Pretty Side of Ugly
Focus with me for a moment on four courageous women: Sharon LaHue, dental hygienist, Corydon, Ind.; Suzanne Stevens, owner and founder of Sweets on the Square, Lawrenceville, GA; Sandy Mansfield, General Manager, White Castle, Louisville; and Carolyn Harper, Client Service Associate of ARGI Financial Group, Louisville. These women were each forced, in the throes of breast cancer, to decide to save their breasts or have them surgically removed. Each lady, being proactive regarding her health, decided they must go, but at different stages of her cancer struggle.
What will my husband think of my body? Myriad issues surround the difficult decision to remove a woman’s breasts. It’s no surprise the will to live is, perhaps, the most plaguing internal struggle. Hidden beneath the rubble of anxiety, however, is her disquiet thrashing of emotions regarding the disfigurement of her body. Typically, it’s not just how she looks to herself, but also how she looks to him. When asked, “Did you consider your husband’s reaction to removing your breast(s)?” the response was overwhelmingly, “Absolutely!” Each woman cherished the love and support of her husband. Sharon acknowledged, “I know there are many support groups available, but there’s nothing like having the encouragement and support of someone who loves you deeply.” Suzanne’s husband could not have been more
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Breast Cancer Supplement
supportive. “He walked me through every day, encouraging me, holding me when I needed to be held, and giving me space when I just wanted to cry alone. But he always assured me he would love me whatever decision I made.” Sandy proudly proclaimed, “My husband was always compassionate, but I saw a new man emerge from the very beginning of my journey.” Compensating for her absence in the home during recovery, she said her husband “became a nurse when I needed him to be, and when I needed him as my husband, he transformed into the husband I always hoped he would become. Seven years later, he’s still doing the things he learned to do when I was down. It’s so cool.” Her account of devotioån to her husband was moving. She explained, “It was me, not him, who had the problem with my body. He never shunned me, nor looked away in disbelief or sadness. Going through that with him and his being by my side made me love him in a whole different way. We discovered a depth of love we had never experienced before.” Carolyn was dating Jeff when she was diagnosed. Realizing she would have enough adversity to consider, it was important she knew where he stood in the relationship. She sat him down and said, “I am going to lose my breast. I may lose my hair. So, if you’re not in this for the long haul, I want you to leave now and not when I’m down and out.” He didn’t. Jeff proposed to her that Christmas Eve in the midst of her reconstructive surgeries. She quickly added, “Jeff was supportive in that he didn’t want me to have reconstruction. It wasn’t important to him because he didn’t want to see me suffer through more surgeries. ‘I love you for who you are,’ he assured me. But, it was important to me. Radiation and/or chemotherapy treatment can complicate the emotional side effects of that sense of loss of one’s femininity. Implants or padded bras can give the appearance of shape and form. Clothing can cover scars. But hair. What do you do with no hair? Wigs are uncomfortable and feel insecurely unnatural. “Yes, hair grows back. Eventually,” Sharon lamented. ”But, will it be the same as it was? That’s been a big challenge for me. Eldon was great. He even helped me pick out my wigs. My toddler grandchildren, however, have been the hardest part for me. Before they step into the room where I am, they want to know if I have on my hair.” It’s interesting that Carolyn’s son struggled with the possibility of that aspect of her cancer, as well.
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Breast cancer awareness is deeper than a skin-and-tissue concern; it’s a heart issue for women. The physical effects are compounded by the psychological and emotional toll as the battle takes on different aspects of resistance. When faced with issues such as breast cancer, we don’t always see beauty when there’s so much ugly surrounding it.
By Joyce Olgesby
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