CPC Summer 2013

FR EE

YO UR S

Help aby I want a

Summer 2013/14

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OPTIONS FOR THOSE WHO CAN’T CONCEIVE

What to do for

THE HOLIDAYS? Xmas craft with Family Daycare

the first

Sleepover

How to TALK to girls PREGNANC Y

B A BY

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TODDLER

Win

DAY y l i m a F y a d i l o H P R I MSummer A R Y2013 S CCairns H OParenting O L Companion 1

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

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our contributors Heather Scanlan Heather Scanlan is a midwife who works out of Appletree Medical and the Cairns hospital.

Juanita and Bec

editors’ note Welcome to the last edition for 2013 and the first for 2014! I’m determined in the year ahead to simplify my life which is funny, because when I look back at this time last year, I had exactly the same wish. Here’s hoping this year I can make it happen! For those hanging around these holidays don’t forget to enter our ‘Holiday at Home’ competition because we’ve got a 4 day getaway your family will love! For those travelling away, take care of your precious family. Have a wonderful Christmas and a great start to 2014!

Make sure to check our Facebook page regularly for further updates on CPC! Happy Parenting!

Juanita and Bec contact us PUBLISHER/SALES: Juanita Soper SALES:

Rachel Bradley

EDITORIAL: Rebecca Waqanikalou SUB EDITOR: Kate Wilkinson DESIGN:

Sheryn Bewert

www.engineroom.com.au PHONE: 0438 811 027 (Juanita) EMAIL: info@parentingcompanion.com.au ADDRESS: PO Box 4620 Cairns QLD 4870 www.parentingcompanion.com.au facebook.com/cairnsparentingcompanion

WIN!! ... we have a 4 day FAM ILY getaway to discover our beautiful Daintree and Por t Douglas region.

this issue

Keran Thomas

pregnancy

of Birdwing Therapies offers one-on-one and group counselling for parents, children and families. birdwingtherapies.com.au

men in labour help I want a baby

Megan Cox from Megan Cox Photography specialises in unique and creative, children, family and portrait shoots which capture the emotion and magic of the moment. www. megancoxphotography.com.au

water birth

baby baby brag board baby wearing

46 early years education matters 56 stranger danger

primary school first sleepovers settling fights

Michelle of MLD Media is a freelance writer who writes for a number of publications around Australia.

do you have an anxious child

Family Chiropractor, Dr Clare Curtin practices from 36 Grafton Street at the Chiropractic Centre.

Ph: 4041 7020

cover

16 20

toddler

Michelle Dryburgh

Clare Curtin

8 10 14

22 44

parents family training together

36 66

win a family holiday mummy makeover teacher feature

24 49 59

In your backyard!

For our front cover this Summer we’ve taken inspiration from a Cairns favourite island holiday destination, Fitzroy Island.

Cocktails by the pool, anyone?

feature

Help I want a baby! is an article that examines what other options are available for couples who are unable to conceive.

DISCLAIMER: No part of this magazine, including advertisements within it, may be reproduced, in part or in whole without the expressed permission of the editor. Whilst the greatest care is taken to ensure that the information in the magazine is correct at time of publishing, readers are advised to check details before visiting. Cairns Parenting Companion cannot accept responsibilities for errors, inaccuracies or omissions. The expressions expressed within the magazine are not necessarily the views of the Cairns Parenting Companion, but of the individual writers.

Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion 5

Bertie’s

ToTal InTerIors SpecialiSing in UpholStery commercial & reSidential loUnge manUfactUrerS

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

s r e v a s li f e lit tle

Local parents share their favourite tips for making life just that little bit easier.

Top Tip Email Memories Want a cool idea to note down memories of your little ones? All my kids have those ‘Anne Geddes - First Five Year’ books, but I never seem to sit down and write in them.

I started noting down funny moments and milestones in an email and saving it as a draft, with the idea that I would then copy it into their books ... yeah right, well maybe one day, but by then I’ll be 80 and forget that I have this said email draft!

So, my clever husband decided to secure Gmail addresses for the kids, so they now have their own email address.

Now when I have a funny story to write or want to record a milestone, I EMAIL them! When they turn 16 or whenever they seriously start to use email, they will be able to see all of the emails that we have sent them over the years. I also use their email to send out party invites, thankyou’s and family updates. My daughter has recently had a birthday, so I sent Grandma and Grandad back in NZ, an update on what happened at the party and photos from the day. So now the kids will also have replies from their Grandparents that they can treasure forever. Thought I’d share this so you too can create little memories for your kidlets. K. Beattie of Smithfield

Potting Training For those toddlers using the potty before the toilet, line the potty with toilet paper before they do a poo to make it easier to flip into the toilet and clean.

N. Gower of Bayview Heights

Sand Removal Here’s a handy tip for all North Queenslanders. Keep a small container of powder in your car for when you are at the beach. This is a perfect way to get sand off.

Just rub some powder on the sandy area and off comes the sand, easily and gently too, without scratching and perfect for sensitive areas. Yep, even in the groin! It works better then washing the area and they smell nice to! Just do it outside the car! T. Ray

Keeping Bananas To avoid your bananas ripening too fast separate them from the bunch. If you leave them connected at the stem, they’ll ripen faster and go brown quicker. Shez

Re-use Tea Bags for Sunburn With summer upon us it is not always easy to avoid sunburn. If you do get caught out placing cold wet tea bags on the affected area offers a great relief. Brenda

WIN $25 G if t vouchers! one of three

Email your little lifesaver (parenting) tips to

win@parentingcompanion.com.au for your chance to WIN one of three, $25 gift vouchers to spend at any Overflow store in FNQ, from Ayr to Mareeba. Let’s go shopping at Overflow FNQ, Value, Variety, Rewards & Service ... Right here for you!

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Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

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WORDS Kate Wilkinson

Men in

r u o b a L

bir th Why some men choose not to be at the

In 1999, Michel Odent published an article that questioned whether or not fathers should be present at the birth of their children. It has recently become topical again and raises a number of questions.

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

Odent begins by explaining that once upon a time, birthing was “women’s business” and “the husband was given practical tasks, such as spending hours boiling water, but he was not involved in the birth itself”. But in the 21st Century, it is almost unheard of for a father to be absent from the birth of his child and there are many groups who believe the father is a necessary part of the process.

However, Odent argues that there are three questions that must be asked in relation to fathers being present at birth: Does the participation of the father aid or hinder the birth?

“There are many sorts of couples and many sorts of men: some can keep a low profile while their partner is in labour; others tend to behave like observers, or like guides, whereas others are like protectors. Many men cannot stop being rational, while some look brave, but their release of high levels of adrenaline is contagious.

It is often during the third stage that many men have a sudden need for activity, at the very time when the mother should have nothing else to do than to look at her baby’s eyes and to feel the contact with her baby’s skin. At this time, any distraction tends to inhibit the release of oxytocin and therefore interferes with the delivery of the placenta.”

Can the participation of the father at birth influence the sexual life of the couple afterward?

“Sexual attraction is mysterious.

Mystery has a role to play in inducing and cultivating sexual attraction. Once there were mother goddesses. At that time, childbirth was enigmatic among the world of men. Today I am amazed by the great number of couples who split off some

years after a wonderful birth according to the modern criteria. They remain good friends but they are not sexual partners any longer. It is as if the birth of the baby had reinforced their comradeship while sexual attraction faded away.”

Can all men cope with the strong emotional reactions they may have while participating in the birth?

“I am not thinking of a woman watching the TV while giving birth with a drip and an epidural, but of a woman relying on her own hormones. When visiting a family after a birth, I almost always found a happy and active mother taking care of her baby. But more often than not, I heard that the father was in bed because he was “drained”. I am tempted to claim that male postnatal depression is more common than female postnatal depression, although it is not recognised.”

We asked some local men what they thought about the idea of not being present at the birth of their children.

Paul says, “During a typical labour on a busy birth ward, midwives are often too busy to dedicate very much one on one time with mothers. In the bedlam, something as simple as fetching a drink or a warm towel can be forgotten by busy staff. A father on hand can help control that chaos.

I was there encouraging her to push when the contractions came on while the midwife hunted down the doctors. I held my wife’s hand as the doctors operated.

There was never any debate of me absenting myself – it never crossed our minds. The most important people in my life needed me.”

Tyson agrees, “We might feel helpless, but we aren’t. We can coach, learn, encourage, catch, get stuff for them,

communicate for them, and do everything our wives do for us all the time.

That doesn’t make the feelings of helplessness go away. It still sucks seeing your wife in so much pain, but I think the feelings of helplessness overshadow the agony of the mother a hundred fold.”

However, Max disagrees. “I know for certain I won’t be in the room when my partner gives birth. I feel as though she would be in good hands with the midwives and they would offer her better assistance than what I could. I don’t do well with blood and would probably pass out!”

Daniel also disagrees with being in the labour room. “I’m against it and feel many guys are bullied into it by the expectations of many around them.”

5 TOP FRIDAY

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Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

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WORDS Kate Wilkinson

Help

I want a

y b a B

A lot of people reach a certain stage in their life when they would love to hold their very own bundle of joy in their arms.

However, for a lot of people, having a baby is not as simple as boy meets girl.

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

Local couple, Coco and Henry, met and fell in love and wanted to take their relationship to the next level. But after more than 12 months of trying, they realised they needed to find out what was going on. Unfortunately, specialists were unable to tell them why they were unable to conceive and suggested the couple try IVF. This started an eight year journey of dashed hopes and financial pressure.

Coco and Henry’s embryos were viable, but for some reason, would not take. In their desperation, Coco and Henry tried three different IVF clinics, all with the same result.

But one evening, they caught up with friends who announced they were going to have a baby. As they were a same gender couple, Coco and Henry were very interested to find out how they were going about it and learned of a surrogacy centre in India.

Coco and Henry had considered surrogacy, but due to Queensland law, it was an extraordinarily difficult process, even though one of their friends had offered. They did their research and eventually settled on a clinic in New Delhi to try for a baby.

While they were concerned with issues of exploitation as the surrogate and the clinic are based in a developing nation, when Coco and Henry read the contract, they felt at ease with the process. They were happy that the money they paid would be enough for the surrogate to buy a house and educate her children and that she would be well looked after.

It was also a plus for Coco that the biological mother would appear on the birth certificate, not the surrogate. As far as they were concerned, it was mutual help, rather than a one-sided exchange.

When talking about the process, Coco said, “It’s strange. It’s like you take two parts of us, put it in someone else and pick it up nine months later. It’s making a baby through email!”

Even though signing the papers and taking the embryo to India seemed simple enough, Coco felt unprepared for the intensity of the nine months to follow.

“We had to wait for each piece of news and with the time difference, I

could not sleep. I would be scared of miscarriage and got edgy waiting for each ultrasound. If an email was late, I would panic.”

But at long last the time came for Coco and Henry to make the trip to India to wait for the birth of their child. It is illegal to discover the gender in India, so they had to wait. The day after they arrived in India, Henry Jr made his way into the world.

Coco and Henry were able to meet the surrogate and thanked her, a time that they both describe as very emotional. After his DNA was checked against his father’s, back in Brisbane, they were able to start the process of returning home.

At Perfect Teeth our dentist’s and therapist strive to provide excellent dental care for the whole family.

Our kid friendly service includes educating children, installing healthy oral habits and most of all, ensuring their dental visit is a positive experience.

“It was extremely expensive,” Coco says, “But I would do it again. It was the best decision we ever made.”

Another advocate of surrogacy, former Cairns resident David FormosaUrquhart, used his own experience to create a unique website aimed at helping hopeful parents navigate the veritable minefield of the process.

Perfect Teeth Redlynch

Shop 8, Redlynch Central Shopping Centre Larsen Road, Redlynch 4870

07 4039 4999

Perfect Teeth Cairns Suite 5, 361-363 Sheridan Street North Cairns 4870

07 4031 3555

“I wanted to create a website where people who needed help creating a family could connect with people who were willing to help them achieve it.

Fertility Connections Australia went live late last year and has grown to over 600 members. It shows that people are searching for alternative ways to create families.”

The website provides information on almost every possible aspect of surrogacy, reaching a broad range of prospective parents from couples struggling with infertility or health issues, to same gender couples, to those who would love a child, but have not found the right partner yet. David explains each aspect of the site: Sperm and Egg Donations in Australia have to be altruistic, thus no financial gain can be given to the donor.

However, reasonable expenses such as travel, accommodation and medical costs are allowed to be covered by the intended parent. Fertility Connections promotes known donors over the use anonymous donors. We encourage the intended parent/s to build a relationship with their child’s egg or sperm donor.

Some of these relationships only last Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

11

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

ACUPUNCTURE, FERTILITY & IVF SUPPORT Getting pregnant with the help of high tech science treatments of IVF has become the norm for many families. Chinese Medicine is not far behind in working collaboratively with modern medicine. Many couples trying to fall pregnant find themselves turning to the age old tradition of Acupuncture.

Kerri Adams Acupuncturist supports the integrative protocols provided at the Cairns Fertility Centre and is dedicated to coordinating Pre and Post IVF transfer assistance using specific protocols to her patients.

A recent study shows that using Chinese Medicine over a four month period can improve pregnancy rates two fold over rates achieved with fertility drugs or IVF. If you are planning IVF then acupuncture will help to improve blood flow and drug delivery to the ovaries and uterus during the stimulation phase, improve rates of implantation and reduce stress.

Make an appointment with KERRI ADAMS call 40535034 or visit www.kerriadams.com.au

the period of the donation period, while others can last a lifetime. It’s in the best interest of the child; we feel that everyone should know where they have come from.

Surrogacy is becoming a realistic option for many singles and couples who cannot carry their own baby. There are two types of surrogacy options: traditional surrogacy and gestational surrogacy.

Like egg or sperm donation, surrogacy in Australia must legally be done altruistically, meaning no financial gain for the surrogate. Traditional surrogacy is when a woman uses her own egg/s which are fertilised by either donor sperm or the intended parent’s sperm. A gestational surrogate is not biologically or genetically related to the child that she carries. The demand for surrogates in Australia is high; there just doesn’t seem to be enough women who are willing to altruistically carry a baby for someone else. There are laws in Queensland which make it illegal to advertise for or to become a surrogate; however altruistic surrogacy is perfectly legal in all states and territories of Australia.

Embryo adoption is a relatively new alternative for creating a family. Embryo adoption can be an appealing option for couples who would normally require an egg donor, sperm donor or both to create embryos. Unused embryos from past patients’ IVF cycles can either be put up for adoption or donated for scientific research by the legal parent/s. We have just recently added a thread for embryo adoption to our private forum after receiving many enquiries from intended parents. As yet, we have not had any embryos offered for adoption but are hopeful that we will have in the near future.

With local and overseas child adoption becoming almost non-existent in this country due to restrictive adoption laws, it is great to know that there are alternative ways for childless singles and couples to create families.

Websites like Fertility Connections have the advantage of helping hopeful parents see they are not alone and that there are options that will allow them to see their dream come true.

Co Parenting is another option available for creating a family. In most cases, Co Parenting is when a single man and a single woman agree to raise a child together but live separate lives. Co Parenting arrangements are not for everyone, it’s basically starting out a relationship in divorce mode. You really have to make sure that you both see ‘eye to eye’ on how you plan to raise your child together. Co Parenting was a popular option for same sex attracted men and women in the past, however, with the option of surrogacy and sperm/egg donation, Co Parenting is becoming less common.

Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

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r e t Wa s h t Bir

WORDS Heather Scanlan

Most people find great comfort when relaxing in water. This may be because we begin life surrounded by liquid in the womb and the familiarity of that sensation stays with us. Whatever the reason, women have been using water for thousands of years to ease pain during labour and to facilitate birth.

During my time working as a midwife, I have been extremely privileged to attend numerous women choosing to birth in water. In March 2011, I was humbled when I was present for my grandson’s arrival in water. A calm beautiful atmosphere welcomed 4kg Leo into our world.

The act of birthing in water is so simple. All a mother needs to do is submerge her labouring body in warm water. Immersion in a bath and/or pool during the first stage of labour has been shown to decrease the need for pain relieving drugs and make the experience more enjoyable for women. Being in water can make it easier for mothers to cope with the contractions, in the same way as having a bath to soothe a tummy ache or back ache.

During the early stages of labour, contractions may lose their rhythm if the mother becomes tense, making labour stop and start without moving on. Being immersed in water is likely to help her go with her contractions in active labour, so that they are less stressful for her and the baby (Cluett and Burns, 2009).

Taking short/shallow breaths when contracting can make the pain of contractions worse, while being in a warm bath in a dimly lit room can facilitate relaxation and calm breathing to ride out contractions.

In active labour, use of water may also help your body to release less adrenaline (our stress hormone) and more of the labour hormone, oxytocins.

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

This then stimulates labour contractions to be strong and regular (Simking and Ancheta, 2011) and so labour is more likely to progress naturally as a mother is able to block out other stimuli to feel more in tune with her labouring body.

Deep water immersion also creates buoyancy, relieving the weight of the baby and allowing spontaneous movement of the mother, which helps open the pelvis, allowing the baby to descend. As the baby has grown in a fluid environment for the past nine months, they adjust very well to being born in water, a water birth is miraculous!

There are many known benefits of using water for labour and birth: • Facilitating mobility and enabling the mother to assume any position which is comfortable for her • Giving the mother more control • Promoting relaxation • Conserving energy • Reducing perineal trauma • Encouraging an easier birth for mother and a gentler welcome for baby.

If you are considering using water for pain relief during labour or having a water birth, talk to your midwife and find out more information in relation to your own circumstances. Water births are associated with low risks for both the mother and baby when care is provided by midwives who follow best practice guidelines. Remember that the act of giving birth in water is not new. It is also incredibly simple.

LOCAL FACILITIES For women interested in accessing water for labour or birth, there are a number of options in our region.

Cairns Base Hospital has recently included 3 new baths as part of the redevelopment of the hospital. They are specifically in place for water immersion during labour and birth and so far have been well utilised.

Mareeba Maternity Unit also offers water birth and a large number of the women using the service choose to use the pools.

Innisfail Hospital will be offering access to water for labour and birth in the near future. Ask your midwife about availability and access.

Many women are uncertain about water birth, so here are three myths about water birth that have been debunked.

MY BABY MIGHT DROWN This is probably the biggest misconception around water birth.

While in the womb, babies get all oxygen from the umbilical cord blood. Babies only starts to breath after birth and even then, while the umbilical cord is still attached, oxygenated blood flows through it (an important reason to delay clamping the umbilical cord!). So, a baby born into water will not breathe until it’s lifted into the air and circulation to its lungs has initiated. If the cord is not been clamped or cut, it is quite normal for a baby to take up to a minute to begin breathing.

ISN’T THE WATER ALL ‘GROSS AND ICKY’?

The water during the labour usually stays quite ‘clean’. While there may be some release of amniotic fluid and potentially some blood, these don’t cause and issue as they were around the baby and are sterile fluids. If there is a release of fecal matter, any ‘bits’ will be removed by the midwife and you probably wouldn’t even notice.

In the initial moments after the birth, the water can be a little murky, but the concentration of what’s released to the amount of water is quite minimal. Besides, when you are holding your gorgeous baby in your arms, you probably won’t even notice.

WHAT ABOUT MY BABY GETTING AN INFECTION FROM THE WATER, WOULDN’T THE CHANCES INCREASE? Overall, infection rates in babies who are born in water are no higher than babies born out of water. In fact, some experts feel that the water provides a barrier to infection and dilutes the possible bacteria to the point where the concentration is too low to cause any harm.

Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

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Baby BraG Board

Fianna Rose-May Bartalis Lachlan Wieczorek

Show off your baby and you have the chance to win one of three $120 Twinkle Toes Jackson Grantstar Phillips vouchers.

To enter upload your photo at

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

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Kane’s

early arrival

& Ronald McDonald House

THANKS TO Natalie and Jason Beattie

Natalie Beattie was getting ready for her work Christmas party in 2012, at 25 weeks pregnant, when she experienced discovered a murky show. She called the hospital and was advised by the midwives to go in ‘just in case’.

At the hospital, the obstetrician was not happy with the state of Nat’s cervix.

“As a precaution, I was given my first steroid shot. If bub decided to make an appearance, this would start the production of surfactant to strengthen the little lungs. Then a sonographer was called in to do an ultrasound. My cervix was only 2.3cm and the decision was made to send me to Townsville General Hospital with the Royal Flying Doctors.

was coming. All we could do was hope I could make it to 4pm for the second steroid shot.

I barely got back to the room before I felt slight pains, like period pain. We called the midwife and the obstetrician back in. I was four centimetres dilated, but the baby was breech. The doctor advised an emergency caesarean, as the stress of birth wouldn’t be any good for baby.

Jason and I were both absolutely petrified. How would I run my business if I was on bed rest in Townsville for five weeks? Where would Jason live? How could we afford this?

I don’t remember much about the caesarean, or my recovery, except asking Jason what we would call our son. He said ‘Oh, his name is Kane. I already named him’. Eventually, we were taken to see Kane in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).

He only Weighed 803 grams and was 33cm long. There were machines beeping and little cords attached to him. He was also on a ventilator to give him mechanical breaths. But he was there. Our son was alive and well.

In Townsville, I had another ultrasound to take measurements of bub, checking organs and the four chambers of heart.

But then I had another internal exam and discovered I was two centimetres dilated.

At 25 weeks and 1 day gestation, the baby

The morning after Kane was born, we met Susan, our social worker, who gave us the wonderful news that Ronald McDonald House Charity (RMHC) had a room available. We thought our circumstances were undeserving of this

Got a Question?

generosity, but we were now a family, with child in need of medical assistance, away from our local hospital. One week later, a volunteer loaded the buggy with my bags and drove me from the hospital to our new home away from home. It was a beautiful, clean, self contained apartment, a safe place, a wonderful and warm home with smiling staff and volunteers. The cupboards had been kindly stocked by generous donations of groceries and there was a communal freezer full of pre-made meals so parents could spend time at the hospital without having to worry about cooking on their return.

Ronald McDonald House was our home for three months. Our family will be forever grateful to this incredible charity. We would also like to thank our family and friends who made donations, during and after our stay.” There is also a Ronald MacDonald house in Palm Cove that provides accommodation for up to six people and “provides a chance for families of children who have suffered serious illness the much-needed opportunity to relax and reconnect.”

For more information on RMHC, or to donate, visit www.rmhc.org.au

every Wednesday you can...

Just message or post your question on our Facebook page to find out what the locals say. You never know what you'll find out. ASK A LOCAL every Wednesday at

www.facebook.com/cairnsparentingcompanion Facebook local.indd 1 18 Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

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Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

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Elaine Crowther

Metui from Parramatta Park

Ba by

wearing

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

Medical professionals agree that babies thrive through touch and “wearing” your baby is a great way to keep your baby close and at the same time, keeping your hands, free! Here in Cairns there is a growing number of ‘baby wearers’, parents who have their babies strapped to them as they go about their daily lives.

According to Clare Curtin from Axis Chiropractic, there are many benefits when it comes to baby wearing. She says “ studies have shown that infants who are carried for 3 or more hours per day, above normal holding during feeding and in response to crying in the first 3 months of life cry 43% less often, and 51% less in the evening hours.

Carriers are designed to imitate carrying your baby in your arms whilst saving you from having to support your baby’s weight in your arms alone. Research has shown that babies are best carried in an upright position with their hips flexed greater than 90 degrees and knees bent. The dangling leg posture, which can occur in outward facing positions, should be avoided.

When using reclining carriers, your baby’s neck should be straight, and the C-shaped curve of the spine and curve of the legs is no more than would normally be seen when a baby is held. Legs should be flexed so that the knees are higher than the bottom to keep the hip joint properly in the socket. Once tummy time has been initiated at about 3 weeks then an upright carrier could be introduced.

Be sure to select a carrier that has as much mid and low back support as possible and regularly check for any signs of wear and tear. If your child shows any sign of discomfort, desist use and have your health practitioner assess your baby’s hips. The Chiropractors at Axis Chiropractic can help you regarding baby carriers and their use.

Feel free to bring your baby and carrier in for an assessment.”

We asked a number of local parents why they chose to wear their babies ...

Bree Stoney, Manunda I started wearing my son in a wrap when he was just 3 days old, for the loving connection it promotes and the everyday practicality. Baby wearing has allowed me to work full time since my son’s birth, while allowing him to feel safe and supported during our busy day. My carrier of choice is a simple woven wrap that allows for versatility.

Philippa Bowman, Manoora I love baby wearing because I get sneaky time with my son. It is also convenient and calms an upset toddler in seconds.

My favourite carrier at the moment is my Girasol Ring Sling. It is perfect because it is so fast to get him in and out of, but he is safely tucked under my arm when we need to go. Baby wearing also allows me to participate in Kangatraining, a baby wearing, postnatal workout for mums.

Renee Hanrahan, Whitfield Baby wearing has been very important to us from birth, particularly for Dad to experience closeness and bonding after birth. As bub grew and wanted to look around, we moved to an Ergo, which we love and use daily for exercising and periods of extended wearing. With an older sister on the go, it is lovely to be able to join in and not be restricted because of a pram or unsteady toddler.

Elaine Crowther, Trinity Beach My little man was born at a small 2.5kg and wanted to be held continually. A stretchy wrap was our first choice ,but we now use different carriers for different activities. For walking the dog I usually choose the Manduca and the rest of the time I use a woven wrap to carry him on my back. Baby wearing allowed me to get back to playing with my band as it was something I loved doing before having my baby.

Metui Tongatua, Parramatta I felt pure joy and utter elation when I found out I was going to be a father When my son was born, the feeling of holding my child close to me is an indescribable one, and now I am lucky enough to prolong the feeling through the use of baby carriers. I am able to wear my son, and show him off like a badge of honour.

Katherine Trueloves-Hawkins, Edge Hill We babywear to help our babies adjust to life on the outside. Both the girls were on our bodies or sleeping next to us 24 hours a day for the first 3-4 months. This wouldn’t have been sustainable without babywearing. It is also convenient. It is so much easier to have two hands free And there is very little I can’t do with a baby strapped to me!

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1

st

Staying the night at someone else’s house is a big milestone for children and an invaluable confidence builder as they learn independence.

s r e v o p Slee

It seems that there is no right age for a first sleepover and often circumstances dictate when it will happen. My eldest was two when I went labour with our second child. The labour was long and my husband and I were at the hospital overnight as we waited to welcome our baby into the world while Miss Two went to stay with her grandparents, away from us for the first time.

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

WORDS Kate Wilkinson

The ‘sleepover’ is definitely not just something girls do while they eat midnight snacks and giggle until all hours.

More often than not, a child’s first sleepover occurs much earlier than school age. While some parents are lucky enough to be able to leave their children overnight with family members, for others, close friends help out and there is also an increasing number of

institutions that offer overnight care when it is needed.

The thought of leaving my baby overnight was very daunting for me, but research shows this is a normal process. According to psychologists, the idea of the first sleepover triggers a range of issues for both children and parents, including separation anxiety, sleeping in a strange place and abiding by someone else’s routine.

Psychologists also agree that there are a number of things that you can do to help your child feel comfortable being away from you and to provide a sense of security for them while they are out of their comfort zone.

Before the sleepover, take note of who your child feels most comfortable with and, where possible, choose those people as carers for your child. Then talk with them well in advance of the sleepover.

Outlining your routine with the carer before hand is also great for helping your child feel more at home, even in different surroundings. If the carer is able to implement your routine, your child will feel comfortable and settled, knowing what will come next. It will also be helpful for the carer to know what time your child needs to go to bed and when they are likely to wake in the morning.

When preparing for the sleepover, let your child pack their own bag for their upcoming adventure. Your child will probably want to take half of their room with them, so make it a big bag! Allowing your child to take their favourite toys and other creature comforts is essential for helping them feel at home away from home. Ensure that any favourite toys and sleep aids go with them for comfort.

While they are packing, do make sure that everything they will need goes in, like pyjamas, toiletries, enough nappies, nappy cream, their toothbrush and toothpaste, clothes and spare clothes.

Going out and buying something new and exciting, like a sleeping bag or toothbrush, for your child to pack will also add to the excitement. Allowing them to take their own entertainment may also be helpful. If they become distressed at

the sleepover, being able to listen to their favourite song or DVD could help calm them down.

It may also be helpful to pack your child’s own bowl, cup and favourite snacks to take along. This is especially pertinent if your child has any allergies or dietary requirements.

If your child still requires a cot, make sure the carers know how to operate the portacot. If your child sleeps in a big bed, make sure the carer has one that meets your needs, such as being low or having a side rail, so that you can provide what is needed for sleep safety. It is also worth thinking about which room your child will sleep in – alone, with the carer, or with other children?

While we were unsure about leaving our girls, we returned relaxed and happier parents, refreshed from the break.

Your child may also need a nightlight to allay bedtime fears as new surroundings can take on a different appearance after dark.

Ensure that your carers know how you can be contacted and where you will be, in case there is an emergency or your child really will not settle. Also talk about what would constitute an emergency – do you want to know if your child develops a temperature, or would you rather only being called if they became ill?

Finally, talk to your child. Explain what

will be happening and where you will be, what time you will collect them and what they will be doing with the carers.

Let them know that you can be reached if there is an emergency. If you are having a baby or going out of town, explain to your child that they will have to stay where they are, but that you will be back for them as soon as you can. Perhaps organise for a special outing with them to celebrate such a milestone of independence.

By the time we were ready our second child’s first sleepover, our eldest felt like a pro, having had a sleepover before.

Each girl was given a new sleeping bag when my husband and I went away for the weekend for our anniversary. We explained that we were going away, but not very far and that they would have great fun with Grandma and Grandad. We called to say goodnight and kept in touch with what was going on via text message.

However, unlike our eldest, our youngest is very stubborn and had Grandma and Grandad working to settle her until ten o’clock, and she did not sleep through, waking up numerous times.

This was the biggest lesson for us: when your child has their first sleepover, make sure the carer is patient and willing to cope with the inconsistencies of small children who are feeling scared and confused because their parents have gone away for the first time. While we were unsure about leaving our girls, we returned relaxed and happier parents, refreshed from the break.

Sometimes, a sleepover is just what a parent needs and they can be assured that it is an important step towards independence for their child as well!

Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

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how

to talk to Girls WORDS Kate Wilkinson

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

In a world where we are becoming more and more conscious of how the way we speak to others impacts on their future body image and self esteem, a lot of focus has been put on the way we talk to little girls.

Lisa Bloom, author of ‘Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed Down World’ provides wonderful advice on how to talk to girls in a way that makes them feel validated in a positive way.

“I went to a dinner party at a friend’s home last weekend, and met her fiveyear-old daughter for the first time,” Lisa writes. “Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, “Maya, you’re so cute! Look at you!

Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!”

But I didn’t. I squelched myself. As I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ wellmanicured/ well-coiffed they are.

What’s wrong with that? It’s our culture’s standard talking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn’t it? And why not give them a sincere compliment to boost their selfesteem? Because they are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly.

Hold that thought for just a moment.

Recently, ABC News reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat. In my book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, I reveal that 15 to 18 percent of girls under 12 now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly; eating disorders are up and self-esteem is down; and 25 percent of young American women would rather win America’s Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize.

Even bright, successful college women say they’d rather be hot than smart. A Miami mom just died from cosmetic surgery,

leaving behind two teenagers. This keeps happening, and it breaks my heart.

it is, for a five-year-old. You go on with your bad self, Maya.

Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything.

It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What’s missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.

“What’s your favourite book?” I asked.

Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was pretty.

That’s why I force myself to talk to little girls as follows.

“Maya,” I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her eyes, “very nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” she said, in that trained, polite, talking-to-adults good girl voice.

“Hey, what are you reading?” I asked, a twinkle in my eyes. I love books. I’m nuts for them. I let that show.

Her eyes got bigger, and the practiced, polite facial expression gave way to genuine excitement over this topic. She paused, though, a little shy of me, a stranger. “I LOVE books,” I said. “Do you?”

Most kids do.

“YES,” she said. “And I can read them all by myself now!” “Wow, amazing!” I said. And

“I’ll go get it! Can I read it to you?”

Purplicious was Maya’s pick and a new one to me, as Maya snuggled next to me on the sofa and proudly read aloud every word, about our heroine who loves pink but is tormented by a group of girls at school who only wear black. Alas, it was about girls and what they wore, and how their wardrobe choices defined their identities. But after Maya closed the final page, I steered the conversation to the deeper issues in the book: mean girls and peer pressure and not going along with the group. I told her my favourite colour in the world is green, because I love nature, and she was down with that.

Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was pretty. It’s surprising how hard it is to stay away from those topics with little girls, but I’m stubborn.

I told her that I’d just written a book, and that I hoped she’d write one too one day. She was fairly psyched about that idea. We were both sad when Maya had to go to bed, but I told her next time to choose another book and we’d read it and talk about it. Oops. That got her too amped up to sleep, and she came down from her bedroom a few times, all jazzed up. So, one tiny bit of opposition to a culture that sends all the wrong messages to our girls. One tiny nudge towards valuing female brains. One brief moment of intentional role modelling. Will my few minutes with Maya change our multibillion dollar beauty industry, reality shows that demean women, our celebritymanic culture? No. But I did change Maya’s perspective for at least that evening.

Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

PICTURED 8 year old Ella Astle

Try this the next time you meet a little girl: She may be surprised and unsure at first, because few ask her about her mind, but be patient and stick with it. Ask her what she’s reading. What does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers. You’re just generating an intelligent conversation that respects her brain.

For older girls, ask her about current events issues: pollution, wars, school budgets slashed. What bothers her out there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand? You may get some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas and accomplishments and your favourite books. Model for her what a thinking woman says and does.

Here’s to changing the world, one little girl at a time.”

After reading Lisa’s article, I had the opportunity to try out her advice when I spoke to eight year old Ella of Edmonton over the phone.

I know her mum, but had never spoken to Ella before. Below is a transcript of our conversation.

Kate: Hey, Ella. How are you?

Ella: I’m good, thank you.

Kate: Did you have fun on the school holidays?

Ella: Yeah. (I knew I should be

Ella: It’s really about this, like, music box. There’s, like, pictures and the pictures, like, come to life.

Kate: So there’s lots of magic?

Ella: Yeah.

asking open questions, so I

Kate: Who are the main characters?

just dived into one of Lisa’s

Ella: There’s a boy whose name I can’t remember and a girl, Mimi.

(I didn’t quite catch that, so Ella spelled it for me.)

suggestions) Kate: What are you reading at the moment?

Ella: Emily Rodda’s Rondo Series.

Kate: A series? How many books are there?

Ella: Mimi. She’s funny.

Ella: Three or four. I’m only on the first one.

Kate: I’ve never heard about them.

What are they about?

Kate: Thanks for spelling that for me, Ella. That’s awesome. Which one is your favourite?

Kate: Do you think you’ll read the whole series?

Ella: Yeah, I’m going to read all of them.

Ella had to go to school, so I was conscious of the time. I thanked her for taking the time to talk to me, amazed that she was so willing to talk to a complete stranger who was asking her questions about books over the phone. Not once was the conversation stilted and I could hear the animation in her voice as we spoke. I’m looking forward to catching up with Ella again, hopefully face to face, at some point to find out how the rest of the books go and ask her what sort of issues she saw emerge through the story.

Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

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Cairns Early Years Centre WORDS Caroline Houston

Starting school as a prep student is a new and exciting experience for both children and their family. However, sometimes new faces, a new environment and new expectations can cause anxiety and worry for both.

It is important to prepare your child for beginning school so that they can have a positive experience. If a child has a positive experience in the early years, they are more likely to continue to be excited about learning throughout the middle and senior years of their schooling.

The Cairns Early Years Centre in Bentley Park (in partnership with other health, community and educational organisations) offers pre-prep programs and activities (free of charge) for families in the Southern Corridor. The programs and activities for pre-school aged children (3-5yrs) and their families offered include: Indy Kindy Provides kindy readiness skills through games and play. Indy Kindy promotes learning through play and incorporates the Early Years Learning Framework.

Readiness for Prep aims to develop foundation skills essential for school readiness for children who have not yet had the opportunity to develop these skills.

Mighty Mates Program aims to build resilience through the development of emotional regulation and social competence.

PaL Home based program promoting literacy and numeracy and empowering parents as their children’s first teachers.

Playtime Playgroup – (children up to 4 years) This playgroup provides support and early intervention for families of young children with a disability or suspected disability/ developmental delay.

Parent Connect this is a new initiative that supports parents or carers of children from birth to six years (anywhere within Cairns region) with a newly diagnosed or suspected disability or a developmental delay, through a range of services. Parent Connect helps find the right support for children and helps families plan for the key milestones ahead of them as their child grows. The program also links parents with other families who are sharing similar experiences.

There are also a number of things that parents can do at home to help prepare for beginning prep: • Have a daily routine that enables children to become used to structure. Create a schedule for the day that gives children the opportunity to prepare themselves for what’s coming up next.

• Promote independence and increased levels of responsibility. Children can be actively involved in everyday activities such as choosing their own clothes, dressing themselves, toileting/bathing, helping with chores, feeding pets and setting the table.

• Make play dates with other children.

Engage with other children of a similar age to give children the opportunity to develop their social skills such as sharing, turn-taking, waiting, listening and following directions.

• Find books about beginning school and read them with your child.

• Visit the school with your child. You and your child can familiarise yourselves with the new environment, meet teachers, parents and other children who will be in the class and you can also find out what your child’s daily schedule will be like.

If you are having concerns about your child beginning school or how your child is settling in at school, come in and see us at the Cairns Early Years Centre!

Remember, starting school is a special and exciting time, so the most important thing to do is to enjoy it with your child!

Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

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the

WORDS Michelle Dryburgh

Family Cycle

As daughters become mothers, and mothers become grandmothers, roles are reversed and the

family dynamics change. We may find ourselves caring not only for our children, but also those who nurtured us through our own childhoods. It can be a difficult transition, and it brings with it many responsibilities – which at least one, four-generational Cairns family has discovered, the family cycle can bring a world of joy‌

PICTURED 4 generations L-R Erin Davis, Gail Hastie holding grandchild Sophie, and Ellen Porta

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

Seeing four generations of the one family together has become a rare and precious sight. So it’s little wonder two-year-old Sophie Porta and her mum, grandma and great grandmother turn heads during family outings in Cairns.

Sophie’s mum Ellen Porta confesses it was something she took for granted until passers-by commented on the significance. “Someone asked if we were all related and until then we hadn’t thought much of it,” she said. “But there we were, four generations enjoying each other’s company, no matter the age span of 77 years!”

Ellen admits she is ‘one of the lucky ones’, with both of her parents, Gail and Ed Hastie, and maternal grandparents, Ron and Erin Davis, living close-by to help her and husband Ryan care for their daughter.

Everyone is a Cairns-born local, and well known throughout the community with Ron serving as Mayor of Cairns from 1978 to 1988.

“Sophie has a lot of interaction with her grandparents and great grandparents, they play a very important role in her life and she sees them every day,” Ellen smiles. “My brother, sister and I had our grandparents around when we were growing up and it was always such a joy. Not a lot of people have that privilege, and it’s because my family has lived in Cairns all their lives.”

But it could have been a very different story. Ellen’s parents considered leaving when her father lost his job in the Ansett collapse. “But mum believed in having a close-knit family, she did all she could to help dad find work so they could stay,” Ellen recalls. “I went away once myself, but I was always so close to my family, I couldn’t stand being away. And now I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.”

Ellen believes that close-knit bond has kept her parents and grandparents young at heart. She acknowledges they are ageing, and the complications that brings, but says her elders are far from slowing down.

“I was talking to my nanna about it, and as she said, they’ve been able to grow up with Sophie, and me and my siblings as well and they not only taught us, but learnt from us,” she recalls.

“They spent so much time with us they were never stuck in the day, they moved with the times and with us.

“My grandpa is 85, has an iPhone and an iPad, and my mum and dad are still

fit and healthy, they both still work yet they’re always on the go and running around the backyard with Sophie.”

That relationship has allowed Ellen to return to work part time and leave Sophie in the care of her family.

She admits returning to work would have been much harder if she faced the expense and uncertainty of childcare.

But having such a big family also has its challenges – there are all the birthdays to remember, Christmas dinners to cook, and what does everyone get called?

“We had always called my grandma Nanna and my mum, Mum of course, but everyone needed new names when Sophie came along,” Ellen laughs.

“My mum wanted to be Nanna, but that was confusing, so she became Nannie, and my grandma became GG, for great grandma. “My grandfather got Grandy, which just left my dad. I had to make the executive decision in the end, and he became Pop. “I’m glad we got that sorted!”

Spectrum lifestyle coach Naomi Wilson said Ellen was certainly one of the lucky ones, but stressed those families separated by physical distance could also have close relationships.

“The ties that create a loving, caring bond can be made from a distance too,” Naomi said. “We have changed from a society where most families live together, to one where many people live apart, but stay connected through the wonderful technology of our generation.”

And while having ageing parents and grandparents is always difficult, Naomi said those living away from ageing family members could experience an even greater amount of stress.

“To see someone you once relied on for advice, love and care now need that advice, love and care themself is difficult, and even more so when you can’t be there to help,” she said.

“That’s when we have to trust their care with other family or a professional carer, and find comfort in knowing they’re in good hands.”

Naomi said anyone experiencing a transition of the family cycle could seek assistance from their local GP or community nurse, a counsellor, support group or reading materials.

She said there were also books available to help children cope with difficult life changes including dealing with dementia in grandparents.

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n a e v a h u o y o D

s u o i x n A Child?

There is a lot of media attention highlighting the importance of awareness of mental health concerns in adults and teens, but do we need to worry about our younger children?

WORDS Keran Thomas and Petra Lovely

Keran Thomas, from Birdwing Therapies, explains that “anxiety in children can be linked to a child’s daily life experiences and their perception of themselves, others and the world. According to Raising Children, 8 to 22% of children with anxiety experience it on an intense level, which impacts their enjoyment of life and functioning.

Anxiety can occur in children of any age and often it is considered ‘normal’. For example, a pre schooler being frightened of going out into the dark.

ho m a s Keran T dw ing from Bir ffers so Therapie r children g in fo counsell s and can be lt a nd a d u c t e d o n n co ta 4

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

ANXIETY TYPES Social Anxiety is where children think others may think poorly of them. Children with Social Anxiety appear to have few friends and find it hard to join in group or team activities. The child may find it difficult to stand up in front of the class for fear of failure and being laughed at.

Separation Anxiety is when a child worries about being apart from their parents or primary carers. The child could be concerned about something bad happening to themselves or family members if they are apart. Children with this type of anxiety often experience tummy pains or feel sick and may be wanting days off school (due to anxiety and fear).

Generalised Anxiety is where a child worries about life, world events and what could go wrong. The child can get concerned about new situations and find transitions really difficult. The child feels under pressure at school in front of the class or in doing tests, as perfectionism is often observed in children in this group.

TOP TIPS • Choose your language around ‘anxiety’ carefully. Talk about the feelings and thoughts instead. Acknowledge your child’s feelings and ask if the feelings are linked to something likely or unlikely happening.

• Encourage your child to take small but positive steps to deal with the issue. Discuss progress and positives in helpful and encouraging ways. Monitor and celebrate!

• If you believe the child’s anxiety is outside ‘normal’ realms of behaviour and development and is interfering with social, emotional and educative goals talk to the day care staff or their teacher, or the school counsellor.

• Discuss your observations and concerns with your child’s doctor or paediatrician, they may recommend a referral for child counselling.

A combination of child focused techniques and cognitive behaviour therapy in conjunction with family centred planning and in home and school based strategies may be beneficial in reducing the symptoms and improving the emotional wellbeing of the child. In a small

number of cases medication is required short term and monitored by the child’s doctor and paediatrician.”

What happens when anxiety is a result of neglect or other trauma and is ongoing? Petra Lovely from Mission Australia believes that “the first four years of life are critical, because the brain’s wiring for social and psychological health is being established. During this time it is important to maximise a child’s positive experiences, making them resilient to later stress.

A recent article in Kids Matter reaveals that advances in neuroscience provide evidence to support the theory that exposure to trauma and neglect will not only affect behavioural and emotional outcomes, but also the growth and structure of the brain.

Intensive and prolonged stress can disrupt early brain development and compromise functioning of the nervous and immune systems. In addition, childhood stress has been linked to health problems later in life including alcoholism, depression, eating disorders, heart disease, cancer and other chronic diseases.

The reason for this is that stress alters the brain and nervous system of the developing child, producing prolonged ‘alarm reactions’ causing behavioural impulsivity and increased anxiety.

Dr Greta Galloway, Clinical Director of Alan Webster Consultancies, specialises in trauma and believes that “Secure and stable relationships are the basis for healthy emotional development. In the first four years of life, children learn about themselves and their place in the world. Children look to us for order and security which gives them the basis of a predictable, understandable world in which they are safe to form attachments, play and explore”.

While traumatic and neglectful experiences during childhood do cause particular neural wiring of the brain, Dr Galloway contends that this doesn’t mean everything is set for life. “We now know that with neuroplasticity we can practice skills, feelings, body postures and thoughts mindfully, that together rewire our brain towards the life we desire. This enhances our psychological health and undermines previous destructive processes.”

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William Shakespeare 38

Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

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39

Our

s a m t s i Chr

Traditions

Christmas is a highly anticipated time of year, whether it is for the holiday, the presents or religious purposes.

In Australia, our Christmas celebrations rarely match the ‘traditional’ Christmas images we are used to of snow and a toasty fire, but coming together as a family seems to be the most common Christmas tradition across cultures and religions. We asked three local families to tell us how they celebrate Christmas.

The Fatnowna Family Christmas has always been a celebration of family and a very busy time. We traditionally celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve as it gives the families a chance to spend time with their partners’ families on Christmas Day. However, this is becoming more challenging as the families continue to grow. Our immediate family currently sits at 57 members. It has become quite a challenge to have everyone together at Christmas, but we do our best to get as much of the family together as possible!

Being such a hot time of year, we tend to steer away from the traditional Kup-murri (underground cooking). All of the families contribute to the cooking of other traditional meals such as coconut curry chicken, fried fish, fish soup, mud crab, fried squid, namas (fish in vinegar, chilli and red onion), prawns, udabor (pork cooked in vinegar and soya sauce), sumur (chicken vermicelli), blutchan (chicken giblets, shrimp paste, chilli and onion) and other seafood that is caught by the boys leading up to Christmas.

Because the family is so extensive, we try to buy a gift for everyone under 18. Santa (Dad or oldest Brother) is a very busy person! The adults of the family participate in ‘Secret Santa’ and the gift must be something useful to the house. Names are pulled out of a hat a few weeks before Christmas.

During the day, one of the older nephews will often gather all the kids together to practice some traditional song and dance. Songs such as Taba Naba, Ile-Ile and Kookaburra are most practiced as anyone over two can join in! The main celebration usually begins around 5pm and continues well into the night!

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

The Hoskins-Zavari family Most years, our Christmas is a small affair with only our immediate family and maybe some friends. But some years we have family from Newcastle, Adelaide or all the way from Germany or Turkey!

Throughout the four weeks before Christmas, we have a lot of candles decorating the house, particularly on our ‘Adventskranz’ (advent wreath placed on a table or cupboard with four candles and each Sunday in the four weeks before Christmas, a candle is lit). During Advent, we have Advent calendars and an Advent book that has one Advent/Christmas story to read to the children each day. We read the stories sitting around the Adventkranz with candles lit and the Christmas tree lights on while we eat special German Christmas biscuits.

The 6th of December is Sankt Nikolaus day. The night before, the children put their shoes outside the front door, and overnight Nikolaus comes and fills them with sweets and little presents.

On Christmas Eve we light sparklers and candles on our real Christmas tree for the first time. We also read the final Advent book story and the Christmas story of baby Jesus. If we are in Germany, we will also open our presents.

On Christmas day, the kids run out as early as possible, and we all come together around the Christmas tree to open presents and the children and I (mum) go to church. For the rest of the day, it is pretty relaxed. The children play with their presents, then we might go to the beach and we sometimes meet up with friends for Christmas drinks.

The Forders The Fatnownas

The Hoskins-Zavaris

The Forder Family Since moving to Cairns, our Christmas celebrations are a humble affair with only my husband and I and our three children.

Leading up to Christmas, we have a daily advent calendar and bible readings relating to the story of Jesus’ birth. The children also have a lot of fun making craft for our Christmas tree and to decorate the house.

On Christmas morning, we open our presents before going to church, which is the most important part of the day for us. After church, we have a special lunch that includes roast turkey and vegetables, followed by a birthday cake for dessert to remind us that the real reason we are celebrating is the birth of Jesus. The children are also allowed to eat the candy canes from the Christmas tree.

Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

41

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Children paste on googly eyes and decorate their critter.

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

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43

Settling

WORDS Michael Grose

F I GH T S

Sibling fighting tends to come with the parenting territory. It is born from rivalry or competitiveness between siblings and shows itself through mindless arguments, noisy squabbles, physical means, verbal put-downs and even long silences.

It is always a difficult call to know when to intervene in children’s disputes. Do I ignore the squabble or do I become involved? Good question. Bear it (if you are a saint you maybe able to ignore it), Beat it (go elsewhere when they fight) and Boot them out (noisy disputes are best settled outside) come from the let-them-work-itout-themselves school of thought. There is a time and place for this approach. With young children you do need to give them some opportunity to work things out themselves.

But kids have L plates on when it comes to resolving conflict with their siblings. They can learn better ways of resolving conflict

Win

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

than resorting to reflexive means such as hitting, shouting and generally playing the person rather than the “ball”. There are times to intervene when there is a dispute. The key is to get in early before the dispute escalates into World War III. When you do intervene be more concerned about solving the problem (is it about space, possessions or infringement of personal rights) than trying to work out who started the dispute. Don’t be the umpire or the judge – attempt to be the peacemaker. But even peacemakers have to get tough and send both parties to their bunkers (bedrooms) to cool off.

Here are some simple strategies you may use to help young children resolve their own disputes: • Distract them when they hurt someone. If an infant hits a sibling give them a hammer and pegboard saying, “We hit the pegboard, not people.”

• Redirect them when they hurt someone. If a sibling is watching TV and a child interferes with him or her you can say “John is watching TV at the moment. You can do a drawing while you are waiting for him.”

• Explain the consequences when they hurt someone. Sometimes young children learn from experience but adults need to explain or make a connection. You can say “The reason Peter hurt you was that you made him angry by taking his cars.”

• Help your child see his or her place in the fight, problem or dispute.

Sometimes they are conveniently blind to their own involvement.

• Remove your child if he hurts others.

Let him or her know that hurting others is inappropriate and place them in a quiet spot to reinforce this. Be firm if children are hurtful to each other.

• Give them some simple ideas about how to handle the problem. Simple suggestions such as “Ignore him when he whines.” “Go to your bedroom if your little sister annoys you. Have you asked your brother to stop taking your toys?”

• Recognise their efforts to resolve conflict cooperatively. “That was great to see you share your toy with Alex?”

• If in doubt, try timeout. Some time in bedrooms can calm kids down and give everyone some breathing space.

It is better in the long run to focus on restoring relationships rather than taking a punitive approach when young children fight.

‘Hands off’ policy Children’s disputes can be noisy, loud and physical, particularly when boys are involved. Sibling conflict is the bane of family life as it can disturb family harmony and make life awful for parents. Noisy, physical fights don’t seem to worry kids as much as it does parents.

It’s worth noting that left to their own devices kids generally work out their own solutions to relationship problems but the verbal barbs can fly and some physicality can be involved. If you have boys your long-term aim as a parent is to get them to talk through their issues, practise give and take and look for solutions that suit both rather than each standing their ground.

This takes a great deal of patience and modelling by adults of healthy conflict resolution. It also helps to have a Handsoff policy at home. That is, kids resist hitting or hurting each other when there is a problem to be sorted. Talking through problems, giving way and compromising are the ways to go. Just because you have a hands-off policy doesn’t mean that kids will stick to it all the time.

But it makes it very clear for boys, in particular, that hitting and hurting are not the ways to solve their relationships problems. “Jeremy, we have a hands-off policy in our family. You overstepped the mark when you whacked your brother. We cool down and talk things through here.

How will you fix this situation?

A Hands-off policy gives you something concrete to refer to as a parent when kids overstep the mark they use physicality to resolve issues with their siblings.

Michael Grose is the author of 8 books for parents and director of Parentingideas, a leader in parenting education. Get the secret to raising confident, resilient kids with his new book, ‘Teach your kids to SHRUG!’

10 good reasons to choose a Catholic school for your child

1 High academic standards 2 Good behaviour 3 Respect for self and others 4 Holistic education (academic, spiritual, social, emotional, physical, cultural) 5 Faith and values based 6 Safe and caring environment 7 Sense of family and community 8 Valuing and nurturing of individuals 9 Partnership with parents 10 Modern resources and facilities

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Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

Don’t teach your children

STRANGER r e g n Da

American blogger and mother of four, Sarah Kate Levy, wrote a confronting post encouraging parents not to teach their children about Stranger Danger. Child protection experts, including American Pattie Fitzgerald and Australian Freda Briggs believe that children should instead be taught about ‘Tricky People’ and how they operate in order to protect them from predators.

Sarah wrote, “Right after my youngest was born, I was in the car listening to the radio and I heard a child safety educator say, “Stop telling your kids not to talk to strangers. They might need to talk to a stranger one day. Instead, teach them which sorts of strangers are safe. You know who’s safe? A mum with kids.

Tell your children that if they are ever separated from you at the shopping centre, flag down the first mum with kids they see.”

This was fantastic advice. I have shared it with everyone who will listen ever since. I finally got to meet the woman who’d said this brilliant thing. Her name is Pattie Fitzgerald and she offers seminars to adults and children in America on the subject of keeping kids safe from child molesters and abuse.

Here are some notes her sem inars

I made from attendi

ng one of

a weirdo is goi ng to be abused by • It is un likely you r kid rel ief). at the park (hu ge sig h of not goi ng weirdo at the park, he’s • That said, if there is a r kid you ng chi — so stop tea to fit the “stran ger” model and kid r ng to come up to you about stran gers! He’s goi re. mo He isn’t a stran ger any introduce himsel f. Voi la! cky Tricky People, instea d. Tri • Tea ch you r kids about lt adu o ask kids for help (no People are grown-ups wh secret p) or tel ls kids to keep a needs to ask a kid for hel come din g say ing, “It’s okay to from their parents (inclu t.” firs m mu h without ask ing over here beh ind this bus .) ret ount to keepin g a sec Not ask ing Mu m is tantam ere, do any thi ng, or go any wh • Tea ch you r kids not to r you less they can ask for with any adu lts at all, un per mission first.

46

Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

you r chi ldren to • Bad guys groom you and pay ing attention gau ge whether or not you’re /or to lure you to what they’re doi ng, and Don’t. Chi ldren rd. into droppi ng you r gua ng under their who bad guys thi nk are flyi o seem a little parents’ radars, or kids wh m their parents insecu re or discon nected fro at risk.” are the kids who are most

Emeritus Professor Freda Briggs, from University of South Australia is an Australian expert in child safety and has written extensively on the subject and agrees with teaching children the concept of ‘Tricky People’.

“Children under the age of around nine don’t even know what a stranger is,” she believes. “They think it is always a man who looks weird, evil, leers, wears a black balaclava, drives an old black car and kills kids in their beds. If you don’t believe me ask your child to draw a picture of a stranger. Child sex offenders don’t seduce children by being unpleasant; they seduce them by being kind, offering something the child would like or by tricking them.

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That’s because: Why not any adu lts at all? chi ld is goi ng to be • It’s far more likely you r e a relationship abused by someone they hav abuse follow lon g with, because most cases of of the kid and his per iods of groom ing — both or her fam ily.

The most important thing to remember is that most child sex offenders are known and trusted by their victims and their parents.

They not only befriend the children, they befriend their parents or they are already in the family’s social circle. They befriend the parents to get better access to their chosen child. Single mums are especially targeted because the paedophile can provide something that she needs; he may repair her car, become a lodger or offer to babysit.

In schools, offenders charm staff as well as parents so that they are trusted and children will not be believed when alarm bells ring.

They make their target child feel special as they provide approval and attention. They excel at playing with the child at the child’s level. Never allow anyone to engage in boisterous play and tickling because it is so easy to slip a hand underneath clothing pretending that it’s a game.

Don’t think it couldn’t happen to your child because all children are vulnerable. There is no truth to the saying, “there is safety in numbers”. Ask to see the school child protection policy. If there isn’t one, ask why? Is it because children’s safety is a low priority?

All state schools in South Australia have a child protection program for children of all ages. New South Wales and New Zealand have had a child protection curriculum since the mid 1980s. Queensland now has the Daniel Morecombe program, but unfortunately its use is optional. In the remaining states and territories, child safety programs are at the discretion of individual schools.

Find out what is being taught, why and how you can reinforce the safety strategies at home. And for more help in protecting your child, read Smart Parenting for Safer Kids (Briggs 2011). Don’t be caught out by tricky people.”

Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

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e h t o t n i t Ge e v o o Gr There are many proven benefits when it comes to enrolling children in music programs.

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

Nicole from Kindermusik points out that “Nobel Prize winner, Neuroscientist Thomas Südhof, credits his ability to persevere and attain his goals to his bassoon teacher.” Gabrielle from Music City adds, “Even if your child doesn’t turn into an Einstein through music, there are plenty of other benefits that will help with his or her development.”

Studies have shown that musical tuition increases intelligence, self-discipline and self-esteem.

Gabrielle goes on to say that “while music has been proven to have very positive effects on the brain later in life, such as slowing down the progression of Alzheimer’s and aiding many with social or emotional issues, learning an instrument at an early age has an impact on the development of the brain.

Musical training helps develop brain areas involved in language and reasoning.

Through music, youngsters can improve phonological processing, spoken language, and comprehension skills that are the foundation of reading. Musicians also tend to have superior fine-motor, sound processing and reasoning skills, as well as a better memory.

There is also a relation between music education and a child’s spatial intelligence, which helps the child perceive the world accurately and solve mathematical and scientific problems. Not only that, creative thinking and problem solving is also developed through music. For example, studying music instils and requires discipline. It asks from the child to set apart time each day to achieve goals and a certain standard, and to persist and be patient.

Music is a great outlet and way for a child to express themselves and to relieve stress.

The accomplishment of mastering a piece of music can also have a huge impact on

the confidence of a child. Some children will get the same sense of achievement through sports activities, but not everyone is sportsminded.

Making music with others teaches the child to co-operate and be part of a team as the sum of the parts is what makes a piece of music, an orchestra or band work.

This can just as well be your new family band! Why not join your kids when making music, even if you are required to learn an instrument for the first time yourself?

I have a very fond memory of a father coming into the store to buy a guitar. It was quite obvious that the kids weren’t all that interested. We showed the father a few guitars and then sat the family down and handed each of them a ukulele, the value of all of them equating the value of one guitar. Within minutes we had the whole family playing basic chords and their first song together. Needless to say, instead of with one guitar, they left with each of them clutching a ukulele. The dad and kids still play together and it’s those stories that are priceless. As they say, ‘the family that plays together, stays together’.”

The staff and Candlenut Steiner also believe that music is beneficial for brain development. “It was Plato who claimed that music ‘gives wings to the mind’, and Steiner schools have valued the benefits of music as an integral part of their educational programme for nearly a century. Modern research, aided by recent advances in brain imaging technology, have shown that music has a significant effect on brain structure and function, improving children’s communication skills, attention span and memory, as well as enhancing the language and cognitive skills they use to learn other subjects. Steiner education believes in bringing educational experiences to children that will develop

them as a whole human being, rather than just intellectually, so music, drama, art and movement all play an integral role in the curriculum, alongside literacy, numeracy and science.”

Nicole stresses that “there are many considerations to take into account when deciding which instrument your child will play and who you choose to teach your child.

Different instruments have different physical requirements. It’s not a good idea to start children on the tuba when they are 7 years old, as they don’t have the lung capacity. This also applies to playing the guitar. Because playing the guitar requires fine motor skills, most guitar teachers prefer children to wait until they are 8 years old.

There’s also the issue of how much time the parent has. No matter how keen a child is, there comes a time when interest will wane, and that means the parents will have to nag. But establishing a regular routine that makes practice non-negotiable is also vital for success in playing an instrument.

Once an instrument is chosen, a teacher must also be chosen. It is best to find someone who has a diploma from one of the established boards such as the AMEB, Trinity College of London, or ANZCA, or a degree from a university or conservatorium.

Exams are also important to consider.

Exams give students a goal and ensure they have a rounded technique while providing discipline through practice. Sitting the Grade 7 practical music with the AMEB, Trinity College or ANZCA, can also give students extra Queensland Certificate of Education points (QCE).

I would encourage all families to have their chid learn a musical instrument. The joy that comes playing an instrument well is one of the best self-esteem boosters a child can have.”

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He has received many of the country’s highest accolades including ‘Australian Hairdresser of the Year’ but Reds Salon director, Lee Cohen doesn’t look like he’s resting on his laurels. CPC mag caught up with Lee to find out how his business has managed to last and thrive since it’s humble beginnings nearly 20 years ago.

You now have 2 salons also open in Townsville, was it always the plan to do this?

With any business being flexible and open to change is paramount. Our Plan A was to be a Cairns expansion, however, with our changing economy, that was pushed to the back-burner. Plan B was always to expand to other regional cities and Townsville was our first choice. Our first Reds salon in Townsville (Flinders Street West) is doing extremely well and our second salon, with a concept slightly different to Reds, was fast-tracked after a perfect location outside of Myer at Stockland Shopping Centre opened up. This is now referred to as Reds sister salon, R2.

Most couples avoid having to work together but you and Heather seem to make it work. What advice would you give other partners in the same situation?

Have you ever heard the saying that “behind every great man there’s an even greater woman?” Well, that’s what Heather tells me anyway!

I live in Townsville for 3 weeks and home for 3 weeks, which can put a strain on our family unit.

The best advice I can give is to communicate about everything (I drive Heather mad with sometimes 10 phone calls per day), and clearly define your roles to compliment each of your strengths.

What kind of work philosophies do you live by?

Heather and I consciously treat our staff like they are our family and likewise we train them to treat our clients like they are part of our family.

I have tattooed on my arm “a light heart lives long” and this is to remind me not to stress too much.

What’s been the biggest challenge in running your small business, to date?

There are too many to mention, however, what I would have said 10 years ago was my greatest challenge, I would now say was my greatest lesson. I have learned to trust my instincts and to accept that business will evolve as markets and economies change, the secret is to stay one step ahead.

Do you think any of your two children would like to be hairdressers?

This is the easiest to answer ... NO! Jacob (16 years old) is into basketball and business/ accounting, so who knows, he may be our accountant in the future.

Ella (13 years old) is into singing, dance and gymnastics. This week she is showing an interest in event planning but she changes her mind regularly. She has been working at the salon as a tea ‘n’ tidy and looking after our stock control, so who knows what her future holds.

Now at 137 Collins Avenue Edge Hill • Ph: 4032 0445 PICTURED Ella and Heather Cohen also whole family, (L-R) Heather, Ella, Jacob and Lee Cohen.

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With Nicole

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Give your child li rmusik class. e d in K a in m e Enrol th Offering Classes to suit every age and ability!

• Playdance and Babies Ballet (2-4 yrs) • RAD Classical Ballet • ISTD Modern & Tap • Jazz • Contemporary • Hiphop • Conditioning and Pilates classes • Singing classes • Adult classes also available (beginners and experienced)

Contact us today to enquire about vacancies for 2014!

Providing babies and children with music education in Cairns since 1998.

Classes commencing shortly for Term 1 Call or email now for more info. www.kmusikcairns.com m: 0418 772 258

168 Draper St, Cairns | P: 4051 4888 E: sarah@ fnqdanceacademy.com.au

www.fnqdanceacademy.com.au 54

Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

e: kindermusikwithnicole@yahoo.com.au

RAW Brownies a sugar free treat Thanks to

BROWNIE

FROSTING

I cup of sunflower seeds

4 tablespoons virgin coconut oil

3/4 cup pepita seeds 1/4 cup chia seeds

2 tablespoons of raw cocao powder

2 cups of dried dates

2 tablespoons maple syrup

2 tablespoons maple syrup 6 tablespoons of raw cocao powder

OPTIONAL Nuts to sprinkle on top

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract 1/4 teaspoon sea salt 4 tablespoons virgin coconut oil Blend and combine the brownie ingredients in a food processor or thermomix. Spoon into a tray. Combine the frosting ingredients and whisk. Pour frosting over the brownie mix and refrigerate for at least an two hours. Slice and store in fridge.

For dairy that is delicious, healthy and a k. great lunchbox staple, try Mungalli Cree Award- winning local producers of ses. bio-dynamic milk, yoghurt and soft chee

www.mungallicreekdairy.com.au

Tips from kids!

It’s very important to taste ever ything as you are making it to make sure it is turning out!

OPEN LATE AT NIGHT FOR BUSY MUMS! Till 6pm Tues & Thurs (both locations) and till 8pm Friday (Woree only).

www.waxroom.com.au Total Health Centre, Manunda • Southside Shopping Centre, Woree

Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

55

E AR L Y YE AR S

Education matters

An Early Years education is important for your child, a quality Early Year’s education is even more important. A quality early years education is fundamentally about making time for relationships and communication between children, parents and teachers and the provision of learning experiences that deepen thinking and develop skills and understanding.

TAS Early Years education features high levels of individual attention and use of the latest educational technology to present stimulating learning experiences and connect learning to the world beyond the classroom. It fosters the balanced development of intellectual, social, emotional, and physical skills in purpose built and designed centres at TAS White Rock and TAS Kewarra Beach.

• Dedicated team of qualified and experienced Early Childhood professionals.

• Structured programme to develop independence, personal responsibility and care.

• Safe and stimulating environment in which to grow, play, explore, develop and learn.

TRINITY ANGLICAN SCHOOL JUMP START PREP! PROGRAMME

• An environment focused on a smooth transition from the child’s home to the school environment.

• Experienced teachers who specialise in Early Years Learning.

• TAS School Community and resources.

• Class sizes that allow individualised instruction.

• Specialist Music, Art, Japanese, Swimming and Physical Education programmes • Genuine open door policy and parent engagement.

• Cutting edge teaching and learning technology • Purpose designed and built learning environments.

• Specialist Early Years curriculum including development of literacy and numeracy skills needed to be successful at school.

• Jump Start Learn to Swim programme.

• Kitchen Garden and healthy eating programme.

TAS EARLY LEARNING CENTRE & KINDERGARTEN PROGRAMME (TAS White Rock) • Balance of structured, spontaneous, teacher and child initiated learning opportunities.

• A child-centred, play-based programme based on observation and analysis.

• A high quality Care and Education setting.

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

boys’ negative affective barriers and improving their reading and writing academic outcomes. Furthermore, these TAS strategies are now shared with other Australian schools looking to improve the learning outcomes of their students.

EXCEPTIONAL TEACHERS ...

RESEARCH TEACHERS! TAS’ success is attributed to the professional teaching staff and in part to the professional development they undertake to ensure TAS delivers the best education programmes possible.

One such example is the participation of TAS Early Years teachers in an Independent Schools Queensland ‘Teachers as Researchers Project’. The research project considered factors impacting upon attitudes to writing and reading and the level of phonological awareness of Preparatory and Year 1 boys at TAS. The team identified it was clear that typically when boys entered Kindergarten, they were excited about reading and writing. However, as they advanced, engagement and motivation declined and so the teachers developed and implemented specific strategies and programmes in Preparatory and Year One classrooms to target raising boys’ engagement and motivation in literacy.

The successful strategies developed have had a significant impact on squashing

PICTURED TAS Early Years Teachers

www.tas.qld.edu.au

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Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

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“Keeping Our Generations Growing Strong” SERVICES CHILDREN & FAMILY CENTRE WOMENS, CHILD AND MATERNAL HEALTH HEALTHY LIFESTYLES PROGRAMS CHILD WELLBEING COUNSELLING AND SUPPORT GENERAL CLINIC ATHERTON SERVICES

Sunday, 19th January 2014 10:00am - 3:00pm Brother’s Leagues Club Anderson St. Manunda

PHONE 4080 1000 13 Moignard Street

Contact Joanne Male for more details E: info@savethedatecairns.com.au W: www.savethedatecairns.com.au Tel: 0423 534 416

facebook.com/SaveTheDateCairns 58

Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

Manoora Cairns 22c Evans Street Atherton

Teacher feature

Mel Daniell from Pelicans on Mulgrave Rd was nominated by Kristy Whitehead

“My husband and I had waited many

or so in the room getting to know the

years for our son to come along so

Educators. Most times it can be harder on

the thought of leaving him on my

the parents than the children, so this way

return to work with a carer, caused me

when it’s time to return to work you feel

extreme nervousness and the usual

as if you know and trust the educators.

mummy guilt. Mel Daniell at Pelicans on Mulgrave Road is one in a million. There

On those days the kids are playing up, do

were tears every drop off but Mel with

you have any tricks you use to calm them

her gentle beautiful ways, always made

down?

the tears dry quickly (Bens and mine!).

Mel took the time to get to know us as a family and always went the extra mile to look after him the way we would.”

Thanks Mel.

MEL: When working in the younger age group the definite trick is knowing what each child is interested in, whether it be

Pelicans on Mulgrave Road.

their favourite book or sometimes just

care. What do you say to mother’s who feel this way?

MEL: I really can sympathise with them as I am a mother of two beautiful boys and there comes a time when we all have to head back to work for one reason or another. I really recommend that parents do their research and take the time to

WI N WHO WILL BE OUR NEXT

TEACHER FEATURE? THANKS TO:

instruments or listening to their favourite music. I also try blowing bubbles, reading

‘Mother’s Guilt’ when leaving her boy in

Ben

dancing with scarves, shakers, musical

CPC caught up with Mel Daniell from

Your nominator Kristy talks about feeling

PIC TURED Mel Daniell with

spending some quiet, quality time with

and

them and giving them the opportunity to feel a real sense of security and belonging within their learning environment. I must say this always come very natural when you have such a trusting relationship with your children and families.

Name some of the qualities a good childcare worker must have?

call into a variety of different centres at

MEL: A friendly, bubbly, caring,

different times to get a true feel of what is

compassionate personality is a must

happening within the childcare learning

have if you are working in the childcare

environment. When you find the right

industry. This always puts the families

centre that suits you, spend an hour

mind at ease.

Free School List Service Just drop in your school list and we’ll fill out your order FREE and let you know when it’s ready to pick up ... Easy! Available from December through to the end of January.

They could be an educator, mentor, coach or day carer.

Just by nominating you could WIN one of three $30 itunes cards from Talk to the Mac. PLUS our ‘Teacher Feature’ receives a $50 voucher from Officeworks.

Nominate them now!

Email your nominations to

win@parentingcompanion.com.au

13-15 Water Street Cairns Ph 4052 9400 Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

59

l Holidays o o h c S Saturday 14th December - Monday 27th January

Andy RedHead’s FUN Summer Music School

Come on a dramatic adventure these school holidays as participants create their own unique character or take on their favourite film/tv/storybook character and bring them to life on the stage with lights, sound, projections, costumes and props! Term programs also available.

169 Bunda St Cairns City

Ph: 4041 4066

www.theyoungcompany.com.au

Ignite your passion to play guitar, learn to sing and feel the joy of creating music.

Book Now and be tre ated to the professio nal Guitar and Music gu idance of highly respected music tea cher Andy Redhead .

“Andy makes it feel so easy to understan d music, a little practi ce, a tinge of commi tment and the joy of playin g music is yours.”

26 Hall Street Edge hi Ph: 0414 830 877 or ll 4870 4053 3944 www.redheadmusics tudios.com

KAYAKING FAMILY FUN! Imagine kayaking down Babinda Creek ’s pristine, crystal clear water, teaming with fish, turtles and the elusive platypus.

A great activity for the whole family to enjoy. Half Day kayak s from just $42 per person, . Double and single kayak s available. Bookings are essential.

Freecall 1800 MUST DO

www.babindakayaks.com.au

XMA S C R AF T JAM

MAKE SO E CHRISTMAS CM RAF

T!

Tues/Wed ar vo & Sat mornings in De c Under 8s classes Thursdays from 10 am th Tues 17 Dec Under 8s making reindeer faces Wed 18 th Dec Table decorations & An gels Thurs 19 th Paint & Glitter / Bauble Christmas art Frid 20th Christmas headba nds and jewellery LEARN TO SEW cla sses for all ages in Ja nuar y.

Phone Glenette 40 53 4421

www.craftnsewin

g.com.au

KIDS SKI CLUB

Cable Ski Cairns is running a school holiday kids club for ages 6 - 12yo. Sessions run from 8.30-10am on Monday, Wednesday and Friday in January. Cost is $31 per session and all equipment is provided.

.au

Bookings essential. Ph 4038 1304

www.cableskicairns.com.au

It’s easy, affordable & convenient Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

Shop F 463 Mul grave Rd, Earlv ille Ph: 4033 0685 or 0400 646 327 www

.lilscribblers.com

Cairns Airport Parking 60

S

Wondering what to get the Grandp arents for Christmas? Se nd your childre n in to Lil Scribblers where they can make fantastic gifts fo r under the Chris tmas Tree! Af ter Chris tmas we are runn ing school holiday Ar t Jams. 50 minut es of fun and creativity for just $17! Call now to secure a spot for your child!

Check out our Fa cebook page for details.

From

$

5

per

day

*

*Based on 30 days.

cairnsairport.com.au

Ph 4053 3497

93-95 Pease St. Manoora gobowling.com.au

Kids school holidays boredom busters $6 Games before 10am

After 10am $9 for 1 game + FREE soft drink $16 for2 games + FREE soft drink & packet of chips $16 for 2 games + FREE 3rd game

Kids $5 Hunger busters Nuggets & Hot Chips Hot Dog & Hot Chips

Terms & conditions. Prices include shoe hire. All prices are per person. Deals not available with any other offer or product. Free soft drink is 1 x can of soft drink or bottled water. Free packet of chips is 1 x promotional packet of chips/crisps. Hot chips are a small side serve. Deals are for school aged children. Deals available 7 days a week, 9am till late pm. Valid till end of Jan 2014

Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

61

A DV E RTOR I A L

Teamwork

LEADS TO EXCELLENCE IN CARE FOR MOTHERS AND BABIES AT CAIRNS PRIVATE HOSPITAL You only have to spend a few minutes in the maternity unit at the Cairns Private Hospital to know that it’s one busy place. It’s staffed by a dedicated team working 3 shifts; over 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days of the year. There’s 18 midwives, 2 enrolled nurses and 2 ward clerks working a mixture of full or part time. The team also includes 3 Obstetricians and 2 Paediatricians plus a theatre team on call for Caesarean Section at any time.

aspects of parenting. “One of the fathers recently described how special it was for him to be involved and to bond with the baby in those early days. He was surprised by the level of support for the whole family”, she said. A senior midwife who had not previously experienced fathers being present during the stay commented that she found it very different at first, but now believes this gives the parents such a good start with parenting their new baby.

Manager, Marge Foley explains that each staff member is a unique individual who brings her own particular attributes to the team, each sharing a common goal - to provide the best possible support to women and their families.

The midwives come from far and wide, covering the length and breadth of Australia.

In addition to this there are three midwives from New Zealand, one from Belgium and six from England. Some have moved to Cairns by themselves for a new life. Others have bought their husbands and children half way around the world to enhance their midwifery career. This gives patients a vast wealth of experienced midwives who have worked in a variety of areas and who happily share their experiences with each other.

Tatiana Telichkina and David Gunter (pictured with their baby boy, Oscar) described their stay at Cairns Private as very special. “The arrival of our first baby Oscar was not an easy journey for me but with a high level of support and encouragement by the midwifery team I found emotional and physical strength to safely deliver our son.

The guidance by the midwives at the birth and the first days after delivery was most valuable and helpful”, said Tatiana. David added, “The whole team were sensitive, professional, friendly and did the extra things to help us care for and bond with our new baby. We are very grateful for all the support”.

Marge explained that husbands, partners and sometimes sisters or grandmothers stay overnight often throughout the 4-5 day stay at Cairns Private, and are involved with all

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

Liz Higgins (Clinical Midwife Consultant) said although midwives trained at different times and in different areas, their practice is based on researched evidence. Midwives must be competent at providing care and support ante-natally, during birth, postnatally and in the special care nursery attending to babies who may require a little extra help. Midwives must keep up to date through life-long-learning, attending conferences and subscribing to maternity journals and electronic resources to update knowledge. Further development is

important in every team and this year our staff attended a program called ‘Mindset’ that encourages an attitude of growth and flexibility.

Amanda Coulam (Midwife) described how vital communication is within a team.

Working towards the goals of the Australian Commission for Health Care Standards on the criteria of clinical handover helps to enhance communication and make certain that no vital information is missed. Over the period of labour there may be several staffing changes where handover communication between members of the team as well as the doctors is a vital aspect of client care, ensuring their needs and wishes are met.

Several midwives have additional areas of interest. Sylvia Calcagno, Margaret Evans, Tish Funnell and Julie Davies run the Antenatal Education classes. Teresa Keegan is a Midwifery Educator keeping staff up to date with regular study sessions and teaching opportunities. Teresa and Liz together co-ordinate the Healthy Hearing Program. Several midwives are also Lactation Consultants and all midwives are skilled in helping infant feeding and promoting the WHO/UNICEF Baby Friendly Initiative.

Marge Foley said “I feel extremely privileged to be working with this team of amazing people and the praise that the women and their partners give the staff makes me feel very proud as their Manager.

They make a difference to every person they are in contact with during their working day”.

come play

Don’t worry mum, we’ve got your back!

Ph: 4054 1464

At Axis Chiropractic our Chiro’ for Kids program can assist mums and their young ones with issues such as colic, reflux, breast-feeding difficulties, sleeping disturbances, recurrent ear infections, persistent sore throats, colds and bed wetting.

$8EVERYDAY KIDS MEALS

We can also safely help pregnant women with low back, pain, sciatica, pelvic pain as well as reducing labour time and pain without drugs.

The new kids club state-of-the-art indoor play centre, offers the best fun and games - Open 7 days a week.

Call us today to discuss how we can help you feel your best.

we NOW do kids parties!

4041 7020

Suite 13, 36 Grafton St, Cairns

Club cazalys KIDS club

344 Mulgrave Rd. Cairns | www.cazalys.com.au

Special moment special care …experience the difference at Cairns Private Hospital • • • •

The Obstetrician of your choice The Paediatrician of your choice A team of experienced midwives Baby Friendly Hospital Accredited

Paediatricians Dr Ross Messer: Dr Tim Warnock:

For more information call:

4051 5430 4031 1133

• A luxurious deep bath for pain relief • Planning and preparation for infant during labour care at home • Single room accommodation • Candlelight dinner & personalised care…& much more!

• Partners welcome to stay overnight Obstetricians Dr Tom Wright: Dr Roger Waterfield: Dr Natalie Kiesey-Calding:

02 4052 5232

4041 2600 4051 3855 4031 5811

www.cairnsph.com.au 1 Upward St, Cairns

Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

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A DV E RTOR I A L

e clon CyProtection Australia WORDS Michelle Dryburgh

As cyclone season approaches our thoughts turn to protecting our homes and loved ones, our most precious possessions.

In the days before a cyclone, we’re busy cleaning up our yards, tying down loose objects and protecting our windows and doors just before the storm hits.

This usually involves the dangerous practice of climbing up ladders with heavy pieces of timber or iron, which provide only limited protection against the ferocious winds and driving rain of a tropical cyclone.

That’s what prompted Cairns businessman Jim Reeves to seek out a more practical and effective way to protect his home, that was also easy and safe to install. The search took him to the United States where he discovered AstroGuard – a lightweight, wind and water-proof fabric storm barrier. With no comparable product on the market in Australia, Jim was motivated help other families and started a business specialising in AstroGuard shutters.

Cyclone Protection Australia is now operating from Smithfield, under the ownership of Jim and business partner Menno Nentjes. It has the sole distribution rights for AstroGuard products in Australia.

Jim has lived in Cairns for the past 20 years and has noticed the increasing strength and ferocity of cyclones in the area. Before discovering AstroGuard, he and his partner would spend several days preparing their home for a cyclone by boarding up the windows and doors with plywood. Their dogs are usually their number one concern during a cyclone, but there’s even more concern for safety this wet season with a baby on the way.

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

Jim, whose professional background is in disaster management at the local hospital, said the biggest motivation for the business was helping protect the homes and families of the Far North and other cyclone-prone communities.

“With the effects of global warming we are heading for increased storm activity and increasingly violent storms,” he said.

“We live in an area exposed to one of the most catastrophic natural disasters that exist, yet as a community we have developed a rather blasé attitude towards it. “Since Cyclone Tracey in Darwin we haven’t had any really big hits in populated areas and I think that’s made people a bit complacent. But Cyclone Yasi changed that.

Things did get scary and it made a huge impact. I think some people are starting to look for a better way to get prepared.”

AstroGuard is made from a high strength, high intensity, nylon-hybrid fabric coated in a durable, UV resistant resin. It has undergone extensive testing at the James Cook University Cyclone Testing Station in Townsville, and proven to withstand winds of more than 300km an hour. The material also acts as a barrier to flying debris, deflecting four kilogram blocks of timber travelling at speeds above 100kmh. As a result, AstroGuard has been given a Category C cyclone protection rating – the only system of its kind with this rating in Australia.

Jim said the material could be the difference between structures holding or failing during a cyclone.

“Massive negative pressures develop over our roofs and sometimes it only takes one window to blow out leading to a breach in the pressure envelope that can destroy an entire home,” he said.

“Hinges, catches and locks are usually the first to fail, and during Yasi glass in windows and doors visibly bowed inward before shattering. Our system takes the wind load off these structures. “The great thing about AstroGuard is it continues to provide protection against the elements even if the glass or door behind it fails.”

As well as being more effective than traditional rollers and shutters, the translucent material is a more aesthetic and affordable option, and easier to install and store away.

AstroGuard products can be cut to order and self-installed or erected by Cyclone Protection Australia’s team of professionally trained installers. The barriers for a standard four-bedroom home can be stored in a chest and erected by an average adult couple within three hours.

“Keep a cordless drill with a spare battery along with the covers and you can have them set up safely and quickly without the risk of climbing up ladders with heavy pieces of timber,” Jim said. “It’s versatile, effective, easy and safe to install and gives you the best possible chance at protecting your home and family against a cyclone.”

For more information about AstroGuard products visit www. cycloneprotectionaustralia.com.au

Load Santa’s sleigh with Enjo fun!

Toys ‘n’ Goodies Special $89 SAVE $48*

Contact Anne on 4054 6559 to wrap up a pack for the tiny tots to help clean and play this Christmas or book an ENJO Demo.

Offer available 1 November – 31 December 2013 or while stocks last.

Refer to www.enjo.com.au for full terms and conditions.

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+ Luxurious softness + Lifetime stain & soil guarantees* + 25 year wear & colourfast guarantees* + Easy to clean and maintain + Australian made *Conditions apply

COME VISIT THE NEW SHOWROOM 76 ANDERSON ST CAIRNS QLD 4870

Ph 4053 5551 Fax 4053 7778 sales@hoppens.com.au

www.hoppens.com.au

Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

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Family Tra ining

WORDS Yvonne Hampton

together

The modern age has brought with it a hectic lifestyle and often we take for granted the most important aspect of our lives – our families.

Time is short and before we know it, our children have grown and become adults and, at times, we wonder who these people are. Not only do parents lead such busy lives maintaining careers and lifestyles, but with the pressures on our children to be smarter and to keep up with the ever changing world, they too are missing out on opportunities of quality time with their parents.

Choi Kwang Do Martial Art makes a difference – families train together and capture those moments that bring families closer together in a more basic way. Time spent on our training floor sharing a common activity with other families that can be a long lasting affair.

There are a number of families who train together, like Sam and her son Nat, who started training 12 years ago when Nat was 9. Throughout Nat’s early and teenage years, Sam says that it was ‘priceless to spend time in such an active way that was

both challenging and fun; what better way to connect than to spar with your teenage son’. These days, Sam and Nat are both high ranking black belts and Nat is a young man who is grounded while benefitting by the fitness and discipline of Choi.

Our initial contact with families usually begins with enrolling the child first at the request of the parents seeking an alternative fitness program with an emphasis on discipline. Within weeks, many a parent will follow suit and join themselves, making training a family affair.

From the child’s perspective, they think it’s great, especially if they started first and therefore are a higher belt level then Dad or Mum. But the benefits of Mum or Dad training alongside their child increases the child’s confidence and willingness to put in a full effort.

One parent’s story involved seeking help for their son Luca, who was having trouble focusing and had self-control issues at

home and at school. They had tried other extracurricular activities to help him, but none were quite what he needed. Noticing Choi Kwang Do advertised as ‘providing self Defence, fitness and self control’, they attended the next training session that was available. Luca loved it. His mum said, “It was the first time I saw Luca focus as well as have fun. He came out of his shell and he began to gain confidence”.

Luca’s mum then encouraged their 4 year old daughter, Taylah, to participate by joining in the training sessions. Now, Taylah, 8, and Luca, 10, continue to train together.

There are around 12 to 14 families who currently train together at Choi Kwang Do Cairns, with the youngest student just shy of their 4th birthday and the oldest family member is in their late 40s.

For more information, visit www.ckdcairns.com.au, or email – info@ckdcairns.com.au

A NEW BREAK THROUGH SERVICE FOR THE CLEANING AND SERVICING OF NON DUCTED AIR CONDITIONING SYSTEMS (DOMESTIC & COMMERCIAL)

HYDROKLEENING YOUR AIR CONDITIONER WILL • Give You Cooler Air • Reduce Your Power Bill

• Flush Out The Microbial Contamination • Extend The Life Of Your Air Conditioner

PHONE 1300 608 318

TO TALK TO YOUR LOCAL HYDROKLEEN TECHNICIAN www.hydrokleen.com.au 66

Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

Baby Brag Board

We want to see your new arrivals!

Head to our website and share your newborn photos.

www.parentingcompanion.com.au Then look out in the next edition of Cairns Parenting Companion to see if your bub stars.

Each month, every bragger is in the running to

W I N a $120 voucher

to spend on the great range of Twinkle Toes products including photography and baby, hand and feet sculptures.

We’ll help you to remember!

Phone us on 4034 3131 www.twinkletoes.com.au Monthly winners announced on our facebook page.

enter now at

www.parentingcompanion.com.au Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

67

Dear Dave I have my husband’s parents joining us over the Christmas holidays. Whilst it’s nice for the kids to hang out with their grandparents, there’s always a bit of tension as they’re from the generation where ‘kids are seen and not heard’. I feel it’s going to be a long 3 weeks with my patience tested. Do you have any ideas on how to get the in-laws to ‘loosen up’?

Anonymous from Mirriwinni

G’day, I have a similar attitude to Gen Y, Anon. But in my fantasy they aren’t to be seen either - unless they’re willing to pull their pants up.

Dave DEAR

wa r ner

Parenting advice dished out, Dave style!

There’s something to be said for 1950s etiquette when it comes to our kids and manners though, but I don’t think muting our children in the presence of adults helps them with inclusion and conversation. I think our kids should be encouraged to contribute verbally, even if it means you’ll learn more about the Kardashians than you ever thought possible.

I’ve found that mans best friend, a can of WD-40 can pretty much loosen up anything, except the attitudes of a lifetime unfortunately, so in extreme cases I’ve also found that nudity can quite often diffuse tension in certain situations. Except P&C meetings. If nothing else it’s a terrific distraction.

But if the tension-o-meter is starting to redline as the Grandparents sit around the pool in their neck-to-knee bathing costumes, idolising Sir Robert Menzies and beginning every sentence with ‘Back in my day’ or ‘When I was your age’, it’s

102.7 www.radiozinc.com.au 68

Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

time to bust out the 100 proof rum balls, fully loaded eggnog and the bowl of brandy disguised as plum pudding. Even if they manage to stay awake, they’re not going to notice the kids talking/yelling/ screaming/singing. They’ll barely even remember you have kids.

In my opinion, Anon, I’d rather our kids had a voice that was heard at home, rather than ‘talking’ to people they can’t see without ever opening their mouths.

Before we lose them to social media forever. Dave

Dear Dave My 5 year old will not stay in his bed.

Nearly every night, around 2am, we get a visitor. We have tried everything including bribes, rewards charts and marching him straight back to bed. Is there anything you can think of?

Sally from Bayview Heights

Hi Sally, Oh how I hear thee Sally! We have the same issue in Warnerworld, and it’s beyond ridiculous. I reckon our 4 year old has been the subject of some weird science experiment and has been crossed with a homing pigeon, a Klingon, a boomerang, a magnet and Thor’s hammer. He just keeps on coming back. And quite frankly I’m also a bit over being kicked in the Jatz Crackers at 3am, or waking up with his foot in my face.

I’m positive we’re not the only parents facing the same issue, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m the first parent to start deliberately wetting his own bed as a final desperate deterrent. If you find a solution, Sally, please let me know! I’ll be your best friend! Dave

AMANDA GALE

Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

69

KEEP YOUR MOST

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013

Ma n

! e s u o h e h t t u o b a

4 year old, Tarnia Hall circa

2003.

None of the following is representative of the views of Cairns Parenting Companion and for reasons of personal safety the author wishes to remain anonymous.

Yep! He’s a bloke and he’s confused.

Roll away the years There’s no doubt about the joy that children and family can bring into your life. But sometimes the joy is brought about by something unexpected that reminds you of how lucky you really are.

About 12 months ago, I found a used roll of camera film. Remember film?

Only 12, 24 or 36 pictures at a time, slow and expensive to process and usually half of them rubbish due to a lack of photographic skill. Well, “back in the day” that was about all we had and the ‘day’ for this particular roll was more than 10 years ago.

I found the film in the side-pocket of a travel-bag that was scrunched into a cardboard box on a dusty shelf in our shed. I remember thinking at the time, I should get this film developed. And with all good intentions, must have put it in another box for safe keeping (and generally forgetting about). And forget I did, until rediscovering the box and film about two weeks ago. This time, I thought I’d actually get it developed to see who and what was on the film. And I’m glad I did.

What the film revealed was nothing short of a solid gold skip down memory lane. It was from sometime in 2003. My eldest son apparently took a bunch of pictures of what we’d generally consider a couple of ordinary days in the life of our household, but with the passing of a busy decade, the images have become priceless.

There’s number one son posturing in front of his first car - a beautifully maintained Toyota Crown that was a vintage masterpiece back in 2003. There’re a couple of shots of our three eldest boys pulling their best Zoolander “blue steel” faces and one very special shot of our second son looking nervous in his crisp new chef’s uniform (probably his very first day of work).

There’s also a series of pictures of our youngest girl, aged about four, I guess, with her face painted like she had wrapped her head in wet comics and rolled around on the front lawn for half an hour. She was clearly basking in the attention her amateur photographer big brother was giving her while he was

probably gathering material for her 21st birthday party!

There were also a couple of shots of her and our two youngest boys in a group hug. It’s the most beautiful thing to see: all love and smiles and face paint wiping off onto her brother’s school shirt.

I must have been at work for much of this excitement as there were also a couple of pictures that featured our family dog in the house lying on the cool tiles of the hallway (definitely against Dad’s law).

In the past week these 23 ordinary pictures (yep, one was an overexposed dud) have given us so much laughter (and a few tears) that I’m now on the lookout for more undeveloped rolls of film in random boxes. But more importantly, I’m also seeing today’s everyday household happenings through new eyes, recognising and savouring the special moments as they happen. The Toyota Crown is gone, most of the kids have moved out and “face-paint girl” is now rubbing makeup into her brother’s shirts, but the moments are still there and the (mobile phone) camera is clicking.

Could you save your chid’s life?

SWIMMING POOLS ACCOUNT FOR 60% OF ALL DROWNING DEATHS IN KIDS UNDER 5 Brush up on your CPR and a book a First Aid Course today - weekly courses available.

Phone 4039 1715 Summer 2013 Cairns Parenting Companion

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Do you have a concern about your child’s development?

We work with parents and carers of children from birth to six years.

Talking with someone early is the best place to start. Contact:

At Parent Connect we know that every child is unique, growing and learning at their own pace. If you are concerned or have questions about your baby or child’s development – talk with us.

Your local General Practitioner or Cairns Early Years Centre T: 07 4034 6800 North end of Bentley Park College or Child Development Service (CDS) T: 07 4226 4323 381 Sheridan Street

We can give you information and support.

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• school holiday activities • local regular events • top 5 friday • enter some great competitions • local ‘test it, try it’ reviews • on-line family directory • view our magazine editions • join the cpc playdate

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Date s t o T y in T s r Save playdate Summer

brought to you by

28th Dec – 25th Jan The Great Art Hunt at

Cairns Regional Gallery This fun-filled interactive exhibition has been developed by local artist and school teacher Josie Lowerson and will take children on a journey of discovery; exploring large, colourful sculptures of anthills, palm trees, and other familiar features of our local natural environment whilst collecting objects to use in art activities. Phone 4046 4888 for details.

NYE Celebration on the Esplanade

New Years Eve

See 2014 in down on the Esplanade

at Cairns Recreation Centre, 44 Behan St, Manunda.

9.30 - 11.30AM DEC 10th • JAN 14th • FEB 11th Children FREE, Adults $7 includes Coffee and Morning Tea. All weather venue. Bring some socks!

Bookings are essential for catering purposes. Please email playdate@ parentingcompanion.com.au Bring your mothers group or meet some new people.

with the Rattle n Hum street party from 6pm. Live Music, 2 huge fireworks at 9pm and midnight, free kids activities and family entertainment. More info at

facebook.com/ OfficialCairnsEsplanade

2ND TUESDAY OF EACH MONTH

2013

17th Jan - 1st Feb

Fun activities for all ages including an obstacle course, ball games, skating and more!

The Cairns Choral Society’s production of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s ‘The Phantom of the Opera’ is showing at the Cairns Civic Theatre with early bird specials available till December 25.

Book at ticketlink.com.au

Visit www.cairnskidsactivities.com.au for more great ideas!

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Cairns Recreation Centre is your ultimate venue for Family entertainment in Cairns. Fun for young and old. Also providing school holidays programs and a great place for birthday parties! For more information phone 4053 5353 or visit

www.cairnsrecreationcentre.com.au

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Cairns Parenting Companion Summer 2013