Bojack horseman, neonbojack pleasestayrelevant

Bojack Horseman

1.

FADE IN: INT. CLANDESTINE SITCOM COUNCIL ROOM-DAY A group of figures sit around a massive table in the barely lit headquarters of the SITCOM COUNCIL. The shrouded faces of JOHN STAMOS, RAY ROMANO, JONATHAN TAYLOR THOMAS, ROSEANNE BARR and other forgotten heroes of the ‘90s sitcom era, focus on a BRIGHT SCREEN in the room’s center The screen is linked to a surveillance camera in the home of BOJACK HORSEMAN, star of the once popular sitcom “HORSIN’ AROUND.” The fallen sitcom starlets watch as Bojack drowns his sorrows following the untimely overdose death of his beloved “Horsin’ Around” co-star SARAH LYNN. STAMOS This is as vulnerable as he’ll ever be.

BARR (Passionately) The time for resurrection is now.

A door creaks open. The sound of heels pattering lightly across the floor. A cat-like purr resonates through the void.

It’s Bojack’s former agent, PRINCESS CAROLYN. ROMANO (TO PRINCESS CAROLYN) Is he ready for this?

With a loud clack of her heel, Princess Carolyn steps confidently into the light.

PRINCESS CAROLYN Oh, he’ll be ready. I’ll get ANNO on the phone as soon as we know he’s up for it.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas begins to speak with his boyish charm.

He addresses Carolyn meagerly.

TAYLOR THOMAS He’s our last hope, Carolyn. All that good we did back in the ‘90s.

(A Beat) We can bring it all back if he just does the right thing.

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Bojack Horseman

2.

Princess Carolyn nods, purrs emphatically and struts out of the room.

CUT TO: INT. BOJACK’S HOUSE-DAY In his luxurious home in the HOLLYWOO HILLS, Bojack is sprawled out in front of his couch. Dozens of pizzas, boxes of muffins and cans of Four Loko are strewn about the dilapidated mansion.

Bojack groans, cries and gorges himself as scenes from a “Best of Sarah Lynn” super-cut play on his massive television. Bojack is accompanied by DIANE, former memoirist and love interest, as well as TODD, Bojack’s roommate, best friend and perennial mooch.

On screen, a young Sarah Lynn gets her hair stuck in a popcorn machine. In unison with his dead co-star, Bojack cries out her signature catchphrase.

BOJACK “That’s too much, man!”

The horse continues to sob uncontrollably, his mouth full of stale pizza. Diane frantically roams the room with a trash bag. Each piece of rubbish she cleans is quickly replaced with another. Todd sits at the bar, engrossed in a handheld video game emitting the sounds of martial arts combat.

DIANE Bojack, you know this isn’t helping. I thought you came back to refocus on “ETHAN AROUND?” BOJACK “Ethan Around?!” Without Sarah Lynn? It would be like stomping on her grave.

(A beat) Which I dug!

DIANE Well, you’ve got to do something other than this. Come on!

BOJACK Don’t you have a wonderful husband whose political campaign you should be sabotaging right now? What are you even doing here?

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Bojack Horseman

3.

Diane doesn’t have an answer. She shrinks into a corner and looks at her phone. She opens it to an unwritten blog post entitled, “Governor Peanutbutter; Good Boy or Misogynist Dogmatist?”

She dials Princess Carolyn who answers from her car.

CUT TO: INT. PRINCESS CAROLYN’S CAR-DAY Princess Carolyn answers Diane’s call after slugging from a humongous cup of coffee, finishing a text, and screeching to a halt at a red light.

PRINCESS CAROLYN Diane! I was hoping to hear from you. How are we doing with Bojack?

We hear Diane’s voice on the other end of the line.

DIANE (O.S.) He’s not very open to the idea of doing anything but wallowing in his own filth. How are things on your end?

At a stop-light, Princess Carolyn carefully scans her surroundings, as if she doesn’t want to be heard.

PRINCESS CAROLYN The Sitcom Council are getting antsy. I promised them a lot with this one.

DIANE (O.S.) How is he supposed to revive an entire genre if we can’t get him off his own ass?

Princess Carolyn hears the sound of SCREAMS, CHOPS and SLAMS coming through the phone line.

PRINCESS CAROLYN What’s that racket?

DIANE (O.S.) Oh just some stupid ANIME videogame Todd is obsessed with.

(A beat) I’ve got an idea. Get over here.

Todd can help us on this one.

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Bojack Horseman

4.

PRINCESS CAROLYN I knew that kid might come in handy one day. I’ll be there before Bojack pours his next drink.

Princess Carolyn hears the guttural sounds of Bojack guzzling booze over the phone.

DIANE (O.S.) Just do your best.

Princess Carolyn looks perplexed but invigorated. She slams the remainder of her coffee, runs a red light and hightails it to Bojack’s place.

As she drives off, we see a CRANE dressed in SUNGLASSES and a KIMONO perched atop Princess Carolyn’s vehicle. It speaks into a walkie-talkie.

CRANE Anno San. Begin preparations for the VR Units. Horseman’s people seem to have a plan.

The crane jumps from the car like a ninja, with Japanese flutes playing as it flies towards the sun, as depicted on the Japanese flag.

CUT TO: INT. BOJACK’S HOUSE-NIGHT Diane has just gotten off of the phone with Princess Carolyn.

Todd continues playing his game and Bojack has moved onto hard liquor and pills. The Sarah Lynn highlights run on.

DIANE Princess Carolyn is on her way over.

BOJACK Why? Didn’t I fire her? Can’t you see I’m a cancer? Why won’t you people just let me be?

DIANE Maybe dealing with your manic episodes is easier than facing our own issues? Like Todd’s video game, it’s an escape.

Todd looks up from his game for the first time. Eyes bloodshot.

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Bojack Horseman

5.

TODD Hey, this is no escape. This is a full on battle for the planet!

Serious stuff.

DIANE Want to give Bojack a try?

Todd looks appalled. Diane gives him a stern look.

TODD Oh, fine. Just let me save.

Todd hands the game over to Bojack. The horse is so wrecked he can barely hold onto it.

BOJACK So, Todd. What is this witchcraft?

Todd leans in to start showing Bojack the ropes.

TODD Not witchcraft. Interplanetary martial arts action! You’ve never seen “DRAGONBALL Z?” BOJACK Oh you mean that Japanese cartoon where everyone sounds constipated and is shaped like asparagus?

Todd takes offense to Bojack’s jest. Momentarily, Todd’s character design shifts to that of a spiky haired anime hero, surrounded by comic book-style action lines.

TODD (Overly enthusiastic) You are a Z WARRIOR. It’s your job to fight off all the bad guys that want to blow up Earth.

BOJACK Why would I do that? We’d all be better off.

Diane gets frustrated with Bojack’s pessimism.

DIANE Just try it for god’s sake! I’ll go on a muffin run if you turn off Sarah Lynn for a while and just play the game.

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Bojack Horseman

6.

BOJACK Deal. I have all my favorite muffins stashed away in the stationary section at VONS. If you bring back that bran shit I will not be a happy horsey.

Diane sighs in agreement and storms out the front door.

With Todd watching over his shoulder, Bojack begins to play the game.

BOJACK’S P.O.V.-On screen, we see a muscle bound hero with spiky hair fighting off an unending onslaught of green aliens. Bojack struggles with the controls and fires off energy blast in every direction. Eventually his character is overwhelmed and eaten alive by the green creatures.

BACK TO SCENE-BOJACK (CONT’D) Well, that was utterly unenjoyable.

Can we put the super-cut back on?

It might make me sad, but there’s this one scene coming up where I take Sarah Lynn for ice cream. I really killed it...

(A beat) Her. Bojack begins sobbing once more. He downs a handful of multicolored pills.

Todd takes the game from his friend and with a few button presses, gives it back to him.

TODD No! That’s not the end. Even if you die in this universe, the DRAGONBALLS can bring you back to life.

BOJACK Like dragon testicles?

TODD Like magic orbs that can grant your every wish!

Bojack’s ears perk up hearing this information.

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Bojack Horseman

7.

BOJACK You mean like, a second chance? But still, with testicles?

As Bojack says this, we see Princess Carolyn snooping outside the window, waiting for the perfect moment to make her entrance.

CRASH. The door flies open and Princess Carolyn points at Bojack, assuming the same anime character traits seen earlier in Todd.

PRINCESS CAROLYN Yes! A second chance just like in the game, is waiting for you in the mystical orient.

TODD Buddhism, reincarnation, dragonballs, giant robots! Could be just what you need to find inner peace.

Todd puts his hands together, assuming the tranquil position of a BODHISATTVA. BOJACK It’s not like I have job offers in Japan, or anywhere else right now.

(A beat) Hey didn’t I do a commercial over there once? That was pretty weird.

I don’t know.

Bojack begins to reminisce about his commercial shoot in TOKYO. Princess Carolyn pulls up the video on her phone, and the group gathers round to watch.

FADE TO: FLASHBACK-INT. JAPANESE FILM STUDIO-DAY Bojack and Sarah Lynn are dressed in POWER RANGER style outfits, and armed with large foam weapons resembling cuetips. They stand on pillars in front of an imposing obstacle course with spinning blades, trap doors and automated samurai.

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Bojack Horseman

8.

At the end of the obstacle course, a large, canned beverage emblazoned with the words “SEPPUKU ENERGY,” sits atop a Buddhist shrine engulfed in flame.

A gong rings out and the two competitors make their way toward the prize.

Bojack vaults over a spinning blade, only to lose his balance and fall into a trap door. Hanging by a single finger, Sarah Lynn tries to knock him off the battlefield.

With a last ditch effort and the assistance of some wire fighting maneuvers, Bojack regains his footing and gains ground on Sarah Lynn, caught in combat with a robotic samurai.

She defeats her foe and comes to even ground with Bojack.

Before them stands an automated behemoth, an Ogre from Japanese mythology waving a fearsome club.

The pair work together, moving in unison to take out the beast’s legs, toppling it from its station before the prize.

The co-stars smile at each other momentarily, as if they will claim the prize together. However at the last moment, Bojack distracts his young co-star.

BOJACK Hey, is that your family in the crowd?

Knowing Sarah Lynn’s sordid family history, this provides Bojack the perfect opportunity to claim victory. She looks to the crowd.

Bojack squints his eyes and grits his teeth.

BOJACK (CONT’D) You dishonor them.

He trips her and as she falls. He climbs the alter and hoists the can above his head.

In the following scene, Sarah Lynn is slumped on her knees before Bojack, who hands her a short sword. With it, she performs seppuku, the ancient ritual suicide of the samurai.

The young girl’s blood flows down into the canned energy drink, and Bojack drinks his fill.

END FLASHBACkFADE TO:

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Bojack Horseman

9.

INT. BOJACK’S HOUSE-NIGHT Cringes all around. Bojack’s face is rife with guilt.

BOJACK Maybe not the best time to bring that back up, guys. What’s your point?

Princess Carolyn gets in Bojack’s face.

PRINCESS CAROLYN Those commercials are still huge over there, y’know that? They run at prime time. You’re BIG in Japan, Bojack.

BOJACK (To himself) The unsung sign of a true celebrity.

PRINCESS CAROLYN And it just so happens that a very important Japanese director wants you, and only you for his new project.

BOJACK So tell me about this guy?

PRINCESS CAROLYN Not until we get you on that plane.

Todd sees that Bojack is wavering.

TODD Bojack. Maybe if you do this show, we could search for the dragonballs after. We could bring Sarah Lynn back to life!

(A beat) In a world where a horse can star on a prime time series, who’s to say cheating death is impossible, right?

Todd seems genuinely convinced.

Diane returns from her trip to the supermarket and hears Todd. She begins to interject, but Princess Carolyn stops her with a fierce glare.

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Bojack Horseman

10.

PRINCESS CAROLYN Sure. Yeah. So What do you say? To cheating death?

Princess Carolyn raises a drink of her own and they clink glasses.

Bojack downs another hefty slug of liquor and gnaws on some pills.

BOJACK Todd, I expect nothing less than a zany, anime misadventure in search of these dragonballs. Guess I’ve got nothing better to do.

PRINCESS CAROLYN Zany misadventure guaranteed. Lets get you cleaned up. We’ve got a plane to catch.

CUT TO: INT. PRIVATE JET-NIGHT On the plane to Japan, we see Bojack, Todd, Diane, Princess Carolyn and for some reason Diane’s husband, Bojack’s rival and future candidate for governor MR. PEANUTBUTTER. Bojack continues to drink.

Through a porthole window, we see the members of the clandestine Sitcom Council gathered on the tarmac as the plane takes off.

FADE TO: EXT. TARMAC-NIGHT STAMOS By the instrumentality of he among us who hath fallen farthest, we will all be vaulted to new heights.

God speed Mr. Horseman.

BACK TO: INT. PRIVATE JET-NIGHT Diane naps and Todd plays his video games. Princess Carolyn and Mr. Peanutbutter join Bojack for a drink.

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Bojack Horseman BOJACK I really want to know about this mysterious director I’m traveling across the world for. But first, Mr. Peanutbutter, what the hell are you doing here?

MR. PEANUTBUTTER If I’m going to run for governor.

And y’know since I saved the entire PACIFIC OCEAN? I figure I better get to know the Japanese a bit.

California has at least two LITTLE TOKYOS. Bojack looks at him skeptically.

MR. PEANUTBUTTER (CONT’D) (Guilty) And you know I’d never miss out on an opportunity for a crossover episode.

BOJACK Mr. Peanutbutter, if you try to commandeer this thing from me, I will literally kill you.

Mr. Peanutbutter laughs it off.

MR. PEANUTBUTTER (Laughing) Right back at’cha big guy.

Bojack is irked, turns to Princess Carolyn.

BOJACK So, will someone please tell me something about this enigma of a project I’m getting into?

Princess Carolyn can’t put this off any longer.

PRINCESS CAROLYN Ever hear of HIDEAKI ANNO? Bojack spits out his drink all over Mr. Peanutbutter.

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11.

Bojack Horseman

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BOJACK You want me to work for that guy?!

You saw what he did to Godzilla RIGHT? He used to be so cool. Poor lizard lost his mind.

DISSOLVE TO: EXT. TOKYO-DAY Godzilla as depicted in the film “SHIN GODZILLA,” stands frozen over a ruined portion of Tokyo.

The camera zooms in on the monster’s eye, wide open and twitching manically. Unable to move, the monster tries to speak.

GODZILLA (Under his breath) Help me. Please. Can someone just scratch my back?

A helicopter whizzes by.

BACK TO: INT. PRIVATE JET-NIGHT Princess Carolyn makes herself a martini.

PRINCESS CAROLYN Anno’s work is notorious for being psychologically traumatic.

(A beat) But you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. It should be fine.

BOJACK Princess Carolyn, I know pandering when I hear it, and usually I appreciate it. But you know what I’m going through right now.

Princess Carolyn breathes deep.

PRINCESS CAROLYN And that’s exactly why you’re here!

With Anno’s experimental approach, your vulnerability, and these new technologies they’re using over there. We could totally overhaul your career!

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Bojack Horseman

13.

Bojack is clearly thinking about it, as he puts down his drink and leans forward. Mr. Peanutbutter’s ears perk up and his tail begins to wag. Diane briefly wakes from her nap to scratch him behind the ears.

BOJACK But what makes Anno the right guy for the job? Has he ever even done a sitcom?

PRINCESS CAROLYN In 1996 he released an anime series called “NEON GENESIS EVANGELION,” one of the most controversial of all time. He’s rebooted it every few years, making minor tweaks here and there. All the while making millions! He’s the reboot king!

Bojack sits back, relaxes his shoulders and smiles.

BOJACK This sounds refreshing. I hope you’re right on this one Princess Carolyn. I’m going to catch some shut eye. Thanks for filling me in.

Bojack lies down and rests his eyes. Princess Carolyn covers him with a blanket, but her look of confidence turns to one of apprehension.

The plane drones on across the pacific into the rising red sun.

CUT TO: INT. HIDEAKI ANNO’S OFFICE-DAY In a dark office, Hideaki Anno sits at a desk, represented as a KOI FISH. He wears dark, round sunglasses and crosses his fins in front of his face, reminiscent of his “Evangelion” character “GENDO IKARI.” The same crane which had been following Princess Carolyn swoops into Anno’s office.

ANNO (In Japanese) What news on the Horseman?

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Bojack Horseman

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CRANE (In Japanese) It seems the Sitcom Council have influenced his people. They want him to revive the wholesome vision of family sitcoms.

ANNO (In Japanese) How dare they interfere with my art. Have VR suits made for the boy and the dog. We will create conflict, and allow the horse’s struggle to determine his destiny.

Anno sits behind his desk, smirking.

CUT TO: EXT. TOKYO AIRPORT-DAY Bojack and company disembark from the plane straight onto the tarmac.

Anno and his crane companion bow, but say nothing. A car waits for them and to everyone’s surprise, Diane moves into the driver’s seat.

DIANE (Addressing the group) Apparently since I’m sort of Asian, I’ve been chosen as Bojack’s personal escort. You all ride in the next car.

The group stands awkwardly as Bojack gets in the car with Diane.

MR. PEANUTBUTTER Aren’t you Vietnamese?

CRANE Close enough.

The crane slams Diane’s door shut and tells her in rough Japanese to start driving.

CUT TO:

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Bojack Horseman

15.

INT. CAR-DAY Diane and Bojack drive very fast down the Japanese highway.

The distinct sound of cicadas mixes with the roar of the motor.

Bojack looks at Diane, confused by what he sees. Suddenly she’s become more buxom, her eyes larger and her hair changed to a shade of purple.

BOJACK Diane, you look...

DIANE I know. This happens when I come to Asia. I guess something about the homeland brings out my more, distinguished features.

Bojack likes what he sees.

BOJACK If only I’d known. We should have planned a trip to Japan earlier, eh?

He winks and nudges her creepily.

DIANE Enough of the games, okay? You have no idea what you’re getting into here.

BOJACK I know, Anno is a weirdo and all but...

DIANE No. The VR Suits. The whole film is going to take place in VIRTUAL REALITY. It’s gotten so advanced here, every situation they put you in will be indistinguishable from real life.

BOJACK Well, I have a hard enough time dealing with life as it is, so how much worse could this be?

DIANE No, really. You’ve got to understand. Things are going to get weird in there.

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Bojack Horseman

16.

BOJACK Diane, are you in on this? Why do you know so much?

Whipping around a corner, the sun glares off of Diane’s new anime style hair. She grunts in admission.

DIANE Me and Princess Carolyn. For different reasons. I just wanted to see you on your feet again.

Princess Carolyn, she’s in league with this secret Sitcom Council thing. If you use this opportunity to convince people that sitcoms are worth watching again, they’ll all become her clients.

Bojack seems hurt by their deception, but not surprised.

BOJACK And Anno? What’s his goal in all this? He has no stake in the family sitcom.

DISSOLVE TO: An image of Anno, fins folded, cackling to himself flashes on screen.

BACK TO: INT. CAR-DAY DIANE Anno’s a wild card. He’ll put you in places that will make you squirm. Bring out the best in you then tear you down. All that matters is his art and his franchise. Just be careful in there, okay?

BOJACK I’ve been meaning to ask, what’s the name of this picture anyway?

DIANE “NEONBOJACK EQUISGELDING.” As Diane says this, the title flashes across the screen in Japanese Kanji.

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Bojack Horseman

17.

BOJACK What does that even mean?

DIANE Better you not read too much into it. We’re almost there.

The car pulls past a group of Japanese foxes dressed in business suits, headed home from long days on the job.

Suddenly, a massive steel door opens in the middle of a mountainside. With an abrupt left turn, Diane pulls the car into the dark cavern and stops.

The floor shakes beneath them and they begin cascading down a vast elevator shaft.

BOJACK This guy have a flair for theatrics or what?

To each side, humans and animals dressed in lab coats can be seen through windows on each floor. Some work at massive computers with indecipherable codes shooting up and down.

Others conduct tests on subjects hooked into virtual reality machines.

BOJACK (CONT’D) What kind of freak show is this? I thought we were headed for some third world back lot.

DIANE You know Japan is a first world country right?

BOJACK Hey, when a country’s drink of choice is Sake, who knows what to think.

The car continues downward, being carried left, then right, then up, then down again on a conveyor belt.

BOJACK (CONT’D) This is a bit disorienting. What if you’ve got to step out and make a call or something?

Diane turns, looking sternly at Bojack.

DIANE That’s the point. This is no ordinary film shoot.

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Bojack Horseman

18.

DIANE (CONT'D) Prepare yourself. I wrote your memoir. I know what’s in there.

Pointing at Bojack’s head.

DIANE (CONT’D) Reign it in. Focus only on what you want to portray.

Bojack closes his eyes, the lights of the elevator passing over his creased lids. He breathes deeply and opens them again.

BOJACK Everyone knows Sarah Lynn was my fault. From our first day on the show to her last, I should have treated her better.

Bojack chokes up.

BOJACK (CONT’D) Whatever world this Anno character puts me in, I want it to be one where I do right by her. It might be too late, but I can set an example for others right?

The elevator stops, a bright light pours in as another huge door opens.

DIANE Good, now make it so. Ready?

BOJACK As I’ll ever be.

Bojack pulls from his flask.

The pair get out of the car, two silhouettes in the blinding light of the building’s core. They step forward together.

FADE TO: INT. ANNO STUDIO-DAY Bojack and Diane walk along a pathway leading up to a stage where they are awaited by Anno, his crane counterpart, Princess Carolyn, Mr. Peanutbutter and Todd.

The group exchange casual greetings and Princess Carolyn pulls Bojack aside.

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Bojack Horseman

19.

PRINCESS CAROLYN How’s my favorite horse doin’?

Ready for your close up?

Bojack neighs in detest at Princess Carolyn.

BOJACK I know there’s more riding on this than just my comeback. Did Stamos put you up to this?

Princess Carolyn’s ears flop and she shies away from Bojack.

PRINCESS CAROLYN I figured you’d want to bring back the glory days of “Horsin’ Around” anyway. Is it so bad if we share the wealth? You could do a lot of good for a lot of people!

Bojack merely scoffs and flips his mane.

BOJACK I don’t know what’s going to happen with all this VR mumbo jumbo. But it’s going to be on my terms, hear that?

Princess Carolyn nods, looking proudly up at Bojack for showing some nerve.

Anno ushers the group onto the platform.

ANNO (In Japanese) Agent Crane, release the VR Units from their slumber.

Agent Crane pulls a lever and a powerful gust of steam explodes from the floor. A platform rises and moves to the side. From beneath, three gargantuan humanoid figures emerge.

Their visages remain obscured by steam.

BOJACK Woah. I was expecting some little headset you might find in an arcade. Talk about production value.

As the mist clears, the identities of the humanoid robots are revealed. On the left, a massive, metallic version of Todd’s PAPIER MACHE bust. On the right, a yellow canine cyborg, armored head to toe in spaghetti strainers.

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20.

In the center, a robotic replica of none other than Bojack’s abusive mother BEATRICE HORSEMAN. Bojack is given no time to react. Anno commands him from the rafters.

ANNO Pilot the robot, Bojack.

Bojack is full of questions, and panics.

BOJACK Is this thing safe? Are we already filming? Why does it look like my mother? Am I being punished here?

The Beatrice robot creaks open its cavernous maw.

BEATRICE UNIT 01 “I’m punishing you for being alive.”

This direct quote brings Bojack right back to the abuse of his childhood. His former resolve has been annihilated. He lashes out.

BOJACK Diane! You were the only one who knew she said that! What the hell?

Anno speaks in broken English.

ANNO Ms. Nguyen only gave me the information necessary to get you in the robot. Will you back down now?

Bojack shakes his head back and forth, fighting off unpleasant memories.

BOJACK Y’know what? I’ll do it, just in spite of that old hag. See Mom, this is me succeeding! No thanks to you.

Bojack begins furiously climbing towards the cockpit. Todd and Mr. Peanutbutter simply excited to be included, do the same.

With a WHOOSH, each ENTRY PLUG opens.

CUT TO:

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Bojack Horseman

21.

INT. ENTRY PLUGS-NIGHT The screen is split in three, and we see each of our pilots clambering into their entry plugs. First, a virtual reality headset is placed over their eyes. The plugs then close and begin to fill with liquid, placing the pilots in a womb like environment.

Mr. Peanutbutter rolls like a dog in grass. Todd merely lies with his mouth agape. Bojack breathes in and smacks his lips.

BOJACK Is that bourbon?

The three begin to relax in their new surroundings, preparing for the experience to begin.

CUT TO: INT. ANNO STUDIO-NIGHT Diane and Princess Carolyn lean close against the rafters, concerned for their friends. Anno and Agent Crane have not moved from their perch.

ANNO Now we see what they’re made of.

Crane. Begin the countdown.

Orange letters count down from 10 on screens around the room.

Sirens ring out, and the robots slowly descend back into the depths from which they came.

CUT TO: INT. VIRTUAL REALITY REALM-UNCLEAR The three pilots are engulfed in blackness for what seems like an eternity. Suddenly, the masks over their eyes begin to flicker.

FADE TO: INT. VIRTUAL REALITY LOS ANGELES-DAY Los Angeles burns before the three pilots. The HOLLYWOO sign has been torn down. The GRIFFITH OBSERVATORY is in ruins. The three robots look to one another in disbelief, paralyzed by the perceived reality in front of them.

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22.

Bojack is the first to see the root of the problem. The robot twice the size of those piloted by our heroes, is none other than an automated titan in the form of pop icon and sex symbol SEXTINA AQUAFINA, the antithesis of wholesome family values.

The sounds of “BRRAP BRRAP PEW PEW,” ring out through the city in the form of energy blasts. The city is engulfed in flame. With the destruction of each building, she shudders in the throes of orgasm.

Bojack looks closely at their foe. Laid deep within her naval, like a bellybutton ring, is a red orb. Inside it is a childhood version of Sarah Lynn, as she’d appeared on “Horsin’ Around.”

Looking to Todd, who had known Sarah Lynn well, Bojack and his friend jump into action. Their robots are lithe and strong, easily bounding across the city.

The pair engage the rabid dolphin in battle. With vicious beams of echolocation, she repels them momentarily.

BOJACK (To Todd) Go for the dorsal fin! I read in a “NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC” headline, they’re useless without them.

Bojack distracts from the front while Todd circles around, aiming his grip toward the dolphin’s fin. Mr. Peanutbutter stands in frustration, searching for a way to make himself useful.

With Sextina Aquafina subdued momentarily by Todd, Bojack has a rare opportunity to reach for Sarah Lynn. As he is about to touch her orb, Mr. Peanutbutter’s robot shoots a series of spaghetti strainer ninja stars which knock the dolphin robot off balance, freeing her from Todd’s grasp.

BOJACK (CONT’D) This is my show, dog. This is no crossover episode.

Bojack and Mr. Peanutbutter begin fighting amongst themselves as Todd is overwhelmed by the sex fueled dolphin bringing ruin to the city.

Bojack lights a radioactive cigarette, the Beatrice Unit 01’s signature weapon. He shoves it in the eye of Mr. Peanutbutter’s mecha, blinding him and sending him to the fringes of the battle.

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Bojack Horseman

23.

Without support from Bojack, Todd has fled. It is now a one on one battle between horse and dolphin.

Bojack rushes without caution, emitting a furious neigh. He locks arms with the opposing mecha. She is bigger and stronger than he, and her echolocation waves make it difficult to get within range of Sarah Lynn.

In a desperate move, Bojack removes the arm of his mecha holding the radioactive cigarette, and shoves it into the blowhole of the dolphin mecha. This stuns her, and allows him to gain a firm grasp of Sarah Lynn’s orb with his free arm.

With Sarah Lynn lying sweetly in his palm, the opposing mecha begin to glow the whitest white. The two beasts rise slowly into the air, and the sky above turns blood red.

CUT TO: INT. ANNO STUDIO-NIGHT Anno, usually composed, is thrilled by the events unfolding before him.

ANNO Now it begins! The nascent of a new family sitcom. Where do we go now, Bojack?

CUT TO: INT. VIRTUAL REALITY LOS ANGELES-NIGHT Todd and Mr. Peanutbutter watch in awe as the two entwined mecha rise into the sky in a beam of light, the city crumbling beneath them.

As they reach the ionosphere, the two mecha explode, destroying all beneath them. The universe turns to white.

FADE IN: INT. UNIDENTIFIED VIRTUAL REALITY SPACE-UNLCEAR Bojack’s body slowly materializes in a sea of whiteness. Ten paces before him, Sarah Lynn materializes.

The space is eerily silent. Sarah Lynn speaks out and it echoes perpetually.

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SARAH LYNN Can we go back now?

Bojack is at a loss for words. He knows this is not real, but cannot resist.

BOJACK Of course sweetie.

SARAH LYNN Call me SABRINA. Her character’s name on “Horsin’ Around.”

BOJACK Of course, Sabrina.

Bojack sheds a tear and wipes it away.

CUT TO: INT. VIRTUAL REALITY HORSIN’ AROUND SET-DAY Young Bojack sits with his adopted children on the set of “Horsin’ Around,” Sabrina, OLIVIA and Ethan. They are in their familiar kitchen, laughing. Their words are muffled, but a typical sitcom laugh track rolls unendingly. Without warning, the laughter stops and virtual reality takes control.

CUT TO: INT. VIRTUAL REALITY HORSEMAN HOUSEHOLD-DAY Bojack is a child now, dressed in his sailor suit. His mother and father BUTTERSCOTCH HORSEMAN argue over something Bojack has done. The young horse lights a cigarette for his mother, and brings his father a drink. The two parents calm down and return to their own devices. Peace returns momentarily for the young colt.

CUT TO: EXT. VIRTUAL REALITY TESUQUE, NEW MEXICO-DAY Bojack imagines himself as the head of a household not his own. He’s married to the one that got away, CHARLOTTE the deer. They sit around a campfire with her daughter PENNY, roasting marshmallows.

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Placing glow sticks inside balloons, they float off into the night as a magnificent light show. One rises higher than the rest and POPS. CUT TO: INT. VIRTUAL REALITY BOAT, TESUQUE, NEW MEXICO-NIGHT Bojack is taken back to a moment in reality, before the impressionable Penny deer propositioned him for sex on her prom night. However, in this false reality, his former love interest Charlotte does not storm in, banishing him from their lives forever.

Now, Bojack stands at the window and watches the lights in Charlotte’s bedroom turn off. He saunters back toward the bed where Penny lays. The ensuing events take place off screen, but shuffling sheets and the sounds of passionate kissing indicate the realization of Bojack’s dark desires in this alternate reality.

CUT TO: INT. VIRTUAL REALITY REALM-UNCLEAR All is black.

BOJACK No! That’s not what happened. It wasn’t much better what I did, but I couldn’t have. Could I? Diane walks out of the ether.

DIANE No, Bojack, you’re better than that.

Princess Carolyn follows.

PRINCESS CAROLYN It might be hard, but there’s a reason we keep coming back.

Todd is the next to reveal himself.

TODD You were the only C-list celebrity to take me in when I needed it most. So you sabotaged my dreams and slept with my girlfriend? Our bond is stronger than that, right?

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BOJACK You mean, you can forgive me?

Sarah Lynn, Ethan and Olivia enter together, addressing Bojack in unison.

HORSIN’ AROUND KIDS Only if you can forgive yourself.

CUT TO: INT. VIRTUAL REALITY HORSIN’ AROUND SET-DAY Once more, Bojack is joined by his on-set family with Todd, Diane and Princess Carolyn there as well.

BOJACK So, what you mean is, that I can only appreciate the love of others once I learn to love myself.

(A beat) But, I’m so selfish. Don’t I already love myself? All I do is for myself.

Herb Kazzaz, the man who gave Bojack his start in Hollywood enters.

HERB You betrayed me Bojack, and I can’t forgive you. But you must forgive yourself, for all those people out there who looked to you to make them laugh. Love yourself for the love they bear you.

Out of nowhere, the members of the Sitcom Council begin to emerge.

BOJACK I think I understand. Thank you all.

Everyone begins clapping.

THE GROUP (In repetition) Congratulations Bojack!

Basking in the glory of enlightenment, Bojack lets down his guard.

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Without warning, Mr. Peanutbutter slams through the wall in his spaghetti mech.

CUT TO: EXT. VIRTUAL REALITY REALM-UNCLEAR In a bright blue sky, Bojack and Mr. Peanutbutter are both back in their mech suits.

MR. PEANUTBUTTER I’m about to be governor! You want to talk about doing good for others! Get behind me.

The rest watch from the sidelines in disgust.

BOJACK This was my moment! I told you, no more crossover episodes!

The two mecha do battle. Mr. Peanutbutter flings a spaghetti strainer which lops off one of Bojack’s ears. Bojack retaliates with a cigarette burn to the heart. They grapple mid-air until the radioactive cigarette pierces through.

Mr. Peanutbutter’s mech plummets from the sky, and Bojack’s formerly loving entourage look on in detest.

A young Sarah Lynn approaches Bojack’s mecha. He picks her up in his palm.

BOJACK (CONT’D) It’s okay Sabrina. I did it. I won!

For me, and you, and everyone else.

The Sitcom Council shake their heads and walk off into an imposing mist.

As his supporters abandon him in his hubris, the world around Bojack turns blood red. His mech suit splinters and he is left floating in he abyss with a weakened Sarah Lynn.

BOJACK (CONT’D) It’s okay. Sarah Lynn! We can go back. I’ve changed. For real this time.

Sarah Lynn re-assumes her elder form, from the night of her overdose.

SARAH LYNN That’s too much man.

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These are her final words as she dies for the second time.

She sinks into the red waters and Bojack is alone.

CUT TO: INT. ANNO STUDIO-NIGHT Todd, Bojack and Mr. Peanutbutter each emerge from their VR mech suits looking disoriented and relieved to be past that experience.

Anno comes down from his perch with Diane and Princess Carolyn.

DIANE You were almost there, man. Baby steps, I guess.

PRINCESS CAROLYN We could have had it all Bojack.

BOJACK (Desperately) What are you talking about? I made amends didn’t I? And I beat that uppity dog Mr. Peanutbutter, so all’s well that end’s well, right?

PRINCESS CAROLYN (Sadly) Right.

TODD (Disappointed) Was that misadventure zany enough for you?

BOJACK Well, yeah! Maybe we do it again if Anno agrees? With more of the robot battles and less of the psycho babble? That should sell like hotcakes.

Anno approaches Bojack with a smug grin on his face.

ANNO (Broken English) You did not restore family sitcom, but for you, Bojack Horseman, I see a bright new future. We work again soon.

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Bojack is thrilled by the director’s validation, but stands alone as his cohorts try to make their way out of Anno studios.

BOJACK Guys! Guys?

(To Anno) I mean, this guy gets it right? I won!

(Unconvincing) We won! Together.

Bojack cracks an awkward smile and shrugs. He pulls out his flask and takes a long pull.

FADE TO BLACK.

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