The Courier Week 25

Edition 25

www.thecourier.es

Friday, August 12, 2011

FOOL BRITANNIA

Riots sparked by system where discipline is taboo

I CAME home to Manchester last week to visit my family and friends.

Instead, I came home to see the values I love destroyed forever.

The riots and looting may have been temporarily washed away by midweek rain, but you can be sure the thugs will return.

Because they know they have nothing to fear from a system that has been wrecked by political correctness and the outlawing of discipline, both at home and in the nation’s schools.

England will never be the same after the trashing by local morons of cities from London to Liverpool and from Manchester to Bristol.

Like every law-abiding citizen, I wanted to see the trouble cut off at source by the

PAGE ONE OPINION

By Courier Editor DONNA GEE

police - be it via water cannon, rubber bullets or taser gun.

Instead, we had Home Secretary Theresa May preaching against even the softest of deterrents as shops were wantonly vandalised, torched and looted. ‘‘The way we police in Britain is not through use of water cannon,’’ she woffled. ‘‘The way we police in Britain is through consent of com-

munities.’’ That, Ms May, is precisely why the country is in a mess - because the lowlives responsible for the mayhem don’t live by the rules of normal society.

The only thing they fear is pain, plus perhaps the prospect of spending many years behind bars. And in a society that has banned physical discipline and treats

Turn to Page 6

THE HOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY: An all-too-common sight in London last weekend

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Friday, August 12, 2011

You’ve had your chips, pal - I’m off!

TELEPHONE

679 096 309 96 672 6437 JUNGLE DRUMS E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Alto del Moncayo s/n, Guardamar del Segura, 03140, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 672 64 37 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Donna Gee ADVERTISING SALES 96 672 6437 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 96 672 6437 616 332 178 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Denise La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 616 332 178 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Writers Mick Hardy Donna Gee Suzanne Manners Sally Bengtsson Harry Nuttall Harold Heys Phil Smith Steve Bott Tony Mayes Jake Monroe

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Picture of the week

96 672 7334

Spanish airport workers call off strike action Pregnant

BRITS ESCAPE HOLIDAY HELL AIRPORT unions have called off two planned 24-hour strikes by handling crews that would have left British holidaymakers stranded in Spain.

The stoppages had been set for August 18 and 26 - a peak time for families returning to the UK prior to the start of the new school term.

Check-in workers and luggage handlers maintain that previously agreed wage agreements had not been put in place. But despite this, union sources said the CCOO, UGT and USO unions ‘have signed a document calling off the strikes’.

The unions are particularly angry at the North American company WFS, which operates at Barcelona-El Prat and is accused of laying off staff despite winning more contracts.

The strikes were reportedly called off after WFS agreed to re-employ four sacked workers.

But unions remain angry at the ‘economic policies of the Ministry for Development in relation to handling’, claiming that too many licences are being issued, along with an excess of redundancy notices.

On Tuesday the Spanish Federation of Travel Agents said that two million passengers would have been affected by the planned strikes - including the Pope, who arrives in Madrid on the 18th to preside over World Youth Day. But as things stand, there will be a metro strike in the capital on that day.

Monday Nice and sunny High Temperature: 29°C RealFeel: 31°C

WAITING GAME: That stranded feeling

woman shot in drug war A PREGNANT woman was shot in the chest during a drug-related shootout in Elche on Monday.

Two other people were injured in the incident, which is believed to have been the settling of scores between gypsy family clans linked to drug trafficking.

Police arrested three women and impounded two firearms and two knives.

The shot woman, who is 21 weeks pregnant, is in a serious condition in Elche General Hospital.

A woman, 33, received buttock and hip injuries and a man aged 20 was hit in the hand by a ricochet bullet.

20 held in Lloret disco aggro TWENTY people were arrested in a clash between tourists and police in Lloret de Mar early yesterday (Thursday)..

It follows trouble on Monday in which police used rubber bullets after being pelted with a shower of bottles and other

objects.

In yesterday’s clashes, events got out of hand at the doors of the Colossos disco when the premises were evacuated after the air conditioning broke down.

The club holds 1,800 people

and was full because an international DJ was performing.

‘Hundreds of hooligans’ are said to have gone on a 2am rampage, setting fire to rubbish containers and facing up to the regional police at the doors of the disco.

Today Sunny High Temperature: 28°C RealFeel: 29°C

Saturday Sunny High Temperature: 29°C RealFeel: 32°C

Sunday Sunny & very warm High Temperature: 33°C RealFeel: 36°C

Tuesday Sunny High Temperature: 27°C RealFeel: 28°C

Wednesday Partly sunny High Temperature: 28°C RealFeel: 29°C

Thursday Sunny High Temperature: 31°C RealFeel: 33°C

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Friday, August 12, 2011

MEET IRIS, THE GREAT GRANDMOTHER WHO’S A PAGE 3 GIRL AT 75 No facelifts or Botox, just a well-preserved lady with a model figure and a very proud husband IRIS MURRAY is FOUR TIMES the age of the models featured in the UK tabloids...but, even at 75, she’s happy to take them on in the Page 3 stakes.

And in husband Brian, Iris has the biggest fan any girl could wish for.

Brian, from Formentera, wrote to The Courier to say: ‘‘Iris was 75 in June and is still doing photo shoots and modelling now and again. ‘‘She’s had no lifts, tucks, Botox or surgery. ‘‘She is still a size eight and, as you can see, looks in great shape.’’

As her five children, 12 grandchildren and four great grandchildren will all confirm...

RYAN TAMERS

BY SALLY BENGTSSON AENA, the Spanish airports authority, and the Public Works Ministry say they are no longer prepared to allow the payment of subsidies to Ryanair.

The low cost airline may be about to about to be taken on by the Spanish government, who are fed up with the carrier’s black-mailing tactics.

Have you ever asked yourself how they can offer such cheap flights and still make a profit? The Irish airline is actually strongly subsided by Spanish taxpayers’

Spain ready to fight airline’s ‘blackmail’

money. However, the Madrid government has had just about enough of the airline’s blackmailing policy of threatening to pull out of airports whose regional governments refuse to pay up to seven million euros a year for the low-cost carrier to bring hundreds of thousands of tourists to their shores.

When a regional government says this, Ryanair just moves to another location, taking the tou-

rists with it. But the Spanish government and AENA are thinking of taking on the airline en masse – even though it could well mean flight costs going up.

The choice is a hard one.

Spain is in desperate need of tourism to try to keep the economy afloat. And expat house buyers often look at the proximity of a local airport with reasonable fare prices as a plus point when purchasing property.

When

Ryanair seriously cut flights into Murcia Airport, the local hoteliers and estate agents certainly noticed the huge drop in visitors.

Ryanair is not the only company to be paid with public money to keep provincial airports operating. Spain's short-haul carrier Air Nostrum receives subsidies from Valencia's regional government, as initially did

Turn to Page 6

Brits are behaving better abroad - official IT might seem unlikely in view of the current rioting in England, but the number of Britons arrested in Spain last year fell by over 13%.

According to the latest Foreign and Commonwealth Office report on British Behaviour Abroad, arrests for drug-related offences in Spain also decreased by 4.5% .

The positive downward trends for Spain are in line with an encouraging global picture for the year to March 31.

The number of Britons arrested overseas fell by over 10% worldwide, with drug arrests down by nearly 20%. These figures compare with a 2% drop in the number of overseas visits by Britons.

Despite the declines, Foreign Office staff still handled 5,700 arrest cases last year, of which 1,745 were in Spain. Drug arrests continue to be a significant problem in some countries, with upward trends in South America and the Caribbean, but making up less than 10% of all arrests in Spain.

Minister for Europe David Lidington, said: “We work hard to warn British nationals about the consequences of breaking the law abroad so it is really encouraging to see the overall number of cases of arrests and drug arrests falling. ‘’But last year there were still 5,700 arrests of British nationals overseas.

People are mistaken if they think the Foreign Office can get you out of jail. We can’t, but we will work hard to try and ensure your safety, and that you get a fair trial.”

Aside from arrests, the British Behaviour Abroad report shows that the number of Brits hospitalised in Spain increased 23% to 1,024 cases, despite fewer people travelling out of the UK. Other points from the report: l Spain had the highest number of Britons requiring assistance (4,971 cases). lThe number of rape and sexual assault cases in Spain rose from 45 to 52. lDeaths in Spain requiring consular assistance fell by 8% from 1,786 to 1,639. l Spain last year had 12.3 million visitors (source: Spanish authorities) and an estimated 808,000 British residents (source: IPPR – based on Britons living in Spain for a year or longer).

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Friday, August 12, 2011

THE RIOTS AND THE WRONGS

WE'VE all been deeply shocked by the dreadful scenes on our TV screens over the last few days - of the appalling rioting which has terrified those caught up in it and brought despair to those who have lost everything as mindless anarchists set fire to shops, offices and homes.

The shooting of a black youth in London last week by police was the catalyst for the riots, which at first was confined to a small area but spread to four major cities by Monday.

It's a worrying time for people living or having businesses in our major cities, and a worrying time for expats too - frightened that our loved-ones could be caught up in the mindless violence and destruction.

But all this has been waiting to happen for generations now – it’s something that Enoch Powell warned about so long ago. He was concerned back then about the growing number of ghettos in our major cities - the creation of communities within communities and, despite all the warnings, it

has largely gone on unchecked.

In the '50s and '60s the ghettos got bigger, and many failed to become integrated into mainstream society. They went on to have children who again kept within their own closed communities.

Often they bunked off school, joining gangs of other disaffected youths and finally we had "open warfare" between rival groups, armed with knives and guns.

As so often is the case in these closed communities, they protected each other, making it ever more difficult for police to gain the evidence needed to bring wrongdoers to justice.

We now have a hard-core of people, mainly of AfroCaribbean descent, who only know the language of the street. They left school with little or no education, and, in this highly sophisticated society, are virtually unemployable.

The result is we have thousands of unemployed, disaffected youngsters with huge chips on their shoulders just waiting for an incident, such as what they undoubtedly see as the killing of one of their own by police, to unite in a campaign of hatred against the "other" society who they see as having more than they have in every way.

It came as little surprise to me this morning to hear the growing calls for troops to be called in to quell the riots. It also came as no surprise to hear that politically this was not on the agenda. Ministers know only too well that if troops were brought in, black youths would be killed or injured; this would prompt rioting to escalate and we would have full-

scale race riots on our hands before we know it.

There's no doubt that David Cameron is right when he says that some immigration is good for Britain. That's because we have seen educated people from across the world attracted here to work hard and contribute to society. I see first-hand people from Poland and other countries in Eastern Europe prepared to work harder and for longer hours than their British counterparts. It's no wonder they make good and prosper.

But the dilemma is the hard-core of second, third or more immigrants who have failed, partly because society as a whole has failed them and partly because of their own unwillingness to help themselves. As a result, their bitterness grows, and with unemployment rising through the recession they have been joined by others, all with huge chips on their shoulders.

When you get scores of people gathered together looking to vent their anger at any sign of wealth, status or power, it becomes extremely dangerous. Ironically, in London and Birmingham, we have seen gangs of black rioters looting and setting fire to businesses of fellow coloured people who have made good.

What I find extremely worrying is the current world-wide economic crash. If this goes on, it will lead to another recession, probably worse than the last, and millions more thrown out of work, fuelling the army of people who believe society has failed them. Heaven help us all then.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Look! New Look has a New Look!

SINCE being taken over by Lesley and Dave four years ago, New Look Second Hand Warehouse has more to offer than ever before. The business used to deal in standard second-hand furniture - but has now been transformed into a top-class company selling top-quality second-hand furniture, white goods and all household items.

That includes new furniture at second-hand prices!

So, what’s the difference between New Look Second Hand Warehouse and all the other shops on the scene? Well, we pride ourselves on customer satisfaction and our efficient service in buying and selling. We like to listen to our customers, hear what their needs are and always try to find a solution.

We have experienced sales staff to guide customers on their purchases and our delivery team ensure the furniture arrives at your property as you saw it on the shop floor. So

from start to finish, we are with you all the way and if we don’t have what you are looking for, we will do our best to find it for you.

We have a large selection of brand-new beds as discounted prices to suit everyone’s budget.

Sprung, pocket sprung, memory foam and latex - you name it, we can get it!! And there is no better time to buy than now as we are offering 10% off. We aim to offer a service to customers who own rental properties on a budget here on the Costas, and also to home owners who require quality and good service at a price they can afford!

So why not call in and take a look around at what we have to offer? Our friendly staff will be there to greet you and show you our bedding, electrical and furniture zones. You can find us at Plaza de la Constitucion 1, San Miguel de Salinas. Tel: 965 999 054 or Mobile 628 923 294

Three die in fairground horror as ride crashes THREE men were killed and a 16-year-old girl seriously injured after part of a Spanish fairground ride broke off and crashed 30 feet to the ground.

The horrrific accident, involving a ride called ‘Extrem’, occurred in Villacañas, Toledo, and is the worst of its kind in

Spain for 30 years.

The three victims were all Romanian, two of them brothers. The injured girl, also Romanian, remains in hospital after urgent surgery for a head injury.

A witness said: “My daughter had bought some churros and was eating them in front of the

ride when it started to fall.

Luckily it was 4.30am and the fair was no longer as busy. ‘‘If it had been a few hours earlier, it could have fallen on people.”

The ride was full when it crashed and another 12 people had to be treated for shock.

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Friday, August 12, 2011

Spain ready for war with Ryanair From Page 3 Vueling, to fly into Lleida. But Ryanair is the biggest player, servicing 23 airports in Spain alone.

Spain embarked on an ambitious programme of airport construction at the same time as Ryanair took off, back in 1992, and has provided the perfect market for the airline’s expansion. It currently serves 23 of the country's almost 50 airports, carrying more than 26 million passengers a year.

AENA, the Spanish airports authority, and the Public Works Ministry say they are no longer prepared to allow the payment of subsidies to Ryanair. Of the 48 public airports in Spain, only 11 make a profit. Which raises a question: does Spain have too many airports?

Whatever the case, more constantly seem to be being built.

One clear example of the airline’s effect on an area is Girona. Ryanair seemed to be the region’s salvation when it approached the struggling city in 2000. In 2002, some half-a-million passengers came through; the following year saw a 173% increase in traffic. By 2008, Ryanair had 11 aircraft based in Girona, carrying 5.5 million passengers to and from the airports throughout Europe.

But there was a hidden cost: subsidies paid by the regional government in the form of "tourist promotion" to the tune of €7m a year.

The company makes no bones about its strategy: "There are a lot of airports in Europe, but there is only one airline in a position to operate out of Girona - us," said a spokesman. The same applies to Alicante, the Canary Islands and Zaragoza, to name but three regional airports in Spain.

The method has worked in some cases. In 2008, Ryanair drastically cut back its flights

at Valencia airport, with the consequent drop in arrivals. Last year, after reaching a deal with the Valencian regional government that saw it receive 800,000 euros, it began to increase flights.

Ryanair is also battling AENA on a number of fronts: in April it threatened to slash flights to Alicante by 80 percent this winter if AENA does not withdraw a two-million-euro increase in fees for the use of airbridges.

But it should not be forgotten that Spain is a very important market for Ryanair. Of the 73 million passengers who travelled with them last year, 26.6 million did so to and from Spanish airports.

In the case of Girona, Ryanair demands €15 million a year in return for a promise to bring in three million passengers. The Catalan regional government has offered the airline half that sum, along with space to build a hangar, in the hope that this will keep

it there.

Over the last decade, there have been several reports of Ryanair pilots allegedly cutting corners because they were working under "extreme pressure on the flight deck to achieve programmed sector times."

Pilots were also said to be ignoring longer flight paths, which bypass residential areas and instead fly directly over villages and towns, increasing noise pollution.

"Ryanair plays fast and loose. Every year, in July, it threatens to reduce its flights for the coming winter, which of course is the low season," says Alex Cruz, CEO of Spanish budget airline Vueling.

"It does this in just about every place it operates. The company has, of course, already decided what it is going to do, but it is a way of putting pressure on airports and regional governments. It is basically playing a game of extortion."

GREAT BRITTLE Devastated...the nation that has become too soft From Page One

BAND OF HOPE AND GLORY: Plenty of broom for a clean-up as the decent folk of London take to the streets

prisoners like hotel guests, that means they fear NOTHING. The scenes were embarrassing as the world watched the law stand by as wayward children, yes children, wreaked havoc with impunity as if they were in a Hollywood movie.

As for deterrents, there weren’t any. Just droves of unarmed police trying to limit the damage, no doubt fearful of dealing properly with the scallies for fear of being arrested themselves.

Prime Minister David Cameron seems to think the troublemakers will get their comeuppance in court – but he’s deluding himself. The PC brigade frown on locking up children and I’ll be staggered if even one rioter or looter gets the five-year sentence a stricter society would impose.

Mayhem No wonder the world is laughing at Britain’s joke government and the opposition, too. Because Ed Milliband’s lot are just as responsible for the softie judges and magistrates who will inevitably tiptoe through the minefield of mayhem.

The vermin who destroyed England come from a subculture that has developed in the UK over the last few decades – a scum society where scallies perform street carnage while mum and dad are either enjoying the pleasantries of a comfortable jail cell or out of their minds on drink and drugs.

These low-lives are only a tiny minority of British society – yet they can cause havoc, as we have seen so painfully this week.

They respect nobody, would not dream of working, and believe the only way of life is to steal from others. They live by the law of insolence, robbery and violence. And the only way to deal with them when they go on the rampage is to give the police and, if necessary, the Army the freedom to stamp on them .

But in a country where most of the police are not even

armed, what chance have we got?

Political correctness rules, just as it does in the schools where the little scumbags develop their obnoxious charms.

Teachers cannot so much as raise a hand to discipline the rebels, who celebrate by threatening and even attacking the people trying to educate them.

This, Mr Cameron and Ms May, is where the problem began...we took legalised discipline out of the equation when

Warning as death drug hits Spain ‘DOVES RED’, a synthetic drug which has caused fatal intoxications in other countries, has arrived in Spain.

It’s sold as pills which look like Ecstasy and has already been linked to several deaths in Europe.

The Energy Control group (energycontrol.org), which is dedicated to stop the risks of drug use, has said that the drug has been seen in the Madrid region.

They say it contains PMMA, an extremely toxic substance which

was linked to nine deaths in Denmark last year, resulting from Speed with a 5%-10% PPMA content. They advise against any sale or use given its high toxicity. PPMA has been on the banned substance list in Spain since July 15.

the cane was confiscated from our schoolteachers.

Now you’ve forgotten that it actually used to work. I never met anyone who was damaged by six of the best. Exactly the opposite in fact – it taught kids to behave themselves.

But of course it wasn’t PC. Unless that stands for the Perfect Corrector.

I just thank God that I got out in time. Y viva Espana.

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Friday, August 12, 2011

Mona and the Tesco trolley bashers

MY good friend Mike Thornton, who in his time has dabbled at most ways of making a living, had me in hysterics the other day with recollections of his days managing one of Manchester’s most respected Italian restaurants.

nently to Spain, just about every other food chain in the UK. I will never forgive Tesco for their incompetence and ignorance. But I feel I’ve made my point by depriving Tesco of literally tens of thousands of pounds. And these days, they do seem to look after late-night customers a lot better than they did a decade ago. So I ended my Tesco boycott perhaps two years ago – and have since been known to pay them the odd visit on my occasional trips to the UK.

The tale that got me giggling was of a young woman who, from the moment she and her two companions sat down, was clearly set on complaining incessantly in order to avoid paying for her meal.

Mike, who reckons seasoned managers and waiters can suss out this kind of person instantly, promptly called the restaurant owner for permission to make his largerthan life presence felt as and when the ‘get something, pay nothing’ punter played her trump card.

Sheepish

Astonished And when the problem woman (let’s call her Mona) predictably refused to pay, he raised his voice to maximum decibels and, as dozens of astonished diners looked on, demanded that Mona and her highly embarrassed friends get out of the restaurant immediately and never return.

It was hardly the ‘customer is always right’ policy preached in the retail trade, certainly in the UK. But I can so empathise with Mike after seeing the way some people speak to restaurant staff. And it seems to happen in Spain just as much as in the UK – if not more.

Granted, there are plenty of eateries where the food or

service – or both - are pitifully poor. But that is never deliberate. I mean, what sort of restaurateur would WANT to ostracise his or her customers? Could there be a more perfect recipe for the business going bust?

I was looking at a website at the weekend dedicated to complaints about Britain’s biggest food chain, Tesco. It was full of people moaning about trivialities like late arrival of home deliveries.

Pretty pathetic, really. Do these people seriously think ANY company can keep

Agree or disagree with Donna, email your comments to donna@thecourier.es

every one of their millions of customers happy for even one second?

The reality is that, like the ‘avoid paying at all costs’ woman in Mike’s restaurant, these people are all after something for nothing. And if we are honest, aren’t we all?

I have to admit that I wrote a stinking letter to Tesco myself a few years back after abandoning a full trolley in an endless check-out queue at my local branch in Prestwich, Manchester.

I’d done a late-night shop thinking that at one in the morning I’d at least be able to make a quick getaway. But when I arrived at the chec-

kout, there must have been 20 trolleys waiting to go through – and only one cashier on duty.

At least half a dozen of these trolleys were, like mine, piled to the brim...though at least a couple had already been abandoned by their stressed-out pushers.

‘Sorry, but we don’t have enough staff on duty to open any more tills,’’ was the pathetic excuse from the person ostensibly in charge of the shambolic situation.

Seething, I joined the

ranks of the trolley dumpers and walked out, furious that the previous hour had been a total waste – but quietly gloating at the fact the incompetent management had lost £100 or more in sales and would now have to arrange for my would-be purchases to be returned to the shelves.

The following day I vented my fury in a letter to Tesco head office, complete with a copy to the manager of the Prestwich branch.

Ten years later I am still waiting for a reply. In the meantime, Tesco’s loss has been Asda’s gain. And Morrison’s. And, until I moved more or less perma-

999 IS CHEST THE JOB

I DIALLED 999 last week for the first time in my life. And yes, I do know that in Spain I should have dialled 112.

But when you are on holiday in Manchester and your housemate has chest pains at 1.30 in the morning, there’s not much point in dialling up your GP’s surgery.

Lynn was complaining of pressure on her chest and pain rising into her cheeks, so there wasn’t much else I could do than alert the emergency services.

And I have to be honest – the paramedics were brilliant. The woman at the other end of the phone was obviously alerting the ambulance service even as I was giving the address because it was

no more than three minutes before the first rapid-response medic was knocking on the door. By the time the ambulance crew arrived, Lynn had already been plied with medication by the John Malkovitch lookalike – and a series of tests followed in the vehicle itself. Ultimately she was transferred to the local hospital’s A & E department with one of the paramedics explaining: ‘’Where chest pains are concerned we automatically take patients in for a full check.’’

Ultimately, Lynn’s problem was not coronary but a reaction from a hiatus hernia. But I can happily confirm that, contrary to popular belief, the UK medical system does have something going for it after all.

I actually have some fond memories of Tesco – like the evening a track-suited David Beckham walked into the Prestwich branch, a cap pulled down over his face in the belief no one would recognise him. How disillusioned the poor boy was!

Five hundred pairs of eyes watched as the instantly recognisable footy hero pawed the newspaper rack for whichever magazine he was after, then made his way sheepishly through the quick-service till with his lone purchase and out through the main entrance as obtrusively as he had entered.

But my ultimate memory of Tesco is of the night when, as a young reporter in London scarcely out of my teens, I met the company’s legendary founder.

Prominent The circumstances could not have been more bizarre. I had been sent to cover a meeting at the House of Commons, at which Sir Jack Cohen was to be guest of honour.

Before the meeting, guests were milling around and, nervous at being in the company of a number of prominent MPs, I got chatting to a gentleman in his 60s who had sensed my discomfort.

And by the time the meeting was called to order, we were nattering away like old friends.

The formalities about to begin, a member of the organising committee approached me and my companion and, to my astonishment, told my new friend: ‘’We’d appreciate it if you would take your seat at the top table, Sir Jack.’’

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Friday, August 12, 2011

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I BUMPED into an old acquaintance by the name of Fred the other day. He and I used to walk our dogs together on the fields.

Fred owned a frisky Jack Russell terrier puppy and I had an ageing half-collie half-alsatian mutt called Brian.

That was a few years ago. The fields have since been built upon and sadly my dog Brian is no longer with us.

So when I encountered my dog-walking friend outside Tesco I was keen to know how his Jack Russell was doing.

'So what's new with your Jack?' I enquired as Fred and I let go of our shopping trolleys to shake hands.

'Jack is now an electrical propulsion systems design engineer,' said Fred proudly. I paused for a moment to let this information sink in. 'Wow!' I exclaimed eventually. 'That's one clever dog you've got there.'

There was an uneasy silence broken only by the crashing sound of our shopping trolleys bouncing off a nearby kerb and overturning. Fred looked at me as if I were daft. 'Jack is my son,' he announced. 'My dog was called Scamp.'

Which reminds me. I say Brian was my dog but if the truth be known -- and it will be any second now -- the mutt worshipped my wife, Mrs S. Sure we got on well enough but I don't believe we ever fully trusted each other.

Anyway, enough about me and the missus. I was telling you about our Brian. The dog used to follow me around in the mornings but only out of morbid curiosity plus the fact that I was the first human to rise in our house.

Brian would pad after me into the bathroom and watch me

Friday, August 12, 2011

TWO MEN AND THEIR DOGS... at my ablutions. I would splash hot water over my face followed by cold water. Brian would look at me with a puzzled expression.

'I'll tell you why I do that thing with the water, Brian,' I explained on one occasion. 'It's good for the pores.'

Brian looked down at his feet. 'Not paws, Brian. PORES! What a silly cur you can be sometimes.'

Brian shrugged and padded down the stairs to grab a nap.

Unfortunately, Mrs S had risen by now and the mood had taken her to Feng Shui the kitchen.

She believed that switching around the furniture would boost the levels of positive energy. Go figure.

Anyway, poor Brian jumped into his basket or, to put it more accurately, the space his basket should have occupied.

For Mrs S had Feng Shuied his sleeping quarters and the dog became stuck fast as he dived head first into the swing bin.

I raced downstairs to find out what all the startled yelping was about.

'I was trying to switch around the fridge and the washing machine but my foot got jammed,' moaned Mrs S. 'Well that's no reason for you to start yelping like a dog!'

I snapped, releasing her leg.

'By the way, where is Brian?'

Mrs S and I looked around the kitchen and simultaneously spotted our dog's back end sticking out of the bin.

'His hindquarters look very limp,' observed Mrs S shakily. 'Who'd have thought that my pursuit of an ancient

Chinese system of aesthetics would kill our beautiful pet.'

I grabbed my torch and shone it through the narrow gap between the bin and the lid. There wasn't much space but I was just about able to peer inside.

'The little beggar's not dead. He's just asleep,' I announced.

'How can you tell he's only sleeping and not in a coma?' asked Mrs S. 'Because the flaming mutt is snoring.'

Half an hour later I was at the vet's waiting for our Brian to be checked over. I started to snigger. The guy sitting next to me glared in my direction. 'So sorry,' I said. 'It's just so incongruous. You, a big butch bloke with tattoos, sitting there with a tiny tortoise on your lap.'

The guy sniffed. 'No more odd than YOU sitting there with a swing bin on YOUR lap.'

I clutched the bin tightly to my bosom.

'I'll have you know that there's a supremely sick animal inside here!' I exaggerated indignantly.

Anyway, the vet greased Brian out of the bin, gave him the onceover and passed him as none the worse for his ordeal.

'Just make sure he has plenty of water to rehydrate him,' the vet advised.

Brian looked down at his feet.

'That's quite right, little feller,' the vet said. 'Water is good for the pores.'

He turned to me. 'Wow!,' said the vet.

'That's one clever dog you've got there.'

I was telling Dave the barman the story of Brian and the bin down at the pub when I noticed a tear roll down his cheek. 'Why so sad, Dave?' I asked him.

'Have you not had a chance to water the beer yet?'

'It's what you said, Dave,' Dave said. 'That bit about Brian no longer being with us.'

'Oh, he's still around,' I said, passing Dave my hankie.

'After the swing bin incident Brian decided it was time for him to move on. He trotted over to the local rescue dog rehoming centre and slept on the doorstep until the staff opened up the next morning.'

'Wow!' exclaimed Dave the barman, dabbing at his eyes. 'That was one clever dog you had there.'

Friday, August 12, 2011

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Friday, August 12, 2011

GILL’S UP FOR A SKY-DIVE AT 65!

GILL GIBSON from Mazarrón is coming up to her 65th birthday and her partner, Mike, decided that this is the time to make one of her dreams come true.

So she’ll be jumping out of an aircraft from 15,000 feet!

Not everyone’s ‘dream’, maybe but game Gill is up for it.

“It is a tandem jump where I hitch a ride on the back of an experienced skydiver – I haven't got the nerve to do it on my own,’’ she says. ‘’And my son, Glen, who is 38, is also doing the jump with me. It’s now or never – and it might as well be now!”

Gill is already in the UK, getting herself fit for the awesome task ahead. Weather permitting, she’ll make the jump on Friday, August 26 with SkyDive at Hibalstow Airfield, near Brigg in Lincolnshire.

Gill is jumping in aid of MABS cancer support group, but she didn’t have much time to recruit sponsors before she left for the UK and is now on a hectic schedule to get fit for the big day.

Please contact MABS if you would like to sponsor Gill: email: info@mabsmurcia.com or call (0034) 693 824 511. If you are in the UK, call Lin on 0844 910 3271.

And the winner is...

THE Mediterranean Cruise for two people kindly donated by Coachtrips S.L. in support of the Age Concern C B S Charity has been won by...MS! Those are the initials of the holder of the winning ticket, number 007137.

The draw was made on Sunday and our photograph shows Madge and David, proprieter of Coachtrips SL, with Maureen Payne (President of Age Concern) in the centre, making the draw. The winner will be notified as soon as possible. More details to follow.

GILL GIBSON: ‘It’s now or never’

TWENTY-EIGHT years in business is quite something to celebrate and tomorrow (Saturday), Antonio from Bar Imanyo in Daya Nueva is celebrating in style.

He’s having a special anniversary BBQ and everyone is welcome!

Bar Imanyo has been raising money for the last four weeks for Paul Cunningham Nurses, starting with a Race Night which made over €200.

All the bar’s regulars have taken part in Sunday cake Bake and Sells, bingo evenings and quiz nights - each event to raise money for the PCN charity.

For anyone who has not yet visited Imanyo you are in for a treat.

28 great reasons to have a BBQ Situated near to Day Nueva Town Hall it is a great bar with great food. Dave, one of the organisers, should know as his wife is one of the chefs!

Daya Nueva is a small rural village between San Fulgencio and Almoradi, Imanyo is very near to the town hall and easy to find.

However, if you would like directions please give Dave a call on 665 984 196. Hope to see you there!

Lions give disabled swim kids a lift

THE Torrevieja Costa Lions were recently made aware of a need for a hoist at the Asociacion de Discapacitados de la Vega Baja (ADIS VB) in Orihuela.

The hoist is needed to assist physically disabled children to enter and exit the swimming pool.

Swimming and activities in the pool are a vital part of the therapy, and until now some children had experienced great difficulty getting in and out of the pool.

When the Lions heard of the plight of the children, the Club immediately offered to assist with the purchase of the hoist, and last Thursday Lion community service director Janette Bennett, along with Lion Maureen

Moss, were delighted to hand over a cheque for 1,020 euros as payment for the hoist.

To help the Lions to help others, they are holding fun race nights in Restaurante Lo Marabu in Dona Pepa on Tuesdays August 16 and 30 at 9pm. It is really good fun and goes a long way to providing help for those most in need.

To learn more about ADIS VB, go to www.adisvegabaja.org and for more information on the activities of the Lions check out www.torreviejacostalions.org

Lion Maureen Moss (right) presents the cheque to Purificacion Torregillas Lauarin of ADIS VB

Castelar is the summer set for English scouts CASTELAR College in San Pedro Del Pinatar was recently the choice venue for a group of scouts from Somerset, England.

The world scouting organisation has been around for 104 years and is present in all but five countries in the world.

Every four years they arrange a two-week Jamboree and this year, en route from Sweden as part of the event, a group of 40 scouts stayed at Castelar College on the Mar Menor.

The scouts were welcomed to the area by the recentlyThe visiting scouts with (from left) Gaudalupe Garcia Oliver (Minister for Education), Visitacion appointed Mayoress of San Martinez Martinez (Mayoress of San Pedro del Pinatar), Scout leaders Lyle Abbott, Renira Rutherford Pedro (Visitacion Martinez Martinez) accompanied by and Gillian Shaw and, on the right, Pilar Valdés (Castelar Language Academy Director)

Guadalupe Garcia Oliver (Minister for Education).

During their stay, the scouts sampled some true Spanish life, visiting local beaches, including the well-known mud baths, and seeing historic landmarks including the Teatro Romano in Cartagena.

The staff at Castelar also arranged a much-appreciated VIP tour of the Military Academy in Santiago de La Ribera.

Scout leader Ben Groves said the group were so delighted with Castelar College’s hospitality and facilities that they were already planning a return trip to the area in 2012.

Friday, August 12, 2011 Exhausting work - and the ice-cream van could not be more convenient!

Perk in the Parque!

IT WAS the Party in the Parque on Sunday – and it Helped the Heroes to the tune of more than 3,000 euros.

The Help for Heroes charity event was held at Parque del Duque in Playa Flamenca and involved four local establishments, Pablo’s, Concierto’s, Clarke’s Bar and Maggie’s, all working together to raise funds.

The day was a great success, with temperatures soaring and crowds gathered at each individual bar, soaking up the sun and enjoying a full day of entertainment , Local businesses Rioja Properties and Stylish Homes each donated €500, while Pablo’s - who had two barrels donated by Estrella - set up an outside bar selling pints for €2 and supplied the food for the barbeque.

Each bar and restaurant had arranged fundraising activities and the day featured charity stalls plus a bouncy castle for the

kids, table-top magic from the talented Graeme Mykal, a Zumba demonstration by Linda and Jessie displaying his dancing skills.

The event was hosted by Davy Jones, with the TKO trailer the stage for local entertainers who gave their time to support the cause. These included Cathy Carson and TABS, Nick Gold, Dan the Man, Andy McBride, Johnny Zeller, Pattie Ross, Leaham, Justine, the outrageous Stevie Spit and flamenco dancers.

Raffle prizes where donated by Antisha Gifts, Landis Beauticians, Tophair, Stevie the Barber, King Kod, Penny’s Supermarket, Pretty Neat, Bargain Hunter Supermarket, Sports Bar, Health and Beauty Abroad and Zumba Dancing. The RAFA kindly donated half their takings for the day.

A big thank you for all the people that volunteered their spare time to make this event such a success.

Flamenco time at the Party in the Parque

WHAT’S ON Friday 12th – Cabo Roig At Playa la Goleta, children’s games start from 11am Friday 12th – La Zenia At Playa de la Zenia, the 4th Volleyball Championship (Orihuela Costa Cup) starts at 4pm. Later at 7.30pm, Pilates classes will be held on the beach with Espernaza Meseguer Navarro.

Saturday 13th – La Zenia At La Zenia beach, starting from 6pm will be a Flamenco Show. Later, at 9pm, The Monos music band will be playing.

Saturday 13th – Playa Flamenca A concert by “Azul y Nacar” (Flamenco Music) will be held on the Paseo Maritimo (promenade at Calle Alhelies) Saturday 13th – Cabo Roig An Ibizan Fiesta is being held at Playa la Goleta from 11.30pm Sunday 14th – Pilar de la Horadada Flower show at Plaza de Torre de la

with ZOE HOLDEN Horadada, 10am to 3pm Sunday 14th – Campoamor Starting at midday, a Sangria and Paella tasting competion, located near to the Playa la Glea in the Rambla. Later in the evening, a performance by Palanca and Cambio singing all the old favourites by Pink Floyd, U2, Supertramp, Bon Jovi, Coldplay, etc.

Sunday 14th August – Ciudad Quesada “Gran Paella” at the Plaza Blanca, starting at 2pm Monday 15th August – Spain Today is a red day! So most towns and cities will have some kind of parade or festivities to celebrate.

Monday 15th August – La Zenia A flamenco show on the beach will start at 10.30pm followed by fireworks.

Thursday 18th August – Almoradi Another week of Open Air Cinema at La Plaza de Constitucion, today Toy Story 3.

Starting at 10pm.

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Friday, August 12, 2011

KIDS WITH A LOOT TO ANSWER FOR...

THE disgusting riots that kicked off in Tottenham last weekend followed by the London-wide copycats, and imitators around England made for some of the most disgraceful TV news footage that I’ve ever seen.

Kids were looting stores and attacking the police long after their bedtime, so clearly we have a major parenting problem to address.

What did Mummy and Daddy know about little Junior and his mates being out into the wee small hours? Did they even bother to ask the question in retrospect, or did they just enjoy the new trainers or LCD TV that their siblings mysteriously brought home for them?

Was there even the faintest slap on the wrist for naughty Junior? I doubt it, with most of the stolen booty already having been bartered for some drugs, or Mummy and Daddy (assuming there are two live-in parents in the first place) delighted to enjoy their bonus ill-gotten gains.

Whatever the rights or wrongs over the police shooting of Mark Duggan over a week ago, and there are some very serious questions that need to be answered by the Met, there was no excuse for what subsequently happened, as innocent people saw their homes and businesses go up in smoke. I doubt that any of the yobs even knew or cared who

Mark Duggan was as they indulged in a carte blanche wrecking spree. Yet I had to watch so-called experts and community workers talking about young people who were not being listened to and who felt alienated from society. It was a level of verbal diarrhoea that made my blood boil almost as much as watching the reign of terror unfold on the streets.

Meanwhile, the politicians DAVID LAMMY: Where were floundering around with has he been until now? gross inactivity whilst the calls came for them to leave their expensive foreign holidays to return home to help clear up the mess, and to pontificate in a recall of Parliament. Did you honestly feel that the debate and statement in the Commons gave you any assurance that this sort of outrage will never happen again or be properly controlled??

On second thoughts, perhaps the politicians should have stayed away as London Mayor Boris Johnson buffooned his way around Clapham Junction on Tuesday afternoon to survey the damage, whilst Home Secretary Theresa May shrilled her way nervously through various TV interviews, which were as reassuring as Dad’s Army’s Corporal Jones shouting “Don’t Panic!”

At least David Cameron struck the right note when visiting the devastating scenes in Croydon, but he has still to show himself as fit to be a Prime Minister in a national crisis.

Morons But here’s what really does bother me. Having committed worse damage in parts of the capital than Hitler managed with the Luftwaffe, what is going to happen to the yobs when they are eventually brought before a useless bench of magistrates? You just know that the majority of these morons will get a lighter sentence, compared to the so-called comedian who threw a custard pie at Rupert Murdoch a few weeks ago.

It’s just so outrageous, yet totally predictable. Once again in the true spirit of Britain, it’s going to be all talk and no action.

Talking of talk, I almost started waving the Union Jack two months ago when Iain Duncan Smith, the Secretary for Works and Pensions, started shouting the phrase: “British jobs for British people” from every rooftop he could find. All very different from ten years earlier, when the self-proclaimed ‘Quiet Man’ quickly became the worst-ever Tory leader. And they certainly had plenty of duffers to choose from in that category over a couple of centuries.

By SALLY BENGTSSON SPAIN'S first seven-star hotel has had its building licence revoked after the Andalucian government claimed it was awarded without the proper authorisation.

The government has contacted the town hall in Almuñécar, on the Costa Tropical, to rescind a licence issued by the former local council for the planned Bahía Fenicia Hotel.

The hotel reportedly received a building licence just four days before local elections and two days before a negative report on the project was submitted to the town hall.

The Banyan Tree hotel group must reapply for a licence for their planned property on the Costa Tropical. The Andalucian government also claims the

Duncan Smith has famously walked the political road to Damascus since he was promptly dumped from the top job, and from being a shrieking irrelevant figure, he has become a respected and almost cuddly social reformer.

Imagine, then, the sensible words of the ‘Quiet Man’ being thrown into the Downing Street rubbish bin, with an errant piece of nonsense from the Government which now has Derbyshire Tories squirming in horror.

The city of Derby, with a very proud railway tradition, found the local train makers Bombardier losing a crucial London train carriage contract to the German company, Siemens. The result – 1,400 jobs down the pan, with Duncan Smith’s words brushed aside as quickly as an Indian Test batsman facing the English seamers.

There’s no point in any government in any country coming up with great statements of bravado if they are not backed

IAIN DUNCAN SMITH: All very different from 10 years ago

up by action. The ‘Quiet Man’ was right, and I’d say the same here in Spain, or any other country protecting their workers.

You don’t hear of major continental public tenders going out of their borders, but the UK Government has to be stupidly different.

Like all politicians, they’ve blamed the previous administration for the tender documentation, which is just a cop out.

Poor old Vince Cable, as Business Secretary, was parachuted into Derby last week as a sacrificial lamb who then had his carcass torn to shreds by the local political and business wolves.

As Leader of the Opposition, Cameron was always quick to pay a visit to Derby and Derbyshire as a key English marginal area, which did well for him at the General Election and local elections. Will he be so eager to return in 2015 with his MP’s re-election prospects literally hitting the buffers nearly four years ahead of polling?

Meanwhile, what has Iain Duncan Smith had to say about all of this? The ‘Quiet Man’ has reverted to old form with a deafening silence.

I take it that it wasn’t a matter of principle worth resigning over…

HEARTBREAK HOTEL Andalucia puts block on Spain’s first taste of seven-star paradise

project should have been approved by its own tourism department before the licence was awarded.

The argument over the legality of the hotel will be a familiar story for many expats living in southern Spain, who themselves have fallen victim to lax construction laws.

Thousands of Britons who bought properties on the Iberian Peninsula have

found themselves in danger of being evicted after their homes were declared illegal.

María José Sánchez, a delegate in the Andalusian government, said the authorities will not stand in the way of the hotel project but insisted that all the relevant paperwork is legally approved before it is allowed to proceed. It is hoped the £230m investment by Banyan

Tree will catapult southern Spain into the same league as other popular tourist destinations which offer seven-star luxury, such as Dubai and the Caribbean.

The debate over the construction licence for the hotel is not the first to have raged in Andalucia. In Almeria, the Algarrobico hotel stands empty on the beach of the protected Cabo de GataNíjar Natural Park. The construction was declared illegal after it was built because it is within 100 metres of the beach.

But it has yet to be demolished.

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Friday, August 12, 2011

WHAT THE SPAN

GOODBYE TITLES, HELLO LOVE THE Duchess of Alba, who owns 12 castles and thousands of acres of real estate, is about to give up all her wealth. And it’s all in the name of love.

In a story comparable to King Edward and Mrs Simpson, the 18th Duchess of Alba, who is a distant relative of King James II, Winston Churchill and Diana, Princess of Wales. has fallen for a civil servant.

One of the richest women in Spain, she has taken the surprising decision to say goodbye to her immense personal fortune, in order to be free to marry.

According to Guinness World Records, Maria del Rosario Cayetana Alfonsa Victoria Eugenia Francisca Fitz-James Stuart y de Silva, born in Madrid's Palacio de Lira, has more titles than any noble on earth, being a duchess seven times over, a countess 22 times and a marquesa 24 times.

As head of the 539-yearold House of Alba, her privileges include not having to kneel before the Pope and the right to ride on horseback into Seville Cathedral.

However, the children of the 85-year-old Duchess have until now blocked her plans to marry Alfonso Díez, 24 years her junior. The Duchess and Díez, a civil

Spain’s Duchess of Wealth ready to tie knot with Alfonso - at 85

By SALLY BENGTSSON

servant in the department of social security who also runs a PR business, have been close friends for a number of years.

Her six children, all divorced, are all from her first marriage to the son of the Duke of Sotomayor.

The Duchess, who is rumoured to have undergone extensive cosmetic surgery, shocked the nation when in 1978 she remarried, this time to a former Jesuit priest and intellectual, Jesús Aguirre y Ortiz de Zárate. Aguirre, who died in 2001, was illegitimate, something scandalous even in 1970s Spain.

In 2008 the proposed marriage to Díez was called off when the House of Alba issued a statement saying that the relationship "was based on a long friendship and there are no plans to

marry". The statement came after an alleged telephone call from King Juan Carlos discouraging the Duchess from marrying Díez. But it now appears the Duchess is going ahead with the marriage, and the details have emerged of how she plans to overcome her children's opposition by giving them their inheritance in advance, even though Díez has signed a document renouncing any claim to her wealth.

"Alfonso doesn't want anything. All he wants is me," she said earlier this year.

The Duchess's personal wealth is estimated at between €600m and €3.5bn and she has been able to give her children and eight grandchildren a palace each, as well as a chunk of the thousands of acres of Spain that she owns. Her only daughter, Eugenia, inherits an estate in Ibiza and a further 600 acres near Seville.

LOVE MATCH? Alfonso Diez with the Duchess

Moratalla ‘is facing €28m debt mountain’ THE latest Spanish municipality to declare itself almost bankrupt is Moratalla, in Murcia.

According to the town mayor, Antonio García, 120 public employees have not been paid since April, and Moratalla's debt is listed at 28 million euros.

The beautiful mountainous town of 8,500 inhabitants owes at least nine million euros to local suppliers, and has a 600,000 euro loan debt with the Ministry of Industry.

García, a Popular Party (PP) politician, was elected on May 22 after four years of Socialist government.

"The halt in construction, the crisis and the lack of revenue has brought us to this," he said in a telephone interview. He added that immediate measures must be taken, such as raising taxes, which goes against a directive from the PP. "I don't care what my party thinks. We need to act now and raise taxes.

It is a brave decision."

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Friday, August 12, 2011

NISH PAPERS SAY

CHE’S MOTORBIKE PARTNER DIES AGED 88

LA MANGA SEWAGE SPARKS REAL STINK

By SALLY BENGTSSON

LA MANGA is the latest beach to be affected by sewage seeping out onto the sands, and forcing the area to be closed. The Lebeche Beach, which comes under the control of San Javier Town Hall, had to be fenced off last week when an electrical problem meant the pump stopped working.

A river of sewage swamped the surrounding streets and gardens – just four days after a similar incident at Eurovosa, also on La Manga.

The owner of the local sailing school, Pedro Samper, has noticed a dramatic reduction in visitors to the area.

The beach affected is the size of a tennis court and although the Town Hall sent workers to clean the area first thing the next day, and lay clean sand on top, the fetid smell is lingering, and is understandably turning people away.

Samper hasn’t rented a single canoe or boat since the spillage, and the courses people had booked have had to be moved to a different location.

“Then the participants don’t rebook,” he complains. “Last year I had double the number of bookings. This happens because the pipework was never designed for the high number of users. If someone comes here, paying 1,000 euros a week for a good hotel, and this happens, they won’t be THREE times as many people drowned in the Valencian back again.”

Comunitat in June and July as in the same two months Another affected businessman is last year, writes SALLY BENGTSSON. the owner of the Puerto Rico restauIf the statistics continue in the same way, this will be one rant on the beach. His clients leave as of the most tragic summers on record. soon as the smell hits them. His numAccording to police records, 16 people have drowned in bers were already low due to the high the region, three in private pools, one in a river and 12 on numbers of jellyfish in the Mar Menor, beach trips. Last year six drownings were reported in the which have sent bathers elsewhere. first two months of the summer.

The beach remained closed until The latest tragedy happened last Thursday afternoon at Monday. The town hall has vowed to Los Naufragos Beach in Torrevieja, where a 77-year-old repair the situation, buying spare woman apparently suffered a heart attack in the water. emergency pumps, and providing 24In April and May another seven deaths were reported, hour emergency service throughout compared to just three in 2010. Eight of this year’s deaths the busy summer period. happened while lifeguards were off duty.

CLEAN-UP: Lorries move rotting seaweed from El Mojon beach

Drownings ‘triple last year’s numbers’

And as for El Mojon, what a PONG...

EL MOJON beach in San Pedro del Pinatar has just had a facelift. Five hundred lorry loads of rotting seaweed have been removed from the sands after local residents complained that the beach was unusable.

“The worst thing about it was the smell,” said one local resident. “The sea water seems to have been impregnated with the fetid smell, and hours after swimming there you can’t seem to shake it off. It was a mixture of rotten eggs, cat wee and mouldy cheese.”

What bathers are complaining about is that the town hall left it till the first week of August to do a clean-up, the busiest month in the whole year!

The seaweed accumulates on the beaches every year, and is usually cleared in the spring, ready for the onslaught of bathers. But for some reason (most likely financial), this didn’t happen this year.

Those who have come to spend the month of August in their summer houses complain that they pay more in property taxes here than for their homes in Madrid and the one month they come here they can’t even use the beach!

84 , N A M T S O L ORDEAL OF

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Friday, August 12, 2011

THE INBETWEENERS TELLING A STORY

You already know how to tell a story. You do it every day! Every time you tell someone about something that happened to you or something you did, you tell the "story" of what happened. For example, if something funny happens at school, when you tell a friend about it, you've created a story.

The trick is to be able to write it down.

You can write a story about anything you want. All you need to know are the basics -the ingredients of your story. You can't bake a cake without ingredients, right?

The following lessons will take you, step-bystep, through the necessities of writing a story, offer you helpful hints and tips, and help you to get your creative juices flowing!

So, what are we waiting for? Here they are - all the ingredients you need to write a good story!

STORY STRUCTURE Everyone needs to know where they are going before they set out. Indeed, no one ever got anywhere without a good map!

Story writing is the same way. But before you can even make your map, it is a good idea to understand what parts go into a good map.

What's wrong with this story: They went to the store, but it was closed!

Nobody was on the street at all.

Laughing, they went home and had ice cream from the fridge.

The End First off, this story has no clear beginning, so it doesn't make much sense.

All stories need a beginning!

Secondly, it really doesn't have much of an ending either.

A clear conclusion is an important part of any tale!

So, why is this a story if it is missing both a beginning and an end?

If you said because it tells about something, you're right!

All good stories have a beginning, middle and an end. Some stories even end up in the same place they started. For example, in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, the story begins with Tom at home. During the course of the story, Tom travels all over the place and has all kinds of adventures, and ends up back at home.

So, before you begin to write, sit and think for a little while about the beginning, middle and end of your story. Ready to begin writing? Then grab a pencil and paper, or open up a new file on your computer, and let's get started!

MAIN CHARACTER Every story starts with a main character. It can be an animal, a person, or a thing. It can be anything you want, even someone or something that isn't real! If you want to illustrate your story, choose a main character you like to draw, and be sure to have lots of crayons or markers handy!

Who (or what) is your story about?

Who is your main character?

What does he, she or it like/dislike?

What is your character's personality?

What does your character look like?

When you start getting answers, it can be helpful to put them down on paper. The method through which one arranges their character's attributes is called a "character web".

To start, put your main character's name in a circle in the middle of a big piece of paper; then, by drawing lines out from that centre circle, one can provide spaces for the different characteristics your "action hero" may have. It may also help for you to draw an actual picture of what your character looks like!

Visualization is the key!

SETTING Every story happens somewhere, sometime. We call this location the "setting". The setting can have either a large or small impact on the entire story. For example, what would Batman be without Gotham, or Santa Clause without the North Pole? Just a story about a guy in a cape running around some generic town, or a jolly man giving gifts with no base of operations! Indeed, the setting can make a story very exciting, such as in The Time Machine by HG Wells.

Finding the perfect setting for your story is an important part of the process.

Where does your story takes place?

Where does the story take place -- in space, in China, in your back yard, or someplace completely from your imagination?

When does the story take place: in the past, the present or in the future?

Most settings have more than a little impact on the main character (such as Batman's Gotham, mentioned above). A good writer uses a setting which has helped to develop the character; and, then, helps to continue to develop that character in the future.

Ask yourself these questions: Has the setting helped develop the main character's personality?

How does the setting impact your main character's problem?

THE PROBLEM When you give your main character a problem to solve, adversity to face, your story comes alive. Be sure to make it a big enough problem. Choosing what colour to paint your nails isn't much of a problem, but choosing the right colour wire to clip to disarm a bomb is a very big problem. But, even painting your nails can be an interesting story... if the nail polish was purchased in a voodoo shop!

What is the challenge your character must face and overcome?

What is your main character's problem?

Is the problem big enough so that it will take a whole story to solve it?

Do other characters help create the problem?

Does the setting influence the problem?

What steps does your hero take to try and fail to solve the problem?

Conflict is an important part in most stories.

Conflict happens when someone or something tries to stop your character (the hero of the story) from solving the problem. For example, your character needs to complete a science project, but keeps getting thrown off the track by a visiting cousin. To keep the story interesting, the more times your hero tries and fails the better.

Conflict does not have to be painful, however. Indeed, conflict can also be good: a mother shopping for the just the right colour fabric, a student searching for the right library book, or a teacher teaching history in perhaps not the right order! So have fun with your conflict, and remember that colour comes in infinite shades!

RESOLUTION A story must have an ending. There is no rule that says the ending must be satisfying, however. In fact, many of the most famous books don't have satisfying endings!

Nonetheless, an ending that leaves the reader filling fulfilled is often the best way to go.

How does the main character finally solve the problem?

How does your main character finally solve the problem?

If possible, can they solve it using their own strength or wits?

Does the story or character end up back where it started?

The best ending often occurs when the hero is about to give up but solves the problem at the last minute before disaster strikes. It doesn't have to be a big disaster, of course.

It's the relief from the story's conflict that makes it interesting.

In general, its best if the story's hero solves the problem on his or her own. If you look back at your character web, you may be able to find particular attributes which can help your hero solve the problem. As a twist, one of your hero's major faults can sometimes turn out to be the strength that saves the day (such as indecision or apprehension). Try various combinations of faults, strengths, and problems, and see what you can come up with! Every hero is a little different--how different is yours?

SECERTS TO GOOD STORY WRITING Another important factor, however, is luck!

Sometimes you'll come up with the most amazing story ideas when you aren't even trying to write! Be sure to write these ideas down and come back to them later!

Set your mind free. Have fun and be creative.

Be sure to write your story all the way through before you edit it. Don't allow the editor in you to dampen the spirit of the artist in you. A rough draft is meant to be sloppy!

Just get the general idea, the general causality, of the story on paper first, and then you can worry about grammar and handwriting!

Think about a story you like. What makes it good? Can you identify the main character, the setting, the problem and the resolution?

Writing means rewriting. A first draft will never be your best effort. Write until you're satisfied with your story. Change and rewrite the story to make it stronger.

Are you having fun? If so, that's great. If not, make it fun. You can always write about things you know. That doesn't mean you should only write about the things you see in your room or at school. If you want to write a story about something that happened on the moon, just read and learn about the moon!

Eventually, you'll find that story writing can be a blast. Even the best story writers in the world have had to spend a lot of time working at their craft; therefore, don't be easily discouraged! Like many things in life, writing takes PRACTICE!

WOULD YOU LIKE TO WRITE AS AN INBETWEENER? SEND YOUR STORIES TO OFFICE@THECOURIER.ES

Friday, August 12, 2011

19

editor@thecourier.es COURIER POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

POSEY PARKER!

One law for us, but a no-tow zone for Bob FOLLOWING up on the letter in dition 24 of the Courier, A friend of mine told me about this inconsiderate driver who parks his car every day blocking the wheelchair ramp of the town hall in Playa Flamenca.

You won't believe this, he asked about and was told that the car belonged to the councillor for the coast Mr. Bob Houliston. My question is why didn’t the police tow this car away?

On Tuesday August 2 I was at the town hall and saw the viola-

tion for myself. To make matters worse there was a lady in a wheelchair who could not cross the road because of this car and it took two people to help her get by. We took some photos of the incident.

Is this the way for an elected representative to behave? Is this how corruption in the town hall starts? At the very least, this is the behaviour of a thug and a bully.

Mr. Bob if you cannot behave in an honourable and civilized manner then get out of our town hall.

JOHN CARROLL

BOB HOULISTON’s explanation...

THANKS for giving me the chance to offer my side of the story.

There has been a problem of illegal parking in spaces reserved for the town hall in Playa Flamenca.

I have been allowed by the police to park across the car park and block the exit of anyone who should

not have been occupying a place in order that they identify themselves and can be told directly that they should not have been parking in a reserved place.

I have tried to carefully preserve the wheelchair access slope and to take up only one or two stripes of the zebra so as to allow

pedestrians to cross.

This was a temporary situation.

Two spaces have now been fitted with devices which need a key to enable parking. The problem will not therefore occur again.

I apologise sincerely for any inconvenience which I may have caused.

Do your wives look as good as my Iris, fellas?

AFTER reading your article last month about ladies over 75 in bikinis, I thought I would send you a few photographs of my wife Iris, who turned 75 in June.

These are recent photos taken by me. She has been a model on and off since her teens. With no lifts, tucks, Botox or surgery.

We have five children, 12 grandchildren and four great grandchildren. She is still a size eight and, as you can see, looks in great shape.

Iris is still doing photo shoots and modelling now and again.

As with your other proud reader in July’s article, maybe you could use my Iris as your alternative Page 3 girl or have a general write-in from other proud husbands waiting to show off their wives.

BRIAN MURRAY, Formentera PS I think your paper is great! l Now turn to Page 3 - Ed

Alone in Spain but happy - thanks to my fab friends I READ the letter from Bill, Quesada, in The Courier’s Romany Rose column (August 5) , and can sympathise deeply with his situation.

My husband died very suddenly and unexpectedly 21 months ago, and I too decided to stay in Spain. I have no family here, so have relied heavily on friends and neighbours for comfort and support.

I made up my mind that if anyone offered to take me out, to the shops, market or for a meal, I would accept, because I felt if I refused they would eventually stop offering.I have not regretted this decision, and have been rewarded by being invited out to all sorts of events.

As I cannot drive, this is invaluable to me. My friends are worth their weight in gold. Of course I still get lonely and miss my husband very much, but life goes on and nothing will bring him back.

So make the most of what you have, and treasure the memories which can never be taken from you.

SYLVIA, Pueblo Bravo (full name and address provided).

FRIENDS IN CHARITY

HAVING decided a friendship group/s within Paul Cunningham Nurses would be a good idea, I need a small team of people to work with to make this happen and also an idea of what kind of response we will get if we organise a get-together once a week.

To start with, one will be in the Playa Flamenca area and one will be in the Quesada area.

If you would like to know more, please contact me at sueinthesun@hotmail.co.uk or call 966 713 503 / 639 318 526 If you live in a different area and are interested in a friendship group, either helping to organise one or being a member, please still send me an email as once the first two groups are up and running the plan is to expand into other areas.

Everyone is welcome, couples, singles, ladies and gentlemen whose partner is working away or has a time-consuming hobby.

If you have any questions or just want to have a chat to see if this is for you, then please get in touch.

So far, many of the people who have contacted me have said: "I would just like to have someone to go to Sunday lunch with, go for a coffee or go shopping with’’. If this could be you, then please do get in touch.

You have nothing to lose and so much to gain.

SUSAN READER, Fund Raiser, Paul Cunningham Nurses

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Friday, August 12, 2011

THIS WEEK IN TH

KEEP AWAY FROM

World’s warning as rioting yobs run wild

Canaries hotels in exchange ‘rip off’

Daily Mail THE world’s media reacted with shock and horror to the riots that have swept Britain, with London portrayed as ‘a lawless city’.

Sunday Mirror HOTELS abroad are offering appalling currency exchange rates to British tourists.

Changing £300 at one hotel in the Canary Islands, for example, buys just €265.

The same exchange in the UK would get you €324 – worth £55 more.

Researchers checked hotels at top summer resorts in Spain’s Balearic and Canary Islands, as well as popular destinations in Turkey and Florida.

They found tourists are charged hefty commission fees and face exchange rates up to 15 per cent worse than back in Britain.

All-inclusive hotels in the Canaries are the worst offenders, offering, on average, 7% less than rates available in the UK. It was at Tenerife’s Barcelo Santiago Hotel that the massive £55 difference was found.

m le b ro p g in iv r d ’s y r Ro

sation Rory The Sun MILLIONAIRE golf sen speeding for e.

0 £10 d fine s wa McIlroy didn't need the extra tim fast when he ge if he needed McIlroy was visiting Bel then asked by the jud the wheel of at s cop by r . ove time to pay was pulled to lty gui d uary 5. ade Jan ple on s ner The US Open win one of his luxury motor e. zon limit he ph ed spe 30m a the in ng ph aki 40m bre driving at As well as fine the h licence wit d ing ppe driv ed to produce his McIlroy, 22, was sla n district also fail The . nts poi s. alty ent pen um and three or insurance doc ed his solicitor: ing is one of his judge Ken Nixon ask McIlroy boasts that driv to e tim re mo d nee nt s not revealed in clie wa it r "Does you main hobbies - but he was cruising tor mo h pos pay?" ich court wh er as the ght lau in d pte eru d. rt The cou around in when stoppe ge that his client lawyer assured the jud

The story made front pages around the globe, and was a top item on TV news shows in dozens of countries.

Germany led the way, with Der Spiegel magazine comparing London to the capital of Somalia.

‘The television images dominating screens this week could be right out of Mogadishu,’ it wrote.

‘As difficult to imagine as it might be, the pictures aren’t from Somalia, but from London, right in the centre of Europe. And they will never be forgotten.’

The Coalition Government’s response came in for criticism as well, following the belated decisions of senior politicians – including Prime Minister David Cameron – to return from their holidays.

In newspapers, TZ in Munich asked: ‘What has gone wrong with Britain? Like the Sex Pistols said, it truly is anarchy in the UK.’ The tabloid Bild summed up the feelings of many with the headline: ‘Chaos reigns in London!’ On its website, other stories were titled ‘England in flames’ and ‘London’s night of horror’.

Many looked ahead to next summer, with the respected Süddeutsche Zeitung warning that ‘fears are concentrated on the Olympics’.

Countries including Canada and Australia were left stunned that the kind of unrest seen in Greece and France had befallen Britain.

In the US, cars burning across the English capital featured prominently even as Washington and Wall Street struggled amid the debt crisis.

The New York Times called the riots ‘the worst outbreak of

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Friday, August 12, 2011

HE UK TABLOIDS

CHE’S MOTORBIKE PARTNER DIES AGED 88

BRITAIN!

Hang my ex-partner for murdering our children’ THE father of two young children murdered by their spurned mother as the “ultimate act of revenge” launched a scathing attack last night on the criminal justice system.

Former City worker Fiona Donnison, 45, was found guilty yesterday of murdering three-year-old Harry and Elise, two, whose bodies she then stuffed into hold-alls, to punish Paul Donnison after he rejected her and began a new relationship.

She was sentenced to a minimum of 32 years imprisonment.

After the verdict at Lewes Crown Court, Mr Donnison, 48, fiercely criticised the legal

Daily Express

process saying it was “biased” in favour of the defendant. He appeared to support a return of the death penalty for murder.

He said: “The pain and agony my family have suffered over the last year and a half following the murders of my beautiful children has been almost unbearable.

“I attended court as often as I was able to, but often felt that it was I that was on trial. In addition I had no voice to speak for Harry and Elise.

“On the other hand it is clear that the murderer was treated at all times in what I could only describe as kid gloves. ‘’Despite killing my children, she didn’t even have the courage to take to the stand to explain herself.

Despite admitting the killings and being detained, she seemed to have more rights and considerations than I had.

“Taking a life is the most obscene act that anyone can commit which in my view should receive an equal punishment. Finally, for my fami“I do optimistic comedy. The ly and friends this verdict and audience bring all their stress sentence finally brings a form and their worries with them of justice for my beautiful, and hopefully I can make wonderful children.” them forget for an hour or The jury of seven women so.” and five men took eight Corbett himself last week hours to unanimously decide dismissed modern comedi- Donnison, 45, killed the chilans as too crude. dren to get back at Mr Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer Donnison, who had started to also complained that today’s comedy stars were too seri- date an old school friend.

Judge Mr Justice Nicol told ous or brutal.

TV comics are no joke, says Doddy

KATIE: I AM NO D IRTBAG

Daily Express

COMEDY legend Ken Dodd social unrest in Britain in 25 years’. has attacked modern comics Online, the Huffington Post news website ran the headline as “aggressive” and cynical.

‘London’s Burning’ while one contributor to the venerable Dodd, famous for innocent Wall Street Journal wrote: ‘These people are welcome to fun with his tickling sticks n u S e march and protest, but when they start robbing and destroy- Th and Diddymen, told TV Times ing others’ property then I’m all for declaring them targets for KATIE Price has insisted magazine: “When I started, ite sp de g" ba target practice.’ the humour was based on the she isn't a "dirt e man to way people behave.

An editorial in Le Monde, one of France’s leading newspa- jumping from on “Now it’s very different. It’s pers, said the UK was asking itself: ‘How to put an end to the another. model says more aggressive and a lot of destruction, which has in three days devastated whole neighThe glamour ay m e bourhoods in London and its suburbs, as well as the cities of she accepts sh s but it is below the belt.” iscuou om pr Dodd, 83, said: ar pe Birmingham, Bristol, Liverpool and Manchester?’ ap ply "falls in “Mainstream performers The riots also led every TV bulletin in Spain, while El País says she sim don’t get the platform they love easily". newspaper said: ‘Far from reacting quickly, the Government dating toy- deserve. Television and radio is ho w , tie Ka was missing during the crucial hours and has responded with Penna after seem to be completely boy Leandro a vagueness which has failed to calm the violence.’’ s to Peter obsessed with the new kind ge failed marria Reid, said: El Mundo blamed the riots on an unintegrated immigrant of mirth, mostly satire.” ex Andre and Al population living in poverty. It said: ‘That is why the British sily, but The veteran, who features fall in love ea ve is do "I authorities – in fact, you could say all of Europe – should g in lo in ITV1 show Ronnie llin Fa t? no hy w bend over backwards to stop these violent outbreaks which, Corbett’s Comedy Britain ’’ g. in el fe t a grea and still tours the UK, added: if they get worse, would have unforeseeable consequences.’

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Friday, August 12, 2011

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Friday, August 12, 2011

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain four years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then.

Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Chris wanted to know how to add a signature to ADVICE: Michael was having problems Windows Live Mail SuperAntiSpyware scanning AVG folders.

Q A

Hi Richard, can you help with a problem? How do I put an email ‘signature’ on the outgoing mail on the new windows live mail? Hopefully you will have one of you miracle cures for me! Thanks, regards, Chris.

Hi Chris, you didn’t mention what version so you have so I am going to assume you have Windows Live Mail 2011 - if you don’t have 2011 then upgrade it for free at http://explore.live.com/windows-live-mail.

To create a signature (a standard sign off at the bottom of all your email messages) do the following…

1.

2.

Launch Windows Live Mail Click the blue button in the top left of the window

with

Dear Richard... I am using a laptop with Windows 7 Home and have AVG 11, Malwarebytes and SuperAntiSpyware installed. I update them every 2 or 3 days and run them regularly and have had no problems until recently when SuperAntiSpyware stops half way through a scan and can only be closed down with Ctrl/Alt/Del. It happens every time I run SAS and the message is always the same: C:\ProgramData\AVG10\Chjw\f65cba065cb9c721\avgcchmi.dat I have removed and reinstalled AVG and SAS on 2 occasions but the problem keeps occurring... HELP PLEASE!

Q A

Hi Michael, I have done a bit of research for you on this one and I have found a thread in the SuperAntiSpyware forum relating to this exact problem. Their customer service suggest adding the AVG directory to the “Manage Excluded Folders” option within the scanning control in the SuperAntiSpyware preferences.

You should be able to do this by following the steps below…

3.

4.

1.

2.

Launch SuperAntiSpyware Click on the Scanning Control Tab

3.

4.

Click on the Manage Excluded Folders Click on Add and browse to the folder that you want to exclude from scans, in your case it will be C:\ProgramData\AVG10 Click OK and then Close and you’re done!

Select Options (at the bottom of the drop down list Click Mail and the following screen will be shown…

5.

Update: Dear Richard... many thanks for your prompt reply and I’m delighted to say it worked like a charm... cheers... Michael

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es 5.

6.

Click Signatures and add your information to the Signature Settings area Once done click OK and you’re done.

Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

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Friday, August 12, 2011

Creamy Chicken Tikka Masala FANS of Chicken Tikka Masala claim it is the new British national dish. It can rightly claim to be a British favourite.

This Chicken Tikka Masala recipe is quick and easy to make.

Adjust the amount of chili powder to how hot you like it. 1tsp of chili powder will give you a mildly spiced curry.

PREP TIME: 20 minutes COOK TIME: 45 minutes TOTAL TIME: 1 hour, 5 mins

Ingredients:

What is a Full Breakfast?

THROUGHOUT Britain and Ireland the Full Breakfast is popular. It is not now eaten every day but saved for weekends and vacations.

Answer: The full breakfast is traditionally served at breakfast time, but it is also popular at other times, usually replacing lunch.

Rarely is it now served every day of the week, reserved instead for the weekend or on vacation in hotels and Bed and Breakfasts, where no stay would be complete without one.

Breakfast may begin with orange juice, cereals, stewed or fresh fruits but the heart of the Full breakfast is bacon and eggs.

They are variously accompanied by sausages, grilled tomato, mushrooms, tea, toast and marmalade.

Each country in the UK and Ireland also have their own choice of accompaniments, it is up to the individual just how much they want on their plate and their preferences.

You may find the following: A Full English Breakfast may have Black Pudding, Baked Beans and Fried Bread.

A Full Scottish, as above but may also have, Potato Scones (Tattie Scones), Haggis and Oatcakes.

A Full Irish – Again, as above but may also have White Pudding and Soda Bread.

A Full Welsh – Laver bread or laver cakes.

These are neither bread or cakes but are made with seaweed, the cakes seaweed cooked with oatmeal.

An Ulster Fry is not dissimilar to a Full English but may also have soda bread and is

served again, throughout the day.

The origins of the breakfast are unclear and believed to originate in the rural England as a sustaining meal to carry workers through a long morning.

Other Popular Dishes for a Traditional Breakfast As if all that food isn't enough according to a recent report from Market Kitchen there are up to 40 interchangeable items in a British and Irish breakfast: Sausages, bacon, eggs (scrambled/buttered/rumbled/poached egg/fried), black pudding, eggy bread, crumpets, kippers, bubble and squeak, jolly boys (pancakes), onions (fried or rings) corned beef hash, devilled kidneys, kedgeree, omelette, fried bread, toast, Derbyshire oatcakes, English muffins, tomatoes (grilled, fried), mushrooms, hash browns, baked beans, potato scones/tattie scones, Arbroath smokies, bannocks, butteries/rowies (lard-based bread roll), herring, haggis, Lorne (square Scottish) sausage, white pudding, laver bread, Penclawdd cockles, Glamorgan (vegetarian) sausage, Crempog (Welsh pancakes), wheaten bread, potato farl and potato pancakes.

Other names for Breakfast Though a ‘Full Breakfast’ is universally known and understood other terms used include - A Fry Up, A Full Monty, and in Ireland it is sometimes known as a Chub.

4 free-range skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1/2" /1 cm cubes 1" fresh ginger, peeled and grated 1 garlic clove, finely diced Salt and pepper ½ cup/small handful fresh coriander, finely chopped, plus extra for garnish Juice and zest 1 lime 3 tbsp vegetable oil 1 tsp chilli powder 1 red onion, roughly chopped 1 tsp ground turmeric 1 tsp ground cumin 10 fl oz/ 250ml light/single cream or plain yoghurt 1 dessertspoon tomato puree Juice of 1/2 lemon

Preparation:

Serves 4 In a large stainless steel or glass bowl place the chicken with the ginger, garlic, salt, pepper, chopped coriander, lime juice and zest with 1 tbsp of the oil. Stir then cover with a clean cloth, leave to one side for 30 minutes.

After 30 mins, heat one tbsp of the oil in a large frying pan or wok add the chicken and cook for 8 -10 minutes until browned all over.

Remove the chicken from the pan and put to one side. In the same pan heat the remaining oil and gently cook the onion and chili powder for 5 minutes. Add the turmeric and ground cumin, stir and cook for another minute.

Stir in the cream and gently simmer for 5 minutes. Add the chicken and simmer for another 5 minutes. Add the tomato puree, stir then add the lemon juice. Cook for one minute more then serve garnished with fresh coriander. Boiled rice, warm naan bread or chapatis are delicious served alongside.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Ice cream, USA style

ICE CREAM in America dates back in print to 1744, when Thomas Black of Virginia extolled its virtues after sampling it as a guest of Governor Thomas Bladen of Annapolis, Maryland. Yet it dates back much further in history.

After a visit to the Orient, Marco Polo returned with a recipe for a milk-based frozen concoction which was basically a mixture of milk and snow.

The first advertisement for ice cream in America appeared in the New York Gazette in 1777 by confectioner Philip Lenzi. The invention of ice cream cones is yet another story with various inventors claiming rights to the original idea.

Making ice cream before the advent of electricity was no small feat. It required arduous labour, beating cream in a pewter pot within a larger pot of salt and ice.

Many current ice cream machines are based on this time-

worn but successful method.

By the 1780's, frozen desserts were so popular that rudimentary ice cream makers were already on the market. It is said that First Lady Dolley Madison truly popularised ice cream by making it a frequent offering at the White House from 1809 to 1817.

When ice production became common, the popularity of ice cream skyrocketed with its availability to the masses.

The home hand-crank machine was invented by Nancy Johnson in 1846 but patented by William G. Young in 1848.

An industry was born, moving on from basic ice cream to ice cream on a stick, frozen yogurt, bon-bons, and even tofu ice creams.

The top four most popular flavours of ice cream are vanilla, chocolate, neapolitan and nut flavours.

SUN IT UP WITH DALJIT

FANCY some great food at great prices – with entertainment thrown in? Then pop along to the Sun Bar and Grill and leave the rest to the experts.

Owner Daljit and chef Gurbir pride themselves in the friendly atmosphere at the Via Park V Los Altos venue.

Sun Bar and Grill, situated next to 2GB Indian Restaurant, is fully air conditioned, open seven days a week from 10am till late – and remarkable value for money.

You can have a small breakfast or a small pizza for €2, beef or chicken kebab for €4, burger and chips plus large

beer for €5.50 or a half chicken and chips for €6.95.

For your entertainment, Sun Bar and Grill has a widescreen TV, internet, pool table and regular bingo and quiz nights.

For a taste of good food, you can rely on Daljit and Gurbir. Call in at the Bar or phone 966 848 667 or 672 804 905.

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Friday, August 12, 2011

SLIMMING ON TAP! It’s all in the mind – and EFT has the answer

THE Jury is in! Women all over the world are fed-up having to live on protein shakes, calorie counting, food combining and any other fad being promoted presently and the diet backlash has begun.

We have been brainwashed by the media to believe that every woman, no matter what her dress size, body structure and height, must have the perfect body or else!

So strong is the urge to lose weight that some women even undergo gastric band operations, despite knowing the health risks involved. We have seen celebrity upon celebrity lose weight, promote their fitness DVD only to find that three months later, they have put back all the weight they lost and more. Are we deterred? No! So why do we do it?

It is because our reality is too painful to accept and we love to think that anything is possible. We believe that being slimmer will boost our self-esteem, make us more popular and help us achieve our goals in life. And who wouldn’t want a body like Elle McPherson, the iconic model for women young and not so young?

However, we know for a fact that diets, especially extreme ones, do not work in the long term. You may lose water weight initially but it is so easy to return to bad eating habits. So is it a lack of discipline, knowledge or adversity of the gym that is to blame? No! Recent psychological and clinical trials in USA and the UK have indicated that there is a much stronger “trigger” that will make even the most disciplined person fail in their diet and exercise regime. This “trigger” is your negative emotional energy that has been stored in your unconscious mind. Wouldn’t the lat-

By JENNIFER RAHMAN est hype about positive thinking, re-programming and the plethora of podcasts, CD’s and apps, be sufficient to reverse negative thinking and eliminate food cravings for good? Not so, says Josephine Teague, hypnotherapist and Chair of The Hypnotherapy Association in UK, who is of the opinion that these “IT” approaches to weight loss are innocuous as the programmes do not differentiate between the needs and circumstances of one individual from the next.

Even Dr. Kate Evans of Weight Concern UK has had to admit that “it is important to address the psychological as well as the physical needs of overweight people” (Psychologies Magazine, May 2011). This has spurred an urgent review of scientific studies into psychological approaches to weight loss, especially cause and effect.

One psychological approach to weight loss that has met the strict criteria of clinical trials in the USA and the UK is EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques. This energy therapy has been widely used worldwide but is relatively unknown in Spain, until now.

Gary Craig, the founder of EFT, says “the cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system”. At some point, we

may have experienced trauma related to stress, bereavement, bullying, abuse or some emotionally painful situation that has blocked our energy flow or “chi”.

This blockage not only weakens our immune system to cause illness, pain, allergies or phobia but is also a strong trigger that amplifies our food cravings.

A food craving is a strong urge or desire for a particular food item or food group that comforts and soothes when we are upset, stressed or tired.

This cause-effect emotional relationship becomes deeply embedded in our unconscious mind so much so that whenever we need soothing, we reach for these foods because we know they will have the desired effect.

Overeating, on the other hand, occurs when we reach for any food item even though we are not hungry yet can’t stop eating non-stop.

So how can Emotional Freedom Techniques help curb food cravings? Simply by gently tapping on the body’s key meridian acupressure points while re-programming the mind via the use of affirmations. It is more popularly known as “emotional acupuncture without needles”. Tests have shown that using EFT for weight loss not only is quick and effective but that weight loss is permanent. This is because tapping on acupressure points neutralises the root cause of the emotional trigger which amplified the food craving in the first place.

To find out how you can curb your food cravings with tapping, visit www.lifemaxxinternational.com or email Jennifer at:info@lifemaxxinternational.com.

SEE ADVERT PAGE 5

Vitamin D the miracle cure?

EVERY summer thousands of people visit the coastal areas of Spain in search of a sunny holiday. This is especially true for people living further away from the equator, where there is not as much sun and ill health due to sunlight deficiency more common. In recent years, the recommended dietary allowance of Vitamin D has been increased as nutritional research better understand its full effects on the body.

Over thousands of years of human history, the shift from hunter gatherer to industrialisation has also meant less vitamin D from sun exposure. This is very important because the best source of Vitamin D

is skin exposure to ultraviolet- B (UVB) rays of sunlight.

Fish oil and fatty fish such as salmon and tuna are also rich in vitamin D, making them an important source in temperate regions. UVB is the primary cause of sun burns due to over exposure to sunlight; however it also produces vitamin D in your skin. The amount produced depends on several factors such as exposure time, time of day, geographical location, pollution, age, the amount of skin surface exposed, and skin colour.

As we age, we become less able to turn sunlight into Vitamin D, so seniors are particularly at risk.

Lighter skin colour allows for more penetration of UVB, and so such persons require only 20-30 minutes of mid day sun, after which vitamin D stops being produced and further exposure results in sun burns. A person with darker skin has natural sun protection and so needs about 1-2 hours exposure in the sun before maximum production of Vitamin D is reached.

For many years it was believed that the only vital role Vitamin D played was in promoting the absorption of Calcium from the intestines, thereby strengthening bones and teeth. This is no longer so. Research and intervention studies now show vitamin D to play an important role in several aspects of normal human functioning.

Because of its role in the immune system and inflammatory bodily processes, lower levels have been implicated in arthritis, allergies, asthma, psoriasis, Crohns disease, and congenital heart disease.

Vitamin D has also been shown to improve blood sugar levels in diabetics, slow or reverse certain types of cancer such as breast and ovarian cancer, and in preventing as well as improving the symptoms of multiple sclerosis.

Experts recommend a daily supplement intake of about 4000IU per day, however studies have shown that 20-30 minutes exposure to the mid-day sun is comparable to between 10,000 and 25000IU of vitamin D. This makes it imperative that we seek sunlight as our source of Vitamin D just to be sure we are getting enough. Here in Costa Blanca we enjoy over 300 days of sunshine a year, and so a brief stay of about 20 minutes to an hour without sun screen is a healthier option than several hours of exposure covered in sun-screen lotion.

Dr Machi Mannu is a neuro repatterning specialist.

Please send your questions to neurorep@gmail.com

Friday, August 12, 2011

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Friday, August 12, 2011

TOP 10 SAT NAV BOOBS GONE are the days when people used to spend hours trying to locate where they were on a map; today we have the ‘Sat Nav’ which uses GPS to direct drivers from one location to another. However, sometimes ignoring that reassuring voice you hear is the best option - as these drivers found out when they were unlucky enough to have been misdirected by their Sat Nav systems.

10: Taxi driver takes royals the wrong way WHEN Earl Spencer’s daughter was hoping to see Chelsea v Arsenal at Stamford Bridge in London, she called a taxi to get her there, only for the driver to put the wrong ‘Stamford Bridge’ into his Sat Nav. After confirming with the control team that it was correct, the driver ended up in a small village outside York, some 230 miles away from the desired location. The passengers predictably missed the football match.

9: Kebab and Chips - and a side order of a car stuck on a railway track A STUDENT who was working part-time as a takeaway driver to earn some extra money was on his way to deliver an order to an area

he didn’t know, and was told by his Sat Nav to ‘turn left’ onto the railway track, only to get caught between a cattle grid and the track.

After trying to move the car with his passenger’s aid, the driver admitted defeat and the police were alerted. Trains in the area were stopped for over an hour whilst the car was removed from the tracks. The food went cold and had to be thrown away.

8: BMW driver seeks adrenaline rush THE Sat Nav isn’t always right – as a BMW driver found out when he was left hanging on the edge of a cliff, having followed directions down a Pennine footpath in Todmorden. The car was dangling over a railway bridge, which meant trains had to be stopped whilst the vehicle was recovered, and resulted in the driver being sent to court for driving without due care and attention.

7: Learn to spell before you drive!

A PAIR of Swedish tourists driving to Capri in Italy were sent 400 miles in the wrong direction, after they incorrectly spelt the town as ‘Carpi’. Their error was only discovered as they reached a local tourist office asking for information on the local sights.

6: If in doubt, accelerate!

A BELGIAN truck driver racked up £20,000 worth of damage after admitting he ‘panicked’ and decided to accelerate when he followed his trusty Sat Nav into a cul-de-sac and got lost. Residents of Wadebridge in Cornwall were understandably annoyed when the driver destroyed a roundabout and crushed a car in his moment of madness.

5: At the motorway, head into oncoming traffic!

A RETIRED nurse was on her way home from a party at 3am, only to be told to head the wrong way up the M5 into oncoming traffic. After wondering why cars were going past her in the opposite direction, the driver put her hazards on and slowed down to 20mph, before the police were alerted. A £450 fine was handed out for driving without due care and attention.

4: No Ho Ho Ho for these Christmas shoppers SHOPPERS from Gloucestershire decided to head to Lille in France to buy their loved ones some extravagant presents, and arranged a coach trip costing £150 each for the privilege of doing so. But they ended up in Belgium after the coach driver entered the wrong Lille into the Sat Nav. They were 100 miles from where they wanted to be, and lost four hours shopping time, meaning they only had two hours to find presents before heading home.

“It was ridiculous,” said one unlucky passenger. “The coach driver obviously had two Lilles to choose from on his Sat Nav and he picked the wrong one. A few of us started to wonder what was going on when we saw signs for Eindhoven, which clearly isn’t in

France. But the driver wouldn’t be told – he insisted he knew what he was doing.’’

3: Rock on to… Skegness!

When a Turkish lorry driver was told to deliver goods to Gibraltar, he entered the “Rock of Gibraltar” into his Sat Nav, only to end up in Skegness, some 1600 miles away from where he needed to be! He was directed to Gibraltar point near Skeggy, rather than the sunny Gibraltar south of Spain.

2: Turn right into the river Nar. A TAXI driver was blindly following his Sat Nav and was told to head into the River Nar. Rather than ignoring these directions after they sounded odd, the driver persisted, carried on 200 yards down the river before becoming stuck in the riverbed, and had to be recovered by a tractor.

An onlooker commented: “The vehicle still had its engine running and headlights on and he was sitting in it with his trousers rolled up around his knees. I shone a torch in the river and there were fish swimming around the headlights.”

1: The £96,000 mistake THE costliest mistake in our list; a £96,000 Mercedes SL500 sinks into a Leicestershire river after being told to head into it by a Sat Nav on her way home from a christening party.

The lady owner was lucky to be alive as the electrics failed, causing the windows to open, allowing more water to flood the car within seconds. Fortunately, there were locals nearby who wasted no time in pulling the driver from the vehicle which was later confirmed as a write-off.

29

Friday, August 12, 2011

CUNNING CAR THIEVES and how to deal with their tricks

CAR thieves are getting ever sneakier - but with our help you can ensure your trusty motor is protected. Some of the latest stunts are ingenious, to say the least, while others are pretty damn obvious. All of these stunts, however, act as an alert to see you don't fall into the same felonious trap. Enjoy, but don't say we didn't warn you..

Mind if I try it out?

THE STUNT: You're selling your car, be it online or through the local rag. Your prospective buyer turns up and seems respectable enough. He even points to his own car in the street and, offering to leave the keys, asks if it's OK to take yours for a brief test. Amazingly, he's never seen again.

THE FOIL: Insurers advise you must always accompany prospective buyers on test drives. Scams like these can often be detected if you ask to see a valid passport or photocard driving licence and take a copy. Also, confirm insurance details. If the driver is legit, he or she will happily comply.

Jammy sods

remote-locking your car. They need to lurk pretty close to their target, but if you don't spot them, when you blip your remote fob and walk away from your motor (thinking that it's safely locked) it's been left wide open for attack.

THE FOIL: Always check that your car is locked by trying one of the doors before walking away. This method, however, becomes tricky when you have a keyless entry card or fob on you, since the locks automatically open, once you return to the car. Otherwise, don't park near anyone loitering suspiciously.

THE STUNT: Car thieves with an aptitude for shopping in Maplins use radar jammers to block the signal you use when

THE STUNT: You think you've protected your car by not only alarming it but also making sure the branded alarm stickers are prominently on display. What you've actually done is provided the thief with the relevant information which will enable him to tackle and deactivate the system, creating valuable minutes to enable him to have a go at starting the engine.

THE FOIL: You can sidestep this risk by investing mere pennies in a generic "this car is alarmed" sticker, available in the high street or online. And while you're shopping, consider raising the stakes by adding a sticker that warns the car has a GPS tracking system - an alarm can be detected simply by rocking the bodywork, but a tracking system is impossible to confirm.

using another car to simply push the target away. Most, apparently, get stripped for parts, and the trend was identified in Britain when a speed camera snapped a gang in the act, pushing two cars bumper-to-bumper. At 40mph.

THE FOIL: Depending on the make and model of your car, you could be vulnerable to this kind of theft. To protect yourself, invest in a steering lock that fits onto your steering wheel and makes it extremely difficult to steer effectively.

A stick up

One, two, three‌ and push

THE STUNT: Police reported a bizarre spate of thefts of pre2000 Ford cars in 2010. Inspired by an idea that began in the USA, thieves had been breaking in, disengaging the integral steering lock and dropping the handbrake - then

30

Friday, August 12, 2011

THE JACKSON TRIBUTE WHO THRILLED MICHAEL HIMSELF FOR the first time here on the Costa Blanca comes an amazing show that will knock your socks off.

So get ready because after a successful UK tour, taking theatres and music venues by storm, the stage show is finally coming here to Spain.

On Sunday September 4 in the Concert Suite at the four-star La Zenia Hotel it’s THRILLER ‘King of Pop’ - the story of Michael Jackson in music and dance featuring the world’s No.1 tribute to the legend himself.

Adrian Navdra has his moves spot-on and actually looks remarkably like the man himself. Even Simon Cowell was blown away by his performance.

The show will bring you through the adult years of Michael’s life and provide a chance to relive great songs like Smooth Criminal, Billie Jean, Black or White, Beat it, Rock with You, Man in the Mirror, Earth Song, Blood on the Dance Floor, The Way You Make Me Feel and Thriller, with his fast energetic moves transporting you back to the King of Pop’s greatest years.

To date Adrian has done his tribute to the legend in 54 countries across five continents with over 150 shows per year over the last 23 years . He met

the star of the show so you can stun you family and friends as they see an amazing double to the legend!!

Tickets are also now on sale for the Ladies Night with the Adonis Boys male strippers. I have seen photo, girls, and these guys look HOT!! The event is being held at the Emerald Isle in La Florida on September 30. Book via www.ticketplanner.es, Easy Ads Shop in La Zenia, the Emerald Isle in La Florida and the Post Room in Benijofar for €10. But I promise I’ll let you have more details and a couple of sneaky photos soon...

Michael at Neverland and is the ONLY impersonator that Jackson actually admired so much so that he had Adrian perform for him in New York and at his birthday party in Los Angeles.

Adrian has also been hired many times for the launch and promotion of Jackson album releases, the most recent being the 25th anniversary edition of ‘Thriller’.

This current stage show has been seen all over the UK and when Adrian decided to join the Thriller King of Pop Show it brought a real buzz to the performance.

As you can tell, this guy is really busy so they don’t know when he will have time to visit us again out here on the Costas. So please don’t miss your chance to see Adrian doing what he does best.... being the No.1 tribute to Michael Jackson. Tickets are €12.50 Euros for standard or €15 for premier and are available on line with Ticketplanner’s secure booking system.

Go to www.ticketplanner.es, click on to latest shows and go to Michael Jackson Concert, or alternately go to Easy Ads Shop in Zeniamar Commercial block just down from the La Zenia roundabout and collect your tickets from there.

I’ve also been told that there will be an opportunity at the event to have your photo taken with Adrian

Well, that’s me finished for another week so if you’re a bar or an entertainer and want to appear in the gig guide or you have events coming up, then please contact me by email on mandy@starsinbars.org or call me on 685302529 or just visit my website www.starsinbars.org

Mandy

DATE

VENUE

ACT/ EVENT

OTHER INFO

FRIDAY 12th

Celtic Drop in Playa Flamenca Arches in Los Alcazares Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Manor House in Pinoso Bar Rosa in Los Montesinos Restaurant El Raso in Urb. El Raso Courtyard Bar in Quesada

Cabaroke with Davy Jones Lynden B Nick Gold Shirelle Steve Finn It Takes Two Dan the Man

Starting at 10pm Comedy Show

Celtic Drop in Playa Flamenca Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Arches in Los Alcazares Diablo’s in Cabo Roig La Roca in Balsicas Bar Sioux in Gran Alacant Sportsman in Quesada

Cabaroke with Davy Jones Lynden B Nick Barker Kids Disco/ Magician / DJ Jay Pete Hull Tim Ross Paul Schrager

Starting at 10pm Comedy Show

Snug in Torre de la Horredada Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Casa Ventura in San Luis Madigan’s in Los Dolses Diablo’s in Cabo Roig Lo Marabu in Dona Pepa Paddy’s Point in La Zenia

Debbie Slater Cabaroke with Matt Christian Fun Music Quiz with Lynden B Fun Race Night DJ Jay Karaoke Bobby Dazzler’s Karaoke Showaddywaddy Legends

Diablo’s in Cabo Roig Chicken Shack in San Luis Arches in Los Alcazares Bocados in Los Dolses Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Bar Rosa in Los Montesinos Arches in Los Alcazares Diablo’s in Cabo Roig Bills Bar in Los Dolses El Mundo in Benimar Emerald Isle in La Florida Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Montes Bar in Los Montesinos Restaurant La Boca in Playa Los Locos Arches in Los Alcazares Diablo’s in Cabo Roig Bar Sioux in Gran Alacant Morgan’s Bar in Eagles Nest Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Sisoma Romana in Dona Pepa The Priory in El Galan Bobby’s Bar in Quesada Alejandros in La Zenia The Lounge Bar in Torrevieja

D.J Jay B.J Bluesman Samantha Curtis The Crooners Kens Quiz Quiz night with Darren James Karaoke with Ruby Blues Karaoke with D.J Jay Lynden B Nick Gold Abba Elite Crazy Bingo with Spike Fun Music Quiz B.J Bluesman Woody Magician & D.J Jay J.J Soulman Kev Tyler Fun Music Quiz with Lynden B Tony Lincoln Lenny Mitchell Bobby Dazzler’s Karaoke It Takes Two Dominoes

SATURDAY 13th

SUNDAY 14th

MONDAY 15th

TUESDAY 16th

WEDNESDAY 17th

THURSDAY 18th

Vocal Duo

Starting at 8pm

Starting at 5pm

Starting at 6pm Starting at 10.15pm

Starting at 8.30pm Starting at 9pm

Starting at 8.30pm Comedy Show

Starting at 4pm Starting at 9pm

Starting at 10pm

Starting at 9.30pm Vocal Duo

31

Friday, August 12, 2011

HOT GOSSIP Fun In The Sun Well have we got some HOT GOSSIP from the TKO Towers for you this week, or what?! Oh yes indeedy, we are in full holiday swing and it’s great to see so many of you out and about and having some FUN IN THE SUN with us! Last week, the very brave Davy Jones and Dave Knights sweltered away on the

hottest day so far this summer for charity. They had a fabulous time meeting you and it was great to see so many of you supporting TKO and the various charities’s involved! So, thanks to you for turning up and for being so loyal.

Don’t forget all of our TKO DJ’s are out and about bringing you entertainment and having fun in the sun with you on a weekly basis all summer long! Do look out for them, they do everything from

hypnotism to fire dancing and Kaboroke, they are Michael Jackson and Kylie... they are all singing and all dancing and can bring you the best Disco’s ever. They have all of their own professional kits, light shows and equipment for all kinds of occasions, from old stuff to Dance, weddings to beach party’s and in your local bars too.

It’s all happening this summer with TKO. friendly family atmosphere. TKO is blasting out loud and clear and tasty food is served up all day. Only a couple of weeks ago, the DJs from TKO fm took on the DJs from TKO Gold down at Green Baize Pool and Snooker Hall and TKO fm stole the trophy from TKO Gold!

The Golden boys are hoping to retrieve the trophy this week, but it´s not looking that hopeful as last time The Crock Chris Ashley was thrashed by a kid and a girl!

Each week here in the Courier we are going to start mentioning our sponsors you can find in your area and we want to start with Green Baize Pool and Snooker hall which you can find in Quesada, right next door to Quesada fish and chips. You don’t have to be a member to go along and they have a

Artist of the week (not) Country artists covering contemporary songs is nothing new, but ever since Johnny Cash made the American Recordings series, the way those covers are judged has changed.

Every song is held up to the brilliance of the Man In Black, and if they don't meet the standard, they're left to swing miserably in the wind. It's an unenviable burden to bear for any artist, and one that even the great Glen Campbell can't escape.

Understandably, he falls short of the benchmark, but even if you disregard the Cash effect, Meet Glen Campbell is hopeless.

The album's problems are many, not least Campbell's singing style. He comes from a time and a tradition where annunciation and clarity are the key, but the songs he has chosen – the Foo Fighters' rollicking Times Like These or U2's All I Want Is You – were never written to ring clearly. They are songs driven by feeling, whose words are meant to blister with passion, and in his steady approach, Campbell saps them of emotion and renders them pedestrian.

If you would like to sponsor a show or a slot, like the weather or the charity billboard all you need to do is contact us here at the TKO Towers and we will make you something exciting to broadcast on air. Get your Business Awareness Campaign started on TKO and let everybody know about what you do!

WIN A MEAL FOR TWO AND WINE AT QUESADA FISH & CHIPS POP QUIZ August 12 Welcome to the famous TKO Gold pop quiz! We sure did have some fun with last week’s questions. Let´s see if you can win yourself a meal for two at Quesada fish and chips.

All you have to do is take the first letter from each answer to find the name of a band or artist. Once you have found the key word listen in to Chris Ashley´s show on TKO Gold, Saturday mornings 9am – 12pm 1. This group was formed in 1975 and achieved popularity during the disco era of the late 1970s with Daddy Cool.

2. Gabriella had this up for weeks in the rain.

3. Spandau Ballet had a hit with this track in the 80s and it’s normaly what a wedding ring is made of.

4. He was the first runner up in the 1st series of the ITV talent show ´Pop Idol´.

5. What kind of shack did the B52´s have?

6. An American R&B and Funk band formed in 1969

by Verdine and Maurice White who had several hits, one of them being September.

7. In the Army now and Rocking all over the world were hits for this band which made everyone dance in a particular way!

32

Friday, August 12, 2011

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 2 represents B and 25 represents Z, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

In this week’s Quickie crossword, all the answers are ANAGRAMS of the clue words: Across 1 Seats (5) 4 Rioted (6) 9 Disease (7) 10 Rinse (5) 11 Deer (4) 12 Sandier (7) 13 Tug (3) 14 Acne (4) 16 Dive (4) 18 Pea (3) 20 Recasts (7) 21 Beat (4) 24 Tapas (5) 25 Manatee (7) 26 Tender (6) 27 Louts (5)

Down 1 Boards (6) 2 Laces (5) 3 Hits (4) 5 Provides (8) 6 Tribune (7) 7 Garner (6) 8 Feats (5) 13 Green tea (8) 15 Sinatra (7) 17 Rapped (6) 18 Tears (5) 19 Scares (6) 22 Latex (5) 23 Real (4)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Upstream, 7 Stare, 8 Introduce, 9 Sit, 10 Spin, 11 Recent, 13 Signed, 14 Darted, 17 Stable, 18 Ends, 20 Raw, 22 Listening, 23 Seals, 24 Prisoner.

Down: 1 Units, 2 Setting, 3 Room, 4 Amused, 5 Waist, 6 Centred, 7 Several, 12 Details, 13 Sunrise, 15 Tension, 16 Closer, 17 Swear, 19 Sugar, 21 Legs.

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1/21 Undisputed astronomical fact still provokes an expression of surprise (7,5) 5 Put up a tent in the sports ground (5) 8 Dire note in a melancholy tune (5) 9 Birds migrating to caves (7) 10 Get rid off unstable ale in time (9) 12 Look both ways! (3) 13 Very angry about the beer (6) 14 Dallies in old clubs (6) 17 Shut up! - It’s only a joke (3) 18 Ones not in the group ousted sir badly (9) 20 An article may carry a little weight, but it’s literally confusing (7) 21 See 1 23 Look at manuscript, it appears (5) 24 Be in 19 down, though it’s an illegal bar (7)

Down 1 Beat about the bush, or several (5) 2/7 Stewardess headed for 1 across (3,7) 3 Before the tiny tot became a recluse (7) 4 Gem cut with little science by a Middle Easterner (6) 5 Sounds like experts when it comes to writing (5) 6 As a result, a word of warning succeeds at that point (9) 7 See 2 11 Put together a chopped up giant tree (9) 13 Mendicants getting an egg in licensed premises (7) 15 One of the troops who’s not not very forthcoming (7) 16 Impresses with blows (6) 18 Monsters appearing in Pilgrim’s Progress (5) 19 The lady has a measure of polish (5) 22 Point to an alternative source of metal (3)

STANDARD CLUES

Down 1 Fence of bushes (5) 2/7 Woman steward on an aeroplane (3,7) 3 Christian recluse (7) 4 Beetle (6) 5 Writing style (5) 6 As a result (9) 7 See 2 11 Mix (9) 13 Mendicants (7) 15 Confidential (7) 16 Imprints (6) 18 Monsters (5) 19 Shine (5) 22 Mineral (3)

Across 1/21 Exclamation of surprise (7,5) 5 Area of play (5) 8 Funeral song (5) 9 Shore birds (7) 10 Get rid of (9) 12 Look at (3) 13 Sour (6) 14 Eating utensils (6) 17 Suppress (3) 18 Strangers (9) 20 Wordplay (7) 21 See 1 23 Appears (5) 24 Unlicensed drinking establishment (7)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Aden, 3 Canticle, 9 Starter, 10 Snaps, 11 Ledge, 12 Specie, 14 Thrush, 16 Delete, 19 Spigot, 21 Sofia, 24 Exist, 25 Pageant, 26 Disaster, 27 Cede.

Down: 1 Absolute, 2 Eland, 4 Arrest, 5 Taste, 6 Cyanide, 7 Ease, 8 Others, 13 Repartee, 15 Repairs, 17 Ensign, 18 Staple, 20 Gates, 22 Flame, 23 Feud.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

2 letter words Rug As Sae Go Sip Is Sit Ma Sun To Sup We 4 letter words 3 letter words Agog Ere Gory Fat Leer Gel Nine Nee Saga Put Term Rep 5 letter words

Alias Alien Anise Balsa Banns Egret Grass Islet Mural Ought Prose Sagas Shrew Siege

Spire Stale Style Tempo 6 letter words Linear Safari 7 letter words Ruinous Wieners 8 letter words Snappers Trespass

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Prueba (examen) (4) 3 Silbidos (con los labios) (8) 9 Poppy (7) 10 Now (at this time) (5) 11 To happen (occur) (5) 12 Once (6) 14 Dark (not illuminated) (6) 16 Fresh (fruit, milk etc) (6) 19 Rosemary (herb) (6) 21 Negro (color, pelo) (5) 24 Grandson (5) 25 Fork (cutlery) (7) 26 To hold (belief, opinion, note) (8) 27 Ópalo (4)

Down 1 Cucharilla (de café, té) (8) 2 Focas (zoológico) (5) 4 Cielo (religión) (6) 5 Forma (figura) (5) 6 Leona (7) 7 Jabón (4) 8 To rub out (erase) (6) 13 Gallo (8) 15 Cocinas (aparatos) (7) 17 Radish (6) 18 Botella (envase) (6) 20 Fugarse para casarse (enamorados) (5) 22 Sumar (3,2) 23 Fines (4)

33

Friday, August 12, 2011 Across 1 In which form of motorcycle racing do the riders race four laps around an oval dirt track, typically in a stadium? (8) 7/18 By what other name is iron pyrite also known? (5,4) 8 What name is normally given to a small airport or airfield? (9) 9 By what much shorter name is the Basque terrorist group Euskadi ta Askatasuna usually known? (3) 10 Which hill in County Meath was the site in early times of the residence of the high kings of Ireland? (4) 11 Which city is the capital of Iran? (6) 13/17D Which naval administrator is particularly remembered for his Diary that describes events such as the Great Plague and the Fire of London? (6,5) 14 According to Daniel Defoe, what was the surname of the character who was castaway on a remote island? (6) 17 Which volatile flammable mixture of hydrocarbons is used mainly as a fuel in internal-combustion engines? (6) 18 See 7 20 Which stinging winged insect collects nectar and pollen, produces wax and honey, and lives in large communities?

(3) 22 Which US folk rock singer/songwriter, who died of a drug overdose in 1980, wrote Reason To Believe and If I Were a Carpenter? (3,6)

SUDOKU

Quiz Word

23 The leaves of which low-growing aromatic plant of the mint family are used as a culinary herb? (5) 24 To what did Ceylon change its name in 1972? (3,5) Down 1 Which private eye was played on screen in the 1970s by

actor Richard Roundtree? (5) 2 The tympanic membrane is the medical name for what?

(7) 3 Florian Cloud de Bounevialle O’Malley Armstrong is the real name of which British-born singer-songwriter? (4) 4 Ponta Delgada is the capital of which group of volcanic islands in the Atlantic Ocean, west of Portugal? (6) 5 In Scandinavian mythology, who was the supreme god and creator, the god of victory and the dead? (5) 6 By what surname was the ‘song and dance’ man who was originally named Frederic Austerlitz, better known? (7) 7 A prancing horse on a yellow shield is the emblem of which motor manufacturer? (7) 12 What name is given to a person who makes a will?

(7) 13 What is the name given to the day of religious observance and abstinence from work? (7) 15 Which is the highest mountain in Wales? (7) 16 What was the surname of the writer who created the sinister Chinese criminal genius Fu Manchu? (6) 17 See 13 Across 19 What was the title of 10CC’s first British top 10 hit single? (5) 21 Which British nobleman ranks above a viscount and below a marquis? (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH Verbos 3 – verbs 3 Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

people QUIZ 1. In Iraq, what are the 2 main Muslim sects?

2. In the famous Nintendo games, what is the name of Mario's brother?

3. What is the US equivalent of the S.A.S.?

4. Who changed his name from Gordon Sumner to top the charts?

5. Which comedian was born 'Maurice Cole'?

6. Who did Anthony Armstrong Jones marry in 1960?

7. What colour is a sari for a traditional Indian wedding?

8. Before Winston Churchill went bald, what colour was his hair?

9. What nationality was the famous spy Mata Hari Dutch, Austrian, French?

10. Which Saint's Day is 17th March?

11. What was the name of the restaurant chain opened by Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Swartzeneger?

12. Which famous sportsman said "When you are as great as I am, it's hard to be humble"?

13. Who was the President of Argentina when they invaded the Falkland Islands?

1. Sunni and Shiite 2. Luigi 3. Delta Force 4. Sting 5.

Kenny Everett 6. Princess Margaret 7. Red 8. Red/Ginger 9. Dutch 10. St. Patrick 11. Planet Hollywood 12.

Muhammad Ali 13. General Galtieri

ANSWERS

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across:1 Antipope, 7/4 Machu Picchu, 8 Carbuncle, 9 OMD, 10 Talc, 11 Chaser, 13 Fossil, 17 Vacuum, 18 Boer, 20 Ace, 22 Debugging, 23 Lease, 24 Internet.

Down: 1 Ascot, 2 Turtles, 3/14 Paul Revere, 5 Actor, 6 Luddite, 7 Measles, 12 Zip code, 13 Friable, 15 Etonian, 16 Turban, 17 Vegan, 19 Roget, 21 Ague.

F MV P P RV OOE E E NS E I E CF T R X ME E Z X X V B MR N OI WI I T V HRNV E GE J CR MC E P R QRT L I CJ E RH RA GE R T HHZ P Soduko

19. ofrecer,20. pedir, 21. pensar, 22. poner. a. to obtain, b. to measure, c. to put, d. to offer, e. to lie, f. to mop, g. to think, h. to ask for, i. to go, j. to fry, k. to bite, l. to be born,

CRL RS GY NRO DUI T X QHOI B NT I NCL UI RT RS A NE NQE OE R L A L D V V MMN R A O R WO A S P E R F R K MH S R E R R WN D M Y Q E D B MOR D E R V V I M NA CE RHK ORA E MP C A P B L OI I HE CQRA L E H K DE L V CGNE X F R E T P MOK Y P Y QE MR Y F Z Z H Span - Eng

m. to rain, n. to snow, o. to do/make, p. to die, q. to move, r. to invest, s. to freeze, t. to show, u. to include, v. to boil.

Answers: 1f, 2j, 3o, 4s, 5v, 6u, 7r, 8i, 9m, 10b, 11e, 12k, 13p, 14t, 15q, 16l, 17n, 18a, 19d, 20h, 21g, 22c.

1. fregar, 2. freir, 3. hacer, 4. helar, 5. hervir, 6. incluir, 7. invertir, 8. ir, 9. llover, 10. medir, 11. mentir, 12. morder, 13. morir, 14. mostrar,15. mover, 16. nacer, 17. nevar, 18. obtener,

FREGAR

MORIR

FREIR

MOSTRAR

HACER

MOVER

HELAR

NACER

HERVIR

NEVAR

INCLUIR

OBTENER

INVERTIR

OFRECER

LLOVER

PEDIR

MEDIR

PENSAR

MENTIR

PONER

MORDER Quizword

Fill It In

34

Friday, August 12, 2011

Horoscopes

By Pandora Aries March 21 - April 19 Dismiss this horoscope at your peril: You WILL have sex today. Your doctor will be able to diagnose your current problems far better than me. But only I can tell you that your broken heart will never heal. NEVER. NEVER!!! The number of times you walk into a door will today cause you to seek out new ways of thinking.

For better or nurse Dear Rose, My problem is that although we have a great sex life, sometimes my husband asks me to dress up as a maid or schoolgirl etc.

I don't mind doing this as it doesn't harm anyone, however, we do have a 'siesta' in the afternoon and this is when he's at his friskiest.

What if someone were to call round or see?

Taurus April 20 - May 20 Hit it all you want, but the lift will take as long as it will take no matter how forcefully you press the button. Any amount of feelings you have won't save you from utter failure.

You may be better off taking charge of your own laundry today for reasons that the stars do not make clear.

Gemini May 21 - June 20 You deserve praise for your excellent work.

You may never find what you're looking for, but at least you managed to find that picture of the chimp sitting on a toilet reading a newspaper. Presenting yourself with homemade cardboard awards is probably not the sanest way to go about giving yourself a morale boost.

FRANCIS, El Altet

l

Dear Fran. What a lovely picture! You prancing around in a nurse’s uniform and matron’s cap!

Well, if someone important comes to the door just tell them to wait a moment as you were both asleep as it is siesta time and in Spain people appreciate this.

In the meantime, keep enjoying yourselves...and 'carry on nursing'

Too sick for sex Dear Rose, I have recently been diagnosed with cancer and have been having chemotherapy for nine weeks.

I still have five sessions to go and feel worse after each time. My husband is a wonderful man but just doesn't seem to understand how badly this is affecting me and how ill I am feeling.

He is trying to look after me but his sexual appetite has not diminished and although this is the last thing in the world I want, I feel mean refusing him.

What should I do?

Cancer June 21 - July 22

If you have a problem Romany Rose can help you with, email her at office@thecourier.es prised your husband is acting in this way. Perhaps it's his way of showing how much he loves you and still thinks you are attractive but this is not what you want. Therefore you must tell him.

As you say, he is a wonderful man. I am sure that once you spell it out he will stop. You must tell him how much you still love and care for him and that when you are better things will go back to normal and even perhaps a better sex life.

In the meantime, I hope you feel better soon and accept my sincere wishes for a speedy recovery.

The wind of change

Dear Rose, After a failed relationship my 35-year-old son moved out to start a new life with us in Spain. He is living in our villa at present until he sorts himself out. Normally this is fine, MARCIA, LA MARINA but in the morning when he comes into the kitchen in his Dear Marcia. Firstly, I pyjamas he stands and lets am very sorry to hear outs a stream of loud 'farts'. of your illness. This is an He seems to think this is extremely difficult time for extremely funny and always you and I am very sur- says 'better out than in'...then

l

from school and they come to the house and also go out together to the beach etc.

My elder son is 16 and the younger is 14. I know that when the 16 year old visits laughs.

At first I thought it was amus- his Spanish friend’s home ing, but now I really can’t and they are celebrating a stand it. He doesn't do it in special occasion, they allow Manuel a glass of wine with front of his father! his meal. Should we do the SUE same? I do not want to encourage him to start drinkDear Sue. What a hor- ing. rible problem.

I expected your son has MELANIE, BIGASTRO. reverted to childhood as he is living with his parents.

Dear Melanie. This is Children often do this as a problem that arises all their responsibilities are here in Spain very frediminished by once again quently. Do remember living with Mum and Dad. though that the Spanish You must tell him in no have very different ideas uncertain terms that this on alcohol. They enjoy it behaviour is unacceptable and shows total lack of sensibly and as part of respect.

Perhaps you their culture. Food and should quote his own drink are an integral part of phrase and tell him if he life here and the youngcontinues he could himself sters seem to respect this.

I know your son is only 16 be 'better out than in'.

Good Luck. but I'm sure the occasional glass of wine is OK with a meal and in sensible company. I certainly don't think this is encouraging him to go drinking recklessly and Dear Rose, if you explain your reasons I just need a little advice to the children I think they please. We moved to Spain will understand that drink with our two teenage sons taken socially and sensibly last year. They have adapted can be a pleasure. really well here and love their I am glad to hear how new lives in the sun! They happy you all are in your have made Spanish friends new life. Salud!

l

l

Wine and a 16 year old

Applying yourself to your work may be the only way you can crush the thoughts that rampage through your ill-mind. It is tantalising to think that you may be the favourite person in your area. However, fame always leads to the embarrassing disclosure of old XXX tapes of you.

Leo July 23 - August 22 Much of your body weight tends to be distributed in a specific place - but that may start shifting today. Paper with little squiggles on it will find its way into your pocket today.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Opportunity is waiting round every corner.

All you've got to do is catch up with him, put him in a big box and beat him with big sticks. You may feel like starving yourself today in order to lose some weight. Crying over spilt milk may seem like a folly, but perhaps not if you've spilt piping hot milk over your naked body.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Feeding stray cats may seem important to you today in order to get a feeling of overwhelming satisfaction. Vegetables have always made you think naughty thoughts, so please bear in mind that any visits to market-places could leave you red-faced.

Like a beetroot. Are you thinking of a beetroot? Are you being dirty? Cut it out!!

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 All the advice I could share with you would blow your mind and leave nothing to the imagination. Careful how you handle yourself today - others may be more tense than usual.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 You must be cautious to ensure that you can make a quick getaway should unexpected events occur. This week will leave no stone unturned, in a metaphorical way...that you have to decipher. Please keep your eyes on the exits.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Today might see a need for you to call attention to yourself, and we're always happy to recommend faxing semi-nude pictures of yourself to random numbers. Everything you are thinking about will end up getting lost in some sort of fuzzy logic.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 "Rankle" is a beautiful word, but may blow your world apart today. Seek advice from someone older today in order to avoid making a fool of yourself.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 The way you dance around the office may cause some to question certain parts of your personal life. Only with your amazing skills were you able to find this horoscope, and for that you will be rewarded with only good news.

35

Friday, August 12, 2011

TRELI ON THE TELLY YOU can’t beat a class act, and it’s great to see Ronnie Corbett back on the box, meeting some great comedy names in a two-part series for ITV 1 called ‘Comedy Britain’.

A LITTLE KNIGHT MUSIC

I loved his misguided attempt at playing Vicky Pollard with Little Britain’s Matt Lucas, as well as remembering his big break on The Frost Report with John Cleese, which introduced him to somebody called Ronnie Barker.

I can’t wait for tomorrow’s instalment, when Ken Dodd and David Walliams are amongst the guests. Meanwhile, with Bruce Forsyth getting his welldeserved and stupidly delayed knighthood a couple of months ago, isn’t it time the Queen’s sword was tapped on Ronnie’s shoulder?

Most new comedy shows seem to go over my head and barely raise the faintest of titters, but I’ve been surprised by Sky 1’s new supermarket-set half-hour, ‘Trollied’. It didn’t exactly have me rolling in the aisles, but the good cast led by Jane Horrocks and Mark Addy did put a smile on my face with the first two episodes, containing some sharp observations on many things that I’ve actually witnessed in UK supermarkets.

with ALEX TRELINSKI

show, Dickinson’s Real Deal. Why any intelligent member of the human race should be subjected to this apology of a programme at prime-time is an utter mystery. Perhaps a senior ITV executive decided to put this on as some kind of silly drunken bet, hoping that nobody would notice. The viewers certainly did, as the ratings plummeted faster that the FTSE100.

I’m now tapping my fingers impatiently, waiting for the start of The X-Factor, now that America’s Got Talent has finished on ITV2.

I’m a sucker for such shows, and the American version, with the sheer quality of the acts, is miles better than its British counterpart. My only criticism is that AGT is shown almost a year after it happened. If various Arabic and Asian channels can show the very latest episodes within a day or two, then what is the problem over at ITV2?

In this internet age, I knew all the results months ago, and there’s a nasty but unconfirmed rumour that ITV2 may delay showing The X-Factor USA until the New Year. Apparently executives are soiling themselves that viewers will much prefer the Stateside version with Simon Cowell as opposed to

And it’s good knight from him... well, it should be!

There was also some good fun to be had spotting a number of ex-Coronation Street faces popping up all over the place, including Jack Duckworth’s companion, Connie, as a new senior-citizen worker.

Talking of Corrie, Jack’s grandson, Tommy, was part of two “bang on form” hilarious episodes last Friday on ITV1. He was caught up trying to have two dates and two meals on the go, which ended up with Tina flinging tiramisu into his face.

There was also some comedy gold with the reaction of disbelief in the Platt household as Becky came downstairs for breakfast, having spent the night sharing the bed sheets with Nick Tilsley. Add Steve trying to get an old flame on a date to make Becky jealous, and it was clear why Coronation Street is easily the best TV soap. It has that ability to make you laugh out loud and has so much heart and likeability about it that you can put up with the odd daft plot or unrealistic character.

It’s miles better than reaching for the valium and whisky bottle as the opening notes of Eastenders start thumping out.

The only downside of last Friday’s Corrie double was that in the middle of it, we had to endure the slimy figure of David Dickinson in a cut-down version of his dreadful daytime

the re-jigged UK competition, which has a new panel. No wonder illegal downloading is on the increase as viewers are deprived of what they want and treated as fools.

I couldn’t give a stuff over the new look of former Australian cricket star, Shane Warne. All the adverse comment seems to come from people who are plain jealous and probably incapable of doing what the ex-leg spinner has done, with the useful help of girlfriend Liz Hurley. I’m much more interested in the fact that Warne has quickly developed into one of TV’s best cricket commentators, and he’s currently plying his trade in the third Test at Edgbaston.

There’s no messing with the Aussie - he says exactly what

ALL THE TALK: The new-look Shane Warne with girlfriend Liz Hurley he thinks on the Sky Sports coverage and its credit to them that he seems to have become a regular fixture in their summer commentary team.

Warne has clearly been well tutored by the legendary Richie Benaud on Australia’s Channel 9, and when paired up with David Lloyd, it almost becomes a knockabout music-hall comedy act, which appeals to viewers who even don’t like cricket!

A resuscitated corpse takes to Channel 5’s airwaves this coming Thursday with Celebrity Big Brother’s 90-minute launch show, hosted by the irritating Brian Dowling. I won’t be watching. In fact, I’d rather be lobotomised.

36

Friday

12th August

00:25 One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest 02:40 Mugabe's Blood Diamonds Panorama 03:10 Countryfile 04:10 Saints and Scroungers 04:40 Royal Upstairs Downstairs 05:10 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Wreck or Ready?

12:30 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 Nigel Slater's Simple Suppers 16:05 Copycats 16:35 The Sparticle Mystery 17:00 Dick & Dom Go Wild 17:30 Fee Fi Fo Yum 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 The Good Cook 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 A Question of Sport 22:00 My Family 22:30 Miranda 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 John Bishop's Britain

00:20 The Hour 01:20 The Tudors 02:10 The Culture Show at the Edinburgh Festival 03:10 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today 04:00 Newsday 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today

05:00 Newsday 05:10 Close 07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Dipdap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Roar 08:30 The Jungle Book 08:40 Deadly Art 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Deadly 60 09:30 LazyTown 09:55 Bob the Builder 10:05 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:35 Chuggington 10:45 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:05 Gigglebiz 11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 Coast 12:40 The Fast Lady 14:15 Diagnosis Murder 15:00 Wanted Down Under 16:00 Weakest Link 16:45 Antiques Road Trip 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Eggheads 20:00 South Africa Walks 20:30 The Bear Family and Me 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 Chilean Miners 23:00 The Rob Brydon Show 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Ronnie Corbett's Comedy Britain 01:30 The Zone 03:35 British Touring Car Championship 04:55 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Lunch with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Rosemary & Thyme 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Someone's Daughter, Someone's Son 23:00 ITV News at Ten and weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Practical Magic

CHILEAN MINERS Director Angus Macqueen focuses on the first 17 days, when they were cut off from the outside world, during which time no one knew if they were dead or alive. When contact was finally established, thanks to a note attached to a search probe, it was another 52 days before they were rescued. The film tells their story, with personal testimony from six of the miners.

00:05 Chris Moyles' Quiz Night 00:55 The Album Chart Show 01:10 Hollyoaks Music Show 01:40 Channel 4 Presents - Mandip Sehmi 2012 01:45 Cast Offs 02:40 The Sex Education Show 03:35 New Love 03:55 Hung 04:25 Hill Street Blues 05:10 Brothers & Sisters 05:55 Cookery School 06:50 The Treacle People 07:00 The Hoobs 07:25 Freshly Squeezed 07:50 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:20 According to Jim 08:45 Friends 09:45 90210 10:40 Example's Postcard from T4 on the Beach 10:55 Gaga's Monsters 11:50 Friends 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Channel 4 Presents - Hannah Cockroft 2012 13:10 A Place in the Sun 14:15 Carry On Spying 16:00 Come Dine with Me 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 4thought.tv 20:35 Sex, Lies and Parkinson's 21:00 Come Dine with Me 22:00 8 Out of 10 Cats 22:35 Chris Moyles' Quiz Night 23:25 How Hip Hop Changed the World

00:00 Candy Bar Girls 01:00 SuperCasino 04:55 Animal Rescue Squad 05:10 HouseBusters 05:35 HouseBusters 06:00 Rough Guide to Cities 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Roary the Racing Car 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Fireman Sam 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:50 The WotWots 08:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:40 Noddy in Toyland 08:55 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:25 Roary the Racing Car 09:35 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:50 Olivia 10:00 Little Princess 10:15 New Cowboy Builders 11:10 Build a New Life in the Country 12:10 The Restaurant Inspector 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Ice Road Truckers 14:15 Meerkat Manor 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Miami 16:15 The Nanny Express 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Meerkat Manor 19:25 OK! TV 19:55 5 News at 7 20:00 Cricket 21:00 Danger: Diggers at Work 22:00 Castle 23:55 CSI: Miami

37

Saturday 13th August

00:05 My Favourite Joke 00:35 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 00:45 DOA 02:25 Rick Stein's Spain 03:25 Restoration Home 04:25 Royal Upstairs Downstairs 04:55 Newswatch 05:00 BBC News 05:30 Five Minutes With 06:00 BBC News 06:30 Our World 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 12:30 The Good Cook 13:00 BBC News; Regional News 13:15 Football Focus 14:05 Cash in the Celebrity Attic 14:50 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds 15:20 Father of the Bride Part 2 17:00 Final Score 18:25 BBC News; Regional News 18:45 Total Wipeout 19:45 Tonight's the Night 20:45 The National Lottery 21:35 Casualty 22:25 John Bishop's Britain 22:55 BBC News; Weather 23:15 Match of the Day 23:15 National Lottery Update

00:00 The Review Show at the Edinburgh Festival 00:00 Weather 01:00 Of Time and the City 02:10 Don't Worry about Me 03:30 Close 07:00 Little Red Tractor 07:10 Dipdap

07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Deadly 60 08:35 Arthur 09:00 Little Howard's Big Question 09:25 Prank Patrol Down Under 09:50 Dennis and Gnasher 10:00 Trade Your Way to the USA 10:30 Fee Fi Fo Yum 11:00 Mission: 2110 11:25 League of Super Evil 11:40 Wolverine and the X-Men 12:00 OOglies 12:15 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab 12:40 MOTD Kickabout 13:00 The Sky at Night 13:20 Homes Under the Hammer 13:50 Diagnosis Murder 14:30 Gymnast 16:00 Four Minutes 17:30 Escape to the Country 18:30 It's Marty Feldman 19:00 Marty Feldman: Six Degrees of Separation 20:00 Flog It! 20:30 Dad's Army 21:00 Imagine - Sitting for Lucian Freud 22:00 BBC Proms 2011

01:30 The Zone 01:30 ITV News Headlines 03:35 Charley Varrick 05:30 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Mini CITV 08:25 CITV 09:25 Ten Mile Menu 10:25 Coronation Street 12:45 This Morning: Saturday 13:45 You've Been Framed!

14:15 ITV News and Weather 14:19 Meridian Weather 14:20 Murder on the Orient Express 16:45 From Russia with Love 18:55 Meridian News and Weather 19:10 ITV News and Weather 19:25 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix 22:00 Ronnie Corbett's Comedy Britain 23:00 ITV News and Weather 23:14 Meridian Weather 23:15 I Am Legend

HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX

The magic is still there but the mood remains resolutely dark in this engrossing fifth episode in the fantasy franchise. With no Quidditch matches or tournaments to divert him, the task facing Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) is to convince the wizarding community of the re-emergence of Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes). His cause isn't helped when Dumbledore's position as Head of Hogwarts comes under threat.

01:25 4Real: WTF Is Dubstep?

01:30 Nero at Global Gathering 02:00 Inside SBTV 02:30 Talay Riley 02:45 Bang On 03:00 Modestep 03:15 The Album Chart Show Introduces - Katy B 03:30 The Album Chart Show 04:00 Mercury Prize Sessions 04:20 Brothers & Sisters 05:05 Hill Street Blues 05:55 Cookery School 06:50 The Treacle People 07:00 Sali Mali 07:05 The Hoobs 07:55 Channel 4 Presents 08:00 MSA Formula Ford Championship 08:25 The Grid 08:55 The Morning Line 09:50 Friends 10:20 Hollyoaks Music Show 10:55 Smallville 11:50 Friends 12:25 Pop Up Pop Quiz 13:15 The Big Bang Theory 14:15 The TV Book Club 14:45 Channel 4 Presents - Joe Bestwick 2012 14:55 Channel 4 Racing 16:55 Hugh's Fish Fight: The Battle Continues 17:55 Come Dine with Me 18:55 Channel 4 News 19:25 4thought.tv 19:30 Come Dine with Me 21:00 StreetDance 22:00 Exit through the Gift Shop 23:45 The Antics Roadshow

00:55 Inside Hollywood 01:10 SuperCasino 05:05 Motorsport Mundial 05:30 Danger: Diggers at Work 06:00 County Secrets 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:20 Rough Guide To 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Fireman Sam 07:40 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:50 Elmo's World 08:10 The Save-Ums! 08:25 Noddy in Toyland 08:40 Hana's Helpline 09:00 Little Princess 09:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:35 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:30 The Milkshake! Show 11:00 Inside Hollywood 11:05 Mexican Food Made Simple 11:35 Ultimate Police Interceptors 12:35 Monster Moves 13:35 Ivanhoe 15:45 Krull 18:10 The 7th Voyage of Sinbad 20:00 Cricket 21:00 5 News Weekend 21:05 NCIS 22:00 CSI: Miami 23:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 23:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

38

Sunday 14th August 00:35 02:00 02:30 03:00 03:30 04:00 04:30 05:00 05:30 06:00 06:30 07:00 08:40 10:00 11:00 12:00 13:00 13:05 13:50 14:35 16:30 17:30 18:30 19:05 19:35 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:25

The Football League Show BBC News British Olympic Dreams BBC News HARDtalk BBC News Our World BBC News Click BBC News British Olympic Dreams Breakfast Match of the Day Breakfast Sunday Morning Live Country Tracks BBC News Cash in the Celebrity Attic Bargain Hunt Famous Finds EastEnders My Family Escape to the Country Songs of Praise Deadly 60 on a Mission BBC News; Regional News Britain's Hidden Heritage Countryfile Ocean Giants BBC News; Regional News Match of the Day 2

00:05 The Rob Brydon Show 00:35 Top of the Pops 2: School Days

01:35 Monk Dawson 03:20 Quatermass II 04:40 Close 07:00 Little Red Tractor 07:10 Dipdap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Deadly 60 08:30 Arthur 08:55 Junior MasterChef 09:25 Bear Behaving Badly 09:45 Hotel Trubble 10:15 Jinx 10:35 Wingin' It 11:00 Something for the Weekend 12:30 International Rugby Union 13:30 Live MotoGP 15:00 Coast 15:10 Two Men Went to War 16:55 The Alamo 19:00 Natural World: Empire of the Desert Ants 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 Dragons' Den 22:00 Glorious 39

01:05 02:00 04:05 04:50 06:30 07:00 08:25 09:25 10:25 11:25 12:30 13:30 13:34 13:35 14:35 16:35 18:30 19:05 19:35 19:45 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:14 23:15

The Cube: Celebrity Special The Zone In Plain Sight ITV Nightscreen ITV Morning News Mini CITV CITV May the Best House Win Dickinson's Real Deal 60 Minute Makeover This Morning: Sunday ITV News and Weather Meridian Weather Survival: Tales from the Wild Columbo: Ashes to Ashes Midsomer Murders Ladies of Letters Ladies of Letters Meridian News and Weather ITV News and Weather Joanna Lumley's Nile Born to Shine Law & Order: UK ITV News at Ten and Weather Meridian Weather Jarhead

OCEAN GIANTS New series. Documentary exploring the lives of the ocean's largest mammals and the secrets of their survival. Cameramen Doug Allan and Didier Noirot travel from the Indian Ocean to the Arctic seas, filming 200-ton blue whales and fighting humpbacks. The team also discovers that southern right whales possess a pair of one-ton testicles and reveals how arctic bowheads can live to be more than 200 years old. Narrated by Stephen Fry

01:10 Starsuckers 03:10 Real Estate 03:15 Tight Jeans 03:25 The Idiots 05:25 Spider 05:40 Incident by a Bank 05:55 Raindance 06:00 Hill Street Blues 06:55 Sali Mali 07:00 The Treacle People 07:15 The Hoobs 08:05 Triathlon 08:55 The Crush 09:20 The Wanted's Postcard from T4 on the Beach 09:45 Friends 10:15 Hollyoaks 12:45 Friends 13:20 Ibiza Rocks 13:40 Professor Green's RockCorps 14:00 The Simpsons 15:10 Undercover Boss 16:10 Help! My House Is Falling Down 17:15 Channel 4 Presents - Jody Cundy 2012 17:20 Stormbreaker 19:05 Channel 4 News 19:35 4thought.tv 19:40 Iron Man 22:00 StreetDance 23:30 Graffiti Wars

00:50 Inside Hollywood 01:00 SuperCasino 05:00 Animal Rescue Squad 05:15 The FBI Files 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Fireman Sam 07:40 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:50 Elmo's World 08:05 Mio Mao 08:10 The Save-Ums! 08:20 Noddy in Toyland 08:35 Hana's Helpline 08:50 Little Princess 09:00 Milkshake! Monkey 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 09:40 Rupert Bear 09:55 Olivia 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:30 The Milkshake! Show 11:00 Animal Rescue Squad 11:15 New Cowboy Builders 12:15 New Cowboy Builders 13:15 New Cowboy Builders 14:15 The Secret Garden 16:15 The Bachelor 18:10 Ice Age 19:55 5 News Weekend 20:00 Cricket 21:00 Gladiator: The True Story 22:00 300

39

Monday 15th August

00:35 Moving On 01:25 Dragons' Den 02:25 Holby City 03:25 Richard Hammond's Journey to the Bottom of the Ocean 04:25 The Good Cook 04:55 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Wreck or Ready?

12:30 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; 16:05 Sorry, I've Got No Head 16:30 The Sparticle Mystery 17:00 Dick & Dom Go Wild 17:30 Horrible Histories 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Bang Goes the Theory 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Drinking Our Rivers Dry? Panorama 22:00 New Tricks 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 A Question of Sport

00:00 02:00 02:30 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:30 04:45

Fish Tank Newsday Reporters Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today

04:55 The Super League Show 05:40 Close 07:00 Little Red Tractor 07:10 Dipdap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Roar 08:30 The Jungle Book 08:40 Deadly Art 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Copycats 09:30 LazyTown 09:55 Bob the Builder 10:05 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:35 Chuggington 10:45 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:05 Gigglebiz 11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 The Fugitive 14:15 Diagnosis Murder 15:00 Wanted Down Under 16:00 Weakest Link 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Eggheads 20:00 Wonderstuff 20:30 Victorian Pharmacy 21:00 University Challenge 21:30 Antiques Master 22:00 Horizon 23:00 Shooting Stars 23:30 Newsnight

01:25 The Zone 03:00 British Superbike Championship Highlights 04:20 Motorsport UK 05:05 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Lunch with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Rosemary & Thyme 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Countrywise Kitchen 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Show Me the Funny 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 The Shadow

BANG GOES THE THEORY New series. Jem Stansfield makes a diamond and proves they do not last forever, Dr Yan Wong explains the science behind popcorn, and Dallas Campbell meets the team hoping to create a cure for cancer. Also presented by Liz Bonnin.

00:35 01:40 03:20 04:55 05:30 06:15 07:10 07:15 07:25 07:55 08:15 08:40 09:05 10:05 10:55 11:10 11:15 12:00 13:00 13:05 14:05 16:00 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:55 21:00 22:00 23:40

Life of Rhyme Dark Days Without a Trace Hung Brothers & Sisters Hill Street Blues Sali Mali The Treacle People Freshly Squeezed Everybody Loves Raymond According to Jim Frasier Friends 90210 The Saturdays Jason Derulo V Festival: The Countdown Friends Channel 4 News Summary A Place in the Sun The Enemy Below Come Dine with Me Deal or No Deal Come Dine with Me The Simpsons Hollyoaks Channel 4 News 4thought.tv The Secret Life of Buildings Concrete Circus One Man Walking

00:20 Red Sonja 02:05 SuperCasino 05:00 Meals in Moments 05:10 Great Artists 05:35 Divine Designs 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Roary the Racing Car 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Fireman Sam 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 The WotWots 08:05 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 08:55 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:25 Roary the Racing Car 09:35 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:50 Olivia 10:00 Little Princess 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Wright Stuff Extra with Gabby Logan 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Ice Road Truckers 14:15 Meerkat Manor 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 16:15 Expecting a Miracle 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Meerkat Manor 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 How Do They Do It? 21:00 Ultimate Police Interceptors 22:00 War

40

Tuesday 16th August

00:05 The Celebrity Apprentice USA 00:50 The Celebrity Apprentice USA 01:40 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 02:10 A Farmer's Life for Me 03:10 Animal 24:7 03:55 Antiques Road Trip 04:40 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Wreck or Ready?

12:30 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News 16:05 Sorry, I've Got No Head 16:30 The Sparticle Mystery 17:00 Gimme a Break 17:30 Cop School 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 DIY SOS: The Big Build 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 My Hoarder Mum and Me Bbb2 00:20 01:15 02:10 02:30 02:45 03:00 03:30 03:45

Torchwood: Miracle Day The Tudors Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today

04:00 Newsday 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:40 Close 07:00 Little Red Tractor 07:10 Dipdap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Roar 08:30 The Jungle Book 08:40 Deadly Art 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Copycats 09:30 LazyTown 09:55 Bob the Builder 10:05 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:35 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:45 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:05 Gigglebiz 11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 Tender Comrade 14:15 Diagnosis Murder 15:00 Wanted Down Under 16:00 Weakest Link 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Eggheads 20:00 Dragons' Den 21:00 The Great British Bake Off 22:00 The Hour 23:00 Twenty Twelve 23:30 Newsnight

01:30 The Zone 03:35 Nightwatch with Steve Scott 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Lunch with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Rosemary & Thyme 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Wildlife Patrol 21:00 Cops with Cameras 22:00 Unforgiven 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 The Grudge 23:30 Weather

THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF New series. Twelve enthusiastic home-cooks take part in a culinary contest devised by Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry to determine which of them is Britain's best amateur baker. In the first round, the competitors are challenged to make 24 decorated cupcakes in two hours, before being asked to bake a coffee and walnut Battenberg cake. Presented by Mel Giedroyc and Sue Perkins.

00:00 00:35 01:35 02:05 02:20 02:35 03:00 Apes 04:40 05:25 05:55 06:05 07:00 07:05 07:30 08:00 08:25 08:50 09:15 09:45 10:40 11:00 12:00 13:00 13:05 14:05 16:00 17:00 18:00 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:55 21:00 22:00 23:00 USA

Coming Up: Magic 24 Hours in A&E Calvin Harris: 360 Sessions 4Play: The Kooks Abbey Road Debuts The Album Chart Show Beneath the Planet of the Brothers & Sisters Wogan's Perfect Recall Grudge Match Cookery School Sali Mali The Hoobs Freshly Squeezed Everybody Loves Raymond According to Jim Frasier Friends 90210 The Saturdays Usher: Live in London Friends Channel 4 News Summary A Place in the Sun The Day Will Dawn Celebrity Come Dine with Me Deal or No Deal Celebrity Come Dine with Me The Simpsons Hollyoaks Channel 4 News 4thought.tv The Sex Education Show Seven Dwarves Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares

00:10 I Spy 01:55 SuperCasino 04:55 Meals in Moments 05:05 HouseBusters 05:55 Rough Guide to Weekend Breaks 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Roary the Racing Car 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Fireman Sam 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 The WotWots 08:05 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 08:55 Milkshake! Monkey 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:25 Roary the Racing Car 09:35 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:50 Olivia 10:00 Little Princess 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Wright Stuff Extra with Gabby Logan 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Ice Road Truckers 14:15 Meerkat Manor 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 16:15 Jane Doe: The Wrong Face 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Meerkat Manor 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 Mexican Food Made Simple 21:00 Monster Moves 22:00 CSI: Miami 23:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

41

Wednesday 17th August

00:25 Fast Food Baby 01:30 Coast 02:30 Britain's Bravest Cops 03:15 Antiques Road Trip 04:00 Saints and Scroungers 04:30 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Wreck or Ready?

12:30 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather 16:05 Sorry, I've Got No Head 16:30 The Sparticle Mystery 17:00 School of Silence 17:30 Little Howard's Big Question 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 National Treasures Live 21:00 Village SOS 22:00 Who Do You Think You Are? 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 23:45 Live at the Apollo bbc2 00:20 Chilean Miners: 17 Days Buried Alive 01:20 Town with Nicholas Crane 02:20 Newsday 02:30 Asia Business Report 02:45 Sport Today 03:00 Newsday 03:30 Asia Business Report 03:45 Sport Today

04:00 Newsday 04:30 Close 07:00 Little Red Tractor 07:10 Dipdap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Roar 08:30 The Jungle Book 08:40 Deadly Art 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Copycats 09:30 LazyTown 09:55 Bob the Builder 10:05 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:35 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:45 Mr Bloom's Nursery 11:05 Gigglebiz 11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 Cornered 14:15 Diagnosis Murder 15:00 Wanted Down Under 16:00 Weakest Link 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Eggheads 20:00 Coast 21:00 Natural World: Heligan Secrets of the Lost Gardens 22:00 The Wildest Dream 23:30 Newsnight 23:30 Weather

01:20 The Zone 03:25 Crossing Jordan 04:15 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Lunch with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Rosemary & Thyme 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Live UEFA Champions League 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time

TWILIGHT Bella, who's been sent to a small town in Washington state to live with her dad (Billy Burke) struggles to fit in at school, until a mutual attraction to handsome Edward (played by British actor Robert Pattinson) blossoms into a relationship that's fraught with danger. Although the dialogue is clunky at times, director Catherine Hardwicke (Thirteen) makes the greyish gloom feel thoroughly exotic, and teenage audiences will no doubt forgive some overwrought moments in what is a charming tale.

00:05 Chris Moyles' Quiz Night 00:55 UK & Ireland Poker Tour 01:55 Sailing 02:25 Beach Volleyball 03:20 KOTV Boxing Weekly 03:45 The Grid 04:15 MSA Formula Ford Championship 04:45 Freesports on 4 05:10 Triathlon 06:05 Cookery School 07:00 The Treacle People 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 Freshly Squeezed 08:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:25 According to Jim 08:50 Frasier 09:15 Friends 09:45 90210 10:40 The Saturdays: What Goes on Tour 11:00 JLS: Stars and Strikes 12:00 Friends 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 A Place in the Sun 14:05 The Secret Supper Club 14:35 Channel 4 Presents - Mandip Sehmi 2012 14:40 Channel 4 Racing 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Twilight 23:20 8 Out of 10 Cats Uncut

00:55 CSI: NY 01:50 SuperCasino 04:55 Meals in Moments 05:10 Monster Moves 05:55 Rough Guide to Islands 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Roary the Racing Car 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Peppa Pig 07:45 The WotWots 07:55 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:10 The Mr Men Show 08:20 Milkshake! Monkey 08:25 Thomas & Friends 08:40 Noddy in Toyland 08:55 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:10 Peppa Pig 09:25 Roary the Racing Car 09:35 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:50 Olivia 10:00 Little Princess 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Wright Stuff Extra with Gabby Logan 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Ice Road Truckers 14:15 Meerkat Manor 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 16:15 No Ordinary Baby 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Meerkat Manor 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 Garden ER 21:00 Croc Man 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Nowhere to Run

42

Thursday 18th August

00:30 The Two Mr Kissels 02:00 Raymond Blanc's Kitchen Secrets 02:30 Country Tracks 03:25 Royal Upstairs Downstairs 03:55 Antiques Road Trip 04:40 Asia Business Report 04:45 Sport Today 05:00 Newsday 05:30 Mugabe's Blood Diamonds Panorama 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Heir Hunters 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Wreck or Ready?

12:30 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather 16:05 Sorry, I've Got No Head 16:30 The Sparticle Mystery 17:00 Gimme a Break 17:30 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Motorway Cops 22:00 Torchwood: Miracle Day 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Our War

00:20 01:20 02:15 02:30 02:45 03:00 03:30 03:45 04:00 04:40

Fake or Fortune?

The Tudors Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Asia Business Report Sport Today Newsday Close

07:00 Little Red Tractor 07:10 Dipdap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Roar 08:30 The Jungle Book 08:40 Deadly Art 08:55 Newsround 09:00 Copycats 09:30 LazyTown 09:55 Bob the Builder 10:05 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Driver Dan's Story Train 10:35 Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 10:45 Kerwhizz 11:05 Gigglebiz 11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 Coast 12:40 Build My Gallows High 14:15 Diagnosis Murder 15:00 Wanted Down Under 16:00 Weakest Link 16:45 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Celebrity Eggheads 20:00 The Culture Show at the Edinburgh Festival 21:00 Monty Halls' Great Irish Escape 22:00 Town with Nicholas Crane 23:00 Have I Got Old News for You 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Homes from Hell 01:30 The Zone 03:35 The Lion in Winter 05:50 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Lunch with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Rosemary & Thyme 18:00 The Chase 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Farewell Wootton Bassett: Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Single-Handed 23:00 ITV News at Ten 23:30 Meridian Tonight r 23:35 Ronnie Corbett's Comedy Britain

COUNTRY HOUSE RESCUE New series. Businesswoman Ruth Watson returns to advise owners of stately homes on how best to raise revenue and diversify their property. She begins by visiting Gissing Hall in Norfolk, owned by William and Ann Brennan. The couple wanted to create their dream home when they bought the building in 1986, but spiralling costs meant they were forced to open the doors and run it as a hotel. Now the business is struggling and Ruth is tasked with rescuing the situation.

00:05 The Inbetweeners 00:40 The Inbetweeners 01:10 Ibiza Rocks 01:40 The Killing 02:35 Ask the Dust 04:35 Brothers & Sisters 05:25 Hill Street Blues 06:15 Cookery School 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 Freshly Squeezed 08:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:25 According to Jim 08:50 Frasier 09:20 Friends 09:50 90210 10:45 The Saturdays: What Goes on Tour 11:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:00 Friends 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Friends 13:30 A Place in the Sun 14:35 Channel 4 Presents - Jody Cundy 2012 14:40 Channel 4 Racing 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Country House Rescue 22:00 The Killing 23:00 Jaycee: My 18 Years in Captivity

00:55 Poker: The Big Game 01:55 SuperCasino 04:55 Meals in Moments 05:10 Nick's Quest 05:35 Nick's Quest 05:55 Rough Guide to Adventures 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 Roary the Racing Car 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Peppa Pig 07:45 The WotWots 07:55 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 08:10 The Mr Men Show 08:25 Thomas & Friends 08:40 Noddy in Toyland 08:55 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:05 Peppa Pig 09:25 Roary the Racing Car 09:35 Bananas in Pyjamas 09:50 Olivia 10:00 Little Princess 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 The Wright Stuff Extra with Gabby Logan 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Ice Road Truckers 14:15 Meerkat Manor 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 16:15 The Family Recipe 16:20 McBride: Semper Fi 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Meerkat Manor 19:25 OK! TV 19:55 5 News at 7 20:00 Cricket 20:00 5 News Update 21:00 New Cowboy Builders 22:00 Celebrity Big Brother: Live Launch 23:30 Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side

Friday, August 12, 2011

43

44

Friday, August 12, 2011

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES 10 cold drinks /snack vending machines with sites 44,900 euros.

Excellent cash income, no overhead, operate from home 31,000 euros NETT per year one day p.w. to service.25 Pringle vending machines with sites 14,900 euros 250 euros per week NETT guaranteed, machines and sites available individually. 965 326 442 / 659 696 455 (09) Bar for sale. Quesada area.

Going cheap. For information pack, email: . Tel: 688 800 960 (16)

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly. Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non-denominational. Sunday services 11:00am. Children’s Church 11:00am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11:00am. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nation-

alities welcome 966 799 273 // 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3 Pilar de la Horadada opposite the old cinema.

Sunday Service 11am.

Home groups Tuesday times vary Bible Study and Prayer Meeting Thursday 5pm.

Pastor Rev. Eddie Martens Tel 966 769 300 Mobile 650 509 600 Pilar Christian Community Church Calle Canalejas 3. Pilar de la Horadada.

Sunday Service at 11am, and Thursday at 5pm for Bible study and Prayer.

Home groups meet during the week.

All welcome from any church background or none.

For further information contact PilarChristian.

CommunityChurch@gmail.c om or contact Reverend Eddie on 966 7693 00 or 650 509 606. Reg No:2009-SG/A

Luis, Torrevieja areas. Call

FOR SALE

creet, within 1 hour of

Large full equipped internet

Jeri on 966 318 550 / 698 257 200. (25)

PERSONAL Attractive sexy couple looking for femine women for threesome fun and friendship. Genuine, clean & disMurcia.

Contact 634 364

731(23)

cafe, computer repair shop & postal service, prime loca-

PETS

tion, well established (10

2 Siamese kittens, free to

yrs) Guardamar. Call 697

good home. Both are choco-

529 194 (25)

late point and white Ready

HAIRDRESSER

in 2 weeks, both parents can

English mobile hairdresser.

be seen. Call 603 121 785

20 years experience. Prices

for more info(25)

from 6 euros. Almoradi,

5 month old Collie Cross

Algorfa, Benijofer, Rojales,

Pup free to good home

Quesada, Guardamar, San

Full time jobs force reluctant parting He is brown with col-

BUSINESS GROUP

lie markings and has green eyes!

a very handsome

dog, fully house trained and is a big bundle of fun!

Call 603 121 785 (25)

PROPERTY FOR RENT Luxury appartments, 2/3 bedrooms in San Miguel De Salinas.

Floor heating, Elevator, Roof terrace with swimming pool, from 385 euros/month Also holiday rentals and appartments in San Miguel de Salinas from 350 euros / month. 966 723 437 and 616 487 493 (27) Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: www.villaandvacation.com or Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 49, 2nd floor one bedroom apartment situated conveniently located in the town centre of Torrevieja, with a small sun balcony overlooking the lovely communal pool. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 78, South facing 3 bed-

roomed property situated injardin Del Mar VII, with communal

pool

nearby.

Close to amenities. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bedroom detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, supermarket,

restaurants

and

bars. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment situated in Monino Blanco. The property overlooks a superb communal pool area, in within walking distance of bars, restaurants

and

shops.

Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 128, A lovely One bed-

REMOVALS

room 2nd floor apartment, American

style

kitchen,

Lounge with patio doors to balcony, in the San Luis

AIR CONDITIONING

area. Short or long term

SHUTTERS

PAVING

rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref:

104,

Bedroom

Lovely Apartment

Two in

Torrevieja, within walking distance of Friday Market and the beach. The Property is close to the Habaneras

SPORTS EQUIPMENT

BUILDER

CAR MECHANIC

CARPENTER

BOUNCY CASTLE

SKY TV

GARDENING

SECURITY

LOCKSMITH

SWIMMING POOL MAINTENANCE

VAN HIRE

45

Friday, August 12, 2011 Shopping Centre and Aquapark. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 155, Luxurious Three Bedroom Villa With Private Pool, in Quesada Close to shops and restaurants within a five minute drive, and Guadamar Beach is within a ten minute drive. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 709, A lovely 1 bedroom apartment within a 5 minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 708, A lovely two bedroom, one bathroom corner ground floor apartment with a spacious patio & Residents off road parking.

Communal pool near by.

Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

PROPERTY FOR SALE Gran Alacant, corner semi detached 3 bedroomed, 2 bathrooms, large garden, enclosed terrace, fully furnished, private drive for 2 cars, on gated desirable urbanisation Monte Faro, many facilities priced for quick sale 185,000 Tel

680333242 House for sale. Santiago de la Ribera, 3-4 bedrooms, lovely garden, two balconies, two fireplaces, quiet neighbourhood, five minutes walk to beach.

Tel: 616596647 or 672192482 (22).

Balsares, terraced 4 bedroomed house, 3 bathrooms, large underbuild, private underground parking direct to house, small gated urbanisation, directly over looking proposed new golf course opposite Gran Alacant, priced for quick sale at original off plan price 180.000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, 3 bedroomed, 3 bath mid terraced Altomar 1, views of Alicante Bay, close to communal pool, walking distance to bars and resturants opportunity at reduced price 145,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, front line, 2 bed, 1 bath, downstairs toilet, fully furnished, roof terrace, walking distance to beaches, large communal and resturants, beach front property priced for quick sale 125,000 Tel 680333242 Quesada, detached 3 bedroomed, 2 bath, all large rooms, front enclosed conservatory, fully furnished, oiled fuelled heating, outdoor poolside kitchen and bbq area enclosed, large pool, outside toilet, garage

for 2 cars, newly refurbished, established garden with fruit trees, set in a cul de sac on 1000m2, the overall plot can be divided, as registered as two plots, so this house could be a substantial investment opportunity, situated in the Dona pepe area close to Quesada town centre, priced 299,000 negotiable Tel 680333242 Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 513, €115,000. Two bedroom ground floor apartment, in Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities including the beach. It has a good size lounge, kitchen and has off road parking facilities.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 521, €105,000. This comfortable bungalow is located in San Luis with a new roof and solarium tiles.

It is close to supermarkets, bars, restaurants and is on the local bus route.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626

397 397 Ref: 520, €85,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 516, €39,999. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 510, €79,999.

Bungalow located in San Luis. It is close to the supermarkets, bars and restaurants and is on the local bus route. An Opel Corsa car is included in this sale.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 146, €85,000. Three bedroom Two bathroom quad house in Dream Hills.

Off road parking on the front driveway with gates that can be padlocked for security.

PLUMBERS

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: KP3100, €195,000.

Three bedroom, two bathroom detached villa, located in San Luis, on a 450sqm plot, with communal pool.

Garage to side of house.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 30, €119,000. Two bedroom detached house with large front terrace. This villa is in the Punta Marina area close to Playa Flamenca , Close to amenities.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 78, €120,000. Three bedroom Quad in Jardin Del Mar VII. There is off-road parking and small storage shed in the enclosed garden area, communal pool nearby.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 128, €34,950. One bedroom 2nd floor apartment located in San Luis.

American style kitchen, Lounge with patio doors to balcony, with lovely views in the San Luis area.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

Ref: 709, €60,000 A lovely 1 bedroom apartment within a 5 minute walk of the beach.

There is a terrace outside with views to the sea. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 965 707 188 or 626 397 397

SITUATIONS VACANT

PETS WANTED

METAL RECYCLING

HAIRDRESSER

FURNITURE

HALOGEN

MOSQUITOS

SURVEYS

NEWS AGENTS

SIGNS

TATTOOS

LOCKSMITH

46

Friday, August 12, 2011

AS YOU BIKE IT BRITISH Tour de France hero Mark Cavendish will face sprint rival Tyler Farrar at the London 2012 road race test event in Surrey on Sunday.

Cavendish took the Tour green jersey last month but American Farrar won a stage and was a consistent threat.

The Surrey Cycle Classic covers the 140km Olympic course, with the start and finish on The Mall. Organisers expect Olympic track champion Ed Clancy to be part of a five-man GB team, including Cavendish. The event mixes national teams with British trade line-ups but the top athletes will all be competing for their countries.

Cavendish, who learned last week that his HTC-Highroad team will fold at the end of the season, will line up in GB colours alongside several riders from Team Sky, the outfit he’s being tipped to join next year.

Great Britain will gain an early chance to scout the route where Cavendish is favourite to win the first gold of the Games on July 28 next year.

The event will also provide a valuable opportunity for Cavendish to spend time with the GB squad ahead of next month’s Road World Championships in Copenhagen, where he is also expected to star. Although the final 148-man field has not yet been confirmed, Cavendish's HTC team-mate Matt Goss is set to ride for Australia and French champion Sylvain Chavanel will also feature.

The race passes through six London boroughs and four Royal Parks, with a looped route around Box Hill in Surrey.

SINFIELD’S PURE GOLD LEEDS will be returning to Wembley in the Carnegie Challenge Cup after Kevin Sinfield kicked a penalty in golden-point extra time to clinch a 10-8 win over Castleford.

The Rhinos skipper had already held his nerve with a late conversion to level matters, before stepping up again at the start of overtime to finally settle a bruising encounter at Doncaster’s Keepmoat Stadium.

Castleford had appeared to be on course to reach Wembley when a try from Rangi Chase and two Kirk Dixon penalties put them 8-2 in front. However, Kallum Watkins crossed with eight minutes to play and the Rhinos then relied on their captain to boot them to a showdown with Wigan.

Wigan remain on course for a league and cup double after beating St Helens 18-12 in the other semi-final.

The Warriors led 18-2 after an hour before Saints battled back to get within one score with 10 minutes left.

But Wigan held firm in a frenetic closing few minutes and will head back to Wembley after a 13-year absence from the

CAVENDISH, FARRAR IN PRE-OLYMPIC TESTER

WORLD SPORTS ROUNDUP with Mick Hardy from Kidease

game's greatest stage.

Wigan's attacking prowess had blown Warrington away in the quarter-finals on the same Halliwell Jones pitch, but this time it was their defence - the meanest in Super League which was the key.

PETTERSEN’S SIX HIT NORWAY’S Suzann Pettersen earned a six-stroke victory with a stunning final round of 64 at the Ladies Irish Open on Sunday.

The world No.3 completed rounds of 71, 63 and 64 to finish at 18 under par for the tournament, ahead of Spain’s Azahara Munoz.

It was Pettersen’s second Irish Open victory after a fivestroke win at Portmarnock Links in 2008.

The 30-year-old from Oslo collected a €60,000 first prize.

She is guaranteed a place in Europe’s Solheim Cup squad next month, either from the Ladies European Tour points’ list or from the Rolex World Rankings.

SCOTT’S TIGER TOUCH CHANTS and cheers greeted Adam Scott as he walked toward the 18th green to complete a command performance in the Bridgestone Invitational on Sunday and win his first World Golf Championship.

But in a surreal scene, the cheering was not for him - but for his caddie. "Stev-ie Will-iams," they shouted as the guy carrying Scott’s bag broke into a big smile.

The celebration made it clear that Williams felt vindicated after being fired last month by Tiger Woods.

The interview after it was over made it sound as if it was Williams who shot the five-under 65. "I've caddied for 33 years — 145 wins now — and that's the best win I've ever had," he told CBS Sports.

This from a guy whose 12 years working for Woods featured 13 majors and 16 world titles among 72 wins worldwide. That includes the 2001 Masters, when Woods won an unprecedented fourth straight major.

Clearly, Williams is still angry over how — and when — Woods cut him loose. He even disputed Tiger’s version of how it happened, saying Woods told him over the phone, not in person.

Scott (pictured) didn't seem to mind that his caddie was getting most of the attention. "I can talk about Steve now and not Tiger," Scott said to laughter, alluding to the countless times he and other players have been asked about Woods. "I'm sure there are a lot of other golfers who wouldn't mind that, either."

The latest chapter in the endless saga involving Woods took masked a premier performance by Scott, who didn't make a bogey over his last 26 holes and couldn't afford to with 19-year-old Ryo Ishikawa giving him all he could handle.

They were never separated by more than one shot until Scott chipped in from the side of the 12th green, then rolled in a birdie putt from just inside 30 feet on the 14th to build a three-shot lead. Ishikawa three-putted the 15th, and Scott had no trouble closing this one out.

TOP MARCO TURNS ON POWER THE MotoGP season resumes this weekend with the traditional 'back-to-school' race at Brno. Marco Simoncelli spent the two-week break in the USA with the aim to recharge his batteries for the second half of the season following his latest disappointment at Laguna Seca.

Simoncelli (pictured) put his Californian nightmare behind him and is determined to finally achieve the results he has been threatening to pick up all season. He could not wish for a better circuit to restart at – he won the race here in his last season in the 250cc class.

For Hiroshi Aoyama, the race also comes on the back of a much-needed break, as the Japanese rider continues his recovery from injuries picked up at Assen in June. His goal is to rediscover the promising form he showed in the early stages of the season as the championship enters the late summer at Brno.

The Masaryk Circuit, named after the country's first president Tomas Masaryk, was opened in 1987 and made its first appearance on the Grand Prix calendar in 1993. It was built just a short distance from the old road circuit, which regularly pulled in crowds of over 200,000 to watch the likes of Phil Read, Mike Hailwood and Giacomo Agostini, who won seven times at Brno.

HANTS EYE FINAL REPEAT DEFENDING champions Hampshire will meet beaten finalists Somerset in the semi-finals of the Friends Life t20.

It’s a repeat of last year's thrilling final, when Hampshire lifted the trophy, having lost fewer wickets after the scores were tied.

The other semi-final will see Leicestershire play Lancashire, who reached the last four after beating Sussex by 20 runs on Monday.

Both semi-finals and the final will take place on finals day at Edgbaston on Saturday August 27.

LOCAL GOLF RESULTS TORRE GOLF SOCIETY (El Plantio): Stableford, Cat One (019) - Luke Morgan 40 pts; Cat Two (20-36) - Reid Kane 32 pts.

Nearest Pin - Hole 9 Barry Daniell, Hole 14 Mike Penny. Best Front 9 - Tony Chandler 20pts, Best Back 9 - Luke Morgan 25 pts. Value For Money (VFM) prize - Ken Lindsay (pts total withheld). Next game - Doug Maddison Memorial at Alicante Golf, August 15. There are some special prizes so get your name down to remember this lovely guy. For more information on the Torre Golf Society, contact Secretary Ivie Davies at golfdavies@gmail.net or telephone 669 211 410 UNIKE G.S. (Las Colinas G & CC): Stableford, Aug 4: 1st - Joss Tillman ( 39pts), 2nd - Abe Numeijer (37pts), 3rd - David Stewart (35pts). Two's -.Jan Johnson & Ray Longhurst (10th Hole); Jos Tillman (14th Hole). Texas Scramble, July 28: 1st Stuart Davey - Sam Connor, Jos Tillman - Carsten Tillman 61 - 06.2, 54.8; 2nd Mike Box - Raymond Clayton, Mik Harris - Jim Mawer 67 – 06, 60.2.

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Friday, August 12, 2011

SCHOLES: ONE FOR THE PAUL OF FAME The Courier’s STEVE BOTT sees Old Trafford say goodbye to a legend

Manchester United 6 New York Cosmos 0

PAUL SCHOLES ended his Manchester United playing career with a spectacular 25-yard thunderbolt of a goal in front of a packed Old Trafford crowd last Friday.

THE GREATEST: Pele puts his shirt on Scholes

And the man who made 656 appearances and scored 150 goals for the club left a great legacy for the kids: "I am just grateful to everybody - the manager and everyone e l s e involved tonight,’’ he said. ‘’This club and the manager have always made youth a major part of the club. If you are good enough you will always get a chance with Sir Alex.

"We have got a great youth team here at the moment. They won the FA Youth Cup last season and hopefully we will see a few of them break through into the first team.

"I just want to thank the fans. They have been magnificent to me all through my career and I am just looking forward to being one of them now."

Proceeds from the full-house attendance will go to help disabled children in football - a magnificent gesture from a player who was always first and foremost a man of the people, someone the fans could relate to. And that was reflected in the turnout for one of English football's truly great players.

After Scholes started the scoring with that eighthminute rocket shot, Wayne Rooney banged in a

penalty 20 minutes later.

Anderson and Danny Welbeck added two more early in the second half and Mame Biram Diouf completed the rout with two goals in the space of five minutes.

A sparkling Cosmos team included captain Brad Friedel in goal, Michel Salgado and Fabio Cannavaro in defence, along with guest appearances from Patrick Viera, Gary Neville and Nicky Butt. It all made for a star-studded show.

Eric Cantona, now Cosmos' Director of Football, and the legendary Pele presented Scholes with mementoes before the kick-off as did Sir Alex Ferguson and United's chief executive David Gill. And everyone went home with a smile on their face after a fitting tribute to one of the game's most loyal servants.

MANCHESTER UNITED: De Gea – Rafael, Vidic, Ferdinand, Evra – Nani, Giggs, Scholes, Young – Berbatov, Rooney. Substitutes: Jones, Anderson, Smalling, Park, Welbeck, Fabio, Evans, Macheda, Diouf, Lindegaard, Cleverley, Pogba.

NEW YORK COSMOS: Friedel – Salgado, Cannavaro, Reyering, Bridge - Robbie Keane, Butt, Murph,y Iraheta, Yorke - Dimitrov. Substitutes: G Neville, Viera, Campbell, Pires, Calderone, Diaby, McBride, Gaitan.

Varsity rugby boys UNITED FRONT in Sevens heaven From Back Page

Sir Alex Ferguson has still not found a replacement for Paul Scholes and United really need a combatative midfield destroyer in there, too. Ashley Young is a great signing, but he is a winger or striker. Ferguson's other buys are goalkeeper David De Gea from Atletico Madrid and Blackburn centreback Phil Jones.

Beach bums scrum good at San Juan...

THE San Juan Beach Rugby Sevens were won on Saturday by Alicante University – after a battle royale with Miami Calpe in the final.

After a great day’s entertainment, with teams from Barcelona competing along with local sides, Alicante triumphed 3-2 on tries in a match fit for any final of any tournament.

Miami Calpe started the day off in style against a very strong TGV Barcelona lineup. The team – formed by friends who got together to play in this tournament worked well together and some excellent handling and support work saw them run out 6-0 winners - six tries to nil, that is.

Then up came Universidad Miguel Hernandez Elche to force a 3-3 draw, which put Miami Calpe into a semi-final

showdown against Trapos Viejos.

Some more good free-flowing rugby earned a 3-0 win for the Miami Calpe boys – and that final contest with Alicante.

Brian opened the scoring for Miami Calpe, before Alicante hit back with two tries of their own before half time. In the second half, Miami Calpe drew level with a try by their captain Juanma, only for Alicante to steal the day with another excellently worked try.

This weekend, Gary Holland will be at the Lo Crispin Association Charity fun day (stand 29) to raise money for a local children’s charity. For more details of rugby in the area, and for your club shirts etc, see Garry at Moncayo Market on Tuesdays and Saturdays or call him on 692 767 242.

The jury is still out on De Gea after a couple of errors in the 3-2 Community Shield win over City, while Jones is in a queue for a regular place behind Nemanja Vidic, Rio Ferdinand and Chris Smalling.

Wesley Sneijder was the big tip to bolster United's squad, though rivals City were said to have also made a move for Inter's Dutch midfield ace. But as The Courier went to press, no deal had been struck for him by any club.

Swansea might get away with only having to face one of Sergio Aguero or Carlos Tevez when they make their bigleague bow against City. Tevez has been conspicuous by his absence during the prolonged transfer speculation surrounding him. But Aguero is on board, nearing full match fitness and is almost certain to play against the Welsh club.

Although most folk think it will take time for Villas-Boas and his new players to sort themselves out, Chelsea will

be hot favourites to beat Stoke. Tony Pulis has done a great job stabilising the Potters in the Premier League but they disappointed against Manchester City in the FA Cup final and will find it tough to repeat the relative success they enjoyed last season.

Roberto Martinez, Spain's only Premier League manager, sends his Wigan outfit out to face another bunch of newcomers in the Cooking Canaries, who have top TV culinary queen Delia Smith on board.

With Stephen Fry, the academic actor, also backing Norwich, Martinez could find it hot in the kitchen as he attempts to leave the visitors with empty plates at the Dave Whelan Stadium. Wigan escaped the drop by a whisker in May and that experience should inspire them to an opening-day win.

So at the end of the season, for me, it’s got to be Manchester United again, with Man City, Chelsea and Liverpool qualifying for the Champions League.

At the other end of the table, QPR will just about survive on the talent they have - and the money at their disposal should help.

Going down - Blackburn Rovers and Wolves, who face each other at Ewood Park at the top of the opening-day fixture list. And West Brom, despite their quality and passing ability, to complete the tumbling trio.

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Friday, August 12, 2011

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UNITED FRONT NEW BOYS: From left, Manchester United keeper David De Gea and defender Phil Jones - and Liverpool’s Charlie Adam

They’re off – and it’s Fergie’s boys to win it again STEVE BOTT reports WHO is going to stop Manchester United winning their 20th title? The smart money is on neighbours Manchester City, but Chelsea will be snapping at their heels again once new boss Andre Villas-Boas gets bedded in.

United start with a tricky fixture at Roy Hodgson's West Bromwich Albion tomorrow, while City must wait until Monday night at the Etihad Stadium, riots permitting, before taking on

Premier League new boys Swansea City.

Chelsea are away at Stoke and Arsenal, who aren't many people's choice for honours, have a tough task against Newcastle United at St James's Park.

Liverpool have been tipped to get right back amongst the title chasers this season after manager Kenny Dalglish had a bit of a clear-out and brought in several new faces including Blackpool's Charlie Adam, Jordan Henderson from tomorrow’s opponents Sunderland, and Aston Villa’s Stewart Downing.

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