People Skills - Small Group Curriculum by Lifetogether Ministries

Small Group Curriculum

Copyright © 2019 by Ron Sylvia ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Published by Church @ The Springs Copyright and use of the curriculum template is retained by Brett Eastman. Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotes are taken from Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. ISBN 978-1-950007-49-3 Printed in the United States of America

CONTENTS Introduction Foreword Using This Workbook Outline for Each Session

7 8 10 14

SESSION ONE: How to Pick Friends

SESSION TWO: How to Make Time for People

SESSION THREE: How Not to Be a Jerk

SESSION FOUR: How to Deal with Rejection

SESSION FIVE: How to Say Hard Things

102

APPENDICES

122

Frequently Asked Questions Small Group Agreement Small Group Calendar Weekly Check In Memory Verse Cards (Clip and Review)

SMALL GROUP LEADERS Hosting an Open House Leading for the First Time Leadership Training Prayer and Praise Report Small Group Roster Notes

136

PEOPLE SKILLS

INTRODUCTION Relationships are the most challenging and the most rewarding things a person could ever have. Maybe it’s the challenge that makes them rewarding. We were made for community. God created us in His Image, and before He created us, God lived in community as the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. In all of creation, at the end of every day God pronounced what He created to be good, except for one thing. It wasn’t good for man to be alone. The modern age has brought about the advent of smartphones and social media, which has produced pseudo-community. We can keep in contact with our friends by reading their posts and seeing their smiling faces in their perfectly framed pictures. Yet, while we are inundated with too much information, this is not a help to community building. While it seems to be so much, it’s really not enough. It’s not the full story. We see the highs but not the lows. We see the polish, but not the problems. Humans desire relationships with other people who are broken, sometimes weak, fallen, and imperfect. We cannot connect with Pinterest perfect images. In fact, even research is telling us that time on social media leads to depression, not connection. We need real friends in real time right where we are. Social media is a poor substitute for genuine community. We love the good parts of community. We love the encouragement. We love the support. We love the “likes.” But, we also need the other part – truth-telling and feedback. Who we hang out with makes a huge impact on our lives. We become like the people we are around. Now, that sounds like something we should say to teenagers, but you know what? We are just grown up teenagers. Look at who is in your life. Is that your future? If you just had a shocking revelation, then this study is the right place to get the most out of your most promising relationships, and maybe leave a few relationships behind along the way. Relationships are work, but they are worth it. Are you ready to get to work? INTRODUCTION

FOREWORD Welcome to our small groups for People Skills! At The Springs we really believe that we are better together. Our lives are a collection of relationships, and we are at our best when we learn how to navigate them. Friendships are good, but we need people skills to make them great. Each week, we will talk about a different facet of relationships, from choosing our friends, to making time for our friends, and even dealing with rejection. Good relationships take time; they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t just happen by accident. It takes work and a lot of time to build a deeper relationship with others. We are praying this group is the beginning of that journey for some of you and the deepening of that journey for others. As The Springs has grown for the past 25 years, we have always said that we have to grow larger and smaller at the same time. We will always be reaching more new people on the weekends, and this group is how we grow smaller together. Life on life, face to face is the best place to grow spiritually. Thanks for taking a BIG step into a small group! Community is where we grow best, so dive into People Skills with me, and letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s watch God work in us!

Ron Sylvia Lead Pastor Church @ The Springs

USING THIS WORK BOOK

TOOLS TO HELP YOU HAVE A GREAT

SMALL GROUP EXPERIENCE:

1. Notice in the Table of Contents there are three sections:

(1) Sessions; (2) Appendices; and (3) Small Group Leaders. Familiarize yourself with the Appendices. Some of them will be used in the sessions themselves.

2. If you are facilitating/leading or co-leading a small group, the

section Small Group Leaders, will give you some experiences of others that will encourage you and help you avoid many common obstacles to effective small group leadership.

3. Use this workbook as a guide, not a straightjacket. If the group responds to the lesson in an unexpected but honest way, go with that. If you think of a better question than the next one in the lesson, ask it. Take to heart the insights included in the Frequently Asked Questions pages and the Small Group Leaders section.

4. Enjoy your Small Group experience. 5. Pray before each sessionâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;for your group members, for your time together, and for wisdom and insights.

6. Read the outline for each session on the next pages so that you understand how the sessions will flow.

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OUTLINE OF

EACH SESSION

A T YPICAL GROUP SESSION FOR THE PEOPLE SKILLS STUDY WILL INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING SECTIONS. READ THROUGH THIS TO GET A CLEAR IDEA OF HOW EACH GROUP MEETING WILL BE STRUCTURED:

WEEkLY MEMORY VERSES. Each session opens with a Memory Verse that emphasizes an important truth from the session. This is an optional exercise, but we believe that memorizing scripture can be a vital part of filling our minds with God’s Word for our lives. We encourage you to give this important habit a try. The verses for our five sessions are also listed in the Appendices. INTRODUCTION. Each lesson opens with a brief thought that will help you prepare for the session and get you thinking about the particular subject you will explore with your group. Make it a practice to read these before the session. You may want to have the group read them aloud. SHARE YOUR STORY. The foundation for spiritual growth is an intimate connection with God and His family. You build that connection by sharing your story with a few people who really know you and who earn your trust. This section includes some simple questions to get you talking—letting you share as much or as little of your story as you feel comfortable doing. Each session typically offers you two options. You can get to know your whole group by using the icebreaker question(s), or you can check in with one or two group members for a deeper connection and encouragement in your spiritual journey.

PEOPLE SKILLS

HEAR GOD’S STORY. In this section, you’ll read the Bible and listen to teaching, in order to hear God’s story—and begin to see how His story aligns with yours. When the study directs you, you will watch a short teaching segment. You’ll then have an opportunity to read a passage of Scripture, and discuss both the teaching and the text. You won’t focus on accumulating information but on how you should live in light of the Word of God. We want to help you apply the insights from Scripture practically and creatively, from your heart as well as your head. At the end of the day, allowing the timeless truths from God’s Word to transform our lives in Christ should be our greatest aim. STUDY NOTES. This brief section provides additional commentary, background or insights on the passage you’ll study in the Hear God’s Story section. CREATE A NEW STORY God wants you to be a part of His Kingdom—to weave your story into His. That will mean change. It will require you to go His way rather than your own. This won’t happen overnight, but it should happen steadily. By making small, simple choices, we can begin to change our direction. This is where the Bible’s instructions to “be doers of the Word, not just hearers” (James 1:22) comes into play. Many people skip over this aspect of the Christian life because it’s scary, relationally awkward, or

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simply too much work for their busy schedules. But Jesus wanted all of His disciples to know Him personally, carry out His commands, and help outsiders connect with Him. This doesn’t necessarily mean preaching on street corners. It could mean welcoming newcomers, hosting a short-term group in your home, or walking through this study with a friend. In this study, you’ll have an opportunity to go beyond Bible study to biblical living. This section will also have a question or two that will challenge you to live out your faith by serving others, sharing your faith, and worshiping God. FOR ADDITIONAL STUDY. If you have time and want to dig deeper into more Bible passages about the topic at hand, we’ve provided additional passages and questions, which you can use either during the meeting or as homework. Your group may choose to read and prepare before each meeting in order to cover more biblical material. Or, group members can use the additional study section during the week after the meeting. If you prefer not to do homework, this section will provide you with plenty to discuss within the group. These options allow individuals or the whole group to expand their study while still accommodating those who can’t do homework or are new to your group. DAILY DEVOTIONS. Each week on the Daily Devotions pages, we provide Scriptures to read and reflect on between sessions. This provides you with a chance to slow down, read just a small portion of Scripture each day, and reflect and pray through it. You’ll then have a chance to journal your response to what you’ve read. Use this section to seek God on your own throughout the week. This time at home should begin and end with prayer. Don’t get in a hurry; take enough time to hear God’s direction.

PEOPLE SKILLS

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Session 1:

How to Pick Friends

HOW TO PICK FRIENDS

PROVERBS 17:17 A FRIEND IS ALWAYS LOYAL, AND A BROTHER IS BORN TO HELP IN TIME OF NEED.

SESSION ONE

There are all different types of friends. There are friends you love to see. There are friends that are difficult. Some bring a lot of energy and encouragement. Others take, take, take. Does anyone come to mind? As you explore this lesson on How to Pick Friends, remember that the right friends will make you or break you in many ways. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nothing worse than needing someone to lift you up only to spend time with someone who drags you down. But, the right friends, they will propel you forward.

WHAT KINDS OF FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE? WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU?

HOW TO PICK FRIENDS

SHARE YOUR STORY EACH OF US HAS A STORY. THE EVENTS OF OUR LIFE— GOOD, bAD, WONDERFUL OR CHALLENGING— HAVE SHAPED WHO WE ARE. GOD kNOWS YOUR STORY, AND HE INTENDS TO REDEEM IT—TO USE EVERY STRUGGLE AND EVERY JOY TO ULTIMATELY bRING YOU TO HIMSELF. WHEN WE SHARE OUR STORIES WITH OTHERS, WE GIVE THEM THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE GOD AT WORk. WHEN WE SHARE OUR STORIES, WE ALSO REALIZE WE ARE NOT ALONE—THAT WE HAVE COMMON EXPERIENCES AND THOUGHTS, AND THAT OTHERS CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT WE ARE GOING THROUGH. YOUR STORY CAN ENCOURAGE SOMEONE ELSE, AND TELLING IT CAN LEAD TO A PATH OF FREEDOM FOR YOU AND FOR THOSE YOU SHARE IT WITH.

SESSION ONE

This should be a brief, simple prayer, in which you invite God to give you insight as you study. You can pray for specific requests at the end of the meeting, or stop momentarily to pray if a particular situation comes up during your discussion. Before you start this first meeting, get contact information for every participant. Take time to pass around a copy of the Small Group Roster on page, a sheet of paper, or pass around your Study Guide, opened to the Small Group Roster. Ask someone to make copies or type up a list with everyone’s information, and email it to the group during the week.

HOW TO PICK FRIENDS

THEN, BEGIN YOUR TIME TOGETHER BY USING THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS AND ACTIVITIES TO GET PEOPLE TALKING. •

What brought you here? What do you hope to get out of this group?

•

Who was your best friend growing up? How did you become friends?

•

Whether your group is new or ongoing, it’s always important to reflect on and review your values together. On page 127 is a Small Group Agreement with the values we’ve found most useful in sustaining healthy, balanced groups. We recommend that you choose one or two values—ones you haven’t previously focused on or have room to grow in—to emphasize during this study. Choose ones that will take your group to the next stage of intimacy and spiritual health.

SESSION ONE

•

We recommend you rotate host homes on a regular basis and IF YOUR GROUP IS let the hosts lead the meeting. NEW, WELCOME Studies show that healthy NEWCOMERS. groups rotate leadership. INTRODUCE This helps to develop every EVERYONE—YOU member’s ability to shepherd MAY EVEN WANT a few people in a safe TO HAVE NAME environment. Even Jesus TAGS FOR YOUR gave others the opportunity FIRST MEETING. to serve alongside Him (Mark 6:30-44). Look at the FAQs in the Appendices for additional information about hosting or leading the group.

•

The Small Group Calendar on page 129 is a tool for planning who will host and lead each meeting. Take a few minutes to plan hosts and leaders for your remaining meetings. Don’t skip this important step! It will revolutionize your group. If anyone is hesitant, simply tell them to think about it, and you’ll get back to them.

HOW TO PICK FRIENDS

WATCH THE VIDEO SESSION 1 Use the Teaching Notes space provided on pages 144-148 to record key thoughts, questions and things you want to remember or follow up on. After watching the video, have someone read the discussion questions in the Hear Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Story section and direct the discussion among the group. As you go through each of the subsequent sections, ask someone else to read the questions, and direct the discussion.

SESSION ONE

HEAR GOD’S STORY Read Proverbs 13:20. Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble. •

What is the consequence of having wise or foolish friends?

•

Who is a friend who lifts you up? How do they do that?

•

What kinds of people drag you down?

•

How can someone add value to the life of another person?

HOW TO PICk FRIENDS

STUDY NOTES As the group discusses this topic, keep the conversation focused on the practical aspects of relationships. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t allow this to become a philosophical discussion. Some group members might have difficulty discussing people who impact them negatively. Family relationships can be especially touchy subjects for some folks, so tread lightly.

SESSION ONE

HOW TO PICK FRIENDS

SESSION ONE

CREATE A NEW STORY GOD WANTS YOU TO bE PART OF HIS kINGDOM—TO WEAVE YOUR STORY INTO HIS. THAT WILL MEAN CHANGE—TO GO HIS WAY RATHER THAN YOUR OWN. THIS WON’T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT, bUT IT SHOULD HAPPEN STEADILY. bY STARTING WITH SMALL, SIMPLE CHOICES, WE bEGIN TO CHANGE OUR DIRECTION. THE HOLY SPIRIT HELPS US ALONG THE WAY—GIVING US GIFTS TO SERVE THE bODY, OFFERING US INSIGHTS INTO SCRIPTURE, AND CHALLENGING US TO LOVE NOT ONLY THOSE AROUND US bUT THOSE FAR FROM GOD. IN THIS SECTION, TALk AbOUT HOW YOU WILL APPLY THE WISDOM YOU’VE LEARNED FROM THE TEACHING AND bIbLE STUDY. THEN THINk AbOUT PRACTICAL STEPS YOU CAN TAkE IN THE COMING WEEk TO LIVE OUT WHAT YOU’VE LEARNED.

HOW TO PICk FRIENDS

•

Who is in your life purely out of history, but isn’t really adding value to you?

•

How can you spend less time with the draining people in your life?

•

Who has sacrificed the most for you?

•

Who is someone you can encourage this week? Write the name here: ________________________________________________________ . What will you do to encourage him or her?

•

Take a look at the Circles of Life Diagram to the right and write the names of two or three people you know who need to know Christ. Commit to praying for God’s guidance and an opportunity to share with each of them. Perhaps they would be open to joining the group? Share your lists with the group so you can all be praying for the people you’ve identified.

SESSION ONE

CIRCLES OF LIFE DIAGRAM

HOW TO PICK FRIENDS

•

Also consider someone—in this group or outside it—that you can begin going deeper with in an intentional way. This might be your mom or dad, a cousin, an aunt or uncle, a roommate, a college buddy, or a neighbor. Choose someone who might be open to “doing life” with you at a deeper level and pray about that opportunity.

•

This week, how will you interact with the Bible? Can you commit to spending time in daily prayer or study of God’s Word (use the Daily Devotions section to guide you)? Tell the group how you plan to follow Jesus this week, and then, at your next meeting, talk about your progress and challenges.

•

Commit together to taking a risk and going deeper in your group and in your relationships with each other.

•

Ask, “How can we pray for you this week?” Invite everyone to share, but don’t force the issue. Be sure to write prayer requests on your Prayer and Praise Report on page 133.

•

Close your meeting with prayer.

SESSION ONE

HOW TO PICK FRIENDS

FOR ADDITIONAL STUDY IF YOU FEEL GOD NUDGING YOU TO GO DEEPER, TAkE SOME TIME bEFORE THE NEXT MEETING TO DIG INTO HIS WORD. EXPLORE THE bIbLE PASSAGES RELATED TO THIS SESSIONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S THEME ON YOUR OWN AND JOT YOUR REFLECTIONS IN A JOURNAL OR IN THIS STUDY GUIDE. A GREAT WAY TO GAIN INSIGHT ON A PASSAGE IS TO READ IT IN SEVERAL DIFFERENT TRANSLATIONS. YOU MAY WANT TO USE A bIbLE APP OR WEbSITE TO COMPARE TRANSLATIONS.

SESSION ONE

READ GALATIANS 6:2-5. •

The law of Christ is summed up in the Great Commandment recorded in Matthew 22. How does bearing one another’s burdens fulfill this law?

•

According to verses 4-5, what is a person’s responsibility for themselves?

•

What’s the balance between carrying each other’s burdens, and each one carrying their own load?

READ PROVERBS 16:28. •

How would you describe a “perverse” person?

•

How does a perverse person stir up conflict?

•

How can gossip separate close friends?

HOW TO PICK FRIENDS

DAILY DEVOTIONS DAY 1 Read Hebrews 3:13. You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God.

Respond: How does a lack of encouragement harden people by sin’s deception?

DAY 2 Read 1 Corinthians 15:33. Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.”

Respond: How have you experienced bad company influence your character?

SESSION ONE

DAY 3 Read 1 Thessalonians 5:11. So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.

Respond: Who can you encourage today?

DAY 4 Read Proverbs 10:21. The words of the godly encourage many, but fools are destroyed by their lack of common sense.

Respond: When you think about yourself and your friends is there more nourishment or nonsense?

HOW TO PICK FRIENDS

DAY 5 Read John 13:35. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.

Respond: Considering your current relationships, what does your level of love for other believers say about your spiritual growth?

DAY 6 Reflect on the last daysâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; verses, and use the following space to write any thoughts God has put in your heart and mind about the things we have looked at in this session and during your Daily Devotions time this week.

SESSION ONE

HOW TO PICK FRIENDS

Session 2:

How to Make Time for People

HOW TO MAKE TIME FOR PEOPLE

ROMANS 12:10 LOVE EACH OTHER WITH GENUINE AFFECTION, AND TAKE DELIGHT IN HONORING EACH OTHER.

SESSION TWO

Everyone has exactly the same amount of time. No person on the planet has any more time than anyone else. Yet, there are people who make time for their friends, and others who can’t seem to find time for their friends. How you spend your time really comes down to priorities. When you consider all of the things that demand your time – family, work, chores, sleep, the internet, smartphones, and so forth, it’s very easy to watch your time quickly pass by. In order to make time for people, you have to be intentional. Being part of this small group is intentional. Relationships are not maintained accidentally.

HOW ARE YOU SPENDING YOUR TIME? ARE YOU MAKING THE RIGHT INVESTMENT?

HOW TO MAKE TIME FOR PEOPLE

SHARE YOUR STORY AS WE SAID LAST WEEk, WHEN WE SHARE OUR STORIES WITH OTHERS, WE GIVE THEM THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE GOD AT WORk. YOUR STORY IS bEING SHAPED, EVEN IN THIS MOMENT, bY bEING PART OF THIS GROUP. IN FACT, FEW THINGS CAN SHAPE US MORE THAN COMMUNITY. WHEN WE SHARE OUR STORIES, WE CAN ENCOURAGE SOMEONE ELSE, AND LEARN. WE EXPERIENCE THE PRESENCE OF GOD AS HE HELPS US bE bRAVE ENOUGH TO REVEAL OUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS.

SESSION TWO

OPEN YOUR GROUP WITH PRAYER.

This should be a brief, simple prayer in which you invite God to be with you as you meet. You can pray for specific requests at the end of the meeting, or stop momentarily to pray if a particular situation comes up during your discussion. bEGIN YOUR TIME TOGETHER bY USING THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS AND ACTIVITIES TO GET PEOPLE TALkING:

•

When you use social media, how does it make you feel afterward – Better? Worse? Jealous? Encouraged? Why?

•

On a scale of 1 to 10, how hospitable are you?

•

In the last session we asked you to write some names in the Circles of Life diagram. Who did you identify as the people in your life who need to meet Jesus? Go back to the Circles of Life diagram on page 31 to help you think of various people you come in contact with on a regular basis; people who need to know Jesus more deeply. Consider ideas for action and make a plan to follow through on one of them this week.

HOW TO MAKE TIME FOR PEOPLE

WATCH THE VIDEO SESSION 2 Watch the video for this session now. Use the Teaching Notes space provided on pages 142-148 to record key thoughts, questions, and things you want to remember or follow up on. After you finish watching the video, have someone read the discussion questions in the Hear Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Story section and direct the discussion among the group. As you go through each of the subsequent sections, ask someone else to read the questions and direct the discussion.

SESSION TWO

HEAR GOD’S STORY Read Romans 12:9-10, 13. Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality. •

What qualities of love do you find in this Bible passage?

•

How do you “honor one another above yourselves?”

•

How are ideas expressed in these six short sentences related to each other?

•

“Entertaining focuses attention on self. Hospitality focuses attention on others.” How does that quote change your view of hospitality?

HOW TO MAKE TIME FOR PEOPLE

STUDY NOTES Hospitality. The word hospitality originates from two root words meaning “stranger” and “friend.” The most basic meaning of the word hospitality is welcoming a stranger as a friend. Part of the practice of hospitality in your group could include different members offering to host the group in their homes. Use the Small Group Calendar in the back of this book to schedule a date to host a meeting.

SESSION TWO

HOW TO MAKE TIME FOR PEOPLE

SESSION TWO

CREATE A NEW STORY IN THIS SECTION, TALK ABOUT HOW YOU WILL APPLY THE WISDOM YOU’VE LEARNED FROM THE TEACHING AND BIBLE STUDY. THEN THINK ABOUT PRACTICAL STEPS YOU CAN TAKE IN THE COMING WEEK TO LIVE OUT WHAT YOU’VE LEARNED.

HOW TO MAKE TIME FOR PEOPLE

•

“Entertaining seeks to impress. Hospitality seeks to bless.” What’s the difference to you?

•

What places could you invite people into your life?

•

What are some reasons that people shy away from practicing hospitality?

•

Who can you show hospitality to this week? What’s the first step you can take?

SESSION TWO

•

Here are some simple ways to connect with God. Tell the group which ones you plan to try this week, and talk about your progress and challenges when you meet next time.

•

Prayer. Commit to personal prayer and daily connection with God. You may find it helpful to write your prayers in a journal.

•

Daily Devotions. The Daily Devotions provided in each session offers an opportunity to read a short Bible passage five days a week during the course of our study. In our hurryup world, we often move too quickly through everything—even reading God’s Word! Slow down. Don’t just skim, but take time to carefully read and reflect on the passage. Write down your insights on what you read each day. Copy a portion of Scripture on a card and tape it somewhere in your line of sight, such as your car’s dashboard or the bathroom mirror. Or text it to yourself! Think about it when you sit at red lights or while you’re eating a meal. Reflect on what God is saying to you through these words. On the sixth day summarize what God has shown you throughout the week. HOW TO MAKE TIME FOR PEOPLE

•

Ask, “How can we pray for you this week?” Invite everyone to share, but don’t force the issue. Be sure to write prayer requests on your Prayer and Praise Report on page .

•

Close your meeting with prayer.

SESSION TWO

HOW TO MAKE TIME FOR PEOPLE

FOR ADDITIONAL STUDY IF YOU FEEL GOD IS NUDGING YOU TO GO DEEPER, TAkE SOME TIME bETWEEN NOW AND OUR NEXT MEETING TO DIG INTO HIS WORD. EXPLORE THE bIbLE PASSAGES RELATED TO THIS SESSIONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S THEME ON YOUR OWN, JOTTING YOUR REFLECTIONS IN A JOURNAL OR IN THIS STUDY GUIDE. WANT TO GO DEEPER? SELECT A FEW VERSES AND TRY PARAPHRASING THEM: WRITING THEM IN YOUR OWN WORDS. IF YOU LIkE, SHARE THEM WITH THE GROUP THE NEXT TIME YOU MEET.

SESSION TWO

READ ECCLESIASTES 3:1-11. •

Solomon declares there are times and seasons for part of life, what season do you find yourself in right now?

•

What aspects of your life tend to dominate your time and attention?

•

Someone once said that “You have time to do the will of God.” If you don’t have time for God’s will, what does this say about your use of time? What might need to change?

READ EPHESIANS 4:1-3. •

What does Paul list as elements of a worthy life?

•

What effort are you making to keep the unity of the Spirit in your relationships?

•

Practically speaking, how can a believer “be completely humble and gentle; be patient; bearing with one another in love?” If you are not experiencing this in your life, what needs to change?

HOW TO MAKE TIME FOR PEOPLE

DAILY DEVOTIONS DAY 1 Read Romans 1:11-12. For I long to visit you so I can bring you some spiritual gift that will help you grow strong in the Lord. When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.

Respond: What relationship in your life would you say offers mutual encouragement of your faith?

DAY 2 Read John 15:13. There is no greater love than to lay down oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life for oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s friends.

Respond: How well do you give unconditional love to others?

SESSION TWO

DAY 3 Read Acts 2:44. And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had.

Respond: In the early church, the believers shared their time and their possessions. Who has shared significantly with you?

DAY 4 Read Hebrews 10:25. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

Respond: What are your habits for encouraging and meeting together with other believers?

HOW TO MAKE TIME FOR PEOPLE

DAY 5 Read 3 John 1:8. So we ourselves should support them so that we can be their partners as they teach the truth.

Respond: How well do you show hospitality? What keeps you from being more hospitable to others?

SESSION TWO

HOW TO MAKE TIME FOR PEOPLE

Session 3:

How Not to Be a Jerk

HOW NOT TO BE A JERK

SESSION THREE

PHILIPPIANS 2:3B-4 BE HUMBLE, THINKING OF OTHERS AS BETTER THAN YOURSELVES. DON’T LOOK OUT ONLY FOR YOUR OWN INTERESTS, BUT TAKE AN INTEREST IN OTHERS, TOO. Interested and interesting are both part of friendship. An offer of friendship is to give someone part of yourself – your time, your attention, your interest. Most people work hard at being interesting, but don’t work very hard at being interested.

ARE YOU INTERESTED?

An interested person asks questions. They want to know more about the people they’re with. An interesting person can also share friendship by opening up about themselves. But there is a line, when people become uninteresting, well, they’re boring. It’s hard to make friends with people who are interested only in themselves. Let’s just say, they’re not very interesting.

HOW NOT TO BE A JERK

SHARE YOUR STORY OPEN YOUR GROUP WITH PRAYER. THIS SHOULD bE A bRIEF, SIMPLE PRAYER IN WHICH YOU INVITE GOD TO bE WITH YOU AS YOU MEET. YOU CAN PRAY FOR SPECIFIC REQUESTS AT THE END OF THE MEETING, OR STOP MOMENTARILY TO PRAY IF A PARTICULAR SITUATION COMES UP DURING YOUR DISCUSSION.

Sharing personal stories builds deeper connections among group members. Begin your time together by using the following questions and activities to get people talking.

•

How do you react to people who only talk about themselves?

•

When you meet new people, what are you curious to know about them?

SESSION THREE

HOW NOT TO BE A JERK

WATCH THE VIDEO SESSION 3 Use the Teaching Notes space provided on pages to record key thoughts, questions, and things you want to remember or follow up on. After watching the video, have someone read the discussion questions in the Hear Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Story section, and direct the discussion among the group. As you go through each of the subsequent sections, ask someone else to read the questions and direct the discussion.

SESSION THREE

HEAR GOD’S STORY USE THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS TO GUIDE YOUR DISCUSSION OF THE TEACHING AND STORIES YOU JUST EXPERIENCED IN THE VIDEO AND THE BIBLE PASSAGE BELOW. Read Philippians 2:3-4. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. •

Why are selfish ambition or vain conceit off-putting to others? How does this reflect on Jesus?

•

How can you value other people above yourself?

•

What does it say about human nature that Paul wrote, “count others more significant than yourselves?”

HOW NOT TO BE A JERK

STUDY NOTES Selfish ambition or vain conceit. These attitudes reflect factional motives and strife. This is antithetical to humility. Value others above yourselves. These words should not be taken in any way that reflects that someone is beneath anyone else. A flaw of human nature naturally causes some people to think of themselves as better than others. Paulâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s intent here is to balance this equation of self by making a conscious effort to value others about yourself.

SESSION THREE

HOW NOT TO BE A JERK

SESSION THREE

CREATE A NEW STORY GOD WANTS YOU TO bE PART OF HIS kINGDOM—TO WEAVE YOUR STORY INTO HIS. THAT WILL MEAN CHANGE. IT WILL REQUIRE YOU TO GO HIS WAY RATHER THAN YOUR OWN. THIS WON’T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT, bUT IT SHOULD HAPPEN STEADILY. bY MAkING SMALL, SIMPLE CHOICES, WE CAN bEGIN TO CHANGE OUR DIRECTION. THE HOLY SPIRIT HELPS US ALONG THE WAY, bY GIVING US GIFTS TO SERVE THE bODY, OFFERING US INSIGHTS INTO SCRIPTURE, AND CHALLENGING US TO LOVE NOT ONLY THOSE AROUND US bUT THOSE FAR FROM GOD. IN THIS SECTION, TALk AbOUT HOW YOU WILL APPLY THE WISDOM YOU’VE LEARNED IN THIS SESSION.

HOW NOT TO BE A JERK

•

What do you think about the statement, “Being around a person is being as close to God as you’re going to get?”

•

The Gospels contain 307 questions. As God, Jesus is omniscience, or all-knowing. Why do you think Jesus asked questions?

•

C.S. Lewis said, “Humility is not thinking less about yourself. It’s thinking about yourself less.” What is your first reaction to that statement?

SESSION THREE

•

How can you practically think of yourself less?

•

What steps will you take this week to grow in your relationship with God? If you’ve focused on prayer in past weeks, maybe you’ll want to direct your attention to Scripture this week. If you’ve been reading God’s Word consistently, perhaps you’ll want to take it deeper, and try memorizing a verse. Tell the group which one you plan to try this week, and talk about your progress and challenges when you meet next time.

•

Ask, “How can we pray for you this week?” Invite everyone to share, but don’t force the issue. Be sure to write prayer requests on your Prayer and Praise Report on page 133.

•

Close your meeting with prayer.

HOW NOT TO BE A JERK

FOR ADDITIONAL STUDY TAkE SOME TIME bETWEEN NOW AND OUR NEXT MEETING TO DIG INTO GOD’S WORD. EXPLORE THE bIbLE PASSAGES RELATED TO THIS SESSION’S THEME. JOT DOWN YOUR REFLECTIONS IN A JOURNAL OR IN THIS STUDY GUIDE. YOU MAY WANT TO USE A bIbLE WEbSITE OR APP TO LOOk UP COMMENTARY ON THESE PASSAGES. IF YOU LIkE, SHARE WHAT YOU LEARN WITH THE GROUP THE NEXT TIME YOU MEET.

SESSION THREE

READ 1 JOHN 4:7-8. •

The word for love in this passage is agape, which is unconditional love. Read through this passage again and read “unconditional love” in every place it reads “love.”

•

If you don’t love, according to this passage, what does that say about your relationship with God?

•

When is it difficult for you to love someone?

READ ROMANS 12:16. •

What produces harmony in relationships?

•

Who are you uncomfortable to be around? Why?

•

How does conceit interfere with harmony?

HOW NOT TO BE A JERK

DAILY DEVOTIONALS DAY 1 Read Romans 15:7. Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.

Respond: When you think about your relationships who is easy to accept? Who is more challenging to accept?

DAY 2 Read 1 John 4:11. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.

Respond: How can God help you love a difficult person in your life?

SESSION THREE

DAY 3 Read Luke 19:10. For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost.

Respond: What is your personal love level for the lost?

DAY 4 Read John 1:38. Jesus looked around and saw them following. “What do you want?” he asked them.

Respond: If Jesus asked you this question, how would you answer?

HOW NOT TO BE A JERK

DAY 5 Read Philippians 2:21. All the others care only for themselves and not for what matters to Jesus Christ.

Respond: What are Jesusâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; interests? How do they reflect your interests?

SESSION THREE

HOW NOT TO BE A JERK

Session 4:

How to Deal with Rejection

HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

JAMES 1:12 GOD BLESSES THOSE WHO PATIENTLY ENDURE TESTING AND TEMPTATION. AFTERWARD THEY WILL RECEIVE THE CROWN OF LIFE THAT GOD HAS PROMISED TO THOSE WHO LOVE HIM. No one likes to be rejected. Yet if you extend a hand of friendship to someone, there is always the risk of rejection. The choice then is to avoid the possibility of rejection by not offering friendship, which is essentially rejecting them first, or taking the risk of offering friendship. We’ve all done it. At some point in our lives, we decided another person was worth the risk – your best friend growing up, your first date, your spouse, your current friends. Now, there is still a risk of rejection. What happens when you face rejection? How should you react? How do you recover, persevere, and thrive?

SESSION FOUR

HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

SHARE YOUR STORY OPEN YOUR GROUP WITH PRAYER. THIS SHOULD bE A bRIEF, SIMPLE PRAYER, IN WHICH YOU INVITE GOD TO bE WITH YOU AS YOU MEET. YOU CAN PRAY FOR SPECIFIC REQUESTS AT THE END OF THE MEETING OR STOP MOMENTARILY TO PRAY IF A PARTICULAR SITUATION COMES UP DURING YOUR DISCUSSION. AS WE HAVE SAID IN PREVIOUS LESSONS, SHARING OUR PERSONAL STORIES bUILDS DEEPER CONNECTIONS AMONG GROUP MEMbERS. YOUR STORY MAY bE EXACTLY WHAT ANOTHER PERSON NEEDS TO HEAR, AND LISTENING TO OTHERS’ STORIES IS AN ACT OF LOVE AND kINDNESS TO THEM—AND COULD VERY WELL HELP THEM TO GROW SPIRITUALLY. bEGIN YOUR TIME TOGETHER bY USING THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS AND ACTIVITIES TO GET PEOPLE TALkING.

SESSION FOUR

•

What do you feel or think of when you hear the word “rejection”?

•

Tell the group about a time in your life when you felt rejected (short version).

•

Share one prayer request and one thing you want to thank God for. Spend some time praying about what you’ve shared. (See Share Your Story in Session Two on page 44?)

•

Take some time for each person to share about how they’re doing on the challenge of inviting the people on the Circles of Life diagram to church or your small group. What specific conversations are you praying about for the weeks to come?

HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

WATCH THE VIDEO SESSION Watch the video for this session now. Use the Teaching Notes space provided on pages below and at the end of the workbook to record key thoughts, questions, and things you want to remember or follow up on. After you finish watching the video, have someone read the discussion questions in the Hear Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Story section, and direct the discussion among the group. As you go through each of the subsequent sections, ask someone else to read the questions, and direct the discussion.

SESSION FOUR

HEAR GOD’S STORY

•

What thoughts or feelings do you experience as you read these prophetic words about Jesus?

•

What was Jesus’ response to rejection?

•

Other than Jesus, who is a great example of perseverance in your life?

•

What are some unhealthy ways of dealing with rejection? What are some healthy ways?

Read Isaiah 53:2-4. My servant grew up in the Lord’s presence like a tender green shoot, like a root in dry ground. There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him. He was despised and rejected—a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins!

HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

STUDY NOTES He. The primary reference is to Darius, who lived in the time of Isaiah. Prophecy always had a specific meaning set in the time it was spoke. This prophecy also refers to Jesus the Messiah. A root out of dry ground. Figurative for a royal child who was not in succession for the throne. The direct link to Jesus is made by the Gospel writers: Luke 22:37; Mark 10:45; Matthew 20:28; Mark 14:24; Matthew 26:28; Luke 22:20.

SESSION FOUR

HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

CREATE A NEW STORY

SESSION FOUR

HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

•

How easy or difficult is it for you to let others in? Why?

•

What does it mean to you to know that God will never reject you as a believer?

•

What does perseverance mean to you?

•

How have you seen messy situations turn around when you persevered?

•

Where or how do you need to persevere right now?

SESSION FOUR

•

Each of you in the group has different gifts and abilities. And every small group has tasks and roles that need to be done. How could you serve this group—perhaps with hospitality or prayer, by organizing an event, research or study of a topic, by worshiping or inviting new people?

•

Spend some time praying about those you know who might respond to a simple invitation: to come to a church service, to join your small group, or even to just have coffee and talk about spiritual matters. Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to mind people you can pray for.

•

Groups grow closer when they serve together. How could your group serve someone in need? You may want to visit a shut-in from your church, provide a meal for a family who is going through difficulty, or give some other practical help to someone in need. If nothing comes to mind, spend some group time praying and asking God to show you who needs your help. Have two or three group members organize a serving project for the group, and then do it!

HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

FOR ADDITIONAL STUDY TAkE SOME TIME bETWEEN NOW AND OUR NEXT MEETING TO DIG INTO GOD’S WORD. EXPLORE THE bIbLE PASSAGES RELATED TO THIS SESSION’S THEME ON YOUR OWN. JOT DOWN YOUR REFLECTIONS IN A JOURNAL OR IN THIS STUDY GUIDE. YOU MAY EVEN WANT TO USE A bIbLE WEbSITE OR APP TO LOOk UP COMMENTARY ON THESE PASSAGES. IF YOU LIkE, SHARE WHAT YOU LEARN WITH THE GROUP THE NEXT TIME YOU MEET.

SESSION FOUR

READ 2 CORINTHIANS 1:3-7. •

What is the purpose for receiving comfort from God?

•

What should suffering produce in the life of the believer?

•

What positive things might be lacking in a believer’s life if they have never suffered?

READ 2 CORINTHIANS 7:5-7. •

When you consider a person like Paul, who dedicated his entire life to God, what would you expect his life to be like – full of comfort or suffering? Why?

•

How did God comfort Paul? What does this say about being willing to comfort others in their suffering?

•

Who do you know that is suffering right now? What could you do to bring joy to them?

HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

DAILY DEVOTIONS DAY 1 Read Hebrews 12:1. Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

Respond: What is hindering your ability to run the race?

DAY 2 Read Job 19:14. My family is gone, and my close friends have forgotten me.

Respond: How can you relate to Jobâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s feelings?

SESSION FOUR

DAY 3 Read Psalm 38:11. My loved ones and friends stay away, fearing my disease. Even my own family stands at a distance.

Respond: Who do you know that might feel this way? How could you comfort them?

DAY 4 Read Romans 12:19. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I will take revenge; I will pay them back,â&#x20AC;? says the Lord.

Respond: In what situation(s) are you tempted to get revenge? Why should revenge be reserved for God?

HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

DAY 5 Read Proverbs 24:10. If you fail under pressure, your strength is too small.

Respond: When have you felt your strength was small? What did you do?

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SESSION FOUR

HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION

101

Session 5:

How to Say Hard Things

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EPHESIANS 4:15 INSTEAD, WE WILL SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE, GROWING IN EVERY WAY MORE AND MORE LIKE CHRIST, WHO IS THE HEAD OF HIS BODY, THE CHURCH.

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SESSION FIVE

Sometimes people are unaware of how their words and actions affect other people. Until you make them aware, how will they grow? Most people donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t like to say or hear hard things, yet they are significant to your spiritual growth. Accepting criticism will alert you about what to work on. And, saying a hard thing will reveal how much you truly care for the person. Life, as Paul says, you speak the truth in love.

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As we have said in previous lessons, sharing our personal stories builds deeper connections among group members. Your story may be exactly what another person needs to hear to encourage or strengthen them. And your listening to others’ stories is an act of love and kindness to them—and could very well help them to grow spiritually. Begin your time together by using the following questions and activities to get people talking.

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SESSION FIVE

•

What has surprised you most about this group? Where did God meet you over the last five weeks?

•

On a scale of 1 to 10, how difficult is it for you to say hard things with love?

•

What has God been showing you through these sessions? What positive changes has your group noticed in you? Check in with each other about the progress you have made in your spiritual growth during this study. Make plans about whether you will continue your relationship after the group has concluded.

•

Take some time for each person to share about how they’ve done with inviting the people on the Circles of Life diagram to church or your small group. What specific conversations are you praying about for the weeks to come?

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WATCH THE VIDEO SESSION Watch the video for this session now. Use the Teaching Notes space provided on pages - to record any key thoughts, questions, and things you want to remember or follow up on. After you finish watching the video, have someone read the discussion questions in the Hear Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Story section, and direct the discussion among the group. As you go through each of the subsequent sections, ask someone else to read the questions, and direct the discussion.

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SESSION FIVE

HEAR GOD’S STORY Read Ephesians 4:15. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. •

What’s the difference between “speaking the truth” and “speaking the truth in love?”

•

How does speaking the truth in love bring about maturity?

•

No one is helped by being blasted. How might that statement change your approach?

•

How does your relationship with the person affect the difficulty of saying hard things to them?

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109

STUDY NOTES Speaking the truth. Some scholars interpret this phrase as “doing the truth” or “living according to the truth.” Truth. The church’s speaking the truth is determined by the word of truth which is the Gospel of salvation. This is not someone’s “personal” truth or a version of the truth. This is the truth as established by Jesus as recorded in the Bible. Body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. The image of the body of Christ is used throughout Paul’s writings. The Body is the Church. As with the image of a human body, the Body of Christ must be unified and united in purpose. A human body that has disunity or is at cross purposes could be taken as diseased or deformed. Christ’s Body is meant to preserve the unity given by God. We will grow to become in every respect the mature body. Growth occurs on multiple levels for multiple reasons. First, each individual believer is to grow through speaking the truth in love. As individual believers grow, the local church grows. Then, as the local church grows, the Body of Christ grows. Speaking the truth in love has profound implications, as does the avoidance of speaking the truth in love.

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SESSION FIVE

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SESSION FIVE

CREATE A NEW STORY HOW HAS GOD CHANGED YOUR STORY DURING THIS SIXWEEk STUDY? WHAT NEW THINGS IS HE ASkING YOU TO DO? WHAT TRUTH HAS TRANSFORMED YOUR HEART? THINk AbOUT SPECIFIC STEPS YOU WANT TO TAkE TO LIVE A NEW STORY, TO WALk MORE CLOSELY WITH GOD SO YOU CAN bE PART OF HIS STORY AND ENGAGED IN HIS kINGDOM.

WORSHIP IS A LIFESTYLE

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•

Sometimes it’s helpful to practice your opening statement to hear it out loud. How well would that work for you?

•

If you have difficult information to share with someone, do it in three sentences or less. How would that approach help in saying hard things?

•

What’s the risk of saying too much?

•

Is there someone you need to say something hard to? What’s the first step in doing this?

•

Since this is the last meeting in this study, take some time to celebrate the work God has done in the lives of group members. Have each person in the group share some step of growth they have noticed in another member. (In other words, no one will talk about themselves. Instead, affirm others in the group.) Make sure each person gets affirmed and noticed and celebrated in some way.

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SESSION FIVE

•

If your group still needs to make decisions about continuing to meet after this session, have that discussion now. Talk about what you will study, who will lead, and when you will meet.

•

Review your Small Group Agreement on page 127 and evaluate how well you met your goals. Discuss any changes you want to make as you move forward. If you plan to continue to meet, and your group starts a new study, this is a great time to take on a new role or change roles of service in your group. What new role will you take on? If you are uncertain, maybe your group members have some ideas for you. Remember you aren’t making a lifetime commitment to the new role; it will only be for a few weeks. Maybe someone would like to share a role with you if you don’t feel ready to serve solo.

•

Close by praying for your prayer requests and take a couple of minutes to review the praises you have recorded over the past five weeks on the Prayer and Praise Report on page 133 . Spend some time thanking God for all He’s done in your group during this study.

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FOR ADDITIONAL STUDY EXPLORE THE bIbLE PASSAGES RELATED TO THIS SESSIONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S THEME ON YOUR OWN, JOTTING YOUR REFLECTIONS IN A JOURNAL OR IN THIS STUDY GUIDE. YOU MAY EVEN WANT TO USE A bIbLE WEbSITE OR APP TO LOOk UP COMMENTARY ON THESE PASSAGES.

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SESSION FIVE

READ JAMES 5:19-20. •

In an era where truth seems to be fluid, how do you know when someone has wondered from the truth?

•

Who do you know that is walking an errant path? How could you turn them?

•

What is the reward of intervening? What’s the consequence of not intervening?

READ 2 CORINTHIANS 13:11. •

What does “full restoration” look like practically?

•

How can you “live in peace” and “speak the truth in love?”

•

How does God bring “love and peace” out of conflict?

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DAILY DEVOTIONS DAY 1 Read Colossians 3:13. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Respond: Who do you need to forgive?

DAY 2 Read Galatians 6:1. Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.

Respond: How do you resolve the tension of the admonitions to “restore that person gently” and “watch yourself, or you also may be tempted?”

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SESSION FIVE

DAY 3 Read Matthew 18:15. If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.

Respond: Who do you need to talk to?

DAY 4 Read Hebrews 10:24. Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.

Respond: How can you motivate someone to acts of love and good works today?

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119

DAY 5 Read Romans 14:13. So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.

Respond: What’s the difference between passing judgment and pointing out someone’s fault?

DAY 6 Reflect on the last days’ verses, and use the following space to write any thoughts God has put in your heart and mind about the things we have looked at in this session and during your Daily Devotions time this week.

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SESSION FIVE

WORSHIP IS A LIFESTYLE

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PEOPLE SKILLS

APPENDICES

RESOURCES TO MAKE YOUR SMALL GROUP EXPERIENCE EVEN BETTER!

APPENDICES

123

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS WHAT DO WE DO ON THE FIRST NIGHT OF OUR GROUP?

Like all fun things in life—have a party! A “get to know you” coffee, dinner, or dessert is a great way to launch a new study. You may want to review the Group Agreement (pages 127-128) and share the names of a few friends you can invite to join you. But most importantly, have fun before your study time begins.

WHERE DO WE FIND NEW MEMBERS FOR OUR GROUP?

This can be troubling, especially for new groups that have only a few people or for existing groups that lose a few people along the way. We encourage you to pray with your group and then brainstorm a list of people from work, church, your neighborhood, your children’s school, family, the gym, and so forth. Then have each group member invite several of the people on his or her list. Another good strategy is to ask church leaders to make an announcement or allow an insert in the Welcome Guide. No matter how you find members, it’s vital that you stay on the lookout for new people to join your group. All groups tend to go through healthy attrition—the result of moves, releasing new leaders, ministry opportunities, etc.—and if the group gets too small, it could be at risk of shutting down. If you and your group stay open, you’ll be amazed at the people God sends your way. The next person just might become a friend for life. You never know!

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PEOPLE SKILLS

HOW LONG WILL THIS GROUP MEET?

Most groups meet weekly for at least their first six weeks, but every other week can work as well. We strongly recommend that the group meets for the first six months on a weekly basis if at all possible. This allows for continuity, and if people miss a meeting they aren’t gone for an entire month. At the end of this study, each group member may decide if he or she wants to continue on for another study. Some groups launch relationships for years to come, and others are stepping-stones into another group experience. Either way, enjoy the journey.

CAN WE DO THIS STUDY ON OUR OWN?

Absolutely! This may sound crazy, but one of the best ways to do this study is not with a full house but with a few friends. You may choose to gather with another couple who would enjoy some relational time (perhaps going to the movies or having a quiet dinner) and then walking through this study. Jesus will be with you even if there are only two of you (Matthew 18:20).

WHAT IF THIS GROUP IS NOT WORKING FOR US?

You’re not alone! This could be the result of a personality conflict, life stage difference, geographical distance, level of spiritual maturity, or any number of things. Relax. Pray for God’s direction, and at the end of this six-week study, decide whether to continue with this group or find another. You don’t typically buy the first car you look at or marry the first person you date, and the same goes

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with a group. However, don’t bail out before the study is up—God might have something to teach you. Also, don’t run from conflict or prejudge people before you have given them a chance. God is still working in your life, too!

WHO IS THE LEADER?

Most groups have an official leader. But ideally, the group will mature and members will rotate the leadership of meetings. Healthy groups usually rotate hosts/leaders and homes on a regular basis. This model ensures that all members grow, give their unique contribution, and develop their gifts. This study guide and the Holy Spirit can keep things on track even when you rotate leaders. Christ has promised to be among you as you gather. Ultimately, God is your leader each step of the way.

HOW DO WE HANDLE THE CHILDCARE NEEDS IN OUR GROUP?

Very carefully. Seriously, this can be a sensitive issue. We suggest that you empower the group to openly brainstorm solutions. You may try one option that works for a while and then adjust over time. One approach is for adults to meet in the living room or dining room and to share the cost of a babysitter (or two) who can watch the kids in a different part of the house. This way, parents don’t have to be away from their children all evening when their children are too young to be left at home. A second option is to use one home for the kids and a second home (close by or a phone call away) for the adults. A third idea is to rotate the responsibility of providing a lesson or care for the children either in the same home or in another home nearby. This can be an incredible blessing for kids. Finally, the most common solution is to decide that you need to have a night to invest in your spiritual lives individually or as a couple and to make your own arrangements for childcare. No matter what decision the group makes, the best approach is to dialogue openly about both the problem and the solution.

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PEOPLE SKILLS

OUR SMALL GROUP AGREEMENT PURPOSE To provide a predictable environment where participants experience authentic community and spiritual growth.

OUR VALUES Group Attendance To give priority to the group meeting. We will call or email if we will be late or absent. (Completing the Group Calendar on page 129 will minimize this issue.) Safe Environment To help create a safe place where people can be heard and feel loved. (Please, no quick answers, snap judgments, or simple fixes.) Respect Differences To be gentle and gracious to fellow group members with different levels of spiritual maturity, personal opinions, temperaments, or â&#x20AC;&#x153;imperfections.â&#x20AC;? We are all works in progress. Confidentiality To keep anything that is shared strictly confidential and within the group, and to avoid sharing improper information about those outside the group. Encouragement for Growth To be not just takers but givers of life. We want to spiritually multiply our life by serving others with our God-given gifts.

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Shared Ownership To remember that every member is a minister and to ensure that each attender will share a small team role or responsibility over time. Rotating Hosts/Leaders and Homes To encourage different people to host the group in their homes and to rotate the responsibility of facilitating each meeting. (See the Group Calendar on page 129.)

OUR EXPECTATIONS

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•

Refreshments/mealtimes

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Childcare

•

When we will meet (day of week)

•

Where we will meet (place)

•

We will begin at (time)

•

We will do our best to have some or all of us attend a worship service together. Our primary worship service time will be

•

Date of this agreement

•

Date we will review this agreement again

•

Who (other than the leader) will review this agreement at the end of this study

PEOPLE SKILLS

and end at

GROUP CALENDAR

Planning and calendaring can help ensure the greatest participation at every meeting. At the end of each meeting, review this calendar. Be sure to include a regular rotation of host homes and leaders, and donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t forget birthdays, socials, church events, holidays, and mission/ministry projects.

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WEEKLY CHECK-IN Briefly check in each week and write down your personal plans and progress targets for the next week (or even for the next few weeks). This could be done before or after the meeting, on the phone, through an email message, or even in person from time to time.

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PEOPLE SKILLS

MEMORY VERSE CARDS SESSION ONE A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. Proverbs 17:17

SESSION TWO Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Romans 12:10

SESSION THREE Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. Philippians 2:3-4 SESSION FOUR God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

SESSION FIVE Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. Ephesians 4:15

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CLIP AND REVIEW THE MEMORY VERSES ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS PAGE.

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PEOPLE SKILLS

PRAYER AND PRAISE REPORT

APPENDICES

133

Name

Phone

SMALL GROUP ROSTER

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PEOPLE SKILLS

APPENDICES

135

SMALL GROUP LEADERS

Key resources to help your leadership experience be the best it can be.

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PEOPLE SKILLS

HOSTING AN OPEN HOUSE If you’re starting a new group, try planning an “open house” before your first formal group meeting. Even if you have only two to four core members, it’s a great way to break the ice and to consider prayerfully who else might be open to joining you over the next few weeks. You can also use this kick-off meeting to hand out study guides, spend some time getting to know each other, discuss each person’s expectations for the group and briefly pray for each other. A simple meal or good desserts always make a kick-off meeting more fun. After people introduce themselves and share how they ended up being at the meeting (you can play a game to see who has the wildest story!), have everyone respond to a few icebreaker questions: • • •

What is your favorite family vacation? What is one thing you love about your church/our community? What are three things about your life growing up that most people here don’t know?

Next, ask everyone to tell what he or she hopes to get out of the study. You might want to review the Small Group Agreement and talk about each person’s expectations and priorities. Finally, set an open chair (maybe two) in the center of your group and explain that it represents someone who would enjoy or benefit from this group but who isn’t here yet. Ask people to pray about inviting someone to join the group over the next few weeks. Hand out postcards and have everyone write an invitation or two. Don’t worry about ending up with too many people; you can always have one discussion circle in the living room and another in the dining room after you watch the lesson. Each group could then report prayer requests and progress at the end of the session. You can skip this kick-off meeting if your time is limited, but you’ll experience a huge benefit if you take the time to connect with each other in this way.

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LEADING FOR THE FIRST TIME •

Sweaty palms are a healthy sign. The Bible says God is gracious to the humble. Remember who is in control; the time to worry is when you’re not worried. Those who are soft in heart (and sweaty palmed) are those whom God is sure to speak through.

•

Seek support. Ask your leader, co-leader, or close friend to pray for you and prepare with you before the session. Walking through the study beforehand will help you anticipate potentially difficult questions and discussion topics.

•

Bring your uniqueness to the study. Lean into who you are and how God wants you to uniquely lead the study.

•

Prepare. Prepare. Prepare. Go through the session several times. If you are using the video session, listen to the teaching segment and Leadership Lifter. Consider writing in a journal or fasting for a day to prepare yourself for what God wants to do. Don’t wait until the last minute to prepare.

•

Ask for feedback so you can grow. Perhaps in an email or on cards handed out at the study, have everyone write down three things that went well and one thing that could be improved on. Don’t get defensive. Instead, show an openness to learn and grow.

•

Prayerfully consider launching a new group. This doesn’t need to happen overnight, but God’s heart is for this to take place over time. Not all Christians are called to be leaders or teachers, but we are all called to be “shepherds” of a few someday.

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Share with your group what God is doing in your heart. God is searching for those whose hearts are fully his. Share your trials and victories. We promise that people will relate.

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Prayerfully consider whom you would like to pass the baton to next week. It’s only fair. God is ready for the next member of your group to go on the faith journey you just traveled. Make it fun, and expect God to do the rest.

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LEADERSHIP TRAINING 101

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CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE RESPONDED TO THE CALL TO HELP SHEPHERD JESUS’ FLOCK. THERE ARE FEW OTHER TASKS IN THE FAMILY OF GOD THAT SURPASS THE CONTRIBUTION YOU WILL BE MAKING. AS YOU PREPARE TO LEAD, WHETHER IT IS ONE SESSION OR THE ENTIRE SERIES, HERE ARE A FEW THOUGHTS TO KEEP IN MIND. WE ENCOURAGE YOU TO READ THESE AND REVIEW THEM WITH EACH NEW DISCUSSION LEADER BEFORE HE OR SHE LEADS.

1. Remember that you are not alone. God knows everything about you, and He knew that you would be asked to lead your group. Remember that it is common for all good leaders to feel that they are not ready to lead. Moses, Solomon, Jeremiah and Timothy were all reluctant to lead. God promises, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). Whether you are leading for one evening, for several weeks, or for a lifetime, you will be blessed as you serve. 2. Don’t try to do it alone. Pray right now for God to help you build a healthy leadership culture. If you can enlist a co-leader to help you lead the group, you will find your experience to be much richer. This is your chance to involve as many people as you can in building a healthy group. All you have to do is call, and ask people to help. You’ll probably be surprised at the response. 3. Just be yourself. If you won’t be you, who will? God wants you to use your unique gifts and temperament. Don’t try to do things exactly like another leader; do them in a way that fits you! Just admit it when you don’t have an answer, and apologize when you make a mistake. Your group will love you for it, and you’ll sleep better at night! 4. Prepare for your meeting ahead of time. Review the session and the leader’s notes, and write down your responses to each question. Pay special attention to exercises that ask group members to do something other than engage in discussion. These exercises will help your group live what the Bible teaches, not just talk about it. Be sure you understand how an exercise works, and bring any necessary supplies (such as paper and pens) to your meeting. If the exercise employs one of the items, be sure to look over that item so you’ll know how it works. Finally, review Outline for Each Session so you’ll remember the purpose of each section in the study.

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5. Pray for your group members by name. Before you begin your session, go around the room in your mind and pray for each member by name. You may want to review the prayer list at least once a week. Ask God to use your time together to touch the heart of every person uniquely. Expect God to lead you to whomever He wants you to encourage or challenge in a special way. If you listen, God will surely lead! 6. When you ask a question, be patient. Someone will eventually respond. Sometimes people need a moment or two of silence to think about the question. Keep in mind, if silence doesn’t bother you, it won’t bother anyone else. After someone responds, affirm the response with a simple “thanks” or “good job.” Then ask, “How about somebody else?” or “Would someone who hasn’t shared like to add anything?” Be sensitive to new people or reluctant members who aren’t ready to say, pray or do anything. If you give them a safe setting, they will blossom over time. 7. Provide transitions between questions. When guiding the discussion, always read aloud the transitional paragraphs and the questions. Ask the group if anyone would like to read the paragraph or Bible passage. Don’t call on anyone, but ask for a volunteer, and then be patient until someone begins. Be sure to thank the person who reads aloud. 8. Break up into smaller groups each week or they won’t stay. If your group has more than seven people, we strongly encourage you to have the group gather sometimes in discussion circles of three or four people during the Hear God’s Story or Change Your Story sections of the study. With a greater opportunity to talk in a small circle, people will connect more with the study, apply more quickly what they’re learning and ultimately get more out of it. A small circle also encourages a quiet

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person to participate and tends to minimize the effects of a more vocal or dominant member. It can also help people feel more loved in your group. When you gather again at the end of the section, you can have one person summarize the highlights from each circle. Small circles are also helpful during prayer time. People who are unaccustomed to praying aloud will feel more comfortable trying it with just two or three others. Also, prayer requests wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t take as much time, so circles will have more time to actually pray. When you gather back with the whole group, you can have one person from each circle briefly update everyone on the prayer requests. People are more willing to pray in small circles if they know that the whole group will still hear all the prayer requests. 9. Rotate facilitators weekly. At the end of each meeting, ask the group who should lead the following week. Let the group help select your weekly facilitator. You may be perfectly capable of leading each time, but you will help others grow in their faith and gifts if you give them opportunities to lead. You can use the Small Group Calendar to fill in the names of all meeting leaders at once if you prefer. 10. One final challenge (for new or first time leaders): Before your first opportunity to lead, look up each of the five passages listed below. Read each one as a devotional exercise to help yourself develop a shepherdâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s heart. Trust us on this one. If you do this, you will be more than ready for your first meeting.

Matthew 9:36 1 Peter 5:2-4 Psalm 23 Ezekiel 34:11-16 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8, 11-12

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Relationships are the most challenging and the most rewarding things a person could ever have. Maybe it’s the challenge that makes them rewarding.

People Skills Five Sessions:

We were made for community. God created us in His Image, and before He created Us, God lived in community as the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. In all of creation, at the end of every day, God pronounced what He created to be good, except for one thing. It wasn’t good for man to be alone.

Session One: How to Pick Friends

Who we hang out with makes a huge impact on our lives. We become like the people we are around. Now, that sounds like something we should say to teenagers, but you know what? We are just grown up teenagers. Look at who is in your life. Is that your future? If you just had a shocking revelation, then this study is the right place to get the most out of your most promising relationships and maybe leave a few relationships behind along the way. Relationships are work, but they are worth it. Are you ready to get to work?

Session Two: How to Make Time for People Session Three: How Not to Be a Jerk Session Four: How to Deal with Rejection Session Five: How to Say Hard Things

Ron & Teddi Sylvia Bio Ron Sylvia is the founding and lead pastor of Church @ The Springs in Ocala, Florida, and leads Purpose Driven Church Planting for Saddleback Church. The Springs began in 1994 with twentyone people with a simple vision that “people matter to God.” Now reaching thousands on three campuses, The Springs focuses on leading our generation to God and mobilizing each person to do ministry. With a church planting DNA, The Springs has partnered to start twenty-five churches nationally and internationally. Teddi planted Church @ The Springs with her husband, Ron, and has served in almost every capacity, from the Children’s Ministry Director to Communications Director to, presently, the leader of the Women’s Ministry. Recognizing that the spouse of a church planter is an integral part of a healthy church, she has spoken with Ron at numerous church planting conferences. Ron and Teddi have three sons, Jared, Jacob and Luke, who are each married and have made them the grandparents of four.