this month 4/5 WHEN THE BOAT...
Santa Pola’s fishing industry
9 ANDREA BURNS... property tax 13 ASK THE LAWYER... go legal 16/17 GRAN ALACANT... santa pola & ga.
They’re out there...
21 PUZZLES...
grey matter workout...
22/23 LA MARINA... urb news and events...
26/27 FREE PLANNER... plan ahead with us! 29
FUN FROM THE CAMPO...
jokes, jokes and er...jokes
I should have said this last month really but as
shave the virtual ducks or something before
anyone who knows me will confirm, a month
you get your pint. Then they’re off again, head
late is not bad. So, better late than never we
down, making sure the virtual tea is ready.
offer a big welcome to new readers wherever
Listen up people - because they are amongst
you are, especially those who have come to
us. They look like you and me…well, not quite
pick us up because there’s either no
– but you know what I mean, and they behave normally, some of the time. If you’re
beer mats around to read, or you
having dinner and the host has
miss Campo magazine and you live
37 NATURE...
to keep rushing off – don’t
inland. Have a read and if you’re
migration
panic, they are most likely
anything like our other readers
not bulimic, but tending to
you’ll be letting us know
41 MOTORING.
their virtual shop - but do
soon enough if you have an
the right way of doing it...
43 COMPUTERS... are you lost...?
47 LIFE IN SPAIN...
opinion about The Jungle
not get pulled in as many
Drums…either way.
have done…Richard can’t
Back to the present and,
go anywhere without
as ever, I’m sitting in a
putting the virtual cat
café knocking one out
feeder on a timer and a quiet beer and a chat has
(article…) and thinking
made easier
become an interruption to
about something Richard,
the virtual smooth running of
the computer man from
49 HOROSCOPES..
his virtual life. I don’t get it…I
BlueMoon, has just told me.
is it in uranus?
have enough trouble running one
He’s been feeding his fish this
life; although my son virtually cleans his
morning. Nothing wrong with that of
55 BUSINESS DIRECTORY...
all the businesses you’ll need!
and
m uch
m uch
m
ore!
Please note that our deadlines are as follows: Adverts/ Editorials. 15th each month. Letters: 20th each month Any items received by The Jungle Drums after these dates cannot be guaranteed publication in the following months issue - although we will try our best! Phone: 96 669 5141 Email: ask@thejungledrums.com Website: www.thejungledrums.com Editor: Dave Bull Dep.legal: A-1068-2004 Impresora: Albagraf. Albacete While every effort is taken to ensure that mistakes are kept to a minimum, the Jungle Drums, its publisher and staff accept no responsibility for claims made by advertisers or respondents replying to adverts. Nor can it be held responsible for any errors or inaccuracies in their advertisements. The Jungle Drums reserves the right to change, alter and update any part of this publication including adverts and pictures without the consent of the original author or source. E&0E No part of this publication, printed or online, may be used or reproduced without the written consent of the publisher
course, it’s good to have a hobby – but these
room every few months…however he did treat
are virtual fish and part of a game to be found
me for Father’s Day, it must be said, and it’s
on Facebook. Yes my dear friends….the end is
not every day that you get a frying pan that
nigh. People all over the world are hooked on
can cook eggs in the shape of a penis is it? The
Farmville, or one of its sister games (Townville,
mother in law wasn’t so impressed mind you –
Cityville, Jimmy Summerville…) and their lives
when she came round for dinner – but she did
have been taken over. You can’t walk into a bar
eat three, and she’ll acquire a taste for oven
these days without the barmaid rushing off to
chips too...eventually.
Debbie Milligan
Dave
1971 - 2010
Jungle Drum’s good friend and former contributor, Debbie, passed away last month and will be very much missed by all that new her, not least for her sense of humour…and we’ll remember her for always being late with her article… So in keeping with Debbie’s last minute emails to this mag’ – Tom has written some lovely words about his wife, and sent them in at the last minute… Debbie was born in Glasgow on the 9th of the 3rd 1971 and past away suddenly at home in Santa Pola on the 6th of the 3rd 2010. We first came here on holiday in may 2004 for Debbie’s sisters wedding that’s when we discovered Santa Pola. the first thing Deb Said was ‘I would love to live here for the rest of my life.’ When we returned to Glasgow Deb was on a mission, we moved to Santa Pola on the 31st of Aug 2004. within 6 months Debbie set up Legal Solutions and decided to sit on her bum and as she would say ‘let my Big man do all the running around’ as I still am now. Anyone who knew Deb will know she was friendly funny and would do anything to help anyone. Thanks, Tom
Jungle Drums - 96 669 5141 - 606 540 408 - ask@thejungledrums.com
WHEN THE BOATS COME IN.
words Dave Bull photos Mark Welton
4
STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408
An orange sky... ...and a flock of seagulls surround the silhouette of the Nueva Natividad
buyers from all over Spain will be bidding on the impressively prepared
as it comes home. Home being the fishing port of Santa Pola – one
and displayed produce before them which will then be making its way
of the most important fishing ports in the Mediterranean and a town
to supermarkets and restaurants
that still retains its very strong links with the sea - and the Nueva
around the country as soon as it is sold.
Natividad, a state of the art fishing boat owned by Santapolero Rafael
As I head home it’s almost eight o’clock and my day is over. The
Baeza. The Nueva Natividad is not alone however, far from it, as behind
fishermen meanwhile are still tending to their nets and repairing where
follow more silhouettes, many more - and more hungry birds - heading
necessary for the day ahead – which is just six short hours away.
into port with the fruit of a day’s hard labour stowed safely below
Most of them have seen the sun rise and set during this, just another
decks. The birds will get the scraps while the catch will provide food
normal, working day.
for a town and a country - hungry for the best fish to be found in the Mediterranean.
In this series of articles The Jungle Drums will be covering all aspects
Soon the quay is buzzing with activity as some of the one hundred
of fishing in Santa Pola from its role as the most important port on the
boats that represent Santa Pola’s fishing fleet find their berth and
Mediterranean to the selling, cooking and eating of our locally caught
begin unloading their haul. It is the middle of February, and it’s cold.
fish.
As I stand shivering these men are pulling cold and wet nets around
Our thanks go to the Mayor, Miguel Zaragoza for his introduction last
the decks and heaving trays of fish in ice onto the quay. They don’t
month and for highlighting the importance of the town’s main industry.
wear gloves, though I doubt any would fit as these guys have hands
The town hall have given us unprecedented access to the fishing
the size of dinner plates and fingers the size of sausages, and they
industry and how it operates, including a visit to the Lonja alongside
don’t even seem to notice the biting northerly wind that has kicked up
Gran Alacant Councillor Loreto Cascales and we’ll be sending one of our
and driven us bystanders to look for cover. I suspect they’d laugh, if
reporters out on a fishing boat for the day to really experience the life
they weren’t too busy working, at us land-lubbers as we look on with
of the Marineros at sea.
growing respect at these men. These are men who are nearing the end
We’d like to thank the town hall of Santa Pola for their enthusiasm and
of yet another 14 hour working day but know that there is still work to
help in putting together, what we believe, will be an informative and
be done before they can head home.
interesting series of articles covering the past, present and future of
Fishing is quite literally the life-blood of Santa Pola and has been for
one of Spain’s most important, and oldest, industries and specifically
a very long time. Los Marineros, the fishermen, are the sons and
one of its most important ports. Our thanks to go to La Peix, who
grandsons of Santapoleros who took to the sea to earn their living, but
are the association representing the town’s fishermen and who have
it’s not a job – to the people of Santa Pola it is much more than that.
assisted us in every way possible, and to the fishermen - who bring
Call it tradition, lifestyle, culture or a vocation, the red blood that is
home dinner.
fishing runs through the veins of every true Santapolero and they are, rightly so, proud of their reputation for catching and selling the best seafood in the Mediterranean. It is why Carrefour, El Corte Ingles and pretty much every other major food retail company in Spain is waiting dockside at four-thirty sharp for the boats to come in; they want the very best, and the fishermen of Santa Pola have made themselves a reputation for supplying just that for a very long time. Over four hundred Marineros earn their living directly from the sea while over ninety per cent of the town is connected to the industry in one form or another. Santa Pola exists and thrives on its fishing industry. In the Lonja, (the auction house where each boats daily catch is sold) alongside the port, some two hundred
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Fiscal help... RESIDENTS’ ANNUAL TAX DECLARATIONS The time of the year is approaching when
You can only be considered a fiscal
the residents have to present their annual
resident in Spain if you have presented an
income tax declarations, that is between
income tax declaration on your world-
the months of May and June for the tax
wide income here (with a few exceptions,
year 2009. The tax year coincides with the
your tax consultant will advise you).
andrea burns Tax & Legal Services SPANISH WILLS CONVEYANCES SPANISH PROBATE & INHERITANCES
calender year. Therefore your gestor/solicitor will require all the documents from
I know of a number of residents that had
1st January to 31st December 2009.
enquired about making this declaration at some stage since becoming resident and
There still reigns a lot of confusion among
were told that they had no obligation to
holders of residence cards or residence
do it due to the moderate amount of their
certificates where they should pay their
pension. Hence, they took that advice and
taxes, in the country of their nationality or
never enquired again nor did they do any
the country of their residence.
more about it.
Strictly speaking, if you are a permanent
Upon selling their property or inheriting
resident and wish to have all the benefits
from their spouse they then find out that
regarding certain taxations more favour-
they are being taxed as non-residents be-
able to residents than non-residents, it is
cause there is absolutely no track record
essential for the tax authorities to have
at the tax office.
proof that you are also a fiscal resident in the country in which you have taken up
My advice is to make sure that you have
permanent residency.
a proper tax declaration presented, even if you are not legally obligated and your
POWER OF ATTORNEY N.I.E. NUMBERS RESIDENCE CERTIFICATES FISCAL REPRESENTATION
taxes work out at zero. Insist on making one so the tax authorities have record of you. If the figures show that you would have had
NON-RESIDENTS’ INCOME TAX
no obligation and you only do it the once, at least the tax authorities have documented proof of it and you
NON-RES. CAPITAL GAINS TAX
have a case to argue, if necessary.
URB. DON PUEBLO II BW 140 GRAN ALACANT 96 669 7824 or 639 608 969 ANDREABURNS@ORANGE.ES
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9
ALTOMAR FINE FINISHING
GRILLS HANDRAILS GATES
Mosquito nets
& ALL
METALWORK
Marine Galvanised for years Free of Maintenance
Phone Eddie
TEL: 966 699 353 MOBILE: 648 786 708
10
ask@thejungledrums.com
EL PERPETUO SOCORRO HEALTH INSURANCE. Due to new laws concerning the health cover of British expats here on the Costa Blanca, thousands of people could find themselves with no medical cover, which is why more people are turning to El Perpetuo Socorro for private medical insurance.
From here
Establish since 1951, the company offers comprehensive plans for people of all ages with premiums starting at just 56 euros a month for a complete medical insurance plan, with discounts available for family members. For this cost, you will have access to prestigious and professional doctors and medical centres with the most advanced means of diagnosis and treatment. El Perpetuo Socorro offers personal and sympathetic treatment, they study each individual case to offer a service that adjusts to their clients needs. Their covers includes: Unlimited hospitalization, doctors visits, specialist visits and medical tests.
to here
• Medical assistance 24 hours, 365 days a year. • Individual hospital rooms and a bed for a companion. • Emergency ambulance service. • Emergency medical treatment throughout Spain and abroad. • No age limit for any policy. • Competitive prices, different methods of payment. • Well woman and well man clinic, including e.c.g. • Cancer treatment. • Dental check-ups and clean and polish. • A wide medical directory with many English speaking doctors and clinics in your area. • English speaking help line. • NO WAITING LISTS. TO GIVE YOU PEACE OF MIND SHOULD THE WORST HAPPEN? FOR FURTHER DETAILS CALL MARIA CAIRNSNOW ON 678 570 632 OR E-MAIL: maria@elperpetuo-socorro.com
The
British Dental Practice Dr. Paul Saliba LDS University of London 1981
• WE CATER FOR NERVOUS PATIENTS • QUALITY AND AFFORDABLE • SAME DAY EMERGENCY TREATMENT • NATURAL SMILES AND BLEACHING • TOOTH COLOURED RESTORATIONS • SAME DAY DENTURE REPAIRS • CHILDREN WELCOME • NATURAL LOOKING DENTURES
TEL: 96 679 6603 103, Calle Madrid Urb. La Marina
(off N-332 between Torrevieja & Santa Pola)
From Gran Alacant: take the N332 to the La Marina Urbanisation. Look for a major left turning into the main street lined with bars etc. After Supervalu turn right, continue until you find bars and dentist on your left
WHY PAY MORE?
the best ad prices- TEL. 606 540 408
11
12
your local mag’ online and FREE!! - www.thejungledrums.com
JLCA & AS Lawyers
Top local lawyer Jose Luis answers your legal questions.
José-Luis Campillo & Asociados Abogados - Lawyers www.jlcalawyers.com
INDEPENDENT LAW & TAX ADVICE
- General Practice & Litigation
Advice on Tax Matters - Accountancy for companies/self employed - English & Spanish Inheritance Advice - Real Estate - N.I.E. Numbers - Power of Attorney, Bank Accounts
- Mortgages, Loans - Notary Deed - Registration of the deed at - Land Registry - Trademarks - Spanish Wills - Reposessions - Traffic Accidents - Changes of Foreign Cars to Spanish Registration
UK PENSIONS & BENEFIT ENTITLEMENTS IN SPAIN You may already be aware that Spain has become the home to more than 1 million British Expats, as well as a holiday destination for around 17 million British tourists every year.
specific information regarding you situation.
We receive numerous enquiries though our offices at JLCA Lawyers regarding pensions and healthcare for ex-pats here in Spain. Many queries of this type actually dealt with via the British Consulates in Spain. JLCA & As.-Lawyers are registered as one of the recommended English speaking Lawyers with the Alicante Consulate.
The INSS – Instituto Nacional de la Seguridad Social (National Institute for Social Security). There is an INSS office based in Alicante. The INSS deal with all issues relating to pensions, benefits but also registering your E121, E106, The Spanish European Health Insurance Card – your access to medical facilities here in Spain.
WHO DEALS WITH PENSIONS & SOCIAL SECURITY MATTERS IN SPAIN
WHERE DO I APPLY FOR A PENSION
- Claims against builders/promoters
- Resident Permits
ASK THE LAWYER…
As a result of these frequently asked questions, we recently attended an open day for the Alicante Consulate, and would like this month to pass on some of the useful information we found. UK state pensions, and some benefit entitlements are payable in Spain, the rules do vary depending on the type of benefit, for example you will had to have been receiving them before leaving the UK (Examples quoted were contribution based Jobseekers Allowance, Statutory Maternity Pay, Statutory Sick Pay, Winter Fuel Allowance, and Severe Disablement Allowance). There are even some that you can still apply for from Spain. However, not all are applicable here (generally if you have to be means tested to receive them), we understand that Income Support, Pension Credit, Council Tax Benefit and DLA (mobility component) are not available. The Alicante Consulate can advise you on all these matters.
If you are living in Spain but have never worked here, or are living in the UK having previously worked in the UK and Spain, you should apply in the UK. If you are living in Spain and have worked in and (and other countries in the EU), you should apply in Spain, but make sure you include the years worked outside of Spain You can find out more about the Consulate Services via their website www.ukinspain.fco.goc. uk . It is worth knowing that there are “loopholes” with regards to private pensions paid through Spain, which can be beneficial to you. For more information about this, feel free to make an appointment at our offices in Gran Alacant.
If you are moving to Spain and concerned how this will affect your entitlements, you can contact the International Pension Centre (IPC) and Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) directly for
Avda. Escandinavia, 72, C.C. Altomar II, Local 8, Manzana E, 03130 GRAN ALACANT (Santa Pola) Telf: 966 698 796 · Fax: 966 699 570 Espana - Spain · info@jlcalawyers.com ELCHE: Avda. de Alicante, 24 7°03203 - Elche ·Espana - Spain Telf: 966 612 816 · Fax: 965 427 800 infonacional@jlcalawyers.com LONDON: 96-98 Baker Street W1 U6TJ London Tel. 0044(0)20072241095 e-mail. londonoffice@jlcalawyers.com
36
NEW LOW! LOW! ADVERTISING RATES - TEL. 606 540 408
13
14
THE CHEAPEST ADVERTISING ON THE COSTA !!- TEL 606 540 408
WHY PAY MORE?
the best ad prices- TEL. 606 540 408
15
ga sp gran alacant
santa pola
news-views and the odd bit of nonsense
Colin the King of banter... he just goes on and on and on and on.... Here I sit broken hearted and feeling a bit in the dumps, well you may ask why is this and I can tell you categorically its because I have lost my feeling of belonging and being one of the gang ,walking around and being one of the “in crowd” . Now you may be asking yourself what would cause this feeling of nostalgia to someone whose been here for 23 years in Spain, could it be the fact that I am pinning for a decent ruby Murray (curry) no not really because their are excellent Indian restaurants here in Spain. Could it be a touch of the old fish and chips in newspaper?? No I don’t think so because again many nice place for a take away fish supper or eat in. Could it be the fact that their is nowhere around to get pie and mash with some stewed eels as a side dish, well I don’t think so but it would be nice to savour this exotic dish again without going back to the homeland with the stress that entails like online flight booking, weight allowances and having to carry a passport. Now you should have a clue here ?’ passport and why do I have to carry one, yes why do I now need to carry a passport within the EEC which I think of as a liberty when I did have a perfectly good ID card until last week when I had to renew my residencia and hand my card in. In exchange for what a piece of paper that’s not worth anything other than the fact it means I have re-registered as still living here and i am alive, now I find this absolutely disgusting that I am not allowed to have my residents card anymore. Why is this I wonder? Well I was told at the police station that’s it’s because the British government made strong representations to the Spanish government. Now I demand to know why this is so because I like my
residencia card because it is so handy for everything, from applying for my driving licence to buying something with plastic or just filling in paperwork which this country seems to love. Who or why could persuade the British government to intervene on this subject I wonder if what I was told is the truth about the British government objecting to us having an ID card. I think this smacks of corruption in high places within the British class system, now why do I write this? Because I honestly believe it’s the truth. The British hierarchy peddle this thing
about personal information and liberty which to me is just a heavy curtain to hide the truth about personal wealth and tax evasion, I mean what else can it be but an excuse to own property in Spain and have it registered to a offshore company so as to avoid paying death duties and so forth. Then when the Spanish authorities start to close the loopholes the faceless wonders start paying lobbyists, (latest scandal of snouts in the trough) to force the Spanish government to change the law, I wonder how many backhanders went towards this? Well I for one liked my ID card that I could carry around and flash whenever I liked to obtain goods or services and to back up my plastic in Carrefour or media mart . I feel like I have had my right arm cut off without my precious card that meant I was someone not just another number on a bit of paper so please Mr. editor lets have a campaign to have our right of existence here in Spain officially recognised and not just a number on a bit of paper which is not worth the paper its written on but a re-instalment of our ID cards that means so much to us that have lived here for many years , Now I do know that some joker is going to write in saying well if you like it so much then change your nationality, yes good comment but have you seen the paperwork involved. I mean as far as I know everyone else in Europe gets an ID card so why should the British be any different, is it because were an insular island race that’s not been invaded for a 1000yrs or the British class system that has to perpetuate itself and the only way it can do this is to hide assets in faceless bank accounts and they fear that having an ID card would bring out into the open the hidden assets to pay for the Eton and the like?? Well I for one would like to know why this poor old cockney cannot have a new ID card.
YOUR PHOTOS
ga sp gran alacant
santa pola
news-views and the odd bit of nonsense
Biblioteca Internacional Gran Alacant activities and courses PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES Pilates: 20€ a month Group A; Tuesdays and Thursdas 09.30-10.30 Group B: Tuesdays and Thursdays 18.00-19.00 Group C: Tuesdays and Thursdays 19.30-20.30 Latin Dancing; 15€ a month Fridays 19.00-20.00 Ballroom Dancing:15€ a month Saturdays 12.30-13.30 Batuka+ Bellydance:25€ a month Tuesdays and Thursdays 20.00-21.30 Batuka+Fitness; Bellydance and hip-hop never started because there weren’t enough people interested. CULTURAL ACTIVITIES Spanish: 20€ a month Beginners A: Mondays and Wednesdays 11.30-12.30 and Fridays 09.30-11.30 Beginners B: Mondays and Wednesdays 09.30-11.30 Intermediate: Tuesdays and Thursdays 10.00-12.00 Language Club: Free. Information and registration in the library Valencià: 20€ a month Group A: Mondays and Wednesdays 09.30-11.00 Group B: Mondays and Wednesdays 18.00-19.30 Creative workshop (+6 years): 5€ each session Theatre; 20€ a month (Spanish) Group +6 years; Saturdays 10.00-11.30 Group 3-5 years; Saturdays 12.00-13.30 English for travellers: 35€ a month Mondays and Wednesdays 19.30-21.00
Dear friends, hello again, Once again we meet at the Jungle Drums. I would like to let you know some new things happening in our Gran Alacan this last month. The first thing I would like to let you know is that we have at last the new service of pediatrician for all the days of the week (I mean from Monday to Friday from 8.30 to 1.30 am). It has been hard work and it took some time but at last we have this new service for all the children living in our area. We have the pediatrician and also a new nurse who will be together working for these children. We have also decided to locate this new service in a different place where the rest of adults are, so we have now two different places: the adults area and the children area (much more suitable for the patients). I hope all the parents will be happier with this new service that has been demanded for so long time. Another good thing that has been done along this month is the building of the new separation of the road in the dangerous curve in Avenida Mediterraneo. As you already know we had a lot of crashes in that area of Gran Alacant and our councillor of traffic decided to make wider the road and make some changes in that curve to improve the situation and try to have less accidents than before.
Complex in the speech given by the Brittish Consulate. The Town Hall and the representative of the Brittish Consulate are working together to try to make much more comfortable and easier your stay in our country, trying to get you closer to the difficult world of the administration in our country. Anyway, if you have some questions, you know we will try to help you as much as possible at the Municipal Office you have at your disposal in Gran Alacant. I would like also to let you know that we were together around 90 people at the Clot the Galvany trying to contribute in making it better, planting some little plants in that area. It was really nice to see how people (it did not matter the age -children or senior people) were digging the holes and planting small trees that will grow hopefully in the future and will make much nicer our environtment. It is really interesting how people are trying to improve our Gran Alacant although it is with little things. Thanks to all of you for all the little things you do every day in your life trying to get a better, nicer and more comfortable place to live. If you have some suggetion or idea, please let me know and I will try to do it. Meet you again next month.
Moreover, I must say it was a great pleasure to see so many people in the theatre of the Life Resort
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17
18
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CROSSWORD 1
CROSSWORD 2
Alpha-Cross 01 The first letter of each answer is written next to its clue in alphabetical order. One letter has already been entered. Can you find the words then fit them correctly into the grid?
1. Goddess of love (5) 21. Photo book (5)
8. Transience (7)
3. Revoke (7)
23. Luxurious (7)
12. Gruesome (7)
7. Floor show (7)
24. Commotion (7)
15. Explanation (7)
9. Oversight (5)
25. Restorative (5)
16. Forceful and
10. Last letter of the
extreme (7) DOWN
Greek alphabet (5)
17. Educational
11. Rising warm air
1. Asinine (7)
institution (6)
current (7)
2. Satire (7)
18. Intone (5)
13. Symbol of
3. Turn on an axis (6)
19. Musical speed (5)
disgrace or infamy (6) 4. Unguent (5)
22. Saloon (3)
5. Mischievous fairy
18. Inscrutable (7)
(3)
9
14. Sour (6)
5
1
3
Wordoku key word: SOMETHING
4
0
1 4 2
aAnswers nswers ppage age3625
6. Live (5)
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Across
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FOULEYE
– well, nearly all – free! There’s the small matter
says…
of BBC2 ( I like Eggheads), Channel 5 (football’s
free for all?
getting better), but hey, after the €1,000 odd setup costs – it’s free-ish! And don’t forget – no TV licence here (yet). Free phone calls? Depends who you spoke to last – Europa, Telitec, even the good old Round Town News are doing free calls to your rellies in Khartoum – sorry Bradford... Good offers, aren’t they? Me, I’m so confused who to turn to; I have
Go on then, define free – something you don’t pay
to admit I’m still quietly cursing with Telefonica,
for? Something you get for nothing, perhaps, that
but still working on the devil-you-know principle.
others pay for? Not a slave? Unrestricted? Yes,
Fine when all’s well, usually most of the time -
perhaps all of them. But ‘free’ is an emotive word
and when its not – grrr! But it has to be said that
round here these days, isn’t it? Free healthcare is
Telefonica, for all their faults do give you a free
a very topical subject here in our Valencian region,
answerphone, you don’t need anything else – and
where some of us used to receive it, some still do,
I have to say it works brilliantly, and surprise,
and soon, may not. Perhaps we don’t already? Of
surprise – it’s dead easy to change your message
course, back where we come from, healthcare
and theirs to English - even I can do it!
was always free, thanks to our accepted National
A particular weakness of mine is free newspapers.
Health system and we kind of got so used to it,
It’s not so much that they’re free, although that is
that we still expect it now. Should we? Points here
a factor, my problem is throwing them out. I find
for stating the blindingly obvious, but – we don’t
that hard to do, especially if I consider I havn’t
actually live there now – we live in somebody
fully read them, or worse – havn’t cut out any
else’s country! And in case you hadn’t noticed,
interesting bits: I’m a terrible hoarder. So in no
their system’s different to ours – you have to
time, the five, yes five free newspapers a week we
pay! I know not everyone does, but hey – they’re
get here easily mount up into a paper mountain,
Spanish and this is their country: although you
much to my wife’s disgust. So I try hard to stay
wouldn’t think so the way some of us carry on.
on top of it, and regularly prune the pile, but I
Anyway, before I get shouted down, I’ll ‘freely’
have to be very disciplined! Of course, you are
move on...
reading something else free here – this excellent
Staying on matters controversial, there’s the
magazine for one, and there are several other
..erm…winter fuel allowance (ducks) – alright dear,
inferior imitations! Do you get free mags in the
calm down, my name’s Michael Winner! I know,
UK? I think not: we have my wife’s fave – body-
I know, it gets cold here too – in fact it’s been
building for men (joke, it’s Prima really), sent from
freezing here in paradise lately, hasn’t it? It’s just
the UK - and that’s far from free…
that – surely that’s to warm yer cockles in moany
Who says Fouleye is not educational? Inhabitants
old Britain, no? I don’t think it was intended for
of Elche are known as ‘Illicitanos’; did you know
those of us who chose to head south and say ‘stuff
that? Why, Fouleye? The reason is that quite a
yer UK Community Charge, we’d rather pay the
few centuries back a visiting Iberian Queen liked
€79.52 or whatever - a year – known popularly as
the area and its people so much that she granted
Impuesto Bienes Inmeubles Urbana –it’s muuuuch
them a dispensation, which meant that they didn’t
cheaper! So if we are supposedly taking advantage
have to pay certain taxes that all the others did –
of the warmer climate and cheaper rates-uz-
so they became known as the Illicitanos, and the
woz,, dare I suggest it’s a bit crass to expect the
name stuck – so now you know – remember it, it
allowance…but that’s only my opinion - what do
might come in handy when you’re on ‘Eggheads’.
I know?
A final thought regarding regarding the ‘free’
What about those labelled ‘Freeloaders’ by some:
world we all live in today. Well, here in downtown
those intrepid travellers who have either sold their
Europe, we’re all in the free world – aren’t we?
mansions elsewhere, or more likely put them in
Along with our old foes from over the water some
mothballs in the winter (I know a joke about them
sixty odd years back, we all live happily together,
– mothballs – see the joke section) or God forbid
having let bygones be bygones years ago – havn’t
– rented out their own properties only to migrate
we, Captain Mainwaring? (Good job we won! Hey,
south in their ‘dormobiles’ for the winter: and now
that’s enough of that talk, move along there). After
as we speak are encamped down by the sea on
all, we’re all free - as John Inman would say!
‘our’ La Marina beach? It’s too darn good for them
In the latest San Fulgencio News Bulletin, (SINFUL
there, Cynthia - tar them in oil! After all, they’re
? nice ring to that, don’t you think) there is a
getting something free we all pay for, aren’t they?
double page spread telling us all how ungrateful
Erm, what exactly is it? Fresh air? Sunshine?
we are to criticise the Town Hall because we
Access to the beach? That costs money, doesn’t it?
don’t understand ALL the facts involved, or how
But they do leave stuff behind them, if you get my
the system runs etc… so we all ought to be jolly
drift…well, their drift…oh, suit yourselves…
glad that they’re doing so much for us. There’s a
Television? Free to air? What’s that, then? Well,
whopping list of all the things they’ve done last
all you need is a dish the size of Wembley, a stout
year. So stand in the corner all of you – us – who
roof, one of those digi-box things y Roberto es su
are guilty of such heinous crimes. Hey, it’s bit
Tio (look it up, if you have to) and you have it all
crowded here, isn’t it?
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How the affair started… In1960, imagine how our family felt when we found out that our Dad had won a holiday for us all in Spain. Nobody I knew went to Spain, in Nottingham where I lived everyone went to Skegness. We were to stay in a villa, whatever that was, with maid service and our own beach. It was all too much, too exciting for words. We drove down to the company’s head office in Slough and were conveyed to Heathrow airport by Austin Princess – wow, now we knew we had arrived! Boarding a BEA Vanguard aeroplane, we flew to Barcelona, the flight took six hours: anyone remember when airline stewardesses looked like Brigitte Bardot? I do, especially when I travel today with Easyjet and the orange teenagers! We felt like royalty being served with airline food, it was so special. My three siblings and I thought we had gone to heaven. The villa was shared with another family, an older couple than my parents, with their nineteen year old son Warren. As I was twelve, for the duration of the holiday Warren was the older brother I never had. I idolised him from the start, as he taught me to dive, snorkel and fish in the warm Meditteranean. I have never quite got over the opalescent greeny/blue colour of the Med; I loved it from day one, and still do. Our villa had about eight bedrooms, it was situated amongst some trees that led down to a small private rocky shore that you could swim from, with little shoals of white and silver fish darting back and forth. Our two friendly little Spanish maids came in every morning and cleaned the place from top to bottom. My Mum was so embarrassed at this extravagance, like most women she cleaned up before they came, so they wouldn’t think ill of her – well she did for a few days, anyway. Down in the village, about half a mile from our villa along the narrow road, the scene was like a picture postcard. There was a small, sheltered crescent-shaped sandy bay, with half a dozen fishing boats pulled up. A few families and couples sunned themselves or sheltered under their brightly-striped beach umbrellas on the golden sand, occasionally swimming and cooling off in the gentle sea. I had arrived in paradise. Skegness it was not. Move over, Margate… Pedalos could be commandeered for a few pesetas. One day Warren and I were in one, and my two sisters in another, way out in the bay. Needless to say we were playing pirates and trying to ram the girls craft sideways on, accompanied by their screams and our bold shouts. My little brother, aged four who had insisted on tagging along fell off the back of ours with the impact and nearly drowned: luckily Warren spotted him and dived in to fish him out! An unlikely cock-and-bull story was made up when we returned as to why they were both soaked, we still rib my brother about it today. The village was tiny, it seemed the forest dominated the landscape right down to the seashore where a small collection of buildings included houses, apartments, little hotels and guest houses, the odd shop or two, and a dozen bars and restaurants, all randomly situated. For me the best part of the holiday, the height of sophistication was experiencing the little bars and restaurants. Their outside tables were adorned by umbrellas advertising various drink brands, and for the first time in my young life I drank – Cocacola! For a sheltered young lad from suburban England, whose total soft drink experience totalled either orangeade or lemonade from the Corona delivery man, to gaze at a glass of coke with lumps of ice, and wait for it – a slice of lemon – was sheer bliss. There were straws if you liked and wonderful little plastic advertising stirrers.
your local mag’ online and FREE!! - www.thejungledrums.com
Coke tasted like nothing else I had ever drank: it was one of those
La Marina Bulletin Special ( LAMBS )
Martini type advert moments on television you never forget. Sitting outside a café with my coke, soaking in the fabulous beach view of
What’s happening in and around La Marina in April & May?
my Meditteranean I have never been happier. An abiding memory was Warren and his dare-devil high diving. Dad and I, Warren and his Dad were walking along the cliff top one day near the villa. As we rounded an outcrop there was below us a dramatic inlet from the coastline, and the cliff dropped away sharply to the sea, where the waves crashed in every few seconds. In the inlet the water looked deep and exciting. Warren peeled off his tee shirt and announced casually he was going to dive off the clifftop. ‘Warren!’ his father said anxiously. ‘Your mother will never forgive me if anything happens to you: it’s too high! Please go down a bit
At Zodiacs café/wine bar behind Consum Square
are looking for ‘darters’, male and female, individ-
on Friday 9th April is ‘Mind, Body & Soul Day’
uals or in teams of five or six to compete at darts.
from 11- 3pm. Every Wednesday night 6 -9pm is
Enquire to Kim or Clive at The Phoenix, telephone
homemade pie night @ €5.95, and Fridays 6-9pm
663 588 340. The Phoenix will also be hosting a St.
fine dining with Sarah inc buffet starters, choice
George’s Day party on 23rd April,
of main courses and homemade sweets inc wine
El Matador on Plaza Sierra Castilla, Phase One -
@ €12. Booking recommended, phone 966 190
Mark does a good value three-course evening
779. Coming soon…Greek wine tasting & authentic
special @ €12, plus an excellent Sunday lunch @
Greek tapas…
€9.50.
lower if you must do it,’ he pleaded.
Cornish Pride, off Consum Square by Chief O’Neills
‘Ok, Dad,’ said Warren cheerfully. With that he bounded several
do daily newspapers, and bicycle hire, as well as
yards down the rocks, and without pausing launched himself off in
lots of good value gifts, British groceries and pas-
a fabulous dive worthy of Acapulco standards. It seemed ages as
tries.
he hung in the air before plunging into the surf way down below us.
Our Plaice (traditional fish & chips) on Monte Vic-
The three of us held our breath for a second until Warren’s blond
toria, behind Supa Valu, The new all-year-round
head appeared on the surface, smiling and waving happily. Oh, how
awning gives a choice of inside our restaurant, or
I wanted to be like Warren!
on the closed-in terrace. Our special Menu Del Dia
We were all soon suntanned to a deep brown, the type of tan you
is cod, chips, mushy peas and bread and butter,
can only get from a continental sun: the sort that lasts for a few
only€4.95. New is a ‘Pie Special’ at €4.95, along
weeks when you get back to ordinary old Britain. Sure, it wore off,
with a Lamb Shank with chips, mash and gar-
but for me, the damage was done. I now knew the existence of
den peas at only €6. Take-aways welcome at Our
paradise, and I knew where it was. I knew about Coca-Cola, ice
Plaice, telephone 966 795 418.
and lemon, and where and how it should be drunk. From now on
Do you need anything transported from A to B?
whenever I saw pictures or paintings of sunny, sandy shores, boats,
Furniture perhaps? Ray at La Marina Lavadoria,
sea, bars and cafes, I could readily identify with them. Yes, I had
behind the ferreteria on Plaza Sierra Castilla,
been there, done that, and definitely got the tee shirt, but…I wanted to be back there again one day: and not just for holidays. Through all the teenage years, marriage(s), kids, mortgages, careers, and life I never forgot the warmth of the golden sun, the clear cloudless sky, and the fabulous turquoise blue/green colour of my friend, the Meditterranean. Well, it took me a few years, several holidays, a few savings, a few sacrifices, but the desire to come back never left me, and eventually I got my wish. In 1995 I bought my first holiday home here in Spain and then finally and relatively unexpectedly came to live here in 1998. Has the novelty worn off yet? No, not yet - England is still cold and not really where I prefer to be, here the sun still shines as much as ever. I’ve got my little swimming pool to enjoy in the summer, I can see my mate the Med from my patio, and the beach is five minutes away. Some time back I dropped alcohol off my refreshment agenda, so have a guess what I drink now? The only difference is today as I struggle with my middle-aged waistline it’s the diet version I drink these days, but the buzz is still there. Coke is still served just the same as they did then in those innocent, halcyon days – oh, no they can’t be fifty years ago! Five years ago I took a trip up to the Costa Brava and you’ll never guess what? The village is still there, and - ITS JUST THE SAME AS I REMEMBER! Same half a dozen bars and fishing boats, same forest down to the village, hardly any new buildings – the villa’s still there - how about that, then? Some (good) things never change. So now you know how my affair with Spain began!
Phase One, has a van to help you. Ring Ray on A date for your diary - The Butterfly is holding a
966 796 971.
summer ball on Friday 4 June at Camping space
Look out for the Lightning News bulletin of San
for International, La Marina. Tickets are on sale
Fulgencio Cricket Club, their first scheduled match
now for butterflys €25 each, €5 from each ticket
is at La Manga versus ‘Intellectuals’ on Sat 15th
sold will go directly to the charity.
May.
Tickets can
be obtained directly from their Charity shops in La Marina (Consum Square) or Quesada.
This is an appeal for help from Gisela and Ralf of Finca Lucendum and the young Spanish people
Did you know that Westminster Estates on Con-
of APADAC. There is a crisis as
sum Square are now doing house rentals? Simone
15 puppies came in one month ago, and there is
is looking for houses for rent, ring her on 966 795
no money to help them with much-needed
479; see their advert on our centre page planner.
treatment and medication, foster carers are also
On Friday 23rd April, The Hillside Bar on Calle Bil-
needed urgently. Thank you.
bao is putting on a St. George’s Day Medieval Night
www.lucendum-animals.org
at only €6.50 for a three course dinner. Booking in
www.protectora-apadac.org
advance is essential, tickets are available from the
The White Swan (phase 4) Monday Lunch Club
bar, the phone number is 966 797 673.
(only €5, 2 euros, entertainment, all welcome)
Looking for a fully legal builder on the urbaniza-
recently voted to provide a brand new and safe
tion? Try First Choice Builder; see the border ad
play area for the Elche Home for Children. Cus-
on the planner and their full advert in the block
tomers have to date raised €1,448.18, well done!
adverts in the classified section.
Every Wednesday at The White Swan is Steak
ROJOS Bar Restaurant in Consum Square has spe-
Night @ only €7.95, Saturday is Quiz Night at
cials from only €5 to something a bit more special!
9pm, meal before only €5. Sunday lunches main
Excellent Sunday dinners are only €10. Mondays
course excellent value only €6.50, inc. sweet @
and Wednesdays are quiz nights. Saturdays try
€8.50, free starter, and free bottle of wine when
your luck at BINGO, eyes down at 8 pm!
pre-booking a meal for two.
‘WE ARE THE POWER’ – who are? The Phoenix Sports Bar off Plaza Sierra Castilla on Phase One
WHY PAY MORE?
the best ad prices- TEL. 606 540 408
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STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408
MAY FAYRE The International Business Association
are holding a May Fayre on the 1st May at the Rocajuna Restaurant, Punta Prima. The event will take you back to Olde England with Medieval costumes, Morris dancers, craft tent, cakes stall, games, entertainment and more besides. TIBA are looking for their 1st May Queen and May Princess and invite young ladies between the ages of 12 and 16 to come forward to represent TIBA at this fabulous event.
Go! G i v e I t Ar entries is
fo Closing date April 2010 2nd Thursday 2
The candidates would need to come for an interview to be held on the 24th April at the This is Spain Exhibition and tell us something about themselves. They would need to be happy to open the event, be available for photographs for newspapers and happy to be filmed for TV. The winners will receive an MP3 player, a Crown, Sash and Make-Over - courtesy of the Hair and Beauty Academy. If you know someone who would like to participate in the exciting day then nomination forms are available from the Rocajuna or by calling 966 799 829
Tel: 902 906 015
Visit: www.tibacb.com or Email: info@tibacb.com
Rocajuna is conveniently located near Punta Prima on the N332. if you have any questions related to the location, please call: 697 830 484 or visit www.rocajuna.com
NEW LOW! LOW! ADVERTISING RATES - TEL. 606 540 408
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(Behind the Ferreteria)
Established 20 years Book rentals Service washes Duvets Carpets Dry cleaning Ironing Drying Cots and High chair for hire Collection and delivery service
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Tales from the campo... Light travels more quickly than sound, which is why some people appear to be bright until you finally hear them speak.
How many paranoid people does it take to change a light bulb? OMG! Who wants to know!? Who's asking questions!?
How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it, and another two change it right back again. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. But the light bulb must REALLY want to change. How many cats does it take to change a light bulb? One. All it takes is one to get under your feet and cause you to trip as you're changing it.
What is long, hard, and full of seamen? A submarine
With the same old new jokes we’re th carrying on the Campo tradition wi inlots of fun...all tucked rather neatly side The Jungle Drums...
Come on in...and ’ave a laugh! An optimist is an individual who falls off the top of the Empire State Building and says, after fifty floors, “So far, so good!” The word “politics” is made up of “poli”, which is Latin for “many”, and “tics”, as in “bloodsucking insects.” Isn't Disneyland a trap for people run by a mouse? If everything seems to be going well in life, you’re probably
Have you heard about the new “Divorce Barbie”? It comes complete with all of Ken's stuff.
overlooking something.
oooooaaaar
Why is that whenever something is transported by car, it's called a “shipment”, but when something is transported by ship, it's called “cargo”? A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder. A mans car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. "Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow. Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man told the farmer his story."Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?" asked the farmer. "Yes, yes," the man replied."Oh! I wouldnt listen to Bessie," said the farmer. "She doesnt know a thing about cars."
A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said, "That's once." A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice." After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse. His brand new bride yelled, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."...... The farmer said, "That's once."
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THIS IS
SPAIN
trade fair The four star luxury Orihuela Costa Resort is to be the venue for the next ‘This is Spain Exhibition’ trade fair which is to be held
on the 23rd, 24th and 25th April 2010 and this venue is ideal for an exhibition like this with an elegant, purpose built pavilion containing a large exhibition hall and plenty of outdoor space for people with larger products to display. To reach the Orihuela Costa Resort, come off the N332 at the La Zenia roundabout, head towards the sea, take the first right and follow the signs and you will find the resort on your left. The Resort has a tasteful restaurant as well as an outdoor bar and snack area and if you feel keen, you could also bring your swim suit as there is a pool at the Orihuela Costa Resort! The ‘This is Spain Exhibitions’ are the most popular amongst the ex-pat trade fairs and the stands fill up very quickly although there are still some stands available but you will need to book your space now to ensure
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that your product or service reaches the widest possible audience; stands come in a variety of sizes and prices to suit all business needs. Over the exhibition weekend there will be a wide range of exhibitors, as always, covering financial and insurance products, homes and gardens, jewellery, food and drink plus new products that have not been in Spain before. For gardening enthusiasts, Richard and Clodagh Handscombe, whose regular gardening features appeared in Jungle Drums, will be promoting Richard’s new book and will be available to answer all your gardening questions plus several well known charities will also be represented at the show. As well as the stands, there will be all day entertainment with music provided by TKO radio and Phoenix Promotions and dancing from Raquel Pena’s THE SEVILLANAS CLUB FLAMENCO DANCERS, the Kingsbury
Academy of Dance, and Ghost Academy and should anyone wish a change in career, an experienced magician will be on hand to teach the tricks of the trade and sell the necessary props! This will be a great day out for all the family, with many bargains and exhibition offers to suit all budgets, great entertainment and the ever popular raffle, all included in the 1 euro entry fee. For more information, and to book your stand, call Christine Roche on 627 409 881 or 96 563 2835 or email her at info@exhibitions-spain.com. See the website at www.exhibitions-spain.com for regular updates and details of the businesses who will be exhibiting.
STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408
WHY PAY MORE?
the best ad prices- TEL. 606 540 408
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RETIREMENT BONUS
So what have we learnt in 2,055 years ? “The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance.” - Cicero - 55 BC ... Evidently nothing
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, ‘But we don’t know anything about each other.’ He said, ‘That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go along.’ So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort. One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
The Royal Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be. The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000... The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with £96,000. The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief Stoker who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, ‘From the tip of my penis to my testicles.’ It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two Officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measure was taken by a Medical Officer. The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to drop ‘em,’ which he did. The Medical Officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief’s penis and began to work back. Dear Lord!’ he suddenly exclaimed, ‘Where are your testicles?’ The Old Chief calmly replied, ‘ The Falkland Islands’
She said, ‘That was incredible!’ He said, ‘I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about each other as we went along.’ So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths. After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath. He said, ‘That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?’ ‘No,’ she said, ‘I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey!
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JD QUIZ You are a participant in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in? Answer: if you answered that you are first, and then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are in second place! Try to do better next time. Now answer the second question, but don’t take as much time as you took for the first question, ok? Second question: if you overtake the last person, then you are....? Answer: if you answered that you are second to last, and then you are..... Wrong again. Tell me sunshine, how can you overtake the last person?? You’re not very good at this, are you? Third question: v ery tricky arithmetic! Note: this must be done in your head only. Do not use paper and pencil or a calculator..try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20 .. Now add another 1000. Now add 10.
The population of this country is approximately 60 million. 32 million are retired. That leaves 28 million to do the work.. There are 17 million in school or at Universities. Which leaves 11 million to do the work. Of this there are 8 million employed by the UK government. Leaving 3 million to do the work. 1.2 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden, and fighting in Afghanistan . Which leaves 1.8 million to do the work. Take from that total the 0.8 million people who work for Local County Councils. And that leaves 1 million to do the work.
What is the total? The correct answer..... Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100... If you don’t believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it? Maybe you’ll get the last question right.... Maybe... Fourth question: Mary’s father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono, and ??? 2. What is the name of the fifth daughter? Did you answer nunu? No! Of course it isn’t. Her name is Mary! Read the question again! Okay, now the bonus round, i.e., a final chance to redeem yourself: A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a Pair of sunglasses; how does he indicate what he wants?
At any given time there are 488,000 people in hospitals or claiming Invalidity Benefit. Leaving 512,000 to do the work. Now, there are 511,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
A little girl asks her mum, ‘Mum, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block?’ Her mum replies ‘No, because she is on heat.’ ‘What does that mean?’ asked the child. ‘Go and ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.’ The little girl goes out to the garage and says, ‘Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to come ask you.’ He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it to disguise the scent, and said ‘Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block.’ The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.. Surprised, Dad asked, ‘Where’s Lulu?’ The little girl said, ‘She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home.’
STORMIN’ NORM’ In a recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America. His answer was classic Schwarzkopf. The General said : “I believe that forgiving them is God’s function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting”
You and me. And there you are, Sitting on your arse, reading jokes. Is it any wonder that we are in such a mess and that I am stressed out through trying to cope on my own?
It’s really very simple he opens his mouth and asks for it... Does your employer actually pay you to think?? If so do not let them see your answers for this test!
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35
Rumour has it that these classifieds actually ran in newspapers - a smile for your day ...... 1. FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8-years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites! 2. FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog. 3. FREE PUPPIES.. Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound. 4. FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a big reward. 5. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. 6. NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby. 7. GEORGIA PEACHES California grown - 89 cents/lb. 8. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300. 9. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .. Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. And the best one?: 10. FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything.
LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION 1 Trevor Adams, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2 hard at work in his cubicle. Trevor works independently, without 3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Trevor never 4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always 5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended 6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee 7 breaks. Trevor is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no 8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound 9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Trevor can be 10 classed as a high-calibre employee, the type that cannot be 11 dispensed with. Consequently, I truly recommend that Trevor be 12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be 13 executed as soon as possible. Addendum The idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote this report. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
PUZZLES Solitions
from page 21
Easy Soduku
Hard Soduku
A Great Comeback A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates. A woman walks past and says, snickering, “If you were a gentleman you’d lift your hat.” He raised an eyebrow and replied, “If you weren’t so ugly it would lift itself.”
Wordoku
This policeman was being cross-examined by a defence attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer’s credibility... Q: ‘Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?’ A: ‘No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.’ Q: ‘Officer -- who provided this description?’ A: ‘The officer who responded to the scene.’
Crossword 1
Q: ‘A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?’ A: ‘Yes, sir. With my life.’ Q: ‘With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?’ A: ‘Yes sir, we do!’ Q: ‘And do you have a locker in the room?’ A: ‘Yes sir, I do.’ Q: ‘And do you have a lock on your locker?’ A: ‘Yes sir.’ Q: ‘Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?’ A: ‘You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.’ The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
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Crossword 2
John Harris &
THE MAGICAL MYSTERY of MIGRATION
FLOWER WATCH Most of the flowers this month are already in bloom and this season has proven to be better than the last three. Also for the chefs amongst us the wild thyme that grow in abundance here , has three times the flavour of anything cultivated. For those that are interested there will be a presentation of more flowers in the Gran Alacant Library from 19 April onwards,
by Malcolm Palmer
We all know that those most visible of migrants,
polar regions – what a journey! But, you say, they
the Swallows, appear and disappear with regularity,
are adept fliers, and can rest on water when they
when the time comes. We may know that they
need to, and the same can be said for the Manx
winter, habitually, south of the Sahara, but do we
Shearwaters that nest on British offshore islands,
ever really think about their
and winter off the Brazilian
amazing journey?
coast – another great odyssey.
Just get your mind around
However, during my ringing
a scenario. You have been
days,
spending the winter in some
Goldcrest,
idyllic spot in Southern Africa
European bird, and had it
– let’s say Botswana, a nice
recovered in Switzerland –
little country – eating well,
they are well known to be great
and keeping warm. Somebody
travellers,
tells you you’ve got to leave,
early ornithologists thought
and
pedal-
they must have hitched a
gives
powered
you
a
once
ringed
the
and
a
incredulous
aircraft,
ride on the Woodcocks which appeared around the same
stay in the air long enough
time on Britain’s east coast!
to do perhaps 300 miles, by
Or what about a Wren – of
which time you’ll be pretty
all things – which I once
tired from all that pedalling.
caught
In this, without any help from
ring? Then there are the big
maps, or Satnav, you have
fellows – the Bewick’s Swans
to find your way to, shall we
and White-fronted and Pink-
say, a farmhouse porch in
footed
rural Albacete. (could equally
their long journey from the
well be a garage in Schleswig-
Siberian tundra to winter in
Holstein,
western Europe, the Cranes
or
in
a
tumbledown
Derbyshire)
bearing
a
Geesethat
that pile into Spain in huge, noisy flocks every autumn,
the only place to head for,
making their way down from
because
that’s
you
where
you
their Baltic and Scandinavian
raised your family last year,
breeding grounds. You can
and the year before that. You
almost tell the date by their
can, at a pinch, use the stars
arrival and departure.
to navigate by, coastlines and
Raptors too undertake long
rivers may help, but the dead-
small birds on their travels, like the Hobby, and
when you are about to arrive? Search me, guv!
the Sparrowhawk, which treat their travelling
And just spare a thought for the Cuckoo. Rotten
companion as a ‘mobile larder.’
parents, they let foster-mum and –dad raise their
The whole subject of migration is a constant
young, having deposited eggs in the nests of their
fascination to me – it must have survival value,
tiny hosts, and cleared off back to Africa. Youngster
despite the huge losses they suffer en route, or
grows up, and……..follows mum and dad to Africa,
they wouldn’t do it, but just think how you’d get
wintering there close to its real parents! How does
on, pedalling away in that microlight!
it find its way? (Answers, please, on a postcard) those
are
the
short
Bitter cress
Grasses
Do you know the name
Helichrysum family
Disc cress
journeys, often accompanying
reckoning that tells you just where you are, and
And
Narssici Blanca 2010
make
it’s
tells
Ophrys Tenthredinifera Arisarum Vulgar
Swedish
And
something
Anyone know ?
smallest
which, with a lot of effort, will
shed
microlight
I
Fagonia cretica
distance
migrants,
compared to the Arctic Tern, some of which must hardly ever see darkness, summering in the high Arctic, and wintering in the Antarctic summer, feeding in both cases in the fish-rich seas of the
Photos top to bottom Artic Tern Wren Cranes Goldcrest Manx Shearwaters
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Muscari neglectum
Blue pimpernel
Seed pods of fleur de sangre
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some will go to any lengths...
The Jungle Drums Magazine ONLINE
www.thejungledrums.com
n.b. highly trained stunt elephant used....
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THERE IS ONLY ONE NAME IN SANTA POLA
Talleres PEREZ JUAN NEW AND SECOND HAND VEHICLES, REPAIRS, SERVICING AND BODY WORK Talleres Perez Juan S.L Ctra Elche 10 - Santa Pola. Telephone 96 541 5921 or 96 541 3746 40
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COMPLETE MOTORING SOLUTIONS
EVERYTHING YOU NEED FOR YOUR CAR IN SPAIN
E E E E
ITV’s VEHICLE RE-REGISTRATION
E E
CAR SERVICE CENTER
E E
VEHICLE TRANSFERS
E E
SPARES & ACCESSORIES
E E
REPAIRS SHINY LAMPS SL
Spring is here! You must be joking, I hear you say, although the flamingoes at the salt lakes seem to think so. At least the Grand Prix season is under way, which gives me an excuse for lazy Sundays in front of the Telly.
them.
Don’t forget that the annual Road Tax,
If the Trailer has a “Maximum Mass Allowable”,
(SUMA), is now due, the charging period is
in excess of 750kgs, which is the weight of the
from, 1st January to 31st December 2010,
trailer, plus its maximum load capacity, then it
but the bill does not arrive until mid March and
must be registered as a vehicle and carry its
payment has to be made by the end of April.
own RED number plate. In our experience UK
Firstly, the tow-bar, has to be annotated on your vehicle document, “Ficha Tecnica”, which requires manufacturers and mechanic’s paperwork plus a fee to the ITV Station. Secondly, the Trailer itself should have paperwork, to prove ownership and specification and this is where the fun begins.
trailers will cost in the region of 1600 euros to Our photo, featuring Paco, caused a few sur-
register.
prises, especially for Paco, whose pals at the
Trailers of less then 750kgs, “MMA”, do not
Tourist Information Office, were quick to inform
require registration, but they must have paper-
him of his celebrity status. He hasn’t caught up
work, to confirm their “identity” and ownership.
to me yet, but when he does it will cost me a
Again in our experience very few UK trailers
couple of beers.
will meet these requirements. We would be
For this month, I thought an example of one
pleased to advise you should you be con-
of our more unusual Re-Registrations, might
cerned with the legality of your trailer.
raise a smile, and yes, I did ride pillion to and
SPECIAL OFFER !
BUY ONE GET ONE FREE ! OIL and FILTER CHANGE 60€ Contact us for details. “
RE-REGISTRATION SPECIALISTS &
from the ITV Station, some experience that
Finally, why not come and visit us at the “This
was! That’s the Boss, posing for the camera;
is Spain Exhibition”, being held at the Hotel
no he didn’t ride it.
Orihuela Costa Resort , on the weekend of the 23/25th April, we will be very pleased to
A major topic recently concerns Trailers, you
welcome you and offer help and advice.
know those things you drag behind the car and cause inconvenience to those behind you.
Until next month, safe motoring, please contact
Well the Spanish Laws, concerning Trailers,
us on 965 419 769 or
are nothing but confusing, lets try and explain
e-mail mick@completemotoringsolutions.es
SEE THE LIGHT the HEADLAMP USE THE HEADLAMP EXCHANGE EXCHANGE FULL WORKSHOP FACILITIES AVDA DE L’ALEGRIA 106 FOR ALL YOUR CAR NEEDS LA MARINA VILLAGE SPARES, OIL FILTERS, 03194 ELCHE BRAKES, TYRES ETC. ALICANTE CALL 96 541 9769 www.COMPLETEMOTORINGSOLUTIONS.ES
We can renovate your dull, dirty, yellowed and fadedheadlights back to new.All plastic lights faded by hot sun.Also all LHD headlights available at excellent rates, also lamp rebuilds & conversions for Japanese imports
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your local mag’ online and FREE!! - www.thejungledrums.com
“for all your home and business computer needs”
“BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca. We aim to provide high quality computer services at realistic prices - we specialise in providing services to small businesses and home users”
Broadband Setup New Computers & Laptops in English
Welcome to this month’s computer article written by Richard from BlueMoon Solutions For the past month I have been ploughing fields, planting crops, rearing sheep and chickens, milking cows and earning enough money to buy more land and farm equipment (tractors, seeders etc). At the same time I have been growing my commercial fish tanks, and I now have three tanks, each with 50 exotic fish in them. They all need constant care, feeding and cleaning but that all helps with the price when it comes to selling them. With regards to profit I haven’t done too badly with my fish tanks - currently I have 126,319 sand dollars!
Repairs & Upgrades Compatible Ink Cartridges Phone Calls Using Your PC Website Design Competitive Rates
No, it’s not an April fool! Probably 50 per-
or involve more people in the game. Most
cent of you readers, will be thinking “What is this guy talking about??!” and the other
of the games also give you the opportunity to move forward faster by spending REAL
50 percent of you will be thinking “Ah, he’s
money on your credit card to buy more
been playing Facebook games – I wonder whether he can send me a gift for my
“game” money. This is something that I certainly wouldn’t advise anyone to do.
farm?!” If I had any
FaceBook Games...
FaceBook is a social networking website and was originally created to help students but has since been adopted by over 200 million users to network
PC and Server Health Checks Macro Writing Microsoft Office Training Server Monitoring Backup Solutions Web and Email Hosting Windows Server Configuration Network & Wireless Setup Anti-Virus & Security No Call Out Fee No Job Too Small
Email or phone us for friendly help and advice office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es mobile: 655 044 970 Office: 902 906 200
minor concern it is that it could easily become addic-
and share information with each other. It has grown dramatically over recent years through the addition of built in mini com-
tive if you are not careful. The online medical dictionary defines addiction as “a persistent, compulsive depen-
puter programs that enable people to play online games -
dence on a behaviour or substance” and these games could certainly fall into this category – so does that make them bad?
two of which (FarmVille and FishVille) I have been playing this month.
I guess the answer depends on your point of view, as always. Many people will use them to spend time relaxing and escaping from the troubles or worries of “real life”, and I guess there is nothing wrong with that - as long as it doesn’t start to become an excuse for not dealing with those same issues.
Before I started playing, I thought that this type of pastime was a bit pointless, but having so many customers playing these games, I decided to have a go myself! I can now see the attraction - the games are enjoyable, easy to understand and give a welcome break to the monotomy of day to day life. The games encourage you, through the use of incentives and bonuses, to invite other friends to play. For example, in FishVille (yep, that’s its real name!) I am currently on level 27 with 3 fish tanks and 10 neighbours (friends that have linked to me in the game). If I want to buy any more tanks then I need to either have 21 neighbours or MUCH more money so this incentivizes me to either continue playing to earn money
WHY PAY MORE?
For me, after 4 weeks, I just got bored! Perhaps I am not cut out for farming, or perhaps I don’t have sufficient friends to keep the game interesting - either way I am going to close my farm, sell and drain my fish tanks and in the words of that great BBC children’s TV programme of the eighties “Why Don’t You” I’m going to “…Just Switch Off Your Television Set And Go Out And Do Something Less Boring Instead?” So, until next month, enjoy whatever it is you decide to do to relax - Richard.
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STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408
your local mag’ online and FREE!! - www.thejungledrums.com
45
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WHY PAY MORE?
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Making life easier... Obtaining your EHIC info supplied by ABACO - see ad on page 15 There has been some confusion recently about where residents should get their EHIC. Changes to European Union regulations from May 1st 2010 mean that for some residents in Spain, the UK is now the issuing country.
Forums by CostaBlancaForums Forums are great place to find information on just about any subject and socialise with people around the world. Researching a subject on your own can be time-consuming and lacks the social interaction of the online forum. For example, let’s say you have just moved to the Costa Blanca and want to know how to do things like enroll your child in the local school – or where to go for the best menu del dia. Search out an online forum which has a friendly and active membership, such as Costa Blanca Forums at www.lamarinaforum.com. You can learn much by reading the postings on these active online forums. However, you’ll learn much more by joining as a member and contributing your own thoughts and asking questions of other members. Most people are pleased to share their knowledge with you. You’ll soon find several people with whom you develop a rapport, fun to talk with, interesting and with good ideas and information you can use. Once you have been a member for a while, online forums can be a bit like a social club. You’ll find that you look forward to spending an hour or two online, chatting with friends and learning new and exciting info on your chosen topic. Soon you’ll have enough knowledge to be able to help others. The exchange of ideas benefits all. New to forums? Read the useful “how to´s” in the Costa Blanca Forums “Tips for new members to the forum” section. Have you flamed a troll after lurking? Did you bump a spam thread in the water cooler? Since some discussion forum terminology can be confusing to new users, here are some common discussion forum terms and definitions to help you understand forum speak.
Insect Screens for Windows and Doors
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“Avatar” The small graphic icon next to forum member posts. Forums usually give users the ability to select or upload an avatar graphic identifying the member each time they post. “Post” A forum post is simply a message left or “posted” on an Internet bulletin board (discussion forum). “Thread” A thread is a series of messages left by forum members in response to the initial topical post created by the thread-starter. “Sticky Thread” A sticky thread is a thread that continually appears at the top of a forum “Lurk” Someone who lurks in a forum only reads the posts of others and never actually posts a message himself. “Flame” Controversial forum threads can become quite heated. To flame another forum member is to attack them or their ideas. “Spam” Posting advertisements or other forms of unsolicited self-promotion normally constitute spam on discussion forums. Some forums allow affiliate links and others do not, depending on the terms of service. “Troll” A post that attempts to lure readers into responding by using subtle, but controversial language
What is the EHIC? The European Health Insurance Card (EHIC formerly E111) enables you to access state-provided healthcare in all European Economic Area countries and Switzerland at reduced cost or free of charge. The card is free and is valid for up to five years. Why might you need one? If you are a resident in Spain and travel back to the UK for holidays then you will need an EHIC to access health care in the UK whilst you are there. Also if you go on holiday to another country in Europe you should take one with you.
How do you get one? From May 1st 2010 the UK are responsible for the issue of your European Health Insurance Card if: • you receive your state pension or other long-term benefit from the UK and you have registered the E121 with the health authorities in Spain • you are dependent on a citizen working in the UK and have registered the form E109 If this applies to you, you will receive an application form during February with an explanatory letter from the UK. If you complete the application form by the end of March 2010 your card should arrive before the new regulations come into force. The actual card will be sent to you from April 2010 onwards. Other Spanish residents If you are a legal resident of Spain and are covered by the Spanish social security system you are entitled to apply for a Tarjeta Sanitaria Europea (TSE). This card, just like the EHIC, is used for when temporarily visiting another European country (including the UK) and entitles you to state-provided health care. If you still have an EHIC from the UK this is no longer valid once you are registered here (unless you have an E121 or E109). The TSE is available from the Centros de Atención e Información de la Seguridad Social (CAISS) Non-residents If you are a non-resident of Spain then you should have your EHIC issued from the UK. You need to have this available in order to access free medical care whilst visiting Spain. When accessing health care you should present your EHIC immediately and check that the doctor is within the state sector. The EHIC does not cover private medical treatment.
Call Janet & John on 659 259 319 email. info@mozistop.com
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47
MANCE & DIES R O F R
L
E CENTRE PE Motor Engineers Guardamar
FWR- turo Cars 965 687 976
™
600 726 221
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48
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APRIL 2010 You are valuing your privacy more than ever, dear Aries. You are certainly more withdrawn than usual, taking extra time to rest and reflect. This is necessary right now, and if you don’t do it on your own, the cosmos might force you to do so! Nevertheless, friends are mostly supportive. Coming to the aid of a partner feels good now, as does being in on a special secret. You have been analyzing many aspects of your life, including love. Work is demanding this month, dear Taurus, but also very rewarding. Higher-ups are putting more faith in you and your talents, and possibly managerial skills. Friends are especially helpful and enjoyable to be around. You are likely to find that by networking and paying attention to people in the same career field as you, or to those with similar interests, you are able to come up with some excellent ideas for your own life. Career and professional matters are strong, rewarding, and exciting this month, dear Gemini. While you cannot say your career is carefree these days, as challenges are also part of the experience, you are bound to find many opportunities to grow and develop on a professional level this month and beyond. You are dreaming big, and many of you are experiencing a rebuilding of inner faith. The 13-14 is excellent for beginning any positive thinking or life management program -- your heart and mind are entirely ready for it. Plenty of career developments are in the works, dear Cancer, as you take the time to re-assess your professional life and responsibilities. In March and April, matters will begin to move quickly, with a raise a definite possibility; but now is the time for analysis rather than action. Love has been tricky recently, and continues to baffle you in April.
Your popularity runs high this month, dear Leo, even though you continue to keep some emotional distance. Those close to you, however, are likely to sense that you are not as enthusiastic and direct as usual, but it’s a necessary period in which you take a step back and analyze what works for you and what doesn’t. Your ego is completely tied up in your success with others just now, and this means you are especially attentive to the needs of loved ones. Good luck, particularly with finances, is likely on the 13-15 and 27-28. You are especially willing to please, and partners (or potential ones) are attentive and romantic. Your openness to partnering and tolerance of others are qualities that will help improve your relationships many times over this year. Opportunities to connect and for a happy, productive relationship are abundant. Work matters are strong and mostly straightforward, having recovered well from any complications encountered near the beginning of 2010 While life has been filled with pressures and perhaps setbacks for many of you recently, dear Libra, the first three weeks of April bring great opportunities for recreation and enjoyment. Romantic new beginnings are possible, but keep your eye out for deception or self-deception. Complications with a partner or friend continue this month, and the only thing to do now is to give them space. If you find that you’re only going through the motions, let time pass before making any decisions. The 7-8 and 13-15 are potentially magical days for you. Challenges with work continue and are unlikely to clear up until midApril, dear Scorpio. While some of you are encountering difficult circumstances on the job, most of you are experiencing loss of enthusiasm within. You might be going through the motions for the time being. You are sure to regain energy and zeal, as well as a sense of direction, next month. For now, both career and home are demanding, and it’s hard to find a balance.
You are paying much more attention to personal matters than you are to professional and social endeavors these days, dear Sagittarius. The focus is on your feelings, intuition, and comfort rather than what the rest of the world expects of you. The first two weeks of April are exceptionally busy for paperwork, errands, learning, and intellectual projects. Family and those close to home are especially helpful to you in April.
A strong focus on practical matters this month keeps your mind on security and comfort matters for the most part, dear Capricorn. At the same time, you have so many ideas for the future that it’s hard to settle on just one. This is not the best month for presenting or implementing your ideas, however, because they require more work, refinement, and thought. April is a period of adjustments rather than new beginnings.
You could receive a gift, rebate, refund or loan, especially around the 13-15 and 28th. Others are really in your corner this month, paying you much attention. While relationship problems are still part of your life, those of you involved in casual relationships are finding many opportunities to enjoy yourselves and singles are not lacking for attention, either. This is a strong period for creative projects and endeavors.
When you’ll experience lots of activity and attention. Gifts, refunds, or rebates may be forthcoming now. Although it’s a strong time for career and business opportunities in general, there are some snags to deal with when it comes to work schedules. You might also be losing some enthusiasm for work, and going through the motions, which should change by mid-April. You receive good news and vibes on the 13-14, and a partner gives you a boost on the 28th.
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BUSINESS DIRECTORY AIR CONDITIONING DIGINOVA Santa Pola KOOL KLIMATE All Areas MAYO Gran Alacant REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant
Tel 660 631 380 Tel. 96 679 1184 Tel 665 063 228 Tel 670 260 684
ANIMAL RESCUE LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax, Tel 96 112 0244 ALBERGUE Bacarot Tel 96 596 0224
BARS BAR DE RISA Hondon Tel. 96 548 2047 LOS BELGAS Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8298 LOUNGE BAR La Marina Tel. 96 679 0506 PHOENIX BAR La Marina Tel. 663588340 SUNSET BAR Gran Alacant Tel. 664 277 986
BOOKS LA MARINA ANIMAL WELFARE La Marina Tel 96 679 5593 MALVINA BOOKS La Romana Tel. 96 569 6656
BUILDING / MAINTENANCE ALTOMAR Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 9353 CLIVE COOMBER Gran Alacant Tel 669 593 212 MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel: 96 541 4040
BUSINESS ASSOCIATIONS TIBA All Areas
Tel. 902 906 015
XTRA RENT A CAR Santa Pola Tel 607 850 664 HONDON RENT A CAR Hondon Tel 96 610 5205
CARPENTRY Tel 665 063 228 Tel 670 260 684
CAR REPAIRS RENAULT Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3746 PERFORMANCE & DIESEL Guardamar Tel. 96 610 7606 VILLAGE GARAGE Catral Tel. 667 369 043
CAR SALES FWR CARS El Altet RENAULT Santa Pola CLUB CARS La Marina
DIVING SANTA POLA DIVE ACADEMY Santa Pola Tel. 677 670 468
DOCTORS CLINICA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel: 96 669 7411 EMERGENCY Tel 608 666 455
DOMESTIC APPLIANCES
APPLIANCE FIX Gran Alacant Tel. 96 618 3024 EURONICS Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5365
ELECTRICIANS/ELECTRONIC CCW ELECTRICAL Gran Alacant Tel 617 872 405 DIGINOVA Santa Pola Tel 660 631 380 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel: 96 541 4040
ENTERTAINMENT FLAMENCO - LOS LUNARES Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 5399
ESTATE AGENTS IPG La Marina Tel. 96 679 5233 MASA INTERNATIONAL Gran Alacant Tel. 629 251 747 TOP ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7357
FARMACIAS FARMACIA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7471
FISCAL
CAR HIRE
MAYO Gran Alacant REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant
INSURANCE
DENTAL ALBA DENTAL Albatera Tel. 664 722 154 BRITISH DENTAL PRACTICE La Marina Tel 96 679 6603 DENTURES DIRECT Gran alacant Tel. 619 185 122
Tel. 96 568 7976 Tel 96 541 3746 TEL. 96 618 0006
CAR TRANSFERS CAR SERVICE CENTRE La Marina Tel. 650 821 082 HEADLAMP EXCHANGE La Marina Tel. 96 610 8938 LEGAL SOLUTIONS La Marina Tel. 96 679 6060 RE-REGISTRATION SPECIALISTS La Marina Tel. 650 821 082
CLUBS / SOCIETIES MONTE MAR BOWLS CLUB Gran Alacant Tel: 96 669 8676
COMPUTERS BLUE MOON SOLUTIONS All Areas Tel. 655 044 970 SPANISH INKS All Areas www.spanishink.com
CONVEYANCING ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 JLCA LAWYERS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 8796
BILLERICKY All Areas Tel. 96 238 9622 ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 ABACO Torrevieja Tel 96 670 3748 WWB All Areas Tel. 96 619 6563
FURNITURE SECOND HAND FURNITURE La Marina Tel. 96 644 3370 BARCLAYS NEARLY NEW San Fulgencio Tel. 96 672 5725 NEW 2 YOU All Areas Tel. 96 571 5605
GARDENING JUST WILLIAM La Marina
Tel. 667 003 367
HAIRDRESSERS FRANCESC AGULLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5031 JO MOBILE HAIRD La Marina Tel. 96 679 0920
HEALTH & BEAUTY
BRITISH DENTAL PRACTICE La Marina Tel 96 679 6603 FRANCESC AGULLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5031 FINISHING TOUCHES La Romana Tel. 637 993 667 JPS FITNESS All Areas Tel. 693 596 532
HEARING CENTRAL OPTICA Gran Alacant Tel: 966 698 802
HEATING DIGINOVA Santa Pola Tel: 660 631 380 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040
HOUSEHOLD SERVICES CHIMNEY SWEEP All Areas Tel. 620 650 220 MOZISTOP All Areas Tel. 659 259 319 TINA’S MOBILE CATERING Hondon Tel. 690 289 044 WISHES & DREAMS Albatera Tel. 636 948 581
ALMARCHA INSURANCE La Marina Tel. 96 572 9747 ALMARCHA INSURANCE Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7262 GLOBELINK All Areas Tel. 96 626 5000 ROWLAND INSURANCE Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3076
JEWELLRY GOLD WANTED All Areas Tel. 664 890 990 NIKOLAS MICHAEL Quesada Tel. 634 043 060
KENNELS JEAN & DAVE’S Hondon Tel. 660 969 529 LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax, Tel 965 475 463
PROFESSIONAL MASSAGE ROSA MARTINEZ Gran Alacant Tel 616 779 034
MORTGAGES JLCA LAWYERS Gran Alacant Tel: 966 698 796
MOSQUITO NETS MOZISTOP All Areas
Tel. 659 259 319
NATURE
MALCOLM PALMER Santa Pola Tel 96 608 2454
NURSING CARE IN THE COMMUNITY All areas Te. 96 597 5459
OPTICIANS
CENTRAL OPTICA Gran Alacant Tel 966 698 802 SPECSAVERS Torrevieja Tel. 96 692 7249
OSTEOPATH ROSA MARTINEZ Gran Alacant Tel 616 779 034
PAINTERS / DECORATORS
MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040 JULIO Gran Alacant Tel. 697 314 022
PETS CLINICA VETERINARIA Santa Pola Tel 96 669 2328 LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax Tel 96 547 5463 MOUNTAIN VIEW CAT HOTEL Hondon Tel. 96 667 7273
PHYSIOTHERAPY ROSA MARTINEZ Gran Alacant Tel 616 779 034
PLUMBERS DMF PLUMBING All Areas Tel. 96 679 9740 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040
POSTAL OFFEX All Areas
Tel. 96 672 0959
PROPERTY RENTALS OPI RENTALS Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7438 La Marina Tel. 96 679 5422 INVEST SPAIN Elche Tel. 96 542 9396
REMOVALS MISTER VAN All Areas Tel. 697 775 588 BMC TRANSPORT Torrevieja Tel. 620 044 983
RESTAURANTS COCOA’S Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8509 FOGO DEL MESTRE Crevillente Tel. 96 540 5468 LA NAO Santa Pola LOS LUNARES Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 5399 LOUNGE BAR La Marina Tel. 96 679 0506 OUR PLAICE FISH & CHIPS La Marina Tel. 96 679 5418 RINCON MONTE MAR Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7483 SAFFRON Gran Alcant Tel. 96 669 8098 SUNSET BAR Gran Alacant Tel. 664 277 986 WISHING WELL Dolores Tel. 96 671 1653
SHOES
SALVADOR ARTESANO Elche Tel. 96 667 5441
SIGNS / SIGN WRITING ACTION SIGNS All Areas Tel. 96 599 8927 CORTES SIGNS Santa Pola Tel. 686 464 076
SOLICITORS
JLCA LAWYERS Gran Alacant Tel: 966 698 796
SUNBLINDS TOLDOS PENALVER Santa Pola Tel. 96 543 2350
SUPERMARKETS EUROSTRETCHER Almoradi Tel. 96 671 6790 KJ’s Pinoso Tel. 96 547 8484 SAV€WAY Benijofar Tel. 669 611 653
SWIMMING POOL (MAINTENANCE) GA POOLS Gran Alacant Tel 628 030 184 PJ’s All Areas Tel 619 501 657
SWIMMING POOL (CONSTRUCTION) REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040
TAX ADVICE ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 JLCA LAWYERS Gran Alacant Tel: 966 698 796
TOBACCO ESTANCO 7 Santa Pola
Tel. 96 669 4716
TRANSLATORS ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MITCH BULL Gran Alacant Tel. 638 608 422
TRANSPORT BMC TRANSPORT Torrevieja Tel. 620 044 983 TAXI Santa Pola Tel 609 959 408
TV DIGINOVA Santa Pola SIMULSAT Santa Pola
Tel 660 631 380 Tel. 677 878 210
VETS CLINICA VETERINARIA Santa Pola Tel 96 669 8463
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