Doing Groups Together by Lifetogether Ministries

Together

Copyright © 2019 by LifeTogether ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Published by LifeTogether Copyright and use of the curriculum template is retained by Brett Eastman. Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotes are taken from Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. ISBN: 978-1-950007-57-8 Printed in the United States of America

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DOING GROUPS Together H O W T O S TA R T A N E W G R O U P

Welcome How to Use This Curriculum

1. WHAT DID I DO? SAYING YES TO LEAD A GROUP

6 9 11

A Shepherd’s HEART Reluctance Is a Good Thing

2. WHO DO I CALL? SURROUNDING YOURSELF WITH A TEAM

Circles and ABC’s for Filling Groups Share the Load from the Start

3. WHERE DO I BEGIN? PREPARING FOR AN OPEN HOUSE

The Secret to Sharing Your Spiritual Story Choosing Your First Curriculum Small Group Leadership 101

4. WHEN DO I DO WHAT? WHAT TO DO AT YOUR FIRST MEETING

5. HOW DO I DO IT? DEVELOPING SKILLS FOR LEADING A GROUP

Hosting an Open House Developing a Small Group Agreement Small Group Agreement Small Group Calendar Small Group Roster 51

Increasing Group Participation Great Conversation Starters Building Authenticity in Your Group Handling Conflict

6. WHAT’S NEXT? LOOKING FORWARD

A Shepherd for Every Sheep Crock-Pot Leadership Development Looking Back, Looking Ahead

APPENDIX

Circles of Life Small Group Agreement Small Group Calendar Small Group Roster GIFTS Assessment Leadership Roles

WELCOME

WELCOME TO SMALL GROUP UNIVERSITY! Small groups are close to my heart, and I believe they are close to God’s heart as well. I began following Jesus in college because someone invited me to join a small group Bible study where I heard the message of the Gospel in a safe space with a group of friends. Then they encouraged me to gather some friends of my own and start a new group. As a very new believer, I found myself learning, growing, and then leading in a small group. Through this, I got a front row seat to experience how God works in small groups to transform lives, including my own. Over the years, I have had the privilege of working on staff at large churches that have led the way in small group ministry, including Saddleback and Willow Creek. But I also have experience in churches of all sizes and stages, so I know how important small groups are to any church’s ministry. In fact, I believe small groups are one of the most significant, effective ways to disciple existing Christians and evangelize seekers. With my experience in small group ministry, I know that sometimes small group ministry can be hard. Small Group University is an integrated series of courses that provides churches with a plug-and-play system to start and sustain healthy small groups. From launching and sustaining a healthy small group ministry in your church to equipping brand new or existing small group leaders to nurture healthy groups that produce healthy lives over time, Small Group University will equip your ministry in small groups for success. One of the chokepoints in a church’s small group ministry is training and equipping small group leaders. Doing Groups Together is a course designed specifically for first time small group leaders to guide you as you start a new group. It is normal to be nervous and have a lot of questions, but this course will guide you through the who, what, where, when, and how of doing small groups. You can have confidence that you are not alone as you begin this adventure. God is excited to work in and through you, and this course is here to help and encourage you with practical instructions on the way. As you begin, simply pray as Paul did to see God accomplish what is exceedingly, abundantly beyond whatever you would ask or think. Blessings,

Brett Eastman 6

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HOW TO USE THIS CURRICULUM This leadership training course is designed to be flexible to fit your needs and schedule. You might go through the curriculum all at once for a Friday night and Saturday morning leadership training retreat, or meet weekly with a group of leaders as a formal class on a week night or Sunday mornings. You could grab your co-leader and work through the lessons together. Or you could complete it on your own at your own pace as an online study. The goal is to equip leaders with what you need when you need it. In order to navigate the curriculum well, take a moment now to flip through a lesson and get a sense of how it is organized. Each lesson will have an opening paragraph introducing the teaching. Read this section first to start thinking about the topic before the teaching. Take the time to answer the opening reflection question. If you are studying with a group or a partner, read the opening paragraph aloud and share your answers to these questions as you start together. Next, you will watch the teaching video. An outline is available in this workbook for you to take notes on anything that stands out to you from the teaching. After the video, complete the exercises to begin applying the teaching to your own leadership experience. If you are studying with a group, make sure you take the time to let everyone share their answers so that you can discuss together what this looks like practically in your groups. In addition to the video teaching, each lesson contains a series of supplemental articles and resources that go deeper on particular aspects of the teaching. These readings are where you can find more reflections, instructions, and guidance on topics relevant to the needs of your group. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t forget about the Appendix! In addition to the materials in the lessons, the Appendix contains further resources to help your group succeed, including reproducible templates and tools.

H ow to use this curriculum

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1. WHAT DID I DO? SAYING YES TO LEAD A GROUP.

Small groups play an important role in a healthy church, and they wouldn’t be possible without people like you saying yes to lead a group. Leading a small group is an exciting adventure, but if you are like most people, you might be nervous about leading for the first time. Even though God had called him to lead, Moses was hesitant and came up with five reasons why he couldn’t be God’s man for the moment. As you start on this adventure that God has called you to, you might be wondering what you have gotten yourself into. It’s time to answer that question! What were your first thoughts and fears when you said yes to leading?

W hat did I do ?

TEACHING OUTLINE

S M A L L G R O U P C O M M U N I T Y I S C L O SE TO JESU S’ H EART. Leading a small group is answering Jesus’ call for everyone to join what God is up to.

What you need to hear: • You are not alone. • You are in good company. • You are capable. • A small group doesn’t have to be a big to-do.

Common questions of first-time leaders: • Who do I call? Surrounding yourself with a team • Where do I begin? Preparing for your first meeting • When do I do what? What to do at your first meeting • How do I do it? Skills for leading a group • What’s next? Looking forward

Exercises: Use the space below to write down your fears and God’s assurances about leading a small group.

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Read Philippians 4:4-7 and 1 Peter 5:7. Write a prayer expressing your concerns and anxieties to God and asking for His peace and presence.

My Prayer

________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ Teaching O utline

A SHEPHERD’S HEART Scripture teaches that the Father looks across the earth and seeks those whose hearts are fully His (2 Chronicles 16:9). Jesus wants every lost sheep to have a shepherd and be brought into a flock. He calls each of His followers to become a shepherd investing in the spiritual lives of others.

As the acrostic HEART explains, to be a shepherd, all you need is a shepherd’s heart. H- Hands that are open before God. When your hands are open before God, He can use them. Are your hands open as you say, “Father, these are ordinary hands, but I want You to use them in this life to touch the life of another”?

E- Experience in connecting with others. If you have been involved in community before, whether in a small group, a Sunday school class, or a church ministry, you have experienced life together in the context of community. As you experience life together in community, you can discover your life mission, recognize how God has designed you for service, and learn how to reproduce your spiritual life in another. Have you had others point out abilities or gifts that would help you shepherd?

A- Availability before God. Your life and time is not just your own but a gift from God entrusted to you. You’ve been blessed in order to be a blessing in the lives of others. Are you willing to be used by God in a way you never thought you could be?

R- Reluctant to jump in. Some of the best biblical leaders were reluctant and uncertain of themselves. Think of Moses who gave God five reasons why he wasn’t humanly qualified for the task of delivering God’s people from oppression. Think of Peter who needed to be told three times to shepherd Jesus’ sheep. People who are hesitant are sometimes the best candidates. Are you willing to depend on God when He entrusts you with a task bigger than your abilities?

T- Teachable. God wants people who are responsive to Him. Are you willing to listen to the still small voice of Jesus in your life—to move away from sin and move toward others?

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In Matthew 9:35-38, we read that Jesus looked over the multitude and saw that a shepherd was necessary for every sheep. His own small group of disciples is a model—not only for caring for sheep, but for cultivating an unlimited harvest of shepherds. Jesus noted that “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few.” Are you willing to be sent out into the field?

A S hepherd' s H E ART

RELUCTANCE IS A GOOD THING

It is common for most good leaders to feel unready to lead. Some of the best biblical leaders were reluctant and uncertain of themselves. Moses gave God five reasons why he wasn’t humanly qualified for the task of delivering God’s people. Peter needed to be told three times be a shepherd for Jesus’ sheep. People who are hesitant are sometimes the best candidates to be used by God as a leader. Three reasons for reluctance actually grow out of a powerful understanding of what God is doing in small groups, and they make you a better leader.

1. This is bigger than my abilities. Leading a small group of people so that they develop healthy lives in community is a part of God’s grand plan to transform the world. It is definitely bigger than your abilities! It’s not supposed to be something you accomplish on your own. But you are not alone; God does the work through you and others. God invites ordinary people like you to join His extraordinary mission.

Reluctance that comes from recognizing that this is beyond your abilities is a good thing because it makes you dependent on God. You aren’t seeking leadership in order to have power over others or prestige in the eyes of others. Your motive is to serve God. You will grow as you step out in faith, cooperate with God’s plan, and trust in Him instead of trying to do your own thing in your own strength. God has promised to be present with you, lead you, and empower you for the task as you humbly follow Him.

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2. I’m not qualified. You may be lacking the resources you think are necessary to do the job, but God never let that stand in the way of using His servants. You don’t need to have a degree in biblical studies and be able to answer any question people might ask you. You don’t need to be naturally skilled at leading or be an engaging teacher. The real resource you need is the willingness to let God use you.

Realizing you don’t have the resources to be successful yourself means you aren’t seeking leadership in order to show off your own skills. But it also means you don’t have to wait until you have it all figured out before God can use you. If you are open to God, He will equip and empower you. God doesn’t call those who are already equipped; He equips those He has called. When you choose to follow Him and let Him shape you, God will grow you so much. And all the glory goes to God alone!

3. I don’t want to lose the community I have. If you are already involved in a small group and enjoying healthy community there, that is a wonderful gift to be treasured. You don’t want to lose that place of belonging or devalue the relationships you have there. Instead of breaking ties with that family, expand the circle to embrace others into a bigger and richer community. God wants to include people who were not included before. When you do this, you are gaining more family, not losing the old.

Because you recognize the value of community, you are uniquely positioned to invite others into your community. God’s mission cannot be accomplished by staying cloistered in our comfortable relationships. The disciples didn’t stay in the upper room. If they had, no one would have heard the gospel and included you in this community!

I know what this fear feels like. I was afraid that leaving the group my wife and I had been a part of meant I would lose that place of belonging. Instead, I found that joining a new group added to the collection of people I consider spiritual family. This group has not replaced my other group (nothing ever will), but it has become another circle of life, love, and learning.

Think about the reasons you might be reluctant to lead. Is your reluctance actually a good thing?

Reluctance is a good thing

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2. WHO DO I CALL? SURROUNDING YOURSELF WITH A TEAM There are a lot of pieces that go into building and sustaining a healthy group, and it can be a big job for a single person to shoulder. The truth is, leading a small group is not supposed to be a solo role. It is a job for a team. On a team, people with different strengths can take on different roles so that you share the load. Not only that, it is a lot more fun when you are doing group together! Think of a time when you have worked together on a project or goal with a team. How would that experience have been different if you had tried to do it alone?

W ho D o I Call?

TEACHING OUTLINE

J E SU S SE NT H I S F O L L OW E R S O U T I N LEAD ERSH I P TEAMS

Share the load so everyone has a role Build a core team Grow beyond the core Exercises: Who do you know in different areas of your life that you would like to have on your team or in your group? You can use the Circles of Life worksheet to record the people who come to mind. Start praying about who God wants to provide as co-laborers to share this journey with you.

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CIRCLES AND ABCs FOR FILLING GROUPS

So you’ve taken the thrilling step and decided to host a small group. Congratulations, and welcome to an exciting new journey! Now, who will be journeying with you in your group for the next few weeks? Sometimes, churches go to a lot of trouble signing people up to be in small groups and matching them with a small group leader, but that isn’t how we usually do life together. When we get together to hang out and watch a movie, we usually do it with friends and family, not the people assigned to us by the pastor. Jesus’ idea of small groups looks more like hanging out with friends than a program organized by the church office. When Jesus chose His own small group community, the disciples, He started with the people already around Him. He got to know them and discerned if they would be the ones He would ask to join His group. Then the Bible says He prayed overnight and asked God to confirm if they were the ones God wanted to be in that group (Luke 6:12). The next day He simply asked them to join Him.

Circles and AB Cs

The way Jesus modeled is as simple as ABC. All you must do is: A- Ask God who to invite. That’s what Jesus did when He sought His disciples.

Whom would you enjoy spending time with for a few weeks? Think of your friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, schoolmates, and anyone else God brings to mind that He might want you to learn, share, grow, and apply God’s truths with. Go through your email and phone lists. Ask God to reveal to you whom to invite to a six-week study, and be open to the unexpected person He might reveal. Write the names down as God brings them to mind.

Use the Circles of Life diagram on the right to help you brainstorm, and write down as many names as you can in each one of the circles of your life. If you already have a couple friends committed to the group, ask them to reflect prayerfully on who they might invite from their own circles of life.

B- Begin inviting them right away. Once you have a name or two in mind, don’t hesitate; pick up the phone and call them within 24 hours. See if they would be willing to share their thoughts and ideas with you for a few weeks. Most people you ask have one or two other friends who would also love to join. The more people you have, the richer your community can be. But don’t get caught up on the numbers. You don’t need 20, 10, or even 5 people for a sufficient group. Jesus promised that He would be present where two or more were gathered (Matthew 18:20). The important thing is to gather with at least one other person so you can do life together.

C- Check out material to use for your six-week study. If your church hasn’t recommended a particular curriculum, the key for your first study is to use a video-driven curriculum and begin prepping right away. Though some people get enough out of a study book, others benefit from a video teaching series, which keeps discussion flowing.

Once you choose the curriculum, you may want to host an informal open house for your group members before your first official meeting where you can preview the series and let people take home any workbooks.

Filling your small group with friends (and friends of friends) is a simple way to start doing life together with people God has already put around you. You can do this! Who will you call?

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CIRCLES OF LIFE

Circles and AB CS

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SHARE THE LOAD FROM THE START 1 Corinthians 12:7 says that God gives every believer spiritual gifts not just for their own benefit but to be used to benefit the community. Jesus sent his disciples to minister to others in pairs, and he instructed them to pray to the Lord of harvest to send more workers (Luke 10:1-2). They weren’t meant to carry the load all by themselves. But most small groups end up being led by just one person. That’s a huge burden that you aren’t meant to carry alone. The load usually falls on one person because many leaders feel like the only way to get things done is to do it themselves. And it doesn’t occur to group members to volunteer because they don’t know that taking on a responsibility is part of being a full member of God’s family. If you’re part of the family, you pitch in. In fact, the Bible clearly teaches that every member of the Christian community is a minister, not just the handful of people who serve in defined roles. The challenge here is that everyone who joins your small group should be in ministry, no matter how small or large the role. You might start off the first couple weeks doing everything yourself or sharing with one or two others, but the true goal is to pass the responsibilities to your members. Dividing responsibilities not only eases your leadership burden and gets more stuff done in the group, it also helps your group members grow and develop. Doing everything yourself keeps everyone else from growing in their gifts. From the outset, try to mobilize everybody to take on a small service role to share weekly responsibilities. Don’t miss this opportunity to develop every group member, and don’t limit their growth by waiting too long. Not giving people the opportunity to serve within your group contributes to group members thinking they don’t have any spiritual gifts because they’ve never had a chance to test drive any areas of service in a safe community. So give your group members a chance to be part of the family and experiment with what their gifts might be.

Share the load from the start

To start, mobilize everybody to take on a small service role or weekly responsibility that makes them a fully participating member of God’s family. You could have people sign up each week to bring snacks or coordinate a potluck so that everyone can bring something. You might trade off whose home you meet at. Ask a couple of people to team up to host a social evening for your group and another couple volunteers to plan a group service or missions project. Or ask two people to share the job of coordinating the prayer list. You could also pass out a sign-up sheet for helping with the group’s worship time. Don’t wait for people to volunteer, because that probably won’t happen! You have to explain that this group is a team and everyone has something to contribute. Then you have to specifically ask them to be involved. The most effective way to identify and select people to serve comes out of a discussion of every member’s personal GIFTS and personal goals (see the GIFTS Assessment in the Appendix). You might do this with your entire group after you have been together a few weeks, or you might do it with your committed members even before your group starts. In whichever setting you choose, have everyone fill out the GIFTS worksheet and share their results with each other. This naturally leads to clarification of which role best suits each person. The second method is for you as a leader to pray over who you think would be best in which role. Then simply ask them. Take the pressure off by suggesting that they test drive it for a few weeks. Sometimes the best time to ask people to take on a role is right after a great meeting. You close in prayer and then say, “Here’s the task. Will you take this on or coordinate this one project?” Nine out of ten people will say yes if you ask them, especially if it’s a one-time deal or for a short duration like the next three weeks, not forever. Promise to rotate roles every month or with every new study so that people can try different things. The final method is to ask the group to suggest who they think would be well-suited to a particular role and why. You can make it a part of the group’s discussion of goals. Ask, “What things would you guys like to do? What are some ideas?” Fill a whiteboard, and then say, “Who should fill these individual roles, and why?” For the people identified, this builds a sense of being called and chosen, and it affirms them as a valued contributor in the small group community.

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If you ask members for help and the room goes quiet, don’t just drop it. Follow up with people individually after the meeting. Also, don’t expect people to go it alone. Follow Jesus’ model when He sent out His disciples to serve. Pair them up on a task or put them in teams to mobilize everyone. If the group nominates a person for a role, then ask the group, “Who’d be willing to join Susan in doing this?” or ask the person who takes on a role, “Who would you like to have join you in accomplishing this particular deal?” They’ll give you names of individuals whom they enjoy hanging with. Teaming up makes it much less scary for people. Deal with shared ownership in a developmental way. Give people bitesize roles to begin with that match their spiritual maturity. Then grow them into more responsibility over time. If they’re seekers—not even sure if they believe in Christ—don’t ask them to do anything. Just welcome them in the group. If they’re new believers, don’t overwhelm them. Give them a small role or pair them with a long-time believer. This makes the new believer feel safe and empowers them to accomplish something they would never do on their own. If you’ve got mature believers, you can dump the truck on them and bleed them dry. Okay, maybe not! But they can probably handle more than the newcomers. Also take into account your small group stage. For a brand new group, give people baby-step responsibilities so they don’t feel overwhelmed. In a group that has been together for a while, you can nudge people to take on something bigger. Your circle is probably the safest place in the church for your group members to try something new, but some will be scared. People will need loads of attention and affirmation after accepting new responsibilities. Let them know you believe in them and that they won’t let you down. Don’t expect perfection but personal and spiritual development over time. Begin praying today for God’s leading on who is in your group and where He wants to take them. There is a whole new dimension to your people and your group ahead that is unlocked by sharing the load. What will be your first step to get people fully participating and sharing the load from the start?

Share the load from the start

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3. WHERE DO I BEGIN? PREPARING FOR AN OPEN HOUSE

Your first gathering with your group, or your core team, is an important moment. You might start by meeting with a core group of friends to share your heart for small groups and invite them to join your team. Or you might have an open house as a soft start for your whole group before diving into a study following a curriculum. In either case, there are things you can do to prepare for this first meeting. Think of a time in the past when you knew you had an important meeting or conversation coming up. What kinds of things did you do to prepare in the days leading up to it?

W here do I begin ?

TEACHING OUTLINE

YO U R F IR S T G AT H E R I N G I S A C H A N C E TO SH ARE YO U R VI SI O N W IT H P E O P L E A N D I N V I T E T HEM TO JO I N YO U .

1. Pray 2. Plan an open house 3. Practice your spiritual story 4. Pick a curriculum

Exercises: Think about the people you identified in the previous lesson that you would like to invite to join you in this small group journey. What would be your best next step: doing an informal meeting with your core team, having an open house with your full group, or jumping into your first meeting? If someone asked you to share how small groups have been significant in your spiritual journey and why you want to lead a group, how would you answer them? Practice writing or telling your spiritual story, including the significance of small groups in your life. What curriculum will your group use? If your church does not have a recommended series for this season, ask your small group ministry leaders or other group leaders for ideas. Make sure you read the Choosing Your First Curriculum article for guidelines to keep in mind as you preview your options.

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THE SECRET TO SHARING YOUR SPIRITUAL STORY

One skill you and every person in your small group should have is the ability to talk with people about your experience of God in ordinary language that an unbeliever will understand. In the church we use some specialized words like “repentance” and “being saved.” Of course, the average person who hasn’t been to church very often has no clue what these words mean. But you speak ordinary language, and you have a story. You may not think your story is all that interesting, but people are interested in our experience of God—if we talk in ordinary language and if we give them brief pieces of our story that fit into an ordinary conversation. A good way to do this is by shaping ahead of time how you would tell your story. Having your story prepared in your mind before an opportunity to share it arises helps you make the most of that sharing opportunity. Here are some guidelines on what you might include in your story:

1. What my life was like before I met Jesus. What substitutes for God I used in order to find meaning in life.

2. How I realized I needed Jesus. 3. How I committed my life to Jesus. 4. The difference this choice has made in my life.

T HE SEC RET TO SHARIN G YO U R P E R S O N AL S TO RY

For each of these categories, you should come up with a oneminute story to weave together—or to be individually popped into a conversation. If any part of your story goes on longer than one minute, you may lose people’s interest. That’s just one way to tell your story. If you’ve been a believer since you were a child, you might tell a story about how you realized you were substituting something for God in your life, and how or why you stopped doing that. I’m sure you’ve been at least tempted to substitute something for God sometime in your Christian life. It may be work, money, success, or the perfect family. These are all things someone outside the church can relate to. Your story will pack its biggest punch when you then tell why Jesus is better than these things. Take a few minutes to write your one-minute stories using whatever organization works for your experience. Then practice sharing it with one or two other people you trust and ask for their feedback on what they observed. What resonated with them? What did you say that would not make sense to someone who didn’t share your story? Did you use any church language or add any side details that might obscure your main message? Take their feedback and revise your story until you are confident it would communicate clearly to your unbelieving friends. This is a great exercise to do with your small group. Give them these instructions and time to draft their spiritual stories. Then have them gather in pairs or triplets to practice sharing their stories with one another and get feedback in the safe space of your group. Being asked to tell your story may make you feel like Moses when God told him to speak in front of others, and he said, “Oh Lord, I can’t do it! I am slow of speech and tongue!” And the Lord said, “I will help you speak and will teach you what to say” (Exodus 4:10-12). If you’re nervous about how you’ll tell your story, remember that God will help you as you write your story and as you share it with the group. This will be a powerful experience for everyone.

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T HE SEC RET TO SHARIN G YO U R P E R S O N AL S TO RY

CHOOSING YOUR FIRST CURRICULUM The curriculum you use can make a huge difference in the tone and trajectory of the group. If your church is doing a campaign and recommends a particular curriculum that aligns with the sermon series, you will want to go with that. It is hard to overestimate the difference it will make for your group to be joining the larger church as you all study the same thing at the same time, especially when topics are covered both in small groups and at the weekend service. If you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have something from your church, you might use sermon-based discussion questions from your pastor or find another curriculum from a Christian publisher or online.

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There are lots of options out there to choose from. Here are three key traits you will want to consider: 1. Format. For a new leader or a new group, it is probably easiest to use a video-based curriculum format. While some people can get everything they need from a workbook, others find a video helpful for keeping discussion moving and carrying some of the burden of teaching. Video-based studies also equip anyone to lead regardless of gifts, allowing ordinary people to have an extraordinary experience with teaching from experts right in your living room.

2. Application. An advantage of the small group setting is the opportunity to process knowledge into practice. Discussion is where people begin to apply Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Word to their own lives. In addition to considering its format, you also want to have a curriculum that teaches people how to apply what they are learning. As you look at curriculum, pay attention for exercises that will help your group live what the Bible teaches, not just talk about it.

3. Content. If you are a new group, you will want a study that will establish a solid foundation as your group builds community and seeks to grow together. After your group has bonded, you will want to join together to strategize and pursue other goals like service and multiplication. But for right now, it is good to use a curriculum that will help you lay the groundwork to grow a healthy group. Keeping these three traits in mind will help you pick a curriculum to get your group started strong. Think about curriculum you have used when you participated in a small group before. What factors that you saw in that curriculum are most important for you as you now step up to lead your own group?

C hoosing Your F irst Curriculum

SMALL GROUP LEADERSHIP 101 Congratulations! You have responded to the call to help shepherd Jesus’ flock. There are few other tasks in the family of God that surpass the contribution you will be making. As you prepare to lead—whether it is for one session, an entire series, or for life—here are a few thoughts to keep in mind.

1. First of all, remember that you are not alone. God knows everything about you, and He knew that you would be asked to lead your group even though you may not feel ready. This is common for all good leaders. Moses, Solomon, Jeremiah, and Timothy—they were all reluctant to lead. God promises, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). Whether you are leading for one evening, for several weeks, or for a lifetime, you will be blessed as you serve.

2. Don’t try to do it alone. Pray right now to prepare yourself for this sacred task. Also, if you can enlist a co-leader to help you lead the group, you will find your experience to be much richer. This is your chance to involve as many people as you can in planning your group time. All you have to do is call and ask someone to assist— you’ll be surprised at the response.

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3. Just be yourself. If you won’t be you, who will? God wants to use your unique gifts and temperament. Don’t try to do things exactly like another leader; do them in a way that fits you! Your group will appreciate the variety, and you will have a lot more fun.

4. Prepare for your meeting ahead of time. Review the session, and write down your responses to each of the questions. Pay special attention to exercises that ask group members to do something other than engage in discussion. These exercises will help your group live what the Bible teaches, not just talk about it. Be sure you understand how an exercise works, and bring any necessary supplies (such as paper or pens) to your meeting.

5. Before you begin your session, take a moment to go around the room in your mind and pray for each member by name. Ask God to use your time together to touch the heart of every person uniquely. You may want to review the prayer list at least once a week. Expect God to lead you to whomever He wants you to encourage or challenge in a special way. If you listen, God will surely lead!

6. When you ask a question, be patient. Sometimes people need a moment or two of silence to think about a question, and if silence doesn’t bother you, it won’t bother anyone else. Someone will eventually respond! And when they do, affirm the response with a simple “thanks” or “good job.” Then ask, “How about somebody else?” or, “Would someone who hasn’t shared like to add anything?” Be sensitive to new people or reluctant members who aren’t ready to say, pray, or do anything. If you give them a safe setting, they will blossom over time.

7. When guiding the discussion, always read the transitional paragraphs and the questions out loud. Ask the group if anyone would like to read the paragraph or Bible passage. Don’t single anyone out, but ask for a volunteer—and then be patient until someone begins. Thank the person who reads aloud.

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8. If your group has more than seven people, we strongly encourage you to have the group gather in discussion circles of three or four people during the discussion time. With a greater opportunity to talk in a small circle, people will connect more with the study and ultimately get more out of it. A small circle also encourages a quiet person to participate, and tends to minimize the effects of a more vocal or dominant member. When you gather again at the end of the discussion time, you can have one person summarize the highlights from each circle.

Small circles can also be helpful during prayer time. People who are unaccustomed to praying aloud will feel more comfortable trying it with just two or three others. Also, prayer requests won’t take as much time, so circles will have more time to actually pray. When you gather back with the whole group, you can have one person from each circle briefly update everyone on the prayer requests. People are more willing to pray in small circles if they know that the whole group will hear all the prayer requests.

9. At the end of your meeting, ask the group which person should lead the following week. Let the group help select your weekly facilitator. You may be perfectly capable of leading each time, but you will help others grow in their faith and gifts if you give them opportunities to lead. You can use a small group calendar to fill in the names of each meeting’s leader all at once if you prefer. Treat it like a snack list for a sports team—everybody participates.

10. One final challenge, especially for new or first-time leaders: Before your first opportunity to lead, look up each of the five passages listed below. Read each one as a devotional exercise to help prepare yourself with a shepherd’s heart. Trust us on this one. If you do this, you will be more than ready for your first meeting.

Matthew 9:36 1 Peter 5:2-4 Psalm 23 Ezekiel 34:11-16 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8, 11-12

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4. WHEN DO I DO WHAT? WHAT TO DO AT YOUR FIRST MEETING

In the last lesson we looked at ways to prepare for an open house or first gathering, but this lesson will get down to the nitty-gritty of what needs to happen at the first gathering of your group. What you do at your first meeting can set the tone for the group’s future. In this lesson, we will walk through specific things to do from start to finish at your group’s first meeting to set the tone for the group’s future. Think of the first gathering of a new group you have been part of, like a new team at work, the first meeting of a social group, or the first day of a class. What did they do to set the tone for the group’s future relationships and direction?

W hen Do I Do W hat? W hat to do at your first meeting

TEACHING OUTLINE Before the open house:

1. Communicate about the meeting 2. Prepare your house 3. Test the technology 4. Have good food

During the open house: 1. Make everyone feel welcome 2. Chart the course 3. Think of who else to invite 4. Hammer out the logistics 5. Close with prayer

Exercises: Take a moment to think ahead to first impressions. What are concrete ways you can be intentional to create a welcoming atmosphere in how you prepare the space, greet people, ask questions, and listen to people in your group? Make a list of what logistical issues your group will need to address up front through a Small Group Agreement. Pray for Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wisdom and direction to permeate the discussion as the group takes ownership of finding a solution together.

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HOSTING AN OPEN HOUSE If you’re starting a new group, try planning an “open house” before your first formal group meeting. Even if you only have two to four core members, it’s a great way to break the ice and to consider prayerfully who else might be open to join you over the next few weeks. You can also use this kick-off meeting to hand out study guides, spend some time getting to know each other, discuss each person’s expectations for the group, and briefly pray for each other. A simple meal or good desserts always make a kick-off meeting more fun. After people introduce themselves and share how they ended up being at the meeting (you can play a game to see who has the wildest story!), have everyone respond to a few icebreaker questions: “What is your favorite family vacation?” or “What is one thing you love about your church/our community?” or “What are three things about your life growing up that most people here don’t know?” Next, ask everyone to tell what he or she hopes to get out of the study. You might want to review the Small Group Agreement and talk about each person’s expectations and priorities. Finally, set an open chair (maybe two) in the center of your group and explain that it represents someone who would enjoy or benefit from this group but who isn’t here yet. Ask people to pray about whom they could invite to join the group over the next few weeks. Hand out postcards and have everyone write an invitation or two. Don’t worry about ending up with too many people; you can always have one discussion circle in the living room and another in the dining room after you watch the lesson. You can skip this kick-off meeting if your time is limited, but you’ll experience a huge benefit if you take the time to connect with each other in this way.

H osting an open house

DEVELOPING A SMALL GROUP AGREEMENT Why Have a Small Group Agreement? One of the most helpful tools for a healthy small group is a small group agreement or covenant. A small group agreement is a document that spells out the groupâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s priorities, values, expectations, and ground rules. This helps communicate clear expectations for participation and any potential challenges with logistics so that groups can proactively work together for solutions. If the leader encourages the group to discuss and decide its direction early on and write down its expectations up front, groups can work through conflict way before people get to the point of frustration. It also gets people to think more intentionally about what doing life together as a small group will look like.

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What’s in a Small Group Agreement? A small group agreement should include a statement of the group’s purpose as well as its values and expectations of members, such as attendance, participation, confidentiality, and openness to guests. It is also an opportunity to hammer out basic logistics like meeting location and times, who will provide snacks, and how childcare will be handled. A sample template is provided on the next page.

How Do We Make a Small Group Agreement? It is a good idea to introduce the small group agreement to your group in the first or second week. It’s worth taking a few minutes early on to lay this foundation for genuine fellowship. Start by spelling out the importance of having a simple agreement so that everyone is on the same page. This idea of a group agreement may be new to your group, so be sensitive to questions and try to disarm any fears. Explain that this is just a simple tool, used by tens of thousands of groups like yours, to help build trust, connection, and group health over time. Once you have explained how having a small group agreement can help your group, open discussion for the group to decide together how to handle potential challenges such as schedules or communication with the group. If some people have concerns about a specific item or the agreement as a whole, be sensitive to their questions. Feel free to customize your group’s agreement to fit your group purpose. For example, your group might choose to add a commitment to plan and participate in some kind of service activity or decide that rotating hosting responsibilities doesn’t work for the current series. Involving the whole group in making these decisions invites everyone to take ownership of making this group work. Finally, putting the agreement in writing and asking each person to sign it calls for a commitment to doing life together for this season. Your small group agreement is a living document. Your group can revisit and revise its agreement at the end of its first series together, every quarter, or whenever there is a significant change in the group. This document exists to help your group grow as a healthy community doing life together. What areas would your group benefit from discussing up front? Make it a priority to establish a solid foundation for your small group with a small group agreement like the one on the next page.

Developing a S mall G roup Agreement

OUR SMALL GROUP AGREEMENT TO B E R E V I E W E D Q UA RT E R LY, O R AS NEED ED.

GROUP PURPOSE:________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________

ATTENDANCE

WHAT WE WANT TO DO ABOUT:

To give priority to the group meeting. Call when absent or late.

Refreshments/Mealtimes

SAFETY To help create a safe place where people can be heard. No quick answers or judgments.

CONFIDENTIALITY To keep anything that is shared strictly confidential. Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s said in group stays in group.

ACCOUNTABILITY To give permission to group members to hold you accountable to the goals you set for yourself.

WELCOME

______________________________ Childcare ______________________________ When we will meet (day of week) ______________________________ Where we will meet (place)

To keep the door open to others in our church (unconnected and unchurched people) who need what we have.

______________________________

ROTATION

We will begin at (time)___________

To rotate hosting responsibilities for the meeting.

and end at_____________________

RESPONSIBILITY To take an active role in the responsibilities of this small group.

We will do our best (some or all of us) to attend the following church service together:

SERVICE To plan an activity or event once a quarter.

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______________________________

SMALL GROUP CALENDAR

Healthy groups share responsibilities and group ownership. This usually doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t happen overnight but progressively over time. Sharing responsibilities and ownership ensures that no one person carries the group alone. The calendar on the next page can help you in this area. You can also add a social event, mission project, birthdays, and days off to your calendar. This should be completed after your first or second meeting. Planning ahead will facilitate better attendance and greater involvement from others.

Developing a S mall G roup Agreement

DATE

LESSON

LOCATION

DESSERT/MEAL

FACILITATOR

Small Group Calendar

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Name

ADDRESS

PHONE

MINISTRY

OTHER

Small Group Roster

Developing a S mall G roup Agreement

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5. HOW DO I DO IT? DEVELOPING SKILLS FOR LEADING A GROUP

One of the common things that makes new leaders feel uncertain is the expectation that leading a small group requires special skills. The fact is, you probably already have the basic skills that will help you lead a group, you just need to learn how to use them for the various tasks involved in leading your small group. In fact, leading a group will help you practice and develop your skills. Even if you feel pretty confident in your skills, everyone has areas where they can improve. In this lesson, we will talk about some tips for developing leadership skills in a number of these areas. Think of who you look at as an example of someone who seems to be a natural at some aspect of leading a small group gathering. What do you admire about them?

How Do I Do It? Developing skills for leading a group

TEACHING OUTLINE Preparation: • How to pray for the group. • How to review the lesson in advance.

Beginnings and Endings: • How to open. • How to guide prayer.

Facilitating Discussion: • How to ask good questions. • How to read a verse. • How to answer a question. • How to affirm.

Special Challenges: • How to manage large groups. • How to draw out quiet people and rein in talkative people. • How to welcome seekers. • How to handle conflict.

Exercises: Which of the areas discussed in the teaching come easily for you? Take a moment to celebrate how God has prepared you already with these skills. Which of these areas are you less confident in or do you want to work on? Start by picking one or two areas where you can begin practicing new skills in your group meetings. Write down a simple goal and plan for how to challenge yourself to work on this area.

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INCREASING GROUP PARTICIPATION

One concern of nearly every small group leader is how to get everyone to open up and participate. There are five main areas where you can promote greater participation.

1. Personal example When it comes to getting everyone to participate in your small group, it’s important that you—their leader—know your level of openness is the primary factor in setting the tone for the group’s involvement and openness. Being authentic yourself will make all the difference in your group’s participation. Sharing yourself openly is not just about what you say but also about how you lead. When you lead a group, don’t try to do things exactly like another leader, just be yourself. God wants to use your unique gifts and temperament.

Increasing G roup Participation

2. Directing discussion When you ask the first question, you should answer it first to demonstrate the kind of openness you are hoping to get from others. When you’re done, simply ask, “How about somebody else?” However, most of the time you shouldn’t answer questions first. In fact, if you’re talking more in the meeting than others, then you need to back off! Remember, your job is to ask the questions, look around the room, and show patience as you wait for someone to respond. If nobody says anything right away, learn to be patient and enjoy silence. If silence doesn’t bother you, it won’t bother anyone else. Don’t rush responses. Sometimes people need a moment or two of silence to think about the question. Zip your lip and count to seven in your mind. Just wait patiently. If it’s still silent, then say something like, “Would anybody like to go first?” or even “I can wait longer than you can!” When you wait like this, over time the group will feel more comfortable and will start sharing more. But if you fill the void with your voice because you’re uncomfortable, pretty soon you’ll be dominating the whole meeting. After someone responds, affirm them and their response, whether it is a great answer or a one-word response. It could be a simple “Thanks” or “Good job.” This makes it safe for people to share their thoughts. Then ask, “How about somebody else?” or “Would someone who hasn’t shared like to add anything?” Be sensitive to new people or reluctant members who aren’t ready to say, pray, or do anything. If you give them a safe setting, they will blossom over time.

3.Asking for readers A good way to decrease response time is to provide transitions between questions. When guiding the discussion, always read aloud the transitional paragraphs and the questions. Ask the group if anyone would like to read the paragraph or Bible passage. Don’t read around the circle or call on anyone. Even if you know they don’t mind reading, it can make more anxious readers nervous that you might call on them next time. Ask for a volunteer, and then be patient until someone begins. Be sure to thank the person who reads aloud.

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4. Sub-Groups Participation is especially problematic in larger groups. If your group has more than seven people, here’s a great technique for encouraging sharing: Separate your group into discussion circles of three or four people after the teaching segment. This will double the amount of time any one person can share. When you gather again at the end of the section, you can have one person summarize the highlights from each circle. With a greater opportunity to talk in a small circle, people will connect more with the study, apply more quickly what they’re learning, and ultimately get more out of it. The more vocal people won’t dominate as much, and the quiet people will get drawn out. And it can help people feel heard and loved in your group.

5. Prayer groups If you don’t want to subgroup for the study discussion, at least do it for the prayer time at the end. People who are unaccustomed to praying aloud feel more comfortable trying it with just two or three others. Even if they want to pray silently, it’s less scary in a circle of three. Also, prayer requests won’t take as much time, so circles will have more time to actually pray. When you gather back with the whole group, have one person from each circle briefly update everyone on the prayer requests, or keep a prayer sheet for the whole group so that everybody knows what’s happening with everybody. People are more willing to pray in small circles if they know that the whole group will hear all the prayer requests.

Which one or two of these tips do you want to try to increase participation with your group?

Increasing G roup Participation

GREAT CONVERSATION STARTERS Good questions draw people in and keep a conversation flowing. Be on the lookout for good questions. Below are some suggestions:

What’s your preferred ice cream flavor? Where do you usually enjoy it?

How many brothers and sisters do you have? What is your birth order?

Which do you prefer: the hustle and bustle of city life or the quiet and serenity of country life? Why?

What’s your all-time favorite meal, and how often do you enjoy it?

What’s one of your nicknames? What do you prefer to be called?

As a child, what was your idea of fun?

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What’s a phrase your parents often said to you as a child that you promised yourself you’d never say, but now you catch yourself saying all the time?

As a kid, what did you want to grow up to be?

What’s one of your hobbies?

10.

What books have made a big impact on you?

11.

What was the most recent compliment that surprised and delighted you?

12.

What’s something about yourself that you hope will never change?

13.

Are you more of a rule breaker or a rule keeper? Why?

14. Would you describe yourself as an extrovert or an introvert? Explain.

15.

What’s your dream job?

16.

What’s one of your greatest achievements?

17.

What one word sums up your high school experience? Why?

18.

What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word “fun”?

19.

What are you a “natural” at doing? What skills have you just always had?

20.

How often do you leisurely eat a meal with friends?

Great Conversation S tarters

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BUILDING AUTHENTICITY WITH YOUR GROUP Why cultivate authenticity One of the key traits of a healthy small group community is authenticity, but it can be hard to get people to feel comfortable sharing themselves with others. This applies to leaders like you too! The apostle Paul said that his own weakness was a blessing because it made God’s power stand out far more obviously in his life (2 Corinthians 12:9). This is clearly the opposite of the myth most leaders believe: that people in leadership need to appear perfect. Instead, Paul says being authentic with people about our weaknesses provides the most powerful model of humility, authority, and spiritual power. So tell your group about your struggles along with your successes, share what you wonder about along with what you have learned, confess your sins to one another along with your celebrations, and ask for prayer for yourself along with praying for others. God will be pleased, and your group will grow deeper. You are the role model, and your group will follow your example. When you’re authentic, your group will be more authentic. Your openness lets your group know you don’t have it all together either, and this makes it safer for everybody else to be open as well. So, lead the way for you group to start opening up so that they let themselves be known and loved.

Authentic sharing exercise Here’s a practical exercise to help people in your group to open up about themselves. Ask each member to share four people, circumstances, events, or places that have left lasting impressions on them and made them the people they are today.

Building Authenticity with your group

You can use a visual aid to help with this, like distributing tracings of your handprint and having group members write or draw thoughts, words, or pictures on the four hands. Then they can explain their drawings to the group. Ideally, give people ten minutes to figure out what they want to talk about and do the drawing, and then five minutes apiece to share with the group. Share these key influences from your own life first, and be sure that whatever you share about yourself comes from the heart and gives the group a real glimpse of who you are deep down. Depending on timing, maybe you want to ask people to share just one person or event that has left a lasting impression on their lives. Another option is to have them share their lasting impressions and pray together in smaller circles of three or four people.

Responding to authenticity When people share personal things, the group’s response is crucial. People need to sense it’s safe to tell the truth about themselves. Emphasize that anything shared in the group stays in the group. Make it clear that you still accept, embrace, and value people no matter what they share. Pay attention as people share, and when they’re done, genuinely thank them. Acknowledge when someone says something that moves you. Even if someone shares something that seems bland, let them know that you appreciate their story just as much as someone else’s. One of the dangers of being authentic is that all of a sudden hard, real-life stuff can come in and run headlong into your faith. As a group leader, at first I thought I was supposed to have all of the answers, but I have learned that people aren’t really looking for answers. They are just looking for someone who understands what they’re going through. They are comforted when they can look across the room and find that you’re struggling, too. Through you, they hear Jesus say, “You’re not alone. You don’t have to go through this by yourself.” Your goal as a leader is to create a community where people are known and loved. Cultivating authenticity by inviting everyone to start sharing their stories is the first step. Think about the baseline level of authenticity in your group. What would it look like for you to lead the way to take it to the next deeper level?

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HANDLING CONFLICT

This might be surprising to hear: Healthy groups have conflict. Most leaders and groups want to avoid conflict, but healthy groups are willing to put conflict right out on the table and tackle it together. Those groups end up learning and growing through conflict. The Bible says that when people do life together, even rubbing each other the wrong way, it is like iron sharpening iron (Proverbs 27:17). This suggests that the group that doesn’t have sparks actually doesn’t have much life. If your group is new, you may still be in the honeymoon phase. Everybody’s being nice. But sooner or later, every group hits a point where some people want to do things one way, and other people just don’t like that way. Conflicting needs. Conflicting styles. One person will say there’s not enough Bible study, and another wants more social time. Someone in the group talks too much. Someone wants the group to start earlier. When this happens, smart leaders say, “Hey, here’s a chance for everybody to grow.” If your group is at this point, I hope you’ll tell them straight out that conflict is part of every group’s development and can lead to great things.

H andling Conflict

Don’t run from challenges, questions, or conflict in your group. However, there are practical things you can do to ensure that conflict doesn’t dominate your small group.

1. Make a small group agreement. Much group conflict can be avoided if the leader lets the group openly discuss and decide its direction using the small group agreement. This agreement outlines the ground rules for your group. If you write down your expectations early on, conflict will occur less later on and can be addressed before it grows. When conflict does arise, you can revisit this agreement and decide whether it needs to be revised.

2. Periodically facilitate discussion to evaluate the progress of your group. After a few weeks, assess how things are going and just throw out questions: “How’s it going? What is one thing you like? What is one thing you’d change if you could? What is something you’d like to say to the group but haven’t said?” You may want to have your group members write out their answers on 3x5 cards to make it safer. Tell them they can write anonymously or even ask that what they write be kept private. Thank the group for being honest, and tell them that you’re going to take the cards home and read them prayerfully. When you read these cards, please don’t take what people write as personal criticism. But don’t let it end there either. These are issues for your group to work together to resolve.

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Always confront conflict so it doesn’t create a cancer that can kill the group over time (Matthew 18:15-20). Take the time in your next meeting for the group to discuss these issues. What you shouldn’t do is read a problem from a card and tell the group how you’ll deal with it. Instead, state an issue, express that you hear it as a real issue that needs to be addressed, and throw it back to the group to discuss and resolve it. If two cards give opposite opinions, put that on the table. Let the group take responsibility for resolving the issue. Ask for everyone’s opinions, and don’t try to control the outcome. The group belongs to the group, not to the leader.

3. Though issues within your group should be held confidentially, sometimes you may need to get outside counsel. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to admit to a trusted advisor that your group is struggling with something. Instead, look at conflict as an opportunity to grow. A good coach or church leader wants your group to be healthy so that its members can grow in community. There is no shame in seeking help navigating a conflict for the health of your group.

Maturity is not measured by the absence of conflict in a group but by the ability to handle conflict well. Following these three practical tips will help your group mature through conflict instead of running away from it.

Think of an area where your group is currently experiencing tension or conflict. How can you lead your group to address this area in a healthy way that will strengthen the group?

H andling Conflict

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6. WHATâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S NEXT? LOOKING FORWARD

As you begin on this journey of leading a small group, keep in mind where you are heading. Someday soon, you will be finishing your first study with your small group. At that point, you will have a chance to look back over your time together and look forward to the next step. This lesson is all about where you are going and whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s next. Think of an occasion in your life when you pause to look back, like birthdays, graduations, anniversaries, or reunions. What do you do at these milestones to appreciate where you have come from and to look ahead to where God might take you next?

W hat' s N ext ? L ooking F orward

TEACHING OUTLINE

B E G I N W I T H T H E E N D I N MI ND.

What’s Hot What’s Not What’s Next • Your next step • Their next step • The next study • The next meeting • The next invitation • The next celebration

• The next small group agreement • The next roles • The next hosts • The next leaders • The next expectations

Exercises: Think about how you would answer what’s hot and what’s not from your past experience participating in another small group. What would you like to replicate in your group, and what would you do differently? As you look back over what you have learned in this course, how would you answer what’s hot, what’s not, and what’s next from your experience in this study? As you are beginning a new small group, envision where you would like the people in your group to end up down the road. Pray that God would open your eyes to what He wants to accomplish in their lives and that He would grant you the privilege of being part of their progress through your small group experience.

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A SHEPHERD FOR EVERY SHEEP

In Matthew 9:35-38, Jesus looked at the crowds following Him and saw them as sheep without a shepherd. He was moved with compassion because they were “distressed and downcast” (NASB); the NIV says they were “harassed and helpless.” The Greek text implies that He was moved to the point of tears. Jesus came to earth and died to save this flock. He wants every sheep—even the one stray from the flock of 100—to have a faithful shepherd. Small groups help fulfill His desire. Never forget that you were once one of those sheep yourself. We urge you to keep yourself and your group focused, not just inwardly on each other, but also outwardly to people beyond your group. God’s dream for your group members really is that over time each will grow to shepherd other people. The start they often need is simply reading in the group; then they might facilitate a circle of three or four people for prayer. Eventually, Lord willing, some of them will go on to leading a group or mentoring a new believer. This is the end that you are looking toward even before you start your first group meeting. A small group leader’s goal is to build a healthy group that produces healthy people over time, people who go on to invest in the spiritual lives of others. As a leader, you can ignite in your group Jesus’ compassion for outsiders. Jesus said, “Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men” (Matthew 4:19, NASB). We assume that you and your group are following Him. So how is your fishing going?

A shepherd for every sheep

CROCK-POT LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT Jesus’ dream is that a shepherd would care for each of His sheep. As a small group leader, you are one of those shepherds. But this isn’t just a task for some of Jesus’ followers; it is a mission He calls everyone who follows Him to join. If the ultimate goal is for everyone in your group to eventually invest in the spiritual life of another, how can you help develop and prepare them for that? Your small group is the ideal environment for gentle, low-pressure leadership development, like using in a slow cooker instead of throwing food over the flames. There are two ways you can encourage the development of shepherds in your group:

1. The first step is often in sub-groups. If you have more than seven people in your small group, it’s likely that not everyone is able to participate fully. You can address this challenge, and begin to develop future shepherds, by using sub-groups.

After the teaching session, break people up into smaller discussion groups of three or four. Have them work through the discussion questions together in their group and then re-gather as a whole group and have one person in each sub-group share the best insights that came out of their discussion.

You can also use sub-groups very effectively for prayer. Pray for one another in the sub-group, then have one person responsible for sharing the prayer requests with the whole group or the group prayer list. In this process, natural leaders will emerge within the sub-groups who are developing a shepherd’s heart and leadership skills as they invest in others.

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2. Another way to grow shepherds in your circle is to rotate leadership each week. Passing the baton for someone else to lead is a lot easier than you may think, and it pays huge dividends. Rotating leadership encourages people to participate and increases everyone’s sense of ownership as they see the group doesn’t belong to a solo leader. It also lets everyone enjoy seeing the study through the eyes of the diverse personalities, temperaments, perspectives, and life experiences of your group members. Letting someone else lead will push their growth into fast forward as they step up to meet the challenge and discover how easy it is to lead a small group.

If you’ve been leading the study by yourself, the first step is to identify one or two people with whom you could rotate leadership. Think about the gifts and abilities of your group members, and especially anyone who has begun to show a shepherd’s heart in their sub-group. Who is ready for the next step in developing their shepherd’s heart, even if they might be reluctant?

At the end of your meeting, ask him or her if they’d be willing to facilitate your next meeting. They’ll be terrified, but this will be the single biggest catalyst for their growth in the entire study. Let them know you’re available to consult if they have questions. Point them to all the leader helps, and reassure them that it’s just for one meeting.

Make sure you give these individuals affirmation and feedback to grow their confidence and guide them in areas where they need to grow. Down the road, some of them will turn out to lead groups of their own. They need a chance to develop those skills.

The bottom line is to expect your group members to pass it on. If you do not expect them to pass on that which they have been given, they will not fulfill the Great Commission. And they won’t be following what was modeled for them. Not everyone is called to be a teacher. But cast a vision that everyone is called to be a shepherd of some. It doesn’t have to be 22; it doesn’t even have to be 12 like Jesus’ group of disciples. But it does need to be another. Someday they must come up with the name of a person whom they can shepherd. What practices or priorities can you build into your small group from the beginning that would move your group members one step closer to being equipped to shepherd another person?

C rock-pot leadership development

LOOKING BACK, LOOKING AHEAD The end of a series is a good time for your group to take stock and evaluate what God has been doing in your midst and also where He wants you to go next as a group. One of the things your group probably loves to do together is celebrate. At the end of a series, take the opportunity to look back and praise God for the work He has done in your time together. As you mark milestones in individuals’ lives, spiritual progress for people within your group, and accomplishments for your group as a whole, remember that you are celebrating the work that God has accomplished, not just congratulating each other. Also remember to honor people for their unique contributions to the group. When you do this, you are valuing the gifts that God has given them and thanking them for letting God use them. So throw a party to celebrate God’s work and thank Him for the community He has created in your life together. It’s also good at the end of a series to take time to look ahead to what God wants to do next with your group. You don’t want your group to become comfortable and slip into autopilot. Instead, lead your group in seeking God’s direction for the group, asking if He wants to challenge you to embrace new priorities and go in a different direction for the next season. Surrendering and realigning is the appropriate response to a God who is worthy of all honor and glory.

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You can lead your group in looking back and looking ahead by asking everyone to answer 4 questions: 1. Praise: What is one praise you have about the group? Let them share stories of how God has been changing lives or something that happened in the group for which they are grateful to God. Or have them share one thing that is working well that they love about the group.

2. Problem: What one problem did you encounter? Open the floor for them to share one thing that is not working, needs improvement, or that they would change if they could.

3. Plans: What are you planning to do next? Share with the group what you are planning to do next, whether you will continue leading the group for another study. Then find out what each person is planning to do next and whether they intend to continue to be involved with your group. If your group doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a plan of what they want to do next, discuss what would best fit the group.

4. Prayer: What is one thing you want to pray for? Gather the group in prayer for these things as they look to where God wants to take them next. What suggestion for looking back or looking ahead are you most excited to try with your group?

Looking Back , L ooking Ahead

DOI NG GR OUP S TOGET HER

APPENDIX

Appendix

CIRCLES OF LIFE When starting a new group or renewing an existing group, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s helpful to have each member, starting with the group leader, prayerfully reflect on who they might invite to the group. Take a moment to write down as many names as you can in each one of the circles in your life. Then call several this week to see if they would like to join you.

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OUR SMALL GROUP AGREEMENT TO B E R E V I E W E D Q UA RT E R LY, O R AS NEED ED.

GROUP PURPOSE:________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________

ATTENDANCE

WHAT WE WANT TO DO ABOUT:

To give priority to the group meeting. Call when absent or late.

Refreshments/Mealtimes

SAFETY To help create a safe place where people can be heard. No quick answers or judgments.

CONFIDENTIALITY To keep anything that is shared strictly confidential. Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s said in group stays in group.

ACCOUNTABILITY To give permission to group members to hold you accountable to the goals you set for yourself.

WELCOME

______________________________ Childcare ______________________________ When we will meet (day of week) ______________________________ Where we will meet (place)

To keep the door open to others in our church (unconnected and unchurched people) who need what we have.

______________________________

ROTATION

We will begin at (time)___________

To rotate hosting responsibilities for the meeting.

and end at_____________________

RESPONSIBILITY To take an active role in the responsibilities of this small group.

We will do our best (some or all of us) to attend the following church service together:

SERVICE To plan an activity or event once a quarter.

______________________________

Appendix

SMALL GROUP CALENDAR

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DATE

LESSON

LOCATION

DESSERT/MEAL

FACILITATOR

Small Group Calendar

Appendix

Name

ADDRESS

PHONE

MINISTRY

OTHER

Small Group Roster

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USING THE GIFTS ASSESSMENT Use the GIFTS Assessment exercise as a starting point for your group members to discover their particular gift-mix. Distribute a copy of the worksheet to each member in your group. Have them fill it out and then share it with the group. Sometimes people can’t see their own strengths as clearly as the people around them do. If your group has been together for six weeks or more, they are already starting to notice each other’s strengths. Now let them hear from you—and each other—what strengths others see in them. One good way to do this is by writing down each group member’s strengths on index cards or greeting cards and giving them to your members. Then ask other group members to do the same for each other. In addition to affirming strengths, sharing the results of a GIFTS Assessment with the group can also help with discerning when someone has identified with the wrong gifts. Each of us receives different gifts, and when we show others what we think our gifts are, they can look at them and affirm them or say, “You know what? I don’t think that’s yours--it’s probably somebody else’s. Try this one instead.” The best way to test the results of the Assessment is to have each person start serving in some area where they think their gifts are. Start a conversation with your group about ways each person in your group could put their gifts into practice by taking on a responsibility within the group or serving in some ministry outside the group. Then support and encourage each other to actually try it out! The question is not whether the people in your group have gifts bur rather what gifts God has given them and how He wants to use them. When can you set aside time for your group members to identify and affirm their gifts in the next few weeks?

Appendix

GIFTS ASSESSMENT Use the GIFTS Assessment exercise as a starting point for your group members to discover their particular gift-mix. Distribute a copy of the worksheet to each member in your group. Have them fill it out and then share it with the group.

GIFTS (SPIRITUAL)

FAMILIAR EXPERIENCES

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

o o o o o

Preaching (1 Cor. 14:3) Evangelism (Acts 8:26-40) Discernment (1 John 4:1) Apostle (Rom. 15:20) Teaching (Eph. 4:12-13) Encouragement (Acts 14:22) Wisdom (1 cor. 2:1, 6-16) Missions (1 Cor. 9:19-23; Acts 13:2-3) Service (Acts 6:1-7; 1 Cor. 12:28) Mercy (Rom. 12:8) Hospitality (1 Peter 4:9-10) Pastoring (1 Peter 5:2-4) Giving (2 Cor. 8:1-7) Intercession (Col. 1:9-12) Music (Psalm 150) Arts & Craftsmanship (Exodus 31:3-11) Healing (James 5:14-16) Miracles (Mark 11:23-24) Leadership (Heb. 13:7, 17) Administration (1 Cor. 14:40) Faith (Rom. 4:18-21)

GIFTS (SPIRITUAL) o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Design/Develop Pioneer Organize Operate/Maintain Serve/Help Acquire/Possess Excel Perform Improve Repair Lead/Be in Charge Persevere Follow the Rules Prevail Influence

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Spiritual Painful Educational Vocational Ministry

FAMILIAR EXPERIENCES HI LOW HI

Extroverted Routine Self-controlled cooperative

o o o o

o Introverted o Variety o Self-expressive o Competitive

FAMILIAR EXPERIENCES o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Entertaining Recruiting Planning Evaluating Managing Researching Artistic/Graphics Interviewing Counseling Teaching Writing/Editing Promoting Repairing Feeding Recall Mechanical Operating Resourceful Counting/Classifying Public Relations Welcoming Composing Landscaping Arts & Crafts Decorating Musical

SMALL GROUP GIFT DEVELOPMENT TABLE YOUR GIFTS

WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

WHAT DO OTHERS SEE?

WHAT COULD BE NEXT?

GIFTS (SPIRITUAL)

INTERESTS & PASSIONS

FAMILIAR EXPERIENCES

TEMPERAMENT (PERSONALIT Y )

STRENGTHS (TALENTS)

Appendix

LEADERSHIP ROLES COACHING AND TRAINING TEAM PURPOSE: The small group coaching and training team provides the structure and resources to oversee all small groups in the church. The team will deliver group materials and training to ensure a successful launch of small groups. They are the team that provides ongoing operational oversight to small groups and community leaders to develop small groups as a lifestyle at the church.

CHARACTERISTICS OF THE INDIVIDUAL: Loyalty to the senior pastor and leaders of the church A proven gift of leadership inside and outside the church Loves and is committed to the principle of doing life together (demonstrated by the personal lifestyle of living life together in the church) Life reflects the character of a deacon (1 Timothy 3:8-13) Listening to God and in a growing walk with Christ

RESPONSIBILITIES: • Recruit and orient hosts, coaches, and community leaders • Provide shepherding and training to hosts, coaches, and community leaders • Order, distribute, and collect payment for study material • Select tools and methods for signing up and matching hosts and members • Organize and staff an information table on the weekends • Determine what reports are needed for managing groups • Maximize the involvement and show appreciation for volunteers

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COMMUNITY LEADER PURPOSE: Community leaders will assist with the management of the small group ministry and care for the spiritual development of individuals by assuming responsibility for 15-25 groups. They focus on creation, growth, and expansion of healthy groups by ensuring each host has someone who will minister, mentor, motivate, and assist in the multiplication of each group. They cast vision, manage groups, and lead what is next in order to grow the ministry.

CHARACTERISTICS OF THE INDIVIDUAL: Loyalty to the senior pastor and leaders of the church A proven gift of leadership inside and outside the church Love and commitment to the principle of doing life together (demonstrated by the personal lifestyle of living life together in the church) Life reflects the character of a deacon (1 Timothy 3:8-13) Listening to God and in a growing walk with Christ

RESPONSIBILITIES: • Provide leadership and oversight to groups that casts vision and leads what is next in order to grow the ministry • Administer the spiritual development and growth of coaches, hosts, and members • Assess the needs of every small group leader and find a shepherd based on their individual needs • Ensure communication with the leaders so that they have guidance they need for filling groups, facilitation skills, promoting healthy and growing groups, etc. • Assist in the transitions of each group to sustain into a new study, refresh through reorganization, or be inspired to multiply • Gather hosts for regional celebration, rallies, training, and retreats

Appendix

COACH PURPOSE: Coaches develop relationships with 1-5 hosts to shepherd them to their next step. They encourage, motivate, and inspire them and their groups to have a balanced spiritual health.

CHARACTERISTICS OF THE INDIVIDUAL: The HEART of the coach includes: Hands that are open to God in service Encouragement to their leaders and members Available to minister and serve Reluctant ‘real’ servant spirit (Moses, Peter) Teachable for what God has for them in this role

RESPONSIBILITIES: • Provide shepherding to a few groups • Be one step ahead and give them only one step at a time to keep them moving forward • Connect with them regularly. 4 ways: 1) One on one hang-outs, 2) Visit their group quarterly, 3) Huddle with them as leaders for fellowship, 4) Email or call them weekly to check in and find out how to serve them • Cultivate the health of the hosts and groups through spiritual partners and mentors • Motivate the development of spiritual gifts for leaders and their group members • Coach groups to multiply the individual spiritual lives of their community

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SMALL GROUP HOST PURPOSE: Small group hosts lead a small group in order to nurture a healthy group that produces healthy lives over time.

CHARACTERISTICS OF THE INDIVIDUAL: A HOST is someone who: Heart for God and people Open their home for 6 weeks Serve coffee or dessert Tell a few friends

RESPONSIBILITIES: • Attend the church regularly • Faithfully attend any host meetings in order to be equipped to lead and better serve their group members • Commit to relationship with their coach or community leader, who is an experienced small group leader coming alongside them for relational and prayer support, communicating important information updates, and answering questions. • Communicate with each of their group members weekly in addition to the normal group time through a short email, phone call, note, etc. • Position their group to be open and accessible to new people by keeping contact info current, group times and meeting places consistent, and an open chair for “walk-ins”

Appendix

notes

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notes

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notes

DOI NG GR OUP S TOGET HER

Doing Leadership Together Jesus’ strategy for impacting people’s lives and changing the world started with a small group. If you are a leader in a small group, you have probably gotten a front row seat as God continues to transform lives through small groups today. But sometimes leading a group can be hard. Initial excitement dwindles, conflicts arise, routine takes over, or you just get tired. It can feel like you are going through the motions but not really getting anywhere.

DOING LEADER SHIP

Together

CREATE YOUR OW N COMM UNITY TRA INI NG SER IES FOR THO

A SIX -SE SS ION

SE STA RTI NG A SM ALL GR OU P

Doing Leadership Together is a training course specifically designed for experienced small group leaders. It will help you build on the foundation for a healthy group that produces healthy lives over time. This flexible 6-session course can be used in an official training class, by an informal group of leaders, one-on-one with a coach, or as a personal guide. Whatever stage or season your group is in, the combination of video teaching and articles targeting particular issues will help you guide your group to grow stronger, sustain momentum, and find fresh life together.

• • • • • •

Seeking God’s heart for your group Starting stronger than ever Strengthening spiritual lives in your group Sustaining momentum through different seasons Serving someone somewhere Spiritually reproducing lives and leaders

N otes

Doing Coaching Together Jesus changed the world by investing in the spiritual lives of His disciples, equipping them, and sending them with the gospel to invest in others who would do the same. His model started a chain that has carried the gospel out to the world and down through the generations to every follower of Jesus today. If you are investing in the spiritual life of a small group leader and equipping them to invest in their small group, you are in a special position on this chain, a position with its own joys and challenges.

DOING COACH ING

Together

CREATE YOUR OW N COMM UNITY TRA INI NG SER IES FOR THO

A SIX -SE SS ION

SE STA RTI NG A SM ALL GR OU P

Doing Coaching Together is a training course specifically designed for experienced small group leaders walking alongside newer leaders. It will help you support and guide those who are investing in the spiritual lives of others. This course will help you create healthy small group leaders and members as you:

• • • • •

Minister to their needs Mentor their spiritual health Mobilize their spiritual gifts Multiply their spiritual lives Magnify Christ together

This flexible 6-session course can be used in an official training class, with a group of other coaches, or as a personal guide. The combination of video teaching, articles on particular issues, and reproducible resources will help you invest in the development of leaders and their groups as you do coaching together.