Valley Living Spring 2017

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Spring 2017

An older gentleman and his granddaughter: stories of survival

Sit.Stay.Heal.

Shenandoah Spotlight on Maria Martinez How to help kids, tweens & teens safely navigate social media

www.valleyliving.org

If you always do What you’ve always done, You’ll always be Where you’ve always been...

THE 25th YEAR

JUNE 11-18, 2017

97 Railside Drive, Weyers Cave, VA 24486 (540) 234-9246 or Toll Free @ 1-866-224-9246

Sales Representative Needed Do you like to build relationships?

Do you value setting your own schedule?

In addition to flexibility, we offer an opportunity where the better you are at your job, the more you will get paid.

Media for Living, publisher of Valley Living magazine, seeks to hire a part-time sales representative. As part of the sales team, you will sell print and online advertising and be responsible for developing advertising leads. Must be self-motivated with a desire to meet or exceed sales goals. Experience in publishing and sales a plus.

Flexible part-time schedule – set your own hours. For more information, visit valleyliving.org.

Submit cover letter and resume to info@valleyliving.org.

Media for Living

1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22802 (540) 433-5351 • info@valleyliving.org www.valleyliving.org 2 living • Spring 2017

Contents 4 Editorial 5 Community Connections 6 An older gentleman and his granddaughter: stories of survival

10 Sit. Stay. Heal.

12 Out of sight, out of mind 14 Self-care includes saying “no” to clutter 15

Amicable divorces?

16

Keeping memories

24

17 White Bean Soup with Kale 18 No longer a stranger 19 Shenandoah Spotlight on Maria Martinez 20 Some days are like that 22 When parenting roles reverse the art of caregiving

10

24 At-home breaks for mom 26 How to help kids, tweens and teens safely navigate social media 28 Fortify your child against osteoporosis 30 It’s all in the way you say it: 10 creative ways to divert a preschooler 32

I came this close to doing a color run

35

Word Search

12

In Every Issue

Community Connections pg. 5

Money Matters pg. 12

Family Forum pg. 15

Cooking Corner pg. 17

Shenandoah Spotlight pg. 19

Living can be found at these locations, and more, throughout the Valley: Harrisonburg DQ Grill & Chill, Carlton St. DQ Grill Harmony Square Friendly City Food Coop Gift and Thrift Golden Corral Hardesty Higgins Harrisonburg Farmer’s Market Kate’s Natural Products Massanutten Regional Library Mercy House

Mr. J’s Harmony Square Red Front Supermarket Sentara RMH Clinic Sentara RMH Medical Center Rt. 11 North Exxon Salvation Army Store Sharp Shopper Shenandoah Heritage Farmers Market Styles Unlimited

Bridgewater/Dayton Dayton Farmer’s Market Bridgewater Foods Supermarket Broadway/Timberville Broadway Supermarket Crider’s Store Mac’s Superette Turner Ham

Elkton/Shenandoah Countryside Market/Exxon 340 Market & Deli/Liberty Elkton Grocery Mamma Mia Restaurant Linville Mac’s Market Luray Shoppers Value Foods

Mt. Crawford Joy Foodmart Exxon

Penn Laird 7-Eleven On The Run

Mt. Solon/Augusta Co. Zach’s Country Store North River Country Store

Singer’s Glen Grandle’s Glenview Market

New Market 7-Eleven

Weyers Cave Weyers Cave Super Save

Cover photo: Ivrin Weaver with his granddaughter Kate Weaver. ©PINWHEEL COLLECTIVE

Spring 2017 • living 3

Interconnected

Have patience with your progress

by STEPHANIE HERTZENBERG How many of us have already “failed” at our New Year’s resolutions? Did you promise to lose weight, but binged on the box of Krispy Kremes in the break room? Did you decide to save money, only to go buy a new smartphone? Or are you like me, and were determined to get your house cleaned up, only to realize that clutter in the corner has simply been relocated to the closet floor?

If you’re one of us that has already “failed,” you are in good company.

According to a recent study by the Statistic Brain Research Institute, less than 10 percent of people feel they managed to achieve their New Year’s Resolution.

In fact, many of us make the same resolution every year, only for “failing” to become a tradition in its own right.

Notice the quotes around the word failed.

The reality is, having those donuts doesn’t mean you have no hope of losing weight this year and failing to really clean up that mess doesn’t mean you are going to spend 2017 hopelessly unorganized. It means you need to be patient.

The top three New Year’s resolutions for 2017 are: lose weight or eat healthier, self-improvement and better financial decisions. All of these are commendable changes, but they are also big changes that won’t happen overnight. Instead, you have to be patient with your progress. You won’t be a gym guru by the end of February and you won’t have defeated your social anxiety in six weeks. It takes months to form a habit, and you are going to “fail.” When you do, to borrow my mom’s favorite phrase, give yourself some grace. Accept you had a bad day or made a mistake. Then move on.

If you ate too many donuts, use that mistake as motivation to make sure you get to the gym tomorrow. If you bought that smartphone, stay in on Friday night instead of going to a movie. Adjust where you can, forgive yourself and try again tomorrow.

Part of the best way to do that is to focus on making progress, instead of worrying about doing it perfectly. No one turns their life around overnight. Don’t let one mistake, one stumbling block, take you out of the race entirely. More than 40 percent of people give up on their New Year’s resolutions in the first month. Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t decide because you weren’t perfect, you shouldn’t even bother to keep trying.

In fact, most of life’s problems simply can’t be handled perfectly. They also can’t be handled without patience.

As our population ages, many people are dealing with aging parents and know patience is key to dealing with the sudden role reversal. Others are facing the challenges new parenthood or young children bring and must rely on their patience to get through the inevitable, and creative, adventures each day brings.

Still others are facing the trials that come with PTSD and mental trauma, and must attempt to be patient as they face the long struggle ahead. No one can expect to be perfect when faced with the hardships life can bring. Instead, we must focus on the progress we have made when we seem to falter and “fail.”

Cartoonist Stephen McCranie once said “the master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.” Don’t abandon your determination to make a positive change in your life just because you “failed” on the first try. Focus on the fact you never used to go to the gym and now you go twice a week. Remember you are buying bargain brands instead of brand names and how much money that has saved you. Be proud of your progress. Be patient with yourself. Leave perfection in the past.

STEPHANIE HERTZENBERG, a year-long intern with Valley Living, served as editor for this issue of the magazine. She also works part-time for the Shine children’s Sunday school curriculum and interns at WMRA.

4 living • Spring 2017

Volume 26 No. 1

Valley Living inspires hope, encourages faith and builds positive relationships in the home, workplace and community.

Media for Living, Publisher Melodie Davis, Editor Ivette Churney, Sales Representative Peter Churney, Sales Representative Mary Jo Veurink, Layout & Design Lindsey Shantz, Production & Finance Manager

Advertising

To reserve space in future editions (540) 433-5351 or info@valleyliving.org To make a donation, please send checks payable to Valley Living or give online at www.valleyliving.org.

Media for Living Board of Directors Trisha M. Blosser, president Tracey Veney, vice president David Rohrer, secretary Kevin Yoder, CPA, Treasurer Jonas Borntrager LaDawn Knicely Beth Driver Angela Rempel Art Borden Michael Evans Amanda Miller Garber Aldine Musser

Opinions expressed in Valley Living are not necessarily those of Media for Living.

Published cooperatively with Media for Living, a non-profit corporation, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22802 (540) 433-5351 • info@valleyliving.org www.valleyliving.org Printed in the USA by Engle Printing, Mount Joy, Pa. © 2017 by Media for Living

Community Connections Letters, local events, news Letters from readers

her husband Erwin’s experiences in mission in various countries and areas of the U.S. Now retired, the Rempels make their home in Harrisonburg to be near children and grandchildren. Stanley Green, executive director of Mennonite Mission Network says of the book, “It is a story filled with pathos, passion, and the pursuit of their desire to be agents of healing and hope in the world.”

The book is $19.99 with free shipping available from Angela Rempel, 2203 Lake Terrace Drive, Harrisonburg, VA 22802 or contact by email at rempel.story@gmail.com

father of five, grandfather of 13, and great grandfather of seven.

Michael Evans is a Best ever, cover to cover graduate of the College The Winter 2016 issue was one of the of William and Mary best, ever, from cover to cover. It was and holds an MFA in hard to pick the most interesting stories. creative writing from –Carolyn Freeman, Bridgewater the University of Iowa.

In 2014, he joined the Knows family featured staff of Massanutten Regional Library, The story, ‘Bridgewater family where he is currently the Director of cultivates creative authors’ was Advancement. He lives in Harrisonburg wonderful. I know the Trissels and I with his wife, Amy. know Dennis’ family. They are great Aldine Musser people. Knowing them made the story currently serves as a so much more wonderful. I will have to district minister for get some of Beth’s books. I love to read Virginia Mennonite books by local people. All the stories Valley Living adds five new Conference. She and her were good as usual. I really love Living. board members in recent husband, Jim, recently I look forward to each issue. retired from a pastorate months –Lucy Helmick, Singers Glen at Stephens City Mennonite Church Art Borden is retired where Aldine also taught part-time at a and has lived at Virginia Christian school. The Mussers lived in Mennonite Retirement 13th annual Kids’ Vermont many years where they raised Community for 17 their children.

Fishing Day years. He has lived The Reverend Amanda A free fishing event with lunch, door in Venezuela, Costa Miller Garber hails from prizes and snacks especially for children Rica and Guatemala, the Roanoke Valley of ages 15 years and under will be and worked for the American Bible Virginia. Amanda and at Silver Lake in Dayton on Society for 30 years. He is the her husband Jack Saturday April 8 from 9 have two children, a.m.-2 p.m. It is sponsored Abigail and

by Rockingham County Robert. Six years ago, Amanda Parks and Recreation and and a group of ambitious young the Virginia Department adults planted a church in of Game and Inland Harrisonburg, Va. called RISE. Fisheries. Donations from Kevin Yoder local businesses and individuals has been a selfprovide lunch and prizes. No “Home alone?” tops 225 reader votes employed CPA registration is required for this Nancy Hoag’s real life story of “Home alone?” since 1994, when event. about a grandchild who announced she didn’t want he left his Vice to go with Grandma to church, got the most nods President of (82) in the 2016 winter issue of Valley Living’s Memoir by Valley Finance job at Word Search “Favorite Article” survey responses.

Living board member VMRC to care for three young In all, 221 readers returned completed puzzles sons.

He has been a board and the other top four articles were: “Travel weary published member for several non-profits couple seeks refuge,”—55; “The real Nativity Angela Rempel, a board member and enjoys spending time with scene,”—50; “The birth of my sixth child,”—49; for Valley Living since early 2016, family, running, and working on and “Get a hobby,”—43. You can read all past has written an autobiography, old BMWs. Kevin will serve as articles and print and complete the most recent “Unexpected Invitations: Surprises, treasurer for the board. word search at valleyliving.org. adventures, and opportunities in Mennonite ministry” of her and

Word Search Notes

Responses from readers

Spring 2017 • living 5

An older gentleman and his granddaughter: stories of survival

by LAUREE STROUD PURCELL

I

n the fall of 2014, while running in the annual 5K race at the Virginia Mennonite Relief Sale (Rockingham County Fairgrounds), Irvin Weaver of rural Linville, Va., had a heart attack. The doctors said he died for 18 minutes.

He was nearing the finish line when two small blood clots caused a big problem.

Luckily, he was running near two nursing students from Eastern Mennonite University who had just taken a CPR course the week before. A doctor and ambulance were nearby, but Irvin describes the trauma as “a beautiful experience.”

©PINWHEEL COLLECTIVE

6 living • Spring 2017

“I have no memory of falling down, but I had a sense that I was waiting to see somebody—waiting to be ushered into heaven,” he says now. “There was a bright appearance and the feeling was so great. I was waiting for something better—kind of expecting to see Jesus. I had no fear, just a beautiful peace free from worry.”

But Irvin says he heard people calling him back to the present. “As they transferred my body out of the ambulance and into intensive care, I heard them asking me my name. It was an abrupt interruption, but I was kind of glad to come back,” he admits.

Irvin has been very strong ever since, walks a couple of miles every day, and golfs two to three times each week.

Irving also maintains the lawns, hedges, garden and trees around his home. He has always been active and ran about 100 miles a month for quite a few years—he ran three to four times a week. He competed in 10K races from his 30s to his 70s and has been careful with his diet. “I have always kept large gardens so I’m used to eating lots of fresh vegetables and not a lot of sweets and candies,” Irvin explained. He’s thankful for his second lease on life.

This past fall, Irvin and his 12-year-old granddaughter Kate Weaver decided to do something together to celebrate their opportunity to be healthy and strong. Ten years ago when Kate was just 2, she had a fight for her own life. So grandfather and granddaughter registered to walk in the same 5K Relief Sale race that almost took Irvin’s life two years ago.

snuggled under warm blankets, was given a flavored breathing mask, and got to wear movie glasses as she was rolled to the x-ray room.

Kate is now a seventh grader at J. Frank Hillyard Middle School in Broadway. Besides playing the clarinet in band and taking gymnastics lessons, Kate enjoys speaking to hundreds of people at church, school, and various Relay for Life events to help listeners feel better about themselves and inspire them to help find a cure for cancer.

Since Irvin and her grandmother, Katherine (Kitty) Weaver live right behind Kate, she often drops by to say hello and visit with them. Irvin explains, “Kate comes over a couple times Continued on page 8.

Through Kate’s Illness

by Dean Weaver, Kate’s father It was an awful, remarkable time.

It’s like a fog; hazy looking back, hazy looking forward; A person tends to look more at what’s through the fog, just out of focus, trying to determine what it is.

I looked intently searching for healing but could not find that form through the mist.

What I found, or rather discovered, was that I had faith and with faith, hope.

“I wanted to hang out with my grandpa to just walk and stay with him because of the last time when he had a heart attack in that race.”

Hope was my salvation and without a beacon of faith I would not have found it.

It was not somewhere just out of focus but within.

I found hope and with it healing, it was all around me.

It was an awful, remarkable time.

It’s like a fog; hazy looking back, hazy looking forward, clear within.

PHOTO PROVIDED

“I don’t like to run, but I will walk with people so I can talk with them,” said Kate. “I wanted to hang out with my grandpa to just walk and stay with him because of the last time when he had a heart attack in that race.”

“We left at 5 a.m. that morning because the race started at 7,” said 87-year old Irvin. “We had some coffee and a donut, and then we started out and had a nice brisk walk. Then Kate got excited, and we ran a little bit. She danced around and had a good time. I used to run a lot when I was younger, so it was fun.”

One of Kate’s favorite pastimes is dancing and singing with her friends Nora, Leena and Madelaine. Her sisters Sophie and Chloe and brother Luke also mean the world to her. Kate’s parents are Andrea and Dean Weaver.

Although Kate is perfectly healthy now, Andrea and Dean helped her through her own scary time when she had a cancerous brain tumor and underwent two surgeries at the UVA Neuro-Oncology Center in Charlottesville. Then she received chemotherapy at Children’s National Medical Center in Washington, D.C. Kate said the doctors there are “awesome,” and she has happy memories of her monthly visits back to where she changed into hospital clothes, fuzzy socks,

Kate Weaver at the age of 2 underwent treatment for a brain tumor.

Spring 2017 • living 7

Continued from page 7.

©PINWHEEL COLLECTIVE

Today Kate enjoys gymnastics, chatting with grandparents, band, friends and sharing her story with others at Relay for Life events.

each day. On Saturdays and Sundays, she comes over before we’re up, and whenever she leaves, she says, ‘Goodbye, I love you!’

She’s a great social person and loves people.”

Irvin and Kitty raised four boys and four girls. Kate’s father, Dean, is the next to the youngest. A lot of times on Sunday evenings, Irvin, Kitty, Dean, Andrea and all the kids get together for pizza. They talk, watch sports and enjoy solving Sudoku puzzles, working on adult coloring books, and playing board games

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together. Irvin and Kitty have a total of 13 grandchildren.

All of the extended family celebrated Christmas in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., at the home of one of Irvin’s daughters.

Irvin and his family have been attending Lindale Mennonite Church for the past ten years, and Irvin enjoys serving as a congregational chairperson there.

Before Irvin retired, he worked a number of years as director of Home Ministries for the entire Mennonite Church USA, working out of headquarters in Elkhart, Ind. But he traveled frequently to Harrisonburg because of a branch office here for then Mennonite Media, in the same building as Valley Living’s office now. He and Kitty loved the idea of retiring here.

Irvin is grateful he was given more time to do all the things he loves to do here and understands in a way he never could have before how precious each day is. The family is thankful for Irvin’s and Kate’s recovery and for the adventures that lay ahead, on this side and beyond.

LAUREE STROUD PURCELL serves as an editorial consultant for Living.

She and her husband Steve have two daughters.

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He is Risen!  The resurrection of Jesus is God’s great exclamation point at the end of Easter weekend.* Because Jesus lives, we also will live (John 14:9). God remakes and renews all things.

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Spring 2017 •End living 9 *From Reunion, a forthcoming book by Bruxy Cavey, pastor near Hamilton, Ontario and author of the bestselling of Religion.

PHOTOS COURTESY CHRISTINA KUNKLE

Sit. Stay.

Heal.

by STEPHANIE HERTZENBERG

O

n July 23, 2016, the Harrisonburg Police Department Training Grounds were packed. Dozens of people pinned paper numbers to their shirts while sponsors set up tents in the sparse shade. Everyone was waiting for the first race to begin. At 8 a.m. Saturday morning, the Fine Earth Adventure Race Benefiting K9’s For Warriors began.

In the last 15 years, over 125,000 veterans have died by suicide. Chad Layman, founder of the mental health-oriented non-profit, Strength in Numbers, and organizer of the Adventure Race wanted to help. “I did my research and found service dogs to be having incredible results treating PTSD” (post-traumatic stress disorder). This led to his discovery of the organization called K9’s For Warriors.

K9’s For Warriors is a national non-profit that rescues dogs from shelters that have high rates of euthanasia and trains them to become service canines for veterans suffering from PTSD, traumatic injury or military sexual trauma. As of Christina Kunkle, Cathy Leitner and Karen Lambert from the Synergy Strong team pose with their logs during the log-carrying challenge on the Intermediate Course.

The Harrisonburg Police Honor Guard presents the colors before the Adventure Race begins. Behind them are members of Team K9s with several K9’s For Warriors service dogs.

December 2016, the charity had rescued 550 dogs and had 272 veterans “graduate” with their new service dog. The charity’s kennels at Camp K9 can house 57 dogs at once, and each veteran is provided with 120 hours of hands on training with professional dog trainers. In addition, K9’s For Warriors is free for the veterans.

“I did my research and found service dogs to be having incredible results treating PTSD” (post-traumatic stress disorder).

Last year’s Adventure Race raised over $200,000 for this charity. There were 150 corporate sponsors, 1,000 spectators and over 800 people competing in the race itself. Members of the community were still trying to join teams on the day of the race. The Adventure Race had three levels of competition: SWAT Team Race, Intermediate Team Race and Walk for Warriors.

The four-person teams competing in the SWAT Team Race took on the exact course that Virginia’s police SWAT teams use. Each group was timed, with the three fastest teams receiving prizes. The Intermediate Team Race Level was a three-mile run filled with obstacles, individual challenges and team challenges. Teams varied wildly in size with large teams designating four “chippers” whose times counted for the whole team.

The third level was the Walk for Warriors, a 1.5 mile walk

To see more on how K9’s For Warriors and War Paints are working to help veterans and how you can get involved, check out these websites: • K9’s For Warriors national website - www.k9sforwarriors.org • Fine Earth Adventure Run Benefiting K9’s For Warriors Facebook page - www.facebook.com/k9adventurerace • War Paints website - www.warpaints.org • War Paints Facebook page - www.facebook.com/warpaints.org 10 living • Spring 2017

Early bird registration for the June 24, 2017, Fine Earth Adventure Race Benefiting K9’s For Warriors $50 for the Intermediate race $50 for Walk for Warriors entrants $75 for SWAT competitors $10 for general admission Veterans and active service members receive free general admission.

Prices may increase closer to the date of the race.

along a scenic path. Those who were unable to compete or did not want to take part in the actual race could pay for $10 general admission and enjoy the Hackens Boys Concert, food trucks and cheer on those competing in the race. Veterans and active service members received free admission as well as free massages, acupuncture, smoothies, haircuts and cigars.

In 2017, organizers hope for more sponsors and entrants than ever. The minimum goal for this year is $200,000, though Chad Layman is hoping to raise $275,000 and have 1,500 people participate in the race. “K9’s For Warriors is truly saving lives,” says Chad Layman. “I am extremely honored to be helping them.”

The 2017 Adventure Race will begin at 8 a.m. Saturday, June 24. The race will once again take place on the Harrisonburg Police Department Training Grounds, and this year the excitement will start early.

On Friday, June 23, War Paints will be having a Gallery in conjunction with the Adventure Race. War Paints is a nonprofit founded by former Navy SEAL Rusty Noesner that seeks to promote and encourage service members who are interested in the arts. War Paints profiles the artist’s work and allows the public to buy the veteran’s work through the War Paints website, WarPaints.org. The veteran receives 100 percent of the proceeds from the sale of their art.

In addition to its website, as of November 8, 2016, War Paints was looking to create a studio in Harrisonburg, effectively putting its headquarters in the valley. The nonprofit is a recent creation, but it is growing rapidly, with the number of artists on the website more than doubling since Noesner was interviewed on WHSV-TV’s “One on One” segment last fall.

Between the two events planned and the numerous Adventure Race team fundraisers taking place in the upcoming months, 2017 promises to be a year that allows the Valley to give back to the service men and women who have sacrificed so much.

Corri Loan crawls beneath barbed wire, one of more than a dozen obstacles and challenges on the Intermediate course.

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Let all that you do be done in LOVE. 1 Cor. 16:14

STEPHANIE HERTZENBERG, a year-long intern with Valley Living, served as editor for this issue of the magazine. She also works part-time for the Shine children’s Sunday school curriculum and interns at WMRA.

Spring 2017 • living 11

Money Matters

Guidance on family finances

Out of sight, out of mind

by KEN GONYER

A

fter years of investing in my employer’s 401(k) plan for retirement, I recently made a career change. Since the new job’s retirement benefits don’t start until I’ve been there for a full year, I thought it would be wise to open an IRA and continue my retirement savings plan, funding it on my own for that year.

Well, I’m sad to admit it’s been six months since I started the new job, and I haven’t begun saving yet. Not a dollar. I’d emailed a trusted financial advisor right away last fall, fully intending to meet and get things rolling. I was motivated!

I didn’t want to lose momentum in what had been a pretty aggressive plan. And then I did the calculations.

Where I had been working before, I saved eight percent of my earnings and the employer kindly matched that, dollar for dollar. Therefore, to maintain the flow of money saved, I would simply need to deposit 16 percent of my gross pay into an IRA invested in mutual funds. Easy, right? It’s more than I had been saving before, but we could certainly deal with it for a year. Unfortunately, when it came time to get started, I froze psychologically. The amount of money I needed to save seemed like a huge chunk of my paycheck, especially after I accounted for money committed to taxes and tithing. I just couldn’t do it! My wife and I talked about just doing eight

percent, since we’d managed that before. Even at that rate, I hit a psychological wall. And here I am today, standing in front of this mental “wall” and trying to find a way over.

It has occurred to me in the last decade or so with the 401(k), I’d never agonized over the amount I’d been saving.

It was gone before I ever saw it—deducted from my paycheck along with taxes, insurance premiums and medical savings.

With electronic deposit of my paycheck, I never held crispy green currency; it was electrons in, electrons out. Only my paystub knew the true story.

With electrictronic deposit of my paycheck, I never held crispy green currency, it was electrons in, electrons out.

Thinking about how “out of sight, out of mind” impacts behavior, I recall using this technique before, in a slightly different fashion, when we wanted to get out of debt. When we had balances on credit cards, store charge cards, auto loans, and a home equity loan, the payments ate up a substantial portion of our take-home pay. Our “snowball” method of debt-reduction began with paying off the smallest debt first. Once that was taken care of, we didn’t just spend the extra money, we applied the amount of that payment to the next smallest debt. Once that was paid, we took the amount we were paying monthly for those two debts and applied it to the third debt. Our payment amounts grew like a snowball rolling down a hill until we’d paid off the last consumer loan. The key was that the “extra” money didn’t get a chance to be absorbed into our discretionary spending. In a way, we used “out of sight, out of mind” to fool ourselves into continuing to live as if our cash flow wasn’t increasing. As a result, we got out of debt more quickly and with a lot less pain.

I’d love to go on autopilot with lots of other things I find hard to get done—things

©ADOBE STOCK

12 living • Spring 2017

When retirement savings and other items on your “must save” list are taken automatically from your pay, it seems less painful.

like changing the oil in our cars, replacing the filters in our furnace, adding salt to the water softener, and so on. The best way I’ve found to stay on top of these things is to enter them as a “recurring event” in the calendar on my phone. Even with that, I’m not as consistent as I would like to be. Other financial priorities, however, can be met with the “set it and forget it” method. Each paycheck can be direct-deposited and, at some financial institutions, split up among several accounts such as savings, an emergency fund, a car replacement fund, Christmas club and vacation club. Regular bills can be paid through automatic online payments. Retirement and investment accounts can even be set up to regularly and automatically rebalance the investment portfolio. We already use several of these, and they certainly make life simpler.

So now I know what I need to do. After I get set up for automatic deductions for retirement, the “out of sight, out of mind” savings discipline should be relatively painless. It’s a behavioral change that takes away the routine decision-making questions. I won’t have to ask myself if I should do it or want to do it—it will just happen. I look forward to a time when I can view my IRA balance with happy surprise and say “Wow —that’s a lot … and I didn’t feel a thing!”

KEN AND KAREN GONYER live in Broadway, VA. Ken is the CEO of Choice Books, headquartered in Harrisonburg. Karen is a real estate agent with Kline May Realty in Harrisonburg. Email questions to ken.gonyer@gmail.com.

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Spring 2017 • living 13

Self-care includes saying “no” to clutter

by GAYLA GRACE

“Y

©ADOBE STOCK

ou can do without forty percent of stuff in your pile? Dread? Concern? Anger? home,” says Julia Brooks, a professional organizer Mail must be dealt with every day, according to Brooks. with The Organizer of Shreveport. Forty percent!

“The paper is a huge consumption coming into the home,” That’s a lot! “Once you get rid of clutter—unnecessary stuff— she says. “Everybody should immediately get their mail and you eliminate stress, you dispose of junk mail first. save time and money, you Take out only the bills and feel empowered, you clear have a specific space that your brain and you live a just the bills go.” Other more peaceful life,” says mail you want to browse Brooks. later--perhaps a magazine We don’t often consider or flyer--needs a bin or the emotional toll of specific place. clutter, but it plays a Helping our kids role in keeping us declutter their binders, overwhelmed, unorganized regularly throwing out and inefficient. what they don’t need, Consider your closet. teaches them the value of It’s the 80/20 rule. “You organization with their only wear 20 percent of schoolwork. “Teens who Putting things away and regularly getting rid of clutter makes you feel better too. your clothes 80 percent are organized make better of the time,” says Brooks. students,” says Mrs. “What’s in the laundry room and a few other clothes in your Teusch, a high school Psychology teacher. closet, you wear,” she says. Everything else should go. If you Unused technology can be another source of clutter and purge what you’re not wearing, it’s much easier to get dressed takes up space better used for other things. “I have clients with and out the door. electronic graveyards,” says Brooks. Whether in an attic or an Less stuff creates less distraction. The same applies to our office, she doesn’t let them keep stuff they no longer use. “I kids. With overstuffed closets, they have a hard time finding take it to wherever the client wants to donate and get a receipt what they need for the school day. for it.” She knows the danger of leaving it to the client to dispose of–it might not happen.

Brooks says it’s not unusual to have one room that Saying no to clutter allows us to clean becomes a dumping ground. An “I’ll-deal-with-it-later room.” out our minds while we clean out our Procrastination sets in until finally, someone decides it’s time for a change. The change of season upon us creates the perfect homes. time to sort through clutter and clothes, organizing our closets “I have one client who was always late-could never get and living spaces in the process. her family out the door on time,” says Brooks. After working Saying no to clutter allows us to clean out our minds while with her and decluttering her closet, it completely changed we clean out our homes. “Every client I have tells me, ‘It’s her mornings. To her family’s amazement, “she’s now ready very empowering–I’ve had a huge weight lifted off. I’m so before anyone else,” says Brooks. much more at ease, I’ve gained more efficiency, and my brain What about the piles of mail that multiply with each passing feels less cluttered,’” says Brooks. day? What feelings do you experience when you pass that Modeling self-care by saying “no” to clutter helps our children understand the importance of organization, a valuable skill that reaches into adulthood.

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14 living • Spring 2017

GAYLA GRACE is a freelance writer and mom to five kids with only one still at home, a teenager who needs to declutter his closet.

Family Forum

Strengthening family relationships

Amicable divorces?

by HARVEY YODER

I

©ADOBE STOCK

highest annual number, 484, in 2013. n the introduction to his book “Helping Your Kids Cope Meanwhile, the number of marriage licenses issued last With Divorce the Sandcastles Way,” M. Gary Neuman year was 985, fewer than the high of 1003 reached in 2001, opens with, “Why do couples divorce? Usually because when our population was lower than it is today. Some of that one or both partners believe is because more and more that ending the marriage will couples are choosing to be in free them to create happier, “undocumented” marriages, emotionally healthy lives relationships that often are for themselves and their as bonded, inclusive and children.” intimate as the legal ones, After that optimistic just without the benefit of assessment, Neuman goes on the license and a formal to explain if parents handle ceremony. And when those their divorce in a mature and experience an emotional respectful way their children “divorce,” the partners and will do just fine. In other children involved are equally words, he’s suggesting it need devastated. be no more traumatic than, But this isn’t just about say, a damaging house fire or numbers. Assuming local a cross country move.

No one goes into marriage expecting a divorce, so how can you deal with divorces involve an average But is this usually the case? the disagreements and issues that arise? of one child each, that’s over Thankfully, many 600 of our young whose lives will never be the same, to say children of divorce do manage to recover well in spite of the nothing of the hundreds of parents, grandparents, friends and dismantling of their household as they have known it. But in neighbors also affected. reality, amicable divorces may result in even greater distress P.S. I will be leading what may be a final four-session for children than the angry ones, the ones where they regularly Marriage Maintenance Class at the Family Life Resource witness outrageous and awful behavior on the part of one or Center from 7-8:30 each Monday evening in April. Rather both of their parents. than charging a fee, each attending couple will be encouraged to make a generous tax-deductible donation to FLRC. Many children of divorce do manage to

recover well in spite of the dismantling of their household as they have known it.

Why? Because in those circumstances, or when they witness ongoing adultery, addiction or abuse, children clearly understand the reason for the divorce and may even feel real relief when it happens.

But when two otherwise loving, supportive parents call it quits and then try explaining how they are going to have a nice, friendly parting of their ways, children are confused.

Why can’t these nice people just work things out, just as they expect their kids to do when they’re not getting along?

Nevertheless, for better or for worse, 612 couples in Harrisonburg and Rockingham County decided to call it quits last year. This represents a dramatic increase over the next

HARVEY YODER is a family counselor and teaches parenting and marriage classes at the Family Life Resource Center. Questions relating to family concerns can be addressed to FLRC, 273 Newman Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22801 or to Harvey@flrc.org. His blog can be followed at harvyoder.blogspot.com.

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©ADOBE STOCK

Keeping memories

Don’t forget to make notes in a diary, notebook, or blog of things the grandchildren say and do—and the memories you’ve formed together you’ll recall more details.

by NANCY CHRISTENSEN

G

randchildren do not tread lightly on your heart, and holding a grandchild for the first time is one of life’s sweetest moments. A newborn, a new life (for both of you) and a love that is so unique that comparing your feelings to other loves is impossible. It seems your life has a new dimension and purpose, and an extra layer of happiness that is only beginning!

The love between us is still there, but now there are other important things in their lives If you are lucky enough to live near this tiny bundle, it’s probably not long before you are able to spend quality time with him or her, even if just for short periods of time. ‘Babysitting’ gave my husband and I much pleasure, and the tired parents were happy to have a mini-rest! We were prized as baby-sitters because we did it for love, not money, and that love made us extra watchful and protective caregivers.

Grandchildren seem to grow so fast and we were soon spending weekends on camping trips as they became old enough. Sometimes we went on longer trips, or to countless baseball and football games, school plays, and birthday parties. Being a part of all their activities brought us so much enjoyment it seemed as though those years would last forever.

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Now our grandchildren are young adults and most of them have a girlfriend or boyfriend. It seems as though we are drifting apart, and we no longer have as much time with them.

The love between us is still there, but now there are other important things in their lives to focus on, like a tree gradually growing new branches. It wasn’t a sudden development, yet when we finally realize everything is changing, we start to miss those early years!

Last Saturday, our oldest grandson, Jason, was married in our back yard under sunny skies, surrounded by family, friends, many smiles and a few tears. His father, our son-inlaw, sang the Lord’s Prayer, and it was a perfect wedding. I teared up a little during the ceremony. I was very happy for Jason and his new bride, but I was suddenly thinking: where did the time go and how did it fly by so fast? Jason is 26, yet it feels like just yesterday we took him on a camping trip where he consumed eight small boxes of cereal during one breakfast and, despite playing with the worms, caught more fish than his grandfather! He was a hungry 11-year old at the time. How did he reach this point so quickly?

While I was cleaning a closet shelf recently, I found a dusty box that had probably been sitting there for a long, long time.

When I opened it, there were piles of little notebooks and mini diaries I had written on different trips or adventures with various grandchildren. Many of the notes were written hurriedly on notebook pages or little scraps of paper that were handy at the time, to record funny moments we had together.

Their content was priceless! A warm feeling washed over me as I reread them, as if I had forgotten how close we once were and all the fun we had when they were younger.

The notes made my day sparkle. Reading them was bringing the grandchildren so close again, as though time hadn’t changed much at all. These memories will be with me forever, as well as new and different kinds of memories being made all the time.

NANCY CHRISTENSEN is a freelance writer from Michigan.

Cooking Corner

Recipes and tips for cooking at home

White Bean Soup with Kale ©TAKETHEMAMEAL.COM

A healthy meal to help us all recover from our holiday feasting! This warm soup is perfect for a windy or rainy spring day and makes use of those holiday leftovers that might still be languishing in your freezer. Turkey or chicken can be substituted for ham if you prefer.

Ingredients: 2 tsp 12 oz 1 oz 1 2 2 15 oz. cans

4 cups 1 tsp 1/2 tsp 1 tsp to taste

olive oil kale pancetta or lean ham onion, diced large carrots, peeled and diced no-salt-added white beans, drained and rinsed (you can soak your own if you can’t find no-salt-added) water dried marjoram salt maple syrup fresh ground pepper

Directions: 1. Slice the kale in half lengthwise (if the leaves are wide) and then cut into thin strips crosswise.

2. Place one teaspoon of the olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the kale and cook, stirring frequently, for about 5 minutes until wilted. Remove from the pan.

3. Add the second teaspoon of olive oil and the ham. Cook for about 2 minutes, stirring frequently.

4. Add the onion and carrots and cook, stirring frequently, for 5 minutes.

5. Add the beans, water, marjoram, salt, pepper and maple Maureen Witmer is the Director of Outreach and syrup. Reduce the heat to a simmer and cook the soup, Engagement, as well as the Recipe Specialist for stirring occasionally, for about 30 minutes until the carrots TakeThemAMeal.com. Her recipes and photographs are soft to the bite. can be found on the recipe section of TakeTh6. Remove 1/4 of the soup and puree the remaining 3/4 using a emAMeal.com. She and her husband Andrew, a stick blender or blender. professor of History at James Madison University, 7. Put the 1/4 of the reserved soup along with the kale in the live in Harrisonburg, Va. Maureen works from home pan and stir. Heat through and serve. where she cares for their young children.

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Spring 2017 • living 17

No longer a stranger

©ADOBE STOCK

by AUDREY CARLI

“W

orshiping alone will be different but I’ll be OK,” I thought as I headed for the church my hotel had directed me to when I had asked.

When I arrived, I parked my car in the church lot and felt like the stranger I was. I stepped onto the pavement and opened my umbrella to ward off the gushing rain.

As I approached the church door, a woman ahead of me entered the building, the door closing behind her. Then she came back out.

“You’re holding an umbrella so let me hold the door open for you.”

Immediately my stranger status brightened. “Thank you!

How thoughtful!” I said, my smile matching her cordial countenance.

When I arrived, I parked my car in the church lot and felt like the stranger I was.

Worshipers offered me a space in the filled church’s crowded pew. The woman I sat beside introduced herself and introduced me to others. We chatted a while and gladness sang within me! I no longer felt like a stranger, thanks to the friendly church members!

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Most of us find visiting a new church intimidating, at least until the welcome mat rolls out.

Later, while driving away, I pondered the hospitality of the many I had met. I asked myself if I was friendly to strangers in my home church. Did I extend a welcome gesture with friendliness? I promised myself I would strive to display the cordiality that was extended to me that morning. And, of course, this kind of friendliness is appreciated anywhere you find yourself.

Later, these words shined into my spirit: “Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” (Romans 12:13, NIV).

AUDREY CARLI is a freelance writer from Michigan.

Family Life Resource Center 273 Newman Avenue, Harrisonburg, VA 22801 434-8450 e-mail: services@flrc.org

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18 living • Spring 2017

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Shenandoah Spotlight Young adults to watch

Maria Martinez

by LAUREE S. PURCELL

T

wenty-six year-old El Salvador native Maria Martinez has lived in Harrisonburg for 14 years. She is a full-time human resources consultant in Farm Credit’s administration office in Staunton, Va. She completed her degree in business administration at Eastern Mennonite University (EMU) in 2014 and plans to begin work on a master of business administration this fall while continuing to work full-time.

Her responsibilities at Farm Credit include setting up interviews and helping in the hiring process, attending career fairs, and handling compliance issues as she keeps up with changes in employment regulations. Farm Credit participates in Harrisonburg’s international festival each year, and Maria looks forward to helping attendants find out about career opportunities and financial help for beginning farmers. She also helps Farm Credit provide free workshops on such topics as balance sheets, economics, and the financial issues of running a dairy or beef cattle business. “We do a good job of informing our customers so they can be successful and make a profit,” said Maria.

Maria loves living in the Shenandoah Valley because of the vibrant downtowns of both Harrisonburg and Staunton, the proximity of her family and friends, and the friendly work environment she enjoys at Farm Credit. Before beginning her studies at EMU, she worked in the office of Blessed Sacrament Church in downtown Harrisonburg. An active member there, she has taught 3rd grade Sunday school, led youth programs to benefit community teens and sung in the choir. Her extensive volunteer service to the Harrisonburg community is impressive.

Maria has been volunteering as a Spanish interpreter at parent teacher conferences since she was 16. She used to

do it at the elementary school level and now continues at Harrisonburg High School. She feels fortunate Farm Credit sets aside community service hours for its employees for such endeavors. She was also a big sister to a girl from Honduras through the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program and volunteered at Massanutten Regional Library.

Former home school liaison Tanya Osinkoski helped Maria make the big adjustment to Thomas Harrison Middle School when she first arrived from El Salvador and spoke no English.

Former HHS English teacher Sandi Mercer advocated for Maria so she could earn a half-tuition scholarship to EMU and become a first generation college graduate. Maria is thankful for the help she received and is happy she can have a positive impact on many local people through her work in this community.

Writer LAUREE PURCELL is currently relearning algebra as she assists Ross with his fast-paced one-semester Algebra 1 class.

Know someone 30 or under to nominate for a future Shenandoah Spotlight? Requirements are: Valley resident or grew up here, outstanding for their job, community, or church work, and the model they provide. Contact us at info@ valleyliving.org.

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Some days are like that

by JESSE NEVE

I

have a friend who freaks out about every little situation that arises in her life. I always listen patiently to her and quietly nod in understanding, but according to her, I don’t respond with “the correct” amount of anguish and pain over life’s daily adventures. She complains everything just falls into place for me, and I never have to endure any struggle or difficulty. I think perhaps it’s all in the way you look at each situation.

This story begins at 8 a.m. on a bright and sunny mid-July morning. My husband had just left for work and I gathered

©ADOBE STOCK

When our names were called, Papa decided to stay in the waiting room, which would prove to be a wise decision on his part. We followed the unfamiliar and unfriendly nurse out of the waiting room. Apparently our regular, super-friendly nurse was on vacation.

Her first mission was to weigh and measure Jon and Daniel.

Jon popped out of his shoes and hopped up on the scale.

During this time I was holding Ben and my purse and the bag of books and snacks. Jon was excited to hear how much he weighed, and he bounced off the scale to make room for his brother. Daniel had tennis shoes on and he flat-out refused to take them off. I set Ben down (which sent him into a deafening fit of tears) and I handed my bags to Sarah. Daniel was fervently pressing his feet into the floor making it extremely difficult to remove his shoes. When I finally succeeded, I lifted him up and he hung like a wet noodle as I tried to set him on the scale. I would get him to stand for a second, but not long enough for the digital scale to register before he jumped off. The whole time he was crying and yelling, “No! No! No!” Ben was clinging to my legs crying to be picked up. The nurse overflowed with empathy as she rolled her eyes and chirped, “Oh, come on! You’re 5! Five-year-olds don’t act like this!” Sarah peeled Ben off of my leg, and I picked Daniel up and stepped on the scale myself.

I held Daniel long enough for the scale to register, “182 minus … ” then I set Daniel down and climbed on alone “… minus 128 equals … ” Even a routine trip to the doctor—with kids and a grandfather in tow—holds potential And the nurse answered, “54 very good.” An old for anything to happen. couple nearby had been watching our escapades.

The lady shook her head in amazement, “Now my crew: 8-year-old Sarah, 7-year-old Jon, 5-year-old Daniel, THAT’S an experienced parent! Very impressive!”

2-year-old Ben and Papa (my father, 56, who has been living As we made our way down the hall, I picked up Ben who with us since his diagnosis of Early Onset Alzheimer’s over was still crying. Daniel kept trying to get me to carry him as a year ago). I said, “Okay, today we’re going to go for a walk well. Sarah was walking behind me moaning and raving about down to the lake, then we’ll come back and Jon and Daniel how heavy the bags were and she was going to DIE because have their doctor’s checkups.” she had to carry them. Thankfully, she did not.

I had barely gotten that schedule out of my mouth when Jon climbed happily up into the chair and proceeded to tell Jon blasted, “Doesn’t Daniel have to get shots when he’s 5?” the nurse how much he loved to get his blood pressure taken Daniel instantly burst into tears. Shoot. I had forgotten that. because it feels like his arm is going to blow up—but then it I think I would have presented it in a slightly different way doesn’t (again, thankfully). Next, it was Daniel’s turn. After I than Jon’s blunt question. I tried to comfort Daniel, who was lifted him into the chair, he held his arm tight against his body now not only upset at the prospect of shots, but mad at Jon for and wouldn’t let the nurse touch him. Eventually I was able to reminding me. pry his arm away enough to put the cuff on. That started the The appointments were technically for Jon and Daniel and cry and wiggle fest again. He kept trying to break out of the sometimes we leave the other kids in the doctor’s playroom seat and he kept yelling, “NO! NO!” with Papa while the rest go into the exam room. But today Daniel has had his blood pressure taken before, so he knew I wanted the doctor to look at the rash Sarah had recently what would happen. I’m sure he was thinking only of the shot gotten on her face, and I knew Ben would fuss if he didn’t get and he was mad at the world because of it. Also, Daniel does to come along, so we all planned to go in to the exam room.

NOT like to be the center of attention, and when he is, he’ll 20 living • Spring 2017

fight it. I understand this mindset because it’s exactly how I was. But, I grew out of it … around age 23!

With brotherly love, Jon sincerely volunteered to take an extra blood pressure test for Daniel, but the nurse wasn’t amused. She finally ended up entering, “unable to get blood pressure” on his chart and left us alone to wait for the doctor.

Dr. Burns is our favorite doctor. We’ve known him forever.

He delivered our babies. Literally, he was the first person to ever see Daniel. So, Daniel is always comfortable with this man. He even LIKES him. But today with the shots looming over his head, it was a different story. When it was his turn to be examined, I had to lift him onto the table (where he is VERY capable of climbing himself). I had to hold him down while the doctor checked him out. He refused to talk to the doctor. He refused to open his mouth so the doctor could look in his mouth. Oh, and then, don’t you know, we realized Daniel had picked THAT DAY to go commando! So, when the doctor checked him out, there was nothing under his shorts! I could just feel the “Mother of the Year” award slipping away …

As we made our way down the hall, I picked up Ben who was still crying.

Daniel kept trying to get me to carry him as well.

Next, they needed to have their vision tested. We all trucked out into the hall where our ever-so-cheery nurse pointed at a vision chart and Daniel (still crying) was supposed to read the letters. He continually proclaimed his animosity toward this plan, but finally we got him to whisper four of the letters to me so she could at least get a number to write on the chart.

We had saved the best for last. Daniel was in for four shots.

Two nurses came in and Daniel started crying. He got a shot in each arm and each thigh. He screamed and howled with the most amazing intensity. I have given birth and not been as loud as he was. Sarah, Jon and Ben were cowering in the corner of the room with their hands covering their ears. When

he finally stopped, Sarah proclaimed, “Holy loudness, man!”

So, as we exited the exam room (Daniel wearing only one shoe because he refused to put the other one on), there were four nurses at the nurse’s station who were smiling and shaking their heads saying, “tough day for him, huh?”

We picked up Papa in the waiting room and the receptionist looked sympathetic (or relieved) as we left the building.

On the positive side, I was thankful Jon was really cooperative with the doctor and nurses. I was thankful Sarah was able to play with Ben and talk to him when I was busy holding Daniel down repeatedly. I was thankful our doctor is easy going and doesn’t get stressed out at such ordeals. We are all thankful Daniel doesn’t need any more shots until he’s 12.

At supper time that night, when Dad asked about our days’ adventures, Daniel replied, “Dad, I got FOUR shots today. It hurt and I cried.” End of story.

So, I shake my head when my friend makes claims like, “Everything always goes perfectly for you,” or, “You never have any problems.” I just file days like this away under the category “Some days are like that.”

NOTE: A year later, we had Daniel’s age 6 and Jon’s age 8 checkups. It went completely smooth with the exception of Daniel only wanting to read the eye chart for one eye. Well, if that was the worst of it, we are doing good! Some days are like that, too!

JESSE NEVE is a freelance writer from Minnesota.

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When parenting roles reverse: the art of caregiving

by GAYLA GRACE

I

watched Mom’s confusion, a knot forming in my stomach, as she stared at me blankly and looked for the bathroom in her own home. I didn’t know how to answer when she asked where her four little girls were (me and my sisters of years’ past). Who’s to blame for this horrible disease? Why did this happen? Where is the mom who raised me? I couldn’t deny the strangling grip of Alzheimer’s.

As I watched Mom struggle with everyday chores, I began to help with the cooking, laundry and grocery shopping. I applied her makeup and redirected her behavior when she spun out of control, envisioning her doing the same for me as a young child. Fragile emotions spilled out as I walked in unfamiliar territory. I wanted an instruction manual on how to move from my daughter role of 50+ years to a caregiver’s role.

As our parents age, it’s not unusual for roles to reverse, particularly in the midst of illness. The Family Caregiver Alliance reports that approximately 44 million caregivers provided unpaid care in the last 12 months (https:// www.caregiver.org/caregiver-statistics-demographics).

Understanding how to move into a caregiver role and balance it with parenting responsibilities presents a unique challenge.

Here are a few tips to help.

Recognize your limitations. Determine a realistic plan, mindful of your own family’s needs and responsibilities. I established a schedule with my husband to include two days at my parents’ who live out-of-town, every other week. My routine allowed time to perform much-needed tasks for Mom without neglecting our teenage son.

Say good-bye to the parent who raised you. Diagnoses that affect the brain such as dementia, Parkinson’s or a stroke often create devastating changes to personalities.

I made an intentional choice to open my mind to Mom’s new emotions, changing behavior and different mannerisms, no longer expecting the Mom of my childhood. I processed raw emotions with my sisters, educated myself on dementia

22 living • Spring 2017

When I project details of the future, fear creeps in. I’ve learned to accept the good days and the bad without focusing on what lies ahead.

Find support. Sharing the burden with others helps. I’m thankful for three sisters who also want to help with Mom’s caregiving, but not everyone shares that privilege. Finding support through caregiver groups, local community activities and others walking the same journey helps ease the tension and exhaustion that accompanies caregiving responsibilities.

Look out for your own needs as well.

Include grandchildren in caregiving roles. Children don’t have to be shielded from aging parents. Asking older children to help with meals, laundry or errands teaches

©ADOBE STOCK

Helping with the routine chores and tasks a parent with dementia or Alzheimer’s could formerly do for themselves can be challenging.

and joined an online support group to help cope with the changing dynamics in our relationship.

Live one day at a time. Mom’s dementia will not have a happy ending. When I project details of the future, fear creeps in. I’ve learned to accept the good days and the bad without focusing on what lies ahead. I don’t always do it perfectly, but when I live one day at a time, I enjoy the beauty of Mom’s laughter, the twinkle in her eye when she remembers my name, and the momentary pleasure of a meaningful conversation as Mom reminisces of childhood memories.

them compassion for others. My sister’s children help with cooking, cleaning, or simply companionship on hard days.

Grandchildren create lasting memories through routine tasks and meaningful conversation with grandparents.

Find gratitude for the parent now in your life. As personalities change, new characteristics emerge. Mom’s private demeanor of the past has been replaced with a transparent and sensitive spirit. Deeper relationships develop as she easily expresses her needs and asks for help, embracing gestures of kindness with love and appreciation. Although she is no longer the mom of my past, I love her just the same.

Aging parents create new challenges when parenting roles reverse. An already overwhelmed schedule with our own children can prevent us from assuming a caregiver role. But life is a gift that can be taken away with little notice. As I watch Mom’s last season quickly drawing to a close, I want to show honor and gratitude as often as possible, creating special

moments in the process, without regrets in the end.

GAYLA GRACE writes, speaks and coaches on parenting and stepfamily issues and enjoys caregiving for her mom as often as possible.

Caregiver resources “Hope for the Caregiver: Encouraging Words to Strengthen Your Spirit” by Peter Rosenberger “Creating Moments of Joy for the Person with Alzheimer’s or Dementia: A Journal for Caregivers” by Jolene Brackey “Caregivers Handbook” by DK Publishing Family Caregiver Alliance: National Center on Caregiving: www.caregiver.org/national-center-caregiving AARP Caregiving Resource Center: www.aarp.org/ homefamily/caregiving/ Caring For You as You Care: www.caregiving.com

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Spring 2017 • living 23

At-home breaks for mom

by AUDREY CARLI

©ADOBE STOCK

D

uring neighborhood gatherings, mothers discussed their weary times until the infant sleeps all night.

My neighbor, Luanne, said, “Sometimes you felt cozy with that beautiful newborn. Other times you looked through the window and longed to get out of the house. You needed a break! It was glorious to cuddle that baby. That infant smell was more pleasing than expensive perfume. Those eyes gazing at you made your heart beat a bit faster. Motherhood was fulfilling even when facing the return to your career again someday.”

Most of the mothers nodded and one said, “But those sleepless nights! Wow!” “Give me a break had new meaning,” Maureen said, smiling, hugging her pink blanketed infant.

I recalled holding my firstborn. She was born in chilly November and after several nights without much sleep, I felt drained. I yearned for a break. Gazing at my neighbor’s chimney on a cold day, I saw the birds resting on the bricks, keeping warm.

I pondered the neighborhood moms’ need for breaks. Others would benefit from their ideas. So I listed their ways to get those respites to share.

Restful breaks Reading provides breaks in various ways. Most mothers had a book or magazine nearby. Keeping the publication on the kitchen table or in easy reach was, according to my neighbor Deanne, “A mom’s literary security blanket!”

She explained how good it felt to sit and read while sipping a cup of hot, herbal tea or cold lemonade. “Reading a book chapter or magazine article was a treat. It was an adventure that took me to a different world for that brief break. And it

24 living • Spring 2017

Catch small moments for brief breaks when your days are filled with toddlers and preschoolers.

eased tension from tiredness.”

The Internet and email give breaks, too, my friend, Noreen, said. “I like to gather nutrition information so I find websites with food health facts.”

Noreen also liked to email. Her sisters, Maria and Lorna live across the country. “We visit by email daily and it’s almost like having them over for a coffee break.”

Personal interest breaks Maintain personal interests. When motherhood begins, it is easy to let personal interests fade. The mothers of various ages in my creative writing class told about their personal interest breaks while the baby napped and their urgent tasks were done. Samantha took time to express her daily experiences with her poetry writing. “I’ll save the poems about the different stages of motherhood and compile a collection.

Maybe they’ll someday become a booklet or bound copies for family members.” Janelle used her creative writing talent to compose essays about her motherhood roles. “I also write about my relationships with my loved ones. I share the essays with the individuals for their birthdays or other special times.”

Cake decorating gives personal expression time, too.

Amanda had taken a cake decorating class before she was married. After her first baby was born she had scant time for her interest. So when she had breaks while the baby napped, she baked cake layers for a family member or friend’s special day. She froze the cake and decorated it during later breaks.

Letter writing to those without email provides personal

“visiting time.” My mother never used email and she liked getting letters. So I wrote to her once a week to keep in touch.

She replied to each note. My break times during each baby’s naps were spent writing family news to Mom Phoning or texting friends keeps busy mothers in touch.

Several moms said they socialized with their phone links. The visits provided leisure and rest, they agreed.

Journal writing during their rest times helped several moms record their experiences for future reading. “When I’m older and if I have a boring day, I’ll read about my busy times and be glad for my later years’ leisure,” said Michelle, the mother of twins.

Books on tape or podcasts are entertainment sources if the baby is fussing and there are no breaks.

Exercising during breaks helped several mothers in our friendship circle keep in shape. Melanie pedaled her exercise bike while reading a book and Darlene enjoyed a change of pace while working out on her treadmill. “It eases my stress, keeps my weight checked and makes my break at home feel like a trip to the gym.”

Flowers with seasonal breaks gave a change of routine.

Marla planted flowers during her spring break while her baby napped. Later, she weeded the garden while her baby napped nearby in the carriage or play pan. During winter, her breaks

included making silk flower arrangements for her home.

Books on tape or podcasts are entertainment sources if the baby is fussing and there are no breaks. My niece, Kayla, rocked her colicky baby to soothe the child. “The taped voices entertain me and the baby also naps in intervals during the painful colic,” she said.

Sitting and staring! Angela, a young mother, who had not tended babies before having her child, felt so overwhelmed with the rushed times, she found an easy break suggestion.

“Hold the baby and hum a lullaby while you sit and stare through the window at your yard and shrubs!”

Music soothes. Breaks are not promised daily to the athome mother. But several moms said radio or taped music helped their infants calm during fussy times. “That quiet time can be soothing even if you’re busy,” said Angela. My friend, Roselyn, a talented pianist and teacher, said she entertained each of her three children when they were babies. “I played soft classical music to lull each one to sleep in the nearby bassinet.”

It is true adjusting to new motherhood sometimes starts with a baby that sleeps little at night—and the new parent feeling fatigued.

But leisure breaks during the day could provide the pause that refreshes like a light beam in a dark room. The ancient philosopher, Aristotle said it this way: “The end of labor is to gain leisure.”

AUDREY CARLI is a freelance writer from Michigan.

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How to help kids, tweens and teens safely navigate social media

by LISA A. BEACH

“T

hink before you post.”

It seems like common sense, but a lot of kids, tweens and teens just aren’t heeding this advice when they use social media—and they’re getting themselves into trouble in the process.

Just ask attorney James Mueller, a managing partner with Verner Brumley Mueller Parker, a Dallas-based family law firm.

“Some of the things kids put online, it’s going to affect them because it doesn’t go away,” says Mueller. “It will follow them in life.”

As a family lawyer, Mueller sees this first-hand.

“In one custody hearing, a daughter gave the judge all these reasons why she didn’t want to live with Mom. We found out that, when we checked the girl’s Instagram account, she didn’t want to live with Mom because Dad allowed her to smoke marijuana and drink while at Dad’s house,” recalls Mueller.

“The next thing you know, she’s kicked off her sports team, the judge has now seen all of this, and Dad is in trouble. The sad part is it all came from an Instagram post.”

Kids need to realize these days everyone looks at their social media activity, including teachers, coaches, lawyers, colleges, scholarship committees and potential employers. Stories abound in the media about athletes getting kicked off teams, students losing their scholarships and kids getting arrested

for some of their questionable antics that got posted on social media.

“When any potential employee sends me a resume, the first thing I do is pull any social media accounts that I can,” points out Mueller. “You can find out an unbelievable amount of information.”

Mueller advises parents, as the first line of defense, need to play an active role in their kids’ online lives by providing age-appropriate limits. Dr. Sandy Gluckman, a Functional Behavior and Health Therapist, agrees.

“When laying down the rules, especially with younger kids, it’s important to give kids the logic behind the rule and provide examples that demonstrate the bad things that could happen,” says Dr. Gluckman, who advises a collaborative approach, asking kids what kind of rules they could live with and then negotiate. “When you’re a nurturing rather than authoritative parent, you’re educating and empowering kids, which will help them learn to think things through themselves.”

So how can kids, tweens and teens engage online in a more responsible way?

Think before you post. If you’d be embarrassed to show what you’re going to post to your grandmother, then don’t post it. If you’d be compromising your safety (such as posting where you’ll be at a certain time or that you’re home alone), then don’t post it. If you’d be hurting or embarrassing

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Stories abound in the media about athletes getting kicked off teams, students losing their scholarships and kids getting arrested for some of their questionable antics that got posted on social media.

Parents need to take an active and appropriate role as they oversee kids’ social media use.

26 living • Spring 2017

someone else, then don’t post it.

Assume what you post isn’t private—even if you send a private message. Mueller points out just because you intended something to be private when you sent it doesn’t necessarily mean the other person understands (or wants to adhere to) your intentions of keeping it private. As he says, “You can only control your action, you can’t control other people’s actions.”

Realize what you post is permanent—even if you later delete it. Once you hit send, you create a permanent cyberrecord of your words and images delivered via status updates or news feeds. Someone might have already saved or shared your post by the time you delete it from your account.

Be aware your online activity affects your reputation.

When you realize other people besides your friends are checking out your social media accounts, you’re more likely to do the right thing online.

With kids of all ages texting, exploring social media

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and posting photos, parents can use these tips to help them navigate the use of social media in a safe, responsible way.

LISA BEACH is an Orlando-area freelance writer whose work has been published in dozens of print and online publications, including Brain, Child, Parents, Scary Mommy, Good Life Family, Calgary’s Child, and Orlando Family. Check out her writer’s website at www.LisaBeachWrites.com and visit her humor blog at www.TweeniorMoments.com.

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Spring 2017 • living 27

Fortify your child against osteoporosis

by HEATHER LEE LEAP

Y

©ADOBE STOCK

ou know kids grow healthy and strong through exercise throughout their teens and into adulthood. and proper nutrition, but did you know childhood is prime time for preventing osteoporosis?

Nutrition: Kids aren’t just getting bigger and taller as they grow.

• Provide foods high in calcium such as low-fat cheese, Their bones are also growing stronger, increasing in density. yogurt and milk fortified with vitamin D. Children continue to make more bone than they lose until • Serve a wide variety of fruits and vegetables, especially their mid-twenties. This is the time when they reach peak green leafy vegetables which are high in calcium. bone mass, the greatest amount of bone they will ever have.

• Limit soft drinks. Children who consume soft drinks According to the Osteoporosis Foundation, the more bone are less likely to drink milk or calcium-rich alternatives. your child has Offer milk or nonat the time of dairy beverages peak bone mass with added the less likely calcium at meals. she is to break a • Make homemade bone or develop popsicles from osteoporosis later calcium-fortified in life. orange juice.

Osteoporosis means “porous Exercise: bone.” It occurs • Weightwhen we lose bearing exercise too much bone, strengthens bones do not create as well as muscles. enough bone, or The Centers for both. Low bone Disease Control density increases recommends a person’s risk of children participate fractures. While it in bone-building Worried about kids getting enough all-important exercise and sunshine? Get out there with them is most common activities such as often as possible! in women, men as jumping rope, also can develop running or climbing osteoporosis. on a jungle gym at least three days per week. Aim for Use the following recommendations to build strong bones sixty minutes of physical activity each day. and develop habits that will keep your kids growing strong • Encourage your child to participate in sports.

Calcium minus the cow • • • • • • • •

Calcium builds and maintains strong bones and teeth, but what if your kids don’t eat or drink dairy products? In addition to a calcium supplement, the USDA recommends these high-calcium foods to meet children’s daily needs.

(1,000 mg for ages 4-8; 1,300 mg for ages 9-19.)

Calcium-fortified beverages: Juice and soymilk with 30 percent of the RDA per cup.

Tofu: prepared with calcium sulfate.

Legumes: Edamame soybeans, black-eyed peas and white beans.

Leafy green vegetables: Turnip, mustard or collard greens, bok choy, kale and broccoli.

Canned fish: Sardines and salmon eaten with the bones.

Black-strap molasses: 2 tablespoons contain a whopping 400mg of calcium.

For a bone-building boost add calcium-rich foods to your child’s favorite smoothie recipe. Try tofu, molasses, a stalk of kale or calcium-fortified almond milk. At snack time, offer dried figs (up to 55mg in two) and almonds. Sprinkle sesame seeds on favorite foods.

28 living • Spring 2017

•

Limit periods of inactivity. Take a break from TV, video games, even reading and homework. Sunlight is an important source of bone-strengthening vitamin D, so head outside to be active.

Limit soft drinks. Children who consume soft drinks are less likely to drink milk or calcium-rich alternatives.

• •

Run, jump and play as a family. Go for a walk or jog together. Jump rope, play kickball, soccer or basketball.

Hold wheelbarrow races in the backyard. Have your

child start in a push-up position. Hold her feet in your hands like the handles of a wheelbarrow as she walks or runs on her hands to the finish line.

Healthy habits: • Educate your children on the dangers of smoking and of drinking alcohol. Both increase the risk of osteoporosis.

HEATHER LEE LEAP is a freelance writer focusing on parenting and health issues. Learning that her mother had advanced osteoporosis at a relatively young age inspired her to learn more about osteoporosis to protect herself and her daughters.

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Spring 2017 • living 29

It’s all in the way you say it:

10 creative ways to divert a preschooler

by JESSE NEVE

“M

om! Come here!” Jonathan, age 2, called from his bedroom, where I had just tucked him in moments ago.

“What is it?” I asked skeptically as I opened the door a crack and poked my head into the darkness.

“I’m afraid of that light in the ceiling. I no-like that light.”

He had worked himself up almost into tears in the two minutes since I’d left the room.

At this hour, not wanting to go too deeply into the origin of the light, or why we have a need for smoke alarms, I simply replied, “That’s a nice light, Jon.” Instantly he sat up in bed. “OH! I want to hold that light in my hand!”

A minute ago he was deathly afraid of the horrible light and now they are best buds. It’s all in the presentation for preschoolers.

1—No such thing as a crabby king Preschoolers have a tendency to “run out of gas” before they realize it. They become crabby and whiny usually at the exact time when we need them to behave. One evening, when 3-year-old Daniel was crabby and stomping around the kitchen, I grabbed him and sat him on the counter next to me.

I gave him the potato masher and told him to hold it up high because he was the “King Of The World”! He laughed so hard while he reigned from above he forgot all about his whining while I finished up dinner. Or, I could have just let him drive me crazy with the whining.

2—Change your phrasing Preschoolers’ favorite word is “no.” And if you ask them if this is true, they will deny it. Often, you have to be creative with the way you phrase your sentences if you don’t want every thing to be a battle. Things like, “I bet you can’t beat me putting your coats and shoes on.” Or, “I wonder if I can count to twenty before you can get yourself dressed.” Kids love a challenge.

Instead of “Time to put your pajamas on” try “You should put your pajamas on first so you can be the winner!”

Try to head off difficult situations—if you know he

Creatively diverting a preschooler from objectionable activities makes life go more smoothly.

30 living • Spring 2017

or she is always crabby in a certain situation, lead into that issue with something fun. If he hates washing his hands after going potty (and tries to “sneak” out of the bathroom without doing it) make it into a game: “Wash your hands for as long as it takes to run out of breath on a loud note: ‘AHHHHH!’” What fun! (Plus you’ll know from rooms away the task was completed.)

Preschoolers have a tendency to “run out of gas” before they realize it. They become crabby and whiny usually at the exact time when we need them to behave.

3—Say what you mean When Sarah was 23 months old, I was mopping the kitchen floor. She looked at the bucket of soapy water, obviously intrigued. In my most stern, motherly voice, I said, “Do NOT put your hands in that bucket.” Sarah’s big brown eyes looked up at me as she nodded in compliance. No sooner had I turned around with the mop, when I heard a splash. I looked back and saw Sarah standing with her foot (and pants and socks) up to her knee in the bucket of water. I hadn’t said a thing about

©ADOBE STOCK

putting her foot in the bucket. She had done everything I had asked.

4—Secret handshake Children often have separation anxiety when they are left at preschool for the first month or so. Our Daniel was determined to return home with me every day. He continued to hold onto my leg, and he needed to have the teacher pull him off of me every day. After about six months, I decided to make up a secret handshake instead of the clinging game. He loved the idea. We would do the secret handshake when it was time for me to leave and then he’d sit nicely on the rug and wait for class to begin. It was brilliant! If only I would have thought of it months earlier!

5—Announce achievements The key for rewarding good behavior is to “catch” the good behavior in progress and call the child on it. One day, I noticed the beach toys had been put away where they were supposed to go. This was very unusual. I called out, “YAY! I would like to announce that whoever put the beach toys away did an absolutely wonderful job! Woo-hoo!”

Sarah came running, “It was me! I did it!” She got rewarded and acknowledged in front of her brothers for her good work and she was proud of it. Hopefully that will entice her (and others) to put them away next time as well. Complements are a huge enforcer.

It’s also a good idea to bring up good deeds later in the day. Like, “You know, Sarah, you did a really good job today putting away the beach toys. Thank you so much. I really appreciate all of your hard work.”

6—Self-esteem Parents are a child’s biggest builder-upper. They need to know you believe they can do things and they are smart.

Instead of saying, “Stop doing that!” you can say, “We are good people! We only do good things. And that is not a good thing to do!” Show them they are included in the “we.”

Once, 3-year-old Ben wanted me to spread a blanket on the floor for him to play on. He said, “Do it for me.”

I responded, “You can figure it out—you’re a smart guy.”

He persisted with the “No I can’t.” I left him alone with the blanket.

A little while later, he came running up to me, overflowing with excitement, “I spread it out! Remember when I thought I couldn’t? I’m a smart guy! I can figure things out!” Indeed.

7—Greedy?

Often parents feel their child is greedy because they want everything at the store, the supermarket, the mall … I usually say, “No, we’re not getting things for ourselves today.” But, also it’s important to acknowledge the fact they really do think they want those items.

“OH! I love this truck! Can I get it?!”

Instead of brushing him or her off and saying, “No, put it back.” You can take a good look at the truck, discuss its ultimate coolness and take a picture of the truck so when it comes time for Christmas or birthday ideas, you already have a list going. Just the act of acknowledging the child’s desire makes him or her feel validated. It’s not really they’re greedy, it’s more that there are just so many wonderful things in the world … who doesn’t want them all?!

8—You must need attention I can always tell when one of our kids is in need of attention. They’ll just walk by and kick something or casually hit someone or mess up a sibling’s hair for the sake of it.

Often, I’ll say, “do you need attention?!”

They have all been there. He or she will give me a sly look out of the corner of his or her eye, and I’ll tackle him or her to the floor and put my face right next to his or her face and say, “I’m giving you attention.” We keep up the staring contest until they say they have had enough. Usually we’re giggling and laughing through the whole ordeal. But, sometimes that’s all they need in our wild household—a little direct attention.

I’ll also make a mental note he or she needs some one-on-one time in the near future, too.

9—Help with negotiations One day, big brother, Daniel, needed a specific Lego guy (we have dozens), but he was also in the middle of cleaning up his room. Little brother, Ben, also needed the same guy, but he wasn’t in the middle of a job.

They were yelling and screaming. I knew I needed to intervene. I said, “How about if Ben plays with it until Daniel is done cleaning up, then Daniel gets it.” Everyone was satisfied and happy and it worked out great. Sometimes they just need a little help with negotiations.

Often, from a bystander’s viewpoint, it cannot be determined who had the toy and who was trying to “steal” it.

In that case, the “bad toy” occasionally has to be removed and put in timeout. It was obviously causing too much trouble.

Later it can be re-integrated with no issue.

10—What a surprise!

Instead of “Go do it,” try “Can you do it by yourself and surprise me?” (and then, of course, be vastly surprised when it’s completed). With just a little thought before you say or do things, often preschoolers will easily make the right choices or at least be nudged in the right direction. Nobody likes to be told what to do all the time. Often, they just want to feel as if they had a say in the matter.

When Sarah was 3, I came around the corner one time to find her on the counter with her hands elbow-deep in the flour canister. “What are you doing?!” I gasped.

“I’m just bein’ a kid, Mom.” So true. You see, she had learned—it’s all in the way you say it.

JESSE NEVE is a freelance writer from Minnesota.

Spring 2017 • living 31

I came this close to doing a color run

by LISA A. BEACH

M

y 50th birthday had recently passed, and I wanted to make a change, something a little bigger than parting my hair on the opposite

side.

I saw an ad for the Color Run pop up on my Facebook page. When a race bills itself as “The Happiest 5K on the Planet,” I want in.

“Less about your 10-minute-mile and more about having the time of your life,” the ad promised. Well, I liked the sound of that.

“Hey, this looks fun!” I exclaimed to my husband, Kevin. “I want to have the time of my life. Let’s do this!” After his laughter died down, Kevin realized I was dead serious.

I decide to warm up by walking around our neighborhood first. I’m huffing and puffing. Then I reach down to put on my other sneaker.

“You don’t run,” he wisely reminded me.

“It’s not that I can’t run. I just don’t like to run,” I explained. “But I think I’d like this. Look how colorful it is.” Yeah, ‘cause that’s what makes running fun— powdered tempera paint thrown in your face.

But I like that the Color Run has no winners (and thus, no losers) because it’s an untimed race. I could even walk when I got too tired. This is so my speed.

If nothing else, I’d be doing a community service by making the other runners look good. (You’re welcome.)

Kevin brushed it off, thinking it was just one more I-need-a-change thing I was going to start and not finish.

But I was determined.

The next day, I start to prepare. First, I Google, “How far is a 5K race in miles?” (I never did learn the metric system back in 5th grade.)

Three miles? Oh my!

Surprisingly, this does not yet dissuade me.

Eight-week training schedule for beginners? (gulp) It looks like I might need to download The-Couch-to5K-Running-Plan app.

OK, I’ll just start out slow with short distances and build my way up, day by day.

I decide to warm up by walking around our neighborhood first. I’m huffing and puffing. Then I reach 32 living • Spring 2017

Ever felt the urge to take on a big challenge?

©ADOBE STOCK

down to put on my other sneaker. Once I lace up both running shoes (the pretty-in-pink Pumas that have only seen action when I’m running late), I grab my iPod and head out the door.

I’ve got my keep-to-the-beat music pumping, everything from “Situation” (Yaz) to “Waking Up In Vegas” (Katy Perry) to “This Is How We Do It” (Montell Jordan). I’m psyched!

After a half-mile brisk walk, I’m all warmed up, ready to take off and hit my stride. I got this.

I run and run and run. My heart pounds, my lungs burn, my T-shirt is drenched in sweat, and I gasp for air. Must. Keep.

Breathing.

I look back to see how far I’d gone. I had run the length of two driveways. Oh, dear me.

I alternate my pace to increase the chance I will actually make it around the block. Walk for two driveways, run for two driveways, walk for two, run for two. Heart. Still. Exploding.

Walk for three, run for one, walk for four, crawl for one.

Besides my body giving out halfway around the block, my initially positive, snappy inner dialogue also fails me at this point.

What was I thinking? My legs ache. I can’t breathe. Quick, smile at the neighbor and pretend you’re having fun. Rats, I still have half a block to go. I could be at Panera having a bagel. This song is terrible. Go back to bed.

In the distance, I see my front porch, beckoning me home with welcome anticipation, like a mom running out to meet her little kindergartener after his first day at school.

Slowly, one exhausted, quivering step at a time, I reach my house, open the door, collapse on the floor and vow never to do that again.

It wasn’t fun, I didn’t have the time of my life and it really is because I can’t run.

And I’m OK with that, realizing I need to buy this T-shirt I saw online: Training For a Marathon (on Netflix).

Over 25 years of positive encouragement for families We are grateful to our advertisers who are a part of this publication. We could not do this without you!

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LISA BEACH is a freelance writer, humorist, mother of two teens, and recovering homeschool mom who lived to write about it. Check out her writer’s website at www.LisaBeachWrites.com and visit Lisa’s humor blog at www.TweeniorMoments.com.

I

f you’re interested in knowing your next home better before you purchase it, then having a pre-purchase home inspection is what you want. From the top to the bottom and inside and out Shenandoah Home Inspection Service will help make your next home purchase a more knowledgeable experience. Each client will receive a combination checklist and written inspection report on the condition of each home when it was inspected.

Water Testing and Septic Inspections also available.

—Insured—

Shenandoah Home Inspection Service 1911 Smithland Road, Harrisonburg, VA 22802 (540) 433-9844 • 1-888-594-6555

Spring 2017 • living 33

Congratulations…

to those who successfully completed the word search from the winter issue of Living.

Bergton Woody Brown Terry Dove Victoria Dove Dorothy Fitzwater Dana Hartman Johnny Hottinger Judy Hottinger Morgan Mongold Colin & Hollly Whetzel Bridgewater Opal Alt Hensel Armentrout Nancy Dagen Sam Dagen Charlotte Fifer Carolyn Freeman Anna Keller Christina Moyers Brenda Patterson Clooney Rodeffer Glen Thomas Margaret Ann Wheelbarger June White Brightwood Virginia Coppedge Broadway Martha Brady Helen Brunk Sharon Caplinger Carroll Coffman Debbe Coffman Carolyn Cubbage Robert & Nancy Hinkle Juanita Lantz Eldon & Bettie Layman Dottie Miller Aileen Pettit Darlene Runion Sammy Runion Karen Shoemaker Eleanor Showman Kim, Paisley, Rilee & Sierra Showman Evelyn Shultz Sherwin Tusing

Criders Bernice Keplinger Doug Propst Sheila Reedy Doc Ritchie

Dayton Debbie Billhimer Patricia Borden Kaitlyn Good & Elaine Rohrer Christine Mast Hill Donna Hoover Judith Kile Brenda Miller Norman Mongold Sue Ringgold Faye Siever Edinburg Donna Shafer Elkton Elizabeth Bailey Leon Bailey Debbie Cubbage Brenda Dean Wayne Dean Julie Dearing Joann Foltz Alison Galvanek Norawood Good Linda Gooden Martha Gooden Maxine Hines Vivian Hitt Pam Lilly Buddy Merica Sandra F. Morris Janet Roach Lebert Roach Joyce Sheets Layne Stevanus Yvonne Tincher Idelma Winegard Fulks Run Becky Morris John Nelson

Grottoes Kenny Berry Chesapeake Keith Breeden Mel & Rowe Armstrong C. Gail McDaniel Angel Moore Churchville Faye Ritchie Ethel Ernst Genevieve Ritchie Larry Lawhorn Jenie Ritchie

Kelsey Ritchie

Harrisonburg Eleanor Armentrout Dolores Barnett Norma Bowman Ruth Burkholder Alma Conley Howard & Betty Curry Clarence Davis Jeanie Diehl Geraldine Eaton Joyce Foltz Judy Lane Gentry Dorothy M. Goshey Mildred Hensley Cindy Howard Don Hunsberger Flora Long Jenkins Wilhelmina Johnson Elroy Kauffman Lowell Kauffman Miriam Kauffman Naomi Kniss Paul Kniss Virginia Martin W. H. McConnell Jonathan McMurray Audrey Metz Melody Metzimyer Beverly Miller Sara Grace Miller Dena Moyers Erma Mummau Pres Nowlin Irene Rebholz Frances Ritchie Rawley Shank Raymond Shank Juanelle Simmons Alice Souder Cindy Suter Flurine Taylor Betty Troyer Aldeen Grace Wenger Billy Wright Hinton Marion Thompson Patsy Thompson Keezletown Sherrill Brown Lewis Omps Lacey Spring Sarah Miller

Lexington Debbie Mohler

Quicksburg Peggy Neff

Linville Sheila Fitzwater Helen Minnick Donnie Taylor

Rileyville Catherine Mishler

Mt. Crawford Charlotte Campbell Nancy Diehl Taysia Howard

Rockingham Margaret Anderson Rich & Pat Armstrong Jonas Borntrager Lois Burkholder Nancy Callahan Anna Mae Cline Judy Liskey Dessil May Randy May Teresa May Brenda S. Rhodes Warren Riddle Nancy Stultz James Sumption William Wright

Mt. Jackson Carol Lutz

Salem Wesley Riddle

Mt. Sidney Woody Johnson

Shenandoah Mertie Blakemore Rebecca Comer Trudy Comer Mary Dorraugh Catherine Good Shelley Good Shelby Hartman Janice Jones Carolyn Lamb Jean McAlister Mary Frances Nichols Annie Olaker Annie Pierce

Luray Carla Edwards Doris Farmer Vienne Yates McGaheysville Walter Gerner Beatrice Horst Angela Shifflett

Mt. Solon Carolyn Fifter Dewitt Hosaflook Edna Hosaflook Joyce Lough Thelma Michael Austine Roudabush Elizabeth Selkirk Patricia Wichael Betty Young New Market Jackie Emerick E. J. Laughlin Shirley Laughlin Jo Ann Martin Ina Richards Irene Strickler Penn Laird Lana Hartman Burton Propst

Singers Glen Betty Demastus Elaine Donovan Evelyne Dove Lucy Helmick Frank Mundy Linda Mundy Stanardsville Mallerie Shifflett

Poquoson Janet Dyer

Stanley Mary Hunkley

Port Republic Carol Griffith Lou Stover

Staunton Helen Bartenslager

Timberville Blanche Collins Chastity Ann Collins Dimitri Howard Pricilla Pence Kathryn Smith Marie Stroop Waynesboro Kerith Cupo Peter Grimm Weyers Cave Lucretia Carter Patricia Early Dorothy Ann Keener Paul Luther Law Woodstock Nancy Shrum Phenix City, AL Dick Hottinger Mechanicsville, MD Kristi Vliet Gaston, SC Judy Carper Richard Dean Antioch, TN Lisa Meyer Baker, WV Janet Dove Bartow, WV Julia Bauserman Franklin, WV Betty Smith Mathias, WV Gary Miller Jane Robinson Sugar Grove, WV Paula Mitchell Upper Tract, WV Karen Kimble

Yearly subscription to If you would like to receive this quarterly publication in your mailbox, it is available by subscription for $16 a year. To subscribe, return this form with your check or money order made payable to Valley Living, or go online to valleyliving.org. ❏ Payment of $16 is enclosed for 4 issues (or $32 for 8).

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Name: _________________________________________ Phone: _____________________________________________ (include in case we have questions. We will not use for any other purpose.)

Address: ________________________________________ City: ___________________ State: _____ Zip: ______________ 34 living • Spring 2017

Star gazing

STAR GAZING

by Jeanewtte Baer Showalter

by JEANETTE BAER SHOWALTER

From early times people have been mesmerized by the beauty of the night sky. In modern times we are equally enthralled by images shown by telescopes. Any of us can spot the planet Venus or the North Star, Polaris, gleaming brightly. Our brightest star is Sirius, part of Canis Major, a constellation catalogued by Ptolemy in the second century, though important to people long before then. You can trace the paths of these stars, constellations, planets, and even a comet, in the puzzle below displayed forward, backward, horizontally, vertically, and diagonally.

©ADOBE STOCK

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ARIES AURORA AUSTRALIS AURORA BOREALIS BIG DIPPER

SAGITTARIUS SATURN SCORPIUS SIRIUS

CANIS MAJOR

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CASSIOPEIA

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HALLEY’S COMET

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JUPITER

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Mail your completed puzzle and your name will be published in the next issue of Living. _________________________________________________ name/please print

_________________________________________________ address

MERCURY MILKY WAY

What stories did you find most interesting in this issue?

1. ______________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________

_________________________________________________ city

ORION

state

zip

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Mail by April 26, 2017, to Living, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22802.

Spring 2017 • living 35

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HARRISONBURG • (540) 434-6791

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ROCKINGHAM NEW HOLLAND 600 West Market St. • Harrisonburg, VA 22802 • 540-434-6791

36 living • Spring 2015 2017