if they think a child might be interested. Or the science kit can be another gift idea! HEATHER LEE LEAP is a writer, yoga teacher and mother of three girls. She works hard at planning ahead to save time for fun. Find her at www.wellnessandwords.com.

Fall 2017 • living 23

Glorious greens: add a zing

to salads, sandwiches, soups and stir-fries

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by ASHLEY TALMADGE ot so long ago, the typical “garden salad” consisted mostly of chopped iceberg lettuce. Now, that same menu item is a veritable medley of mixed greens as colorful as an artist’s palette—arugula, escarole, mizuna, mustard, rainbow chard and perhaps other greens you may not have heard of. The value of adding nutrient-rich greens to our diet has caught the attention of consumers. The happy result? Endless options for salads, sandwiches, soups and stir-fries. Collard greens have joined spinach as a popular quiche add-in, and even kids are cashing in their potato chips for kale chips. But with so many ways to customize a simple salad, what should you focus on at the supermarket?

Eating a variety ensures getting the most nutrient-dense diet possible. Taste and texture. Leafy greens come in a wide assortment of flavors, ranging from bitter to sweet to mild to tangy. Each weekend at his local farmers’ market, James Brock offers produce grown on his small vintage farm. Two of his salad blends are always popular. “Our ‘Sissy’ mix is a combination of twelve milder lettuces, including oak leaf and rhazes,” says Brock. In contrast, some of the spicier lettuces and greens, like arugula and komatsuna, give the “Sassy” mix a kick. Brock says texture is also a consideration. “Some people prefer the smooth, almost velvety butterhead, while others like the crisp crunch of a romaine.” Nutrient know-how. Packed with fiber and a slew of vitamins and minerals, leafy greens can be an integral part of a balanced diet. Registered dietitian Melanie King is

There’s more than one way to get your daily recommended intake of glorious, health-filled veggies.

an instructor in the Nutrition and Food Science program at California State University, Chico. She says, “Greens also contain phytochemicals—compounds made by plants that may have health benefits for us, including protection against chronic conditions like heart disease and cancer.” However, it’s important to note nutritional composition is not the whole story. Bioavailability, the degree to which consumed nutrients may be absorbed and used by the body, varies depending on the food source and how foods are combined in a meal. Take iron, for example. The heme iron found in meat protein is more easily absorbed than

A perfectly mixed-up salad Just as leafy greens vary in color, texture and flavor, they also differ in nutritional composition. A creative mix makes for a healthy dish. Start with a mild lettuce: butterhead, endive, rhazes, green leaf. Add crunch and texture: frisee, romaine, Napa cabbage. Color it up: radicchio, beet greens, arugula, baby red Russian kale. Add peppery tang: arugula, dragon mustard, komatsuna, tatsoi, watercress. Top it off with microgreens – the tender, young baby leaves from a slew of plants – parsley, purslane, sunflowers, collards, snow peas – are all loaded with antioxidants and vitamin C. Flavors range from sweet to nutty to spicy. 24 living • Fall 2017

the nonheme iron found in plant sources. But heme iron improves absorption of nonheme iron when the two are eaten together; Vitamin C also improves bioavailability of the mineral. So adding some chicken or citrus to a spinach salad allows the body to make better use of iron and other nutrients in the leafy green. Value in variety. King cautions against getting too caught up in the details, however. “It’s easy to get overwhelmed by this information,” she says, “Then people give up and stop eating the veggies that are so important.” She emphasizes we benefit most from eating a variety of foods. “Different lettuces and greens will contain different nutrients and at different levels. Eating a variety ensures getting the most nutrient-dense diet possible.” King also encourages us to eat our greens in whatever form is available. “Of course we all love our fresh produce,” she says. “But don’t shy away from frozen, fermented or canned. You’re still getting many of the dietary benefits.” Variety also goes a long way when getting kids onboard. Sometimes it’s all in the presentation. A “gross” green shake can miraculously become a “Green Monster Power Smoothie.” Any of the sturdier leaves like kale, collard and broccoli can be roasted into crunchy chips and jazzed up with a little Parmesan cheese. Try chopping a few leaves to mix with the jelly in a sandwich. Or bake some greens into zucchini muffins or quick, savory bread. Rethinking food scraps. Many edible plant parts are typically discarded in the midst of food preparation. Yet often, these “scraps” are tasty and packed with nutrients. When

trimming kale and collards, save the stalks; finely chopped, they can be sautéed or added to stews with delicious results. Carrot tops and celery leaves make excellent pesto, or add flavor to a stir-fry. Broccoli and cauliflower greens can be used alone or in combination with other more traditional greens.

Smart storage. Lettuces and greens are perishable and can’t be kept too long without wilting and spoiling. Their nutritional value is also highest when they’re fresh. King says the best way to store leafy greens is in an airtight container in the bottom of the fridge. “Try to decrease exposure to light, warm temps and oxygen,” she says. “I always tell people to make good use of that veggie drawer!” Robust greens can easily be chopped and frozen for future use in soups and stews. ASHLEY TALMADGE is a freelance writer and mother of two boys. She is dedicated to preparing meals that are nutritious and fresh, yet as uncomplicated as possible. A medley of sautéed greens has become the go-to side dish of choice in her household.

Greens by the book “Greens 24/7: More Than 100 Quick, Easy, and Delicious Recipes for Eating Leafy Greens and Other Green Vegetables at Every Meal, Every Day” by Jessica Nadel (2015). “Green Kitchen Smoothies: Healthy and Colorful Smoothies for Every Day” by David Frenkiel & Luise Vindahl (2016). “The Power Greens Cookbook: 140 Delicious Superfood Recipes” by Dana Jacobi (2016).

Fall 2017 • living 25

Dear stepdad, you’re important, too by GAYLA GRACE

n the early years of our marriage, I wondered if we would make it to our next anniversary. Blending four children, grappling with our stepparent roles while learning to parent together, combating ex-spouses, and trying to stay afloat with job, church and community obligations seemed impossible. We celebrated 21 years of marriage recently, and I’m thankful we never quit. Stepparenting should be viewed as a marathon, not a sprint, with perseverance as a key ingredient. If a marathoner begins a race with even slight inclination to quit when it gets hard, he won’t finish. When the muscle cramps slow his gait, when the road stretches endlessly, when his breathing labors under the hot sun, he has to decide he won’t give in to the temptation to stop. That choice is daunting.

If you don’t determine ahead of time you will persevere when it gets tough, you will likely turn back.

The privilege of being asked to walk one’s stepdaughter down the aisle may help heal the often rocky stepparenting years.

26 living • Fall 2017

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It’s no different as a stepparent. Without a firm commitment to trudge through the challenges that come your way, you won’t make it. It’s tough. Very few stepfamilies escape what stepfamily expert Ron Deal calls the “wilderness wanderings.” The wanderings will look and feel different in each home, but most stepfamilies will endure days, and possibly years, of hardship and suffering. If you don’t determine ahead of time you will persevere when it gets tough, you will likely turn back. You won’t find the blessings that accompany your journey in the end. Stepfamily statistics confirm that. My husband, Randy, recently experienced the privilege of walking his youngest stepdaughter, Jodi, down the aisle. His face radiated with joy. Tears welled in my eyes as I recounted his years of commitment to my girls. But Randy will be the first to tell you he is an imperfect stepfather. Although his stepdaughters now love him dearly, it hasn’t always been that way. Jodi was almost 3 when we married and my oldest daughter, Jamie, was 5. Randy had a difficult time with Jamie from the beginning. She

didn’t want another dad in her life and she made that clear to him. He overheard a conversation between the two girls one night during our first year of marriage. “I hate him too, I can’t believe Mom married him,” Jamie told Jodi. There was little love, or even like, between Randy and the girls in the beginning. During our second year of marriage, Randy left the house one evening and called from a nearby hotel. “I’m not coming home tonight. I’m not sure I’m coming home again. I can’t cope with the ongoing conflict between me and you and the kids.” It was a tough season. Randy also brought two children to the marriage and attempting to blend our four kids, ages 3-10, while learning how to parent together proved harder than we anticipated. But neither of us wanted to endure another divorce. Randy and I began counseling that year to work through the bumps. Jamie challenged us on every turn during her teenage years. If Randy punished her in the slightest, she threatened to call Child Protective Services. She ran away more times than I can remember (but thankfully never went far). After one particularly difficult day with defiant behavior, Randy took Jamie’s cell phone and threw it to the ground. As it busted into several pieces, Jamie began yelling at us both. The night didn’t

end well. And I wasn’t sure the sun would come up the next day. But it did. And Randy didn’t give up on his stepparenting journey with Jamie. When she came into driving age, Randy wanted to teach her to drive. She tested every ounce of his patience. They would come in from a driving session hardly talking to one another, with Jamie’s anger brewing over. But the next day, they were at it again. During her high school years, Jamie participated in competitive cheerleading. Randy would jokingly say, “Do you call cheerleading a sport?” The ongoing drama with other cheerleaders, out-of-town competitions and the continuous suction on his wallet threw Randy into stress overdrive. His grumpiness overshadowed his joy at times. But he didn’t quit supporting Jamie and the things that made her happy. I’ll never forget what Jamie said to him as she left for college. With a wrap-around hug and a smile on her face she said, “Thank you for being such a great dad to me. I love you!” Jamie travelled to Mozambique, Africa for an eightmonth missionary journey after she graduated from college. She left in early summer, and we knew it would be hard to communicate with her while she was gone. As I suspected, though, she made sure to call on Father’s Day despite the time difference. When Randy answered the phone, I saw tears in his eyes as he listened to Jamie recount life-changing experiences. He knew he had contributed to her stability and maturity that enabled her to now make a difference with others. She closed with the words every stepfather loves to hear, “Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I love you. I miss you.” Do you have to be a perfect stepparent to have a meaningful relationship with your stepchildren? No! Randy’s stepdaughters, now 24, and 27, love their imperfect stepdad. Why? How did that happen? Simply put, Randy never quit. He got up when he fell down. He sought help when he needed answers. He cried. He prayed. He struggled. He fought. He apologized. He forgave. He smiled with gritted teeth. But he never quit. Is it a cycle? Yes. You take one step forward and two steps backward. You celebrate a season of growth and then start a season of despair. You gain the insider status one day and feel like an outcast the next. Does that mean you failed? No!

Stepparenting is tough. Mistakes are made. Misunderstandings happen. And variables outside our control influence stepfamily relationships. But there are new tomorrows. A fresh start to work through differences. Hope for harmony. As a stepdad, you’ve been given an opportunity to influence a child’s life like no one else can. Are you up for the challenge? I hope so. Because my husband will tell you: your efforts count! And there are rewards to stepparenting, even when you’re not perfect ... but oftentimes they’re at the end of the marathon. GAYLA GRACE writes, speaks, and coaches on family and stepfamily issues and holds a master’s degree in psychology and counseling. She and her husband Randy have five children in their blended family, ages 16-31. They live in Bossier City, Louisiana.

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Cake walks, then and now by CAROLE CHRISTMAN KOCH

remember cake walk games from my childhood. We had music and while the children (or adults) walk around a large circle with round chalk-marked circles with different numbers on the blacktop, the circles had to be a few feet apart, and big enough to step inside. When the music stopped, the child standing closest or inside the circle to the secret numbered circle (chosen beforehand), won the cake—or cakes that were donated for prizes. Recently I looked into more history of the simple cake walk of my childhood. Today communities, groups and fire departments use cakes or other baked goods, sweets and trinkets to help raise funds for an organization or a community. Some groups sell tickets to those who wish to participate in a cake walk. Young and old join in. The cake walk many know and enjoy has its origin in a southern plantation dance, developed by African American slaves in the late 19th century.

Today, communities, groups and fire departments use cakes or other baked goods, sweets and trinkets to help raise funds for an organization or a community. Generally, this dancing was done on Sundays, when there wasn’t as much work to be done. Young and old participated, dressed up in hand-me-down dress, mimicking what they had often seen in the ballroom dances of their owners. They would walk around the plantation grounds, high-kicking, strutting, bowing, with a backward head tilt, to music supplied by a banjo, drum, or horn. The owners of the plantation invited their neighbors to

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28 living • Fall 2017

You might be surprised to find what this author’s research revealed on how the popular “cake walk” games originated.

watch these dances, and held contests as to who was the best dancer. The owners originally gave prizes called a hoe cake, wrapped in cabbage leaf. Eventually, the “prize walk” became an elaborately decorated cake, where the expressions “take the cake,” or “cake walk,” or “piece of cake” (meaning the steps were done with ease and grace), came from. This cake walk dance became popular. In 1876, at the Centennial Expo in Philadelphia, one of the exhibits featured blacks singing folk songs and doing the cake walk as a dance. After the Expo, the cake walk dance became popular in minstrel shows which were quite racist in that they were mainly performed by white men, who painted their faces black. Eventually, it was performed by both blacks and whites. An African-American team, George Walker and Bert Williams, were well known performers of the Cake Walk Dance. People loved the Cake Walk Dance. By 1892, a Grand Cake Walk was held in Madison Square Garden, and in 1897, a National Championship was held. Coney Island held Cake Walk dance contests. This high-stepping strut was adopted by marching bands and became popular in Europe, thanks to John Phillip Sousa, who took his marches and cake walks there. By the 1920s , the Cake Walk Dance died to other dances, like the Charleston. Yet, it didn’t truly die as we see people gathered around booths for cake prizes at county fairs or fire department or Ruritan lawn parties—all summer long and lingering into the shortening days of fall. CAROLE CHRISTMAN KOCH is a freelance writer from Pennsylvania.

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For the sake of love by BRIANNE TURCZYNSKI

ometimes, when she was very angry, she struggled to say I love you to her children. Sometimes she was just so mad the words came out stifled and forced. She felt unforgiving. They had done something terrible. But she must say “I love you” to reassure them because she did love them. She loved them so much when they did something stupid she would tell them: “You’ve crossed the street without looking: that was really stupid.” “You’ve tickled your sister while she had food in her mouth: that was really stupid.” She heard it was bad to say stupid to children. She disagreed. She would never call her child stupid. But their actions? Surely, they could be labeled. How else will her children learn? How else could she assure herself they would never make that mistake again? Spank them? Her mother would approve of that solution, but instead she relied on the word stupid. Anything they did that might possibly result in injury or death had to be shamed—labeled as stupidity or else they’d be liable to do it again. No child ever forgets the searing red hot poker of shame. Her children would grow up strong, she hoped.

You’ve crossed the street without looking: that was really stupid. But what made her get so angry if they made a mistake? Was it her fear of failure? Had her mother practiced the same mantra with the wooden spoon and the palm of her hand? It was her fear, yes—her fear of her children’s demise, of course. But it was also her pride. “You know better than that,” she’d say. Unspoken, she would ask herself, “I taught you to know better. Didn’t I?” It was the question mark, which plagued her. She fumed, mad at herself for not knowing the answer but also because

Love carries us through a multitude of bad days, stupid actions, and hurt feelings.

she raised children that had to be told twice. Surely, down the road she made a mistake—was too lackadaisical, if not complacent. She must try harder, be better, love more. Right? Surely, her mother did a better job—and she knew it too. Always the smirk or the excuse for the child or the “In my day ... !” But she knew what her mother was doing. The point wasn’t subtle and it was solidified with one tossing glance. It was the guilt, the pride and the fear—they mixed and mingled. But there was one element, one element that tied them all together to create motherhood. One element that made it into something worthwhile, something positive, something worth suffering through. It was the element of love. She would lay in bed with them at night. Their breath slowing to a graceful steady beat of purity and light. She would lay next to them and cry. Cry about the passing of time, cry over the fear of losing them. Whether by death, a bad marriage, location or by adulthood—surely, she would lose them. But she must let it go, she must let them go, because she loved them. And with her tears, she did. “I love you,” she would whisper to their sleeping ears. Then with slothlike movements, she would peel herself away and fall into a peaceful, yet agitated sleep in her own bed. The next day she would get up and do it all again for the sake of that one little word: love. BRIANNE TURCZYNSKI is a novelist and master gardener from the Detroit, Mich., area.

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Everything you need to know to get rid of unwanted stuff by KIMBERLY BLAKER

©ADOBE STOCK

re your garage, basement and closets overflowing with heaps of stuff you’ve been saving “just in case?” If so, it may be time to put those languishing piles to good use—in someone else’s home. Rummage or yard sales are a great way to clean out you house, recycle and make some extra cash. Follow these suggestions for a successful sale and a clutter free home. The storefront. A garage is usually the best place to hold a sale as it offers shelter from the sun or rain and requires little daily set up and tear down. If you don’t have a garage or it is hard to get to, hidden from view, or contains valuables that can’t easily be moved, use a covered porch or patio or your yard. Keep plenty of tarps available to protect your goods from rain and to cover them at the end of the day. All in the timing. Plan your sale for when temperatures are between 60 to 90 degrees outdoors. Typically, the best days

to hold sales are Fridays and Saturdays. Mornings bring the greatest flow of shoppers, and the earlier the better. If you open by 7:30 or 8 a.m., rummagers will flock. Displaying your wares. Don’t heap your merchandise on tables or leave it in boxes to be ransacked. While some don’t mind digging through messy stacks, most people won’t bother. Hang as much clothing as possible. Use a laundry pole or portable closet, or install two support brackets and a closet rod. You can also support a ladder between two stepladders. If you only have a few clothing items, a clothesline will do. Plenty of table space is a must. Borrow folding tables, and if you run out, make your own table by resting a sheet of plywood over sawhorses, or prop spare planks of wood between chairs. Keep all but big items off the floor for better visibility. Neatly fold and stack clothing that can’t be hung on tables, and label stacks according to size. Organize good toys and complete sets where parents and grandparents will easily spot them. Set up a ‘guys’ table with hand tools, gadgets, electronics and home repair items. Place small articles such as jewelry in divider containers or egg cartons so they are easy to view.

Avoid the temptation to overprice, or you’ll wind up packing up as much as you started with. One exception to the disorderly rule is small toys. Stick all these little goodies in boxes on the ground where young children can dig for treasures to take home. Label boxes according to the price per item or allow children to choose one as a prize. Make sure batteries and electricity is available to show items are in working condition. Next-to-new sells. Appearance plays a big role in the sale of used goods and how much money they can bring in. Wash and dry all clothing and linens, then fold or hang immediately to prevent wrinkles. Wash dust, dirt and grime from toys, tools and household items. Repair broken merchandise when feasible. Priced to sell. Don’t overprice, or you’ll wind up packing up nearly as much as you started with. For big items, look through classified ads for typical resale prices. Some top quality items in like-new condition can bring 25 to 35 percent of the replacement cost. Occasionally, tools, equipment and other items in small supply can be priced higher and sell for 50 to 60 percent of replacement cost, depending on age and condition. Most used merchandise will bring five to 10 percent of replacement cost at best. Advertising. Newspaper classified ads or Craigslist usually bring the best results unless you live on a main street or a heavily traveled highway. Include your address and main cross

Consider your options for helping clear your house of clutter and valuable “junque”!

30 living • Fall 2017

streets, dates and time of your sale, and what you’ll be selling. List big items individually as well as the categories of items you’ll sell such as “tools” or “toddler clothing.” Also post fliers on grocery store or laundromat bulletin boards, and if there are no regulations against doing so, post signs on nearby corners. Don’t forget a bright sign in front of your house and balloons tied to your mailbox or a tree. Tips for success • The bigger the sale, the more traffic you’ll get. Go in with family, friends and neighbors to hold one big sale rather than several small ones. • Hold a street or subdivision wide sale. This will draw people from surrounding areas. • Move big items such as furniture or appliances into the driveway to attract passersby. Finally, if all of this isn’t for you, consider just donating your “we-no-longer-need-this- pile” of decent clothing and housewares to your favorite local organization that accepts such donations. Sometimes you can get a tax deduction for this type of charitable donation. KIMBERLY BLAKER, of Michigan, is a realtor, author and freelance writer. Her articles have appeared in more than 200 papers.

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Fall 2017 • living 31

Better than badmouthing: how to debrief difficult co-parenting situations by SARAH COLVIN

“O

h, that’s so wrong!” This had become my 8-year-old daughter’s phrase of the month. The situations eliciting that response varied from the accurate to the absurd, and occurred so frequently I began to wonder if she really knew what “so wrong” looked like. A recent experience showed me why. One evening her father dropped by unannounced and briskly attempted to pull her from the porch for a walk. She was without shoes or coat in winter and, after being blocked from this outing, he pretended to hand over a bag, but upon my reaching my hand out for the bag, he dropped it on my feet. Proudly, he sneered and returned to his truck, leaving to return another day.

My daughter simply felt we were both nuts.

©ADOBE STOCK

Is it possible to survive these moments without the situation devolving into a shouting match, breaking down into manic tears, or badmouthing the other parent in front of your children? Yes. There will be those who read this and think, “Goodness, my ex would never do that!” and others for whom the initial reaction will be “Oh, sadly that’s nothing.” Depending on the severity of the problems, finding confidence in your ability to cope with a difficult co-parent may take months or years of practice. Regardless of where you

fall on the spectrum, the trauma you go through is real, and the following skills aim to get you to a place of peace sooner. Disengage from bad behavior. In the past, when confronted about something I found to be baseless or insulting, I would defend myself. This typically took the form of arguing, which I am not proud of, but I could not stand the thought of my daughter hearing such words and believing them to be true. I believed I had to fight. Eventually, one day after openly battling over flawed logic, I apologized to my daughter for what she witnessed. Her takeaway: “You two sure do fight a lot.” I’d genuinely believed defending myself was a way to prove to her I wasn’t a pushover, or that any of the insults hurled my way were true. Instead, she simply thought we were both nuts. Understand your obligations. Some days it feels as though you are constantly preparing for battle. It took me a long time to realize I didn’t need to explain myself every time I was confronted, and I didn’t need to suffer crushing anxiety every time the phone displayed his incoming calls. “Sometimes those who experience domestic violence feel safer when they respond, even if it’s not safe,” says Candy Phillips, executive director at First Step, in Harrisonburg. Fear (of not knowing what the other person is planning, where they are, what they might do in retaliation after being ignored) drives many divorced parents to continue allowing the intrusion into our daily lives. Candy recommends any person in this situation work with an advocate to help create those legal boundaries when it becomes necessary. “What’s important is your life and your kid’s life,” she points out. That is all. The material and financial items can always be figured out and assistance is available in most communities. First Step is one of many places that provide 24/7 crisis intervention services as well as shelter, support and legal advocacy to women and men experiencing domestic violence in its many forms. Allow yourself the peace of knowing the only individuals Walking with your children through the difficulties of divorce and co-parenting can require tapping imagination, outside resources and understanding love.

32 living • Fall 2017

you are obligated to are yourself and your children. Talk about it. We have likely all heard the adage that badmouthing our child’s other parent is unacceptable, and that standard should not change. The problem is an alternative is rarely provided, leaving many people feeling their circumstances need to be accepted and they must “play nice” even when they are being degraded or humiliated in front of their children. Unfortunately, civil co-parenting is not possible for everyone and certain circumstances warrant, not badmouthing, but appropriate debriefing, such as in the following example. In the past I would avoid these conversations out of fear of badmouthing, or I would be overly apologetic for discussing what happened. But this time I did have that conversation with my 8-year old, confidently and without apology, and it was disheartening to realize she did not see his behavior as being “so wrong.” After all, she is thoughtful and well mannered— mustn’t this jar her sense of right and wrong? No. She basically had written us both off as two people who fight a lot and any bad behavior on either part was par for the course. After providing alternate scenarios where this interaction occurs (at a restaurant, the waiter pretends to hand you your spaghetti, but drops the plate onto the table; your banker thrusts the money through the bill slot, dollars spilling onto the floor), she was able to validate for herself this is not an appropriate way to treat others. A “badmouthing-free” discussion about life experiences helps your child to critically analyze interpersonal situations. Also, this may prevent them from seeing bad behavior as the norm and help them to recognize inappropriate or disrespectful relationships in their future. Take the high road … without losing your ground. Know that taking the high road does not mean pretending everything is fine. With the exception of professional or larger (than your circle of close friends) scale social environments, it is rarely beneficial to act as if nothing is wrong when it clearly is. Your kids will know something is off, and if open communication is your goal—it is worth considering having those lines open in both directions. Develop healthy relationships and friendships. A friend recently shared her father’s wise quote from childhood that stuck with her into adulthood: “The five people you spend the most time with determine who you will become.” If you have been through an abusive relationship and have removed yourself from it, congratulations: this is one of the hardest obstacles to overcome in life. However, when you look around at the other people who remain in your and your child’s lives, are you confident these

people emulate the qualities you want to have—or you wish for your kids to have when they grow up? Severing ties is never easy, but if the answer to the previous question was no, it may be time to explore new hobbies or career options, and seek to surround yourself with the types of people who offer the friendships and relationships that reflect your ideal state. The other thing any married couple can get from this example is to remember most marriages are far from perfect, even when couples choose to stay together. Marriage is full of highs and lows, and the years with small children can be especially challenging. So the willingness to not badmouth your spouse even if angry is good advice that applies to many married couples as well as divorced parents. Remember this: Your life, your children’s lives and the gifts you offer to the world are immeasurably valuable. No matter how it feels at times, no one can actually minimize that. SARAH COLVIN is a freelance writer, happily remarried wife and mother, and registered nurse from Upstate New York who focuses on family and population health issues.

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Fall 2017 • living 33

Congratulations… Bergton Woody Brown Dorothy Fitzwater Dana Hartman Geraldine Hartman Sue Ann Hensley Johnny Hottinger Judy Hottinger Emma Wittig

to those who successfully completed the word search from the summer issue of Living.

Bridgewater Opal Alt Hensel Armentrout Lois Auville Nancy Dagen Sam Dagen Carolyn Freeman Christina Moyers Brenda Patterson Clooney Rodeffer Glen Thomas June White Brightwood Virginia Coppedge Broadway Martha Brady Helen Brunk Carolyn Cubbage Robert & Nancy Hinkle Juanita Lantz Eldon & Bettie Layman Dottie Miller Aileen Pettit Darlene Runion Sammy Runion Savilla Shipe Eleanor Showman Kim, Paisley, Rilee & Sierra Showman Evelyn Shultz Churchville Ethel Ernst Criders Bernice Keplinger Doug Propst Sheila Reedy Doc Ritchie Dayton Debbie Billhimer Preston & Sheldon Burkholder Christine Hill Harriet Kemp

Judith Kile Brenda Miller Sue Ringgold Ferne Wenger

Edinburg Sandra Sergent Carol Shaffer Donna Shafer Elkton Elizabeth Bailey Leon Bailey Linda Cooper Brenda Dean Wayne Dean Julie Dearing JoAnn Foltz Alison Galvanek Norawood Good Linda Gooden Martha Gooden Maxine Hines Vivian Hitt Shelia Johnson Joyce Lam Pam Lilly Buddy Merica Loretta Miller Joyce Sheets Yvonne Tincher Idelma Winegard Fulks Run Anna Dove Hope Ritchie Grottoes Kenny Berry Marie Marston Angel Moore Harrisonburg Richard & Patricia Armstrong April Ausbrooks Dolores Barnett Norma Bowman Shirley Brooks Ruth Burkholder Hirut Dadebo Clarence Davis Wilma Davis Jeanie Diehl Geraldine Eaton Michael Goff Barbara Goins Jackie Golladay Lorraine Good Dorothy Goshey

Linda Hamilton Vera Hansen Merlin Harman Mildred Hensley Don Hunsberger Wilhelmina Johnson Lowell Kauffman Naomi Kniss Paul Kniss W. H. McConnell Susanna McMurray Delores Merrick Beverly Miller Sara Grace Miller Dena Moyers Erma Mummau Jerry Painter Iona Pennington Pat Raynes Frances Ritchie Lydia Shafer Naomi Shafer Juanelle Simmons Alice Souder Winton Stearn Cindy Suter Paul & Bertha Swarr Florine Taylor Larry Thomas Betty Troyer Herb Warble Aldeen Grace Wenger Scott Whetzel Billy Wright Shirley Young Hinton Vada Brooks Marion Thompson Patsy Thompson Keezletown Arlene Kirby Lewis Omps Lacey Spring Sarah Miller Linville Sherrie Carr Lola Dove Sheila Fitzwater Minnie Kline Helen Minnick Donnie Taylor Anita Whetzel Luray Alma Dyer

Carol Griffin Jean Kite

Maurertown Cookie Burgess McGaheysville Walter Gerner Beatrice Horst Mt. Crawford Charlotte Campbell Nancy Diehl Mattie Hopkins Mt. Jackson Anna Andrick Gary Golladay Virginia Golladay Carol Lutz Velda Siever Mt. Solon Carolyn Fifer Dewitt Hosaflook Edna Hosaflook Vance & Pauline Knott Thelma Michael Elizabeth Selkirk Austine Roudabush Patricia Wichael Edna Wine Betty Young New Market Rachel Derrow Brenda Driver Jackie Emerick E. J. Laughlin Shirley Laughlin Ina Richards Irene Strickler Penn Laird Geri Black Edwina DuBose Lana Hartman Burton Propst Quicksburg Virginia Coffman Peggy Neff Richmond Patti Banton Rileyville Catherine Mishler

Rockingham Eleanor Armentrout Janet Barnes Loretta Blank Jonas Borntrager Lois Burkholder Nancy Callahan Anna Cline Pamela Hensley Doris Jacobs Glen Layman Bill Liskey Judy Liskey Dessil May Randy May Teresa May Brenda Rhodes Linda Ritchie Catherine Showalter William Stoner Nancy Stultz Jim Sumption Phyllis Vandevander William Wright

Shenandoah Mertie Blakemore Rebecca Comer Trudy Comer Catherine Good Mikey Good Shelby Hartman Janice Jones Carolyn Lamb Mary Frances Nichols Annie Olaker Annie Pierce Singers Glen Betty Demastus Lucy Helmick Frank Mundy Linda Mundy Stanley Arletta Painter Staunton Helen Bartenslager Timberville Kay Coffman Ruth Coffman Chastity Ann Collins Pricilla Pence C.J. Ritchie Patsy Ryman Faye Siever Kathryn Smith

Waynesboro Peter Grimm Weyers Cave Lucretia Carter Patricia Early Dorothy Ann Keener Paul Luther Law Woodstock Cindy Copp Diana Crider Carolyn Derflinger Phenix City, AL Dick Hottinger Senoia, GA Mary Soisson Mount Airy, NC Linda Jackson Gaston, SC Judy Carper Richard Dean Antioch, TN Lisa Meyer Baker, WV Janet Dove Bartow, WV Julia & Jason Bauserman Delray, WV Shirley Heishman Franklin, WV Betty Smith Martinsburg, WV Edith Mills Mathias, WV Amber Blair Merlin Delawder Patsy Delawder Jane Robinson Sugar Grove, WV Naomi Mitchell Paula Mitchell Upper Tract, WV Karen Kimble

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©ADOBE STOCK

Classic television shows Classic Television Shows of the Fifties and Sixties of the ’50s and ’60s by Jeanette Baer Showalter

by JEANETTE BAER SHOWALTER By the late 1940s television broadcast stations were sending out signals to millions of Americans and the 1950s ushered in a new era of entertainment. Many of the shows that began in the ’50s and ’60s are still enjoyed by people around the world today thanks to re-runs and syndication and online. Below are just a few of the most-watched shows of those decades. How many do you remember? You can find these classics in the puzzle below forward, backward, horizontally, vertically and diagonally. Please note punctuation marks have been removed from the words on the puzzle. B

Mail your completed puzzle and your name will be published in the next issue of Living. _________________________________________________ name/please print

_________________________________________________ address

What stories did you find most interesting in this issue?

1. ______________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________

_________________________________________________ city

ADDAMS FAMILY AMERICAN BANDSTAND ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW BATMAN BEVERLY HILLBILLIES BONANZA DICK VAN DYKE SHOW DRAGNET FLIPPER FURY GIDGET GILLIGAN’S ISLAND GOMER PYLE, U.S.M.C. HAZEL HONEYMOONERS HOWDY DOODY SHOW I LOVE LUCY I SPY JETSONS LASSIE LONE RANGER LOST IN SPACE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE MISTER ED MONKEES MUNSTERS PERRY MASON STAR TREK TWILIGHT ZONE WHAT’S MY LINE? YOU BET YOUR LIFE

state

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Print off additional copies of this puzzle at valleyliving.org. Mail by October 25, 2017, to Living, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22802.

Fall 2017 • living 35

Help your children grow up to make the world a better place!

Give them the opportunity to go to a Christian school. They’ll get the tools they need to become educated, contributing citizens, PLUS learn how to love, help and serve others.

A message from Valley Living and these schools and special sponsors. Blue Ridge Christian School

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