The Courier Week 8

Edition 8

www.thecourier.es

Friday, 15th April 2011

Ryanair to pull out of Alicante

I’M NO SUCKER Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary threatens to pull out of Alicante unless AENA 'stops its abuse'

F

ollowing AENA Alicante’s decision last week to force Ryanair to use airbridges, Ryanair, the Irish budget airline, has announced that it plans to make cuts of up to 80% to the number of flights operating at Alicante airport. That will mean a drop of over four hundred flights per week that will not be coming to use the airport affecting over two and a half million passengers per year who would normally book with the Irish airline.

For more than five years Ryanair has been operating at Alicante Airport without the use of airbridges and this decision by AENA Alicante is, say the airline, an abuse of its monopoly which increases Ryanair’s handling costs by over €2m p.a. Now, Ryanair has submitted a formal complaint about what it claims is a monopoly run by AENA Alicante to both the Spanish Government and the European Commission.

Full story page 3

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

YES, IT IS A 13-STOREY BUILDING LYING ON THE GROUND

TELEPHONE

96 672 6437 JUNGLE DRUMS

96 672 7334

Picture of the week

E-MAIL office@thecourier.es WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE Alto del Moncayo s/n, Guardamar del Segura, 03140, ALICANTE PHONE: 96 672 64 37 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon - Fri 1030 to 1730 EDITOR Dave Bull (English/Spanish) ADVERTISING SALES 96 672 6437 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 96 672 6437 616 332 178 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Vanessa Gran Alacant, La Marina, Guardamar Tel. 638 741 847 Denise La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 697 241 753 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Writers Dave Bull Malcolm Palmer Mick Hardy Spike Paul Payne Sally Bengtsson Tony Mayes Jake Monroe Dan Smith Photographer Mark Welton

First, the apartment building was constructed. The plan called for an underground garage to be dug out so the excavated soil was piled up on the other side of the building. However, heavy rains resulted in water seeping into the ground and the building began to tilt.

Then it began to shift and the "hollow" concrete pilings were snapped due to the uneven lateral pressures and thus were born the eighth wonder of the world.

If the buildings were closer together it would have resulted in a domino effect.

They built 13 storeys on a gradient, with no

basement, and tied it all down to hollow pilings with no rebar. Brought to you by the same folks that make your kids’ toys…

(1) An underground garage was being dug on the south side, to a depth of 4.6 metres.

(2) The excavated dirt was being piled up on the north side, to a height of 10 metres.

(3) The building experienced uneven lateral pressure from south and north.

(4) This resulted in a lateral pressure of 3,000 tonnes, which was greater than what the pilings could tolerate.

Thus the building toppled over in a southerly direction.

Affiliations

Publication Published by Rainbow Media, S.L. Printed by Localprint S.L Depósito legal A - 132 - 2011

Monday Increasing cloud High Temperature: 19°C RealFeel: 18°C

Today Partly Cloudy High Temperature: 20°C RealFeel: 22°C

Saturday Partly Sunny High Temperature: 18°C RealFeel: 22°C

Sunday Plenty of sunshine High Temperature: 19°C RealFeel: 20°C

Tuesday Partly cloudy High Temperature: 19°C RealFeel: 19°C

Wednesday Plenty of sunshine High Temperature: 19°C RealFeel: 20°C

Thursday Occasional rain High Temperature: 20°C RealFeel: 20°C

The Courier, its publishers, members of staff and its agents do not accept responsibility for claims by advertisers nor can it be held responsible for any errors in advertisements which are reproduced from poor artwork, low quality electronic data or inadequate instructions for text or other layout features.

Further no responsibility is accepted for any loss or damage caused by an error, inaccuracy or non-appearance of any advertisement, although all advertisements produced are checked prior to insertion. We regret that we cannot accept responsibility for more than ONE incorrect insertion and that no re-publication will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertisement. E&OE. NO PART OF THIS NEWSPAPER MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHERS.

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

I’M NO SUCKER

‘NODDY’ DOES A RUNNER

Courier car makes a ‘brake’ for it!

Continued from page 1 Ryanair said in a statement that as a direct result of trying to force Ryanair to use the €2m p.a. airbridges, AENA Alicante will now lose over €18m p.a. in passenger and turnaround fees from Ryanair and at least a further €12m in lost commercial revenues from the 2.5m lost passengers. The airline urged AENA Alicante to reconsider its decision to break what Ryanair claim is a long-standing agreement (since 2007) permitting Ryanair passengers to walk on and off when boarding aircraft.

If the planned cancellations go ahead it is estimated that it will cost Alicante over €30m p.a. in lost revenues and see over 2,000 jobs lost at Alicante Airport (hotel industry and tourism support jobs).

Ryanair went on to say the new terminal at Alicante has exactly the same boarding gate stairs as the old terminal, which would allow Ryanair’s flights to continue to apply its walk on/walk off boarding facilities.

Ryanair is not only reluctant to use the airbridges because of economic reasons only,

stating that it will bring delays in turnarounds (because passengers can only use the front door), which will lead to more handling delays and will, they say, increase Ryanair’s costs at Alicante by over €2m p.a.

Ryanair’s Michael O’Leary said in a statement, “It is time that the AENA monopoly airports in Spain stopped abusing their dominant position to force airlines like Ryanair to use unnecessary (airbridge) facilities which we neither want, nor are willing to pay for.

Alicante Airport has opened up a new terminal building which was not needed, and to pay for it, Alicante expects efficient airlines like Ryanair to now use the same inefficient and high cost airbridges that other high fare flag carrier airlines prefer to use.

However, Ryanair remains committed to Alicante Airport, and with 1.5m passengers and 31 routes cut it will still be the largest airline at Alicante.

AENA Alicante must consider that Ryanair as a low cost carrier has many other low cost airport alternatives across Europe if Alicante doesn’t want to work with them. And in the current climate, losing jobs and passengers must be the last thing that AENA want.

R INTES W E ION ANT ALIC CELLAT TS CAN ND CU ncelled A s Ca outeclude: R e 31 in ersid

b Hum ry r e K h ck out stwi ck rnem am Kno ow Pre rd u o B g ingh Glas s Bradfo Birm en d e e L k ool Brem verp Gatwic d i L k r n e t o Co s d tol Lon on Stan Bris oi d r n e l o r y L Derr els Cha rid s Mad hester Brus aster c n a c M Don n s li Dub Midland East urgh b Edin

Ryanair at Alicante from October 2011: * *

A drop down 11 to 2 base aircraft (down 80%).

Flights cut from 62 to 31 routes (loss of 31 routes). * Cuts of over 600 to less than 200 weekly flights. * Fewer passengers – a drop from over 4 million to under 1.5 million travellers per annum * Jobs - the loss of over 2,500 local jobs at Alicante (hotel industry and tourism support jobs).

When we told our sales girl, Vanessa, to look everywhere for customers we think she took things a little too far judging by where our Courier car, affectionately known as ‘Noddy’, ended up last week.

Vanessa, clearly still half asleep when she parked up to go in the BBVA bank, returned to find her car gone.

The fact that she hadn’t put the handbrake on hadn’t helped and a quick look around was no use either – she couldn’t see the car anywhere!

Finally she saw a man and his dog – both scratching their heads – and looking at ‘Noddy’ as it balanced precariously over a ravine some one hundred yards away.

Noddy, in his enthusiasm at having been left alone and not on a break (brake…geddit?), headed down the hill before turning left slightly and somehow missing four recycling bins, a lamppost and a pylon!

Most importantly, nobody was hurt (apart from Vanessa’s pride of course) and the grua soon came along and pronounced minimal damage to Noddy thankfully.

Both Vanessa and Noddy will be back on the road and if you see Vanessa say ‘Hi’…

She’ll be the one with the mittens hanging out of her sleeves…

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

SAYS

A VERY FASHIONABLE HAH

SORT IT OUT Let’s just hope that Ryanair and AENA can sort out this row because it is essential for the region that as much business as possible comes here. We are a tourist area that in one way or another relies on foreigners (like us) and home-owners to continue coming back and forth for our livelihoods. Whether it’s a local bar or the airport itself, the amount of people that can be brought here has a direct effect on business.

Let’s just hope AENA (and Mr O’Leary) can see that, and can see that only are we reliant on him to bring us business – the same could be said in reverse…

Some of the models and guests enjoying the show.

Tuesday April 5th heralded the first of the fashion shows on behalf of HAH. Over 80 people turned up to the event in San Javier to watch Zigi and her girls model some stunning fashions at stunning prices. Dancing along to the music of Chris Herd of Smooth Grooves, 15 lovely, lively ladies paraded around the bar in dresses, two pieces etc., all of which had very kindly been donated to HAH by local people. Some of these clothes were designer labels, all were of excellent quality and condition and were auctioned off after the show, some

6 FUNNY WEBSITE NAMES 1 Penisland.net

ties, events, weddings of Lake Tahoe. Check this site at www.gotahoenorth.com for getting a guide for vacations.

Originally to be called “Pen Island”. This site takes orders of producing custom-made pens. Visit the website at www.penisland.net.

4 Therapistfinder.com

for as little as 5€. Also there were lots of other bargains to be had from only 1€ and a staggering 395€ was raised on the day. Lesley, the founder of HAH was absolutely delighted with the event, and thanked Zigi for all her hard work preparing and sorting out the clothes for the show, and the volunteers and models who helped to make it so successful.

If you would like to become involved with HAH, please email helpathomespain.es.If you are struggling to cope following illness, please call 633 673 034. For further information, www.helpathome.es.

FANCY A CURRY?

Sounds odd? Here you can find professional therapists in California to help you cope with your problems. Visit the site at www.therapistfinder.com.

5 Whorepresents.com 2 Speedofart.com This is the website of Nigel Talamo, originally dedicated to odd designs of art. Visit the website at www.speedofart.com.

The site provides information about which celebrity is represented by which lawyer of publicist. Visit them at www.whorepresents.com.

3 Gotahoe.com This website provides information about the towns, activi-

6 Webad.ie This is the website of an online advertising agency, originally called “Web Ad”. Visit them at www.webad.ie.

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

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When it comes to pets, dogs don't wash with DONNA GEE. Here's why . .

At the risk of being dog-tagged for life as a mutt-hater, I’m sticking to my view that cats make better pets than their canine cousins. With one exception.

Dogs keep you fitter - and the bigger the better. In fact, if you can afford to buy and feed a Pyrenean mountain dog, he’ll be happy to drag you on a double marathon ‘walkies’ over the nearest mountain range. In record time.

Before I came to Spain, my home in Manchester was at one point like a Home for Lost Cats. So many waifs and strays came and went that I swear our little dog Carrie thought her name was Puss Puss. She was certainly adept at squeezing herself through the cat-flap as a quick means of exit, even if the poor mongrel never quite mastered the art of getting back in unassisted.

Because so much commitment is involved, I’ve not owned a dog since Carrie joined the Chief Barker in his celestial kennel at the age of 15. However, my love affair with cats purrs along at my villa near Guardamar, where I feed several ‘regular’ visitors. Two are convinced they own me and regard my lap as home, while the others turn up when they're hungry, hang around for perhaps an hour, and then disappear into the night or day as the case may be.

The sad thing about our community of just 41 villas is that only mine has a regular feline presence. This means that when I go away – like my recent visit to see my family in the UK – I face a ‘Cat 22’ situation. Do I ask neighbours to feed them and hope the moggies don’t miss me too much? Or do I send them to a cattery when the freedom of the campo is the only life they have ever known?

There was, of course, the option of taking them to England

with me. But apart from the expense and inconvenience, not to mention the stress it would cause the cats, all of them have a major communication problem. They can only miaow in Spanish.

After I left a willing neighbour to feed them in my absence a couple of years ago, the then community president and committee sanctioned a resolution ordering residents NOT to feed animals outdoors.

As one might expect of non-animal lovers, they believed that leaving Brekkies out would encourage a plague of rats to scamper into their beds. I wish!

My neighbour, unwilling to defy the Fuhrer, promptly stopped feeding the cats, and by the time I returned to Spain at least one had given up waiting for the grub that never arrived. I never saw her again.

The reality is that in cat territory, any roaming rodent that wanders into the vicinity of Tiddles’ mouth tends to become rat-atouille in an instant. So any rat's overwhelming instinct is naturally not to fall foul of the claw.

Now let's turn to the filthy creatures responsible for dropping half the neighbourhood in the brown stuff. I'm talking about dog owners who DON'T clean up after their mutts' guts have been deposited all over the pavement. It's high time someone invented bowelgrowl incontinence pants - and with it redefined the meaning of 'doggy-bag'. It would also mean a nappy ending for dogs, owners and pedestrians alike. ''Catty bags'' are not necessary, of course - and I'm not talking about a label one might attach to a spiteful female of the human variety. Actually, I’m told that efforts were once made to cross-breed a cat and a dog and produce a ‘’catty bitch’’. But the animal was so venomous that scientists abandoned the project.

More seriously, cats are considerably less trouble than dogs. To start with, they never need a bath (just try giving them one and you may well get your head ripped off). They spend half their lives washing their body, legs and tail with their own saliva – and the other half trying to paw it all onto the top of their head, the one place their tongue can’t reach.

While Tiddles always washes herself, all Fido much prefers to wash YOUR face, hands, feet with a giant moist tongue that is as soft as a cat’s is rough.

Keeping Fido himself clean is a major operation. The best bet is to plonk him in the bath under a warm shower, though that is a bit of a gamble in itself. He’ll either love it or make a dash for safety, leaving the entire house three inches deep in water on his romp to the open front door – and then to the nearest garden wall for a mega-sniff of his pals’ doggy wee.

Unlike Fido and his mates, cats will also control their motions almost indefinitely. If there is ANY way Tiddles can avoid messing in the house, she will. I had one amazing female cat that, having sussed out the sewage system and

knowing she’d fall off the seat if she tried to use the loo, always urinated in the bath. And right over the plughole, too.

The ultimate well-drained pet, you might say (sorry, the puns are getting worse!)

Every moggy will head instinctively for the great outdoors when nature calls. Tiddles’ biggest failure here is that she tends not to look while she is burying her poo. She prefers to spin round and round kicking soil, gravel and defecation into the air.

The end product is often a mound of soil topped by a modicum of No.2 – perfect for Fido to stick his nose in next time he comes back from soiling the neighbourhood streets.

Yet overall, and despite my own bias, it seems that animal lovers in general prefer dogs – just. A UK survey of 3,000 people found that 31% cent of households owned dogs and 26% cats.

All I can say is that if people are happy combining walkies with cleaning up their dogs’ runnies, that is their business.

Personally, I’d rather settle down with my cats and watch our favourite film - The Mog-nificent Seven.

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

THAT WAS THE YEAR THAT WAS

but just how much have you forgotten?

1966

•The Rolling Stones •Simon and Garfunkel

Popular Songs •I'm a Believer The Monkees •Good Vibrations The Beach Boys •Monday Monday The Mamas and the Papas •Wild Thing The Troggs

THE BIG NEWS 45 YEARS AGO

Inflation grew as part of the effect of funding the war in Vietnam continued.

Both the US and USSR continued in their space race to see who would be the first to land a man on the moon.

Race riots continued to increase across cities in America and the National Guards was needed to bring back law and order.

The fashions in both America and UK came from a small well known street in London (Carnaby Street) part of the swinging London scene. Both women and men wore patterned pants and flowered shirts and boots, shoes and even caps utilized the plastic and vinyl for a wet shiny look.

The most popular groups included The Beach Boys with Pet Sounds, The Rolling Stones with Under my Thumb and The "Beatles" with Revolver, and Yesterday and Today.

1966 Below are some Prices for UK guides in Pounds Sterling Average House Price £3,840 Gallon of Petrol 5 shillings or 26 new pence Yearly Inflation Rate UK 3.8% Alfa Romeo Spider The same price as an E Type but remembered by many as the car from the Graduate and the music of Simon and Garfunkel.

Born This Year 1966 David Schwimmer Gordon Ramsay November 8th Adam Sandler September 9th Mike Tyson June 30th

England won the World Cup Popular Culture

Technology 1966

•Star Trek first episode of the science fiction television series Star Trek •Author Jacqueline Susann has her first novel, Valley of the Dolls published •Dr. Seuss' "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" the animated television special adapted from the book is shown for first time on CBS •Simon and Garfunkel release Sounds of Silence,

•Worlds first vertical Jump Jet the Harrier is introduced in UK •Hovercraft service begins over the English Channel •Pampers create the first disposable nappy •Colour Television Sets become popular

Popular Films •Thunderball •Dr. Zhivago •Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

•A Man for All Seasons

Popular Musicians Introduced in 1966 it’s very own unique Italian styling

•The Mamas and the Papas •The Beatles •The Monkees •The Beach Boys

Inventions Kevlar - USA by Stephanie Kwolek Fibre Optics - England by Charles Keo and George Hockham Moon Landing - Russia Luna 9 lands softly on the Moon Space Docking - USA Gemini VIII docks with an orbiting satellite

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

A LOAD OF ‘BULLS’ New project for young entrepreneurs in schools kicks off in Alicante

The ‘Bulls’ arrive at BSA school Alicante: From left - Barry Newlove, Dave Bull, Karen Dowsing, Paul Payne and Richard Cavender. Photo: Mark Welton The first ‘Bull Ring’ took place a couple of weeks ago at the BSA school in Alicante. For those that don’t know, The Bull Ring is a group of local business people led by Courier editor Dave Bull who are making visits to schools in the region. The idea behind the Bull Ring is to encourage creativity and develop fresh ideas in schools - and those who are successful will have the support and financial backing of one or all of the ‘Bulls.’

The five Bulls are, (from left to right) Barry Newlove of Pocket Pages, Dave Bull, Karen Dowsing – New2You furniture, Paul Payne – Masa International and Richard Cavender from BlueMoon Solutions.

All five presented themselves at BSA morning assembly and explained to the kids what they were looking for. Said Paul Payne, Marketing Director of one of the largest estate

agents in the region, ‘What we want the kids to do is come up with an idea, for a business and pitch it to us. If one or some of us like the idea we’ll offer not only financial help but also the chance to come and work alongside us and use our experience and contacts to make their business idea a reality.’

Dave Bull added, ‘The kids at BSA now have eight weeks to develop their ideas into a business plan that they can then ask us to help them out with – either with funding, help to contact suppliers or marketing. We’ll go back at the start of May and listen to the ideas – which will be done in front of a school audience – and, who knows, ALL of them could be good ideas and we end up helping them all. Let’s hope so!’

All of the ‘Bulls’ are experienced in running successful businesses here in Spain and are giving their time free to

A GOOD EGG SAMPLE If you’ve not got a kid, my advice is to get one because watching kids, and especially teenagers, can be immensely rewarding…and hugely entertaining.

Take my 19-year-old son (please?) as an example, and his mates of course, who all do the things I used to do at their age – and I thought I’d thought of it first too.

The problem at the moment is the frying pan; just recently my lad has taken a liking to fried egg sandwiches for his breakfast which means the frying pan gets used, and left on the hob…for days. I’ve tried getting him to wash it up – but his argument, which is not bad actually, is that he’ll use it again soon ‘so what’s the point?’ It’s hard to argue against….especially considering his bedroom looks like the last resting place for old socks and indiscernible plates of food. But then he is a teenage lad and if his room was tidy and organised I suspect he’d be wanting matching curtains and cushions…and putting up posters of Shirley Bassey and ABBA.

It’s great when the ‘lads’ come around for a barbecue though, bringing their egos (fully inflated) and boasting of how they plan to stay up all night drinking…

A couple of hours later and having cleared up the vomit, they usually head home and we don’t see them for a day or two. On nights out they’ll all pile into our house and take up the two bathrooms to get ready. By the time they leave ‘to meet some lucky girls’ the dogs and I are high on the smell of testosterone and aftershave (Pico Riban from the market) which will deter any mosquitos (and possibly rhinos, judging by the strength of it). Once gone, the house is mine again for an early night…until the usual happens, Mitch will come home, sit on the bottom stair and begin shouting drunkenly; ‘DAD…you ashweep? DAD! I’m home… .DAD?’ It’s at this point I snore loudly, roll over and say something that isn’t in the good parenting books…

help develop the young entrepreneurs’ ideas. After the BSA ‘Bull Ring’ in May, the Bulls plan to move on to other schools in the region. Dave has also planned a ‘Plaza de Toros’ that will tour Spanish schools and will involve several high profile Spanish business owners.

Good luck to all the boys and girls who showed such enthusiasm (and asked some difficult questions…) when we visited, and thanks to the help of all the staff at BSA, especially Head of Business studies John Thomas, whose enthusiasm alone has helped The Bull Ring become a reality and an opportunity for youngsters everywhere.

If you are a business and would be interested in supporting one of these youngsters – either as a ‘work experience’ type of offer or because you believe you have something to offer - speak to Dave Bull on office@thecourier.es .

NEVER ON A SUNDAY Footy cheats? Not at my level!

Anyone reading this who used to play Sunday football in the UK will surely feel the same way as I do about the recent antics of some of our Premier League stars – by the way I’m talking about on field antics not whether they’ve had some mates round for a spit-roast at the weekend…

Torres did it against United, not for the first time and Nani (United’s horrible little man) rolls around as if he’s been shot…which would be a good idea. I’m talking about the diving that is now so prevalent in the game.

When I used to play on a Sunday it was rough. I’ve played in some places where you’ve got one eye on the ball and the other one on your car, just in case it gets ‘done’ by some lads while you spend 90 minutes distracted by their football playing mates. I’ve been kicked, punched and even saw my mate knocked out in one game (we didn’t even get a free kick – the ref was so scared).

I’ve played against Christians, Muslims, orphans and convicts and one thing ran through all those matches – we didn’t cheat. There was some sort of unwritten code and it just wasn’t done. Even when I played against murderers and robbers at Vinnie Jones started Lewes prison in in Sunday Football Sussex, being abused by convicts on the line who threatened all sorts in an effort to put us off. But none of them cheated.

It’s about time the Premier League found their backbone, straightened it, and stopped the cheats by fining and banning them – or made them go and play on Sundays…I honestly don’t think they’d last five minutes.

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

VALENCIA PP HALTS ANNOUNCEMENT OF ELECTION CANDIDATES MOST ARE AWAITING TRIAL!

By Jake Monroe Last week the Popular Party decided to postpone compiling the election candidates for Valencia, where some officials who want to run for re-election are judicial targets in two wide-ranging corruption schemes. Ongoing investigations in the so-called Gürtel and Brugal cases, both alleged kickbacks-forcontracts networks, have forced the PP national electoral committee to hold off preparing the running lists, according to party sources.

Miguel Arias Cañete, a former minister who serves as head of the electoral committee, has already approved the party candidacies for all the regions and municipalities holding election on May 22 with the exception of Valencia.

At the crux of the PP's concerns are

the proposed candidacies in Castellón and Alicante. Ricardo Costa, who was forced to step down as the PP secretary general in Valencia after he was officially named in the Gürtel inquiry, wants to run for regional deputy for Castellón while José Joaquín Ripoll, provincial chief in Alicante who was named in the Brugal trash contract scandal, wants to run for re-election.

In a related development, the Madrid regional High Court again denied bail to the supposed heads of the Gürtel scheme, Francisco Correa and Pablo Crespo, who have been awaiting trial in jail since February 2009. Judge Antonio Pedreira said in his ruling that Correa still has some 17 million euros stashed away in Switzerland. And that’s all without mentioning ruling Comunidad president Camps and his suits saga!

Pablo Crespo and Francisco Correa

PRINCE FELIPE AND LETICIA GO TO THE BALL THEY’RE ADDED TO WILLIAM AND KATE’S GUEST LIST...AT LAST MINUTE!

By Sally Bengtsson After a right royal slip up, the Spanish royal household announced last Friday that Queen Sofia, Crown Prince Felipe and his wife, Princess Letizia, will attend the royal wedding of Britain’s Prince William and Kate Middleton, to be celebrated April 29 in London.

After the ceremony, a reception will be

given at Buckingham Palace, which has prepared 19 rooms to receive with music and canapés the 600 wedding guests including royals from several countries.

When Prince Charles was visiting the week before, and was informed by Crown Prince Felipe of Spain at a gala dinner in Madrid last week that a solution must be found for Gibraltar, there was great surprise at why a centuries–old dispute had

been stirred up. A royal representative later disclosed that the heir to the Spanish throne was, however, acutely aware of a diplomatic incident even closer to home.

Felipe had learnt that he and his wife, Princess Letizia had not been invited to the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.

“It is extraordinary,” a Spanish official said, “Only King Juan Carlos and Queen

Sofia were invited.” What made the snub to Felipe — who, like Prince Charles, is a great–great-great–grandson of Queen Victoria — even more surprising is that despite him not being included in the list of invitations, space had been found at Westminster Abbey for the owner of a Spanish tile company who donated generously to Charles’s charities, Manuel Colonques, and his wife, Delfina.

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

ROLL UP, ROLL UP! …For Cameron’s big CASH! give-away

BY Tony Mayes JUST when I thought I had heard every conceivable madness coming from the British government comes another which beggars belief.

Time after time we've heard about bankrupt Britain - how every Brit has to pull his/her belt in and accept higher taxes, cutbacks in pay, higher National Insurance contributions and a possible loss of jobs, all thanks to greedy, irresponsible bankers and the past spend, spend, spend Labour government.

Yet despite all of this, crazy Cameron takes a flying visit to Pakistan and hands out 650 million pounds to spend on educating Pakistani children, money he's just saved by savage cutbacks on Britain's defence budget.

His excuse? It will help educate young Pakistanis and in no small way turn people away from extremism and make both Pakistan and Britain a safer place.

‘I suppose that's the government's grand plan. Turn Britain into a Third World country which no-one will want to bomb.’

Sorry Cameron, but I strongly believe that charity starts at home, and all the time Britain is trying to crawl its way out of huge debts, it should stay there.

And to hand over such vast wealth to Pakistan, of all countries, is laughable. Here is a country which has spent a fortune on developing nuclear weapons, and its rulers are currently hell-bent on building up its military arsenal. They are buying 36 Chinese fighter jets and also Chinese submarines, costing a mouth-watering 1.7billion pounds. And yet Pakistan can't afford to spend 950 million on employing teachers to educate its youngsters.

Is he so naive to think that pouring money into Pakistan will improve security in Britain? Does he really think he can buy love around the world? It's absolutely crazy.

We will end up handing Britain to every country around the world. I suppose that's the government's grand plan. Turn Britain into a Third World country which no-one will want to

LOADSAMONEY! bomb.

We're already well on the way to achieving this grand plan, allowing immigrants, legal and illegal, to pour into Britain, creating the most unimaginable strains on health and education services, on housing and raising the benefits bill to huge proportions.

The other grand statement from Cameron recently, was that immigration is good for Britain. Oh come off it. It may be true if the immigrants coming into Britain were all wealthy, were starting businesses in Britain, creating jobs and keeping their money in the UK. But they're not. What is the point of allowing hordes of immigrants into Britain to do work which Brits can do and having an ever growing army of people out of work?

I wrote a similar point of view to this in my former newspaper in Britain and it prompted several unemployed Brits to write to me to say they would not offer themselves for work

for the minimum pay which immigrants were receiving.

My reply...sorry, but the days of feather-bedding people should end. If a job is available, albeit on basic pay, then a person has to take it or lose all benefits. I see no sensible reason why we import a worker into Britain and pay unemployment benefit to someone else.

Many immigrants have come into Britain illegally and have joined the ever growing black economy, not paying tax or NI contributions, and often resorting to crime. In fact many of the inmates in UK prison today are now immigrants, greatly exceeding the ratio between UK nationals and immigrants in society.

To end the free movement of labour from Europe, Britain would have to opt out of the EU. Would that be a bad thing?

I can't think of one benefit the average man on the street has had by joining the EU and I would welcome any reader writing to the Courier to present a different view.

Just a thought...you would have thought membership of the EU would have by now ordered a free transfer of funds between bank accounts in the UK and the Continent - but not a bit of it. In my view we have all of the problems, additional costs and regulations caused by joining the EU, and none of the benefits.

One more thing…

Just one final thought... Many of you may have seen on the UK news of the two men stealing from a clothing donation bin in a supermarket car park. One of the men climbed in to hand out clothes to the other, and got trapped inside.

Firemen were called to release him after four hours being trapped. That man should have been prosecuted and should have appeared before magistrates. But what happens in soft Britain? Police give him an official caution. Police should not have such powers. Any crime detected should result in prosecution. The clothes thief gets away with one crime and will, no doubt think he can get away with another.

Before I have loads of you writing so say i should have compassion - anyone in real need can go to the Salvation Army and will be helped with clothes, provided free. That's what the donation bins are all about.

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

Friday, 15th April, 2011

OF COWS AND SHARKS

Suzanne Manners recounts a life of actors, hippies, and luvvies and cows all living in harmony on a Lancashire farm.

Cows…just like actors During the halcyon days of my youth, I lived on a farm in Lancashire. Of course when I say farm I actually mean a large, sprawling house inhabited by hippies, climbers and theatre workers (I guess you could say that it smelt like a farm). There were cows...Way up on the hill...and a farmer (he lived in a mansion in Carnforth).

They were happy, carefree days. We were young, passionate and vegetarian (until ambushed one morning by a slab of roast pork). My friend Anna (see previous article) regularly announced ‘frie nit’ (fire night) and off we would trot to collect kindling and candles and various cheap wines. The bonfire was always magnificent and random folk would gather, illuminated by the warm glow of crackling Elm branches (illicitly collected from the Duke of Lancaster’s nearby estate) and old school chairs, to tell stories and to dance to the music of Prodigy.

Actors, Artists, Musicians, Set Builders and those whose daily activities remained a mystery (and of interest to the police) would listen to each other, enrap-

tured by the wonder of their own lives.

Every summer, the farm kingdom would swell exponentially as actors and stage hands descended for the annual theatre in the park season. Like children, the actors would gambol in the meadows and splash naked in the Lune (a river not a state of mind). It was a season of heat, freedom and divorce (actors’ wives would sporadically appear and then disappear throughout the run).

Alfred Hitchcock once said that ‘actors were like cattle’.

This is not true, for I can testify that the cows were never as wanton in their behaviour.

If anything, actors are like sharks. For two years I endured a relationship with one of those ‘special’ creatures, until I grew weary of playing second fiddle to his ego. When entering a room I would introduce Ade and then his ego, which would push past me and head for the nearest unattached female. Ade was a psychotic flirter. He was a relationship shark, constantly on the move, searching for his next victim. I swear I once saw his eyes turn black as he zeroed in on a lone stage

manager, trembling in a darkened corner.

Life in the theatre is a transient one. Actors are like gypsies (and have historically been treated as such by society, although be warned, never buy a used fridge from an actor) constantly in search of the next new part.

It is a wonderful and fulfilling life, but, can at times seem hollow and false. Actors play their part on stage and off, sometimes confusing the two (when Ade was touring in Macbeth his Scottish accent followed him everywhere). ‘actors were like cattle…this is not true, for I can testify that the cows were never as wanton in their behaviour…’

Actors rarely waste energy on weak and injured prey, they move on to bigger, stronger fish, the shark flicks its tail and is away. Ade was no exception he collected and discarded friends like a ticket tout at a football match. His mood swings were legendary. Anna, once famously told him he was a prize ham who sang like a Hyena. He took to his bed

for a week and refused to see anyone except his agent (a strange creature who could be either male or female depending on the light). I dumped Ade one rainy evening in South London after he had flirted all day with the hall mirror. I last heard that he was married with kids and living in Croydon.

Not all the actors I met were sharks. Some were genuine and passionate people who cared deeply about the world (these actors invariably worked in Agit Prop Theatre companies or lied) and some became good friends.

My mind often returns to those days and I remember them with warmth. Some of the people are no longer with us and some merely disappeared from my life, as people on the move often do. Nostalgia is a wonderful thing, it sugar coats and dusts everything in gold, its memory is selective and its stories long and intricate.

Imagine if there was a vehicle that, in difficult times, could travel to moments in which we were happy. With such a machine we could become tourists of our own pasts.

Where to today Missus?

Oh I don’t know Jeeves, how about Ally Pally 1979, The Rock Against Racism concert or La Linea, during the total eclipse of the moon, when it turned blood red for almost half an hour.

The trouble with time is that it moves relentlessly forward, like the shark. There are no opportunities to rewind and enjoy the moment again.

And as for those cows...Anna and I spent a terrifying hour on top of a Tor trapped by a hungry looking, drooling Heifer. Next time you find yourself face to face with a cow (or an actor); turn the other way, slowly; whatever you do don’t look into its eyes...the horror.

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12

Friday, 15th April, 2011

SAN JAVIER AIRPORT HITS FACEBOOK

By Sally Bengtsson

“SanJavier no se cierra” is growing in fans every day. After the president of Murcia’s announcement that San Javier Airport would close to commercial air traffic when the nearby Corvera Airport opens next year, there was uproar from local hoteliers, airport staff, tourism chiefs and travellers.

Confusion is reigning after the announcement, especially as one of the initial conditions that were given to enable the new airport to go ahead, was that San Javier would continue to function.

AENA have just spent millions on a new runway and enlarging the airport terminals and car park, so it is hard to believe this will all be left unused in a year’s time.

Businessmen connected to the new airport have announced that Corvera will open by March 2012 to be precise. This will enable them to programme summer flights before the high season begins. And to enable the airport to attract airlines they must be 100 percent positive that the building will be

ready. Some 575 jobs must be filled, for which over 20,000 people have already applied.

The military has been using San Javier airport for the past 70 years. AENA have said that they don’t believe the airport will close to commercial traffic, especially as 67 million euros have just been spent on it, and that the people of Murcia should be able to enjoy the improved services of both airports, without one having to replace the other.

The first flights to use the newly improved airport were headed for Manchester, London and Madrid.

The Mayoress of San Javier, Pepa Garcia, commented that the Murcia president Valecarcel's announcement was very strange and was just leading to a huge confusion. “San Javier Airport is working well and bringing tourists to the region, and it will continue to do so.”

If you believe San Javier Airport should stay open to commercial air traffic then add “SanJavier no se Cierra” to your Facebook friends.

GREAT OUTDOORS Cuckoo

Heard a Cuckoo yet? They’re about, so keep your ears pinned back. And if you have Magpies in your area, always a chance of a Great Spotted Cuckoo – a big, noisy bird that parasitises the black-and-white pests Great Spotted Cuckoo

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

HELP AT HOME MARCH ON We are pleased to say that March was a much quieter month for our Caring team, as our nurses have managed to get a lot of our clients back on their feet and discharged from our care. Having said that, they are still averaging 40 hours per week, visiting clients in their homes, and helping with a multitude of health issues.

Our fundraisers have also been extremely busy, working hard at so many different events, raising funds to enable our FREE home care to help people in their own homes following illness. We have almost reached our first goal, and will be taking legal advice this month regarding offering employment to our Nurses. This month we have raised almost 2.000€ and our thanks go to P.J.’s Bar for hosting Pig Racing, Café Golf, Table top sale, Fitzers Pig Racing, Serena Hotel Spa, Fun day, Costa Calida Golf, sponsored event, and the weekly Bingo event at La Zona bar. Carol and Norman also run our 2nd hand book stall at La Zona every Wednesday 2-4pm during the Bingo, and our thanks to all our fantastic team for their hard

work, and the bars, businesses and the general public who continue to support us.

Lots more fun events in April. Kye James sings at The Arches 7.50€ to include buffet.

April 18th Cheese and wine tasting plus tapas etc. at Campbells in Roda 1.30pm 10€. Horse Race at Time Out in San Javier on Saturday April 30th 8pm start. Food available. Our Nurse will be available to discuss your health issues at Roda Social Club on Thursday April 7 at 12.15 to 1.15pm tel; 633 673 034 or just pop along.If you have any good quality furniture to sell, contact Brenda on 648 735 540. We now have a full line up of acts for our concert, Rocking in Roda on Sunday June 5th. Tickets will be on sale next week at just 10€ to include barbecue, salads etc. Tel Celia on 968 574 576 or Pam on 968 582 535.

If you would like to join our team, and become one of our active volunteers, please email us on helpathomespain@gmail.com or call Lesley 968 134 978 or Jackie 968 575 231 for information.

Some of the winners at the Hacienda Riquelme Golf course following the Costa Calida Golf Tour challenge.

SOL Productions Say it With Chocolate The Easter Bunny is certainly jumping into action early. SOL Productions has, this week, started in earnest their latest campaign to give the area´s under privaledged children a very happy Easter and they need YOUR help. Gina Marks, Sol Productions Managing Director, explained: “We would like to wish the needy children of the area a very happy Easter and say it with Easter Eggs. We are hoping to get hundreds of chocolate Easter eggs collected within the next few weeks so that we can give them to some special young people from the Emaus Association and also the San Miguel Arcangel Association.”

NEW CHURCH IN TORREVIEJA The International Christian Assembly, which has its church at Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, in Torrevieja, will be celebrating its inauguration this month.

The Evangelical non-denominational church moved during the winter to new, larger premises, giving it the chance to extend its work within the community. The inauguration and dedication of the new building will take place on Thursday, April 21, at 7.30pm. There will be a related message, special music and a dedication. Representatives from Torrevieja Town Hall have been invited.

The church will also be holding its Easter Week conference starting on April 17 - Palm Sunday - at 11am and services on Maundy Thursday and Good Friday, April 21 and 22 at 7.30pm, all taken by Rev. Richard McGee Pastor McGee is associate pastor at Grace Church in Long Island, New York, who has been pastoring for well over 25 years. He will be accompanied by a group from his church who will be helping in a tangible way for the week of Easter.

On April 24 - Easter Sunday - there will be a sunrise service at Los Naufragos beach at 7am, followed by breakfast at the church premises at 8.30am, followed by an Easter Worship Service at 10am.

The public is invited to attend any of the services, and for further information, call ICA pastor, Rafael Restrepo on 966.799.273 or 965.327.389

ARE YOU AN ARTY TYPE?

ARTY/CRAFTY people wanted to share their works at an exhibition to be held at The Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre on Sunday April 24th in aid of The Faith Appeal. 5€ per table.

For further details please Contact Chris on 966 783 099.

She added: “Iceland have generously donated some eggs and the Manager of the store in Torrevieja has offered to have the store as a drop off point. You can also drop off eggs at The Looking Good Boutique in La Zenia, The Black Rabbit in La Regia, Quesada Country Club in Quesada, Mr. Smiths in Quesada, The Post Room in Benijofar and at the forthcoming Mind, Body and SOL Exhibition which takes place at Los Arcos Restaurant in Torrevieja on Friday 15th April (11am to 8pm) and Saturday 16th April (10am to 5pm).”

Gina concluded: “In Spanish tradition, the children paint real eggs and the British tradition is to eat chocolate ones, so this year SOL Productions are doing the opposite and giving our chocolate eggs to the Spanish children! We hope that there will be lots of expats out there who will help support our integration of cultures and I would just like to thank all those people who have already donated and all the businesses who have agreed to be drop off points.” For more drop off points and further information on the campaign and on SOL Productions, please visit www.solproductions.tv

&

GET TOGETHER FOR PAUL CUNNINHAM NURSES WIN €100!!! for sending an email!!

Send an email and WIN €100!! Yes that really is all you have to do - send an email to all of your friends within 30k of Rojales and if you have ther highest number of replies you could win as much as €100!!!

All you have to do is send an email telling your friends that THE ROYAL WEDDING FIESTA in Rojales is on Friday April 29th and it starts at 11.00a.m. with TKO in charge of the music, Fun, Games and Competitions for all the family, 100 market stalls, International food, wine tasting, Penalty Shoot Out and Childrens Tea Party plus lot of Live Music Acts.

To prove your claim your friends

have to reply to your email and just put the town where they live and you could win up to €100!!!! The Royal Wedding Fiesta has been organised to raise money for Paul Cunningham Nurses and is in association with Rojales Town Hall and supported by TKO media group.

Send your claim to sueinthesun@hotmail.co.uk - proof of sending does not mean proof of receipt - if you would like to be sure your claim has been received please send a text message to 629 869 959 and make sure you get a reply. TKO and The Courier will update readers and listeners of the highest claim so that you know what you have to beat!

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

JUNIOR STRIKERS FOOTBALL SCHOOL

Junior Strikers Football School has continued to flourish since relocating to the new sports centre in Playa Flamenca last November.

Established three years ago here on the Costa Blanca, Junior Strikers has a reputation to be proud of within the local children's football sector.

The organisers provide excellent tuition in the game and are well-known and respected for the great charity work they continue to do to help raise money

and awareness for the Paul Cunningham Nurses. The new sports centre in Playa Flamenca has great facilities and football school official Junior told us: ”I have struggled for three years to get my children training on a surface where they can really develop as players and at the same time be in a safe environment. ‘’The hard surface has served a purpose but can be potentially dangerous. It restricts a child’s movement and ability to play to their full potential as they are

cautious of injuries. ''I want the best for all children that attend my Football School so the move to Playa Flamenca was imperative as training and playing on astro-turf pitches week in week out makes all the difference to their development”.

One of the Junior Strikers parents added: ”Junior has worked relentlessly to get this football school to where it deserves to be. He was determined to get our children training on astro-turf pitches and when the

opportunity came along he grabbed it with both hands.

We are all so glad that his hard work and determination has finally paid off. My child has been with Junior Strikers from the beginning and seeing the transformation in the football school is fantastic, not to mention the improvement in all the children”.

Junior Strikers teams are currently competing in the local Vega Baja children's football league and are doing well in all age groups.

Tuition is provided for Pre Benjamin (5-6-7 years), Benjamin (8-9), Alevin (1011) and Infantil (12-14).

New players are welcome to join in preparation for next season, when every child will be offered league football.

Junior added: ‘‘We welcome all children to our football school regardless of ability. It is my job along with our coaches to supply all Junior Strikers children with quality training because progression is fundamental”.

Junior Strikers has just started to introduce football to 3-5 year olds with a Mini Strikers group on Mondays

(6-7pm) at Playa Flamenca.

Junior added: ” We use specialised techniques in order for children to progress. With this age group the most important part of the sessions is for the children to have fun without even realising that they are learning fundamental football skills in order to develop as players”.

Junior Strikers has established strong links with a selection of professional clubs both here in Spain and in the UK. Scout visits have been confirmed for both The Junior Strikers Easter and Summer Elite Football Academy. So if you think your child has what it takes please contact Junior for more details.

Three Junior Strikers are currently at professional clubs, namely Barcelona, St Mirren and most recently Aston Villa. Coach Junior told us: ”I have contacts in the football industry that can make things happen for talented players. I will always devote my time to getting children seen as there is nothing better than knowing you have done your job as a coach and

moved talented children onto a stage where they can progress and hopefully become full-time professional football players”.

Junior Strikers would like to thank main sponsors Tony from Quesada Fish & Chips, Phil and Jayne from The House Maids Cleaning & Management services (www.the-housemaids.com) and Rachel from Mar Azul International School (www.marazulinternatinalschool. com) for their continued support. Also team sponsors Kulsveen s.l, The Vegetable Garden and Market St Restaurant for kindly Sponsoring their Football School.

Junior Strikers is currently looking for further main sponsorship in order to continue its good work amongst the local community. If you are interested in becoming a sponsor, please email info@juniorstrikers.com Training takes place on Mondays and Wednesdays (6-7pm) for all age groups.

Please contact Junior Strikers before attending sessions. For further information please visit www.juniorstrikers.com

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

PLEASE DON’T INTERRUPT I’m having a crisis

Tony Brennan takes a look at what happens when you hit middle age and asks why women convince themselves they are not getting older

I have just finished reading an article on the alleged infidelity of Jeremy Clarkson. Committed with a beautiful blonde assistant in the Far East whilst filming episodes of Top Gear. I was thinking that perhaps it was just good publicity for the new series, or more likely he is passing the twilight passage of life known as middle age.

My middle age is not as exciting as the young whipper-snapper Clarkson but in the main consists of losing or forgetting things. I have now taken to wandering upstairs at home and forgetting why I took the journey in the first place.

Clothes are a giveaway to a midlife crisis. There is nothing worse than seeing a podgy 50-something trying to squeeze in to a pair of jeans.

It looks like a really bad attempt at putting a double duvet into a single cover.

Hair is the real giveaway, from the Bobby Charlton ‘combover’ – colouring badly applied, and the worst of all, wigs, hairpieces and transplants.

You know something is amiss when the caravan is traded for the Harley Davidson and copies of Zoo magazine appear on the coffee table, replacing the TV Choice.

It is all a cry for help, and from whom are we seeking help?

Yes, our partners.

But what we are not in tune with is they are having a crisis of their own. They only visit shops that sell proper size 14 dresses, because elsewhere they are classed as size 16.

Wrinkly bits are the result of bad moisturisers, not the ravages of time.

Legs get podgier; skirts get shorter and are then replaced with trousers to hide the AA road map of varicose veins.

Horror of horrors, one day bingo-wings appear and those tattoos that were such a good idea many years ago have suddenly become smudge marks of dirty in.

I am advised that all this turmoil stops when a visit to the doctors ends in taking six tablets each day for various ailments and the realisation that you’re knackered.

So go on Jezza, enjoy your crisis because you will find that the only thing left to play with is a gear knob. Now…where’s my tea gone.

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

WHAT THE SPAN

INTERNATIONAL INTERVENTION PROVES COSTLY

And they could have been battling against Spanish supplied weapons

By Sally Bengtsson We might be in the midst of a crisis but Spain’s participation in the international intervention in Libya will cost state coffers 25 million euros, and that is only on the condition that the initial one-month period approved by Congress is not extended, said sources at the Defense Ministry.

The deployment of four F-18 fighter jets and a B-707 refuelling plane for 30 days has a cost of 10 million euros, while the naval operation will run up a tab of 15 million euros over three months. The frigate Méndez Núñez sailed out of Rota (Cádiz province) on Tuesday with a mission to “protect the population of Libya from the crimes of a tyrant,” in the words of Defence Minister Carme Chacón, who travelled to the military base after Congress had greenlighted Spain’s participation.

The frigate F-104, the most modern ship in the Spanish Navy, will help oversee the embargo on weapons bound to Libya together with the submarine Tramontana, which left nearby Cartagena on Monday. A CN-235 sea patrolling aircraft was scheduled to take off on Wednesday from the base of Getafe, outside Madrid.

In her address to the troops, Chacón pointed out that NATO had authorized the naval blockade on Tuesday, and told the more than 200 crewmembers aboard the Méndez Núñez that their mission was to “carry out surveillance tasks and, if necessary, to intercept any suspicious vessels.”

Meanwhile, the four Spanish F-18s deployed since Sunday at the Italian base of Decimomannu on Sardinia flew out on another patrolling mission over Libya. On Monday, only two of them had gone out. All five aircraft (including the refuelling plane) have altogether put in 33 flight hours, while the B-707 has transferred over 35,000 litres of fuel to the fighter jets.

Libya was in the midst of buying sophisticated Spanish arms However, the Spanish planes could have flown into a much more sophisticated, yet familiar air defence system, designed by Spanish firm Indra, were it not for the tardiness of Libyan bureaucracy and the speedy deployment of the airborne attack on Muammar Gaddafi by coalition forces.

The contract to modernize Tripoli’s obsolete air-defence system included nine threedimensional radars; control centres, equipment for electronic warfare and communications systems. It would have cost over 200 million euros. Fortunately, although talks began in 2006 and got another push in January 2009, when King Juan Carlos visited Tripoli — where Gaddafi received him in the ruins of his Bab al-Azizia palace, bombed in 1986 on the orders of then-US President Ronald Reagan — the contract was never signed, according to an Indra spokesman speaking last Sunday.

The Spanish company, a leader in the information technology sector, did set up a new automatic air traffic control system in Libya, with control towers in Tripoli Benghazi and Al-Jufra.

The contract was awarded in 2006, at a total cost of 48 million euros and the new system was implanted over the following years.

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

NISH PAPERS SAY

CHE’S MOTORBIKE PARTNER DIES AGED 88

BRIT CONMAN DOES A RUNNER

Runs up 1,500€ hotel bill on ’friend’s’ credit card then disappears A man who arrived at a hotel pleading with an old friend who worked there for just one night’s accommodation, claimed that his apartment roof had fallen in. But eight nights later and having had a good time running up a bar bill and raiding the mini-bar in his room at the five-star Gran Hotel Guadalpin Banus, British expat Alwyn Funke casually walked away without paying any of his bills.

The hotel has now sent out an appeal to find the man who has run up a bill of more than 1,500€ and who left false telephone and contact details with staff.

Locals told us that Funke used to run a landscaping business on the Costa del Sol and is fairly well known in the area but has yet to be seen. He checked into the hotel on March 6 and stayed for eight days. However, a little investigating reveals that he came to Spain after being banned as a company director in the UK for 12 years in 1998 after running up debts in his father’s business. He was banned from being a director after the business he inherited, The Flower House Group, continued to trade despite being put into receivership in 1991.

When the authorities managed to finally shut it down in 1991 it had 10 insolvent companies with deficiencies totalling nearly two million euros.

Funke had arrived at the hotel after a former gardening friend had agreed to lend him his credit card number to guarantee the booking after Funke had told him that he had just got back from the UK and had discovered that his home in Elviria had a collapsed roof. Funke claimed to have neither money nor credit cards but he faithfully promised his friend that he would return the favour and pay in cash the next day on check out. Seven days later he was still there and witnesses report seeing him spending ‘generously’ and pretty much ‘living it up’ – ordering room service several times each day and running up large bills for food and drink in the hotel’s restaurants and bars.

‘NOT OF THIS COUNTRY’

Spanish Minister’s ugly slur on Brits in home dispute

By Spike British homeowners fighting to have their homes legalized are calling for the Junta’s Minister for Public Works, Josefina Cruz, to resign for discrimination following what the group describe as ‘racist comments that she is alleged to have made in the Spanish Parliament.

According to reports, Cruz (who the group claim has broken the law following her address on March 9) was making a speech and referring to the problems of expats who own illegal homes in Almeria. The minister apparently said to parliament that, “They are a group of people who are not of this country – who have settled here illegally in our territory.” And she went on… “The affected residents – whether they are in an organisation or not, whether they bought in good faith, or not, – are now demanding that we resolve a problem that they are responsible for creating.”

However, with the support of the resident’s association AUAN (Abusos Urbanisticos Almanzora – No), the dozen affected homeowners have now lodged a criminal complaint with Andalucía’s High Court of Justice against Ms Cruz with AUAN President, Maura Hillen, referring to the speech as “seriously offensive to many people of another country.

These people are victims of the chaotic planning system in Andalucía, which has clearly failed and continues to fail.

“They invested all of their life savings in a house in Spain, having being assured that they had all legal permits, only to find that they risk losing their home. These comments were not issued by just anybody, but by a member of the regional government. In fact, the person charged with resolving the urban planning mess in that region.”

She concluded: “This is playing with too many people’s lives. We have to draw a line somewhere. If I was the Minister, I would resign”.

NO CASH REQUIRED

Spain on the up as Portugal borrows heavily

By Dave Bull In an interview on national radio, Elena Salgado, the Spanish economy minister, has told investors that Spain which has the fourth largest economy in the EU will not be following its troubled neighbour Portugal in borrowing money from Europe.

She said her confidence had been lifted by a 4.1€ billion sale of Spanish government debt and the news came just a day after Portugal became the third European Union country, after Greece and Ireland, to ask for financial help.

She said on national radio that outside help “is absolutely ruled out” because the Spanish economy “is more diversified, more powerful with sound basics, and is much more competitive” than Portugal’s.’’

Portugal’s stand-in Prime Minister Jose Sócrates, said last week in a statement: “I have always said that asking for aid would be the final way to go, but we have reached the moment.” It looks as if that rescue fund could be as high as 80€ billion.

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

SPRING IS IN THE AIR at Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre

Delilah Springtime is the time for the arrival of new life and at the Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre this is no exception as two of the rescued horses are expecting foals.

The first is Delilah who we rescued on 24th September 2010.

Not only did the callous people that had her put her with a stallion, they allowed her to become almost blind with infection from fly bites, together with inflamed soars in her mouth and nose, they then turned her out to

wander the streets of Almoradi. Fortunately for her the Almoradi local Police found her and called us.

The second foal expected is from Sophia.

We rescued this beautiful mare on 1st October 2010 again from Almoradi and again with the help of the local Police .She was tied to a tree in the heat with no food or water and no chance to graze.

Sophia has been looked after for us by very generous supporter of the Rescue Centre until we had appropriate accommodation for her. We rescued Sophia together with four other horses Jacob, Nelson, Napoleon and

Sophia the wonderful Bronson who has touched the hearts of so many. At present we have 33 horses and donkeys at the Rescue Centre plus our little Faith who is still recovering from her operations in Barcelona and with the two new arrivals the total will be 36.

Delilah and Sophia are now stabled next to each other and turned out together during the day. They have bonded well so when they have their foals the youngsters will be able to play together.

We will be running a name the foal competition when they are born.

One of the most important things we do at the Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre is try to

help educate people of the importance of good horse care-and what better place to start than with animal owners of tomorrow.

Our pony club is held every Saturday and Sunday from 1 pm until 4 pm and teaches children all aspects of horse care and introduces them to riding. It is open to children of all ages and is run by experienced and qualified riding instructors.

As a special treat on Easter Sunday 24th April our honorary pony club member Georgie May is organising an Easter Egg Hunt at the Rescue Centre This is open to all children and starts at 2 pm For more information or directions please visit www.easyhorsecare.net or call Sue 652 021 980

MAR AZUL’S GOT TALENT Last week saw Mar Azul International School in San Miguel held their first ever talent Competition. It was open to all of the children who attend the school, the children had to put together a performance of their choice and perform in front of a panel of selected judges and their peers. Prior to this great event the children worked really hard to ensure that they gave the performance off a life time.

Head of School Rachel Pestell told us “The Talent Contest was a great success, it has bought the whole school together, whether the children were performing or not they have supported one another, I am really proud of all the children who took part, we have some amazing talent here at the school”.

The Individual Winner from Primary went to Albin Strom on the drums Year 1&2 The Winner’s Group from Primary went to Cortni Sewotka and Gabriella Izaguirre Year 5&6.

The Individual Winner from Secondary went to Elyssa Frost for singing.

The Winner’s Group from Secondary went to Danielle Mulleryer and Charley Mitcham for singing.

A special mention was given to Yasmin Geldie and Sherri Brooks from Year 10, who performed a superb dance routine in the group section, and came a close runner up.

Katherine Barbour from Year 8 was awarded for showing talent in Dance.

Tamara Williams from Year 9 was awarded for showing exceptional talent in singing and guitar.

All of the children had a fantastic time and the standard was extremely high.

Rachel from the school would like to thank the panel of judge’s Colin, Jerry and Head Boy Tom Firth. To view all pictures taken from this event, please visit marazulinternationalschool.com.

Friday, 15th April, 2011

KIDDIES CORNER EASTER HOLIDAYS

It is so frightening how fast the year is flying along. Having only just polished off the last mince pies in the store cupboard, we are moving on to hot cross buns and Easter Eggs. A visit from the Easter bunny is nearly upon us and most children break up from school in the next few days and will be off school and demanding entertainment for nearly two weeks.

Hopefully April will see the weather improving which gives us more outdoor options.

Easter is a great excuse to have fun.

The combination of good weather (fingers crossed!) together with lots of chocolate and plenty of leisure time is a perfect combination. So how to keep the little ones amused.

Spring Cleaning This might not immediately come to mind as a means of entertaining the children but giving the house a spring clean can be good therapy. Why not move the furniture around in their bedrooms. Kids love a change and seeing things looking all neat and tidy might encourage them to tidy away their toys and keep their rooms clean. Once the kids’ rooms are taken care of, start on the rest of the house. It feels great to see the house looking spick and span and makes you feel much better. Once you have completed all of the house, introduce a cleaning rota. Tackle one room a day and get the children involved in each task in a small way depending on their age. Use the ten minute room tidy method. Collect up the items strewn in the room. Put the ones that belong in the room in one basket and the rest in another basket. Any dirty washing should go straight into the linen basket. Make the bed. With the debris gone, give a quick flick round with the duster. Straighten pillows, tidy magazines and ornaments. Sweep, mop or vacuum the floor and if time allows put away the items in the basket. Job done! Put on some music while you work and whilst children won’t usually clean to adult standards, it will look better than not doing it at all and will give them a sense of pride and responsibility.

Beach Weather OK. It might still be too cold to immerse yourself in the sea, but the beach can be amazing fun at this time of year if you are properly equipped. For starters it is likely to be a lot less crowded than it is in the heat of the summer and you have a fighting chance of parking somewhere close by. Make sure you take plenty of things to keep them entertained such as bats and a ball, a larger ball for playing football or volleyball or even a game of swing ball if you can fit it in the car. The usual array of buckets and spades can keep children of all ages amused for hours. Try having a

sand castle competition or get children to hunt for pebbles and shells. Alternatively, draw pictures with a stick or edge of a spade and fill them in with stones.

Parklife

ANIMAL FACTS

» Instead of bones, sharks have a skeleton made from cartilage. » Insects such as bees, mosquitoes and cicadas make noise by rapidly moving their wings. » The horn of a rhinoceros is made from compacted hair rather than bone or another substance. » Sharks lay the biggest eggs in the world. » Even when a snake has its eyes closed, it can still see through its eyelids. » Unlike humans, sheep have four

stomachs, each one helps them digest the food they eat. » Despite the white, fluffy appearance of Polar Bears fur, it actually has black skin. » The average housefly only lives for 2 or 3 weeks. » Mosquitoes can be annoying insects but did you know that it's only the female mosquito that actually bites humans. » Cats use their whiskers to check whether a space is too small for them to fit through or not.

What do you call a man whose father was a Canon ?

A son of a gun !

What do you call a flock of birds who fly in formation ?

The red sparrows !

What do you call a bee that is always complaining ?

A grumble bee !

What would you call a friend who had an elephant on his head ?

A flatmate !

What do you call a weekly television programme about people getting washed ?

A soap opera !

What do you call a man with two left feet ?

Whatever you like - if he tries to catch you he'll just run round in circles !

We are very privileged in this area of Spain to be surrounded by parks and green areas. We have Guardamar Park with its wooden play equipment and duck pond, the Park of Nations in Torrevieja with the dragon slide and boating lake, the La Mata park by the salt lakes and the beach park at La Mata with the canal running through it. All of these parks are an ideal spot for a picnic and some good old What do you call a scared biscuit ?

A cowardy custard cream ! fashioned fresh air and exercise.

Jokes

Easter Parades There are some excellent Spanish fiestas during the Easter period. Most townhalls can provide you with a list of what is happening and when and children usually enjoy the sense of occasion and the drama.

What if it rains?

It does seem that Easter in Spain is either really sunny or really rainy so if you do get caught out and have to spend a day in the house, try making easter cakes.

Combine rice crispies or cornflakes with melted chocolate, make a little hole in the middle of each cake with your fingers and put in some mini eggs. Add a little chick if you like to make it extra festive.

Easter Sunday Easter Sunday is a great family day.

Start the day by organizing an Easter Egg Hunt. Hide children’s eggs in strategic places in the house and garden. Give each child a basket and let them hunt for lots of little eggs. If your budget can stretch to a few bigger eggs, write your children clues to show them how to get there or draw them a treasure map.

Stretch the Egg Hunt out in two parts to keep them interested. A lovely family dinner is a great way to celebrate. It can be a traditional English roast, a traditional Spanish paella or throw away the rule book and light the barbeque.

Whatever you decide, enjoy a well earned break and some quality time with the children. Hopefully you will be giving them some great childhood memories to look back on when they are older.

19

20

Friday, 15th April, 2011

Friday, 15th April, 2011

21

GOING BACK? FAMILY COMING OUT? …SAVE MONEY AND BE SAFE WITH THE COURIER’S TRAVEL TIPS

Spring is here, it’s warming up and there will soon be a whole lotta travel going on.

Whether its families or friends coming to Spain, or if you’re heading back to the UK or other climes – you need to have a read of the Couriers travel tips and be assured that you have everything covered…and you could save some money at the same time!

Travel budgeting is essential and prior knowledge before you go can save you a fortune – take a look at our handy tips below 1. DON'T BUY CASH AT THE AIRPORT Not only will you get a poor exchange rate, but you could also pay steep commission charges.

The Kiosk at Alicante, for example, was offering just €107 in return for £100 but you would have got nearly €118 if you'd ordered your euros from one of the money exchange companies on the Costa Blanca first.

Good deals can be found online, but check delivery charges before ordering and if you’re not sure, check with us at Courier Travel.

2. CHOOSE A CHEAP CREDIT CARD Most cards impose a foreign currency charge (so if you’re using a Spanish credit card in the UK it’ll cost) of between 2.75 % and 2.99% every time you use them abroad. For example, when you spend £100, you'll be charged £103.

This charge won't show up on your statement, because the card issuers take it by manipulating the exchange rate…clever eh…

But be smart and avoid these charges.

Santander's Zero credit card and those from Saga in the UK don't have any foreign exchange loading fees. Also there is the Nationwide Visa which is fee-free in Europe, but carries a small charge for foreign currency exchange elsewhere.

If you plan to apply for one of these cards, do it now so it arrives in time.

3. DON'T DRAW CASH ON YOUR CARD Nearly every credit card will hit you with three charges for withdrawing cash. There will be the hidden foreign currency charge, a cash with-

drawal charge that may be as high as 2.99 % (with American Express) and interest from the day you make the withdrawal which sometimes can be as much as 30%.

Overall, withdrawing €100 in foreign currency can cost you almost €106 with the most expensive cards – and, bless them, you'll be charged interest from the day of the withdrawal and once that is added on your bill could rise to more than €110.

Again, and they’re not paying me for this…the exception is Santander's Zero credit card, which has no foreign currency charges and doesn't charge for cash withdrawals.

4. BEWARE OF DEMON DEBIT CARDS You might expect your debit card to offer free withdrawals, but many charge a fee of up to 7€ on €100 and nearly all have a minimum fee, making it a better idea to draw out larger amounts rather than small ones.

But the real bad debit cards also charge a fee of between €1 and €2.50 every time you spend on them in a foreign country – in other words if you pay for a gift costing about a tenner on your debit card the bank will add this cost in addition to the currency exchange fee – so what you are doing in reality is paying 15% commission on every transaction.

So that works out that if you use your debit card 10 times abroad in shops and restaurants you'll be hit by 10€ to 15€ in fees and of course not forgetting that currency exchange charge.

One idea is to consider pre-paid cards, but you

need to be wary of charges. You can load the cards with money before you go and use them like a debit or credit card. The cards are available online and can be loaded with euros or dollars and they don't have any purchase or foreign usage fees. Worth thinking about.

5. DON'T LET SHOPS CONVERT CURRENCY

Cheapest isn't always the most comfortable Some shops, restaurants and cash machines in European countries will offer to change your euro bill into sterling or vice versa but don't let them. There’s a very good chance you will get a very poor exchange rate. If the shop does it automatically and refuses to cancel the transaction it is recommended that you make a note and tell your card issuer.

6. TELL YOUR BANK BEFORE YOU GO You may have already experienced the way that banks are becoming increasingly cautious about overseas credit and debit card use.

Make sure you tell them before you go to the UK or anywhere with your card or your card could be stopped without warning.

7. FILL YOUR PETROL TANK Car hire small print can be full of nasty surprises (here and abroad…) and drivers usually need to return the car empty but be aware the cost of the full tank as many of the car hire firms are charging well over the odds for a full tank when you arrive to take it away.

8. WATCH FOR CAR COVER SCAMS Car rental companies charge an excess when drivers have an accident, which can be as steep as €1,000 but they will often let you lower the excess by paying an extra charge, however, this again will increase your overall bill. Here in Spain, many tired visitors are confused with the offers of extra insurance, so make sure you are not buying cover you already have.

9. AVOID MOBILE PHONE SHOCK A few calls made and received while you're abroad can result in an eye-watering mobile phone bill when you get home. One company charges over 1.50€ a minute to make a call back to Spain and again to receive calls.

Consider a deal to cut costs – talk to your airtime company, but the best way to keep costs down is to text instead - these usually cost only around 14 cents to send from Europe.

CHECK YOUR INSURANCE Cheapest isn't necessarily the best when buying travel insurance and, surprisingly (not) insurers can try to wriggle out of paying claims by saying that you didn't tell them something relevant before you went – such as gran’s taking medication. So before buying insurance, always examine the small print so you know your cover limits.

Tip: Your cancellation cover, for example, if you have booked your holiday independently, should be enough to include your flights as well as other expenses such as car hire and accommodation.

GOOD LUCK!

22

Friday, 15th April, 2011

GADGETS

with Richard Cavender

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This month he reviews a new alarm system.

• It Has Cameras - so in the event of an activation the guys monitoring the system receive pictures from the camera activated, thus helping them to establish whether the activation is from a false alarm or not.

• Real People Monitor Your House there are human beings responding to the alerts, yes ok they are call centre staff, but that's good enough when you’re 50 kilometres away and someone is trying to break into your house, they can call the police and even guide them to your house so you know they are not going to be driving around for ages trying to find your gaff.

This month we look at something that you wouldn't normally think would be categorised as a gadget or piece of modern technology - an alarm system. Quite recently one of our neighbour’s houses was broken into, the thieves ripped off one of their window grills and made off with the safe - unbeknown to them the safe was empty so hopefully they will get an unpleasant shock when they get into it. Nevertheless a lot of damage was caused and it will cost time, hassle and money to get everything fixed. The whole affair got Liesl and I thinking about the security in our own home and how we might discourage the same section of society from having a go at our house.

As you might imagine I looked at various technical solutions to the problem involving the installation of CCTV style cameras that could be viewed internally from computers or the tv, cameras that could be accessed over the Internet (IP Cameras) and alarm sys-

tems that did more than simply make a noise for others to ignore (well let’s face it, that's what tends to happen isn't it?). There were many different options available but none of them were simple, they were all expensive and most of them required a decent level of technical knowledge to use them - not an issue for me, but my wife prefers the simple things (it's why she married me apparently!)

We then happened to speak to friends of ours (hi Paul and Jackie) in La Marina and they seemed to have the solution to our problem. They had installed an alarm system supplied by a company called Securitas Direct. After discussing the merits of the system and doing a little research on the Internet we decided to get them in to discuss the system. After seeing through the sales staff (dressed up to look like engineers) we did manage to get to the facts and it did look like the sort of system that we would want to install, the benefits were...

• It's Monitored so even the basic system comprises of a unit that allows the staff at Securitas Direct to listen inside your property if the alarm is activated. If, following an activation, it's obvious that you are not there and someone who shouldn't be there is, they will call the police (who will respond as it's a qualified activation) they will then call you or up to 2 other people in an attempt to get you home to meet up with the police and catch the intruders.

Richard has always been “into” gadgets, in the UK he had a robotic lawn mower called Marvin and here in Spain he has pretty much iEverything.

One Christmas he bought his wife Liesl an iRon but it didn’t go down too well!

• Emergency Button - this really is great peace of mind, hit the panic button and within 30 seconds an operative speaks to you from the alarm control panel, they can arrange for medical help to be dispatched, for the police or fire brigade to be called, again they will guide them to you making sure that they arrive as quickly as possible.

• Controlled From Your Smart Phone - ok, this is the real reason that I bought the system, it's the real gadget bit of the whole system, I can be sitting anywhere and I can order photos of any of the rooms covered by cameras, I can check whether the alarm is activated or not (in case I had forgotten whether I had set it when I left the house) and I can even turn on the alarm remotely!

All in all the alarm system and the fact that it’s backed up by real humans seems to make it one of the best that I have seen, certainly the fact that it’s a human that makes contact with you when it goes off feels really reassuring and although our Spanish is not bad, the fact that all contact is made in English feels great!

“

the thieves ripped off one of the window grills and made off with the safe

”

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970 Office: 902 906 200

23

Friday, 15th April, 2011

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

ADVICE: Bill wanted advice on 3G dongles I have a holiday home near Playa Flamenca, and am a frequent visitor from three weeks to three months.

Although I have a landline it has never been connected, what I want is your advice and experience regarding wifi dongles.

I use a Samsung notebook running Windows XP, and although I am not a heavy user of the internet I do need to be connected at times. I have been looking at pay as you go wifi dongles, but the choice and price seems confusing. From Carrefour's to Vodaphone there is a wide choice of tariff and down load limits, can you recommend a carrier or system? a wifi modem would be nice as I use my Iphone to access the web at times, also my Grandson needs to be connected with his Xbox??. Please can you help find a solution in this confusing field? Many thanks in anticipation, Bill

Q

A

Hi Bill, as you have already found there is a wide range of tarrif’s and options available, they almost always come down to this question, which is the cheapest per mega or giga byte? Although the pay as you go option is the most flexible, it does have some serious drawbacks, in that, most of the time we use far more Internet bandwidth than we expect to use, therefore with the pay as you go options we tend to always be topping up the dongles. Most people don’t take into account things like antivirus updates and windows update which can have a serious effect on the amount of data that is downloaded, and in turn on the viability of the pay as you go options. Another downside to the dongles in general is that they are sold as separate connections (i.e. one dongle, one device connected to the Internet), there are however always exceptions to almost everything when it comes to IT and there are companies that do sell routers that can be connected to dongles, but again I know of none of these services that are sold for pay as you go dongles and without a router you would not be able to connect your grandson’s x-box or other devices. I would suggest that, in your circumstances a pay as you go dongle is not the best solution and an ADSL or local wireless connection would be more appropriate for your needs especially as you have multiple devices that need to be connected at the same time.

ADVICE: Denise had certificate errors when using her Gmail email account.

Q

Hi Richard, thanks for your help the other day, I have one additional question, when I go into my email (Gmail) I receive an error about a certificate, do you have any idea what this might be about?

Hi Denise, usually certificate errors are caused due to an incorrect time and/or date set on your computer, first thing to do is to check that your date and time are correct, you can do this by double clicking on the clock in the taskbar (bottom right hand portion of your display), update the date/time so that its correct and click ok.

A

Update: wow, fantastic thanks Richard, I received this error every day for months and never knew how simple it was to fix, thanks again!

Richard moved to spain four years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC problems. now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast experience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!”

ADVICE: John wanted advice with a Java Update message he kept receiving

Q

Hi Richard, love the help page, I read it every week!

I wondered whether you could help me with a message I keep receiving on my computer every time it boots up? It says Java update available, click here to update. What is Java? Should I update it?

Hi John, Java is a “client side” application, what that means is it’s a piece of software that sits on your computer and is utilised by some websites, usually the ones that have pretty animation or moving graphics and with regards to updates, yes you should wherever possible update Java on your computer.

A

ADVICE: Adam wanted advice on Windows Live Messenger Hi Richard, I realise this is probably a very simple problem for you but its driving me mad! Every time I start my computer, a box pops up with Windows Live Messenger on it and my contacts in list and very time I click on the cross to get rid of it, however every time I start my computer up again it reappears! Is there any way that I can stop it popping up every time?

Q

Hi Adam, every problem is frustrating until you know the answer, this is one of them, many people have exactly the same problem so it’s a good one to cover off here. Firstly you should know that there is a different way of doing what I am about to cover in different versions of Messenger, I will assume that you have the latest version, if you don’t then just let me know what version you have. What you need to do is to tell Windows Live Messenger that you don’t want it to open up when you start your computer. To do this, you click on Tools, Options from within the Windows Live Messenger window, and a new window will open showing you the options for Messenger. Here you click on “sign in” and then remove the tick from the box “open the main window when Messenger signs in”, then click the “OK” button and that will sort your problem out.

A

Update: Great thanks Richard, that did the trick!

Read Richard’s fantastic computer page only in Jungle Drums Magazine.

OUT NOW office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

24

Friday, 15th April, 2011

GO INDIAN! With

WHAT IS A TANDOOR? ..And why does it taste so nice!?

Basically, the tandoor works on the same principle as the oven. The biggest advantage it has, and this is over the oven also, is that it provides completely wrap around heat, because of its construction. By controlling the draught and the fuel, it can be heated to up to 400 degrees centigrade, a feat that no other traditional coking oven can achieve.

It uses chopped dry timber as fuel and is made from clay free of any silica content (or mud), some grasses for pliability, along with some binders. The drum shaped oven is open at the top and has an opening about 10 cms across at the bottom to remove the ashes and also allow circulation of air.

The oven itself is either built in sections; wherein cylinders of a certain width and height are put together in layers and then gelled into each other to get the whole oven, or a coil is used to make the whole cylinder in one go. Either ways, it takes a lot of smoothing and then internal curing to make sure that it doesn’t crack on drying, and also that no breads or meats stick to its internal surface while cooking.

Traditionally the tandoor uses non-smoky, non-resinous wood. In modern times, charcoal is the easiest to use fuel. Coke though, is never used inside the tandoor since it has high sulphur content. While cooking, sometimes twigs of aromatic herbs are added to the fuel during cooking, and these impart subtle flavours to the food inside. Charcoal

heat inside itself adds to the flavour of the meats and breads cooking inside, and these herbs make the whole thing even better.

To bake breads, the dough is fashioned into round flats and stuck to the sides with a hooked stick or even bare hands. When it is ready, if falls off and can be collected. Meat is usually skewered and stuck into the oven, periodically tested for tenderness, and then the skewers or long sticks are taken out.

Sauces and gravies are usually served separately.

The latest version of this age old implement is, interestingly, a tandoor run by gas.

This variation is made of special iron ally steel and is run on the principle of hot air circulation. Experts have pronounced it to be as effective as the traditional version, but purist still swear by the flavour of burning charcoal that the clay tandoor gives… and the gas tandoor cannot!!

The uses of tandoor have been appreciated across the East Asian belt, as we know.

Afghanistan and the western PakistanIndian areas use the tandoor for their daily cooking. Indeed, in Afghanistan, huge naans (unleavened breads) are made by the womenfolk for their families that usually consist of twenty or more members. As far as Egypt, men also use the tandoor to bake the bread, the only difference is that their tandoor is buried into the sand, while in India, it is usually buried inside a raised platform, with only the top opening showing.

FOOD

The Chinese use porcelain ovens, very much like the tandoor, to make their famous Peking Duck. This porcelain is made with clay that is found only in that region. In Iran, the oven is called Tandoor and is even today, used to bake breads, the popular ones being called berbery, sangak and lavash. Almost as regularly used as flour bread in the rest of the world. In other Arab countries too, makeshift tandoors are made wherever clay and twigs are available, and breads are baked sticking to the sides of the oven. Sometimes, a pot of meat curry or meats is also cooked inside the same oven along with the breads…a most primitive, yet efficient method of getting a meal ready.

While baking various types of breads in the tandoor which has been done since time immemorial, meats can be cooked in the tandoor only after tenderizing. Only tender meats can be fully cooked in it, since there is no provision for braising, sautéing or broiling. Traditionally, in India at least, meats were not cooked in the tandoor. The only exception that history throws up is the meat of the still born lamb of the variety burrah

karakul, which was possible because it was so tender. The regular flesh needs tenderizing for at least 6-8 hours before plunging it in the tandoor. Fortunately, the Indian spice tradition has the solution for this and the result is there for the entire world to see, taste and admire.

Some of the best traditional tenderizers used in tandoori cooking are souring media like lemon and pomegranate juice, curds, pungent condiments like ground mustard.

This information can be found in the medical treatise of an ancient Indian physician, Sushruta, dating back to the fourth century AD. He lists out these tenderizers for cooking meats, thereby making them a wholesome diet with tissue building properties.

Today we know that some of the best tenderizers are raw papaya, yoghurt, raw pineapple, and sometimes, even vinegar. Of course, the one to use will depend on what flavour the dish is planned to be, for in Indian cuisine, there are no hard and fast rules, the personality of the dish almost always reflects the expression of the person cooking

25

Friday, 15th April, 2011

HOW ABOUT MAKING TANDOOR SHRIMP?

You will need...

For the dressing: •2/3 cup fresh lime juice •1/2 cup vegetable oil •1 tsp cayenne •salt to taste Dressing may be made 1 day ahead and chilled, covered.

Bring dressing to room temperature before using.

Tandoori Marinade: •1 tbsp paprika •2 tsps ground cumin •2 tsps ground coriander seeds •4 garlic cloves, crushed •a 1 inch piece fresh ginger root, peeled and chopped •2 fresh Serrano or jalapeno chillies, seeded and chopped.

•1/4 cup plain yogurt •1 tsp freshly grated lime zest

•2 pounds medium shrimp (about 50), shelled and diveined •1/4 cup vegetable oil for frying •6 cups packed tender watercress sprigs, washed well and spun dry •3 red bell peppers cut into julienne strips •2 firm-ripe mangoes, peeled and cut into julienne strips

Method 1. In a large non-stick skillet dry-roast paprika, cumin, and coriander seeds over moderate heat, stirring occasionally, until fragrant and several shades darker, about two minutes, be careful not to burn them, and transfer to a bowl.

2. Cool spices and stir in remaining marinade ingredients and salt and pepper to taste.

3. Pat shrimp dry and add to marinade, stirring to coat well.

4. Marinate shrimp at room temperature 15 minutes.

5. Alternatively, shrimp may be marinated, cov-

ered and chilled up to 1 day.

6.In a large non-stick skillet heat oil over moderately high heat until hot but not smoking and sauté shrimp in batches, turning once, until golden and cooked through, 3 to 4 minutes.

7. Transfer shrimp as sautéed with tongs to paper towels to drain and cool slightly.

8. In a large bowl gently toss together shrimp, watercress, coriander sprigs, bell peppers, mangoes, and dressing.

9. Enjoy your Tandoor Shrimp. Hope you love this Indian recipe.

26

Friday, 15th April, 2011

AWNINGS

with sites 14,900 euros 250 euros per week NETT guaranteed, machines and sites available individually. 965 326 442 / 659 696 455 (09) Bar for sale. Quesada area.

Going cheap. For information pack, email: . Tel: 688 800 960 (09)

gazebo. Pets allowed. More info Phone 622 258 072.

Price 24,000€ (09)

FURNITURE

CAR MECHANICS

PROPERTY FOR RENT

SPORTS EQUIPMENT

Nice rentals available Torrevieja and Most Areas two beds from 320 houses apartments, bungalows, long and short stays. Paul 966 785 891 659 647 616 (08) REMOVALS

SITUATIONS VACANT WANTED PETS

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES 10 cold drinks /snack vending machines with sites 39,900 euros.

Excellent cash income, no overhead, operate from home 31,000 euros NETT per year one day p.w. to service.25 Pringle vending machines

BAR 4 SALE Local Spanish & English Bar Well Known 100,000€ Call 679 096 309

CHURCH SERVICES International Christian Assembly. Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non-denominational. Sunday services 11:00am. Children’s Church 11:00am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11:00am. Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome 966 799 273 // 660 127 276.

FOR SALE 2 bed mobile home.

Albatera. Small site. Large plot. Summer house, shed,

BOXER PUPS - ready in 3 weeks - 350euros. Call 646179122 after 6pm to come and see or for more information.

ADVERTISE HERE FOR AS LITTLE AS

5€

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Work hours to suit you. Phone Donna 966 796 854 (08)

SECURITY

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Wanted second hand motorbike up to 125cc in good condition call: 682 773 121 (09)

WIG SPECIALISTS SALON MARGARETHAS 23 years in Torrevieja, Hair/Wig Specialist for Medical Illness & Hair Loss problems. We offer different Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural & Artificial Hair and much more also fashion/festival accessories. TV/TS are welcome to our service. Call Margaretha on 966 921 846 or call into Salon Margarethas in Torrevieja (14)

Friday, 15th April, 2011

27

THE IRON LADY WITH A PLASTIC BRAIN… Compared to Spain, Britain’s bolshy binmen wheelie are rubbish!

My dispute with the guys who collect the household refuse at the home I still have in Manchester is not so much a game of cat and mouse. It’s more like prat and house.

The ’prat’ being the jobsworths who seem to be taking over the land of my birth.

Bury Borough Council is not the only local authority that refuses to take bagged rubbish that protrudes above the lid of the grey wheelie bin provided for every household. It’s a policy that seems to have been taken up by councils all over the UK these days.

And now the town-hall jobsworths at Stockport County Council have joined in the ‘do what we say or else’ chorus by sending letters to families in two streets threatening them with legal action and costs of up to £1,000.

rubbish than others – particularly if hordes of children either live in the house or descend upon it almost incessantly.

It certainly takes a true jobsworth to remove and dump any bag that happens to protrude above lid level of the wheelie bin.

Bury Council’s official website requests householders to ‘‘make sure your bin lids are fully closed’’ on collection day. But why? Will the bin attack a neighbour if the lid is raised just a teeny bit above horizontal?

separate recycling and garden-waste wheelie bins to be emptied.

It’s all so inferior to the quiet, efficient way refuse is collected around El Raso, near Guardamar, where I now live.

To start with, the binmen make evening collections when the roads are quiet – so there’s minimum disruption to traffic. It’s so much better than the chaos collection lorries cause in the UK as they back up into side streets and cul-de-sacs during the day.

The reality is that moving a piled-high bin onto the ramp to be tipped automatically into the bowels of their wagon is surely quicker for the binmen than having to remove the excess rubbish first.

You’d think the £178-permonth I pay Bury Council in council tax would entitle me to have ALL my household waste taken away each week. Instead, I often have to wait three weeks for my

I can’t speak for the rest of Spain but at El Raso, household refuse is collected EVERY DAY, not just once a week. And rather than complicating the job by stopping at every house, los basureros remove the rubbish from large communal containers placed a couple of hundred yards apart.

Garden refuse is collected every Tuesday from the same point, while recycling containers are dotted conve-

The crimes they these vagabonds are being accused of planning are simply heinous…

1.

Putting bins out before 5pm the night before collection.

2. Collecting the bins after 7pm the following day, and…

3.

Using blue bags for rubbish instead of black ones.

I’m not sure if the death penalty applies if found guilty of all three, but seriously, how petty can you get?

Before I reveal my solution to the Curse of the Wheelie Jobsworths, it’s worth looking at the clean, no fuss way rubbish is collected in Spain.

Believe me, when it comes to rubbish collection, the guys who empty the bins here in the Costa Blanca are streets ahead. Towns and cities too.

The fact is that, whichever country you live in, some households generate more

niently around the urbanisation for people to use at their convenience.

It’s anything but inconvenient for householders – even the laziest of individuals should be able to walk 100 yards to dispose of their household waste. Oh, and last year the council tax on my three-bedroom villa amounted to just 386.08 euros (equal to £333.78 as I write). That’s roughly 20 per cent of what I pay to Bury Council.

So what’s the answer to the council jobsworths who are taking Britain over? Well, how about EVERYONE on the council register deducting £100 from their annual payment?

It would be difficult, if not impossible, for the council to take the entire town to court and I strongly suspect that the rejected-bag virus would clear up pretty quickly.

However, I doubt whether even a healthy jobsworth would see sense on this one. I wheelie do.

Hot news – I nearly set my house on fire on Sunday.

Well, I made a good fist of it.

It all started when I decided my white linen trousers were perfect for my lunch outing with Roz and Larraine. The only problem was that they needed ironing (my trousers, not the girls) – and it was a great chance to try out my brand new steam iron.

I duly set up the ironing board, removed the iron from its box and, since I was about to go out, switched the control away from steam.

It was now just a matter of removing any remaining wrapping and plugging the iron in. Which I did.

About a minute later, I smelt a smell. A nasty smell.

Something was burning and it didn’t need the fire brigade to tell me what.

Smoke began to ooze from under the iron and I had no choice but to turn the electricity off ASAP. When I turned the unplugged iron over I realised that the ironing plate itself was covered by a thin piece of plastic which had begun to melt as the heat increased.

Well that’s it, I thought. The iron was out of action until it cooled down and I found the time to scrape off all the melted plastic. The white linen trousers were a no-go for lunch . - and to add to the problems, in ten minutes I had to leave to meet Roz and Larraine.

I tried one final ploy and sank the iron in cold water, hoping the plate would dry enough for me to start cleaning off the plastic. Miracle upon miracle, the plastic peeled off in one piece.

Yes, I did lunch in freshly-ironed white linen trousers. But I wish I hadn’t.

Because I now know that unless I lose 10 kilos muy rapidamente, this particular iron lady won’t be steaming into any swimming pools this summer.

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

editor@thecourier.es Say it. Send it. Phone it. Mail it. or Forget it!

YUP, I GOT THAT ONE WRONG….

told me how ‘rubbish’ the whole paper was and that they would basically hate me forever.

I have no grudge against any religion whatsoever and the article I agree was in poor taste and reflects bad judgement from myself. It won’t happen again I can assure you. We will always try and amuse and be ‘different’ but I have learnt a swift and harsh lesson from this – and the last thing I want to do is upset people, any people.

I have a huge responsibility in my role as editor – and take it very seriously – but the main one (I feel) is to entertain; whether that is with news, reports or jokes.

This time I did not judge very well what was ‘funny’ and what was clearly not. Next time I will be a little wiser.

Please pass on my apologies – I really do have the backbone to come down and meet the people who I have upset and apologise in person, however, the time (I’m about 40 mins away) at present I do not. But that is not an empty offer.

I hope you can pick up the Courier with a little more confidence now and please, please, let me know if I get it wrong or, it looks like I could.

Good luck and thank you for reading, Dave Bull P.S I hope you saw the apology in The Courier last week (page 5).

Dear Sir, A number of indignant members of my congregation drew my attention to the "Holy Vomit" article which appeared in your April 1 edition. When I saw it, I found myself wondering whether the "April Fool" occurred when someone persuaded you that it was actually worth publishing! I am confident that God can cope with whatever insults human beings see fit to throw at him, but I really cannot imagine whatever made you publish this unpleasant and very unfunny article which was calculated to offend a sizeable proportion of your readers. The people who raised it with me, I would consider level-headed sensible people, not lacking a sense of humour, but they were deeply shocked and offended by this insult to the Christian faith and I suspect many others will feel the same. Perhaps you can answer the question which I have heard asked several times - "what is it about Christianity that they feel they can grossly insult it in this way? They wouldn't consider it acceptable to do it to anyone else!"

You are, as I understand it, still a new publication. As chaplain to the Church of England congregations in this part of the Costa Blanca, I would appreciate your assurance that in future you will avoid insulting the Christian faith in this crude and deeply distasteful way and treat Christianity with the same respect that you would show to any other world faith.

Yours faithfully, Christopher M.Scargill Senior chaplain, Anglican chaplaincy of St.Peter and St.Paul Torrevieja.

Hi Christopher, Thanks for the email. I have received several on the subject and whilst they all are less than happy with the article, your response is one of a level-headed and reasonable person. That is why I’m replying; ALL of the others

POOL DRAINS

dangerous and powerful suction that can be created through the drain. The suction can actually hold a person down so that they may not be able to escape the suction's powerful grip resulting in injury or drowning. Long hair can get caught in the drain as well as body parts and the danger is much greater if the pool's drain cover is loose or missing. There have been cases where children have actually been disembowelled after sitting on the drain and have their intestines pulled from their anus.

What are the ways to prevent such an accident?

First, make sure that the drain cover is in good condition with no broke grids to the cover and make sure all the cover screws are in place and tight.

Second, be sure the drain cover is an anti-vortex type cover.

An anti-vortex drain cover is designed to distribute the intake water in the sides as well as the top to lessen the pressure at any one given area in the cover. It is also dome shaped instead of flat so that a person's back, stomach and buttocks has more difficulty covering the entire drain cover. Below are examples of an older drain cover and a newer anti-vortex type cover.

Disembowelled…? What a way to go, and with your Speedo’s on too…

IF YOU'VE NOT DONE IT YET...

Powerful suction on pool drains can be dangerous Hi Ed. I know you like unusual stories; my husband is trying to convince someone about the dangers of drainage in pools and has found this article below. We have 5 year old grandson in Spain and a 4 year old coming to visit. So for us pool safety is very important.

Swimming Pool Drain Dangers There have been hundreds of people, mostly children, injured or even killed by swimming pool drains. The drain covers can come loose or just simply be of the wrong type.

Kids especially like to dive down to the deepest part of the pool where the drain is and most people do not realize the

It’s now too late to register to vote, but why not get yourself registered anyway and on the Padron so your town gets the money it needs from central government.

In La Marina you can contact Mark Lewis, see below.

If you want more clarification on this, or if you have a problem trying to register to vote, Please either email the local English councillor on mlewis@lamarina.info or call him on 676 447 682.

More info here: www.lamarina.info

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

THE ITV – What’s that all about then?

We’ve been asked a lot recently about your car ITV (Inspección Técnica de Vehículos), which is the equivalent of an MOT in the UK. They are also compulsory in Spain and as in the UK, must be carried out at an authorised Test Centre the fundamentals of the test are to basically check that the vehicle is roadworthy and not a hazard to other road users.

You’ll be able to find (if you don’t know already) an authorised testing centre on the website of the DGT (Dirección General de Tráfico) and don’t worry, there is a Test centre in most Major Towns and when you go you’ll need to take the vehicle's registration document (permiso de circulación).

If, unfortunately, your vehicle fails the test, you will be issued with an itemised notification of failure for you to show a mechanic and get the necessary repairs done. All repairs must be done within 15 days of the date stamped on the failure certificate and then the vehicle should be returned for a second examination.

Following changes to the ITV legislation last year, cars that have failed their MOT, or do not hold a valid certificate, will still be able to use the roads for a ten day period of grace.

However, the driver will have to present the car for testing during those ten days.

If your car passes the ITV a coloured card details the results of each test undertaken, and then where appropriate a certificate is issued as proof of roadworthiness. The certificate (which is a sticker) has to be displayed in the top right hand corner of the windscreen – take a look at where some people put them! However, it shows the month and year of the next test due. And be warned, not displaying the ITV certificate, or driving without a valid ITV can result in severe fines and the Guardia often perform spot checks for this reason.

FUNNY INSURANCE CLAIMS Here are a few motoring claims that have brought a smile to AA Car Insurance claims staff when they get a telephone call from customers in distress: Struck by a flying Christmas tree Mr Fairclough was driving home from Christmas shopping when, on a bend, a car approached in the opposite direction with a large Christmas tree badly tied to the roof.

"He was driving too fast and I saw the tree lift off and it flew straight at me. The trunk made a great dent in my bonnet and caused me to run off the road and into a hedge." Mr Fairclough added: "The chap didn't stop and he never came back for his tree!"

Cat and run A cat ran across the road and Mrs Carr did an emergency stop. In doing so, she was struck from behind by a Transit van and subsequently believed she had run over the cat.

The following Features are Tested: Tyre tread depth Lights Exhaust Emissions Shock absorbers Brakes Wheel alignment Mirrors & wipers General Bodywork

ITV FACTS For foreign vehicles, roadworthiness is not transferable across the EU and a car imported into Spain must pass the Spanish ITV test before it can be registered.

New Cars are tested for the first time after four years and every two years thereafter up to 10 years Old A car over 10 years must be tested every year Motorcycles are first tested after four years, after which the test is due every two years If a vehicle has been involved in a serious accident, and undergone some repair work it should be retested to ensure that the work has been done correctly and that your vehicle is still road-worthy.

"There was a terrible crash and it pushed my car sideways causing an awful lot of damage to the back. The van driver got out to see if I was OK and I was telling him about the cat, which he hadn't seen – until amazingly, it suddenly ran out from under the car and disappeared."

Family misfortune Mr McGuinness was following his son who was about to trade in his car for a new one. He made an emergency stop and unfortunately Mr McGuinness ran into the back of his son's car.

"I caused a lot of damage," he told the claims handler ruefully. "It meant the part exchange deal was off and my son couldn't buy the car he wanted after all. I wasn't very popular."

Crowd puller Two into one won't go as Miss Simpson found at her local Asda car park. "We both went into the space at the same time and got jammed against the cars on either side. We were stuck fast and couldn't open the doors and the fire brigade had to rescue us. It was very embarrassing - we had about a hundred people laughing at us."

More funnies and of course great insurance deals at www.the AA.com

OUT ON THE 5th EVERY MONTH

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

TKO NEWS GOLD GETS NEW WEEKEND LINE-UP TKO Gold now has three brand new shows for your enjoyment.

On Saturdays, join Chris Ashley from 9am to midday with his breakfast show, sponsored by Autos Direct.

Then on Saturday afternoon from 3pm to 6pm, Captain Rai Woods presents his afternoon nostalgia show, where you can request all your old favourites.

The Country Rodeo with Rai has a new slot, every Sunday between 3pm and 6pm, where you can hear all the best Country music of the past and the new wave of Country too.

As TKO Gold goes from strength to strength, the line-up for every day is getting better by the minute. TKO Gold believes it now has the strongest line up of any classic hit station, with ex BBC presenters and time served favourites keeping you company throughout the day and evening.

Join in the fun on 96.7 and 87.5 (Orihuela Costa and Mar Menor)

HOT GOSSIP

GOOD WEEK FOR GIRL POWER A few weeks ago we wrote about the success Adele was achieving, both in the singles and album charts but little did we know she would still be at the top 11 weeks on!

She has managed to maintain a number one album position without much contest and only has one more week to go to equal Bob Marley’s Greatest Hits taking the top spot for 12 consecutive weeks.

Her album, ‘21’ now boasts the most consecutive weeks at number one for a solo artist's studio album in chart history. If you also take into account her domination of the singles chart over the past few weeks, it is safe to say she will be considered one of the most prolific singer-songwriters of recent times.

Meanwhile, Katy B was a new entry at number two with her debut album ‘On A Mission’.

In the singles chart, Jennifer Lopez remained at number one for a second week with ‘On The Floor’ featuring Pitbull, marking her comeback as a success already.

Katy Perry’s Kanye West-featuring ‘E.T.’ climbed seven places to number twelve and Jessie J keeps a top ten placing with former number one, Price Tag. In all 18 of the current top 40 placings are held by solo female artists, showing that, when it comes to making good pop music, the girls are on top!

TKO Gold Featured Artist Neil Diamond Neil Leslie Diamond (born January 24, 1941) is an American singer-songwriter and successful pop music performer. Diamond scored a number of hits worldwide in the 1960s, 1970s, and 1980s, as well as penning big hits for The Monkees, with I’m A Believer and A Little Bit Me, A Little Bit You, as well as having many of his classic hits covered by some of music’s giants from many different genres..

By 2001 Diamond had sold 115 million records worldwide, including 48 million in the U.S and, in terms of American chart success, he is the third most successful contemporary artist ever, ranking behind only Barbra Streisand and Elton John. Songs we are all familiar with include Crackling Rosie, Song Sung Blue, Sweet Caroline and Red Red Wine, to name a few.

Though his record sales declined somewhat after the 1980s, Diamond continues to tour successfully, and was inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame in 1984, and in 2000 he received the Sammy Cahn Lifetime Achievement Award.

Only last month, Neil Diamond was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. And, of course, he is a firm favourite with TKO Gold listeners and presenters alike and shows no sign of taking it easy as he continues to appear on television shows and tour regularly.

Jennifer Lopez & Pitbull

WIN A MEAL FOR TWO AND WINE AT QUESADA FISH & CHIPS Pop Quiz 15th April 1 This pop star left the biggest boy band of our generation and after his star waned somewhat rejoined them late last year?

2 This Australian singer had a big hit called Xanadu with E.L.O. 3 Which disco star had hits with Instant Replay and Relight My Fire?

4 Which group recorded Sweets For My Sweet?

5 Which eccentric group had hits with Psycho Killer and Burning Down The House?

6 Which mega group was fronted by Phillip Bailey and had a monster hit with Boogie Wonderland?

7 Which Irish new wave band had their biggest hit with Whole Of The Moon?

8 This 60s heartthrob had a big UK hit with What Do You Want.

9 Who was Livin The Vida Loca?

10 This diminutive singer had a hit with I Love To Love.

FIND THE KEY WORD AND TO TAKE PART LISTEN TO CHRIS ASHLEY’S SHOW ON TKO GOLD, 8AM TO 11AM EVERY MONDAY. CHRIS WILL ASK YOU TO TEXT OR EMAIL IN THE KEY WORD AND THE WINNER OF THIS WEEK’S ANSWER WILL BE ANNOUNCED.

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week's puzzle, 17 represents T and 2 represents Z, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

In this week’s Quickie crossword, all the answers are ANAGRAMS of the clue words: Across 1 Snips (5) 3 Scots (5) 6 Low (3) 8 A cretin (7) 9 Nest (4) 10 Seldom (6) 12 Stream (6) 13 Hits (4) 16 Eastern (7) 17 Nap (3) 18 Tide (4) 19 Means (5)

Down 1 Hosts (5) 2 Cask (4) 3 Contra (6) 4 Cheap sips (9) 5 Signs (5) 7 Ascend Alp (9) 11 Evens (5) 12 Denim (5) 14 Skins (5) 15 Nuts (4)

Last weeks Solution Across: 2 Ferrous, 7 Slain, 8 Erect, 9 Tun, 11 Dust, 14 Tsar, 16 Aside, 17 Mean, 19 Ages, 22 Lea, 24 Rogue, 25 Chore, 26 Letters.

Down: 1 Based, 2 Fears, 3 Runt, 4 Open, 5 Steps, 6 Alter, 10 Unite, 12 Use, 13 Tan, 14 Tea, 15 Ape, 17 March, 18 Angel, 20 Gloss, 21 Scent, 22 Left, 23 Ache.

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross-Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 7 Lady collecting silver, what’s amount spent? (6) 8 Sailor next to fathom mark (6) 9 Clues found in a Mickey Spillane novel (4) 10 Insects are, perhaps, emitters (8) 11 Desert ship and take in a gunner, that’s sweet (7) 13 Crashed plane in Asian country (5) 15 Taxi in a small house (5) 17 Copy section about low wall (7) 20 Sophisticated young lady’s ecstatic (8) 21 Bird often seen in the afternoon (4) 23 Pollute seabed badly (6) 24 Roving ranter is wrong (6)

Down 1 Repaired leak with a vegetable (4) 2 Suffering queasiness in Barcelona, use a toilet (6) 3 Savage to warm bird (7) 4 The way to the rescue boat is pretty desolate (5) 5 Injury caused initially by running unaccompanied in sandy environments (6) 6 About five, porter has time for a drink (8) 12 Roused when a vigil comes to a sorry end (8) 14 Horseshoe expert is rarer if crazy (7) 16 Is there nothing at the counter to equalise pressure? (6) 18 The players are in contract or similar negotiations (6) 19 Trainee soldier from America detained (5) 22 Stinking row (4)

STANDARD CLUES

Down 1 Type of cabbage (4) 2 Queasiness (6) 3 Pagan (7) 4 Bleak (5) 5 Contusion (6) 6 Drink (8) 12 Roused (8) 14 Horseshoer (7) 16 Meteorological term (6) 18 Performers (6) 19 Trainee (5) 22 Grade (4)

Across 7 Harm (6) 8 Objective (6) 9 Solutions (4) 10 White ants (8) 11 Firm chewy sweet (7) 13 Asian country (5) 15 Hut (5) 17 Ramparts (7) 20 Elegant (8) 21 Type of gull (4) 23 Humiliate (6) 24 Wayward (6)

Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Bushel, 4 Sabot, 8 Aspic, 9 Ruffian, 10 Cremate, 11 Heel, 12 Nod, 14 Gong, 15 Iron, 18 Emu, 21 Oslo, 23 Scooter, 25 Centaur, 26 Aloft, 27 Shred, 28 Critic.

Down: 1 Branch, 2 Supremo, 3 Exchange, 4 Sofa, 5 Boise, 6 Tingle, 7 Green, 13 Dinosaur, 16 Outpost, 17 Voices, 19 Usurp, 20 Arctic, 22 Loner, 24 Bald

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

2 letter words An In It Ma Me Of Up Us 3 letter words Aim Are Fee Gum Hoe Ion Leg Rap

Roe Tar Tea Ten 4 letter words Afar Airs Arts Boot Bore Lead Less Mane Mild Name Opal Ours Pros

Rang Safe Same Sane Shun Tiny Tuna 5 letter words Emote Gloop Tenet Tuner 7 letter words Lineage Manteau Onetime Teatime

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD Improve your Spanish - clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Rockets (fireworks) (7) 5 Asientos (muebles) (5) 8 Announcer (radio, television) (7) 9 Oats (5) 10 Sour (f) (5) 11 Our (7) 12 Manzanas (6) 14 Jugs (6) 17 Card (greetings card, visiting card etc) (7) 19 Python (5) 22 Cows (5) 23 Camiones (7) 24 April (5) 25 Calles (7)

Down 1 Fault (blame) (5) 2 To make (fire, bed, tea, will, remark, plan, suggestion) (5) 3 Tattoo (7) 4 Fuerte (6) 5 Forma (figura) (5) 6 To accept (7) 7 Estaciones (partes del año) (7) 12 Dual carriageway (7) 13 To seem (7) 15 To suck in (air or dust) (7) 16 Cockerels (6) 18 Caballete (arte) (5) 20 Dos veces (5) 21 Narices (5)

33

Friday, 15th April, 2011 Across 1 Which small marine fish of the herring family, is widely caught for food and fish products? (5) 4 What was the surname of the female star of the Hope/Crosby ‘Road’ films? (6) 9 What phrase describes a look that is superstitiously believed to have the power of inflicting harm? (4,3) 10 What is an affectionate name for Father Christmas? (5) 11 Which wild cat with yellowishbrown fur has a short tail, and tufted ears? (4) 12 What was the surname of writers Nancy and Jessica and their sisters Unity and Diana? (7) 13 What is the international code signal of extreme distress? (3) 14 Which word of French origin means elegant and stylish? (4) 16 Which rod or spindle passes through the centre of a wheel or group of wheels? (4) 18 What title is given to a university teacher, especially a senior member of a college at Oxford or Cambridge? (3) 20 Which writer created the character Winnie the Pooh for his son Christopher Robin? (1,1,5) 21 Which coin is equal to 100th of a dollar? (4) 24 Which city in Belgium is the capital of the province of East Flanders? (5) 25 What is the name of the small egg-shaped ceramic or metal wind instrument with holes for the fingers? (7)

Quiz Word

26 In the Roman Catholic Church, what is the name of the important and traditional devotion consisting of a set of prayer beads and a system of set prayers? (6) 27 What was the first name of the son of the motor manufacturer Henry Ford? (5)

SUDOKU

Down 1 What was the forename of Ms Gibbons, the author of Cold Comfort Farm? (6) 2 What name is given to the period during which a monarch is sovereign? (5) 3 What was the name of the rock band formed in Belfast in April 1964, most prominently known for the hit singles Baby Please Don’t Go and Here Comes the Night and also for launching singer Van Morrison’s musical career? (4) 5 What is an alternative name for the German shepherd dog? (8) 6 What phrase is used to describe an act that unintentionally harms one’s own interests? (3,4) 7 Which African country’s capital is Kigali? (6) 8 What name is given to the long, sturdy pieces of squared timber or metal spanning an opening or part of a building?

(5) 13 What name is given to an artist who creates sculptures?

(8) 15 What is the nickname of West Ham F C? (7) 17 Which heavily built omnivorous nocturnal mammal of the weasel family, typically has a grey and black coat? (6) 18 What was the surname of the writer best remembered for his novel about Robinson Crusoe? (5) 19 Which Christian missionary was also known as Saul of Tarsus or the Apostle of the Gentiles? (2,4) 22 What title is usually given to the rulers of Kuwait? (5) 23 What was the nickname of baseball star George Herman Ruth? (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH Adjetivos - adjectives to describe men

These adjectives are all masculine. To use them to describe something feminine you will need to change the “o” ending to an “a”. The ones which end in e don’t change.

Match the Spanish and English words and then decide which ones you would use to describe your friends, family and neighbours.

1. Grevy's and Burchell's are types of what animal?

2. What is the common name of rubella?

3. Quinsy is the inflammation of which body organ due to abscess?

4. If you were studying Iatrology what would you be studying?

5. A nilometer measures the rise and fall of what?

6. What other name is used for the snow leopard?

7. What dinosaur's name translates as 'roof lizard'?

8. A JPEG is a picture file format. What does JPEG stand for?

9. What was the world's first passenger jet aircraft?

10. What element is present in all organic compounds?

1. Zebra 2. German Measles 3. Tonsils 4. Science of Medicine 5. Rivers (originally Nile) 6. Ounce 7.

Stegosaurus 8. Joint Photographic Experts Group 9.

Comet 10. Carbon ANSWERS

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Wordsolution Across: 1 Pasta, 4 Okapis, 9 Wailers, 10 Manor, 11 EFTA, 12 Epicure, 13 Par, 14 Edna, 16 Dr No, 18 Cue, 20 Charlie, 21 Abba, 24 Troll, 25 Adamski, 26 Conker, 27 Ellis.

Down: 1 Pewter, 2 Swift, 3 Aden, 5 Kim Wilde, 6 Penguin, 7 Surrey, 8 Aster, 13 Paul Klee, 15 Dragoon, 17 Acetic, 18 Cedar, 19 Radius, 22 Basil, 23 Yale.

ABURRIDO

GRANDE

ALTO

GUAPO

AMABLE

HOLGAZAN

ANTIPATICO

INTELIGENTE

BAJO

MALO

BUENO

MORENO

DELGADO

PEQUENO

DIVERTIDO

POBRE

ESTUPIDO

RICO

FEO

RUBIO

GORDO

TRABAJADOR

Empareja las palabras en español con sus equivalentes en inglés You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.aburrido

a.tall

10.bajo

j.small

19.grande

s.ugly

2.antipatico

b.blonde

11.divertido

k.bad

20.inteligente

t.fun

3.delgado

c.hardworking

12.gordo

l.intelligent

21.pequeno

u.lazy

4.feo

d.friendly

13.holgazan

m.unfriendly

22.rubio

v.fat

5.guapo

e.good

14.moreno

n.stupid

6.malo

f.boring

15.rico

o.dark

7.pobre

g.good looking

16.amable

p.thin

8.trabajador

h.rich

17.bueno

q.big

9.alto

i.poor

18.estupido

r.short

Soduko

Span - Eng

Quizword

Answers: 1f, 2m, 3p, 4s, 5g, 6k, 7i, 8c, 9a, 10r, 11t, 12v, 13u, 14o, 15h, 16d, 17q, 18n, 19q, 20l, 21j, 22b.

science QUIZ

N GY S GOMGGR R S E E I MOR E N OU GOOF D R T I S RI K X A A DHDNUB NE HDA NP B A ORA UROE O N OA OMJ L OR GA R P GP WS T M A G O G N L B I J I R V L B B A MD N P E X C U L E A MA Z P B A I E D U OGE S Z RA NA OL L V UL B GT T T NOI B URE OE QS F NU A NT I P A T I CORE GI P K I P F Y B A J OA OT P GI ODI RRUB A QV A GI L D X G G U M E T Q Z WT B X D O Z B G B K H G B Q Y N Z WN O

Fill It In

34

Friday, 15th April, 2011

LOOK WHA

CENTRO COMMERCIAL, FLAMEN Courier editor Dave Bull investigates the Centro Commercial, Flamenca Beach, Playa Flamenca and finds a lot more than he bargained for Another invite means another day out, life’s tough enough without having to go out and chat to people all day whilst drinking the odd coffee, or four isn’t it…? Still a job is a job and I’m nothing if not diligent in carrying it out…especially when it means discovering something new again like the Centro Commercial Flamenca Beach in Playa Flamenca.

On the ground floor, looking inviting to my ever-rumbling stomach, I find Legends which was established in 2002 and according to the customers seated, it continues to set the trend in Playa Flamenca with a combination of good service, great food and competitively priced drinks. The place has a lively and fun atmosphere and being the original Party Bar; they serve until late and provide free entertainment every night of the week.

Legends is also known locally as ´The Home Of Football´ as it is again a lively venue for those ´sporty´ fans with all Premiership, F.A Cup & European Games and everyone is given a warm welcome with families especially catered for.

The food looks very good to and the Sunday Roast for just €5 catches my eye as does the very reasonable Bollywood Curry Night (Weds) for only €5, not bad at all, however, before I can eat I want to have a good look around. I noticed as I left Legends

that they can also cater for small or large parties and any occasion or celebrations – it seems they can indeed cater for everything here, it’s no wonder they’re busy.

Up the stairs and more food is teasing me…this time the wonderful flavours floating through the air are coming from The Rose & Crown. I wander in, nose first almost and get chatting to and discover that the kitchen is under new management with a new chef and they are now offering fine dining at affordable prices. Now that is something I could do with; somewhere tasty to take someone and impress them with a delicious gourmet meal. I check out the Evening a la carte menu and find there is a good range to suit even the fussiest of tastes (could come in handy) such as, Pasta, steaks and fish and a very tasty-looking steak and ale pie on the menu too. Their desserts which include, Crumbles and cheesecakes are all homemade and the chef insists that I take a look at the kitchen so that I can see that everything is freshly prepared using fresh products. It clearly is and I’m definitely coming back one evening, or maybe sooner as I just noticed they do some tasty snacks on their Lunch time menu - Lite Bites, Toasties, Wraps, Jacket Potatoes and Baguettes…in a battle of wills, my head finally beats my belly and I leave, I’ve work to do.

Hello, here’s one of those shops that you have to go in because you just know there will be something interesting

inside, and it has a good name too, ‘PRETTY NEAT’.

I was right, inside there is a wide range of gifts for any occasion – or, like me, for yourself - and a huge amount of greeting cards – probably a wider selection than I’ve seen anywhere before. For some reason a touch of common sense kicks in and I buy a few to cover family birthdays for the rest of the year.

Whether they get sent is a different matter, it’s the thought that counts… they’ve also got a good range of magnetic health products which come highly recommended and if you’re thinking of having a party, this is surely the place to come as they have everything you could need in the one shop including, helium balloons, decorations and fancy dress for all occasions. Pop in and have some fun, they are open Monday to Sat 10am to 6pm.

I can smell food again. Good food. Vida restaurant beckons me subliminally and I find myself inside the restaurant that opened last July. Locals remind me that Vida is famous for its Mediterranean dishes quality and many International clientele.

They certainly have an impressive choice of professional dishes to choose from and paella is cooked to order. And, unusually, is available for just one person. The wide range of tapas is prepared daily and, they tell me is served from 10am till late at night.

Do what I do when you go out for a meal sometimes and go totally Spanish and have a jug of Vida’s own Sangria, with a kick (and that’s not from the waiter I can assure you). The a la carte menu is served from 6 pm and if you’re on a budget, or looking after the cents they have an English breakfast for only 2.50€ which is served from 10am till 5pm.

At lunchtimes Vida offers a very reasonable Menu del Dia of three course for just 6.95€ and a daily roast is only 6.50€. but if daytimes are tricky, the evenings will tempt you I’m sure as their Menu del Noche is served from 6 till 8.30 and costs just 7.95€, again for three tasty courses.

Vida only serve fresh veg and fresh produce which, again, adds to the quality of the place and desserts are a treat too with a tempting display of homemade desserts and cakes. Child friendly, Vida also have a children’s menu for 3.75€ and a

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

AT I FOUND!

NCA BEACH, PLAYA FLAMENCA Sunday lunch served from 12 until 9pm consisting of one course for 6.50€, 2 courses 8€ or a large 3 course meal for 10€. A great idea is an incentive card introduced by Vida for residents who can have the card which entitles the holder to beer, water or coffee at just 1€ before 6pm – now that’s a good reason to come back I think.

Ok, this isn’t fair, curry has reached my nostrils…I stride over to The Kamasutra which is an Indian Restaurant wine bar and takeaway offering authentic cuisine. Before I know it I’m inside and quizzing the staff about the place while around me aromatic dishes head for smiling diners. They also do meals individually too which is great for me as I always find that there is something that is not on the menu – but they tell me to just ask it can be made for you. Open 7 days a week from 2pm till late, The Kamasutra have many offers available including their Set Menu which is only 6,95€ and with a starter. For that price you also get to choose any chicken dish with Pilau rice or plain naan.

However, if you bring company how about a special dinner for 2 with any two starters, any two main dishes, plus rice or naan bread for 25€ and that’s including a bottle of wine! They have really put together some good deals here and, I notice you will also get a free bottle of wine with all takeaway orders over 18€.

Advance bookings or parties are also very welcome and easily catered for – give them a ring on 965 325 298 and give your taste buds, and your pocket a treat.

I noticed that after 3 years in the commercial centre, Antisha have now moved to better premises, but fortunately only next door but one. Now I can see why as inside the new shop they are able to display much more of the massive ranges of gifts and jewellery – I’m thinking about those birthdays again, I could get it all sorted here, today. For instance, they have silver and gemstone Jewellery starting at 20€ and for those, like my mum, interested in crystals, angels and tarot they stock a good range of products with many more available to order if you can’t see what you want. Owners Tony and Pat pride themselves on providing a friendly and informative service to all whether browsing or buying and that was clear to me, really helpful and some

great ideas from them to solve my birthday problems.

Back outside on the street alongside and I see KING KOD! Another great name for what is a family run business that has served fantastic Fish and Chips for almost 6 years now and is clearly going from strength to strength. It’s clear from what I can see inside that they offer great value for money with Fish Specials from 4.99€ for a credit crunch meal and 6€ and 7.50€ specials that include mushy peas bread and butter, and a tea coffee wine or small beer. All of the food here is cooked in a traditional English fryer and you can eat in or take away, and, I mustn’t forget to mention that they offer children’s meals from only 4€.

Speaking to them a little more I discover that all their fish is sourced from the North Atlantic, including cod, haddock and plaice. Another tasty treat is their variety of Pukka Pies plus sausages, burgers, chicken burgers and chicken nuggets, as you can see – loads to choose from. A choice of soft drinks and wines also Estrella beer on draught tempts the visitor to come again. All food is cooked from fresh so why not ring for a takeaway and save any waiting? The friendly bunch are looking forward to meeting new guests and, I’m assured by regulars, they continue to look after regular customers. If you fancy a fry-up call them on 698217831.

As I got out of my car I notice that parking is really very good here considering there is so much here to do, and spend of course. I glance over across from Flamenca Beach Commercial Centre to the other side of the road. Hello, I didn’t realise that was there, a beauty salon…I think I’ll take a look. I walked in and was greeted with biggest smile I’d seen in a while.

Turns it turned out to be one of the owners of the salon, Julia she told me all about the salon and I never knew there were so many different treatments – and, I must admit, I thought that the ladies of this world considered it an expensive treat.

Wrong as usual, most treatments are very reasonable, and I’m back on the birthday gift idea again. Julia also told me about their other business, B.B. Health and Beauty Supplies which is a mother and daughter team. The idea for B.B's evolved from their experience owning the beauty salon her since 2004.

They supply many salons up and down the Costa Blanca with all the products they need to run an efficient professional salon.

They are also accredited teachers of N.S.I. where they teach acrylic and gel nails and many other courses to a very high standard. The courses are always very busy as the students get to know the teaching staff are both winners of nail technician of the year for the past three years running. So not only are they being taught a fabulous transferable trade, they are being taught by the BEST! Ok time to go, and guess what? The car doesn’t want to leave – it won’t start. Back inside and I’m given the number of Stuart or big Stu as a lot of his very satisfied customer’s apparently call him. He arrives and within a few minutes has sorted the car (something electrical) and tells me he has been living and working very hard here on the Costa Blanca for the past nine years and has built up a very large client base of regular customers who speak very highly of him. I chatted to one of his customers back in the centre who said he had used big Stu for over four years and had been very satisfied with his work. .

Stu tells me the business has just gone from strength to strength over the past few years despite the current climate and offers to pretty much travel anywhere to customers – some already he has are as far afield as the Hondon valley. Sadly he had to return to the U.K. last year for personal reasons, but tells me he is back for good now and for customers old and new.

SFrom my experience I’d confirm that big Stu is back in town and waiting to hear for you with your ‘sick’ cars vans trucks motorbikes or anything really that has an engine and needs in some attention and or repair. Give him a call today and make the right decision get your repair or service done by a real qualified and experienced mechanic. I did.

Well, that’s it another day of discovery over and another profitable day for me with so much info to get on this page provided by everyone at the Centro Commercial, Flamenca Beach, Playa Flamenca. Thanks for a nice day everyone, I’ll be back!

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

Horoscopes Dear Tia Maria.

Dear agony aunt,

Should I Contact Him? I was 15 when I met my ex, 16 when we split up. I’m now 23 and I still think about him daily. I don’t know what is going on with his life; I haven’t seen him for about a year or more. I would like to contact him but have no address other than his mother’s, and I know he doesn’t live at home anymore.

Should I contact him and tell him I still think about him and maybe still love him or should I leave him be?

Maybe he still thinks about me? I was stupid to let him go and I broke his heart, I was young and didn’t understand love and relationships.

Now I know he was the one for me, but do I contact him and risk upsetting him or myself?

Thanks, Kelly

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years and have cheated on him several times. I recently met someone else who I was seeing for just over a month but decided that I wanted to make things work with my boyfriend so finished it but now I can’t stop thinking about the other guy and want to get back in touch with him.

I feel that maybe my boyfriend isn’t the one as I’ve cheated on him so much but feel he would give me security for the future. I’m so confused and don’t know what to do, please help.

Yours sincerely, Judith

Tia Maria says: Hi Kelly, It might be that you only think about him because he was your first love and you haven’t met anyone else since. It’s unlikely you’re meant to be together – otherwise you would have stayed together.

If you really want to meet him and find out about his life, there’s no harm. Just call his mom’s house& ask his family for his new address. But please be prepared that he may not want to see you again- or that he may be involved with someone else.

Take care, Maria

Tia Maria says: Hi Judith, You can’t just stay with someone because he might give you future security; it isn’t a good enough reason. I also think you need some counselling as you seem to have a problem with commitment. Cheating on someone is a sign that: 1There’s something wrong with the relationship. 2There’s something wrong with your self-respect and values.

You need to learn to value yourself and behave with dignity. If you’re unhappy with this man, cheating is not the answer. Jumping from one relationship to the other won’t solve anything either; it just confuses you more and makes

you even more unhappy.

Take time to sort out your life. You need time alone to discover who you are and what you want out of life BEFORE you get involved with anyone. Any relationship is bound to fail in your current state of mind.

You simply don’t know what you want.

You really need counselling to help you sort out your life. There are organizations like MIND which give free counselling.

Press the word MIND in a search engine to reach their website.

All the best, Maria Dear Tia Maria.

I have been seeing a guy now for 3 and a half years, he is in a relationship, with 2 young children. When we first got together I knew about this, and accepted that fact. That was 3 years ago, we are very close, before he had financial problems I would see him all the time 3 or 4 times a week, but he lives 40 miles from me, so the petrol prices and financial matters at home took hold, and he couldn’t get over to see me as much.

Sometimes would be 6 weeks or so before I see him.

We chatted online every night, or emailed each other at work or he would ring me…….. So very close, and I love him a lot. 2 weeks ago, he called me on a Sunday night, and said that he had left her (things had been on the verge of this for

a few months. He had nowhere to go, so like a good friend I invited him to stay with me for the night and although he ummd and arrrd, he did eventually come over and stay with me the night. He left for home the next day, looking for somewhere to live as he had left his family home….

I texted him later that day, but i got no reply, in fact i got no reply all week to any of my texts, I was heartbroken, i couldn’t understand why he was not answering me… I sent him 4 texts on Sunday, a week after he had left her, and got no answer….. then Monday I got a txt back, saying he had turned his phone off for some isolation, to sort his head out… he had not gone back to her, he was at his brother’s…. i txt him back saying I would take a back seat for now, let him get sorted, and told him he knows where I am if he needs me That was a week ago… he has not contacted me again… as you can imagine, I have never gone this long without speaking to him for 3 years. It’s killing me… I keep wanting to txt him again to see how he is… but if he doesnt answer me i will be even more depressed…

My question is really, is this normal for a man to just not talk to the person he has been speaking to for 3 years? I guess it’s a huge thing to walk out of a 14 year relationship and leave your 2 young kids too…. but should he at least let me know what’s going on? Should I txt him? Should I just wait till he contacts me? Will he contact me? Your advice would be much appreciated…. do you think i should try and forget him…. it’s soooo hard.

Lisa Tia Maria says: Wow…right Lisa…If he was involved with another woman AND had 2 kids with her when he met you, and he never bothered ending the first relationship before he started one with you, then yes you were BOTH in the wrongYOU AND HE. Even if you knew about the other woman, you helped him cheat on her. How would YOU have felt being in her shoes?! The fact you’ve been with him 3 years only makes it worse rather than better.

He’s obviously not been truthful with you and is playing you both if he’s just ignoring you. No, it’s not normal to ignore someone after 3 years together.

You may feel my words are harsh but, honestly, I think you need to sit and think about why your self-confidence is so low that you would bother to get involved with someone else’s partner? Don’t you think you deserve better?

Like someone who’s available and who hasn’t walked out on two kids without telling them?

If you want the truth- hard as it is- and it’s better than living a lie, it’s time for you to forget him and move on.

Be careful, Maria

By Pandora Aries March 21 - April 19 Most of the things you're doing are going well, so there's no need to give up now.

Dance like a madman, win the respect of colleagues and foes. When walking down the street, trying not to step on the cracks in the stone, you must take care to avoid all steaming piles.

Taurus April 20 - May 20 If there's one thing you can take for granted this week, it's that things cannot be taken for granted. This week is going to be one of those "trials by fire" type nightmares that happen every so often. I wish I could give you more details but then you'd have no good reason to return over the coming days, would you?

Gemini May 21 - June 20 This week, Microsoft Word may define your grammar as "poorly constructed" and full of "run on sentences". Any advice given to you today will seem like poppycock, and it probably is.

Cancer June 21 - July 22 Any amount of feelings you have won't save you from utter failure. If you're terrified by the thought of someone being able to look into your mind...are you sure you should be here, because that's what I'm doing right now.

Leo July 23 - August 22 Remember, it's unfair to expect your friends and family to provide you with alibis.

Giraffes are one of natures most bizarre creatures. Whilst this may seem like a "fact" out of the blue, you'll soon see the relevance over the coming fortnight. The truth is much harder to find than fiction.

Virgo August 23 - September 22 Find some candles, tonight will be filled with darkness. The only conspiracy theory you need to worry about is the one that involves you. You knew about that conspiracy, right?

Oh....dear...God. In time you will come to realise the futility of trying to scratch your name in your refridgerator using a rubber band.

Libra September 23 - October 22 There might not be a tomorrow, but all indications point to yes Clowns with pickaxes will haunt your dreams tonight and will affect you at around mid-morning the following day. The effect of such dreams will cause you to a) be tired, b) look startled when people slam the door, or c) be nice to any clowns you meet.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21 Express yourself in a non-flamboyant and unexciting way. Buy a nice brooch. Wearing gloves may make you feel like you're a master criminal, but you may be best to avoid wearing gloves with your name emblazened on the palm.#

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21 Many of your hang-ups would disappear if you started wearing clothes that more suited you. The future holds much joy and happiness for someone close to you. But not you.

Oh no, you're screwed. Most of your dreams will come true over the coming fortnight, so prepare for wealth, health and happiness, you lucky dog.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19 Hilarity may ensue this week if you decide to hire a clown on Thursday night. Install that software, make it a priority! (Don't blame us if your computer starts dissolving) If some things start to appear impossible, it may be time to invent robots.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18 You might feel "world weary", but the truth of it is that you don't do anything worthwhile.

This week may be a good opportunity for you to change that. You are to be complemented for your skill at navigating websites.

Experimenting with animals isn't always wrong. Here's a handy hint: If you're smuggling drugs, take some catnip.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 Testing times will see you fall by the wayside.

Today's mishaps will come in the shape of a toad, whilst salvation will come in the shape of a large truck. There's a future in toad-jam, by the way, if you're at all interested. It tastes lousy but makes a really good insect repellent.

37

Friday, 15th April, 2011

WHAT’S ON THE TELLY..?

So You Think You Can Dance

Country House Rescue

BBC 1 8:00pm Cat Deeley presents an entertainment series in which judges Arlene Phillips and 'Nasty' Nigel Lythgoe search for Britain's favourite dancer.

Channel 4 10:00pm The fearless and peerless Ruth Watson tries to knock some of Britain's crumbling stately homes back into shape.

An Island Parish

Supersize v Superskinny

Monday, April 18th BBC 2 12.20pm Documentary series which chronicles life in the parish of the Isles of Scilly.

Tuesday, April 19th Channel 4 9:00pm Health magazine programme which cuts through the weight debate by examining the minefield of issues around weight, food and body image.

38

Friday, 15th April, 2011

Friday 15th April 00:40 Neighbourhood Watched 01:25 Living with the Ayatollah: Panorama 01:55 Countryfile 02:55 Antiques Roadshow 03:55 Our World 04:00 BBC News 04:30 HARDtalk 05:00 The World Today 05:30 World Business Report 06:00 Breakfast 09:15 Animal 24:7 10:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 Filthy Rotten Scoundrels 11:45 Cash in the Attic 12:15 Bargain Hunt 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:30 Regional News and Weather 13:45 Doctors 14:15 Escape to the Country 15:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15:05 Gastronuts 15:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 16:00 Remote Control Star 16:30 All Over the Place 17:00 Newsround 17:15 Weakest Link 18:00 BBC News 18:30 Regional News Programmes 19:00 The One Show 20:00 EastEnders 20:30 A Question of Sport 21:00 Have I Got News for You 21:30 QI 22:00 BBC News 22:25 Regional News and Weather 22:35 The Graham Norton Show 23:20 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 23:30 The One Show

04:00 Secondary Schools - GCSE Bitesize Revision: Design and Technology 2 06:00 Finley the Fire Engine 06:10 Zigby 06:20 The Large Family 06:35 Little Robots 06:45 Charlie and Lola 06:55 Little Howard’s Big Question 07:25 Newsround 07:30 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 07:50 League of Super Evil 08:00 Copycats 08:30 LazyTown 08:55 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 09:05 The Koala Brothers 09:15 Guess with Jess 09:30 Big & Small 09:45 Chuggington: Badge Quest 09:50 Grandpa in My Pocket 10:00 Mightymites 10:15 Green Balloon Goes on Holiday 10:40 Waybuloo 11:00 In the Night Garden 11:30 Dip Dap 11:35 The Battle of the Sexes 13:00 Diagnosis Murder 13:45 To Buy or Not to Buy 14:30 Restoration Roadshow 15:00 Flog It! 15:45 Helicopter Heroes 16:30 Pointless 17:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:00 Eggheads 18:30 Great British Menu 19:00 An Island Parish 19:30 Mastermind

20:30 21:00 22:00 22:30 23:00 23:50

Gardeners’ World Monty Don’s Italian Gardens Frank Skinner’s Opinionated Newsnight The Review Show Later with Jools Holland

ITV 00:30 The Zone 02:35 Children of the Tsunami: Tonight 03:00 ITV Nightscreen 04:35 Jeremy Kyle: Morning Surgery 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Daybreak 08:30 Lorraine 09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30 This Morning 12:30 Loose Women 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:55 Meridian News and Weather 14:00 60 Minute Makeover 15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 15:59 Meridian Weather 16:00 Midsomer Murders 17:00 Britain’s Best Dish 18:00 Meridian Tonight 18:30 ITV News and Weather 19:00 Emmerdale 19:30 Coronation Street 20:00 Baboons with Bill Bailey 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Paul O’Grady Live 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 22:35 Take Me Out

PAUL O'GRADY LIVE

BBC2 00:20 BBC News 00:30 HARDtalk 01:00 BBC News 01:30 ABC World News with Diane Sawyer 02:00 BBC News 02:30 On The Road With a Concert Pianist 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Our World

New series. Entertainment show hosted by the comedian, as guests Charlotte Church, Rupert Everett, John Cleese and Amanda Holden drop in for lively chat and a taste of Paul's unique brand of mayhem.

23:35 The Cube C4 00:10 Arctic Monkeys: Video Exclusive 00:20 Album Chart Show Introduces Wretch 32 00:35 4Play: James Vincent McMorrow 00:50 Face of Britain 01:45 A Harlot’s Progress 03:35 Unreported World 04:00 Dispatches: Undercover Hospital 04:55 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 05:20 Countdown 06:05 Sali Mali 06:10 The Treacle People 06:20 The Hoobs 07:10 Freshly Squeezed 07:40 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:05 Frasier 08:35 Friends 09:05 Wife Swap USA 10:00 Brothers & Sisters 10:55 Gok’s Fashion Fix 12:00 Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 River Cottage Bites 12:10 Mysterious Island 14:10 Cookery School 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Fern 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Hollyoaks 19:00 Channel 4 News 19:25 4thought.tv 19:30 Unreported World 20:00 A Place in the Sun: Home or

Away 21:00 Embarrassing Bodies: Back to the Clinic 22:00 David Walliams: Awfully Good Ads C5 00:10 SuperCasino 04:00 Meals in Moments 04:10 How Not to Decorate 04:55 Rough Guide to Short Breaks 05:10 Wildlife SOS 05:35 House Doctor 06:00 Thomas & Friends 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 06:35 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 06:40 Rupert Bear 06:50 Peppa Pig 06:55 Milkshake! Music Box 07:00 Little Princess 07:15 The Mr Men Show 07:30 Thomas & Friends 07:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08:15 Peppa Pig 08:20 Little Lodgers 08:30 Roary the Racing Car 08:40 Olivia 08:50 The WotWots 09:00 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 09:15 The Wright Stuff 11:05 Bridezillas 12:05 The Family Recipe 12:10 5 News Lunchtime 12:20 House 13:15 Home and Away 13:45 Neighbours 14:15 The Vanessa Show 15:05 Meals in Moments 15:15 Straight from the Heart 17:00 5 News at 5 17:30 Neighbours 18:00 Home and Away 18:25 OK! TV 19:00 5 News at 7 19:30 Fifth Gear 20:00 Ice Road Truckers 21:00 The Mentalist 22:00 Law & Order 22:55 The Walking Dead

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

Saturday 16th April 00:30 Fakers 01:55 Michel Roux’s Service 02:55 The Boat That Guy Built 03:25 Great British Railway Journeys 03:55 Newswatch 04:00 BBC News 04:30 The Bottom Line 05:00 BBC News 06:00 Formula 1: The Chinese Grand Prix - Qualifying 08:30 Breakfast 10:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11:30 Great British Menu 12:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 12:15 Football Focus 13:00 Formula 1: The Chinese Grand Prix - Qualifying 14:30 Live Snooker: The World Championship 16:30 Final Score 17:20 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 17:40 The Impressions Show with Culshaw and Stephenson 18:10 Eurovision: Your Country Needs Blue 19:10 So You Think You Can Dance 20:10 The National Lottery: Secret Fortune 21:00 Casualty 21:50 Live at the Apollo 22:20 BBC News; Weather 22:30 Match of the Day 23:35 The Football League Show BBC2 00:50 02:20 02:30 03:00

Piñero BBC News The Record Review BBC News

03:30 Click 03:45 Newswatch 03:55 Close 06:00 Finley the Fire Engine 06:10 Zigby 06:20 The Large Family 06:35 Little Robots 06:45 Charlie and Lola 07:00 One Minute Wonders 07:30 Arthur 08:00 Fee Fi Fo Yum 08:30 Project Parent 09:00 Dick & Dom Go Wild 09:30 Serious Explorers: Livingstone 10:00 Relic: Guardians of the Museum 10:30 League of Super Evil 10:40 Wolverine and the X-Men 11:05 Mortified 11:25 Newsround Special: Living with Cancer 11:45 MOTD Kickabout 12:00 The Taming of the Shrew 13:55 William Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:30 Live Snooker: The World Championship 17:30 Flog It! 18:30 Dad’s Army 19:00 Live Snooker: The World Championship

19:50 Elizabeth Taylor - A Tribute 20:50 Timewatch - In Shackleton’s Footsteps 21:50 Frank Skinner’s Opinionated 22:20 Have I Got a Bit More News for You 23:05 Nurse Jackie 23:35 Later with Jools Holland ITV 00:30 The Zone 02:35 In Plain Sight 03:20 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Mini CITV 07:25 CITV 09:25 Coronation Street 11:45 This Morning: Saturday 12:45 Monk 13:40 ITV News and Weather 13:49 Meridian Weather 13:50 You’ve Been Framed!

14:20 Arthur 16:10 Meridian News and Weather 16:25 ITV News and Weather 16:40 Live FA Cup Football 19:20 Sing if You Can 20:20 Britain’s Got Talent 21:50 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Russell Brand 22:50 ITV News and Weather 23:04 Meridian Weather

BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT

New series. Ant and Dec kick off another search to find the nation's most impressive performers. The format is the same as previous years, but there are two major differences - no Piers Morgan on the judging bench and Simon Cowell is absent until the live shows. Joining Amanda Holden are comedian Michael McIntyre and US superstar David Hasselhoff, a veteran of America's Got Talent.

23:05 Dreamcatcher C5 C4 00:10 10 O’Clock Live 01:05 Mercury Prize Sessions 01:20 4Play: Funeral Party 01:30 My Name Is Earl 02:15 Freaky 03:05 Tricks from the Bible 04:00 Ugly Betty 05:00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 05:25 Countdown 06:10 The Hoobs 07:00 Formula Ford Championship 07:25 The Grid 07:55 The Morning Line 08:50 Friends 09:20 Koko Pop 09:50 Friends 10:25 Glee 11:20 Great British Hairdresser 12:25 The Big Bang Theory 13:20 That Paralympic Show 13:55 Channel 4 Racing 15:55 The Secret Supper Club 16:25 Come Dine with Me Extra Portions 18:55 4thought.tv 19:00 River Cottage Every Day 20:00 The Day after Tomorrow 22:20 Stand Up for the Week 23:10 The War of the Roses

00:30 SuperCasino 04:05 Motorsport Mundial 04:30 Fifth Gear 04:55 Rough Guide to Journeys 05:10 Wildlife SOS 05:35 House Doctor 06:00 Peppa Pig 06:05 Roary the Racing Car 06:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 06:25 Fireman Sam 06:40 Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Friends 06:50 The Beeps 07:00 Mio Mao 07:10 Chiro 07:15 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:30 Noddy in Toyland 07:40 Igam Ogam 07:50 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 Milkshake Monkey 08:15 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 08:30 Play!

08:45 Rupert Bear 09:00 Olivia 09:15 The Mr Men Show 09:30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10:00 Zoo Days 10:05 The Gadget Show 11:05 NCIS 12:05 Law & Order 13:05 Murder Ahoy 14:55 Guarding Tess 16:45 Private Benjamin 18:50 5 News Weekend 18:55 NCIS 19:50 CSI: Grissom’s Greatest 20:50 CSI: Miami 21:50 CSI: NY 22:50 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 23:50 Cops in Crisis

40

Friday, 15th April, 2011

Sunday 17th April 01:00 BBC News 01:30 On the Road with a Brain Scientist 02:00 BBC News 02:30 HARDtalk 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Our World 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Click 05:00 BBC News 05:30 The Record Europe 06:00 Breakfast 07:00 Formula 1: The Chinese Grand Prix Live 10:15 London Marathon 2011 14:00 The Politics Show 15:00 Weather for the Week Ahead 15:05 Formula 1: The Chinese Grand Prix 17:05 Points of View 17:20 Songs of Praise 17:55 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 18:15 Land Girls 19:00 Countryfile 20:00 Antiques Roadshow 21:00 Britain’s Royal Weddings 22:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 22:25 Does Christianity Have a Future?

23:25 Absolute Power 23:25 Weatherview BBC2 00:35 Snooker: The World Championship 01:25 Snooker Extra

03:25 Close 06:00 Finley the Fire Engine 06:10 Zigby 06:20 The Large Family 06:35 Little Robots 06:45 Charlie and Lola 06:55 One Minute Wonders 07:25 Match of the Day 08:30 London Marathon 2011 10:15 Something for the Weekend 11:15 MasterChef 12:15 Alvarez Kelly 14:05 EastEnders 16:00 Live Snooker: The World Championship 18:00 London Marathon 2011 Highlights 19:00 Alex Higgins: The People’s Champion 20:00 The Secrets of Scott’s Hut 21:30 Alaska: The Arctic Man Ski & Sno-Go Classic 22:00 Match of the Day 2 22:50 Apocalypto

04:20 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Mini CITV 07:25 CITV 09:25 May the Best House Win 10:25 Sing if You Can 11:30 This Morning: Sunday 12:30 Dinner Date 13:25 ITV News and Weather 13:29 Meridian Weather 13:30 Columbo: the Bye-Bye Sky High IQ Murder Case 15:00 Britain’s Got Talent 16:30 Midsomer Murders 18:30 Meridian News and Weather 18:45 ITV News and Weather 19:00 The Cube 20:00 Lewis 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:14 Meridian Weather 22:15 FA Cup Highlights 23:15 Premiership Rugby Union

02:20 Privileged 03:45 Ugly Betty 05:10 Countdown 05:55 Yo Gabba Gabba!

06:20 Sali Mali 06:25 The Hoobs 06:50 The Track and Field Show 07:20 Freesports on 4 07:45 Friends 08:45 Hollyoaks 11:20 Being N-Dubz in America and Beyond 11:55 Glee 12:55 The Simpsons 13:55 Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 16:35 Deal or No Deal 17:30 Time Team 18:30 Channel 4 News 18:55 4thought.tv 19:00 Come Dine with Me 20:00 The Hotel 21:00 Country House Rescue 22:00 East Is East 23:55 3 Idiots

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ITV 01:30 The Zone 03:35 Swingtown

01:20 Sex, Secrets and Frankie Howerd 02:15 The Confession

THE HOTEL New series. Documentary following life at the Damson Dene, a three-star hotel in the Lake District, as staff try to keep holidaymakers happy during a busy summer season. A man from Essex nervously prepares to propose to his girlfriend, and a fellow guest awaits the results of a test for cancer.

Meanwhile, manager Wayne is at a loss as he tries to deal with new assistant Amos.

00:55 SuperCasino 04:00 Animal Rescue Squad

04:10 Nick’s Quest 04:35 HouseBusters 05:00 Hana’s Helpline 05:10 The Milkshake! Show 05:35 Thomas & Friends 05:45 Roary the Racing Car 06:00 Peppa Pig 06:05 Roary the Racing Car 06:15 Fifi and the Flowertots 06:25 Fireman Sam 06:35 Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Friends 06:50 The Beeps 07:00 Mio Mao 07:05 Chiro 07:15 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 07:30 Noddy in Toyland 07:40 Igam Ogam 07:50 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 07:55 Little Princess 08:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 08:25 Hana’s Helpline 08:35 Family!

08:45 Rupert Bear 09:00 Olivia 09:15 The Mr Men Show 09:30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10:00 K-9 10:35 OK! TV Sunday 11:35 Family Food Fight 12:05 Ice Road Truckers 13:05 Emergency Bikers 14:00 Death of a Gunfighter 15:55 Short Circuit 17:55 5 News Weekend 18:00 Big Daddy 19:40 Spider-Man 22:00 The Walking Dead 23:05 Single White Female

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

Monday 18th April 01:25 MasterChef 02:25 Holby City 03:25 Men of Rock 04:25 BBC News 04:30 HARDtalk 05:00 The World Today 05:30 World Business Report 06:00 Breakfast 09:15 Animal 24:7 10:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 Filthy Rotten Scoundrels 11:45 Cash in the Attic 12:15 Bargain Hunt 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:30 Regional News and Weather 13:45 Doctors 14:15 Escape to the Country 15:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15:05 Gastronuts 15:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 16:00 Sadie J 16:30 Blue Peter 16:55 Shaun the Sheep 17:00 Newsround 17:15 Weakest Link 18:00 BBC News 18:30 Regional News Programmes 18:55 Party Election Broadcast 19:00 The One Show 19:30 Bang Goes the Theory 20:00 EastEnders 20:30 The Trillion Dollar Con-Man: Panorama 21:00 Motorway Cops 22:00 BBC News 22:25 Regional News and Weather 22:35 A Question of Sport 23:05 Late Kick Off 23:35 The Graham Norton Show BBC2 01:00 Snooker: The World Championship 01:50 Snooker Extra 03:50 The Record Europe 04:00 BBC News 04:25 Close

06:00 Finley the Fire Engine 06:10 Zigby 06:20 The Large Family 06:35 Little Robots 06:45 Charlie and Lola 07:00 Little Howard’s Big Question 07:25 Newsround 07:30 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 07:45 League of Super Evil 08:00 Copycats 08:30 LazyTown 08:55 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 09:05 The Koala Brothers 09:20 Guess with Jess 09:30 Big & Small 09:50 Grandpa in My Pocket 10:05 Mightymites 10:20 Green Balloon Goes on Holiday 10:45 Waybuloo 11:05 In the Night Garden 11:35 The Pink Panther Show 12:00 Animal Park 12:30 Live Snooker: The World Championship 17:10 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 17:55 Party Election Broadcast 18:00 Eggheads 18:30 Great British Menu 19:00 Live Snooker: The World Championship 20:00 Railway Walks 20:30 Raymond Blanc’s Kitchen Secrets

21:00 Fix My Family 22:00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 22:30 Newsnight 23:20 An Island Parish 23:50 Snooker: The World Championship

Weather 22:35 Real Crime with Mark Austin: Murder of a Father 23:35 River Monsters

ITV

02:50 03:45 04:45 05:10 05:55 06:20 07:10 07:40 08:10 08:40 09:10 10:05 11:00 12:00 12:05 12:30 15:10 16:00 17:00 18:00 18:30 19:00 19:55 20:00 21:00 22:00

00:10 The Zone 02:00 A Mighty Wind 03:30 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Daybreak 08:30 Lorraine 09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30 This Morning 12:30 Loose Women 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:55 Meridian News and Weather 14:00 60 Minute Makeover 15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 15:59 Meridian Weather 16:00 Midsomer Murders 17:00 Britain’s Best Dish 18:00 Meridian Tonight 18:25 Party Election Broadcast 18:30 ITV News and Weather 19:00 Emmerdale 19:30 Coronation Street 20:00 The Dales 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 The Reckoning 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:30 Meridian Tonight and

THE RECKONING Part one of two. Single mother Sally Wilson's daughter Amanda has a brain tumour and will die within months without radical surgery that is only available in America at a huge cost. When Sally is invited to attend the offices of London solicitor Frederick Taylor, he tells her she has been left £5million by an anonymous benefactor - but a condition of the bequest is that she should kill a man who allegedly deserves to die.

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Never Did Me Any Harm The Play’s the Thing Wogan’s Perfect Recall Countdown Yo Gabba Gabba!

The Hoobs Freshly Squeezed Everybody Loves Raymond Frasier Friends Wife Swap USA Brothers & Sisters Relocation, Relocation Channel 4 News Summary Make Do & Mend Come Dine with Me Countdown Deal or No Deal Fern The Simpsons Hollyoaks Channel 4 News 4thought.tv Help! My House Is Infested Meet the Middletons Hostage

01:10 SuperCasino 04:00 Animal Rescue Squad 04:10 UEFA Europa League Highlights 05:00 Hana’s Helpline 05:10 The Milkshake! Show 05:35 Thomas & Friends 05:45 Roary the Racing Car 06:00 Thomas & Friends 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 06:35 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 06:40 Rupert Bear 06:50 Peppa Pig 06:55 Milkshake! Music Box 07:00 Little Princess 07:15 The Mr Men Show 07:30 Thomas & Friends 07:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08:10 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:15 Peppa Pig 08:30 Roary the Racing Car 08:40 Olivia 08:50 The WotWots 09:00 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 09:15 The Wright Stuff 11:05 Bridezillas 12:05 The Family Recipe 12:10 5 News Lunchtime 12:20 House 13:15 Home and Away 13:45 Neighbours 14:15 The Vanessa Show 15:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 15:15 First Daughter 17:00 5 News at 5 17:30 Neighbours 18:00 Home and Away 18:25 OK! TV 19:00 5 News at 7 19:30 How Do They Do It? 20:00 The Gadget Show 20:00 5 News at 9 21:00 The Hotel Inspector 22:00 Extraordinary People: The Rainman Twins 23:00 Private Benjamin

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

Tuesday 19th April 00:25 MasterChef 01:25 Watchdog 02:25 Arctic with Bruce Parry 03:25 Baking Made Easy 03:55 Our World 04:00 BBC News 04:30 HARDtalk 05:00 The World Today 05:30 World Business Report 06:00 Breakfast 09:15 Animal 24:7 10:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 Filthy Rotten Scoundrels 11:45 Cash in the Attic 12:15 Bargain Hunt 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:30 Regional News and Weather 13:45 Doctors 14:15 Escape to the Country 15:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15:05 Gastronuts 15:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 16:00 Dead Gorgeous 16:30 Blue Peter 16:55 Shaun the Sheep 17:00 Newsround 17:15 Weakest Link 18:00 BBC News 18:30 Regional News Programmes 18:55 Party Election Broadcast 19:00 The One Show 19:30 EastEnders 20:00 Holby City 21:00 Candy Cabs 22:00 BBC News 22:25 Regional News and Weather 22:35 The Baby Born in a Concentration Camp 23:05 The Love Letter BBC2 00:40 Snooker Extra 02:40 Reporters 03:00 BBC News 03:15 The Super League Show 04:00 GCSE Bitesize Revision: Physics 06:00 Finley the Fire Engine

06:10 Zigby 06:20 The Large Family 06:35 Little Robots 06:45 Charlie and Lola 07:00 Little Howard’s Big Question 07:25 Newsround 07:30 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 07:45 League of Super Evil 08:00 Copycats 08:30 LazyTown 08:55 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 09:05 The Koala Brothers 09:20 Guess with Jess 09:30 Big & Small 09:50 Grandpa in My Pocket 10:05 Mightymites 10:20 Green Balloon Goes on Holiday 10:45 Waybuloo 11:05 In the Night Garden 11:35 The Pink Panther Show 12:00 Animal Park 12:30 Live Snooker: The World Championship 17:10 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 17:55 Party Election Broadcast 18:00 Eggheads 18:30 Great British Menu 19:00 Live Snooker: The World Championship 20:00 Britain’s Next Big Thing 21:00 Filthy Cities 22:00 Later Live - with Jools Holland 22:30 Newsnight

23:20 Snooker: The World Championship

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ITV

00:10 Green Day: Awesome Live 00:45 European Poker Tour 01:40 The SS 02:35 Empire 03:30 Warlords 04:25 Codex 05:10 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 05:35 Ugly Betty 06:20 The Hoobs 07:10 Freshly Squeezed 07:40 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:05 Frasier 08:35 Friends 09:05 Wife Swap USA 10:00 Brothers & Sisters 10:55 A Place by the Sea 12:00 Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 Make Do & Mend 12:35 Come Dine with Me 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Fern 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Hollyoaks 19:00 Channel 4 News 19:55 4thought.tv 20:00 Supersize vs Superskinny 21:00 The Sex Education Show: Stop Pimping Our Kids 22:00 Campus 23:10 Pete Versus Life 23:45 School of Comedy

00:30 The Zone 02:35 UEFA Champions League Weekly 03:00 ITV Nightscreen 04:35 Jeremy Kyle: Morning Surgery 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Daybreak 08:30 Lorraine 09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30 This Morning 12:30 Loose Women 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:55 Meridian News and Weather 14:00 60 Minute Makeover 15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 15:59 Meridian Weather 16:00 Midsomer Murders 17:00 Britain’s Best Dish 18:00 Meridian Tonight 18:25 Party Election Broadcast 18:30 ITV News and Weather 19:00 Emmerdale 19:30 Military Driving School 20:00 Countrywise 21:00 The Reckoning 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 22:35 The Hitcher

MILITARY DRIVING SCHOOL New series. Jeremy Kyle spends 12 weeks at the Defence School of Transport in Leconfield, East Yorkshire, following new drivers assigned to 110 Squadron, part of the Royal Logistic Corps, which trains soldiers for the front line

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01:10 SuperCasino 04:00 Meals in Moments 04:10 How Not to Decorate 04:55 Rough Guide to Bang for Your Buck 05:10 Wildlife SOS 05:35 House Doctor 06:00 Thomas & Friends 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 06:35 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 06:40 Rupert Bear 06:50 Peppa Pig 06:55 Milkshake! Music Box 07:00 Little Princess 07:15 The Mr Men Show 07:30 Thomas & Friends 07:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08:10 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:15 Peppa Pig 08:30 Roary the Racing Car 08:40 Olivia 08:50 The WotWots 09:00 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 09:15 The Wright Stuff 11:05 Bridezillas 12:05 The Family Recipe 12:10 5 News Lunchtime 12:20 House 13:15 Home and Away 13:45 Neighbours 14:15 The Vanessa Show 15:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 15:15 Nowhere to Land 17:00 5 News at 5 17:30 Neighbours 18:00 Home and Away 18:25 OK! TV 19:00 5 News at 7 19:30 Extraordinary Dogs 20:00 Tutankhamun: The Mystery Revealed 20:00 5 News at 9 21:00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 22:00 CSI: Miami 22:55 CSI: NY 23:55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

Wednesday 20th April 00:35 Michel Roux’s Service 01:35 Who Does What?

02:35 Pleasure and Pain with Michael Mosley 03:35 Great British Railway Journeys 04:05 BBC News 04:30 HARDtalk 05:00 The World Today 05:30 World Business Report 06:00 Breakfast 09:15 Animal 24:7 10:00 Homes Under the Hammer 11:00 Filthy Rotten Scoundrels 11:45 Cash in the Attic 12:15 Bargain Hunt 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:30 Regional News and Weather 13:45 Doctors 14:15 Escape to the Country 15:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15:05 Gastronuts 15:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 16:00 Trade Your Way to the USA 16:30 All Over the Place 17:00 Newsround 17:15 Weakest Link 18:00 BBC News 18:30 Regional News Programmes 18:55 Party Election Broadcast 19:00 The One Show 19:30 DIY SOS: The Big Build 20:30 Life of Riley 21:00 MasterChef 22:00 BBC News 22:25 Regional News and Weather 22:35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 22:45 Would I Lie to You? 23:15 The Ladykillers BBC2 00:10 Snooker Extra 02:10 BBC News 02:30 Click 03:00 BBC News 03:30 Reporters 04:00 Secondary Schools: GCSE Bitesize Biology

06:00 Finley the Fire Engine 06:10 Zigby 06:20 The Large Family 06:35 Little Robots 06:45 Charlie and Lola 07:00 Little Howard’s Big Question 07:25 Newsround 07:30 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 07:45 League of Super Evil 08:00 Copycats 08:30 LazyTown 08:55 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 09:05 The Koala Brothers 09:20 Guess with Jess 09:30 Big & Small 09:50 Grandpa in My Pocket 10:05 Mightymites 10:15 Green Balloon Goes on Holiday 10:45 Waybuloo 11:05 In the Night Garden 11:35 The Pink Panther Show 12:00 Animal Park 13:00 See Hear 13:30 Live Snooker: The World Championship 17:10 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 17:55 Party Election Broadcast 18:00 Eggheads 18:30 Great British Menu 19:00 Live Snooker: The World Championship 20:00 The Great British Wedding Cake 21:00 The Crimson Petal and the White

22:00 The Victorians 22:30 Newsnight 23:20 Snooker: The World Championship ITV 00:05 The Zone 02:10 Crossing Jordan 03:00 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Daybreak 08:30 Lorraine 09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30 This Morning 12:30 Loose Women 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:55 Meridian News and Weather 14:00 60 Minute Makeover 15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 15:59 Meridian Weather 16:00 Midsomer Murders 17:00 Britain’s Best Dish 18:00 Meridian Tonight 18:25 Party Election Broadcast 18:30 ITV News and Weather 19:00 Emmerdale 19:30 Farewell Liz 20:00 Midsomer Murders 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 22:35 Closing the Ring C4 00:15 UK & Ireland Poker Tour

ESSEX JUNGLE New series. Documentary about people who sell, own and rescue reptiles and exotic animals in Essex. Iain Newby, founder of the Dangerous Wild Animals Rescue Facility, removes a deadly 9ft boa constrictor from a terraced home in Dartford, while a pet shop owner in Leigh-on-Sea feeds a dangerous collection of rattlesnakes. Plus, a reptile enthusiast hopes to find a mate for her bearded dragon.

01:15 Superbike World Championship 2011 01:45 The Grid 02:10 Formula Ford Championship 02:35 KOTV Boxing Weekly 03:05 Freesports on 4 03:30 Sailing 03:55 ITU Triathlon 04:50 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 05:15 Full Metal Challenge 06:10 The Treacle People 06:20 The Hoobs 07:10 Freshly Squeezed 07:40 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:05 Frasier 08:35 Friends 09:05 Wife Swap USA 10:00 Brothers & Sisters 10:55 Country House Rescue 12:00 Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 Make Do & Mend 12:35 Come Dine with Me 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Fern 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Hollyoaks 19:00 Channel 4 News 19:55 4thought.tv 20:00 Vacation, Vacation, Vacation 20:30 Superscrimpers: Waste Not Want Not 21:00 The Sex Education Show: Stop Pimping Our Kids 22:00 Desperate Housewives 23:05 The Big C 23:40 Being N-Dubz in America and Beyond

C5 00:55 SuperCasino 04:00 Meals in Moments 04:10 How Not to Decorate 04:55 Animal Rescue Squad 05:10 Wildlife SOS 05:35 House Doctor 06:00 Thomas & Friends 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 06:35 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 06:40 Rupert Bear 06:50 Peppa Pig 06:55 Milkshake! Music Box 07:00 Little Princess 07:15 The Mr Men Show 07:30 Thomas & Friends 07:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08:10 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:15 Peppa Pig 08:30 Roary the Racing Car 08:40 Olivia 08:50 The WotWots 09:00 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 09:15 The Wright Stuff 11:05 Bridezillas 12:00 The Family Recipe 12:10 5 News Lunchtime 12:20 House 13:15 Home and Away 13:45 Neighbours 14:15 The Vanessa Show 15:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 15:15 Uncorked 17:00 5 News at 5 17:30 Neighbours 18:00 Home and Away 18:25 OK! TV 19:00 5 News at 7 19:30 Starlight: For the Children 20:00 Essex Jungle 20:00 5 News at 9 21:00 NCIS 22:00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent 23:00 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 23:55 Poker: Aussie Millions

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

Thursday 21st April 00:55 See Hear 01:25 Watchdog 02:25 Natural World 03:25 BBC News 03:30 Click 04:00 BBC News 04:30 Panorama 05:00 The World Today 05:30 World Business Report 06:00 Breakfast 09:15 Animal 24:7 10:00 Homes Under the Hammer 10:45 The Royal Maundy Service at Westminster Abbey 12:15 Bargain Hunt 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:30 Regional News and Weather 13:45 Doctors 14:15 Escape to the Country 15:00 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15:05 Gastronuts 15:35 Prank Patrol Down Under 16:00 Project Parent 16:30 My Life: Boy Racers 17:00 Newsround 17:15 Weakest Link 18:00 BBC News 18:30 Regional News Programmes 19:00 The One Show 19:30 EastEnders 20:00 Watchdog 21:00 New Tricks 22:00 BBC News 22:25 Regional News and Weather 22:35 Jon Venables: What Went Wrong?

23:25 The Color of Money BBC2 00:10 02:10 02:30 03:00 03:25 04:00 06:00

Snooker Extra BBC News Our World BBC News Close GCSE Bitesize Revision Finley the Fire Engine

06:10 Zigby 06:20 The Large Family 06:35 Little Robots 06:45 Charlie and Lola 07:00 Little Howard’s Big Question 07:25 Newsround 07:30 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 07:45 League of Super Evil 08:00 Copycats 08:30 LazyTown 08:55 Bob the Builder: Project Build It 09:05 The Koala Brothers 09:20 Guess with Jess 09:30 Big & Small 09:50 Grandpa in My Pocket 10:05 Mightymites 10:15 Green Balloon Goes on Holiday 10:40 Waybuloo 11:05 In the Night Garden 11:35 The Pink Panther Show 12:00 Animal Park 13:00 Live Snooker: The World Championship 17:15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 18:00 Eggheads 18:30 Great British Menu 19:00 Live Snooker: The World Championship 20:00 The Animal’s Guide to Britain 21:00 A History of Celtic Britain 22:00 Rhod Gilbert’s Work Experience 22:30 Newsnight

23:20 Snooker: The World Championship

Through India

23:30 The Ricky Gervais Show

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00:10 Abbey Road Debuts 00:30 The Album Chart Show Spotlight 00:45 Mercury Prize Sessions 01:00 Face of Britain 01:55 The Da Vinci Detective 03:50 Decoding Da Vinci 04:45 Hill Street Blues 05:35 Countdown 06:20 The Hoobs 07:10 Freshly Squeezed 07:40 Everybody Loves Raymond 08:05 Frasier 08:35 Friends 09:05 Wife Swap USA 10:00 Brothers & Sisters 10:55 The Restoration Man 12:00 Channel 4 News Summary 12:05 Make Do & Mend 12:35 Come Dine with Me 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Fern 18:00 The Simpsons 18:30 Hollyoaks 19:00 Channel 4 News 19:55 4thought.tv 20:00 Three in a Bed 21:00 The Sex Education Show: Stop Pimping Our Kids 22:00 10 O’Clock Live 23:05 The Big Bang Theory

00:55 SuperCasino 04:00 Meals in Moments 04:10 How Not to Decorate 04:55 Animal Rescue Squad 05:10 Wildlife SOS 05:35 House Doctor 06:00 Thomas & Friends 06:10 Roary the Racing Car 06:20 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 06:35 Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 06:40 Rupert Bear 06:50 Peppa Pig 06:55 Milkshake! Music Box 07:00 Little Princess 07:15 The Mr Men Show 07:30 Thomas & Friends 07:45 Make Way for Noddy 08:00 Fifi and the Flowertots 08:15 Peppa Pig 08:30 Roary the Racing Car 08:40 Olivia 08:50 The WotWots 09:00 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 09:15 The Wright Stuff 11:05 Bridezillas 12:05 Chinese Food in Minutes 12:10 5 News Lunchtime 12:20 Law & Order 13:15 Home and Away 13:45 Neighbours 14:15 The Vanessa Show 15:05 The Family Recipe 15:15 McBride: Murder Past Midnight 17:00 5 News at 5 17:30 Neighbours 18:00 Home and Away 18:25 OK! TV 19:00 5 News at 7 19:30 How Do They Do It? 20:00 Gladiator: The True Story 21:00 Most Shocking Talent Show Moments

ITV 00:40 The Zone 02:45 Thirteen 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 05:30 ITV Morning News 06:00 Daybreak 08:30 Lorraine 09:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30 This Morning 12:30 Loose Women 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:55 Meridian News and Weather 14:00 60 Minute Makeover 15:00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 15:59 Meridian Weather 16:00 Midsomer Murders 17:00 Britain’s Best Dish 18:00 Meridian Tonight 18:30 ITV News and Weather 19:00 Emmerdale 19:30 The Great British Wedding: Tonight 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Long Lost Family 22:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 22:30 Meridian Tonight and Weather 22:35 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Russell Brand 23:35 Caroline Quentin: A Passage

LONG LOST FAMILY New series. Davina McCall and Nicky Campbell present a show aiming to help people reunite with long-lost relatives.

Jennifer Wilson from Rotherham tells of her search for the twin sister from whom she was separated at birth, and Karen Lloyd from Warwickshire discusses how she has spent the past 20 years trying to track her father down.

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

SPORT ON THE BOX All the top sport on TV in your Good News paper

Saturday, April 16th Premiership Rugby Sky Sports 2 3:30pm Aviva Premiership Match Round 20 - Leicester v Gloucester.

A game from round 20 in the Aviva Premiership: Leicester

take on Gloucester at Welford Road. The Tigers are the defending champions and a good bet to retain their crown.

State Stadium in Bloemfontein.

The home side finished eleventh last season, while the Hurricanes finished eighth.

Super Rugby Sky Sports 4 7:00pm Cheetahs v Hurricanes.

Cheetahs v Hurricanes at Free

Scottish Cup Football Sky Sports 1 13:30pm Semi-final in the Scottish Cup from Hampden Park

Sunday, April 17th, F1: Grand Prix China BBC 1 4.00pm Coverage of the latest race in this season's F1 calendar.

World Championship Snooker BBC 2 5:00pm Coverage of the World Snooker Championship.

The FA Cup Semi-Final highlights ITV1 11:15pm

MAN U AND BARCA, BRING IT ON! There's no stopping the big two - now England and Spain's best look set for repeat of 2009 Champions League Final LONG BALLS

by Malcolm Palmer A giant step towards the Premier League title was no big deal for Manchester United. The club you either love or hate brushed Fulham aside to open up a ten point lead. Arsenal pulled three points back, winning at Blackpool next day, but unless Fergie’s boys slip up…….

At the other end, three w’s doesn’t refer to the internet, with Wigan, Wolves and West Ham all in the drop zone, though it’s not too late for Blackpool or somebody to get pushed out instead of one of them. (Incidentally, three b’s – Blackpool, Blackburn and Birmingham are just above the three w’s).

In the Championship, leaders QPR got seen off by relegation-bound Scunthorpe, and below them a battle continues for the other automatic promotion spot.

Brighton are all but promoted from ‘League one’ – whatever happened to Division 1, 2, 3 & 4? Who joins them is not yet clear, but Southampton and Huddersfield Town are in

there scrapping. In the lowest division, Chesterfield look clear favourites, but who goes up with them is far from clear. One thing certain is that the Football League will welcome a new member next term, as Crawley Town have secured promotion from the Conference.

Hapless Stockport look like taking their place in the black hole.

Here in Spain, at the top it was ‘mixture as before’ with a much-changed Real Madrid disposing of Athletic Bilbao 0-3 in the Basque capital, Kaká scoring two penalties and Ronaldo adding another when Mourinho gave him half an hour as substitute. Barça had more difficulty in beating bottom club Almería, who led briefly before Messi’s penalty restored order. Two more late goals, including a late one by Messi, saw the Catalans home.

Fourth-placed Villarreal, still probably basking in the shade of their fine UEFA first leg win over Dutch leaders Twente, visited thirdplaced and local rivals Valencia, and were rewarded with a 5-0 thrashing, Mata and Soldado each bagging a pair.

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Friday, 15th April, 2011

SPORTS ROUND-UP Formula 1

Towering Garmin-Cervelo rider Van Summeren, who is 6'6" tall, attacked a leading group of four riders with about 15-km left before going on to win the Queen of the Classics.

Hushovd and Ballan refused to take turns with Cancellara and clearly feared the Leopard-Trek rider, who achieved a rare Tour of Flanders/Paris-Roubaix double last year, would be too strong for them in the final kilometres. Cancellara was happy with second place but hit out at his rivals.

"I think that if I stop to drink coffee, they (my rivals) also stop to drink coffee," he said. "That's the way it is being the favourite." Triple Roubaix champion Tom Boonen endured a terrible day. The Belgian had a mechanical problem on one of 27 cobbled sectors and was later forced out following a crash, his first retirement from the Paris-Roubaix since he turned professional in 2002.

Golf Red Bull's Sebastian Vettel was in a class of his own as the world champion won a dramatic Malaysian Grand Prix.

McLaren's Jenson Button was runner-up to go second in the championship and Renault's Nick Heidfeld was third. Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso were penalised after clashing on track while disputing third place. Hamilton dropped to eighth but Alonso kept sixth spot.

Scot Paul di Resta picked up his second point with 10th for Force India behind Michael Schumacher's Mercedes.

But Much more of this and Sebastian will become too much of a good thing for F1. His victories are already verging on being routine; Sunday's was his fifth in six races - and but for an engine blow-out when leading in Korea, the German would have registered a clean sweep over a period that amounts to one third of an entire campaign. The reigning World Champion is dominating the sport in a manner not seen since Michael Schumacher was in his exclusive pomp.

Overall Top 3 after two Races 1st Vettel 50pts 2nd Button 26pts 3rd Hamilton 22pts This weekend the formula road show is in China at the Shanghai Circuit. That means up early again Sunday morning to watch the race on the box.

Cycling Johan van Summeren wins Paris- Roubaix Classic Belgian Johan Van Summeren upset the favourites to claim the 258-km Paris-Roubaix classic as the top guns shot themselves in the foot on a day containing several crashes.

CHARL SCHWARTZEL WINS MASTERS Was this one of the best last days at Augusta?

South African Charl Schwartzel shot a closing 66 to win the Masters by two shots after Augusta produced yet another simply stunning Sunday. Seven players had at least a share of the lead during a thrilling afternoon, but it was Schwartzel who emerged from the duelling pack to claim the green jacket and his maiden major title.

This Week on the tour This weekend the tours are back in action with the Men’s PGA Texan Open, the European Men’s tour in Kuala Lumpar for the Malaysian Open.

For the Ladies the only event this weekend and s here right here on our shores here in Alicante from Thursday until Sunday at La Sella Golf Resort for the European Nations Cup. England are there with Laura Davies and Melissa Reed and the USA have Christina Kim and Brittany Lincicome.

Should be a great event and if you wish to go and watch, the directions below may help you to find the course.

• AP7 exit 62 (Denia-Jávea-Ondara) • After the toll keep straight direction Denia.

• Travel 4 miles and turn right onto La Xara.

• Turn left at La Xara, cross the village and follow the road until you pass the train tracksand after 2 km you will find the field to your right.

Cricket The County Cricket season got under way last weekend at what weather they had sunshine all the way. This was the first time in years that the season had started in this way.

Normally the season opens and the rain comes down but not this year. Results from the matches are below.

Division One Hampshire drew with Durham Lancashire beat Sussex by an Innings and 55 runs Yorkshire beat Worcestershire by 9 wickets Division Two Kent beat Essex by 57 runs Gloucester beat Derby by 7 wickets Leicestershire beat Glamorgan by 89 runs Surrey drew with Northants

JUNIOR STRIKERS Sponsored by the House Maids - RESULTS 9/4/2011

Pre Benjamins: Sponsored by The Vegetable Garden Mil Palmeras 2 Junior Strikers 9 The Blues Pre Bens were back to their best with a great display of football. The difference between the two teams on the day was there to been seen with the intricate passing and movement that was too much for the home team to handle.

Blues midfielder Rudi Mckinley stole the show with an outstanding performance to go along with his four high quality goals. The Blues defence of Oliver Cook, Alvaro Caeiro Martinez and Cian Strudley limited the Mil Palmeras attacking chances, the two goals conceded by the away team came from long range free kicks that the Junior Strikers five year old goalkeeper Oliver Charles was not big enough to reach. The other Junior Strikers goals were scored by Josh Fox 3 and Eddie Corbit 2. This emphatic win now gives the Blues a better chance of reaching the knock out stages of the league going into the last few games.

Benjamins: Sponsored by Kulsveen s.l.

Junior Strikers 5 Sheffield Utd 0 The championship chasing Benjamin Blues were in fine form as they recorded their second win in the final phase of the

Vega Baja football league. Junior Strikers are now sitting pretty at the top of their group at the half way stage after this victory over Sheffield Utd. Junior Strikers dominated the game with some outstanding team play which was a joy to watch coming from 8 and 9 year olds. Sheldon Green was once again in inspirational form as the visitors failed to deal with his phenomenal football ability on numerous occasions.

Sheldon opened the scoring on the 15 minute mark with a well taken goal to give the Blues the lead.

Sheldon Green then helped himself to two further goals along with Junior Strikers March player of the month Jordan Turner who took both of his chances in style. Craig Hampshire came off the Blues bench in the second half and contributed to his team’s convincing win with some tough tackling and neat passing.

Junior Strikers offer quality training sessions at the Playa Flamenca sports centre on Monday and Wednesday 6pm-7pm.

The Mini Strikers group has now started for 3-5 year olds on Mondays 6pm-7pm For more info please visit www.juniorstrikers.com

With Mick Hardy from Kidease PREMIER & LA LIGA FIXTURES Saturday, 17 April 2011 Birmingham v Sunderland, 16:00 Blackpool v Wigan, 16:00 Everton v Blackburn, 16:00 West Brom v Chelsea, 16:00 West Ham v Aston Villa, 16:00 Sunday, 18 April 2011 Man City OFF Tottenham, 14:30 Arsenal v Liverpool, 17:00 Wednesday, 21 April 2011 Chelsea v Birmingham, 20:45 Tottenham v Arsenal, 20:45

LA LIGA Saturday, April 16 2011 17.00 Getafe - Sevilla 17.00 Málaga - Mallorca 19.00 Almería - Valencia 21.00 Real Madrid - Barcelona Sunday, April 17 2011 16.00 Deportivo de La Coruña - Racing 16.00 Levante - Hércules 16.00 Real Sociedad - Sporting Gijón 18.00 Osasuna - Athletic de Bilbao 20.00 Espanyol - Atlético de Madrid Monday, April 18 2011 Villarreal - Real Zaragoza

KIDS FOOTY Benijofar C.F. 5 v 2 Orihuela Costa F.C. League Cup Sponsored by Morgan’s Bar & Amber Pools.

Next Saturday’s home game @ Playa Flamenca against Jacarilla C.F. For more information on Costa contact Club Secretary George Marshall on: 679 77 44 88 or visit www.orihuelacostafc.com

DAYA ONE-HALF WONDERS Almoradi 0 v. 6 Daya Nueva Alevins under 12s

LOCAL FOOTBALL CD Cox 4 v 3 San Fulgencio C.F.

47

Friday, 15th April, 2011

ELCHE TAKE IT TO THE FINISHING POST Last minute winner sees Elche’s promotion push gather momentum ELCHE 1

by DAN SMITH An air of excitement is not common place in Elche´s press room. Years of doom and gloom, money worries and disappointing team performances have dominated.

But last weekend the media men smiled, players’ wives and girlfriends Blackberries pinged joyously with messages - even the Elche´s press officer found it hard to stifle his emotions and quietly punched the air.

Intense media interest during the week certainly added expectation to Saturday’s game and whilst it wasn't much of a cracker the crowd were kept on the edge of their seats until the end.

Boss Jose Bordalas, had for perhaps the first time this season all his players available for selection with the exception of sanctioned midfielder Acciari.

New signing Cristóbal, surplus to requirements at Villarreal, learnt only an hour before kick-off that he was to start in place of missing Acciari and showed that he is more than capable. However, he admitted after the game that he'll need more playing time to adapt to the pace of his new team.

Another surprise in the starting eleven was key midfielder Generelo, plagued with a mystery knee injury and with surgery still more a probability - his presence was notable.

The first half pace considering the 30 degree temperature was frenetic. The super smooth pitch suited both sides and the home side looked slightly more confident with Ángel, Kike Mateo and Mantecon all testing Nastic keeper Ruben Perez.

Jordi Xumetra, eventual hero of the day made fullback Raul Fuster´s return to his home town club not an easy one.

The cliché "game of two halves" became apparent after the re start with Nastic seeming more in tune and taking charge.

Jaime in the Elche goal was made to work, and work he did. A turn of fortune though came

NASTIC 0 to the home side after Kike Mateo was replaced

by David Sanchez and minutes later Palanca took over from a weary looking Cristóbal.

Palanca immediately applied pressure down the left and with Sanchez working in tandem the pair caused havoc in the box; creating chances galore.

However, each time, Ángel, Generelo and Xumetra were missing that final touch.

As the crowd heated up it was becoming clear that Nastic would be happy to take a point back North but, what they hadn’t accounted for was that, statistically, Elche are at their most dangerous during the last ten minutes with almost 30% of their season´s goal tally coming in the final few minutes.

And so it was, with just four minutes left Palanca crossed a long ball into the area found Xumetra closely marshalled by Fuster and Medina but somehow he managed to rise above and place a looping header over keeper Perez.

After the game Nastic manager Fornos insisted the team were worth the three points meanwhile Elche boss Bordalas was more realistic Photo: Mark Welton saying "it was always going to So close, Jordi zumetra rues his missed oportunity be a tough encounter but we six points adrift of Elche and with still nine stuck at it as we do" Next game is an away fixture to Catalan games left anything could, and probably will, side Girona who also have an eye on one of happen.

Girona - Elche Saturday 16th April 18hrs the four playoff spots up for grabs - but are

CHELSEA SO BLUE AFTER EXIT Torres firing blanks again

There was uproar by fans after Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti's decision to start with Torres ahead of Didier Drogba against Man United and asked if he had made a mistake playing Torres instead of Drogba, the Italian said that maybe he had but he wanted to start with Fernando for this kind of game, those type of tactics. He added: "Didier played well in the second half. I wanted to put more pressure up front because we needed to score. Didier was fresh and he could use his power up front. This was the reason I took out Fernando."

United got the breakthrough two minutes before half-time when Javier Hernandez scored from Ryan Giggs's cross which left Chelsea trailing 2-0 on aggregate and their evening got worse when Ramires was sent off in the 70th minute after receiving a second yellow card for a foul on Nani.

But Chelsea were handed a lifeline by substitute Drogba, who had replaced the ineffective Torres at half-time, when he beat the offside trap to fire in low past United goalkeeper Edwin van der Sar with 14 minutes remaining, however, a minute after the restart, Giggs fed in Park on the left side of the 18 yard area and the South Korean fired in what proved to be the decisive goal.

But Sir Alex Ferguson has backed Fernando Torres to be a hit at Chelsea despite failing again during the 2-1 Champions League loss at Manchester United and even though the £50m signing has not scored since his move in January and was substituted at half-time as the Blues exited at the last-eight stage, 3-1 on aggregate. Said Fergy, "I didn't see how they could leave him out having signed him for that much money, it's not working at the moment but he's young and there are more seasons."

SPURS OUT From back page

Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp made all the right noises about the possibility of overturning Madrid’s 4-0 lead from the first match last week at the Bernabeu - but in reality this was never a serious option against Jose Mourinho's side.

Spurs’ hopes of achieving a Champions League miracle came to an inevitable conclusion as Real Madrid rounded off an emphatic quarterfinal triumph with victory at White Hart Lane.

Real were helped on their way towards an 'El Clasico' confrontation with La Liga rivals Barcelona in the last four by a nightmare moment from Spurs keeper Heurelho Gomes after Spurs had failed to make any inroads into Real's lead. Gomes fumbled a routine effort from Cristiano Ronaldo into the net five minutes after the break to complete the formalities and take Mourinho a step closer to a Champions League final with a third club.

Spurs did everything in their power to clear the huge obstacle in front of them and were unfortunate not to be awarded an early penalty when Luka Modric looked to be brought down by Xabi Alonso.

It was a rare moment of discomfort for Real as Spurs' Champions League campaign fizzled out in low-key fashion in front of their own supporters, who showed their appreciation for the efforts of their players in Europe with warm applause, even in disappointment, at the final whistle.

DON’T BE LATE Hercules’ new trainer, Miroslave Djukic, has underlined his ‘hard-man’ reputation by imposing fines of between 1,000 and 3,000 euros upon players who report late for training. His predecessor, Esteban Vigo, levied ten euros per minute for the same sin.

But the players are rallying around the ex-Yugoslav international, Kiko saying that he ‘gave them more confidence.’

Continued from back page.

On an truly summery afternoon, some 20,000 people watched the game kick off, and the scene was soon set for an intense encounter when Español’s early attacking moves were fairly easily dealt with by Hercules’ defence. The mark of new trainer Miroslav Djukic was almost visible – he himself was a hard central defender, whose physical presence was felt by many a striker – and, even in the absence of Frenchman Pamarot, there was a solid look to the back line, with Abraham Paz and Juanra outstanding, captain Peña providing the link just in front. Drenthe did good work in the first twenty minutes, with some tricky runs, once giving Kiko a chance, but Cameroonian goalkeeper Kameni is not easily beaten, and saved comfortably. Ball control was hampered by the stiff sea-breeze.

Drenthe twice curled free kicks into Kameni’s grasp, one after Chica saw a yellow card for upending Kiko.

Calatayud made an important save after Español’s flankers showed some class, and Luis Garcia in particular created problems.

After twenty seven minutes, Portillo latched onto Kiko’s cross, and fired in a shot which Kameni only saved at the second attempt – a fine effort. The same player then combined with Drenthe to force a corner, but when the visitors broke clear, Cortés had to resort to an unfair challenge to rob the winger, and was shown a yellow card. Abraham Paz fired over the bar from close range, then a period of scrappy play saw several fouls, with Abel Aguilar seeing a yellow card for a daft tackle in the centre circle.

Drenthe and Kiko swapped wings frequently, and looked the best of Hercules’ players as the first half came to a close, with honours even.

No changes were made to either team as the second half began, but Hercules showed signs of pressing forward, and Tiago got a shot in on 47 minutes, to no avail. Portillo was working hard.

Soon Osvaldo looped the ball over Cala’s head and into the Hercules net, but the assistant referee ruled him offside and the home side could breathe again.

Hercules were putting in some good attacks, and another fine run and centre from Royston Drenthe culminated in the luckless Portillo heading the ball against the bar. After 70 minutes, he was replaced by Trezeguet, greeted enthusiastically by the Rico Perez faithful. Drenthe saw a yellow card for a tackle on Isaias, then with ten minutes left, Drenthe’s free kick found Tiago, whose feeble shot flew wide.

Sendoa now replaced a tiring Kiko, and soon had a shot deflected for a corner, as the Alicante side fought to take full points, and Español made late, time-consuming, changes, showing they had settled for a point.

Both keepers hung on well to high balls as the game drew to a close.

In his press conference after the game, Djukic professed himself happy with the draw, and the efforts of his players, but they still have a mountain to climb if they are to avoid the dreaded ‘drop.’

48

Friday, 15th April, 2011

MADRID ENDS SPURS DREAM

TRAVEL CHELSEA COCKUP SO BLUE MEANS ELCHE LEAVE AFTER EXIT STARS AT

ELCHE TAKE IT TO THE FINISHING POST

COURIER Number 1 for SPORT! Read the full reports on p47

HERCULES 0 – ESPAÑOL 0

A POINT OF HONOUR

By Malcolm Palmer Alicante’s Hercules, dangerously placed in 18th place in the league, with only Málaga and Almería propping them up, were in danger of losing touch with other rivals intent on avoiding relegation, and their opponents, Español, in eighth place, still entertained European ambitions for next season. Hercules welcomed David Trezeguet back after a long layoff, but he was on the substitutes’ bench, whilst Farinós and Pamarot were notable absentees. Español, also plagued by injuries, nevertheless had menacing Argentinian striker Osvaldo in their side.

Continued on page 47

Drenthe powers forward in last week's game against Espanol.

Photo Mark Welton