Mayhem! Issue 27 by Mayhem! Magazine

issue 27

Mayhem! Meets…

Alan Davies Dawn

French …a catch up with

Exclusive chat with…

Don’t forget to pick up your next FREE copy of Mayhem! Magazine, out soon!

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EDITOR’S

leTTer

Check out our website, Facebook and Twitter pages for more Mayhem! exclusives, monthly competitions and freebies!

Where did the summer go? Fear not, Mayhem! is here to brighten your life with our regular dose of what’s going on and worth doing in the months to come.

Take our short survey and WIN You can be entered into a draw to Win an ipod touch simply by completing our short survey. We want to know why you love Mayhem! so much and how we can make it even better.

So, to kick things off we chat with two comedy legends starting with Alan Davies and rounding up with Dawn French, both of whom drop into The Kings Theatre with their current tours. We catch up with the ladies from The Saturdays as they celebrate the release of thier Greatest Hits album and find out what’s next as the girls find their own interests.

SCAN ME

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Complete our survey

There are loads of ways to join the lively Mayhem! network. Let us know what you’re thinking.

As well as top tips on love and relationships, how to rid your unwanted hair, and what’s weird in the world of news.

Email us: hello@mayhemmagazine.co.uk Find us on Facebook at: /themayhemmagazine

We also have ideas on where to get away when the weather turns autumnal, and a few new adventures to add to your bucket list.

Follow and Tweet us: @mayhemmag

What are you waiting for, get the kettle on and enjoy! Daniel Tidbury | Editor-in-chief

Checkout our online archive!

www.issuu.com/mayhemmagazine

www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk www.mayhemmagazine 12 Weird World news 14 Mayhem! meets… Alan Davies 18 beauty for the girls 20 Get that job 26 World Literacy Day

28 Late summer breaks 30 We are the eggmen 34 Dawn French, chats 38 Wanted: A happy home 40 Cheap Chic 42 Hair today, gone tomorrow

@mayhemmag Meet the team… editor-in-chief Daniel tidbury contributing Writers James butler, Sara niven-Smith James niven-Smith, Chris Morley Jutta Lasner, Matthew Stadlen robert Hewitt, Lois Forster Kelly Wickham, Hannah birkbeck Shaun Curran

maYHem! | AUTUMN 2014

online editor Daniel tidbury social media Lawrence Patrick advertising sales Steve Holland design & marketing tidbury Media distribution Distribution experts published by

44 Amazing adventures 49 Stand up to cancer 50 Seasonal sustenance 54 World biggest coffee morning 60 the Saturdays, chat

the mayhem magazine

Mayhem! is a free lifestyle magazine dedicated to keeping you up to date with the latest culture, trends, fashions and celebs. Our monthly instalments are available to pick up from the countless distribution points scattered across Portsmouth and its surrounding areas.

023 9229 4408 hello@mayhemmagazine.co.uk www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

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What’s Stoptober? It’s like October but without cigarettes!

Be part of the challenge. Starts 1st October. Stoptober is back. All over the country people will take the 28 day challenge to stop smoking during October. Last year 2,500 people in Portsmouth signed up for Stoptober.

For more information visit www.portsmouth.gov.uk and search ‘stop smoking’ or call 023 9229 4001. Alternatively, speak to your GP or local pharmacy.

WEIRD

Written by James butler

strange but true…

news Showbiz, Politics and Royal Babies: the three topics that consistently dominate the front pages of newspapers around the country. But skim past these usual offenders and a wealth of wacky news stories are waiting to be gawped at. Here at Mayhem!, we have sifted through the column inches to deliver a round-up of the weirdest stories the press has to offer, so make a cup of tea, put your feet up, and read the news, but not as you know it.

an eye for an eye We’ve all been there – driving down a country road at night, only to be confronted by a driver with their full beams on, whose sole mission at that moment is to make you drive into a hedge. But perhaps British police should adopt a deterrent used by their Chinese counterparts, who take a dim view of drivers being dazzled.

Midas MeeTs ali G Most of us are lucky if we get a cake and a big badge for our birthdays, but one Indian businessman was determined to make everyone else look bad on his big day. Textile company owner Pankaj Parakh spent almost £130k on a shirt made of 18–22 carat gold to celebrate his 45th year of existence – and to show off his love of bling. Twenty of his workers spent 3,200 hours crafting the glittery garment, which weighs 4kg but remains ‘fully flexible and comfortable’ according to The Times of India. 12 maYHem! | AUTUMN 2014

Officers in the southern city Shenzhen have been forcing drivers who blind other motorists with their headlights to sit in front of a pair for five minutes. The driver is taken out of their own vehicle and made to sit on a stool a few metres from the full glare of the police car’s headlights. One spoonful of their own medicine, coming right up.

iT’s all in The naMe He must have been Employee of the Year to get a job at Apple. A man who spent three years working in the Vancouver store is raising iBrows by selling his unusual business card on eBay for charity. Sam Sung, 25, has attracted more than 100 offers and a current bid of over $80,000 on the auction site for a package which also includes his old uniform and security pass. Sung says he’s donating all profits to the charity Children’s Wish. Now he is moving on from the company, don’t be surprised if he becomes CEO of his namesake soon enough.

TooThy Trouble For anyone who has or ever had braces, this will remind you that it could have been worse. A Saudi Arabian man went to the doctors after suffering at least one nose bleed a month for three years, only to be told there was a rogue tooth growing in his nose. The 22-year-old was told to his horror that a white bony mass measuring half an inch in length was growing in his nasal cavity. The tooth had grown facing the wrong direction and was scratching the inside of his nose, causing the bleeding.

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MAYHEM! meets…

In 2012, Alan Davies returned to the standup arena with a huge national tour of the show, “Life Is Pain”. After a hiatus of 12 years, to begin with he was understandably nervous…

“I really like touring, I get a big kick out of it”

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MAYHEM! meets… But it turned out he needn’t have worried. Alan’s return to stand-up was an unalloyed triumph. Looking back on that moment now, Alan smiles that, “Going back on stage really felt like coming home.” The critics agreed. Big Issue declared that, “Alan Davies has lost none of his appeal… Heart-tugging and deeply funny.” The Guardian hailed him as, “One of the best stand-up comics out there… Packed with deft silliness and shrewd observation.” The Age, meanwhile said that he, “had the audience in stitches… hilarious.” Alan is now going back on the road with an entirely new show entitled “Little Victories.” It can be summed up by all those adjectives beginning with C: coruscating, compelling and completely comic. As a stand-up, Alan is an absolute natural. He’s totally at ease on stage; he generates a tremendous warmth that draws audiences in. It’s a joy to witness someone so obviously in his element. The tour two years ago got Alan’s comic juices flowing again. Now he just can’t wait to start performing live once more. What distinguishes his shows is the wonderful relationship he enjoys with his audience. The comedian, who is happily married with two small children, reveals that, “from the outset, any gig is all about establishing a rapport with the audience. It has to go beyond your material – otherwise, you’re just a monologist. You go on stage empty-handed (like a karate expert!) and have to find the audience.” “So you might start by talking to them about their town and towns nearby. Then get everyone to agree on what is the most rubbish village in the area. That’s one way of getting people to offer things up. It’s really important to have that interaction. Although it often appears as if you’re not doing anything, MAYHEMMAG |

The opening 10 minutes is a vital part of the show. If you get that right, it sets the evening up perfectly.” Alan is very grateful for the immense affection in which his loyal audience holds him. “They’ve made an effort to come out, they’ve booked the babysitter. It’s important never to forget that they have come specifically to see you.” “Once you get that in your head, you have a huge sense of gratitude towards the audience. That transmits to them. I’m saying to them, ‘You’ve done your bit by buying the tickets, and you’re free to leave at any time. But now I’ll do my bit by trying to entertain you’. Because they’ve especially come to see you, you get this terrific feeling of warmth from them. I love that.” The genuine bond between Alan and his audience frequently spills over into good-natured mickey taking. He laughs that, “fans often come up to me and say, ‘I saw you performing in Bournemouth in 1999. Have you met my grandchild?’ “I’ve started asking audience members when they were born, but that’s not always a good idea. I’m 47 years old now, so when they say, ‘1998’, I feign physical pain. But I have to admit I’m not always feigning – sometimes it causes actual physical pain!”

Another of the major themes of the show is how to be a good parent. Alan, who has also enjoyed a highly successful acting career on series such as Bob and Rose and Jonathan Creek, back on BBC1 this spring, comments that, “it’s on me to keep my children happy. They’re full of fun and laughter and have really nice days. I can’t bear to think of them being anxious.” But, Alan adds, there is a danger that we glorify our children too much. “These days children are worshipped. Look at those parents who send pictures of their children as Christmas cards. We were house-hunting recently, and we saw a house that must have contained 200 framed photos of the owners’ children. Really? Those frames cost a bit, too!”

“I love stand-up” So as you can see, Alan is a comedian at the very top of his game. What keeps him so vibrant and so fresh as a stand-up is that he has never fallen into complacency.

Alan goes on to explain where the neat title of his new show originates. “It comes from a routine about me trying to get my dad to eat blackcurrant jam. He has a limited palate. He also thinks that Indian food would make him ill. It would drive us mad as children – it’s almost pathological.

The comic, who has been a regular panellist for the past 11 years on BBC2’s wonderfully inventive panel show, QI, observes that, “you must never sit on your laurels. I remember a TV drama exec once coming on set and saying, ‘I’ve just seen the rushes and I smell BAFTAs’. I thought, ‘No, what you’ve smelt is the dog poo you’ve just trodden in. You don’t know what you’re talking about’”.

“He has just decided that he doesn’t like certain things. We had plenty of jam at home – strawberry, raspberry, apricot – it was jam a-go-go. But he would refuse to eat jam made of blackcurrant, the finest of all the currants. So we set him a trap … That’s one of the routines in the show. It’s a classic Little Victory.”

“Good comedians never come off the stage punching the air and shouting, ‘ I rule, baby!’ They say, ‘That was OK’. Recently I met the magician David Copperfield who does 600 shows a year. He told me, ‘I’m never satisfied with my performance. I always think I could have done it better.’ ”

THEMAYHEMMAGAzINE | maYHemmagazine.co.uk

AUTUMN 2014 | maYHem!

MAYHEM! meets…

The marvellous news is, Alan shows no sign of wanting to take another break from stand-up. Now he’s got the taste for it again, he doesn’t want to stop. “I love stand-up,” beams the comedian, who has released two successful stand-up DVDs, Urban Trauma and Life Is Pain. “And I really like touring – I get a big kick out of it. I don’t find it arduous at all. It’s that or a 17-hour day looking after toddlers, which is much more diﬃcult! Stand-up is a doddle comparatively. You go around the country making people laugh. It’s a really nice thing to do.” “I was talking to Rich Hall recently. He’s 58 and still enjoys touring. I remember 16 maYHem! | AUTUMN 2014

once going to see Bill Cosby at the Royal Albert Hall in London. He was in his 60s. He did an amazing two and a half hour show and received a standing ovation. Absolutely inspiring. Let’s see where I am in 20 years’ time, but I know I’ve still got a long way to go.” Alan closes by reflecting on how lucky he feels. “Having been away from stand-up for so long, I initially returned to it rather unwillingly. But now I count my blessings, which is something you don’t always do when you’re younger. I can’t do eight nights at the 02 or sell a million DVDs. But I’m still in a very privileged position where a lot of comedians would love to be.”

“I went to Sweden in 2012 with the QI producer John Lloyd to watch a recording of their version of QI. They had also asked me to do a stand-up show. I said, ‘Really? Will they get it?’ But sure enough, the Swedish audience understood every single word and were loudly enthusiastic. Afterwards John said to me ‘Every night people laugh and clap and leave happy. It’s not a bad job, is it?’” I said

“It’s a great job”. Tickets for Alan Davies’ “Little Victories” tour can be found at www.mickperrin.com. Check out Alans show at The Kings Theatre in Portsmouth on Saturday 27th September 2014

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BEAUTy boosTers

Written by sara niven-smitH

For tHe girls

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spoT The probleM Benefit Cosmetics have a fab range of problem solvers that do everything from minimizing the look of large pores to keeping eyeshadows. Their Boi-ing industrialstrength concealer is one of their best however and comes in three long lasting shades to cover up any blemishes. £17.50, available at larger Boots stores or visit www.benefitcosmetics.com.

Keep GlowinG By Terry Cellularose Brightening CC Lumi Serum, £59 is a new skin brightening treatment serum to treat tired, dull or jaded skin. There’s four different light reflecting shades to choose from and it can be worn with or without foundation depending on how much help you feel you need! Available at Space NK stores or visit uk.spacenk.com. 18 maYHem! | AUTUMN 2014

Dark circles don’t tend to show so much with a bit of a tan but when the summer glow goes even regular eight hour a nighters can need a boost in that area. Clarins Instant Concealer gets a fi rm thumbs up from us. It effectively brightens up the whole under eye area and reduces the appearance of laughter lines as an added bonus, £21, www.clarins.co.uk.

calM iT down If you suffer from redness during colder winter months Jurlique’s Calendula Redness Rescue Soothing Moisturising Cream, £28, (www.jurlique. co.uk) works miracles on sensitive skin prone to flushing. You can then disguise it additionally with a yellow tinted face powder – try Clinique’s Redness Solutions Instant Relief Mineral Pressed Powder £25.50, www.clinique.co.uk.

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beat tHe competition! For the first-time job seeker, interviews can be a daunting task. With Costa Coffee recently receiving over 1,700 applications for eight positions, competition is fierce. Read these top interview tips to increase your chances of gaining that sought after retail summer job.

GeT The

Job W ritten By robert HeWitt

GooGle TheM Interviewers like applicants to do their research. Before the interview, your new best friend is the humble search engine. In the endless matrix of web pages, the company will have a website. Read their ethos, understand their aims, and impress the interviewers with your understanding. Knowledge is power after all.

wear Their uniforM Sounds simple, but interviewers will look at how you dress. Subconsciously they will see you as part of the team if you are wearing similar attire to their own employees. That does not mean stealing an employee’s uniform – you will get a jail sentence, not a job – but give them an idea of how you will look as part of their team.

preTend To be a spy Retail is very much about customer service. You are an undercover operative, infi ltrating the establishment, with the main aim of getting served by the manager. They lead their team by example, so gather information about how they meet, greet, serve and understand their customers. This information is beneficial when you get asked: “How would you give exceptional customer service?”

pracTice your flexibiliTy When asked whether you are flexible, be honest. There is nothing more mentally draining for a manager who employs flexible people, who bring their own working guidelines. If you have prior commitments, then explain they can be rearranged, with notice. For the interview rookie, these top tips are essential when attending interviews. The competition is fierce, and you have to stand tall to get into retail. Aim to impress, and that coveted position will be yours. Good luck! 20 maYHem! | AUTUMN 2014

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South Downs College offer a wide range of Apprenticeship opportunities starting now and throughout the year. Contact us now for more information. Telephone: 023 9279 4661 Email: business@southdowns.ac.uk Website: www.southdowns.ac.uk If you are an employer considering expanding your team with a new Apprentice, please contact us on the number above - we look forward to hearing from you!

relationsHip tips

Tips for lasTinG

l ve

Whether you’re in a new relationship or have been together more years than Kerry Katona’s got kids, a few basic principles can help keep love alive. Written By James and sara niven-smitH

row consTrucTively rows aren’t all bad news and the couples that never have them might not have the healthiest relationships. Sometimes we all need to get it off our chests. Hurling insults that can never be retracted isn’t the objective however – try to be specific and to the point. if you’re sick of them never lifting a finger, make it clear what you want to change rather than simply letting all the neighbours know your partner’s a ‘lazy, worthless bleep.’

show appreciaTion We all need it, whether it’s complimenting a new hairstyle, a simple ‘you look great,’ or ‘that was a top curry, thanks for cooking.’ if someone starts to feel they’re blending into the wallpaper or their efforts are going unrecognised they’re more likely to be susceptible to flattery from elsewhere or give up trying to please. 22 maYHem! | AUTUMN 2014

play

TiMe and space

your own time and your own friends are essential. Don’t let them fall by the wayside however loved up you feel at first – you’ll appreciate them again later down the line and they won’t thank you for dumping them! Once the first flush of love is over try not to spend time apart endlessly discussing your partners’ flaws – focus on recharging your own batteries instead.

this doesn’t mean endless games of pool down the pub, but playful behaviour within a couple increases a feeling of togetherness and love. Do something that makes you both laugh and fool around (in addition to sex) regularly. Otherwise (and particularly if you live together) it’s easy to start feeling like it’s all dirty dishes and dividing bills.

iT’s The ThouGhT ThaT counTs Money, Money, Money thoughtfulness goes a long way. Whether you’re in a new relationship and feel it’s forever your round or have been together years, sorting out money issues is essential. take it from someone whose former partner regularly came home laden with Prada bags when the electric bill hadn’t been paid (this was a man before we assume women are always the extravagant ones…). talk it through and decide how you’re going to organise things in a way you both feel is fair.

coMMunicaTe no one is a mind reader. Whether you’re desperate to try something new in bed, don’t understand why you have to spend every Sunday with their great aunt Sheila or are in a foul mood due to the boss from hell – if you don’t tell them they won’t know! Obviously good communication also involves listening and working to find a solution, if relevant. Sometimes there may not be one but just understanding where you’re both coming from can help.

We’re not just talking remembering birthdays and anniversaries (that’s a given obviously – see our advice regarding rows if not…). Making them a cup of tea in the morning, cleaning the sink or bath if you’ve just shaved; little things that show you’ve considered the other person can go a long way in any relationship.

TrusT A relationship without trust is like ketchup without chips – pretty pointless. if you’re constantly checking their phone and questioning who they’ve spoken to, something’s amiss. either they’re doing something to make you feel uneasy, you’ve had a bad experience or there’s more than a touch of the green eyed monster going on. Work out which it is and deal with it, either within the relationship or via counselling if it’s your own issue. Relationships are never easy but with a little TLC you can expect to enjoy a very happy, and hopefully, long one.

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turning a neW leaF

Written By cHris morleY

TALES FrOM THE

booKshelf You just can’t beat a good book, can you? Which is why we at Mayhem! are so keen to celebrate International Literacy Day! Pull up a chair in our library and get comfortable as our reading group holds its monthly meeting.

read beTween The lines

Modern liTeraTure

Who do we have to thank for formally recognising the pivotal role great works of literature play in our culture? International Literacy Day has been recognised by UNESCO since 1966 as a means of encouraging greater emphasis on education in general worldwide, but of course literacy (the ability to read and write) in itself goes back a lot further than that. Somewhere around 8000BC, since you ask. The fi rst examples of what might be described as written communication in the sense that we know it today occurred in ancient Mesopotamia, though the Chinese and the ancient Egyptians are also now known to have mastered forms of writing at around the same time.

All very well you might think, but what of the state of literacy in the modern world? There are believed to be 775 million people worldwide who can officially be classed as illiterate, with a league table showing that 75% of them come from a set of ten different countries – in alphabetical order we have Bangladesh, Brazil, China, the Democratic Republic of Congo, Egypt, Ethopia, India, Indonesia, Nigeria and finally Pakistan. There is hope, though, as the global average percentage of people over 15 years of age with a functional standard of literacy is believed to be a not too shabby 84.1 %!

Egypt also gave us the first recorded use of phonetics – the arduous process by which young children around the world are first taught to spell by sounding out the letters. Each hieroglyph in their alphabet was assigned a value, much as the International Phonetic Alphabet functions today. There was no such thing as an alphabet in any sense until the Semites, of what is now Syria, were discovered to have used something remarkably similar – the great Egyptologist Flinders Petrie stumbling across a set of inscriptions while exploring a mine at Serabit el-Khadim.

Take a more general view and that figure becomes 88.6 % for the chaps and 79.7 % for the ladies. We should probably give an honourable mention to the National Literacy Trust, literacytrust.org.uk, as well. They’ve been doing their best to promote a high standard of reading and writing since 1992, and they’re a registered charity to boot. It was they who came up with the Manifesto for Literacy in the build-up to the 2010 elections, as if a reminder was needed that poor literacy really can be quite a hold-up for so many reasons. Why not do what you can to help those less fortunate in the reading or writing stakes if you’re one of the lucky ones, or if you’re finding the whole business a struggle there’s absolutely no shame in seeking help.

Hampshire Library Service should be your first port of call – happy reading! 26 maYHem! | AUTUMN 2014

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late breaks

Written By Jutta lasner

Once again, the unavoidable end of summer is here. Do you feel like you wasted it? Regretting not booking that holiday when everyone else did? Well, the most popular quarter of the year isn’t over yet, so check your budgets because we’ve got some end-of-summer destinations lined up for you.

SUMMER dreaMinG cÔTe d’azur Better known as the French Riviera, the Côte d’A zur is the Mediterranean coastline in France’s southeast. A very popular holiday destination, its beaches and resorts are packed with tourists throughout the high season; in late summer, however, it’s the perfect get-away. It’s still sunny and warm but not as crowded. The azure coast also has amazing places to offer, including Saint-Tropez, Nice and the exciting city-state of Monaco. 28 maYHem! | AUTUMN 2014

Toscana Central Italy is famous for its endless hilly landscapes, its vineyards and, of course, the mouth-watering national dishes. Toscana, one of the most beautiful regions in the boot-shaped country is perfect for a late summer holiday. The temperatures have fallen slightly since mid-summer, but it’s still hot enough to catch a tan. Places to explore include the stunning cities of Florence and Pisa, but also lesser-known gems such as Siena or Pitigliano, both with beautiful medieval city centres.

sainT peTersburG For those of you who are not necessarily looking for a late-summer tan, Russia’s second biggest city might be what you’re looking for. With its beautiful and historic buildings, it offers a great variety of places to visit, including museums, cathedrals and one of Russia’s must important harbours. A night time boat ride on the River Neva is also highly recommendable as the city looks amazing at night with all its great architecture illuminated.

how To booK Got itchy feet now? What are you waiting for? Direct flights take you from London to Toulon, Florence and Saint Petersburg. For accommodation, airbnb. com is always a good idea. It helps you find the perfect housing for you and any number of people who’d like to accompany you. So off you go, globe trotters, and remember to send us a postcard!

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eGGed on ‘But they’re only eggs!’ you may scoff. Think again – take a look at thinkegg.com. This year’s show-piece is on 10th October and if you need yet more convincing there’s a whole list of benefits your eggy friends can have. Should that not be enough there’s a handy guide to their nutritional benefits too, it’s surprisingly long, and that’s no yolk! Get ready to delve into ‘pub bore’ territory with a few amazing facts too! Did you know you can tell if an egg is raw or cooked just by spinning it? If it wobbles in the process its raw, and if it spins easily it’s cooked. If you’re a cricketer we don’t recommend you practice your spin-bowling with one though, you just might end up with egg on your face in more ways than one. If you do spill it though, the colour of the yolk will reflect the diet of the hen which laid it (they’ll have laid an average of 300–325 of every a year!) And your chosen egg may well be a youngster or a veteran! They ‘age’ more in a day at room temperature than they would if they spent a week in the fridge. You won’t spot any grey hairs or wrinkles on them, either. We tried.

Written by cHris morleY

born free (ranGe)

ThEy ARE ThE

eGGMen The second Friday of October brings with it World Egg Day, a celebration of all things eggy! Gather round the Mayhem! breakfast table, soldiers at the ready for dipping of course, as we go back to the egg (to quote Paul McCartney and Wings) – don’t be the Walrus, it’s the Eggmen for the win on this occasion! 32 maYHem! | AUTUMN 2014

You’ve probably heard the term ‘free range’ being used when it comes to a trip to the shops. But what does it actually mean? Put simply, it means the birds that lay them aren’t confined to a cage all day and spend at least a few hours roaming outdoors! You might also want to try duck eggs – they’re bigger than those from a hen and richer in flavour. Alternatively you could go upmarket and opt for quail eggs. Most of the world sees them as a rare delicacy, and should you fancy giving your palate a treat they come recommended! But what can you do with whichever of the various permutations of egg you choose? Frying, scrambling, poaching… just some of your many options. Or you could try an omelette! Check out Jamie Oliver’s take on it – jamieoliver.com/ recipes/eggs-recipes/omelette. There’s even a whole range over at eggrecipes.co.uk, should you want to take things beyond the simple stuff. Get cracking!

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“I’ve just eaten a little bit of the cushion with my bum thinking about it”

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catcH up WitH…

When Dawn French takes to the stage for the first time on her one woman tour she’ll be stepping into the unknown. One of this country’s most famous comedians, she’s toured with her friend and comedy partner Jennifer Saunders and starred in a one woman play, but this is different. And she’s apprehensive. French is 56 and her dark hair frames a face that is quick to break into a smile, giggle or full-hearted laugh. She spent much of her childhood in Cornwall and moved back with her first husband, the comedian Lenny Henry, in 2006. The tour, though, is nationwide and will take in over 60 gigs in two stages. Talk of it both excites and seems to terrify her. “I’ve just eaten a little bit of the cushion with my bum thinking about it,” she says. “I’ve always wanted to do it and I think I’ve dodged it a bit. Because I’m aware that it’s a risk.” French will be directed by Michael Grandage. She was desperate to work with the man who ran the Donmar Warehouse for a decade until 2012. “I could have asked Fatty Saunders, but I thought, ‘I’m actually going to ask a proper grown up theatre person’,” she says. Eighteen months have passed since she first approached him, but she kept taking other jobs – a sign of her being “scared” – including a role as a judge on Australia’s Got Talent. The show is called 30 Million Minutes – because that’s roughly how long she’s been alive – but French still isn’t quite sure what it is. Instead, she makes a worried noise. “It’s not a stand-up show. It’s not a play. I guess it is a monologue because it’s just me talking. It’s a slide show to an extent. But not JUST a slide show. It’s not like your awful, most feared auntie who’s just come back from Egypt where you have to sit and watch everything. It’s quite autobiographical, so I show you MAYHEMMAG |

the people that have made me – so to speak. There’s quite a lot about my mum and dad.” Her grandmothers will also feature – ‘Good Granny’ and ‘Evil Granny’. Although Evil Granny did actually steal from her, she knew the nickname was a joke. “In fact she coined it – she thought the other one was so good.” French was born in Holyhead, Wales in 1957 when her father was stationed there with the RAF. But she spent much of her childhood in Cornwall and went to boarding school in Devon. At home, French was a performer and her dad was too. “He would tease me to discipline me. Very loving teasing. Lots of things were dealt with at that quite sophisticated level with lots of fun.” Her father instilled confidence and she remembers a “key moment” when she was leaving for a party. “I’ve always been a big girl and shouldn’t really have been wearing hot pants,” she says. Her father, though, was supportive. “He told me I was completely beautiful and how amazing I looked in them and that I would get loads of attention. So my dad gave me a sort of telling off that was about totally infusing me with confidence and I went on cloud nine to this party and I’ve actually never left that party. It was armour.” Three years ago, French revealed that she had lost seven and a half stone. She has since said that she put some of it back on. Eating, she tells me now, is very comforting. “It’s a lovely thing to do. We love tasting

“I’ve always been a big girl and shouldn’t really have been wearing hot pants” things. You don’t get to be spherical without liking eating things.” I point out that she isn’t spherical and she replies, “I’m less than I was.” She takes no credit when I tell her she’s beautiful. “But I suppose if you get very fat like I did you might be choosing to destroy some good stuff you’ve been given in terms of your health. That’s something you can address.” When she was just 18, French’s father killed himself. Growing up, she and her brother had been shielded from his depression. It was, she says, “just like a bomb went off in our family. My mum of course would have known there was danger. He’d lived his whole life with it but this was in a time when you didn’t say you had mental illness if you were the head of a family. I still have sadness about it. Massive sadness. And I think it’s been a centre point of my life what happened with my dad.” Soon after her father’s suicide, French started at the Central School of Speech and Drama in London to do a teaching course. There she met Jennifer Saunders, with whom she would form a hugely successful comedy double act. The pair began to make names for themselves on the alternative comedy scene in the 1980s and their long-running TV show, French and Saunders, launched in 1987. Roles on television – including the lead part in the Vicar of Dibley – and in the theatre have followed. Now, with an autobiography and two novels also to her name, she is about to test herself again.

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catcH up WitH…

“It’s so new. It’s completely thrilling. It’s almost too delightful. I could almost burst with it.”

French will, she assures me, be more revealing in her show than she has been before. But she’s not entirely easy with it being all about her. “It’s a little bit, ‘Aren’t I interesting?’ I keep saying to Michael Grandage, ‘I need to take this out,’ and he says, ‘Absolutely not – that’s the whole point. Do not push it away from you. Absolutely own it and be completely strong and confident about that.’ And so that’s what I’ve done.” She certainly doesn’t seem to be on an ego-driven mission. She’s doing the tour, she says, because she’s got things to say, thinks it could be fun and because she hasn’t done it before. “I don’t need loads of positive strokes for just being alive. What I want is people to turn up and see whether what I’ve written works.” That’s not to say, though, that there isn’t an element of attention-seeking in performance. “I think it’s the child in us that is saying, 36 maYHem! | AUTUMN 2014

‘Mum, Dad look at me.’ It’s need for approval which I think all humans have. But I think performers have it in a needy, slightly sick way. I’ve had it and I’ve understood it as that. I don’t think you can get up and do arsing about like I do without a bit of that going on, but I find it very unattractive – in myself and in other people.” “I always see people in their nappies. Comedians, actors, whatever,” she says and laughs slightly. “I see them as a baby going,” and her voice turns high-pitched and hysterical, “’Mummy look, look!’ And if I watch Simon Russell Beale, Mark Rylance, Judi Dench, people who inhabit their characters properly, I don’t see them in a nappy. I watch their character and that’s that.” French and Henry were divorced after 25 years in 2010. They have an adopted daughter and still have a “great” relationship. He is, she says,

a good man and they had a very good marriage for a very long time until it went a “bit dodgy” at the end. After their split, French found herself in her fifties going on dates. “I’m not good at flirting, I’m not good at being coy. I can’t do any of that sh*t. Find it absurd and ridiculous. What I’d rather do is give a questionnaire out and get people to tick boxes,” she says, laughing. “Speed dating – that’s what I should have done.” Now, she has found happiness with Mark Bignell who runs a charity. When she talks about him, she shuts her eyes in delight. They’ve just had their first wedding anniversary. “It’s so new. It’s completely thrilling. It’s almost too delightful. I could almost burst with it.” Dawn French’s 30 Million Minutes UK tour comes to The Kings Theatre in Portsmouth on Friday 24th October. For ticket and venue information, please visit dawnfrenchontour.com.

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why adopT? Adoption gives a cat or dog a second chance at a happy home. Maybe their previous owner’s couldn’t fully care for them, or just didn’t give them the time and attention they deserve. Some animals may have been mistreated in their past, or some may have been bought as a well-intentioned present, but once the full extent of the responsibility hit home, their owners couldn’t cope.

Written by robert HeWitt

WANTED:

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Finding that special someone can be hard, especially when you’ve been rejected in the past. But remember, that feeling is not always restricted to people. Adopting an animal is one thing not to be taken lightly. Can you care for the animal to the fullest of your potential? Do you think that taking on the responsibility is something that you’re fully prepared for? If so, Mayhem! is here with some handy hints and tips for those considering adopting a cat or dog. Whether you’re adopting from a private centre or browsing online it’s important to take into account your own lifestyle and living conditions. If you live in a one bedroom flat it’s unreasonable to think that a Labrador is going to be as happy as it would be in a two bedroom house with large amounts of outside space.

38 maYHem! | AUTUMN 2014

Remember, it can be hard for both you and your potential addition. They might not be used to good treatment, or might be shy with strangers based on their past. If you think you can give an animal a new lease of life and bring happiness back to them then adoption could be for you.

where can you adopT froM? The Stubbington Ark Animal Shelter is one of the numerous animal shelters in and around the Portsmouth area that take in animals and put them up for adoption. The fi rst step is to register with them, and once this is completed you can start visiting the centre. New animals are taken in on a daily basis and the volunteers and helpers are always more than happy to help you fi nd your future pet. Take note of the animals’ name or ID, and how they react to you on your initial visit. Once you’ve decided on your pet, you can arrange a home visit, to make sure you’re all set for your new addition.

who can adopT? Most adults and families can adopt, but you need to make sure that you can give your new cat or dog the attention they need, especially when bringing them into a new environment. Understanding that meeting new people can be a scary experience, but with the right encouragement, a cat or dog can quickly understand you mean to love and care for them for the rest of their lives. Adopting a cat or dog can be a rich, rewarding experience. Not only are you giving an animal a new chance at a happy life, the money you spend during the adoption process helps fund the charity or company prevent more animals from trying to survive on the streets.

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blaG! Need new furniture or a bit of decoration? Always check what you can get for free first. Although it may not be in perfect condition or fit with your colour scheme, with a lick of paint and a bit of sanding, you can make the item your own. Check out facebook buy and sell groups and freecycle.co.uk for cheap or free furniture. Just make sure you know your measurements and budget.

revaMp There’s no need to throw away old furniture just because you’re bored of it, just give a new lease of life! Upcycling is the latest craze for the stylish but skint, so look online for inspiration. You could turn old drawers into box shelves or cover an old table with magazine pages and varnish.

GeT crafTy! Dust off your mum’s old sewing machine and brighten up your living room with cushion covers made out of old clothes, or paint your own masterpiece to show off on the walls.

de-cluTTer

Cheap Written By lois Forster

chic It’s easy to wish for a home that would rival Brad and Angelina’s, and would be the envy of your friends, but it’s much harder when you’re strapped for cash. All is not lost though; your house can be turned from dump to diva with Mayhem!’s handy tips;

40 maYHem! | AUTUMN 2014

Your home won’t look it’s best if there’s rubbish everywhere, so it’s time for a big sort out! Dispose of everything you haven’t used or take it to a charity shop. Don’t hold on to things you don’t need, but be imaginative in what alternative uses your items could have.

reorGanise Find out what you hoard and where most of your mess comes from. Dirty laundry everywhere? Buy a few more laundry bins for different rooms. Papers and receipts everywhere? Spend some time organising with clearly labelled files for all your different needs. Whatever it is, you can transform a space simply by clearing the clutter. So, follow these easy steps to a new home and put Brangelina to shame!

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Written by kellY WickHam

With bodily hair removal ever present, not just for the ladies, and with so many different options to choose from, which is the best method to use and for where?

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Today GOnE TOMOrrOW waxinG razors Shaving is the simple option. Probably the best choice for legs and underarms, (and for males â&#x20AC;&#x201C; the face). Be prepared for quick coarse re-growth but remember, shaving can be done at most lengths, so if you are in a hurry for a big event, whip out the razor. Downsides to shaving can be the risk of injury from nips with blades and it can dry out the skin. Try using a rich moisturising shaving gel and moisturise lots after. 42 maYHem! | AUTUMN 2014

epilaTors Epilating is the new trend for hair removal. Not only is it quick and easy, much like shaving, but it also gives wax-like results. Check out the market for the different types of epilators. The first time is the worst, it can be quite painful as epilators work much like tweezers but on a larger scale. You can buy numbing lotions to use first and even wet epilators to use in the bath. Epilators work on most areas of the body but are best for sexy pins.

Often waxing is overlooked because of the eye watering pain, however, after your first session things get better. Hair takes longer to grow back, is less coarse and dark and the pain can lessen, especially if paracetamol are taken before the session. Waxing can cause ingrown hairs if the area is not properly exfoliated and some people can have sensitivity to these products. Waxing can be carried out on most parts of the eyebrows but perfect for body and bikini lines (or backs, sacks and cracks for the fellas feeling brave!).

hair reMoval creaMs These now seem to be a thing of the past, due to the intense smells and problematic results. Hair removal creams have come a long way, with in-shower products and hypoallergenic creams. Best for arms and legs, but do some research and shop around. Remember, with all products do a skin test first to check for any sensitivity or allergies and always follow the instructions on home hair removal kits.

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Written By HannaH birkbeck

Hit tHe HigH road!

The world is full of incredible destinations and for the keen traveller there’s always a few that make that bucket list. Mayhem! is here with some spectacular journeys that are deservedly worth a mention.

fraser island

BUCKET LIST

advenTures ruTa 40

Machu picchu One classic and much loved place is Machu Picchu in Cusco, Peru. Built by the Incas in the 15th Century it was deserted and then re-discovered by an American Historian in 1911. It’s now a popular tourist attraction. The Inca trail is a common trek that many people choose to embark on. This can be done over a period of days depending on your walking ability and ends at the Sun Gate, the gateway to Machu Picchu. Two sand coloured stones stand prominently on a small ledge and every morning the sun shines through these Inca stones displaying Machu Picchu in all its glory. The perfect postcard picture. 44 maYHem! | AUTUMN 2014

Imagine a road that seems never ending but has spectacular scenery with deep blue lakes that glisten in the sun and national parks with acres of natural beauty, Ruta 40, the longest road in Argentina is simply that. Stretching more than 5.140 km, the route begins near to the Bolivian border in La Quiaca north Argentina and spans right the way down to El Chaltén in the South. This is certainly worth the ride and the best way to travel is by camper van or motorbike. Ruta 40 takes you through Patagonia and The Lake District with many places to stop off. One that’s defi nitely worth a visit is The Los Glaciares National Park in El Calafate. Home to Perito Moreno Glacier which is one of the worlds advancing glaciers. A magnificent sight that will take your breath away.

Get behind the wheel of a 4x4 and embark on a spectacular adventure around the stunning Fraser Island in Australia. Famous for its white coloured beaches, rainforests and crystal clear lakes and not forgetting the dingoes. It certainly has a lot to offer. Stretching across 124km, one of the best ways to discover the island is to hire a jeep, perfect for the adventurous type. Most tour packages include a ferry crossing which you can get from Hervey Bay and Rainbow Beach and includes the 4wd hire, insurance, permits and camping equipment. There are 4 campsites located across the island with showers and toilets, but the best way to camp is on the beach with no place off limits. The island is literally your oyster. Pitch up, open a Victoria Bitter and take in the truly magical surroundings of the island. Rise at dawn and start your day driving across the bumpy sand dunes passing the rusty shipwreck SS Maheno an Ocean Liner that was used as a hospital ship in World War 1. Take your jeep off road amongst the tropical evergreens and watch the turtles swim with their young in the clear waters and take a dip in Lake Mckenzie. This is just a taster of the island. If you like an adventure and getting behind the wheel of a 4x4 then this is defi nitely the place to go. These are just a few of the many amazing travel destinations. The world is yours, so go and explore it!

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It will culminate in a live TV fundraiser on 17th October, as millions tune in to Channel 4 for a live show hosted by Davina McCall, Alan Carr and Dr Christian Jessen. Around five people are diagnosed with cancer every hour in the South East. By joining Stand Up To Cancer, supporters will be uniting with doctors, nurses, scientists and celebrities to generate funds, raise awareness and bring forward the day when all cancers are cured. Stand Up To Cancer took place for the first time in the UK in 2012 and

The Portsmouth event will start at Castle Field, Southsea, and with the iconic Spinnaker Tower in view, the march will pass the D-Day Museum and many of Portsmouth’s historic parks, finishing back at Castle Field. Cancer Research UK wants people to do something to help raise money at work, school or at home. A free fundraising kit is available to spark creative ideas and provide support tools.

For more information and to get involved visit

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Starting at 7.30pm at the Guildhall Square, Southampton, participants will march for 45 minutes accompanied by live music, entertainment and stories from people who’ve beaten cancer. It will pass the Art Gallery, Cenotaph and Bandstand within the city parks, before passing historical Bargate into the Old Town before returning to Guildhall Square.

You’ll march in a defiant show of force against cancer. Adults and children – this is for everyone. You’ll be part of a united force marching through the streets, chanting and making its voice heard. And the money you raise will help us beat cancer sooner.

Stand Up To Cancer, which aims to fund vital research which will get new and better treatments to cancer patients faster, launches now and will build over the next few months as more and more people join the fight.

ONE NIGHT. 15 CITIES. TENS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE. MARCH ON CANCER™ SATURDAY 11 OCTOBER, 7.30PM

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PORTSMOUTH MARCH. RAISE MONEY. SAVE LIVES.

The march on 11th October, is part of Stand Up To Cancer, a joint fundraising campaign from Cancer Research UK and Channel 4.

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2014 is a very special year for the Hampshire Farmers’ Markets team and producers who are celebrating their 15th year. Growing from a relatively small community interest organisation to nine regular farmers’ markets across the county, including regular markets in the area at Emsworth (on the third Saturday of the month) and at Southsea (on the third Sunday of the month), delivering the very best of local produce to enthusiastic shoppers who are seeking fresh, in season, traceable food. The majority of the markets are held every month, with Winchester farmers’ market running fortnightly and believed to be the largest farmers’ market in the country, which is also popular with many of the top chefs including Rick Stein and James Martin.

food fesTivals celebraTinG 15 years

HFM Business Manager Alex Handford has been busy with her team organising a range of events to mark the 15th Anniversary and she commented: “We have special autumn Food Festivals planned, including our Hampshire Hog Day at Winchester farmers’ market on 28th September with our popular Piglet Racing event. We will also be launching our own celebration of British Food Fortnight in September at our Emsworth farmers’ market on the 20th September, as well as a special Hampshire Farmers’ Market dinner, to celebrate British Food Fortnight. This will be held at the Brookfield Hotel at Emsworth on Tuesday 30th September.” Tickets for the dinner will be available for the general public who want to savour the wonderful food created by the HFM producers. The Hampshire Farmers’ Market at Emsworth will also be the location for the Celebration of National Apple Day on Saturday 18th October. hampshirefarmersmarkets.co.uk

50 maYHem! | AUTUMN 2014

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don’T panic eaT caKe Macmillan would like to invite you to take part in the World’s Largest Coffee morning on 26th September. The World’s Biggest Coffee Morning is Macmillan’s biggest fundraiser in the UK. Last year 154,000 people signed up for this event and they raised a whopping record £20 million. Find out how you can take part in this coffee break and how your donations will help to support Macmillan services.

many of those feel alone and unsupported. Macmillan can help sufferers with money, worries, advice or just someone to talk to – it’s not just their bodies that suffer, but their lives. Donations for tea and cake will go towards healthcare, fi nancial support, information and advice, campaigning to raise awareness and other such areas for cancer victims.

The fi rst ever coffee morning was held in 1990 in a local fundraising committee, where locals came together, had a chat and a coffee. All donations went towards Macmillan Cancer Support. The idea seemed simple, yet effective, and it was suggested to be taken up nationally. So the national Macmillan coffee morning began in 1991 and have since raised £113 million.

Macmillan’s coffee morning is for everyone to take part, (even if you don’t bake) just taste someone else’s yummy cakes and take a break. You can sign up online for this event at your school, college, university, workplace or home and you’ll get a Coffee Morning Kit in the post full of everything you need from posters to bunting. All you have to do is invite as many friends and family as possible, get baking and dig deep as it’s all for a good cause.

There are a staggering two million people in the UK suffering from Cancer and

Written by Fiona stanton

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ADVERTORIAL

Folk flock to the music store with something for everyone

Musicroom Portsmouth has long been a mecca for musical devotees of all genres. But now the store, which sits just a few paces from Portsmouth and Southsea railway station on Commercial Road, is earning a growing reputation for all things folk and acoustic. “We’re proud of the vast range of instruments, sheet music and accessories we have here, and the fact that we can cater for everyone – from rockers to classical lovers and everyone in between,” enthuses store manager David Courtney. “But we’ve recently taken delivery of some exciting acoustic guitar products that are very hard to come by in the UK, and

they are catching the imagination of the folkloving community. “That, together with the fact that we have a fantastic variety of ukuleles and other folk instruments, and that we often hold folk clinics and have live folk gigs, is creating a really nice vibe in the store.” Assistant manager Drew McIntosh, inhouse guitar, drum and music production expert, is equally excited by the new product arrivals, which include a range of models from the rare (in the UK) and awardwinning Breedlove brand of acoustic guitars from the United States. “They really do have to be seen and played to be believed,” he says. “They are revered

by aficionados as the choice for finger-style and percussive players. Our Breedlove launch event features some really amazing players, including the percussive guitar virtuoso Bella Kardasis.” The Breedlove collection of guitars at the store, ranging in price from £299 to £1729, has been joined by a choice of A.R.E Yamaha acoustics. These guitars start at just over £500 but – as Drew will be quick to tell you – boast features only previously available on other Japanese models costing up to ten times as much. Also arriving are some extremely rare custom Faith guitars. On some models, manufacturing

is being limited to as few as 20 pieces for the UK, and only 40 worldwide. The focus on folk is just one element of the Musicroom experience. Shoppers of all types, from complete beginners to accomplished and professional musicians, can browse and find inspiration in the wellstocked shelves and display walls. They can also benefit from the passion, experience and friendly advice of David Courtney and his colleagues. Each member of staff has their own particular areas of expertise – David himself has an encyclopaedic knowledge of keyboards and pianos – so collectively Team Musicroom has got just about any request and query covered. “We’re happy to share

our knowledge with everyone,” he says. “When a customer comes in to look at a particular instrument, for example, I’ll ask them exactly what it is they want from the instrument and then I’ll give them an unbiased explanation and demonstration of the products that are best suited to their needs. And that’s the approach that we take across the board.” The choice of sheet music at Musicroom is both varied and extensive, as is the amount of accessories. The range of instruments reads like a compendium of big brand quality. The well-known names include digital pianos and keyboards from Yamaha and Casio; woodwind from Jupiter, Buffet. Yamaha and

Trevor James; and strings from Stentor, Hidersine and Hofner. The likes of Fender, Tanglewood, Squier, Ibanez, Faith and Guild add to the attractions for guitarists, while music production equipment is represented by the likes of Novation, Focusrite, KRK, Yamaha and Sennhiesser to name but a few. Blackstar, Fender and Peavey amps and Boss and Vox effects also compete for attention. The only real way to experience the full breadth of what Musicroom has to offer is to pay the shop a visit. You’ll find it at 93-95 Commercial Road, Portsmouth, PO1 1BQ. You can call the team on 02392 863792 or email them on portsmouth@ musicroom.com.

INSPIRING MUSIC Whatever your level, from beginner to professional, Musicroom will provide the inspiration to help you make the most of the music you love. We have the sheet music, instruments, songbooks, accessories, passion, experience, tuition, the repairs, the finance options, the competitive prices and the help and advice you won’t find anywhere else.

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tHe greatest Hits!

“It’s not the end, it’s the beginning of the next chapter!”

It’s been seven years since Una Healy, rochelle Humes, Mollie King, Frankie Sandford and Vanessa White joined forces to become The Saturdays, in the process becoming one of modern pop music’s great success stories.

Living for the weekend

60 maYHem! | AUTUMN 2014

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tHe greatest Hits! And now, 18 smash hits later, the band are in the mood to celebrate what counts as genuine longevity in the fickle world of pop with a Greatest Hits album and nationwide arena tour. Back in 2008 when the girls were fi rst brought together, the notion of releasing a Greatest Hits album was nothing short of a dream. “It was!” Mollie begins. “That was something we dreamt of. We’ve been very lucky, we’ve worked very hard and of course the support of the fans has been there since the beginning. We wouldn’t be anywhere without them” Aside from killer pop songs – and there can be no denying the likes of Up and What About Us are just that – it has been The Saturdays’ incredible friendship and unity that has kept them fresh and energised in what can be an exhausting procession of work.

“I think as a five-piece we work really well together,” Mollie says. “There are never really any big arguments; we understand each other, and we all have the same drive and passion. If you have your heads in the same place, it’s easier to succeed.” There have been changes in personal circumstances over the years – three of the band have become mothers and married. But the girls have learned how to juggle work and private lives well. “I don’t think any of us are that different, really,” says Una. “I’m still the same person, I’ve just lived a bit more. I still live each day as it comes. I don’t think I notice things differently.” “I think overall I’m still the same,” agrees Mollie. “I’ve learned a lot – when I joined the band I’d just turned 20, now I’m more grown up. I still worry about everything,” she laughs, “but I’ve grown up as a performer and a person… we all have.”

Even in the time The Saturdays have been a fi xture on the charts, the music industry has changed irreversibly. Mollie says the group are “still old-school” in signing copies of albums for fans, she admits progressing the group’s trademark sound has been important. “Yes, we’ve definitely moved along with the times. At the beginning we were straight pop. More recently we’ve become more dancey. That’s the way the times are going, and I think it’s good to show you can move along with that. You can’t be doing the same stuff you were six years ago.” Outside of the music, The Saturdays have become tabloid favourites, seizing the chance to move into other parts of light entertainment. Una hosts a TV show in Ireland, while Mollie has stepped into the fashion industry, designing a line for Oasis. “That’s another reason why we’ve lasted so long – not one of us resents any of the others doing something on the side,” says Mollie. “I love the fashion, and I’d like to get into that more as time goes on. Hopefully there’s a lot more for me to do.” But don’t take that as the beginning of the end for The Saturdays. Where Greatest Hits tours can often suggest a breakup is in the offi ng, Una couldn’t be more emphatic that this year’s release is merely the closing of the latest chapter on The Saturdays’ incredible story.

“We’re not splitting up!” she laughs. “It’s more about celebrating a milestone. We’re already planning our next album. It’s not the end, it’s the beginning of the next chapter!”

The Saturdays – Finest Selection: The Greatest Hits is out with September UK tour tickets onsale now.

MAYHEMMAG |

THEMAYHEMMAGAzINE | maYHemmagazine.co.uk

AUTUMN 2014 | maYHem!

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