No more mess rooms! Stop shrieking "put your things away," and it may actually happen. How to get your little piggies to clean up their act. BY LIANE KUPFERBERG CARTER
re there Doritos disintegrating between your sofa cushions? Little jelly fingerprints on the dining room walls? Plastic toy pieces that crunch underfoot? If your kids' bedrooms look like a war zone, and you're sick of talking (okay ... yelling) about it, you're far from alone. "Last night," says Wendy Reich, a mother of two from Royal Palm Beach, Fla., "while looking for some overdue library books, I reached under my son's bed." She didn't find the books. Instead, she came across "mismatched dirty socks and a pair of shorts I thought I'd thrown out months ago. Our house could qualify for federal disaster relief."
Why clutter makes us crazy "For many of us, messiness is a disturbance," says parent educator Elizabeth Crary, author of Pick Up Your Socks ... and Other Skills Growing Children Need! (Parenting Press). "It's hard to be calm when you don't even have a clean surface to set your purse down on." And when you repeatedly tell your kids to clean up after themselves and they don't, it can make you feel ineffective and out of control. Even if you don't attach a moral weight to the mess, says Elizabeth Ellis, Ph.D., author of Raising
a Responsible Child (Kensington Publishers), clutter increases frustration: It's hard to stay cool when you're running late-again-because your daughter can't find her soccer cleats. But what bothers Susan Lorin, a New York City mother of three, most about the mess in her home is that it seems to
hire one, it's time to make some changes that will help make cleaning easier for all of you, kids included.
Small chores for small ones
When kids are old enough for preschool, start them on the road to organization by creating a central play area- one that you can easBecome hi!' ily monitor-with lots of neatness partner. open shelving for toys, games, videos, puzzles and anything else they've manT aged to spread throughout the house. Sort everything by category, and stash each in its own clear plastic bin so your kids can see what they're looking for without (you hope) having to dump everything out on the floor. Be sure to keep heavier, bulkier items on lower shelves for safety. And in the art-supply box, include a drop cloth that can be used with the glitter glue, paint and modeling clay. Label the shelves and boxes, or put pictures of the objects in the places where they belong. prevent her kids from actually enjoying Then resign yourself: Kids this age don't a lot of their toys. "Even if they can man- have the responsibility skills older chilage to find them," she says, "most are dren do, so you may have to organize all missing important parts." over again,a month from now. Also, teach kids about streamlining: If you're starting to feel you could add the title of professional maid to your list for examp(e, storing half their stuff in a of daily duties, or you're feeling like box in the closet. "When we did this in (continued on p. 100) ~ you're going to go ballistic if you don't
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No more messy rooms! (continued from p. 95) Cut back on what you give your kids. Ask overindulgent friends
our home, it took my daughter two weeks to even notice anything was missing!" says Ellis.
and relatives to offer less too. "A few carefully selected, well-made toys will last longer and be more highly valued," says Ellis. Inspire cooperation. An incentive system can help younger children get moving: Tell them that you'll be happy to leave them to their computer games once their toys are put away.
Big jobs for big kids Encourage tidiness in tweens and teenagers by first enticing them to weed out the toys, sports equipment, CDs and mementos they've grown tired of. BariAdelman, a Pine Brook, N.J., mother of three, has a motto: If you don't use it, you lose it. Help your kids sort their st uff into four categories: Give Away, Toss, Keep and Store. The goal here is not only to get things in order, but also to make your child your ally instead of your adversary, says Crary. Present the problem as one you need to work out together. If and when this fails, choose your battles wisely. Lay down ground rules (such as keeping food out of the bedr.o om) and try backing off about, say, piles of papers and magazines.
Keep-it-neat tips Once you've implemented your initial plans, create some basic household policies to rna in tain order.
Let them know that actions have consequences. If your
child drops dirty clothes everywhere, put a hamper in his room and wash only the clothes that are actually in it. Kevin Steede, Ph.D., author of 10 Most Common Mistakes Good Parents Make: And How to Avoid Them (Prima) suggests that if your child leaves his sneakers all over Scary, Isn't It? the house, incarcerate them in Be brave. Be "shoe jail" and have him pay a very brave. fine to get them back. Out with the old, in with the new. Give lotsofpositivefeedback. "As parMake it understood that any time kids ents, we tend to focus on negative behavwant to bring in yet another item, they ior," says Steede. He says moms and dads have to put something else away or get need to reverse this process. "When you rid of it altogether. With fewer things to catch your kids being neat, praise them. contend with, you'll find that the job of Say, Tm proud of you for hanging up cleaning up becomes less overwhelming. your coat without being asked."' •
"If you walk into your daughter's room and think,'My God, where do I even begin?,'then imagine how overwhelmed she feels," says author Elizabeth Ellis. Here are some ways to help kids-and you-get started. For Preschool/Grade
seems to help a lot more
For Teenagers:
Before making an issue of
School Kids: A young child doesn't yet have the
than giving orders."
Adolescents tend to be
the chronic chaos, ask
For Preteens: "Barking
inherently cleaning-
yourself this: Is the
skills to get organized and
commands won't work,"
impaired. What to do about
situation dangerous?
be neat. You need to show
says parent educator
the kid who slams into the
"We're not talking about
her. "l've learned not to
Elizabeth Crary. "Your role
bedroom, blasts the CD
teen pregnancy or
give a blanket statement
is to guide and coach ."
player and doesn't come
dropping out of school,"
like 'Clean up your room' to
Gently remind your
out for the next three
Crary says, adding,"the
my six-year-old," says
darlings that apple cores
years? Even though you
process of how you work
Candy Schulman, a New
under their beds can
may feel like getting a
through this with your
York City mom."lnstead, I'll
attract bugs, or that a
search warrant to find the
teen is just as important as
say 'Help me put the
guitar case left lying on the
blouse you know she
the outcome itself. Your ul-
Tinkertoys back in their
floor can make somebody
borrowed (without asking),
timate goal, after all, is to
boxes' or 'You put away the
fall. Stick with the program,
you still need to try to
turn responsibility for their
stuffed animals and I'll put
and eventually they will
respect that, for a teen, her
lives-including their
away the blocks.' Sharing
get the message.
room is her sanctuary.
messiness-over to them."
100 McCALL'S I MARCH 2001