Mountain Man Territory What ya mean, what happened to my first partner? Let’s put it this way, know how I’ve always told you to check your surroundings and what’s on the ground around you? Well, ole Hard Luck Jim forgot that lesson here about two years ago. He had et something that didn’t agree with him, and it just tore him up something fierce. Well, first thing ya know, here he is heading towards the brush again to get some relief, and after about three minutes go by, I hear the most horrendous screaming and caterwauling ya was ever to hear, and the worst part was that it was coming my way. I didn’t know whether to climb a tree, fetch up my horses and skedaddle or just stand my ground with my trusty rifle aimed in the direction the racket was coming from, when outa the brush comes Hard Luck Jim with his buckskin britches down to his knees, just a caterwauling and carrying on about how he had done gone and got himself bit by a rattlesnake. Now I’m a thinking he’s gotten bitten on the leg or something like that, when he cried out that he’s been bitten in the private area.
Timber Rattlercoiled and rattling; ready to strike. Photo Credit: NajaShots ©2011 iStockphoto LP.
Yup, I miss ole Hard Luck Jim. Now simmer down, Pilgrim, I did everything I could to help him. It’s just sometimes nature takes its own course and there’s nothing we can do no matter how hard we try.
Now where was I. Oh, yeah, well, I made him as comfortable as I possible could and he explained what had happened. It seems that he’d found a perfect log to squat over but failed to check his area out thoroughly, and on the other side of the log was a rattlesnake basking in the warmth of the morning sun. Now when the shadow of ole Hard Luck Jim's arse fell over the snake, naturally the snake woke up and seen what looked like two baby birds falling out of a nest. I reckon the rattlesnake figured he had lucked out by having a free meal come to him, so naturally he strikes without rattling cause he don’t wanna scare them two nekked baby birds. Now ya know what happened to ole Hard Luck Jim. That man had the worst luck of anybody I knowed. Guess that’s how he got his handle. Now, is that any way to respect those that has passed over before us? Git yourself up off the ground and quit that cackling afore I kick your’n rear-end. The worst part about ole Hard Luck Jim passing was the fact that the snake passed over also about the same time, and now they’r chasing each other in the Great Beyond. I swear if’n you don’t quit laughing I am gonna put a snake in your’n bedroll and then see if’n you learnt anything about checking your surroundings! Now let’s just get to my cabin.
Three Toes and Pilgrim
mountain man Recipe fried Rattlesnake Easiest if hung up by a cord behind the head. Slit down the middle of the underside, peel the skin down, and gut. Chop off the head well behind the venom gland and then cut off the tail. We cut the meat into about 2-inch pieces and fry like chicken. I just season with salt, pepper and paprika and coat in flour, then deep-fry. For those saying yuck, this is excellent meat ― white like frog legs. In the south, they even do roundups for rattlesnakes and fry them to eat.
Speaking of the south, I learned this in Georgia when we lived there many years ago, and I am asked many times how to make stewed onions, so I am including the recipe. Karen Mansell
Stewed Sweet Vidalia onions Onions contain a lot of water, so it takes many onions and a large pot to make a small batch of stewed onions. For my husband and me I use a 3-quart pot and 4-5 large sweet Vidalia onions. Peel and slice the onions as if you were making onion rings and separate the rings. Put about ½ to 1 inch of water in the bottom of the pot and dump in all the onion rings. Fill the pot full of onion slices — you will be amazed at how much they cook down. Cook over medium heat just until the water starts to boil, and then turn the heat down to a simmer. I use less butter than southern girls, so put about 2-3 tablespoons of butter on top of the onions, then salt and pepper to taste. Cover with a lid and let them cook until done, about 30 minutes or so, depending on your stove. I have even added peeled and sliced potatoes to this sometimes. I have also used the Texas sweet onion (as Vidalia are seasonal), and they are good, too.
pit Vipers In the United States, there are basically eight different varieties of rattlesnakes, all of them poisonous. Rattlesnakes don’t always rattle first before striking, as I have found out firsthand. Usually the rattling is a warning, but if caught dozing or unaware of your presence, it will strike out immediately if it thinks it is being threatened. Always seek medical help when bitten. In Missouri five poisonous snakes can be found — the cottonmouth, copperhead, western pygmy rattlesnake, the eastern massasauga and timber rattlesnake. All of these snakes are classified as pit vipers since they have fangs that are located in the upper jaw. So always check your surroundings when hiking or just wandering around.
Q
Mike Mansell www.WaterNWood.com
October 2011
Water `N Woods™
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