The Raunch and the Righteous: Devil May Strip

Synopsis: Set roughly 21 years before the events of 2 Raunch 2 Righteous, Gene Silverstein is a shell of his former self. He shares a two bedroom apartment with his con artist cohort Ethan. When a scheme to sell phony notes to a hedge fund goes bust, Gene finds refuge with a group of satyrlike people who run a chop shop out of an abandon gas station they call “The Lodge”. The Lord of the Lodge is a Harry, a mechanic who teaches Gene the art of “strip racing” while the group is under surveillance by Fishmeal, a colonel who owns a private army called “Murk Liquid”.

Cast: Gene Silverstein: Washed up divorcee data analyst who turns to street racing and auto theft.

Ethan Downs: Gene’s partner in crime, a scammer and a perverted flunky.

Robucket: Gene’s super computer on wheels capable of self-preservation.

Harry Derpsloski: Hæysux Lord of the Lodge, an abandon gas station with a two-car garage.

Colonel Fishmeal: War-wacky Army vet and CEO of Murk Liquid, LLC. Sabrina Beiber: Fishmeal’s former girlfriend and later Gene’s ex-wife.

Julio Cruz: Gene’s obese Hispanic partner.

Riot: lead Hæysux mechanic and Harry’s right-hoof man; he sees Gene as weak.

Dope: The “minority” Hæysux mechanic because his ethnic background is unknown.

Bleed: Female mechanic Hæysux who is into body modification and femdom.

Syntax: Computer wiz who controls the Lodge’s investments; teaches Gene to code.

Terry Silverstein: Gene’s father who runs a family-owned bagel shop.

Other Characters: Richard “Primo” Porter: Friend of Fishmeal, solider of Murk Liquid.

Wayne “Hotbox” Dooley: Friend of Fishmeal, solider of Murk Liquid.

Womack Sternjerggens: Gene’s co-worker and the lead data analyst at Bright Star USA. Sil and Sam Genovese: Mobsters who attempt to collect a debt from Gene and Ethan.

Officer MeGusta: A rookie cop who befriends Harry and Gene to take on Murk Liquid.

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP Spring 1962 A large rectangular sign reads: TERRY’S BAGELS Devilishly Delicious Yeasted Wheat EST. 1939 Lot # 666 Business owner Terry Silverstein comes out of his shop with a tray of fresh bagels and places them on a table. A horn honks. Terry looks to the street, but the vehicle is not seen.

TERRY: Take it around back.

Terry arranges the bagels neatly on a tray and puts up a sign that reads: FREE SAMPLES. TERRY: Gene. Gene!

A lanky, teen with golden hair comes out of the shop with an apron on.

GENE: Yes, father?

TERRY: Come with me.

GENE: Where?

TERRY: I have to show you something.

Alleyway.

TERRY: The world is a big place, my son. So you have to know yours.

GENE: What is my place?

TERRY: Business and finance. It is the wave of the future.

GENE: Why business and finance?

TERRY: Because, that’s where the money is.

Behind the bakery.

TERRY: In order to get where you need to go, you will need transportation.

Gene’s eyes light up. Before them is a brand new red Chevy Impala.

TERRY: I said I would get you a graduation present. (shows keys) Here it is.

Gene gets in and starts it.

GENE: She’s a beauty, father.

TERRY: And that’s the beauty of it, son. Somebody put this thing together and got paid to do it.

Money is the only thing that matters. You have to make as much of it as you can so that you can take care of yourself and the people you care about.

GENE: I’ll make lots of money. I’ll take care off the people I care about.

1

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP TERRY: Good. (callous) Because if you don’t, your ass is hash.

GENE: Yes, father.

TERRY: Don’t ever let anybody come between you and your money. Namely a woman.

GENE: Father, we’ve been over this.

TERRY: I’m telling you again. Women are not to be trusted. (points to rearview) They’re all like these mirrors. You can’t fully trust them. Life has a lot of blind spots, so you gotta turn around and check on things with your own eyes.

GENE: So I can’t date?

TERRY: You can have yourself a little girlfriend, but your education comes first.

GENE: Education first.

TERRY: And don’t let people’s words upset up, Gene. I know how you got treated in school, but you’re a man now. And try to bring this thing back in one piece.

GENE: I will, father. I won’t fail you.

TERRY: I hope not, for your sake. (slaps Gene’s shoulder) Good luck, kid.

Gene pulls off.

Night. Burger Stand.

Gene pulls into a slot. A waitress on roller skates.

WAITRESS: What can I get you, daddy-o?

GENE: Strawberry milkshake, toots.

WAITRESS: Coming right up.

Gene adjusts his rearview mirror. He sees a girl in a Pucci-style print dress.

He gets out of his car and goes over to her.

GENE: What’s happenin’, baby?

She keeps walking like he isn’t there.

GENE: How’s about you join me for a little backseat bingo?

SABRINA: My name is Sabrina, goldie locks.

GENE: Whatchu gittin’ all frosted for?

SABRINA: Because a certain fream thinks I’m fast.

GENE: Hey, I’m not square.

She leans on the driver side fender of a black convertible.

SABRINA: Think I’m flip? Well, think again. I may be a dolly, but I don’t put out.

Gene leans on the convertible’s driver side door.

GENE: Brina…can I call you Brina?

SABRINA: (she cuts her eyes) Get bent.

GENE: I was just complimenting you on your classy chassis.

SABRINA: Oh, yeah. (rolls eyes) Big tickle.

2

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP GENE: So where you from? You in school? Or have you graduated?

SABRINA: Are you writing a book?

GENE: I know. You’re waitin’ on your main squeeze to fire up this flip top here.

SABRINA: This is my car, you kook.

GENE: Well pop the hood. I wanna see the goods.

SABRINA: Sorry, Gene. This model’s out of your price range.

GENE: Tell ya what. Why don’t we go for a spin in my red love machine?

SABRINA: (points) Your milkshake is ready.

GENE: I’ll be right back!

MAN: (OS) Sabrina!

SABRINA: (closes hood) Francis.

A tall, stocky jock in a black jacket and blue jeans with shiny, combed-back hair approaches with his two friends Primo and Hotbox.

FRANCIS: Can we talk?

SABRINA: It’s over between us.

Gene notices Francis with Sabrina. He approaches with his milkshake.

FRANCIS: You said you’d give me another chance.

SABRINA: You cheated on me with that sweat hog Maria in the back of her Chevy.

FRANCIS: Hey, I never went near that slut’s bean wagon.

SABRINA: Oh, you are such ditz.

FRANCIS: You gonna leave me after all I did for you?

SABRINA: You here for this convertible you bought me? You gonna take it back?

GENE: Hey, Sabrina. Still wanna ride with me?

Francis and his pals look to Gene and laugh. People gather around.

FRANCIS: Is this ankle-biter bothering you?

SABRINA: No. (smiles) I was just talking to Gene here about his new car.

FRANCIS: Gene?! Isn’t that a girl’s name?

GENE: I don’t know, Francis. Is it?

People jeer.

FRANCIS: Are you kidding me?! (asks Sabrina) A month hasn’t even gone by and you’re already on the make?

SABRINA: Well aren’t you out here trollin’ for chicks?

FRANCIS: I came out here to see you.

GENE: Look, buddy. You’re upsetting her. She doesn’t want to talk, okay?

FRANCIS: Why don’t you finish up that shake and cut out?

GENE: What is your bag, man?

FRANCIS: I’m bag (shoves Gene) is pus-filled zits like you trying to pick up my girl.

3

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP GENE: (solemn) Don’t ever touch me.

FRANCIS: Or what, goldie?

GENE: I’ll burn you down.

Everybody laughs.

FRANCIS: You’re going to burn me down?

Francis snatches Gene’s shake and slams the glass on the pavement.

GENE: Is that all you got, Francine?

FRANCIS: Stick around, Genie. I can do worse.

GENE: (bobs head) I see why you don’t have a girlfriend.

Gene walks around the spilled milkshake and fragments of glass.

FRANCIS: Bagel-muncher.

Gene pauses and looks to Francis.

GENE: What did you call me?

FRANCIS: I called you a bagel-muncher. I can smell the yeast on you, Hymie Half-Dick.

Gene stands there, boiling mad.

FRANCIS: So what are you gonna do about it?

GENE: I’m going to walk away.

FRANCIS: You do that.

Gene walks by Francis and is tripped by him. Every laughs has Gene falls face first onto the pavement. Francis turns to the crowd with his arms out. Gene gets up; he’s beyond mad. He turns and waits for Francis to face him.

FRANCIS: This penny-chaser sure knows how to eat concrete, doesn’t he?

Gene snarls and bashes Francis in the chest with a straight cross to the heart.

GIRL: Far out!

GUY: Friggin’ A! Francis flies back into the wall of the burger joint and on to his bottom.

Gene breathes heavily as horns manifest on his forehead. Everybody backs away from Gene.

FRANCIS: What the hell?!

PRIMO: He’s a goat!

HOTBOX: He’s a demon!

SABRINA: (sultry) He’s hunk.

GENE: I told you not to touch me, winkle pickers.

Francis gets up and takes his jacket off.

FRANCIS: You want some of this?

Gene ducks Francis’ punch and bashes him in the head again. Francis hunches over and Gene wails on Francis until Francis goes down again. Francis springs up and bear hugs Gene. Gene grips Francis by the hair and headbutts him. Francis releases Gene and holds his nose.

4

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP Gene raises his right fist and delivers a fiery uppercut that grounds Francis in the puddle of spilled milkshake. The crowd cheers and gathers around Gene. Francis gets up, nose broken, lip busted. He goes into his pocket and takes out a razorblade.

Francis goes for Gene, but he stops when Sabrina gets in front of him.

FRANCIS: Get out of the way!

SABRINA: Enough, Francis!

Francis’ pals grab him.

PRIMO: Come on, man. We’re gettin’ deployed tomorrow.

HOTBOX: Don’t do this, Fran. He ain’t worth it.

Francis shoves his friends away.

FRANCIS: You’re finished, hooknose.

GENE: Come finish me, greaser.

Francis goes for Gene, but is grabbed again by his friends.

SABRINA: You are seriously wigging out right now!

FRANCIS: Why don’t we settle this with a knife fight?!

GENE: You couldn’t even take me with your hands.

Sabrina looks to her car, then to Gene’s.

GENE: (OS) What makes you think a blade will help you?

SABRINA: Why don’t you two settle this on the road?

The clamor of the crowd clams.

SABRINA: The winner…(points to chest) goes home with me.

FRANCIS: My road hog will blow the doors off of that clunker.

GENE: This isn’t a bench race, grease ball. Take it to the strip, or take your candy ass home.

GUY: (OS) Go home, Francis!

GIRL: (OS) You’re a chump!

GUY: (OS) You let that square beat you up in front of your girl?!

GENE: Are you badass, Francis? Or are you all show and no go?

Francis folds his razor up.

FRANCIS: Let’s do this.

Sabrina tosses Francis her car keys.

SABRINA: You can use mine. Or should I say, “yours”?

The crowd is gathered at the starting line.

Gene is in his red Chevy. Francis, in Sabrina’s black convertible.

Sabrina stands before the car. She removes her neck scarf and raises it.

SABRINA: (snares Francis) Ready?

Francis revs up.

SABRINA: (winks to Gene) Set? 5

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP Gene gives his car some gas.

Sabrina lets her hand down.

SABRINA: Go! The cars shoot off leaving dust in their taillights. Francis leaves gene behind, but when Gene begins to catch up, Francis rams him. Gene backs off and tries to go around Francis. Francis steps on the gas and speeds up. Gene tails Francis closely and tries to pass him.

FRANCIS: You’re not passin’, Goldie!

Francis rams Gene’s car. Gene goes off the road and into a ditch.

FRANCIS: Yeah! Eat my dust.

But the ditch is really an old damage route that Gene gains throttle on. Tree branches and brush whack Gene’s car, taking off his right side mirror and putting out his right headlight.

Then, the road elevates. Gene looks down and to the left. He sees Francis’ car below.

Francis floors it. Then he hears an engine roaring. He looks to his right. Gene’s car comes down the embankment and rams Francis’ car. Gene and Francis ram each other until their car chassis look like chewed up bubble gum. Francis prepares to ram Gene one last time. Both cars collide.

Gene’s car spins out; he puts the car in reverse. Francis rams him again and their cars get stuck together at high speed. Gene looks to Francis and grins with his hand on the emergency brake.

Francis’ eyes grow large as Gene yanks back on the lever, sending both cars spinning.

The cars finally break free and both barrel roll. Gene’s car flips twice, spins out and keeps going. Francis’ car continues to roll and lands on its ragtop roof in a crumpled heap. Gene’s car pulls to a stop after passing by two oil drums. He gets out as the crowd approaches.

Down the road, Francis gets out of the overturned convertible, bloody, twice-beaten, but alive.

Sabrina jumps on Gene and kisses him while the crowd cheers.

Gene’s red Impala pulls into the driveway. It is almost unrecognizable.

SABRINA: I wanna go all the way with you.

GENE: Later. I want you to meet my dad.

SABRINA: You sure this is a good idea?

GENE: Nope. But it’s something I have to do.

Inside.

Gene and Sabrina stand before Terry holding hands.

TERRY: Are you out of your mind?! You did the complete opposite of everything I told you!

GENE: I’m still going to college. I’m still opening a business.

TERRY: Not the way you’re going! And you wrecked the car!

GENE: It still runs.

TERRY: It’s a pile of junk now!

6

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP GENE: Well, maybe I like that pile of junk.

TERRY: Oh, I see. You think you’re a man, don’t you?

GENE: I am man.

TERRY: No, you’re not a man. You’re not even human.

GENE: (to Sabrina) Wait outside.

After Sabrina leaves, Gene comes face to face with his father.

GENE: You say that I’m not human and yet I am your son.

TERRY: If you think those people out there are going to accept you, you’re gonna be drag racing every moment of your life to prove something to them.

GENE: Look, I don’t care what you think. I’ve got a life. I’ve got a girl. One day I’m going make it big and I’ll have more money than you’ll ever dream of.

Terry moves away from Gene and holds up a large trident. Terry’s horns manifest on his head.

TERRY: I curse you and every endeavor that you put forth. Everything you do will fail. Until you turn from your weak humanity, you will be nothing short of a laughing stock.

GENE: We’ll see about that, Bagel Maker.

Terry lowers his trident as Gene walks out of the house.

MONTAGE – Music “Damn It Feels Good To Be a Gangsta” by Geto Boys Gene walks down the sidewalk. Terry slams the door behind him.

Wedding Chapel Gene slows his stride. Sabrina locks arms with him in a wedding dress.

Hospital.

Gene is handed a baby. He seems indifferent.

Hallway.

Gene’s hair line recedes a bit. The baby is taken from him. His wallet is removed.

Police Station.

Gene is in handcuffs being escorted by officers. His posture becomes poor.

Courtroom.

Gene leaves the defendant’s table with his lawyer holding up documents.

Security Gate.

Gene has aged terribly. He stops at the security gate and shows the guard his work ID. 7

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP Gene walks along with other employees. The title card appears before him.

the raunch and the righteous DEVIL MAY STRIP Gene walks by a large sign that reads: BRIGHT STAR USA, Inc. A Subsidiary of Bright Star Worldwide, Ltd. Gene sits before a huge mainframe. He is slouched in his chair, his graying hair pulled back in a ponytail and he’s wearing beige pants with a shirt dress shirt.

Employee Lunchroom.

Gene stares at snacks in the vending machine. He punches in a button combination.

The metal roller rotates below the bag of chips…and stops, trapping the bag on the end of it.

Gene boils over and bangs on the vending machine. He wobbles the vending machine until it tips forward and falls on him. (Music stops) Parking Lot. Gene gets into his Impala; it is on its last leg. It pipes thick, black smoke as it takes off.

Apartment Complex.

Gene gets out of his car and heads for Building 600.

SUPER: 28 Years Later Apartment 606.

Gene enters and meets with a mid-aged man in a green sweater and blue pants.

He is Ethan Dowes, Gene’s roommate.

ETHAN: Gene, I’ve got the perfect home based business opportunity.

GENE: That’s what you said about your last scheme, Ethan.

Ethan follows Gene into the kitchen.

ETHAN: We can start an investment firm, right here in Cankerton.

GENE: Where you gonna get the money for that?

8

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP ETHAN: We’ll issue notes to a hedge fund. You have access to Bright Star’s database. You know every employee that works there.

GENE: How does Bright Star work in this scam?

ETHAN: I can impersonate the CEO of Bright Star.

GENE: You couldn’t impersonate a PVS patient.

ETHAN: I can get a hedge fund to lend me the money. Then we take the money and open up the firm.

GENE: Open up your eyes, Ethan. It’ll never work.

ETHAN: We’ll make so much money we’ll be able to pay back the hedge fund with interest.

GENE: I’m not interested.

Ethan follows Gene into his bedroom.

ETHAN: It’s a sure win for all of us and our clients.

GENE: Why are you so bent on opening a firm?

ETHAN: Because we still owe money to the Genovese brothers. They came here this morning after you left. They put my head in the toilet after I finished using it.

GENE: Good. Now we can change your nickname from ‘Road Apple’ to ‘Shit-For-Brains’.

Gene begins working on the housing of a robot.

ETHAN: You’re still working on that piece of crap?

GENE: It’s the CPU to my greatest invention. It’s part of a two-wheeled, self-balancing, batterypowered electric vehicle. I call it Robucket.

ETHAN: I call it “Gene has no love life”.

Gene places the completed torso on to the two-wheeled support bar. He dresses the support with housing. He puts the head of the robot on to the torso and turns it on.

ROBUCKET: I-I-I am the Robucket. I-I-I am a fully functional learning CPU. ETHAN: Oh, great. He stutters like you used to.

GENE: Sh-sh-sh-sh shut your mouth, Ethan!

Robucket makes all kinds of mechanical whirling sounds, before he flies top speed into the wall and falls apart. Gene palms his face. Ethan leaves.

ETHAN: (OS) Better get used to that, cake fart.

Bar. Night.

Gene stands with his pool stick watching the game. An obese Hispanic man stands next to him.

JULIO: I’m Julio.

GENE: Gene.

JULIO: That’s a pretty name.

Gene is unresponsive.

JULIO: Tell me, Gene. Do you like “Backgammon”?

9

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP Gene looks to Julio. Julio smiles.

Apartment Complex. Morning.

Gene first waits for Julio get into his car and leave. Then Gene goes out to his car. He sees a bunch of souped-up cars creeping by. One guy driving a Trans-Am slows down and looks at Gene. He has a mullet and horns on his head. Gene moves closer to the Trans-Am to get a better look at the man, but the car speeds away.

Bright Star USA. Afternoon.

Gene is in a meeting with other employees.

SUPERVISOR: As you all may know, the CEO of Bright Star Worldwide was killed last year while on vacation in the French Alps. The board members have decided to liquidate the company, which has led to a drop in stock options forcing the higher-ups to sell their shares…

Gene is seated next to Womack, a fellow data analyst.

WOMACK: Bullcrap. That never happened.

GENE: What do you mean? It was in the paper.

WOMACK: The CEO wasn’t on a skiing trip. He was fleeing from French authorities. They were going to arrest him for embezzling money from the company.

SUPERVISOR: Womack!

WOMACK: (stands) Yes? SUPERVISOR: Your position is redundant. You’ve done at the end of the month. Gene!

Gene stands up while Womack slowly takes his seat.

SUPERVISOR: You are now this division’s only data analyst. Your pay will be reduced by twenty percent and there will be no more overtime or weekend hours. Thank you, sit down.

Gene sits next to Womack.

WOMACK: I need a drink.

Bar. Evening.

Gene and Womack knock back a few.

WOMACK: Fifteen years. Fifteen years at that place and this is what they do to me?

GENE: It’s not the end of the world.

WOMACK: Easy for you to say! You’re still employed! In fact, you have my position!

GENE: It’s just a job. You’ll find another one.

WOMACK: Gene, we are in a recession. There’s a war going on, or haven’t you noticed?!

GENE: I gotta take a leak.

WOMACK: (gulps drink down) Gimme another.

Gene enters the men’s room. He goes over to a urinal. He looks at random graffiti on the wall.

10

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP One message scrawled in marker reads: Don’t look up here. The joke is in your hand.

Gene looks down into the urinal, but he’s suddenly yanked away from it. Two big bouncer type men carry Gene over to the stall and kick the door open. They are the Genovese brothers.

GENE: (polite) Sil! Sam! What a pleasant surprise!

SIL: Where’s our money, Genie Girl?

GENE: I have no ca-ca-cash!

SAM: Don’t lie to us, you stuttering diaper stain!

GENE: Thee Thy or I ain’t lyin’! And dem be the facts jack!

The two thugs turn Gene upside down and lower his head into the murky toilet water.

They drop Gene on the floor against the wall.

SIL: We want our money by tomorrow night! You got that?!

The first thug kicks Gene in the chest. Gene falls over.

SAM: Tomorrow night!

Gene returns to the bar soaked and covered in crap.

WOMACK: What happened to you?

Gene only takes his drink and gulps it down.

WOMACK: (puts on jacket) Don’t come to work tomorrow, unless you wanna get shot.

Womack leaves.

City street. Night.

Gene drives along in his Impala. He comes to an intersection. He looks to his left and sees the horned mullet man in his Trans-Am! Gene steps on the gas to get his attention. The mullet man grins and answers in kind. Gene rolls down his window. So does the mullet man.

GENE: Horns.

MULLET MAN: What?

GENE: You have horns on your head just like I do. Why is that?

MULLET MAN: You gotta race me if you wanna find out.

Mullet man revs his engine. Gene does the same, creating more air pollution.

The light turns green and both cars are off.

Gene’s car pipes clouds of smoke, but he manages to keep up with the Trans-Am. The cars fly by a police car. The unit hits the lights and pulls off.

Gene sees flashers in his rearview. Mullet man spins his car around and drives backwards. The police car pursues the Trans-Am. Mullet man dips his head to Gene, spins his car around and leads the police car away. Gene gets out of his car and watches the chase proceed.

Apt 606. Morning.

Ethan knocks on Gene’s door. A loud thump is heard.

11

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP Ethan enters and kicks Gene’s mattress.

ETHAN: Check out the news.

Gene gets out of bed. Hiding on the floor behind the bed is Julio.

Gene enters the living room littered with Robucket’s parts. On screen is live footage of cops outside of the Bright Star USA building. A SWAT Team is shown in full riot gear.

REPORTER: (VO) It’s an intense stand-off here at Bright Star USA where data analyst Womack Sternjerggins has taken the employees in his division hostage. He has already killed eight people, including his supervisor, and says he will execute a hostage every fifteen minutes…

GENE: Womack?!

REPORTER: (VO) They are now sending in the SWAT Team to negotiate…

Rapid gun fire is heard. People scream.

REPORTER: (VO) Oh my God! The camera swings to Womack totting an M-16, mowing down everyone in close proximity, including reporters, police officers and SWAT team members.

WOMACK: You sons of bitches! (fires) Gimme my job back! You mother— Womack is gunned down by the SWAT Team. More screams are heard. The station feed cuts.

The Indian-head test pattern pops up on screen over the censor tone.

Then the station’s channel number and call letters pop up over the “Spanish Flea” instrumental.

ETHAN: Hole. Lee. Crap.

GENE: You know, that hedge fund scheme is sounding pretty good right about now.

Office Building. Day. Gene and Ethan get out of Gene’s car and walk to the entrance in business suits.

ETHAN: Okay. Now most of these hedge fund partners are old farts that jerk off to the eleven o’clock news and clean up afterward with the daily newspaper. So they won’t know about the Bright Star stand-off until around 6pm or later tonight.

GENE: That’s comforting to know.

Gene and Ethan enter the lobby.

ETHAN: Remember, I’m Licehead Everheart, CEO of Bright Star USA. And you are…?

GENE: More nervous than a cat in a room with rocking chairs.

ETHAN: You’re Steven Stalebooger, my accountant.

GENE: Why do I have to be a booger?

ETHAN: Because I picked you.

They enter the elevator. They stand in silence for a moment.

GENE: This will never work, Ethan. You don’t look like a CEO and I’m no accountant. I mean, look at me. I’ve got horns growing out of my head!

ETHAN: (looks to Gene) Those are horns?

12

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP GENE: What did you think they were?!

ETHAN: Body modifications? Small, tapered pieces of Teflon crazy glued to your—?

GENE: Oh, shut up Road Apple!

In the boardroom, Gene and Ethan sit at the head of the table. Two men in suits enter.

ETHAN: (whispers to Gene) Here come the partners. Act professional.

GENE: (whispers back) They don’t look like old farts. They look like cops.

The hedge fund partners sit down.

PARTNER 1: Mister Everheart, we heard about what happened over at Bright Star.

PARTNER 2: We are truly sorry for your loss and we want to help in any way we can.

ETHAN: Thank you for your condolences, gentleman. I look forward to reopening Bright Star as soon as we steal your money—I mean, sign some contracts.

GENE: I gotta take a leak.

ETHAN: Hurry up, Stalebooger. I want to close this deal.

Gene hurries out of the room.

ETHAN: (smiles at partners) It’s his blood sugar.

Men’s room.

Gene enters and goes to the first urinal he sees.

Someone enters and stands at the urinal beside him.

MULLET MAN: (OS) It wouldn’t be wise to go back to that boardroom.

Gene turns and sees the horned mullet man grinning at him.

GENE: Who the hell are you?

MULLET MAN: Don’t even go to your car. I’ll be parked out back.

The mullet man quickly leaves. Gene zips up and follows.

Gene gets into the hallway, but the horned mullet man is gone.

Boardroom.

PARTNER 1: You have the notes?

Ethan pops the locks on a briefcase, opens it and spins it toward the hedge fund partners.

PARTNER 2: That’s a lot of IOU’s.

ETHAN: They’re my solemn vowels that I’ll repay you with great interest.

The partners look at each other and grin.

PARTNERS 1: Does twenty million sound good?

ETHAN: For twenty million, you can both bikini wax my hairy sac.

The partners sign the papers and Ethan slides the suitcase toward them.

PARTNER 1: Are we done here?

13

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP ETHAN: (stands) Yes, I believe so. (rubs hands) Now, where’s the money?

PARTNER 1: Should we show him the money?

PARTNER 2: Let’s show him the money.

Ethan’s face jaw drops when the hedge fund partners flash police badges.

Hallway.

Gene turns the corner and sees Ethan being hauled out of the boardroom in cuffs.

He ducks back around the corner.

ARRESTING OFFICER 1: Ethan Downes, you are under arrest.

ETHAN: For what?!

ARRESTING OFFICER 2: You have the right to remain silent.

ETHAN: Tell me what I did!

Gene hustles down the hallway and enters a stairwell. He skips steps on the way down.

He exits the stairwell and runs into Julio.

JULIO: Hey, sugar butt.

GENE: What are you doing here?!

JULIO: I work here. Remember?

GENE: You told me you’re a hairdresser!

JULIO: Yeah. We’re on the ground floor. You look like you could use a manicure.

GENE: This is not a good time Julio.

JULIO: What’s wrong, Butter Muffin? You look worried.

GENE: (takes off ) I gotta go.

JULIO: Call me!

More Cankerton Police Officers enter the lobby. One is a rookie named Miguel MeGusta.

ETHAN: MeGusta! Officer MeGusta!

MEGUSTA: Mister Downes. Can’t get enough of those cuffs, can you?

ETHAN: Miguel, you gotta help me out, man.

MEGUSTA: What kind of scam is it this time? Phony lottery certificates? Bogus charity fund?

ARRESTING OFFICER 1: Attempting to sell fake promissory notes.

ARRESTING OFFICER 2: And impersonating a CEO. MEGUSTA: You must be really hard up for cash. Do the Genovese brothers have something to do with this? Hmm? Did they stick your head in the toilet again?

ETHAN: Officer, those aren’t promissory notes. They’re…uh…food stamp coupons.

ARRESTING OFFICER 2: (holds up note) A food stamp coupon for 1.5 million dollars?

ETHAN: Some of us like to buy in bulk.

ARRESTING OFFICER 1: Cut the crap, Downes. Where’s your friend?

14

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP ETHAN: Who? ARRESTING OFFICER 1: The guy with the ponytail.

ETHAN: Oh, you mean the mastermind behind this whole thing? He’s in the restroom.

ARRESTING OFFICER 1: (tells MeGusta) Get him out of here.

Office Building.

Gene comes outside and sees the police around his car. A tow truck backs up to it. He turns around and is surrounded by cops. He sees Ethan in cuffs, being put into a squad car.

Out in the street, the mullet man’s Trans-Am slows down. He sees Gene being handcuffed.

MULLET MAN: Stupid.

The Trans-Am pulls off.

Cankerton Police Department. Interrogation Room.

Officer MeGusta opens the door.

MEGUSTA: A guy named Julio is here for you. He seems kinda fruity. You know him?

Gene doesn’t answer. MeGusta points for an officer.

MEGUSTA: Your buddy Ethan is being taken to county for processing. If he’s lucky, his cornhole won’t get turned inside out by the Booty Warrior inmates.

Julio walks by being escorted out by an officer.

JULIO: Booty Warriors?! I like the sound of that. Can you place me under arrest, officer?

OFFICER: Keep moving, fruitcake!

JULIO: Why you gotta be that way? I like you and I want you!

OFFICER: Hey! I ain’t no rear Admiral!

JULIO: We can do this the easy way or the hard way.

OFFICER: Get this Rump Ranger outta here!

JULIO: I am a Booty Warrior!

MeGusta shuts the door and sits across from Gene.

MEGUSTA: Now Ethan’s going to squeal at his sentencing hearing. (opens folder) He’s going to pin this all on you. But you and I both know this scheme was all his idea. So, if you wanna make a deal, now’s the time to do it.

GENE: I have no job and I’m behind on my rent.

MEGUSTA: So you and your pal decide to sell fake securities to a hedge fund?

GENE: Where’s my car?

MEGUSTA: We thought it was abandoned. So we junked it.

GENE: That was classic!

MEGUSTA: Well, now it’s history.

GENE: I want a lawyer.

15

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP The door opens. A young man enters in a suit and briefcase. He has horns on his head.

LAWYER: (to MeGusta) He’s done here. (to Gene) Let’s go, Mister Silverstein.

MEGUSTA: You can’t do this!

LAWYER: Nobody read my client his rights. The arrest never happened.

MeGusta looks to his captain.

POLICE CAPTAIN: It’s true, son. We have to turn him loose.

Gene gets up and leaves with the lawyer.

Outside CPD. Gene walks quickly with the young lawyer toward a souped-up car.

GENE: Who are you?

LAWYER: Just get in the car, Gene.

GENE: How do you know my name?

LAWYER: Look, we’re taking an awful risk bailing you out of trouble. If you’d just listened to the Lord of the Lodge, we wouldn’t be here right now.

GENE: Lord of the Lodge?

LAWYER: Get in the car, Silverstein.

GENE: How do I know the Genovese brother didn’t send you?

LAWYER: Okay. (gets into car) You wanna take your chances with the Cankerton Pigs? (starts car) Fine. But, don’t say the Lodge never tried to help you!

The car speeds off.

GENE: What the hell is the Lodge?!

Evening.

Gene walks along the road. Headlights bear down on him. He waves his arms. A van pulls up.

GENE: I need lift to my… (frowns) Oh no.

The Genovese brothers, Sil and Sam, smile back at Gene.

SIL: Oh yes!

Gene takes off into the brush. The brothers get out of the van and chase him.

SIL: Come on, Sammy! Move your ass!

Woods.

Gene pants as he runs through thick brush. The brothers fall behind, breathing heavily.

Abandon Service Station.

Gene comes out of the woods nearby and runs over to the store section of the gas station.

16

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP Garage.

He breaks in and shuts the door behind him. He pants while looking out the window.

MULLET MAN: (OS) Welcome.

Gene spins around and sees the horned mullet man standing in the darkness.

GENE: Who are you?

MULLET MAN: I am the Lord of the Lodge, but you can call me Harry.

The lights come on. With Harry are four youngsters.

HARRY: This is my crew. Riot, my lead mechanic.

Riot snarls at Gene and picks a power drill into his ear.

HARRY: This dark and handsome ethnic playboy is Dope, also a mechanic.

GENE: He’s black.

DOPE: You’ll get over it.

HARRY: This pretty lady is Bleed.

Bleed rattles her forked tongue at Gene; it is loaded with piercings.

HARRY: And that little guy over there is our computer wiz, Syntax.

GENE: He’s a lawyer.

HARRY: Was a lawyer.

SYNTAX: I was disbarred for refusing to represent a dirty cop.

HARRY: Now he works for me.

GENE: What exactly is your profession?

Harry grins at Gene.

Two-Car Garage. Chop Shop.

Harry walks with Gene.

HARRY: We get high-end vehicles in and out of here every day. Most of them belong to corrupt city officials. Cops, councilmen, developers, cross-dressers.

GENE: It’s a chop shop.

HARRY: I like to call it freelance auto parts distribution.

GENE: How do you fund an operation like this?

The Strip. Car Meet. Night.

Souped-up cars drag race. Loud music booms over speaker systems within the cars.

HARRY: This is the Strip. It’s the old thoroughfare through Cankerton before Super Highway 69 was built. This is where we have our car meets. This is where we race for cash.

GENE: (bobs head) Nice hustle.

HARRY: Hey. It’s where the money is.

Gene looks to Harry with a grin.

17

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP

Gene and Harry are cruising in Harry’s Trans-Am. GENE: So we’re called the Hæysux?

HARRY: Our ancestors are from the realm of Caprasecks. If you even believe that sort of thing.

GENE: You know, my father always told me that we aren’t human.

HARRY: He was right. You should listen to your father.

GENE: If I could go back and do it again, I would have never gone to that burger joint.

HARRY: Gene, you can’t undo the past. You have to move on.

GENE: I have a daughter out there somewhere. I don’t even know her name.

HARRY: Is your wife still around?

GENE: Supposedly.

HARRY: Then you can still make it right.

A ringing sound startles Gene. He looks around the car.

HARRY: Take it easy, Gene.

Harry presses numbers on a keypad to a black device.

GENE: What is that?

HARRY: A cellular telephone.

GENE: Why do you have a phone in your car?

HARRY: It’s a gift from a friend.

GENE: What friend?

HARRY: He wore a mask. That’s all I can tell you.

GENE: What good is a phone if it isn’t in your home?

HARRY: Cell phones are going to be big soon.

GENE: Yeah, that’s what they said about laserdiscs.

Harry laughs and nods his head.

Back at the Lodge.

Harry puts documents into a lock box and puts it into a safe.

He joins Gene at the table for some beers.

HARRY: So tell me about your parents.

GENE: It doesn’t have a happy ending.

HARRY: Neither do most fables.

GENE: Let’s just say they separated soon after I was born.

HARRY: Sounds like an American marriage to me.

GENE: My father wasn’t known for his kindness. He pissed off the wrong people where he’s from. So they decided to play a prank on him. They took a red-horned goat named Maggie and 18

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP disguised it as a mate for him. He slept with Maggie. After she gave birth to me, she reverted to her true form. So my father killed her and served her remains at a feast in my honor.

HARRY: Your father ate your mother?

GENE: Sounds like a fable?

HARRY: No. It sounds like you, my friend, are half goat.

GENE: What about your parents?

HARRY: (sips beer) Ah, it was a different time. Some like to say it was an age of enlightenment, but it was really anything but that. I guess you can say that our fathers are a lot alike. (holds his beer) But my mother, she was innocent. She was pure. She was a Lithuanian aristocrat who gave up her nobility to be with my father. She was all I had. Then, she was murdered. And I was run out of my hometown. (puts beer down) Remember my masked friend?

GENE: The one you got the cell phone from?

HARRY: (shows cell phone) Yes. He helped me bring my mother’s killer to justice. (sits cell phone down) You know, sometimes the people closest to you do the most damage to your chassis. You just have to learn to limit who you let near your vehicle. (finishes beer) GENE: Your mother was a noblewoman? (nods) How old are you?

HARRY: How old are you?

GENE: I plead the fifth.

HARRY: Then we’ll just leave it at that.

The crew enters. Harry and Gene join them.

RIOT: We’re running low on cash, Big H. DOPE: Word up. Time to hit the Strip.

HARRY: Agreed. You kiddies get to your rides. (asks Gene) What do you know about Stripping?

Gene stands there for a moment, before he removes his shirt and jumps up on the table. His pants fly off and he’s on the table top dancing in his underwear. Riot and the crew return and watch in awe. Riot goes over and kicks the table, knocking Gene off of it.

RIOT: What the hell are you doing?!

GENE: (sits up) Stripping?

HARRY: No, no. That’s not what I meant.

The Strip. Night.

Harry points to Riot’s car. Gene watches Riot spin out and drive in reverse. Riot spins out again and put his car in drive. Then he repeats the spin out into reverse.

HARRY: That is stripping.

GENE: It looks dangerous.

HARRY: That’s because it is. (shows Gene keys) Get in.

19

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP MONTAGE: Gene gets into a Ford Escort and buckles up.

HARRY: (VO) I’ll teach you how to strip.

Gene speeds up. He spins out and hits an orange pylon.

HARRY: (VO) I’ll teach you how to race.

Gene spins out over and over again. He bangs on the steering wheel.

HARRY: (VO) This is how you’ll make money, until you get on your feet.

Gene spins out and rolls backward, but stalls out.

HARRY: (VO) This is how you’ll pay off your bookies.

Gene and Harry work on the stalled Escort.

HARRY: (VO) This is what it is to be part of the Lodge.

Gene starts the car and speeds off.

HARRY: (VO) This is what means to be a Hæysux. You work for me now, Gene.

Gene spins out and drives backwards. Harry gives Gene a thumbs up.

HARRY: Do it again!

The Lodge. Night.

The crew eats. Harry sits beside Gene with a plate of grilled meat.

HARRY: Best barbeque this side of Fale County. I made the sauce from my own recipe.

RIOT: I got us our next job.

BLEED: Good. I want a barbell through my nose.

DOPE: Don’t you have enough holes in your head?

BLEED: Don’t you have enough hoes in your bed?

Gene looks to Harry. Harry grins and perks his brow.

SYNTAX: You sound jealous, Bleed.

RIOT: My man Dope here is a natural born lady-killer.

DOPE: Thank you, Riot.

BLEED: Or a Christian killer. Hey, Dope. How’s your buddy Saddam?

DOPE: Baby, you need the D. in your life.

Riot and Syntax laugh.

GENE: (to Harry) “His buddy Saddam?”

HARRY: She thinks he’s Arab.

GENE: He’s not Arab?

BLEED: You think you’re all that. You’re just the token black Hæysux of the crew.

RIOT: Now that is racist.

SYNTAX: She most definitely wants the D. GENE: (to Harry) What’s “the D”?

20

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP HARRY: The mushroom-headed devil.

Gene thinks about it for a moment, and then takes a long swing of beer.

SYNTAX: You know, more white girls are coming out about their hungry for dark meat.

BLEED: That is such bullshit.

RIOT: Bleed we all know you wanna do Dope.

HARRY: And by dope, we mean Cannabis. Not a back alley armful.

SYNTAX: Well, I mean this dark brother right here.

BLEED: He will never touch this hymen.

DOPE: (wipes hands) Let me ask you something, Bleed. Do you like Wendy’s?

BLEED: What?

Syntax and Riot snicker. Harry smirks with his beer in hand.

DOPE: Do you like Wendy’s?

Bleed looks to Harry. Harry tips his head to her.

BLEED: Yeah, I like Wendy’s.

DOPE: Then you gonna love when-dez nuts smack yo chin and my thang is in yo mouth!

Bleed throws her food at the guys and leaves. Dope gets up and goes after her.

RIOT: You really think they gonna do it, H? HARRY: Oh yeah. It’s only a matter of time.

GENE: What exactly is Dope’s nationality?

HARRY: He’s an ethnic mix of various minorities.

SYNTAX: What do you mean by minority? Haitian? Dominican? Cuban? Jamaican?

HARRY: I always took him for a Native American.

RIOT: Guys, are we really discussing this man’s race right now?

GENE: I gotta take a leak.

Gene goes to the back. He finds the restroom and opens the door. His eyes grow large when he sees Dope and Bleed getting busy on the sink. Bleed notices Gene and pulls out of kissing.

BLEED: Close the door, asshole!

GENE: Sorry.

Gene slams the door and moves on.

Outside.

Gene joins Harry. They hear Bleed’s distant shouts of pleasure.

DOPE: (VO) Who’s the man?

BLEED: (VO) You are, baby!

DOPE: (VO) Who?!

BLEED: You are! (screams) Don’t stop! That’s my spot. Don’t stop!

DOPE: (VO) You like dark meat don’t you?

21

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP BLEED: (VO) I love dark meant—oh! That’s my spot!

DOPE: (VO) You down with Civil Rights?

BLEED: (VO) Oh, yes! I have a dream, baby!

Bleed lets of throttled scream and all is silent again.

Harry tosses his beer bottle away.

GENE: What the hell do I just see and hear?

HARRY: We have a job to do, Gene.

GENE: I’m in.

HARRY: Good.

Auto Store. After midnight.

Riot and Syntax cut a pad lock away from the rear door and go inside.

Harry and Gene watch from Gene’s Ford Escort.

HARRY: They’ve got ten minutes.

GENE: They’re stealing auto parts?

HARRY: It’s free enterprise.

GENE: It’s stealing, Harry.

HARRY: Nobody’s forcing you to be here, Gene.

Riot and Syntax exit the building and get into Riot’s car.

HARRY: Right on time. Let’s roll.

When Gene pulls out, police lights flash behind them.

HARRY: Hit it.

The escort shoots off. But the police car remains there. A souped-up Land Rover flies by.

The modified army vehicle catches up to Gene and Harry. Harry sees the Land Rover.

HARRY: Uh-oh.

The Land Rover spins out and drives backwards at the same speed as Gene and Harry.

Gene sees a man in military uniform with a hat pulled down over his eyes.

HARRY: Strip.

GENE: What?

The man in uniform points a large gun at them.

HARRY: Strip! Now. Gene spins out and puts the passenger side toward the Land Rover. Shots fire.

GENE: Oh shit!

HARRY: (loads pistol) Keep it steady!

GENE: Who the hell is that?!

HARRY: I said keep it steady, damn it!

GENE: We’re gonna get shot!

22

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP HARRY: The chassis is reinforced with Kevlar! Just keep the car steady!

Harry aims and takes a few shots at the Land Rover. The Land Rover rams the Escort.

Gene steers wildly. The car is rammed again. Gene gently clips the Land Rover in a reverse pit maneuver. The Land Rover spins around and flies into a utility pole. The car speeds away into the night. A tall, stocky colonel gets out of the Land Rover with his gun. He grinds his teeth.

The Lodge.

Gene and Harry pull in. Riot and Syntax close the garage door.

They sort the car parts on the table.

HARRY: Syntax, log these. Riot, start the specs.

Dope and Bleed enter.

RIOT: You guys missed all the fun.

DOPE: No, we had all the fun.

BLEED: Oh, shut up.

GENE: What the hell was that about, Harry?

HARRY: That was Fishmeal.

GENE: Fish-who?

SYNTAX: Colonel F.U. Fishmeal. He owes a private army called Murk Liquid.

GENE: Why is he after us?

RIOT: We ripped off some parts from his military base a while back.

DOPE: Was he in the jeep again?

HARRY: No way. It was a Land Rover this time and we couldn’t flip it.

GENE: Flip it?

HARRY: We were doing a job down at the Shore. Fishmeal showed up in an army jeep ranger.

He tried to run with us, so we clipped his jeep and flipped it. He was laid up for a few weeks.

RIOT: And ever since then, he’s been trying to take us down.

Gene moves away from the table with his arms folded.

HARRY: Something on your mind, Gene?

GENE: It’s nothing.

HARRY: Then why ponder so deeply on it?

GENE: I don’t know. (turns them) It’s the way Fishmeal drove tonight. I’ve seen it before.

HARRY: So have I. Apparently, Colonel Fishmeal knows the art of Stripping.

BLEED: How did he figure out how to Strip?

HARRY: Who knows? Maybe by watching us.

RIOT: That is true. Fishmeal’s known for his ability to adapt.

SYNTAX: I think anybody can Strip. Look how fast Gene picked it up.

DOPE: We need a new plan, Harry.

23

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP BLEED: If Fishmeal is on the same street racing level with us, it’s a wrap.

HARRY: I agree. We have to take Fishmeal down before he does it to us.

DOPE: We all know Fishmeal’s dirtier than a hooker’s panties.

RIOT: He’s been under investigation more than once for illicit military activities.

HARRY: Yeah, but he’s paid up with the cops. They won’t touch him. Expect maybe MeGusta.

GENE: That’s true. Notice how that unit pointed us out for him?

HARRY: Yeah. Then he was all over us. Which means we’ve gotta go undercover.

SYNTAX: Then we have to go at him on the federal level. We’re going to need information on Murk Liquid and the rest of Fishmeal’s business interests.

HARRY: Yeah, but we’re going to need somebody who can put together a good scheme.

SYNTAX: Somebody that can get us into Murk Liquid undetected.

DOPE: We need to send somebody to pose as a Murk Liquid investor. I mean money talks.

HARRY: We can pretend to sell Fishmeal fake securities, get access to his financial records, stall the deal and then when we get the records, we cancel the deal and back out.

GENE: (grins) I believe I can fulfill that request.

Apartment 606. Day. Gene finds the place cleaned up. Ethan is on the couch playing an 8-bit video game.

ETHAN: Where the hell have you been?

GENE: You’re not in prison.

ETHAN: Of course I’m not.

GENE: Who posted your bail?

ETHAN: Nobody. I’m free.

GENE: Then how’d you get off the hook?

ETHAN: I had to sleep with the judge.

GENE: Why would you do that?

ETHAN: Hey, I’m just taking a page from your book.

GENE: Where’s Robucket?

Robucket rolls up to Gene.

ROBUCKET: I am Robucket. It is pleasure to meet you.

Gene watches the robot roll away.

GENE: You fixed him?

ETHAN: Well, it wasn’t easy.

GENE: How? ETHAN: (pauses game) You know all those commands you gave him about how he must obey you? I deleted them. (picks up controller) Wanna play Super Mario Bros? You can be Luigi.

GENE: Then how did you bypass the encryption codes of the CPU? 24

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP ETHAN: I didn’t. Robucket did, after I removed the commands.

GENE: That’s impossible.

ETHAM: No. It’s called self-preservation. Which means, Robucket is free to do whatever he wants and won’t try to destroy himself by running into things.

Gene checks the answering machine.

ETHAN: (OS) Julio called.

Gene turns off the video game console and sits next to Ethan.

ETHAN: Damn you! I wasn’t about to save the princess!

GENE: She’s probably in another castle. Listen, I have a job we can do.

ETHAN: No way. I’m clean. I told that judge I’m going straight.

GENE: You owe me!

ETHAN: No, you owe me! I paid the rent that you were behind on!

GENE: Your name is on the lease too!

ETHAN: Your name is first!

GENE: Ethan, I don’t want to argue. But, there’s a big job we can do in order to pay off the Genovese brothers. Now, either you’re going to help me or you won’t.

ETHAN: Pay off the Genovese brothers? That beats sucking down toilet bowl cleaner.

GENE: Yes or no?

ETHAN: What do we have to do?

The Lodge. Day. Ethan types on the keyboard. Gene and Harry stand with him.

ETHAN: It’s no secret that Murk Liquid is pocketing money from these government contracts.

HARRY: But we need solid evidence to get Fishmeal in federal court.

ETHAN: The fake securities investment scheme is a good idea. It’ll keep the colonel occupied while Robucket accesses their network. But, if it fails we’ll need to get out of there in a hurry.

HARRY: The rest of the crew will handle the escape plan. Do whatever you can, Ethan.

ETHAN: Sure thing, Harry.

Harry walks with Gene.

HARRY: You have an interesting friend there.

GENE: Met him at an Electronics Convention. He was a bookkeeper who created an innovative spreadsheet program and the company went behind his back and put a patent on it.

HARRY: I see why he doesn’t like corporations.

GENE: He wants to start his own business.

HARRY: He’s smart. Keep him around. His enthusiasm is your key to success.

GENE: Or the pathway to failure. When things go wrong, he blames it all on me.

HARRY: Come with me.

25

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP

Behind the Lodge.

Harry stands with Gene at a firing range.

HARRY: The Hæysux have other powers at their disposal.

Harry hurls a fireball at one of the targets and burns it up.

GENE: Why didn’t you use that on Fishmeal?

HARRY: Because possession of a human soul is only possible when the person is alive.

GENE: How come you guys don’t practice human sacrifice?

HARRY: Loyalty is better than sacrifice. (shows lighter) Hold up your hand.

Harry puts the lighter to Gene’s palm and ignites it.

Gene gasps as a sphere of flame manifests in his hand. He throws the fire sphere into the field.

GENE: I haven’t been able to do that for years.

HARRY: That’s because you stopped using your powers. You believed what your father told you because you hold him in high regard. But even parents can be wrong.

GENE: I’m not a killer.

HARRY: I’m not asking you to be. I’m trying to help you tap into your inner power. The power that you were born with, Gene.

Harry hurls another fire sphere.

HARRY: The power that nobody’s words or opinions can take away.

Gene hurls another fire sphere.

HARRY: In order to become a true Hæysux, you must abandon your humanity and embrace your celestial heritage. You will never be free until you do so.

Gene only bobs his head.

Back in the Lodge.

GENE: So, you’re a celestial?

HARRY: I used to be. But I had most of my powers removed. And, in doing that, I forfeited my inheritance. I still retain some of my powers, but I’m no longer a legionnaire.

GENE: So you’re mortal.

HARRY: Yes. Which means I can be killed, just like you and the rest of the crew.

GENE: Why did you give up your powers? You could be ruling these humans.

HARRY: What good is a rule when no one follows it? You want to conquer a civilization? You do it by sneaking in the backdoor, not playing fanfare on the front lawn.

Gene and Harry sit across from Ethan.

ETHAN: So when are you going to tell your new friends about Julio?

GENE: (eyes shift) Who’s Julio?

ETHAN: Don’t play dumb. He kept calling for you.

GENE: Shut up, Ethan.

26

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP Murk Liquid Headquarters. Day. Colonel Fishmeal gets out of a jeep and meets with his top two officers, Porter and Dooley.

Porter checks his face in a hand mirror while Dooley quickly puffs on a cigarette.

FISHMEAL: Put that cancer stick out, Dooley! You don’t die until I say so!

DOOLEY: Yes, sir.

FISHMEAL: Put that compact away, Porter! You ain’t strutin’ on no catwalk!

PORTER: Yes, sir.

Fishmeal walks with his officers.

Murk Liquid HQ. Hallway.

FISHMEAL: That driver with Derpsloski wasn’t one of his usual mallrats.

They enter Fishmeal’s War Room.

FISHMEAL: He was up in age. They seemed very close.

PORTER: The parts they stole aren’t ordinary car parts.

DOOLEY: These guys customize. They’re street racers.

FISHMEAL: I’ve managed to learn strip racing from staking out their car meets.

PORTER: That still not good enough. There’s one of you and many of them.

DOOLEY: And we don’t want to draw too much attention to ourselves.

FISHMEAL: You have a point. If our funding stops, we’re dead in the water.

A female officer comes in.

FEMALE OFFICER: Excuse me, sir. The CPD is here.

Fishmeal meets with Officer MeGusta.

FISHMEAL: What can I do ya for, Officer?

MEGUSTA: The captain sent me here to let you know you have to appear in court.

FISHMEAL: For what?

MEGUSTA: You hit a utility pole and left an entire city block without power.

FISHMEAL: Meaning?

MEGUSTA: You had an accident and failed to report it.

FISHMEAL: Then I need to be talking to the captain, not you.

MEGUSTA: He has other cases to tend to. Now, we’re not going to ask you again. We know about the street racers and the auto parts thefts. Please stay out of our way.

FISHMEAL: Are you threatening me, boy?

MEGUSTA: Just because you’re buddy-buddy with the captain doesn’t give you the right to chase down criminals. This isn’t your personal war, Colonel. You’re obstructing justice.

FISHMEAL: Well, if you guys did your jobs, I wouldn’t have to chase down criminals that steal my stuff. You guys still haven’t followed up on the auto parts stolen from my armory.

27

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP MEGUSTA: When you stop getting in the way and let us investigate, we can move forward.

FISHMEAL: Why do you hate America?

MEGUSTA: Oh, here you go with this again.

FISHMEAL: This is a free country. A man has a right to protect his property!

MEGUSTA: You agree with you on that.

FISHMEAL: Then why are you trying to take away my rights to defend what’s mine?!

MEGUSTA: Because you’re hindering our investigation with your neo-con cowboy nonsense!

FISHMEAL: Only a blue-blood liberal would say something like that!

MEGUSTA: Liberal? I’m an independent.

FISHMEAL: You’re just another municipal bum looking for a handout!

MEGUSTA: Handouts?! Who has the government contracts here?!

FISHMEAL: I’m protecting our nation!

MEGUSTA: From what?!

FISHMEAL: From people like you who weaken its infrastructure!

MeGusta clams himself.

MEGUSTA: I see what you’re trying to do here. You clearly don’t want us involved in this case.

But that’s okay. I’m well connected; I know FBI agents. And when they get a good wiff of what you’re doing here, they’re going to pull all of your funding.

FISHMEAL: I’m a solider foremost.

MEGUSTA: But a business man first. But I’ll make this clear for you. I don’t give a shit what the captain says. You back off and let us do our jobs. Or I bring in the Feds to get a closer look at your books. Then we’ll see who’s really weakening our nation’s infrastructure.

MeGusta leaves.

Porter and Dooley join Fishmeal.

FISHMEAL: Follow him.

Cankerton Mall. Parking Lot. MeGusta gets out of his squad car and meets with Harry and Gene.

MEGUSTA: You were right. Fishmeal’s hiding something from us.

HARRY: He’s embezzling funds from the government.

GENE: We’re going to expose him.

MEGUSTA: This has to be off the books, fellas. If my captain asks, I was never here.

HARRY: We’re not asking you to do anything illegal. You’re a good cop and we could use your help. We just need to get Fishmeal away from Murk Liquid Headquarters.

GENE: We’ll need a one hour window.

MEGUSTA: I can’t guarantee that.

HARRY: Yes, you can. I’m sure you can arrest Fishmeal for something petty.

28

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP MEGUSTA: I can get you twenty to thirty minutes, tops.

Harry and Gene look at each other.

HARRY: Fair enough. Just keep him tied up at the station as long as you can.

Murk Liquid Headquarters. Day. Fishmeal is taken away in cuffs.

FISHMEAL: What do you mean my insurance lapsed?!

ARRESTING OFFICER 1: Your Land Rover hit a utility pole, Colonel.

ARRESTING OFFICER 2: And your Land Rover is uninsured.

FISHMEAL: I have military insurance!

ARRESTING OFFICER 1: Then you’d better get them on the phone.

Fishmeal is put into a squad car. MeGusta pulls out with the other police car.

Down the road.

MeGusta sticks his hand out the window. At roadside are Gene, Harry, Ethan and Robucket in Gene’s Escort.

HARRY: There’s MeGusta’s signal. Let’s go.

The escort pulls out and heads toward Murk Liquid Headquarters.

Murk Liquid Headquarters.

Gene and Ethan enter dressed in business suits. They enter a boardroom and shut the door.

GENE: Let’s go over this again. I’m the CEO of Devil May Strip LLP. And you are…?

ETHAN: Crapping my pants in mind-numbing fear.

GENE: Relax. We have police protection. And we’re not really selling securities to them.

Gene and Ethan sits down. Porter and Dooley enter with a Murk Liquid attorney.

ATTORNEY ALLEN: I’m Attorney Allen, a friend of the Colonel’s. And you are?

GENE: I am…(looks around) Syntax. I’m a data analyst.

ATTORNEY ALLEN: So you’re in the software business.

GENE: Yes. My partner here has created a revolutionary type of spreadsheet.

ATTORNEY ALLEN: And you think Murk Liquid should invest in Devil May Strip?

Gene looks to Ethan. Ethan is like stone.

GENE: Investing for the first time can be like driving your first car. I had a candy red Impala. I used to drag race with it. I even smashed it up. But it lasted all these years.

ATTORNEY ALLEN: Really? My first car was an Impala too!

GENE: No shit.

29

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP Murk Liquid Data Center.

Harry and Robucket are in the center mainframe. Robucket is hooked into the terminal.

HARRY: How you holdin’ up, Bucket?

ROBUCKET: Energy levels: stable. Download speed: steady.

HARRY: Good. We can’t have you burning out on us.

Cankerton Police Department.

Fishmeal leaves in a huff with the captain and MeGusta close behind.

FISHMEAL: I told your officers my insurance was valid!

POLICE CAPTAIN: You hit a utility pole, Colonel. You didn’t report it.

FISHMEAL: Just stay out of my business!

The captain looks to MeGusta.

POLICE CAPTAIN: You’d better be right about this, Miguel.

The captain goes back inside.

Murk Liquid Boardroom.

Porter and Dooley are asleep while Gene and Attorney Allen laugh it up.

Ethan sees Harry walk by with Robucket. Ethan elbows Gene.

GENE: Hey, you know what? Maybe Devil May Strip isn’t right for you.

ATTORNEY ALLEN: What do you mean? Our books are a mess.

Gene and Ethan get up.

GENE: I have another meeting. Thank you and good day.

Gene and Ethan hurry out. Allen looks to Porter and Dooley. He smacks the table top.

Porter and Dooley spring with their pistols and open fire.

Outside Murk Liquid.

Harry pulls up in the Escort with Robucket. They hear gunshots.

HARRY: They don’t waste any time.

Gene and Ethan get in.

GENE: Move it, Harry!

The Escort only makes it a few feet, before Harry pumps the break, just seconds from hitting Fishmeal’s Land Rover.

HARRY: This is not good.

Fishmeal gets out of his Land Rover with his huge gun in hand, but never even looks in their general direction as he stomps toward the building.

ETHAN: He must be dumber than a sac of public hair.

HARRY: I will admit that he’s nuts about his guns.

30

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP GENE: Cut the ball talk and floor it.

The Escort peels out and speeds away.

Murk Liquid.

Fishmeal grabs Allen.

FISHMEAL: Where are they?!

ALLEN: Who? FISHMEAL: The investors!

ALLEN: They left.

FEMALE OFFICER: Colonel, the database as been compromised.

FISHMEAL: Attorney Allen, you’re fired.

ALLEN: You can’t do that!

FISHMEAL: I just did.

Fishmeal turns and faces Porter and Dooley.

ALLEN: So, this is how you wanna play, huh? We’ll see how big and bad you really are when the Feds take a closer look at the books.

Fishmeal turns back to Allen.

ALLEN: Oh, yeah. I will take what I know to the Feds, Colonel. I’m under contract.

Fishmeal shoots Allen in the head.

FISHMEAL: Contract terminated. (to Female Officer) Get rid of that.

Fishmeal turns to Porter and Dooley.

FISHMEAL: (points gun) So, you two like to sleep while you’re on duty, huh? I want 500 pushups…on your pinky fingers! (fires shot upward) On your faces, you maggots!

Porter and Dooley drop and start pushing.

Fishmeal watches as Allen’s body is taken away.

The Lodge.

Ethan works with Syntax while Harry, Gene and the others watch.

SYNTAX: This Fishmeal guy is a straight up criminal.

ETHAN: Most of these military operations are off the books.

HARRY: But with everything going on in the Middle East right now, the government isn’t asking any questions.

GENE: It’s a good time to be in the military business.

RIOT: So this warmonger is ripping off the gov, yet he wants the police to believe that we’re the bad guys.

DOPE: Takes the attention off of Fishmeal, gives the public a boogeyman to fear.

31

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP

The Lodge. Night.

Riot walks while wiping his hands with a rag. He hears sounds coming from behind a door. He opens the door and drops the rag. He sees Gene in bed with Julio.

Riot hurls a fire sphere at Julio. Gene absorbs the fire and falls to the floor. Riot rushes in and rams Gene into the dresser. Julio heads for the door, but it’s blocked by Dope and Bleed.

Riot holds Gene by the throat.

RIOT: What are you, huh?! A faggot? Is that what you are Gene?!

Riot throws Gene across the room and into the wall.

But Gene blasts Riot with a fire sphere that knocks Riot on his bottom. Gene’s skin turns red as he approaches Riot. He grabs Riot by his mechanic shirt and bashes Riot in the face.

Syntax approaches Harry and Ethan at the computer terminal.

SYNTAX: It’s Gene!

They head to the back. They arrive to find Dope and Bleed at the door of the guest room.

BLEED: (points) He’s gonna kill Riot!

Harry sees Gene plummeting Riot with continuous blows. Riot is out cold, but Gene continues to pound his head. Harry charges in and ducks a fire sphere throw by Gene. Harry pins Gene to the wall and holds on to him there.

HARRY: Gene, look at me! Look at me!

Gene fixes his stare on Harry and collapses to the floor. Dope and Bleed drag Riot away.

Gene’s skin returns to normal.

HARRY: Cool off.

Gene joins the others in the shop. Julio is nearby. Harry meets with Gene.

HARRY: You’d better explain yourself.

GENE: We’re just friends.

HARRY: Are you gay?

GENE: No. I like women.

DOPE: Oh great! He’s bisexual.

HARRY: What’s that?

BLEED: It means he goes both ways.

RIOT: (to Bleed) You would know, dyke.

BLEED: Shut up, Riot. Before you get your ass whooped again.

GENE: Maybe I should leave.

FISHMEAL: (OS) No. They all see Fishmeal enter with Porter and Dooley.

FISHMEAL: Why don’t we all stay here? (pulls sidearm) Because I have questions to ask.

32

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP Harry approaches Fishmeal.

HARRY: This is private property.

FISHMEAL: Well maybe you should have told your ‘investors’ to stay off of mine.

HARRY: What are you talking about?

Fishmeal back hands Harry in the face. Harry is unfazed.

FISHMEAL: Which of you is Syntax?

They all look to Syntax at the computer terminal.

SYNTAX: I’m Syntax.

FISHMEAL: (says to Ethan) You may wanna step away.

Ethan moves just before Fishmeal pops Syntax in the chest and head. The lanker young teenage satyr drops to the floor with a thud.

Fishmeal turns to Porter and Dooley with his arms out.

FISHMEAL: That punk sure knows how to eat concrete, doesn’t he?

Fishmeal, Porter and Dooley share a laugh.

Gene’s eyes grow wide.

FLASHBACK: A strawberry milkshake in a malt glass shatters on the pavement.

BACK TO PRESENT: Gene is breathing heavily. His hands ball into fists.

Harry approaches Fishmeal.

HARRY: Why are you doing this?

FISHMEAL: Somebody from your gang here came to my base using the name Syntax, trying to get my attorney to invest in Devil May Strip, LLP. Ethan inches over to the power switch on the wall.

FISHMEAL: (looks around) Now, which one of you was posing as the CEO’s assistant? (aims gun at Riot) Was it you, tough guy? Huh? Did you and that piece of car part-stealing trash walk into my base and rip off my mainframe?

RIOT: Get that gun outta my face, ass-chin.

FISHMEAL: (cocks hammer) Oh, you’re real funny.

Ethan stands next to the power switch with his eyes on Fishmeal and his men.

FISHMEAL: We’ll see how funny you are when I pop your cherry just like I did your friend.

GENE: (OS) It was me.

Fishmeal turns to Gene.

GENE: I used the name Syntax. I ripped off your mainframe. Me alone.

Fishmeal lowers his gun.

33

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP FISHMEAL: There were two of you.

GENE: How would you know? You weren’t even there.

FISHMEAL: Because my men were there with my attorney.

GENE: Did you gun down your attorney too?

Fishmeal aims at Gene.

GENE: Come on. Finish me, greaser.

Fishmeal lowers his gun.

Ethan reaches for the power switch.

FISHMEAL: (OS) What did you say to me?

GENE: You heard me, grease ball. Without that gun, you’re a chump. (smirks) Do the folks at your base know that you got your ass handed to you by a bisexual, blonde Jewish kid on the eve of your enlistment into the military?

FISHMEAL: Who the hell are you?

GENE: Stick around. You’ll— The lights go out.

Bullets and fire spheres fly. Harry runs out back. Gene and Julio follow him.

Behind the Lodge.

Harry gets into his Trans-Am and takes off. Gene and Julio get into the Escort and follow Harry.

In front of the Lodge.

Fishmeal casually walks out of the workshop, gets into his Land Rover and takes off.

The Strip.

A high speed chase is under way. Harry and Gene weave through traffic with Fishmeal and his men close behind. Fishmeal’s Land Rover speeds up to Gene and rams him. Gene strips and drives in reverse. Fishmeal does the same and the two weave through traffic in reverse.

JULIO: What the hell are you doing?!

GENE: Shut up, lard-ass!

Gunshots are heard.

JULIO: Oh my God! Oh my God! Fishmeal flies at passenger side of Gene’s car. Gene spins his car around and blasts ahead of a bunch of cars gathered at an intersection. Fishmeal runs the red light and clips a minivan.

Harry sees Gene in his rearview. In front of him, two jeeps pull out. It’s Porter and Dooley.

Harry spins his car around and flies through Porter and Dooley before they can block the road.

Gene goes around the jeeps and the jeeps join the Land Rover.

JULIO: Where are we going?!

34

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP GENE: I said shut up, lard-ass!

JULIO: You’re being really mean and I don’t— Gun shots are heard again. Julio screams and couches low.

Fishmeal is right behind Gene, firing shots. Porter and Dooley box Gene in. Up ahead is a lane divider. Fishmeal rear ends Gene and pushes the Escort along. Gene sees the divider up ahead.

Harry checks his mirrors and sees that Gene is in trouble. Harry slows down and lets the Land Rover, jeeps and Escort pass him. He gets up to their speed and first rams Fishmeal.

Fishmeal breaks off, spins and rides in reverse facing Harry. Fishmeal aims his gun. Harry spins around and ducks behind a moving truck. Fishmeal spins around and is clipped by a van.

Harry comes up behind Porter and rams his jeep. Porter loses control and runs onto the sidewalk. Harry rear ends Dooley. Dooley’s jeep spins out and hits Gene’s rear fender.

Harry watches the backend of Gene’s Escort fishtail. Harry speeds and uses a gentle bump with his fender to stop the Escort from fishtailing. Harry checks his mirrors for Fishmeal— Then he hears a loud horn. He sees the high-beams of an oncoming 18-wheeler.

The semi-truck smashes into Harry’s Trans-Am, flipping it into the air where it somersaults twice, lands on the hood of the truck and smashes to the ground. Gene gets out of his car.

JULIO: Where are you going?!

Gene runs toward the overturned Tran-Am and sees Harry inside. The Trans-Am explodes, knocking Gene to the ground. Down the road, Fishmeal and his men peel out and take off.

Gene hears police sirens.

JULIO: (OS) Come on! Let’s go!

Gene runs, jumps back into the Escort and leaves the scene.

Harry’s overturned Trans-Am continues to burn.

The Lodge. Night.

Everyone is silent. Dope holds Bleed close. Riot and Ethan stare at Syntax’s body in a black garbage bag. Officer MeGusta enters. They look at him.

MEGUSTA: Where’s Gene?

Harry’s Room.

Gene looks at tools and parts on Harry’s dresser. He sees a metal pole with a skull on the end.

Correction, it’s a trident weapon. The prongs ignite with fire. Gene puts the trident down.

Gene opens Harry’s safe. He removes a lock box and takes it to the table. He removes some documents and finds an envelope with “GENE” on it. Gene opens it and takes out a letter.

HARRY: (VO) Gene, if you’re reading this letter, it means that I didn’t make. But you are still alive, so you can still raise hell. Inside are documents that I’m sure will fill in the blanks of your life. I hope that you use what’s in here to complete that cycle you’ve been on for so long.

35

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP Please take care of the Lodge and give the crew my best. Your Pal, Harry.

Gene looks over papers. He comes across a photo copy of a marriage certificate signed by…

GENE SILVERSTEIN and SABRINA BEIBER GENE: What is this?

Gene goes through more documents. He finds a photograph of his father’s bakery with bagel samples on the table out front. He then comes across a background report on his ex Sabrina.

GENE: How does he know so much about me?

Gene then picks up a laminated antique birth certificate for HAROLD DERPSLOSKI. The date of birth: June 6, 1500.

GENE: Fifteen-hundred?

Gene looks to the bottom. The mother is CATHERINE DERPSLOSKI. The father is— MEGUSTA: (OS) Gene.

MeGusta approaches with a plastic evidence bag. He places it on the table and leaves.

Gene picks up the evidence bag containing Harry’s broken cellular phone.

Gene looks at the birth certificate again. He puts it down with tears brimming.

GENE: Why didn’t you tell me, Harry?

Gene joins the crew in the shop holding documents from Harry’s lock box.

ETHAN: What are we going to do, Gene?

GENE: I’ll tell you what we’re going to do. We’re going to burn Fishmeal down.

DOPE: Are you thinking straight, Gene? We are not celestials. Once we die here, it’s over.

GENE: Harry’s gone and he killed Syntax! I say we fight back.

BLEED: You’re going to get us all killed!

RIOT: You’re insane, old man.

GENE: You can say what you want, Riot. But it’s something I have to do.

RIOT: For who? For Harry?! You hardly knew him.

GENE: I’m in charge now. And I say we’re going after Fishmeal!

RIOT: You’re in change? Says who?

GENE: (holds up document) Says the Lord of the Lodge.

Riot snatches the paper and reads it.

RIOT: Wait. It says here that Harry’s true name is “Mot” and that he served under somebody named Lord Dagon.

GENE: Dagon is his celestial name. His earthly identity is Terry Silverstein.

RIOT: Silverstein. Your old man?

BLEED: The bagel-maker?

36

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP DOPE: You gotta be kidding.

GENE: Harry worked for Lord Dagon centuries ago. When he was next in line for the throne of Caprasecks, he denied his inheritance and came down here instead. He brought all of us together so that we could stop wandering and know who we really are. Only now do I realize how important Harry was to all of us. (lowers head) Namely me.

RIOT: Hold on. If Harry was to sit on the throne, why do you care so much about it?

GENE: (lifts head) Harry was my brother.

The Lodge is silent.

GENE: We have the same father. Lord Dagon.

RIOT: I see why he never told us.

GENE: Look, I know you all don’t trust me. I don’t even expect you to like me. But Fishmeal and his private army are going to keep pushing us around until we fight back.

RIOT: You want us to go to war with Fishmeal?

GENE: Relax. By the time this is all over, (hand ignites with fire) Fishmeal will be working for us.

Gene, Ethan and Robucket meet with Officer MeGusta outside.

MEGUSTA: I gave what I had to the Feds. But on the state and local level, nobody’s touch the Colonel. I say wait it out and let the FBI take him down.

GENE: By the time the Feds get a search warrant, we’ll all be dead or missing.

MEGUSTA: Think about what you’re doing. These street racers you’re running with? They’re just kids. I’m sorry about Harry, but he’s gone. Now you have to set the example.

GENE: Fishmeal’s not going to get away with this.

MEGUSTA: So you’re going to have classic showdown with a full-bird Army Colonel?

GENE: I knew him before he was a Colonel, when he was a sweat hog-loving greaser.

MEGUSTA: Fishmeal is backed by powerful people.

GENE: So am I. I guess we’re going to have to see who has the bigger sac.

Gene leaves with Ethan and Robucket.

Murk Liquid. Shooting Range.

Fishmeal reloads his sidearm.

FEMALE OFFICER: Colonel.

Fishmeal looks her way.

Murk Liquid. Parking Lot. Fishmeal stomps toward Gene, Ethan and Robucket with his men.

FISHMEAL: This is private property.

GENE: My brother Harry said that to you. But did you leave? No. You shot the place up.

37

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP FISHMEAL: Yes, I shot up the place. I can kill all of you and I’ll never get convicted for it. Hell, they might even promote me to General.

GENE: Because you’re so bad-ass, right Colonel? You carry around that sidearm like it makes you invincible. But take that weapon away and what are you? A wanna-be mechanic, hotrodlovin’ rockbilly who likes to screw fat Hispanic chicks.

FISHMEAL: (moves in close) You got a problem with me, old man?

GENE: Yes, I do. You killed my friend Syntax.

FISHMEAL: Yes, I killed Syntax. Maybe I should have shot you first.

GENE: And you probably caused the death of my brother Harry too.

FISHMEAL: Oh, I’m so sorry about Harry. Still pissed about losing your occult leader?

GENE: You still pissed because we exposed your misuse of government funding?

FISHMEAL: (frowns) You’re an asshole.

GENE: Whatever you say, Colonel.

Fishmeal turns and leaves.

GENE: Or, should I call you “Francis”?

Fishmeal stops moving.

GENE: Private Francis Ulysses Fishmeal.

Fishmeal only turns his head to the side.

FISHMEAL: How do you know my full name? I never tell anyone my whole name.

GENE: Well, if “F.U.” were my first and middle initials, I wouldn’t tell anyone either.

Fishmeal turns to Gene.

FISHMEAL: Who the hell are you?

GENE: I’m surprised to don’t remember me. (points to head) Recognize the horns? No? Well, from my point of view, you were an easy win.

FISHMEAL: What the hell are you saying?

GENE: I’m saying that you should have seen the look on your face…when I took your girl home.

Fishmeal removes his hat. His graying hair is slicked back.

FISHMEAL: Goldie. (smirks) You son of a bitch. After all these years, you’re still alive.

GENE: I try.

FISHMEAL: You know, I thought for sure you committed suicide when you father kicked you out of the house.

GENE: Still wanna have that knife fight, Francine?

FISHMEAL: No. Fishmeal gives his gun to Porter.

FISHMEAL: No Knives, no guns, no fireballs. We’re gonna settle this once and for all. No Feds, no cops, no military. You and me, on the Strip. Tonight. You game or not?

GENE: Let’s do it.

38

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP Fishmeal turns to leave.

GENE: Colonel.

Fishmeal only stops walking.

GENE: You lose this time and I’m going to take more than your girlfriend.

Fishmeal keeps moving with his officers.

Gene, Ethan and Robucket head back to Gene’s car.

GENE: Did you record all of that, Robucket?

ROBUCKET: Affirmative.

GENE: Good. If anything happens to me, that tape goes directly to his superiors.

They get into the car.

ETHAN: “I took your girl home”? Am I missing something here?

GENE: (starts car) I stole his girlfriend.

ETHAN: Oh. You are an asshole.

Gene laughs as they pull off.

The Strip. Night.

Hundreds have gathered at the car meet. Gene pulls up in his shiny, souped-up red Escort. He gets out in a black leather jacket, jeans and black shoes. Gene stands with Ethan, Robucket and members of the Lodge with a red bandana on his head.

They hear a loud engine roaring. It’s Fishmeal’s Land Rover.

ETHAN: He’s here.

The Land Rover is tricked out with rims and even has hydraulics. Fishmeal gets out of his Land Rover wearing his army jacket, a t-shirt, jeans and pointed-toe boots. He takes out a comb and styles his slicked back hair as he approaches Gene.

FISHMEAL: Here we are, Goldie. Back where we started.

GENE: Am I supposed to be impressed that you turned your off-road into a grasshopper?

FISHMEAL: What is your bag, Genie? Are you scared?

GENE: Are you?

FISHMEAL: No. GENE: You should be. (confronts Fishmeal) See, I’m cursed. Anybody who has personal dealings with me, doesn’t make out too good. You can still go home a free-thinking, rotten warmonger.

FISHMEAL: Let’s race.

The Escort and the Rover pull up to the starting line. Bleed comes out.

BLEED: Go down and around the oil drums. First one back is the winner.

Dope moves in behind Bleed and raises her arms.

DOPE: Ready?

BLEED: Go! 39

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP The Escort and the Rover are off. Rover takes the lead quickly.

FISHMEAL: Yeah! I’m too fast for ya!

Gene catches up to Fishmeal and they both spin out around the oil drum. They drive in reverse on the way back. Gene waves to Fishmeal. Fishmeal smacks his steering wheel.

FISHMEAL: I got something for you. Fishmeal reaches under the seat and palms an uzi.

He fires on Gene’s car. Gene ducks down.

Spectators watch and listen.

BLEED: Is that automatic gunfire?

DOPE: Oh, I think we it’s time to go.

RIOT: We stay. These humans should go.

ETHAN: Oh, they will. When the carnage begins.

Fishmeal shoots at Gene. Gene spins his car around and rams the Rover. Fishmeal drops his uzi and it lands on the passenger side floor mat. Fishmeal rams Gene back and goes for his uzi.

Gene sees the finish line coming up. Fishmeal is slightly ahead of him. Gene takes out Harry’s trident weapon and places it on his lap. He rams Fishmeal again and jams the flaming trident through his driver side door. When Fishmeal, rams Gene again, the trident becomes wedged into the passenger side door of the Rover, causing the vehicles to be stuck together.

While Fishmeal reaches for this uzi, Gene climbs out on to the Escort roof.

BLEED: What is he doing?

ETHAN: I do not know.

Gene opens the Escort’s gas cap, stuffs his bandana into the gas tank and ignites the bandana with his flaming hand. He turns to get back into the car, when gunfire just misses his leg.

Gene rolls off the hood, grabs on to the roof spoiler edges and gets back into the car. Fishmeal keeps firing. Gene holds on to the steering wheel, and then…THA-BOOM! Gene’s gas tank explodes. He is quickly consumed by fire. Fishmeal is slammed into the driver side door. When he drops his uzi on the seat, it shoots him in his right leg.

Gene’s flaming car keeps going. Fishmeal looks into the fire and sees Gene alive and well.

Gene palms the emergency brake and yanks back on it.

Both vehicles flip over and begin to tumble.

Spectators panic and clear out as the flaming ball of twisted metal rolls toward them.

Gene’s car breaks free and slides on its roof across the finish line.

RIOT: I don’t get it.

DOPE: I don’t understand.

40

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP BLEED: He did.

ETHAN: He won.

They all stand before the flaming wreck that was Gene’s car. Out of the flames comes a horned creature holding a trident. It’s Gene in his true Hæysux form, yellow eyes, goat legs and all.

Gene goes over to Fishmeal’s overturned vehicle. He rips the crumpled driver side door away and snatches the wounded Fishmeal out of the cab.

Gene props Fishmeal against the wrecked Rover and waits for Fishmeal to come around. When Fishmeal focuses on Gene again, his eyes widen. He looks as if he’s going to cry. He’s horrified.

FISHMEAL: Oh God. GENE: Race is over, Francis.

FISHMEAL: Oh my God! GENE: You lose.

Gene holds Fishmeal by the neck and lifts his trident.

FISHMEAL: Somebody help me! Help me!

Fishmeal screams as the hot trident prongs puncture his chest and cook holes into his flesh.

GENE: From this day forth, I possess your heart, mind and soul.

Fishmeal’s eyes roll up into his head.

GENE: You will do all that you do for the glory of the Hæysux.

FISHMEAL: Yes, my lord.

Gene removes his trident and lets Fishmeal fall to the group.

The teens stare at Gene holding the trident. Riot lowers his head and kneels. Dope and Bleed do the same. Gene looks to Ethan. Ethan looks around, then back at Gene.

ETHAN: What?

GENE: (points trident) Kneel.

ETHAN: (grins) You’re joking right?

Gene snarls and grabs up Ethan. Gene thins his devious eyes at Ethan. Ethan wets himself.

Gene sits Ethan down and points his trident at him.

GENE: From this day forth, you will serve only me.

Ethan is frightened beyond reason. His hair turns gray and his face falls pale.

GENE: Dagon’s Elected Firestorm!

Ethan’s eyelids shrink into droopy flesh bags. His grinning mouth inverts into a frown.

Bleed approaches and taps Ethan.

BLEED: You okay? (nudges him) Ethan?

Riot and Dope shake Ethan, but he doesn’t respond.

BLEED: What the hell did you do to him?!

GENE: Nothing.

They shake Ethan until he finally starts moving his head.

41

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP DOPE: You okay?

ETHAN: Can we go home now?

Gene joins them.

GENE: Ethan, do you know who I am?

ETHAN: Don’t call me Ethan. I don’t like that name.

BLEED: What’s wrong with you?

ETHAN: Leave me alone.

BLEED: You screwed him up, Gene!

GENE: Don’t blame me!

ETHAN: I don’t wanna hear about this.

BLEED: He was bright, funny and smart and you screwed him up!

ETHAN: I don’t like any of you.

GENE: I was only trying to help!

BLEED: You know what, Gene?! Eat My Fornicate!

DOPE: What the hell does that mean?

ETHAN: Hey, I like that name.

GENE: Sh-sh-ut up Ethan!

RIOT: Uh-oh. Gene’s stuttering again.

GENE: But it’s U-u-U who was beaten by Thee Thy or I! Haha!

DOPE: Hey Gene, you’re the one in a relationship with a man named Julio!

ETHAN: Can we stop by the adult store? I need something to masturbate with.

RIOT: How do Gene and Julio even do it?

DOPE: It’s like sticking your wang into a river of crap.

BLEED: Eww! That’s like having sex in a sewer!

DOPE: (laughs) That’s how our man Def gets down! It’s Sewer Sex! GENE: No, no, no! You all love sewer sex! Not Thee thy or I! ETHAN: Are we having soft tacos for dinner? If not, I don’t wanna eat with you guys.

42

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP

Six Months Later It’s another night at the Strip and a car meet is underway. Horned Hæysux teens in human guise show off their tricked out cars. Gene is now Dagon’s Elected Firestorm aka Def. He is Lord of the Lodge and the king of the Strip in Cankerton. He and Robucket look over background reports about his ex-wife. Eat My Fornicate approaches.

EAT: Hey Def. There’s a guy over here who wants to race the new Lord of the Lodge.

DEF: Can’t you see I’m busy?

EAT: He’s been beatin’ people all over Fale County. I heard he’s a pimp.

DEF: I said I’m busy.

Eat My Fornicate leans closer to Def. EAT: He says you’re an old Fart Hammer.

Def turns his head to Eat My Fornicate. His horns manifest. His brow crumples over his eyes.

EAT: He says you can’t get it up unless you’re watching kiddie porn.

Def is clearly pissed off.

DEF: (growls) Where is he?

Def turns on to the open Strip in his tricked out red Escort.

He pulls up beside a red concept microbus. The driver is none other than Linz Mondello.

LINZ: Hey, Rotten Possum!

Def glares at Mondello with his lower jaw locked.

LINZ: I see you finally junked that crappy Impala.

DEF: I see you’re still driving your Sewer Sex Scat Wagon!

LINZ: Oh, it’s worth more than that carnival attraction you’ve got here.

DEF: Don’t you have some children to kidnap, Mon-pedo?

LINZ: Still talking shit. You ain’t never gonna change.

DEF: You really think you can beat me with that hippie camper?

LINZ: Only one way to find out. (starts van) You ready, old timer?

A hot girl comes out before their vehicles.

HOT GIRL: Ready?

Linzy gives the Lulzwagen gas.

HOT GILR: Set? Def mashes the accelerator.

HOT GIRL: Go! The Lulzwagen and the red sports car pull off leaving smoke behind.

43

THE RAUNCH AND THE RIGHTEOUS: DEVIL MAY STRIP CUT TO BLACK. Tires are heard screeching and there’s a crash.

Which of the drivers has crashed, nobody knows…

LINZ: Hahaha! Carry on!

44