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Destruct! Yezzir… What’s good man? Just living fam. Like I’ve been telling people, I work six days a week and music seven. [laughs] Shits been hectic, but I love it. How’s LA treating you? She’s colder then ever! Naw, it’s all good. It’s the city and the atmosphere that comes with it. I definitely feed off it more then ever now—for better or worse. You’ve been putting it down dood—how do you find the time? It’s really just my dedication, the late hours in the studio, organizing and arranging time to get shit done. Of course I’m influenced on a daily basis. So the music will always be an outlet to let that out. It’s my best form of medicine—my “fix” if I may. [laughs] But real talk, I live for this, so it’s way past second nature for me. Have you been getting enough sleep? I’d say four to five hours a day, which I can tell is not enough. But hey, I’m alive—I can sleep when I’m dead (no Jeezy pun intended). What’s up with Co.Exist? We good—got a new video out, a remix from one of the first tracks “Chess Piece” we did when we were like sixteen. [laughs] It’s dope to get a whole new light on it. But yeah, we got a new EP in the works—five remixes from the debut album Project Pos and five new songs. The EP is called The
After Hours, which should drop early next year. We also got the second album Cut To The Chase probably droppin’ around summer time. What’s up with B.A.D. Company? Well, just say we bad... [laughs] On the real, I was really blessed working with Pawz One and Asterix on this album we got called Bars & Drums that just dropped. It’s me at my angriest—I’ve never cussed so much on one album. But hey, it’s all for the sake of the music. There’s a vibe and a direction with this group as well as it is with any other group I’m in. It’s hard boom bap golden era hip-hop with a modern day twist—a new perspective with a fuck you, pay me attitude—that defines B.A.D. Company. Are you in any other groups that we need to know about? My live band Inner City Soul has a promo EP out which is available on my site. We got the debut album droppin’ early next year—that’s something very special to me and I think once u hear it, you’ll know what’s up. Then there’s Quiet On The Set, which consists of myself & J Roz on the vocal side of things and Nykwill & Rawz on production. You’ve never heard a co-ed collective like this since the Fugees—if anything. We’ve got the video for a debut single “Don’t Stop” droppin’ this month and the debut album early next year. I’m exposing my more conscious side definitely on this one. Me and Beond from
Acid Reign got a project called React produced by my boy Broken Finguz from Budapest. We got the first vid for that featuring 2mex droppin’ soon. Get ready for kill word play and subject matter— nuff said. Last but not least, what I got in the works group wise is wit my right hand man EQ—MC, producer and engineer extraordinaire. That’s the cat that’s been holding me down since my first album Rebel Mined. EQ and I are Non Flaco— and with name like that, it makes you wonder how serious you can take us. Trust me though—we’re both some of the most established up and coming artists out of LA that can truly hold it down. We comical, we crazy, we political, we serious—everything. But yeah, look out for the debut Diets Don’t Work droppin’ in the middle of next year. We got the first vid with Reef the Lost Cause, produced by Exile coming soon and that’s just a taste of who we got featured on it. You can expect big things coming from us—and I’m not just talking weight… [laughs] How important is it to you to work with other artists? Very—you can’t deny chemistry. I’ve learned that working with other artists can really bring out a whole new side of you and vice versa. It’s a challenge as well as it is fun. I must say I love every collaborative effort I’ve invested in,
regardless of the outcome—its definitely helped shape me into the man I am today. …Solo? The most important, because at the end of the day you wanna have your own identity, your own sound and your own legacy. It’s the greatest feeling knowing what you accomplished on your own and knowing what your capable of doing. Of the two which do you prefer and why? Hard to say, I’ll have to get back to u on that (hint hint—next feature)… [laughs] How’s the free track-a-week working out for you? The response has been great. I’ve gotten a lot of hits on my site, from hundreds to thousands. The numbers don’t lie. Plus it’s great to release songs that have been sitting the vault for years, whether they’re promotional tracks for future projects, or just the singles themselves. It’s dope to expand the catalogue, especially when you’re fortunate enough to have material that can last you a whole entire year with a free song a week… [laughs] When’s your album gonna drop? My next solo project, which I’ve been holding on to for almost two years now, is with my boy AGQ from Spain on production. The name of the album is Con Todo–With Everything. This is definitely my most mature personal record to date. I’ve got subject matter ranging from the trials and tribulations as young man, to relationship problems, to overcoming
fears, to narratives, to LA life, to just rockin’ the mic. Look for it some time next year—I wanna say spring time. Pushing any mixtapes right now? At the moment I’m just promoting the Inner City Soul EP as well as my weekly singles. Too much crack in one pipe to handle… [laughs] Who do you got on video production? Right now it’s none other then my boy Patrick Vest. We’ve just been collaborating on visuals on key songs for upcoming projects as well as the timeless singles. We really understand what it takes to make a dope vid—and with a few on our behalf, we keep pushing the envelope with every vid we do. Keep a look out for some excellent quality work from Pat— don’t sleep. Are you repping any brands? Not officially, but I got mad love and respect for whoever’s blessed me with gear. From Temple Effectives, to Instrument Clothing, ESBE, Muzwear, RobNSteel, Raw Kulture and so on. I’m open to any interested sponsors. What would you ultimately like to achieve through all of your hard work? An honest living, pay rent for a coo little apt. or condo in LA. Get a brand new Camry, save gas [laughs] tour the world and just keep creating real music. Or at least what I consider to be that. I’m a humble cat—I don’t need the luxuries, just the necessities.
Would you describe yourself as a competitive person? To an extent, I’ve always been known to do my own thing. I’m not really stressing on a rep. I just wanna have loyal fans that love what I’m doing, and don’t expect anything less. I’d say I’m a destructive person if anything… [laughs] Naw, but for real, I’m always up for a challenge. If—and only if—it’s worth my time. How do you handle your “competitors”? I guess I just don’t pay any mind. I got enough on my plate as it is and that’s besides the music. I’ll let the competitors worry about themselves. What have you had to sacrifice? Sleep, money and time—word up. It’ll take too long to explain. Has it been worth it? Hell yeah, I’m alive right!? And this is only the beginning—I will never give up on music, or myself for that matter. Are you doing what you love? Fuck yeah! Job-wise no, but it’s all in a days work. I know what I’m worth and I’m hoping my hard work pays off in the future. In the meantime, I’ma remain pro- ductive and positive. The two p’s—I neverforget—no matter what. What’s next? Global domination... [laughs] Just hit me up on my site and you’ll get an idea. Any shout-outs? Too many to name, you know who you are. Mad love and respect, and thank you UNDR RPBLC for having me featured!!! Chyeah... Peace!!
Hi, Valeria! How’s living in beautiful Miami, Florida? Amazing! I love the weather right now— it’s so refreshing! It’s always beautiful there. I heard you just moved to Florida in ‘09 from being born and raised in Moscow, Russia, have you fully adjusted? I`m happy where I am right now, but, I still miss my home. I miss the seasons, snow, layers of clothes and Russian food. Skype is definitely a lifesaver. We can actually celebrate my birthday with my Russian friends while I`m in Miami :) You also went to a fashion school in Russia and finished in Miami… Yes. I was studying for five years in Moscow. My parents decided to move here so I had no choice but to move. Overall I`m very thankful for it—it’s been the best thing that has ever happened to me. Do you plan on going back to Russia? Right now only to get inspiration, but you never know... Fashion is growing so fast in Moscow—it has a unique style that no other city has. I would assume that the fashion in Russia and Florida are completely different. Does your location alter your inspiration for your designs? I think my inspiration changes with my age and experience. My designs have become more feminine and elegant. How has your upbringing in Russia informed your style and vision? I’ve always been surrounded by the arts. We always were doing something
creative with my mother. Once we went to the abandoned hangar to get stones to decorate our kitchen. Another time we used an old sewing machine as decoration in our garden. Describe your ideal client in terms of lifestyle and essence... My ideal client is a woman who likes daytime chic. She definitely has a sense of humor—it’s the best style that you must wear every day. I was flipping through your portfolio on your website and your model mayhem portfolio—I’m in love with the fact that you use diferent textures, colors, color blocking, prints and structure for each season. Each season is completely different as well. I can tell you love texture and structure, but you also add a hint of fun or pizzazz. What inspires you? Inspiration is everywhere. It can be in the shape of a cloud, the color of the sunset or the texture from a wall. I’m also always trying to use new materials and techniques in my work. I feel like I’m designing a second skin inside of which a woman should feel comfortable and sophisticated. What are you obsessed with at the moment? I`m obsessed with textile design right now—I just can`t stop doing prints. Everything inspires me and I see prints everywhere—there truly is no limit to it. Why should women wear your designs? I design with love. From each dress that
I’ve made my heartbeat is running away and you can see the bright sparkles in my eyes. Fashion is what I do best and I’ve been doing it for the last six years. It`s my life, my dream, my past and my future. “I read that your mother was a fashion designer as well... Yes. She is a great pattern maker and an amazing maker of couture. She knows all of the techniques—it’s not a problem for her to make a coat in a day. What is your mother like? My mother is an amazing woman! She inspires me so much. She can do everything from nothing. She has gold hands and I`m still learning from her. She is always very supportive of me—we are a perfect team together. What is her style? Her style is very gracious and sophisticated. She likes eclectic style—the way she mixes things together is incredible. In what way is your style your own and in what way is your style like your mothers? I like avant-garde style while still keeping it very elegant. The love of expensive fabrics and perfect quality came from my mom. I`m a perfectionist and sometimes that’s very hard to live with :) Last year, you were the winner of the Humane Society of the United States “Cool vs. Cruel Fur-Free Design Competition”, which is a competition where student designers must take a runway look and re-interpret it to make it
your own by only using man-made, animal-free materials. Do you constantly use animal-friendly or free materials? Fortunately, there is no need to wear a fur in Miami :) This competition completely opened my eyes—I`d never thought before how cruel human beings can be. It`s the 21st century and we have to become smarter and start taking care of animals. Do you have a philosophy in life, your work and your designs? My philosophy is the philosophy of doing—just do it! :) With doing we are becoming somebody. And, of course, smile at the world and it will smile back at you. Do you believe all designers should be conscious of what materials they use? Of course! I think right now there are a lot of variations of cruelty free materials. There is no need to kill animals anymore. Let me say, that dress you designed for the competition looked magnificent!!! Thank you so much! So many sleepless nights... How did you feel when you won the competition and they honored you at the “Cool vs. Cruel” awards ceremony in NYC? It was so exciting! I still can`t believe that it happened to me, especially when three years ago I didn`t even speak English and lived on the other side of planet. Valeria, what do you love to do aside from designing? I love sports like rollerblading and biking.
I also love skiing! It`s so sad that I haven`t seen snow for two years—I hope I`ll see some snow again this winter... Do you have a favorite sanctuary you retreat to? I wish I could have a garden with old trees where I could rest under their shadow. Do you plan on moving to a different part of the US or a different part of the world? So far I`m ok with the Sunshine State, but my dream is to live everywhere. I love traveling. Any ideas for your S/S (Spring/Summer) ‘12 look? Large floral prints are must have. Bright blue, red and green. Just don`t forget to feel comfortable with what you are wearing. What have you learned about yourself in ‘11? It always seems impossible until it’s done. So many challenges I went through, but I just became stronger. What is your next step? Right now, I’m working with my friend and amazing fashion designer Vanessa Tapia on our new collection, which is going to be shown at Art Basel on December 2nd. It`s such a pleasure for us to be a part of one the biggest events in modern art. You will be surprised how beautiful our collection is going to be. Ok Valeria, I’m going to ask you a series of random questions… Ready? Yes.
What is your perfect world? My perfect world would be me in my own large white studio with high ceilings and huge windows with a view of the bustling city below. The studio will have the smell of fresh morning coffee and tart bergamot. Design for yourself or for others? My clients are a part of myself. Spontaneous or on a schedule? Spontaneously on schedule—on my schedule. What ideal icon would you design for? I`ve never had an ideal icon. I would prefer to design costumes for the ballet, Sleeping Beauty or Swan Lake. What is your favorite film? A Beautiful Mind, American Beauty, Match Point and Lolita. Who or what would you be in your next life? I would be a surgeon, so I could look at this life from a different angle. It’s amazing how these people can solve riddles of the human body. Valeria, it was truly a pleasure getting to know you. Congratulations on all of your success and I hope to see a lot more of you and your work in the future to come. Any words of wisdom? Thank you so much. It was a pleasure for me. I just want to say, never give up on your dreams. Work hard and everything else will come. No matter what, just keep moving to your dream and your dream will come true :)
Cee-Rock “The Fury”!!! In the fliggity-flesh! What’s good, Jacob!? Chillin’, grinding. What’s h appening? On my international grind as usual and continuing my never-ending quest to make “what’s happening”—happen. How’s Queens? Oh, you mean Q-Sector! Yeah, Q-Sector—it’s all good in the hood. So you just got back from overseas touring, how the hell was it? As much as I would like to say it was a tour, it actually wasn’t this time around. I was mainly over there to work on my sophomore album entitled Furyosity Killz The Kat. It’s comin’ along very well— if I do say so myself. I was supposed to hit a few other countries when I was overseas, but that didn’t happen. I stayed in Sweden and Denmark for this particular trip. Who were you on tour with? Three people—me, myself and I. How many shows did you rock? I’d say about fourteen or so. Do any shows in particular stand out to you? No doubt about it, when I rocked onstage with legendary Public
Enemy, S1W and Davy DMX on July 20th, ‘11! Cee-Rock rocking with Public Enemy, that’s big, what feeling did you walk away with from that? It was like biting into a York Peppermint Patty, fam! The vybe, energy and overall experience were incredible! I was standing side by side with Chuck D while DJ Lord was on the turntables, Flavor Flav was on the drums and my longtime homie, Davy DMX (who recently joined Public Enemy) rocked the bass. I did a freestyle live on stage and impressed Chuck D along with the rest of PE. Maaaan, I was feelin’ on top of the world at that moment and I will cherish that Polaroid moment for the rest of my life! What’s your favorite city to perform in when overseas? Any city that will have me—I don’t discriminate and I welcome all cities who want to have me rock in their territory. But I must say that Finland, Norway and South Africa were pretty good vybez. How does the hip-hop scene over there compare to us here in the United States? I think over there it’s more “retro”.
They preserve the real hip-hop like a museum. They appreciate the true art form of hip-hop over there right now in the same way we used to appreciate it over here in the US back in the early 90s. So you rhyme, DJ, design and promote—is there anything that you don’t do? I wear so many hats they should be calling me “Jimmy”! These days it’s essential to learn as much as possible. When you have limited knowledge on things you’re at the mercy of others who do know and their time frame. When you learn to do things for yourself you don’t have to wait for others to do for you. You can do things on your own, at your leisure and at your own pace. You can be more productive and see more results at a faster rate. Things I don’t do are drugs, smoke and put out wack muzik. As a deejay, I will be going under the name Deejay Byg Fury. While I was overseas, I was spinnin’ at a few places for extra money and people tend to enjoy my sets. The club and lounge vybez overseas are very nice indeed. When did you get in the game? I’ve been in the game before the
game was even a game. When Treacherous Three, Sugar Hill Gang, Run-DMC, Whodini, Fat Boys, The B-Boys, Spider-D, UTFO had records out—I was a young kat writing and on the come-up. I was a kid just soaking it all in, so I’ve always been around hip-hop music. When hip-hop was just in diapers I was inspired and learned to absorb and create at a very young age—I have cassettes of me as a kid rappin’ to this very day. What’s going on with the !Handzup! Network? Well, I already have a worldwide digital distribution deal, but this time I want !Handzup! Network to start releasing on its own rather then as a subsidiary label, which it is right now. If all goes as planned, all of my future releases will be available for purchase strictly under the !Handzup! and/or !Handzup! Network moniker. I’ve put a lot of work into this and I’m looking to handle things on my own with full artistic control. I feel that I’m now ready for that to happen. How often are you dropping new mixtapes? I do them whenever I have some
free time on my hands. Right now, as we speak, I’m working on a !Handzup! Network Myxttape (that is what my mixtapes are called) as a tribute to the legendary Heavy D who recently passed away. You and anyone else can listen to my Myxxtapes on Mixcloud at http:// mixcloud.com/handzupnetwork/ and I invite everyone to follow/ subscribe and post your opinions and feedback, which is always welcomed and appreciated. What’s up with your next album? Well, like I said before, my new album will be entitled Furyosity Killz The Kat. I currently have two songs released from it—one is called “Jus Rememberin’ Stuff” and the other is called “Club Rulez”. These are available for purchase through most major digital outlets (Google it). Even Chuck D (of Public Enemy) has been bumpin’ my material on his RapStation and has even included me in this segment entitled “Songs That Mean Something” (again, Google it). I even have a collaboration with Reggie Reg (from the legendary Crash Crew) on my album. That alone is a reason for you to
check it out when it all drops. I may release that track as a single as well, so keep and eye out and an ear open for it. How about any upcoming shows? No set shows set in stone at the moment, but I perform in the city almost every week at “Freestyle Mondays.” I rock with a live band along with other emcees, singers and even beatboxers. It’s totally unplugged and it keeps me on my toes in terms of spontaneous lyricism and delivery. What motivates you to make more? Listening to classic and vintage hip-hop muzik. Others will call it Old-Skool (which it is and so what!), but I call it True-Skool. Listening to my friends who know how to make good music inspires me as well. Things like that get my adrenaline going keeps me inspired to make even more good music for all the real listeners out there. How do you feel about hip-hop today? To be honest, I don’t feel much about it at all. I’m sure it isn’t every song out there, but there are so few out that actually move me. Any good ones tend to get lost in
the shuffle because hearing them is so far and in between. It’s like you have to look under a microscope to find something which is “airplay worthy” these days. When Heavy D died, the radio jumped on the “deceased bandwagon” and started playing his music. I was glad that the new generation finally had an opportunity to hear him because the new generation would probably never have heard about Heavy D. However, that’s the same reason that pisses me off about radio! You gonna tell me that it takes a pioneer/veteran/legend to pass away before you start playing them on the radio again!? Do you have to be a corpse in order to get some airplay circulation again!? Real hip-hop muzik is swept under the rug and I don’t think that’s fair at all. 99.9% of these so-called music directors need to go, along with these so-called radio deejays with no knowledge whatsoever about real hip-hop muzik is about or even sounds like! We need to bring it back to the essence, peoples. I’m sure after a few days or weeks after the hype of Heavy D is over,
radio stations will go to playing their sorry same ole’ same ole’ music as usual—minus Heavy D—on their playlists. They simply jump on the bandwagon for a little bit and then forget about you and keep it moving to something else. That is why I’m not feeling mainstream radio anymore and I am sure others will agree with me on this topic right here. Public Enemy was right when they said, “Who stole the soul?” Where do you see hip-hop going? I think mainstream music is goin’ downhill on a never-ending slope. I think that underground music and independent music is much preferred these days because there is so much variety available. Right now you’re more than likely to hear the same five to six songs play on any giving radio station. It’s nothing but déjà vu on permanent repeat and that is totally pathetic! There are millions of varieties of good muzik out there, but you only play what Billboard charts tell you to play. By the way, just because something is on the Billboard charts doesn’t make it a good song! That’s like going to a 5-star restaurant with only three items
on the menu. Eating there will become boring and redundant after a very short period of time. Radio today has proven time and time again to choose quantity over quality and it’s because of that that real hip-hop seems like a “lost art” to many. Real hip-hop is not dead—it’s sitting on the sidelines waiting for the ‘‘coach” (meaning radio) to put them back in the game again. Stop bench warming our muzik! The new generation doesn’t even know any better because they are not even exposed to good quality music. It’s hard to appreciate something good when you’ve never heard it. They don’t know what truly good music is because they are spoon-fed this garbage they play on the radio today and have nothing else to compare it to. I almost feel sorry for the new generation because they are missing out on something wonderful and it doesn’t have to be that way if radio programmers would just step their game up, take responsibility and play what really needs to be heard rather than playing this corny “soup of the day” people are forced to ingest on a constant
basis! How has NYC influenced your style? New York is all about variety, energy and attitude. My flow, passion and delivery have all of these same attributes. New York is hardcore. New York is grimy. New York is unpredictable. New York is dangerous. New York is beautiful. New York is complicated. New York is crazy. New York is intelligent. New York is diverse. New York is Cee-Rock “The Fury”. Are you doing what you love? Absotively-posilutely! What’s next for Cee-Rock “The Fury”? Keep goin’. Keep flowin’. Keep showin’. Keep growin’. Is there anything that you might like to add? I want everyone to show luv and support Under Republic! I also want any and all real catz out there who appreciate the true art of hip-hop and support it to join me and my !Handzup! Network movement to maintain it and expose it to the masses (old and new). Please subscribe/follow at
these links in order to grow with me: * www.facebook.com/ceerockthefury * www.youtube.com/bygfury * www.mixcloud.com/handzupnetwork * www.shoutomatic.com/handzupnetwork * www.blogtv.com/people/ceerockthefury * www.twitter.com/ceerockthefury * www.chirbit.com/handzupnetwork * www.myspace.com/ceerockthefury * www.vimeo.com/handzupnetwork Any shout-outs? Always :-) Shout-outs go out to: Zulu Nation, Under Republic, K-Rock, Don Jazz, B.A.N.A.N.A. MOVEMENT, Trooper Tim Black, Timid, Nugget The Phantom, StealthGuhn (aka Self-One), Black Jewelz (aka J-Rock Da Lyrikill Terrah), DJ Haste Precision, Mikey D, MC G.L.O.B.E., Sade One, Megklomand (aka BL-Izzard), DJ Vic Nyce, Drak New York, Moonsplash Productions, BigDif, MC Loco, Wize Guyz Global, Zulu Nord Germany, RapStation, Wildman Steve, ShoutOmatic, Donald D, The
B-Boys, Kurtis Blow, Dyce, Reggie Reg (of “Crash Crew”), J-Ro (of “Tha Liks”), Spongebob Liver (aka OgenF), Two-Towers, Onmugen, Heavy D (RIP), Luv Chyld Fred Astaire (my brother), Foxy Roxy (my sister), Daddy D (my brother), Davy DMX, Squadron Supreme, Wolferrigno (my nephew), Bricks Bryson, Ant-Live, Richard Pattison, G.Boof, Caren Wint, Media Kiosk, Atjazz, The Orchard, !Handzup!,!Handzup! Network, Alege Ajule, Bar 13, Freestyle Mondays,Q-Sector, Linden Boulez, NY, Hip Hop Culture Center (H2C2), McKinley Ruffin, Pedigree Chumps, Mr. CRF, Mr. Spin, Critical Beatdown Posse, Jannifer Middleton, Christo, Kash Flo, Anchor The Bank, DJ-Jay U Ice Ice, Atjazz Record Company, DJ KCL, Head Nod Music, Kacy Hodge, Sixpoint Entertainment, DJ Wernz, VonZip Da Driva, Junior Giscombe, DJ Psycho Steve, Geeman, WonderTwinZ, my mother and all of my friends/ family/fans/affiliates who supported me throughout my career and still continuing to do so. One luv everyone -Cee Rock “The Fury”!!!
Hyphy Hands Lincoln! Yo! How’s life? Life is real. Where you at? I’m in a cave. Why the name Hyphy Hands Lincoln? Not sure—it just seemed to have a nice ring to it. When did you get your start painting with light? About a half a year ago. How did that come about? I wanted to try light painting for a while but didn’t have the gear for the long exposures. I was going to rent some stuff, but lucked out and ended up using a friend’s gear instead. I had seen the possibility of the medium and was obsessed with seeing if my ideas would work… Now is it just you, or you and a team of people? For the really long exposure pieces it’s just me. In the underground shots I usually have help from friends. Who are you anyway? Gary Busey ;p What’s you background with photography and art? I went to school and studied painting/art, but I haven’t done much photography.
How much time and effort goes into each particular shot? Each shot usually takes a day to set up and a night to execute. Care to give a quick breakdown of the process? First I do a bit of sketching at home. Then I head down to the warehouse and set up all the gear (camera, tripod, music, chairs etc.). I like to shoot when it’s dark outside because the location isn’t totally light tight. I do a few test shots to check the camera and adjust the settings if needed. For the long exposures, I have the camera on a tripod and use a shutter release cable to lock the mirror open in bulb mode. Now using different lights I begin painting the images by hand—they usually end up around 6’ tall and 10’ wide. Once I’m finished painting the image I unlock the shutter and check the LCD screen. What are your tools of the trade? Lots of different handheld flashlights, colored gels, lasers, beer, camera, tripod and a shutter release cable. Do you have any preferred camera equipment? Canon EOS 5D Mark II. What’s an average exposure length from what we’re seeing here?
About ninety minutes. Where do you see the/your work going? I am looking to incorporate more double exposure techniques and the use of projectors. I see light as becoming an even more ever present medium with lots of possibilities. How do you feel about the incorporation of technology towards art? I like that it opens up new avenues and ways of creating and looking at art. Would you like to collaborate with anyone that you haven’t yet? There are a lot of folks I would like to collaborate with—too many to name. What kind of response have you received from this outstanding work? So far there has been a pretty good response out of the gate. Any upcoming shows? There are a few in the works… Are you doing what you love? [laughs] I’m trying to. What’s next? Look for some new shots coming soon! Is there anything else that you might like to add? Thanks!
G-Wiz! Gee-Wiz—unless I am low on paint or tight for space. What’s up? Cost of living. How’s life? Alright. Where are you? The NW corner of these United States. Where are you from? The SE corner of the very same United States. Where are you going? Nowhere fast. Maybe home. Maybe soon. Would you care to share you government name with us? Gerald Wilikers. No really. What do you write? Gee-Wiz and occasionally Pen15 when under the influence of alcoholic beverages. That’s cool—how’s the car been running? Due for service. How have your art shows been going? Usually a ton of people (free beer does wonders)—I could stand to line a couple more up though. Have you been selling? Out. Been selling out. Yep.
What shows do you have coming up? A few loose commitments in ‘12… Seattle, Portland, Atlanta and hopefully I can stick a few in Europe so I can have an excuse to go somewhere new—haven’t been outside the US much ever. Always wanted to see other places and draw on other peoples shit. It’d be rad to get paid to do that (I think). How do you feel about graffiti? I like painting on things—trains are what’s up. Walking the tracks with good friends with a common goal can’t be beat. Wish I could do it more. Wish I lived closer to my painting friends. Wish customer spots weren’t drying up. Outside of that I don’t really care. I don’t know many writers. Kind of think it’s better that way, but I wouldn’t know. …Fine art? I’m not really a fine artist—my work isn’t trying to make some crazy statement or get you to change your belief structure. The only thoughts I’m trying to provoke have to do with craft, proportion and composition— kind of like with letters on panels. I feel more like a maker if you really want to get down to it—I like making stuff and if it can occasionally look
cool and pay my rent or cell bill that’s rad. I don’t know... Maybe I should try to paint some provocative shit. Who knows, I’m just trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents. How has the progression from graffiti to fine artist gone for you? These days it seems that question makes more sense when you use the word regression. I guess alright—hard to say. I’m still broke and stealing most of my supplies. I design and make furniture in my real life... So I got to save my scraps for them art projects. Before I started getting art shows I always thought selling work was the mark of success. Now I’m starting to think that getting shows is good enough. I just started, so it’s hard to tell. Is this what progress feels like? Has it been a natural progression? I almost caught myself saying “It feels natural.” Shit. Umm. I guess so? That’s a weird one. I still paint letters sometimes. I suppose I hope it’s just like anything else in this world... Work honestly and hard. Hope someone important (with dollars) notices. Say please and thank you. Meet deadlines. Keep your level of craft high. Don’t fuck the boss’s wife. Like I said before, I just started at all this—I’m a nobody.
To be perfectly honest I’m surprised I got asked to do this interview (thank you for reading my bullshit by the way). Do you fit in the art scene? I like looking at cool shit that people make. I try and keep my head down most the time. So I guess I fit in like that person you didn’t remember seeing at the show, every once in a while I act all fanboy when I meet the dudes that have been inspirational (sorry again to Jurne and Huge). Your recent work, which is tremendous, has been experimenting with 3-D and optical illusions—why? Dang. Compliment. Thanks. I guess it’s just another way to play with basic shapes that’s a little more fun to look at. I think my design background and heavy desire to keep shit simple reinforces the choice. It’s fun to trip out on proportion and geometry. I guess when I get better I will move onto more complex things. But for right now, it’s all about the basics. As for the optical illusion stuff, it’s just a way to get people to have to interact with the work—nothing more, nothing less. Not to mention the typographic funk that you bring. Where do you see your
work headed for the future? Hopefully somewhere out there. Hopefully in more peoples houses and not packed up in a storage unit. Hopefully more cars crossing the country that are easy on the eyes. Letters first right... At least that’s what I was taught. For anyone out there reading this, I want to do more collaborations. I think that is the future. Make more stuff with more people. ‘12 goal. Shit just got official. What’s up with your zine? It’s porn. You should buy one and tell me what you think. Seriously. Five bucks. How can I get one? Flickr. Or email me at thegeewiz@ gmail.com Are you currently available for any graphic design for hire type stuff ? I am a whore in debt. You need something, I’m sure I can make it happen. Any chance I get to make something new is good by me. Honest. What else do you do? Right now I’m making modern furniture for rich people and then at my other job I tell a machine how to cut stuff so that it can be turned into furniture. I drink most nights. Netflix
with the lady. Fire pit when it’s not rainy. I like benching without a camera. I also really enjoy making eggs benedict and sandwiches. Have you been hopping fences and hitting spots? Past two years have been bad for me. Lots of failed missions a couple cars that got away and the NW has a long ass rainy season that has had me down on graf. Bad excuses—there are a ton of NW writers who still get up. Every time I go home I get to do something worthwhile. On the brighter side, my bar bathroom and mirror game is on lock. Is there anything else that you might like to add? Thanks? Are you doing what you love? Trying to errryday. Honest. What’s next? Commercial break... Any shout-outs? Can we change the question to “Who do you think deserves this interview more than you?” And in that case it would be Do-it. BeTwo. Rios. Huge. Pars. And like forty other writers and art folks who grind way harder and shake shit up way better than me.
How’s Life? Life is good. Your tweeter said you were last in NY for a shoot, where are you now? I am in New Orleans shooting Drew Brees and then off to Washington DC to shoot Dominique Dawes for a commercial print job. For any reason? It’s a campaign for the President’s Council on Fitness, Sports and Nutrition that supports keeping physical education in the school curriculum. A lot of people starting out in photography wonder how they can get their first break—how did you turn photography from a hobby into a profession? Well, I worked my way up from camera PA to Director of Photography, starting back in the day with Roger Corman, the king of B movies. I actually started off in post-production and ended up in production. Along the way, I diversified and started shooting stills. I actually started shooting 120 format, on a Mamiya 645 while assisting—which wasn’t the smartest looking back at the expense. I just loved that format. My first breaks were made by being in the industry and shooting whenever I had the time. The most important aspect of being in the industry, in any capacity, is paying attention to what people are doing
around you. If you want to learn how to shoot, learn how to move. And if you can shoot then you have the ability to share your work with someone. No one is getting a paid job without material in his or her book. Give me an example of something you learned while on set? You learn a lot even waiting for the electrics to set up cable to run your lights. For example: if you have a big lighting set up on a stage day with no scout, you wouldn’t concentrate your efforts on wardrobe approvals with a client and then come tell your gaffer where cable can be run. Hanging the three overhead 6k Pars from rafters is going to take roughly two hours—I’ve spent that kind of time on wardrobe approval with some clients. You’d kill your day just not knowing to talk to your lighting guys first. That’s a pretty simple example, which most in the industry take for granted. But if you’re an outsider, it’s a good lesson to learn, one that comes from being on set and paying attention. Everyone has to pay their dues as they’re coming up—what was your worst photography experience to date? The worst experience as it relates to coming up the ranks, I’ve got to say was working on a commercial spot for a cruise line in Alaska. A couple back-toback sixteen-hour workdays and having
to sleep in the hull of a chase boat next to the engine room—I could scream at the top of my lungs and still not hear myself. To top it off, production got us on a flat rate on one of the toughest jobs I’ve ever done as an assistant. And to think we would have earned more than double our rates with overtime. The other factor was that the production company was so engrossed in their day-to-day that they didn’t give a rat’s ass about us. I remember we were cleaning camera equipment ‘til 11:00pm one night after a long day of shooting and realized production hadn’t fed us and the boat’s galley was closed, so we went to bed on one beer with a 4:00am call. You have to understand, I’d never heard my assistant ever complain in three years, let alone curse, but there is first for everything. This job was worse than a thirty six hour job I did between two productions, walking off of one right onto a night shoot for a music video to prove myself to a new camera crew and then back to the first production at sunrise. Even so, I saw some of this world’s most beautiful places and learned a lot: don’t sleep next to the engine room, negotiate a better rate and carry energy bars when stuck at sea. What was your first well paid shoot? As a shooter—it was a commercial job for Sears, I believe. Scared half out of
my wits. It’s like losing your virginity. You’re all psyched about the big payday, you’re finally throwing down and then on the day you come with that look. You can hope all you want, but you still look like a deer in the headlights that screams, “Look, I’m getting laid!” Today the look is gone, but I still get those nervous feelings on every job. It’s a lot of responsibility having to deliver a great image to an agency and/or client. Was there ever a point when you were close to giving up, or has photography been an easy path for you? No. Never wanted to give up. I’ve thought about what else I would do, because of outside factors. But, no, I haven’t gotten to that point of throwing in the towel. I will say it’s more work than I thought. I suppose in thinking about it, I love what I do and respect the people around me, so it doesn’t seem like work. As to whether or not it has been an easy path—not sure. I have a passion for it, so I don’t know if the challenges are revered as hard or not, although it’s frustrating at times. Getting what you want isn’t always the easiest thing to achieve. You can find the perfect location and show up that morning to find two drunken three hundred pound bums sleeping in what would have been your shot. Trust me finding another angle is much easier than moving them. It’s
funny, the job fits me, or I fit the job. It’s artistic, it’s organizational and it requires you to be good with people. Clients, crews, talent and bums all included. And I love those three elements. What are outside factors that make it difficult or you find frustrating? It’s things that are beyond your control. On a grand scale, the obvious would be the economy. More specific to our industry, one example would be the increasing lack of insight on measuring photographic talent. That’s slowly becoming a lost art, but it’s an outside factor, since you’re more than likely not going to be able to explain the details of your experience in getting a shot to those looking at it. It impacts people on whether or not they stay in this profession. I know a couple shooters that packed it in. They had enough of the work not being enough. I know it’s because it’s getting increasingly tougher for art buyers, as well, to weed through the numbers. It increases their responsibilities and workload, while I’m sure they’re not getting paid any more. So you’ve got talented art buyers with less time on their hands or worse, they’re being replaced by people that may be a lower salary expense to the company, but also less knowledgeable. The people that it impacts the most are the clients. Some
don’t realize how valuable a good art buyer is to the process. So it’s a consideration you make when choosing what to do as a professional. If I do get the opportunity, I choose to help by telling someone that isn’t asking about the conditions of a shoot what those conditions were so they learn that pushing the film increased the grain structure that gave us that texture. If you get a response of shock and a question like, “Does film still exist?” well, try to be patient—breathing helps. Is that the only factor? No. Off hand, digital cameras being cheaper and more accessible is another factor. It plays a joint part in the talent assessment discussion. Photographers have no control over the accessibility of digital cameras making everyone a so-called “photographer” now—that’s a factor. One, it becomes competitive by sheer numbers, not necessarily talent. To put it in light, (don’t you love the puns) it’s like making computers all of the sudden available and saying I’m a National Marketing Director. I can turn it on, I can run the programs and I can write a marketing strategy. Does that make me a marketing manager? No. But it seems to some National Marketing Managers that if they see a photo they are looking at a photographer. Not by my standards or I’m a National Marketing
Manager. I say that with a great deal of comical inflexion, but the problem exists. They may be looking at an image by someone that can’t even take the camera out of its auto settings. It’s kind of like me not knowing how to open my email. My desk job is doomed. If you’re looking for my insight to advise a new photographer, that’s a tough one. The formula to success as a photographer depends more on luck than it used to. The truth is those outside factors are going to exist in any industry. The growing competitive arena makes seeing true talent harder and harder. What’s your advice? When those outside factors take away my ability to sustain myself I’ll let you know. I still think there are more people in the industry that want to protect it than want to take advantage of it. As long as that’s true I think the next generation of shooters stand a chance of making photography a career. If it becomes tougher, get tougher. When those factors become more disconcerting in your attempts to move forward, it’s time to move on. Give me an example of how those outside factors impact you? When you pay your dues and put in the time working your way up, working for different people, working in different capacities, working in different mediums
and formats, on hundreds of jobs, people should view it as a higher education like a graduate program. I haven’t found anyone who would tell you, you learn more in school. I’m not saying that an art education isn’t important. But, every last person I’ve met has said, even if they have an art degree, you learn the most by being on set. Yet some decision makers have no clue on how to evaluate talent or are unable to place value on the pedigree of working your way up. I have worked for some of the very best. Like Rolf Kestermann, Herb Ritts, Peggy Sirota and so on, but at the end of the day the decision to hire me to shoot a cheese sandwich being pulled apart featuring the melting cheese stringing across one half to the other is, “No.” because I only have pizza shots of cheese being pulled from the slice to the person eating it. Well I hope you see how asinine it is, but it happens all the time—and that’s with the agency recommending me and the client saying no. Those are the outside factors you have deal with. Where I would have never been questioned on that ten years ago. I’ve spent over 50K on lighting alone to shoot the Disney Haunted Mansion at night. I got your mozzarella right here… [laughs] You talk about on your website about taking art classes as a kid, did that actually play a role in you becoming a
photographer? You read that? I’m impressed. Absolutely. The disciplines in any creative expression require fundamentals. Man, are you making me sound like an art teacher. You call me sir and I walk. [laughs] Without trying to give too much of a lecture, understanding color, composition, positive or negative space, focal point of interest, perspective, etc. is a relationship between you and the time you spend finding out what resonates personally. No one has a true understanding of composition until they compose. Anyone can judge composition, but understanding composition from a critic’s eye is at an infant stage until you compose, poorly or well. Those experiences I learned as a kid and still learn today—they’re the disciplines you need if you want to be good which you can acquire by other means. For me, oil painting feels like an extension of photography or vice versa. When did you first pick up the camera? When I was a kid. What was the first photo you took that made you fall in love with the artistic format? Fall in love? When I took an image of one of my first girlfriends. No, it wasn’t a self-portrait of the two of us one late night set to the camera timer. It wasn’t
entirely because of her either. It was because of all the planning that preceded the day of the shoot that made me feel accomplished. Everything I did to organize the day I had control over. It wasn’t a feeling I got during the shooting, or the days of location scouting, or of getting the equipment and all the other details to make the art direction come together. It was when the film came back from the lab. It was a feeling like I crossed the room to take a seat at the adult table. An image really is a moment in time that is an extension of yourself. Ok… she was hot, which helped, but just as crazy. So I still earn credit for that shoot—it made me feel proud. Was your first camera a 35mm? Yes. What was it? I got the Canon AE-1 in grammar school. Do you still have it? Yes, I actually still have it. When did you make the move to medium and large format? About twelve years ago I bought my first Mamiya. I still own a Mamiya RZ67 and 645AFD, a 4x5 Linhoff, Nikon D3 and F6 as well as my first Nikon FE. What was the first project with both? I shot a model for her book. I did some semi-nudes and couldn’t afford the film to run a ton of 120, so I shot 35mm as
well. I should have shot 35mm only, but was so excited to shoot medium format that I ran, I think, four or five rolls of 120 as well. I know you shoot cars, fashion and fine art, but if you were able to shoot any one of those and make a living off of that, which would it be? Fine art—because it is really about what you have to say as an individual. You answer to no one, other than the critics while putting yourself out there. It’s more representative of the human condition of senses. What do you mean? Senses are what we experience life with and we use them to paint a picture, write a song or snap a photo. To try to tell a story of scent through photography is a great exercise in bringing those senses to the surface. And if you want to impact people’s reactions by your subject matter you have to delve deeper into those experiences to tell me who you are or what you are saying. And that’s without having ever met you, having never talked to you or even seen you. Tell me something about yourself solely through an image. Wow… It’s a matter of perspective either way—creating or interpreting. Can you tell a lot about who you are through your work? I hope so. Not entirely, I hope. I’d like
to think there is still a little mystery or mystique left in me. Do you think the younger generation gets that perspective? Yes of course, if you can sit them down long enough to have them think about it. The communication business is being moved by technology faster and faster, which doesn’t allow many of us to spend the time to think on these terms. I’ve become guilty of this as well. But do they get it? Oh yeah, I just think it’s a very small percentage. I just hope they have more patience and time to learn the disciplines of lighting, composition and exposure. Even in the digital world they are extremely relevant—perhaps more so, since there is so much more to look at. If you want to stop people and have them take notice, understand all the disciplines and keep broadening them. What advice would you give them to hold on to that insight of knowing the disciplines? Write out your intent. Write out what emotion you want your viewer to feel. Writing takes time and helps us slow the process down and actually helps elevate your image—you become better acquainted with the dialog between image and viewer. When you are searching for a subject of your photos, is there one thing you pick
over another? I don’t have favorites of anything. I have lists, mostly because my mood changes. When shooting for myself, rather than building the book to attract more work or experiment with contrast or lighting or what have you, I tend to want a subject that I can tackle from a few different perspectives. I don’t mean from a few different angles. I mean trying to push myself to give the viewer a different vantage psychologically. I think when you do—you find that there are things you discover about what you want to express. That discovery tends to be organic in this process, which leads to new self-awareness as a shooter and person in general. You really need to bring me an apple next time you make me sound like a teacher. Is there a specific type of lighting you enjoy more than another, i.e. bluer, lighter? I like contrast. I like a full range of exposure because it represents a greater perspective of what is. Seems esoteric, but for me, white to black captures the full range of exposure which is representative of the full range of anything. Sorry it’s a little hard to give some philosophy on the meaning I derive from the parity of exposure as it relates to a boy sitting with his dog. But the blacks and deeper shadows represent, in
this instance, the sadness and the light flush on his face the optimism of having his whole life ahead of him even though his dog looks like he has a few months to live. I expose and key for the boys face and allow all else to fall off from there. It plays out well for me and I hope that the subtlety isn’t lost. You don’t have to come to the same understanding. I just want the viewer to see the optimism, sadness and hopefully the contrast helps communicate that insight. Contrast seems to help bring a deeper range to storytelling within an image. You could have shot the boy and his dog with a lower contrast ratio and I think it would say something entirely different even if the subject remained unchanged. When you’re shooting commercial work are you still shooting in mostly film, or have you moved to a digital back for the medium or large format? Unfortunately, it’s mostly digital. I will try to always shoot some rolls of film. For that reason, I won’t get rid of the film back to replace the digital back exclusively. It makes you feel a little more engaged when you know that you have to protect for film—you just can’t push the delete button and shoot it again. Do you feel you have artistic control when doing commercial shoots? Artistic control over the environment of collaboration—yes—this is important.
If you are an artist and think you want to bring artistic control from an artists perspective you shouldn’t do commercial work. Commercial work can be very creative, very rewarding and have flexibility, but it’s a discipline of working as a team. I may be the one to control the art direction style, lighting and moments in front of the lens, but I do it based on my relationship with an agency or client that has an expectation—so it’s not just about me. It’s sometimes less about the artistic form and more about the message. As a photographer it’s my responsibility to push for the best imagery because that’s what stops people. Everyone has to pay his or her bills but when you’re shooting a commercial spread you really don’t like, what else would you rather be doing? I’m not sure I understand the question. What would I rather be doing if not shooting to pay the bills? I think painting or writing. The unfortunate side to that is that they don’t pay either. I suppose it’s because art is arbitrary. The ability to capture an extension of ourselves and convey that to others through a means of expression is simply critical mass. It’s stuff to be judged on. A mass of whatever you give of yourself to others in hopes to be liked, hated, adored, etc. The more experienced self-aware individual would say in hopes to be judged, good bad or
indifferent. And that, in its essence, is what art is all about… Do you feel digital photography has taken over the photography industry? The process has. You can call me a die-hard, a fanatic who rather shoot film, but you’re doing so most likely because you don’t know the truth behind film. The digital format holds roughly 75 to 80% of what film does. The first ones to combat that statement are the digital techs. Who will say that at the end of the day a printer can only print 400dpi per square inch so why do you need all that extra information from film—because film has a larger sampling pool of information to extract information from. Not to mention the organic feel of film. I’m not saying don’t shoot digital, just don’t abandon film altogether. It still has a place even in the commercial world. If you were to truly judge material based on quality or artistic merit I would choose film. It looks better and less artificial when you compare it side by side. Has it made it more difficult for you to make a move and put in bids? Yeah, it’s really much harder since turning over a disk in a fraction of the time is also cheaper. It has also confused some clients. It makes it seem like the process is easier—not true. I still need the same things to shoot regardless of format. What most fail to understand is that there
isn’t some extreme amount of savings. What happens in front of lens hasn’t changed so really you’re only talking about film purchase, processing and scanning. On a $100k shoot that’s not even 3%. If you were going to shoot one thousand frames of medium format, it’s roughly $1,200 for purchase and process, with proofs call it another $1,000, scanning selects $500. That’s roughly $2,700. On a small job it could price you out, but again on a small job you wouldn’t be shooting one thousand frames—you would budget five hundred frames with an overage contingency in the contract if you go above that frame count. Does 3% savings offset getting only 80% of the quality that you get with digital? You tell me... It’s the same lighting, same art direction and most importantly, the same level of experience in either format. The cost of cameras is actually cheaper in the film world. Clients don’t get that and agencies are forced to show savings. It’s a real tragedy if you like the physical tangible feel of film. The heartbreak is that the digital generation is not learning the difference because they’re too busy clicking the delete button as fast as the shutter. If I have any advice at all to give someone that wants to get into the business is shoot and experiment with film. Learning exposure with a meter rather than a video
monitor gives you an understanding of truly capturing an image. How do you counteract the digital work force? I share my insight as to how dynamic I feel film is to a project—and even then it’s a tough sell. On larger productions I put in for both digital and film. What’s your favorite shoot so far? I would say with Angie Everhart—she’s so motivated and willing to get things done. We ended up shooting a few projects in a couple of days in New York where if without her would have taken a few weeks—not to mention she’s hot as hell. And finally, what’s to come for you? I am trying to concentrate my efforts on a book series. I have a few ideas—I’ll be able to show you in a few months. Anything you want people to know that we didn’t ask? No this was hard enough as it is. I’ll leave you with these sayings, which you can use if you want… If you want to capture something of meaning in minutes, you probably have nothing to say. You can hire a number of photographers—it doesn’t mean you’re hiring a talented one. If you’re saving 20% using another photographer, you’re likely getting only 80% of the experience. Don’t ask me to sit behind the desk and I won’t ask you to sit behind the lens.
Track 2 East Harlem - Beirut Another rose wilts in East Harlem And uptown downtown a thousand miles between us She’s waiting for the night to fall Let it fall, I’ll never make it in time
I squinted in pain as the Greyhound shot like a silver bullet bound into the angled sun. “There’s a glare to the winter air in the Northeast unlike anywhere I’ve ever been.” The beams of light bearing through the tinted windows blinded me, turning my last memory of Mid-Town Manhattan into a white blur. I pulled out the bright red Ray-Ban rip-offs from my pocket and threw them over my light blue eyes. It seemed ridiculous to wear sunglasses in the winter when it was only 30 degrees, and the sun never gave the appearance of fully rising, but I have sensitive eyes. During college if I hadn’t worn sunglasses in front of the computer I’d end up looking like a stoner-zombie, of sorts, with bright red eyes and water streaming from all four corners. It honestly looked hellish; I’m surprised my friends didn’t walk up to me and ask if I was stoned more often, but then again I never was known as much of a smoker. I just never really cared for the stuff, I guess. I mean I’d smoke before sex sometimes, at concerts, before movies, and
possibly while getting ready to eat a big meal, but other than that I hated the stuff! It made me paranoid to an uncomfortable degree where it’d keep me up thinking such ridiculous thoughts as: what was I doing with my life, was I making the right decisions, and did my brand of deodorant really cause cancer in some cases?!? It was these pressing thoughts, which ran through my insomnia-riddled mind. “Maybe I SHOULD change my deodorant.” I thought to myself, as the bus pulled out of the city and onto the Westside Highway, mixing with the rest of traffic, as we started barreling downtown against the Hudson. I laughed at myself, disregarding my tangential mind, and let my thoughts drift down to Athens where my friends, Hank and Lola, who’d moved to the area with their two kids, a 4-year-old boy and an 11-month-old girl, a few months earlier to attend UGA, were planning on picking me up in 21 hours and 51 minutes, and counting, at the bus terminal in their downtown. There wasn’t much of a plan once I got there I’d figured out the night before as I talked to them on the
phone. They’d told me the house was a mess and I could stay for a couple weeks until I figured out where I was going next, wherever next would be, but I didn’t want to over stay my welcome so I told them I’d only be a week. I’d chosen to take the Greyhound because it seemed almost poetic to leave town as fast I could on one of the slowest means possible. I mean I could’ve biked, but let’s be real, it was winter. Also I thought the bus would be nearly empty. I thought it’d give me some time alone, that’s what I felt I needed anyway, some time alone, but to my dismay the dark bus had filled up quite well, leaving only three vacant seats, for a bus leaving twice a day, everyday, on a 22-hour ride, with five stops, into the middle of the south. I sighed and looked back out the window to watch the little patches of snow on the side of the freeway speed by in the opposite direction as we passed. I would have thought most people would’ve paid the extra hundred dollars and jumped a plane down, I almost did, but again in life I was proven wrong and there seemed to be nowhere I could escape to get away from the mass amount of the people also inhabiting
the earth. “It’s you and me now, kid.” I said softly as I looked over at my unfortunate travel companion. She’d already managed to fall asleep and was snoring with her head cocked to the side as a thin strip of drool dangled from her lip. It was mesmerizing. With each draw of a breath her chin fat would jiggle as the drool crawled upward, and then with a whistling exhale the drool would stretch to its near breaking point offering her jacket no relief from the drip. The drool yo-yoed like that back and forth while in front of her, the food, she so adamantly protected, was lying wide open across her tray table. I watched as the roasted chick swayed back and forth, threatening to leap from its perch, teasing me with its glistening golden brown skin and light meat buried underneath looking like it’d melt away even by touch. “I wondered if she’d notice if a piece were missing?” I thought about how horrid it was going to be watching her eat. I could see it now, the grease pooling in the crack of her butt-chin, the skin
hanging lifeless out her mouth, then, just as she is about to slurp it all down with a pull from her Coke she’d look at me and find a topic to start talking to me about and with each word she’d spit a tiny bit of food in my direction, slowly driving me to the edge. I knew she was going to give it a shot, because before the bus left I could feel her beady eyes probing me for topics. I hadn’t given her an opening yet, but I felt it coming. Wasn’t there supposed to be some kind of understanding between two people that if others put on their headphones they probably don’t want to talk? Guess not… As I looked out the window my reality dawned on me. On one side of the bus, my past was looming overhead in the form of an over-crowed city where a beer cost a normal hours work, and on the other, on the west bank of the Hudson River, was my hopeful future. A place where you could see the stars at night, a place where you could go to the river with your friends, go for a hike in the forest, a place where you could take your kids camping. I’ve heard people say, “There are two parts of the US; New York and west of the Hudson.” Maybe it was true. It’d been almost
ten years since I’d moved here and I was starting to believe the rest of the States were all part of the Third World. They seemed like places you’d have to drive hours to get to the general store for a 6-pack and a sandwich. New York might be physically an island, but it works just the same mentally. I needed to leave. Despite everything, I wanted to remember Manhattan for all the good things: the way the city looks after the first snow when the streets are deserted and the garbage is covered in a clean white coat, the brisk open air when you go ice-skating in the park, the smell of the first couple days of spring when the baby green leaves start to come into bloom and you can go without a jacket and still be warm, the thousands of restaurants with outdoor seating, the concerts. God the concerts! I could see a different show every night for a year and never get sick of it. It’s addictive, the way the crowd would get excited as the lights dim, and the way the front man/woman would sheepishly say, “Thank you.” after each song. It was those kind of memories which made me nostalgic and wonder what
New York was like in the 50s, when people would go on proper dates, passing their time skating, having romantic conversations while taking a walk, holding each other’s mitten covered hands, all the while going through a REAL courtship, and not just going to Union Pool to hook-up with a random anyone. It was these good memories that had kept me in New York as long as they had in the first place, but now it was over. There was no going back to the way things used to be. The memories had been tainted and all I could see was the way the cigarette smoke and car exhaust hung in the air during the cold afternoons, or the pristine white snow as it turned into silent slush puddles of podiatric disaster, waiting for you on every street corner, making you jump to the other side, landing on the icy pavement, all the while hoping your footing would catch and you’d get to your destination with cold wet and shriveled toes or a freshly broken hip. At this point it wasn’t just those two things. I hated it all! The partying, the drugs, the heat, the sweaty garbage, the angry people, the cold winters, the high rent, the small apartments,
the fucking broken trains, the hopeless actors waiting tables, the street musicians who yell at people for taking photos of them, the rats, the cockroaches, the packed bars and $8 beers, the rich getting richer, the poor staying poorer, the hopeful getting broken, the hopeless staying broken, the cheating, the lying, the stealing, the buildings, the lack of green, the fact there’re no stars, the Brooklyn hipster, the Up-Town overprivileged, the Meatpacking Guido’s, the prissy Chelsea gays, the L.E.S. pretentious artist, the Tribeca celebrities, the Mid-Town sorority girls, the fucking club promoters and their snobby tag-alongs. You can go to hell and take everything you promote with you. This is my letter of resignation. I’m done; cashed out. You can keep it. Keep everything! Keep the restaurants, keep the movies in the park, keep the concerts, keep Coney Island and the mermaid parade, keep the first day of summer, keep the MTA when it’s working, keep the girls, keep it all! I’m out; I’m punching my ticket. The bus came to a grinding halt as it turned back into the city right above Tribeca causing my head to slam against the back of the seat in front
of me. “God damnit, mother!” I yelled, rubbing my forehead. As I brought my hand away from my head there was a little blood. “You gotta be kidding me!” “Oh sweetheart, you’re bleeding.” The women next to me had woken up with a light cough and noticed the blood on my hand. “Let me get you a tissue.” “Thanks, but I’ll be okay.” I said, rubbing my head and turning to look out the window again. The traffic getting into the Holland tunnel was bad today, angry red brake lights glared back at me as the horns yelled at one another. We were stopped dead. “Don’t be silly.” The women said, grabbing my chin and bringing my head around to face her. “I have two kids and they act just like you.” She continued as she put the tissue to her tongue to wet it, and then started wiping away the little bits of blood on my forehead. “They think they’re all tough and strong, but let me tell you, everyone needs to be weak sometimes.” “Thank you.” I said, grabbing the
tissue as softly as I could as not to upset her. “Suit yourself.” She said, looking a little disappointed in me. “I was just trying to help, you seem a little tense.” “If you only knew…” I thought giving her a soft smile then looking back out the window. During the exchange the bus had moved within 20 feet of the entrance to the tunnel. “I guess there’s no going back now.” I said. “What was that, Dearie?” The woman asked. “I’m sorry.” I replied as blunt and quick as I could. “Sometimes I talk out loud when I mean to think things.” “Well, that’s odd.” “I guess it is.” “Oh look, we’re almost at the tunnel.” She said pointing out the window, in case I’d missed where we were heading. “I’m sorry, I’ve been rude. What’s your name?” I asked as we passed under the sign, which read New
Jersey and entered the dark tunnel. “It’s Mrs. Lily-May Anderson.” She said with a proud smile. “And yours?” “You’re kidding!?!” I laughed sarcastically, looking her dead in the eyes. “No sir, it was my mother’s before me, also.” She said, her smile fading. “Why do you ask?” “No, I just knew someone named Lily a little bit ago.” I said, shaking my head. “My girlfriend, my Ex I guess you’d call it if that’s the right term.” “Oh, a bad breakup, that’s why you’re leaving town and are so stressed, then?” She said in a sympathetic voice. “Not really, but I guess in a way.” I said putting my headphones back on and pressing play. “Tell me about this Lily.” The woman said, but I pointed up at my headphones as if I couldn’t hear her and looked out the window to the dark walls, which gave way for my reflection to look back at me. It’d been the middle of June in 2006,
during one of the worst hot spells we’d had all year, when I first ran into Lily. I’d just finished a long day at work transcribing interviews, pitching new stories, catching up on old emails, and writing a 2,000-word feature on the newest pop star of the moment, when I left the office on Broadway and Spring, in the middle of SoHo, to head for the subway. As I opened the lobby door, saying goodbye to Leonard, the doorman, the heat hit me in the face, stealing my breath for a moment, as I stepped onto Broadway and started for the subway. “It’s amazing how tourists will go out in any weather,” I thought to myself seeing packs of white capri pants march by as the asphalt melted under their feet. I could see waves of heat rising from the ground as the taxicabs raced each other to get nowhere, but that didn’t seem to stop them on their shopping spree. By the time I got through the crowds and to the subway platform I was ready to pass out. There was a solid V shaped sweat stain down my shirt and I had cottonmouth that could kill a king. The only relief from the stale heat came from the hanging fans above the platform blowing moldy
air as I walked to my normal waiting place for the train. Ahead of me on the platform was a musician with an Afro parted neatly down the middle playing a cover of Beirut’s “East Harlem” on his acoustic guitar. The guy was good, I mean he could really sing, which isn’t too uncommon, but this guy seemed like he might have been in a real band and had just wanted to jump down underground to do a surprise acoustic set. It was that or the way he shook his head while he sang that put me in a trance and I couldn’t look away. Either way I stopped for a minute to check it out and threw a buck in his case. I knew these guys made a lot of money, because I had a friend that played the banjo and used his old suitcase as a bass drum with one foot while the other stomped out the tempo with a tambourine who made close to $800 on a Saturday night, at the right stops, but I still felt the need to help out. It made sense, I mean if you do the math there’s 200 drunk people getting on and off trains every ten minutes and if only 20 of them give you one dollar a piece that equals $960, tax-free, in eight hours. That’s better than a lot of people make in a month! And who said
waiting tables was the way to go? “The next Queens bound R train local train is now arriving.” A robotic woman’s voice rang out from the speakers as the wind started to pick up, pushing my hair around. Down in the other direction of the platform a couple are kissing as the wind wraps the girl’s white skirt around them both. If they’d been on a grass covered hilltop it would have seemed like a scene from The Sound of Music, but it wasn’t; we were in the festering New York City underground. To only be in their minds for a moment! Without looking away from the musician I stepped backward to head toward my regular spot and tripped over something; without looking down I quickly said, “Sorry,” and kept going. “Are you out of your fucking mind?” A young woman’s voice yelled at me. This wasn’t the robotic voice from the speaker and if it was I really did need to take my parents up on their offer to help pay for a psychiatrist. “That was my dinner you just stepped on.” “I’m SO sorry!” I said, walking back to
where the young woman was sitting and handed her a 20-dollar bill. She didn’t take it and the train is getting closer, so I pull another $20 out and look up at her. She was beautiful, even pissed off I was in total lust, her light sun-kissed blonde hair with one large pink streak down the left side and her green eyes grabbed me. I want to hold her, take care of her, and make her soup when she wasn’t feeling well, but instead I’d destroyed her dinner. As the train ripped into the stop, drowning out the music as if he had never been playing, she ripped the money out of my hand and stood, leaving her ruined food behind, and walked over to the huddle waiting for the train doors to open. “What’s your name?” I asked her as the doors open and she scoots on with the rest of the people, trading places with the ones who just got off. “Go fuck yourself.” She said with a smile and flipped me off. “I’m…” I tried to yell back as the doors closed and the train drove off, leaving me standing there alone.
“Fuck!” I thought, watching the train as it sped away. I’d been so wrapped up in what happened I hadn’t even gotten; I could have at least tried to talk to her. It wouldn’t have mattered though; I didn’t have half a chance with her now, and not to mention this was New York, a city of 8 million people, and what are the odds I’d ever run into her again. I knew all this but still couldn’t get her out of my mind. This was going to make me sick. I looked back up at the monitor and saw the next train was coming in 4 minutes, so I went to sit down on the bench. In front of me was her bag and just out of curiosity I picked it up and opened it. Nothing. Well, not nothing, but as close to nothing as you can come. Inside was a fork, a knife, three balled up and used napkins and an empty cardboard takeout container from La Esquina. The girl took me. “Why are all the pretty one’s crazy?” I thought to myself placing the bag next to me as the wind picked back up from the arriving train. It was funny though, I really wasn’t as mad as I’d usually be if something like this happened. I was too preoccupied
with the feeling I’d never be able to see her again. She can keep the money, it wasn’t about the money, I just wanted to know her name. I started laughing to myself as I remembered the story, seeing the sun peek into the tunnel from the other side of the Hudson River. I still don’t know why she did that, maybe she was going through a con-artist stage in life, or maybe she just saw me as an overpaid chump in SoHo. Whatever the case, I fell in love with her that day. “Oh, we’re almost in Jersey.” The woman next to me said, clapping her hands together in excitement. “You think we’ll see a Snooki?” She finished with a laugh. “Yeah,” I though to myself, “a cheap reality TV star is going to pop on the bus and say a quick hello before running off to the next group of people who wants to meet her. Oh wait, that is what she does… As the bus pulled out of the tunnel and into New Jersey, the first State in my escape, I turned around to look at the expansive Manhattan landscape reflecting the afternoon sun far into
the distance as 50-something planes shuttled people in and out. I wasn’t going to see this human atrocity ever again, and maybe in my next home, if I was lucky, there wouldn’t be planes overhead every 15 minutes. Maybe it’d be a place where my future kids could sit in the yard playing and one day, when we’re dropping someone off at the airport, they’d look at me and ask, “Daddy, what are those big things?” and I’d just smile. “Isn’t Jersey pretty?” The woman next to me asked, as I turned back around. “Yeah it is.” I said with a smile and turned my music up. It’d been a long time since I’d felt this calm. It was the start of something new. I’d been tricking myself into believing I’d been happy in New York for a long time now, but all along knew, deep down, I wasn’t. I’d finally managed to escape my life of endless reruns and had started a new movie, a new song.