The Portland Mercury, September 6, 2012 (Vol. 13, No. 16)

FREE EVERY THURSDAY VOL • 13 NO • 16 SEPTEMBER 6 - 12, 2012 STILL BROKE AS FUCK.

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2 Portland Mercury September 6, 2012

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NOTES

lovenotes@portlandmercury.com

paying, why don’t they have the same standards for the trains? Seems like the money they’d recoup from everybody paying a fare would pay for the cost of implementing turnstiles and/or employees at each station. posted by jriley

Mission TheaTer 1624 N.W. Glisan St. Portland 503-223-4527

saturday, september 8

“dean obeidallah For vice president tour”

Dean Obeidallah Melissa Soshani Khaled the Comic

LETTERS MAY BE EDITED FOR SPACE

HANGING ON THE PHONE RE: “The Right Kind of Help” [News, Aug 30], regarding the city’s efforts to reduce the number of suicide-related calls that end up being handled by police.

How many people does this [nonprofit Lines for Life] get on the phones? Onehundred-and-fifty-thousand dollars probably covers two people. We already have Project Respond that is supposed to save lives, but they are so overbooked that it can take hours for their team to show up, even if you can get one of them on the phone.

Even if the police are not the FIRST call, how many times are they the second call after the first call is not answered or busy? posted by Patrick Nolen DENIS IS A BOY, BUT WHATEVER RE: “Portland’s Latest Water War” [News, Aug 23], regarding controversial plans to fluoridate Portland’s water.

jriley—I’ve done the math on their recent increase in enforcement: Based on the 2009 salary numbers for fare inspectors, TriMet spent $654,468 on enforcement. Based on the figures they released in August, they made $327,017 in revenue from tickets. In other words, the entire plan could be revenue negative, unless people are so scared to ride without tickets that they’ve started buying them. Using a two-hour all-zone fare, 53,387 people who would not have bought a pass at 2010 levels of enforcement have to buy a pass now. Enforcement isn’t really the answer here. The problem is that TriMet has an unstable funding source (payroll taxes). If TriMet’s funding was based on property taxes, they would have a more accurate way to project future revenues. posted by falafelstomper

BEARDS, BURNSIDE, BOOBS RE: “’Beards for Breasts’ Photoshoot Leads to Standoff on Burnside Bridge” [BlogI applaud Denise Theriault for her ar- town, Aug 29], regarding a bizarre episode ticle on water fluoridation. However, it in which police shut down the Burnside should have been stated in the article that Bridge after receiving a report of a group of the initial startup cost for the poisoning bearded men with an assault rifle. It turned of our water is $5 million, and the annual out to be a photoshoot for a calendar raising maintenance is $500,000. That would have money for breast cancer research. gotten more attention and more people to See, people think it’s all fun and games, the meeting to help stop this travesty.

Bobby Lacy but as this episode shows, when amateurs do marketing, things can turn deadly.

UN-FARE posted by Euphonius RE: “Activists Stage Funeral for TriMet Bus Lines” [Blogtown, Aug 30], in which reporter Sarah Mirk attends a protest I think the police response was enagainst TriMet’s increased fares and re- tirely appropriate, however… actually charging them with a bullshit charge in ductions in service. order to justify the SERT unit being deThe monthly pass fare hike is what’s ployed? Fuck that. posted by Graham stunning to me. That’s a 23 percent hike for reduced service, for reduced expediency, and for a more crowded, stressful Thirteen guys with beards got into troutrip overall. If you are healthy and you ble? The last time that happened, Leonardo can afford it, get a bike, and get one now. da Vinci got a painting out of it. posted by Todd Mecklem Get some decent rain gear, get some wool socks, and stick it to TriMet all winter long. You will be in much better shape, THANK YOU TODD for giving us the you’ll be less stressed out, and you’ll be beard joke of the week! Keep ’em sending a message to TriMet that they coming. We’re sending you two tickcan’t solve all their mismanagement prob- ets to the Laurelhurst Theater, but you lems on the backs of the poor and middle have to promise to use them on a film class. You don’t just have to meekly hand that features one or more characters over your debit card or $100 bill and shake with beards. Cool? your head as you bear down on another COVER ART: month of depressing TriMet commuting. posted by lyle Photo by

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EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Wm. Steven Humphrey

INTERNS Nathan Gilles, Zibby Pillote, Toby Robboy

MANAGING EDITOR Marjorie Skinner

DIRECTOR OF CIRCULATION Jay Williams

NEWS Denis C. Theriault, Sarah Mirk

SALES DIRECTOR Rob Thompson

SENIOR EDITOR Erik Henriksen MUSIC Ned Lannamann

SALES COORDINATOR Autumn Webring

ARTS/WEB EDITOR Alison Hallett FOOD Chris Onstad

DIGITAL SALES MANAGER James Deeley

COPY CHIEF Courtney Ferguson CALENDAR Bobby Roberts

ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Sarah Elliott, Katie Peifer, Marissa Sullivan

PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Davis

ALTPERKS OPERATIONS MANAGER Michelle David

SENIOR DESIGNER Nick Olmstead

OFFICE MANAGER Noah Dunham

AD DESIGNER Nami Bigos

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happy hour w/ jonah luke-ringlers 9/14 buckethead 9/20 animal collective 9/25 chevelle 9/28 joss stone 9/30 citizen cope 10/2 nightwish 10/4 glen hansard 10/5 calobo 10/7 alanis morissette 10/11 macklemore 10/16 joshua radin & a Fine Frenzy 10/18 switchFoot 10/21 two door cinema club 10/22 mayer hawthorne 10/23 wolFgang gartner 10/28 all-american rejects 10/30 the toadies/helmet 11/1 orquesta aragon 11/21 walk the moon 9/8

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September 6, 2012 Portland Mercury 3

4 Portland Mercury September 6, 2012

KRISTIAN DONALDSON

ONE DAY AT A TIME

MONDAY, AUGUST 27

A week without Lindsay Lohan getting into deep doody is like a week without sunshine—and oh boy, is the sun shining bright! As reported last week, LiLo was whooping it up at an all-night party at a fancy-pantsy Hollyweird mansion, when suddenly… “Eeek!” squealed the mansion’s owner, Sam Magid. “I’ve been robbed of $100,000 worth of jewelry and sunglasses!” Police arrived and cast accusing eyes on Linds and her sketchy pals (one of whom was rap producer Suge Knight’s son Andrew Knight), but she skipped out before things got too hot. But here’s where the Lohanigans hit the fan! Mere moments after police declared Lindsay a suspect, she sang like a bird, claiming that Suge’s son was actually the thief! This caused Suge’s son to also sing a merry tune, claiming that Lindsay passed him a bag containing at least two of the missing items… which he says he LOHANIGANS! returned to mansion owner Magid.

BUT GET THIS! Magid then told police that—gasp!—he wasn’t robbed at all, and it was all a big laughable misunderstanding. (???) Unsurprisingly, the cops aren’t buying Magid’s stupid story, and continue to pursue Lindsay for the non-crime in question. Let’s pause for a moment to wonder aloud, “What the FUCK is up with Hollywood?” MEANWHILE… At least one of our prayers have been answered because MTV has canceled the bewilderingly popular Jersey Shore—and they never cancel anything. (Except, of course, music videos.) Annoying castmember Pauly D summed up the passing of the show on Twatter thusly: “All Good Things Must Come To An End, But #TeamDJPaulyD Lives On And It’s Just Getting Started !!! Tweet I AM #TeamDJPaulyD If You With Me !!!” Can someone please twatter TeamDJPaulyD and let him know McDonald’s is currently hiring someone to hose out the dumpsters? We would… but we’re not “with him.”

TUESDAY, AUGUST 28

More cruelly hilarious news from our fave split-up of the year: Twilight’s Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson!

Heartbroken RoPat is selling the multi-million dollar love nest he shared with the cheating KStew because, as a looselipped pal tells Us magazine, “There are too many [sniff ] memories.” Meanwhile, according to another source, things with the philandering Ms. Stew remain virtually unchanged. “[She’s] close to a total meltdown,” says the source. “She isn’t sleeping and she stays up all night crying.” POOR KID! Let’s see if we can fi nd some news to cheer her up. Oh! Here’s a related headline from Yahoo! News: “Is Rihanna Sending Robert Pattinson Flirty Texts?” Hmmmm. We’ll keep looking! MEANWHILE… As you undoubtedly recall, Prince Harry got into a bit of a sticky wicket last week when pictures surfaced of him playing nudie “strip billiards” in a posh Las Vegas hotel suite. The royal family’s reaction?

Unsurprisingly “not amused.” However, queen and country should prepare for further non-amusement, because according to a source talking to Radar Online, “There is a video of Prince Harry partying naked [and] there have been some very quiet inquiries to see how much the video is worth.” OH BOY! That means we may fi nally get to see Prince Harry’s stiff… upper lip? No? Didn’t think so. Moving on.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 29

If it’s Wednesday, then Lindsay Lohan must be in trouble again! Today she’s been banned from her swanky home away from home, the Chateau Marmont, for refusing to pay her hotel bill, which adds up to… let’s see… $46,350!?! According to TMZ, the hotel’s manager has repeatedly asked Linds for the dough—but hold on a hot sec, guys! Once again, IT’S NOT LINDSAY’S FAULT. You see, and… ha ha… funny story, but according to LiLo the producers of her TV movie Liz & Dick promised to pay that hotel bill, so go talk to them! Upon talking to “them,” the hotel management discovered the obvious: Liz & Dick producers never promised

THIS WEEK ON

PORTLANDMERCURY.COM

THE WEEK IN REVIEW

by Ann Romano

to fulfi ll such a weird request, and Lindsay is, once again, full of shit. Looks like Lindsay needs a new excuse… so how about this one? SUGE KNIGHT’S SON DID IT!

THURSDAY, AUGUST 30

And now an update from our second fave split-up of the year (only because they haven’t made it an embarrassing public spectacle… BOOOOO!): Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

Sufficiently silenced by wads of money courtesy of the Church of Scientology, KHo is now free as a birdie—a birdie who loves expensive and exciting lingerie! A source told the National Enquirer, “Katie treated herself to a lavish postsplit pick-me-up shopping spree. She splurged on nearly $15,000 worth of sexy lingerie and undergarments alone.”

Shockingly, Emperor Klaktu, alien warlord of Scientology’s home planet Rigel VII, had no response to this piece of news other than this: “Unnnnghle-muff… unnnhh… unnnnnghlemuff.” We don’t even know… wait. Is he masturbating??

FRIDAY, AUGUST 31

Last night in Tampa, the conclusion of the Republican National Convention gave Americans a chance to get to know Mitt Romney. With a rousing, heartfelt speech, Romney came across as charming and compassiona—HA! JK! What actually happened was that 82-year-old Clint Eastwood babbled incoherently at an empty chair. Pretending Barack Obama was sitting in the chair that stood next to him onstage, Eastwood shouted things at the empty chair like, “What do you mean, ‘shut up’?” and, “What do you want me to tell Mr. Romney? I can’t tell him that! He can’t do that to himself!”

“Initially, there were no plans for Mr. Eastwood to take a chair onstage,” the New York Times re“WHERE AM I?” ports. “But at the last minute, the actor asked the production staff backstage if he could use one but did not explain why.” “The prop person probably thought he was going to sit in it,” the Times quotes a “baffled senior aide” as saying, going on to note that the “off-color appearance just moments before the biggest speech of Mr. Romney’s life” was one that “seemed to startle and unsettle even the candidate’s own top aides, several of whom made a point of distancing themselves from the decision to put him onstage without a polished script.”

MEANWHILE… Mitt Romney apparently spoke too, or something? That said, a Gallup poll noted “Romney’s speech scored worse than any speech by a party nominee since 1996.”

Maybe you should’ve used Clint’s chair, Mittens. MEANWHILE… And the most retweeted tweet of the whole Republican National Convention? Well, that’d be one from Barack Obama: A simple picture, taken from behind, of Obama sitting in a leather chair in the White House. A small plaque on the chair reads “The President.” “This seat’s taken,” Obama twatted. That’s what Washington insiders call “a sweet burn.”

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 1

Now that Katie Holmes has escaped her Scientology prison and is currently living in a Victoria’s Secret catalog, details continue to leak out about Tom Cruise’s Scientologyapproved “wife-auditioning process.” Vanity Fair has the scoop about one such potential wife—the Iranian-born, London-raised, and formerly Scientologist actress Nazanin Boniadi, who dated Cruise from November 2004 to January 2005. (Why “formerly Scientologist”? Keep reading, dears.

Keep reading.) “Initially she was told only that she had been selected for a very important mission,” Vanity Fair’s Maureen Orth reports. “In a month-long preparation in October 2004, she was audited every day, a process in which she told a high-ranking Scientology official her innermost secrets and every detail of her sex life…. Boniadi signed a confidentiality agreement and was told that if she ‘messed up’ in any way she would be declared a Suppressive Person (a pariah and enemy of Scientology).” But after Cruise found her unfit, he

Ask Becca & Trish, Two Teenagers Texting in a Movie Theater Dear Becca & Trish: Three years ago this week, my husband and two children were killed in a car accident.

And no matter what I do, I can’t shake the guilt—

ono ur fukin kidding me ?????? that bitch tiffany just sat in front of me bitch tiffany morrison or bitch tiffany jacobs bitch tiffany winslow omg worst tiffany evrrrrr! totes hate that whore :-( totes slut >:-( totes cunt >:-z totes gross u hear about her 2 dads no gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ummmmm yea they r 2 dads so they prolly gay o right :P lets tell everybody tiffs got crabs totes!!!!!!!! tiffs got syph and tiffs got wtf!!! sumbody threw coke @ me!!! wtf!!! wurst manners evrrrr!!! my bf will kill em!!! he knows MDA! U mean MMA? ha yeah :P OMG LOL ROTF LMAO L8R ROTFLTIC TT4N TTUL8R LYLAS BRB G2G CU L8R G8R XOXOXO!!

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had his assistants dump her—and when Boniadi told a friend about the relationship, her friend reported her to Scientology officials! Boniadi’s “punishment was to scrub toilets with a toothbrush, clean bathroom tiles with acid, and dig ditches in the middle of the night. After that she was sent out to sell Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard’s Dianetics on street corners.” “Well, how do you fi nd mates?” Emperor Klaktu of Rigel VII bellowed when asked for comment. “Don’t act like you haven’t had relationCRUISE CONTROL ships that are just like that, Ann! Geez. The arrogance of some humanoids disgusts me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I was in the middle of something.”

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 2

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson just “single-handedly tackled a gang of burglars” while shooting Fast and the Furious 6 in East London! Dressed in character as FBI Agent Luke Hobbs, the Rock saw “thieves trying to force locks” at a nearby warehouse. “When he clocked what was happening, the 6’ 5”, 20-stone star left fi lming in the middle of a battle sequence and charged at the hoodies waving his fake police badge,” the Sun reports, in the most British way imaginable.

“The youths were so shocked that they stopped what they were doing and fled empty-handed.” Sure, it sounds amazing now… but let’s not forget the fate of most action heroes.

Think of where the Rock will be in 50 years: Talking to a holo-chair at the Republican National Convention, endorsing the candidacy of Newt Gingrich the Third.

ARTSY NEWS & REVIEWS! THE MUSICFEST NW GOSSIP! ERIK HENRIKSEN THE TBA BLOG! TBA.PORTLANDMERCURY.COM ON END HITS SO HANDSOME! SO FUNNY! SO BLOGTOWN! Comment on this story at portlandmercury.com

September 6, 2012 Portland Mercury 5

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NEXT WEEK! OuTdOOrs iN EugENE!

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EMANCIPATOR PAUL BASIC

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Hall Monitor

NEWS

The Growing Legacy List

Sam Adams Wants to Be Remembered for Helping Fix the County by Denis C. Theriault ADD ANOTHER hugely complicated policy dream to the legacy list Mayor Sam Adams is working furiously to finish before his one and only term expires this December.

According to a draft document obtained by the Mercury, the mayor’s office is actively looking to redraw the nearly 30-year-old contract that governs Portland’s relationship with Multnomah County. Essentially, Adams wants another go at how the two agencies divvy up—and finance— essential government services like housing, health care, transportation, and public safety.

At stake is the fate of scores of government employees and thousands of residents who rely on the two governments either for direct aid or to quietly provide things like good roads and safe neighborhoods. And it’s not entirely clear if the mayor will get his wish.

Beyond mending his sometimes-fractious relationship with county officials—the two sides have sparred recently over the Sellwood Bridge rebuild and plans to create a new library taxing district—Adams also must convince his skeptical colleagues in city hall.

And, as time runs out for their boss, Adams’ staff is already knee-deep in several other difficult projects that the mayor is equally determined to muscle through: annexing West Hayden Island for the Port of Portland, fixing up the Rose Quarter and Memorial Coliseum, securing private cash for the proposed Oregon Sustainability Center, and defending the decision to fire the police officer who shot and killed Aaron Campbell.

“Sam characterized [the restructuring] as something he wanted to get done,” says Commissioner Randy Leonard, Adams’ strongest political ally on city council, adding that Adams mentioned it as “this thing I’d like you to comment on.”

Multnomah County Sheriff ’s Office.

• Safety net services would not be listed as “shared” by the two agencies, even though that’s been an area, especially recently, where the two governments have worked in tandem.

Adams’ staff has acknowledged the seriousness of the restructuring effort—taking time this summer to craft the draft document and then share it, quietly, around city hall.

And Adams’ desire to slash costs in a time of budget cuts by coming up with regional budgets for transportation and public safety isn’t new.

But his office—which initially declined to release the draft as a public record, saying it was too early to discuss it—wouldn’t comment or provide any specifics beyond what was written down.

The response from County JULIA GFRÖRER Chairman Jeff Cogen’s office was Generally, the county handles social measured. County spokesman David Austin services programs, while the city tends to confirmed only that Cogen has had “minibrick-and-mortar needs—with a lot of awk- mal” discussions with Adams. ward overlap in between. Among the notable “We haven’t seen this document, but Jeff shifts pondered in the draft agreement, as has had discussions with Sam about how the described in a list delineating which services city and county can work better together,” each agency would either control or share: Austin says.

• Portland would take over all transporAdams also has his work cut out winning tation oversight and maintenance, duties support in his own building. that are currently split between the two “There’s stuff missing here,” says a city governments. Portland has, for months, hall source. “It was something they were been trying to take control of Multnomah working on in a hurry. Not a surprise I guess.”

County’s Willamette River bridges.

But Leonard, when asked if Adams’ at• The city also would assume responsibil- tempt was futile, given everything else he ity for “public safety”—leaving the county in was working on, pooh-poohed the notion. charge of running the area’s jails and court “He’s focused on it,” Leonard says. “And system. That could involve taking over the what he’s focused on, he sees through.”

From Cars to Cafés

NEWS

City Program Converts Parking Spots to Outdoor Dining by Sarah Mirk THERE’S A HOT new place to eat ramen in town—between two cars, where SE Division eatery Wafu has converted a parking spot into a raised platform that’s a nifty outdoor extension of its café.

Under a new city program, “Street Seats,” 15 parking-spot-to-restaurant-seating transformations are slated to pop up by the end of the year (the second has already sprung up outside the Pearl District’s Oven and Shaker). But while the program aims to help small businesses and make streets more pedestrian friendly, it also raises questions about the best use of public space.

Portland’s pilot program is based on similar, successful ventures in New York and San Francisco. But in those cities, the space reclaimed from cars is made public; big signs note that anyone, not just patrons of a platform’s sponsoring restaurant, can use the tables and chairs. In Portland, businesses will shoulder the cost of building the café seating (Wafu’s cost about $1,000), pay for a $459 outdoor café permit, and pay the city market rate for any lost metered parking. In

exchange, the restaurant can claim exclusive use of the space for its patrons only.

The program is similar to the conversion of the narrow stretch of SW Ankeny outside Voodoo Doughnut into carfree restaurant seating last summer. Businesses along the alley paid the city $8,472 in 2012 for the right to fill former public parking spots and roadway with private picnic tables that greatly expand their seating capacity.

While carving out person-friendly space from cars is great, says Matthew Passmore of Rebar, a San Francisco-based design firm that’s been a champion of “parklets” nationwide, “if the city is giving the right to do commercial activity in the space and exclude people from that space, then the city should be charging market rate for that land. Otherwise, it’s a public subsidy for that restaurant.”

Portland Bureau of Transportation spokesman Dan Anderson notes, though, that the cafés will be used daily by more people than the parking spots were, making the land arguably of more use to the general public.

“Space in the right-of-way is no longer

SARAH MIRK

used for storing cars, but it really activates it for a lot more people,” says Anderson. In other words, instead of storing private vehicles on public land, the city is allowing the storage of private tables. Business owners wanted the spaces to be zoned as “sidewalk cafés,” not as public rights of way, in part because it means they can serve alcohol.

Portland Architecture Editor Brian Libby says that while it’s good to be skeptical of giving over public space to private uses, parking spots are not the type of public land that people want to hang out in, anyway.

“Putting in a few restaurant tables sounds like fun,” he says, “more than opening Pandora’s box. Streets and freeways still dominate the built environment in the United States and it’s right to reclaim some of that space.”

NEWS Willing to Keep Cops’ Secrets?

by Denis C. Theriault THE DEADLINE for concerned citizens to apply for the police bureau’s new, much-needed Training Advisory Council came and went last Friday, August 31.

That should have been a big day for police accountability advocates champing at the bit to have a real conversation with cop brass about how and what the bureau should teach its officers about community relations, mental illness, and the use of force [“To Be or Not to Be… Silent,” Hall Monitor, Aug 23].

But because of the secrecy provisions that govern the training council (members must legally promise, by signing a nondisclosure agreement, not to discuss their work without permission), two of the most passionate police watchdogs in town sent letters to Mayor Sam Adams explaining why they weren’t going to apply.

“We would like to have a representative join the PPB [Portland Police Bureau] training council,” wrote Jason Renaud of the Mental Health Association of Portland, explaining that “we would join because how the PPB leads, other Oregon police departments will follow...

“Drop the requirement for the nondisclosure agreement to apply for the PPB training council, and we may join you.”

A day earlier, Dan Handelman of Portland Copwatch also tried to talk some sense into city hall—arguing that transparency might actually improve the training council’s work.

“Perhaps sensitive material could be redacted so that the general public can access the same information that the council will be receiving,” he wrote, “thus providing more transparency and a broader scope of input than will undoubtedly come from the council under its current restrictions.”

Handelman, bless his doggedness, also pointed out something else in the application process that I missed: Not only do applicants have to sign away their freedom of speech, but they also have to promise not to associate with known criminals and they cannot have ever had a serious scrape with the law themselves.

“Putting aside whether people who’ve engaged in civil disobedience or been wrongfully arrested for whatever reason,” he wrote to Adams, the training council “actually could benefit from input coming from people who have been through ‘the system.’”

As of press time, there was no word from Adams’ office, beset by vacations, on a response to those concerns. Nor was there word about how many people actually applied for the gig—although a spokeswoman for the office did say she was working to track that down.

Which means we don’t know how many would-be applicants followed Renaud and Handelman’s lead—and whether, if enough people stayed away, the bureau might actually change course.

September 6, 2012 Portland Mercury 7

This guy won a $50 bar tab in our monthly photobooth contest. Hell yeah he did!

No douchebags No card limits 2 oz. pours Big fucking deals Cornhole Photobooth Giant patio

14 NE 22nd

@standardpdx

8 Portland Mercury September 6, 2012 Mercury_Resonance_LrgSq.indd 2

8/31/12 4:44 PM

The Fall of

Romneyville Snapshots from the Republican National Convention by Andrew R Tonry See the rest of Tonry's photos at portlandmercury.com

I

’M SITTING with the photographers at the Republican National Convention. Fifteen, maybe 20 feet from the Nominee. I wait on high alert for the moment I’m sure must be coming: when the slogans, morals, numbers, attacks, and anecdotes finally crystallize into something more than the sum of their parts. When Mitt Romney finally connects.

The moment never comes.

Still, I sit, listening, gazing up intently at the radiant mannequin before me. Perfect hair, high IQ, and generic good looks. I understand the words, take copious notes, and yet, just after it’s over, I remember nothing. As if my brain were bleached, the memories drained of all

P

ON PAUL RYAN

aul Ryan trots on stage to accept the vice-presidential nomination like the show horse he is: ready and willing to be bought and sold—as long as he’s ogled.

At night, this Little Boy Blue dreams of being sent out to stud. There he—the most precious of all God’s creations—will be unshackled from tyranny, free to plant his seed in even the most unsuspecting mares.

Indeed, Ryan is the culmination of every quick-witted, goodlooking, clean-cut winner in high school who learned early on that—with an apparent deference to the rules, a sharp tongue, and the right family—he could get away with… anything. Which explains why, here, in Tampa, Florida, before his family, party, and the country, Ryan is comfortable lying straight through his perfect pearly whites.

Unlike Romney, whose quest for the presidency appears more Oedipal driven—and as such, more pitiful, perhaps even understandable—Ryan’s life of striving is fueled by pure highoctane narcissism. He has everything to gain and nothing to lose. Even if Romney is crushed in the fall, Ryan will profit. And like everything he’s done before, this is only a means to an end.

THE POLICE STATE

D

owntown Tampa in this last week of August is desolate and lifeless and constricted, choked by roadblocks, fencing, dump trucks, and cement barricades. Heavily armed cops are everywhere, skulking around like wolves in packs of 10 to 20.

These are the ones I can see.

There are local and neighboring police, sheriffs and troopers, National Guard, Army, and US Secret Service. They ride bikes, drive patrol cars, golf carts, SUVS, armored personnel carriers, helicopters, and speedboats. Is this Romney’s approach to law and order?

“Excuse me, sir,” I say, official press credentials hanging in plain view. “I wonder if you can tell me how far south street parking is closed?” He does not respond. I ask again, ever more politely. Slowly he lifts his head and our eyes meet. He stands still, silent, eyes fixed on mine. Staring through me. He doesn’t blink.

Just breathes. Cold blood. As if to say: “Just gimme a reason. Just gimme a reason to bash in your fucking skull, you twisted little pinko faggot!” Over the week this expression becomes familiar.

But then, this security presence isn’t just to control the folks from Occupy. The Republican Party is rife with right-wing lunatics drunk on paranoia and worse. A few racist images or

color. If there was even any color there in the first place. Nothing resonates. Neither a policy nor a well-placed blow. Not even a bold statement. Nothing but a soggy glut of cliches, pandering and withering ideals, propped up and left for dead. Maybe it’s the mushrooms, I reason. (Repeat viewings of the speech prove otherwise.)

Turns out the truth was right in front of me, just where it had always been: Mitt Romney is an empty shell. And based on the week’s steady diet of milquetoast, it appears he’d prefer to stay that way.

Not everyone in attendance, however, will be so easily let off the hook.

twisted viewpoints on “legitimate rape” from their own fringe risks a far greater torpedo to Republican causes than Occupy could ever imagine.

ON ANN ROMNEY

done at all. A boy with the body of a man is sobbing. He is 6’4”, 210 pounds, and 22 years old.

“I’m so sick of being silenced,” he cries. “Why do we have to live in these makeshift FEMA camps?” But no one really cares.

They want to go to bed. The boy is learning, for the first time.

And so it goes.

Occupy is not a movement. It was moment.

Politicians have changed the way they deal with protesters.

It’s time protesters do the same.

GAYS FOR ROMNEY?

“A

“She’s gorgeous, soft, milky, and compassionate.” -Andrew R Tonry

I

n person Ann is warm and pretty. In old photographs she’s gorgeous. Soft, milky, and compassionate, every bit the counterpart to the serrated teeth and gnashing jaws of Sarah Palin.

When Ann says Mitt is a good, caring man, I believe her. I don’t believe it when he says it about himself.

But when she talks about their humble beginnings, I wince.

Perhaps they did eat cans of tuna on the ironing board in their basement apartment. They might have struggled to pay the bills, too. But never did Mitt and Ann Romney face what could ever be construed as a mild threat to their family security. With rich, prominent, and powerful parents behind them, the bottom could never have fallen out. If Mitt died in that car crash in France, she probably would’ve married a Kennedy.

ON ROMNEYVILLE

“R

omneyville” is the home base for Occupy at the Republican National Convention. It is easily contained in a city block—and it is sad. Despite a lot of determined souls, lovely ideals, and blessed intentions, it might as well not exist.

For 99 percent of convention goers, it doesn’t.

I arrive after Romney’s closing remarks to a camp defeated.

There is no sense of a job well done. There is no sense of a job

Romney/Ryan administration would be better for gay Americans,” insists GOProud Co-Founder Jimmy LaSalvia at Homocon, a party for gay conservatives at the Honey Pot, a two-story gay nightclub in Tampa’s Ybor City.

“I support civil marriage for gay couples,” LaSalvia continues.

“Marriage is important. But before you get married, you need a date—and everybody knows you can’t get a date without a job.”

Attendees are cheering.

Audience support isn’t so great, however, when Co-Founder Chris Barron eulogizes conservative firebrand Andrew Breitbart.

A smattering of boos are heard when his jabs at Obama become especially barbed. After their remarks, when the ripped boys in shredded jeans take the stage, I ask Barron how he and his group can support politicians who remain fundamentally opposed to his lifestyle and rights.

“We’ve sat down with Congressman Ryan,” Barron says. “We talked about how his policies are good for gay people.” Barron insists that jobs, taxes, and the economy are “gay issues.” To me, they seem like issues gay people also have.

On the porch outside, I meet two guys, one from Oregon and one from Jersey. Both are hesitant to throw full support behind GOProud. I tell them of my conversation with Barron and the guy from Jersey butts in: “If he’s so fuckin’ keen on tax cuts, why didn’t you ask him where the tax fuckin’ cuts are for gay couples who can’t get married?” I wished I had.

“Look, bro,” he says, “I don’t know about all this Romney shit—but show me another gay bar in Tampa that’s giving away free drinks right now.”

Read more of this story at portlandmercury.com, and tune in next week when Andrew R Tonry reports back from the Democratic National Convention.

September 6, 2012 Portland Mercury 9

9/6 Tara Williamson Bre Gregg Matthew Gailey

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9/8 Five Pint Mary/Tin Silver

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McMenamins and Vitaminwater present

9/11 XDS/The Stone Foxes

8:30 pm

thursday, september 6

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10 Portland Mercury September 6, 2012

MY, WHAT A BUSY WEEK!

OUR ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT PICKS FOR THE WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 6-12 THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 6 IT’S TIME! (BASED ART)—The annual binge on international art known as the TBA Festival kicks off today, with the first roll-out of performances and installations, including a free peek at the Works, a fancy-pants dinner party, the debut of a promising sounding “snack office,” and a bootyquaking DJ set from Venus X. And don’t forget to consult portlandmercury.com/tba for more! MS Various locations and prices, full schedule at pica.org

GREAT CRAP—If you don’t know art zine Craphound, lucky you to have something new to fall in love with. For local small press emporium Reading Frenzy’s 18th birthday, old-school Portland artist and the Merc’s first art director Sean Tejaratchi hosts an alphabet art show, C Is for Crap, packing letter-themed pages with crazy clipart carefully culled from his crafty collection. SM Reading Frenzy, 921 SW Oak, 6-9 pm, through Sept 30, FREE

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 7 LET’S GET NUTS!—Before Spider-Man, before The Avengers, and certainly before The Dark Knight, there was Tim Burton’s 1989 Batman—a wild, dark, weird blockbuster starring Mr. Mom as Batman and Jack Nicholson as the Joker. Nicholson’s wild-eyed scenery chewing on the big screen? Yes. EH Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne, 11 pm, $3, 21+

GET FUCKED—Toronto’s Fucked Up composed their magnum opus with 2011’s David Comes to Life, and tonight they perform the rock opera in all its hoary, heavy, magnificent glory. It’s a work of remarkable depth, reinventing and recontextualizing hardcore punk into something more accessible but just as revolutionary. NL w/Poison Idea, Sons of Huns, Bison Bison; Dante’s, 1 SW 3rd, 9:30 pm, $15

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 8 WHIP IT TO SHREDS—The pairing of Blondie and Devo fills my heart with warm, fresh-baked-cookie happythoughts. I defy you to think of two bands you’d rather see bopping their way through their back catalogs than Debbie Harry & Co. and the jumpsuit-wearing weirdoes of Devo. Hah! You can’t. CF Sleep Country Amphitheater, 17200 Delfel, Ridgefield, WA, 8 pm, $29.50-65, all ages

A REAL LIVE WIRE!—Radio/variety show Live Wire! goes all out with this performance.

They’ve crammed in a plethora of great guests, like This American Life contributor Mike Birbiglia, fresh from his success with the film Sleepwalk with Me. Portland thriller writer Chelsea Cain and the Corin Tucker Band are also on the guestlist. Ooo-eee! CF Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta, 7:30 pm, $18-34

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 9 HOT IN HERE—Kiss summer goodbye with the extremely fun all-day event, Hott Summer Nights, featuring 14 great bands, awesome DJs, and “beer that flows like a river”! And you’ll need that beer river after shaking that rear to such great bands as Pure Bathing Culture, Lost Lander, Kelli Schaefer, plus tons more on two big stages! No MFNW wristband is required, this fun is free! WSH Rontoms, 600 E Burnside, 2 pm–midnight, FREE

PHOTO BY ANNIE BEEDY

MR. SUBLIMINAL—There’s a generation who knows Kevin Nealon as a degenerate stoner fuck-up on Weeds, and a generation who knows he was responsible for many of Saturday Night Live’s greatest sketches.

Both are in for a set full of catch-you-bysurprise moments, littering the stage like punchline landmines. BR Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, Sat 7:30 & 10 pm, Sun 7 pm, $30-35

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 10 BLADE SWITCH—Jazz drummer Brian Blade has come up with something new: Mama Rosa, a mellow but heartfelt album of soulful folk, in which the well-respected drummer plays acoustic guitar and sings. With Portland’s own Scout Niblett on the bill, it will be an evening of unconventional but gripping music. NL Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 8 pm, $15

ADVENTURE HAS A NAME—Not only the finest action film ever made, but probably the most flawless piece of cinema Steven Spielberg ever created, Raiders of the Lost Ark is coming back to the big screen, blown up to IMAX size, as God intended it. Gaze upon the ark, and enjoy having your face melted off. BR Lloyd Center 10, 1510 NE Multnomah, Fri Sept 7-Thurs Sept 13, $13.75-17

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 11 PLAGIARIST PAGES—Quentin Rowan, AKA Q.R. Markham, is kind of a liar. Not only did his novel Assassin of Secrets cause a furor in the literary community when it was discovered to be plagiarized, but his whole career is littered with the p practice of stealing words. Never Say Goodbye, put out by Por Portland’s Yeti Publishing, is his confession of all the th theft. Presumably it’s true. MS Reading Frenzy, 921 SW Oak, 7 pm, FREE

YEAH RIGHT—Waiting for Bleeding Rainbow’s first full-length release is grueling. It is a nailbiting thrill ride all hopped up on bated breath.

Thankfully, we can get a taste of the much-hyped garage-punk band’s Yeah Right. They’ll be playing with pop perfectionists Eternal Summers, who are definitely worth a listen. ZP Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 8 pm, $10

WEDNESDAY, WEDNES SDAY, SEPTEMBER SEPT 12 LET ’ER BUCK—It’s rodeo time, motherbuckers! It’s easy to forget tthat friendly-and-fleeced Oregon is, at itits heart, the Wild West. So slap on ssome ass-gripping Levi’s and head east, friends, for bronco bucking, ba barrel racing, Indian relay races, and fun funnel cake at the best rodeo in all of America, the 102-year-old Pendleton Round-Up. SM Pendleton, Oregon, Wed Sept 12-Sat Sept 15, $15-25

001011100001—If you’re one of those people who complains about how terrible and unoriginal movies are these days, shut up and see Robot and Frank—a hilarious, sad, sweet film about a grumpy, elderly ex-con (Frank Langella) who tricks a friendly robot into helping him pull off a heist. EH See Movie Times pg. 35 for theaters and showtimes

SOLD

OUT

Good News and Bad News

by Marjorie Skinner

THE BAD NEWS: Two weeks ago, the Art Institute of Portland was affected by nationwide restructuring within the chain of schools to eliminate, according to a press release, “redundancies and complexities.” At the Portland school, 15 positions were “impacted,” and are being replaced with just nine new positions according to the schools’ Devra Pransky, who also noted, “Those that were impacted have the opportunity to apply.”

The news sent shockwaves through the school community and by extension the creative industries where many alumni now participate. But it took longer than expected for everyone to get the memo, due to an apparent technical glitch that prevented students from receiving a mass email announcing the changes, leaving the news to travel via speculation and word of mouth for days.

In the school’s fashion department, its longtime Academic Director Sue Bonde and Assistant Director Melanie Risner were among those whose positions have been eliminated.

Bonde in particular is widely credited with elevating the quality of education for aspiring fashion students in Portland, and the news of both dismissals came as a shock. The chang-

es not only threw into question the academic tracks of students, who often plan the coming year’s classes based on offerings taught by particular teachers, but seemed to pose a threat to the school’s annual graduate fashion show. A massive event, the graduate show is spearheaded by a small group of staff including Bonde and Risner, who work with students in various fi elds to produce it. Although it ostensibly brings fashion design students specifi cally to the fore, the show is also the largest fundraiser for scholarship dollars for the school as a whole. It’s diffi cult to imagine the event happening without these key players, but according to Pransky, they plan to proceed with next year’s. In the meantime it’s possible that Bonde and Risner will resurface to fi ll some of those nine remaining spots.

And, the good news: When the economy tanked, notorious Vogue Editor Anna Wintour decided to do her part in the name of recovery.

She worked with the city of New York to arrange a massive night of retail festivities called Fashion’s Night Out, which has now spread to cities all over the world, including Portland.

Just about every downtown retailer is hosting some kind of party on September 6, with Director Park acting as a central hub of activity.

There, a fashion show of fall looks from stores like Mercantile, Parallel, Radish Underground, House of Lolo, Mario’s, and Frances May will repeat every half hour from 5-7 pm, plus there will be refreshments, mini-makeovers from Sephora, pedicab rides, goodie bags, raffl es, and more.

A few shop highlights: Solestruck is hosting a pop-up shop launch party for Seattle brand Dolce Vita, with champagne, ice cream, music, and giveaways—they’ve never thrown a bad party. Mario’s is teaming up with Agave Denim, Cristen Jewels, and Shwood to break out the vodka and celebrate Agave’s 10th anniversary with an extended inventory. And, Frances May is hosting a cocktail party and meet ’n’ greet with the designers behind Pendleton’s the Portland Collection and jewelry lines AK Vintage and Better Late Than Never. Fashion’s Night Out, Thurs Sept 6, downtownportland.org

September 6, 2012 Portland Mercury 11

12 Portland Mercury September 6, 2012

MUSIC

An Invitation to Privilege

Parenthetical Girls Want to Be Your Friend by Rebecca Wilson

BY HIS OWN ADMISSION, Zac Pen- opened the door to people who wouldn’t be nington has spent much of his adult life so open to the [Parenthetical Girls’] aesbeing a dick. But recently he’s given that thetic,” he says. “I didn’t want to make big hits, but I wanted to intentionally commuup, along with soda.

“I used to think that if people didn’t nicate in a way we haven’t before.”

Privilege will be complete like what I was doing, it was Parenthetical Girls on September 11, when Portheir fault,” explains PenWed Sept 12 trait of a Reputation, the nington, the man behind TBA at Washington fi fth and fi nal EP, is released the four-piece ParenthetiHigh School the day before a no-holdscal Girls (and the Mercury’s 531 SE 14th barred Time-Based Art Fesformer music editor). “But now I realize that it’s my fault, because tival show in its honor. The entire album I haven’t been doing a good enough job will also be available on iTunes then, for those without access to turntables or the communicating.”

Around 2008, just after the release of fi rst few EPs, which are now sold out.

“People bemoan the death of the althe band’s third album, Entanglements, Pennington got frustrated with singing bum and, while I had a strong relationinto a vacuum. The band frayed and mem- ship with albums growing up, I don’t bers left. He envisioned the next album, listen to albums for their full duration Privilege, as a way to invite people in— nearly as often as I used to do,” Pennington says. “I can’t expect an audience to do and to make amends.

Releasing an album over the course of what I’m not willing to do.”

Pennington hasn’t yet listened to Privtwo years in five limited-edition vinyl EPs numbered in the band members’ blood ilege all the way through. “I’m scared it’s might not have been the most intuitive way going to feel cobbled together,” he says.

It doesn’t. to attract new listeners. But for PenningParenthetical Girls, including Bischoff, ton and his primary collaborator, Jherek Bischoff, it was the best way to write Amber W. Smith, and Paul Alcott, are known for sweetly gorgeous arrangesongs that stand on their own.

“I wa nt ed t o ma ke somet h i ng t hat ments, combined with an over-the-top

UP&COMING THIS WEEK’S MUSIC PREVIEWS

For our MusicfestNW coverage, see this issue’s pullout guide.

THURSDAY 9/6 VENUS X

(Washington High School, 531 SE 14th) See Arts, pg. 27.

fits and the Pixies for it to equate accurately), the quintet’s undeniably strong songs deftly transfer live, as they volley between psychedelia, garage rock, surf punk, and more.

It would stand to reason, then, that their appearance at the tiny Matchbox Lounge is a must-see event. With Portland’s Black Pussy supporting, that’s a safer assumption than the inevitability of a zombie apocalypse… or is it?

RYAN J. PRADO

WILLIE NELSON (Sleep Country Amphitheater, 17200 NE Delfel, Ridgefield, WA) Willie Nelson is 79 and still has more life inside of him than you will ever have. Willie’s guitar is named “Trigger” and has a giant hole worn though it thanks to 40-plus years of use; Willie has saved it from a burning ranch and secretly hid it when the IRS tried to repossess his shit. Willie makes and sells biodiesel—it’s called “BioWillie.” Alongside Steve Buscemi, Willie guest starred in the classic Miami Vice episode “El Viejo.” Willie has a black belt in taekwondo. Willie likes to get high. Willie was a Highwayman; he, Waylon Jennings, Kris Kristofferson, and Johnny Cash used to hang out. Think about what that must have been like. Willie once put out a reggae album and you know what? It wasn’t half bad. Someone, somewhere, has the cover art for Waylon & Willie tattooed on their body. This is debated, but it is true: Willie is the greatest country singer/songwriter of all time, and he is amazing live, even though he is “el viejo.” “El viejo,” by the way, means “the old man.” Ask anyone— even Crockett, even Tubbs. Willie is “the old man.” Willie is also the man, period. Willie is the man who reminds you how good country was and could still be. Willie is the man who will sing “Mammas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys” tonight, because he has no choice, but he will make it sound poignant and timeworn and rich.

Willie is Willie Nelson. This is all that can be said. ERIK HENRIKSEN

ATOMIC BRIDE, BLACK PUSSY (Matchbox Lounge, 3203 SE Division) If we’ve really got a zombie apocalypse right around the bend, tunes like those composed by Seattle rockers Atomic Bride will be at the nexus of it. Wielding deceptive, surf-guitar runs with snarky, punk-rock boy-girl vocals, Atomic Bride’s new LP Dead Air sounds like a haunted transmission from a sock hop on Mars. The B-52s comparisons aside (Fred Schneider would need to have been weaned on the Mis-

FRIDAY 9/7 CHRISTEENE

(Washington High School, 531 SE 14th) See Arts, pg. 27.

DIVERS, SOMETHING FIERCE, OCCULT DETECTIVE CLUB, CHEMICALS (The Know, 2026 NE Alberta) Local label Dirtnap’s newest platter is served Texas style: The 10-inch record is split between two bands from the Lone Star State, Houston’s Something Fierce and Denton’s Occult Detective Club. Something Fierce’s half is delightful, power-poppy punk that’s almost insidiously infective. “Warlords of Information” is the resonate gem here, but “The Sound on the Northside of Town” has 12-string jangle and soulfully pained vocals, and “Get on or Get Off” digs up just the right amount of sleaze.

Occult Detective’s side is full-speed-ahead punk, thick and muscled with sing-along choruses. It’s basically a flawless record—something Dirtnap seems to have a knack for—and the two bands have been making their way up the West Coast on a tour to support it. With Portland’s Divers also playing tonight, this single bill gives the entirety of MusicfestNW a run for its money; Divers have quickly vaulted to the top of the Portland music food chain, devouring everything in sight with passionate, sweaty, hoarse-throated tunes that positively rock. They’re already one of the best bands in Portland, and while it feels a little music-critic-bullshitty to say stuff like this, I bet it’s only a matter of time before they’re one of the biggest. Join Team Divers tonight; I swear you won’t regret it. NED LANNAMANN

theatricality that expresses the less pleasant, occasionally depraved aspects of the human soul. Pennington is drawn to 1980s bands from the North of England (New Order, the Smiths, Pulp), and Privilege’s most alluring songs—like the fi fth EP’s title track and “Careful Who You Dance With” from 2011’s Privilege, Pt. III: Mend & Make Do EP—are infectious, excellently produced, new-wave anthems.

But it’s not in Parenthetical Girls’ na-

ture to abandon concept entirely, and on this one, the idea of privilege is a thread throughout. “The English music that I respond to tends to be class-based,” Pennington says. “I grew up fairly poor, so I have that class resentment. I enjoy positioning myself as the villain, conceiving of myself as a shitty, dismissive rich person of intense privilege.”

Though timely in an election season, Pennington doesn’t have a grudge to bear, even against the one percent. “I would hope that it doesn’t look like I’m just cynically attacking the wealthy,” he says, “because I’m a person of utter privilege—a straight white man—how much more privileged can I be?”

PARENTHETICAL GIRLS “Zany Zac” Pennington is at it again! more than a collective century of music making under their belts. Raitt didn’t make herself really known until she was in her 40s, finally letting the rest of us in on her bottleneck guitar prowess. While some of her recorded output leans toward the adult contemporary stratum, she’s one of the best—if not the best blues player alive. Staples is currently enjoying her own resurgence.

The release of the Jeff Tweedy-produced You Are Not Alone in 2010 introduced her music to new ears, while reinforcing what many already knew. At 73, she still has the pipes, and this performance by these two legends is important on so many levels. MARK LORE

SATURDAY 9/8 BLONDIE, DEVO

(Sleep Country Amphitheater, 17200 NE Delfel, Ridgefield, WA) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 11.

MY MORNING JACKET, SHABAZZ PALACES (Edgefield, 2126 SW Halsey, Troutdale) With Edgefield’s sprawling lawn, flowing kegs, and starry skies, My Morning Jacket’s live show promises dusty, psychedelic rock ’n’ roll gallops alongside the softer, falsetto repertoires of frontman Jim James. I can’t imagine a more perfect setting to hear the Louisville, Kentucky, band—their guitars will blanket your picnic with ghostly abandon, while James’ dramatic voice curls through the night air like his famous mane. Still touring on their 2011 album Circuital, the band has been taking requests for each night’s setlist, so if you have a hankering to hear some old favorites from The Tennessee Fire or that skankin’-tinged number from Z, tweet it hard and loud. Personally, I’m hashtagging the hell out of “Knot Comes Loose.” Earlier in the day, MMJ play for the tykes at Kennedy School’s You Who kids show.

COURTNEY FERGUSON

ANGEL CEBALLOS

YOU WHO: MY MORNING JACKET (Kennedy School, 5736 NE 33rd) See above listing.

OREGON SYMPHONY, COLIN CURRIE (Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway) The Oregon Symphony’s first classical concert of the 2012/13 season rightfully deserves an exhaustive sixpage spread, but the fucking idgits who run this craptastic “newspaper” wouldn’t know culture if it bit them on their skinny-jeaned douchetard asses. So here’s a preview that even the PBR-addled brain of a Mercury music editor can comprehend: Finnish up front and Italian on the back end, Saturday’s program features several epic hits penned by Jean Sibelius and Ottorino Respighi. As if that weren’t kick-ass enough, the symphony once again exceeds expectations by sharing the stage with an internationally renowned soloist. Colin Currie is percussion royalty, and he’ll be jamming on a five-octave marimba, a metal vibraphone, and a panoply of exotic instruments, showcasing a super fresh composition written especially for him. Unless you’ve already made plans to hear (yet another) whiny trustafarian strum his way through a setlist of half-assed introspective shit, do yourself a favor and put down this wretched rag, order some symphony tickets, and experience what it’s like to have your mind blown by 70-plus musicians of the highest caliber.

ANGRY SYMPHONY GUY

NW HIPHOP FEST: COOL NUTZ, BIG BANG, KIMOSABE, KINETIC EMCEES, RISKY STAR, BROWN CAESAR, J. RITZ & SAYWORDS, ROSE BENT, & MORE (Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash) Although it doesn’t get as much shine as some other regions, the Northwest does indeed have a fertile hiphop community if you dig deep enough. Anthony Sanchez of Runaway

ETERNAL SUMMERS Doug Fir, 9/11

BONNIE RAITT, MAVIS STAPLES (Edgefield, 2126 SW Halsey, Troutdale) Sure, it’s not polite to talk about a woman’s age, but it should be mentioned that Mavis Staples and Bonnie Raitt have

JOE UNANDER

September 6, 2012 Portland Mercury 13

14 Portland Mercury September 6, 2012

UP&COMING THIS WEEK’S MUSIC PREVIEWS

SOMETHING FIERCE The Know, 9/7 Productions recognizes this, and he created a festival that spans three evenings (Thursday at Ash Street, Friday at Kelly’s Olympian, and tonight at Ash Street again) and showcases a crazy assortment of local acts.

All told, it truly runs the gamut. You can expect styles more street than asphalt alongside bars more abstract than Q-Tip’s dreams. Tonight’s fest-closing showcase culminates with Cool Nutz, whose latest release, Portland Ni%#a, is an epic, controversial auditory testimonial that transcends so-called “local hiphop.” Big Bang is a super-fun bananas-bonkers crew that will blow your mind live. Arrive early. RYAN FEIGH

THE WORLD RADIANT, BEAR FEET, THE GHOST EASE (Kelly’s Olympian, 426 SW Washington) In spite of their relative anonymity, Bear Feet have actually been pumping out folk jams since the beginning of 2009, when the group’s principal members, Elena Hess and Taylor Schultz, were still attending high school. The duo’s eponymous EP is only available on Myspace, but I promise it’s worth the voyage (although the Mercury isn’t liable for any computer crashing that might result therein). Animated songwriting and seriously good singing (those harmonies could redden the Kingston Trio’s cheeks!) set Bear Feet apart from the countless inert, tasteless purveyors of the genre.

I’m frankly hesitant to give anything that calls itself “folk” a chance these days, as should you be, but this stuff goes down like sugar. MORGAN TROPER

SUNDAY 9/9

HOTT SUMMER NIGHTS: PURE BATHING CULTURE, KELLI SCHAEFER, PEARLY GATE MUSIC, PURSE CANDY, SEAN FLINN AND THE ROYAL WE, LOST LANDER, HOUNDSTOOTH, & MORE (Rontoms, 600 E Burnside) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 11, and MusicfestNW pullout guide, pg. 11.

MONDAY 9/10

Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros aren’t exactly folky. At least they weren’t much at first. Up from Below, the conglomerate’s 2009 debut, treads the tide of Ebert’s meandering prose, alternately forging urban freak-pop cuts like “Janglin” or the commercial-ready, powwow pomp of “Home.” And while Ebert’s embrace of Americana in all its musical facets (soul, anti-gospel, folk, rock, pop) on the Zeros’ new LP Here is an evolution, it’s also a trivial gamble—and, holy shit, it paid off big time. None of the bombast or ambitious instrumentation is missing; there’s also a more concise path for the project on display, as heard on the infectious “That’s What’s Up” and the Sunday sermon-unsafe “I Don’t Wanna Pray.” RJP

THIS BIKE IS A PIPE BOMB, BIG BLACK CLOUD, DIVERS (Backspace, 115 NW 5th) A year and a half ago, a collective sob arose from the punk-DIY-leftist community (basically, everyone with a Black Flag tattoo) when This Bike Is a Pipe Bomb announced their end, after 14 years. That they are only now getting around to a farewell tour is indicative of either their penchant for bucking trends or their obliviousness to them. If you don’t pay attention to the words, TBIAPB sounds like good-time drinking music. But in their latest incarnation (they started out as new wavers), they found the perfect marriage between raucous punk and earnest folk, combining infectiously simple songwriting with the kind of socially conscious lyrics that haven’t been in fashion for a couple of decades. The band may have officially broken up, but it was only a few months ago that yet another cyclist fan was arrested after the cops took one of the band’s stickers too literally. REBECCA WILSON

WEDNESDAY 9/12 PARENTHETICAL GIRLS, GOLDEN RETRIEVER, CLASSICAL REVOLUTION

(Washington High School, 531 SE 14th) See Music, pg. 13.

BRIAN BLADE, SCOUT NIBLETT

SAM GREEN, YO LA TENGO: THE LOVE SONG OF R. BUCKMINSTER FULLER

(Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 11.

(Washington High School, 531 SE 14th) See Arts, pg. 27.

TUESDAY 9/11

DWIGHT YOAKAM

ETERNAL SUMMERS, BLEEDING RAINBOW (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) The pleasure factor on Correct Behavior, album number two from Roanoke, Virginia’s Eternal Summers, is through the roof. The record’s 10 speedy, fuzzy pearls of pop whiz by with no effort at all, fl aunting shiny hooks and irresistible melodies while remaining perfectly uncomplicated.

The duo of guitarist/singer Nicole Yun and drummer Daniel Cundiff recently expanded to a three-piece, fi nding bassist Jonathan Woods within Roanoke’s Magic Twig artist community where they all live (actually, Woods was the one who introduced Yun and Cundiff to begin with). Correct Behavior was comixed by the Raveonettes’ Sune Rose Wagner, and it fi nds that perfect balance of thickly layered, wellscuffed dream-pop and nervy, high-tempo jangle.

But it really comes down to those damn near perfect songs, particularly the album’s one-two-three opening punch of “Millions,” “Wonder,” and “You Kill.”

Eternal Summers dish out their wiry post-punk tunes with ample helpings of puppy-love sweetness, and the remarkable result ends up all the more exhilarating because of it. They share the bill with the equally rad Bleeding Rainbow, the band formerly known as Reading Rainbow. Somewhere, a single tear rolls down LeVar Burton’s cheek. NL Also see My, What a Busy Week! , pg. 11.

EDWARD SHARPE AND THE MAGNETIC ZEROS, CLAP YOUR HANDS SAY YEAH (Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway) The reality of Alex Ebert’s rebirth as a stadium-folk stalwart is interesting only in that he and his band Edward

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(Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside) In a 2002 interview with Larry King, Johnny Cash claimed that Dwight Yoakam was his favorite country singer. Coming from one of the pinnacle icons in mainstream country culture, the compliment stands as both praise and appraisal. Yoakam, however, wasn’t always in such bright light. When he first started in Nashville during the early ’80s, his new revival of honky-tonk country was rejected in favor of the trending pop-based variety. After leaving the scene that denied him, he ended up in Los Angeles where he shared bills with punk bands like the Blasters and X during the start of his West Coast career. Twenty-five million records of Yoakam’s have sold since then, but even if you can’t tell upon initially listening to a track like “Guitars Cadillacs,” the ethic is historically ingrained: Yoakam is country’s punk. JONATHAN MAGDALENO

ANIMAL EYES, FANNO CREEK, PIGEONS, DJ HUNNYPRAWNZ (Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) Exciting things are afoot for Animal Eyes and Fanno Creek. They are embarking on a tour of Western states, and this first show of the tour celebrates new releases for each: an Animal Eyes EP and Fanno Creek’s new 19-track album Live from the Banana Stand. In many ways, the two bands are each other’s perfect folk-rock foil: where AE is rambunctious and funky, FC is quietly dramatic; AE is ebullient, FC is introspective; AE has an accordion, but then FC has those harmonies. What they have in common is roots that run deep in the Northwest, literal and aesthetic, and they are both easy to like—the kind of music you want to hear on a sunny weekend afternoon in the backyard. RW

September 6, 2012 Portland Mercury 15

Thursday 9/6 The Gutters, Carl And The Jerks, The Slidells Friday 9/7 Lloyd Mitchell Canyon w/ Special Guests Saturday 9/8 Lonesome Heroes, Gary Newcomb Tuesday 9/11 Sunfighter, De La War, A Happy Death open 10:30am - 2:30 am daily 2025 N. Kilpatrick St. 503-285-3718

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LIVE MUSIC THURSDAY 9/6

★ ALADDIN THEATER—MusicfestNW: Trampled by Turtles, These United States, Erik Koskinen, 8 pm, $22-25

★ ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—Slaid Cleaves, Eliza Gilkyson, 8 pm, $15-18 AL’S DEN—David J, Adrian H , Raymond Byron, 7 pm, ANDINA—Neftali Rivera, 7 pm; Tracy Kim, 8 pm ARTICHOKE MUSIC—Acoustic Village, 7 pm, $5 ★ ASH STREET SALOON—NW Hiphop Fest: Serge Severe, Theory Hazit, Destro, Load B, Chill Crew, The Mighty Misc, Raashan Ahmad, Kublakai, Gran Rapids, Eminent, Beejan, Diction One, Carmine, McQ, 9 pm ★ BACKSPACE—MusicfestNW: Ceremony, Cheap Girls, Lee Corey Oswald, 8 pm, $13, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW’S—John Ross, 9 pm BLUE DIAMOND—Ben Jones, 9 pm BLUE MONK—Alan Jones, 8 pm ★ BRANX—MusicfestNW: Omar Souleyman, Sun Angle, Stay Calm, Copy, 8 pm BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—Dan Duval Duo, 5:30 pm BUFFALO GAP—On The Fly, 9 pm, Free ★ BUNK BAR—MusicfestNW: The Growlers, Guantanamo Baywatch, Cosmonauts, Tenlons Fort, 8 pm, $13 BURGERVILLE—McDougall, New York Rifles , 3:30 pm, free, all ages CAMELLIA LOUNGE—John Gross Trio, 8 pm, $5 CORKSCREW WINE BAR—Gumbo Americana, 8 pm ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—MusicfestNW: Passion Pit, The Hundred in the Hands, 9 pm, $32, all ages ★ DANTE’S—MusicfestNW: King Khan & The Shrines, Apache, The Pynnacles, Child Children, 9 pm ★ DOUG FIR—Radiation City, 10:30 am, free, all ages; Ceremony, 12:30 pm, free, all ages; Purity Ring, 2:30 pm, free, all ages; Starfucker, 4:30 pm, free, all ages; MusicfestNW: John Maus, I Break Horses, Onuinu, Swahili, 9 pm, $15 DUFF’S GARAGE—Tough Love Pyle, 6 pm, $2; Billy T, 9 pm, $10 EAT: AN OYSTER BAR—Steve Cheseborough, 7 pm EDGEFIELD—Douglas Cameron, 7 pm, free THE ELIXIR LAB—Johnny D’s Community Jam, 7 pm GOODFOOT—Philly’s Phunkestra, 9 pm, $6 GRAND CAFE/ANDREA’S CHA CHA CLUB—Pilon d’Azucar Salsa Band, 9:30 pm HALIBUT’S—Terry Robb, 8 pm, free ★ HAWTHORNE THEATRE—MusicfestNW: Lightning Bolt, Quasi, White Fang , 8 pm, $15, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Beautiful Lies, 5 pm, free HEATHMAN—Johnny Martin, 7 pm ★ HOLOCENE—MusicfestNW: Tanlines, Brainstorm, Naytronix, Palmas, 9 pm IVORIES—Laura Cunard, 5:30 pm, free JADE LOUNGE—Chris Juhlin, 7 pm JAM ON HAWTHORNE—Hot Club of Hawthorne, 5 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Mel Brown B3 Organ Band, 8 pm, $5 KELLS—Bill Tollner, 9 pm KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—The Bird Day, 9 pm, $5 KENNEDY SCHOOL—Family Frolic: Uncle B & Auntie E & J-Dog, 6 pm, free, all ages KENTON CLUB—The Gutters, Karl & The Jerks, The Slidells, 9 pm, free LANDMARK SALOON—The Pick Ups, 8:30 pm, free; Ruby Feathers, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Lewi Longmire Band , 6 pm; Jimmy Boyer Band, 9:30 pm ★ MATCHBOX LOUNGE—Atomic Bride, Black Pussy, 9 pm, free MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Anna & the Underbelly, Jeff Martin, 6 pm, free; Little Hexes, Amoree Lovell, 9 pm ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—MusicfestNW: Pokey LaFarge & The South City Three, The Alialujah Choir, Lemolo, Mbilly, 9 pm, $12 MT. TABOR THEATER LOUNGE—Sean Gaskell, Njuzu Mbira, 8 pm, $10 MUSIC MILLENNIUM—Sarah Gwen, 6 pm, free, all ages THE PRESS CLUB—PSU Jazz3, 8 pm QUIMBY’S AT 19TH—Chris Baum Project, 9 pm, free RED ROOM—The Wandering Minds, AC Lov Ring, Jet Force Gemini, Another Night with the Pornographers, The Kilowatt Hour, Chaotic Karisma, 8 pm, free THE REFECTORY—Mother Shrew, 8 pm ★ ROSELAND—MusicfestNW: Old 97s, Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit, Those Darlins, Reignwolf, 8 pm, $22-25 ★ SAVOY—Edna Vasquez THE SECRET SOCIETY—Libertine Belles, 6 pm, free, all ages; Shores of Astor, 9 pm, $5 ★ SLEEP COUNTRY AMPHITHEATER—Willie Nelson, 7:30 pm, $43.50, all ages SLIM’S—The Chancers, 9 pm, free SOMEDAY LOUNGE—The Dookie Jam: Doo Doo Funk All-Stars, 9 pm, free ★ STAR BAR—Souvenir Driver, Miracle Falls, DJ Bar Hopper, 9 pm, free ★ STAR THEATER—MusicfestNW: The Men, Mean Jeans, The People’s Temple, 9 pm ★ TED’S—MusicfestNW: Purity Ring, Evian Christ, Headaches, 9 pm THIRSTY LION—Sami Rouissi, 8 pm TIGER BAR—Karaoke from Hell, 9:30 pm, free

TONIC LOUNGE—Pleasure Cross, Permanent Ruin, Knelt Rote, Rohit, 9:30 pm, $5 TONY STARLIGHT’S—All-Star Horns, 7:30 pm, $10 VALENTINE’S—Eliza Fernand, Baby Ketten Karaoke, 9 pm WHITE EAGLE—The Brothers of the Hound, 5:30 pm, free; Bre Gregg, Matthew Gailey, Tara Williamson, 8:30 pm, $5 WILF’S—Mike & Haley Horsfall, Kevin Deitz, Mark Griffith, 7:30 pm ★ WONDER BALLROOM—MusicfestNW: Flying Lotus, Nosaj Thing, Jacques Greene, 10:30 pm, all ages

FRIDAY 9/7 ★ ALADDIN THEATER—MusicfestNW: Trampled

by Turtles, These United States, Erik Koskinen, 8 pm, $22-25 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—Duffy Bishop Band, Bobby Torres, Mary Flower, Chad Rupp, Saeeda Wright, 8 pm, $15-17 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE—Mikey’s Irish Jam Session, 6:30 pm AL’S DEN—David J, Adrian H , Zia McCabe, Peter Holmstrom, 7 pm, free ARTICHOKE MUSIC—Friday Night Coffeehouse, $5, all ages ★ ASH STREET SALOON—Pierced Arrows, Paradise, The Lovesores, Shut Your Animal Mouth, 9:30 pm, $8 ★ BACKSPACE—MusicfestNW: Tender Forever, The Curious Mystery , Lake, Arrington de Dionyso, Kendl Winter, 7 pm, $10, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Lynn Conover, 6 pm, all ages; Lewi Longmire, 9:30 pm BING LOUNGE—Naytronix, 3 pm, free, all ages BLUE DIAMOND—Larry Pindar, 9 pm ★ BRANX—MusicfestNW: Future Islands, Fort Lean, Battleme, 9 pm BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—Gravy, 8 pm BUFFALO GAP—The Fashion Nuggets, 9 pm, free ★ BUNK BAR—MusicfestNW: Talkdemonic, Mimicking Birds, French Cassettes, 9 pm, $13 CAMELLIA LOUNGE—King Louie Trio, 8 pm, $7 ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—MusicfestNW: The Helio Sequence, Chairlift, Radiation City, Hosannas, 8 pm, $18-20, all ages ★ DANTE’S—MusicfestNW: Fucked Up, Poison Idea, Sons of Huns, Bison Bison, 9:30 pm ★ DOUG FIR—Menomena, 10:30 am, free, all ages; The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, 12:30 pm, free, all ages; Lost Lander, 2:30 pm, free, all ages; Black Mountain, 4:30 pm, free, all ages; MusicfestNW: Black Mountain, Quest for Fire, Old Light, Grandparents, 8:30 pm, $17 ★ DR. MARTENS AIRWAIR USA—Fucked Up, 5 pm, free, all ages DUFF’S GARAGE—The Hamdogs, 6 pm, $2; The Phoreheads, Michael Hurley, 9:30 pm EAST BURN—Cascadia Soul Alliance, Andrews Ave, 10 pm, free EAST END—Matthew Heller, 8 pm, free ★ EDGEFIELD—Bonnie Raitt, Mavis Staples, 6:30 pm, $47.50-90.50, all ages; Mark Alan, 7 pm, free FOGGY NOTION—Drunk Dad, Swamp Buck, Duty, 9 pm, $3 FORD FOOD & DRINK—The Darlin’ Blackbirds, 4:30 pm, free, all ages; Daniel Meteo, 8 pm, free, all ages HALIBUT’S—DK Stewart, 8 pm, free ★ HAWTHORNE THEATRE—MusicfestNW: Melvins Lite, Big Business, Old Man Gloom, 7 pm, $18, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Wendy & The Lost Boys, 6 pm, free ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm; Joe Marquand, 4:30 pm JADE LOUNGE—Timberbound Project, 6 pm; Krystyn Pixton, 8 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Intervision, George Colligan, 8 pm, $12 KELLS—Pass the Whiskey, 9:30 pm ★ KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—NW Hiphop Fest: Speaker Minds, One Movement, Mosley Wotta, Sleep, L Pro, Cloudy October, The Bad Tenants, The New Pioneers, Das Leune, Sole Pro, The Sexbots, Andy Stack, Buck Turtle, Woodgrain Weaponry, 7 pm KENTON CLUB—Lloyd Mitchell Canyon, 9 pm, free ★ THE KNOW—Divers, Something Fierce, Occult Detective Club, Chemicals, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON—Barn Door Slammers, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—James Low Western Front, 6 pm; The Nutmeggers, The Student Loan, 9:30 pm LVS—Andy Stokes, 8:30 pm MACADAM’S BAR & GRILL—Scott Brockett, 10 pm, free ★ MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—The Hill Dogs, 6 pm, free; Town Mountain, Eric Schwieterman, 9 pm, $10 ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—MusicfestNW: Joe Pug, Brown Bird, Casey Neill & The Norway Rats, Sarah Gwen Peters, 9 pm, $14 MOCK CREST TAVERN—Suburban Slim, 9 pm MUDDY RUDDER—Mike Brosnan, 8 pm NEL CENTRO—Mike Pardew, 9:30 pm ★ THE OLD CHURCH—MusicfestNW: Mirroring, Dreamboat, 9 pm, all ages PEOPLE’S CO-OP—The Portland Sacred Harp, 6:30 pm, free ★ PIONEER COURTHOUSE SQUARE—MusicfestNW: Beirut, Menomena, Gardens & Villa, 5:30 pm, $32

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LIVE MUSIC Happy Hour Specials Everyday Free Pool on Sundays • 92'' t.v • Total Sports Package Serving $2 breakfast from 7am-2pm & 10pm - 2am Kitchen hours (7am-2am) • Bar hours (7am-2:30am)

PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)—Carrie Cunningham, 9 pm, $2-5 PORTLAND SPIRIT—Eric John Kaiser , 3 pm, $28 ★ RECORD ROOM—Neonates, Still Caves, Wild Things, 8 pm, $3 RED ROOM—Random Axe, Trueheart Suzie, The Applicants, The Kos , End of Now, 8 pm, $5 ★ ROSELAND—MusicfestNW: Yelawolf, Danny Brown, Sandpeople, 8 pm, $20-22 THE SECRET SOCIETY—Swing Papillon, 6 pm, all ages ★ SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Rags & Ribbons, Wax Fingers , Violet Isle, 9 pm, free THE SPARE ROOM—Danny Hay Davis, 9 pm, free ★ STAR THEATER—MusicfestNW: The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, Daughn Gibson, Moon Duo, Aan , 8 pm ★ TED’S—MusicfestNW: Blouse, Chelsea Wolfe, Crystal Antlers, Craft Spells, Tropic of Cancer, 9 pm THIRSTY LION—Dirty Blonde, 9:30 pm TIGER BAR—Ben Union, Mosby, The Choices, 9 pm, $6 TONIC LOUNGE—Collected Souls, Heart Beat, 9:30 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—Tony Starlight, Bo Ayars, 8 pm, $12 TRADER VIC’S—Tribute to Frank Sinatra: John English, 5 pm VARIOUS LOCATIONS—Brewvana Behind the Scenes Tour, 1 pm, $75 VIE DE BOHEME—Catarina New, Poncho Sanchez, 8 pm ★ WASHINGTON HIGH SCHOOL—Christeene, 10:30 pm, $5-7 WHITE EAGLE—The Reverb Brothers , 5:30 pm, free, all ages; Tyler Matthew Smith, Rhododendron, 9:30 pm, $8 WILF’S—Tasha Miller, 7:30 pm ★ WONDER BALLROOM—MusicfestNW: A-Trak, The Hood Internet, Baauer, 10:30 pm, $15, all ages

SATURDAY 9/8 ★ ALADDIN THEATER—MusicfestNW: Typhoon, Holcombe Waller , And And And, 8 pm, $15-17 AL’S DEN—David J, Adrian H , Luis Vasquez, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Toshi Onizuka, 8 pm ★ ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Oregon Symphony, Colin Currie, 7:30 pm, $21-95 ARTICHOKE MUSIC—Kate Power, Steve Einhorn, Larry Murante, 8 pm, $15 ★ ASH STREET SALOON—NW Hiphop Fest: Cool Nutz, Big Bang, Kimosabe, Kinetic Emcees, Risky Star, Brown Caesar, J. Ritz & Saywords, Rose Bent, Beautiful Eulogy, Half Man Half, Arjay, Luci B, Dck Vnngt, Greench Mob, 7 pm ★ BACKSPACE—MusicfestNW: Touche Amore, Defeater, Young Turks, 8 pm, $13, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Sidestreet Reny, 6 pm, all ages; Papa Coyote, 9:30 pm BLUE DIAMOND—Margo Tufo, 9 pm BLUE MONK—Lorna Bracken Baxter Benefit: Patrick Lamb, Renato Caranto, Nancy King, Ramsey Embick, Clay Giberson, Matt Schiff, 5 pm ★ BRANX—MusicfestNW: Big Freedia, Serious Business, Don’t Talk to the Cops, 9 pm BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE—Martin Zarzar, 8 pm ★ BUNK BAR—MusicfestNW: The Builders & The Butchers, The Drowning Men, My Goodness, Mission Spotlight, 8 pm, $13 CAMELLIA LOUNGE—Tabor Jazz Trio, 8 pm, free ★ CHROME INDUSTRIES—Rebecca Gates & The Consortium, 8 pm, free COURTYARD AT MT. TABOR—Beth Willis, 7 pm, $10-15 ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—MusicfestNW: The Tallest Man on Earth, Strand of Oaks, 9 pm, $20 ★ DANTE’S—MusicfestNW: Redd Kross, Dante Vs. Zombies, The Suicide Notes, The Needful Longings, 9 pm ★ DOUG FIR—Dinosaur Jr., noon, free, all ages; Milo Greene, 1:30 pm, free, all ages; The Hives, 3 pm, free, all ages; Redd Kross, 4:30 pm, free, all ages; MusicfestNW: Moonface, Sad Baby Wolf, Kishi Bashi, The Last Bison, The We Shared Milk, 9 pm, $13 DUFF’S GARAGE—Joy & Her Sentimental Gentlemen, 6 pm; Bridgetown Sextet, 9 pm EAST BURN—PDX Baconfest 2012: Hot Tea Cold, Pagan Jug Band, Left Coast Country, noon ★ EDGEFIELD—My Morning Jacket, Shabazz Palaces, 6:30 pm, $42-44, all ages; Justin Jude, 7 pm, free ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB—1491, Mufasa, French Cassettes, Homunculust, 9 pm, $5 FOGGY NOTION—Komal Sa, Comfort Zone, Guyve , Blake Mackey, 9 pm, $4 GOODFOOT—Goodfoot All-Stars, 9 pm HALIBUT’S—Big Monti Amundson, 8 pm, free HAWTHORNE HOPHOUSE—Bodacious, 9 pm, free ★ HAWTHORNE THEATRE—MusicfestNW: Swans, Xiu Xiu, 8 pm, $25 HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Adrian H & The Wounds, David J, 5:30 pm, free ★ HOLOCENE—MusicfestNW: Trust, Nite Jewel, Dangerous Boys Club, DZ Deathrays, Vice Device, 8 pm, $12 HOPHOUSE (NE 15TH)—Kelsey Morris, 8:30 pm, free, all ages IVORIES—Laura Cunard, 5:30 pm, free JADE LOUNGE—Adlai Alexander, Christopher Reyne, 6 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Soul Vaccination, 7:30 pm, $12 18 Portland Mercury September 6, 2012

KATIE O’BRIEN’S—Mormon Trannys, 9 pm KELLS—Pass the Whiskey, 9:30 pm ★ KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—The World Radiant, Bear Feet, The Ghost Ease, 9 pm, $5 ★ KENNEDY SCHOOL—You Who: My Morning Jacket, noon, all ages KENTON CLUB—Lonesome Heroes, Gary Newcomb, 9 pm, free ★ THE KNOW—A Happy Death, Sunfighter, Magnetic Health Factory, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON—The Redeemed, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Tree Frogs, 6 pm; Jake Ray & The Cowdogs, Lisa Miller & Her Kin, 9:30 pm THE LOVECRAFT—Virgin Blood, Of Two, Moon Mirror, 9 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Lorna Miller, 4 pm, all ages; Chad Hinman, Camping in a Cadillac, 6 pm, free; z’Bumba, 9 pm, $7 ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—PDX/Rx: Menomena, Deep Sea Diver, Brainstorm, Albatross, noon, free; MusicfestNW: Milo Greene, Hey Marseilles, Tyler Lyle, The Dimes , 9 pm, $13 MOCK CREST TAVERN—Donna & The Side Effects, 9 pm MUDDY RUDDER—Alan Hagar, 8 pm MUSIC MILLENNIUM—Bob Dylan Tempest Listening Party, 4 pm, free, all ages NEL CENTRO—Mike Pardew, Dave Captein, Randy Rollofson, 9:30 pm ★ THE OLD CHURCH—MusicfestNW: Julia Holter, Pure Bathing Culture, 9 pm, all ages ★ THE PEOPLE’S SANDWICH OF PORTLAND—Rabbits, Fist Fite, Gaytheist, IX, 3 pm, free ★ PIONEER COURTHOUSE SQUARE—MusicfestNW: Girl Talk, Starfucker, AU, 6 pm, $32 PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)—Backfire Band THE PRESS CLUB—Small Souls, Shoeshine Blue, 6 pm RECORD ROOM—Erik Anarchy, Taint Misbehavin, The Unspoken Word, 8 pm RED ROOM—Bloodoath, Abash’t, Gladius, Battle Axe Massacre, 9 pm, $5 RINGLER’S PUB—Jonah Luke, 3 pm, free ★ RONTOMS—Earlimart, Talkdemonic, The Heligoats, Black Pussy, Gaytheist, Norman, J. Pinder, Chicharones, 2 pm, free ★ ROSELAND—MusicfestNW: J Mascis, Dinosaur Jr., Sebadoh, 9 pm, $25, all ages SLABTOWN—Akanabe Vulgars, The Fasters, Sharks from Mars, The Numbats, 9 pm, $6 ★ SLEEP COUNTRY AMPHITHEATER—Blondie, Devo, 8 pm, all ages THE SPARE ROOM—Hip Deep Soul Revue, 9 pm, $5 ★ STAR THEATER—MusicfestNW: Hazel, Dirtclodfight, Snowbud & The Flower People, Pete Krebs, 8 pm THE TARDIS ROOM—Arthur Moore, 8 pm; Doc McTeer’s Medicine Show, 8 pm; Scheisshosen, 10:30 pm ★ TED’S—MusicfestNW: Wild Nothing, The Soft Moon, DIIV, Mac DeMarco, 9 pm THIRSTY LION—Beth Willis, 9:30 pm TIGER BAR—Alabama Black Snake, 9 pm TONIC LOUNGE—Carley Baer , Phil Dickson, Rob Walsh, 9:30 pm, $5 TONY STARLIGHT’S—String of Pearls, 8 pm, $12 TRADER VIC’S—Xavier Tavera’s Chamber Orchestra from Cuba, 8 pm TROUT LAKE COUNTRY INN—Jon Koonce, 9 pm, $5 TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR—Damage Overdose, Season of Suffering, Warcry, 9 pm, $5 THE WAYPOST—Felix Hatfield, Jacob Arnold, Mikah Sykes, 8 pm WHITE EAGLE—Laura Ivancie, 4:30 pm, free, all ages; Five Pint Mary, Tin Silver, 9:30 pm, $8 WILF’S—Randy Porter Trio, 7:30 pm ★ WONDER BALLROOM—MusicfestNW: The Hives, Fidlar, 9:30 pm, $22-25, all ages

SUNDAY 9/9 ★ 1856—Grand Opening: Heligoats, Gulls, Team Evil, Paradise, noon, free ALADDIN THEATER—Al Stewart, Dave Nachmanoff, 8 pm, $25 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—Mary Gauthier, Sarah Lee Guthrie, Johnny Irion, 8 pm, $15-18 ★ AL’S DEN—Tango Alpha Tango, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Danny Romero, 7 pm AUGUSTANA LUTHERAN CHURCH—Augustana Jazz Quartet, 6 pm, free, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Felim Egan, 8 pm BLUE MONK—Derek Sims, Rob Davis, Alan Jones, Greg Goebel, Andrea Niemiec, 9 pm CLYDE’S PRIME RIB—Ron Steen Jazz Jam, 8:30 pm, free CORKSCREW WINE BAR—Catarina New, 6 pm DANTE’S—Sinferno Cabaret, 11 pm DIRECTOR PARK—Portland Opera Open Chorus Rehearsal, 3 pm, free, all ages EAT: AN OYSTER BAR—Reggie Houston’s Box of Chocolates, 11 am EDGEFIELD—James Low, Lewi Longmire, 5 pm, free ★ ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB—The Hugs , Memory Boys, Spirit Animal , 9 pm, $5 FIRKIN TAVERN—Open Mic, 8 pm, free FORD FOOD & DRINK—Tim Roth, Sun, noon, free, all ages

CATCH COLLEGE ACTION AT YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD BAR!!

2 0 1 2 - 1 3 S C H E DU L E

UNIVERSITY OF OREGON vs. Arkansas State vs. Fresno State

12:00 p.m.

TBA TBA TBA 6:00 p.m.

7:30 p.m.

3:30 p.m.

Time/Result

September 1 September 8

vs. Tennessee Tech vs. Arizona at Washington State vs. Washington at Arizona State

TBA TBA TBA TBA TBA

Opponent/Event/Location

September 15 September 22 September 29 October 6 October 18

vs. Colorado at USC at California vs. Stanford at Oregon State

Date

October 27 November 3 November 10 November 17 November 24

OREGON STATE BEAVERS

September 6, 2012 Portland Mercury 19

9 AM

Sundays

Beaverton’s Newest Neighborhood Sports Bar

12655 SW 1st Beaverton

20 Portland Mercury September 6, 2012

TEN at HOU ..... 10:00 AM CIN at JAC ....... 1:05 PM MIA at ARI ....... 1:05 PM OAK at DEN ..... 1:05 PM NO at GB ......... 1:15 PM WAS at TB ....... 1:15 PM NYG at PHI ...... 5:20 PM Bye: Colts, Steelers

SUN, SEP. 30 CAR at ATL....... 10:00 AM NE at BUF........ 10:00 AM MIN at DET ...... 10:00 AM SD at KC .......... 10:00 AM SEA at STL ....... 10:00 AM SF at NYJ......... 10:00 AM

MONDAY, OCT. 1 CHI at DAL....... 5:30 PM

SEA at SF......... 5:20 PM GB at STL ........ 10:00 AM ARI at MIN ...... 10:00 AM NYJ at NE ........ 1:15 PM JAC at OAK ...... 1:15 PM

THURSDAY, OCT. 18

SUN, OCT. 21 TEN at BUF ...... 10:00 AM WAS at NYG..... 10:00 AM NO at TB ......... 10:00 AM DAL at CAR ...... 10:00 AM

WEEK 7

CLE at BAL ....... 5:20 PM

WEEK 4

THURSDAY, SEP. 27

MONDAY, SEP. 10 CIN at BAL ....... 4:00 PM SD at OAK ....... 7:15 PM

SUN, OCT. 28 CAR at CHI ...... 10:00 AM SD at CLE ........ 10:00 AM SEA at DET ...... 10:00 AM JAC at GB ........ 10:00 AM

THURSDAY, OCT. 25

MONDAY, OCT. 8 HOU at NYJ ..... 5:30 PM

SUN, OCT. 7 MIA at CIN....... 10:00 AM GB at IND ........ 10:00 AM BAL at KC ........ 10:00 AM TEN at MIN ...... 10:00 AM ATL at WAS ...... 10:00 AM CLE at NYG ...... 10:00 AM

THURSDAY, OCT. 4

MON, SEP. 17 DEN at ATL ...... 5:30 PM

SUN, SEP. 16 KC at BUF ........ 10:00 AM CLE at CIN ....... 10:00 AM MIN at IND ...... 10:00 AM ARI at NE......... 10:00 AM TB at NYG........ 10:00 AM BAL at PHI ....... 10:00 AM NO at CAR ....... 10:00 AM

SUN, SEP. 9 IND at CHI ....... 10:00 AM PHI at CLE ....... 10:00 AM ATL at KC ......... 10:00 AM BUF at NYJ ...... 10:00 AM STL at DET ....... 10:00 AM WAS at NO ...... 10:00 AM

MIA at HOU ..... 10:00 AM NE at TEN ........ 10:00 AM JAC at MIN ...... 10:00 AM CAR at TB ........ 1:15 PM SEA at STL ....... 1:15 PM SF at GB .......... 1:15 PM PIT at DEN ....... 5:20 PM

THURSDAY, SEP. 13 CHI at GB ........ 5:20 PM

THURSDAY, SEP. 5 DAL at NYG ..... 5:30 PM

WEEK 1

MIA at NYJ ...... 10:00 AM ATL at PHI ....... 10:00 AM WAS at PIT ...... 10:00 AM OAK at KC ....... 1:05 PM

TB at MIN ........ 5:20 PM

WEEK 8

Bye: Cowboys, Lions, Raiders, Buccaneers

PHI at PIT ........ 10:00 AM SEA at CAR ...... 1:05 PM CHI at JAC ....... 1:05 PM BUF at SF ........ 1:15 PM DEN at NE ....... 1:15 PM SD at NO ......... 5:20 PM

ARI at STL ....... 5:20 PM

WEEK 5

HOU at JAC...... 10:00 AM DAL at SEA ...... 1:05 PM WAS at STL ...... 1:05 PM OAK at MIA ..... 1:15 PM NYJ at PIT ....... 1:15 PM TEN at SD ........ 1:15 PM DET at SF......... 5:20 PM

WEEK 2

WEEK 6

DET at TEN ...... 10:00 AM JAC at IND ....... 10:00 AM PHI at ARI ....... 1:05 PM ATL at SD ........ 1:05 PM HOU at DEN..... 1:15 PM PIT at OAK ....... 1:15 PM NE at BAL ........ 5:20 PM

SUN, NOV. 4 DEN at CIN ...... 10:00 AM BAL at CLE ....... 10:00 AM ARI at GB ........ 10:00 AM CHI at TEN ....... 10:00 AM

THURSDAY, NOV. 1

MONDAY, OCT. 15 DEN at SD ....... 5:30 PM

SUN, OCT. 14 OAK at ATL ...... 10:00 AM CIN at CLE ....... 10:00 AM STL at MIA ....... 10:00 AM IND at NYJ ...... 10:00 AM DET at PHI ....... 10:00 AM KC at TB .......... 10:00 AM

DET at JAC ....... 10:00 AM BUF at HOU ..... 10:00 AM TB at OAK ........ 1:05 PM MIN at SEA ...... 1:05 PM

KC at SD .......... 5:20 PM

WEEK 9

Bye: Bears, Saints, Panthers, Jaguars

DAL at BAL ...... 10:00 AM BUF at ARI....... 1:05 PM NE at SEA ........ 1:05 PM NYG at SF ........ 1:15 PM MIN at WAS ..... 1:15 PM GB at HOU....... 5:20 PM

THURSDAY, OCT. 11 PIT at TEN 5:20 PM

MONDAY, SEP. 24 GB at SEA ........ 5:30 PM

SUN, SEP. 16 STL at CHI ....... 10:00 AM BUF at CLE ...... 10:00 AM TB at DAL ........ 10:00 AM NYJ at MIA ...... 10:00 AM SF at MIN ........ 10:00 AM KC at NO ......... 10:00 AM CIN at WAS ...... 10:00 AM

THURSDAY, SEP. 20 NYG at CAR ..... 5:20 PM

WEEK 3

2 0 1 2 - 1 3 S C H E DU L E

AT YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD BAR!!

CATCH NFL ACTION

2012 Septe mber

5-9

Photo by Merkley???

Art by Hiller Goodspeed

O

NCE A YEAR, Portland transforms into a citywide, multi-day music festival, the likes of which make the Mercury as giddy as all get out.

Well, except for one tiny little detail. You see, it’s Portland’s other weekly paper that’s booking the bands, posting the billboards across town, making scads of money off the pricey-but-generally-worth-it wristbands, and

basically running the entire show. As such, their coverage of MFNW might be a tad… ummm… how you say… biased?

So, in the spirit of good, solid sportsmanship (or journalism—we sometimes get the two confused), we’re going to tell it like it is.

In the Mercury’s Officially Unofficial Guide to MusicfestNW, we’re going to give you the honest-to-god truth about

the best of the best, the cream of the crop, the pick of the litter. We’re also going to steer you well clear of the steaming turds and give you the lowdown on all the free shows you can see without a wristband. Since the Mercury’s not in the business of selling you a ticket to the damn thing, you can rest assured in our completely impartial opinions. Now get out there and see some good music.

The Newly Restored Histori

LiveMusic, Music,Cabaret, Cabaret,Burlesque Burlesque&&Rock-n-Roll Rock-n-Roll Live

503-226-6630 • Open Daily 11am-2:30am •

w w w. da n tes l i ve . c o m

WEDNESDAY

SEPT 5

JACKIE ALAN DENISE ROAK

E FREW

& SPECIAL GUESTS SHO

NO COVER

KING KHAN THE SHRINES

THURSDAY SEPT 6

&& $15 COVER

APACHE (THE BAND) PYNNACLES • CHILD CHILDREN

FUCKED UP

FRIDAY

SEPT 7

POISON IDEA SONS OF HUNS BISON BISON

$15 COVER

PERFORMING “DAVID COMES TO LIFE”

REDD KROSS DANTE VS. ZOMBIES

SATURDAY SEPT 8

DANTE VS. ZOMBIES

THE SUICIDE NOTES THE NEEDFUL LONGINGS

$15 COVER

c

LiveMusic, Music,Cabaret, Cabaret,Burlesque Burlesque&&Rock-n-Roll Rock-n-Roll Live

503-226-6630 • Open Daily 11am-2:30am •

aant te er Psol ri tvl e w w ww . Sw t aw r T. d he a n. c d .oc m om

WEDNESDAY THURSDAY SEPTJACKIE 6 ALAN DENISE THURSDAYSEPT6 SEPT 5

THE MEN THURSDAY KING KHAN

ROAK

E FREW

& SPECIAL GUESTS SHO

NO COVER

MEAN JEANS SEPT 6 THE PEOPLES TEMPLE

$13 COVER

THE SHRINES THE PAINS OF BEING FRIDAY FUCKED UP DAUGHN SEPT 7 GIBSON PURE ATPOISON HEARTIDEA MOON DUO & AAN &&

FRIDAY SEPT 7 FRIDAYSEPT7

$15

APACHE (THE COVER BAND) PYNNACLES • CHILD CHILDREN

$15 COVER

SONS OF HUNS SATURDAYBISON SEPTBISON 8 SATURDAYSEPT8 $15 COVER

PERFORMING “DAVID COMES TO LIFE” $12 COVER

HAZEL REDD KROSS DANTE VS. ZOMBIES

SEPT 9

THE NEEDFUL LONGINGS

FRIDAY SEPT 14 FRIDAYSEPT14 SUNDAY

SEPT 11

10pm $3

8pm Showtime

KARAOKE WITH A LIVE BAND FOR ANOTHER 20 YEARS !

CHUCK’N’BUCK THE

DSL

COMING SOON

SEPT 13

$10 ADV - 9PM

AN ALL-STAR PHISH TRIBUTE

FRIDAY

SEPT 14 $10 ADV 9:30PM

J-FELL PRESENTS

BON JOVI TRIBUTE:

STEEL HORSE

TICKETS AVAILABLE @ DANTE’S, STAR THEATER AND WWW.DANTESLIVE.COM

SMOOCHKNOB

$12 ADV 9:30PM

WITH THE SMOOCHGIRLS & CRAZY LIKE ME

WEDNESDAY

SEPT 19

$10 ADV 9PM

SEPT 21

9/5 Jackie Alan Denise 9/6 MFNW: King Khan & The Shrines 9/7 MFNW: Fucked Up 9/8 MFNW: Redd Kross 9/9 Sinferno Cabaret 9/10 Karaoke From Hell 9/11 Chuck-n-Buck Show 9/12 Vaj + bloody North 9/13 Lawn Boy 9/14 Steelhorse 9/15 Miss Skooled Pageant 9/19 Scott H. Biram 9/20 Hellzapoppin!

9/21 Zepparella 9/22 Los Straitjackets 9/27 Jucifer 9/28 Local H 9/29 Appetite For Deception 9/30 Sinferno + Walking Papers 10/6 House Of Floyd 10/10 Panzer God 10/12 Soulfire Bellydance 10/13 Jeff The Brotherhood 10/17 Rosie Flores & Marti Brom 10/18 The Hyde & Cheap Time 10/19 Three Bad Jacks 10/20 Hell’s Belles 10/21 Miss Kennedy’s Cabaret & Sinferno Cabaret 10/25 Army Navy 10/26 Zombie Rockfest 10/27 Heaven & Hell Ball 10/31 Lukas Nelson 11/2 Rev. Peyton’s Big Damn Band 11/3 Cash’d Out 11/10 Two Cow Garage

MISS SKOOLED PAGEANT 2012

SATURDAY

FRIDAY

S H O W

open mic comedy with hostess dirt starr love

THURSDAY

SEPT 15

SEPT 9

SEPT 10

“SIX FOOT SOUL” ALBUM RELEASE MONDAY

SATURDAY

THURSDAY SEPT 27

$10 ADV 9PM

WITH THE JIM JAMS & GUANTANAMO BAYWATCH

WITH FOR ANOTHER 20 YEARS !

ROOT S THE JACK

$13 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME

10pm $3

H O W

open mic comedy with hostess dirt starr love

8pm Showtime

THURSDAY

COMING SOON

$12 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME

DOUBLE TEE PRESENTS

SEPT 13

21 FRIDAY SEPT SEPT21 $10 ADV - 9PM

$15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME

9/5 Jackie Alan Denise 9/6 MFNW: King Khan & The Shrines 9/7 MFNW: Fucked Up 9/8 MFNW: Redd Kross 9/9 Sinferno Cabaret 9/10 Karaoke From Hell 9/11 Chuck-n-Buck Show 9/12 Vaj + bloody North 9/13 Lawn Boy 9/14 Steelhorse 9/15 Miss Skooled Pageant 9/19 Scott H. Biram 9/20 Hellzapoppin!

9/21 Zepparella 9/22 Los Straitjackets 9/27 Jucifer FROM THE9/28 HBOLocal SERIES H Appetite For Deception “TREME” &9/29 STRAIGHT 9/30 Sinferno + Walking Papers OUT OF NEW ORLEANS 10/6 House Of Floyd 10/10 Panzer God 10/12 Soulfire Bellydance 10/13 Jeff The Brotherhood CRITICAL HIT BURLESQUE 10/17 Rosie Flores & Marti Brom PRESENTS TWO 10/18 The Hyde & Cheap Time SHOWS AT 7:30PM &10/19 11PMThree Bad Jacks 10/20 Hell’s Belles 10/21 Miss Kennedy’s Cabaret & Sinferno Cabaret 10/25 Army Navy 10/26 Zombie Rockfest 10/27 Heaven & Hell Ball 10/31 Lukas Nelson 11/2 Rev. Peyton’s Big Damn Band 11/3 Cash’d Out 11/10 Two Cow Garage

SINNSAVVY PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS

ROSEHIP AN ALL-STAR PHISH TRIBUTE REVUE

JUCIFER

TH PU

SAT SAT

FRI

$10 ADV

TUE TUE T THU

$13 ADV

$12 ADV

DOUBL PRESE

FRI

$15 ADV

SAT SAT

SATURDAY SEPT 29 SATURDAYSEPT29

SAT SAT

EARLY SHOW 8PM - $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT

FRIDAY DAVIS ROGAN SEPT 14

LATE SHOW 10PM - $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT

$10 ADV 9:30PM

$15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 7:30PM & 11PM SHOWTIMES

J-FELL PRESENTS

JOVISEPT27&28 TRIBUTE: THUBON & FRI SEPT 27 & 28 THU&FRI

STEEL HORSE

$20 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME

LEAD SINGER OF THE

DRIVE-BY TRUCKERS

PATTERSON SATURDAY MISS SKOOLED PAGEANT 2012 HOODSMOOCHKNOB SEPT 15

TICKETS AVAILABLE @ DANTE’S, STAR THEATER AND WWW.DANTESLIVE.COM

& THE DOWNTOWN RAMBLERS

+ HOPE FOR AGOLDENSUMMER

$12 ADV 9:30PM

FRIDAY OCT 5 FRIDAYOCT5

WAX SCOTT H. TAILOR BIRAM

WITH THE SMOOCHGIRLS & CRAZY LIKE ME

WITH SHANA HALLIGAN

MORE SHOWS + RESTAVRANT FRIDAY

TICKETS AVAILABLE AT STAR THEATER, DANTE’S AND WWW.STARTHEATERPORTLAND.COM

ZEPPARELLA

ALL-FEMALE, LED ZEPPELIN TRIBUTE SEPT 13 - SORCHA’S BUSTEDALL-STAR NECK BASH SEPT 14 - WORTH CD RELEASE SEPT 15 AL CAPONE’S BATHTUB GIN SEPT 21 WHITE BUFFALO + ROOTSPEAKEASY SEPT 18 - THE$12.50 JACK ADV 9:30PM & MANIMALHOUSE SEPT 20 - ORGONE SEPT 21 - ROSEHIP REVUE SEPT 22 - EARLY SHOW 8PM - QUEENS OF THE POLE SEPT 22 - LATE SHOW 10PM - DAVIS ROGAN OF “TREME” SEPT 27 - PATTERSON HOOD & THE DOWNTOWN RAMBLERS - PATTERSON HOOD & THE DOWNTOWN RAMBLERS SEPT SEPT2822 SEPT 29 - GEEKLESQUE: $15 ADV - 9:30PM POWERS UP 2 WITH THE JIM JAMS & GUANTANAMO BAYWATCH SEPT 30 - EASTSIDE SPEED MACHINE & ONE MOMENT OCT 4 - BARFLY PRESENTS ELVIS’ BIRTHDAY OCT 5 - WAX TAILOR & SHANA HALLIGAN OCT 11 - IO ECHO OCT 17 -27 NICK WATERHOUSE & THE ALLAH-LAS SEPT OCT 18 - ROCKY HORROR PASTIE SHOW OCT 19 JOEY PORTER’S FUNK TRIBUTE $10 ADV OCT 20 - OMAR RODRIGUEZ-LOPEZ GROUP 9PM OCT 21 - DILANA OCT 26 - RASPUTINA OCT 27 - MOULIN ROUGE SING-A-LONG OCT 31 - VAGABOND OPERA HALLOWEEN BALL NOV 3 -28 MR. GNOME + AND AND AND SEPT FRIENDSHIP SOCIETY + O’DEATH DEC 6 - WORLD/INFERNO $13 ADV DEC 13 - TY9:30PM SEGALL & NIGHT BEATS

SATURDAY

EARLY SH

SAT SAT

LATE SHO

$15 ADV

THU

$20 ADV

LEA

P H

FRI

$13 ADV

JUCIFER

FRIDAY

$13 ADV 9:30PM

FRI

OLYMPIC SATURDAY SEPT 22 THE SATURDAYSEPT22 EDITION QUEENS OF THE POLE SATURDAY SEPT 22 SATURDAYSEPT22

THURSDAY

FRIDAY SEPT 28

KARAOKE WITH A LIVE BAND

DOUBLE TEE PRESENTS

$10 ADV 9PM

SEPT 22

$15 ADV - 9:30PM

So You Wanna Be A ROCK STAR?

TUESDAY SEPT 18 TUESDAYSEPT18 TUESDAY THE BUFFALO SEPT 11 WHITE CHUCK ’N’BUCK DSL THURSDAY SEPT 20 WITH THURSDAYSEPT20 MANIMALHOUSE

SEPT 19

ZEPPARELLA

M TH

JUST PEOPLE & THE RUBY PINES

cabaret

$13 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME

ALL-FEMALE, ALL-STAR LED ZEPPELIN TRIBUTE

$12.50 ADV 9:30PM

SEPT 10

WEDNESDAY

SCOTT H. BIRAM + RESTAVRANT

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SEPT 8 DIRTCLODFIGHT SNO BUD & THE FLOWER PEOPLE $15 COVER PETE KREBS THE SUICIDE NOTES

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2 The Mercury’s Officially Unofficial Guide to MFNW September 6, 2012

Can’t

A Bad Dream

See ’em All!

On the Mend, Mr. Jonathan Toubin Returns to Portland

by Andrew R Tonry

J

ONATHAN TOUBIN was sleeping when the taxi ran him over. It would be a month before he woke up.

Toubin landed in Portland on December 7, 2011. The next night, the New York DJ—known for his stacks of punchy soul and sizzling rock 45s, and his famed New York Night Train dance party—was to join DJ Beyonda in celebrating the fifth anniversary of her venerable soul night, I’ve Got a Hole in My Soul. Exhausted from crisscrossing the country, Toubin checked into the Jupiter Hotel.

The next morning, before he woke, a driver from Radio Cab lost control of her car, reportedly suffering a “diabetic emergency.” The vehicle careened through the hotel wall and into Toubin’s room, where he was pinned, unconscious and bleeding heavily.

According to the New York Times, Toubin’s “chest was crushed, his skull cracked, his clavicles and shoulder blades shattered; he nearly bled to death before a police officer and hotel workers managed to lift the car off him.” A month later, in the intensive care unit at OHSU, Toubin came to.

“It took me a while to figure out what was going on,” he says. “Not only did I not know about the accident, I didn’t know where I was or why all these people were around. I hadn’t used my brain for a while.”

Once Toubin regained consciousness, the hospital staff ran a series of checks. They asked him if he knew what year it was. He answered incorrectly. “It was actually a different year than when I went in,” Toubin says.

Days later, in mid-January, he was discharged, but he was in no condition to return to New York. “I couldn’t move,” says Toubin. “I was not even mildly functioning.”

He was put up in a hotel near a center for physical therapy and rehab. It would be three more months before he was cleared to leave Portland.

“I had to re-learn to walk and use my hands,” he says.

“It was sort of a process of getting back into normal human form.” When not rehabbing, Toubin spent time with friends in Portland, of which he happened to have many.

“One year, between 2009 and 2010, I played 13 gigs in Portland,” Toubin says. “It was very early on in my travels.

Portland was one of the first places to accept me.” As such, he reasons, “It was kind of fortuitous that [the accident] happened there because I had so many nice people that I know living there and coming, helping me.”

Those friends were in Toubin’s corner even before he woke. In Portland, as in many cities around the country, benefit events were announced just days after the accident. Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Heavy Trash, Ariel Pink, Margaret Cho, and countless others pitched in.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 5

For writeups on Hot Snakes, Sloan, and Passion Pit—all performing tonight—find an old copy of last week’s Portland Mercury.

AGAINST ME!, ANDREW JACKSON JIHAD, JOYCE MANOR (Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th) Joyce Manor’s new “full-length,” Of All Things I Will Soon Grow Tired, is a bit of a grower, which is weird considering it clocks in at just 13 minutes, making it significantly shorter than the band’s already meager debut. But what it lacks in its predecessor’s anthemic immediacy, it makes up for with irresistible weirdness: Frontman Barry Johnson offers his best Morrissey impression in “See How Tame I Can Be” and the deliberately lo-fi “Drainage” sounds uncannily like one of those Evan Dando hotel-bathroom demos. An unrecognizable cover version of “Video Killed the Radio Star” tops them both in terms of unexpectedness. Joyce Manor have outlived “fad band” accusations and are still the life of the pop-punk party. MORGAN TROPER Also read our article on Against Me!, this page.

Mr. Jonathan Toubin

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 6

Fri Sept 7, 11:59 pm Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison

Eleanor Logan

Such efforts notwithstanding, Toubin’s medical bills still presumably tower. The New York Times reported them at $650,000. Currently, Toubin is in the midst of a lawsuit, and is heeding his lawyer’s advice not to discuss the case.

Meanwhile, Toubin continues work to regain fluency on the decks. The accident significantly diminished his hearing—it is almost totally gone in one ear—and his dexterity, as tendons were severed in each hand. Physical therapy sessions are keeping Toubin in New York during the week, though he has been getting out for gigs on Saturdays. The upcoming trip to Portland will be the second time he’ll spend extended days on the road.

Though full all-night sets still remain overly taxing, Toubin is making progress, returning to the job—and the life—he’s worked two decades to establish. “I can’t be anything but thrilled,” he says. “I’d be real jaded if I was bummed out by now.”

Beyond rehab and the lawsuit, Toubin hopes to soon put the accident behind him. “I do look forward to a time where we talk about music again,” he says.

In the interest of doing just that, Toubin has created a special playlist for the Mercury: 10 singles he’s recently discovered, many of which may find their way into his Portland set. Check it out at portlandmercury.com/music.

Talkin’ Transgender Dysphoria Blues

OMAR SOULEYMAN, SUN ANGLE, STAY CALM, COPY (Branx, 320 SE 2nd) Omar Souleyman’s homeland of Syria is currently embroiled in a horrifying civil war, but to see him—with the unfazed cool of the congenital badass, wearing a hatta and aviators—you’d think he could stop it all with a dismissive flick of the wrist. But that’s not why you should see him. You should see him because his beats are off the hook, and because he sings in Arabic and Kurdish in a grizzled, no-nonsense style that belies his status as Syria’s favorite wedding singer. But don’t write him off as a novelty act: He’s a techno auteur who numbers Björk and Damon Albarn among his biggest fans. REBECCA WILSON PURITY RING, EVIAN CHRIST, HEADACHES (Ted’s Berbati's Pan, 231 SW Ankeny) The second most annoying thing about Purity Ring is how their name makes anyone over the age of 27 automatically think of the Promise Ring, a band they do not remotely resemble in any fashion. The first most annoying thing about Purity Ring is the sheer saccharine addictiveness of their chop-screw-and-paste synth pop, which takes the edgy elements of glitch and Southern rap, and turns them into ultra-palatable aural cotton candy. The Canadian duo’s debut, Shrines, is a twinkling overdose of pop, boasting monoliths of artificial beauty. While the overall impression is that this is music for children, now is the time to see this band, as they’ll be filling much bigger rooms from here on out. NED LANNAMANN JOHN MAUS, ONUINU, STRATEGY, SWAHILI (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) The considerable local hype for the upcoming Mirror Gazer, the first full-length for Onuinu (AKA Dorian Duvall), manages to live up to most every expectation. Duvall’s electro-pop pizzazz is well seasoned throughout the LP, peppering disco-synth bangers like the infectious “Always Awkward” with a deserving amount of glitz without burying the hooks.

But the real gems in Onuinu’s oeuvre come from his deft employment of deep-space synth runs that Eno would be proud to call his own. Mirror Gazer strikes a pretty irresistible balance of heavy and delicate. RYAN J. PRADO

Against Me! Are Still Punk as Fuck

by Robbie Freece “And if I could have chosen, I would have been born a woman/ My mother once told me she would have named me Laura.”

—Against Me! “The Ocean,” New Wave (2007)

LIGHTNING BOLT, QUASI, WHITE FANG (Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th) You never know what you’re going to get with a Lightning Bolt show, but you can safely expect to partake in an original experience that transcends gimmick or spectacle. The Rhode Island-based band, formed in 1994, eschews traditional performer/audience structure, performing not on stage but among the assembled bodies. Brian Chippendale drums hysterically, his vocals amplified and transmogrified through a telephone receiver attached to his head. And Brian Gibson plays bass in a way that unmasks previously unseen capabilities of the instrument. The sonic cacophony is turned up and sped up to critically wounding levels. MARANDA BISH

T

OM GABEL once sang about his desire to have been born a woman named Laura.

This past May, life began to imitate art when the Against Me! lead singer and songwriter came out as transgender and decided to start living life publicly as a woman named Laura Jane Grace. Against Me!’s career had long been defined by transitions, from their early days as anarcho-folk purists releasing 7-inches on the ultra-DIY Plan-It-X label to bearing the torch of beard-punk saviors by breathing new life into the “lost in 1994” sound of Fat Wreck Chords.

But nothing in retrospect would compare to the absolute paradigm shift that Gabel’s transformation to Grace represents for both the band and the audience. Prior stylistic changes may have been risky in terms of artistic integrity, but Grace’s gutsy proclamation was downright courageous on every level—and punk as fuck to boot.

Thankfully, unlike the visceral anger that met the band after their 2006 decision to sign to a major label (slashed tires on the van, physical altercations at shows, and of course, the requisite mean-spirited internet comments), Grace’s decision to make peace with her own identity has

OLD 97’S, JASON ISBELL AND THE 400 UNIT, THOSE DARLINS, REIGNWOLF (Roseland, 8 NW 6th) Old 97’s’ seminal 1997 album Too Far to Care is oft taken for granted in the pantheon of “alt country”—which is silly considering it blows the doors clean off any mid-’90s work with the names Tweedy or Farrar attached to it. You won’t find a better mix of outlaw twang, Replacements rawk, and R.E.M. pop cavorting with a more downtrodden assortment of characters. The Dallas four-piece’s third release has aged remarkably well, too. To celebrate that fact, the Old 97’s perform the record in its entirety, with a vinyl reissue on the way. It’s a chance to discover what many attractive and intelligent people have known for 15 years. MARK LORE

Against Me!

Wed Sept 5, 10 pm Hawthorne Theatre 1507 SE 39th

been met with overwhelming praise and encouragement from both the punk community and the public at large.

This is good, not just from a maybe-our-culture-isn’t-totally-fucked standpoint, but good because the focus ought to shift away from band members’ personal lives and back to the intrinsic value of their music.

CEREMONY, CHEAP GIRLS, LEE COREY OSWALD (Backspace, 115 NW 5th) The previous two Cheap Girls records definitely had their moments, but leave it to Tom Gabel (now Laura Jane Grace)—who handled production duties on the band’s latest effort, Giant Orange—to wring absolute greatness out of them. Giant Orange is a relentless romp through ’90s pop/rock fetishism, recalling the best aspects of bands like Superchunk, Nerf Herder, Gin Blossoms (before they were wretched), and They Might Be Giants (specifically in lead singer Ian Graham’s corrosive wail). MT

Continued on pg. 5

Continued on pg. 5

September 6, 2012 The Mercury’s Officially Unofficial Guide to MFNW 3

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4 The Mercury’s Officially Unofficial Guide to MFNW September 6, 2012

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Continued from pg. 3

Indicated by recent live shows and last year’s excellent “Russian Spies”/“Occult Enemies” 7-inch, Grace & Co. are finally striking a balance between the raucous, shout-along energy of their early days in the basement and the arena-ready, populist sound of their past two releases. While playing solo at the Portland stop of the roots-oriented Revival Tour this past spring (one of her last shows as outwardly male), Grace debuted two new songs, “Black Me Out” and “Osama Bin Laden as the Crucified Christ.” The new material showcased the same grit and raw emotion of the band’s early releases, and demonstrated the near-perfect marriage of the personal and the political that has made Against Me!’s lyrics so captivating and empowering throughout their career.

With new drummer Jay Weinberg (son of Max!) bringing a renewed energy to their live show, this year’s appear-

ance at MusicfestNW will be an excellent opportunity to see the full band flesh out new material before the release of their upcoming album Transgender Dysphoria Blues. Of course, it will also be the first chance for Portlanders to catch Against Me! as a female-fronted act.

I personally doubt, though, the change will be all that marked once the band starts tearing through their tremendous back catalog of sweat-drenched sing-alongs like “Pints of Guinness Make You Strong” and the poignant mid-tempo rock balladry of tracks from 2010’s White Crosses. I have a feeling the crowd will not be so focused on the gender of the person singing the songs, but be fully entrenched in the experience of witnessing one of America’s premier punk bands pour it all out onstage. The real shock is if anyone walks away from this show with a dry shirt and full use of their vocal cords.

…And Then There Were Two… Menomena Gets Familial with Moms

Can’t

See ’em All!

Continued from pg. 3

THE MEN, THE MEAN JEANS, THE PEOPLE’S TEMPLE (Star Theater, 13 NW 6th) 2012 has been a great year for rock, and Brooklyn’s the Men have played a big part in making it so. Their latest LP Open Your Heart is filled with no-nonsense guitars that pummel and hooks that bury themselves deep into your ear canal. Think of them sort of like the Replacements-replacements. The Men offer something for everyone— the recklessness of proto-punk, spaghetti western twang, psychedelic flashbacks. ML POKEY LAFARGE AND THE SOUTH CITY THREE, THE ALIALUJAH CHOIR, LEMOLO, MBILLY (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) The pacing of Seattle dreampop duo Lemolo’s new LP The Kaleidoscope is sometimes painfully labored, somewhat like the boorish film-reel loops of an actual dream. Lemolo, then, is living up to its reputation. Well, more than that; behind the enchanting knockout harmonies of Meagan Grandall and Kendra Cox, they’re thriving.

The Seattle duo’s hypnotic debut is a certifiable grower—repeated listens are rewarded with the revelation of charming subtleties in the melodies, and a growing appreciation for all that plunking piano. It’s a deadly serious project that fancies itself a playful, swaying romp, offering a nice contrast to the rollicking lineup on this bill. RJP FLYING LOTUS, NOSAJ THING, JACQUES GREENE (Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell) The recent collaboration between Flying Lotus and Erykah Badu resonates like a new drug. “See Thru to U”, the track’s title, has the low-lit soul of ’50s metropolitan bebop and the edged shuffle of an R&B song written on heroin, all while strongly portraying the synchronized melodic power of these two stand-alone artists. I swear it plays like a single—if there were such a thing—off Miles Davis’ Bitches Brew. It’s further evidence that they’re the king and queen of their musical climates, and further reason to get increasingly ecstatic about Flying Lotus’ upcoming Until the Quiet Comes, out October 2. JONATHAN MAGDALENO

Menomena

Fri Sept 7, 6:30 pm Pioneer Courthouse Square 701 SW 6th

Daughn Gibson n Ben Moon

T

HE FIRST THING you’ll notice about Moms, the new Menomena album, is that it sounds like a Menomena album—huge, dynamic, intricate, heavy without being overly aggressive. The second thing you’ll notice about Moms is that it’s the work of a two-man band: Justin Harris and Danny Seim.

Menomena slimmed from trio to duo not long after the release of their 2010 album, Mines, when Brent Knopf left the group after a decade. One of the most musically democratic bands in Portland—much of their recent press has dwelled on the inter-band conflict between its members— Menomena had to reinvent itself without one of its three founding contributors.

“We didn’t know how it was going to turn out,” says Seim.

“We both agreed pretty quickly that we wanted to keep the band going. We had some show obligations when Brent quit, and we got some other guys and we played the shows, and I really enjoyed playing the shows. So then we were like, well, okay, let’s just see if we can do this. The overall spirit of it just felt like it was a new set of challenges—that now there’s just two of us and we have to make something work. Not to paint Brent as the bad guy at all—I think just the dynamic of the three of us was the bad thing.”

Seim and Harris didn’t do all that much differently for Moms, although Seim says the record is one of the most collaborative things he’s done with Harris, with whom he’s been friends since high school. “We started out with this one just jamming together and recording ideas,” Seim says, “still working heavily with loops and then going off into our separate worlds and fleshing them out. It’s not like one of us ever presents the other with a full-on song, like, ‘These are your parts, play them.’ It’s like we have this blank slate on the computer that we’re constantly adding shit to and trying not to make it sound overstuffed and cluttered.”

Menomena has expanded to a five-piece live band—with

by Ned Lannamann Paul Alcott, Matt Dabrowiak, and Holcombe Waller—to replicate Moms’ very full sound, but apart from a small handful of guest appearances, Harris and Seim recorded virtually all of the album’s parts themselves, playing what sounds like hundreds of overdubs and interlocking pieces.

“We talked early on about trying to write and record as the touring band,” says Seim, “but Justin and I came to the conclusion to prove, even just to ourselves, that we could still make an album just with the two elements of Menomena that still remain… without making it like a Creedence Clearwater Revisited or something,” he laughs. “Inviting a lot of other people would really water down the little things that people have come to know about Menomena, and we wanted to make sure at least two thirds of those elements still existed.

“That was kind of part of the challenge, too: Are we gonna have 10 songs that are sorely lacking Brent’s input?”

Seim continues. “We didn’t really know what to expect.

And in the end, we stopped worrying about that, and just tried to make the songs the best we could. Thankfully, we agreed on a lyrical theme, which we haven’t ever really done in the past. That helped us get on the same page, and shaped these songs into, more or less, a collection that hopefully fits well together.”

Seim’s mother died when he was a teenager, while Harris’ mother raised him single-handedly after his dad left (the band's current press photos include Seim's and Harris' fathers), and those themes of family run through all of Moms’ songs. It’s a universal theme that’s rarely dealt with in rock music.

“It’s us and Danzig at this point,” says Seim.

The album’s title came from Dan Attoe, who painted the album cover. “We were going to call the album something else, and he was like, ‘Oh, you should just call it Moms. All these songs are about your mom.’ It was kind of a joke, but then we were like, that’s actually kind of cool.”

Fri Sept 7, 10pm m Star Theater 13 NW 6th

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 7

Kristine Eng

BEIRUT, MENOMENA, GARDENS AND VILLA (Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW 6th) Read our article on Menomena, this page.

MR. JONATHAN TOUBIN, DJ BEYONDADOUBT, DJ COOKY PARKER (Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) Read our article on Mr. Jonathan Toubin, pg. 3.

FUCKED UP, POISON IDEA, SONS OF HUNS, BISON BISON (Dante’s, 1 SW 3rd) See this issue’s My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 11.

THE HELIO SEQUENCE, UNKNOWN MORTAL ORCHESTRA, RADIATION CITY, HOSANNAS (Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside) The hometown trio of Unknown Mortal Orchestra recently played a set aboard the Portland Spirit as the vessel cruised along the Willamette; the dated aesthetic and overall schmaltz of the Spirit proved an inspired atmosphere. Neon lights pulsated amid waterfront scenes as the unassuming, delightful performance took place. UMO’s sound is distinguished by intriguingly chameleonlike qualities—there’s frontman (and New Zealand transplant) Ruban Nielsen’s pleasingly accented vocals, Julian Ehrlich’s polished and perfectly punctuating drums, and guitar riffs from Nielsen and bassist Jake Portrait that run the gamut of instrumental intonations, from twangy to trippy. MB Also read our article on the Helio Sequence, pg. 7.

MIRRORRING, DREAMBOAT (The Old Church, 1422 SW 11th) Mirrorring is the duo of Jesy Fortino and Liz Harris, and if you’ve ever spent any time with records by Fortino’s Tiny Vipers or Harris’ Grouper, this pairing will no doubt have you salivating. Earlier this year, Mirrorring released its debut, the slow, hushed Foreign Body, and it sounds more or less like what you’d imagine a collaboration between Tiny Vipers and Grouper would sound like. That also means it’s as achingly Continued on pg. 7

September 6, 2012 The Mercury’s Officially Unofficial Guide to MFNW 5

Find Your Perfect Match portlandmercury.com/personals 6 The Mercury’s Officially Unofficial Guide to MFNW September 6, 2012

Can’t

The Great Flood

See ’em All!

How the Heavy Rains of Portland Shapeshifted the Helio Sequence’s New Record

Continued from pg. 5

by Ryan J. Prado Pavlina Summers

“I

HAVE this thing where no matter how much time tions became an epiphany (“that weird magic that’s there it takes, if there’s something that’s really there in in old recordings,” Summers says), and the duo fortified the record—if there’s something to get to underneath it— their arsenal of gear with new-old upgrades. it’s going to stay alive for longer,” says Brandon Summers, The impact was immediate. From the onset of Negotiations, guitarist and vocalist for the Helio Sequence. the tech-y trickery and textural calisthenics Those familiar with the Portland band The Helio Sequence found on previous Helio releases is thicker, know that, for Summers and drummer/keyheavy with reverb and crawling with ethereal Fri Sept 7, 11 pm boardist Benjamin Weikel, there’s almost alguitar squalls and Weikel’s typically strong Crystal Ballroom ways “something that’s really there.” It goes and intricate drum patterns. There’s musk on 1332 W Burnside a long way in helping to explain not only the songs like opener “One More Time,” a tune length of time the duo takes between releasthat Summers and Weikel identified early on ing albums—it’s been four years since Keep as the thematic blueprint of the entire record.

Your Eyes Ahead was released, which was four years re“That was the first recorded song on the record, and moved from Love and Distance—but also the degree of cre- that kind of shaped the sonic identity,” says Summers. ative ascension explored.

Other songs, like the spacious “Downward Spiral,” benBut there’s another, perhaps less esoteric explanation for efited from the use of dozens of sound loops created by why the band’s new LP Negotiations sounds so amazingly Weikel, which Summers would jam over, sometimes in different than the Helio Sequence’s previous four albums.

20-minute spurts. The improvised result is a hallmark of It started with a flood. the richer analog sound found on Negotiations.

Not necessarily of creativity, although that emerged lat“That guitar sound… I have no idea how I got that,” says er. Summers received a phone call that the band’s studio Summers of the track. “I probably had 10 different pedals space had fallen victim to a flood thanks to heavy rains on at one time and we just played.” while they were on tour supporting Keep Your Eyes Ahead “Harvester of Souls,” somewhat similarly, was written in 2009. The chain of events this random act of nature completely on the spot during recording. started was a dizzying reminder of the power of fate. For “It’s definitely one of the most personal records that we’ve the Helio Sequence, it was also a blessing in disguise. ever done,” says Summers. “I hold it really close to my heart After the band returned home from tour, they acquired for that. I knew that when we were going into the writing for a bigger studio space and gradually got themselves in this record, it was gonna take more than sonic pyrotechnics a creative headspace to begin work on the next record. or just catchy melodies to get through it. I really had to dig This regimen included absorbing lots of ambient records deep for something emotional to invest in the record, and refrom the ’60s and ’70s for Weikel, and vintage jazz vinyl ally recognize when it was there and really make sure that for Summers. The warm, deep tones of those vinyl expedi- anything I was laying down was going to have that.”

Play My Song Under the Influence of Redd Kross

by Morgan Troper

I

Jonathan Krop

FIRST DISCOVERED and became totally infatuated Eye. They all too briefly became darlings of the mainwith Redd Kross in the eighth grade—approximately stream with the closest they got to a straight-up alternative the same age the group was when they cut their first rerock record, 1993’s Phaseshifter (which, I should mention, cord. At that age, I couldn’t have asked for better celebrity was mercilessly, roundly ripped off by Stone Temple Pirole models than brothers Jeff and Steve McDonald, the lots for their Tiny Music… Songs from the Vatican Gift Shop band’s core artistic nuclei. They were badasses—rock album). After Show World, the band’s slightly weary 1997 stars!—yet they embraced and entertained all their ecceneffort—although it does contain “Mess Around,” one of the tricities; they were still complete weirdos. The evidence group’s best songs—Redd Kross called it a day. that such a dichotomy could exist was bolstering to an un“Redd Kross had been my life since I was 11 years old,” assured young dreamer like myself; as a musician, Redd says Steve, “and I wanted to branch out a little bit. I was Kross served as an immense influence, and continue to. making career decisions since before I was a teenager.”

More than any other band, possibly exBut once the band reunited with the Redd Kross cepting Big Star, they make that hyperNeurotica-era lineup—featuring Roy melodic, Beatlesque brand of pop sound McDonald (no relation) on drums and Sat Sept 8, 11:59 pm attainable, human.

Robert Hecker on guitar—for a few Dante’s, 1 SW 3rd Perhaps most importantly, though, gigs in 2006, “everything sort of fell into through Redd Kross I figured out what place,” in Jeff ’s words, and a “new record punk actually is—a specific emotional seemed inevitable.” approach toward playing music, not drainpipe jeans or “We were worried, because it’s a rare occasion for a mohawks or studs or [fill in the blanks]. This was a band band to reunite and make a record that doesn’t sound that unflinchingly performed Boyce & Hart covers in front like a reunion record,” Jeff says. Redd Kross have defied of hardcore audiences and somehow still had clout with the convention with flying colors. If anything their new them, simply because their blood was red hot, too. This album, Researching the Blues, surpasses its predecessors in was the band I was searching for, and thankfully I found several territories; the production is leaner, and the band them sooner than later. hasn't sounded this energized since Neurotica.

Redd Kross’ pedigree is ferocious. The group formed in Despite stylistic makeovers, Redd Kross have always Hawthorne, California, in 1980 as a hardcore punk band, been distinctly Redd Kross, as obvious as that sounds— and the brothers McDonald were initially buttressed by there’s that common, recognizable thread in all of their Ron Reyes on skins and Greg Hetson on auxiliary ax (lat- material. “Yeah, we don’t really have any reservations er of Black Flag and the Circle Jerks, respectively). But it playing Shangri-Las covers in front of punk crowds,” wasn’t until the band’s second full-length record—1987’s Jeff admits. anachronistic Neurotica, which has been retroactively This encapsulates the band’s entire ethos: indifference credited with being the first “grunge” record ever—that toward whoever may or may not be listening. Not in an their effulgent pop sensibilities blossomed. “Play My irreverent, unappreciative way, but in a way that’s totally Song” sounds like “Surrender” with the lead sheets turned not patronizing. The band is more or less in it for themon their head, and Jeff ’s snot-nosed wail suggests a prepuselves, and anybody who wants to come along for the ride bescent Lennon. This was power pop. is more than welcome. “We’ve just never cared,” says Jeff, The band spearheaded a ’60s pop renaissance, along and that, ladies and gentlemen, is why they are the coolwith the Posies and Jellyfish, with their third album Third est band in America.

gorgeous as you’d expect, as it marries Fortino’s spindly, coldwater folk with Harris’ glacier-melting pulses. It’s a record that can envelop a willing listener; seeing the pair perform at downtown’s atmospheric Old Church has the very real possibility of being transcendent. NL THE PAINS OF BEING PURE AT HEART, DAUGHN GIBSON, MOON DUO, AAN (Star Theater, 13 NW 6th) The golden sounds of Daughn Gibson sound like breaths of the vintage past come to life, although there’s a bit of testtube trickery going on. Gibson builds his easygoing but gripping version of country-soul out of classic samples, opting for authentic, revival-camp warmth over inhumanly chilly electronic beats. Gibson vocalizes over it all in a cavernous, Scott Walker croon, and the result is disconcerting but oddly consoling. His new full-length, All Hell, is a minor masterpiece, and it sounds like warped transmissions from a busted AM radio, catching fragments of signals from America’s musical past. Fittingly, it caught the ear of Sub Pop, which just inked Gibson to their roster. NL MELVINS LITE, BIG BUSINESS, FEDERATION X, OLD MAN GLOOM (Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th) Few bands can say they’ve been together since high school, achieved international fame, and stayed staggeringly productive and independent for damn near 30 years together. The Melvins can. They are one band that never left, with 18(!) full-length albums, not to mention abundant EPs and singles. Tonight’s show is billed as Melvins Lite, a three-piece incarnation with Buzz Osborne (he of the hair), Dale Crover (stalwart drummer), and Trevor Dunn on bass, although it’s just as crushing, doomladen, and cheekily creative as ever. This go-round, they’re attempting to set the Guinness world record for fastest tour of all 50 states by a band. MB FUTURE ISLANDS, FORT LEAN, BATTLEME (Branx, 320 SE 2nd) Baltimore synth ravers Future Islands recently released a pair of sterling albums—2010’s In Evening Air and 2011’s On the Water—and it sounds like another one is on the way. Their current set lists include a clutch of new material, great news for anyone who’s been swayed by the trio’s potent combination of rigid, New Wave rock and blood-on-sleeve, near-operatic emoting, courtesy of vocalist Samuel Herring’s hoarse howling. Future Islands have been steadily winning over new fans at each performance, establishing themselves as a must-see act.

I dare you to remain unconvinced. NL A-TRAK, THE HOOD INTERNET, BAAUER (Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell) What more can be said about someone who won the 1997 DMC World DJ Championship when he was only 15 years old and acted as Kanye West’s touring DJ in 2004? Even if you haven’t heard his work, A-Trak’s clout is blatant. He’s not necessarily doing anything breathtakingly new, but he has a keen sense for making music that keeps a party both alive and optimistic. One of my favorites has been his Dirty South Dance series, which, as the name implies, is a composite of Southern rap songs constantly blending in and out of each other to form a near hour’s worth of seamless club songs. Put it on and you either want to run a mile or take drugs or dance or do some seizurelike version of all three. JM TALKDEMONIC, MIMICKING BIRDS, FRENCH CASSETTES (Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water) In a perfect world, Talkdemonic would play hometown shows every week. As it is, the Portland duo of drummer Kevin O’Connor and violist Lisa Molinaro only play here every few months, which is all the more reason to make sure you don’t miss them at tonight’s Glacial Pace Recordings showcase. Their last album, 2011’s Ruins, continues their string of daring recordings that explore a wide swath of instrumental music, finding the shared common ground in folk, electronica, hiphop, and postrock. Talkdemonic remains one of Portland’s most unique bands and one of its most reliably exciting live acts. NL

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 8

REDD KROSS, DANTE VS. ZOMBIES, THE SUICIDE NOTES, THE NEEDFUL LONGINGS (Dante’s, 1 SW 3rd) Read our article on Redd Kross, this page.

MOONFACE, SAD BABY WOLF, KISHI BASHI, THE LAST BISON, THE WE SHARED MILK (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Read our article on Kishi Bashi, pg. 9.

GIRL TALK, STARFUCKER, AU (Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW 6th) Mashup king Gregg Gillis (AKA Girl Talk) headlines a show tailor-made for folks who don’t give a shit whether their music is highbrow or low just so long as it’s danceable. It’ll be interesting to see if Gillis’ laptop can fill up an entire city block. Even more interesting, though, are Starfucker, whose weird, spacey pop songs are made instantly catchy by Shawn Glassford’s bass. But certainly the most exhilarating band are the guys who play first. You can try to dance to AU, but if you’re paying any kind of attention, you’ll likely be too busy picking your chin up off the floor. In their latest incarnation, for the album Both Lights, AU play folk music on Adderall—frenetically paced, gorgeously layered, and constantly surprising. RW Continued on pg. 9

September 6, 2012 The Mercury’s Officially Unofficial Guide to MFNW 7

THURSDAY!

FRIDAY!

PRESENTS

PRESENTS

JOHN

BLACK

MAUS MOUNTAIN

ONUINU

STRATEGY +SWAHILI

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 6 •

$15 AT THE DOOR

OR MFNW WRISTBAND

TIMELESS SONGWRITING FROM WELL-TRAVELED TROUBADOUR

GREGORY

ALAN ISAKOV

QUEST FOR FIRE

OLD LIGHT +GRANDPARENTS

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 7

$17 AT THE DOOR

•

OR MFNW WRISTBAND

SATURDAY!

PRESENTS

MOONFACE SAD BABY WOLF KISHI BASHI THE LAST BISON

+THE WE SHARED MILK SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 8 •

$13 AT THE DOOR

OR MFNW WRISTBAND

AN EVENING OF EPIC INDIE ROCK FROM VIRGINIA

ETERNAL SUMMERS

TICKETS GOING FAST

+JEFFREY FOUCAULT

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 10 •

$12 ADVANCE

MAKE IT A NIGHT Present that night’s show ticket and get $3 off any entree Sun - Thur in the dining room

BACARDI PRESENTS THE BACK TO BASICS SERIES

HALO REFUSER

830 E BURNSIDE • 503-231-WOOD • www.dougfirlounge.com

DOUG FIR RESTAURANT + BAR OPEN 7AM–LATE EVERYDAY SPOREGANIC SOUNDS +POTATOFINGER

WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 12 •

$5 ADVANCE

$10 ADVANCE

BACARDI PRESENTS THE BACK TO BASICS SERIES - WHAT’S NEXT

ADVENTURE GALLEY

SERVING BREAKFAST, LUNCH, DINNER, LATE-NIGHT. HAPPY HOUR 3-6 PM EVERYDAY, COVERED SMOKING PATIO, FIREPLACE ROOM, LOTS OF LOG. LIVE SHOWS IN THE LOUNGE...

LYRICAL MUSINGS FROM ACCLAIMED AUSTRALIA SINGER/SONGWRITER

ANGUS STONE

+BLEEDING RAINBOW

TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 11 •

MINDEN

+SHY GIRLS

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 13 •

$5 ADVANCE

AN ALBUM RELEASE CELEBRATION WITH BELOVED PDX SONGSTER

MIKE COYKENDALL

THE RETURN OF SCATHING SKA-REGGAE FROM SO-CALEDITION

THE AGGROLITES

+1939 ENSEMBLE

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 14 •

$12 ADVANCE

GLASSBONES

+BLOOD OWL

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 17 •

$8 ADVANCE

A SPECIAL EVENING OF GROUNDBREAKING SPOKEN WORD WITH

IN MUSIC WE TRUST PRESENTS

ALINA HARDIN

SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 15 •

$5 AT THE DOOR

A CO-HEADLINE AFFAIR OF SCORCHING SO-CAL ROCK

SAUL WILLIAMS

TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 18 •

CATCHY & CLEVER SONGWRITING FROM NORWAY

SONDRE LERCHE +FANCY COLORS

THE RETURN OF PDX’S FAVORITE ROCK ‘N ROLL REVIVALISTS

+THE MOWGLI’S $8 ADVANCE

$13 ADVANCE

$15 ADVANCE

FORD TERRAPLANE SUN SALLIE & THE SOUND OUTSIDE

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 20 •

+THE DISLIKED

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 16 •

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 21

•

$13 ADVANCE

WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 19 •

$15 ADVANCE

Tumbleweed Wanderers - 9/23 Zambri - 9/25 Scott Pemberton - 9/28 Sean Hayes - 10/3 Poi Dog Pondering - 10/19 Diamond Rings - 11/14 RNDM -11/25 - on sale 9/7

All of these shows on sale at Ticketfly.com

SASSPARILLA 9/22 • ZAMBRI 9/25 • K.FLAY 9/26 • DRAGONETTE 9/27 • SCOTT PEMBERTON 9/28 MIKE WATT & THE MISSINGMEN 9/29 • FIREWATER 9/30 • TYCHO 10/2 • SEAN HAYES 10/3 • SIX ORGANS OF ADMITTANCE 10/4 WOLF GANG 10/6 • BAD BOOKS 10/7 • THEE OH SEES 10/8 & 10/9 • THEESATISFACTION 10/10 ADVANCE TICKETS AT TICKETFLY - www.tickfly.com and at JACKPOT RECORDS • SUBJECT TO SERVICE CHARGE &/OR USER FEE ALL SHOWS: 8PM DOORS / 9PM SHOW • 21+ UNLESS NOTED • BOX OFFICE OPENS 1/2 HOUR BEFORE DOORS • ROOM PACKAGES AVAILABLE AT www.jupiterhotel.com

8 The Mercury’s Officially Unofficial Guide to MFNW September 6, 2012

Can’t

See ’em All! Continued from pg. 7

TYPHOON, HOLCOMBE WALLER, AND AND AND (Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie) At Pickathon, the manytentacled Typhoon played some of the new material they recorded earlier this year at Pendarvis Farm. It’s as good as what’s come before, which is to say it’s very fucking good indeed. The sheer logistics of this band, whose ranks swell into the double digits, have me completely mystified (particularly when it seems most three-piece bands can barely keep a consistent lineup for more than a few months). But what’s more mystifying, and delightful, is how Typhoon continually, consistently makes heart-stoppingly great music that ranges from quiet folk to near-orchestral bombast. This local Portland band is also an excellent, world-class act. We’re damn fortunate. NL

SWANS, XIU XIU (Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th) Michael Gira resurrected Swans two years ago, in the process redefining yet again a band that had already done its fair share of shape-shifting.

The Seer might be Swans’ most intense and most primal work to date. Songs wander for what seems like an eternity (the title track clocks in at 30 minutes, and there are two others in the 20-minute range). This should make for an equally intense, equally sprawling live set. Simply put: You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll drink, you’ll think yourself insane, you’ll sleep it off, and you’ll want to do it again. ML HAZEL, DIRTCLODFIGHT, SNOWBUD AND THE FLOWER PEOPLE, PETE KREBS (Star Theater, 13 NW 6th) The legendary Hazel is an authentic taste of the old Portland rock scene. Formed back in 1992 and mostly defunct since ’97, its members read like a who’s-who list of bygone-era indie rockers. It’s no surprise that people still get really excited over their music 20 years later. Hazel’s live shows have been classified by super fans as very precise and high energy with a sound that cleverly mixes a little bit of pop with lot of grunge. Fred Nemo adds an element of performance art by danc-

Zing! Went the Strings of My Heart Kishi Bashi’s Violin Emits Pure Ecstasy

by Ned Lannamann

The Tallest Man on Earth Sat Sept 8, 10:30 pm Crystal Ballroom 1332 W Burnside

Julia Mard

ing onstage, creating an air of chaos and edginess. Catch them in a rare reunion performance. CHRISTINA BROUSSARD DINOSAUR JR, SEBADOH, J MASCIS (Roseland, 8 NW 6th) The upcoming I Bet on Sky is the 10th Dinosaur Jr. album, and it continues their second-phase streak of surprisingly terrific work, which began in 2007 when the original three members of the group got back together. Bucking the cash-in reunion trend, Dinosaur Jr. sounds as vital and mammoth as they did in their heyday, and their thundering guitar-driven rock has aged beautifully. This bill is all Dino from start to finish, too—Lou Barlow’s Sebadoh and J. Mascis do turns as opening acts. NL JULIA HOLTER, PURE BATHING CULTURE (The Old Church, 1422 SW 11th) Julia Holter is one of few artists who successfully transform trends. Sharing the dance-y tonality of the likes of Grimes and the childlike sounds of Youth Lagoon, Holter manages to create something unique. 2012’s Ekstasis channels previous recordings, but with a much more mature and developed voice. Full instrumentals, samples, and her haunting voice keep you aching for more in an album that ebbs and flows with ease. Local band Pure Bathing Culture opens with satisfying and sugar-sweet dream pop. ZIBBY PILOTTE WILD NOTHING, THE SOFT MOON, DIIV, MAC DEMARCO (Ted’s Berbati's Pan, 231 SW Ankeny) Beach Fossils’ Zachary Cole Smith has put something worthwhile together with his new project DIIV (né Dive, after the Nirvana track). Expanded to a fourpiece that includes Smith Westerns drummer Colby Hewitt, DIIV makes dreamy, swoony guitar pop, thick with shoegaze-y reverb and C86 sparkle. DIIV’s debut full-length Oshin is strangely malleable to the listener’s mood; it’s equal parts joy and melancholy, and sounds just right in both the bright light of day and in the dark wee hours. NL

Kishi Bashi K

S Sept 8, 10 pm Sat D Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside

I

T’S DIFFICULT to describe the sensations that Kishi Bashi’s debut album, 151a, provokes without digging up some very tired and terrible-sounding clichés: angelic choirs, rhapsodic harps, orchestral swells that ascend straight on up to heaven. But far from sounding like the dreadful treacle of your grandparents’ Mantovani-ridden record collection, Kishi Bashi—the nom de record of K. Ishibashi—is making surprising, artful, daring, and unabashedly gorgeous pop, on a dramatically huge scale.

Which makes it all the more remarkable that Ishibashi’s live show currently consists of a violin, a microphone, and a few loop pedals. “It’s something that I really developed out of necessity,” says the multi-instrumentalist, who studied violin and composition growing up. “I wanted the freedom to just go and play a show by myself, and I really worked hard so I could do that. And the looping thing came as a result. I think it’s kind of interesting for people to see how I do it from the ground up,” he says. “At first I had other instruments, and I’d be switching around, and I had a drum machine, and I was doing all this stuff—but at one point I just dropped it all. But there are other great people who do it well, too, so it’s not like I discovered it or anything.”

Ishibashi mentions Reggie Watts, Tune-Yards, and Andrew Bird as artists he’s inspired by, particularly from a technical standpoint, but perhaps the biggest single influence on the sound of 151a is Of Montreal’s Kevin Barnes, with whom Ishibashi has worked on several Of Montreal albums and tours.

“Kevin Barnes was really excited about the production stuff I was doing for him, which was based on the violin. And that got me to think that maybe I should just do something with the violin this time. In working on Paralytic Stalks, which was the last Of Montreal album, he really pushed me to kind of look for new sounds that he couldn’t do. Because he can play any instrument, basically, except violin. So in searching for

Jennifer Leigh

new sounds, I discovered a lot of interesting things you can do with the violin through the loop pedal, and that’s kind of the basis of a lot of the sounds that are on 151a.”

In addition to Of Montreal, Ishibashi also played in synthrock group Jupiter One, but his Kishi Bashi alter ego differs quite dramatically from the kitchen-sink approach of that band. “I always had the problem of delving into lots of different types of genres. With Jupiter One, a lot of critics said it was all over the place, if there were any critics who said anything at all. But I kind of learned from that experience and I decided I would focus a little bit more on this album.

And I definitely wanted a positive kind of thing. I didn’t want it to go too dark—although there are some weird elements to it. And I wanted it to be very violin-centric, which is something new for me. Violin had always been my moneymaker, my professional instrument, and not really my creative instrument.”

Ishibashi recorded 151a at home in Virginia, writing sketches of songs in brief, concentrated bursts. “I’d spend a 30-minute block just working on something—making something up, and then quickly recording it on a little recorder. And then doing lots of those, and then the next day just going back to see if there was anything interesting. I did that a lot. The album only has nine songs on it, so it kind of shows you how kind of picky I am. There’s a lot of really crappy material that never ever saw the light of day.”

What has seen the light of day, though, is intoxicatingly good—one of the year’s most sonically entrancing records.

There are songs sung in English and Japanese; hauntingly hallowed vocals and bedtime-story strings; cartoon skirmishes and celestial resonances. Kishi Bashi’s pop sensibilities are on par with the Beach Boys, ABBA, and Electric Light Orchestra, and 151a is a record that’s as effortlessly loveable as you’ll find.

THE HIVES, FIDLAR (Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell) The first time anyone sees the Hives on stage is like the first time anyone sees a solar eclipse. Everything is black and white, for the most part symmetrical, and there’s definitely an alien kind of familiarity. When it’s done right, the Hives are one of the best live bands you’ll ever see. You either feel like you’ve seen them before, or just wish you had. These oddly classic facets of flashy punk and ruse-ready garage-rock have slingshotted these five Swedes beyond the flash-in-the-pan garage-rock explosion of the early ’00s. Their new LP, Lex Hives, is a reminder of the relevance of a group whose tongue-in-cheek professionalism is secondary to their jangly garage-pop chops. RJP THE TALLEST MAN ON EARTH, STRAND OF OAKS (Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside) On his third album, There’s No Leaving Now, the Tallest Man on Earth—the alter ego of not-especially-tall Swedish singer/songwriter Kristian Matsson—dabbled in overdubs, augmenting his simply strummed acoustic songs with electric guitars and keyboards. The result is largely unobtrusive for fans of Matsson’s unadorned guitar-andvoice arrangements, leaving alone the simplicity of his heartfelt Dylanisms. Even if the feeling is that There’s No Leaving Now doesn’t quite capitalize on the promise of Matsson’s often magnificent work—he has yet to deliver an album that’s flawless from start to finish—he’s in full command of one of the most powerful one-man shows around. Hopefully the intimacy won’t be lost as he plays his biggest Portland venue to date. NL

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 9

SILVERSUN PICKUPS, SCHOOL OF SEVEN BELLS, ATLAS GENIUS (Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW 6th) In 2010, Silversun Pickups were very nearly victims of the Best “New” Artist Grammy, that most bizarre and career-killing of any award in musicdom.

They lost to a country band, and this spring’s release of Neck of the Woods has shown that they are more than a ’90s nostalgia act with a loyal following. Now that they are chart-topping popular darlings, they’ve tempered their hazy, dense shoegaze with stylish synths and dance-worthy beats. They’ve paired their dark, dramatic melodicism with good salesmanship. RW

September 6, 2012 The Mercury’s Officially Unofficial Guide to MFNW 9

Saturday, Sept. 8th Climbing Wall & Band: 6:30 pm Movie: 7:30 pm Arrive by cycle for a chance to win fabulous bikey prizes!

Raffle featuring art, accessories, and more from Bikeasaurus Grand Prize: Winery Bicycle Tour for Two from Pedal Bike Tours

Tons of Bike Parking · Free Bike Mechanic Tent · Free Popcorn · Children’s Climbing Wall · Food Cart love from Taco Pedaler Children’s Helmets (CPSC-Certified) for $5 donation to charity

10 The Mercury’s Officially Unofficial Guide to MFNW September 6, 2012

See Stuff for Free with Our Handy Guide

M

compiled by Ned Lannamann and Lex Chase usicfestNW is discriminatory.

If you are lacking money—or wrists— there’s no way you’ll be able to wear one of their coveted festival bracelets. Never fear, you tender wristless pauper, because we’ve rounded up all the free shows and events going on during MusicfestNW (and there’s lots) so that you can get yourself a piece of the action. Leave the wallet at home, because all these shows are NO WRISTBAND REQUIRED.

Don’t Follow Me (I’m Lost): A Film About Bobby Bare Jr. Journeyman songwriter Bobby Bare Jr. gets the documentary treatment, and you get a welcome break from live bands. Sit down, watch a movie, and enjoy the introduction from director William Miller. We bet at some point during the film, Bare Jr. will make one of those pop-smack sounds with his mouth.

• Wednesday, September 5 (7 pm) Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan, FREE, minor allowed w/parent

The Garage Party Eleven magazine, Tixie.com, and Marmoset Music are throwing an unofficial kickoff party with music from Last Bison and Portland up-and-comers Minden. The headliner’s a secret, but an excellent one that we recommend unreservedly. Want a totally obvious clue? Take a look at the longer featured articles in this pullout guide, and look for one whose initials are “K.B.” • Wednesday, September 5 (8 pm): Secret headliner, The Last Bison, Minden, DJ Gregarious Green Drop Garage, 1417 SE 9th, FREE, 21+

KEXP Shows at the Doug Fir Each year, the tastemaking Seattle radio station sets up shop in the Doug Fir basement, hosting free daytime sets that are open to all ages. It’s the best way to see some terrific bands for free, especially if you’re not old enough to get into Dante’s to see Redd Kross.

• Thursday, September 6: Starfucker (4:30 pm); Purity Ring (2:30 pm); Ceremony (12:30 pm); Radiation City (10:30 am) • Friday, September 7: Black Mountain (4:30 pm); Lost Lander (2:30 pm); The Pains of Being Pure at Heart (12:30 pm); Menomena (10:30 am) • Saturday, September 8: Redd Kross (4:30 pm); The Hives (3 pm); Milo Greene (1:30 pm); Dinosaur Jr (noon) Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, FREE, all ages

Nike Shows at the Wonder Ballroom In the past, Nike used to offer free passes to early shows at the Wonder Ballroom, which you could pick up that same day at Jackpot Records. Things are way different this year: The shows are later in the evening, Jackpot’s not involved, and the procedure for securing a free pass is insanely intricate. We’d rehash it for you now, but frankly, we don’t understand it. (You have to own a special Nike Fuelband pedometer/bracelet thingamabob, and then you have to join a kickball league or something, and then you maybe have to go on a midnight run with Charles Grodin, and what the fuck?) So the bad news is: We’re not sure how you get into these things. The good news? No one

else does either, so shorter lines, probably?

• Thursday, September 6: Flying Lotus (11:30 pm); Nosaj Thing (10:30 pm); Jacques Greene (9:30 pm) • Friday, September 7: A-Trak (11:45 pm); The Hood Internet (10:45 pm); Baauer (9:45 pm) Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell, FREE?, all ages

Fucked Up at the Doc Martens Store Tell your parents you’re going downtown to get Fucked Up. They’ll laugh and laugh, and you’ll get to see the Canadian hardcore rockers play for free, mere inches from your face in the Doc Martens store across the street from Powell’s.

• Friday, September 7 (5 pm) Dr. Martens Store, 2 NW 10th, FREE, all ages

Motion & Movement Art in Music Video A panel discussion with musicians, choreographers, and video makers including Sean Pecknold and Andrew Sloan, plus the premiere of the new Miracles Club video.

• Friday, September 7 (6:30 pm) Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, FREE

ing via a number of awesome APIs.” Either this is a chance for programming geeks to get together and poke around inside some popular music apps, or these guys really want to hacky sack.

• Saturday, September 8 (1 pm) Puppet Labs, 411 NW Park, FREE (RSVP at pdxmusichackday-estw.eventbrite.com), all ages

Burnside Distribution Party

free

Burnside Distribution, A to Z Media, KZME, and 10 Barrel Brewing Company host a free daytime party with some seriously good bands, including Portland’s own Talkdemonic and Gaytheist. Since Saturday’s MFNW shows don’t get started until the evening, this is the way to make sure you don’t go without live music for a single second.

• Saturday, September 8 (2-7 pm): Earlimart, Talkdemonic, The Heligoats, Black Pussy, Gaytheist, Norman, J. Pinder, The Chicharones Rontoms, 600 E Burnside, FREE (RSVP to rsvp@ bdcdistribution.com), 21+

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Octopus Entertainment Showcase Three local bands play a free showcase in the heart of downtown, a perfect opportunity for the wristband-less to see live music Friday night.

• Friday, September 7 (9 pm): Rags & Ribbons, Violet Isle, Wax Fingers Someday Lounge, 125 NW 5th, FREE, 21+

PDX/Rx Shake off the hangover with more music and libations at this free daytime schmooze-fest hosted by OPB Music and Mississippi Studios. It’s a party hosted by people with impeccable taste, so expect the very best, including the chance to see Menomena in a much more intimate setting than their MFNW set in Pioneer Courthouse Square.

• Saturday, September 8 (noon-4 pm): Menonema, Deep Sea Diver, Brainstorm, Albatross Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, FREE, 21+

PDX Music Hack Day The official description: “Join Spotify, Rumblefish, Twilio, MapQuest, Mozilla, Puppet Labs, and your fellow hackers for a day of visualizations, data analysis, and general hack-

Hott Summer Nights

The Marmoset music agency is throwing the big daddy of free unofficial MFNW parties, and it takes place on Sunday so you won’t have to miss a thing (except for Silversun Pickups, but blech, amirite?). There’s dollar beers, Sizzle Pie, and 14 great local bands playing on two outdoor stages. This is the way to come down from the festival in style—and to keep the party going for as long as possible.

It’s going to get packed, so RSVP at marmosetmusic.com/ mfnw2012.

• Sunday, September 9: Pure Bathing Culture (10 pm); Kelli Schaefer (9 pm); Pearly Gate Music (8 pm); Purse Candy (7 pm); Sean Flinn and the Royal We (6:30 pm); 1939 Ensemble (6 pm); 1776 (5:30 pm); Kris Orlowski (5 pm); Lost Lander (4:30 pm); Wesley Jensen and the Penny Arcade (4 pm); Houndstooth (3:30 pm); Pegasus Dream (3 pm); The Dimes (2:30 pm); Great Wilderness (2 pm) Rontoms, 600 E Burnside, FREE, 21+

Mama Bird MFNW Party Mama Bird Recording Co. hosts an afternoon party with live music, and it's just around the corner from the big bash at Rontoms in case the crowds get to you.

• Sunday, September 9 (2 pm): Birger Olsen, Vikesh Kapoor, Barna Howard, Sean Spellman Union/Pine, 525 SE Pine, FREE

September 6, 2012 The Mercury’s Officially Unofficial Guide to MFNW 11

Bye: Falcons, Broncos, Chiefs, Dolphins, Eagles, Chargers

MONDAY, OCT. 22 DET at CHI ....... 5:30 PM

NE at JAC ........ 10:00 AM NYG at BAL...... 10:00 AM MIN at HOU ..... 10:00 AM CIN at PIT ........ 10:00 AM CLE at DEN ...... 1:05 PM CHI at ARI ....... 1:15 PM SF at SEA......... 1:15 PM SD at NYJ ........ 5:20 PM*

WEEK 16

* Sunday night games in Weeks 11-16 subject to change

SUN, DEC. 23 NO at DAL ....... 10:00 AM WAS at PHI ...... 10:00 AM TEN at GB ........ 10:00 AM IND at KC ........ 10:00 AM BUF at MIA ...... 10:00 AM STL at TB ......... 10:00 AM OAK at CAR ..... 10:00 AM

SAT, DEC. 22 ATL at DET ....... 5:30 PM

MONDAY, DEC. 3 NYG at WAS..... 5:30 PM

* Sunday night games in Weeks 11-16 subject to change

TEN at IND ...... 10:00 AM CHI at MIN ...... 10:00 AM SD at PIT ......... 10:00 AM MIA at SF ........ 1:05 PM ARI at SEA ....... 1:15 PM NO at NYG....... 1:15 PM DET at GB ........ 5:20 PM *

WEEK 14

Bye: TEN, MIN, NYG, SEA

MIA at NE ........ 10:00 AM CAR at NO ....... 10:00 AM PHI at NYG ...... 10:00 AM CLE at PIT ........ 10:00 AM OAK at SD ....... 1:15 PM ARI at SF ......... 1:15 PM STL at SEA ....... 1:15 PM KC at DEN........ 1:15 PM

WEEK 17

* Sunday night game TBD

SUN, DEC. 30* TB at ATL ......... 10:00 AM NYJ at BUF ...... 10:00 AM BAL at CIN ....... 10:00 AM DAL at WAS ..... 10:00 AM CHI at DET ....... 10:00 AM JAC at TEN ....... 10:00 AM HOU at IND ..... 10:00 AM GB at MIN ....... 10:00 AM

MONDAY, DEC. 10 HOU at NE ....... 5:30 PM

* Sunday night games in Weeks 11-16 subject to change

SUN, DEC. 9 STL at BUF....... 10:00 AM DAL at CIN....... 10:00 AM KC at CLE......... 10:00 AM PHI at TB ......... 10:00 AM BAL at WAS ..... 10:00 AM ATL at CAR....... 10:00 AM NYJ at JAC ....... 10:00 AM

NE at MIA ........ 10:00 AM ARI at NYJ ....... 10:00 AM TB at DEN ........ 1:05 PM CIN at SD ........ 1:15 PM PIT at BAL ....... 1:15 PM CLE at OAK ...... 1:15 PM PHI at DAL....... 5:20 PM*

SUN, DEC. 2 JAC at BUF ...... 10:00 AM SEA at CHI ....... 10:00 AM IND at DET ...... 10:00 AM MIN at GB ....... 10:00 AM HOU at TEN ..... 10:00 AM CAR at KC ........ 10:00 AM SF at STL ......... 10:00 AM

MONDAY, NOV. 19 CHI at SF ......... 5:30 PM

THUR, DEC. 6 DEN at OAK ..... 5:20 PM

WEEK 13

Bye: Browns, Green Bay, Cardinals, Redskins

PHI at WAS ...... 10:00 AM TB at CAR ........ 10:00 AM JAC at HOU...... 10:00 AM NO at OAK ....... 1:05 PM SD at DEN ....... 1:15 PM BAL at PIT ....... 5:20 PM*

* Sunday night games in Weeks 11-16 subject to change

THUR, NOV. 29 NO @ ATL ....... 5:20 PM

MONDAY, NOV. 12 TEN @ HOU..... 5:30 PM

* Sunday night games in Weeks 11-16 subject to change

SUN, NOV. 18 ARI at ATL ....... 10:00 AM CLE at DAL....... 10:00 AM NYJ at STL ....... 10:00 AM IND at NE ........ 10:00 AM GB at DET ........ 10:00 AM CIN at KC......... 10:00 AM

SUN, NOV. 11 NYG at CIN ...... 10:00 AM TEN at MIA ...... 10:00 AM DET at MIN ...... 10:00 AM BUF at NE........ 10:00 AM ATL at NO ........ 10:00 AM SD at TB .......... 10:00 AM DEN at CAR ..... 10:00 AM OAK at BAL ...... 10:00 AM NYJ at SEA....... 1:05 PM DAL at PHI....... 1:15 PM STL at SF ......... 1:15 PM HOU at CHI...... 5:20 PM*

THURSDAY, NOV. 15 MIA at BUF ...... 5:20 PM

Bye: Bills, Bengals, Ravens, Texans

MONDAY, OCT. 29 SF at ARI ......... 5:30 PM WEEK 11

NYG at DAL ..... 1:15 PM NO at DEN ....... 5:20 PM

IND at TEN ...... 10:00 AM NE at STL......... 10:00 AM

THURSDAY, NOV. 8 IND @ JAC ...... 5:20 PM

WEEK 10

PIT at CIN ........ 5:20 PM

BAL at HOU ..... 10:00 AM CLE at IND ....... 10:00 AM

FOOTBALL PAGES-1

September 6, 2012 Portland Mercury 21

Bye: Rams, Patriots, Jets, 49ers

MONDAY, NOV. 5 PHI at NO ........ 5:30 PM

ATL at TB ......... 10:00 AM TEN at JAC ....... 10:00 AM BAL at SD ........ 1:05 PM STL at ARI ....... 1:15 PM SF at NO.......... 1:15 PM GB at NYG ....... 5:20 PM*

SUN, NOV. 25 MIN at CHI ...... 10:00 AM OAK at CIN ...... 10:00 AM PIT at CLE ........ 10:00 AM BUF at IND ...... 10:00 AM DEN at KC........ 10:00 AM SEA at MIA ...... 10:00 AM

TB at NO ......... 10:00 AM DET at ARI ....... 1:05 PM CAR at SD........ 1:05 PM SEA at BUF ...... 1:05 PM PIT at DAL ....... 1:15 PM KC at OAK ....... 1:15 PM SF at NE .......... 5:20 PM

WEEK 15

PLAYOFFS WILD CARD WEEKEND -- JAN. 5-6 Saturday, Jan. 5 ....................................... AFC and NFC Game (NBC) Sunday, Jan. 6 ............................ AFC and NFC Game (CBS and FOX) DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS -- JAN. 12-13 Saturday, Jan. 12 ....................... AFC and NFC game (CBS and FOX) Sunday, Jan. 13 ..........................AFC and NFC game (CBS and FOX) CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS - - JAN. 20 Sunday, Jan. 20 ..... AFC and NFC championship games (CBS & FOX) AFC-NFC PRO BOWL - - Jan. 27 ALOHA STADIUM (HONOLULU, HI) Saturday, Jan. 27 ......................................AFC-NFC Pro Bowl (NBC) SUPER BOWL XLVII - - FEB. 3 MERCEDES-BENZ SUPERDOME (NEW ORLEANS, LA) Sunday, Feb. 3 .......................................................................(CBS)

20012-13 NFL POSTSEASON

MONDAY, DEC. 17 NYJ at TEN ...... 5:30 PM

* Sunday night games in Weeks 11-16 subject to change

SUN, DEC. 16 NYG at ATL ...... 10:00 AM GB at CHI ........ 10:00 AM WAS at CLE ...... 10:00 AM MIN at STL ...... 10:00 AM JAC at MIA....... 10:00 AM DEN at BAL ...... 10:00 AM IND at HOU ..... 10:00 AM

THUR, DEC. 13 CIN at PHI ....... 5:20 PM

MONDAY, NOV. 26 CAR at PHI ...... 5:30 PM

* Sunday night games in Weeks 11-16 subject to change

WAS at DAL ..... 1:15 PM NE at NYJ ........ 5:20 PM

THURSDAY, NOV. 22 HOU at DET ..... 12:30 PM

WEEK 12

PIT at NYG....... 1:15 PM DAL at ATL ....... 5:20 PM

MIA at IND ...... 10:00 AM CAR at WAS ..... 10:00 AM

12655 SW 1st Beaverton

Beaverton’s Newest Neighborhood Sports Bar

9 AM

Sundays

September 1 September 8 September 22

Date

at Arizona, Tucson, Ariz. vs. Washington State, Corvallis, Ore. at BYU, Provo, Utah vs. Utah (Homecoming),Corvallis, Ore. at Washington, CenturyLink Field, Seattle, Wash.

vs. Nicholls State -- Postponed, Corvallis, Ore. vs. Wisconsin, Corvallis, Ore. at UCLA, Los Angeles, Calif.

Opponent/Event/Location

TBA TBA TBA TBA TBA

TBA TBA TBA TBA TBA

12:00 p.m. Pacific Time 1:00 p.m. Pacific Time TBA

Time/Result

September 29 October 6 October 13 October 20 October 27 vs. Arizona State (Dad's Wknd), Corvallis, Ore. at Stanford, Stanford, Calif. vs. California, Corvallis, Ore. vs. Oregon, Corvallis, Ore. vs. Pac-12 Championship Game, TBD

November 3 November 10 November 17 November 24 November 30

Date September 1 September 8 September 15 September 22 September 29 October 6 October 20 October 27 November 3 November 10 November 17

Idaho State, Portland, OR Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo, CA UC Davis, Davis, CA

Southern Utah, Portland, OR Northern Arizona, Flagstaff, AZ

Carroll H, Portland, OR North Dakota, Grand Forks, ND Washington, Seattle, WA

1:05 p.m.

12:30 p.m. Pacific Time

5:05 p.m.

6:05 p.m.

2 p.m.

5:05 p.m.

2 p.m.

5:05 p.m.

4 p.m. Pacific Time 1 p.m.

Time/Result

Northern Colorado, Portland, OR Montana State, Bozeman, MT

1:05 p.m.

Opponent/Event/Location

Eastern Washington, Portland, OR

9 AM

Sundays

Beaverton’s Newest Neighborhood Sports Bar

12655 SW 1st Beaverton

22 Portland Mercury September 6, 2012

PORTLAND STATE VIKINGS

FOOTBALL PAGES-1

LIVE MUSIC HAWTHORNE THEATRE—Powerman 5000, Toxic Zombie, Amerakin Overdose, Stonecreep , Death Ride, 7 pm, $16-18, all ages JADE LOUNGE—Vanessa Rogers, 7 pm KELLS—Irish Session, 6 pm; David Ross, 9 pm ★ THE KNOW—Red Dons, The Estranged, Bellicose Minds, Freedom Club, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON—Ian Miller, Jake Ray, 5:30 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Dan Haley, Tim Acott, 9:30 pm, free MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Caryn Jameson, 6 pm, free; Ruby Pines, Hunter Paye, 9 pm ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—School of Rock Summer Mixtape: School of Rock, 2 pm, $12-15, all ages; MusicfestNW: Earlimart, Incredible Yacht Control, Genders, 9 pm, $8-10 ★ MOON & SIXPENCE—Foghorn Stringband, free MUDDY RUDDER—Irish Music, 4 pm ★ PIONEER COURTHOUSE SQUARE—MusicfestNW: Silversun Pickups, School of Seven Bells, Atlas Genius, 5:30 pm, $32, all ages RED ROOM—Tommy Silent Weller, The Embalming Process, Parallax , T.H.C, KM59, Ewok, 9 pm, $6 ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Dojo Toolkit, 9 pm ★ RONTOMS—Hott Summer Nights: Pure Bathing Culture, Lost Lander, Houndstooth, Kelli Schaefer, Pearly Gate Music, Purse Candy, Sean Flinn & The Royal We, 1939 Ensemble, 1776, Kris Orlowski, Wesley Jensen & the Penny Arcade, Pegasus Dream, The Dimes , Great Wilderness, 2 pm ROSELAND—Don Omar, 8 pm, $45, all ages SLABTOWN—DvOd, Finn Dixie, 8:30 pm SOMEDAY LOUNGE—The Hoons, Dead Remedy, Tigress, 9 pm, $5 THE SPARE ROOM—Angel Bouchet Band, 8 pm, free ★ UNION/PINE—Birger Olsen, Vikesh Kapoor, Barna Howard, Sean Spellman, 2 pm, free ★ VALENTINE’S—The Wishermen, 6 pm, free; Palo Verde, Thrones, 9 pm, $3 VIE DE BOHEME—Mike Curtis Big Band WAVERLY HEIGHTS CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH— The Portland Sacred Harp, 2 pm, free WHITE EAGLE—The Sale, 7 pm, free

MONDAY 9/10 ★ AL’S DEN—Tango Alpha Tango, 7 pm, free ANDINA—Pete Krebs, 7 pm BLUE DIAMOND—Tom Grant, 9 pm DANTE’S—Karaoke from Hell, 10 pm DOUG FIR—Gregory Alan Isakov, Jeffrey Foucault, 9 pm, $12-14 DUFF’S GARAGE—Mark Hummel, Little Charlie Baty, 9 pm, $12 EDGEFIELD—Skip vonKuske, 7 pm, free GOODFOOT—Sonic Forum Open Mic, 8 pm, $1 ★ HAWTHORNE THEATRE—Korpiklaani, Moonsorrow, Tyr, Anonymia, Metsatoll, 6:30 pm, $18-22, all ages ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm JADE LOUNGE—Salon De Musique: Jaime Leopold, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Dan Balmer, 8 pm, free KELLS—David Ross, 9 pm THE KNOW—Vomit Assault, Disavow, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON—High Flyer Trio, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Portland Country Underground, 6 pm, free; Kung Pao Chickens, 9 pm, free MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Mr. Ben, 5 pm, all ages ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Brian Blade, Scout Niblett, 8 pm, $15 MUDDY RUDDER—Lloyd Jones, 8 pm PLAN B—Headless Lizzy, Secret Society of the Sonic Six, Soriah, Mortal Clay, Thee Source ov Fawnation, Candle Labra, Sunfalls, 8 pm QUIMBY’S AT 19TH—Soul Mates, 9 pm RED & BLACK CAFE—Deaed Language, Strife, Northern Draw, Rey Holiday, 7 pm ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Mt. Air Studios, 10 pm TIGER BAR—Metal Machine, 9 pm, $2 ★ VALENTINE’S—Ghosties, Murmuring Pines, Seance Crasher, Prescription Pills, 9 pm ★ WASHINGTON HIGH SCHOOL—Perforations, 8:30 pm, $15-20; Brainstorm, Sahel Sounds, 10:30 pm, $5-7 WHITE EAGLE—Father Figure, Old Age, The Groundblooms, 8:30 pm, free

TUESDAY 9/11 ALADDIN THEATER—Pat Metheny Unity Band, 8 pm, $55 ★ AL’S DEN—Tango Alpha Tango, 7 pm, free ANDINA—JB Butler, 7 pm ★ ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, 8 pm, $43, all ages ASH STREET SALOON—Lighter than Dark, Leafeater, 9:15 pm, $4 ★ BACKSPACE—This Bike Is a Pipe Bomb, Big Black Cloud, Divers, 7:30 pm, $7 BLUE DIAMOND—Sportin’ Lifers, 9 pm BLUE MONK—Pagan Jug Band, 6:30 pm, free ★ BUNK BAR—Death Songs, Hosannas, 9 pm, $3

★ DOUG FIR—Eternal Summers, Bleeding Rainbow, 9 pm, $10 DUFF’S GARAGE—Trio Bravo, 6 pm, $2; Dover Weinberg Quartet, 9 pm, $2 EDGEFIELD—Chacalacas, 7 pm, free THE ELIXIR LAB—Johnny D’s Community Jam, 7 pm GOODFOOT—Radula, 9 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE—Arsonists Get All the Girls, Exotic Animal Petting Zoo, Above the Broken, When They Invade, 7 pm, $10-13, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—That Much Further West Radio, 4 pm, free; Power of County , 6 pm, free HI PORTLAND NORTHWEST HOSTEL—Caroline Oakley, free, all ages THE HUTCH—Open Mic, 8 pm, free IVORIES—Tom D’Antoni, 4:30 pm; Jazz Jam: Carey Campbell, 7 pm JADE LOUNGE—Songbird Showcase: Heather Flores, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Zach McLean & the Enchanting Wizards of Rhythm, 6:30 pm, $3 KELLS—David Ross, 9 pm KENTON CLUB—Sunfighter, 9 pm, free ★ THE KNOW—Hornet Leg, Posse, Sad Horse, 8 pm ★ LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—Jackstraw, 6 pm, free LVS—Ron Steen’s Jazz Jam, 8:30 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Missi & Mr. Baker, 6 pm, free QUIMBY’S AT 19TH—Tom Grant, 8:30 pm, free ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Brothers ’n’ Laws, 9 pm SHAKER AND VINE—Arthur Moore’s Harmonica Party, 8 pm TASTE ON 23RD—Brandstson Duo, 6:30 pm, free THIRSTY LION—Eric John Kaiser , 9 pm VINO VIXENS—Arthur Moore’s Harmonica Party, 6 pm WASHINGTON HIGH SCHOOL—Perforations, 8:30 pm, $15-20 ★ WHITE EAGLE—XDS, Stone Foxes, 8:30 pm, $5

WEDNESDAY 9/12 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE—Sonia, Eric Skye, 8 pm, $12-15 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE—Suck My Open Mic w/Tamara J. Brown, 7:30 pm, free ★ AL’S DEN—Tango Alpha Tango, 7 pm ANDINA—Jason Okamoto, 7 pm ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL—Crosby Stills & Nash, 8 pm, $48.50-90.50, all ages ASH STREET SALOON—Alligator vs. Crocodile, Country Trash, Sleepy Creek, Good Wolf, 9 pm, $5 BIDDY MCGRAW’S—Half-Step Shy Happy Hour: David Gerow, Every other 6 pm, all ages BLUE DIAMOND—The Fenix Project, 9 pm BRANX—Rose Funeral, Southgate, How the West Was Won, Fear the Slaughter, 7:15 pm, $10, all ages BUFFALO GAP—Jordan Harris, 7 pm BURGERVILLE—The Dimes , 6:30 pm, free, all ages CAMELLIA LOUNGE—The Goods Jazz Jam: Errick Lewis & the Regiment House Band, 8:30 pm ★ CRYSTAL BALLROOM—Dwight Yoakam, 9 pm, $55 DEPOKOS PIZZA—Open Mic, 8 pm, all ages DOUG FIR—Halo Refuser, Sporeganic, Potatofinger, 9 pm, $5 DUFF’S GARAGE—High Flyers, 6 pm, $2; Suburban Slim’s Blues Jam: Suburban Slim, John Neish, Jeff Strawbridge, 9 pm EAST BURN—Irish Music Jam, 7 pm EDGEFIELD—Radical Revolution, 7 pm, free ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB—Brianne Kathleen, Johna, Naomi Hooley, 9 pm, $5 EUGENIO’S—Open Mic, 6:30 pm FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN—Kory Quinn, 9:30 pm GOOD NEIGHBOR PIZZERIA—Open Mic GOODFOOT—Oreganic, Zindu, Omiza River, 9 pm HAWTHORNE THEATRE—Static X, Winds of Plague, The Browning, Davey Suicide, Amerakin Overdose, 7 pm, $20.50-23.50, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE—Dawns, J. Wong, 8:30 pm, $6 ★ HOLOCENE—Animal Eyes, Fanno Creek, Pigeons, DJ Hunnyprawnz, 8:30 pm, $3 ISLAND MANA WINES—David & Goliath, 4 pm IVORIES—Tom D’Antoni, 4:30 pm JADE LOUNGE—Adam Brock, Karyn Patridge, Brandon McCarron, 7 pm; Renee Muzquiz, 7 pm JIMMY MAK’S—Mel Brown Quartet, 8 pm, $5 KELLS—David Ross, 9 pm ★ THE KNOW—Nux Vomica, Spectral Tombs, Adelitas, DJ Toilet Tooth, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON—Bob Shoemaker, 6 pm; Jake Ray & The Cowdogs, 9:30 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE—BBQ Orchestra, 6 pm; Hunter Paye, John Elliot, Honig, Gillian Grassie, 9 pm, free THE LOVECRAFT—Blessure Grave, 9 pm MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB—Mr. Hoo, Wed, noon, all ages ★ MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS—Bright Light Social Hour, Future Historians, 9 pm, $8-10 MT. TABOR THEATER—Culprit, Backpocket Memory, Animal R&R, Leeris Perth, Jet Force Gemini, 7:30 pm, $5 O’CONNORS VAULT—Jon Koonce & One More Mile

Alberta Rose Theatre

samples

Thursday, September 6th

an evening with

(aka Ben saMPles) friday september 14 crystal ballroom

SLAID CLEAVES

1332 w Burnside st · Portland, or 8:00PM show · all ages tickets at cascade tickets charge By Phone 855-cas-tixx x2 also at crystal BallrooM Box office

and

ELIZA GILKYSON Friday, September 7th

an evening with

squarepegconcerts.com

DUFFY BISHOP AND FRIENDS

Saturday, September 8th

Live Wire

WITH MUSICAL GUESTS

4 BaBes Playing the Music of ZePPelin

& Grand royale a triBute to the Beastie Boys

HELIO SEQUENCE & CORIN TUCKER BAND Sunday, September 9th

MARY GAUTHIER

friday sept 21 dante’s tickets at safeway/ticketswest charge By Phone 503-224-tixx

with very special guests

SARAH LEE GUTHRIE & JOHNNY IRION

Pink floyd triBute

House of Floyd

Wednesday, September 12th

saturday october 6 dante’s

tickets at safeway/ticketswest · charge By Phone 503-224-tixx

SONiA of disappear fear with

ERIC SKYE

sunday october 7 aladdin theatre tickets at all ticketMaster locations charge By Phone 1-800-745-3000

Thursday, September 13th tuesday oct 16 crystal ballroom

tickets at cascade tickets charge By Phone 855-cas-tixx x2 also at crystal BallrooM Box office

MATT THE ELECTRICIAN +

JOHN ELLIOTT

Friday, September 14th

Keystone REvisited the next Best thing to Johnny cash

featuring the music of jerry garica and

merl saunders + miriams well

& suGarcane

saturday november 3 dante’s

tickets at safeway/ticketswest · charge By Phone 503-224-tixx

sunday nov 10 aladdin theatre tickets at all ticketMaster locations charge By Phone 1-800-745-3000

Coming Soon 9.15 - THE WONDERLAND CIRCUS 9.16 - SEARCHINGFORSANITY • LE PRINTEMPS • MARK HATTING • THE GREENCARTS & MORE 9.18 - VICCI MARTINEZ 9.19 - MATT SCHOFIELD 9.21 - COYOTE GRACE CD RELEASE

(503) 764-4131 3000 NE Alberta AlbertaRoseTheatre.com September 6, 2012 Portland Mercury 23

HUMP! 2012 is in Portland November 8-11 at Cinema 21 and it sells out EVERY YEAR. The surest way to get in is to GET IN, if you know what we mean.

Okay, here’s what we mean: Every HUMP! submission gets you a pair of tickets to attend the festival even if you don’t make the final cut.

Submit your freaky, kinky, funny, wonderful short porn to: The Portland Mercury 115 SW Ash Street, Suite 600

by October 5th. See details (and download release forms) at portlandmercury.com/hump 24 Portland Mercury September 6, 2012

LIVE MUSIC THE PRESS CLUB—Swing Papillon, 7:30 pm RED & BLACK CAFE—Tooth Soup, Cottontail, Shitty Weekend, Living Rheum, Danielle Kordani, 7 pm RED ROOM—Open Mic, 9 pm ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY—Jordan Harris, 9 pm SE BELMONT AND SE 9TH—Hump Day SENGATERA—Tsegue-Mariam Guebrou Project, 8 pm, $1-5 SOMEDAY LOUNGE—J-Sweet, Colleague, Ryan Organ, 9 pm, $10 SUNDOWN PUB—SongWrecker Cabaret, 9 pm THE TARDIS ROOM—Cody Weathers , 8 pm TONY STARLIGHT’S—Mike Winkle, 8 pm, $8 TRADER VIC’S—Xavier Tavera’s Chamber Orchestra from Cuba, 6 pm VIE DE BOHEME—Melissa Buchanan ★ WASHINGTON HIGH SCHOOL—The Love Song of R. Buckminster Fuller: Yo La Tengo, 8:30 pm, $20-25; Parenthetical Girls, Golden Retriever, Classical Revolution PDX, 10:30 pm, $5-7 WHITE EAGLE—World’s Finest, 8:30 pm, $9.99 WILF’S—Ron Steen Trio, 7:30 pm, $7

DJ LISTINGS THURSDAY 9/6 BEECH ST. PARLOR—Audrey Horne, DJ Wind Pillow CC SLAUGHTERS—Hiphop Heaven: DJ Alex Hollywood, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOM—Counter Culture, 10 pm, free THE EMBERS AVENUE—Request Night: DJ Jens FEZ—Shadowplay: DJ Horrid, DJ Ghoulunatic, DJ Paradox, 9 pm, free JONES—New Jack Swing: Doc Adam, 10 pm, $5 THE KNOW—Dirtbag: Bruce LaBruiser, Chelsea Starr, 8 pm THE LOVECRAFT—Vortex: DJ Kenny, John & Skip, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL—DJ Panty Droppa, free ★ MATADOR—DJ A-Train, 10 pm, free MOLOKO PLUS—King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free NICK’S FAMOUS CONEY ISLAND—Eye Candy: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free SANTA FE TAQUERIA—Salsa Social SOS: DJ Armando, 9 pm SAUCEBOX—Evan Alexander SLABTOWN—DJ Roxy Epoxy, 9 pm, free SOMEDAY LOUNGE—Happy Hour: Mr. Romo, DJ Michael Grimes, 4 pm THE SPARE ROOM—DJ Doc Rock, 9 pm TIGA—DJ Party Dogg TUBE—Sethro Tull, 7 pm VAULT—Jams: DJ 60/40 ★ WASHINGTON HIGH SCHOOL—Venus X, 10:30 pm, free, all ages WORKSHOP PUB—Phonographix Video DJs, 9 pm

FRIDAY 9/7 BEECH ST. PARLOR—Musique Plastique BLITZ 21—DJ Sovern-T, 9 pm, free BLUE MONK—Mister Chill’r, 9 pm CC SLAUGHTERS—Filthy Fridays: DJ Robb, 9 pm, free ★ DEVILS POINT—DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free EAGLE PORTLAND—Electric Cowboy: DJ Lucky Daddy, 10 pm, $2 ELEMENT—Chris Alice, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE—On the Avenue: DJ Jens, 9 pm FEZ—Shut Up & Dance: DJ Gregarious, 10 pm, $5 GOODFOOT—DJ Magneto, 9 pm, $5; Soul Stew: DJ Aquaman , Every 14 , 9 pm, $5 GROOVE SUITE—The Big Payback: DJ Roane, DJ Jusayin, 11 pm, $3 ★ HOLOCENE—MusicfestNW: Jonathan Toubin, DJ Beyondadoubt, DJ Cooky Parker, DJ El Dorado, 9 pm, $10 JONES—Back to the Future Fridays: DJ Zimmie, 8 pm, $5; Michael Jackson vs. Madonna vs. Prince: DJ Zimmie, Doc Adam, 10 pm, $5 LOLA’S ROOM—’80s Video Dance Attack: VJ Kittyrox, 8 pm, $6 THE LOVECRAFT—Brickbat Mansion: Curatrix, DJ Wednesday, 10 pm, free LUCKY DEVIL—DJ Joe, free MATADOR—Infamous: DJ Rattooth, DJ Makeout, 10 pm, MOTHERS VELVET LOUNGE CAFE—Mr. Mumu ROTTURE—Deep Cuts: Bruce LaBruiser, 9 pm STAR BAR—Blank Fridays: DJ Paultimore, 10 pm TIGA—Bill Portland TRIPLE NICKEL—Video Night Fever: DJ Stockholmz TUBE—Neil Blender, 7 pm VALENTINE’S—Allan Wilson, 9 pm

SATURDAY 9/8 AL’S DEN—DJ Rescue, 10:30 pm, free AURA—Twice as Nice: DJ TJ, A Train, Tandem, 10 pm, $10 BEECH ST. PARLOR—Mudslide McBride BERBATI’S PAN—Music for the Masses: King Fader, 10 pm, free CC SLAUGHTERS—House of Hollywood: DJ Alex Hol-

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MONDAY 9/10 BEECH ST. PARLOR—DJ vs. Nature BLUE MONK—Deep Cuts, 8 pm CLUB 21—Witch Throne GROUND KONTROL—Service Industrial: DJ Tibin, 9 pm KELLY’S OLYMPIAN—Eye Candy: VJ Norto, Phantom Hillbilly, 8 pm, free MATADOR—I Don’t Like Mondays: DJ Rhienna, DJF, 10 pm, free O’MALLEY’S SALOON & GRILL—Heavy Metal Monday: Bozyk, 9 pm STAR BAR—Metal Mondays: DJ Blackhawk, 10 pm, free TIGA—DJ El Dorado TUBE—DJ Matt Scaphism, 7 pm

TUESDAY 9/11 ★ BEECH ST. PARLOR—Jason Urick CC SLAUGHTERS—DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CLUB 21—DJ Dirty Red CROWN ROOM—See You Next Tuesday: Kellan, DJ Avery, 9 pm, free ★ DEVILS POINT—DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free THE EMBERS AVENUE—Recycle: DJ Tibin, 9 pm, free GROUND KONTROL—Rock Band Tuesdays: MC T. Wrecks, 9 pm, free THE LOVECRAFT—Death Club: DJ Entropy, 10 pm MATADOR—DJ Donny Don’t, 10 pm, free STAR BAR—DJ Bradly, 10 pm ★ SWIFT LOUNGE—Boogie Tuesday: Maxx Bass, Gwizski, Mikie Lixx TIGA—Joe Kelly TRADER VIC’S—DJ Drew Groove, 6 pm TUBE—DJ Overcol, 7 pm; Tubesday, 10 pm VALENTINE’S—Donald Beaman, 9 pm

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September 6, 2012 Portland Mercury 25

CULTURE/ART/PDX TBA PREVIEW

L

AST WEEK, the Mercury published a complete guide to the 10th annual Time-Based Art Festival—an immersive look at the 11-day contemporary art festival that’s about to invade performance venues all over Portland. The festival starts this weekend, so here’s a quick recap of this week’s most exciting offerings—from a Mexican theater company and dancers from Zimbabwe and New York to DJ nights at Washington High School, the festival’s de facto home base.

For more on TBA:12, see portlandmercury.com/ tba. ALISON HALLETT

Big Art Group, The People—Portland The tech-savvy Big Art Group is all about mixing the high and low, the digital and the analog.

For The People—Portland, members of the New York-based experimental performance ensemble came out to Portland for a week and interviewed dozens of regular citizens, asking lofty questions like, “What is terrorism?” Projected on a giant wall outside, the combined, edited interviews will serve as a sort of Greek chorus to the art group’s performance of a piece of theater based on ancient social-justice play the Oresteia. Expect a spectacle. SARAH MIRK Washington High School, 531 SE 14th, Thurs Sept 6-Sat Sept 8, 8:30 pm, $15-20 Lagartijas Tiradas al Sol, El Rumor del Incendio (The Sound of Fire) Mexico’s revolutionary history is brought to life in El Rumor del Incendio, a “documentary play” that uses film, scale models, and witness accounts to investigate the recent past. The show—by young Mexican company Lagartijas Tiradas al Sol—begins in the 1960s, when young Mexicans took up arms for societal change, and proceeds to chart the historic and contemporary resonance of those actions. The show will be presented in Spanish, with English-language supertitles for the monolingual dummies in the audience. AH Winningstad Theatre at PCPA, 1111 SW Broadway, Fri Sept 7-Sun Sept 9, 6:30 pm, $20-25 Venus X One of NYC’s most sought-after DJs, Venus X (Jazmin Venus Soto) creates an intelligent storm of sound on her turntables. Mixing an insane mélange of musical styles—including such disparate genres as Dominican dembow, underground

rap, salsa, pop hits, dubstep, and Turkish techno that’s cut and mixed with spoken samples from the web, Al Jazeera reports, and more—Venus X practically brings her sweaty, demographically diverse crowds to an ecstatic riot. She was the hit of New York Fashion Week, and her regular GHE20GOTH1K dance nights have, according to multiple sources, brought new life and energy to a flagging NYC nightlife. But most of all, she’s bringing a new, thoughtful narrative to the art of DJing. If you believe your ass is connected to your brain, don’t miss Venus X—she’ll shake it all. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY Washington High School, 531 SE 14th Thurs Sept 6, 10:30 pm, free Christeene Called “the filthy future of drag,” a “drag terrorist,” and a “sexually infused sewer of live rap,” queer performance artist Christeene (Paul Soileau) takes rapping to a new… I was going to say “level,” but let’s go with “alternate universe.”

Dressed in a filthy wig, and sporting broken teeth and a penis barely disguised by nude pantyhose, Christeene writes and performs incontrovertibly grotesque dirty South-style raps such as “Fix My Dick,” “Bustin’ Brown,” “African Mayonnaise,” and the subtly titled, “Tears from My Pussy.” And as dirty (and catchy!) as her songs may be, expect even more hilariously filthy onstage shenanigans.

(Eating pudding out of a backup dancer’s butt is not unheard of.) You’ll be pleased to note that beneath the insanely nymphomaniacal persona, there beats the heart of a sweet and canny performer who knows how the media and superficiality of the world can create monsters. WSH Washington High School, 531 SE 14th, Fri Sept 7, 10:30 pm, $5-7 Ant Hampton and Tim Etchells, The Quiet Volume The silence of a library is a very particular thing: No one is talking, but everyone is thinking, reading, and turning pages. (Unless you’re at the Central Library… then, possibly, someone is shouting about how it’s their turn to use the internet.) Libraries are unique spaces, public but focused, and performance artists Tim Etchells and Ant Hampton take advantage of that peculiarity in their introspective piece The Quiet Volume, which invites two audience members at a time to don headsets and follow whispered cues that

lead them through the library’s stacks. The piece— which examines the nature of the reading experience—has been performed in libraries worldwide.

ALISON HALLETT Multnomah County Central Library, 801 SW 10th, Thurs Sept 6-Sun Sept 16 (no Mon Sept 10 show), see pica.org for showtimes, $8-10 Miguel Gutierrez, Heavens What Have I Done New York choreographer Miguel Gutierrez mashes up the disciplines of dance, humor, drama, and vocalization in his epic, ramblingly original pieces. A smidgeon of good-natured hipster irony sneaks in now and again (his infamous Deep Aerobics dance party/workout/freakouts come to mind), or perhaps a dash of impropriety when he appears in his underwear and/or high heels. With an emotional terrain that spans the minutia of relationship feelings to the state of an unjust world, Gutierrez is, literally, all over the place. In Heavens What Have I Done he dons the rainbows and makeup of a clown for a solo monologue and dance that deals with the theatrical process, travel, injustice, teaching, and his own personal hopes and dreams—so, all of life, essentially. As per usual. MARJORIE SKINNER Washington High School, 531 SE 14th, Fri Sept 7-Sun Sept 9, 6:30 pm, $15-20 Nora Chipaumire, Miriam A native of Zimbabwe, Nora Chipaumire is a Bessie Award-winning choreographer whose work concentrates on current politics in Africa. In her artist’s statement, in fact, she straight up refers to it as “total propaganda.” The piece she will be performing at TBA:12, Miriam, deals specifically with issues of womanhood and rebellion against societal expectations. It is in part named for Miriam Makeba, the South African singer known as Mama Africa who basically popularized African music in the US singlehandedly, and was exiled for her anti-apartheid activism. Look for an aggressive, physically demanding performance with dramatic costuming and a healthy dose of attitude. MS Lincoln Hall at PSU, 1620 SW Park, Fri Sept 7-Sat Sept 8, 8:30 pm, $20-25 Andrew Dickson, Life Coach Despite my ex-girlfriend’s nagging insistence that I should see “a psychologist, a therapist, a career counselor… anyone, really,” I have yet to give her the satisfaction that would come from me improving myself. Andrew Dickson, however, might change my mind. The dude behind TBA classics like 2004’s AC Dickson: eBay PowerSeller and 2007’s Sell Out, the successful Dickson (he works at Wieden+Kennedy!) has decided

to help you with your crappy life. With Life Coach, he’ll take selected TBAers on a journey of selfdiscovery—and, onstage, in front of an audience, he’ll help them figure out what to do next in order to make their lives better. Whether you’re getting coached or watching someone else, it’s a win-win—not only is it free for both the coachees and the audience, but everyone should be able to benefit somehow from Dickson’s advice, should they so choose. And let’s face it, he’ll probably be right about whatever he says. Righter than you, anyway. I don’t see TBA inviting you to do any life coaching. ERIK HENRIKSEN Mark Spencer Hotel Ballroom, 409 SW 11th, Sat-Sun 1:30 & 3:30 pm, Sat Sept 8-Sun Sept 16 Perforations, curated by Zvonimir Dobrovic There’s a lot more to the Balkans than… well, all the terrible shit that usually comes to mind when someone says “Serbia.” In one of the most intriguing international showcases on the TBA schedule this year, Zvonimir Dobrovic—founder of Central and Eastern Europe’s largest performance festival—curates a night with three Serbian and Croatian artists, who will present site-specific music and performance speaking to politics, national identity, and whatever else artists from the Balkans are worrying about these days. AH Washington High School, 531 SE 14th, Mon Sept 10-Tues Sept 11, 8:30 pm, $15-20 Sam Green and Yo La Tengo, The Love Song of R. Buckminster Fuller Filmmaker Sam Green co-directed 2002’s fascinating The Weather Underground. Nominated for an Oscar for Best Documentary, the film dug into the weird, dangerous world of the wannabe hippie revolutionaries who decided to overthrow the government. Now Green’s found a subject just as interesting in the bizarre, brilliant R. Buckminster Fuller, the inventor, architect, and professional weirdo who attempted to change the world through reimagining the way we can and should live, from the mass utilization of geodesic domes to living in autonomous buildings. (Fuller called his version of a futuristic, self-contained home the “Dymaxion House,” and I am furious I am not sitting in one right now.) For the “live documentary” The Love Song of R. Buckminster Fuller, Green will pull from images, TEDTalks-inspired narration, and—hot damn!—a live score performed by Yo La Tengo. Prediction: This is going to rule, and it is going to make all of us feel like tiny imbeciles who should be doing far more with our flimsy little lives, and I cannot wait.

EH Washington High School, 531 SE 14th, Wed Sept 12, 6:30 & 8:30 pm, $20-25

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Laura Lamont’s Life in Pictures

by Emma Straub (Riverhead Books)

Reading at Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, Tues Sept 11, 7:30 pm

BOOK REVIEW

The Orchardist

by Amanda Coplin (Harper)

Reading at Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, Fri Sept 7, 7:30 pm

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HEN YOU PICK UP The Orchardist, Amanda Coplin’s debut novel, you’re ready for what’s coming: a big book, with long

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OS ANGELES smells of car exhaust and freshly mown lawns in Emma Straub’s great debut novel, Laura Lamont’s Life in Pictures. With neither rose-colored nor Vaseline-coated lenses, Straub paints an elegant portrait of the rise and fall of a beautiful film star in the Golden Age of Hollywood. At once familiar and velvety new, this is a story filled with the dreams and fantasies of aspiring actors, of anyone who has left their rinky-dink hometown to seek the warm adoration of the limelight, and what happens when the light snaps off.

As a small girl growing up at her parents’ summer theater in Wisconsin in the 1920s, Elsa Emerson loves being surrounded by the trappings of the stage—plays, actors, and memorizing lines and slipping into character.

But when her troubled and dramatic older sister commits suicide after a torrid love affair with one of the theater’s leading men, Elsa turns to the stage with a new fervor. She marries young to Gordon Pitts, a traveling actor, and they move to Hollywood to try to make it big. While Gordon is signed to a characteractor contract, Elsa stays at home to take care of their new baby daughter. Pregnant with her

second child, Elsa is discovered by Tinseltown bigwig Irving Green, who changes her name to Laura Lamont, dyes her bright blonde hair brunette, and eventually marries her. She soon goes on to take the town by the ear as the exotic “it girl” of 1940s cinema, wined and dined and awash in glamour.

While Straub certainly covers a much-visited Hollywood myth, her storytelling is beautifully gentle and stylish in its execution, and because the character of Laura Lamont is so much more regal, delicate, and resilient than the Norma Desmonds of the boulevard of broken dreams, her story is wholly fresh. Laura bends this way and that, as she weathers declining popularity, addiction, heartbreak, and financial strife, all the while struggling with her sense of self in a town where identity means everything and nothing all at once. “There was something magical about being inside a place like this, a place where glamour and imagination mattered more than what you’d been called since birth.” Emma Straub’s novel is a seductive story that feels as soft and luxurious and fragile as a perfectly constructed silk dress—as effortless to try on as it is enjoyable to behold.

COURTNEY FERGUSON

paragraphs and little dialogue. You’re not ready for how good it is, how readable and vital. It moves at so steady a pace, through its story and through its pages, straight to the end, that when I finished it, I couldn’t help but read the acknowledgements, the note about the typeface, even turn the blank pages at the back one by one until the close of the cover.

In some ways, The Orchardist lives up to its imposing first impression: It’s a long and sweeping story. The language is thick, but not dense.

Coplin’s prose can sit still in an orchard and admire a sky “the color of new plums” or it can leap onto and tame wild horses, all while adhering to the honest grammar of interior thought.

The story spans decades, mostly in the fruit country around Wenatchee, Washington.

Talmadge, the titular orchardist, is an old man growing older as the world seems to grow younger. Due to violent, shocking events early in the book, Talmadge is caretaker first to an almost wild, unknowable girl—Della—and to Della’s niece, Angelene. Those three make up the central, strange, and often estranged family unit, and their relationships fuel the story.

The characterization is both immediate and

gradual: the seemingly static, methodically selfcontrolled Talmadge; the troubled, repeatedly broken Della; and Angelene, whose coming-ofage is depicted with fluid dynamism. Supporting characters such as Talmadge’s surrogate sister, the matronly Caroline Middey, offer further depth and originality.

It’s important to note that the concept of surrogacy is skirted in the prose itself. Talmadge is obviously a father figure to Angelene and Della, but the word “father” is rare in the book. Caroline is sometimes described as motherlike, but the focus is on the fact of their relationships, and those relationships do not include labels.

The novel’s achievement is in illustrating, in equal parts tenderness and heartbreak, the awkward, unfathomable, inexplicable quality of love.

Coplin simultaneously rejoices in and laments the kind of love so boundless and so unquestionable it leaves one helplessly lost. Love, for many of these characters, is so powerful it’s discomforting.

Angelene reflects that “they did not say ‘love,’ for instance, or ‘beautiful,’ or any descriptive language at all.” Naturally, it’s difficult not to talk about love when describing The Orchardist, and even harder not to call it beautiful. THOMAS ROSS

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Purveyor Profile: Nicky USA How His Meat Gets to Your Table by Chris Onstad

EAT IT!

LIZ DEVINE

I WALK INTO the humble warren of South- Portland. Boulot—whom Latham credits as east industrial space that is meat purveyors his mentor—liked that he could consistently Nicky USA, and am directed to the office of buy good rabbits, but the Frenchman asked Geoff Latham, its founder and president. for a wider selection of game, and soon He is not at work yet, because in my haste Latham’s light went on. Nicky USA was founded with silent Japanese partner to meet Portland’s game king, I am early. Red-blooded trophies pack a Nicky USA Noriyuki “Nicky” Mori (Latham’s 223 SE 3rd provider of mysterious noren?) and room unmistakably decorated by 234-4263 a man: souvenirs of near-religious nickyusa.com had soon branched into other relatively exotic fare like squab, venison, college football boosterism, stuffed ducks frozen in flight, and snapshots of the lamb, and pheasant. Over the years Latham lantern-jawed, perpetually fresh-shaven has built a client list that numbers about 450, Coach Latham and his son in their baseball with 250 Portland-area customers and many jerseys. Curiously, though, the back wall more in his latest market, Seattle, where he is lined with a banner of Japanese noren recently opened an office.

Latham is highly respected for the (shoulder-sweeping door curtains) and a gridded, grainy monitor shows feeds from a unique care he takes in promoting his half-dozen security cameras, despite 35 oth- clients. “No other purveyor in the city of er employees who could watch the screen. Portland has uplifted chefs like Geoff,” As I begin to work up a Keyser Söze tale says Eric Finley, co-owner of Chop Butchof intrigue, Latham arrives to effortlessly ery & Charcuterie. For 12 years Latham match his forward energy to mine, and has done something increasingly rare in any industry: He throws Wild About whisks me off to the heart of the operation.

Carefully sourced meat ($450,000 worth) Game, a showcase of his chefs cooking lines the unfolding network of walk-in freez- game meats in a competitive environment ers. Forklifts bleat around corners, and men where guests can taste and interact. It with the purpose of linebackers hoist orders is also a blowout of a customer appreciato and from packing tables. We duck into a tion party, and it costs him a fortune, but cooler no bigger than a one-car garage, filled Latham has a classic and personal touch with racks of Olympic Provisions and Chop in his business dealings. If Gabriel Rucker charcuterie. A pallet of Iberico hams, three wants square patties for his Little Bird times the price of prosciutto, comes to mid- burger, Latham delivers. If Rodney Muirthigh. This was their first office, Latham ex- head needed an extra waiter at Podnah’s, plains, and for nearly 22 years they’ve been I imagine Latham would tie on an apron.

We pass by his USDA inspector’s desk building out the surrounding space as other businesses leave. We cross the staging bay on the way to look at a new Reiser Vemag to a processing room, scrub in, and don hair sausage grinder and stuffer; the massive, nets and smocks. Six hundred Oregon rab- pristine machine, still in its German crating, bits—bigger, more humanely raised, and can do four man hours of work in 10 minmore flavorful than their Chinese counter- utes. It’s a capstone of the vertically inteparts—were butchered and bagged for indi- grated Nicky Farms plan, beginning with a vidual sale the day I was there; another day new farm an hour south of the city where he it would be a dozen lambs, or a dozen hogs. plans to raise some of his own game meats.

Noting the popularity of once-ignored It was demanding, bone-chilling work, but the workers were methodical, unhurried, cuts like skirt, hanger, and cheek, I ask this kingpin what he thinks is poised for redisand proud to be seen at their trade.

It was rabbits that started it all for covery in the coming years. Latham points Latham, he says. He sold them to fledgling out a lamb osso buco, far easier to braise high-end Portland restaurants like Genoa, and eat than a foreshank, and he says he’s the Heathman, and Paley’s Place from the selling marrow bones by the “boat load.” trunk of his Ford Escort, a post-college For my part, I purchase a fresh rabbit, (OSU ’88, agribusiness management and brown it, and braise it in IPA and mustard. animal science) lark after a job as an Idaho It is more interesting than chicken, but potato salesman went south. His timing moreover, because of the faith I now have couldn’t have been more perfect: It was the in its provenance, and the knowledge that it early ’90s, and chefs like Philippe Boulot is shared by my most admired chefs, it is all and Vitaly Paley were creating fine dining in the more satisfying to partake of.

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September 6, 2012 Portland Mercury 29

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Portland Mercury Wednesday, 9/6 SLICE OF UK IS ONE RAUCOUS 2col(4.75)x3.5 DEBAUCHERY YOU SIMPLY CAN’T MISS!” “ THIS

– Paul Christensen, Movieweb.com

“

“ If

JUDD APATOW had grown up in the suburbs of London... this is the movie he might have made!”

Hilarious, smart, fresH aND full of Heart!”

Scott Mantz, acceSS Hollywood

– Danny Miller, MSN Movies

“ An

AMERICAN PIE movie turned up to eleven.”

– Amy Galante, Examiner.com

“ Gag-for-gag

the funniest film of the summer.”

– Ian Freer, Empire Magazine

THE BREAKTHR

OUG

ORIGINAL CAHST THE

“

exHilaratiNg!” elle

“

OUT OF SCHOOL. OUT OF THE COUNTRY. OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE.

#3

theinbetweenersusa.com © 2011 YOUNG BWARK LIMITED AND CHANNEL FOUR TELEVISION CORPORATION. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

STARTS FRIDAY, REGAL FOX TOWER STADIUM 10 846 SW Park Avenue, Portland SEPTEMBER 7 (800) FANDANGO ONLY IN THEATERS 30 Portland4.75” Mercury X 7"September 6, 2012

PORTLAND MERCURY

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THURS 09/06

#ForAGoodTimeCall

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Watch the trailer at ForAGoodTimeCallMovie.com

FILM

Something Inbetween

The Inbetweeners Movie: TV Times Three by Wm. Steven Humphrey THERE’S MUCH TO LOVE about British comedies—they tend to take higher risks and yield higher rewards. The Inbetweeners is such a Britcom, having aired for three seasons and revolving around the absolutely naughty shenanigans of four school chums: Will (the nerdy, socially inept new kid—and narrator of the series), Simon (Will’s The Inbetweeners socially inept pal, Movie who has an eternal dir. Ben Palmer crush on a beauty Opens Fri Sept 7 named Carli), Neil Fox Tower 10 (the dumbest, and therefore the least socially inept), and Jay (possibly the most socially inept, due to his insanely high sex drive and obscenely fi lthy potty mouth). It’s kind of like Freaks and Geeks—if creator Judd Apatow mind-melded with Ron Jeremy.

For fans of the show, The Inbetweeners Movie won’t disappoint; it’s just more of the same… times three.

It’s graduation time for the gang, and since two members are heading off to university, they’re due for one last huge blowout—one that preferably includes copious

In the Red

amounts of drinking, vomiting, and sexual bungholery. Simon has briefly won and lost his lifelong love Carli, and the gang is intent on wiping away his woes… so off they fly to Crete, the British bacchanalia capital, where women legendarily “get wet at the smell of sunscreen.” Naturally,

upon arrival everything goes wrong: their hotel is disgusting, the other vacationing girls hate their guts (thanks again, social ineptitude!), and Carli falls for—omigod, such a prick.

What follows is a fairly predictable series of events where the boys drink,

THE INBETWEENERS MOVIE It doesn’t count if you roofie yourselves, fellas.

FILM

Spike Lee Goes Back to Doing the Right Thing by Jamie S. Rich

NO ONE CAN ACCUSE Spike Lee of Royale, a naïve adolescent shuttled from lacking ambition. For his new fi lm, Red Atlanta to Brooklyn to spend the sumHook Summer, the 55-year-old director mer with his grandfather, Da Good Bishop Enoch Rouse (The Wire’s has gone independent, shot Red Hook Summer Clarke Peters). The dynamic on digital, and gathered a dir. Spike Lee between the two illustrates a bevy of controversial topics Opens Fri Sept 7 classic generation gap, with guaranteed to spark outrage Hollywood Theatre Lee making a larger point and debate. Red Hook Summer is his most incendiary and fascinat- that the generation in between has gone ing movie since the 1990s, blending Do missing: With so many lost to drugs and the Right Thing with Crooklyn by relat- crime, elderly African Americans are ing difficult subject matter through the forced to raise the youngest in their community, despite differing views regardexperience of a child.

Newcomer Jules Brown stars as Flik ing technology, religion, and race. Peters

Hangin’ on the Telephone

For a Good Time Call… Actually, Don’t. by Alison Hallett

FILM

I’M A LITTLE TIRED of movies insisting that variety. (Can you believe I just said that that women can be funny. I know women can thing about a dildo in your mouth??)

When enemies-turned-roommates be funny (hello, all of my friends!), but the Katie (Ari Graynor; hot, strained, overeager indie For a Good Time, Call… blonde , “ f r e e sp i r it ” ) comedy For a Good Time, dir. Jamie Travis and Lauren (Lauren MillCall… flails in its determiOpens Fri Sept 7 er; pr ud ish, br u nett e, nation to make a point that Living Room Theaters “straight laced”) need a didn’t need making in the creative way to make rent, they turn to first place.

For a Good Time Call is about sexual phone sex, starting their own company empowerment, female entrepreneurship, (yay, female-owned businesses!) and and how to talk on the phone with a dildo in learning a thing or two about themselves your mouth. It positions itself as a raunchy in the process (boo, clichéd script about buddy comedy that proves just how hilari- adult women who have no understanding ous us ladies can be on the subject of S-E-X, of their own sexuality!).

For a Good Time, Call… tries very, very and it’s padded with humor of the oh-mygawd-can-you-believe-Samantha-just-said- hard to be shockingly hilarious, which is why

makes for a commanding authority figure, and his faith is portrayed with honesty and respect. It’s Red Hook Summer’s most appealing quality. Lee gives all points of view equal weight, using Enoch’s apartment building as a nexus where gangbangers, grandmothers, and even Mookie the Pizza Man all converge.

Leveling the playing field is essential to making Red Hook Summer work. It’s the only way Lee could ever hope to pull off the third-act surprise that turns this movie on its ear, upending everything that came prior. How you react to this revelation will dictate what you ultimately think of Red Hook Summer. You might not buy what Lee’s peddling, and the fi lm certainly has its clunky moments, but you’re still likely to have your consciousness raised along with those skeptical eyebrows. you’ll be treated to scenes of Katie lapping on a dildo while pretending to give a phone blowjob. If you’ve ever wanted to see Kevin Smith masturbating in a car, this is the movie for you—the girls’ client list features a star-studded series of cameos from the likes of Smith, Ken Marino, and Seth Rogen (Rogen is the real-life husband of co-star Miller, who co-wrote the film). And in some of the worst casting I’ve seen in a while, the insufferable Justin Long slaps on some gayface and lisps his way through the role of the girls’ sassy gay best friend.

For a Good Time, Call… strains to be raunchy and subversive, but it forgets to be honest. Sure, it’s great that Katie and Lauren aren’t ashamed of their sexuality—but the demands of the formulaic plot dictate that they’re both afraid of it instead. Cute girls mugging with a giant dildo can only go so far to distract from that problem. Especially when it’s not even funny mugging with a giant dildo.

vomit, make wildly inappropriate choices, fight among themselves, lose their clothing, treat the wrong people like shit, and eventually experience something akin to personal growth. In other words, as an entry in the teen sex roadtrip genre, you get exactly what you expect.

There are plenty of small laughs to be had, and the acting is charming and genial across the board. Meanwhile, the inappropriateness is… well… pretty inappropriate. Unfortunately, like the series itself, it’s all too predictable: The TV sitcom template is there in full force, with each event being heartily signaled well in advance. Perhaps lovers of the show, who already adore these characters, will enjoy giving this mini-TV movie a go.

For those who’ve never seen The Inbetweeners, however, it’s “teen sex romp” business as usual.

GEEK OUT GRAND THEFT WOO Sleeping Dogs Developed by United Front Games Available Now for Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, and PC IMAGINE A VIRTUAL HONG KONG where you can steal cars, beat up thugs, and flee police cruisers. Imagine that this world offers a melee fighting engine that rivals the best beat-’em-ups ever made, and that you’re routinely given the chance to impale foes on swordfish heads or slam some jerk’s face through a million-gallon fish tank. Imagine that you then pick up one of the fish and proceed to beat the next guy to death with it. This, in sum, is what Sleeping Dogs is all about.

The game—which had been canceled two separate times by Activision before Square Enix decided to publish it—unfortunately bears the scars of its troubled development. United Front Games attempted to pare down the game from its original, more high-concept iteration, but players will still readily notice plot threads that go nowhere, characters who should play a bigger part in the game, and the occasional physics glitch. Normally this would be enough to sink a game, but despite its flaws Sleeping Dogs is incredibly fun and stylish. Did I mention that you can hijack moving cars by leaping from the driver’s seat of one onto the back of another? Yeah, that’s totally in there, and further impresses upon players that instead of attempting to meld Grand Theft Auto with John Woo, the developers of Sleeping Dogs were hoping to create a virtual Hong Kong action flick, with all the theatricality and over-the-top machismo that might suggest.

If it weren’t for the game’s technical flaws, I’d easily put it above Grand Theft Auto IV. I’m still convinced that Saints Row: The Third is the most entertaining open-world game available, but Sleeping Dogs just offers so many cool and novel things to do: Swiping cars is old hat, but swiping a cop’s gun as he’s pointing it at you and leaving him bound with his own handcuffs? Unless you’re Jackie Chan, that’s new. And undeniably awesome.

EARNEST “NEX” CAVALLI

September 6, 2012 Portland Mercury 31

10 YEARS OF TIMEBASED ART

PICA presents the exciting 10th anniversary of the Time-Based Art Festival, September 6–16 in Portland, Oregon.

Contemporary visual art and performance by today's most compelling artists from around the world, including a special closing night concert with Laurie Anderson. Visit PICA.ORG to discover this year's artists and buy your tickets.

MAJOR MEDIA SPONSORS

SUPERHERO SPONSOR: PRESENTING SPONSORS: MAJOR SPONSORS: JAMES F. MILLER & MARION L. MILLER FOUNDATION

32 Portland Mercury September 6, 2012

FILM SHORTS BATMAN

THE AMBASSADOR

HOPE SPRINGS

This film has a problem, and that problem is that it’s racist as fuck. I get that Mads Brugger, the director and star of this messed-up documentary, may think he’s the Danish Sacha Baron Cohen. I get that he may be attempting to make fun of the deep, crazy, generations-warping, globe-spanning racism that turns a place like the Central African Republic into a mind-twisting mess of a country.

But when you use your white privilege to coast into the CAR on a phony diplomatic passport, dropping Heart of Darkness references and “suspicious-looking Asian guy” asides along the way, and then proceed to try to trade in blood diamonds while setting up a match factory staffed with Pygmies, you are not merely wasting our time and fucking up people’s lives. You are contributing to, benefiting from, and reinforcing the racist architecture of the problem you are theoretically trying to “expose.” Do not patronize this shit. ELI SANDERS Hollywood Theatre.

A creaky old couple (Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones) decide to undergo a week of counseling with a renowned therapist (Steve Carrell). Your mom is going to love this thing. Various Theaters.

★ BATMAN See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 11. Bagdad Theater. ★ BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD I’ll let you in on a secret: Writing negative reviews is pretty easy. Every doofy plot twist and bungled CG jumpkick pulls you out of the moviegoing experience, allowing you plenty of time to compose elaborately mean puns for your headline. It’s harder to review a movie when it succeeds—and I mean really succeeds, in that it draws you in completely. The surreal, fantastic Beasts of the Southern Wild is that kind of movie: You may leave the theater conflicted and even confused, but you won’t be thinking about anything else while you’re watching it.

BEN COLEMAN Hollywood Theatre, Liberty Theatre, Living Room Theaters.

BELOVED If you are not the type of person who would ever see a long French musical about the romantic lives of a mother and daughter, you can stop reading. But if you ARE, then you’re in luck! Beloved is very French, and with music.

Starring Catherine Deneuve and her real-life daughter Chiara Mastroianni, the film spans four decades, and covers the ups and downs of a handful of love stories.

Some of the songs are great, others are meh, and again, it’s super long—but if this is the kind of thing you’d generally be into, you’ll probably be into this. ELINOR JONES Living Room Theaters.

THE INBETWEENERS MOVIE See review this issue. Fox Tower 10.

IRON SKY Nazis hiding on the dark side of the moon plan to return to Earth. Shockingly, this film was not screened for critics.

Living Room Theaters.

KICKING + SCREENING SOCCER FILM FESTIVAL Two soccer-related documentaries, each accompanied by a short, screening as part of “the world’s premier international film event dedicated solely to football/soccer.” Thursday has Argentina Futbol Club, while Friday has Gringos at the Gate. More info: kickingandscreening. com. Urban Studio.

★ LAWLESS Before strapping on the gimp mask in The Dark Knight Rises, and before terrifying/thrilling everyone in Bronson, British actor Tom Hardy was winning modeling contests and playing Patrick Stewart’s shaven, sniveling clone in Star Trek: Nemesis. Not the most auspicious beginning, and one that seems even stranger when watching the confident, beautiful, and violent Lawless, the latest from The Proposition and The Road director John Hillcoat. All but unrecognizable, Hardy shuffles and grunts his way through 1931 Virginia, where he and his brothers Jack (Shia LaBeouf) and Howard (Jason Clarke) run moonshine.

Hardy, predictably, is fantastic—taciturn and grim until he’s pushed, at which point he becomes all speed and brass knuckles—but Lawless is Jack’s story. Like a backwoods The Godfather, we follow Jack as he clumsily tries to impress his tough brothers. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.

The Frank Darabont/Jim Carrey tear-jerker from 2001, screening as part of the Kiggins Theatre Grand Re-opening Gala. More info: kigginstheatre.com. Kiggins Theatre.

MARINA ABRAMOVIC: THE ARTIST IS PRESENT

A greatest-hits edition of this year’s NW Animation Festival, featuring 16 short films. More info: nwanimationfest.com. Hollywood Theatre.

A documentary about Serbian performance artist Marina Abramovic, following her as she prepares for her 2010 MOMA retrospective. Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium.

THE DEVIL, PROBABLY Robert Bresson’s 1977 film. Also screening this weekend: Bresson’s Pickpocket (1959). Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium.

FOR A GOOD TIME CALL...

See review this issue. Living Room Theaters.

★ HIT AND RUN Dax Shepard plays Charlie Bronson, a car-loving former bank robber (he got to pick his own new name after he wound up in the Witness Protection Program). At the film’s outset, Charlie’s been tracked down by the gang he betrayed, and he’s suddenly tasked with avoiding his vengeance-set former friends while getting his girlfriend— played by Kristen Bell—to LA for a job interview. And of course, there’s a catch: Bell’s character is largely clueless about Charlie’s criminal past. In cheerfully splicing together crude humor, romcom smushiness, and old-school car chases, Hit and Run gets smart, surprisingly sophisticated results. ALISON HALLETT Forest Theatre.

4122 NE SaNdy BoulEvard

enter taining Por tl and since 1926

EVENT HOTLINE: (503) 493-1128

ThE hollyWood ThEaTrE NoW SErvES BEEr & WiNE. all agES STill adMiTTEd!

THE MAJESTIC

★ THE BEST OF THE

NW ANIMATION FESTIVAL

Portland’s Historic non-Profit tHeatre

FILMUSIK ORGAN PrESENTS SpIKE GRINDERS LEE’S

METROPOLIS rEd hook SuMMEr WiTh livE SCorE By BENT KNEE! SEptEMbER FRIDAY AUGUST 17 7 · 8:00pm OpENS FRIDAY

★ MOONRISE KINGDOM Wes Anderson, god bless him, just keeps making Wes Anderson movies. As expected, Moonrise Kingdom is mannered, precious, nostalgic, and twee—and it’s also about as good a movie about childhood as an adult is capable of making. ALISON HALLETT Cinemagic, Kiggins Theatre, St. Johns Twin Cinemas. ★ MOVING MOUNTAINS Following the Vietnam War, refugees began to flee South Asia and settle in the United States, many in the Pacific Northwest. Elaine Velazquez’s 1991 documentary offers a unique and intimate look into the lives of these displaced people. As their cultural values begin to shift—from gender roles to divorce to spirituality—the refugees either struggle with or embrace American culture. Moving Mountains offers a stark, captivating comparison of traditional life and new opportunity.

Director in attendance. ZIBBY PILLOTE Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium.

★ MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. THEATER LOCATIONS ARE ACCURATE FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 7-THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 13,

“ThE MoST ProvoCaTivE filMMakEr iN ThE World” – huffiNgToN PoST

ThE aMBaSSador OpENS FRIDAY SEptEMbER 7

See the Mercury movie section for showtimes, and visit our NEW website

w w w .H o l l y

w o o d T H e a T r e . org

UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. FILM TIMES AND SHORTS ARE ALSO AVAILABLE AT PORTLANDMERCURY.COM.

September 6, 2012 Portland Mercury 33

FILM SHORTS SAMSARA

A Must-see.”

“

- HARPER’S BAZAAR

PARANORMAN Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: There’s this little kid, and he can see dead people. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “This kid, he’s probably well adjusted and super popular with his peers, am I right? A hit with all the ladies?” No! Believe it or not, he’s kind of an outcast! A social pariah, even! Okay, now I don’t want to spoil anything, but the twist? This social handicap of his might turn out to save the day. Sounds crazy, right? I know, but it’s true! That, unfortunately, is the recycling-bin plot the talented animators at LAIKA have saddled themselves with on ParaNorman. It doesn’t get any better in the telling, and probably gets worse, which is a shame, because the animation is so finely crafted and obviously painstaking that not loving it makes you feel like a real poopface. VINCE MANCINI

PICKPOCKET Robert Bresson’s 1959 film. Also screening this weekend: Bresson’s The Devil, Probably (1977). Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium.

PORTLAND YOUTH MEDIA FILM FESTIVAL

STARTS FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 7 AT A THEATER NEAR YOU CHECk lOCAl lISTINgS FOR THEATER lOCATIONS AND SHOwTIMES SPECiAL ENgAgEMENTS NO PASSES OR DiSCOUNT COUPONS ACCEPTED

A marvel throughout.”

– Richard Brody, THE NEW YORKER

“ !

Spike Lee is back.”

HHHH – Joshua Rothkopf, TimE OuT NY

THE POSSESSION What’s this? Another crappy horror flick that wasn’t screened for critics? Why, I never.... Various Theaters.

PREMIUM RUSH

“A

PORTLAND MERCURY BRAVEWED AND 9/5 ACCOMPLISHED 2 COL. (4.75) X 4.375 FILM .ALL.WRD.0905.PM

Short films from Portland youngsters, with everything from a zombie movie to a documentary on the Columbia Slough. Hollywood Theatre.

CS

#1

A film based on the wet dreams of bike couriers everywhere, Premium Rush is one of the stupidest movies ever, which is to say it’s both remarkably silly and surprisingly fun. A thriller set in the exhilarating world of... uh... bike couriering, it stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt—the guy your girlfriend likes more than she likes you—as Wilee, a character whose name is (A) pronounced like the coyote’s, and (B) nearly as dumb as the phrase “premium rush.” Bike courier Wilee, like most people with fixies, never shuts the fuck up about his fixie, and he also says things like “Brakes are death!” and “Runnin’ reds, killin’ peds.” He’d be insufferable if JoGoLev, who is way more handsome and likeable than you, didn’t play him. ERIK HENRIKSEN Forest Theatre, Living Room Theaters.

PROMETHEUS

A prequel to Alien, Ridley Scott’s return to science fiction, and, on both counts, a disappointment. ERIK HENRIKSEN Academy Theater, Laurelhurst Theater.

★ RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK IMAX See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 11. Bridgeport Village Stadium 18, Lloyd Center 10 Cinema. ★ RED HOOK SUMMER See review this issue. Hollywood Theatre.

REPRESSED CINEMA A new monthly series at the Hollywood Theatre, “showing vintage and contemporary films that are obscure, neglected, and from the fringe.” This month: “Amateurs and Auteurs,” featuring homemade movies from the early 1940s to the 1980s. Hollywood Theatre.

RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION

This is the fifth Resident Evil film; for the fifth time, Milla Jovovich is gonna fuck up some zombies. It did not screen for critics. Weird. Various Theaters.

BRIEF VIOLENCE, LANGUAGE AND A DISTURBING SITUATION

STARTS FRIDAY 9/7 HOLLYWOOD THEATRE 4122 NE Sandy Blvd. • (503) 281-4215 www.hollywoodtheatre.org

/REDHOOKSUMMER

34 Portland Mercury September 6, 2012

★ ROBOT AND FRANK Grumpy ex-con Frank (Frank Langella) is old, tired, and starting to lose his memory. So his son buys him a robot—a “health care aide,” who’s programmed to monitor and improve Frank’s physical and mental health.

The robot takes out the trash, goes grocery shopping, and keeps Frank company. Frank hates the robot... until, thinking back on his days as a cat burglar, he realizes he might be able to trick the robot into helping him pull off a heist. A goofy plot twist or two aside, Robot and Frank is phenomenal—funny and sad and kind and weird and insightful. It’s one of my favorite movies I’ve seen in a long time. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.

★ SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED Until the dark day of I Can Has Cheezburger: The Movie!, Safety Not Guaranteed will stand—as far as I can tell—as the only motion picture inspired by an internet meme. While its origins make Safety Not Guaranteed sound slight and disposable—a few steps above Battleship in Hollywood’s “Oh shit, what else can we turn into a movie?!” descent—the difference is that Safety Not Guaranteed is both staunchly independent and very, very good. Sweet and clever, it’s a film that transcends its roots to become—and I know we’re only halfway through 2012, but fuck it—one of the best films of the year. ERIK HENRIKSEN Academy Theater, Bagdad Theater, Edgefield, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst Theater, Mission Theater.

SAMSARA The guys known for arranging footage of stuff have arranged a bunch more stuff! With a world music soundtrack! The creators of Baraka and Koyaanisqatsi return to cinemas with Samsara, and this time, the focus of their artfully arranged travelogue is the ongoing struggle of man versus nature, and how one’s always trying to get the upper hand.

Monks push around colored sand to make a mosaic; storms push around people’s homes and cars, filling them with dirt and rubble; patterns illustrate the dualities of tradition/ modernity and creation/waste. I spent a lot of time thinking about my groceries, bills, and girls who broke my heart.

JAMIE S. RICH Fox Tower 10.

★ SLEEPWALK WITH ME Turn on NPR and you’ll hear an example: “Real people” telling “true stories” are everywhere these days. Stand-up comedian Mike Birbiglia is a real person who has a true story about his career in comedy, ending a relationship, and a sleep disorder, and he’s gotten pretty good at telling it: First in a one-man show, then a book, and now the gently endearing film Sleepwalk with Me, co-written with storytelling high priest Ira Glass. Describing a story as “true” suggests there’s only one way to tell it, but if this mild little comedy has a moral, it’s this: Even a true story is changed in the telling. The best we can do is to tell our stories honestly and well. Co-director and star in attendance for 4:30, 7, and 9 pm shows on Sat Sept 8. ALISON HALLETT Cinema 21.

THIS IS NOW A locally produced film that “explores the triumphs and difficulties of finding one’s spiritual path.” Clinton Street Theater.

★ TURN ME ON, DAMMIT! A quirky Norwegian film that follows Alma (Helene Bergsholm) over the course of a particularly trying couple of months during the dog days leading up to her 16th birthday. Possessed by hormones, she gets busted for racking up phone-sex charges (we first meet her, mid-purchase, on the kitchen floor), rides rolls of coins when the register gets slow at work, and slips into erotic daydreams about virtually everyone she encounters in her tiny Norwegian village. Dammit doesn’t need to say much about horny teenage girls other than, unapologetically, that they exist, and can do so without conforming to the dead stock of bad girl associations–Alma’s a sweet, ballsy, normal girl who shoulder taps for beer and shares a ritual with her friends in which they religiously flip off the road sign for their hometown every time they pass it. While the ending is a bit too pattingly winking and cute, Dammit tells its short, forthright tale briskly and with a curtsy before moving off stage right.

MARJORIE SKINNER Clinton Street Theater. ★ UNCLE BUCK “Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.”

Laurelhurst Theater.

WILL THE REAL TERRORIST PLEASE STAND UP? A documentary about “half a century of hostile US-Cuba relations” and “the Cuban Five, intelligence agents sent to penetrate Cuban exile terrorist groups in Miami [who are] now serving long prison sentences.” EMINEM. SIT BACK DOWN. THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU. Clinton Street Theater.

★ MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. THEATER LOCATIONS ARE ACCURATE FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 7-THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 13, UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. FILM TIMES AND SHORTS ARE ALSO AVAILABLE AT PORTLANDMERCURY.COM.

MOVIE TIMES COMMERCIAL LISTINGS ARE GOOD FRIDAY-THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 7 - SEPTEMBER 13 UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. MOVIE TIMES ARE UPDATED DAILY AT

PORTLANDMERCURY.COM

Madagascar 3 Fri-Thurs 5:30 Safety Not Guaranteed Fri-Mon 9:50; Tues-Thurs 2:30,

FOR A GOOD TIME CALL...

9:50

Ted Fri-Thurs 7:35

Laurelhurst Theater 2735 E Burnside, 232-5511

The Amazing Spider-Man Sat-Sun 1 The Cabin in the Woods Fri-Thurs 9:45 Prometheus Fri-Sun 4, 9:05; Mon-Thurs 9:05 The Queen of Versailles Fri 7; Sat-Sun 1:15, 7; MonThurs 7

Downtown Director Park 815 SW Park

Funny Face Fri Dusk (free)

Fox Tower 10

846 SW Park, 800-326-3264

Showtimes unavailable at press time, see portlandmercury.com for updated times

Living Room Theaters 341 SW 10th, 971-222-2005

2 Days in New York Fri-Thurs 12, 2:45, 5, 7:15 Beasts of the Southern Wild Fri-Thurs 12:10, 3, 5:20, 7:30, 9:40

Beloved Fri-Thurs 12:30, 3:20, 6:40, 9:30 For A Good Time Call... Fri-Thurs 11:50, 1:45, 3:40,

Safety Not Guaranteed Fri 4:45, 7:30, 9:30; Sat-Sun 1:45, 4:45, 7:30, 9:30; Mon-Thurs 7:30, 9:30 Ted Fri-Sun 4:30, 7:20; Mon-Thurs 7:20 To Rome With Love Fri 6:45; Sat-Sun 1:30, 6:45; MonThurs 6:45 Uncle Buck Fri-Sun 4:15, 9:15; Mon-Thurs 9:15

Lloyd Center 10 Cinema 1510 NE Multnomah, 800-326-3264

Raiders of the Lost Ark IMAX Fri-Wed 1, 4, 7, 10; Thurs 12:30, 3:30, 6:30, 9:20

Resident Evil: Retribution Thurs 11:59 pm Resident Evil: Retribution IMAX 3D Thurs 11:59 pm Showtimes incomplete at press time, see portlandmercury.com for updated times

Roseway Theater 7229 NE Sandy, 282-2898

Showtimes unavailable at press time, see portlandmercury.com for updated times

5:40, 7:40, 9:50

North

The Imposter Fri 12:20, 2:30, 4:50, 7, 9:10; Sat 2:30, 4:50, 7, 9:10; Sun-Thurs 12:20, 2:30, 4:50, 7, 9:10

Iron Sky Fri-Thurs 9:25 Premium Rush Fri-Thurs 11:40, 1:30, 3:30, 5:30, 7:50, 10

Multnomah Arts Center 7688 SW Capitol Hwy., 823-2787

St. Johns Theater and Pub 8203 N Ivanhoe, 225-5555

Hugo Fri Dusk (free)

Madagascar 3 Fri 6; Sun 1; Tues-Thurs 6 Ted Fri-Sun 8:30; Tues 8:30; Wed 1, 8:30

Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium

St. Johns Twin Cinemas

1219 SW Park, 221-1156

8704 N Lombard, 286-1768

The Devil, Probably Sun-Mon 7 Marina Abramovic: The Artist Is Present Fri-Sat 7 Moving Mountains Thurs 7 (director in attendance) Pickpocket Sat 9; Sun 5

Lawless Fri 5:20, 7:50; Sat-Sun 2:45, 5:20, 7:50; MonThurs 5:20, 7:50 Moonrise Kingdom Fri 5:50, 8:30; Sat-Sun 3:30, 5:50, 8:30; Mon-Thurs 5:50, 8:30

Pioneer Place Stadium 6 340 SW Morrison, 800-326-3264

Showtimes unavailable at press time, see portlandmercury.com for updated times

Southeast

Academy Theater 7818 SE Stark, 252-0500

Northwest Cinema 21

616 NW 21st, 223-4515

Sleepwalk with Me Fri 4:30, 7, 9; Sat 2:15, 4:30 (star/ co-director in attendance), 7 (star/co-director in attendance), 9 (star/co-director in attendance); Sun 2:15, 4:30, 7, 9; Mon-Thurs 4:30, 7, 9

Mission Theater

1624 NW Glisan, 223-4527

The Amazing Spider-Man Sat 2:30; Sun 6 Safety Not Guaranteed Fri 5:30, 10:10; Sun 9; TuesWed 5:30, 10:10 Ted Fri 7:40; Tues-Wed 7:40

Urban Studio

The Amazing Spider-Man Fri 4:15, 7; Sat-Sun 11, 4:15, 7; Mon-Thurs 4:15, 7 Madagascar 3 Fri 2:35, 4:40; Sat-Sun 12:30, 2:35, 4:40; Mon-Thurs 2:35, 4:40 Prometheus Fri-Thurs 1:45, 9:50 Safety Not Guaranteed Fri 9:40; Sat-Sun 12:10, 9:40; Mon-Thurs 9:40 Snow White and the Huntsman Fri-Thurs 4:30 Ted Fri-Thurs 6:45, 9:10 To Rome With Love Fri-Thurs 2:05, 7:15

Bagdad Theater

3702 SE Hawthorne, 225-5555

Batman Fri 11 pm Madagascar 3 Fri 5:15; Sat-Sun 2 Safety Not Guaranteed Sat 5:15, 10; Sun 6; Tues-Wed 6 Ted Sat 7:30; Sun 8:15; Tues-Wed 8:15

Century Eastport 16

Resident Evil: Retribution Thurs 11:59 pm Resident Evil: Retribution IMAX 3D Thurs 11:59 pm Showtimes incomplete at press time, see portlandmercury.com for updated times

Century 16 Cedar Hills Crossing 3200 SW Hocken, Beaverton, 800-326-3264

Showtimes unavailable at press time, see portlandmercury.com for updated times

Century Clackamas Town Center 12000 SE 82nd, 800-326-3264

Chinatown Thurs (2), 7 Showtimes incomplete at press time, see portlandmercury.com for updated times

4040 SE 82nd, 800-326-3264

Edgefield

Wallace Park

Chinatown Thurs (2), 7 Showtimes incomplete at press time, see portlandmercury.com for updated times

Madagascar 3 Fri-Wed 6 Safety Not Guaranteed Fri-Wed 9

Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure Sat Dusk (free)

Cinemagic

206 NW 10th

Kicking + Screening Soccer Film Festival Thurs 7:30 NW 25th & Pettygrove

Northeast Blind Onion Pizza Pub 3345 NE Broadway, 284-2825

District 9 Mon 8 (free)

Hollywood Theatre 4122 NE Sandy, 281-4215

The Ambassador Fri 7:30, 9:30; Sat 5, 7:30; Sun 3, 5, 7:30, 9:30; Mon 7:30, 9:30; Tues-Wed 9:45; Thurs 7:30, 9:30 Beasts of the Southern Wild Fri 7:15, 9:15; Sat 2:40, 4:30, 9:15; Sun 2:40, 4:30, 7:15, 9:15; Mon-Thurs 7:15, 9:15 The Best of the NW Animation Festival Sat 7 Portland Youth Media Film Festival Sat 3 (free) Red Hook Summer Fri 7, 9:20; Sat 2:30, 7:05, 9:20; Sun 2:30, 4:45, 7:05, 9:20; Mon-Thurs 7, 9:20 Repressed Cinema Tues 7:30

Kennedy School 5736 NE 33rd, 249-7474

The Amazing Spider-Man Fri 2:15; Sun-Mon 2:15

2126 SW Halsey, 669-8610

Forest Theatre

1911 Pacific Avenue, Forest Grove, 844-8732

The Campaign Fri-Thurs 9 Hit and Run Fri-Sun (4:20) Premium Rush Fri-Thurs 7

Kiggins Theatre

1011 Main, Vancouver, 360-737-3161

The Majestic Sat 5 Moonrise Kingdom Fri 2, 4, 6, 8; Sun-Thurs 2, 4, 6, 8

Liberty Theatre

315 NE 4th, 360-834.2131

The Amazing Spider-Man Fri-Thurs 5:10 Beasts of the Southern Wild Fri 3:45, 6:30; Sat-Sun 1:30, 3:45, 6:30; Mon-Tues 6:30; Wed-Thurs 3:45, 6:30 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days Fri-Sun 3; Wed-Thurs 3 Madagascar 3 Sat-Sun 12:50 Magic Mike Fri-Thurs 8:30 Ted Fri-Thurs 8

2021 SE Hawthorne, 231-7919

Moonrise Kingdom Fri-Sat 5:30, 7:35, 9:40; Sun 3:25, 5:30, 7:35; Mon-Thurs 5:30, 7:35

Clinton Street Theater 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899

Repo! The Genetic Opera Fri 11:30 pm Rocky Horror Picture Show Sat 11 pm Rumbon Tropical Fri 7 This Is Now Sat-Wed 7 Turn Me On, Dammit! Sat-Wed 9 Will the Real Terrorist Please Stand Up? Thurs 7, 9

Tanker

4825 SE Hawthorne, 445-4634

Legend Sun 10 (free)

Elsewhere Bridgeport Village Stadium 18 7329 SW Bridgeport Rd., Tigard, 800-326-3264

Raiders of the Lost Ark IMAX Fri-Wed 11:10 am, 2, 4:50, 7:45, 10:45; Thurs 11:10 am, 2, 4:50, 7:45

September 6, 2012 Portland Mercury 35

SAVAGE LOVE

Burn Notice by Dan Savage

Unlike some newspapers, it’s not contaminated with Chlamydia.

Portland

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503.689.8080

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FREE CODE: Portland Mercury For other local numbers call:

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I have been in a long-term relationship with a wonderful woman who doesn’t have a lot of people she socializes with in her daily life. She is a Burning Man person and converses online with other “burners.” I confronted her when I realized she was discussing the ups and downs of our relationship in a public online forum. She still hung out on that forum, but her presence diminished. I assumed she was socializing in private e-mails. A few months later, I discovered that she was actually moderating a different forum. I deleted the site from my history and decided to avoid it. Last week, while she was at Burning Man, I checked out the forum she moderates, even though I knew I shouldn’t have. What I found was that she never mentions having a boyfriend, even when it might be relevant to a discussion. I was never mentioned, not even in passing. I don’t mind that guys compliment her, and I understand the benefits of positive attention from the opposite sex. If she came to me and told me that is what she was seeking and that it was chaste, I would be fine with it as long as she made that clear to other forum members.

We are both attractive, and I get attention at times from other women. I often mention that I have a girlfriend to avoid someone getting the wrong idea. I also feel like she saves the spontaneous, uninhibited, and adventurous part of herself for these people at Burning Man. Does it sound like she is cheating emotionally?

How can I bring this subject up in a way that doesn’t make me seem like just more of a depressing part of her life? I don’t want her to lose her outlet, but I feel like she is not showing me the respect one should show a partner of 10plus years.

Her Burning Man I don’t want to alarm you unnecessarily, HBM, but partnered people who go to Burning Man sans partner are typically planning to cheat cheat, not cheat emote. Casual straight sex, like sandy ass cracks and seeing my friend Eric naked, is a huge part of the Burning Man “experience.”

But the kind of straight guy who goes to Burning Man for casual sex—and the art and the experience and the transcendence—doesn’t give a shit if the girls he fucks have boyfriends back home. Or in the next tent. Your girlfriend could post your picture to Burning Man forums, mention you in every face-to-face conversation she has, and wear a shirt with your picture on it everywhere she goes on the playa, HBM, and she’d still find plenty of guys willing to fuck her brains out.

Mentioning you in online forums, not mentioning you in online forums—neither action is proof that she plans to cheat or not cheat. So I’m sitting here racking my brain trying to come up with some other reason why your girlfriend might not have mentioned you in an online Burning Man forum that she moderates.

Thinking, thinking, thinking.

Hey! Maybe it’s because the last time you caught her talking about you and your relationship in a public online forum, YOU BLEW THE FUCK UP AT HER. Remember?

You were angry then because she was talking about you on the interwebs. And you’re angry now that she isn’t talking about you on the interwebs.

If you’re looking for a reason why your girlfriend feels inhibited around you, HBM, maybe it’s the mixed signals. She gets in trouble for talking about you; she gets in trouble for not talking about you. If your girlfriend feels like she’s going to be in trouble with you no matter what she does, HBM, then she’s going to feel inhibited around you. And she’s going to err on the side of sharing less of what she does with you.

36 Portland Mercury September 6, 2012

When your girlfriend gets back from Burning Man, HBM, here’s what I think you should say: “I realize this makes me sound crazy, and maybe I am crazy. But remember when I was upset about you talking about me—about us— in that public online forum? Well, I stumbled on another online forum and you weren’t talking about me. And that upset me, too.”

Acknowledge your insecurities, HBM, take some responsibility for the impact they may have on her behavior, and then have a long talk about how you can both enjoy a little attention from members of the opposite sex without making the other person feel like shit.

I’ve been dating someone for a little more than two months. After the second week, he was saying things like “We need a word between ‘like’ and ‘love’ because ‘I like you’ doesn’t seem sufficient.” After weeks of telling him to slow his roll, I agreed to make it official and stop dating and sleeping with other guys because he wanted to “lock it down.” It’s been a week, and he’s still on Scruff and Growlr. I’m a little put off because he was the one who pushed for exclusivity and the title of boyfriend. Should I be JOE NEWTON concerned? Can hookup apps be part of a healthy, monogamous relationship?

Obviously a talk is needed.

Sick of Scruff Obviously.

Maybe your boyfriend wants to cheat but doesn’t want to be cheated on—he wants his boyfriend locked down, but doesn’t want to be locked down himself—or maybe he thinks it’s too soon to delete his online personal profiles. Or maybe, like a lot of gay men, he treats hookup apps like a virtual gay bar, i.e., a place where he can hang out and socialize with friends and exes and, perhaps, get his flirt on now and then.

But if lurking on Scruff and Growlr makes his newly locked-down boyfriend feel insecure, he should stay off hookup apps. Or, if he simply can’t give ’em up, your new boyfriend should allow you to look at his chats whenever you care to so you can see for yourself that they’re either wholly innocent (just talking with friends) or wholly innocent flirting (swapping photos and compliments with hot guys but not making plans to hook up).

I’m a gay man who gained 30 pounds after I met my current boyfriend. I started dieting about a week before you ran a letter from a woman who was wondering about withholding sex until her husband lost some weight. I told my boyfriend not to have sex with me until I lost 15 pounds. It took me three and a half weeks to lose the weight, but it really strengthened our relationship. He was supportive of my weightloss goals, he had an incentive to help me make healthier choices, and it brought an erotic tension to the process that we both dug. My only suggestion for the woman who wrote you: Don’t tell people about it! The people we told were angry at my boyfriend for “withholding” sex unless I lost weight. But, hey, it worked!

Lighter In Loafers As I said in my response to Like Boys Slimmer, if a couple can make the withholding of sex into an erotic game that they’re both playing and both enjoying—and not an asshole move one partner is pulling—I could maybe see this sort of arrangement working. And I’m pleased to hear that at least one couple out there was able to successfully eroticize a diet by combining it with chastity play.

Find the Savage Lovecast at thestranger.com/savage. mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter

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IF THERE’S one thing these Republican and Democratic conventions have taught me, it’s this: Feigned excitement always trumps the truth! Both parties have been crowing for their candidates like a team of cheerleaders hopped up on crystal meth—with little regard for facts, or the knowledge that most of us decided whom we were voting for on November 5, 2008.

However! That being said, “enthusiasm” counts for a lot—especially in the sack. While I prefer the sexual wiles and experience of older lovers, it’s fun to occasionally hop on the bone train with someone in their early 20s (who tend to treat coitus with the same aggressive enthusiasm as an Olympic gymnast working a pommel horse). That’s why I’ve decided to be super-duper “enthusiastic” and “upbeat positive” about this week’s TV offerings—even though they kind of suck the poop out of a syphilitic hippo’s bottom hole. (Hey, it works for the GOP, right?)

• DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION (Thurs, Sept 6, 6 pm, all nets).

It’s the last night of the Democratic convention! And after three nights of strident accolades about how insanely awesome the Democrats are, President Obama will step up to the mic in a futile effort to convince us that we haven’t been pretty disappointed in his performance thus far! HOORAY FOR FUTILE EFFORTS! Boom-shaka-lacka-BOOM! • CBS FALL PREVIEW (Mon, Sept 10, 8:30 pm, CBS). Wake up Grandma, and make sure she’s taken her heart medicine, because here’s a sneaky-peek at all of CBS’ new fall shows! From the same network that brought you NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, and NCIS: Colostomy Bag Victims Unit comes a slew of copycat comedies and dramas including Elementary (copycatting Sherlock), Made in Jersey (copycatting The Good Wife), Vegas (copycatting Mad Men), and Partners (copycatting Fox’s 1995 Partners, which had almost exactly the same plot). YAAAY FOR RECYCLING! • DOCTOR WHO (Sat, Sept 8, 9 pm, BBCA). Okay, this is something to be le-

.lehappy.com www

JEREMY EATON

gitimately excited about: a Doctor Who episode titled “Dinosaurs on a Spaceship.” (!!) The Who crew winds up on an ancient spaceship populated by nerdhungry dinosaurs! Luckily an Egyptian queen, a big game hunter, a space pirate, and Rory’s dad also hop aboard to hasten along the dinos’ re-extinction, because DOCTOR WHO WANTS THESE MOTHER-EFFING DINOSAURS OFF HIS MOTHER-EFFING SPACESHIP! • THE NEW NORMAL (Tues, Sept 11, 9:30 pm, NBC). It’s the new dramedy from Ryan Murphy (American Horror Story! YAY! Glee! BLECH!) about a gay couple who allow a single mom to cook their baby in her belly. That didn’t come out right. She’s gonna be their surrogate mom! YAY SURROGATE MOMS! YAY GAYS! BOOO LITERALLY COOKING BABIES! BOOOOOO GLEE!!

• ABBY & BRITTANY (Tues, Sept 11, 10:30 pm, TLC). It’s the season (and possibly series) fi nale of the controversial TLC reality show Abby & Brittany, which documents the lives of a pair of conjoined twins! That’s right—two heads, one body. AND they’re airing it on September 11, which is practically forcing me to make a “conjoined twin towers” joke— which I will not do BECAUSE IT WILL GET ME FIRED! Screw you, TLC, and HOORAY FOR EMPLOYMENT!

This Week on Television THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 6

6:00 NBC DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION President Obama accepts his party’s nomination, sends out more emails begging for money.

8:00 MTV MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS Starring Rihanna, Ke$ha, Green Day, Miley Cyrus, and the false statement that MTV still shows videos.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 7 8:00 ALL NETS STAND UP TO CANCER A fundraiser for cancer research starring Taylor Swift, Matt Damon, Alicia Keys, Samuel L. Jackson, and Gwyneth Paltrow (who’s worse than cancer).

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 8 5:00 CBS US OPEN: WOMEN’S FINAL Featuring the best women tennis players in the world and the funny sounds they make when hitting the ball.

9:00 BBCA DOCTOR WHO Dinosaurs? On a spaceship? Set phasers to “extinction.”

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 9

10:00 TLC BREAKING AMISH Debut! A reality series in which Amish kids leave their communities to whoop it up in NYC.

Midnight TOON ROBOT CHICKEN Season premiere! Check out this hilarious “DC Comics Special” where all your fave Super Friends are viciously mocked.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 10 8:00 NBC THE VOICE Season premiere! America’s current favorite singing show returns after failing to make everyone hate it.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 11 9:00 NBC GO ON Chandler Bing stars in this new (and kind of funny) sitcom about a loose cannon sportscaster.

9:30 NBC THE NEW NORMAL Debut! A gay couple choose a single mom to bake their child in her vagina oven. (I know nothing about reproduction.)

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 12 10:00 NBC GUYS WITH KIDS Debut! A sitcom about three 30-something guys desperately trying not to screw up their children.

10:00 TLC HERE COMES HONEY BOO BOO Honey Boo Boo learns how to cook spaghetti— which will put you off Italian food for eternity.

Hooray for feigned excitement over Twitter! @WmSteveHumphrey

September 6, 2012 Portland Mercury 37

I SAW U HUNGRY TIGER BARTENDER

You are the blonde (Taylor?) that used to work on Tuesdays. I came in sometimes for tacos and Tecates. You commented on my Battlestar Galactica shirt. You haven’t been there in a couple of weeks. What happened to you?

When: Monday, September 3, 2012.

Where: Hungry Tiger Too. You: Woman.

Me: Man. #915120

YOU KENYAN ENGINEER ME VIDEO&DANCE

Isaac, I met you at Holocene, you work at Intell. We talked of politics, and street signs that say “you are very cute”. I hesitated, but i’d like to see you again. I’m a dancer and a video artist. When: Saturday, September 1, 2012. Where: the Holocene. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915119

LITTLE FINGER CURL

You made a little finger curl, i made the other half. But I was so sleepy.

You went dumpstering, I went to bed.

At 4 in the morning I heard you ask “who lives in the rabbit hole now?”

Coffeedot? When: Saturday, September 1, 2012. Where: The Singularity. You: Transsexual (male to female). Me: Man. #915118

NOT CHRISTOPHER ROBIN

things from another world and the portland mercury present: THE CORTANDFATBOY MIDNIGHT MOVIE: Tim Burton’s BATMAN September 7th • doors at 10pm, film at 11pm • $3 admission, 21 & over

BAGDAD THEATER • 3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd, Portland OR art by thethomaswilson.com

Me: Real drunk, short, red lipstick, short hair, studs. You: studs, beautifulfaced tall man who smoked my friends and I out- thanks- I made a failed attempt to get your number- thought it was worth another shot. When: Friday, August 31, 2012. Where: Triple Nickel.

You: Man. Me: Woman. #915115

BIKING BOY ON HAWTHORNE

Did you post an ad for a red haired girl on July 6th? I was walking, you rode up next to me, asked me to get a beer with you. I was sad to say no. Still out there, somewhere? When: Friday, July 6, 2012. Where: Hawthorne. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915113

WHOLE FOODS PEARL GIRL

Portland Mercury’s Cocktail Compass

You though I said soft spot but I meant something else. You were quite adorable yet I am not sure you are into women. I think your name is sam.

Send me a msg, I am delayedreaction on mercury’s site. When: Thursday, August 30, 2012. Where: whole foods.

You: Woman. Me: Woman. #915112

BIKE + BURRITO + MANBABE

Hawthorne food carts late Sunday night, you got a burrito on your bike and stopped by to say I looked lovely in red. You should have stayed to dine with us. Tacos and tequila sometime?

When: Sunday, August 26, 2012. Where: Hawthorne Food Carts. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915111

LAST THURSDAY, GUARDINO ART GALLERY We flirted about old hammers, cherry pitters, Ikarus and a box of brassknuckles. I kept seeing you down the road. Wanted to introduce myself but didn’t want to impose on your group.

You: 5’4”? beautiful brunette. Me: 5’7” shorn When: Thursday, August 30, 2012. Where: Guardino Gallery. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915110

It’s like a GPS— for your liver.

Now for both iPhone and Android!

DAN SEEKS LORIEN. NOW!

Airport rendezvous. Rock-ola. I wanna be your boyfriend. You: smoking hot, stunning eyes, tattooed Portlandian.

Me: Boner. Pending deportation.

Map left to find me. Hold me closer Tony Danza. When: Tuesday, August 28, 2012. Where: In my dreams!. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915109

POLAR BEAR’S DAD

Hey! Sorry about the dog snarling ending. We’ve met 3x now, Maybe you and Bear would want to come over for a beer? Same hood and I have a fenced in yard. That other dog was totally the culprit! When: Wednesday, August 29, 2012. Where: Alberta Park.

You: Man. Me: Woman. #915107

REDHEAD AT A RED LIGHT You: Supercute redhead girl in a white Subaru wagon Me: Beardo guy in a white truck We had a few mutual smiles in front of Bridgeport Village, but lights turn green...it was 8/20/2012...I bet I could make you smile again When: Monday, August 20, 2012. Where: Bridgeport village. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915106

38 Portland Mercury September 6, 2012

OPENS BOTTLES LIKE A BOSS

At the Whole Foods on Burnside. You were nice enough to open my drink after I had been fighting with it for a good five or ten minutes like an idiot. Hope I see you around. When: Wednesday, August 29, 2012. Where: Whole Foods on Burnside In the Cafe.

You: Man. Me: Woman. #915105

BEAUTIFUL @ STARBUCKS

You - dark blue dress, polka dots?, wavy med-dark hair, windowseat w/ your earphones. Me - light blue shirt, black jeans, going out the door. I told you you’re beautiful... Wish I’d said more... Just seeing you made my day. When: Thursday, August 23, 2012.

Where: Starbucks on Hawthorne. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915104

MEWING IN THE NIGHT

You said you liked to walk at night but not alone. I like to walk too but not without you. Now we are singing in the rain, singing in the RAIN! Where are you going now? Please one more.

ANUSHERWUN! When: Monday, August 27, 2012. Where: walking at night NoPo. You: Transsexual (male to female). Me: Man. #915102

LUNA

we were in poetry, you taught me about paper, i liked how you thumbed the corners of sheets and wrote to-do lists. catastrophic beauty in yr glance, weak in the knees, scared the shit out of me. signed, hopeless jerk When: Saturday, October 1, 2011. Where: third floor. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915101

AT THE SINGULARITY

You were so small and i was right next to you. We had coffee and walked together in the summer night. Then I wrote a nice “I saw U” add but the moderators deleted it. Mew another dot? When: Saturday, August 25, 2012.

Where: s1nguLar17y. You: Transsexual (male to female). Me: Man. #915100

HIGH DIVE PATIO, SUN NIGHT

11:45pm Sunday - I walked by twice.

You were sitting, then standing at bus table. Me: slim white guy, black longsleeve tshirt, jeans, bag, brown hair side-parted. You: slender woman, straight dark hair, cute. Eye contact only. But still... When: Sunday, August 26, 2012. Where: High Dive patio, SE 12th & Madison. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915099

BREATHTAKING BEAUTY AT WHOLE FOODS

You were cashiering at the Whole Foods on Fremont. Longish blonde hair and bangs and beautiful smile. I was only there for a few minutes but it was long enough for me to appreciate how you took my breath away. When: Saturday, August 25, 2012. Where: Whole Foods Fremont. You: Woman. Me: Woman. #915097

SCRAP!

You saw me and lingered for a bit. You scrapping drawing supplies, and made your way over to the register when I was paying. I was trying to think of something cheeky to say. Lets do something crafty? When: Friday, August 24, 2012. Where: scrap. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915096

TEA CHAI TE 23 adorable girl with beautiful almond eyes and planet tattoo’s running down back. I asked you a question, tho not the right one. single? tea sometime? When: Thursday, August 23, 2012. Where: Tea Chai Te. You: Woman.

Me: Man. #915094

DO YOU KNOW THE MUSTACHEMAN? You were the beautiful-Runner#4 at H2C-2012, wearing a ravishing orange Nike-tank, enchanting sun-kissed skin, exquisite combover. You were commonly amongst the “HasselHoffs.”

I, a VanTramp Runner#1, pinkcompression-socks, regularly using a megaphone. I complimented you on your stache & beauty via-megaphone.

When: Friday, August 24, 2012. Where: Hood To Coast 2012. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915108

JOE THE MESSENGER GUY! Hey cute bicycle messenger guy at Jones bar last Saturday, I really did like your dance moves! You biked away before i could work up the courage to give you my number. bike ride together? When: Saturday, August 18, 2012. Where: Jones Bar. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915093

HAIR STYLIST IN THE PEARL

Every time I bike past, see you working and you smile at me, my heart skips a beat... When: Wednesday, August 22, 2012. Where: the Pearl district. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915092

DREAMY GIRL @ WASHOUGAL RIVER

Friday afternoon (8/17) you and your friend were packing up to leave, I asked if I could take your spot. You were brunette w/black ball cap, and so ridiculously cute. That is all :) When: Friday, August 17, 2012. Where: washougal river. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915091

R0B0T C4T

You were so small, and I could hear your tiny squeaking. We touched the ceiling and promised to be better people together. You said it was really nice to meet you. I am home now. Mew? MEW!! When: Monday, August 20, 2012.

Where: at the mall. You: Transsexual (female to male). Me: Man. #915089

4PM BOLT BUS TO SEATTLE

Me: Blonde, glasses, sleepy. In the front seat, sitting opposite you. You: Tattoos, glasses, dark hair cut just so.

Single, hopefully. I wrote you a note between Tacoma and Seattle, but I lost my nerve on the crosswalk. When: Thursday, August 16, 2012. Where: 4pm Bolt Bus, bound for Seattle.. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915088

SUMMER GIRL

7 in the morning, on the bus. You were a pedestrian angle, green gym bag and chuck’s. I never got the courage to say hi. I would always listen to music.

I hope to see you on the bus again.

When: Thursday, August 16, 2012.

Where: on the bus to PCC. You: Woman.

Me: Man. #915087

ALEX-RED PANTS FROM GAYCATION

We danced. i said i was going to a bar. you said you might come by... Bar was closed. oops. should have got you number. i liked you. When: Saturday, August 18, 2012. Where: Holocene. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915085

BEAUTIFUL SWIM COACH

you: giving swim lessons at the dish, looking as hot and gorgeously sporty as ever. me: pretending to play it cool, but really awkwardly stealing glances at you constantly. i dont want to pretend anymore with you... When: Monday, August 13, 2012. Where: mdcc.

You: Woman. Me: Woman. #915084

INTERSTATE NEW SEASONS

I smiled at you, got a big smile back, and kept walking for some reason. You were the pretty lady with short hair and tight jeans in the checkout line, I was the handsome man checking you out.

Let’s meet! When: Saturday, August 18, 2012. Where: Interstate New Seasons.

You: Woman. Me: Man. #915083

CONNECTICUT SHANNON TABOR DOGPARK

Shannon I met you at the Mt tabor dog park. You just moved to town. Give me a call sometime:) When: Monday, August 13, 2012. Where: Mt tabor dog park. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915082

BARTENDER NE 15TH/ BROADWAY

Cute, flirty,smart bartender: Where are you? You:degree in Jazz music. We talked a few times, you were smart and nice. I may or may not have made a fool of myself once. I would like to see you again. When: Sunday, July 1, 2012.

Where: 15th/ Briadway Mcmenamins.

You: Man. Me: Woman. #915081

DREADY GODDESS AT CROWN ROOM

Talking, dancing with you Friday. Me: dark hair, full-sleeve tattoos including Eye of Ra on wrist, plaid button-up.

You: gorgeous dreads, shoulder tattoo of chrysanthemum done by Daniel.

Wish I’d gotten your number.. you were supposed to do my astrology! When: Friday, August 17, 2012. Where: Crown Room. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915080

COUPLE AT ALBERTA STREET SIP

i’m sorry i mentioned that you cut in front of me. i should have gone with the flow instead. it was wrong of me to make you feel awkward when it was really me who felt that way. take care. When: Saturday, August 18, 2012.

Where: sip cart NE. You: Woman. Me: Woman. #915079

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ILLUSTRATION BY KALAH ALLEN

NEW RULE I have been living in Portland for going on 15 years at this point. I understand it’s a special place, and people have the feeling they can let loose and be open here. I get it, that footloose and fancy-free Portland feeling. But I have to draw the line in the sand with this one. I was in Buckman Park today when I saw it: You, yelling for your child to hurry up, her yelling back she was almost finished… finished taking a steaming dook right in the middle of the soccer field.

So mother is going to go clean it up right? I mean 10 people just watched your precious little girl drop a steaming pile right where we play Frisbee. Not at all—she just looked on as if it was completely normal.

What the fuck, Portland, we have laws that you have to scoop up after your dog, but because no sign is posted about feral children it’s fine to leave a hurking shit unattended? So City of Portland, Sam Adams, whoever may read this: Can we get an addition to the ordinance for people to scoop up after their children?

Is this what we have regressed to?—Anonymous Submit your unsigned confessions and accusations of 300 words or less, changing the names of the innocent and guilty, to “I, Anonymous,” at anonymous@portlandmercury.com, or on the new I, Anonymous blog at portlandmercury.com.

UNDERWORLD // KAZ

Kaz's work is published by Fantagraphics; view his work at kazunderworld.com

Submit your photos & art online at flickr.com/groups/portlandmercury

aayla mae

IDIOT BOX // MATT BORS

Matt Bors is a Portland-based political cartoonist; view his work at mattbors.com

September 6, 2012 Portland Mercury 39

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