The Courier Week 15 by TKO Media

Edition 15

www.thecourier.es

Friday, June 3, 2011

BEWARE AIRPORT TYRE SLASHERS

MOTORISTS are being warned NOT to leave vehicles unattended at San Javier Airport after a spate of attacks on people carriers in recent weeks. A public alert was sounded after one repair depot was inundated by expats’ with punctured tyres – and mechanics discovered they had all had been deliberately damaged in an similar manner.

‘All of the damaged vehicles had been to Murcia airport’

Some 32 tyres were reported slashed at the airport over a three-week period recently and one mechanic who examined a number of the damaged vehicles told The Courier: ‘‘Every vehicle I saw had stab wounds on the inside of its tyres which had been made deliberately using a spike or something similar. ‘‘Most of the damaged

People carriers targeted in spate of San Javier attacks

tyres had not punctured immediately but some time later – and in every case a large vehicle capable of carrying six or more passengers was involved. ‘‘The other common theme was that all of the damaged vehicles had made a trip to Murcia Airport the previous day.’’ The hunt for the perpetra-

tors immediately turned to Spanish taxi drivers, whose disdain for car-owners who ferry fare-paying passengers to and from the airport is well chronicled. But vigilante vehicle owners keeping a watch on the airport believe a third party may be involved. Meanwhile, drivers are advised not to leave their

cars unattended at the airport if possible. g Have YOUR vehicle’s tyres been deliberately damaged or your vehicle attacked in any other way at San Javier Airport recently – or indeed at any other local airport? Call The Courier on 966726437 or email us at editor@thecourier.es

Friday, June 3, 2011

How much to play here, Mr Blatter? TELEPHONE

96 672 6437 JUNGLE DRUMS E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Alto del Moncayo s/n, Guardamar del Segura, 03140, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 672 64 37 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Dave Bull (English/Spanish) ADVERTISING SALES 96 672 6437 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 96 672 6437 616 332 178 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Vanessa Gran Alacant, La Marina, Guardamar Tel. 638 741 847 Denise La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 697 241 753 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Writers Dave Bull Malcolm Palmer Mick Hardy Donna Gee Suzanne Manners Spike Paul Payne Sally Bengtsson Tony Mayes Jake Monroe Dan Smith Photographer Mark Welton

Affiliations

Publication Published by Rainbow Media, S.L. Printed by Localprint S.L Depósito legal A - 132 - 2011 The Courier, its publishers, members of staff and its agents do not accept responsibility for claims by advertisers nor can it be held responsible for any errors in advertisements which are reproduced from poor artwork, low quality electronic data or inadequate instructions for text or other layout features. Further no responsibility is accepted for any loss or damage caused by an error, inaccuracy or non-appearance of any advertisement, although all advertisements produced are checked prior to insertion. We regret that we cannot accept responsibility for more than ONE incorrect insertion and that no re-publication will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertisement. E&OE. NO PART OF THIS NEWSPAPER MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHERS.

Picture of the week

96 672 7334

Something is rotten in the State of Denmark (Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 4)

OFFICIAL: THE DANES ARE MAD!

OF all the bloody cheek. The British public woke to the news that Denmark's Veterinary and Food Administration has gone mental and banned Marmite from its shelves. There was immediate outrage. On Twitter, infuriated Brits threatened to visit supermarkets and remove cans of Carlsberg, packs of Danish bacon and tins of Spam (which, though invented in the US, is made in Denmark). Even calls came for the immediate repatriation of Sandy Toksvig. It was put forward that the words ‘Hands Off Our Marmite, You Bastards’, translated into Danish, should be spelt out in Lego bricks (which are made in Denmark) and left on the doorstep of the Danish embassy. Fearing a riot, the embassy quickly denied there was any such ban. They claimed, “All we said was that fortified foods can't be marketed in Denmark unless they've been approved by Danish food authorities - and they haven't given their approval yet, OK?” Is Denmark more PC mad

Marmite ban is proof ...spread the news

By DAVE BULL

than the UK? Shops in the country that sell English goods are now being visited by government grey suits who are demanding to see the proprietor's “official papers” that prove he's allo-

Monday Mostly sunny High Temperature: 27°C RealFeel: 28°C

Toksvig: Repatriation calls

wed to sell Marmite! As one of the newspapers in the UK said last week, ‘It's like an episode of ‘Allo ‘Allo, with a Nazi-coated SS officer grating, “I demand to see your Marmite Papers zis instant!”’

Today Sun and showers High Temperature: 22°C RealFeel: 24°C

Saturday Partly sunny High Temperature: 21°C RealFeel: 23°C

Sunday Mostly sunny High Temperature: 24°C RealFeel: 28°C

Tuesday Sun and showers High Temperature: 27°C RealFeel: 28°C

Wednesday Partly cloudy High Temperature: 24°C RealFeel: 28°C

Thursday Cloudy High Temperature: 24°C RealFeel: 28°C

Friday, June 3, 2011

BLACK MERCEDES TARGETS EXPATS

More readers tell of motorway terror By DAVE BULL

hours before. Both couples asked us to warn other expats about this recent spate of attacks and make sure that those who have a foreign registered car are on their guard as they are the prime targets of these scumbags who want passports and money primarily. All these attacks come on top of the other scam that car thieves have been employing more locally recently – using a ‘note’ on your rear window to get you out of our car. Drivers get inside their car – usually in a car park and often they will have parked with the front of the car facing the kerb and naturally start the engine put the car into reverse gear and the driver will notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window.

‘Only the Guardia Civil will stop you on the motorway...’ FOLLOWING our front page exclusive two weeks ago we have been inundated at The Courier with readers’ experiences at the hands of would-be ‘car-jackers’ on the Spanish highways. Two weeks ago we told the story of a Torrevieja couple who had a terrifying experience whilst driving from Bilbao to the Costa Blanca recently. They couple, who wanted to remain anonymous, told how they were driving from Bilbao towards Alicante on the motorway, on the outskirts of Madrid, when they pulled over for what they thought was a police officer in another car showing what appeared to be his badge. It wasn’t and fortunately the crooks got away with little but left the couple terrified.

Similar Fred phoned me on the Friday night after the story was published and told me of his, and his wife Gladys’, very similar experience near to Barcelona. As the retired couple cruised along the AP7 just outside of the Catalan capital they had already started thinking of getting home to Torrevieja and relaxing after a long drive from the UK when there was a loud bang at the back of the car. Looking around Fred’s attention was drawn to a black Mercedes carrying four men, one of the passengers was signalling for them to pull over, implying that Fred and Gladys had damage at the rear of their car. However, wily Fred suspected something wasn’t quite right and the couple refused to stop and the Mercedes eventually disappeared into the distance leaving the shocked couple, who are in their seventies to face a nervous few hours behind the

Victims

Menacing - a similar Mercedes to the one used in the attacks wheel. Pete also called The Courier to tell us his story which was remarkably similar to that of Fred and Gladys except for one detail – Pete and his wife stopped and came face to face with the crooks. On the same stretch of motorway surrounding Barcelona Pete was also the victim of the four men in the Mercedes. He also heard a loud bang at the back of the car but decided to stop and take a look and that was when the callous crooks pounced. They parked in front of Pete and his wife’s car, blocking their escape and told them they had damage on the other side of the car to where Pete was looking. When he investigated the ‘damage’ one of the other men from the car attempted to pull his wife, who was in the driving seat, from the car in an

attempt to steal it. This was happening as 44-tonne juggernauts and cars hurtled past just feet away. One of the crooks started shouting at the couple but they couldn’t understand what the man was saying. Pete and his wife were by now very afraid with the men demanding their valuables and lorry drivers hooting as they passed – witnessing the attempted robbery but unable to stop. Just as Pete and his wife managed to get the car started one of the crooks made a grab for a bag on the back seat and ran off, giving Pete and his wife the opportunity to escape, which they did. Fortunately for the couple they had removed their passports and money from the stolen bag just a few

Most drivers will of course jump out of the car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) but leaving the car running. What has happened previously to victims is that when they reach the back of the car, the carjackers appear, apparently out of nowhere, hop into your car and drive off. A spokesman for the local police told me to warn readers to hide their valuables and documents as once stole, ‘not only have the carjackers got your car, but if the documents were still in the car at the time, then they also have a home address, all the drivers’ money, and their keys’ The Guardia Civil advised, never to stop on motorway unless the Police are in uniform - even if it was plain clothes you would still be advised to go to the next service area. Only the Guardia Civil would stop you on the motorway or in extreme case the Guardia National. A spokesman said that they are sure there are two gangs targeting foreign registered cars. One Pakistani and one Moroccan. Keep ‘em peeled folks.

DOH!! A bungling Australian car thief was nabbed after accidentally locking himself in the vehicle he was trying to steal, police said Wednesday. Police were called to a house in Adelaide after two thieves were heard trying to steal a car. On arrival they were surprised to find a 53-year old man hiding inside the vehicle. “The man, while breaking into the car, had locked himself in the car and couldn’t get out,” South Australian police said, adding a second thief was found hiding in nearby bushes.

Friday, June 3, 2011

SAYS IF, as has been alleged, taxi drivers at San Javier Airport are dishing out their own ‘rough justice’ by slashing the tyres of cars they assume to be operating as private cabs then they need their heads examining. I hope it isn’t them, I really do, but it does seem odd that the majority of the cars whose tyres have been destroyed have been people carriers or estate cars. If they think the owners are operating an illegal cab they should just call the law and let them deal with it. I hope that is in fact what they do and everyone has got it wrong. HERCULES have dropped out of La Liga after just one year but The Courier’s Chief Sports Writer, Malcolm Palmer, has had an amazing year – one that included watching the best team in the world coming to town. Malc covered it superbly – let’s hope Elche do the business and we can get Messi and Co back this way next season. THE EDITOR

A BADGE WORTH WEARING - TIBA The International Business Association There’s an awful lot of an acronyms out there, some more important than others, i.e. the SAS could be considered more important than the BBC at some point in our lives, so when you see ‘TIBA’ staring back at you from a newspaper ad or on a car sticker you may be wondering what it is? No? Well I’ll tell you anyway… You see TIBA isn’t a TV broadcaster or a tactical military squad but it does stand for something else that may well be of help one day, (although they wont wear the balaclavas), and that is a group of small businesses who work together to offer professional services. All of TIBA’s members come with recommendations and a history of satisfied customers behind them - HERE on the Costa Blanca which from most peoples’ experience is priceless.

Peace of mind TIBA members have learnt through experience that it is important for their customers to have peace of mind and be confident in whom they are dealing with and the TIBA members want the same. They want to be welcomed into your house, satisfied that you are not worried they will run off with the family silver while leaving the washing machine to flood! That won’t happen with TIBA members who all work by a self-regulated code of conduct which basically means that they act in a professional manner and always put the customer first.

Trustworthy We all know someone who has experienced shoddy workmanship (or none at all in some cases!) and the professionals at TIBA are determined not to be tarred by that particular brush by offering references and phone numbers of previously satisfied customers (obviously we struggle a little with the funeral director…), and the production of paperwork showing legal business addresses and contact details and so on.

Competitive pricing However, before you start thinking of lots of zeros on your invoice, be aware that using a TIBA member does not mean that you will necessarily be charged more. We all understand the difficulties for everyone in the current climate and TIBA members are well aware that not only do they need to offer a first class service but that they need to be competitive too.

DMF Plumbing and Heating Solutions DMF Plumbing and Heating Solutions, your first step in finding the right company for your plumbing and heating needs here on the Costa Blanca, Spain. Owner David Furze has over 35 years experience in the plumbing and heating industry, he started as an apprentice and went on to run his own successful plumbing business back in the UK for 20 years before moving to Spain

The company prides itself on its workmanship and quality of materials used. We always offer a reliable and efficient service, no job is too small. Whether you have a leaking tap or require a new bathroom, DMF is the best company to call. Visit our website www.dmfplumbing.com or phone 0034 666907456

Pocket Pages Pocket Pages Spain is now in its 5th year, and publishes an A6 full colour annual booklet for all business services on the Costa Blanca South. The books are given away free to the public, to help them find companies and services in the local area that are English speaking. Currently, there are 2 books issued – one issued in the summer covering Gran Alacant to Torrevieja and one in the winter covering from Torrevieja to the Mar Menor. In addition, every cus-

sales@pocketpagesspain.com 966 44 33 81 tomer is also on the Pocket Pages website found at www.pocketpagesspain.com with a banner advert and details of the service offered. We also operate Pocket Pages Free Ads offering free classifieds adverts and a Whats On guide, found at www.pocketpagesfreeads.com. If you require any further information about the Pocket Pages group, please email sales@pocketpagesspain.com or call us in Torrevieja on 966 44 33 81.

The Embroidery Workshop We are a family run personalised clothing business that prides itself on quality garments and top notch embroidery at prices that are much lower than the quality warrants. We have over 20 years design experience and that coupled with our attention to detail, and our ability to go the extra mile ensures customer satisfaction at every level.

info@embroideryworkshop.net 966 770 964

Be it on team event clothing, workwear, school-wear, baseball caps, towels or dressing gowns, there isn't a garment we can't sew your logo onto. We want you to look good without paying a fortune and we have no minimum order quantity. FREE STUFF We will design your logo for free. We will produce your artwork for free and you will get our

Nowadays, TIBA is made up of all types of businesses, and, not having restricted the membership in any way, they are always open to welcoming new businesses to join. Just take a look at the list of members and services available and even if you don’t see the one you need, contact TIBA and they’ll do their very best to point you in the right direction.. If you are interested in contacting or perhaps becoming a member of TIBA, contact 902 906 015 or visit their impressive website at www.tibacb.com

www.dmfplumbing.com 0034 666907456

professional advice for free. We are based in Jacarilla and on the Orihuela Costa, operating throughout the Costa Blanca and Costa Calida regions. See our catalogue online at www.EmbroideryWorkshop.net or email us at or info@embroideryworkshop.net or telephone us on 966 770 964.

Friday, June 3, 2011

LEARN SPANISH? Err...no, gracias very much TONY MAYES takes a light-hearted look at his lingo problem ARE you learning the language? How well can you speak Spanish? Are you taking Spanish lessons?

Frankly, if I was Spanish having lived all my life in Mediterranean Spain I would hate what has happened to my homeland, just as much as I hate seeing what mass immigration has done to parts of Britain. The only difference is that Spain attracted wealth while Britain attracted masses who were attracted to what they dreamed as streets paved with gold, many of whom are still contributing nothing and living on benefits.

These are the questions often asked of us both in Spain and in the UK by friends and relatives, and they are questions which are guaranteed to make Mrs M and me feel ashamed. Because the fact is we know only a few more Spanish words now than when we first started coming to warmer climes six years ago.

Dreaded

Meaningful And we are not alone - my guess is that the percentage of expat English speaking people able to hold a meaningful conversation with a Spanish person is very low. The vast majority get by because they are living in a community with an evergrowing British support network and the Spanish have taken the trouble to learn English. I've always had problems learning a foreign language. I can remember the hours upon boring hours of conjugating French verbs at school and also the long boring hours playing scales on the piano.

Chance How many times have I said to myself I wish I had learned French fluently and learned to play the piano when I had the chance at school and had the active brain cells to help me. When we made the decision to buy a holiday apartment in Spain six years ago we both went to Spanish classes every week at the

‘The effort required to achieve it greatly outweighs the benefits’ local college. It lasted six weeks. Trying to cope with evening classes after a 10hour working day was impossible; the retention span was measured in minutes. We vowed that once we retired and stayed in Spain for longer periods we would learn. But the good intentions came to nothing.

These days someone can tell me the Spanish word for something and I try to get it to lodge between my few remaining brain cells, but by the next day, hey presto it's gone - even if it’s the name of one of my favourite dishes. Ask me questions about the £ v euro exchange rate, the weather, the latest local

and national news, or politics and the information has stayed in the brain sufficiently for me to hold an intelligent conversation, but learning Spanish? Forget it. The reason simply is, I don't need to. It's desirable, and there's no doubt it would add to the quality of life in Spain, but the effort required

to achieve it greatly outweighs the benefits. And the "why should I bother" question comes to mind as a readymade excuse. After all, I am spending money in Spain and the Spanish are benefiting from it. And he who pays the piper plays the tune. Even as two pensioners we're contributing almost £20,000 a year to the Spanish economy and multiplying that by the ex-pats living in the Costa Blanca area alone and you've got a massive £400 million being pumped into the Spanish economy each and every year from Brits. Don't forget that's on top of the huge investment the expats made to the Spanish economy during the economic boom years when the Costas were turned into a huge building site.

Anyway, back to the dreaded subject of speaking Spanish. The fact is that English is the international language of the world. It's the language the Dutch, Swedes and Germans living here turn to if they want to communicate to the Spanish and can't speak their language. And just to ram home the point, millions of Europeans watched the Eurovision Song Contest screened from Germany recently, and what language was used? Yes English, talked over, no doubt, by local broadcasters, but the common language was English. Hopefully, with children learning English at school everywhere, before too long everyone will know English and this debate will be at an end.

Unnecessary Who knows, in a 100 years or so, Spanish, French, German and every other European language will be as unnecessary to learn as Welsh or Gaelic is now, cluttering the brain with stuff that's unnecessary. It all could have happened generations earlier if the British had had the sense to have imposed its will over the countries it has defeated in the past...Spain following the Armada, France at Waterloo, Germany, Italy, Yugoslavia in the two World Wars. Just think how different it would have been now if the British did what Hitler wanted to do and have everyone speaking German.

Friday, June 3, 2011

THOSE WERE THE DAYS

But just how much can you remember?

1988

The Hubble Telescope

The Hubble Space Telescope goes into operation to explore deep space and is still in full use today, mapping our universe. A bomb is exploded on Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie in Scotland on December 21. Also Prozac is sold for the first time as an anti-depressant. Some of the great movies that year included Rain Man, Die Hard and A Fish Called Wanda.

The UK in 1988 FTSE 100 averages 1750 Average House Price £61,020 Gallon of Petrol £1.67 UK Yearly Inflation Rate 4.9% Interest Rates Year End Bank of England 12.88%

US Stealth Bomber

Technology • First transatlantic fibre optic cable laid able to carry 40,000 telephone calls simultaneously • Stephen Hawking publishes A Brief History of Time • The first major computer virus infects computers connected to the Internet. • The Hubble Space

• Anti-depressant Prozac introduced which quickly became the market leader for treating depression

Inventions Laser Eye Surgery USA

• Enya • Robert Palmer • Erasure • Kylie Minogue • U2 • The Beach Boys • Bros • Michael Jackson with Dirty Diana • Gloria Estefan • Chicago with Look Away • George Michael with Father Figure • Guns N' Roses • George Harrison

• Die Hard • The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! • Beetlejuice • Dangerous Liaisons • A Fish Called Wanda • Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

Popular Musicians

Betlejuice ...top film

Political Elections

Telescope is put into operation • The US Stealth Bomber is unveiled • Using Carbon Dating it is established that the Turin Shroud cannot be the burial cloth of Christ

George H. W. Bush (Republican) defeats Michael Dukakis (Democrat) in 988 United States Presidential Election

Popular Films • Rain Man • Who Framed Roger Rabbit • Big • Twins • Crocodile Dundee II

Kylie Minogue

What Events Happened in 1988? Iran • After eight years and 1.5

million dead, the Iran-Iraq war ends Iraq • Iraq carries out Poison Gas Attack on Kurds Armenia • Earthquake in Armenia kills 60,000 Scotland • Suspected Libyan terrorist bomb explodes on Pan Am jet over Lockerbie in Scotland on December 21 killing all 259 on board and 11 on the ground Australia • Australia celebrates its bicentennial. U.S.A • A new drug, Crack, appears (a derivative of Cocaine) and is increasingly found in US cities Gibraltar • UK SAS kill suspected IRA bombers in Gibraltar UK • The English pound note ceases to be legal tender South Korea • Ben Johnson wins the 100m gold at the Seoul Olympics and is then disqualified for taking the anabolic steroid, Stanozol UK • Salmonella is found in eggs in Britain causing problems for British farmers • Laws restricting opening times for UK pubs are changed allowing them to stay open all day • 34 people die in the Clapham rail crash Poland • Widespread strikes in Poland by Solidarity supporters UK • Archaeologists uncover

the original Globe Theatre in London Afghanistan • Soviet Red Army withdraws from Afghanistan. Pakistan • Benazir Bhutto is elected Prime Minister of Pakistan Russia • A Soviet Union School Bus is hijacked Panama • Panama leader General Manual Antonio Noriega, is charged with drug smuggling and money laundering UN • Yasser Arafat is invited to address the UN General Assembly Scotland • Piper Alpha drilling platform in the North Sea is destroyed by explosions and fires which kill 165 oil workers and two rescue mariners. South Korea • The Summer Olympics are held in Seoul. Burma • Students and Buddhist monks protest against military rule, leading to multiple arrests and murder by the Military government. U.S. • The USS Vincennes shoots down Iranian passenger jet Flight 655

• More than one-third of Yellowstone National Park is destroyed by a series of more than 250 small fires which, combined with the 1988 drought, destroys 793,880 acres. • US Shuttle programme resumes two-and-a-half years after Challenger disaster Canada •The Winter Olympic Games are held in Calgary, Alberta Jamaica • Hurricane Gilbert devastated Jamaica; it turns towards Mexico’s Yucatan Peninsula two days later

Friday, June 3, 2011

GIVE THEM SWEET FA

IS Sepp Blatter one of the most repulsive men in the world at the moment? Mr Teflon has had his name dragged through the brown stuff (shame it was just his name) again recently and arrogantly stands in front of seasoned reporters telling them to ‘learn respect’ he couldn’t even spell it. This from a man who runs an organisation where the word ‘corrupt’ didn’t exist until he took over the presidency in 1998 and what has lately been up to its neck in the stuff I mentioned earlier. The Qatar World Cup – according to a leaked email – was ‘bought’ as many suspected when FIFA realised after it had handed the Arab state the biggest prize in the world that it would be impossible to play the tournament there in the summer because of the heat. No problem, rather than hand back the alleged bungs given to the committee at a meeting with Bin Hammam (presidential candidate that has withdrawn and been banned from FIFA) in Jamaica – they plan on playing it in the winter. It stinks, but then I guess it would with the amount of mess they are in and the crap coming out of their mouths. But Blatter just shrugs it off and, as he did the other day, chooses to ignore those difficult questions and carry on picking up his six-figure salary. Three weeks before the

Assault and Blattery...I’m boycotting everything slimy Sepp stands for elections to choose the president of FIFA for the next four years and he’s handing out FIFA cash to those countries whose votes he needs, no questions asked – they can spend the money (on football) but without having to provide any books receipts and the like. If you were living in a developing country and a guy comes in and gives you a

million to spend in your town, you’d vote for him too, wouldn’t you? That’s the trouble with Blatter, he’s slimy and greases the palms that keep him in power and until someone (and it will be the FA’s in the UK, I bet) stands up to FIFA and withdraws from its clutches prompting the continental European countries (the biggest footballing

nations) to follow, he’s gonna keep (smugly) smiling all the way to the bank. So while the British FA’s do sweet FA for now I propose we all boycott the sponsors of FIFA…which will then have Mr B sweating in his expensive suit. So from now on I’m not using my MasterCard or drinking Coca Cola. Nor shall I use my Visa card, fly Emirates or listen to a Sony Walkman (if they still exist). My car insurance company will get an email saying that I don’t want their cover any more (Liberty) and its tyres will not be replaced by ‘Continental’ come the time. Neither will I travel in my friend’s Kia or Hyundai (he has both) and Castrol oil is no longer an option for my motorbike as they have a big banner on the FIFA website, I won’t wear my Adidas trainers and I shall not order a bottle of Bud’ until the crooked, arrogant slime-ball heading FIFA goes. There I’ve made my stand and I’ll have to make some sacrifices but the best reason of all for boycotting FIFA’s sponsors is that I don’t have to queue for half an hour in a ‘fast-food’ restaurant waiting to hear someone say, ‘You want fries with that?’ By the way, with my current boycotts of all things FIFA and Danish, I’m moving into a monastery for the next week. It’ll be more fun…

He puts all his red on chips... I HAVE a friend whose diet is poor. In fact so poor that pretty much every meal he eats has to include chips. He won’t eat ‘foreign muck’ and will investigate anything not looking like he thinks it should with the end of a knife like a surgeon investigating a wound. Finally, and it’s always the same, he’ll drop the knife on the plate and

say, ‘can’t eat that.’ He doesn’t like to take risks in any part of his life and that includes his food – so he sticks with the ‘safe’ option of greasy fat-filled fried potatoes…with lots of ketchup. However, ask this chap about his travels (he and his long-suffering Mrs often travel and visit the famous cities and places

of Europe and beyond) and whenever they return the only thing he can tell me about foreign culture, flavours and cuisine is how good they are at cooking chips. I’m not sure what he’s using as his yardstick (I don’t think it’s the cardboard ones from the one with the big M on the roof) although I have a feeling he uses his local

pizza joint as the ones who all other chips fryers should look up to. This is an Italian restaurant, in Spain run by Hungarians… Still, as they say life’s a gamble and for him every day sees the opportunity of a new plate of fries being put in front of him for approval. He was gutted that Mr McCain died last week too.

DENMARK - YOU EITHER A WEEK OF TWEETS LOVE IT OR HATE IT THEY used to be known as ‘Great’ Danes but not in my book, not any longer. How dare they? My home island nation (that’s Britain by the way) has, over the years, and mainly thanks to the Scots come up with some of the most important inventions, ideas and solutions to problems that are around in the world today. If it wasn’t for us (okay the Scottish) we wouldn’t have television, tyres or telephones. James Watt wouldn’t have given the world the perfected Steam Engine and we’d all be in the dark if William Murdoch hadn’t I invented gas lighting Charles Macintosh gave us the raincoat and James Young Simpson discovered chloroform – although who he tested on first must have been brave. And did you know that James Young discovered paraffin oil over 150

years ago – in Scotland. The bicycle was invented by a Scot too, Kirkpatrick MacMillan who was known locally as 'Daft Pate', but his invention is still used by billions these days – wish I was that daft. So thanks to the Scottish and the rest of Britain for some great inventions that we have given the world but these can now all be banned from use in Denmark as far as I am concerned. And anyway what have the Danes ever given the world apart from the name of a big dog and some pastry? Don’t buy Danish, that’s the message; boycott the country and all its exports (?) and we’ll soon have them on their knees begging. And that’s when they’ll realise the grave error of banning our Marmite.

HOW times have changed with the arrival of social networking, these days I wake up and think 'oh my god, did I really write that last night...' Last week on Twitter I contacted David Beckham as he’s looking to leave the US in the summer and wondered if he fancies selling advertising in Spain this summer? It's commission only but he can have the scooter whenever, I’m just waiting for him to get back to me. On Tuesday morning I realised when I saw an empty plate in the morning on the kitchen counter that either I had woken up in the night and eaten a kilo of raw meat or my dog is a git....

Wednesday evening I went out and this is how it went: Go in bar Woman on her own smiles I smile back She flutters her eyes I'm still grinning Husband appears I order a bag of ready salted...

TWEETS OF THE WEEK Swansea fan on Talksport: 'Yeah...Drogba, Rooney, Tevez, Torres bring 'em on!' LOL, love it. And… By the way... Statistically, six out of seven dwarves are not happy. More cutting edge stuff later.

Friday, June 3, 2011

THOSE (not so) MAGNIFICENT MEN IN THEIR FLYING MACHINES! This week the Courier TOP Ten of everything takes in those great ideas (or so they thought at the time) of yesteryear when grown men spent a little too much time in the shed… 1 Flying Aircraft Carrier Flying Aircraft Carrier was originally created in the early 1930’s by Germans engineers and the first flights took place in 1933, which they named the USS Macon and later, the USS Akron. On February 12, 1935, USS Macon crashed due to a structural failure during a storm.

Flying Aircraft Carrier

2 Rocket Belt The rocket belt was created in 1960s in order to allow a soldier to travel safely over a very small distance. In the mid-1960s the rocket belt was rejected by the military who Rocket Belt considered it useless.

3 Charles de Gaulle Charles de Gaulle was an aircraft carrier with new and improved technology built in 1986 by the French military. But the aircraft carrier was much slower than others, the propellers didn’t work and the nuclear reactors were poorly built and incorrectly installed. They kept the old one…

4 Russian Tsar Tank The tsar tank was first tested in 1915, broke down and remained 60 kilometres from Moscow until 1923 when it was

finally taken apart for scrap. The test failed due its weight and the back wheel was prone to be stuck in soft ground and ditches.

Scooter Mounted Cannon

5 Cybernetic Walking Machine The cybernetic walking machine was an experimental quadruped robot. It was built to allow the infantry to carry weapons over extremely tough terrain and was tested for the first time in 1968. The prototype has never been in production because the machine Walking Machine didnt really could not go more than 5 get anywhere mph.

6 Puckle Gun The Puckle Gun was named after James Puckle who was a writer and lawyer from London. The gun was able to shoot 63 shots in 7 minutes, but the British army never put in mass production.

7 Focke-Wulf Triebfluegel During the WWII the Germans built Focke-Wulf Triebfluegel - a prototype airplane, which it was proven useless due his hard landing with the rockets strapped to the propeller blades!

8 Scooter-mounted Cannon The scooter-mounted cannon was built by French military during Vietnam. It is a scooter vehicle with a 75mm cannon, but it didn’t offer any protection or even stability during the war.

9 Ball Tank Ball Tank or One-Wheel Tank was a heavily armed sphere and was invented by the Germans during WWII. It did not enter in production because of its stability, steering may have also been a problem.

10 Corkscrew Tank The corkscrew tank was created by the Russians in order to make its way across rough, rocky, and harsh terrain. However, because of its large corkscrews the tank wasn’t able to move across decent terrain and was slow and with Corkscrew Tank terrible steering.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Let Sleeping Presidents Lie What do our dreams mean, and why is sleep so important anyway? SUZANNE MANNERS stays awake just long enough to find out SLEEP is as important to the human body (or animal for that matter) as food and water. Without it we are unable to function effectively and our systems begin to shut down. In fact a fully grown human will die more quickly from sleep deprivation than from hunger (and I dread to think how that fact was discovered). Sleep is one of the great mysteries of life and has been explored by poets and scientists for centuries. It is the closest we get to death without dying (except being forced to watch Formula One on a Sunday afternoon) and its waste product (dreaming) is the one area of our existence that we truly cannot control- even with medication.

Dream state The 18th century French writer Voltaire was so enamoured of sleep that he instructed his servant to wake him several times a night so that he could repeatedly experience the bliss of falling asleep (which explains a lot about the excesses of the French Revolution). He particularly enjoyed that moment between consciousness and unconsciousness when the dream state still holds sway.

me like that!) Everyday objects in our dreams are symbols of deep seated sexual desires, thus: A train hurtling through a dark tunnel = sex, Clouds floating across the sky= sex, Large rabbits eating carrots = sex, Aeroplanes taking off and landing = sex, Clowns driving little red clown cars = now that’s just wrong and reveals a twisted mind. Get out of here and take your sick fantasies with you... You get the picture. According to Freud all our problems are sexual (but then he worked exclusively with the rich and burgeoning middle classes who were corseted, strapped down and repressed to within an inch of their lives) and our dreams, like double agents, rat on us. To sleep perchance to have nightmares, the flip side of dreams and one that will jump up and bite you on the nose with alarming regularity (having my nose bitten is actually a recurrent nightmare of mine). Night terrors are the stuff of horror movies and our brain’s way of getting us back for abusing it while awake. During times of stress, nightmares wriggle their evil way into our sleep and disturb us with their insistent howling. Who has never experienced the horrifying paralysis and breathless choking of a black dream?

Ancient religions placed great emphasis on sleep. They warned of night The running on the spot demons who would steal while being pursued by into your dreams and do dogs, zombies, dark men, bad things to you (or good unseen forces or the TV depending on your point of repairman (it’s a long story). view) These Incubus and George W Bush: Did he sleep- The cliff edge that rapidly Succubus were eagerly govern the USA? erodes, the scratching at anticipated by pre-pubesthe closed door, the sight of cent Medieval teenagers-who, like the a loved one drifting out to sea, the inability to dyslexic sex addict on his first trip to Viagra scream, clowns driving little red cars. Images Falls, would wake with a vague feeling of disof black despair and unspeakable loss that appointment and a keen sense of having haunt us late into the following day. The mind been cheated. can conjure up images more horrifying than Now, of course, dreams are not really any in the realm of M.Night Shyamalan. sleep’s waste product (I made that up) but The spectre of sleep the brain’s way of resolving issues that have And just when you thought it was safe to occurred during waking hours (or so we are told). Dreams have become a legitimate area go back beneath the duvet...the spectre of of learned study and are analysed by coun- sleep walking rears its snoring head. Sleep walking, or somnambulism, affects sellors and philosophers of all persuasions from Jungians to Freudians (except Marxists many adults and children and is one of many who can’t be doing with any of that airy fairy sleep disorders. It can be frightening to witnonsense and Existentialists who don’t give ness and can also be very dangerous for the a fig and who cares about your stupid sufferer (especially if you have a brother like mine who took great delight in re directing me dreams anyway). And of course there are the hordes of towards all sorts of obstacles, including at dream analysts who, for a fee, will tell you one time, the stairs). I once woke and found myself in the that the dream you had about a flying elephant wearing your mother’s best apron and wardrobe trying to stuff a pillow through the carrying a rolling pin symbolises your desire keyhole, apparently I had been muttering to leave home and enter the catering busi- something about feeding my brother into a ness. Now Freud and his Ilk (hunting season meat grinder (his traffic cop career halted at begins soon) had a whale of a time interpret- that point and he began to suffer from insoming dreams. Freudian dream analysis is rela- nia). tively easy and very lucrative, so pay attenMy somnambulism stopped when I hit tion. adulthood, but for some unlucky people it To a Freudian, dreams uncover various continues throughout their lives. A friend of hidden desires, mostly sexual in nature, and mine would, with regularity, awake naked by are indicative of our unconsciousness’ his front door, briefcase in hand, ready to go repeated attempts to get us to accept our to work. There have even been incidences of Oedipal responses and move on with our people raping and murdering in their sleep, lives (your unconscious is therefore really although this is hard to prove and is not a your mother asking you when you intend to good argument for the defence. tidy your room and can you stop shrugging Although it’s quite likely that President and for chris’sakes take out the bins, for the seventh time of asking...and stop looking at Continued on Page 27

‘If you are dreaming of large rabbits eating carrots it means you’re thinking of sex…’

Friday, June 3, 2011

EARN YOUR STRIPES! SIGNED LEICESTER TIGERS SHIRT UP FOR GRABS

In the photo with Gary and Stewart are Margarita Honneyman and Anne Wylie from Debra (Spain) HAVE you ever wanted a Leicester Tigers Rugby Union shirt, with Castro Giovanni on the back, signed by all the present squad players? Well, believe it or not, there is one on offer right now, in the Costa Blanca, and to make matters even better, the proceeds from the sale of this shirt will go

towards the Butterfly Children Charity, which does some phenomenal work for sufferers of this incurable disease. The shirt was kindly donated by Stewart Galloway, who was put in touch with Margo and Anne from the Butterfly Children Charity, by Garry Holland, a member of ITV

Orihuela Rugby .Club, whose website sells all sorts of rugby memorabilia and shirts. The idea is that anyone who wants to buy the shirt phones Garry with a sensible donation. Every penny of what you pay will go to the Butterfly Children. His phone number is 692 767 242.

Anyone interested in the charity can visit their charity shops at Pueblo Bravo, near the Budapest Hungarian Restaurant, at Sax and at La Marina. (Pueblo Bravo: tel :966 718 134 speak to Anne. La Marina: tel :- 616 076 072 speak to Mary. Sax: tel :625 933 685 speak to Anna.) The official name of the charity is DEBRA. It started in 1993 due to the lack of support and knowledge for sufferers in Spain. It now has seven representatives in Spain, who offer sufferers and their families’ carers, medical advice, research into finding a cure, and media campaigns to raise awareness. Butterfly Children are thus called because their skin is as delicate as a butterfly wing. Simply touching the surface results in blisters and wounds that never heal. And blistering also takes place internally and on the eyelids, causing terrible pain to the sufferer. This is not the first time Garry has helped raise money for the Butterfly Children. He also has a London Irish signed shirt, which was donated by John Letch of Car Contacts Ltd in the UK, who got the shirt for me from Colin Sharp of Reading RFC. This is also on offer for a sensible donation. And as if that were not enough, there is also a signed Wigan Warriors Rugby League ball, signed by the players from three years ago. In the past he has raised money by doing a similar thing with a Northampton Saints signed shirt by all of the players at that time, raising 1,000€ for that one, and then after that a Baa Baas v Spain shirt signed by all of the players of both teams raised 1,500€ for the worthy cause.

Friday, June 3, 2011

A FLING OF JOY AS EL RASO ROCKS TO TUNE OF TERRY AND JEFF... By DONNA GEE Goodbye girl...the Mayor says farewell

Eat, drink and be merry: Some of the 110 guests

THEY say that charity begins at home – and El Raso residents Terry Joy and Jeff Downing can confirm that fact 550 times over. A few weeks ago, the expat neighbours hit on the idea of a charity evening in aid of the Butterfly Children, with the added social element of bringing the local community together. And despite the apprehensions of the novice organisers, their efforts culminated in a spectacular night of entertainment at a packed El Raso Restaurant last Thursday. The only sad element was a tearful farewell from outgoing Guardamar Mayor Marylène Albentosa. A capacity audience of 110

Joy boys: A charity night thumbs-up for El Raso Restaurant manager Mario Perlaza (centre) from organisers Terry Joy (left) and Jeff Downing enjoyed a tasty buffet supper and a packed evening of entertainment featuring the sounds of the hugely-popular Q4 harmony quartet, the Torrevieja Drum and Pipe Band and relentless vocalist Ian Hunter. And to add East to the feast, there was the bonus of Jeff’s wife Norma and her Desert Embers troupe. The Mayor, ousted in the recent local elections, went on stage to say an emotional

thank-you to El Raso for its support and vow that she’d be back in four years’ time. The generosity of local bars, businesses and residents contributed to a 25prize raffle which raised €300 for the cause. And proceeds of the jackpot evening will inject €550 into Butterfly Children funds. ‘‘We just like to see a smile on people’s faces,’’ said Terry, a former Brixton prison officer whose main claim to

fame (or infamy) is that he locked up the Kray twins and their brother Charles. Terry also paid a special tribute to El Raso Restaurant for supplying food and facilities, Jeff, who is originally from the West Midlands but lived in Perth, Australia for 25 years, admitted: ‘‘At first we were a little bit unsure how it would go. ’’But now we are thinking about the possibility of another event in the future.’’

AMAZING GREASE! It’s feelgood time...to the tune of Zimmer Nights THE packed audiences that came to see Ancient Grease, the Showgroup Torrevieja’s latest production, went home with smiles on their faces, a song on their lips and a warm feelgood feeling in their hearts after this extremely happy and infectious show. The atmosphere was electric, people were singing along and some got up to dance at the back. Director Stella Reardon had come up with a clever twist from the popular ‘60s musical, Grease. This version was set in a retirement home in Spain, 40 years on. The cast sang their hearts out to all the original songs, danced and cracked jokes and had lots of fun as if they were still teenagers themselves. Walking sticks, zimmer frames and even a

mobility scooter which took Danny and Sandy off, were all used with great fun and imagination. There were several short sketches running through the performance, four with the catchphrase 'Not Really', to which the audience took great delight in shouting out at the appropriate times. And many of them were heard during the interval and after the show chanting it to each other. There were touching moments too, one of which was where Rizzo found the daughter she had given up at birth.

Strength Ancient Grease ran for three nights at La Rustika (formerly Los Arcos) and managed to help raise over €600 for the charity 'Debra' (Butterfly Children). Since September, the Showgroup have raised approx €2,300 for local charities including Age Concern, Animal Aid, Alzheimers and Debra. Over the past year, Showgroup have gone from strength to strength, staging four very popular Murder Mysteries, and their Christmas Production Almost a Panto, all with excellent audiences and reviews. And all raising much-needed cash for local charities. The group’s AGM is on June 17 at La Rustika (2pm), where the Christmas Production will be discussed. New members, both on and back stage, are always welcome. Rehearsals are at La Rustika on Wednesday at 7pm and Friday at 2pm. For more information, ring chair Jenny on 966 181 951.

Getting in on the act: Some of the cast of Ancient Grease

Friday, June 3, 2011

Yee-ha! This is howdy do it, partner MABS supporters from all over the Murcia North West region took their partners as Red Strokes and Christine King brought a Country and Western feel to Calasparra. Line dancers were quickly on their feet at the Don Gomez IV Restaurant dancing the ‘tush bush’ and other favourites - encouraging newcomers to join in as well. Throw in some rock ‘n’ roll and there was something for everyone - including an interval supper A grand total of €915 was raised on the night and branch co-ordinator Cecilia Coulson commented: “One lady said this was the best night out that she had had since coming to live in Calasparra four years ago. ‘’We are so grateful to Red and Christine for taking the trouble to travel all this way to support us.’’ MABS hopes to organise another, similar event in ITALY’S long-serving Test prop Marin Castrogiovanni has put his August and Cecilia added: ‘‘Thanks to everyone who shirt on ITV Orihuela RFC juniors. sold tickets and to those who helped on the night. The Well, one of his Leicester Tigers evening would not have been such a success without has been presented to the club to their input.” MABS Murcia/Mar Menor helps all people in the help their fundraising for the area who are affected by cancer, providing drivers, Butterfly Children charity. The shirt, which has translators, information leaflets, equipment, a listenCastrogiovanni’s name and ing ear, or a shoulder to lean on. If you want to volunsquad number on the back, was teer, donate or need help, contact MABS on 693 275 handed over to club official Garry 779 or visit their website at www.mabsmurcia.com Holland at last weekend’s This Is Spain Exhibition by Stewart Galloway. Said delighted Holland: ‘’This is on top of the London Irish signed shirt from this season and a rugby ball signed by the Wigan Warriors players three years ago.’’ ITV Orihuela’s Under-18 team stormed to the Alicante Regional Sevens title on Saturday after an unbeaten run of more than a dozen games. They finished 14 points ahead of La Vila after a storming day in which they beat Torrevieja 22-0, Alicante University 29-5 and finally Elche 15-12. The Under-20 side finished in overall third place and the Under-16s overall second after reaching their

Italian job’s a prop-er thrill for Orihuela rugby kids

Picture: ARTHUR COULSON

Malcolm Palmer

Hoopoe or Hoo-poo? GOT a Hoopoe nesting in your wall? Or in an old tree? Nice if you have, they are lovely birds, with those broad ‘butterfly’ wings and flappy flight, and that big crest when they are alarmed. But approach the nest and you’ll know why they have been called ‘stinkbirds’. And the female has an unpleasant habit of standing on the rim of the nest hole and evacuating her bowels over an unwanted visitor – nice!

FORTY-EIGHT local men and women were walking taller than ever on Sunday - even if they did have sore feet! The four dozen heroes had just walked 10 kilometres to raise an astonishing figure approaching €3,000 for teenage cancer victim Emily Singleton, 17-year-old neice of Dave and Emma PalmerRichardson, who run the Oasis Bar in Benijofar. Among the walkers was a five-strong contingent from Rayz Bar in El Raso, led by boss Claire Tyson (second from left). And more than a few glasses were ‘Rayzed’ in celebration of the news that Claire’s team had themselves raised a hefty €600.

CANCER sufferer Maria Wilson will bring a unique blend of colour to Orihuela Costa on Sunday (June 5). She and her team of helpers have organised the Maria and the Pink Ladies Charity Walk and Funday in aid of the AECC charity and breast-cancer awareness. The event hopes to attract hundreds of people of all ages and is being supported by Orihuela Town Hall. It costs just €5 to participate in the five-kilometre walk and people from all over the Costa Blanca are expected to take part, including coachloads of Orihuela city residents rallied by the local AECC branch. Walkers are requested to be at the promenade in Playa Flamenca by 10am ready for a 10.30 start and you can day. the on register Sponsorship forms are also available.

Trinkets

Picture: COLIN WHITFIELD

Cont’d on Page 27 GREAT OUTDOORS

MARIA’S SUNDAY FUNDAY IS WALK OF THE TOWN!

MARIA & THE PINK LADIES 5km Charity Walk and Fun Day In aid of Breast Cancer Awareness All proceeds to AECC Sunday June 2011 Meeting at 10.00am for 10.30am Starts and Finishes at Playa Flamenca Promenade in front of Surfers Bar, adjacent to the Post Office Registration fee 5€ All Welcome ….Wear Something PINK & Make ‘em THINK ! Individual and group prizes for best fancy dress Market Stalls, Bouncy Castle, Face Painting, TKO Radio, Live Music and Much More!

The Funday afterwards will feature a dozen market stalls selling everything from shoes and clothes to trinkets, gifts and hand-made cards. A variety of refreshment outlets will provide culinary delights, including a hog roast and Indian tapas. TKO Radio will supply the music and the wonderful Suzy G will compere the whole event. There will be plenty for the children to do with a bouncy castle and face-painting plus a presentation by members of the Villamartin-based of Academy Ghost Performing Arts. Local gyms including Maxx Gym, Sofia Wellness Centre, the Wellness Centre and Fit For All will put on exercise and fitness displays and sports therapist and personal trainer Jason Scawthorn will have his massage table ready to take away any postwalk aches and pains! Free water will be provided thanks to Playa Flamencabased Rani´s Indian Restaurant and Times Square - and walkers will be able to ‘top up’ at the start, middle and end of the walk. For more information, to register in advance and for sponsorship forms, contact spanishpinkladies@hotmail.co.uk or call 672875251, 660233972 or 634198351.

Friday, June 3, 2011

THIS IS SPAIN EXHIBITION - May 27, 28 and 29

THAT’S SHOW BUSINESS! Crowds flock to La Zenia Hotel and join in the Expo fun with local traders

Try and get a balloon to cover the editor's face

THOUSANDS of expats filled the exhibition halls of the La Zenia Hotel to visit the many stands at the ever-popular ‘This is Spain’ exhibition in Orihuela Costa. The Courier and our sister publication Jungle Drums were of course there with our own brightly decorated stand and our sales and editorial team spent the weekend talking to readers and businesses about their expat lives. Actually most of the time was spent laughing as we had some great fun with fellow exhibitors who were all enjoying themselves and entering into the party spirit of it. Set in this superb location, exhibitors and visitors could relax outside by the pool, taking in the magnificent views down to Cabo Roig (as I did frequently with a coffee) or even bring their trunks and have a dip in the pool. Anyway, as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words and I can’t count that far so I’ve filled the page with pics of the day – enjoy! THE EDITOR

Rugby shirt up for grabs from Garry Holland

Big interest in liquid wallpaper at the show

Gina and Karen keeping good company British TV the simple way

It's perfectly natural - Clare Gale explains

Gail from Pocket Pages (she’s the one at the front) and a friend

It’s Pat from TIBA - but who's the big guy?

Darren James and our very own Denise lean on the TKO stand as the alcohol kicks in

Hot sellers - Bio Fuel Fires turn up the heat

OOPS - didnt mean to make you jump

Vicki Riley launches her Spanish course - the cup contains water, she says

Our friends from MY192

School’s out - Castelar College

Friday, June 3, 2011

COLOSSUS OF ROADS WHEN it comes to road improvements, Spain and Britain are just about as far apart as you can get. This has been made abundantly clear with the astonishing resurfacing of the Lemon Tree Road near Guardamar. The whole CV895 from El Raso to the CV905 has just been completely overhauled - in a week and a half. It started last week with just over two kilometres between El Raso to Dona Pepa being totally resurfaced, complete with side and central road markings, in just THREE days. And the work was carried out with virtually no inconvenience to motorists travelling between the N332 and the Los Montesinos area.

Re-lay 2km of surface in three days? El Lemon Tree, my dear workmen!

Moving I use that stretch daily, and had to marvel at the way the traffic was constantly kept moving even when the disruption was at its worst. And very simply too – guys at each end of the section being worked on with walkie-talkies and STOP and GO signs ushering traffic onto the side of the road not being worked on at any given time. Now I know traffic volume in these parts is a tiny percentage of what we see on

Done and dusted: Start of of the 2km stretch of the Lemon Tree Road resurfaced last week the UK’s ridiculously overcrowded highways. But how long would it take to resurface a similar 2k section of road in the UK? Three

In Spain, road gangs work on the basis of ‘maximum speed, minimum disruption’. No prizes for guessing the slogan of their British counterparts…

months? At least! And I dread to think how much chaos the inevitable temporary traffic lights would cause, not to mention the spate of days when the labourers would inevitably become invisible rather than labour in the rain. The problem with the UK’s roads is the faceless idiots who control the traffic from invisible offices. The jobsworths responsible for unnecessary delays caused by badly coordinated traffic lights - and for disruptive road works that are

either unnecessary or massively overblown. Nothing infuriates me more than being seriously delayed by motorway roadworks and then seeing a sign as you emerge into the real world saying ‘Sorry For The Delay’. Sorry? The plonkers don’t give a damn. And they’re useless with it, too. What this incompetent mob of road-cloggers need to learn is that it is not only possible to keeping traffic flowing at all times. It is essential - because gridlock is simply not an option.

Long queues cause frustration, and frustration causes hot-headed people to do silly things. Particularly when they know the disruption was not really necessary. In Spain, road gangs work on the basis of ‘maximum speed, minimum disruption’. No prizes for guessing the slogan of their British counterparts… We’re always knocking the Spanish for putting everything off until manana. But once he gets going, Speedy Gonzalez is as quick and efficient as there is.

The bitter boss who just won’t forgive I’VE met Sir Alex Ferguson on a couple of occasions (well, been in his company) and I have to say it was a pleasant experience. Even if the Manchester United boss’s rednosed jollity had been inspired at the time by a glass or six of vintage vino. So why did I find it so pleasant to see his charges on the receiving end at Wembley at the weekend? It’s not that I’m a Barcelona fan – it’s just that I have no time for two-faced people. And I’m afraid Fergie is a classic example of a split personality. You can’t argue with the Scottish superboss’s record as a football manager. He has no peers in terms of success over more than two decades. What I find disgusting is that Mr McMighty has become bigger than Manchester United – and that those who employ him have allowed him to do as he likes. Last week’s press conference in which he called for Associated Press reporter Rob Harris to be banned just for asking a question about Ryan Giggs received wide publicity. But it was nothing new. Over the years, Fergie has banned dozens of journalists who dared to write or say something he didn’t like. Indeed, it makes me wonder if it is more than

coincidence that the hack who churned out United copy for the Manchester Evening News for so many years was called David MEEK. And Sir Alex is vindictive with it, too. Not for him the ‘let bygones be bygones’ approach. His ludicrous vendetta against the BBC has gone on for seven years now – fuelled by a Panorama programme which investigated the business activities of his son Jason, who was then a football agent. A more recent example of his petulance was the recall of two players on loan from United when Preston North End sacked another Fergie son, Darren (pictured) as manager during the season that has just finished. The fact is that Sir Alex has become the victim of his own success. He seems

to be convinced that he is even closer to God than Jose Morurinho and the late Brian Clough. And the United board are entirely to blame for the situation. Quite simply, they lack the bottle to tell Ferguson ‘‘Either talk to the BBC along with the other broadcasting companies, or find yourself a new job.’’ OK, we all know what would happen. United would be looking for a new boss…and that is the problem. Quite simply, the Old Trafford board are just as scared of him as the frightened media rabbits who bow and scrape to his every whim. They humble themselves in the eyes of the Mighty Dictator, which makes me suspect that few of those who cover United matches on a regular basis write exactly what they think. Which I find very discomforting.

Whether you agree or disagree with Donna’s views, feel free to email your thoughts and comments to donna@thecourier.es

Friday, June 3, 2011

WHAT THE SPAN

By SALLY BENGTSSON SPAIN has become a country of protesters. Throughout all the major cities huge groups of young people have taken over central squares and set up home, using tents, plastic covers and anything else they can lay their hands on to protect them from the elements which are not being particularly spring-like. The biggest gathering is unsurprisingly Madrid, where thousands of discontented youths have been camping out since May 15, and none look like they’re going home soon. The idea for the protests spread like wildfire through Twitter and Facebook, and the participants have become known by a variety of descriptions, including "the indignant", "M-15" and "Spanish Revolution". Their nightly rallies peaked with tens of thousands protested on the eve of Spain's May 22 local elections, in which the ruling Socialists were crushed by the conservative Popular Party in revenge for the economic crisis. Activists said they had held smaller assemblies in 120 Madrid neighbourhoods and communes that weekend, drawing anything from 10 to 800 protesters. Other cities adopted the same strategy.

THE YOUNG REVOLUTION

Contact Spain's government said last week that they were deciding what to do about the protesters. Police in Madrid have been in regular contact with the demonstrators, who are peaceful and in high spirits. However, in Barcelona, anti-riot police fired rubber bullets and swung truncheons on Friday to disperse protesters in Plaza de Cataluna. The protesters left but by that same evening, at least 5,000 people were back in the Barcelona square and some had put up tents. Police had said they wanted to clear the square ahead of celebrations of Barcelona's Champions League victory. Supporters have been taking along food and drinks to the makeshift camps, and no one looks

set to go anywhere in a hurry. The organisation in the camps is second to none, with even a nursery on offer for children. The Madrid protesters have torn up the rule book of Spanish public politics. The heavyweights of old – political parties, trade unions and media commentators – are not wanted here. Many of the participants feel huge waves of injustice, having been sacked due to imposed cuts, or losing homes they had ploughed all their savings into. And the lack of prospects on the horizon make their pent up frustrations ready to burst out. What is more, the two main political parties appear to offer no hope. As one protester said, "There is no renovation. There is nothing new or different, just two parties who take it in turn to govern because our electoral laws favour

them." Unemployment has reached 21%, rising to 41% amongst youngsters. The widespread spending cuts offer little to desperate youths. Many Spaniards had told pollsters they were tired of the same well-known political faces – especially those who were due to be re-elected despite being mired in corruption scandals. Politicians have rarely been held in such disregard, with the prime minister, José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero, and opposition leader, Mariano Rajoy, of the conservative People's party, rating lowest. Rajoy seems set to take over after a general election next March. When police evicted the Madrid demonstrators last Tuesday morning, they came back in even greater numbers later that day. By Friday night authorities had lost the battle to impose rules banning public politics on the day before elections. Police could only look on. "Join us, police officers!" the demonstrators shouted.

On the statue of King Carlos III, somebody had pinned a sign that read: "We are anti-idiots, not anti-politicians." Other placards read: "We aren't against the system, we want to change it", "Democracy, a daily fight", and "Take your money out of the bank!"

Friday, June 3, 2011

NISH PAPERS SAY

d t t , y

CHE’S MOTORBIKE PARTNER DIES AGED 88

A tale of Rajoy and despair JOSÉ Luis Rodríguez Zapatero’s successor has been announced. General consensus has it that Alfredo Perez Rubalcaba, an ex-university lecturer, is highly intelligent. He was able to quell a general strike when the retirement age was raised, by listening to trade union demands and reaching an unexpected compromise. Since last autumn he has been deputy prime minister, interior minister and government spokesman. Arguably, Rubalcaba's ability as a self-defined "strategist" is matched by his authoritarianism. Not only

Mariano Rajoy: Next PM?

was he responsible for the attempt to ban Bildu, a Basque political party with connections to ETA, but was also a key player in the controversial militarisation of the airports during a labour dispute before Christmas. In this

conflict, air-traffic controllers were forced to land planes in front of armed soldiers. Since then, strikers have been sacked and threatened with long-term jail sentences. Spain's conservative opposition leader Mariano Rajoy, front-runner to become prime minister next year, has vowed to impose spending and debt limits if elected. Rajoy's Popular Party is riding high after crushing the ruling Socialist Party in local elections on May 22 when voters took revenge over an economic crisis and soaring unemployment. Asked what his first act would be if made prime min-

BARCA CELEBRATE IN STYLE CHAMPIONS League winners Gerard Pique, Xavi, David Villa, Pedro, Bojan Krkic and Sergi Busquets of joined Shakira on stage for an impromptu dance during the Colombian's show at the Lluis Campanys Olympic Stadium in Barcelona. Shakira, girlfriend of Barca centreback Pique and famous for hits such as 'Hips Don't Lie', treated the crowd to a trademark midriff-wriggling perform-

ance as her boyfriend and his teammates linked together and attempted to emulate the singer's famed moves. The footballers were continuing their celebrations after victory over Manchester United in the Champions League final at Wembley on Saturday. Earlier the squad had paraded the trophy to thousands of jubilant fans who took to the streets of the Catalan capital for an open-top bus parade.

ister, he said the most important would be to lay out a broad package of economic measures to restore confidence in society and the economy. Rajoy said his priorities were to tighten budgets, reform labour market rules and encourage entrepreneurs. Spain's unemployment rate struck 21.29 percent in the first quarter of this year -the highest in the industrialised world - and has provoked spontaneous protests in city centres across the country. "We cannot have labour legislation from 40 years ago, that is a priority," he said, without detailing proposed changes. Rajoy also said he would present a law on entrepreneurs. "Spain needs a million more entrepreneurs in the years ahead. I am not talking about big businesses, which are also very welcome, but people who create small businesses, who have an idea and employ one, two, three, or four workers," Rajoy said. "History shows that the most prosperous nations are those that have more entre-

Bildu in the Basque country picked up more council seats than any other party in that territory. This left-wing party, which the Spanish right has described as "pro-terrorist" but has openly condemned violence, was very nearly prevented from standing by the supreme court at the request of the government. It Alfredo Perez Rubalcaba is a great irony that the biggest victor in the elections preneurs." Spanish general elections was the only political option are due by March 2012. previously deemed unsuitable for Spanish democracy. Despite the conservative The PSOE has lost great Popular party's success in popularity, which reached a last Sunday's municipal and peak after it removed regional elections, there is litSpanish troops from Iraq in tle evidence that Spaniards 2004 – by adopting a farwant a more rightwing reaching austerity proadministration. gramme. Previously, This historic level of disaf- Zapatero repeatedly promfection with Spain's political ised he would "not make class has been a major factor workers pay for the crisis". in the continued city square Yet since the elections occupations. These have there have been two now spread into local neigh- responses by the PSOE that bourhoods and are con- suggest it will stay on its new fronting eviction attempts by course. Firstly, it has police. Disaffection with announced it shall not modify Spanish democracy also its economic programme, may help explain one of the which includes labour biggest upsets in the munici- "reforms" against "absenpal elections on Sunday: the teeism" and on union barpro-independence coalition gaining rights.

Friday, June 3, 2011

FOAL OF JOY! A baby pony is born at Easy Horse Centre

Harry just born

Harry two and a half hours later THIS stunning newborn baby boy finally arrived to Delilah at 1.00am in the morning on 17 May, after many weeks of waiting and a very fraught 24 hours for Sue and Rod Weeding who were with Delilah when she gave birth. Problems ensued initially when the little foal failed to get to his feet and Rod and Sue were in contact throughout the night with Centre vet Dorothea who was eventually called out to the Centre to check over mother and baby. With Rod and Sue’s determination and Dorothea’s expertise mum and baby recovered well; just look at this beautiful little boy 12 hours later Delilah aged around 10 arrived at the Centre in a sorry state in September of last year, with a very bad eye infection and malnourished. She settled in quickly after receiving the correct nutritious food, treatment for her eyes and tender loving care. A name was chosen for Delilah’s baby when Georgie May, local celebrity, model and representative of the centre noticed that the little foal had an unusual mark on his head. Georgie May said “It is a miracle that this beautiful foal was born into the world after his mother’s traumatic experiences. Through the centre’s amazing work in rescuing his mother, Harry is alive and well. Although from the moment I saw the new born foal at the Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre I immediately noticed something very special about him. Unlike most horses this little foal had an obvious white marking on his head, in the shape of a lightening bolt. With others at the centre also noticing the mark it could not be ignored as to what his name should be. Possibly Harry Potter? Or even better, Harry Trotter! The centre’s newest celebrity, little Harry Trotter can be seen at the centre on their open days on Wednesdays and Saturday from 1.00 to 4.00!” Delicious hot food and home made cakes available.

Faith

A Spanish TV company has become involved at the EHCRC after visiting the Centre to welcome Faith home, the little horse that recently underwent an amputation and received a prosthetic limb in Barcelona. The TV Company were so impressed with the work and dedication of Rod, Sue and the volunteers of the Centre that they are due to film a television series about each horses’ individual stories and how they became resident at the Centre. To support the work of the Centre and make a donation please visit our website at www.easyhorsecare.net or alternatively ring Sue on 652 021 980.

Friday, June 3, 2011

KIDDIES CORNER kiddies news

A 16-year-old has become the youngest Briton to climb Mount Everest. 16-year-old George climbed the infamous mountain with thirteen other climbers and completed the gruelling and dangerous trek in six weeks. In the past, over 200 people have died trying to climb the mountain in the Himalayas. This is not the first time George has embarked on such an expedition. The keen climber also climbed Kilimanjaro when he was 11 years old.

Archaeologist Dr Sarah Parcak made pioneering discoveries using satellites more than 400 miles from space with powerful infra-red cameras. The images from the satellites not only show pyramids, but underground buildings, tombs and over 3,000 ancient settlements. The authorities in Saqqra, Egypt were not interested in Dr Parcaks findings, however, after initial test excavations they now believe this to be one of the most important archaeological sites in Egypt.

Recycle your bottles

On average, for every six water bottles we use, only one makes it to the recycling bin. IF your family is like many unloading the week’s groceries includes hauling a case or two of bottled water into your home. On your way to a football game or activity, it’s easy to grab a cold one right out of the fridge, right? But all those plastic bottles use a lot of fossil fuels and pollute the environment. In order to make all these bottles, manufacturers use 17 million barrels of crude oil. That’s enough oil to keep a million cars going for twelve months. Imagine a water bottle filled a quarter of the way up with oil. That’s about how much oil was needed to produce the bottle. So why don’t more people drink water straight from the kitchen tap? Some people drink bottled water because they think it is better for them than water out of the tap, but that’s not true. In Spain, local governments make sure water from the tap is safe. There is also growing concern that chemicals in the bottles themselves may leach into the water.

Should Children under 13 be able to use Facebook? At present, children under the age of 13 are unable to use Facebook, by American law. Many believe disallowing younger users from using the site helps prevent online bullying. However, the social network's founder, Mark Suckerberg, has said that he believes children under the age of 13 should be allowed to use the site, as it can be used for educational purposes.

Jokes

7 Lost Egyptian pyramids, ancient settlements and tombs have been spotted from space.

People love the convenience of bottled water. But maybe if they realized the problems it causes, they would try drinking from a glass at home or carrying water in a refillable steel container instead of plastic. Plastic bottle recycling can help—instead of going out with the rubbish, plastic bottles can be turned into items like carpeting or cosy fleece clothing. Unfortunately, for every six water bottles we use, only one makes it to the recycling bin. The rest are sent to landfills. Or, even worse, they end up as rubbish on the land and in rivers, lakes, and the ocean. Plastic bottles take many hundreds of years to disintegrate. Water is good for you, so keep drinking it. But think about how often you use water bottles, and see if you can make a change. And yes, you can make a difference. Remember this: Recycling one plastic bottle can save enough energy to power a 60-watt light bulb for six hours.

What do you get if you cross a skunk and a pair of tennis rackets? Ping pong! What do you get if you cross a pair of dogs with a hairdresser? A shampoodle and setter! What do you get if you cross a cow with a grass cutter? A lawn mooer! What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a dog? Tyrannnosaurus Rex! What do you get if you cross a pudding and a cow pat? A smelly jelly! What do you get if you cross a pig and a box of itching powder? Pork scratching!

What do you get if you cross a bear with a freezer? A teddy brrrrr! What do you get if you cross a computer with a vampire? Something new fangled! What do you get if you cross a tin opener, a vampire and a cricket team? An opening bat! What do you get if you cross an overheating large computer with a beefburger? A big mac and fries! What do you get if you cross a hat factory and a field of cows? A pat on the head! What do you get if you cross a mouse and a bottle of olive oil? A squeak that oils itself!

Cleaning our coast ELEVEN-year-old Cammy Holmes with her big sister and a friend and wearing gloves to protect their hands filled a litter bag with everything from fishing line and dirty plastic bottles to old shopping bags. The girls, and about 150 others volunteered in the International Coastal Clean-up, an annual event that raises awareness of the importance of keeping the world's waterways and oceans clean. The clean-up was sponsored by an organization called the Ocean Conservancy that works to protect ocean animals and their homes. Unfortunately, a lot of rubbish never makes it into a rubbish can. It blows on the wind, and travels down streams and rivers to the sea. Rubbish isn't just ugly—it can be dangerous for creatures that live in the water. Every year, plastic rubbish like old fishing gear, shopping bags, and food wrappers kills one million sea birds and 100,000 marine mammals and sea turtles. Sometimes these animals get tangled up in litter and die. Sometimes they eat rubbish that chokes or poisons them. Sea turtles, for example, mistake plastic bags for the jellyfish they love to eat.

"When you hear about a coastal clean-up you think, gross, you have to pick up rubbish," says Cammy. "But then you get there and find out it is actually fun! I liked meeting all the other people and helping out the environment." This one-day event has an important message 365 days of the year: "We are all connected to the ocean. You can help keep the ocean clean by putting rubbish in the right place. Take the extra time to put your snack wrapper in the litter can instead of throwing it on the ground, and recycle everything you can," says Sonia Besteiro of the Ocean Conservancy.

Fast Facts: In the past 21 years, volunteers with the International Coastal Clean-up have cleared millions of pounds of litter from 211,460 miles (340,312 kilometres) of coastline worldwide. That distance is the equivalent of going around the Earth eight times! In 2006, 358,617 volunteers cleaned 34,560 miles (55,619 kilometres) of shoreline, collecting 7 million tons of rubbish! In the 2007 clean-up, nearly half a million people in 70 countries pitched in.

Friday, June 3, 2011

editor@thecourier.es

SAY IT...SHOUT IT...WRITE IT...SEND IT...PHONE IT...MAIL IT I HAVE just read Donna Gee’s article in Issue 15 about having Parkinson’s Disease. I have a recent history of five operations that were partially successful, but left me with a few problems that I can cope with. My head and heart are fine so far, so I do think myself lucky when I read about Donna’s problems - and I do agree about keeping positive, looking on the bright side and laughing at anything you can. And yes, I liked Bob Monkhouse (pictured) as well. But life in Spain can be very trying. We moved here just over a year ago, partly to leave behind a country we were becoming more and more disillusioned with and partly to just seek the sun and spoil ourselves in our twilight years. Since we arrived we have noted the good bits, including some splendid work on our property by a couple of Spanish contractors, really friendly and lovely staff at our local supermarket (I mention that because of the contrast experienced at some other shops, particularly Lidl), the sun, warm evenings, friendly local pub, new friends etc - oh and yes, local quiz. There really is plenty to smile about. But unfortunately our sense of humour is being severely tested by a very sorry and depressing attitude from a mix of nationalities. Since arriving we have been ripped off by an English builder and an English TV programme provider - and rear-ended on a roundabout by a couple of North African scruffs who admitted their guilt then did a runner. When we presented the registration number to the police, the reaction was a shrug of

Life in Spain can be a real pain! the shoulders and no which is kicked out in the garden by its interest in our problem. Russian owner at silly o’clock in the Similarly the insurance morning. It then barks for ever at a leaf company also expresmoving in the breeze. sed no interest. Since then the other families in the We put our car into a street have decided not to be outdone Spanish garage for an and added more dogs that now compete aircon repair, were for the loudest-bark prize. quoted two days and We have acquired two motorbike nuigot it back nearly a sances who think it cool to keep tweaking month later only the throttle every five seconds. after threatening Two days ago we visited our Spanish solisevere bodily citor to complain of some poor service and to harm. The bill was ask him to interpret a money demand from 70€ higher than the government. We left his office in shock the quote, which I after five minutes with him actually “screarefused to pay. I ming” at us. Yes, I do mean screaming. My put the same car wife was really very upset. into an EnglishHey, but we do keep smiling, although it owned garage two could be interpreted as more like painful grins weeks ago for an electrical repair now. and ITV. It’s still there, undriveable and when tacHarry, Gran Alacant kled the owner pleaded “I’m up to my eyes in it and I haven’t g I’ve seen a lot of people smiling like that in their ‘twihad time.’’ Our lovely quiet street has acquired the dog from hell, light years’ - but I just put it down to wind…Ed.

Friday, June 3, 2011

editor@thecourier.es

...BRING IT...COURIER IT...DELIVER IT...OR JUST FORGET IT!

On the road to Roon WHO are these barmy ‘motoring groups’ who describe the speed cameras’ disguised as traffic chevron, as ‘just another way to make money out of motorists’? The motorist has done the crime no matter how he is caught so must pay up and tot up enough points to get him off the road and out of my way. When Wayne Rooney is unlawfully upended in the penalty area, do the other teams and supporters describe the ruling as ‘just another way to make Manchester United

(Premier League) Champions again’? P.S. No report on those Sneaky Spanish motorists going around smashing or painting over the camera windows on the speed cameras! GRAHAM E JOHNSON, Balsicas Blimey, remind me to keep out of your way on the roads and as for Man Utd – yes, the other teams and supporters DO describe a penalty as ‘just another way to make Manchester United (Premier League) Champions again’. I rest my case, m’lud. Ed.

A BAND-TASTIC NIGHT, SALLY! THANKS to Sally Bengtsson’s help, our latest Big Band Dance Night was a great success. People came from as far away as Valencia, Murcia and Mazarron. Most had reserved their tickets over the phone and only four people didn't collect! In fact, there were people coming along and

paying on the door - so we had to put out more tables and chairs. A great success musically for the listeners and a good night’s dancing for everyone. This is what we are all about - providing the people with the music they like, the Big Band sound that you can dance to.

A really enjoyable evening provided by these excellent musicians who really know their stuff! We are hoping to find other venues for the 'winter' months from October, where we can have the same friendly atmosphere and people can enjoy a 'good night out'. But before the 'winter'

we have two more Big Band Dance Nights - the next is on Thursday, September 15, and we look forward to seeing everyone then. Many thanks again for your help, it much appreciated. Regards, LEE MONKS You’re welcome Lee, that’s what we here for! - Sally

THE result of both the municipal and Valencian community elections on Sunday May 22, as you are no doubt aware, proved to be a great success for the Partido Popular in Torrevieja. Our candidate for Mayor Eduardo Dolon and his team achieved an overall majority in the local council of 15 of the total of 27 seats, the rest being divided between three other parties who will become the opposition. Meanwhile, the outgoing Mayor, Pedro Hernandez Mateo, has retained his seat as a member of the Valencian parliament and will be representing Torrevieja, the Vega Baja and, inevitably, the whole of the Valencian Community. I think the real winner of this election was Torrevieja itself. The new council will be formed on June 11 and the new Mayor voted in at

Thank you from the PP team in Torrevieja that time. From then on, it will be heads down and getting to work to ensure that each and every one of the 720 election proposals presented by the PP are carried out over the next four years. On a national level, there was a huge swing towards the Partido Popular, which bodes well for the general election next year. I’d like to thank you all for your support and especially for the input many of you offered in the preparation of the electoral programme of the PP in Torrevieja. With grateful thanks and kind regards. GRAHAM KNIGHT.

The Frocky Horror Show I DON’T visit Spain that often, but one thing always strikes me - expat fashion. Now don't get me wrong, I am no Gok Wan but the state of a large percentage of, shall we say, mature women is laughable. The over-50s seem to think that sunshine and middle age means a three-euro market-found dress is the height of fashion. My mum, Courier columnist Donna Gee, lives here now most of the year and makes the same faux pas. An elasticated off-the-shoulder number in puce pink or daffodil yellow is not good . And it’s inexcusable when the hemline is above the knee with the added bonus of coming apart at the seams. That lot is bad enough, but wearing no bra and the wrong-coloured knickers only adds to the see-through quality of these dresses. As we get older, our tummies can get bigger and this bumpy swelling needs to be hidden, not enhanced. A good uplifting bra and a decent pair of Spanx pants also help. Just because we’re getting older (I’m 41 myself), that isn't a reason to let it all hang out . It's

um! YES, M

FASHION HAYLEY BECKMAN, pictured here with daughter Rosie, qualified as a make-up artist and aesthetician in 1989 and now runs her own beauty salon in Manchester. She is also a dedicated follower of fashion (with apologies to The Kinks) and is adamant that older expats like her mother need a style makeover. unattractive and gross. Maybe we need to take a leaf out of the books of Spain’s senoritas. Have you noticed them walking along the sea front? I sometimes sit having a coffee and admire their immaculate attire, hair and jewellery. They seem to realise that although they are no Naomi Campbell, they can still coordinate their clothes, shoes and accessories. The flowing lines of their sundresses skim their lumps and bumps rather than accentuate them. Their boobs are hoisted into a good cross-your-heart and their knickers almost certainly aren’t grey and baggy! With their smart leather handbags and comfortable but matching shoes, they are putting us to shame. On my shopping expeditions, I’ve noticed that Primark have stores here on the Costa Blanca . I hail from Manchester and Primark is the busiest shop in our city centre. They cater for all ages and most sizes and my 20-year-old daughter Rosie , a university student and always skint , lives in there. She amazes me how stylish she looks on a budget. We’re all short of funds at the moment

but it doesn’t cost much to look a bit sexier and stylish . If we can swop our naff market so-called bargains for a fantastic Primark purchase, we may find we don’t look so shabby. H&M has similar goodquality but cheap stuff - and I was so chuffed to see C&A, which closed its UK stores some years ago. My mum dressed me head to toe in C&A as a kid - and my little sister too. Unfortunately she put us both in identical outfits even though we’re three years apart ... arghhhh!. Here are some Hayley tips to help you on your way. u You apple-shaped girls (that's rounded on the top and slimmer on the bottom ) need to wear loose-fitting tops or dresses. Accentuate those slimmer pins in straighter-legged trousers or shorts if you dare. v Us pear shaped girls (big boobs, small waist, big tush ) should wear fitted tops, lower necks and looser bottoms like flairy skirts, palazzo pants maxi dresses. Remember to show off the good bits but hide the ugly parts! w If you must buy from a market, stick to the jewellery. Two-euro bracelets and three-euro necklaces can tart up a dull old

outfit. A pair of cheap earrings and you are good to go. So what if they don't last forever. Fashion changes on a seasonal basis so we can afford to update them and hand them down to the kids or grandchildren at that price. x Let's talk hair. Ladies, if you suffer from the FRIZZIES, please don't wear it down! How many times have you seen horrendously bleached or over-dyed black hair with white roots sprouting out of the heads of women of a certain age? I do realise we can't all afford a shampoo and set or a blow-dry and colour on a weekly basis. The hot sun plays havoc on our tired tresses. I look like Edward Scissorhands within five minutes of leaving our villa - not attractive, believe me! This is when we need to scrape our poodles back into a smart chignon like the Spanish or have a smart short cut like Denise Welch or Lulu. Your hair is your crowning glory so make it so....please! A little tweak here and there and we can all look a little bit more stylish. Bin those cheap tatty market finds (I am setting alight to half a dozen of Mum’s minging frocks!) and treat yourself to a new you. Let's show those Spaniards what were made of!

NO, Mu m!

Friday, June 3, 2011

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain four years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: James was having problems working with large ADVICE: Rebecca had questions about file sharing being legal in Spain images because of lack of memory. Hi Richard, I have a question for you, I work a lot with Paint Shop Pro and when I am working on a large graphic and when i try to save it down it takes for ever and after a while I get the message out of memory. What is this?

Hi James, your computer is telling you that you don’t have sufficient RAM (Random Access Memory) in your computer for the operation that you are performing – you will probably find that you get this message not just when you are saving a file but also throughout the day when working with your computer, the message might be something like “your virtual memory is low”. It’s common for people to confuse the amount of available hard disk space that they have with a lack of RAM and people often tell me that they have deleted all the un-necessary files from their hard drive but that they are still receiving “virtual memory” error messages. The available space on your hard drive and the computer being low in RAM are two totally different things and unless you have very little hard disk space left (i.e. less than 5%) then the performance of your computer won’t be altered dramatically by deleting stuff. There are many things that you can do to “tweek” you computers use of its RAM, however the easiest and most effective way to speed up your computer if its complaining about virtual memory is to buy more RAM and to fit it – this is usually a job done by a qualified engineer as it involves ensuring that the new RAM is compatible and of the correct type and size – this is what I would recommend you do in your instance.

ADVICE: Paul wanted to know how to play video files on his Samsung Galaxy

Q A

I am trying to convert a .mov file so I can watch it on my Samsung Galaxy phone when I am on the plane. My phone supports DIVX what is this and how do I use it.

Hi Paul, there are many file conversion tools out there, the best I have used is www.zamzar.com – its an online file converter and will allow you to convert pretty much anything to anything else (not just video files, but music, documents and much more. However in your case, because of the phone you have I did a bit more research and think you should have a look at http://www.videora.com/en-us/Converter/samsung-galaxy - its a free video converter for your phone, it doesn’t specifically mention whether it converts .mov files but its worth a download to check, if it doesn’t then you could certainly use ZamZar as I know that does.

Q A

Hi Richard, I hear that in Spain it is legal to share music and files via p2p as long as it is for personal use is this true?

Hi Rebecca, you raise a very interesting question and one that I am not really qualified to answer as it’s a legal one, I understand however why you have asked, its related to a technical field so I have done a bit of research and the whole aspect of file sharing is fraught with confusion. I was very surprised at the findings because, on the face of it its simply copyright infringement to download music that you have not paid for, however because the technology in question is relatively new and the fact that the Internet has no easily definable boundaries (information you are receiving could be coming from a number of totally different countries – even for the same music file). There is a great deal of information to search through on the Internet; however the best and most concise I have found is on the web encyclopaedia wikipedia.org. The site breaks the legality of file sharing down by country and it states that for Spain a series of test cases in 2006 ruled that file sharing for private use was legal, it also states that Spain has one of the highest rates of file sharing in Europe (no surprise there then!) It also goes on to state that “Despite the problems endured by the entertainment industry, file sharing and torrent websites were ruled to be legal in Spain in March 2010. The judge who was responsible for the court ruling stated that “P2P networks are mere conduits for the transmission of data between Internet users, and on this basis they do not infringe rights protected by Intellectual Property laws”. I hope that answers your question, lets get downloading and just hope that Spain doesn’t bring in one of their “curious” back dated laws at some point in the future and catch us all out! I received the following very helpful email from Steve (a computer professional) who had had experience of the Yoigo problem Pat was facing…

“

“Regarding the Yoigo Dongle for Pat in 27/05/2011 issue. She will not be able to use Skype with this service as they (Yoigo) block it! I've had several cases of this over the last few months! Also they block VPN's as well, otherwise great advice! Cheers! Steve”

”

Read Richard’s fantastic computer page only in Jungle Drums Magazine.

OUT NOW office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Friday, June 3, 2011

Say what you like about the Frenchies - but they can rustle up some decent food, it must be said

‘MANGE TOUT RODNEY!’ THE French are known for their fine ways of dining and exquisite food as well. Every region in France has its own speciality, which is probably why we have different types of famous French food popular all over the globe. Families are known to pass down their secret recipes to the next generation, which include some really exquisite ingredients as well. French food is known for its richness of flavour. The dinner-time is a very large affair for the French. During the Middle Ages, they were known for their lavish banquets. This contained heavily seasoned food. Later on, during the period of the French Revolution, there was a marked move away from

the use of spices. With the mention of famous French food, cheese and wine would obviously crop up in the minds of many. However, today there are many regional dishes that have also seeped into the culture of cuisines worldwide. French cuisine has seen many changes over the years. The one thing that has not changed is that the food cooked the French way is as delicious as ever. Over the years, chefs have whipped up many new dishes that have become an integral part of French cuisine. If you are a lover of French food and need easy recipes for the same, check out the quick French Appetisers on this page...

Garlic with Cheese THIS quick recipe can be used in combination with sandwiches or even crackers.

Ingredients Butter, softened (1 stick) Cream cheese - softened (1 package- 8 ounce) Grated Parmesan cheese (2 tablespoons) Garlic - minced (2 cloves) Dried oregano (1 1/2 teaspoons) Dried parsley (1 teaspoon) Dried thyme (1/4 teaspoon) Dried dill weed (1/4 teaspoon) Dried basil (1/4 teaspoon) Ground black pepper (1/4 teaspoon)

French Bread with Delicious Tomato Spread Ingredients Soft fresh goat cheese (1 package - 11-ounce) Chopped walnuts (2/3 cup) Chopped drained oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes (1/2 cup) Minced fresh thyme or 1 teaspoon dried, crumbled (4 teaspoons) Sour cream (1/4 cup) French bread baguettes – sliced (2)

Preparation: Preparation: First, you would need to mix the following ingredients together- butter, Parmesan cheese, cream cheese, oregano, parsley, garlic, thyme, basil, dill and pepper in a bowl. Mix these ingredients well till they are evenly combined. Then, you need to chill this preparation in a refrigerator for around 8 hours or even overnight. This can be used in combination with all other dishes as it can lend a unique flavour to any dish.

You need to mix the soft goat cheese, chopped walnuts, the tomatoes and the minced fresh thyme in a bowl. Add the sour cream to this mixture and make it of the right consistency so that it spreads easily. Use a generous helping of pepper to season this. Place the cheese in the bowl and cover it so that it can be chilled in the refrigerator. Let it go down to room temperature before you serve this dish. Serve it with bread and sprinkle it with some cheese, walnuts and thyme for an added flavour. This quick French appetizer recipe should definitely satiate your taste buds.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Drink in the quality!

Chardonnay Chardonnay is one of the best French white wines. It is made from Chardonnay grapes which is a green skinned grape. It was originally cultivated in the Bordeaux region of France. French Chardonnay is one of the finest white wines and it is characterized by its full bodied taste. It is best paired with fish and sea food dishes and also with cheese like Gruyere and Brie.

Sauvignon Blanc Another excellent French wine is Sauvignon Blanc. It has a slightly herbal aroma and subtle flavours of green apple and blackcurrant. It is a light white wine with a clean and crisp flavour. It is made from green skinned Sauvignon Blanc grapes that was originally cultivated in the Bordeaux region of France. It is best paired with spicy and creamy food like rich soups and stews.

Chenin Blanc Chenin Blanc is a well-known French white wine that is made from Chenin Blanc grapes which is cultivated in the Loire valley in France. It is a semi dry to sweet wine that has a subtle flavour of pears, apples and gooseberries. It has a crisp flavour and is well balanced in terms of flavour and aroma. It is mostly served with fish and poultry dishes. The sweeter Chenin Blanc can be used as a dessert wine too.

Sémillon

Pinot Blanc Perhaps one of the best known French white wines, Pinot Blanc is well liked because of its light and mellow taste. This top rated white wine is made from Pinot Gris grapes and it has a complex nutty flavour with undertones of green apple and honey. It pairs well with sea food and white fish dishes and also goes well with cheeses.

Sémillon is another fine French white wine. It is made from Sémillon grapes that are golden skinned. It is available both as dry white wine and sweet white wine. As a dry white wine it has a clean and crisp flavour and is mostly paired with appetizers. The sweeter variety of Sémillon wine is more complex with fruity undertones and nutty flavour.

And for the complete dining experience ATTENTION TO DETAIL MAKES FRISSAN ONE OF THE REGION’S TOP EATERIES WHEN you are going for a meal at a restaurant that has a superb reputation in the region and is the winner of the Culinary Awards for Best European/International Restaurant, you know it’s going to be good. So when Stuart and Jayne, owners of Frissan restaurant in San Miguel, (Calle Ronda Oeste) invited me along, I wasn’t going to turn them down. Frissan has been open for four years now and in that time the couple have established it as one of the best eateries around, and it’s not just the quality of the food that diners are impressed by either. On arrival everyone receives a warm friendly greeting and, it must be said, during the lovely meal the service was good; attentive but not intrusive. A lot of thought and work clearly has gone in to making Frissan a success including the large and varied A La Carte Menu – included are dishes that will suit all tastes (and just as importantly these days, all budgets)and choosing from the menu and including a drink is only 16.95€. All the food at Frissan is freshly prepared

By DAVE BULL and includes homemade Desserts, (of which I tested the renowned Frissan Cheesecake, ‘lovely’ was the official judgement from me) and tastes like it should, good. Couple all this with a relaxing atmosphere and scrupulous attention to detail (including catering for special diets) and you have a restaurant that provides everything you need for a special, or random, meal out. For the shorter people in our lives there is a special children’s Menu available and Stuart and Jayne were keen to point out that they often cater for group bookings either in the daytime or the evening. Open Tuesday – Sunday, and from 7pm until late, Frissan is ready and waiting for diners looking for a complete dining experience. Booking is advised (always a good sign for a restaurant) and Stuart or Jayne will be happy to discuss your requirements should you wish to on 966 723 485 or mobile 687 948 074.

Friday, June 3, 2011

80% of over-65s will stay abroad - new survey NEARLY three in five British expats (58%) choose to leave the UK in search of a better career or salary, and 29% of those who are motivated by career and salary are aged 45 to 55.

MAJORITY OF EXPATS WON’T RETURN HOME

Those are the findings of a survey commissioned by Lloyds TSB International, which also discovered that more than half of the emigres (52%) do not plan to return home. The majority of expats choose to put down roots and stay permanently in their new country of residence; with 56% of expat respondents having no plans to return home to the UK permanently. There is a clear correlation between expectations for the future and age of expats, according to the survey. The younger the respondent, the more likely they are to return to Britain. Only 20% of 18 to 24-year-olds said they would NOT return home, versus an incredible 80% of expats aged 65 and over. Once expats have moved abroad, it seems the ties that bind them to the UK do not break easily, with 76% of those asked recognising the importance of maintaining ties with the UK. touch with your home Most expats visit the UK for holidays, with country. ’Research shows family visits outstripping busi- that moving countries carries ness trips by nearly six to with it a huge emotional investment, and it takes on one. Jakob Pfaudler, managing average one to two years director of Lloyds TSB before an expat establishes International, said: “As an a social network and starts to expat myself, I can unders- feel settled. ‘’Coupled with the fact that tand the value of keeping in

most move to advance their career, it is no great surprise, therefore, that, once they start to reap the benefits, they aren’t contemplating moving yet again. ‘’Over two thirds of respondents with more than £500k in liquid assets are not planning a return to the UK.”

THE tide has turned for one of El Raso’s most noticeable landmarks - the crumbling fishing boat that adorns the second of the countless roundabouts that form the urbanisation’s backbone. The decaying carcass was marked down to be repainted - but the wreck has now been deemed dangerous and is to be removed by Guardamar authorities. From Magic Roundaboat to Tragic Roundaboat, you might say...

Let sleeping Presidents lie Continued from Page 9 George W Bush sleep governed the US. One only has to look at photos of his reaction to the news of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, the blank face and sightless, uncomprehending eyes, to reach this conclusion. I do, however, enjoy listening to my son talk in his sleep because it is the only time he makes sense and does not shrug and say ‘whatever’(a trait shared by Bush and further proof that he was asleep during his presidency). I am hoping to be able to develop sleep working and sleep parenting skills so that while my body is living its mundane, day to day existence my mind could be off having the time of its life rubbing shoulders (or whatever is close to hand) with George Clooney while drinking a large Mojito in a Cuban night club once patronised by Hemmingway. To conclude, the importance of sleep (and its waste products) should never be underestimated. As a frequent sufferer

of insomnia I understand the mind numbing despair of countless hours spent looking at the cobwebs on the ceiling (and not in a good way), counting sheep, tiles, damp spots and little red cars (damn those clowns!)-Of interminable minutes stretching painfully into hours- Of nights watching re-runs of Friends and Two and a Half Men- Of psychotic, stress induced, forays into next door’s Bougainvillea, waiting until the owner of house and dog returns so I can wrestle him to the ground and bark in his ear for two, I repeat two, bloody hours non-stop (or is that just me?). So, in short, to live a well balanced, healthy, emotionally fulfilling life, eat well, drink lots of water and sleep eight hours every night...for in the words of good old Voltaire, “Providence has given us hope and sleep as a compensation for the many cares of life” oh and don’t move next door to a feckless dog owner. (For a large fee I will interpret your dreams and bark at annoying neighbours).

PHILLIP HEWITSON, an elderly man from Norwich, was going up to bed, when his wife told him he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go and turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" "No," he said ‘’but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me. Then the police dispatcher said: "All patrols are

Prop-er lift for ITV Orihuela rugby From Page 13

Just Champion: ITV Orihuela’s title-winning Under-18 team

third straight final. The Under-20 side ended finished in overall third place, and on equal points with Elche in second on the day. Saturday’s action started with a revenge 17-5 victory over Torrevieja – only to then lose 7-5 to La Vila. A 24-17 win followed against Alicante University but Elche spoiled Orihuela’s day, winning the final game 14-5. ITV Orihuela’s Under-16s ended up overall second in the league after reaching their third straight final. A 7-0

victory against Torrevieja was followed by a 5-0 victory over Elche, but they lost their final game 14-0 against La Vila. For information on local rugby, including the new Santa Pola Sharks Academy, club shirts, website etc, see Garry Holland at Moncayo Market on Tuesdays or call him on 966 712 944 or 692 767 242. The club train on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the Miguel Hernandez University, (seniors 20.00 to 22.00, juniors 18.15 to 20.00). New players are always welcome.

Don’t mess with old people and this is why... busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available." George said, "OK." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." And he hung up. Within five minutes, Six police cars, a SWAT Team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic and an ambulance showed up at the Hewitson residence and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to Phillip: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" Phillip replied: "I thought you said there was nobody available!" Don’t mess with old people. TONY MAYES

Friday, May 27, 2011

HOLDING UP TRAFFIC?

CARAVANNING is a very British hobby - and one that is particularly suited to the Spanish climate. However, after being here for six months you will need to think about legally registering your caravan in Spain. Unlike in the UK, towed vehicles including caravans have to be registered separately to the towing vehicle and if it is over 750Kg in weight it will need to show a red number plate. Each caravan or trailer is treated as a unique vehicle and has to undergo inspections by a specialist team, similar to the ITV (Mot) for other vehicles. If you are planning on bringing your UK caravan to Spain, after six months has passed it should be legally imported if you are planning on moving it from one place to another on the roads. Assuming your caravan is over 750Kg, you need to register it with the Jefatura del

Trafico to get a set of plates for it. To do this you will need an EU style logbook (ficha Técnica) stating the chassis number, technical specifica-

tions, make, model, etc. While most EU caravans made in the last few years will come with this paperwork, anything older will not.

If your caravan does not come with all of the necessary paperwork, you might be able to request a new document from the manufac-

sary documentation and must assemble the "ficha Técnica" from scratch, which in most cases is a nigh on impossible task. Also, the construction and style of some makes of UK caravan prohibit them from becoming road legal on Spanish plates (largely due to the fact that the door is situated on the “wrong side“ of the Caravan) For more information on importing your caravan onto Spanish plates you should contact a specialised gestoria who will be able to advise you on your particular case. If you should consult with a specialist who also includes the presenting of your caravan to the ITV station, then it is recommended that you check that they are suitably insured. The very issue of owning a caravan also means that you are also likely to have a tow turer. In the case of UK car- bar on your car. If this is the avans, most of the time you case, you should also will find that when caravans research the fact that it may are over 5/6 years old, that cause you problems at your you cannot obtain the neces- next ITV.

Friday, May 27, 2011

CAR-RIKEY!

Hundreds of bargains at Almoradi Second Hand Car Show

BIGGER and better than ever, the 11th annual Second-hand Car Fair is set to take place at the Almoradi Plaza City of Services this weekend (June 3 to 5). This event, the largest event of its kind of the Costa Blanca, is hugely popular and brings together local businesses, in association with the Town Hall, and the very best local car dealers who will be coming along to show their wide range of vehicles for sale. All vehicles come with guarantees and finance available and last year nearly 400 new and pre-owned vehicles were on display in the huge show area. If you are looking for a car, this is the place you will find it. With such a vast range of all types of vehicle and dealers willing to give you some honest advice, the show is all about giving car-buyers confidence in local traders. Even those not searching for a set of

wheels can enjoy a terrific day suitable for the whole family. While dad (or mum) eyes up that shiny beauty on four wheels the rest of the family can just wander and wonder at the various and interesting vehicles on display, too. For buyers, well you couldn’t be in safer hands with some of the industry’s most qualified experts on hand to answer any queries (or worries) that you might have.

Bargains

Bargains are there to be had, too, as previous visitors have experienced and traders are often willing to listen to your needs and budget and you never know, you may secure a considerable discount on that car you’ve been looking for. Get there early and grab yourself a bargain - the event will be officially opened at noon today (Friday June 3) and promises to be a fun day, whatever drives you there.

Friday, June 3, 2011

THE DOC IN THE DOCK

Punta Prima date for footy wit-man Tommy WELCOME to another week of great entertainment here on the Costa Blanca. For a little something different, if you’re at a loose end as to what to do tonight, then an evening with Tommy Docherty is a must. The ex-Manchester United manager was never afraid to speak his mind - and the legend who managed legends is appearing tonight (Friday) at Restaurante Punta Prima. The evening consists of a three-course menu in the restaurant’s elaborate dining suite with either three bottles of wine or three jugs of ale. Supporting The Doc will be a great comedian and compere to make sure the night is full of laughter and memories. Some fun prize-winning games will be followed by a Memorabilia Auction which could make you the owners of some fantastic Docherty gear signed by the man himself. Born in 1928 in Glasgow’s Gorbals area, Tommy’s football career began at non- league Shettleston Juniors. The turning point came 1946 when he played for the British Army while doing his national service in the Highland Light Infantry – and on demobilisation was offered a contract by Celtic. However, he found a first-team place hard to come

by and went on to join Preston North End, where he made over 300 league appearances and also played in the 1954 FA Cup final. He also received the first of his 25 full Scotland international caps and stayed with Preston until 1958, when he moved on to Arsenal and than Chelsea before retiring in 1962. With the Stamford Bridge club facing relegation from the top flight, Tommy succeeded Ted Drake as manager and stayed there for five up-and-down years - finally resigning just after receiving a 28day ban following an incident during a pre-season tour of Bermuda. The core of the team Tommy put together, including Peter Osgood, Charlie Cooke, Ron Harris, Peter Bonetti and John Hollins, went on to win the FA Cup and Cup Winners’ Cup under his successor Dave Sexton - who ironically would succeed The Doc as manager of Manchester United a decade later! Over the next five years, Docherty worked for six other clubs before he was poached to manage one of the world’s biggest clubs - Manchester United. He was in the job for five years – until news broke of his affair with the wife of the United physiotherapist and he was sacked in a blaze of publicity in July 1977. Despite the manner of his exit he is still

fondly remembered by the United faithful for his role in regenerating the club after the decay it fell into in the wake of manager Matt Busby’s retirement. After more ups and downs with a few more clubs he finally retired in 1988. As a manager Docherty was nothing if not controversial. Thanks to his dry sense of humour and gift of being able to tell a good story, he has earned a living for the past 20-plus years as a media pundit and after-dinner speaker. So if you would like to see the legend himself then call 965326858 to reserve your seat for this collar-and-tie event, which has a 7pm for 7.30pm starting time. Well that’s me finished for another week so if you’re a bar or an entertainer and want to appear in the gig guide, or have any events coming up that you’d like me to tell everyone about, please contact me by email on mandy@starsinbars.org or call me on 685302529 - or just visit my website www.starsinbars.org

Mandy

‘BENIDORM’ TV SHOW STAR!

WIN 2 FREE TICKETS WITH

For the Shaun Foster Conley Show on Saturday 11th June at The New Concert Suite, La Zenia Hotel, La Zenia Beach The Star Singer as seen in' Neptune’s Bar' on ITV 1 Benidorm and taking Cabaret Theatres by storm in the UK will be singing songs from the show. All you have to do is name the famous comedian who starred in the series until recently. The first person to call Jean at the Courier office on MONDAY MORNING ONLY (6th June) gets the tickets! GOOD LUCK! Tel. Courier office, 96 672 6437

DATE

VENUE

ACT/ EVENT

OTHER INFO

FRIDAY 3rd

Celtic Drop in Playa Flamenca Cagney’s in La Marina Hillside in La Marina Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Mosquito’s Bar in La Florida The Arches in Los Alcazares Los Belgas in Gran Alacant Marina Sol in Cabo Roig Abbey Tavern in La Florida Diablo’s in Cabo Roig

Cabaroke with Davy Jones Lynden B Debbie Slater Samantha Curtis Cabaroke with Bono Fun Race Night Shadows Tribute Terry Jay Sunflower Valley Bingo with Deano

Starting at 10pm Comedy Show

Celtic Drop in Playa Flamenca Lodosol in San Pedro Happy Days in Catral Stray Sod in La Fuente Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Los Belgas in Gran Alacant Pals Club in La Siesta Bar Sioux in Gran Alacant Judges Chambers in Playa Flamenca Hot Stone in El Raso The Chicken Shack in San Luis

Cabaroke with Davy Jones Tony Kelly Lynden B Sunflower Valley Andy McBride Beatles Tribute Lenny Mitchell Lorna Michelle Terry Jay Mark Bailey as Michael Buble B.J Bluesman

Starting at 10pm

Pablo’s International bar in La Florida Murphy’s on the Park in Torrevieja Snug Bar in Torre de la Horredada Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Bar Liquid in Cabo Roig Casa Ventura in San Luis Diablo’s in Cabo Roig Billy’s Bar in El Chaparral

Cabaroke with Davy Jones Shirelle B.J Bluesman Cabaroke with Matt Christian Cabaroke with Bono Fun Music Quiz with Lynden B Stevie Spit Karaoke with Dodgy Diva

Starting at 8pm

MONDAY 6th

Pirate Bar in Playa Flamenca The Club in Quesada

Nick Barker Cadillac’s

Starting at 9.30pm 4.30pm – 6.30pm

TUESDAY 7th

Inn at the green in Entre Naranjos Cheers Bar in Eagles Nest Bar Rosa in Los Montesinos Celtic Drop in Playa Flamenca Arches in Los Alcazares

Kens Quiz Nikki G Quiz night with Darren James Cut loose Karaoke with Ruby Blues

Starting at 9pm

Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Montes Bar in Los Montesinos Restaurant La Boca in Playa Los Locos Cheers bar In Eagles Nest Billy’s Bar in El Chaparral Paddy’s Point in La Zenia

Crazy Bingo with Spike Fun Music Quiz B.J Bluesman Quiz Night Chilli-oke with Peter Jay Sunflower Valley

Starting at 4pm Starting at 9pm

Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjos Berny D’arcys in La Fuente Stray Sod in La Fuente The Priory in El Galan

Fun Music Quiz with Lynden B Cutloose Celena Deans Lenny Mitchell

SATURDAY 4th

SUNDAY 5th

WEDNESDAY 8th

THURSDAY 9th

Starting at 10pm Starting at 7pm

Comedy Show Starting at 10pm

Starting at 10pm

Starting at 5pm Comedy Drag Show Starting at 5pm & BBQ

Starting at 10pm

Starting at 10.30pm

Starting at 9.30pm

Friday, June 3, 2011

YOU CAN LIVE A NORMAL LIFE WITH EPILEPSY... VICTORIA BROOK, who lives in Los Alcazares, was told she had epilepsy four years ago. She leads a normal life, working as an English teacher, although she had to make a few changes when the doctors gave her the shocking news. For example, Victoria stopped driving, and can’t have a bath, or cook on her own. When diagnosed she soon realised that there was little support here for epilepsy sufferers, and for this reason she has decided to set up a support group, called Epilepsy Mar Menor, which can be viewed on Facebook,. Victoria points out that it’s an illness that nonsufferers know little about, perhaps due to the stigma that goes with it. It is not contagious, and can be triggered off by the menopause, a head injury or a multitude or other causes. Some child sufferers grow out of it, and it sometimes affects memory a lot. However, medication can stop sufferers having big seizures and you can learn to live with it. Talking to other sufferers can really put your mind at rest and sharing information and tips with each other can be a huge help. Epilepsy can strike a person at any age, and for no apparent reason. 1 person in 100 has this chronic neurological condition.

4. If possible, place a soft object under the person's head. 5. Keep onlookers away. 6. DO NOT restrain the person. DO NOT put anything in the person's mouth. They WILL NOT swallow their tongue! 7. Call 112 if: the person is pregnant, is diabetic (check for a medic alert bracelet/necklace), or if the seizure lasts longer than 5 minutes. 8. DO NOT give artificial respirations. The person may slow their breathing or stop breathing during the active phase of the seizure but should resume breathing after the seizure stops. During the seizure, if possible, try to place the person on his/her left side (without restraining the person) Keep in mind there is a risk of aspirating (inhaling into the lungs) secretions and/or emesis (vomit). Try to position the person’s head so that any secretions will drain out of the mouth without being inhaled. If you cannot safely position the person on their left side during the seizure, please do so after the seizure activity has stopped. tion, or consciousness. There are several types of seizure, some scary to see and experience, others are less noticeable to the untrained eye and the person having the seizure may not be aware that they are acting “a little strangely”.

Last Note from Victoria

What is a Seizure? Simply put, a seizure is an electrical disturbance of the brain. A seizure occurs when a group of neurons "misfires" at the same time. If enough neurons misfire at the same, and depending on the area of the brain that they misfire in, it can cause a change in behaviour, sensa-

1. STAY CALM! 2. Prevent injury during the seizure by insuring there is nothing within reach that could harm the person if he/she struck it. 3. Try to pay attention to the length of the seizure.

Victoria says, “After having being diagnosed with Epilepsy around four years ago and being sent from the Neurologists office with nothing, not a leaflet or website address for more advice or support I have decided that I cannot be the only person in the region to have been diagnosed with Epilepsy (felt like it at the time). I would like to let people know that there is now a Facebook page called Epilepsy Mar Menor which is the first step I have made with a view to starting a Support Group for Epileptics. If you would like any information please have a look.”

Facial Mask: You can make your own facial scrub by mixing the juice of one orange with a few tablespoons of cornflower and 1 teaspoon of yogurt. Apply it gently on the face in circular motions and rinse the skin. Routine Facial Cleanser: Once a week use a face mask that has acid to draw moisture to the skin and help clear the complexion. Skin Toner: Skin toning is the next step after a facial cleansing, to freshen and to tone up your skin, spray rosewater onto the skin. Rosewater gives moisture to your skin and helps to keep it, fresh and balances the pH levels especially in summer. Hair Repair: Avocado conditioner made right in your own

kitchen can help to repair dry and damaged hair. Shiny Hair: Use a bit of olive oil and gently massage it into your freshly washed hair. Keep it, for between 10 and 20 minutes. Rinse with cool water and get shining results. Soothing Rough Skin: A natural vegetable like lemon can act as a natural skin bleach and softener. It helps to even out skin tone and make skin more lively. It can also be used on rough elbows, or foot. Remove Dark Circles: Cut two slices of cucumber and apply to each eye for five minutes, it helps to remove the dark circles and also helps to relax. Great looking nails: Soak your hands for 10 minutes in a large bowl of warm water and add few drops of vinegar and

a pinch of salt. It helps to soften your nails cuticle and clean your nails. Natural scrub for feet: A natural way to make a foot scrub in your kitchen. Take 2 teaspoon of chick pea flour, 1 tablespoon of rosewater and a little warm water to bind into a paste. Massage it onto your feet gently and then rinse off . Great Looking feet: Feet are one of the most used and one of the most ignored parts of our body. Apply moisturizer daily and use a peppermint spray it is very refreshing to feet especially on a sunny day. These tips will help you make every day in your life perfect and you can outshine in every aspect of life especially when it comes to beauty.

SOME USEFUL INFORMATION ABOUT EPILEPSY...

First Aid for a Seizure

Ten fast and cheap beauty tips

Friday, June 3, 2011

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week's puzzle, 21 represents B and 1 represents Y, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across 1 Have to (4) 3 Collide (5) 6 Group of pupils (5) 8 Elegant (5) 10 In spite of (10) 12 It appears that (10) 16 Additional (5) 17 Go into (5) 18 Leader (5) 19 Hold (4)

Down 1 A great deal (4) 2 Standby (5) 4 Dwelling (9) 5 Split (5) 7 Flight of steps (9) 9 Chore (4) 11 Barred enclosure (4) 13 Piece (5) 14 Afterwards (5) 15 Journey (4)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Lose, 3 Yards, 6 Stuff, 8 Shade, 10 Represents, 12 Reasonably, 16 Night, 17 Tests, 18 Grins, 19 Arts. Down: 1 Last, 2 Sauce, 4 Assistant, 5 Drain, 7 Forgotten, 9 East, 11 Gran, 13 Anger, 14 Loser, 15 Uses.

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Spiritualist meeting Irishman before church (6) 4 Monkey from right, the man’s American (6) 9 Facing a stag in trouble (7) 10 The Spanish fleet loses its leader, gets wrecked. What a tragedy! (5) 11 Honours European, very fat (5) 12 Former head of education was in at the appointed hour (7) 13 Telling beer makes aggressive (11) 18 Begin to broadcast outside (4-3) 20 Small piece preceding debut of Tchaikovsky’s choral work (5) 22 That’s enough of the cold comfort! (5) 23 Before much time has elapsed a nobleman takes that over there (5,2)

24 A ceremony in a Spiritualist’s meeting (6) 25 Cancel Royal Engineer’s ding-dong (6) Down 1 Closely follow notice in exhibition (6) 2 A labyrinth floor (5) 3 Get set, Lego can break (7) 5 Surround with a hard rim (5) 6 One’s position is not changed: at the inside (7) 7 Plant part of Old Testament (6) 8 Most grander effect is achieved by force (6,5) 14 A gentle style getting stylish (7) 15 Feeling of guilt concerning the code (7) 16 Go along with criminal villain (6) 17 Perhaps an alto sings out of key (6) 19 Some people care naturally for the ground (5) 21 Say! It’s time for Herb (5)

STANDARD CLUES

Down 1 Outline (6) 2 Astonish (5) 3 Coagulate (7) 5 Evade (5) 6 Post (7) 7 Plant organ (6) 8 Bullied (6,5) 14 Pleasing to the eye (7) 15 Regret (7) 16 Be in accord (6) 17 Unkeyed (6) 19 Stadium (5) 21 Culinary herb (5)

Across 1 Medium’s meeting (6) 4 Type of macaque (6) 9 In opposition to (7) 10 Stage show (5) 11 Overweight (5) 12 Once (7) 13 Aggressive (11) 18 Alfresco (4-3) 20 Piece of music (5) 22 Come to an end (5) 23 Initially (5,2) 24 Formal procedure (6) 25 Rescind (6)

Last weeks Solution Across: 7 Cruise, 8 Avenge, 9 Give, 10 Clematis, 11 Feasted, 13 Newer, 15 Annex, 17 Neutral, 20 Dried out, 21 Stab, 22 Before, 23 Exotic. Down: 1 Ursine, 2 File, 3 Teacher, 4 Wager, 5 Red alert, 6 Ignite, 12 Skeleton, 14 Kestrel, 16 Narked, 18 Acacia, 19 Pores, 21 Snow.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

2 letter words Psi An Sad In Sat 3 letter words Sin Aft Son Are Spa Ask Sty Aye Tee Dam Tie DNA Wow Duo 4 letter words Era Aide Fad Anew Foe Aria Leg Awls Lei Barn Nan Boss Pet Cads Pod Data

Edit Ewer Hemp Hiss Idea Kelp Loan Lope Mega Ness Okra Owes Para Rind Sane Sign Soot Spat Stem

6 7

Stew Tape User letter words Korea Sales Stand letter words Stalls Stands letter words Canasta Footpad Pannier Twisted letter words Oriental Register

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Mad (mentally ill) (4) 3 Factories (8) 9 First (7) 10 Owner (of goods) (5) 11 Cloth (for cleaning) (5) 12 Third (fraction) (6) 14 Lawn (6) 16 Batalla (6) 19 Ring (on finger) (6) 21 To marry (give or join in marriage) (5) 24 Semanas (5) 25 Corredores (atletas) (7) 26 Hat (8) 27 Wolf (animal) (4)

Down 1 Lápiz de labios (8) 2 Climate (5) 4 August (6) 5 Jinete (5) 6 Farmacia (7) 7 Nieve (4) 8 Antes de (6) 13 Soft drink (8) 15 Rayo de sol (7) 17 Ascender (trono) (6) 18 To rub out (erase) (6) 20 Perdedor (5) 22 Floor (of room) (5) 23 Búhos (4)

Friday, June 3, 2011 Across 7 According to legend, what was the name of the ‘island paradise’ where King Arthur was taken after his death? (6) 8 Located in the centre of the country, which is the largest city in Switzerland? (6) 10 By what other name is the marine mammal the ‘sea cow’ also known? (7) 11 Now used in England as another name for a ‘county’, which word historically meant ‘an administrative district in medieval times ruled jointly by an alderman and a sheriff’? (5) 12 Bufo bufo is the scientific name for which tailless, stoutbodied amphibian? (4) 13 On which of Saturn’s moons did the Huygens probe spacecraft touch down in January 2005 after a seven year voyage? (5) 17 What sort of trousers did Madness sing about in 1980? (5) 18 What name is given to a youthful attendant at official functions or ceremonies such as legislative functions and weddings? (4) 22 What was the name of the mission in San Antonio, Texas, where Davy Crockett died in 1836? (5) 23 Prunus armeniaca is the scientific name for which peach-like fruit? (7) 24 What is the surname of the English writer, actor, television presenter and theatre performer who is best known for writing the cult musical The Rocky Horror Show and for his

SUDOKU

Quiz Word

role in presenting the popular television show The Crystal Maze? (6) 25 Which curved, hand-held agricultural tool featured on the flag of the Soviet Union? (6)

Down 1 What was the name of the large, hairy extinct elephant of the Pleistocene era? (7) 2 Which word, derived from the Middle English for ‘against’, means ‘take exception to’? (7) 3 What was the surname of the Methodist minister who founded the Salvation Army in 1878? (5) 4 What nationality were the composers Alexander Borodin, Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov and Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky? (7) 5 What is the medical name for the shinbone or shankbone? (5) 6 To which animal does the word ‘ovine’ refer? (5) 9 By what name was the Russian city of St Petersburg known from 1924 to 1991? (9) 14 Also known as a Bjelkier, which husky-like dog was developed in Siberia, where it was kept as a sled dog and as a herd dog for reindeer? (7) 15 Which delicacy is traditionally eaten on Shrove Tuesday? (7) 16 Which make of car won the Le Mans 24 hour race four consecutive years between 1927 and 1930? (7) 19 Which city is the capital of Vietnam? (5) 20 What does the word ‘hirsute’ mean? (5) 21 Which British pop group reached number four in the UK singles chart in 1977 with Romeo? (2,3)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH Articulos de la cocina – Kitchen Items Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch. (Answers below) 1. ABREBOTELLAS,

14. RALLADOR, 15. RODILLO,

h. plate, i. nutcracker, j. cup,

2. ABRELATAS,

16. SACACORCHOS,

k. strainer, l. glass with stem,

3. CASCANUECES,

17. SARTEN, 18. TAZA,

m. spoon, n .funnel, o. collander,

4. COLADOR, 5. COPA,

19. TENEDOR, 20. TETERA.

p. jug, q. table, r. glass, s. grater,

trivia QUIZ 1. On TV Which Character Has A Best Friend Called "Robbie The Seal"? 2. Which Scottish engineer was the first to use horsepower? 3. Which football team started life called Dial Square FC? 4. Lego building blocks originated from which country? 5. In The World Of Music Ziggy Stardust Is Otherwise Known As Who? 6. What Country Hosted The 2014 Football World Cup? 7. A biathlon consists of which two sports? 8. What nationality is footballer Tore Andre Flo? 9. In which ocean is 'Easter Island'? 10. On Mobile Phones , what do the acronym WAP stand for? 11. In what country did stamp collecting start? 12. Bill Halley's Rock Around The Clock Was The Theme Song To Which Movie? 13. In Which Type Of Car Was Marc Bolan A Passenger When He Was Tragically Killed? 1. Pingu 2. James Watt 3. Arsenal 4. Denmark ('Leg Godt' means 'play well' in Danish) 5. David Bowie 6. Brazil 7. Skiing and shooting 8. Norwegian 9. South Pacific 10. Wireless Application Protocol 11. France 12. The Blackboard Jungle 13. A Mini

ANSWERS

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across:7 Cursor, 8 Yamaha, 10 Titania, 11 Sofia, 12 Suez, 13 Dates, 17 Nonet, 18 Yale, 22 Still, 23 Traitor, 24 Orange, 25 Geneva. Down: 1 Ecstasy, 2 Fritter, 3 Joint, 4 Daisies, 5 NAAFI, 6 Nawab, 9 Canaletto, 14 Hotlegs, 15 Matthew, 16 Hearsay, 19 Ascot, 20 Sitar, 21 Karen.

t. frying pan.

8. EMBUDO, 9. ESCURRIDOR,

a. teapot, b. can opener,

10. JARRA, 11. MESA,

c. corkscrew, d. bottle-opener,

12. VASO, 13. PLATO,

e. fork, f. rolling-pin, g. knife,

T S CA S CA NUE CE S A A E A E T N E X ML U A OT R B T L CS OB P RCNHDQA R E L A C C WN H M C V G C H E RE S RDUI CRA L HGCL A T E DOL RODI L L OUA OOMS L D C R OT A L P C T P B V OA A E L I GMR QN A WE G A C R O N R D D D R K S NRDA S NT OE GOE CA G Z B S U X O D E WT M R G Q J OA COP A K K NB A J A J T R O D A L L A R U Z Z WH T P CNQORB GDA QB S DDR X Q C M E H O T H L X E K WK Soduko

Span - Eng

Answers: 1d, 2b, 3i, 4k, 5l, 6m, 7g, 8n, 9o, 10p, 11q, 12r, 13h, 14s, 15f, 16c, 17t, 18j, 19e, 20a

6. CUCHARA, 7. CUCHILLO,

ABREBOTELLAS

MESA

ABRELATAS

PLATO

CASCANUECES

RALLADOR

COLADOR

RODILLO

COPA

SACACORCHOS

CUCHARA

SARTEN

CUCHILLO

TAZA

EMBUDO

TENEDOR

ESCURRIDOR

TETERA

JARRA

VASO

Quizword

Fill It In

Friday, June 3, 2011

Horoscopes By Pandora

Am I too late for a real boyfriend? Dear Tia Maria I HAVE been a nanny for several years and have suffered all the usual jokes from my friends about sex with the father of the children or the gardener...whatever. The truth is that I am now 35 years old and have never had a real boyfriend, well, not one that I have wanted to have sex with. I never really get time off as my job needs me to live in and that has been fine up that I have left it too late... Have I? until now. I have no commitJEANIE ment and no one I need to be anywhere else for, so I Dear Jeanie thought. I am now really worried I don’t think it’s ever too

Aries March 21 - April 19 Hopefulness can be a virtue, but naivety can bring you trouble. You may find people laughing at your jokes are actually laughing at the way in which you pronounce the words "schlong muckney". You may also want to rethink making up your own jokes and including made up words.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 A Turkish man or woman may delight you today in some manner. Chocolate desserts are your friend today. It's one thing to pick your nose, but did you notice that your colleague always wipes it in the same place under his desk?

Gemini May 21 - June 20

late to find the right person and fall in love. Maybe it has not been the right time for you and maybe it has not been a priority for you to have someone in your life just for you. If you are still enjoying your work, then this could be enough for you. They always say when you are not looking for love you find it, you may just need to be more aware of what you really want in life, or maybe more aware of the people around you. There might be someone there that you are not noticing, have a good look. Good luck Tia Maria

Scared on my own... Hi I am really sad as my son has got to go to school this year. His dad works away and is only here every three weeks and I am really scared of being left all alone. I keep putting off sending him to school but now social services have been and said if I don’t put him in school they will take me to court. I have no friends and feel really isolated. Any advice would be appreciated. Hello I think that taking your son to school would be an amazing experience for you both. I know it’s always hard to let go and we always feel that we are the only ones that can look after our children correctly. Your son would make school friends and you would meet other mums who may actually feel like you do, a little lonely. You now have no option, you need to take your son to school and be happy for him that he will have new experiences and that you could also make new friends as well. Let me know how you both get on, good or bad we can get through this together. Tia Maria

You can't star in your own television show if you're a no-talented idiot. Just something to keep in mind - no particular reference to you. An application to receive an award from a website may go very successfully today.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 Weather can change in an instant, so be prepared for every eventuality today. Even and especially if that means dressing up in 3 different types of clothing. Just as small peppers are supposed to be the hottest, there may be a small person who's ready to heat up your life.

Leo July 23 - August 22 Any irritation you feel this week may be due to an oncoming illness, or possibly disease. You are important, at least as important as the discovery of the dock leaf when you were stung by a nettle as a child.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Tailors and Bodybuilders may have a surprise in store for you this week. Also keep on the lookout for butch hairdressers. This sad horoscope was brought to you in association with usedbandages.co.uk for all your bloody used bandages.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Death can stalk you in all forms, even cute little pussy cats and slugs. Beware of all cats who have slugs attached to their backs. The world moves pretty fast around you and you must learn to slow it down to a reasonable pace.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 Thinking and driving at the same time can be hazardous for you today. Your favourite sources of protein may dry up later tomorrow, so remember to eat lots of eggs RIGHT NOW! Your ability to think up lies on the spot may be challenged this week.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 Ignore those who laugh at your sense of style. Crying over spilt milk may seem like a folly, but perhaps not if you've spilt piping hot milk over your naked body. All the email addresses in the world won't make up for the fact that you are socially retarded.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Trying to make out that you're a "surf dude" may become untenable when your fat lover walks into the office with your eight dirty children. Your ideas are plentiful, but are your plenties ideaful? Other bullshit may come your way today.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 Cats can eat mice but can't dogs also? This kind of nonsense querying that comes from an older person than you will start to grate today. Pull out of any prior engagements tonight as you are about to receive a special unexpected visitor

Pisces February 19 - March 20 Your favourite colour will today start to look a little different. When ending a letter today, remember to append 'xxx' to the end, especially if your letter is formal.

Friday, June 3, 2011

WHATâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ON THE TELLY..? A Place in the Sun: Home or Away

Coronation Street

Channel 4 Friday, June 3rd, 9:00pm to 10:00pm Kent Coast v Turin, Italy. Husband and wife Jeremy and Rosemary are looking for the ideal holiday property with rental options. Will the couple plump for the Kent Coast, or will they take the plunge and settle in Turin in Italy?

ITV1 Friday, June 3rd, 10:00pm to 10:30pm The search for John and Hope reaches a dramatic climax. Becky's rampage leaves Tracy fearing for her life. Will Steve's confession lead to the end of his marriage?

Britain's Got Talent Final

EastEnders

ITV1 Saturday, June 4th, 8:00pm to 10:00pm Ant and Dec present the live final of this year's competition. Ten acts remain from the thousands who auditioned and they are each fighting it out for the ultimate prize of 100,000 pounds and the chance to perform at this year's Royal Variety Performance. The finalists must perform again in front of the panel before viewers have the chance to vote for their favourite to win Britain's Got Talent 2011.

BBC 1 Monday, June 6th, 9:00pm to 9:30pm Eddie Moon arrives in Walford with a bang when an attempt to save Amy leads to an accidental collision with Carol. Phil has a surprising admission for Shirley, while Afia presents Masood with a heartbreaking demand.

Friday 3rd June 00:35 Presumed Innocent 02:45 Countryfile 03:40 Britain's Next Big Thing 04:40 DIY SOS: The Big Build 05:40 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Real Rescues 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Copycats 16:40 Wingin' It 17:00 Remote Control Star 17:30 Fee Fi Fo Yum 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Weakest Link 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 A Question of Sport 22:00 Have I Got News for You 22:30 Outnumbered 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Graham Norton Show BBC2 00:20 Time to Remember 00:50 French Open Tennis 01:50 The Culture Show 02:50 ABC World News with Diane Sawyer 03:00 BBC News 03:30 HARDtalk 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Our World 05:00 BBC News 05:30 Hard Talk 05:40 Close

07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Dip Dap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Wild Tales 08:25 Newsround 08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie 08:45 Pinky and Perky 09:00 Basil and Barney's Game Show 09:30 LazyTown 09:55 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 10:05 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Guess with Jess 10:30 Big & Small 10:40 Buzz and Tell 10:50 Big Cook Little Cook 11:10 Timmy Time 11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 Cattle Queen of Montana 14:00 Animal Park 14:30 Live Horse Racing 17:30 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 18:15 Cash in the Celebrity Attic 19:00 Great British Menu 20:00 Windfarm Wars 21:00 Petworth House - The Big Spring Clean 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 Julia Bradbury's Canal Walks 22:30 Paul Merton's Birth of Hollywood 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Amanda Holden's Fantasy Lives 01:30 The Zone 03:35 Nightwatch with Steve Scott: Crime 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 Celebrity Britain's Best Dish: I'm a Celebrity Boys v Girls 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Britain's Got Talent 22:00 Coronation Street 22:30 Britain's Got Talent Results 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 American Pie

JULIA BRADBURY'S CANAL WALKS New series. The presenter explores Britain's network of canals and towpath trails, navigating rolling countryside and industrial heartlands. Her first visit is to the Highlands, where she sets off on an eight-mile walk against the backdrop of Ben Nevis along the Caledonian Canal.

00:05 The Secret Millionaire 01:05 The Film Show 01:35 JD Set Presents 01:50 4Play: Cat's Eyes 02:05 The Model Agency 03:00 The Sex Education Show: Am I Normal? 03:55 Unreported World 04:25 The Dead Zone 05:05 Hill Street Blues 06:00 Wogan's Perfect Recall 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 Frasier 09:55 Friends 10:25 Accidentally on Purpose 10:55 Location, Location, Location 11:55 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 In Your Dreams 13:15 My Eden 13:25 The Home Show 14:25 When Eight Bells Toll 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Unreported World 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 22:00 Saving Private Ryan

00:45 Sex Lessons 01:15 SCXTRA 01:45 SuperCasino 05:00 The Family Recipe 05:05 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:55 County Secrets 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The Beeps 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Castle Farm 07:40 Igam Ogam 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Hana's Helpline 09:50 The WotWots 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:05 Highland Emergency 13:00 Meals in Moments 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:20 Law & Order 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Vanessa Show 16:05 Meals in Moments 16:10 This Matter of Marriage 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 19:55 5 News at 7 20:00 Cricket 21:00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 Law & Order 23:55 CSI: Miami

Saturday 4th June 00:20 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 00:30 Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls 01:55 The One Show 03:00 Monty Don's Italian Gardens 04:00 Great British Railway Journeys 04:30 One Man and His Campervan 05:00 BBC News 05:30 Five Minutes With 06:00 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:35 Rachel Allen: Home Cooking 13:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 13:15 Usain Bolt: Running Man 13:45 A Question of Sport 14:15 Derby Day 17:30 Total Wipeout - Celebrity Special 18:30 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 18:40 So You Think You Can Dance Live 19:40 Doctor Who 20:30 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins 21:20 Casualty 22:10 So You Think You Can Dance 22:30 John Bishop's Britain 23:00 Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow 23:30 BBC News; Weather 23:55 Firewall BBc2 00:00 00:50 02:35 03:05 04:05 07:00

The Review Sho Foo Fighters: Back and Forth Foo Fighters at R1BW 2011 French Open Tennis Close Wibbly Pig

07:10 Dip Dap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Space Hoppers 08:30 Arthur 08:55 Shaun the Sheep 09:00 Little Howard's Big Question 09:25 Prank Patrol Down Under 09:50 Dennis and Gnasher 10:00 Dick & Dom Go Wild 10:30 Deadly 60 11:00 Relic: Guardians of the Museum 11:30 League of Super Evil 11:40 Wolverine and the X-Men 12:00 Mortified 12:25 OOglies 12:40 MOTD Kickabout 13:00 Coast 13:15 Diagnosis Murder 14:00 Two Greedy Italians 15:00 Live French Open Tennis 18:10 Escape to the Country 18:40 Flog It! 19:40 Dad's Army 20:10 Don't Panic! The Dad's Army Story 21:00 D-Day to Berlin 22:00 Have I Got a Bit More News for You 22:45 QI XL 23:30 Enigma

01:20 The Zone 03:25 Gorillas in the Mist 05:30 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Mini CITV 08:25 CITV 09:25 House Gift 10:25 Coronation Street 13:10 This Morning: Saturday 14:10 ITV News and Weather 14:19 Meridian Weather 14:20 You've Been Framed! 14:50 Field of Dreams 16:45 Meridian News and Weather 17:00 ITV News and Weather 17:15 Live International Football 20:00 Britain's Got Talent Final 22:00 Popstar to Operastar: The Curtain Raiser 22:30 Britain's Got Talent Final Results 23:00 ITV News and Weather 23:14 Meridian Weather 23:15 International Football Highlights

NCIS The bodies of two assassins are delivered to NCIS from overseas - so Tony and Ziva assume their identities and keep a rendezvous at a luxury hotel in a bid to discover who they had been sent to kill. Unfortunately, Gibbs soon finds out his team is not the only one working on the case. Drama, with Mark Harmon, Michael Weatherly and Cote de Pablo.

01:10 Comic's Choice: Alan Davies 02:10 My Name Is Earl 02:55 Ugly Betty 04:25 The Dead Zone 05:10 Hill Street Blues 06:00 Wogan's Perfect Recall 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 The Film Show 08:00 FIM Superbike World Championship 08:25 Formula Ford Championship 08:55 The Morning Line 09:50 Friends 10:20 X-Men: First Class - T4 Movie Special 10:50 The Wanted: Stars and Strikes 11:55 Friends 12:25 Style the Nation 13:20 The Big Bang Theory 14:20 That Paralympic Show 14:55 Channel 4 Racing 16:55 Come Dine with Me Extra Portions 19:00 Channel 4 News 19:25 4thought.tv 19:30 The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King 23:15 X-Men - the Last Stand

00:55 Rough Guide To 01:15 SCXTRA 01:45 SuperCasino 05:05 Motorsport Mundial 05:30 Nick's Quest 05:55 County Secrets 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Fireman Sam 07:40 Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 07:50 Elmo's World 08:05 Chiro 08:10 Mio Mao 08:20 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 08:30 Noddy in Toyland 08:45 Hana's Helpline 09:00 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:30 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:30 Gerald McBoing Boing 11:00 Meals in Moments 11:10 How Do They Do It? 11:40 The Gadget Show 12:40 Extreme Fishing with Robson Green - At the Ends of the Earth 13:40 The Hotel Inspector 14:45 Hangman's Knot 16:20 The Pink Panther 18:05 My Girl 2 20:00 Cricket 20:55 5 News Weekend 21:00 NCIS 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 CSI: NY 23:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Sunday 5th June BBC2 01:35 Derby Day Highlights 02:10 BBC News 02:30 Question Time 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Cannes 2011 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Our World 05:00 BBC News 05:30 Click 06:00 BBC News 06:30 The Record Europe 07:00 Breakfast 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 The Big Questions 12:00 Country Tracks 13:00 The Politics Show 14:00 EastEnders 15:55 Life of Riley 16:55 Escape to the Country 17:40 Points of View 17:55 Songs of Praise 18:30 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 19:00 Inside the Human Body 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 Case Histories 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 Moving On

01:20 French Open Tennis 02:20 A Study in Terror 03:55 Close 07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Dip Dap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Space Hoppers 08:30 Bear Behaving Badly 08:55 Shaun the Sheep 09:00 Gimme a Break 09:30 Me and My Monsters 10:00 Friday Download 11:00 Something for the Weekend 12:30 Great British Menu 13:30 Live MotoGP 15:00 Live French Open Tennis 19:10 Richard Hammond's Engineering Connections 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 Murray Walker: Life in the Fast Lane 22:00 Coast 23:00 The Damned United

00:15 The Gauntlet 02:15 The Zone 04:20 In Plain Sight 05:05 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Mini CITV 08:25 CITV 09:25 May the Best House Win 10:25 Dickinson's Real Deal 11:25 60 Minute Makeover 12:30 This Morning: Sunday 13:30 Dinner Date 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:34 Meridian Weather 14:35 Britain Does the Funniest Things 15:05 Britain's Got Talent Final 17:05 Britain's Got Talent Final Results 17:35 Midsomer Murders 19:35 Meridian News and Weather 19:45 ITV News and Weather 20:00 The Royal 21:00 Popstar to Operastar 22:00 Scott & Bailey 23:00 Popstar to Operastar: The Results 23:30 ITV News and Weather 23:44 Meridian Weather 23:45 The Constant Gardener

KELLY'S HEROES Clint Eastwood and Telly Savalas head the cast of this enjoyable if occasionally silly adventure yarn about a group of maverick GIs who decide to fill a lull in the Second World War by knocking off a hoard of German bullion in occupied France. Savalas and the eccentric Donald Sutherland set to their assignment with gusto, while Eastwood remains as cool and laconic as ever.

01:15 Oldboy 03:25 Ugly Betty 04:10 The Dead Zone 04:55 Island 05:10 Hill Street Blues 06:00 Wogan's Perfect Recall 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 07:35 That Paralympic Show 08:05 The Grid 08:30 Triathlon 09:00 Style the Nation 09:25 Friends 09:50 Hollyoaks 12:25 The Saturdays: Headlines Live 13:00 Friends 13:30 Nicola Roberts: Video Exclusive 13:35 The Simpsons 14:40 Four in a Bed 17:15 Deal or No Deal 18:20 Channel 4 News 18:45 4thought.tv 18:50 Home Alone 2: Lost in New York 21:00 The Hotel 22:00 Role Models

00:55 Rough Guide To 01:10 SCXTRA 01:40 SuperCasino 05:00 Rough Guide to Activity Holidays 05:10 Great Scientists 05:35 HouseBusters 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Fireman Sam 07:40 Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 07:50 Elmo's World 08:05 Chiro 08:10 Mio Mao 08:20 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 08:30 Noddy in Toyland 08:45 Hana's Helpline 09:00 Little Princess 09:10 Milkshake Monkey 09:15 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:30 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:30 Gerald McBoing Boing 11:00 Chinese Food in Minutes 11:15 McFly on the Wall 11:45 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 12:45 D-Day: The Ultimate Conflict 14:50 Mission to Mars 17:00 5 News Weekend 17:05 Kelly's Heroes 20:00 Cricket 20:55 Shanghai Noon 23:00 Rambo

Monday 6th June 00:10 Andrew Marr's Megacities 01:10 The Sky at Night 01:35 The Apprentice 02:35 Holby City 03:35 A History of Ancient Britain 04:35 The Record Europe 05:00 BBC News 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Crimewatch Roadshow 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Real Rescues 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Copycats 16:30 Deadly 60 Bites 16:40 Wingin' It 17:00 Sadie J 17:30 Blue Peter 17:55 Shaun the Sheep 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Weakest Link 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Saints and Scroungers 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 A Job to Get Work Panorama 22:00 Case Histories 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 A Question of Sport BBC2 00:35 Brian Clough: The Greatest Manager England Never Had? 01:35 The Shadow Line 02:35 French Open Tennis 03:35 Dateline London 04:00 BBC News 04:30 The Record Europe

04:35 The Super League Show 05:20 Close 07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Dip Dap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Wild Tales 08:25 Newsround 08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie 08:30 Leon 08:45 Pinky and Perky 09:00 Basil and Barney's Game Show 09:30 Show Me Show Me 09:55 Bob the Builder 10:05 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Guess with Jess 10:30 Nina and the Neurons 10:45 Buzz and Tell 10:50 Big Cook Little Cook 11:10 Little Charley Bear 11:20 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 The Pink Panther Show 13:00 Daily Politics 13:30 GMT with George Alagiah 14:00 Tennis from Queen's 18:15 Cash in the Celebrity Attic 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Britain's Empty Homes 20:00 The Story of Ireland 21:00 Springwatch 2011 22:00 All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace 23:00 Psychoville 2 23:30 Newsnight

02:00 The Zone 03:00 British Superbike Championship Highlights 04:00 Motorsport UK 04:50 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Secret Dealers 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 The Dales 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Injustice 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight 23:35 Taking Lives

INJUSTICE New series. Celebrated London barrister William Travers moves his family and practice to Suffolk after suffering a nervous breakdown, and his life is thrown off balance a second time when he sees a familiar shabby figure at a train station. Meanwhile, Ipswich detective Mark Wenborn is assigned to investigate a murder at a deserted farm and his inquiries lead him into a game of cat-andmouse with Travers.

00:00 Zoolander 01:45 Jamie's Dream School 02:45 Jackpots and Jinxes: Lottery Stories 03:40 Silver Streak 05:40 Civilization: Is the West History? 06:35 Countdown 07:20 Sali Mali 07:25 The Treacle People 07:35 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 Frasier 09:55 Friends 10:25 Accidentally on Purpose 10:55 Location, Location, Location 11:55 A Place in the Sun: 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Great British Brands 13:20 Jamie at Home 13:50 Guadalcanal Diary 15:35 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 America's Secret Killers: Dispatches 22:00 Embarrassing Fat Bodies 23:00 27 Dresses

00:50 UFC 128: Main Event 01:45 SuperCasino 05:00 Rough Guide to Short Breaks 05:10 Great Artists 05:35 Nick's Quest 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The Beeps 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Castle Farm 07:40 Igam Ogam 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:40 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Hana's Helpline 09:50 The WotWots 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:05 The Hotel Inspector 13:00 Meals in Moments 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:20 Law & Order 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Vanessa Show 16:05 The Family Recipe 16:15 The Waiting Game 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 19:55 5 News at 7 20:00 Cricket 21:00 The Gadget Show 22:00 The Hotel Inspector 23:00 The Restaurant Inspector

Tuesday 7th June 00:05 The Graham Norton Show 00:50 A Lot like Love 02:35 Wonders of the Universe 03:35 Inside the Human Body 04:35 Great British Railway Journeys 05:05 BBC News 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Crimewatch Roadshow 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Real Rescues 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:05 Weatherview 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Copycats 16:30 Deadly 60 Bites 16:40 Wingin' It 17:00 Sadie J 17:30 Blue Peter 17:55 Shaun the Sheep 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Weakest Link 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 Junior Doctors: Your Life in Their Hands 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Poor Kids BBc2 00:20 D-Day to Berlin 01:20 Richard Hammond's Engineering Connections 02:10 BBC News 02:30 ABC World News with Diane Sawyer 03:00 BBC News 03:30 The Record

04:00 04:30 05:00 05:05 07:00 07:10 07:15 07:30 07:45 08:00 08:25 08:30 09:00 Show 09:30 09:55 It 10:05 10:15 10:30 Lab 10:45 10:50 11:10 11:20 11:45 12:05 12:35 13:00 13:30 14:00 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:30

BBC News Cannes 2011 BBC News Close Wibbly Pig Dip Dap Pinky Dinky Doo Tinga Tinga Tales Octonauts Wild Tales Newsround The Scooby-Doo Show Basil and Barney's Game Show Me Show Me Bob the Builder: Project Build The Koala Brothers Guess with Jess Nina and the Neurons: In the Buzz and Tell Big Cook Little Cook Little Charley Bear Zingzillas Waybuloo In the Night Garden The Pink Panther Show Daily Politics GMT with George Alagiah Tennis from Queen's Cash in the Celebrity Attic Eggheads Britain's Empty Homes Britain's Secret Seas Springwatch 2011 The Country House Revealed Lead Balloon Newsnight

01:30 The Zone 03:30 Nightwatch with Steve Scott 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Secret Dealers 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Animal Kingdom 21:00 Countrywise 22:00 Injustice 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Falling Down

ANIMAL KINGDOM New series. British vet Steve Leonard heads to Namibia's Erindi Game Reserve and joins a team returning African animals back to the wild. He begins by helping five Nile crocodiles relocate to a new waterhole and has a close encounter with the game park's unruly bull elephants.

01:10 Poker 02:15 24 Hours in A&E 03:10 Diagnosis Live from the Clinic 04:05 Laid Off 04:15 Reasons to Be Cheerful 04:30 When Hell Freezes 05:50 Wogan's Perfect Recall 06:15 Hill Street Blues 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 Frasier 09:55 Friends 10:25 Accidentally on Purpose 10:50 Location, Location, Location 11:55 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Quo Vadis 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Four Rooms 22:00 The Fairy Jobmother 23:00 Jamie's Food Revolution Hits Hollywood

00:00 Gothika 01:50 Rough Guide To 02:05 SuperCasino 05:00 The Family Recipe 05:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:55 County Secrets 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The Beeps 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Castle Farm 07:40 Igam Ogam 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:40 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Milkshake Monkey 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Hana's Helpline 09:50 The WotWots 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:05 The Hotel Inspector 13:00 Meals in Moments 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:20 Law & Order 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Vanessa Show 16:05 Animal Rescue Squad 16:20 Chinese Food in Minutes 16:25 The Pledge 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 19:55 5 News 20:00 Cricket 21:00 Supersize Grime 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 CSI: Miami 23:55 CSI: Miami

Wednesday 8th June 00:40 The Lock Up 01:15 Children's Craniofacial Surgery 02:15 Women, Weddings, War and Me 03:15 DIY SOS: The Big Build 04:15 Great British Railway Journeys 04:45 Reporters 05:00 BBC News 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Crimewatch Roadshow 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Real Rescues 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Copycats 16:30 Deadly 60 Bites 16:40 Wingin' It 17:00 Dani's House 17:30 Little Howard's Big Question 17:55 Shaun the Sheep 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Weakest Link 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Waterloo Road 21:30 In with the Flynns 22:00 The Apprentice 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 23:45 Not Going Out BBC2 00:20 01:20 01:30 02:00 02:30 03:00 03:30 04:00

D-Day to Berlin BBC News HARDtalk BBC News ABC World News BBC News The Record BBC News

04:30 Reporters 04:45 Close 07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Dip Dap 07:15 Pinky Dinky Doo 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Wild Tales 08:25 Newsround 08:30 The Scooby-Doo Show 09:00 Basil and Barney's Game Show 09:30 Show Me Show Me 09:55 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 10:05 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Guess with Jess 10:30 Nina and the Neurons: In the Lab 10:45 Buzz and Tell 10:50 Big Cook Little Cook 11:10 Little Charley Bear 11:15 Zingzillas 11:40 Waybuloo 12:00 In the Night Garden 12:30 Daily Politics 14:00 See Hear 14:30 Tennis from Queen's 18:15 Cash in the Celebrity Attic 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Britain's Empty Homes 20:00 Escape to the Country 20:30 Springwatch 2011 21:30 Springwatch Unsprung 2011 22:00 Wonderland - Travels with My Family 23:00 The Apprentice: You're Fired! 23:30 Newsnight

01:40 The Zone 03:45 Crossing Jordan 04:30 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Secret Dealers 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Poms in Paradise 21:00 You've Been Framed and Famous! 22:00 Injustice 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight 23:35 Mugged

IN WITH THE FLYNNS New series. Comedy, starring Will Mellor and Niky Wardley as a couple raising three children, while having to deal with an irresponsible brother and cantankerous dad. Liam Flynn leaves his brother in charge of the kids while he and wife Caroline work extra shifts but in their absence Chloe gets a piercing, Steve has a run-in with the school bully and Mikey eats food left out the back of restaurants.

00:05 Misfits 01:10 European Poker Tour 02:10 FIM Superbike World Championship 02:40 Formula Ford Championship 03:05 The Grid 03:35 KOTV Boxing Weekly 04:00 Triathlon 04:25 FIVB Beach Volleyball 05:20 Catching the Impossible 06:15 Full Metal Challenge 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 Frasier 09:55 Friends 10:25 Accidentally on Purpose 10:50 Location, Location, Location 11:55 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Kirstie's Homemade Home 14:05 Jamie at Home 14:35 Bullwhip 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Diagnosis Live from the Clinic 22:00 24 Hours in A&E 23:00 Desperate Housewives

00:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 01:50 SuperCasino 05:00 The Family Recipe 05:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:55 County Secrets 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The Beeps 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Castle Farm 07:40 Igam Ogam 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:40 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Milkshake Monkey 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Hana's Helpline 09:50 The WotWots 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:05 The Hotel Inspector 13:00 Meals in Moments 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:20 Law & Order 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Vanessa Show 16:05 Meals in Moments 16:20 McBride: Tune in for Murder 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 Pawn Stars 21:00 Giant Animal Moves 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent 23:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Thursday 9th June 00:15 The Mexican 02:15 See Hear 02:45 Country Tracks 03:40 The British at Work 04:40 Click 05:00 BBC News 05:30 Panorama 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Crimewatch Roadshow 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Real Rescues 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Copycats 16:30 Deadly 60 Bites 16:40 Wingin' It 17:00 Project Parent 17:30 Horrible Histories 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Weakest Link 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Andrew Marr's Megacities 22:00 The Duke at 90 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 Question Time BBC2 00:20 Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle 00:50 Queen: Days of Our Lives 01:50 HARDtalk 02:00 BBC News 02:30 ABC World News 03:00 BBC News 03:30 HARDtalk 04:00 BBC News

04:30 04:40 07:00 07:10 07:15 07:30 07:45 08:00 08:25 08:30 09:00 Show 09:30 09:55 It 10:05 10:15 10:30 Lab 10:45 10:50 11:10 11:20 11:45 12:05 12:35 13:00 13:30 14:00 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:30

Click Close Wibbly Pig Dip Dap Pinky Dinky Doo Tinga Tinga Tales Octonauts Wild Tales Newsround The Scooby-Doo Show Basil and Barney's Game Show Me Show Me Bob the Builder: Project Build The Koala Brothers Guess with Jess Nina and the Neurons: In the Buzz and Tell Big Cook Little Cook Little Charley Bear Zingzillas Waybuloo In the Night Garden The Pink Panther Show Daily Politics GMT with George Alagiah Tennis from Queen's Cash in the Celebrity Attic Eggheads Britain's Empty Homes The Clydebank Blitz Springwatch 2011 The Shadow Line Mock the Week Newsnight

00:35 Cops with Cameras 01:30 The Zone 03:30 Village of the Damned 05:10 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Secret Dealers 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 The Danger with DNA: Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Injustice 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 When Piers Met Andrew Lloyd Webber

HELP! MY HOUSE IS FALLING DOWN New series. Sarah Beeny comes to the aid of more homeowners who have found serious problems with their properties. She begins in Narborough, Leicestershire, where a couple are worried their Edwardian home is sinking after discovering a slope in the first floor. Sarah and the team show them how to use their budget wisely to deal with the subsidence.

00:05 The Big Bang Theory 01:00 The Album Chart Show 01:15 4Play: Benjamin Francis Leftwich 01:35 4Play: Mirrors 01:50 Dad's Having a Baby: A Bodyshock Special 02:45 The Shape of Things 04:25 The Dead Zone 05:05 Hill Street Blues 06:00 Wogan's Perfect Recall 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:00 Frasier 10:00 Friends 10:25 Accidentally on Purpose 10:55 Location, Location, Location 11:55 A Place in the Sun: 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Kirstie's Homemade Home 14:05 Jamie at Home 14:35 The Tall Stranger 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Four in a Bed 18:30 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Help! My House Is Falling Down 22:00 Born to Be Different 23:00 Dermot's Big Fat Comedy Gala 2011

00:55 Poker: Aussie Millions 01:50 SuperCasino 05:00 The Family Recipe 05:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:55 County Secrets 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The Beeps 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Castle Farm 07:40 Igam Ogam 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:40 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Hana's Helpline 09:50 The WotWots 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:05 The Hotel Inspector 13:00 Meals in Moments 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:20 Law & Order 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Vanessa Show 16:05 The Family Recipe 16:15 Bound by a Secret 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 Zoo Days 21:00 Emergency Bikers 22:00 Extreme Fishing with Robson Green - At the Ends of the Earth 23:00 Outlaw

Friday, June 3, 2011

TKO FM – YOUR NUMBER ONE SOUND OF SUMMER STATION

Now that summer has really arrived, We thought we´d let you know who´ll be guiding you through those long, hot summer days.. Weekdays 8 to 11am Andy James Breakfast Show Join our old timer for fun in the mornings. Guess the year, school run and plenty of quirky stories to keep you entertained. Ask him about his Raleigh Chopper, he´ll go on for hours!

11am to 2pm Dennis Christian, From AM to PM Everyone´s favourite Scouser (Apart from Charlie) keeps you busy with prize competitions, his own collection of top tunes and his cheeky banter.

2pm to 5pm Davy Jone’s Lock in Davy takes you through the hot sunny afternoons with his favourite tunes and requests and at 3pm enjoy The Absolute 80s Hour. Request your favourite 80s track, we’re bound to have it.

5pm to 8pm Suzy G Dynamite Drive Home Little Miss Dynamite will see you home safely with a wide range of tunes, requests and all the usual features.

Night Sounds Monday 8pm to 11pm The Chillout Show with Rachel Angus The Martini girl plays you all the music you’ll need to relax after a busy day working or sunbathing.. From 10CC to Morcheeba, Raquel will play them all.

Tuesday 8pm to 11pm The Old School Disco with Andy James One of the longest running and most popular shows gives you the chance to relive the heady days of childhood and adolescence with all your favourite 70s and 80s hits.

Wednesday 8pm to 11pm The Reggae Show with DJ Princess Princess has a massive collection of reggae, ska, dub and lovers rock from 60s through to todays latest tunes.

Weekends

WIN A MEAL FOR TWO AND WINE AT QUESADA FISH & CHIPS

9 to Midday Lee Fox Breakfast Show

POP QUIZ May 27

He’s back! Lee will wake you up gently with his great selection of current hits and classic tunes, as well as Three From One and ticket giveaways.

12 to 3pm Lite Lunch with Charlie Smart Charlie is the cheeky chap with a wicked sense of humour. He also plays some great music, so tune in and join in the fun

3 to 6pm 80s and 90s Show with Rachel Angus She’s back from her late night stint to bring you all the hits from your favourite decades. Call Raquel and ask nicely, she’ll spin you a tune!

Saturday 6 to 9pm Soul and Motown with Tony Blackburn Unfortunately due to other commitments Tony is no longer with TKO. But you can still enjoy his own record collection and humour as we re-run the shows from 2010 and earlier this year.

Sunday 6 to 9pm Smooth Grooves with Rod Lucas Mad hatter Roddy has been with TKO man and boy. This show will calm you down after an exciting Sunday, as he plays all the chilled grooves from across the decades.

9 to Midnight Club Classics and Funky House with DJ Javi Javi Romero is our Spanish old school dance specialist, playing disco classics as well as up to date club anthems. He’s one cool dude!

TKO FM really has something for everyone, so turn on, tune in, and enjoy the best radio station on the Costa Blanca. We are number one and it’s not by accident!! Text 667 287 588 to request any song. We’ll have it and play it, guaranteed!

1 Name the other half of sister pop duo … and Kim 2 Real name Bernard Jewry which is slightly less daft than his stage name. 3 This French blondie was a very famous pianist in the 70s with his easy listening style. 4 This female half of a very famous sibling duo died after years of struggling with anorexia 5 She is the famous daughter of one of the monsters of rock and recorded a duet with him, which was a remake of Changes. 6 Another monster of rock fronted both Deep Purple and Black Sabbath 7 This is a tricky one.. This rock, blues singer songwriter and pianist is the daughter of Ravi Shankar. 8 This manufactured teen group has come from a very popular programme about a fictional American High School and has been responsible for some of the worst covers of great songs, ever! FIND THE KEY WORD AND TO TAKE PART LISTEN TO CHRIS ASHLEY'S SHOW ON TKO GOLD, SATURDAY MORNINGS, 9am to 12 noon CHRIS WILL ASK YOU TO TEXT OR EMAIL THE KEY WORD AND THIS WEEK’S WINNING ANSWER WILL BE ANNOUNCED.

Friday, June 3, 2011

AWNINGS

BUILDERS

CAR MECHANICS

AIR CONDITIONING CARPENTER

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES

BAR 4 SALE Local Spanish & English Bar Well Known 100,000€ Call 679 096 309 10 cold drinks /snack vending machines with sites 44,900 euros. Excellent cash income, no overhead, operate from home 31,000 euros NETT per year one day p.w. to service.25 Pringle vending machines with sites 14,900 euros 250 euros per week NETT guaranteed, machines and sites available individually. 965 326 442 / 659 696 455 (09) Bar for sale. Quesada area. Going cheap. For information pack, email: . Tel: 688 800 960 (16)

ADVERTISE HERE FOR AS LITTLE AS

5€

CALL OUR SALES TEAM ON 96 672 6437

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly. Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja. Evangelical non-denominational. Sunday services 11:00am. Children’s Church 11:00am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11:00am. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome 966 799 273 // 660 127 276.

FOR SALE RINCON CRISIS FOR CRISIS PRICES. Clothing, footwear or accessories. Man woman or child. New shirts 2€ Summer dresses 3€ Sunglasses, flip-flops, sandals, crocs 1€. Behind the tanatorio, park of nations, Torrevieja. 677 706 728 www.rinconcrisis.vpweb.co. uk (13) Aluminimum gates for sale Double and sliding available Guaranteed no rust. Call Tracy on 966 726 891 for details (14) Second hand 4-5 seater corner sofa (180cm length) and foot stool. Tan brown leather. Good condition 500 Euros Tel: Kevin 968 336 816 / 690 738 820 (14)

PAVING

PLUMBER

PROPERTY FOR RENT FOR RENT & SALES APARTMENT GRANT ALACANT: Luxury apartment in residential 200 mt from Beach, 2 Bath, 2 Bedrooms (75 mt2). Furnished & parquet. Big corner terrace with southsea views (28 mt2). Included garage & pools.For years Rent: 650 €mth/ Sale: 250.000€ / juanjo.campello@yahoo.es / Tel.+34.620208483 (15) Luxury appartments, 2/3 bedrooms in San Miguel De Salinas. Floorheating, Elevator, Roof terrace with swimmingpool, from 385 euros / month. Also holiday rentals and appartments in San Miguel de Salinas from 350 euros / month. Call 966 723 437 or 616 487 493 Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: or Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 64, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment. Located in the very popular area of Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities. Short or long term rental available. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 49, 2nd floor one bedroom apartment situated conveniently located in the town centre of Torrevieja, with a small sun balcony overlooking the lovely communal pool. Short or long term rental available. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 06, A Beautiful town centre apartment conveniently situated in Torrevieja close to town centre amenities and a short walk to the beautiful sandy beaches. Short or long term rental available. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 78, South facing 3 bed roomed property situated injardin Del Mar VII, with communal pool nearby. Close to amenities. Short or long term rental available. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 52 (Long Term Only) Three bedroom 2nd floor terrace house in Aguas Nuevas. The property bene-

fits from large lounge, fully fitted kitchen and a downstairs shower room. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bedroom detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, supermarket, restaurants and bars. Short or long term rental available. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15)

PROPERTY FOR SALE Gran Alacant, corner semi detached 3 bedroomed, 2 bathrooms, large garden, enclosed terrace, fully furnished, private drive for 2 cars, on gated desirable urbanisation Monte Faro, many facilities priced for quick sale 185,000 Tel 680333242 Balsares, terraced 4 bedroomed house, 3 bathrooms, large underbuild, private underground parking direct to house, small gated urbanisation, directly over looking proposed new golf course opposite Gran Alacant, priced for quick sale at original off plan price 180.000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, 3 bedroomed, 3 bath mid terraced Altomar 1, views of Alicante Bay, close to communal pool, walking distance to bars and resturants opportunity at reduced price 145,000 Tel 680333242 Gran Alacant, front line, 2 bed, 1 bath, downstairs toilet, fully furnished, roof terrace, walking distance to beaches, large communal and resturants, beach front property priced for quick sale 125,000 Tel 680333242 Quesada, detached 3 bedroomed, 2 bath, all large rooms, front enclosed conservatory, fully furnished, oiled fuelled heating, outdoor poolside kitchen and bbq area enclosed, large pool, outside toilet, garage for 2 cars, newly refurbished, established garden with fruit trees, set in a cul de sac on 1000m2, the overall plot can be divided, as registered as two plots, so this house could be a sub-

stantial investment opportunity, situated in the Dona pepe area close to Quesada town centre, priced 299,000 negotiable Tel 680333242 1 bed, 1 bath south facing apartment in Mirador (Villamartin) 39,995 euros !! Call Darren 629 891 685( BLC00156) (14) Beautiful ground floor 1 bed, 1 bath large apartment in Lago Jarin 1 49,995 euros!! Call Darren 629 891 685 (BLC00162) (14) 2 bed, 1 bath apartment in Torrevieja, ready to move into only 57,950 Call Darren 629 891 685 (BLC00158) (14) Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 513, €115,000. Two bedroom ground floor apartment, in Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities including the beach. It has a good size lounge, kitchen and has off road parking facilities. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 521, €105,000. This comfortable bungalow is located in San Luis with a new roof and solarium tiles. It is close to supermarkets, bars, restaurants and is on the local bus route. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 520, €105,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 516, €39,999. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 510, €79,999. Bungalow located in San Luis. It is close to the supermarkets, bars and restaurants and is on the local bus route. An Opel Corsa car is included in this sale. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 146, €85,000. Three bedroom two bathroom quad house in Dream Hills. Off road parking on the front driveway with gates that can be padlocked for security. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15)

REMOVALS

SECURITY

SPORTS EQUIPMENT

SITUATIONS VACANT

SWIMMING POOL MAINTENANCE

WANTED

Friday, June 3, 2011

SPORT ON THE BOX The best on TV in your Good News paper Test Cricket: England v Sri Lanka

Murray Walker: Life in the Fast Lane BBC 2 Sunday, June 5, 9:00pm to 10:00pm Commentator Murray Walker's dramatic, excitable voice defined a golden era of Formula One and enthralled viewers across the globe. This is an intimate portrait of one the nation's treasures, and the inspiring tale of a man who, at the age of nearly 90, continues to break the mould. The documentary accompanies the indefatigable Walker as he travels to Australia for the opening F1 event of the season, relives his tank commander past and rides classic scramble bikes. The programme also delves deep into the archive to bring back to life some of Murray's most sensational moments in motorsport and beyond. With contributions from Michael Schumacher, Lewis Hamilton, Nigel Mansell, Damon Hill and Jenson Button.

Channel 5 Saturday, June 4, 8:00pm to 8:55pm Day 2. Highlights from Lord's of the second of a three-match Test series with Sri Lanka. Presented by Mark Nicholas with commentary by Michael Vaughan, Geoffrey Boycott and Simon Hughes.

Football: Euro 2012 Qualifier ITV1 - Saturday, June 4, 11:15pm to 12:15pm Angus Scott presents highlights of England's Euro 2012 qualifier against Switzerland at Wembley. England won the reverse fixture 3-1 in Basel last September and will expect to make short work of the Swiss on home soil. Wayne Rooney is suspended, so Fabio Capello will be looking to his other forward options for goals. Gareth Southgate and Andy Townsend offer expert analysis.

IT’S ALL KICKING OFF LONG BALLS by Malcolm Palmer IT’S play-off time, at least in the lower reaches of the Spanish league system, where geography plays a big part in the proceedings. First of all though is the important promotion from division 2B to Division 2 proper, and Murcia are back! Just 11 months after their disastrous descent from the lofty heights of the Primera Liga continued when they were sent crashing down into the black hole of 2B, they scraped through their return leg against Lugo, losing 1-0 to keep a narrow lead from the first leg. Catalan side Sabadell, another team with a considerable history are the second side to join them in Division 2. The other two promoted teams have to scrap through a complicated system of eliminators, and local side Alcoyano got past the first hurdle when they put out Real Madrid Castilla over two legs. The second was in front of 4,500 people in their Collao stadium, where they drew 2-2, to preserve a two-goal lead they won in Madrid. Benidorm, on the other hand, are already relegated to the third division. More complex still is the process of selection for teams to be promoted from no fewer than 17 regional third divisions, into four sections of 2B. Then there is the level below that, where the often semipro squads of the Regional Preferente get the chance to elevate themselves into the third. Got all that? To give you an idea, Santa Pola, say, could theoretically be playing Real Madrid and Barcelona in the league in 2015. Well, they can dream!

Volatile Drenthe in the thick of it against Barcelona

THE DUTCHMAN HAS TO FLY IT looks very much as if Royston Ricky Drenthe is history in Spain. The talented wingman was ceded to Hercules by Real Madrid early in the season, and played extremely well a few times, before going on a series of rampages. These included high-speed chases through city streets, subsequent interviews with the forces of law and order, and hospitalisation. He fell out spectacularly with then-trainer Esteban Vigo, and was summarily dropped from the squad. New manager Miroslav Djukic was even more outspoken in his criticism of the Dutchman, and the club President went so far as to blame him for Hercules’ relegation. Now José Mourinho has stated he doesn’t want to see Drenthe back in white again – looks like his world has become a bit smaller.

HERCULES IN DEBT THE season has left the ‘Blue-and-whites’ in debt to the tune of some 20 million euros – 14 million that they owe to the players and more than five to hacienda. The threat is descent to the depths of Division 2B if they don’t find the money – but they have applied for more time, and are hopeful that, given four months to comply, they will sort it all out. The sale of Kiko, possibly to Barcelona, who have shown interest, would go a long way to putting their house in order. Meanwhile, Levante have made an offer for veteran Farinós, and Abraham Paz is considering his future. The next few weeks will be interesting.

Friday, June 3, 2011

LUKE WHO’S No.1! SPORTS ROUNDUP Donald the dazzler WORLD with Mick Hardy from Kidease sees of Westwood

LUKE DONALD captured the European Tour's flagship event at Wentworth after a titanic final round battle with Lee Westwood at the BMW PGA Championship. The World No.1 and No.2 traded blows all day, and Westwood's 68 drew him level with his compatriot after 72 holes. But for the first time in his career it is now Donald atop the official world rankings. After pitching his third to six feet at the first extra hole, he looked on as Westwood spun his into the water. Westwood took a double bogey seven and Donald won the €750,000 first prize with a birdie four. In regulation play Donald was left with a 30-footer for victory on the final hole but his two-putt par meant they tied on the total of 278. Simon Dyson signed for a closing 69 to finish four under and create the first all-English one-two-three in the event since 1974. Record crowds of 93,404 enjoyed some spectacular action over the four days. Donald, 33 (pictured left) becomes the third Englishman after Sir Nick Faldo and Westwood to be crowned world number one and the 15th overall since the rankings were introduced in 1986. "It's obviously a special accomplishment, something I'll remember forever," he reflected. "It's something that will be a great story when I'm an old man telling my grandkids that I was once the best player in the world at golf. It's a little surreal.’’ Revealing his wife Diane is expecting their second child in November, he added: “Looking back to the birth of my first child, Elle, my golf has only gone from strength-to-strength. She really is an inspiration to me.” Donald has now finished in the top 10 in 13 of his last 14 events, including nine in a row. His current run of form and his biggest strokeplay victory to date should now

Vettel on the boil

RED BULL’S Sebastian Vettel won his first Monaco Grand Prix to pull further ahead in the drivers’ championship. Ferrari's Fernando Alonso and McLaren's Jenson Button, who briefly led the race, had closed in on Vettel but a late safety car helped the German. Alonso finished second for the first time in 2011, with Button third and Red Bull's Mark Webber fourth. Lewis Hamilton became embroiled in a row over critical comments about stewards after finishing sixth. The Englishman was called before officials for two separate incidents and, asked why he had been to see stewards five times in six races this year, he said, apparently in jest: "Maybe it's because I'm black. That's what Ali G says." The race was poised for a thrilling finish as Vettel, Alonso and Button were covered by less than a second and chasing each other hard. But with just seven laps to go, Renault's Vitaly Petrov got caught in a pile-up and plunged his Renault into the barriers at the Swimming Pool. The reappearance of the safety car released the pressure

on Vettel, and when the race resumed 20 minutes later with the three leaders all having changed their tyres, Vettel comfortably held off Alonso and Button to add the Monaco title to his growing collection

The Good and the Nad ANDY MURRAY booked his place in a first French Open semi-final with a testing straight sets win over Juan Ignacio Chela at Roland Garros - where he now meets world No.1 Rafael Nadal. Although the British No.1 booked his passage in straight sets, it was far from straightforward as he battled for just under three hours to finally see-off Chela 7-6 7-5 6-2. Murray's tournament looked over as he went over on his ankle two matches earlier, but he showed few signs of that as he grew into the match after a slow start against Chela. It will be a first French semi-final experience for Murray, but it could not be tougher with king of clay Nadal looking for a record-equalling sixth French Open title. The Spanish defending champion has only lost once in the tournament, against Robin Soderling in 2009, but Nadal exorcised that demon again with an emphatic 6-4 6-1 7-6 win over the Swede.

Maria out for a Chinese

MARIA SHARAPOVA demolished Andrea Petkovic to power into the semi-finals of the French Open, where she will face the first Chinese player to reach the last four at Roland Garos - Li Na. Seventh-seeded Sharapova lost just three games as she took care of 15th-seeded German Petkovic 6-0 6-3 to book her place in the last four. Li made history with a surprise 75 6-2 win over No.4 seed V i c t o r i a A z a r e n k a . Russian superstar Sharapova has won every Grand Slam title apart from the French, and will become just the tenth woman to complete a career grand slam if she can go all the way. However, Li, 29, will provide tough opposition after beating revised tournament favourite Azarenka to move to within a game of her second straight Grand Slam final.

Herrcules B make a stride Hercules B 2 – Requena 0

ALL eyes were on the President’s box as the teams took the field in this first leg eliminator for promotion to the Third Division, from the Regional Preferente. Present was a full complement of ‘big cheeses’ from the club, plus departing young hero Kiko Femenía, who is attracting

much attention from top clubs. In the event, several hundred people watched an uninspiring goalless first half, then the locals took charge and scored two well-worked goals to give them a more than useful lead over their Valencian visitors, one or two players taking the eye with some rapid moves.

EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP QUALIFYING MATCHES Friday, 3 June Kazakhstan v Azerbaijan, GpA, 15:00 Faroe Islands v Slovenia, GpC, 19:30 Liechtenstein v Lithuania, GpI, 19:30 Croatia v Georgia, GpF, 20:00 Romania v Bosnia-Hercegovina, GpD, 20:00 Moldova v Sweden, GpE, 20:30 San Marino v Finland, GpE, 20:30 Austria v Germany, GpA, 20:35 Belgium v Turkey, GpA, 20:45 Italy v Estonia, GpC, 20:45 Belarus v France, GpD, 20:50 Saturday, 4 June Russia v Armenia, GpB, 17:00 England v Switzerland, GpG, 17:45 Latvia v Israel, GpF, 18:30 Slovakia v Andorra, GpB, 20:16 Greece v Malta, GpF, 20:30 Montenegro v Bulgaria, GpG, 20:30 Iceland v Denmark, GpH, 20:45 Macedonia v Rep of Ireland, GpB, 21:30 Portugal v Norway, GpH, 22:00 Tuesday, 7 June Azerbaijan v Germany, GpA, 19:00 Belarus v Luxembourg, GpD, 19:00 Sweden v Finland, GpE, 20:00 Bosnia-Herzegovina v Albania, GpD, 20:16 Faroe Islands v Estonia, GpC, 20:30 San Marino v Hungary, GpE, 20:30

Man U mauled at Wembley Barcelona 3 Manchester United 1

IF you had forgotten your mobile on an expedition to the Gobi desert last Saturday, you may not have heard the result, but let’s assume you did. Barça were simply a class apart, after Fergie’s lads flattered to deceive for ten minutes. The 40-year-old Van der Saar might have been better positioned when Pedro struck for the Catalan side’s first, and only the good work of the industrious Vidic saved a rout, as Manchester United gave their opposition far too much ball – and too much room in midfield. When the English champions went on a rare foray forwards, they were frequently caught offside, and only just avoided that fate when Rooney struck a fine equaliser. In the second half, Xavi ruled the roost, backed ably by Mascherano, and it wasn’t long before Messi again found the veteran Dutch keeper wanting with his shot from way out. It was left for Villa to complete the scoring with a truly wonderful curling shot – job done. Generally not a bad game, but one was left with the impression that a Barcelona v Real Madrid final might have been better.

Friday, June 3, 2011

GREAT SCOTT!

Sinclair hat-trick shoots Swans into the Premier READING 2 SWANSEA 4

A Wembley play-off final is, make no mistake, quite an occasion. The little matter between Barça and Man U out of the way, and a new net in place, 86,000 cheering supporters, half from next-door Reading, half from deepest Glamorgan, crowded the famous terraces to watch this encounter, the prize for winning which was a reported 90 million smackers. Reading made the early running, but 22 minutes gone, and Khizanishvili hacked down Dyer in the box. Top scorer Sinclair made no mistake from the spot. Two minutes later, the young winger, fed by Stephen Dobbie, slipped in for another. 2-0. Much-travelled Ian Harte’s cumbersome lack of speed was showing all to often in the Reading defence. Dobbie himself took advantage of only Swansea’s third goal-chance just before half time, side-footing in a simple goal 3-0, and it looked like game over. Reading, howeverr, had other ideas, and four minutes into the second half Noel Hunt headed home a corner, then Matt Mills made it 3-2 when he rose to repeat the act some quarter of an hour later. Reading strove manfully to equalise, their fans driving them on, but all to no avail, and with less than ten minutes left, Griffin took out Borini in the Reading area, giving Sinclair the chance to complete a memorable hat-trick. Watching from the stands was none other than John Toshack. Tosh was the last manager to take the Welshmen into the top flight, a long way back!

SCOTT SINCLAIR: Two penalties in his Wembley hat-trick

SMASH HIT! Play-off taster wows fans Granada 3 Elche 3

SERGIO FERNANDEZ scores for Hercules against Nastic in 2007 Photo: MARK WELTON

DAVID Generelo, Elche’s sweet smiling midfielder, scored the goal of his career last Sunday. He admitted it was a tad lucky but they all count - and this one counted more than most as it proved Elche are going to be no push overcome in a possible play-off encounter with the highly favoured Andalucian club. If this game was to be a forerunner of what might occur in the play-offs, then best book your tickets now. Barca style skill it wasn’t but for shear entertainment it would be up there with the best. Granada went in front after only two minutes with a second finding the net on 25 minutes. Although appearing done and dusted the visitors never gave way as a push, shove, kick and boot battle unfurled. Shortly after the break, Angel slotted past keeper Roberto from just inside the area putting Elche back in the hunt. Referee Miranda Torres, unable to resist joining in the spectacle, seemed happy to issue cards with gay

abandon as Elche hacked their way to the equaliser on 68 minutes, Cristobal scoring his second since joining on loan from Villa Real. Elche jubilation lasted all but four minutes, Granada’s Mainza giving reserve keeper Leandro no chance with an unstoppable header from six yards out. As referee Torres dished out more cards it was Elche’s right back Capio who was first to go, followed by ex-Elche forward Dani Benitez after kicking Carpio as he left the pitch. The remaining 10 minutes could have been played out to the tune of Apocalypse Now as both teams went head to head. The game was well into the 92nd minute when Granada keeper Roberto, attempting to soak up time and pressure, hoofed the ball up field seeing it returned Jonny Wilkinson style by Generelo as Roberto watched helplessly. Elche proved once again they are not in the final four just to make up the numbers.

ACE SERGIO RETURNS TO HERCULES FORMER Hercules captain Sergio Fernández, after spending a fruitful year helping neighbours Murcia back into the Second Division as their technical secretary, has decided to return to the Rico Perez as ‘Director Deportivo’ and will sign a contract until 2014. The popular ex-defender’s avowed aim is to keep the team’s ‘spinal column’ intact, by retaining at the club such

important players as Abraham Paz, Paco Peña, Abel Aguilar and Farinós, all of whom would be vital in the pursuit of an early return to the top flight. Sergio makes no secret of the fact that he favours Juan Carlos Mandía to return to the Blue-and-Whites as coach, after he went so close to taking the side into the Primera Liga in his last spell in the job. Fans will approve.

Friday, June 3, 2011

TRAVEL COCKUP MEANS ELCHE LEAVE STARS AT HOME FOR CRUNCH TIE ELCHE ON THE UP

SINCLAIR SWANS IT UP

BARCA WHOOP IT UP

COURIER Number 1 for SPORT! Full reports p46 & 47

GREEN FOR GO! WAITING GAME: Carpio, sent off at Granada, will have to sit out the last match of the season

WAITING GAME: Toughguy midfielder Acciari could be rested before next Wednesday’s first play-off

Photos: Mark Welton

By DAN SMITH THE hopes of one small city now rest on the shoulders of 11 players. Elche palm capital of Europe - is festooned in a sea of green and white and firmly in the grips of play-off fever as they count down to kick off. Tomorrow (Saturday), Elche take on Xerez in the final game of the season; the outcome to some is relevant - to others not. Elche are through to the

play-offs and thinking of their first real test since leaving topflight football 22 years ago, whilst Xerez will be throwing caution to the wind. Play-off candidates until recently, they still have a small chance of nipping in through the back door although that’s highly unlikely. A win or draw for Elche would perhaps be more morale-boosting and being unbeaten at home since early February will surely be an intimidating statistic for their play-off rivals. Even at this late stage it’s difficult to say who Elche’s first opponent is likely to be, with only three points covering Elche, Celta and Valladolid in fourth, fifth and six spots. Granada,

Elche fired up to realise dream of La Liga football

presently in top qualifying spot, are one point to the good over Elche. Elche certainly have the bottle for whatever comes their way. Manager Jose Bordalas has coped well with the financial restraints imposed by the club and while being occasionally criticised by the media for squad rotation methods, he has remained in control and looks keen to cut it with teams that are superior, if only on paper, to his modest squad. The club are giving away free a team poster (designed and photographed by our Courier photographer Mark Welton) to all those attending Saturday’s game against Xerez. Kickoff is at 20:00 at the Martinez Valero Stadium in Elche.

THE PLAY-OFF SCHEDULE The first-round matches will be

played this coming Wednesday, June 8, with return legs on Sunday (12th) and the finals the following Wednesday (15th) and Sunday (19th). Home and away ties are decided on final league positions. The third and fourth-placed teams will be at home for the return leg. The same applies for the two-leg play off final. Kick-off times have yet to be announced but ticket prices have been set for the home games at Elche. MAIN STAND (tribuna) - 50 euros Opp MAIN STAND (preferencia) - 35 euros GOAL and CORNERS (fondos & curves) - 25 euros CHILDREN 10 euros Tickets are on sale at the ground from the club shop from Monday June 6. For more information www.elchecf.es