SHELTER HOME OF CALDWELL COUNTY, INC. PO BOX 426
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LENOIR, NC 28645
Peaceful Notes N O V E M B E R
INSIDE THIS ISSUE:
How Can I Help 2 Wish List
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Pledge Card
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Leaving
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2013 Donors
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Bernhardt
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Hogan Family
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Shelter Staff
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Angel Tree Project 2013 If you are unable to sponsor a family please consider donating money to help sponsor our Christmas party at Bo’s Family Entertainment, money for our food boxes we give to each family or items from our Wish List.
Board of Directors Nancy Martin Chair Brent Phelps Vice-Chair Ruth Kinciad Secretary Betsy Wilson Treasurer Jennifer Bowman Angie Clark Greg Cornett Heidi Downs Anita Dula Debbie Eller Chris Cole Terri Neiderhammer Morris Reaves Rose Reighard Trena Riddle Shelter Home Phone Numbers: Lenoir (828) 758-0888 Taylorsville (828) 635-8055 Crisis Lines: (828) 758-7088 (828) 635-8851 24 hours a day
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Every Christmas, the staff from the Shelter Home compiles a list of all previous clients from the year. We then contact each client to form a list of their needs and wants for Christmas, i.e: clothing sizes, shoes sizes, and an item or two they would like to have for Christmas. Once we have a list complied, we match these families with a community member, church, business or organization to sponsor them. Please consider sponsoring one of our families. If you are interested in doing so, call us at 828-758-0888.
TRIUMPHS OUTWEIGH THE TRIALS Living and working in a communal Shelter is a totally different experience, unlike any other. It has its hard times, good times and even surprising times. This past quarter staff as well as residents have been amazingly blessed. With a newly renovated Shelter, several residents with new jobs, and construction beginning our new playground, we cannot be anything but thankful. One of Our Little Blessings: Meet Kaysi. She and her classmates at Davenport were dressing as Letterland characters for school, shortly before Halloween. With a little creativity, spray paint, glittery duct tape (of course), some other seemingly random items, and a couple of staff member’s help, one really cute and excited little girl transformed into Lucy Lamp Light.
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How can I help? Enjoy a great tax donation! DONATE your used car to the Shelter Home to be given to a client in need of transportation. Enjoy the tax benefit which will probably exceed the potential trade in value, and enjoy the blessing of giving a gift that is life changing to someone in need. Please contact Tina Gilbert, the Community Outreach and Housing Coordinator for the Shelter Home at 828-758-0888.
Shelter Home Wish List Household Items Personal Toiletries Laundry Baskets Kleenex Towels Wash Clothes Toothpaste Tooth Brushes Dryer Sheets Laundry Detergent Cleaning products Trash Bags Hand Soap Paper Towels Toilet Paper Paper Plates
CANNED FOOD Coffee Creamer Sugar Canned Soups Diapers ALL Sizes New bed pillows Twin sheet sets Twin comforters Hairbrushes / Combs Shaving Cream / Razors Deodorant Makeup Hair Spray
Shelter Home of Caldwell County P.O. Box 426 Lenoir, NC 28645 (828) 758-0888 I pledge to give:_____ $5,000 My pledge is
_____$2,500
CLOTHING New Underwear & Bras For ladies and for children Bedroom Slippers Pajamas for both Ladies and Children Socks Gift Cards: Gasoline, Wal-Mart, To Grocery Storesf of our clients, we
On behalf of our clients, we accept gently used clothing, furniture, dishes and appliances. Our greatest wish for the Wish List is donated time from volunteers. If you are interested in becoming a part of the mission and work that is the Shelter Home of Caldwell County, contact Hope Bumgarner at (828) 758-0888
Pledge Card _____ $1,000 _____$500 _____$100 or Other $_______
_____ a one time donation _____ Monthly _______Quarterly ______ Annual pledge of support for this Mission.
The Shelter Home of Caldwell County, Inc. is a 501 (c) 3 non-profit serving victims of abuse and violence since 1978
I have enclosed my donation of $__________ Name:
__________________________________
Address: __________________________________ Phone: E-mail:
__________________________________ PEACEFUL
NOTES
Pledge is designated for: _______________________________________ This pledge is in honor/memory of :_______________________________ Mail notification to:_____________________________________ _____________________________________
__________________________________ Proud to be sponsored by the United Way of Caldwell and Alexander County
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Why Don’t They Leave? 11.Family Pressure: Family pressure is exerted by those who either believe that there is no excuse for leaving a marriage or have been duped into denial by the batterer’s charismatic behavior. 12. Fear of Retaliation: Victims cite fear of retaliation as a key obstacle to leaving. The acute trauma to which battered women are exposed induces a terror justified by the abuser’s behavior. The batterer has already shown his willingness to carry out threats; thus, the wise victim takes seriously the batterer’s promises of harming the victim or the children if the victim seeks help or attempts to flee. 13. Fear of Losing Child Custody: Fear of losing child custody can immobilize even the most determined abuse victim. Since batterers know that nothing will devastate the victim more than seeing her children endangered, they frequently use the threat of obtaining custody to exact agreements to their liking. Custody litigation becomes yet another weapon for the abuser, heightening his power and control tactics to further terrify the victim. Moreover, counsel should not provide false assurance to victims regarding the likelihood of the court awarding custody to the nonviolent parent. A Massachusetts gender bias study found that in 70 percent of the cases in which a father requested some form of custody, he was successful. 14. Financial Abuse: Financial abuse is a common tactic of abusers, although it may take different forms, depending on the couple’s socio-economic status. The batterer may control estate planning and access to all financial records, as well as make all money decisions. Victims report being forced to sign false tax returns or take part in other unlawful financial transactions. Victims also may be convinced that they are incapable of managing their finances or that they will face prison terms for their part in Perpetrating a fraud if they tell someone. 15. Financial Despair: Financial despair quickly takes hold when the victim realizes that she cannot Provide for her children without the batterer’s assistance. Given that welfare (officially now called Temporary Assistance for Needy Families or TANF, is the primary safety net for fleeing abuse victims. It is embarrassing that the majority of states pay less than $400 per month for a family of three, PEACEFUL
NOTES
Reasons 11-20 of 50
with Colorado providing just $421 per month. A comprehensive Texas study found that 85 percent of the victims calling hotlines, emergency rooms, and shelters had left their abusers a minimum of five times previously, with the number one reason cited for returning to the batterer being financial despair. These victims were simply unable to provide for themselves and their children without emergency assistance, and many who had such assistance were still in financial trouble. Moreover, such victims had no idea how to access emergency assistance. For those battered women sufficiently compensated by their employment, they are too often harassed or terrorized on the job by the batterer. The employer usually expects the victim to control the batterer’s behavior because it is disruptive to the workplace, and, if the victim does not, she is sometimes fired or forced to quit. 16. Gratitude: The victim may feel gratitude toward the batterer because he has helped support and raise her children from a previous relationship. Additionally, a victim who is overweight or has mental health, medical, or other serious problems often appreciates that the abuser professes his love, despite the victim’s perceived faults. Many batterers tell a victim, “You are so lucky I put up with you; certainly nobody else would,” fueling the victim’s low self-esteem and reinforcing her belief that she deserves no better than an abusive partner. 17. Guilt: Guilt is common among victims whose batterers have convinced them that, but for the
victims’ incompetent and faulty behavior, the violence would not occur. Since too many victims rarely encounter anyone who holds the abusers responsible for their actions, they mistakenly assume that the something to stop the abuse lies in their hands. 18. Homelessness: Homeless abuse victims face increased danger, as they must find ways of meeting basic survival needs of shelter, food, and clothing while attempting to elude their batterers. They may be unaware of the availability of domestic violence shelters or may be unable to access them due to lack of a phone, substance abuse, mental health, or other debilitating problems. 19. Hope for the Violence to Cease: A victim’s hope for the violence to cease is typically fueled by the batterer’s promises of change; pleas from the children; clergy members’ admonishments to pray more; the family’s advice to save the relationship; and other well-intentioned, but dangerously misguided counsel. Many victims are hopeful because they want so desperately to believe that this time the batterer really has seen the error of his ways and intends to change, not realizing that, without serious interventions, chances are slim that the abuse will stop. 20. Isolation: Victim isolation is typical, although the process of cutting the victim off from family, friends, and colleagues usually happens gradually, as the batterer uses manipulation to assure compliance. Isolating the victim increases the likelihood that she will stay, for without safety plans and reality checks, it will be more difficult for her to assess her level of danger.
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
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We are grateful for your monetary donations during 2013 Allison & Brent Jensen Allison & Donald Stewart Altrusa Club of Caldwell County Alvin Daughtridge
Donna Doughty Dr & Mrs. Robert S. Belk Dr Annie K Prestwood
Jessie Roper
Rose Reighard
Memorials continued
Joan Snyder Johnna W Coffey
Ruth L Kincaid
Jonas Foundation
Sharon Poarch
Joyce & Barry Edwards
Sheila Miller
Anyce McKee Barbara Henderson Bea Helton Betsy & Raymond Williams Betsy Foster Betty Lou and Wayne Miller Charles and Davanna Downs Dr. Randal & Barbara Williams Dr. Robert & Mrs. Donna Belk Dr. Robert & Kathleen Moeller Peiffer, Jr. Frances Scheil Gayle Price John’s Fellow Physicians of Graystone Ophthalmology Employees of Graystone Ophthalmology Harriet & Sonny Hines Jennie Deal Jessica & Patrick Kelty Olivia and Richard Griffin Patricia & James Johnson Sue and Bob Kirkman Susan & Rodney Stalheim Woodrow and Nicole Harris
American Kennel Club
Drs Debra & Dennie Templeton
Ann & Alex Bernhardt
Elaine Bush
Ann Hancock
Elizabeth & Wayne Keller
Kathryn R Jackson
Steffanie M Jimenez
Elizabeth (Betsy) Wilson
Kathy McAteer
Elizabeth (Lilly) Bunch
Kim Watson
Emergency Solutions Program
Kimberly B Britt
Susan & Bob Powers Tabernacle Advent Christian Church
Ann Miller Annette Beam Antioch Baptist Church Baker Tire Center, Inc Barbara F Freiman Barbara Hartley Basil & Linda Roberts Becky & Herb Stevens Bernhardt Furniture Foundation
Judith E Barlow Julie Miller Gootman
Shirley Gray
Telecom Pioneers
Ervil Anderson Evelyn Beam Fairview Presbyterian Church – Adult Sunday School Class
Koinonia Class (Sue Bumgarner)
Family Violence Grants Program
Lavina Smith
Fellowship Baptist Church
Lee Carol & Bob Giduz
Teresa Almquist Terri S Niederhammer
Lee Cox
Town of Gamewell Trilla Annas
First Presbyterian Church of Lenoir Flemings Chapel Baptist Church (Mens #2 Sunday School Class)
Lenoir Kiwanis Club Lenoir Service League
UMW Gamewell
Frances Scheil
Lida Martinat
Friendship Baptist Church
Lily Moody
Bobbie & Harry Curtis
Gail & Richard Greer
Linda Campbell
Unifour Community Foundation Unitarian Universalists of Caldwell
Bojangles of Taylorsville
Galye & Samuel Trivette
Magda Colton
United Methodist Women of Lenoir
Buffalo Cove Baptist Church
Governors Crime Commission
Marjorie O Strawn
United Way of Alexander County
Betsy M Herron Betty & Eugene Purcell Jr Betty Early
Caldwell County Caron & James Wike Cedar Rock Baptist Church
Grey Scheer Gwendolyn Elaine Phillips Hattie Steele Missionary Circle
Chili & Company
Heidi E Downs
Christina & Timothy Moeller
Hogan Family Foundation
Christopher Cole
Hudson United Methodist Women
Church of Resurrection Hope Coffey Foundation College Avenue Baptist Church Confidence Advent Christian Church Connie & Martin Vermillion Dawn Carroll
Ingunn & Gerald Griffin Jamie Jennings Jan Nash
Mary & Osborne MacGuire Mary Gail & Allen Stewart
United Way Of Caldwell County
Megan Roberts
Valeria & Dale Andrews
Melanie & Charles Shell
Valerie & Peter Purcell MD
Melissa & Scott Jett
Wanda Prince
Mr & Mrs Oscar Dobereiner Warren West Mr & Mrs Wilbern Brown (Willie) Nancy T Martin NC Council for Women
Whitener Family Foundation Winnefred I. Harding Women of the Moose Charter 140
Barbara Clawson in Memory of J.D. Clawson C.B. Clark in Memory of Kimberly Leeman Pamela Hildebran in Memory of Royal Dixon Watson Arthur Carswell by Bobbie and Harry Curtis Judy Carswell Avent and Arthur Carswell by Drs. Debra & Dennie Templeton Judy Carswell Avent by Jane Carswell Roberts Arthur Carswell by Jane Carswell Roberts Marie Hogan by the Hogan Family Foundation Dick Pennell by Reva Pennell
Honorariums
Jan Pennell
Norma Suddreth Pamela Thomas
Jane Carswell Roberts MD
Patricia E Barry
Yadkin Valley Baptist Church
Janet & James Spoon Jr
Patricia Gale Pennington
Yokefellow Christian Ministries
Z.Smith Reynolds Foundation Inc Jamie Carlisle Jennings by Melissa Eggers Zion United Church of Christ Women’s Guild Jane Carswell Roberts by Frank & Faith Davison
Janet Wilson
Poovey's Chapel Baptist Church
Deborah Ashley Smith
Janine & Matthew Hannibal
Debra L Eller
Janna Stefanek
Reliable Insurance Agency, Inc. Rev Parker & Patricia Williamson
Debra Philyaw
Jeanne & Sandy Winkler
Reva M Pennell
Diane Carpenter
Jeannie M Corriher
Diane Jensen
Jeff & Rita Joines
Donna & James Bradshaw
Jennie Deal
Richard & Dorothy Hedrick Robin & Greg Cornett
Margaret N. Lillard in Honor of Imagene Clippard’s Birthday Jane Carswell Roberts by Bobbie and Harry Curtis
Memorials
In Memory of Diana Tye: Alisa & Justin Herman - Graystone Eye Surgery Center Ann Hancock
Jan Nash by Patsy Hollar Kay Street Friends by Teresa & Freddy Davis
The Shelter Home is now serving victims of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault in Caldwell and Alexander Counties.
VOLUME
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ISSUE
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Bernhardt Furniture Foundation Support Timing is everything, and blessing abound! As the Shelter Home Renovation project was completed, the task remained to find funding to re-construct a playground for the children. The construction project required the existing playground and equipment be removed in order to bring in equipment and supplies. As good fortune was orchestrated, the playground equipment was dismantled and stored by Hudson First Baptist Church volunteers. A local church who was in need of playground equipment, and asked for consideration for a donation. So, the old equipment found a new home. The Shelter
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Home’s Child Advocate, Shannon West, contacted Child Forms in Whitnel and began the process of assessing the needs for playground equipment for the Shelter Home as well as pricing for the new equipment. Shelter Home staff had applied for funding from Bernhardt Furniture Foundation to support the Shelter Home. Amazing timing. We received a call that we had been awarded a grant and, yes, it is purchasing the playground equipment for the children.
Hogan Family Foundation Support
The Hogan Family Foundation has awarded a grant to the Shelter Home of Caldwell County to support a new Community Education program for our community. Childhelp's new and enhanced 21st Century abuse prevention program is an evolution of the Good Touch Bad Touch (GTBT)
delivered in schools nationally since 1983. Childhelp Speak Up Be Safe is a research based, comprehensive primary prevention education curriculum that equips children in Grades 1-6 and their adult community with skills they need to play a significant role in the prevention or interruption of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, neglect. The school based curriculum utilizes web-based tools, focusing on building self-esteem and safety skills within the child, to include
addressing the risks children encounter everyday such as internet and cell phone safety. The program also focuses on meeting state standards for health, and safety education. For more information visit: www.speakupbesafe.org
Shelter Home Staff The Shelter Home provides crisis services 24/7 and is able to do this because of a fine staff which is dedicated to making the Shelter Home a place of “Hope, Help and Healing”.
Sharon Poarch, Executive Director .................................................................... director@shelterhomecc.org Jan Nash, Business Manager ............................................................................. businessmanager@shelterhomecc.org Lily Moody, Program Director .......................................................................... rasa@shelterhomecc.org Tina Gilbert, Community Outreach and Housing Coordinator…….. …………..housingcrd@shelterhomecc.org Kim Watson, Court Advocate ........................................................................... courtadvocate@shelterhomecc.org Shannon West, Child Advocate………….……………………………………….. childadvocate@shelterhomecc.org Breanna McKay, Victim Advocate .................................................................... .breanna@shelterhomecc.org Patty Burke ,Victim Advocate, Alexander County………………………………...pattyburke@shelterhomecc.org Dawn Chumley, Court Advocate, Alexander County………………………….....dawnchumley@shelterhomecc.org Shelter Managers: Anita Hicks…………………………………………………… …………………….nmanita@shelterhomecc.org Brooke Delk…………………………………………………………………………..nmbrooke@shelterhomecc.org Jennifer Hogue………………………………………………………………………..jenn@shelterhomecc.org E-mail us or Contact us at: (828) 758-0888 in Lenoir and (828) 635-8850 in the Taylorsville Office Fax: 828-758-8949 http://www.shelterhomecc.org and on Facebook at “Shelter Home of Caldwell County”
We’re going GREEN- Please request your newsletter be sent by email. Send request to breanna@shelterhomecc.org or simply call (828) 758-0888 and ask for Breanna McKay. Get a Volunteer Application and get involved with us! Thank you!
Return Service Requested PO Box 426 Lenoir, NC 28645