The Courier Week 13 by TKO Media

Edition 13

www.thecourier.es

Friday, May 20, 2011

CAR-JACK BRITS FEAR FOR LIVES A spate of attacks on foreign-registered vehicles sees latest victims threatened by armed man By DAVE BULL A TORREVIEJA couple had a terrifying experience whilst driving from Bilbao to the Costa Blanca recently and contacted us to warn others of a spate of car-jackings on foreign vehicles. The couple, who would rather remain anonymous, told me that they were on the final part of their long journey from the UK and were driving from Bilbao towards Alicante on the R5, which is the motorway that runs on the outskirts of Madrid. As they drove, a dark-coloured Mercedes pulled alongside and the occupants drew the attention of the wife, showing her what appeared to be a Police Badge. The people in the Mercedes signalled for the couple to pull over, which they duly did, thinking that perhaps they had crept over the speed limit. From that point, the situation became very scary for the couple. In the Mercedes were three men, one of whom got out, appearing to be carrying a gun, and headed towards them. It was then that the wife told her husband to lock all the doors. One of the men briefly flashed his Police badge again before insisting that the couple got out of the car and underwent a drugs search. As the ‘policeman’ became more agitated, he demanded the couple’s wallets and purses but they weren’t carrying cash which angered him even more. By now the couple were very scared and had become more convinced that the men weren’t police

at all. Again the self-styled cop started to get agitated, waving his arms and shouting at them.

‘You must have money! Give me your money!’ When the couple said that they had no cash, he demanded to know how they had paid for fuel and tolls, refusing to believe their explanation of having paid by credit card. He became even more aggressive, putting his arm through the partly-open car window and releasing the door lock before the husband could react. Despite the couple’s protests he pulled their luggage out of the car. The wife continued: ‘‘He then proceeded to pull our overnight bags apart and check my husband’s pockets. He found some foreign currency which we forgot we were going to exchange for Euros but he just threw this across the car and screamed that we had lied and that we must be hiding money.’’ The husband then got out to stop the man getting into the back of the car and the wife started to take down the Mercedes number plate. With that, the ‘policeman’ grew furious, grabbing her pen and pad and throwing them away before walking off abruptly when another car came along the road. When he reached the Mercedes he jumped in and all three men drove off at speed.

Continued on Page 2

LORCA APPEAL

SEE PAGE 4

Friday, May 20, 2011

D’you think I can fit one more in?

TELEPHONE

96 672 6437 JUNGLE DRUMS E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Alto del Moncayo s/n, Guardamar del Segura, 03140, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 672 64 37 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Dave Bull (English/Spanish) ADVERTISING SALES 96 672 6437 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 96 672 6437 616 332 178 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Vanessa Gran Alacant, La Marina, Guardamar Tel. 638 741 847 Denise La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 697 241 753 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Writers Dave Bull Malcolm Palmer Mick Hardy Donna Gee Suzanne Manners Spike Paul Payne Sally Bengtsson Tony Mayes Jake Monroe Dan Smith Photographer Mark Welton

Picture of the week

96 672 7334

THE GREAT DEBATABLE By SALLY BENGTSSON THE local election campaigns may have started last week, and although the boxing gloves seem to be well and truly in place, both the PP and PSOE parties appear to be avoiding public debates at all costs. The central theme has become clear, the Socialists (PSOE) have moved to mobilise their support base by instilling fear of the Popular Party (PP), while Mariano Rajoy, the conservative group's leader, has been keeping a low profile to avoid fomenting voter unease. Rajoy avoided interrogation at a rally in Santa Cruz de Tenerife last Monday, and a PP spokesman, invoking the party's "freedom" to

call press conferences, hinted that the conservative leader would keep his counsel throughout the campaign. In 2008, the PP leader engaged in debate with Prime Minister José Rodríguez Zapatero, but then went on to lose the general election. This may explains the PP's reticence to be drawn into public discussion. Zapatero began a war of words on Monday over the welfare state, attempting to lay Spain's economic woes firmly at the PP's feet. "They would not have avoided the crisis or unemployment, and there would have certainly been less protection for the unemployed and less social protection," he said. Zapatero reminded the PP that it was dur-

ing its watch that a growth model based on bricks and mortar, the foundation of the current recession, was implemented. The prime minister's words echoed the attack plan of Tomás Gómez, PSOE candidate for the regional premiership of Madrid, during a highly stylized debate with incumbent Esperanza Aguirre and United Left candidate Gregorio Gordo on Telemadrid, the channel controlled by the PP-run administration. "You govern for business, not for the people," Gómez charged. The PSOE secretary has challenged Aguirre to a one-on-one exchange, a gauntlet thus far left untouched by the serving premier.

Car-jacking terror Continued from Page 1

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The husband explained: ‘We got ourselves back on the road and moving again and pulled off at the next service station where there was a Guardia Civil car parked up. ‘We approached them and explained what had happened and they told us to follow them to the nearest Police Station where we gave our statement. We also picked out, my wife and I separately, two off the three men in the car. ‘The Guardia Civil advised us never to stop on a motorway unless the Police are in uniform. ‘They said only the Guardia Civil would stop you on the motorway or in an extreme case the Guardia National

Monday Plenty of sunshine High Temperature: 26°C RealFeel: 29°C

but we were even more shocked when we were informed by a detective that this was the 90th case of foreign registered cars being hi-jacked recently. A spokesman for the Guardia Civil told The Courier that there appear to be two gangs operating a drug-bust scam involving foreign registered cars. One gang is Pakistani and one Moroccan and it’s worth pointing out that the man who approached this couple’s car was very smartly dressed and did not appear initially to be a typical bad guy. The couple asked us to run this story to warn other people travelling in foreign registered vehicles to be aware of what they should and shouldn’t do under the same circumstances. Today Sunny and breezy High Temperature: 22°C RealFeel: 23°C

Saturday Brilliant sunshine High Temperature: 23°C RealFeel: 25°C

Sunday Mostly sunny High Temperature: 24°C RealFeel: 27°C

Tuesday Plenty of sunshine High Temperature: 26°C RealFeel: 31°C

Wednesday Sunny High Temperature: 26°C RealFeel: 28°C

Thursday Patchy clouds High Temperature: 26°C RealFeel: 29°C

Friday, May 20, 2011

CASH COW FOR CRAFTY COPS?

Sneaky - the 'roadworks' sign

By DAVE BULL

DRIVERS beware! Sneaky Spanish traffic cops have devised an ingenious new way of catching speeding motorists with thousands already caught out. When drivers approach what they think are roadworks, cones and chevrons filter the traffic into a single lane – nothing out of the ordinary there you might think. But the crafty cops have a speed camera disguised as a traffic chevron

Revealed - the speed camera

that they can move from one road to another by loading the portable device into the back of a van. Unlucky motorists are paying fines of up to 200€ and incurring penalty points because of the latest hi-Tec measures by the police to trap speeding motorists. Motoring groups are not happy and described the scheme as ‘‘just another way to make money out of motorists.’’

THE ARMY WON’T PAY MY PENSION

WOUNDED war hero Joseph Illidge is paying a cruel price for his double act of heroism in Iraq – his pension rights are inexplicably being blocked by the Ministry of Defence.

And the former Royal Welsh Regiment soldier reckons he knows at least FOUR other ex-colleagues who are in the same position.

Mary makes merry with the Mayor...

Honoured for two heroic acts within a single week in 2007, Private Illidge was later invalided out of the army with post traumatic stress disorder. The 21-year-old from Newport had astonished his commanders by remaining in the seat of his Warrior army vehicle after it was hit by four rocket-propelled grenades.

Conscious

MERRY Mary met the Mayor when El Raso’s eldest resident joined 300 other revellers at Guardamar’s Europe Day celebrations. Mary Collier, 94, is never lost for words - or a beaming smile. And Mayor Marylène Albentosa, was happy to reciprocate as she prepared for the latest round of elections.

With his vehicle becoming an oven and realising there were no more drivers to take his place, he stripped off his uniform and doused himself in water to remain conscious. Then, just a week later, Pte Illidge rescued two other injured soldiers and drove them to safety, despite having himself been wounded by mortar fire outside Basra Palace. He was Mentioned in Dispatches for his heroism in the two incidents and was later presented with an official medal to mark his bravery. After being discharged

Wounded Iraq hero sweats it out for £110-a-month award EXCLUSIVE

By DONNA GEE with shrapnel wounds to his leg and deafness caused by the noise of RPGs (rocket propelled grenades), Joseph was also awarded £35,000 compensation under the the official army tariff system – but received just £9,800. That is due to be supplemented with a paltry £110-amonth pension but the MoD have been prevaricating over it for so long that Joseph, now 24, despairs of ever seeing the money.

Moving He’s now ekeing out a living as a part-time waiter/barman after moving to the Costa Blanca to be near his parents Jeanette and Paul, who now live here. ‘‘I must have phoned 15 times about my pension and am getting nowhere,’’ he told me at La Fuente de San Juan, the English-owned barrestaurant near Torremendo where he works.‘‘I’m frustra-

Living in hope: Joe Illidge behind the bar at La Fuente ted and angry about it and I’m not the only one. ‘‘I know at least four other wounded ex-soldiers like myself who are also chasing pension payments they are owed. They seem to be trying

to shortcut people out of money. ‘‘The only explanation I can think of is that in the current economic climate, perhaps the Army don’t have the money to pay us.’’

Friday, May 20, 2011

TERROR IN LORCA: Aftermath of a killer earthquake By DAVE BULL

IN the wake of the 5.2 magnitude earthquake that hit Lorca on May 11, thousands of people camped out overnight in fear of further tremors. After a cold but thankfully peaceful night, hundreds began queuing for food, blankets and medical help from emergency workers. Many were unable to return to their damaged homes and Lorca mayor Francisco Jodar told a press conference that as many as a third of the 90,000 residents had spent the night outdoors after Wednesday's earthquake in fear of possible after-shocks. As I walked the streets of Lorca the day after the disaster, the first green trucks of a more-thanwelcome military task force of 200 troops were arriving to provide aid and cordon off dangerous build-

ings. They also brought blankets, sleeping bags and generators to supply parts of the town. Even walking the streets wasn’t safe as some buildings remained intact for hours before collapsing. A final death toll of nine people, including one child, was declared after the deadliest earthquake to hit Spain in more than five decades. A pregnant woman was amongst the victims, along with a boy who had stepped from his grandfather’s house to stroke a dog just as the tremor hit. Another 167 were injured, including three who were in a serious condition in hospital. A health authority spokesman said that more than 800 small foldable beds had been set up in a hangar on the edge of town but that "many people prefer to sleep outside, near their homes or because they are afraid of after-shocks. Edgar Rosales, 38, an

Ecuadorian immigrant, said: "We spent the night outside here in the square. The emergency workers are giving us food and blankets. We're not allowed to go into our apartment until an engineer comes and looks at our building," The devastation that I saw included the fronts of buildings and ripped open walls, I didn’t see a building that wasn’t damaged and the streets were covered with bricks from buildings, chunks of masonry, fallen terraces and squashed cars. On live TV a church clock tower fell and smashed into pieces right next to a television reporter as he conducted an interview on Spanish public broadcaster TVE. Dozens of people spent the night wrapped in blankets in an outdoor basketball court and children's playground.

Buildings should not HELP LORCA NEED YOUR HELP have collapsed, says WE Lorca Appeal geological expert UP to 15,000 people were left homeless by the earthquake that hit the town of Lorca last week – Spain’s most destructive quake in 50 years. But now controversy has erupted following comments made by Luis Eugenio Suarez, president of the Spanish Geological Association. He told Italy’s Publico Online that the 5.2 magnitude earthquake "should not have claimed any victims" and that the buildings in Lorca "should not have fallen down". Suarez went on to say: ‘‘Murcia, Andalucia and the Levante are areas of seismic risk, so they should have been prepared. ‘‘An earthquake of 5.2 is not sufficiently intense to collapse buildings".

The people of Lorca are still recovering from the shock of the massive earthquake which destroyed many homes and damaged 80% of the houses in the town. Thousands are still living in makeshift accommodation and the following items are in short supply and we can help. Please bring anything you can to help our neighbours and The Courier will make sure it gets there as soon as possible with the help of Unblockarod.

WHAT THEY NEED Tins of fish, such as tuna, sardines etc Tins or jars of lentils, chick peas, vegetables etc. Rice Cheese Ham or anything which can be used to fill rolls Sanitary towels and tampons Baby food Baby milk School material such as pencils, colours, notebooks etc

Drop off any items at: Luis Eugenio Suarez: ‘They should have been prepared’

Courier Office – Guardamar Manolo Restaurant - Lo Marabu area

TWO-MILLION KILO EXPLOSION! THE tragic and destructive after-shock which hit Lorca last week was more than 30 times stronger than the initial

earthquake which struck at around 5pm that afternoon. TWO MILLION A technician for natural

risks in Murcia regional government, Sofía González, said the power of the second tremor, which measured 5.2 on

the Richter scale, was equivalent to two million kilos of explosives going off at once.

Cafe Golf - Santiago de la Ribera Rocajuna – Punta Prima Sam Widges – La Zenia IPG Estate Agents – La Marina Quicksave – Gran Alacant If any other bars, shops, offices or restaurants would like to volunteer as drop off points please contact The Courier to let us know.

And thanks!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Spain mourns as baby Alba becomes a symbol of hope PRIME Minister Jose Luis Rodriquez Zapatero, Crown Prince Felipe and his wife Letizia were among those present last week as Spain mourned the nine victims of the Lorca earthquake. The public funeral mass was held on Friday morning in a large agricultural hangar on the outskirts of the tremor-hit town near Murcia. The funeral service, led by the Bishop of Cartagena, was televised live to the nation and was moved to the Recinto Ferial because quake damage had left all the town's churches too unsafe to enter. Thousands of residents joined the families of four of those killed by falling masonry on Wednesday evening, while the families of the other five victims chose instead to hold private funerals. Touring the worst-affected areas of Lorca before the service, Prime Minister Zapatero promised to supply the local authorities with all the support and financial aid needed, adding: "It is my conviction

that we are going to meet this test. The earthquake was hard and strong but this country is stronger. Its desire for solidarity and reconstruction are stronger." Baby Alba, the child born at Lorca's Rafael Mendez hospital moments after the biggest tremor was felt, became a symbol of hope for the town. Images of her were televised all over Spanish media as her 28 year-old mother, Mayte Alcazar, relived the chaotic moments before and after the birth. She said: "I feel so happy when I look at my baby but guilty that at the same moment she came into the world others were taken from it.’’ Mayte was in the final stages of labour when the second earthquake struck at 6.47pm. The delivery room shook violently and cracks appeared above her head in the ceiling. Doctors looking after her immediately decided to perform an emergency Caesarean to hasten the birth as the hospital was evacuated - and baby Alba arrived shortly after.

MAY 11 EARTHQUAKE WAS PREDICTED 96 YEARS AGO Italian seismologist warned of a ‘big one’ on day of Lorca tremor ITALIANS fled Rome in a panic last week, convinced by a seismologist's 1915 prediction that "the big one" would hit on May 11 this year. In what appears to be an amazing coincidence, Raffaele Bendani's prediction did come true - but 600 kilometres away in the Spanish town of Lorca. Meanwhile, businesses in Italy were reporting that one in five people were taking time off and keeping children away from school. They decided instead to head to the beach or into the country on the fated day. Many Italians took the prediction so seriously that even local newspapers were publishing survival guides with tips of what to do for residents. Social networking helped to spread the paranoia with Facebook, Twitter and text messages stating that Rome would be hit by a major quake on Wednesday May 11.

To back up their case, the sites claimed that Bendani, who died in 1979, predicted other earthquakes which hit Italy during the last 100 years. In 1923 he predicted a tremor would hit central Italy on January 2 the following year - and was just two days out. Bendani believed movement of plates and therefore earthquakes were the result of the combined movements of the planets, the moon and the sun are perfectly predictable. For his work he was knighted by Fascist dictator Benito Mussolini , although he was then ordered not to make any more predictions as officials feared he would create panic. However, seismologists have been quick to say Bendani’s theories lack any scientific proof and that despite his claims earthquakes are completely unpredictable. ‘’There is absolutely no evidence to say

that an earthquake will hit Rome on May 11 and we have told that to the hundreds of people who have called,’’ said seismologist Alessandro Amato, from Italy's National Geophysical and Volcanology Institute. "There is a possibility that on the day in question the country as a whole will have an average of 30 or so tremors but that is perfectly normal and the figure we expect. "It is not scientifically possible to predict the exact date that an earthquake will occur and that's why we are holding these open days at the Institute to better inform people." The Eurasian and African plates meet along a line which runs through North Africa and crosses the Mediterranean near southern Italy and Greece. As a result, two main fault lines cut across the Italian peninsula. Memories are still vivid of the earthquake in the central Italian city of L'Aquilam, to the north of Rome, which killed 300 people in 2009.

How tremors helped to form the Alps THE Alps are fold mountains formed millions of years ago and over an equally long period of time by the collision of the Eurasian and African plates. Today the highest Alpine peak is 4808m high and the range passes through the European countries of Austria, Slovenia, Switzerland, Italy, Liechtenstein, France and Germany. The formation was a result of geological forces that resulted in the plates shifting their positions. These plates are moving today as well but at very slow speeds - around a millimetre a year. These geological forces rendered Central Europe apart 250 million years ago. The initial movement towards east and west came to an end and the softening of the European crust allowed Africa to thrust northwards.

Friday, May 20, 2011

THOSE WERE THE DAYS

But just how much have you forgotten?

1992

Political Elections BRITISH General Election 1992 John Major (Conservative) defeats Neil Kinnock (Labour) and Paddy Ashdown (Liberal Democrat) UNITED STATES Presidential Election 1992 Bill Clinton (Democratic) Defeats George H. W. Bush (Republican) and Ross Perot (no party)

• Rugrats • The Jerry Springer Show • L.A. Law • The Oprah Winfrey Show • Comic Relief • Casualty • Inspector Morse • Married... with Children • Star Trek: The Next Generation

Popular Culture The satirical British magazine Punch publishes its final issue after 150 years due to falling sales and subscriptions

• Home Alone 2: Lost in New York • Batman Returns • Lethal Weapon 3 • A Few Good Men • Sister Act • The Bodyguard • Wayne's World • Basic Instinct •Unforgiven • Honey, I Blew Up The Kids • Reservoir Dogs

Technology Windows 3.1 released by Microsoft Microsoft Works released by Microsoft AT & T release video telephone for $1,499 The first nicotine patch is introduced to help stop smoking Space Shuttle Endeavour successful maiden voyage DNA Fingerprinting UK Alec J Jeffreys

The cost of things in 1992 Average House Price £68,634 Gallon of Petrol £2.13 UK yearly Inflation Rate 3.7% Interest Rates Year End Bank of England 6.88% FTSE 100 Averages 2500

What Events Happened in 1992?

Popular Television • Law & Order • One Foot in the Grave • The Crystal Maze • The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

A telephone conversation is recorded between an unknown woman (Diana the Princess of Wales) talking to an unknown man about her unhappy marriage

Popular Films • Aladdin

Israel • Yitzhak Rabin comes to power in Israel promising to pursue peace talks with PLO Somalia • US and UN intervention in Somalia with Operation Restore Hope to end famine and civil war USA • Ross Perot announces he will run as an independent in the upcoming presidential race against Bill Clinton and President Bush Bosnia and Herzegovina • Bosnia Herzegovina

declares independence. A 3 year war follows between Muslims, Serbs and Croats prompting United Nations intervention UN • United Nations Conference on Environment and Development (The Earth Summit) held in Brazil European Union • Signing of the Maastricht treaty on 7th February, which founded the European Union. Turkey • Turkey, an earthquake registering 6.8 on the Richter scale kills over 500 Mexico • Gas that has leaked into sewer explodes in Guadalajara, Mexico on April 22nd - 215 dead, 1500 injured USA • Mafia boss John Gotti is sentenced to life in prison after being found guilty of conspiracy to commit murder and racketeering USA • Hurricane Andrew hits South Florida August 22 China • McDonalds opens its first restaurant in Beijing China India • Hindu militants tear down the Babri mosque in Ayodhya and during HinduMuslim rioting. 2,000 lives are lost France • Euro Disney opens in France • French Truck Drivers Protest new driving laws

and disrupt the French road system with more than 500 blockades across France. USA • TWA Declares Bankruptcy • Bill Clinton becomes U.S. president Iraq • Iraq continues to hamper the efforts of UN Weapons Inspectors UK • In the UK rioting by local youth breaks out across cities including Bristol Russia • Privatisation in Russia of State Owned businesses to the population is a major success USA • US refuses to sign The UN convention on Climate Change and Biological Diversity in Rio de Janeiro • The 27th Amendment to the US constitution is ratified available as a downloadable image on Public Domain pages. • FDA urges stopping the use of silicone gel breast implants UN • No-fly zone in place over southern Iraq authorised under UN Resolution France • The Follies Bergere music hall in Paris closes. USA • The largest shopping mall in the US, Minnesota's Mall of America is constructed spanning 78 acres UK • Following public outcry over Royal spending the Queen will now pay income tax and the number of Royals receiving taxpayer money will decrease • Fire damages a major part of Windsor Castle and a number of important works of art, books and furniture are lost

Spain • The Summer Olympics are held in Barcelona. USA • Rioting breaks out in Los Angeles following the acquittal of four white police officers accused of beating black motorist Rodney King. • Abortion rights activists march and demonstration in Washington, D.C Afghanistan • Overthrow of Communist Government in Afghanistan • Mike Tyson convicted of raping Miss Black Rhode Island, Desiree Washington • Two of the strongest earthquakes ever to hit California strike the desert area east of Los Angeles UK • The UK government closes 31 out of 50 deep coal mines, • Prince Charles and Princess Diana separate Germany • Violence flares against Immigrants blaming them for economic problems. USA • Georgia Superdome in Atlanta is completed with the world’s largest cable supported fabric roof. • The North American Free Trade Agreement between U.S.A., Canada and Mexico is signed Bosnia and Herzegovina • Bosnia and Herzegovina recognised as independent Libya • The U.N. Security Council imposes sanctions on Libya France • The Winter Olympic Games are held in Albertville, France South Africa • South Africans vote for political reforms to end apartheid and back the creation of a power-sharing multi-racial government in the country

Friday, May 20, 2011

Forget the policies, feel the quality

THE politicians have been around kissing hands and shaking babies or something like that - and none more so than in my neighbourhood where candidates are judged on the value of their car’s wheel trims.

MONICA IS SMILES AHEAD...

mentioning that politicians are voted in, generally, on their looks, don’t you think? Of course you do and if you’ve ever read this page before you’ll know by now that I’m never wrong. Misinformed possibly… For instance, the mayor of my town has been compared to Roger Moore (when he didn’t look like a tortoise), whereas the man who is trying to replace him (the guy with the charisma by-pass mentioned earlier) looks like a prison guard.

In a ‘barrio’ where you’d think the Socialist Left would hold the reins of power, you’d be much mistaken, for politics is not always about policies (apparently). Not in my neck of the woods it isn’t. It is dependent on something much more material than that, namely T-Shirts. My neighbours make up the Santa Pola FC fan club ‘Los Chocolateros’, whose name (and badge) are synonymous with marijuana. You’ll understand from that that the ‘Go-Green’ campaign has a different meaning around here.

No chance

Smacked

Anyway, the mayor and his opposition from the PSOE came, on separate evenings, to speak to the people of the barrio. On the Wednesday it was the Socialist leader (who was that dull I can’t remember his name, or even care). He has reportedly never smiled since the nurse smacked his backside on entry to this world - and attracted around 50 people with a speech promising ‘‘change for the better, for all, I promise…’’.

Road show: Santa Pola Mayor Miguel Zaragoza You know the rhetoric. On the Thursday came along the Mayor, Miguel Zaragoza, with his roadshow. A disco, a fast-food stand, a bouncy castle and loads of razzamatazz and more importantly, loads of goodies. The PP had gone to town and were handing out hats,

T-shirts, badges, scarves, DVDs and there were some free drinks coming from somewhere. So there you have it. The PP have secured the vote of my area with some tacky gifts and some loud music. Seems to work for them. On another note it’s worth

And what better example could you have down the coast where the gorgeous Monica Lorente will surely defeat all-comers (bet she does). Whoever is up against her (now there’s a th….no) has no chance. David Cameron v Gordon Brown? Obama La Bamba v McCain? Jessica Rabbit v Minnie Mouse? I think you get my point and we’ll be investigating this more in the future. So if you’ve got any ideas send them in to office@thecourier.es and we’ll print the best ones.

Monica Lorente: She’s a certain winner

Too much information, Kate!

Kate McCann

THE McCanns have been in and on the news recently raising publicity for their now fouryear long ‘Find Maddie’ campaign. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong either, as some have mentioned, in Kate writing a book about the experience so far in an effort to raise funds to keep the investigation into the disappearance their missing daughter going. I’m not necessarily a subscriber to the ‘something dodgy about it’ movement, either. As far as I can see, there are two parents who have done something rather stupid for such highly intelligent people and have

paid dearly for i. Too dearly. Nor do I have a problem with David Cameron’s request for the Metropolitan Police to review the case, which was said by some to be a huge drain on already strained resources. Did you hear that, crooks out there? Would you mind awfully restraining from doing anything naughty for a bit, until we can get some cash in the bank? What the hell are the police for if it’s not to help us? Are they expecting us to call up after being kidnapped (you never know) and after our pleas for help they reply, ‘coinci-

A FEW DAYS AND SO MUCH GOING ON

IN a week where a super-injunction has become fashionable, rumours of my own have been greatly exaggerated. I just asked my mum not to say anything. However, the voting is hotting up and not only here in Spain’s local elections but also in the one that really matters, FIFA. I do think it is about time they get rid of the dinero-saurs and offered the role to someone less corrupt. I hear Gadaffi's looking for a way out? On Tuesday I was standing having a chat with a neighbour when the Guardia Civil pulled up

and he just legged it down the street, taking the time to say 'adios' to us as the cops took off after him. Nice, eh? And on Wednesday, a beautiful woman just approached me. OK, she kept on going past me but it's a start, isn’t it? Soon after that I found a place that sells Jaffa cakes for 1€ a pack, so ever ything’s good in my world this week. Tonight I shall be reviewing a rather nice Rioja and a shor t while after that, telling anyone who will listen that 'I bloody love you'...

dentally my hands are tied too…’ It should be looked into by Scotland Yard especially after the alleged mess made by the Portuguese police. And trust me, if it was my kid I’d be doing exactly the same and more. But what I do have a problem with concerning Kate McCann is her confession on the front page of the biggest-selling newspaper in Britain that she ‘couldn’t make love to Gerry’. Why on earth she feels I need to know that I have no idea, but it didn’t need to be said or done.

Hereby hangs a tail... SO I’m on the phone to an important customer when my black Labrador, Woopy, piles into the office chasing her tail. Which is all fine and dandy if (1) you are aware of the furniture and people around you and (2) if you haven’t chased it (and not caught it) at least 15,000 times before – like yesterday. But Woopy is nothing if not persistent and ignorant of any appeal to stop until boredom or a walk is looming. The idea, the same idea she’s had since day one, is to take her tail by surprise by somehow leaping at speed towards where it was a split second before. She has convinced herself that this

method is possibly going to prove more fruitful than the standard runningaround-in-circles-for-ages technique. The noise of dog on table and then table on floor has me putting my finger in my ear as my by-now-laughing client (thank goodness for that) listens to the racket. Things quietened down a little when she gradually mummified herself in the curtains until the pole threatened to come down, which it did. Woopy made the customary ‘leggit’ move while I finished my call and tidied up - only to find her leaning against the open fridge chewing chicken tikka and wagging a guilty tail…

Friday, May 20, 2011

THEY’RE ALL BANKERS!

THE logic of the banks never fails to amaze me; they seem to live on a totally different planet to the rest of us.

Perhaps that explains why they got the world into such a mess which we're still struggling to escape from. Why am I so frustrated with them? Well, we came out to our holiday apartment following retirement to see whether we preferred to live in the UK or in Spain - and no prizes for guessing where

With hundreds of thousands of properties sitting empty in Spain, Tony Mayes asks why the banks don’t try to help themselves...and others.

we want to spend most of the time. So, with this in mind, we called into our local bank in Torrevieja to enquire whether they had any repossessed properties on their books which we might be interested in viewing.

a notch, the economy would pick up and banks would benefit. A win/win situation methinks, or am I being too simplistic? Anyway, if any reader wants to part exchange a bungalow for an apartment we might be in business. And to hell with the What we had in mind was to part exchange banks! our roof apartment with perhaps a bungalow I'm glad to report that the good old British or villa - something larger where we could Nimby is alive and well in Spain. (Nimby live permanently without falling over each stands for Not In My Backyard). other! It's flourished and nurtured in Britain for The manager looked at us and laughed. years, people lodging objections to any "Yes, he said, we have loads, but you would- manner of developments which are planned n't want any of them because most have within a few hundred yards of their homes, huge debts on them whether it be new which the bank wants to ‘Yes, he said, we have roads, homes or try to recover." mobile phone masts. loads, but you wouldn't Brilliant! So the banks I can recall a posh will wait years until the new £750,000 estate want any of them…’ property market picks somewhere in desirup, sometime, maybe, able Surrey whose and in the meantime the properties will dete- newly-arrived residents were in a state of riorate. near hysteria because a telephone company We have some repossessed homes near was daring to site a mast close to their us and they are already eyesores. It's a con- beloved gated community. They couldn't get stant headache for the president who on one it through their silly heads that without the hand is being urged by the community to act mast they wouldn't be able to use the mobile and the banks on the other reluctant to phones they all had. spend any money on any of them unless And Nimby is here in Playa Flamenca. A they have to. charity wanted to open a new shop in a It's a ridiculous situation. The banks, street which was mixed use - some busithrough their inaction, are reducing commu- nesses among residential properties, and in nities to near slums, resulting in nearby own- came the complaints from the not in my ers having even more of a difficulty in selling backyard brigade. I know we all want to pretheir homes if they want to. serve the value of our homes as best we can Why on earth banks don't cut their losses and keep the place from deteriorating, which and market their reposessed homes minus can happen if night clubs or night-time debt? I thought banks needed to raise cash establishments move in. But a charity shop to help their balance sheets - if they did they open a few hours, supporting a most worthwould be able to start lending more. And while cause is hardly likely to be a huge who knows, if the property market improved magnet for yobs and rowdies.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Hackett have the key... Kidease - for all your lock, stock and barrel! kids needs in Spain HACKETT Locksmiths offer a 24-hour emergency locksmith service on the Costa Blanca and Costa Calida. We offer an emergency door, safe and auto lock-out service. We also specialise in lock changes, high security locks, safe fitting; one-key systems and Dierre & Moturra high-security locks. Hackett Locksmiths are UK trained and qualified and are registered and licensed to trade in Spain. We pride ourselves in offering a trustworthy, reliable, professional and personal customer service to our clients. It is this service that has gained us an excellent reputation and a large loyal customer base from Alicante to La Manga. We are prompt and professional lock and key experts. To discuss all your security requirements please contact us on (0034) 966 734 517 or view our website at www.hackettlocksmith.com for a full list of our services.

KIDEASE Nursery Hire is a family run business that as been here since 2004 who are leaders in Baby, & Toddler Equipment Hire here in Spain. We offer a personable and professional service with high quality products that all meet required EU safety standards. We provide and wide range of products with swift free delivery and collection to your door. We can provide you with all your Children’s needs: Cots, High Chairs, Car Safety Seats, Strollers, Prams, Stair Gates, Baby Walkers, Toys, Rockers, Monitors , Sterilisers, Baths, Changing mats and much much more. We can also provide a range of consumables ready for your arrival, to include: Nappies, Wipes, Food & Drink, Baby Formula Products and other miscellaneous items. REMEMBER, if it's not listed but you want ... we'll try and get it for you. Think nursery hire, think Kidease. Telephone 966 763 975; Mobile 690 230 538; Email mick@kidease nurseryhire.com; Website - www.kidease nurseryhire.com

It pays to advertise in

TIBA - A BADGE WORTH WEARING There are an awful lot of acronyms out there, some more important than others. The SAS could be considered more important than the BBC at some point in our lives, so when you see ‘TIBA’ staring back at you from a newspaper ad or on a car sticker, you

may wonder what it is. No? Well we’ll tell you anyway… You see TIBA isn’t a TV broadcaster or a tactical military squad but it does stand for something else that may well be of help one day (although they won’t wear the balaclavas). And that is

a group of small businesses who work together to offer professional services. All TIBA members come with recommendations and a history of satisfied customers behind them - HERE on the Costa Blanca which from most peoples’ experience is priceless.

School or summer camp for your child? Castelar’s the place in any language! CASTELAR College is an international bilingual school where we pride ourselves in giving our students the best education possible. All classes are taught 50/50 in English and Spanish and our teachers are all

fully qualified native speakers. The school has a crèche, infant, primary and secondary school, so your child can start his or her education in the crèche at the age of one and carry on through the school until ready to

attend University.Summer camps operate during July and August and we have the facility to accommodate up to 96 students in our residence at any one time. The fully air-conditioned rooms are complete with en-suite facilities, outdoor swimming pool, sports pavilion, football pitch etc.As well as learning a second language, other activities include sailing, canoeing, tennis and football to name but a few. Our language academy, where we teach five tongues including Spanish and English, is fully accredited by the Cervantes Institute. So why not come along to our open day on Saturday May 28 and experience our excellent facilities first-hand? We look forward to seeing you there and discussing either your child’s education in more detail or your language requirements. You won’t be disappointed!

Buffalo thrill THE Royal Antediluvian Order of Buffaloes Knights Chapter of St George, Alicante, had the pleasure of receiving the Grand President, Past Grand Knight Commander Bro. Sir Ray R Routledge R.O.H. from England (writes Bro Derek Rogers). He officiated at the Raising and Exultation ceremony of three good and worthy Brothers to the Knight Order of Merit. The event was held at the Cavalier Bar and Restaurant in San Luis, and as a mark of their appreciation Brother Routledge was presented with a brass carriage clock mounted on an inscribed plinth.

Friday, May 20, 2011

NEW DILEMMA FOR RYANAIR

Elche court rejects appeal - what now?

ORANGE SQUASH

By SPIKE RYANAIR were considering their options after Elche courts threw out their appeal against AENA’s decision to force the Irish airline to use airbridges at Alicante airport.

And NO, it did not run out of juice...

The bridges allow passengers access to and from their planes at the airport’s new terminal. As we reported last month, Ryanair disagrees strongly with AENA’s attempts to make them use the airbridges and claims they are ‘unnecessary facilities’ which will cost the company more than €2 million a year. If the ruling is upheld, Ryanair has threatened 80% cutbacks at Alicante which will begin from October.

A JUGGERNAUT blocked the AP7 near Guardamar for hours last week when its driver drifted onto the side of the road and toppled down a bank, the 38-tonne truck landing on its side. The lorry was hauling oranges to Valencia when the accident happened on Saturday afternoon. Fully 24 hours later, workers were still transferring the oranges onto another truck before the stricken juggernaut could be righted by a grua.

Damage

Ryanair’s case was based around the projected financial losses the new regulations would cost the company and the ‘irreversible’ damage to its image as a low-cost budget airline. Ryanair also appealed to the court that the airbridge system at Alicante would create unnecessary delays for passengers and staff at the airport. But the judge ruled that the airbridge system, used by the Irish airline at other Spanish airports, does not seem to affect business elsewhere. However, although the appeal was rejected the courts – as part of the ruling – Ryanair appealed to AENA to reconsider the need for airbridges and TORREVIEJA’S darts players did the city asked the controller of proud in the Spanish National Spain’s airports whether Championships in Gandia they are really essential in And four players from the city will be every case. representing Spain in the Winmau World Judge Luis Seller has Masters and the World Cup being held this called on the Spanish year in Hull and Ireland respectively. Airports Authority to begin a Darren Sanderson and Karen Winter will study on the viability, taking be going to the World Masters while Steve into consideration safety Hatton and Chris Hunt will compete in and efficiency, as to wheIreland along with other players from all over ther it would be possible to Spain. allow Ryanair passengers Meanwhile, the Girls Seleccion team won to embark and disembark in style in Gandia and are pictured here on foot at Alicante Airport. flying the Torrevieja flag - kitted in shirts That, the judge warned, sponsored by Tony G’s, Green Baize and would also set a precedent Buscavidas. Pictured, from left: Donna for all other airlines to opt Lowman, Shirley Stephenson (captain), out of using the bridges. Chris Hunt, Karen Winter, Yvonne McIntosh

By SPIKE COCAINE that had been brought into Spain from Colombia via Barcelona was smuggled into the Catalan port hidden in the false bottoms of barrels of castor oil and then delivered to a warehouse in Crevillente. From there, the barrels were ‘cleaned’ and emptied of their contents and then transferred to a safe house in Benidorm. Last Thursday the Interior Ministry announced the successful operations including another carried out in conjunc-

Glow and arrow! and Diane Dane.

RESULTS: Ladies Seleccion: 1st - Torrevieja (Chris Hunt, Donna Lowman, Karen Winter, Yvonne McIntosh, Diane Dane and Captain Shirley Stephenson). Ladies Autonomas: 2nd - Valencia (from Torrevieja, Carole Evans and Shirley Edwards). Men’s Seleccion: 5th - Torrevieja (Keith Lowman, Darren Sanderson, Steve Hatton, Mark Farmer, Len Pitman and Captain Dave Rogers). Men’s Autonomas: 5th - Valencia (from Torrevieja, Kevin Knott and Matt Robson). Ladies Winmau: 1st - Karen Winter, 3rd Shirley Stephenson, Men‘s Winmau: 2nd - Darren Sanderson. Copa Fed Ladies: 1st - Karen Winter, 3rd - Chris Hunt. Copa Fed Men’s: 1st - Steve Hatton. Pairs Ladies: 1st - Karen Winter and Carole Evans, 3rd - Chris Hunt and Yvonne McIntosh. Pairs Men’s: 2nd - Keith Lowman and Darren Sanderson. Men‘s Teams: 2nd - Los Nomadas (Len Pitman, Keith Lowman, Darren Sanderson, Jose Martinez, Suso Madrid, Dave Rogers). Ladies‘ Teams: 2nd Las Cuarto Brujas (Chris Hunt, Kim Ross, Donna Lowman, Paula Smith).

Crevillente drugs bust: Police nail smugglers tion with police in the Costa del Sol. Both National Police operations were carried out with the assistance of the Agencia Tributaria tax authority and resulted in the police capturing two men and one-and-ahalf tons of cannabis plus 50 kilos of cocaine. The second operation - off the coast of Málaga - involved a suspected boat sailing from Nador, Morocco, which was boarded and found by Guardia Civil officers to be smuggling a cargo of more than one-and-a-half tons of cannabis. The police suspect that the smugglers had planned to unload the drugs at the Cabopino marina in Marbella. In total 12 people were arrested in that operation.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Hopelessly devoted to summer nights?

WE all remember John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John in the hit musical back in the 1970s. Now, 40 years on, the Costa Blanca is to receive its own coat of Grease with a reprise of Danny and Sandy’s love tangle.

The show will feature all those classic songs like Summer Nights and Hopelessly Devoted To You – but this time most of the action will revolve around a Spanish retirement home rather than a high school. Showgroup Torrevieja’s original production, appropriately called Ancient Grease, sees a more mature Danny and Sandy meeting on holiday in Benidorm. After a fun-filled week, they have to part company IT’S flycatcher Danny to return home to England with his family, and time! Look out Sandy back to her retirement for the perky lithome in Spain. tle chaps anyComedy where there are fairly mature As luck or fate will have it, trees, or even Danny and his friends find themselves moving into the on fences, persame retirement home ching, then sallRydell Manor. What follows is ying forth a musical comedy, with all to catch an the original songs from the insect, and film, plus a few surprises and lots of fun. back again. Ancient Grease will be staThe ones you’re ged at Los Arcos (now likely to see named La Rustika) in Torrrehere are the vieja, at 8pm on - May 25, 26 summer resident and 27. Tickets, which are Spotted Flycatcher, all greys and browns, or the northern now very limited, are availamigrant Pîed Flycatcher )pictured), the male strikingly black ble from Dan on 662438002, and white, the female duller with a white panel on the wing. price 8 euros. Profits will go

GREAT OUTDOORS No.12

Lord of the flies...

Showgroup Torrevieja members prepare for Ancient Grease to DEBRA, or Butterfly Children as it is affectionately called. Over the past year, the Showgroup has gone from strength to strength, staging four popular Murder Mysteries, plus the Christmas Production Almost a Panto, all with excellent audiences and reviews and all raising much-needed cash for local charities. The group welcome new members, both on and off stage. Rehearsals are held at La Rustika on Wednesdays (7pm) and Fridays (2pm). Please ring Jenny on 966181951 for further details. DONNA GEE

Politics and fun in La Marina mix TRY and get along to the market place in La Marina urbanisation today (Friday) for the APSFU Party Rally. The action starts at 8pm and B4, the group that topped the bill at last year’s La Marina Summer Fiesta, will perform live on stage, along with support band Shadoogy. In addition, La Marina’s own Cindy’s Zumba Dance group will give a thrilling performance. There will be bouncy castles and a giant inflatable gorilla for the children, plus other attractions. Free beer and soft drinks will be on tap and snack food too!

Friday, May 20, 2011

MARY, 94, FINDS A ROYAL RECIPE FOR LONG LIFE

Affair of the art! THE summer season starts with a bang - with the Costa Blanca’s first Music, Arts and Craft Festival on June 4 and 5. Held in the grounds of Casa La Pedrera, the Grand Design House, with the backdrop of the stunning blue Pedrera Reservoir, there will be something of interest for everyone. A parade of horses, dancing with Raquel Pena, Footwork Dancers and Acrobatic duo, Destiny. Plus music from Just Brass, UK Band Zephora and the beautiful voice of Emily Hullman. And your favourite Radio Station TKO will be there to entertain you. There will also be an art exhibition with many talented artists and a fantastic craft fair with fabulous hand-made pieces which includes jewellery, patchwork, embroidery, quilting, cross stitch amongst others. A display from Torrevieja Model Boat Club and Model Aeroplanes from Mayor Hobbies completes the picture, with amazing attention to detail and variety on offer. Not to be missed on the Sunday, the family day, is our Mascot Bear, who is taking the plunge for charity! He will be jumping off a four-metre diving board so come and sponsor and cheer him on and help raise money for local Downs Syndrome swimmer Adam Stewart, who will be at the festival with his medals, compete in the next European championships. Why not try and get one past in the ¨Penalty Shoot Out¨

MARY COLLIER may be 94, but 67 years of marriage taught her some lessons which the Royal newlyweds would be wise to heed. Her builder husband Fred died six years ago, and Mary reckons their relationship lasted so long because she made a point of showing an interest in HIS interests. And her advice to any couple seeking long-term happiness together is: ‘‘Take it one day at a time.’’ Never lost for words, the chirpy nonagerian still commutes between her two homes in Worsley, Manchester AND El Raso, near Guardamar, although Marry Collier: Royal day her travel insurance now costs a whopping £350 a year. Her 73-year-old son Bernard and daughter Norma, 64, reckon it’s THE Partido time she settled down. Popular (People´s But Mary, who drove Party) believes in a Mercedes convertible the future of Los until she was 92, will Alcázares, a futuhave none of it. re that everyone knows is not rosy. A non-smoker and A future that will teetotaller all her life, be decided on she lost three of her Sunday 22nd May five brothers in their 2011 when each and every member of 40s – all of them heavy this community will have an opportunity to vote. On that day, with your boozers and smokers. you will decide the future that Mary says the perfect vote, awaits us all. Your vote will decide if antidote is to drink in there will be transparency in municipal plenty of water – and management, and a renewal of pertake in plenty of sonnel projects, illusions, attitudes…. Our electoral programme is realistic healthy Spanish air.

with our talented footballers from Tony´s Soccer School or even a ¨one on one¨ with the ladies from the Los Montesinos Netball Club? Charities represented will be the Lions Club, Animal Aid and Paul Cunningham Nurses with their Human Fruit Machine. Also on offer will be pony rides, quad biking and even air rifle shooting. So if its a bit of culture... or even a bit of fun you are after pop down on either day and join in the celebration! You will find Casa La Pedrera just off the Orihuela Road, just past the Vista Bella and La Fortaleza restaurants. Entrance is only a euro and kids are free. For more details and directions, or even if you have a talent or a craft you would like to share with the Costa Blanca, call Jenni on 660816620 or check the website www.thingstodoinspain.info

WE BELIEVE IN LOS ALCÁZARES in that it reflects the current economic climate. Of course, we would like to be offering large investments and municipal buildings but, as we all know, this is not possible at least in the immediate future, therefore I would be deceiving you and myself if I were to make such promises. We have to make up for the lack of cash, with illusion and imagination, and ideas whereby we can make better use of what is already available in our municipality. We must ensure maximum profitability for every Euro spent. Furthermore, we must not forget the more disadvantaged in our community, at all cost we must try to maintain social spending. This is the reality of the current situation, and

what this council calls for. The committee, who form the candidacy of the Partido Popular in these elections, believes in the municipality of Los Alcázares, we believe in the immense possibilities and opportunities that a municipality like ours has to offer. A town privileged by its location, climate, facilities etc., etc., but more importantly, its people. A municipality that CAN, SHOULD and MUST be recognised as an all-year-round tourist town…. together we can achieve this. The people of Los Alcázares have to believe in this town, in present times and in its future. It is important that the people of Los Alcázares re-establish confidence in

our party´s President, Ramón Luis Valcárcel. We must support Ramón, and trust in his policies and those of the European Partido Popular. Sunday 22nd May 2011 is your chance to renew the mandate of Ramón Luis Valcárel and, for the first time, establish a Government of the Partido Popular in our municipality. I have no more than to ask you to vote P.P., only then can we begin to build a better and brighter Los Alcázares, something this town, its residents and business owners alike rightly deserve. You can trust the Partido Popular (People´s Party”), we are “Focused on YOU” Vote PP Anastasio Bastida Gómez

Friday, May 20, 2011

Beyond a sick joke LAST summer I spent four days in Elche Hospital as a guest of the Spanish health service – and my only complaint was that the food was inedible. I bet you’d also cringe at the thought of a salad or bowl of clear soup devoid of a single grain of salt. I’ve sucked tastier water from a dishcloth than the ultra-bland consommé the nurse plonked in front of me as an aperitif to my menial first meal as a patient.

HOSPITAL CAR-PARK SCAM PUTS BRITAIN TO SHAME

children’s hospitals it replaced, and much more expensive to park. ‘‘It’s absolutely disgraceful that parents have to pay to spend time with their sick children in hospital.’’ It’s not as if Manchester Children's University Hospital NHS Trust is in dire financial straits. Indeed, a Daily Mirror investigation established that in 2007, the Trust made a profit of £1,338,694. And 218 hospitals around the UK made a staggering £24,993,855 the same year - just by charging their own staff to park their cars. At the time, Juliet Dunmur, chair of the British Medical Association Patient Liaison Group, said: ‘‘The car-parking fees charged by some NHS trusts are unacceptable. It amounts to a tax on vulnerable patients on NHS staff.’’

There was method in that Friday afternoon madness, of course. Because I was in a coronary ward and I do have angina. But even my acutely healthconscious daughter has been unable to convince me that I’m shortening my life by going condimental before I tuck in. I do make one concession to the medical experts, mind you – I NEVER put salt on my dessert. In the event, I was discharged from hospital the following Monday three kilos lighter after passing my medical tests with flying blood pressure (another abysmal Donna attempt at humour – my BP was actually normal, thanks to the medication I’ve been taking for the past five years).

Freedom

I couldn’t wait for my first taste of freedom and dreamed of ending my enforced diet with a portion of salt-and-pepper ribs and a salt-beef sandwich. Maybe with a packet of liquorice ‘all-salts’ for afters. But I digress. This article is not meant to be a complaint Donna’s granddaughters Rosie (left) and Daisy both have Crohn’s Disease and Daisy needs regular hospital visits about Spanish hospitals – or the heartless way they feed their cardiac patients. There was certainly precious little else I could moan about as a patient at Elche. A cosy two-bed ward, caring nurses, highly efficient doctors, caring nurses and four days of intensive Spanish les- How different to the money- ultra-modern Royal Children’s they need you most. How gene- hed hospital parking charges a grabbing English system of rip- Hospital this past couple of rous! couple of years ago – so what’s sons for free. And don’t tell me the money so different about England? Last but not least, my friends ping off the motorist at every years. The kindly local NHS Trust all goes to improve the NHS. In The authorities are just greedier were not charged a single opportunity. Particularly at centimo to come and visit me. hospitals and, even more so, have a voucher system that a country where every working to make bigger profits, that’s And from what I can gather airports (which I’ll get to in a allows close relatives to visit person pays an ever-increasing all. sick children to use the vast National Insurance contribufrom friends on expatforum. future article). As my daughter Hayley My 11-year-old granddaugh- multi-storey car park at a spe- tion, surely NO-ONE should Beckman (Daisy’s mother) com the same free-parking policy operates at Spanish hos- ter Daisy suffers from Crohn’s cial daily rate of £5. have to pay to visit a suffering says: ‘‘The new hospital is very That’s £35 a week to spend relative. pitals from Malaga to Lorca Disease and has spent quite a modern but it’s difficult to get and from Denia to Villajoyosa. bit of time at Manchester’s time with your own kids when Scotland and Wales abolis- to compared to the two

£35 a week to visit your nearest and dearest - but only in England

Charity

And hospital visiting is an increasingly-expensive experience. Recent research by the Action for Sick Children charity revealed that parking for families of children now costs £1.75 an hour on average. It’s bad enough in Manchester, but at two London hospitals the parking tariff works out at an unbelievable £386.40 a week because there are no discounts for long-term stays. At many hospitals, it’s not just visitors who get stung. Nurses working at Royal Manchester Children’s Hospital must pay £20 for a weekly carpark pass – or leave their cars a mile or more away. Still, there is a consolation. With all that enforced walking, they can afford to pour oodles of salt on their food and never worry about getting a dicky heart.

The Pipes of Pain

Let’s all do the Zumba: Dance time at Guardamar’s Europe Day celebrations

IT WAS hardly music to the ears of the 300 Guardamar residents who attended last week’s Europe Day celebrations. I’m not talking about the enthusiastic rendering of the Himno De La Alegria anthem to the instantly recognisable melody of Beethoven’s 9th. And I’m certainly not referring to the Zumba dancing that had everyone leaping energetically around Reina Sofia Park like crazed kangaroos. The problem was the two-man Scottish bagpipe chorus that seemed to accompany the entire afternoon. The supposed purpose of the gathering was to bring the various communities in the area together harmoniously Spanish, British, Scandinavian, German, French, you name it. Piled-up

portions of a massive paella and oodles of thirst-quenching beer whetted everyone’s appetite for togetherness. But the unity of the Zumba action was quickly killed off by an overdose of Scotland the Brave. The pipers might have got away with a repertoire of 20 or more numbers had they ‘gone international’ with smash hits like, say, Mull of Kintyre. Instead, their puffed cheeks blew up in their faces as the clearly unimpressed audience dwindled away. Most left well before I did, thoroughly bored...and still the tartan twins droned on. They seemed so unaware of the exodus that it wouldn’t surprise me if they are still piping away as I write. Playing something called Scotland the Grave...

Friday, May 20, 2011

WHAT THE SPAN

Seville partnership? Not if you’re gay! By SALLY BENGTSSON

A male couple have made a formal complaint to police after they were stopped from SEVILLE may be the city of Spanish dancing traditional sevillanas together at the dancing, sizzling summer heat and city's yearly April Fair. sumptuous siestas, but it is no friend to José Carlos Iglesias and Juan Carlos gay couples. Or so it seems. Cabezas were stopped by a married couple in one of the tents that host the festivities. According to Iglesias, 31, when the woman realised he and Cabezas were gay, "she ordered the group that was TWO Spanish hospitals have successfully carried playing music to stop" and out the first kidney ‘domino’ transplant - a rare procedure involving the transfer of organs from then alerted her husband, who was ‘president’ of the several live donors. Spain is becoming well known for its advanced particular tent.

KIDNEY TRANSPLANT BREAKTHROUGH

medical technology and Health Minister Leire Pajín and Rafael Matesanz, director of the National Transplant Organisation (ONT), announced the latest breakthrough last week. The Virgen de les Nieves Hospital in Granada and the Puigvert Foundation in Barcelona carried out the procedure, which involved six people, on April 6. The process was initiated by a so-called "good Samaritan" donor, a priest who allowed one of his kidneys to be transplanted into an unknown recipient. The recipient's wife then donated her kidney, which was flown to Granada and implanted in another man. And this man's wife then donated a kidney to a woman in Barcelona. With the new system, the ONT hopes to maintain Spain's world-leading organ transplant record.

Private

According to the complaint, the married couple then approached the gay men and told them they were ‘’in a respectable caseta and that two men could not dance together." They were then invited to leave the tent "on the basis that it was private property." This is the second year running that such an incident has taken place at the Seville Fair. A gay couple were also discriminated against in 2010 after kissing one another.

LAIR OF A MADMAN THE maniac who decapitated British grandmother Jennifer Mills-Westley, 60, and paraded her head through the streets of Tenerife lived in this filthy derelict squat on Los Cristianos beach with other down and outs. Bulgarian Deyan Valentinov Deyanov, 28, had erected a peculiar shrine to Jesus made out of breeze blocks. Residents said he would walk round the popular tourist town shouting that he had been ‘sent by God to carry out his justice on earth’. Deyanov has been remanded in custody by a Spanish court

Friday, May 20, 2011

NISH PAPERS SAY

CHE’S MOTORBIKE PARTNER DIES AGED 88

Unemployment No help for Brits in driving Spain’s property roadshow youth abroad SPANISH HOUSING By DAVE BULL

By SALLY BENGTSSON

THE high unemployment in Spain is having some surprising consequences amongst youngsters frustrated at the dismal prospects of finding a job. The number of people out of work is approaching the fearsome five million, a number which even the most pessimistic of economists never predicted. This has caused thousands of Murcian youngsters to pack their bags and up sticks to Latin America, where job prospects for qualified people are much better. Fed up with listening to politicians blaming the desperate situation on the opposing party, many are flying to Brazil, venue of the 2016 Olympic Games, and Argentina, where the building spree is shifting gear and architects have favourable prospects. As of January 1 this year, 23,575 Murcia-born people were living abroad - 8.6% more than a year earlier. Some 1,564 of these emigrants moved to the American continent in 2010, and 454 to Europe and Asia. At the start of the 20th Century, thousands of Galicians moved to Argentina. Many of their descendents moved back to Spain during the boom years, and now the roles are reversing once again. Every month 1,200 Spaniards arrive in Argentina looking for work. Another explanation for the exodus is the return of Latin American immigrants to their countries of origin with the Spanish government offer of paying them half the unemployment benefit they were due in one lump sum. The number of Spaniards living outside Spain is 1.7 million, up 8.2% on 2010. In contrast, the number of Brits living abroad is about 5.5 million - approximately one-tenth of the population.

THE Spanish government’s idea of a ‘property roadshow’ to try to sell some of the hundreds of thousands of unsold properties in the country has come under fire once again. This time it is foreigners who are up in arms after it was revealed that the government’s promise of reforms will not assist foreign homebuyers who, in some cases, have lost their life’s savings. With this latest revelation, the Spanish government confirmed it will not do anything for the thousands of Britons who have already lost money because of the controversial landgrab laws (which have Beatriz Corredor: ‘Fewer than one per cent’ been ruled illegal in the EU) or because they naïvely “There are 850,000 Britons living bought into an illegal property. in Spain and these problems apply The roadshow – funded by the to fewer than one per cent,” said Spanish taxpayer – aims to shift the Spanish housing minister Beatriz glut of unsold homes that is overCorredor, who went on to refuse to offer help to British home owners whelming the market.

MINISTER’S SNUB

affected

caught up in property problems. According to Corredor, the only way money will be paid to Britons is if the courts order it. For many who have already lost a lot of money, lengthy legal action is financially out of the question and they face little or no chance of recovering their investments. Labour MEP Michael Cashman called the roadshow an ‘insult to foreigners’ and reportedly urged Brits not to invest in

Spain. However, PR firm Purple Cake Factory, which has several property clients, has branded Cashman an ‘idiot’ for urging Britons not to buy in this country.

Friday, May 20, 2011

SEVEN AND HELL! No end to suffering of horses in ownership dispute

TIME is dragging on for a starving herd of horses who remain in the same shocking conditions as when Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre was first asked to help over a month ago. Breeder Morgan Jensen initially brought 12 horses to Spain from the USA in 2001. A dispute over ownership then broke out and Jensen is fighting to recover the remaining seven horses. The dispute over ownership of the surviving animals was placed in the hands of the courts, who decided that these poor, unfortunate horses could not be re-homed or moved until ownership was established. The horses were seized in a land dispute more than three years ago and after living in squalid conditions are slowly dying of starvation and ill-treatment. An animal rights organisation that heard about the horsesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; plight intervened to try to help these unfortunate animals. Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre understands that the Judge dealing with the case now has to decide whether the animals should be moved to an animal protection charity. The animal-rights organisation has passed on the details of both the Easy Horse Centre and another organisation based in Malaga which has also offered to take some of the suffering horses. If the Judge decides to move some of the horses into the care of the Easy Horse Centre, they will need specialist veterinary treatment for their injuries. Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre relies entirely on donations. We receive no official funding whatsoever and so our resources are being

stretched to the limit. We are just one rescue centre and the Burriana case is only one of many cases of abuse that we are involved in.

Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre desperately need more funding to help these animals. We never ignore a call for help!

Let us hope that the suffering and agony that these poor horses have endured ends soon as it has been going on far too long. It's ludicrous that in this day and age and in a European country the welfare of the animals is not considered. Even the laws that are in place to protect against animal cruelty have been held up in red tape within the legal system. Please call Sue on 652 021 980 or visit the Centreâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s website at www.easyhorsecare.net to make a donation.

We need your support to continue as a charity and help more horses! Open days at the Centre are 1pm to 4pm Wednesdays and Sundays, where horse tours are available. Come and hear their stories. Tasty food and delicious cakes are available. Directions on our website or please contact Sue for more information.

Friday, May 20, 2011

KIDDIES CORNER Brat’ll do nicely, Simon! SIMON COWELL’S production company has confirmed that Cheryl Cole will appear alongside him in the US version of The X Factor. Exactly what this means for X Factor in the UK isn't yet clear, but Cheryl and Simon probably won't have the same level of involvement. After the announcement Cheryl said: "I can't wait to get started!"

The Girls Aloud singer has been a judge for three years on the UK version. She's a massive star in the UK but is not very well known in America. Simon said: "I'm thrilled for Cheryl. She is massively excited about this show, and has been fantastic to work with. "She is also a complete brat. Most importantly, this girl can spot talent."

Riddles to make you giggle... If the red house was made out of red bricks, and the blue house was made out of blue bricks, what was the green house made out of? Glass! What runs but never walks? Water! What is white when it’s dirty and black when it’s clean? A blackboard! What has one eye but cannot see? A needle! The honeymoon came to a swift end and Prince William What kind of coat you appears to have been busy saving lives ever since. The week can put on which after getting married he performed TWO rescues as part of his doesn't have buttons, a zipper or sleeves? work in the RAF.

Wills back to work with two rescues

As a helicopter pilot, Prince William helped a 70-year-old walker and four men in their 20s who were airlifted to safety in Snowdonia in Wales. And more busy times are ahead for the newlyweds. Their first official overseas trip as a married couple kicks off in Canada on June 30. After that they'll go to California in America on July 8. It will be the first time William has visited the United States in an official capacity and the first time Kate has been to the country.

An earthquake rumbling? No, it’s just Smokey’s purr

CATS don’t come any happier than Smokey, the moggy with the LOUDEST purr ever recorded. At 67.7 decibels, he sounds more like a lawn mower or hairdryer than a household pet. Imagine having that noise on your lap as you watch TV! Guinness World Records has confirmed that Smokey, from

Northampton, purrs about 16 times louder than a normal cat. But she has a long way to go overtaking the world’s loudest creature - a blue whale that emits sounds measuring 188 decibels! Does YOUR pet have a special talent? Then write or email The Courier and we’ll let the world know…

A coat of paint. What do you throw out when you need it and take in when you don't need it? An anchor! What belongs to you, other people use it a lot, but you hardly ever use it? Your name! Try this: Hold your tongue and say "Bench" What starts with a T, ends with a T and is full of T? A teapot! What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment but never in two thousand years?

The letter M. There are many castles in the world, but who is strong enough to move one? Any chess player. When is a door not a door? When it's ajar. What's a quick way to double your money? Fold it! Who sits on babies? A babysitter. What is the richest kind of air? Millionaire. Why did the girl throw the clock out the window? Because she wanted to see time fly!

Friday, May 20, 2011

editor@thecourier.es Say it. Send it. Phone it. Mail it. or Forget it!

RHYME AND REASON I SIT stern on the rock while I'm raising the wind, But the storm once abated I'm gentle and kind. Kings sit at my feet who await but my nod To kneel in the dust on the ground I have trod. Though seen to the world, I am known to but few, The Gentile detests me, I'm pork to the Jew. I never have passed but one night in the dark And that was with Noah alone in the Ark. My weight is three pounds, my length is a mile, And when once discovered, you'll say with a smile, That my first and my last are the pride of the isle. (The answer is a word of one syllable)

THE postman has had to head to the osteopath following the latest couple of postbags into Courier Towers! Still the rest will do him good…if he can find it. Once again folks, thanks for writing in with your opinions, comments and marriage proposals (sort of…) And as George Best would have said on a night out, ‘keep ‘em coming! commonly accepted solution is ‘Raven’ but apart from anything else, ‘raven’ has two syllables so I can’t see that being correct.

PETER REID, Leith, Scotland and El Raso, Guardamar Come on Courier readers we know you’re the smartest so let us know and we’ll give a tenner to whoever can come up with the real correct answer! Ed.

CARREFOUR LEFT MY MOTHER FLAT... The above ‘Poetic Poser’ was given to me by a friend and I am really mystified by it. Nobody has been able to provide me with a satisfactory solution and I wonder if Courier readers can help. I’ve looked on the internet and it says the rhyme was written by the Bishop of Salisbury and dates back to 1849. Apparently the most

I’M in England but my mother, Sylvia Lovell, is in La Siesta, Torrevieja. She purchased a power-assisted bicycle from Carrefour in November 2008 and was thrilled as she has difficulty walking and does not drive a car, but greatly values her ability to get about independently. (My father sadly passed away in 2004 and he always did the driving.) When my mother realised she hadn't been given any instructions with the bike she returned to the Torrevieja store but they were very unhelpful. As a senior citizen she has not managed to learn Spanish and Carrefour staff didn't speak

English. They were unable to provide her with any instructions, nor would they tell her where she could get them. As she does not have a computer she could not search online. In time the bike's performance reduced so my mother returned again to Carrefour. They were again very unhelpful, refusing to exchange the bike or get it repaired or even tell her who the manufacturers were or who to contact to get it fixed. Fortunately my cousin lives in Lanzarote, speaks fluent Spanish and understands the systems. He was able to search the internet and make enquiries on my mother's behalf and eventually managed to make contact with the bike's manufacturers. Apparently the battery needs to be charged up regularly, which would have been explained in the instruction manual had my mother been given this when she purchased the bike. As she had returned to England during the following summer it had not been kept charged. Consequently the battery now does not hold its charge and she can only use the bike for short distances. It is very heavy to pedal or push without the power-assistance. New batteries are no longer being made so she cannot get

Friday, May 20, 2011 battery to Girona for repair at a cost of about €300. Of course, apart from the expense, this would mean that she is without any means of transport while the battery is away. What should have been an exciting purchase has turned out to have been a very unsatisfactory and stressful experience for my mother. Yours sincerely,

DAWN LOVELL

So not only are they inept, they’re heartless too..! Oh and they don’t answer emails either. Ed.

NEVER AGAIN CARREFOUR I PURCHASED a DVD player from Carrefour Torrevieja about two years ago, I had the player for 1 month and it stopped working, I always keep receipts and packaging after i buy any item, I boxed it up and took the DVD player to the shop were I purchased it. 2 years later no DVD player, I will not shop in Carrefour again, very rude staff, no customer care. DAVID

BUY FROM THE EAST – IT’S BAZAAR!

THE DARK CULTURE...

IN reply to the letters from John & Dave (see below) in the May 6 edition... forget Carrefour. (We did YEARS ago, at least for electrical goods. Buy from smaller local shops or the Chinese Bazaars. I bought a kettle in our local Chino, and the on/off switch stopped working after six weeks. We were instantly given a new one from the shelf!! We checked that it was

brand new and unused. Over the years we have bought a fax/phone and an iron from the shelves in Carrefour only to find that they had already been used, were faulty, and just repacked and returned to the shelves. Just don`t ask us the story regarding the hedge cutters! C WILLOUGHBY So, the hedge-cutters…? Ed.

THE Courier's story of the looka-like Ku Klux Klan reminded me of a visit to Granada many years ago during Easter Week. We'd observed from a distance all the processions over the week whilst we were otherwise engaged (drinking usually!). When it came to Maundy Thursday we decided to line up with everyone else on the streets to see it in all its glory. After waiting 'forever' for it to arrive, they turned out all the street lights, plunging us into darkness - then a group of 'Penitents' dressed in black moved silently on, accompanied by the single beat of a drum. We'd stood there for almost four hours only to witness something shuffling past us in the dark! It was my first taste of Spanish culture, it's a wonder I ever came back! HANWORTH, EILEEN Doña Pepa, Quesada What did you want them to do…a little dance? Ed.

THE PHONEY PHONE Co... I AM mailing you to suggest you investigate the situation between cancelling land line customers and Movistar. Many people are changing their phone and internet systems for infra-red setups etc. Portal Wymax, Telletec, and many others. These other systems tend to offer better value for money with lower costs and faster internet connections, to remote areas. The problems arise when the customer gives up their land line. Movistar do not seem to have the facility to deal with this and continue to bill the customer for line and phone rental. The web site offers no help to sort out the problems and, to English speakers, no facility to change the language whilst other, smaller, companies do. I for one am owed money by Movistar but cannot get a refund or sort out what they claim is my charge for phone rental. I would like you to investigate this as I know of many people who are suffering in silence, whilst Movistar are fraudulently taking money. PAUL HAWTIN. I think you’ll find that they are not criminals as such, just absolutely hopeless from top to bottom. Ed

CARREFOUR MAKE ME BOIL ...BUT NOT MY KETTLE! BOUGHT an electric kettle from Carrefour in Playa Flamenca some three years ago. After a year t stopped working so I took it back. I was told by an assistant who

was unbelievably rude, that the warranty was invalid. I then found another assistant who told me to take it to have it mended myself. To be treated in this man-

ner by an assistant from a multinational store beggars belief. Never again will I buy an item from this store. Buyer beware!

JOHN

Friday, May 20, 2011

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain four years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

George found that all the icons on his desktop had dis- Amanda was having trouble with her microphone when using Skype appeared. Hi Richard, can you help me with a problem please? The icons that are normally on my desktop seem to have disappeared? It used to be that when I started my computer I would have about 20 icons on the screen, "my computer", "recycle bin" and "Adobe Acrobat" were three that I particularly remember, however now there is nothing! Have I done something wrong or do I have a virus? I hope I don't have a virus as I am a pensioner and can't afford costly computer repairs.

Hi George, thanks for taking the time to email in. Without looking at your computer personally I cannot be sure whether this problem is related to a virus or not as there are a few that cause this type of behaviour, but let's start with the obvious stuff and hope that it's just something you have inadvertently pressed. Move your mouse pointer onto the blank desktop that you have and press the right hand mouse button, you will see a new menu appear, click on 'view' and then click 'show desktop icons', hopefully this will restore your icons.

Update. That seems to have done the trick Richard thank you very much!

FIXED FOR FREE: Paddy was having trouble with Skype quality on an old laptop and brought it along to the computer clinic Paddy had been using Skype for some time without a problem, however following a recent upgrade he found that every time he made a call (even if it was only to the call testing service) the quality was very poor with the sound being interrupted throughout. This is something that I have seen a few times before and seems to be related to laptops or computers that are older (and usually underpowered for modern software) with very little memory, coupled with the latest versions of Skype. What happens is that the processor is not able to cope with the demands of the software and the interrupted sound is created. What we did in this instance is download an older version of Skype, remove the new version and install the older version and the problem was fixed – back to crystal clear sound!

Thanks to Dave Waller for emailing in with an alternative solution to a fellow Dave who was having problems last week with his new laptop and its caps-lock key that refused to indicate whether it was activated or not. Dave Waller (too many Daves!) suggests a great alternative - go to Control Panel / Ease of Access Centre / Make the Keyboard Easier to Use – and then ‘tick’ the box marked “Turn on Toggle Keys”, once selected, every time you hit the caps-lock key the computer will give an audible beep to warn you of its operation.

Don’t forget that we have a computer clinic every Wednesday at Print Solutions shop in La Marina (Calle Londres, near the Pasty Shack) from 4pm to 6pm, bring along your computer, you never know you might get it fixed for free!

Hi Richard, I have just successfully installed a new Logitech webcam onto my computer and although it all seems to be working fine the microphone doesn't seem to be working, when I make Skype calls people tell me that they cannot hear me, can you help?

Q A

Hi Amanda, I am assuming that you are referring to the microphone inside the webcam you bought? Be assured that you are in good company, the majority of sound related questions that we are asked are related to Skype in some way or another. The first think that we need to do is to check whether Skype is set up to use your microphone, we can do this by launching Skype and clicking tools, options, you will be presented with a window of options, click on the 'audio settings' section on the left of the screen and you will see two important selections on the right - 'microphone' and 'speakers'. Here you need to ensure that you have the right items selected - if you can hear other people then you don't need to change the settings next to 'speakers' as they clearly work. Because you have a microphone issue you should click on the drop down list next to microphone and you should see Logitech microphone (as you have a Logitech webcam microphone), just ensure that this is selected and click 'save' at the bottom of the screen.

QUESTION: Amanda wanted to know what the difference was between Google Chrome and Internet Explorer

Q A

Hi Richard, my friends keep telling me that I should be using Google Chrome? What is it and do I need it?

Hi Amanda, Google Chrome is a web browser (something that you use to look at Internet pages), it is just an alternative to using Microsoft Internet Explorer, other alternatives include FireFox and Safari. Most people find that Google Chrome works a little quicker than other browsers so, in my opinion, yes its worth using, but only if you are not happy with the speed of Internet Explorer.

Read Richard’s fantastic computer page only in Jungle Drums Magazine.

OUT NOW office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Friday, May 20, 2011

Sampling Spain’s Seafood The noise, as ever in Spain, is enough to make me and photographer Mark Welton shout at each other (although that’s quite common…) to be heard – and we’re standing next to each other. We’ve been given access behind the scenes in the ‘Lonja’, the auction house where the day’s catch is sold to waiting buyers.

By DAVE BULL A CONVEYOR belt runs from our right and snakes its way in front of us in a line of blue fish trays; each piled high with some of the best seafood to be sold on the Mediterranean. The importance of Santa Pola as a Spanish fishing port and as the most important on the whole of the Med coast should not be underestimated. It is for this reason that buyers are prepared to travel from far and wide (Madrid, southern and northern Spain) to buy the best, either to sell on to customers in supermarkets or to dish up the finest Mediterranean cuisine in the top restaurants in Spain. Armed with what resembles a TV remote, the buyers click rather than shout their offer these days and the successful bidder will automatically have the produce labelled in his company’s name before it is loaded onto his lorry. This fusion of new meets old shows just why Santa Pola is held in such high esteem. For although fishing is the traditional life blood of the town, the fishing

industry realised a long time ago that technology would help rather than hinder the progress of the industry. As each tray passes along, not only can we see the fish in the flesh (so to speak) but also a large photo of its contents is then displayed on a screen along with a price, the name of the fish, and the trawler that caught it. It is from this information that the buyers from Corte Ingles, Mercadona and the like will base their decision. Serving the likes of the country’s top stores and restaurants, Santa Pola’s fishing industry (La Peix) has to make sure that its produce is of the very best quality, and presented in such a way in the trays that it allows the buyers to see as much of the fish as possible. A tray piled high but poorly displayed can cost a trawler a lot of money at the end of the day. By the same token, undersize and illegal fish can’t be allowed to go through the system as the laws against catching (and selling) undersize fish are now very strict in Europe and the town of Santa Pola has its reputation to think of.

If you still have the impression that this is small time, take a look at the figures, for this little fishing port right on our doorstep generates a turnover of more than 20 million euros each year – this is a serious business and the buyers endorse that. For although the smiles and pats on the back (what you’d expect to see in a trading house) are there, when the biding starts everyone gets down to business. Some days are good for the fishermen and others not so good. I spoke to one who explained that although you may be out in the boat and catching good-sized, quality fish all day, it doesn’t necessarily follow that it will sell for a high price when you reach land in the evening. If many boats have had a similar day and the buyers can see there is an abundance of a certain type of fish, the price will drop. Similarly sometimes the buyers just don’t want to buy what you have caught, meaning your earnings for the day are drastically affected. It’s a tough life being a fisherman, I don’t envy them one little bit…but I’m glad they do it …fish fingers just don’t compare…

Friday, May 20, 2011

SARD-DINNER-IA! Sardines are a cheap and healthy option so we’ve hooked together some lines on the best way to enjoy your catch (even if you did get it in the supermarket…)

SARDINE SALAD Ingredients •8 ounce sardines with bones •3 medium sized tomatoes •1 large cucumber •1/4 cup of sliced onion •15-ounce of chickpeas •2 tablespoons of sliced Kalamata olives •1/2 cup of crumbled feta cheese •3 tablespoons of lemon juice •1 minced clove of garlic •2 teaspoons of dried oregano •1/2 teaspoon of freshly ground pepper

SPICY SARDINES Ingredients •8 - 12 sardines •3 - 4 crushed garlic cloves •1/4 oz of fresh finely chopped parsley •1/2 cup of plain flour •2 tablespoon of lemon juice •4 tablespoon of vegetable oil •1/2 teaspoon of ground cumin •Salt and black pepper to taste Method of Preparation 1.Mix the garlic and parsley together to form a fine paste. 2. Spread the above mixture on the sardines

from inner and outer side. Also brush some lemon juice over it. 3. Now set the fish aside for 1-2 hours so as to let the flavours get absorbed completely. 4. Mix cumin, salt and black pepper in the flour and form a homogeneous mixture. 5. When the fish is ready, coat / roll it in the flour so that it is covered uniformly with it. 6. Heat the oil in a frying pan until very hot. 7. Slowly slide the fish in the oil one at the time fry only 2-3 fish at a time. 8. Fry for 5 minutes or until crisp and golden brown. 9. Serve with bread or as starters.

OUT ON THE 5th EVERY MONTH

•2 tablespoons of extra-virgin olive oil Method of Preparation 1.Cut the tomatoes, cucumber and sardines into large chunks. 2. Mix olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, oregano and pepper in a bowl and whisk. 3. Add all the other ingredients into it and mix well. 4. Lastly, toss to combine well, top with some cheese and serve! 5. This is one of the healthiest fish recipes for kids and adults.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Centro Citrus, Commercial and Urb. Horizonte In the heart of Playa Flamenca, about five minutes off the N332, you’ll find hidden two very popular and busy Commercial Centres, a varied collection of Businesses, all nationalities who are working together to create a place that’s interesting, comfortable and, of course, affordable. Let’s find out what’s happening at Centro Citrus Commercial and Urb. Horizonte... The Office Their motto new customers are not strangers but friends we’ve yet to meet, appropriate as The Office is your local in Spain, this bar is a great watering hole and meeting place with their popular quiz nights on Monday and Friday why don’t you get on down to Urb. Horizonte, Playa Flamenca for 9.30 p.m. And join the battle of the wits; meet new friends, Bill and staff always welcome new visitors. For those who are competitive there is a pool table and darts board or just enjoy a leisurely game. The Office also has a Golf Society, with a Pool and Darts League it is most certainly home for sports lovers, if your sport is watching football they cover all matches with a full length screen and TV’s within the bar you won’t miss a goal it’s the place to be, showing all live sports I’d say The Office has the ball in their court, there is also

internet facilities and free printing -yes free. Want to be part of a team, meet new friends or just a relaxing drink, visit the office, for friendly atmosphere and good company it’s a social occasion.

Rani’s Indian Restaurant Bar and Take Away

atmosphere and of course aroma of exotic spices and the finest Ingredients it’s little wonder Rani’s won the CoastRiders Culinary Award last year for Best Indian Restaurant .With the cosy Interior the restaurant features a large sun terrace, ideal for these long hot summer days, Rani’s motto ‘ a night to remember’ is very appropriate, for fun, laughter, good company and fantastic food Jaz and Rani will give you a warm welcome .Their early bird menu from 5.00 p.m. – 7.00 p.m.the 4 course meal at 7.95 euro’s is perfect for after work, there is also a 10 % discount on take-away orders over 20 euro or if vino is your tipple, you can opt for a free bottle of wine. The extensive menu features many traditional home style specialties. You can find them on facebook and as booking is advisable telephone 966 197 677 and let your taste buds sample the finest authentic Indian Cuisine. Open 7 days highly recommend for Curry Lovers.

Todo Loco Experience the taste of real India at the award winning Rani’s Indian Restaurant, a hidden treasure which is most certainly full of Eastern promise. With the chefs each bringing their own wealth of experience, ideas and flavours, blended together, it’s the winning combination their aim to serve authentic home cooked Indian Cuisine. With the relaxed settings, friendly warm

Whether it be Todo Loco or Poco Loco you’ll find two lively bars, friendly atmosphere and great food, go loco, ideal for laid back summer days and nights. Owned and run by Jim and Maria both bars are in the ideal location you’ll find the sun terraces always busy with regulars and visitors relaxing enjoying a glass of wine or cold beer. Todo Loco with its large terrace is a good choice for enjoying evenings with friends or family, situated in Urb Horizonte, Playa Flamenca opposite sister bar Poco Loco in Centro Citrus Commercial. Todo Loco now has a new impressive menu for summer, Tuesday night is ‘ Steak Night’ 2 x 8 oz rump steaks and a bottle of wine for only 12 Euros, the menu features Rack of BBQ Ribs, mixed grill for 2, beef burgers, T Bone, fillet or sirloin steak to name a few, tempted ! Yes and all at great value with Sunday Lunch at only 5 Euro. Book call 622788443. For live sports, breakfast, lunches and dinner go crazy at Poco Loco as it hosts all our favourites, stuffed spuds; meal deals any two for 9 Euros, served between 12 and 6 p.m. kids’ selection all at 4 Euros and homemade and traditional main meals. It’s no wonder they are popular haunts, there is something for everyone.

Friday, May 20, 2011 a great choice serving all family favourites its good value at 5 euro Sunday sees a packed house with the ever popular Sunday Lunch from 5 euro it’s advisable to book and served until 7 pm. For Breakfast, Lunch and evening meals, with a vegetarian menu and kids section your sure to be tempted, relax on the spacious sun terrace with family and friends and enjoy the atmosphere. Along with their regular Quiz on Tuesday evening, new for the summer season, starting this Sunday May 22nd TropBusters Quiz, Pop into the Bar for more details. Its eyes down Sunday and Thursday at 7 pm live entertainment at the weekend Friday 27th May Leo singing sounds of the 60s, 70, 80’s and vocalist/guitarist Karl James appearing at The Tropicana every Saturday from 28th May. It’s all happening at The Bar Tropicana Dave, Sue and the team hopes to see you soon.

Zest Hair and Beauty

Johnsons In the heart of the Centro Citrus Comercial, and well known to locals is Johnsons your local supermarket come Internet café proprietor Dave Kidd is no stranger to the area, having previously owned a bar within the centre therefore making this a regular meeting place for both friends old and new, since opening last November the drop-in style internet café has proven to be very popular. The café which is adjacent to the shop is ideal for morning coffee, lunches and snacks catch up with friends or enjoy some banter with Dave, Anne and Mo, a warm welcome awaits you. Whether it is a cold drink, glass of wine or maybe two, or be cool with a Slushy, relax on the terrace and enjoy the Summer heat. Along with Newspapers, magazines and UK postal service this busy shop stocks all our family favourites with a wide range of frozen foods, fresh bread daily, toiletries and gift ideas to name but a few. There is also a selection of books available at the lending Library or fancy a DVD browse through the latest movies you can hire. Not only is it home to the Internet there is printing and photocopying facilities, the mail box service gives customers the opportunity to collect their mail anytime throughout the week. Open 7 days make Johnsons your local convenience store.

Heidi

Heidi Frisor is a Scandinavian chain of hairdresser salons on the Costa Blanca. Their salon in Urb Horizonte, Playa Flamenca is popular with all nationalities. Since opening this friendly, bright salon has developed a good reputation for quality and service. Heidi has been hairdressing in Spain since 2000 and along with her fully qualified team which includes Monica and Mette, they are all experienced in many fields of hairdressing and have worked throughout Europe offering styling and coloring for ladies and gents. With the increase of Weddings Spain in addition to hairdressing they specialize in Bridal packages in collaboration with spaniabryllup.com. Packages include make-up, hair as well flowers, transportation and catering all requirements for that special day. For more details or for a consultation call into our salon either in Horizonte or Torrevieja check our website on www.heidifrisor.com or telephone 965 326 532.

Bar Tropicana Happy Days at The Bar Tropicana, Centro Citrus Commercial, Dave and Sue invite you along for the taste of tropical Paradise. This very busy Bar/Restaurant has so much to offer, every day all day is happy hour with all bottled beer only 1 euro and no dodgy spirits its premium spirits and mixers only 3.50. The lite bite menu is ideal for lunch or late afternoon snack with

June offering light snacks and a daily special or just relax with an ice cold beer on the terrace it’s a winner for locals and visitors.

The White Rose For whatever occasion The White Rose Restaurant Bar comes highly recommended whether it is the 3 course Sunday lunch which is served until 6 pm or from the main menu the fillet steak, mussels in white wine or nachos all excellent choices. The food is all freshly prepared and home-made. For Breakfast , lunch or evening meal the menu has a varied selection with starters, snacks, salads, fish dishes, pasta and main meals and of course for the sweet toothed delicious desserts and all at excellent value. The White Rose also has a special 3 course menu, served daily, choice of starter, main meal and dessert and includes a bottle of wine for two; the special menu at 15 Euros is available between 1 pm-6 pm or in the evening between 6 pm until 11 pm for 18 Euros. If you fancy a take away why not try a home-made pizza there is a choice of toppings.

Relax on the sun terrace and enjoy a leisurely drink, the cocktails a must for summer evenings, the menu features many of our favourites such as Pink Passion or Pina Colada or try the non alcohol from the menu ’safe sex on the beach’ . Try one of the many wines from the impressive wine list. There is also a Scandinavian menu serving lunch or dinner. For good service, friendly relaxed atmosphere this family run Restaurant situated at Centro Citrus Commercial is an ideal choice.

The Racin’ Toast On the upper level of Centro Citrus Commercial you’ll find Alan’s Racin Toast it’s a great place to hang out with friends while watching live sporting events including horse racing. . It’s a sure bet for these lazy summer days a popular meeting place why not try Sunday lunch which is great value at 5 Euros offering a choice of Pork, Beef, ham or Turkey served between 3 and 6 . The odds are favourite as punters can create their own traditional English breakfast all items 50 cents or choose one of the many lite bites from the menu which includes hot sandwiches, burgers Alan’s wee bite menu will be available from 1st week in

Get the look you want this summer and put some Zest into your life. With a full range of beauty treatment s and hairdressing services on offer from top to toe prepare you for these hot summer days and nights. Beauty therapist Emily is on hand with treatments which include waxing, nails, manicures, pedicures or treat your skin revitalize yourself with a luxury facial, or indulge in therapy spa body wrap along with a full range of hairdressing services for both ladies and gents and colour techniques using Italian colour Brands available by stylists Holly and the new welcomed addition to the team Sam. You can find this busy friendly salon on the upper level of Centro Citrus Commercial, where the fully qualified staff are waiting offering help and advice, why not book now for the holiday waxing package under arms, half leg, bikini and eyebrows at only 15 Euros great value feel good this summer call now on 965328550 to find out more about the excellent special offers which are currently available. The salon is also stockists for Max Factor make- up products, Revlon nail polishes and gets the Sun kissed look with a range of bronzers.

Friday, May 20, 2011

How’s your parking, fine? What ‘Multas’ are - and who hands them out By SPIKE

YOU may already know from personal experience just how odd the system of being awarded, (always seems a strange way of putting it) and receiving fines for motoring offences is here in Spain and it is not unheard of for car owners to receive notification of a fine (‘multa’) being issued through the post a good time after the alleged offence. Many drivers have complained that they can’t even remember a single motoring event several months previously and often the question of who was driving can be almost impossible to answer honestly. These fines are usually for speeding or parking offences, but can often be for other offences such as not wearing your seatbelt, not having your lights switched at night or in tunnels or for having defective equipment. Travelling with an unsafe load is one that stands out as many of my neighbours pick up their gas bottle and shopping on their small scooters…with the dog on board too.

More recently ‘cloning’ has become a major problem for police and car owners and someone somewhere is running around in a similar car a matching registration plate. These people often run around not caring whether they accumulate fines as they will never pay them, but the real owner has the headache of explaining that they we’re (possibly) kilometres away from home and clocking up

fines. You’ll be surprised (not) to learn that there have been an awful lot odd occasions where notifications were sent out in the post and reportedly never received by the car owners and often than leads to problems later on as the paperwork travels around the system and usually upon selling the vehicle that the owner quite innocently discovers that there are outstanding

fines to be paid. The kicker is that by then there are often further penalties for overdue payment of a fine that the car owner knew nothing about. When buying a second hand vehicle in Spain you need to be confident that the paperwork is correct as Spanish law dictates that any such fine is linked to the vehicle and new owners can find themselves liable for a number of outstanding fines unless things are checked properly. Basically the police forces take responsibility for different infractions and therefore the fines which to try and keep things simple its easiest to say that in general the various 'multas' come from parking fines (generally administered by the Policia Local and collected by the town’s Ayuntamiento) and speeding & motoring offences (generally handed out by the Guardia Civil and collected by the Dirección General de Tráfico). But remember that is a very general generalisation…

offers ten top driving tips to YOUR biggest risk of having a bad accident is within the first two years of passing your driving test. Follow these hints and you can reduce this risk. 1. After passing your test it will be strange to find an empty front passenger seat. The first time you drive take someone with you for support. Think seriously about displaying a `P' plate. 2. When you do have to drive completely alone, begin on roads that you know but remember to keep a road atlas in the car in case you get lost. 3. When you get your confidence, drive like you own the car, not the road!

NEW DRIVERS 4. You’ve learnt to drive and passed your test by sticking to the rules. Stay this way and you'll stay alive! So will your passengers and others on the road. 5. Your quick reactions won't always stop you having an accident. Spotting and responding to problems ahead in plenty of time will. 6. Drive in a way that suits your ability and the traffic conditions. It doesn't impress anybody if you drive fast in the wrong places and you could end up in a lot of trouble. 7. Have plenty of sleep, especially before

making a big journey and take plenty of rest breaks to restore your alertness. Listen to the radio for traffic reports and make sure you've enough fuel. 8. Fiddling with the radio or a cassette when your driving can be distracting, so can playing your sound system so loud that you can't hear the sirens of an emergency vehicle. 9. Give your mates a lift, but remember you're the driver so you're in control. Don't succumb to peer pressure. If they give you hassle, drop them off at a bus stop! 10. Keep your eyes moving but don't scare your passengers by turning your head away from the road ahead when talking to any of them!

YOU’RE ‘AVING A LARF!

Amusing motoring stories - some of them true...some hopefully not!

‘I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.’ The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one's exposure. One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds are caused by non-drunk drivers. Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and very fast. A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge said, ‘What will you take: 30 days or €30?’ The man thought and replied, ‘I think I'll take the money.’ A traffic policeman stops a woman and asks to see her driving licence. ‘’it says here that you should be wearing glasses when driving.’ ‘Well, replies the woman, I have contacts.’ ‘I don't care who you know, you’re still going to get a ticket.’ Motorist, But, officer, I was speeding because I'm late for an appointment with my lawyer. Policeman, Well, now you've got something else to tell him. An American trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. ‘I was only going 40!’ the driver protested. ‘Not according to my radar,’ the trooper said. ‘Yes, I was!’ the man shouted back. ‘No you weren't!’ the trooper said. With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, ‘Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking…’

OUT ON THE 5th EVERY MONTH

Friday, May 20, 2011

A show with a real soul! WELCOME to another week of great entertainment here on the Costa Blanca. Well, this week I’ve been asked to let you all know about a fantastic show that is appearing all over the Costas called The Saviours Of Soul. The show features three very talented individuals, Shirelle, JJ and Jimmy Mac who decided to get together in a tribute to the songs from the motion picture The Commitments. The group are already very well established solo artists here on the Costa Blanca but they wanted to put together something a little different and exciting from a normal tribute show. So after many months of hard work, The Saviours Of Soul are finally ready to hit the public. Shirelle, who plays the saxophone as well as doing vocals, was born in Scotland but starting her music career in Manchester back in 1992. She worked with big names like Jimmy James and the Vagabonds, Darts and the new Drifters before moving to Spain 11 years ago. JJ Soulman plays keyboards and vocals and is originally from Nottingham. He has been a singer for 25 years (even though he only looks 30!) and in addition to BBC performances has even released his own selfwritten CD. It was played on commercial radio and sold in HMV and Virgin music shops.

JJ also played live to 10,000 people at a Soul Festival headlined by Boney M before moving here 10 years ago. Jimmy Mac who features on guitar and vocals, is originally from Stirling in Scotland. He says he’s been in the business for 30 years but I’ve been told he was a musician at the last supper of Christ so he’s come along way since then! Jimmy has worked with the likes of Alvin Stardust, The Tremeloes and Ricky Tomlinson and even sang at Harrah’s in Las Vegas before moving to Spain eight years ago. The group’s unique and energetic three-hour spectacular features the amazing voice of Shirelle in 50s costume performing Connie Francis and Brenda Lee, then it’s on to stars like Dusty Springfield and Lulu, followed by Jimmy doing a tribute to the 60s era including songs by Billy Fury, Bobby Darin and Elvis. Then finally JJ takes to the stage to amaze us in his huge Afro, flares and platform boots with a special tribute to the disco era. After a short costume change The Saviours of Soul

then perform a fabulous 90-minute set of Commitments and soul classics with great favourites such as Mustang Sally, Nowhere to Run To, Try a Little Tenderness and Midnight Hour. This fantastic four shows in one is always a sell-out so be quick to book your seats for their next performance is at Quesada Country Club on Saturday May 28. Tickets are €12 including a meal so call 966 719 160 to make a reservation. Another great show you really must not miss is Kings, Queens and Diamonds. After the hilarious April shows with Johnny Zeller, Jukebox Promotions return to do a special music feature of Neil Diamond songs (sung by Noel Diamond) accompanied by the sounds of the Kings and Queens of popular music including Cliff, Dusty, Whitney, Tina, Freddy, Streisand, Elvis and many more. With two special Neil Diamond sets it will bring back all that’s great about this amazing songwriter and singer. It’s only a five-show tour and features Charles Prince as Noel Diamond and Freddy, Fiona McLean and Peter Day (Jukebox Legends). If you love Neil Diamond, Freddy Mercury and the great Kings and Queens, then you don’t want to miss this show. So check out the gig guide to see where your nearest venue is. Tickets are available at all venues at just €7.50 with a low-cost pre-show meal available at each event. And if you book 10 or more tickets then you get two tickets free!!! Well, that’s me finished for another week so if you’re a bar or an entertainer and want to appear in the gig guide, or you have any events coming up that you would like me to tell everyone about, then please contact me. My email is mandy@starsinbars.org or you can call me on 685302529 or just visit my website at www.starsinbars.org

Mandy

DATE

VENUE

ACT/ EVENT

OTHER INFO

FRIDAY 20th

Celtic Drop in Playa Flamenca Horacios in Las Mimosas Bonnies Bar in Pinoso Bar Rosa in Los Montesinos Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjas Mosquito’s Bar in La Florida Monty’s Bar in Montebello Los Belgas in Gran Alicant Cheers Bar in Eagles Nest The New Royal in Mazarron Don Gomez IV in Calasparra Abbey Tavern in La Florida Celtic Drop in Playa Flamenca Happy Days in Catral Pals Club in La Siesta Stray Sod in La Fuente Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjas La Batalla in Roldan Los Belgas in Gran Alicant Manga Norte Restaurant in La Manga Casa Nicolas in Altos del Limonar Judges Chambers in Playa Flamenca Las Naciones in Quesada The Club in Quesada

Cabaroke with Davy Jones Lynden B BJ Bluesman Steve Finn Debbie Slater Cabaroke with Bono Stars & Stripes Grease Tribute Terry Jay Lenny Mitchell Red Strokes Sunflower Valley

Starting at 10pm Comedy Show

Pablo’s International bar in La Florida Morgan’s Bar in Eagles nest Snug Bar in Torre de la Horredada Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjas Bar Liquid in Cabo Roig Casa Ventura in San Luis Celtic Drop in Playa Flamenca Casa Nicolas in Altos del Limonar

Cabaroke with Davy Jones Celena Deans J.J Soulman Cabaroke with Matt Christian Cabaroke with Bono Fun Music Quiz with Lynden Sunflower Valley Jukebox Legends & Ricky Valence

MONDAY 23rd

La Marina Sports Complex Pirate Bar in Playa Flamenca

Kings, Queens & Diamond Show Nick Barker

TUESDAY 24th

Inn at the green in Entre Naranjas Cheers Bar in Eagles Nest Bar Rosa in Los Montesinos Celtic Drop in Playa Flamenca Olympia in Mil Palmeras Marina Sol Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjas Montes Bar in Los Montesinos Abbey Tavern in La Florida Restaurant La Boca in Playa Los Locos Cheers bar In Eagles Nest Nia Bar in Torrevieja Paddy’s Point in La Zenia Rocajuna in Punta Prima Inn at the Green in Entre Naranjas Berny D’arcys in La Fuente Stray Sod in La Fuente O’Neills in San Miguel The Priory in El Galan

Kens Quiz Nikki G Quiz night with Darren James Cut loose Kings, Queens & Diamond Show Terry Jay Crazy Bingo with Spike Fun Music Quiz Celena Deans B.J Bluesman Quiz Night Jukebox Legends Sunflower Valley Kings, Queens & Diamonds Show Fun Music Quiz with Lynden B Cutloose Celena Deans Sunflower Valley Lenny Mitchell

SATURDAY 21st

SUNDAY 22nd

WEDNESDAY 25th

THURSDAY 26th

Cabaroke with Davy Jones Tony Lincoln Lynden B Sunflower Valley Kirsten Mackay Celena Deans Tina Turner Tribute Lenny Mitchell Jukebox Legend Terry Jay Nick Barker Dusty Springfield & Everly Bros Tributes

Starting at 10pm Starting at 10pm Comedy Show Starting at 10pm

Starting at 10pm

Starting at 8pm Starting at 8pm

Starting at 5pm Starting at 10.30pm Starting at 8.30pm tickets €8 Starting at 8.30pm Starting at 9.30pm Starting at 9pm

Starting at 10pm Starting at 8.30pm Starting at 4pm Starting at 9pm Starting at 9.30pm

Starting at 8.30pm Starting at 10.30pm Starting at 8.30pm

Starting at 10pm Starting at 9.30pm

Friday, May 20, 2011

HOT GOSSIP THE drummer with the legendary 'Another Brick in the Wall' hitmakers is pleased to be unveiling remastered versions of their 14 albums, as well as multi-disc sets containing many alternate takes and unreleased tracks, and one particular version of their song 'Wish You Were Here', recorded with late violin virtuoso Stephane Grappelli particularly sparked his interest. He said: "I had assumed it had been lost. The incredible thing is that [another violinist] Yehudi Menuhin was there as well. Someone plucked up the courage to ask them both if they'd like to play something on the record. Stephane absolutely was up for it and I think Yehudi would have liked to, but he's not

Pink Floyd's Nick Mason 'assumed' recordings had been lost

an improviser and I think he just felt he couldn't do it." Nick, 67, also feels the mammoth set of reissues - under the banner Why Pink Floyd? ' will be the last time the band physically release material, before downloaded music eclipses other formats. He added: "There is a slight sense that we are coming to the end of the period where people will buy the physical record with all the packaging and the information and so on. "I think it's really important to try and have a last go at that, because if we do end up just downloading everything from now on it would be a shame if there wasn't on record all that good artwork and the things that went with it."

TKO NEWS TKO will be at the This Is Spain Exhibition on the 26th, 27th and 28th May Join TKO on Sunday the 5th of June with Maria & the Pink Ladies' A 5km charity walk and fun day in aid of Breast Cancer Awareness and in association with the Ayuntamiento Orihuela Costa. All proceeds go to the AECC. It all starts at 10.30 with lots of entertainment from local bands and artist and TKO DJ's.

TKO Gold Featured Artist RAY LA MONTAGNE The mystery man of the American music scene is one of the most talented singer songwriters to come out of USA for some time. Ray LaMontagne was born in Nashua, New Hampshire, in 1973 to a constantly traveling mother and a violent musician father who abandoned the family during Ray's childhood. Because of his father's background in music, LaMontagne refrained from most musical activity, instead spending much of his time reading fantasy novels. Having left home straight after leaving school he eventually settled in Maine. His decision to pursue a career in music was attributed to him hearing a Steven Stills song. LaMontagne began touring in 1999, but had to wait until 2004 to release his critically acclaimed album Trouble. He has since released a further three albums and TKO Gold featured his last single Repo Man as Future Gold Track. His haunting and beautifully subtle voice really is a total joy to hear. Check out his latest album God Willin And The Creek Don´t Rise. It´s a stunning mix of blues, ballads and rock and TKO Gold can´t recommend it enough.

WIN A MEAL FOR TWO AND WINE AT QUESADA FISH & CHIPS Pop Quiz May 20 1. Who had a hit, in 1995, with Wake Up Boo? 2. Which band had hits with Viva Bobby Joe and Baby Come Back? 3. Which group featured Dave Grohl on drums and a singer who committed suicide? 4. supergroup had a hit with Fanfare For The Common Man? 5. Which hairtastic band had a hit with Ooh To Be Ah? 6. Which band had their only UK top 10 hit with Calling All The Heroes? 7. Gwen Stefani sang lead vocals for which band? 8. Who was Only 24 Hours From Tulsa?

FIND THE KEY WORD AND TO TAKE PART LISTEN TO CHRIS ASHLEY’S SHOW ON TKO GOLD, 8AM TO 11AM EVERY MONDAY. CHRIS WILL ASK YOU TO TEXT OR EMAIL IN THE KEY WORD AND THE WINNER OF THIS WEEK’S ANSWER WILL BE ANNOUNCED.

Friday, May 20, 2011

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week's puzzle, 7 represents J and 12 represents Y, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across 1 Bewilderment (9) 8 Repairs (11) 9 Test (5) 10 Boat (5) 12 Proprietor (5) 14 Direction (5) 15 Estimated (11) 17 Courier (9)

Down 2 View (7) 3 Deadly (5) 4 Bright (5) 5 Possess (3) 6 Poignant (9) 7 Men of refinement (9) 11 Bravery (7) 13 Accommodation (5) 14 Time in power (5) 16 Pastry (3)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Snaps, 4 Straw, 6 Ant, 7 Spill, 8 Ounce, 10 Tap, 12 Idea, 14 Peas, 15 Ratio, 16 Rent, 18 Tale, 20 Act, 22 Doing, 23 Roman, 24 Era, 25 Gases, 26 Pedal. Down: 2 Arise, 3 Salt, 4 Stop, 5 Range, 7 Stirred, 9 Eastern, 11 Attic, 13 Art, 14 Pot, 17 Nails, 19 Aimed, 20 Ages, 21 Trap.

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 South Staffordshire town is finely contoured (5) 4 Staff, with time, succeed (6) 9 Still be apologetic going round for money (7) 10 Stamp, as taken in part fare (5) 11 Pastimes held in the network (4) 12 Note ever so badly written using too many words (7) 13 Colour seen in Mogadishu evening sky (3) 14 Skilful Latin in Lincoln (4) 16 Done in the shape of a lump (4) 18 Play part of a rabid cat (3) 20 Not all right in a dose of medicine (7) 21 Long to be accepted by teachers (E) 24 Run more (5) 25 War returning? Conceal television series (7) 26 Petrified sacred ruins (6) 27 Enormous soldier ant (5)

Down 1 Crustacean is quiet either side of the border (6) 2 Leaves left off the roof (5) 3 Sort of affectionate (4) 5 A mother, for example, welcomes parking that’s clear (8) 6 Take off nasty scab on poor Don (7) 7 In high spirits knock a beer back with Edward (6) 8 Research delivers? No sir (5) 13 Tradition handed down from their peculiar era (8) 15 Tear bit off cleric’s cap (7) 17 Leading by lots of games in a tennis match dismays (6) 18 King George in any cross (5) 19 ‘God without end’ admitting church is fake (6) 22 Break the chain or the porcelain (5) 23 Employee’s wage packet contains stolen goods (4)

STANDARD CLUES

Down 1 Edible crustacean (6) 2 Roof overhang (5) 3 Type (4) 5 Obvious (8) 6 Run away (7) 7 Ecstatic (6) 8 Look into (5) 13 Legacy (8) 15 Catholic cleric’s headgear (7) 17 Distresses (6) 18 Annoyed (5) 19 Dishonesty (6) 22 Tableware (5) 23 Loot (4)

Across 1 Smooth (5) 4 Get by (6) 9 Income (7) 10 Italian food (5) 11 Net (4) 12 Talkative (7) 13 Shade (3) 14 Capable (4) 16 Lump (4) 18 Do something (3) 20 Segment (7) 21 Dull pain (E) 24 Additional (5) 25 Buckskin (7) 26 Frightened (6) 27 Huge (5)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Tipples, 5 Fable, 8 Meant, 9 Lookout, 10 Sentiment, 12 Ebb, 13 Regime, 14 Create, 17/22 Jet lag, 18 Hindsight, 20 Icicles, 21 Folio, 23 Exert, 24 Delight. Down: 1 Tombs, 2 Pea, 3 Lithium, 4 Solder, 5 Front, 6 Boomerang, 7 Eatable, 11 Night-time, 13 Rejoice, 15 Restful, 16 Unused, 18 Holst, 19 Trout.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Act Add Ago All Arc Are Art Ash Bay Bin Dew Dot Dye Ear End Gin Ham

Has Ice Ill Let Lid Met Net Odd Old One Ore Per Pub Ran Row Run Sat Sea

5 letter words See Apart Set Aunts Shy Cones Sir Inner Tan Issue Toe Least Try Legal Use Lemon Yes Lorry 4 letter words Sauce Atom Sugar Bony Teeth Late 6 letter words Poor Admire Stem Desire Such Ironed Trip Leaped Yarn

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Chestnut (fruit) (7) 5 Dose (of medicine) (5) 8 Scotland (7) 9 Smooth (skin, hair) (5) 10 April (5) 11 Respuestas (7) 12 Sagrado (6) 14 Jardín (6) 17 Snail (7) 19 Fishing (5) 22 Stage (phase) (5) 23 Postman (7) 24 Place (5) 25 Southeast (7)

Down 1 Cream (5) 2 To take out (5) 3 Mayor (7) 4 Spiders (6) 5 Escritorios (muebles) (5) 6 Alga (7) 7 Hijastro (7) 12 Éxito (buen resultado) (7) 13 Grosella (7) 15 To suck in (air or dust) (7) 16 Relojes (6) 18 Nail (metal) (5) 20 Tallos (de flores) (5) 21 Arriba (5)

Friday, May 20, 2011 Across 7 From the Latin for ‘plunderer’, what name is often given to a bird of prey such as an eagle, hawk, falcon or owl? (6) 8 Which city is the capital of Mali? (6) 10 According to Greek mythology, what was the name of a fire-breathing female monster with a lion’s head, a goat’s body and a serpent’s tail? (7) 11 By what nickname are the team that plays at home at White Hart Lane normally known? (5) 12 Vientiane is the capital of which landlocked country in southeast Asia? (4) 13 Which British pop group’s hits include Stay With Me, Cindy Incidentally and Pool Hall Richard? (5) 17 Which Belgian town in the province of West Flanders was the scene of some of the bitterest fighting of World War I? (5) 18 Which early 20th-century international movement in art, literature, music, and film, repudiated and mocked artistic and social conventions and emphasised the illogical and absurd? (4) 22 What was the married name of the Australian tennis player who, in 1970, became the second woman to win the grand slam of singles titles? (5) 23 Which violent windstorm is characterised by a twisting, funnel-shaped cloud? (7) 24 On which river does the Lancashire town of Preston, stand? (6)

SUDOKU

Quiz Word

25 Who, according to Shakespeare, was the female ‘starcrossed’ lover? (6) Down 1 What was the name of Bram Stoker’s Transylvanian vampire? (7)

2 What is the fifth letter of the Greek alphabet? (7) 3 What name is often given to a pleasant shady place under trees or climbing plants in a garden or wood? (5) 4 What is the name of the channel separating Tasmania from the mainland of Australia? (4,3) 5 Which is the longest river of the Iberian peninsula? (5) 6 What was the surname of the English-born composer whose best known work was his orchestral suite The Planets? (5) 9 Giovanni Antonio Canal was the real name of which 17th/18th century Venetian painter? (9) 14 Which implement with a broad, flat, blunt blade is used for mixing and spreading things, especially in cooking and painting? (7) 15 Named after a Greek scholar, which tropical herbaceous plant of the daisy family, has showy orange or yellow flowers? (7) 16 What was the name of the medium-paced French dance that was popular in the 18th century? (7) 19 Which earthy pigment contains ferric oxide, typically with clay, and varies from light yellow to brown or red? (5) 20 What was the title of Walt Disney’s 1941 cartoon film, starring an elephant that could fly? (5) 21 What was the surname of the Austrian neurologist who was the founder of psychoanalysis? (5)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH Deportes-Sports

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch. (Answers below) 1. futbol, 2. tenis, 3. natacion,

19. buceo, 20. balonmano,

m. waterpolo, n. gymnastics,

4. baile, 5. aerobica, 6. lucha,

21. judo, 22. equitacion.

o. table tennis, p. wrestling,

7 .tenis de mesa, 8. gimnasia, 9.

1. Jonathan Edwards 2. Cricket 3. Darts (180) 4. Jimmy Connors 5. 7 Times 6. Never 7. 12 Feet 8. Athens , Amsterdam , Antwerp & Atlanta 9. Mohammed Ali 10. He Bit Off Evander Hollyfields Ear

ANSWERS

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across:7 Au pair, 8 Panama, 10 Cortege, 11 Suede, 12 Shag, 13 Queen, 17 Robin, 18 Nave, 22 Rabat, 23 Rain Man, 24 Plains, 25 Castle. Down: 1 J’accuse, 2 Sporran, 3 Vixen, 4 Parsley, 5 Oates, 6 Manet, 9 Pecuniary, 14 Lofting, 15 Mammoth, 16 Tenniel, 19 Crypt, 20 U-boat, 21 Wigan.

ciclismo, 10. baloncesto,

A. judo, b. swimming, c. sailing,

11. voleibol, 12. atletismo,

d. tennis, e. horse riding,

13. patinaje, 14. boxeo,

f. football, g. rugby, h. dancing,

15. polo aquatico, 16. rugby,

i. handball, j. hang-gliding,

17. vela, 18. parapente,

k. skating, l. aerobics,

MB I J A P R P A N B L E B B UNA X UUUCZ OV OQOC K MN L GC I D A I OB U X N CDK B OB Y T F CL T I E Y QI Y OONL OS A E UT OO L T CRNE CRJ T I F A L Y P UE L T A OE GA B K COO A A C I I QMC S N OMI P U R S S H B S S N I T L MOH U WM E R A I M B O T O T N P E O B O M N WL O D L A WP J A E T N E P A R A P MA U F I A U F T GI MN A S I A B QL C E J A NI T A P B A I L E A U N Y O E C U B J U D O V I WD Soduko

Span - Eng

s. athletics, t. boxing, u. deep sea diving, v. cycling. Answers: 1f, 2d, 3b, 4h, 5l, 6p, 7o, 8n, 9v, 10q, 11r, 12s, 13k, 14t, 15m, 16g, 17c, 18j, 19u, 20i, 21a, 22e.

sports QUIZ 1. Which British athlete's autobiography is entitled (A Time To Jump)? 2. The Duckworth Lewis Method Is Used To Keep The Score In Which Sport? 3. In The Game Of Darts How Much Would You Have Scored If You Achieved A "Tic Tac Toe"? 4. Which Tennis Player Won Wimbledon Twice With An 8 Year Gap Between Victories? 5. How Many Times Do Entrants Hurdle The Water Jump In The Steeplechase? 6. How many times did stirling moss win the world championship? 7. In Feet How Long Is The Length Of A Full Size Snooker Table? 8. Name The 4 Cities Beginning With The Letter A That Have Hosted The Summer Olympics? (PFE) 9. Who In The World Of Sport Was Known As "The Louisville Lip"? 10. Why was Mike Tyson fined $3 million by the boxing association in 1997?

q. basketball, r. volleyball,

AEROBICA

JUDO

AQUATICO

LUCHA

ATLETISMO

MESA

BAILE

NATACION

BALONCESTO

PARAPENTE

BALONMANO

PATINAJE

BOXEO

POLO

BUCEO

RUGBY

CICLISMO

TENIS

EQUITACION

VELA

FUTBOL

VOLEIBOL

GIMNASIA Quizword

Fill It In

Friday, May 20, 2011

Horoscopes

I MUST STOP WOMANISING PLEASE HELP Dear Tia Maria I am a 45-year-old male and am having real problems with getting very drunk and ending up in bed with lots of different women!!! A dream come true for some blokes I am sure, but you know, not me! I hate this behaviour about myself and want it to stop. I am feeling really sad as my wife of 20 years has left me for another woman and I am struggling

with this! Any suggestions as to what I could do. Cheers, David Hi there Do you think that after 20 years of being married to a woman, who has now left you for another woman, you are trying to prove to yourself that you are still a man and that you are still sexually attractive? The drinking you have to take responsibility for, this can be easier said than done and there are lots of support groups to help you

with this. Do you think you are going out so you don’t have to be home alone? You are aware of your behaviour and you don’t like it, so it’s time to take control, maybe go and get some support and you seem to be going through a grieving process and talking through this with a therapist could be the support you need. Hope this helps Tia Maria

intent to sell. This was not the case, I swear. It was a small amount of cannabis for a party I was going to. I am going to have to go to Court, I am so scared that my family will find out as they are very strong Catholics and will be deeply saddened by my involvement with drugs; they will never see it as a bit of fun that has gone horribly wrong. What am I going to do?

A REAL DOPE

Dear reader, You are in a very difficult situation, as hard as it is and as difficult as it is, your family would rather hear this news from you, rather than reading it in the local paper. This is your opportunity to show them that you do take responsibility for you actions and behaviour. You can tell them that it was supposed to be a little bit of fun that has gone very wrong. By doing this you are in control of what they hear first. If you leave it you will always worry about coming home as to what you are coming home to. I am sure they will be very upset but you can get through this together. Good Luck.

Dear Tia Maria I can’ state my name as I am too ashamed that someone might realise who I am. I have recently been arrested for possession of drugs with

K9 Club Puppies Of The Week

By Pandora Aries March 21 - April 19 One man cannot make himself into an army of super-strength midgets. No matter what his budget. Continually turning around in a circle is not a good way to avoid seeing the horrors you have created.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 Hexes may impair your vision today if you attempt to cross an invisible boundary. You will get an important phone call today, but you won't be able to find a pen to write down the message

Gemini May 21 - June 20 Avoid serious questions wherever possible today and TIE YOUR SHOES DAMMIT! Take a coat today as you'll need it if it rains or becomes slightly colder than usual. Or if you happen to be caught out whilst parading naked around your local shopping centre.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 When walking down the street, trying not to step on the cracks in the stone, you must take care to avoid all steaming piles. Cysts are a sign of overworking as much as anything else. Relax today whilst a loved one lances your soppiest boils

Leo July 23 - August 22 Today will be a day like any other. Armchair politicians will affect your life today as they rise from their dank pits and begin to conquer the known world.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Life throws us all crazy things now and then. Like swords made of ham. And dogs on skateboards. Bread, lightly cooked, buttered. This horoscope was sponsored by Toast.

Libra September 23 - October 22 Screaming "Death to the Infidel!" as you're walking through busy airports or shopping centres will leave you with bruises in special places.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21

These 3 cross Jack Russell pups were brought into our charity shop by a distraught couple on holiday that had found them in a box by the side of the road. They are approx 12 weeks and ready for adoption. Phone: 611 606 001 Email: k9club@lamarina.info www.petsinspain.info

When aiming for greatness, set your sights to "better than greatness"...and when you fail like a miserable shit, you'll at least be able to blame it on trying too hard. Paper with little squiggles on it will find its way into your pocket today.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 The future is what you make of it - and if it's anything like what you made of the rest of your life, I'd consider buying in materials for the nuclear winter. Find some candles, tonight will be filled with darkness.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Sleep deprivation can affect you negatively today, so ensure you murder all the dogs in your area for a guaranteed good night's kip. Love makes the world go round, and peaches make a very nice accompaniment to sweet corn.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 Any satisfaction you had about not having a police record, may be undone today. Ensure your blood stays within your system today by not venturing further than your refrigerator.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 You won't be hospitalised today, but things may not go as planned Hilarity may ensue this week if you decide to hire a clown on Thursday night.

Friday, May 20, 2011

WHATâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ON THE TELLY..? Have I Got News for You?

EastEnders

BBC 1 Friday, May 20th, 10:00pm to 10:30pm Team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop are joined by a guest host and guest panellists.

BBC 1 Monday, May 23rd, 9:00pm to 9:30pm As an exhausted Dot re-adjusts to home life with Jim, her friendship with Edward hits rocky ground. Michael plays dirty to manipulate Jack against Ronnie, and Christian makes an ill-advised attempt to reach out to Zainab. Patrick faces a nasty shock on his return home from holiday.

Britain's Got Talent

Coronation Street

ITV1 Saturday, May 21st, 9:00pm to 10:00pm With just one week to go before the judges have to choose their semi-finalists, the race is on to find an act fit for the Royal Variety Performance. Will any of today's hopefuls manage to impress panellists Michael McIntyre, Amanda Holden and David Hasselhoff? Hosted by Ant and Dec.

ITV1 Thursday, May 26th, 9:30pm to 10:00pm John is horrified by Fiz's revelation. David's frustration mounts at Kylie's reluctance to try to get her son back. Will Sally accept Jeff's proposal?

Friday 20th May 00:35 This Week 01:25 Track My Trash: Panorama 01:55 Countryfile 02:55 Antiques Roadshow 03:55 Neighbourhood Watched 04:40 Great British Railway Journeys 05:10 BBC News 05:30 Hard Talk 06:00 The World Today 06:30 World Business Report 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Cash in the Attic 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Copycats 16:35 Sam & Mark's Guide to Dodging Disaster 16:40 Wingin' It 17:00 Remote Control Star 17:30 All Over the Place 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Weakest Link 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 A Question of Sport 22:00 Have I Got News for You 22:30 Outnumbered 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Graham Norton Show BBC2 00:20 The Review Show 01:05 Children's Craniofacial Surgery 02:05 The Culture Show 03:05 BBC News 03:30 The Record 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Our World 05:00 BBC News 05:10 Close 07:00 Wibbly Pig

07:10 Penelope 07:15 Toddworld 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:40 Octonauts: Creature Reports 07:45 Charlie and Lola 08:00 Natural Born Hunters 08:25 Newsround 08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie 08:40 League of Super Evil 08:50 Frankenstein's Cat 09:00 Wait for It! 09:35 LazyTown 10:00 Bob the Builder 10:10 The Koala Brothers 10:20 Guess with Jess 10:35 Big & Small 10:45 Buzz and Tell 10:50 Big Cook Little Cook 11:10 Timmy Time 11:20 Nuzzle and Scratch11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 The Pink Panther Show 13:00 Daily Politics 13:30 GMT with George Alagiah 14:00 Diagnosis Murder 14:45 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:15 Animal 24:7 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 Pointless 18:15 Show Me the Monet 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great British Menu 20:00 Windfarm Wars 21:00 Petworth House - The Big Spring Clean 21:30 Gardeners' World 22:00 Dirk Gently 23:00 Frank Skinner's Opinionated 23:30 Newsnight

00:35 The Last Word 01:05 Grimefighters 01:30 The Zone 03:30 The True Cost of a Car: Tonight 04:00 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 Britain's Best Dish 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Baboons with Bill Bailey 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Paul O'Grady Live 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 The Cube

DIRK GENTLY Drama, starring Stephen Mangan as Douglas Adams' holistic detective, who focuses on the interconnectedness of all things. An investigation into the case of a missing cat is found to be linked to a chance encounter with an old friend, an explosion in a warehouse, a plate of biscuits and a billionaire who has disappeared. With Darren Boyd, Helen Baxendale and Jason Watkins.

00:05 The Secret Millionaire 01:10 JD Set Presents 01:25 4Play: Mona 01:40 4Play: Grinderman 01:55 The Model Agency 02:50 Dispatches: The Truth About Going Under the Knife 03:45 Unreported World 04:10 Barbarians 05:10 Wild Thing I Love You 06:00 Wogan's Perfect Recall 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:25 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 Frasier 09:55 Jo Frost: Extreme Parental Guidance 10:55 Location, Location, Location 11:55 A Place in the Sun 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 River Cottage Every Day 14:05 3 Minute Wonder: Good to Know 14:10 Icons 14:25 Dragoon Wells Massacre 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Unreported World 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 A Place in the Sun 22:00 The Million Pound Drop Live 23:25 That Peter Kay Thing 23:55 PhoneShop

00:05 Banged Up Abroad 01:05 SuperCasino 05:05 Meals in Moments 05:15 Colin and Justin's How Not to Decorate 05:55 Rough Guide to Cities 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The Beeps 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Rupert Bear 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Olivia 09:50 The WotWots 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:05 Warship 13:05 The Family Recipe 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Law & Order 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Vanessa Show 16:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 16:15 Seventeen and Missing 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 Fifth Gear 21:00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 22:00 The Mentalist 23:00 Law & Order

Saturday 21st May 00:20 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 00:30 Ransom 02:25 The One Show 03:30 Monty Don's Italian Gardens 04:30 The Hairy Bikers: Mums Know Best 05:30 Five Minutes With 06:00 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 Football Focus 13:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 13:10 Formula 1: The Spanish Grand Prix - Qualifying 15:15 Live Challenge Cup Rugby League 17:35 Don't Scare the Hare 18:10 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 18:35 So You Think You Can Dance Live 19:45 Doctor Who 20:30 So You Think You Can Dance 20:55 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins 21:45 Casualty 22:35 John Bishop's Britain 23:05 BBC News; Weather 23:25 Déjà Vu BBC2 00:00 00:50 01:55 03:35 04:00 04:30 04:45 05:00 05:30 06:55

The Review Show Later with Jools Holland The Wave The Weather Show BBC News Click Newswatch BBC News Close Wibbly Pig

07:10 Penelope 07:15 Toddworld 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Charlie and Lola 08:00 Space Hoppers 08:30 Arthur 08:55 Shaun the Sheep 09:00 Little Howard's Big Question 09:25 Prank Patrol Down Under 10:00 Dick & Dom Go Wild 10:30 Serious Explorers: Livingstone 11:00 Relic: Guardians of the Museum 11:30 League of Super Evil 11:40 Wolverine and the X-Men 12:00 Mortified 12:25 OOglies 12:40 MOTD Kickabout 13:00 It Happened One Night 14:40 Diagnosis Murder 15:25 Escape to the Country 16:25 Two Greedy Italians 17:25 The Heroes of Telemark 19:30 Flog It! 20:30 Dad's Army 21:00 Operation Mincemeat 22:00 Have I Got a Bit More News for You 22:45 Our 'Enry: A Tribute to Sir Henry Cooper 23:30 Cinderella Man

00:35 Take Me Out 01:35 The Zone 03:35 In Plain Sight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Mini CITV 08:25 CITV 09:25 House Gift 10:25 Coronation Street 12:45 This Morning: Saturday 13:40 ITV News and Weather 13:44 Meridian Weather 13:45 You've Been Framed! 14:15 Carry On Screaming 16:05 Moonraker 18:25 Meridian News and Weather 18:35 ITV News and Weather 18:50 New People Do the Funniest Things 19:45 Sing If You Can 21:00 Britain's Got Talent 22:00 Piers Morgan's Life Stories: Des O'Connor 23:00 ITV News and Weather 23:14 Meridian Weather 23:15 Tightrope

CARRY ON SCREAMING This is one of the finest entries in Britain's most popular comedy series. Mocking that other bastion of British cinema in the 1960s, the Hammer horror film, Talbot Rothwell's script positively bristles with classic oneliners, the most memorable being Kenneth Williams's gleeful "Frying tonight!" as he sinks into a bubbling cauldron.

00:30 The Ricky Gervais Show 01:00 Comedy Gala: Best Bits 02:05 Foo Fighters: A New Light 02:30 My Name Is Earl 03:15 Ugly Betty 04:05 Barbarians 05:05 Wild Thing I Love You 06:00 Wogan's Perfect Recall 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 British Formula 3 International Series 08:25 The Grid 08:55 The Morning Line 09:50 Friends 10:20 Koko Pop 10:50 Friends 11:30 Gaga's Monsters 12:20 Glee 13:20 The Big Bang Theory 14:20 That Paralympic Show 14:55 Channel 4 Racing 17:00 Come Dine with Me Down Under 19:30 Channel 4 News 19:55 4thought.tv 20:00 The Restoration Man 21:00 River Cottage Heroes 22:00 The Million Pound Drop Live 23:20 Far from Heaven

00:00 The Walking Dead 01:00 SuperCasino 05:05 Motorsport Mundial 05:30 Fifth Gear 05:55 Rough Guide to Eco Escapes 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Fireman Sam 07:40 Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 07:50 The Beeps 08:00 Mio Mao 08:10 Chiro 08:15 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 08:30 Noddy in Toyland 08:40 Hana's Helpline 08:50 Milkshake! Music Box 09:00 Little Princess 09:10 Milkshake! Show Songs 09:15 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:30 Gerald McBoing Boing 11:00 Meals in Moments 11:10 Family Food Fight 11:40 The Gadget Show 12:40 Extreme Fishing with Robson Green - At the Ends of the Earth 13:40 Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 14:40 A Lawless Street 16:15 Gunsmoke 17:50 The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen 19:45 5 News Weekend 19:50 NCIS 20:40 CSI: Grissom's Greatest 21:35 CSI: Miami 22:35 CSI: NY 23:35 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Sunday 22nd May 01:20 Judgment Night 03:10 BBC News 03:30 HARDtalk 04:00 BBC News 05:30 Click 06:00 BBC News 06:30 The Record Europe 07:00 Breakfast 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 The Big Questions 12:00 The Politics Show 12:00 Weather for the Week Ahead 13:10 Formula 1: The Spanish Grand Prix Live 16:15 Life of Riley 16:45 Bargain Hunt 17:15 Points of View 17:30 Songs of Praise 18:05 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 18:30 Final Score 19:15 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2011 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 British Academy Television Awards 23:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 23:25 Match of the Day BBC2 01:45 02:50 04:00 07:00 07:10

Later with Jools Holland The Set-Up Close Wibbly Pig Penelope

07:15 Toddworld 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Charlie and Lola 08:00 Space Hoppers 08:30 Arthur 08:55 Shaun the Sheep 09:00 Gimme a Break 09:30 Me and My Monsters 09:55 Friday Download 11:00 Something for the Weekend 12:30 Great British Menu 13:00 Escape to the Country 13:45 Priceless Antiques Roadshow 14:15 EastEnders 16:10 Live Challenge Cup Rugby League 18:30 Obama: The Andrew Marr Interview 19:00 Coast 19:10 Richard Hammond's Engineering Connections 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 Britain's Secret Seas 22:00 Louis Theroux: Miami Mega Jail 23:00 Zodiac

01:25 The Zone 03:30 In Plain Sight 04:20 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Mini CITV 08:25 CITV 09:25 May the Best House Win 10:25 Dickinson's Real Deal 11:25 Sing If You Can 12:40 This Morning: Sunday 13:40 Dinner Date 14:35 ITV News and Weather 14:49 Meridian Weather 14:50 Columbo: Suitable for Framing 16:20 Britain's Got Talent 17:20 Back to the Future Part III 19:30 Meridian News and Weather 19:45 ITV News and Weather 20:00 The Cube 21:00 Vera 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:14 Meridian Weather 23:15 The Life and Loss of Karen Woo

XX Jeremy Clarkson puts the Renaultsport Twingo 133 through a stringent examination in Belfast - with a helping hand from actor Ross Kemp. Richard Hammond samples the delights of airport vehicle racing, and James May takes the Vauxhall Insignia VXR for a drive in the company of Margaret Calvert, whose ideas were central to the design of modern British road signs

01:30 Swimfan 02:55 Friday Night In 03:05 King Pylon 03:10 The Wrong Turn 03:15 The Dead Zone 03:55 Hill Street Blues 04:45 Ugly Betty 05:30 Wild Thing I Love You 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 That Paralympic Show 08:25 Freesports on 4 08:55 Friends 09:45 Hollyoaks 12:20 Being N-Dubz in America and Beyond 12:55 Glee 13:55 The Simpsons 14:55 Jamie's 30 Minute Meals 17:30 Deal or No Deal 18:30 Time Team 19:30 Channel 4 News 19:55 4thought.tv 20:00 Come Dine with Me 21:00 The Hotel 22:00 Orphan 23:00 Mirrors

00:35 Forensic Files 01:05 SuperCasino 05:00 Rough Guide to Eco Escapes 05:10 Nick's Quest 05:35 HouseBusters 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 07:25 Fireman Sam 07:40 Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 07:50 The Beeps 08:00 Mio Mao 08:10 Chiro 08:15 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 08:30 Noddy in Toyland 08:40 Hana's Helpline 08:50 Milkshake! Music Box 09:00 Little Princess 09:15 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:30 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 09:45 Rupert Bear 10:00 Olivia 10:15 The Mr Men Show 10:30 Gerald McBoing Boing 11:00 Zoo Days 11:20 McFly on the Wall 11:50 The Hotel Inspector 12:50 Emergency Bikers 13:50 Wyoming Renegades 15:15 The Ride to Hangman's Tree 17:00 Last of the Dogmen 19:10 5 News Weekend 19:15 Fun with Dick and Jane 21:00 Miss Congeniality 23:15 Proof of Life

Monday 23rd May 00:55 Taffin 02:35 The Apprentice 03:35 Holby City 04:35 MasterChef: The Final Three 05:35 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 06:45 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Bargain Hunt 13:30 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2011 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 Copycats 16:40 Wingin' It 17:00 Sadie J 17:30 Blue Peter 17:55 Shaun the Sheep 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Weakest Link 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2011 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Fifa: The Final Whistle? Panorama 22:00 Supersize Ambulance 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 A Question of Sport BBC2 01:30 02:30 03:30 04:00 04:30 05:00 05:30 05:35 07:00 07:10

The Shadow Line French Open Tennis Dateline London BBC News The Record Europe BBC News HARDtalk Close Wibbly Pig Penelope

07:15 Toddworld 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Charlie and Lola 08:00 Natural Born Hunters 08:25 Newsround 08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie 08:45 League of Super Evil 09:00 Wait for It! 09:30 LazyTown 09:55 Bob the Builder 10:15 Guess with Jess 10:30 Big & Small 10:40 Buzz and Tell 10:50 Big Cook Little Cook 11:10 Timmy Time 11:25 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 The Pink Panther Show 13:00 Daily Politics 13:30 GMT with George Alagiah 14:00 Diagnosis Murder 14:45 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:15 Animal 24:7 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 18:15 Cash in the Celebrity Attic 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great British Menu 20:00 The Story of Ireland 21:00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2011 22:00 All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace 23:00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 23:30 Newsnight

00:30 Florida - Paradise Lost 01:25 The Zone 03:00 British Superbike Championship Highlights 04:00 Motorsport UK 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 Britain's Best Dish 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 The Dales 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Strangeways 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather

CELEBRITY FIVE GO TO New series. Former Apprentice contestant Stuart Baggs, actor Christopher Biggins, retired cricketer Ed Giddins, singer Sheila Ferguson and ex-model Paula Hamilton take part in the reality show in which entrants are challenged to plan the best holiday activities for the group.

00:20 Vinyan 02:10 My New Brain 03:10 24 Hours in A&E 04:05 Civilization: Is the West History? 05:00 Wild Thing I Love You 05:55 Wogan's Perfect Recall 06:20 Countdown 07:05 Sali Mali 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:25 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 Frasier 09:55 Friends 10:25 Accidentally on Purpose 10:50 Location, Location, Location 11:55 A Place in the Sun 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 My Eden 13:10 Jamie at Home 13:45 Pony Express 15:35 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Celebrity Five Go To 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Dispatches 22:00 Gordon's Great Escape 23:30 Meridian Tonight 23:35 Tango & Cash

01:50 Rough Guide to Activity Holidays 02:10 SuperCasino 05:00 Rough Guide to Weekend Breaks 05:10 Divine Designs 05:35 House Doctor 06:00 Hana's Helpline 06:10 The Milkshake! Show 06:35 Thomas & Friends 06:45 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The Beeps 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Rupert Bear 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:40 Mio Mao 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Milkshake! Show Songs 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Olivia 09:50 The WotWots 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:05 Stansted: The Inside Story 13:00 Meals in Moments 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:20 Law & Order 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Vanessa Show 16:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 16:10 Bridge of Time 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 How Do They Do It? 21:00 The Gadget Show 22:00 The Hotel Inspector 23:00 There's Something About Josie

Tuesday 24th May 00:05 00:50 02:30 04:30 05:00 05:30 06:00 06:30 06:45 07:00 10:15 11:00 12:00 12:45 13:30 14:00 14:30 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:05 16:40 17:00 17:30 17:55 18:00 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 20:30 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:25 23:35 23:45

The Graham Norton Show Dan in Real Life MasterChef: The Final Three One Man and His Campervan BBC News HARDtalk BBC News World Business Report BBC News Breakfast Fake Britain Homes Under the Hammer Don't Get Done, Get Dom Bargain Hunt RHS Chelsea Flower Show BBC News; Weather Regional News and Weather Doctors Escape to the Country BBC News; Weather Copycats Wingin' It Sadie J Blue Peter Shaun the Sheep Newsround Weakest Link BBC News Regional News Programmes The One Show EastEnders Holby City Crimewatch BBC News Regional News and Weather Crimewatch Update The Lock Up

07:15 Toddworld 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Charlie and Lola 08:00 Natural Born Hunters 08:25 Newsround 08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie 08:45 League of Super Evil 09:00 Wait for It! 09:30 LazyTown 09:55 Bob the Builder 10:05 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Guess with Jess 10:30 Big & Small 10:40 Buzz and Tell 10:50 Big Cook Little Cook 11:10 Timmy Time 11:25 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 The Pink Panther Show 13:00 Daily Politics 13:30 GMT with George Alagiah 14:00 Diagnosis Murder 14:45 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:15 Animal 24:7 16:00 Helicopter Heroes 16:45 Flog It! 17:30 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour of Britain 18:15 Cash in the Celebrity Attic 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great British Menu 20:00 Britain's Next Big Thing 21:00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2011 22:00 The Country House Revealed 23:00 Later Live - with Jools Holland 23:30 Newsnight

01:25 The Zone 03:30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 03:55 ITV Nightscreen 05:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 Britain's Best Dish 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Military Driving School 21:00 Prince Philip at 90 22:00 Home Is Where the Heart Is 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Freeze Frame

FOUR ROOMS

BBC2 00:20 Louis Theroux: Miami Mega Jail 01:20 Richard Hammond's Engineering Connections 02:10 French Open Tennis 03:10 BBC News 03:30 The Record 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Our World 05:00 Close 07:00 Wibbly Pig 07:10 Penelope

New series. Members of the public hope to sell their prized possessions to arts dealers, and are forced to gamble their offers in an effort to make sure they receive the best value. The first would-be sellers bring with them a collection of Christmas cards from Lady Diana, an original 1960s Dalek, a cigar once owned by Winston Churchill and a Francis Bacon portrait that was nearly destroyed by the artist.

01:10 The Event 02:05 Poker 03:00 24 Hours in A&E 03:55 Empire: How Britain Made the Modern World 04:55 The Coldest March 05:50 Wogan's Perfect Recall 06:20 Hill Street Blues 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 Frasier 09:55 Friends 10:25 Accidentally on Purpose 10:50 Location, Location, Location 11:55 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 The Home Show 14:00 A Town like Alice 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Celebrity Five Go To 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Four Rooms 22:00 The Secret Millionaire 23:00 Jamie's Food Revolution Hits Hollywood

00:00 Enough 02:15 SuperCasino 05:00 Meals in Moments 05:10 How Not to Decorate 05:55 Rough Guide to Weekend Breaks 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The Beeps 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Rupert Bear 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:40 Mio Mao 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Castle Farm 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Olivia 09:50 The WotWots 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:05 Stansted: The Inside Story 13:00 Meals in Moments 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:20 Law & Order 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Vanessa Show 16:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 16:10 Starting Over 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 Zoo Days 21:00 Supersize Grime 22:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:00 CSI: Miami 23:55 CSI: NY

Wednesday 25th May 00:15 Traffic Cops 01:20 Children's Craniofacial Surgery 02:20 The Hairy Bikers: Mums Know Best 03:20 Churches: How to Read Them 03:50 Great British Railway Journeys 04:50 Reporters 05:00 BBC News 05:30 HARDtalk 06:00 BBC News 06:30 World Business Report 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 12:45 Bargain Hunt 13:30 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 16:05 President Obama at Westminster 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Weakest Link 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Regional News Programmes 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Waterloo Road 21:30 Life of Riley 22:00 The Apprentice 23:00 BBC News 23:25 Regional News and Weather 23:35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 23:45 Not Going Out BBC2 00:20 Henry 01:05 02:05 02:30 03:00 03:30 04:00 04:30 04:50 07:00 07:10

Our 'Enry: A Tribute to Sir Cooper French Open Tennis BBC News ABC World News BBC News The Record BBC News Reporters Close Wibbly Pig Penelope

07:15 Toddworld 07:30 Tinga Tinga Tales 07:45 Octonauts 08:00 Natural Born Hunters 08:25 Newsround 08:30 Trust Me I'm a Genie 08:45 Pinky and Perky 09:00 Wait for It! 09:30 LazyTown 09:55 Bob the Builder 10:05 The Koala Brothers 10:15 Guess with Jess 10:30 Big & Small 10:40 Buzz and Tell 10:50 Big Cook Little Cook 11:10 Timmy Time 11:25 Zingzillas 11:45 Waybuloo 12:05 In the Night Garden 12:35 Crossfire 14:00 See Hear 14:30 To Buy or Not to Buy 15:15 Animal 24:7 16:00 Copycats 16:30 League of Super Evil 16:40 Wingin' It 17:00 Dani's House 17:30 Little Howard's Big Question 17:55 Shaun the Sheep 18:00 Newsround 18:15 Cash in the Celebrity Attic 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Great British Menu 20:00 The Sounds of Hugh Laurie: A Culture Show Special 20:30 Two Greedy Italians 21:30 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2011 23:00 The Apprentice: You're Fired! 23:30 Newsnight

01:25 The Zone 03:30 Crossing Jordan 04:15 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 Britain's Best Dish 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Poms in Paradise 21:00 Midsomer Murders 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Cops with Cameras

PAWN STARS New series. Chronicling the work of Richard Harrison, his son Rick and grandson Corey at their pawn shop on the outskirts of Las Vegas, as they interact with their staff and assess the true value of the items that are brought in to their store by customers, including a vintage rifle and a knight's jousting helmet.

00:05 Misfits 01:05 UK & Ireland Poker Tour 02:05 Freesports on 4 02:35 The Grid 03:00 British Formula 3 International Series 03:30 KOTV Boxing Weekly 03:55 AVP Beach Volleyball 04:50 Catching the Impossible 05:40 Full Metal Challenge 06:35 Brief Encounters of the Sporting Mind: Rally Driving 06:45 Yo Gabba Gabba! 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 Frasier 09:55 Friends 10:25 Accidentally on Purpose 10:50 Location, Location, Location 11:55 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 The Home Show 14:05 Kidnapped 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Celebrity Five Go To 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Diagnosis Live from the Clinic 22:00 24 Hours in A&E 23:00 Desperate Housewives

00:50 CSI: NY 01:50 SuperCasino 05:00 Meals in Moments 05:10 How Not to Decorate 05:55 Rough Guide to Islands 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The Beeps 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Rupert Bear 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:40 Mio Mao 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:10 Milkshake! Show Songs 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Olivia 09:50 The WotWots 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:05 Stansted: The Inside Story 13:00 Meals in Moments 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:20 Law & Order 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Vanessa Show 16:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 16:15 McBride: It's Murder, Madam 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 20:00 5 News at 7 20:30 Pawn Stars 21:00 Giant Animal Moves 22:00 NCIS 23:00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent 23:55 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Thursday 26th May 01:20 Watchdog 02:20 The British at Work 03:20 One Man and His Campervan 03:50 Click 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Panorama 05:00 BBC News 05:30 World Business Report 05:45 BBC News 06:00 Breakfast 09:15 Fake Britain 10:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom 11:45 Bargain Hunt 12:30 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:30 Regional News and Weather 13:45 Doctors 14:15 Escape to the Country 15:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15:05 Sam & Mark's Guide to Dodging Disaster 15:05 Copycats 15:40 Wingin' It 16:00 Project Parent 16:30 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab: The Experiments 16:30 My Life 17:00 Newsround 17:15 Weakest Link 18:00 BBC News 18:30 Regional News Programmes 19:00 The One Show 19:30 EastEnders 20:00 Watchdog 21:00 Inside the Human Body 22:00 BBC News 22:25 Regional News and Weather 22:35 Question Time 23:35 This Week BBC2 00:20 Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle 00:50 The Sounds of Hugh Laurie 01:20 French Open Tennis 02:20 BBC News 02:30 ABC World News 03:00 BBC News 03:30 The Record 04:00 BBC News

04:30 04:50 07:00 07:10 07:15 07:30 07:45 08:00 08:25 08:30 08:45 09:00 Show 09:30 09:55 10:05 10:15 10:30 10:40 10:50 11:10 11:25 11:45 12:05 12:35 14:00 14:45 15:15 16:00 16:45 17:30 18:15 19:00 19:30 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:00 23:30

Click Close Wibbly Pig Penelope Toddworld Tinga Tinga Tales Octonauts Wild About Animals Newsround Trust Me I'm a Genie Pinky and Perky Basil and Barney's Game LazyTown Bob the Builder The Koala Brothers Guess with Jess Big & Small Buzz and Tell Big Cook Little Cook Timmy Time Zingzillas Waybuloo In the Night Garden The Locket Diagnosis Murder To Buy or Not to Buy Animal 24:7 Helicopter Heroes Flog It! The Hairy Bikers' Food Tour Cash in the Celebrity Attic Eggheads Great British Menu The Culture Show RHS Chelsea Flower Show The Shadow Line Psychoville 2 Newsnight

00:35 Long Lost Family 01:30 The Zone 03:35 Space Jam 05:00 ITV Nightscreen 06:30 ITV Morning News 07:00 Daybreak 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 Meridian News and Weather 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal 16:59 Meridian Weather 17:00 Midsomer Murders 18:00 Britain's Best Dish 19:00 Meridian Tonight 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Too Old to Be a Mum?: Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Long Lost Family 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 23:35 Piers Morgan's Life Stories: Des O'Connor

SHERLOCK HOLMES: THE SIGN OF FOUR A governess engages Sherlock Holmes to uncover the identity of a mysterious stranger who has been sending her priceless gifts over a number of years - and his investigations eventually lead him to a sinister plot. Adaptation of Conan Doyle's mystery, starring Matt Frewer, Kenneth Welsh and Sophie Lorain.

00:05 The Big Bang Theory 01:05 Inside Incredible Athletes 02:35 Sunchaser 04:45 Husk 04:55 Wild Thing I Love You 05:55 Wogan's Perfect Recall 06:25 Countdown 07:10 The Hoobs 08:00 Freshly Squeezed 08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:55 Frasier 09:55 Friends 10:25 Accidentally on Purpose 10:50 Location, Location, Location 11:55 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Paralympic World Cup 14:05 My Eden 14:10 White Feather 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Celebrity Five Go To 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 4thought.tv 21:00 Three in a Bed 22:00 Breaking a Female Paedophile Ring 23:00 World's Tallest Man: Looking for Love

00:55 Poker: Aussie Millions 01:50 SuperCasino 05:00 Meals in Moments 05:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:55 Rough Guide to Adventures 06:10 Wildlife SOS 06:35 House Doctor 07:00 Thomas & Friends 07:10 The Beeps 07:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 07:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 07:40 Rupert Bear 07:50 Peppa Pig 07:55 Milkshake! Bop Box 08:00 Little Princess 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Make Way for Noddy 09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:30 Roary the Racing Car 09:40 Olivia 09:50 The WotWots 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:05 Stansted: The Inside Story 13:00 Meals in Moments 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:20 Law & Order 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 The Vanessa Show 16:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 16:15 Sherlock Holmes: The Sign of Four 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:25 OK! TV 19:55 5 News at 7 20:00 Cricket 21:00 Emergency Bikers 22:00 Extreme Fishing with Robson Green - At the Ends of the Earth 23:00 Impossible?

Friday, May 20, 2011

SPORT ON THE BOX All the top sport on TV in your Good News paper Football Sky Sports 2 Saturday, May 21, 1:30pm to 6:30pm Scottish Cup Final - Motherwell v Celtic. The big game between Motherwell and Celtic at Hampden Park. This is the world's oldest national football trophy and Celtic will be favourites for the win.

Heineken Cup Final Sky Sports 2 Saturday, May 21, 10:00pm to 11:00pm Leinster Rugby v Northampton Saints highlights. The Heineken Cup Final: Leinster v Northampton from the Millennium Stadium, Cardiff.

Test Cricket Sky Sports 1 Thursday, May 26, 9:00pm to 11:00pm First Npower Test - England v Sri Lanka D1 Highlights. Day 1 of the opening Test between England and Sri Lanka at Sophia Gardens in Cardiff. Andrew Strauss and Co will be looking to maintain momentum following their Ashes win last winter.

Barclays Premier League Review Sky Sports 1 Monday, May 23, 10:30pm to 11:30pm A comprehensive round-up of all the weekend's action in the Barclays Premier League. The programme includes analysis of major incidents, plus reaction from key players and managers.

PGA Tour Golf Sky Sports 3 Sunday, May 22nd, 9:00pm to 12:00am Crowne Plaza Invitational at Colonial D4. Day four of the Crowne Plaza event at the Colonial Country Club in Fort Worth, Texas. Last year, Zach Johnson shot 21 under par to win more than a million dollars in prize money.

The Manc connection LONG BALLS by Malcolm Palmer SATURDAY was a great day to be a Mancunian. Fergie’s lads did what was necessary when Wayne Rooney’s second-half strike earned them a point against hard-pressed Blackburn. Then their blue-shirted neighbours at last got some silverware when Cameroonian Yaya (Spanish for ‘Granny’ by the way) Toure scored a late goal to give them FA Cup final victory over Stoke. Down in the depths, West Ham booked their passage to the Championship when they snatched defeat from the jaws of victory after leading Wigan 2-0. ‘Laughing Boy’ Avram Grant, who makes Mourinho look like a stand-up comic, got the gooner – and not, thought the Upton Park faithful, a moment too soon. Who will go down with them is as yet uncertain – any two of Wigan, Blackpool, Wolves, Birmingham and Blackburn being the candidates, with a game left to play. Blackpool’s 4-3 victory over Bolton will have stirred a few memories in oldies like me! Here in Spain, Barcelona, having ‘done a Man U’ and drawn a vital game with struggling Levante to pick up the vital point they needed, drew again, this time with Deportivo, in a lack-lustre showing. Meanwhile, Real Madrid continued to enjoy the lack of pressure now they are out of contention. Cristiano Ronaldo helped himself to two more goals with

stunning free kicks to take his tally to 39, a tremendous total for 33 games - and a league record - with a game still to play. Down at the bottom, six sides are still contesting the third relegation spot, with Almería and Hercules already gone. Four more scraped clear on Sunday – it must be a long time since ninth place wasn’t

secure with only two games to play! Zaragoza look narrow favourites for the plunge, but Deportivo, Real Sociedad, Getafe, and Osasuna are also under serious threat. Betis are now promoted from the second division and Rayo Vallecano all but. The play-offs look like involving Elche, Granada, Celta and Valladolid.

Down and clout: ‘Laughing Boy’ Avram Grant and Rooo-neey

Friday, May 20, 2011

AWNINGS

CAR MECHANICS Mobile mechanic. Torrevieja Orihuela Costa areas. Servicing from 30€ plus parts. No job too big or too small. 25yrs experience. Call John 655 963 544 for a quote. (13)

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly. Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja. Evangelical non-denominational. Sunday services 11:00am. Children’s Church 11:00am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11:00am. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome 966 799 273 // 660 127 276.

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES

BAR 4 SALE Local Spanish & English Bar Well Known 100,000€ Call 679 096 309 10 cold drinks /snack vending machines with sites 39,900 euros. Excellent cash income, no overhead, operate from home 31,000 euros NETT per year one day p.w. to service.25 Pringle vending machines with sites 14,900 euros 250 euros per week NETT guaranteed, machines and sites available individually. 965 326 442 / 659 696 455 (09) Bar for sale. Quesada area. Going cheap. For information pack, email: . Tel: 688 800 960 (16)

BUILDERS

CLEARANCE I clear anything, anywhere, anytime. Houses, garages, sheds, under builds, offices, warehouses, gardens. 100% rubbish small charge. Small pickings F.O.C. 1010pm. Torrevieja area. Charlie Breaker. 677 706 728 (12)

FOR SALE RINCON CRISIS FOR CRISIS PRICES. Clothing, footwear or accessories. Man woman or child. New shirts 2€ Summer dresses 3€ Sunglasses, flip-flops, sandals, crocs 1€. Behind the tanatorio, park of nations, Torrevieja. 677 706 728 www.rinconcrisis.vpweb.co. uk (13) Aluminimum gates for sale Double and sliding available Guaranteed no rust. Call Tracy on 966 726 891 for details (14) Second hand 4-5 seater corner sofa (180cm length) and foot stool. Tan brown leather. Good condition 500 Euros Tel: Kevin 968 336 816 / 690 738 820 (13)

FURNITURE

PROPERTY FOR RENT Luxury appartments, 2/3 bedrooms in San Miguel De Salinas. Floorheating, Elevator, Roof terrace with swimmingpool, from 385 euros / month. Also holiday rentals and appartments in San Miguel de Salinas from 350 euros / month. Call 966 723 437 or 616 487 493 Viva Villa and Vacation Services, For Short or Long Term Rentals visit: or Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 64, Two bedroom 1st floor apartment. Located in the very popular area of Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities. Short or long term rental available. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 49, 2nd floor one bedroom apartment situated conveniently located in the town centre of Torrevieja, with a small sun balcony overlooking the lovely communal pool. Short or long term rental available. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 06, A Beautiful town centre apartment conveniently situated in Torrevieja close to town centre amenities and a short walk to the beautiful sandy beaches. Short or long term rental available. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 78, South facing 3 bed roomed property situated injardin Del Mar VII, with communal pool nearby. Close to amenities. Short or long term rental available.

Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 52 (Long Term Only) Three bedroom 2nd floor terrace house in Aguas Nuevas. The property benefits from large lounge, fully fitted kitchen and a downstairs shower room. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bedroom detached villa with its private pool is located on the El Raso urbanisation near Guardamar. Convenient for all amenities, shops, supermarket, restaurants and bars. Short or long term rental available. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15)

PROPERTY FOR SALE www.paramountpropertymurcia.com 70 metres from beach/facilities Torrevieja sea views 3 bed 1 bath apartment furnished 89,000 euros 30 mins from Paramount Resort email independentestate@hotmail.com tel 625 457 555 Independent Estates independent advice near Sucina & Balsicas Finca 3 bed 1 bath 960 metre plot country living near golf & towns 20 mins Paramount resort 159.995 euros www.paramountpropertymurica.com Tel 625 457 555 Independent Estates independent advice Golf Apartment reduced from 145,950 euros to 85,245 euros 3 bed 1 bath 20 min to Paramount resort email

independentestates@hotmail.com www.paramountpropertymurcia.com Tel 625 457 555 See website for full listings and information at www.paramountpropertymurcia.com Viva Villa and Vacation Services are pleased to offer property sales for the Torrevieja and Oriheula areas of the Costa Blanca, Spain. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 513, €115,000. Two bedroom ground floor apartment, in Aguas Nuevas, close to all amenities including the beach. It has a good size lounge, kitchen and has off road parking facilities. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 521, €105,000. This comfortable bungalow is located in San Luis with a new roof and solarium tiles. It is close to supermarkets, bars, restaurants and is on the local bus route. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 520, €105,000. Two bedroom apartment in Dream Hills, with a fully equipped kitchen, large lounge, glazed-in terrace and a large solarium. This property comes with a large communal swimming pool. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 516, €39,999. Studio apartment in San Luis, close to amenities. Open plan fully equipped kitchen. Good sized lounge, bedroom and out onto balcony which has been glazed to create another room. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 510, €79,999. Bungalow located in San Luis. It is close to the supermarkets, bars and restaurants and is on the local bus route. An Opel Corsa car is included in this sale. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15) Ref: 146, €85,000. Three

bedroom two bathroom quad house in Dream Hills. Off road parking on the front driveway with gates that can be padlocked for security. Call: 966 707 188 or 626 397 397 (15)

SITUATIONS VACANT

SPORTS EQUIPMENT

WANTED

WIG SPECIALISTS SALON MARGARETHAS 23 years in Torrevieja, Hair/Wig Specialist for Medical Illness & Hair Loss problems. We offer different Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural & Artificial Hair and much more also fashion/festival accessories. TV/TS are welcome to our service. Call Margaretha on 966 921 846 or call into Salon Margarethas in Torrevieja (14)

Friday, May 20, 2011

THE RUMOUR MILL

COME JOIN US CESC!

All the transfer gossip first in SPORT!

It’s time to quit Arsenal, urges City’s Silva

BARCELONA LIONEL MESSI will join Manchester City but Carlos Tevez will come the other way – internet, May 13. Around 4-5 signings will be made this summer with Cesc Fabregas once again at the top of their wish list but his price tag is still stopping the deal. Alternatives have been looked such as Marek Hamsik, Willian and Javi Martinez but Pep Guardiola wants Fabregas to return the Nou Camp. I doubt a deal will be made early on during the window but as it draws to an end I expect Barcelona to pounce for him. Javier Mascherano or Affelay may have to make way though as part of the deal. A centre back is looking to be signed and early targets include Subotic, Hummels, Howedes, Vertonghen and Sakho. Up front, Pep wants to bolster his options and Giuseppe Rossi is almost nailed on to join.

MANCHESTER City midfielder David Silva has urged his club to try to sign Cesc Fabregas in the summer. The Arsenal captain's future was the subject of intense speculation last July and with Arsene Wenger’s side once again finishing the season without a trophy Silva wants Roberto Mancini to bring him to Manchester. Manchester City’s qualification for the Champions League next season is expected to see Mancini’s team being linked with many mega-money moves and David Silva has made no secret of who he would like his manager to sign. “If only he [Fabregas] could come, it would be great, marvellous," Silva said as reported by The Sun. "We know what he's achieved as a player and he has a lot of experience of playing in England.” Spain and Arsenal are renowned for their passing style of football and Silva says Fabregas would be the perfect addition to bring that same mentality to Eastlands. "He likes to keep the ball and that's how we like to play. He treats the ball as his friend and I get on with him well," he added. "I know him from the national side, so it would be great."

JOSE MOURINHO The North American Football Union (NAFU) is preparing to pull all the stops to entice Mourinho to become manager of the men's National Team. With the rising popularity of 'soccer' in the States, the NAFU will be launching an extravagant campaign to become realistic challengers to teams such as Brazil, Argentina, Germany and Spain, and believe that they can win the competition by 2022.

DAVID BECKHAM

HOST OF CLUBS WANT BARCA WHIZ-KID HEC

YOUNG striker Hector Bellerin could be on his way out of Barcelona's youth academy at the end of the season, as the 16-year-old has received offers from Arsenal, Aston Villa, Chelsea and Manchester United. The highly-rated winger is considered to be one of the most promising youngsters to emerge from La Masia, and the Catalan giants are keen to hold on to him. However, the striker has turned down a contract offer from the Camp Nou club, as he has allegedly set his sights on a move to the Premier League. The player has yet to officially decide where he wants to continue his career, but is widely expected to agree terms with Arsenal in the upcoming weeks. The Gunners will have to pay Barcelona compensation of €400,000 as part of the deal. Bellerin follows in the footsteps of players such as Cesc Fabregas, Gerard Pique and Fran Merida, who all previously left Barca's academy for an English adventure.

may be allowed on loan to an English club, with Tottenham looking most likely to get his signature. Man Utd, Chelsea and Everton are also in the running, but, most interestingly, Watford are also looking at signing him on loan, thanks to some words of encouragement to Beckham from his friend Sir Elton John.

ASTON VILLA will be looking for a long term replacement goalkeeper for 40 year old Brad Friedel. Targets include: Shay Given - Man City - £6, 500,000 Robert Green - West Ham - £6,000,000 Paul Robinson - Blackburn - £7,000,000

MICHAEL OWEN is to make a shock move to the US Major League Soccer after speaking to Fabio Capello and finding he has no England future even if he moves to another Premier club and none of England’s big clubs are interested. Just a case of which one has space for a designated high earning player.

IN:

Adebayor: I’d join Spurs EMMANUEL Adebayor has admitted he would consider signing for Tottenham if they were interested in him. The Togo international has been on-loan at Real Madrid from Manchester City since January but says he would be open to a move if Spurs came calling in the summer, despite his Arsenal connections. When playing against Tottenham, Adebayor experienced chanting from sections of the White Hart Lane crowd about his parents - which the striker later branded as 'racist'. Nonetheless, he admits that he did not take them seriously, but urged fans to deter chanting of this nature. "I heard about the chants and I felt so bad

because before joining Real Madrid, my first choice was Tottenham," he told BBC’s Football Focus. "I would go there and sign for them. Maybe those fans were furious because I was scoring against them. Maybe they were thinking like that because Adebayor was taking them out of the Champions League and ending their dream of getting to the final." "When I heard the songs I didn't take it seriously. I didn't take it in a bad way at all but it was bad because people today have to realise that we are footballers. Today we play for this club and the next day we might end up playing for them.’’

LIVERPOOL

Baines (Everton) Adriano (Barcelona) Chellini (Juventus) Lassana Diarra (Real Madrid) Afellay (Barcelona) Young or Elia Klose or Elmander

OUT:

WEST HAM

Upson -free Parker = 7,000,000€ Arsenal (Plus Denilson season loan) Green = 3,000,000€ Arsenal Cole = 6,000,000 Stoke/QPR Gabbidon = free Dyer = free Spector = QPR/Norwich

IN:

MAN UTD

Wesley Sneijder (Inter Milan) Ashley Young (Aston Villa) Jack Rodwell (Everton) Gareth Bale (Tottenham) David De Gea (Atletico Madrid) Jose Reina (Liverpool) Alex Chamberlain (Southampton) Manuel Neuer (Schalke 04) Raphael Varane (Lens), Hugo Lloris (Lyon)

Friday, May 20, 2011

SPORTS ROUND-UP

Quel coup! Ryder Cup goes French

Stoner and Pedrosa: The pleasure and the pain….

FRANCE will host the Ryder Cup for the first time in 2018. The historic announcement, made by at the Wentworth Club in Surrey, will see golf’s greatest team event staged on European soil outside the UK for the first time in 21 years. Le Golf National on the outskirts of Versailles, near Paris, will become only the second Continental venue – following Club de Golf in Valderrama, Spain in 1997 - when Europe and the United States contest the 42nd Ryder Cup in the autumn of 2018. Five nations – France, Germany, Holland, Portugal and Spain – had participated in an exhaustive and comprehensive bid process to identify the country best qualified to follow Medinah, Illinois next year, Gleneagles in Scotland in 2014 and Hazeltine, Minnesota, in 2016.

Clarke hits the mark

DARREN CLARKE came from four behind to capture his 13th European Tour title at the Iberdrola Open in Mallorca. The Northern Irishman used all his experience to grind out a final round 69 and deny Chris Wood his maiden victory. And Clarke finished in style, holing a putt from the fringe at the 14th, nailing his approach to six feet at the 15th, saving par on the 16th with a brilliant approach from a fairway bunker and then holing from off the green to scramble par at the next.

Joy-boy Choi! WITH the tournament on the line, KJ Choi got up-and-down for par from 80 feet on the final hole to win the Players’ Championship in the USA on Sunday. David Toms missed a three-foot par putt on the 17th at TPC Sawgrass to hand Choi the biggest win of his career. As a result, he moved to sixth in the FedExCup race, up from 31st. Bubba Watson continues to lead but Choi’s reward as winner of the biggest event on the PGA Tour is a cool $1.7millon!

Simple for Simon SOUTH AFRICAN Ashleigh Simon claimed the ISPS Handa Portugal Ladies Open by three shots after carding a brilliant five-under-par 67 in windy conditions at Campo Real near Lisbon on Sunday. Simon, 22, from Johannesburg, dislodged veteran Gwladys Nocera from the top of the leader board with eight birdies and three bogeys on the warm final day.

With Mick Hardy from Kidease PREMIER & LA LIGA FIXTURES Sunday, 22 May Aston Villa v Liverpool, 17:00 Bolton v Man City, 17:00 Everton v Chelsea, 17:00 Fulham v Arsenal, 17:00 Man Utd v Blackpool, 17:00 Newcastle v West Brom, 17:00 Stoke v Wigan, 17:00 Tottenham v Birmingham, 17:00 West Ham v Sunderland, 17:00 Wolverhampton v Blackburn, 17:00

IT WAS a happy day for Repsol Honda’s Casey Stoner and Andrea Dovizioso, finishing first and second in the Monster Energy French MotoGP. However, news of Dani Pedrosa breaking his collarbone after a clash with fellow Honda rider Marco Simoncelli dampened the spirits in the team camp. The two Hondas clashed, forcing Pedrosa out of the race with that broken collarbone. Race direction deemed the manoeuvre from Simoncelli illegal and punished the Italian with a ride-through penalty. The double 250cc champion has now dropped to third overall in the MotoGP standings after this non-finish, 17 points behind Lorenzo. THIS WEEKEND: Formula One - Spanish Grand Prix (Circuit de Catalunya, Sunday, 14.00.

Sunday, 22 May Deportivo La Coruna v Valencia, 16:00 Espanyol v Sevilla, 16:00 Hercules v Sporting Gijon, 16:00 Levante v Real Zaragoza, 16:00 Malaga v Barcelona, 16:00 Mallorca v Atletico Madrid, 16:00 Osasuna v Villarreal, 16:00 Racing Santander v Athletic Bilbao, 16:00 Real Madrid v Almeria, 16:00 Real Sociedad v Getafe, 16:00

No place like Rome

Girl power is just bootiful!

SHOWING that her power game is adaptable to all surfaces, Maria Sharapova captured the biggest clay-court title of her career on Sunday. She maintained her mastery over Samantha Stosur to take home the Internazionali BNL d’Italia crown in Rome. The final of the $2m event was delayed three hours by rain - but once the clouds cleared, No.7 seed Sharapova shone through winning 16 of the first 19 points to storm ahead 4-0. And she never looked back as she recorded a 62 6-4 victory. .

Swift Brit’s a winner TEAM Sky cyclist Ben Swift finished ahead of the pack in a frantic sprint finish to win the belated opening stage of the Tour of California. The 23-year-old Briton took the shortened 77-mile stage in two hours, 47 minutes with Peter Sagan of Slovakia second and Australia's Matt Goss third. "It was absolutely perfect," said Swift. "The team was awesome."

KIDS FOOTBALL PLUCKY FORMENTERA THRASHED BY DAYA FORMENTERA 0 - v. DAYA NUEVA 14 Alevins under 12s Orihuela Costa F.C. Cadetes Match Report 14th May Jacarilla C.F. 5 V's Orihuela Costa F.C. 1 Sponsored By: Morgans Bar & Amber Pools.

LOCAL FOOTBALL C. D. Alone Guardamar 2 - 6 San Fulgencio C. F. Saints finish on a high Sponsored by 900telecom.com

Junior Strikers 4 San Miguel 3 (Benjamins: Sponsored by Kulsveen s.l.) The Blues Benjamins started this match the stronger team and were 2-0 up within 10 minutes. The goals came from Pre Benjamin’s Eddie Corbit and Rudi McKinley who were both playing above their years in this semi final first leg encounter. San Miguel pulled a goal back with a well-taken header from a dangerous corner but Jordan Turner extended the Blues lead just before half-time with a neat finish from close range to the delight of the Junior Strikers supporters who were all in good voice. San Miguel came out from the break with the bit between their teeth and levelled the scores within five minutes of the restart. This game swung backwards and forwards with chances at both ends going agonisingly wide. Crossbars were hit and goal-line clearances had to be made in a great game between two top Benjamin sides. With very little time left, Jordan Harding received the ball on the edge of the area and unleashed an unstoppable drive into the bottom corner to give her side the advantage going into the second leg. Girl Power!

Kiwi polish sinks Jacarilla Jacarilla 4 Junior Strikers 8 (Alevins: Sponsored by Quesada Fish & Chips) THE Blues had to visit Jacarilla for the first leg of this semi final and were not looking forward to it because of the home team’s awful sand surface. After going 2-0 up through Brad Fox and Kiwi Dalzell, the Blues allowed Jacarilla back into the game with two sloppy goals. Fox once again gave Junior Strikers the lead with a powerful shot to make the score 3-2 going in at half time. After the break it was all Junior Strikers, Dalzell completing a welltaken hat-trick along with goals from Kyle Nash and James Saunders. Saunders scored his first-ever league goal with an exquisite lob just before the end. Jacarilla did score two further goals during the second half but they were nothing more than consolation efforts. The Alevin Blues have now given themselves a fantastic chance of reaching the final with a great all-round team performance. Junior Strikers training sessions take place at the Playa Flamenca sports centre on Mondays and Wednesdays (6pm-7pm). For further information please visit www.juniorstrikers.com

Friday, May 20, 2011

NOT THERE YET Elche coach refuses to celebrate until end of season

KIKO battles in midfield during the draw with villarreal last monday evening Photo: MARK WELTON by DAN SMITH MANY are saying, although it’s not a mathematical certainty, that Elche have reached the playoffs. even club president José Sepulcre, desperate more than most for glory, echoes this opinion but ask manager Bordalás and you get a different answer entirely. The curly haired 47 year old is keeping his powder dry and he knows one slip could bring down the club’s hope of getting back into the first division after a 22 year absence. His team’s performance in the second half of the season has been a revelation but go back to just before the Christmas break and you can see the uncertainty that he must dread as any slight hiccup would lead to disaster as the final three games approach. Presently third behind confirmed league winners Betis - second placed Rayo Vallecano (both already promoted directly) - and with nine points still in the offering Elche will have to dig deep to defend their position against Celta Vigo. Real Valladolid and on- form Xerez also add to the mix although less likely, Alcorcón and Cartagena.

Elche's final three fixtures put them against their three direct rivals and possible play off partners, so it's no surprise that Bordalás has no intention of lighting the fireworks just yet. Elche took three points from Rayo Vallecano last week away from home, a result that pleased boss Bordalás but last Mondays 0-0 effort at home against Villarreal B may have led to a few more sleepless nights. A game Elche should have won but a valuable point none the less going into this weeks away game at Celta.

SECOND DIVISION - Liga Adelante Betis and Ray Vallecano having qualified automatically leave just one place up for grabs. 3rd - 4th - 5th -6th going into a series of play offs for the third promotion spot. Barcelona B are un able to qualify as they are already represented in the first div. La Liga

Friday, May 20, 2011

ATLETICO MADRID 2 - HERCULES 1

A NIGHT OF

FAREWELLS Relegation confirmed

Looking forward to the future QUIQUE SANCHEZ FLORES last game in charge of Athletico DAVID DE GEA - TARGET FOR FERGIE & ATLETICO MADRID Photo: Mark Welton

By MALCOLM PALMER HERCULES, in their penultimate game of the season, coincided with Quique Sanchez Flores’ goodbye as trainer of the ‘Colchoneros.’ It was a bittersweet occasion, as many people were reluctant to see the back of the outspoken Flores, who has taken Atletico to several trophies, including triumph in the Europa League and Supercup. His well-publicised falling-out with Forlan, however, ensured that the Uruguayan striker was left out. Some 25,000 spectators half-filled the Vicente Calderon

for the occasion. The game was only ten minutes old when Velthuizen parried a shot from Mario from outside the area. Dominguez seized on the rebound and scored with ease – 1-0. Little in the way of football distinguished the proceedings, and Cortes saw a yellow card, as did Pulido and Valera for the home side, when Hercules were awarded a penalty after Kiko was held in the area by Pulido. David Trezeguet’s strikes was not at all bad, but was well saved by De Gea, rumoured to be an objective of Sir

Alex, who would like a young keeper to replace Van der Saar. The second half was equally terrible, insofar as the quality of football was concerned, prompting the thought that, if Atletico are, indeed, to perform on a European stage next term, they’ll need to do a bit better than this. After 66 minutes, Hercules won a corner, which Juanra headed on, for Trezeguet to meet at the far post. The veteran French striker made no mistake. 1-1. The draw was short-lived, and four more minutes had passed when the ever-lively Kun Agüero

broke through to confront Velthuizen. The Dutch keeper kept the ball out, but only into the path of Reyes, who volleyed home to make it 2-1. There remained time for the somewhat card-happy Iturralde Gonzalez to show yellows to Abraham Paz and Juanra. It was hard to see how Atletico had managed to get themselves into that coveted seventh place, but easy enough to see why Hercules were for the drop.