October 2009
www.guamfamily.net
Mirror, Mirror
Identical twins share what it’s like to grow up with someone who looks just like you.
Battle with Breast Cancer
Teresa Rayfield proves a positive attitude gets you through life’s toughest hurdles.
The Value of Money Classic Books to Read Living in Two Households Holiday Cooking
Features Battle with Breast Cancer 10
Teresa Rayfield proves a positive attitude gets you through life’s toughest hurdles.
Mirror, Mirror
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Identical twins share what it’s like to grow up with someone who looks just like you.
Departments Familia: Guam Family Message Board 8 Highlight special events in the Familia photo pages. Finance: The Value of Money 18 Teach financial responsibility to young children and produce money saving adults Parenting: Make the Most of Your Parent-Teacher Conference 22 Planning creates productive and pleasant meetings to benefit your child. Parenting: Between Two Households Raising children between two families communication and cooperation.
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Family Table: Fit the Food 27 Are your toddlers and pre-teens eating the right amount? Products We Love: Oldies But Goodies 32 Create your family’s happily ever after with these storybook classics. Family Traditions: Biba Fiestan Holiday ‘Tis the season of food and celebration.
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Calendar: October Events 40 Check out the schedule of events to see this month. Center Stage: High School on a Balance 42 Chantal Torres does well in school and excels in sports. Kidsville 44 Turn to these pages for fun and games for kids and the young at heart. Kusina: Turkey Fried Rice and Syrup Free Pan Toast 47 Start your day with this hearty breakfast by Denise Santos.
On the Cover: The Rayfield family enjoys an afternoon at Tutuhan Park. The family supported each other during Teresa Rayfield’s battle with breast cancer. Photo by David Castro. October 2009
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Did you know Guam Family has a Facebook Fan Page? Read what our fans are saying about us! “I’d love a subscription to the magazine. I spent 10 years on Guam and loved it. What a beautiful place!” — Tamara Neel
I love this magazine! I love that I can recognize people I know that I haven’t seen in years! What a genius idea to put a publication like this together! This brings stateside residents closer to our roots, and makes me want to go back and visit more often! Awesome job on the articles and the layout of the magazine. I love the recipes. I’ve tried a few and they are delicious! When I’m done reading the magazine, I love that I can hand it to my son and grandkids and let them enjoy the kids section! It appeals to the masses! I thoroughly enjoy reading the messages as they are inspiring and shared from the heart! That’s family. Love it, love it, love it! Keep up the great work. Much love from California is sent your way. — Nora Garcia
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October 2009
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Editor Faye Varias Assistant Editor Bryan C. Sualog Contributors Maria Cristobal Rafael De Ausen Christine Restuvog Denise Rita Santos Art Direction Taliea Designworks Production Taliea Designworks Advertising Sales Stephani Ferrara Darrell Pereda Administration Tia Camacho Printing T&T Printing, Hong Kong
Hafa Adai! I just want to let you know that I came from Guam and I’m so happy to join you here in Facebook. I’m now in San Diego, managing my own bakery. One of my products is the national bread of Guam called pantosta. We also have different rice cakes, including potu, made from 100 percent rice. I hope you can visit us soon at The Original Richards Bakery, 3400 East 8th St. National City, CA. — Wilma Fernandez Ventura
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Publisher Stephani Ferrara
ADVERTISING INFORMATION sferrara@guamfamily.net dpereda@guamfamily.net Opinions expressed in Guam Family are not necessarily those of the publisher or our advertisers. SEND COMMENTS TO Editor GUAM FAMILY P.O. Box 27290 Barrigada, GU 96921 E-mail: editor@guamfamily.net Tel: 671.635.7501 Fax: 671.635.7520 Web site: guamfamily.net ©2009 GUAM FAMILY All rights reserved. Owned by Promo Infomedia, Inc. Jerry Roberts, President
editor’s note editor’s note Think Positive I
’m one of those people who has always been proud to be a generally positive person despite what goes on around me.
Whether it’s seeing delayed flights as a chance to stroll through airport shops or power outages as an opportunity for candlelit dinners, I try to make lemonade out of lemons. However, I can’t say my spirits haven’t been broken every now and then. There are times when my mind is consumed with bills, deadlines and an endless list of things to do. The frustration of road construction when I’m running late for an appointment, a crashed computer, putting out fires — all of these can be quite overwhelming — so much so that sometimes, I forget about the blessings I’m fortunate to have. But I have a daily reminder of those blessings. A few months ago, during one of our company lunches, each employee was asked to list what he or she is grateful for. My list includes my family, my boyfriend, Bryan, my dogs, my friends, my health and every day I can continue to have the freedom to do the things I want to do. That list hangs to the left of the computer screen on which I work for most of the day. And when I feel myself getting down, I look at this list and remind myself of the things that really matter. It’s a constant reminder that though things don’t always go as planned, I still have all those things on my list — the important things. A positive attitude can get you through many of life’s hurdles. Though it sounds naive, I believe it. After all, certain situations can’t be avoided or changed. The only thing you have the absolute power to change is your attitude. Fear less, hope more. Eat less, chew more. Whine less, breathe more. Talk less, say more. Love more and all good things will be yours. — Swedish Proverb On that note, we should all take a lesson from the subject of our cover story, Teresa Rayfield, a breast cancer survivor, who, by staying positive, battled breast cancer and won. She has since looked at life with a fresh start. She stripped all the negativity from her environment and gives back by volunteering for the American Cancer Society. Read more about her survival story on page 10. Today, go home and shut off your BlackBerry and have an undisturbed family dinner. May it serve as a reminder of the important things that matter.
F a y e Va r i a s Editor
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Happy birthday Jill! From all your fr iends! Wish that spec ial someone a Happy Birthday or congratulation s by e-mailing his or her phot o and a message to editor@guam family.net.
October 2009
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family: Zac The Rayfield
hary, Teresa, an
d Shane
Teresa Rayfield’s aunts, Doris Lujan and Ana Flores, celebrate Mother’s Day with Zachary.
in H e scener y th s y jo n e eld family . The Rayfi eatments diation tr a r ’s a s re Te 10
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e awaii in b
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Battle with Breast Cancer Teresa Rayfield proves a positive attitude gets you through life’s toughest hurdles. By Christine Restuvog
T
he picture-perfect world of Teresa Rayfield was almost shattered to pieces by something the size of a grape. Up until July 2007, she was living a seemingly flawless life with her high school sweetheart turned husband, Shane, and their son Zachary. The couple had successful careers and a beautiful home. But all that changed one night during a routine checkup. “I performed a simple breast examination on myself and felt a lump,” Teresa said. She then took the appropriate steps to see her primary care physician and was scheduled for an ultrasound, then a mammogram, and finally, a biopsy. “The [biopsy revealed] I had a tumor about two centimeters big,” she said. Teresa reacted how any young, healthy woman in her early 30s would. “I wasn’t worried that the biopsy would come back positive. I was a 33-yearold healthy female; I ate and exercised Teresa R ayfield c regularly.” However, after 10 days, elebrates husband, her 36th Shane . the surgeon informed her that she not birthday with her only had breast cancer, but that it was a highly aggressive form of the cancer called invasive ductal carcinoma.
Emotional Rollercoaster
“I felt shock, denial and fear — a lot of fear,” Teresa said. Being the strong woman that her family knew her to be, she immediately went into fighting mode. “I was really devastated and depressed in the beginning, but I decided early on that I may have cancer, but this cancer is not going to take me,” she said. Her husband, an assistant fire chief at U.S. Naval Base Guam, also felt an array of emotions about Teresa’s diagnosis, including helplessness. “In my job, I am able to help and save people all of the time, but I felt like I couldn’t help the person I loved the most,” he said. For Teresa’s treatment, Shane took his wife to the UCLA Revlon Breast Cancer Center, where she was treated by Dr. Helena Chang, a world-renowned surgical oncologist with a dedicated interest in breast cancer. “Through the tears and breakdowns, my husband always seemed to have a way to make me smile and stay strong — he is my hero,” Teresa said. “He never let me feel that I had cancer. He even took me to Disneyland all bandaged up after surgery because he didn’t
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want me to feel negative added. “Just because you have “Through the tears and breakdowns, my husband about anything.” cancer, it doesn’t mean that you In addition to his wife’s can’t go out, enjoy life and be always seemed to have a way to make me smile diagnosis, Shane was also you. Regardless of how I felt, and stay strong — he is my hero. He never let facing another obstacle in his I never thought of myself as a me feel that I had cancer. He even took me to life: His mother passed away sick person. I tried to focus on Disneyland all bandaged up after surgery during Teresa’s chemotherapy what really mattered and not treatment. Shane was not able stress on the small stuff. Every because he didn’t want me to feel to attend her funeral because day, I just took a deep breath negative about anything.” his dad insisted that he care for and lived.” his wife. During the five weeks that — Teresa Rayfield, cancer survivor At the time, Zachary Teresa and Shane were in Los was a sixth grader at Bishop Angeles for treatment, Teresa’s Baumgartner Memorial School. “We were completely honest with aunt, Doris Lujan, moved into her house and took care of their him about Teresa’s cancer and why we had to go away for her son. “We wanted him to live the most normal life possible at this surgery,” Shane said. time,” Teresa said. “My other aunts, Ana Flores, Maria Paulino “I felt sad for my mom but knew that she was really strong and and Marcia Mendiola, also helped take care of our son,” that she was not going to give up,” Zachary said. He also took the she said. initiative to read up on breast cancer to understand the disease as Close family ties and support in Guam proved to be powerful well as provide moral support. “When my mom lost her hair from to uplift the family during their trial with cancer. chemotherapy, I would rub her head and joke around with her,” “Every few days there was a card in my mailbox, flowers at he said. “My dad and I also offered to shave our heads to show my door, or something wonderful to cheer me on,” Teresa said. her our support,” he said. Teresa joked, “After having no hair at Not only did their family members physically and emotionally all, there is really no such thing as having a ‘bad hair day.’” support them, but also many of their family members helped them financially. Finding Strength “My cousin, Richard Flores, donated airline miles to help Shane “Being diagnosed with breast cancer is a devastating blow, and I with our airfare, while my father-in-law, Richard Rayfield, one that takes time to process,” Teresa said. “So what did I uncle James Murphy, and other off-island family members helped do? Everything that I could do to create joy in my world,” she us with our hotel accommodations and medical co-payments,”
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Teresa said. Teresa’s father also flew from South Carolina to Guam to be by her side while she received chemotherapy, and her sister met her in Hawaii for her radiation treatment. Teresa added that her son was her other hero during her bout with breast cancer. Zachary first came face to face with his mother’s disease when Teresa went through chemotherapy at the cancer center in Guam. “He found it difficult to leave my side when he saw me lying asleep after my chemo treatment,” Teresa said. “There was always a little hand rubbing my back very gently saying, ‘It’s okay, Mommy. You’re going to feel better.’”
A New Life
After one year of battling, treating and overcoming her breast cancer, Teresa went into remission. “Cancer has changed my life in many ways. Life goes on, and it even becomes normal again,” she said. “I refused to let cancer wreck my party. There are just too many cool things to do and plan and live for.” Teresa added, “I changed jobs, got really healthy, surrounded myself with positive people, and often take risks that I wouldn’t have taken prior to having cancer.” Teresa also volunteers for the American Cancer Society’s Reach To Recovery Group, which trains breast cancer survivor
volunteers to give support and up-to-date information, including literature for spouses, children, friends and other loved ones. Being one of the youngest members of the volunteer group, Teresa is able to share her experiences with women close to her age who have breast cancer. Shane also assists by giving advice to spouses who are experiencing what he went through with Teresa’s battle with breast cancer. “I have also become the biggest advocate for encouraging other women to heed the warning signs and undergo annual screenings,” Teresa added. Teresa proudly joins the 2.4 million women who have fought and won their battle with breast cancer since 2004. “‘Survivor’ is not just a term; it is an attitude.”
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Twins Step hanie and Cyril Libra younger d do in their ays.
ity e Univers pany at th m o c s r’ othe The Librando Family njoy each ibrando e L l ri y C ft, and n. phanie, le twins Ste by Rafaelito De Ause l a c ti n e Id y h p ra g Photo of Guam.
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Mirror, Mirror Identical twins share what it’s like to grow up with someone who looks just like you. By Rafaelito De Ausen
W
ith the ever-increasing number of celebrities birthing twins and television shows such as Jon and Kate Plus 8 and 18 Kids and Counting, the fascination with multiples is more popular than ever. As with most things in the world, it’s not always rainbows and butterflies, as Jon and Kate Gosselin have so explicitly explained on national television. But even with as few as two children, there are difficulties and challenges, just as these twins explain.
fertilized egg splits more than a week after conception, and each develops reverse asymmetric features. Their mother, Cholet, said, “If Stephanie had a dimple on her left cheek, Cyril had it on her right. Cyril had a small birthmark on the right of her stomach. Stephanie had it on her left.” In theory, if the twins faced each other, they would appear to be exact reflections of each other. About 25 percent of identical twins are mirror image twins.
The Librando Twins
According to Cyril, she was the unexpected twin, as all throughout the pregnancy, her parents only knew about one baby. “My dad had to call our family and tell them to order one more of everything — because the doctors only knew about Stephanie,” she said. Cholet said that parenting a single child can be daunting enough, let alone having more than one at the same time. However, she said having two doesn’t necessarily mean twice the headache. “In their early years, in the Philippines, we had nannies and family to help,” Cholet explained. And when the family moved to Guam, the twins depended on each other to
Born in the Philippines and raised in Guam, Stephanie and Cyril Librando said they have always been inseparable, and people used to confuse the two of them. During the twins’ first year of life, their parents kept their hospital bracelets on to help differentiate the two. When they started attending St. Anthony School, others had a difficult time as well. “During the early years of school, people couldn’t tell us apart since we are identical twins and our mother would always dress us up the same,” Stephanie said. Though the two are identical, the Librando twins are what is called mirror image twins —- which happens when a single
Two is Better Than One
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e Ausen
Rafaelito D Photography by
do things for themselves. Financially, Cholet said the girls got a lot of help along the way. “St. Anthony understood our situation — raising multiples — and put Stephanie and Cyril through three years of school with no charge.” She said Stephanie and Cyril understood that their parents didn’t have the money for luxuries and were cautious about their spending habits. Cholet
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said, “They would ask if something was expensive, and if mommy and daddy said it was, they wouldn’t ask us to buy it.” When raising twins, Cholet said it helps to have a lot of support. But regardless of the challenges, “It’s always more joy than troubles,” she said. As they grew older and transferred schools, from C.L. Taitano to Jose Rios Middle School to George Washington High School, they developed their own style and individuality. Cyril describes herself as very laid back versus Stephanie’s more serious demeanor. However, the two remain very close and still spend a lot of time together.
Becoming Individuals
Now 19-year-old sophomores at the University of Guam, Stephanie and Cyril may have similar appearances, but they’ve grown into their own, unique selves. The stereotype of identical twins is
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that they are exactly alike: they look alike, they dress in matching outfits, they share the same likes and dislikes. However, parents of identical twins know differently. Despite their shared genetic component, identical multiples are unique individuals. Stephanie chooses to wear her hair short and straight, while Cyril wears it long and curly. “We may be identical in the face, but we’re different inside,” Cyril said. Stephanie, who is a few minutes older, is into fine arts and graphic design, and Cyril wants to follow in her mom’s footsteps and be a teacher. Stephanie found love in the color blue and Cyril likes pink. Their mother said it’s been that way since they were younger. But no matter what, she said the twins always complemented each other. When asked what life is like having a twin, Stephanie said, “You’re never alone. Someone is always there to give truthful opinions about everything.”
Twindividuality P
arents of twins and other multiples often feel pressured to instill a sense of individuality in their children. They may be dissuaded from doing anything that elevates their multiples’ unity — such as naming them with similar names, dressing them alike or keeping them in the same class once they start school. Though parents can’t control their children’s sense of self, they can encourage it. Here are some suggestions for cultivating a sense of individuality in multiples. 1) Spend one-on-one time with each child. Without a doubt, children of all ages and stages love to have their parents’ exclusive attention. When children within a family are different ages, it seems easier to meet that need. Opportunities are built into the different stages of each child’s life. Eldest children have the spotlight until a younger sibling is born, but as they spend more time in school and activities, the younger children take the floor. However, twins and multiples are forced to share their parents’ (and grandparents’) time and attention. Parents have to craft opportunities for one-on-one time to get to know each multiple on an individual basis. 2) Don’t refer to them as a “unit.” Whenever possible, avoid labeling your children as “the twins” or “the triplets.” As you recognize that they are individual children, so will they. 3) Reward and punish individually. A common theme of resentment among adult twins is being punished for a crime committed by their twin. As parents of multiples, it’s just far too easy to mete out punishment on an all-for-one/one-forall basis. Parents have to remember that although they often act like a twin tag team of terror, it’s vital to recognize and
address each individual’s role in their antics. 4) Select individual activities. As children grow older, encourage them to seek out individual activities and interests. You don’t have to prevent them from participating in activities together, but it’s vital for each multiple to pursue an interest that is unique to them. While it may make for some complicated carpool scheduling, the benefits are invaluable. It offers them an opportunity to develop individual talents and explore new relationships. 5) Encourage individual friendships and separate playdates. Multiples are often each other’s best friend, and that special relationship should be celebrated and cherished. But it shouldn’t be an exclusive relationship. Encourage your children to develop their own friendships in a healthy way. 6) Adjust standards and expectations for each child. Parents of multiples have to remember that their children are individuals. While parents want to be consistent in the way each child is treated, it’s important to avoid imposing an unfair double standard on twins. Even though they may look and act identically, they are different people with different needs, strengths and weaknesses. 7) Point out and praise unique characteristics. It seems that people are infinitely curious about how twins are alike and different. Use that curiosity as an opportunity to point out and praise unique characteristics of each child, giving each
child a chance to share the spotlight. By focusing on their good, but different, qualities you build their self-esteem about themselves beyond the context of their twinship. 8) Preserve individual memories. Many adult twins report a regrettable lack of individual pictures of themselves, especially as infants. It can be even more of a challenge to identify “who is who” once the pictures are developed. But everyone deserves his or her own set of baby pictures and own baby book. Take the time to record each child’s memories through photographs and writings. 9) Identify possessions — his, hers, ours. Beginning with the womb, twins share so much in common. Parents can help strengthen a sense of individuality by making sure their children’s possessions are clearly identified. Each multiple should have something to call his or her own, whether it is toys, books or clothes. This need increases as twins grow up, and parents can help by creating and enforcing rules that respect individual privacy and property. Source: About.com
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finance finance
The
Value of
Teach financial responsibility to young children and produce money savvy adults By Bryan C. Sualog
B
udgeting money, balancing a checkbook and maintaining a good credit score — these tasks can seem quite daunting for many adults, let alone children. But experts say that teaching children about good money habits from the time they know how to count will help them become self-sufficient adults.
Start Young
Matthew Cruz, vice president and business development manager for Bank of Guam, said teaching your kids the value of money should start as soon as possible. However, he added that some parents may be hesitant about teaching their child about money because they don’t want them to worry about finances. But the sooner they learn about it, the better, he said. “I have two kids. They’re twins and they have differing opinions on how to spend money and how to save money, but at least they know that these are the decisions that we make, and [there is a] thought process,” he added. Doris Ada said her two children 18
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Hazelle Tongol, assistant branch sales manager for Bank of Hawaii at Micronesia Mall, helps fourth graders from Wettengel Elementary School list alternative ways to save during National Teach Children to Save Day in April.
— Shannon, 11, and Phil, 17 — started learning about money before they even had any. When Doris would go shopping, she would take her children with her and tell them how much money they had and what they needed to buy. “Specifically, what we have money for and what we don’t have money for,” she said.
where they want to spend their money. He explained the use of a pie chart in which the children can decide how to divide up their expenses. He said it gives them the opportunity to think about whether they want to spend their limited money on candy or something that lasts longer.
Cruz suggested that parents sit down with their children and discuss
Ada used a similar method with her children. She bought them a “Money
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Bank of Guam employees visit schools around the island and perform exercises with the students that are designed to teach them how to become financially responsible.
Savvy Pig” — a piggy bank divided into several sections: spend, save, donate and invest. Her children put their money in whichever section they wanted, and after a certain amount of time, she would sit down with them and discuss their decisions. Cruz said parents should give their children the freedom to choose what to spend their money on and not be afraid to let them make any mistakes.
Checks and Credit
Bobbie Leon Guerrero, assistant vice president at Bank of Hawaii, said when children reach high school, they begin thinking about going to college and living on their own, so it’s the perfect time to open a checking account or get a credit card. Cruz recommended starting during 11th grade, “so you can teach them how to balance a checkbook and exercise good judgment,” he said. “Just like teaching your kids how to ride a bike, you should teach your kids to use credit. That’s part of becoming an adult and becoming a self-sufficient individual.”
“Just like teaching your kids how to ride a bike, you should teach your kids to use credit.” — Matt Cruz, Bank of Guam
While parents may be wary, of giving their child a credit card, it’s an important lesson for children to learn. Give them a small limit. “It gives them the freedom to make decisions, but it also establishes a limit, a threshold, so that they don’t October 2009
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finance finance
go over that limit. If they do go over that limit, there’s still a way for a parent to control that,” Leon Guerrero said. Cruz said parents need to teach the rules and importance of having a good credit score and the impact it has. Teach them that financial records can reflect history for up to 10 years, which can be a good or bad thing. For example, it can be beneficial when they want to make major purchases, such as a vehicle or a house. Leon Guerrero said, “After you graduate from college, it’s good to have that credit built up so when you think of purchasing a new house or purchasing a new car, your credit is there already to speak for you.”
Bank of Guam employee Jennifer Sanchez speaks to George Washington High School students about the importance of saving and properly managing their money.
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Although she started teaching her kids about money at an early age, Ada said they’re far from knowing everything. “I don’t think we’re done with those lessons yet. It’s not something that is taught or learned right away,” she said.
Investing for Kids The first rule of investing is “invest in education.” We are never too old, too young or too rich to save money and invest it with wisdom. So how do you go about teaching kids about investing? See below: 1. Establish good money habits early. This is the opening lesson in teaching your kids about money and investing. 2. Discuss and develop methods of making money. While schools teach about different kinds of jobs, certain skills are rarely discussed, such as investing, small businesses and self-employment. Very few students learn about businesses and investing money as alternatives for income. You need to supplement their education. 3. Teach your kids about donating. Give your kids an opportunity to donate money for non-profit organizations. It is best when the money they donate is money they’ve earned, so there is an emotional attachment. Donating teaches children that investments impact everyone in the community and not just the individual. 4. Finally, encourage your kids to research businesses as an alternative of revenue. If you are creative, a lot of businesses cost very little money to begin, and the learning experience is useful, especially considering that younger generations switch jobs much more frequently. In order to motivate your kids to save, you as well have to find directions for them to make money. For example, clarify what types of tasks around the house are unpaid as a member of the family and which tasks are considered “paid duties.” Share your philosophy on investing and explain why you hold the investments you do and in what proportions. Teach them how to read account statements. Explain to them what brokers are and what they do. These lessons are vital life skills for children to grow up and be successful money managers. Source: www.kids-lessons.com
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parenting parenting
Make the Most of Your Parent-Teacher Conference Planning creates productive and pleasant meetings to benefit your child. By Faye Varias
P
arent-teacher conferences are just around the corner, and if you’re like most parents, you may begin to feel a little anxious at this point. You’re hoping there aren’t any surprises and that your child is doing just fine. Most of the time, this is the case. However, experts say few parents go to conferences with the main goal of discovering where and how their children excel. For example, some parents of students getting A’s in class rarely attend conferences. And while parents expect teachers to prepare for these meetings, parents don’t always take the time to do the same. Teachers are just as interested in parents’ input as they are in theirs. Teachers want to be apprised of any changes your child is facing in his personal or family life, and how he behaves at home in comparison to how he acts at school. Your child’s comfort level in the classroom, whether he’s found his niche among fellow students, and whether he seems stressed or happy are all important clues to his social and emotional well-being — and it’s only by working together that you and your child’s teacher can fully understand them. With so much to talk about in so little time, here’s how you can make the most of your meeting:
Before the Conference
Start preparing early. Don’t wait until the night before to get organized. Create a folder at the beginning of the year to store test scores, big homework assignments, and
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Teachers are just as interested in parents’ input as they are in theirs.
your notes about things your child has told you or any other topics you want to address.
Talk to your child. Ask how she’s doing in class, what’s going on during lunchtime, recess, and when she goes to special classes like music or gym. You want to find out both the positive and negative. If you don’t like what you’re hearing, investigate. Talk to other parents to see if their children are expressing similar concerns.
During the Conference
Arrive early. With only a few precious minutes to spend, you don’t want to be late. It will shorten your time with your child’s teacher and affect her day’s entire schedule. Enter with the right attitude. The goal of both the teacher and the parent should be the success of the student, but sometimes parents have a hard time discussing tough issues. Rather than put the teacher on the defensive, arrive with a compliment to start the conference off on the right foot, such as, “My son is really enjoying the unit on space” or “We had a great time on the field trip.” Then address any concerns in a respectful way. Find out the communication protocol. Don’t let this be the only time you talk to your child’s teacher. Ask how she likes to communicate, whether it’s by e-mail, notes passed through a folder, or phone calls. Reinforce that you are there if she wants to talk to you. Let the teacher know you want to be that kind of partner.
After the Conference
Follow up. If the teacher brings something to your attention that needs to be addressed with your child, take steps to put the plan in motion, whether it’s helping with organizational skills, getting extra help, or addressing a social issue. Update your child. Start with the positive things her teacher had to say, then fill her in on any concerns you and the teacher discussed. Explain how you can all work together to ensure your child has a successful year.
Source: Scholastic Parents
October 2009
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parenting parenting
Between Two Households Raising children between two families works with communication and cooperation. By Christine Restuvog Society considers that it is the norm to grow up in a household with married parents and to be raised in a home with both your biological mom and dad present. However, many Guam families, including mine, do not necessarily fit into that category. According to the National Marriage Project from Rutgers University, only 63 percent of American children grow up with both biological parents, the lowest figure in the Western world. My daughters, ages 5 and 7, live between my home and their father’s home on a week-by-week basis. Though my household includes a mom, dad and a brother — my fiancée and my one-year-old son — the transition of moving from one household to another every week can be difficult for all of us. Many parents in this situation face similar challenges, including consistency in discipline, extra-curricular activities, eating habits, communication with school, work and events, among many other issues. Below are a few tips in creating a parenting plan when raising your child or children between two households. Following these steps will aid in the challenges you face. 24
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Help them pack.
Let them decide on a few familiar things that will make them feel comfortable in either home.
Reassure your children.
Let them know that both parents love them. I do this with my daughters every day. They always need to hear that even though mommy and daddy are not together and don’t live in the same home, they still both love and care for them. They may show anxiety before going to the other parent’s home. Realize their anxiety is probably due to a new routine. As every parent knows, children thrive in routine, especially if they are younger. Even though they are between two households, do your best to keep your routine at your household. It will help them adjust quicker. Talk positively about time they’ll spend with the other parent — it helps them see the importance of being with both parents and know it’s okay to go. This is excellent advice in my experience. My older daughter, Madison, is particularly sensitive to my and her father’s feelings. Re-emphasizing that you are happy when they are happy, whether it is with mom or dad, will help them cope with their concerns about this.
Explain how long they will be with the other parent. It is important to communicate whether or not you have changes in plans from their normal schedule.Explain to them why you are diverting from the usual routine.
Pick up your children during a natural transition time in their day
Before or after an activity is a time they are used to “switching gears.” Their father and I both agreed that the week with our daughters ends on Monday after school. This helps all of us keep a schedule that we are all used to. It also makes it easier for my daughters emotionally.
parenting parenting
with their other parent. It hurts their feelings and makes them feel less confident with how they feel about you and their other parent.
Use a calendar.
It helps show when they are in different households.
Do not make your children messengers.
I am semi-guilty of doing this. This is when the importance of communication comes into play. One of the things I am constantly working on is communication with my daughters’ father regarding school work and events. The first thing you must do is inform your child’s teacher that your child is living between two households. That way they understand if a note wasn’t read or if a project wasn’t completed on time because the other parent received the message. What works for me is that since my daughters attend the same school and I receive two of the school’s weekly newsletter, I take one copy for me and leave the other copy in my older daughter’s folder for their father.
Keep the focus on the children. Let your child express his or her feelings and be attentive to it. My older daughter has a particularly tough time dealing with coming back to my household and missing her father. She often cries for a few hours until she gets reacquainted with her surroundings and gets used to the fact that she is back with mom. I allow her to express her feelings and comfort her when she is sad. There is absolutely no reason to get mad at your children if they miss their other parent. Every child is different and has different reactions to each situation. My younger daughter, I like to say, is tough as rocks. She shows no emotional tendencies when she leaves mom or dad.
Remember, our children also experience challenges themselves whether it is emotional, psychological or physical, which in turn reflects their behavior and attitude towards life. It is important to remind them that they are also in control and have a say of their situation and they are not at the mercy of what entirely mom or dad wants.
Pick up your children without starting an argument with the other parent. If you cannot, find a place such as school or daycare where you won’t have to interact with the other parent. It is the worst thing for your child(ren) to witness you arguing October 2009
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table family table family
d o o F e h t t i F By Maria
Cristobal
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t’s enough of a battle trying to get children to eat on a proper schedule, but getting them to eat the right amount is an even bigger challenge, especially in Guam. We can hardly get healthy food in our own mouths, much less our children’s. Well, keep your chin up, because it’s all part of parenting. We want our progeny to survive in this world, don’t we? Think about it this way: In the future — or even now — our kids will have enough to worry about when it comes to education, relationships, careers, finances, etc. They don’t need to be worried about their health. Teaching our kids healthy eating habits is just as important as teaching them not to hit or steal. These are all life skills. So we must trudge on, parents! But you aren’t alone. Remember to be resourceful. MyPyramid.gov, provided by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, provides dietary guidelines and lots of other healthy information. The guidelines emphasize fruits, vegetables, whole grains and fat-free or low-fat milk products. It recommends lean meats, poultry, fish, beans, eggs, and nuts and low amounts of saturated fats, trans fats, cholesterol, salt and added sugars. Don’t forget: There is no substitute for physical activity. Though there are guidelines, there is no one-size-fits-all chart for portioning kids’ food. Depending on your child’s age, sex and activity level, portions may vary. Your laid-back, guitar-playing, 7-year-old son isn’t going to eat the same as your 15-year-old, kick-boxing daughter. Generally older kids need more calcium, boys need more calories and active kids just need more. There are three different age groups in which food portioning can be broken. Recommendations are based on a child who gets 30 minutes or less of activity per day — not including routine walks up and down the stairs.
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family table family table Recommended Daily Portions:
years 3 ackers = r c o t t a e h 2 w s ole Age s (ex: 5 wh ounce • Grains: 3 ins) y carrots or b a b 1 oz of gra 2 1 : x s: 1 cup (e • Vegetable to) a 1 large tom plums or 1 e g r la 2 : x up (e • Fruit: 1 c na) t = 1 cup r u g o large bana y f o z ups (ex: 8 o • Milk: 2 c of milk) ggs = 1 oz e 2 : x (e s e ounc • Protein: 2 sp of Italian b of protein) T 1 : x (e s aspoon • Oils: 3 te tsp of oil) 1 = g in s s e dr
Ages 4 to 8 y • Grain ears s: 4 to 8 ou =
nces (ex 1 1 oz of : /2 cu g r a ins) • Vege p cooke tables: 1 d rice 1 /2 cups greens (ex: 2 c = 1 cup • Fruit: ups of s o f v e ggies) 1 to 1 1 alad /2 cups 1 cup o (ex: 8 l arge str • Milk: f fruit) awberr 2 cups ies = ( e x: 2 cup of milk) s cottag e chees • Prote in: 3 to e=1c up 4 ounce 1 oz of s (ex: 1 protein) /4 cup • Oils: baked b 4 teasp eans = o o 1 tsp of ns (ex: 1 oil) /2 Tbsp of pean ut butte r=
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Generally older kids need more calcium, boys need more calories and active kids just need more.
family table family table Recommended Daily Portions:
ars e y 3 1 tmeal = o a t o d 9 e k s o o e 1 /2 cup c : x Girls ag e ( s e c 5 oun
: 1 cup = • Grains to a ) m s n to rai x: 1 large 1 oz of g e ( s p u c bles: 2 • Vegeta = 1 cup le p p a ) s e e i rg of vegg ex: 1 /2 la ( s p u c 1 2 / • Fruit: 1 1 cup = t r u g o y 1 /2 cups of fruit) 1 : x e ( s p cu • Milk: 3 fu = 1 oz to p u ) c 1 lk i 4 / of m ces (ex: n u o 5 : n • Protei onnaise = y a m f o ) n sp of protei (ex: 1 Tb s n o o p s tea • Oils: 5 il) 1 tsp of o
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Remember, you are the one who knows your child the best, so pay attention to your child’s cues. If your son is growing a lot, he may eat a lot. If your daughter is teething, she may eat less than usual, so don’t get fixated on particular amounts on a daily basis. The kid’s job is to decide how much he is going to eat. The parent’s job is to offer good choices of food. If there is a significant change in diet, see or call your child’s doctor. After all is said and done, “My Pyramid” applies to adults as well. We are models for our kids. No point crunching down on potato chips watching TV while the kids have apple slices and are playing Wii.
Source: http://health. kaboose.com/nutrition/ portions.html
family traditions family traditions
Biba Fiestan Holiday
’Tis the season of food and celebration By Maria Cristobal
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he holidays are fast approaching, and soon we’ll be barraged with yuletide gaieties while shopping at the grocery store. Humming along to “Frosty the Snowman,” we’ll be picking through apples for pie and bags of cranberries. But all the images of cozily cloaked white haired men and reindeer in blistery swirls of snow always create a disconnect with the sweat on my brow as I stand there in my tank top and zories. Don’t get me wrong, I am an avid holiday cheerer, but I also really appreciate the uniqueness of living in our beautiful, hot, colorful island — especially when it comes to food. As I dream up my holiday menu, I wonder if other families on the island are as excited as I am to dish out sentimental recipes with a local twist. If you’re like me, a young parent excited to start some of your own family traditions, then you’ll love these simple spins on holiday feasting.
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family traditions family traditions Candied Kamute’ Beside the attractive, vibrant purple color, an added benefit of the kamute’ (Okinawan sweet potato or ube) is that it is brimming with antioxidants and fiber. And don’t forget, you’re supporting local farmers too. How’s that for holiday spirit? Ingredients 4 pounds kamute’ 1/2 cup brown sugar 1/4 cup granulated sugar 1 tablespoon ground cinnamon 1 dash of nutmeg 1 cup pineapple juice 1 cup orange juice (fresh squeezed if you can) 1 cup cold water 1/2 bag of large marshmallows Directions Peel kamute’ and cut into one-inch pieces. Place kamute’ in cold water until all kamute’ are peeled and cut, then drain. Place cut kamute’ in deep baking dish. Add brown and granulated sugar, pineapple juice, orange juice, and water.
Sprinkle ground cinnamon over the top. Cover kamute’ and bake in 400-degree preheated oven for approximately 40 to 50 minutes or until kamute’ are fork-tender. When the kamute’ are almost done, throw some large marshmallows on top of them and sprinkle with a little cinnamon and nutmeg. When the kamute’ are finished, the marshmallows should be puffed up and melted.
Turkey Kelaguen Okay, be a little open-minded with this one. Kelaguen is a recipe handed down to us from thrifty people who found a delicious way to savor leftover parts of a chicken feast. I use it as another fun way to deal with turkey leftovers by adding some holiday flavors instead of lemon and donne’. But you can add donne’ if you want. Ingredients 2 cups roast turkey meat, skinned, boned and diced 3 ribs celery, diced 1 /2 cup of medium red onion, diced 2 cups of diced red apple
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(Fuji preferably) 1 /3 cup of dried cranberries 1 /3 cup of California raisins 1 /2 cup of walnuts, chopped 1 cup mayonnaise 2 tablespoons curry powder (or to taste) Salt and pepper to taste Directions Combine all dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl. Mix. Add mayonnaise. Mix. Place in serving dish and delight in loveliness. Eat with wheat crackers, in a sandwich, or scooped onto a halved, ripe solo papaya.
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family traditions family traditions Pån Pudding I know it’s hard to imagine anyone topping Tan Beha’s bread pudding, but this recipe definitely brings the holiday spirit. Ingredients 3 cups eggnog 3 tablespoons butter 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 3 /4 cup packed brown sugar 3 tablespoons rum (optional) 1 /2 cup Craisins (dried cranberries) 7 half-inch slices bread, cubed or torn 4 eggs, beaten Zest of one medium orange Topping 1 can coconut milk 1 /4 white sugar 2 tablespoons of cornstarch (or enough to thicken)
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Directions Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. In a large saucepan, add eggnog, butter, vanilla, cinnamon, brown sugar, rum and Craisins and heat until warm. Simmer and stir until sugar dissolves. In a large bowl add the cubed bread and pour in the hot eggnog mixture. Let sit for 30 minutes so the bread absorbs the eggnog. Add the beaten eggs to the bread and eggnog mixture and stir. Pour bread pudding into a buttered 1 1/2-quart baking dish and bake for 50 minutes. For the topping, combine coconut milk and sugar. Bring coconut milk mixture to a simmer in a saucepan while slowly adding cornstarch and stirring. Once the mixture begins to thicken, pour immediately from saucepan onto your finished bread pudding. Dust cinnamon across top. Let cool and enjoy.
If you’d like us to add your recipes please e-mail: editor@guamfamily.net.
calendar of calendar of events events
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• GAIN's Bark in the Park at Ypao Beach
• Guam Ko'Ko' Road Race
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• Columbus Day
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calendar calendarof of events events Don’t miss out on the fun this month! fri sat 2 3 • Yona Fiesta • Palauan Independence Day
Calendar of Events in October October 3 • Yona Fiesta • Palauan Independence Day October 10 • Pastries in Paradise October 11 • GAIN's Bark in the Park at Ypao Beach
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• Pastries in Paradise
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October 12 • Columbus Day October 16 • 22nd Guam Micronesian Island Fair Oct. 16-19 October 17 • Umatac Fiesta
• 22nd Guam Micronesian Island Fair Oct. 16-19
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• Umatac Fiesta
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October 18 • Guam Ko'Ko' Road Race October 24 • Sinajana Fiesta October. 31 • Halloween • 27th Goulish 10K Run If you would like to publish an event on the Guam Family calendar, please send the following information to editor@guamfamily.net:
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• Sinajana Fiesta
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•Name of Event •Date(s) of Event •Description of Event •Contact information to obtain more details This service is free.
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• Halloween • 27th Goulish 10K Run
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center stage center stage
High School on a Balance Chantal Torres does well in school and excels in sports — all while keeping a smile on her face. By Rafaelito De Ausen
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Did You Know Chantal Torres received the Okkodo MVP award for cross country and basketball as well as the Athlete of the Year award during her junior year. As the top runner at Okkodo High School, Torres does a lot of conditioning and can spend hours at the gym. Her parents are Rosemarie and Juan Jose Torres.
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ost of us are all too familiar with wishing there were more hours in the day. Some think of this concept earlier in life than others, such as Chantal Torres, a senior at Okkodo High School. The 17-year-old enjoys cross country, track and field, basketball and fine arts. She balances her teen life, school and her extracurricular activities very carefully. “My parents encouraged me to join a sport in middle school,” she said. “My dad [was very active in his day], and my mom has a history [playing] basketball. I tried it out and I ended up liking it.” During her early years of high school at John F. Kennedy High School, she also got into volleyball, track and field and cross country. Her hard work and skill earned her a spot on the varsity basketball team, which competed in the Far East Tournament, an international invitational meet that brings several schools from different countries together. She also landed a place in the Women’s National Team of Guam last summer. She also had the chance to run in the Asia Pacific International running competition the last three years. Though her school career was disrupted when she had to transfer to Okkodo due to the rezoning of the Guam Public School
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“The hardest part is trying to stay on top of your studies but still staying on top of your game.”
System, she said she took it all in stride. “I honestly wouldn’t change anything,” she said. “The ride itself has given me a lot of experience and confidence. I was kind of doubtful when I transferred to Okkodo, but once I gave it a chance, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It was a little easier to adjust because I had my brother and friends with me along the way.” Now in her last year of high school, she thinks about her plans for the future. While still involved with cross country, basketball, track and field and now rugby, she is also involved with theater and enjoys reading. Torres was part of last month’s production of “Fidgety Fairy Tales,” a collection of plays promoting mental health awareness that benefited local organization I Famagu’on Ta.
“I volunteered to help out [to be a part of the performance] because it benefits my grades, and it’s also for a good cause,” she said. — Chantal Torres While balancing a hectic schedule with school and extracurricular activities, Torres is no superwoman to the stress. “The hardest part is trying to stay on top of your studies but still staying on top of your game.” After receiving her diploma, Torres hopes to attend a university off island. “I plan on attending college in Colorado and [continue playing sports] there.”
If you’d like to recommend a student who is making a difference, e-mail: editor@guamfamily.net.
Expand your Talents Today! For Children: Acting/Modeling Hula/Tahitian Tippy toes Ballet Hip-Hop/Creative Dance Jiu jitsu/Little Dragons Your Baby can READ Kindermusik/Sign Language Jump Rope/Theatre After School Tutoring
For Teenagers and Adults: ASVAB/GED Prep Women’s Hula Women’s Tahitian Women’s Belly Dancing Salsa, Meringue, Cha-Cha Hip-Hop Women’s Self Defense
Studio Hours: 7:30am-6:30pm Office Hours: 2pm-6pm Phone: 475-8269 Open Monday-Sunday Located in Maite across Plumeria Garden Hotel e-mail: thetalentbox@gmail.com October 2009
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Happy Thanksgiving Color the turkey in your favorite fall colors.
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Sponsored by:
Ask Dr. Harper
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s a service to Guam Animals In Need and the Guam community, Dr. Velma Harper provides free spay and neuter services per month for the first eight customers who inquire about them. She has years of experience as a veterinarian and often does outreach projects to educate the community about animal care. Have a question for Dr. Harper? Send them to editor@guamfamily. net and look out next month for tips to keep your pet healthy.
PET OF THE MONTH
Pup Eager to Love T
his is Henry. He is about 5 months old and was brought to GAIN when a resident found him on the side of the road. The person who found him tried to locate his owners, but no one claimed him. He’s a little shy at first, but once he gets to know you, he loves to snuggle.
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f you are interested in adopting Henry or any other homeless animals, please visit GAIN at the Yigo Animal Shelter. For more information, please call 653-GAIN (4246) or e-mail guamanimals@yahoo.com.
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Rain Forest Animals Crossword Puzzle
(Check your answers on page 48) ACROSS 1. A bird known for its colorful feathers. 5. This three-toed animal likes to hang upside down and moves very slowly. 8. This bird is part of the parrot family. It can be blue and gold or scarlet in color. 9. This animal is the noisiest animal in the rain forest. It can be heard up to two miles away. 10. This ape has a brightly colored face. 12. This amphibian has sticky toes to help it climb tree limbs.
DOWN 2. This mammal has a long sticky tongue that catches insects. 3. This bird lives in South America. It has a very long colorful beak. 4. This animal can change the color of its skin to fool its prey. 6. There are more than 400 species of this little bird. They beat their wings rapidly creating a humming noise. 7. This snake lives in swamps and rivers. It can be up to 20 feet long. It is a constrictor. 11. This insect helps pollinate owers.
Halloween
Search and circle the words below on the right side of the page. (Check your answers on page 48)
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Spiders
Candy
Spooky
Witch
Goblin
Web
Pumpkin
Ghost
Costume
Broom
Ghouls
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kusina kusina
Turkey Fried Rice Ingredients 2 cups cooked jasmine rice 1 cup diced turkey bacon, cooked 3 tablespoons minced garlic 4 cooked egg whites Two tablespoons olive oil
Directions 1. Heat 9-inch frying pan with two tablespoons olive oil. 2. Toss in cooked turkey bacon until light brown, then add minced garlic. 3. Add cooked egg whites, cooked rice, and mix well. 4. Season with soy sauce to taste and serve warm.
Syrup Free Pan Toast
From Our Kitchen to Yours
Recipes by Denise Rita Santos
Ingredients 4 egg yolks 1 tablespoon vanilla extract 1 /2 cup heavy cream 1 /2 cup whole milk 1 cup brown sugar 8 slices of white bread Directions 1. Mix first five ingredients until smooth. 2. Coat sauce pan with light butter, or use cooking spray and place on medium heat. 3. Dip a bread slice in batter on both sides and toast battered bread slice two minutes on each side until light brown. Repeat with other slices and serve warm. To serve as a dessert, add a scoop of vanilla ice cream.
Have a recipe you’d like to share? E-mail highresolution photos, ingredients and instructions to editor@guamfamily.net, and you may be published in the next edition of Kusina in Guam Family! October 2009
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