Vol. 41, Issue 19 by Web Editor

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VOL. 41 ISSUE 19 - Thursday, April 4, 2013

CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

Editorial Staff Editor-in-Chief Lex Herrington Managing Editor Sarine Moumdjian News Editor Sam Nazer International News Editor & CUP Liaison Devon Walcott Arts & Culture Editor MJ Cromp Voices Editor Justin Giglio Sports Editor Dan Sailofsky Jacob Cohen Graphics & Comics Editor Olivia Gilbey Head Copy Editor Web Editor -

letter from the editor I’ve been re-reading the Harry Potter series. Just finished. Realized Harry and co. are dirty fucks. Take a looksee for yourself:

“‘When I came out it bobbed along a bit and I followed it behind the shed and then it…well, it went inside me.’”

“Tired of walking in on Harry, Hermione and Ron all over the school, Professor McGonagall had given them permission to use the empty Transfiguration classroom at lunchtimes.”

“Instead he contented himself with scrawling a note to Ron: Let’s do it tonight.”

“‘Everyone seems quite relieved, though, considering they all knew I’d get off,’ said Harry, smiling.” “Hagrid’s pumpkins swelled to the size of garden sheds.” “He could feel it vibrating and let go; it hung in midair, unsupported, at exactly the right height for him to mount it.”

Super Happy Crazy Fun Page Monika Cefis

“But whether James really did take off Snape’s pants, Harry never found out.” “‘Can I have a look at Uranus too, Lavender?’ said Ron.” "What d'you mean, I'm not brave in bed?" said Harry, completely nonplussed. "Quite astonishing, the way you contrive to wriggle out of very tight holes." "He was on all fours again on Snape's office floor."

"Sirius pushed his chair roughly aside and strode around the table towards Snape, whipping his wand out as he went; Snape whipped out his own." "Harry's heart began to pump very fast indeed. Defence against external penetration?" ...She pressed hard on the top of his head. "Doesnt it ever lie flat?" she said desperately. Harry shook his head. "Well?" said Ron finally, looking up at Harry. "How was it?" Harry considered for a moment. "Wet." He said truthfully. "There was a groan of bedsprings, and Harry's mattress descended a few inches as

table of contents Copy Editors Catherine Mcrae

Contributors

News

Int. News

Arts

Voices

Sports

S.H.C.F

Marc-Anthony Cadieux, Zach Silberberg, Joshua Gabert-Doyon, Claire Lecker, Meaghan Westover, Margarita Bozhinova, Joel Chiasson, Laurence Deslauriers-Chouinard, Jesus, Maya Bobrove, Marni Williams, Cory Schneider, Joshua Bateman

George sat down near his feet. "So, got there yet?" said George eagerly. "Ron wrenched the hangings apart, and Harry stared up at him in the moonlight, as he lay flat on his back." "I heard you last night," said Dudley breathlessly. "Talking in your sleep. Moaning." "He's having a go at my mother!" Seamus yelled. "I see," said Uncle Vernon, looking from his white-faced wife to Harry and hitching up his trousers. He seemed to be swelling... "Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush,

straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering trough various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his wand hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent." "You are not in a position to bargain, Potter," said Lucius Malfoy, his pale face flushed with pleasure. “Mr. Ollivander spent much longer examining Harry’s wand than anyone else’s.” “What did he do to you, Diddy?” Aunt Pentunia said in a quavering voice, now sponging sick from the front of Dudley’s leather jacket. “Was it— was it you-know-what, darling? Did he use— his thing?”

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3 EDITOR: Sam Nazer CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

VOL. 41 ISSUE 19 - Thursday, April 4, 2013

Where were the English? NOEMIE FORTIN-BRUNET CONTRIBUTOR

On March 22 2012, over 300 000 students went on strike across Quebec to protest against the tuition hike. 15 000 (0.05%) of them were from English universities, and none from English CÉGEPs. English CÉGEP and university students make up about 21% of Quebec's post-secondary student population (MÉLS 2011 statistics). While the proportion of English students was low, it was the first time that they were even present in the strike. "Never before this spring have we succeeded to integrate the anglophones in the student fights," said Jérémie BédardWien, secretary of finances for l'ASSÉ (Association pour une Solidarité Syndicale Étudiante.) In Quebec, French students have a long history of striking and protesting. "The CÉGEP and Université du Québec system came from a strike," mentioned Nicholas Di Penna, Director of external affairs for the Dawson Student Union. "French students are immersed in that history from the moment they get into CÉGEP or university," said Jérémie Bédard-Wien. "Anglophones don't have the same relation to history. There have been moments of student struggle in the 60s, but they are often forgotten." While French people have a higher tendency to strike and protest in Quebec, it would be erroneous to think that French people are on the left, and English people on the right. Recent social movements in Quebec such as Occupy, Idle No More and the fight against police brutality have transcended cultural and linguistic differences. "I asked people [in Dawson] if they wanted university to get more expensive, and often the answer was no," said Geoffrey Graham, director of communications and mobilization of the DSU. "But students didn't feel motivated or passionate about going on strike."

Photo Credit: tumblr.com

From posters in Montreal

English student associations don't have the same structure as the French associations, which affects the means of challenging government decisions and policies. Dawson Student Union, for example, is a part of the CFS (Canadian Federation of Students). "CFS adheres to this idea to top-down organizing, so it's not really the students that make the decisions," said Di Penna. "Their idea of gaining things like free education is lob-

bying." "La FECQ and la FEUQ lobby as well," pointed out Graham, "but when they see that it's ineffective, they leave the decision to the students, and [last spring] they decided to strike. In the rest of Canada, they just go 'meh, better luck next year.' " Jérémie Bédard-Wien doesn't believe that english students are less militant. "It's the structure that's different. The French associations are more mobilized

because they have a syndical structure, with frequent general assemblies, which are necessary to create strike mandates." He pointed out that on the other hand, english associations are bigger and have fewer general assemblies. It's important to remember that the 2012 student strike did not happen overnight. "We had been raising awareness and mobilizing for two years," recalls Bédard-Wien. "It's something that hadn't been done in English schools."

Empty voting booths The Dawson Student Union elections took place this week with a low turnout. “Not many people have showed up,” Audrey Jenson, one of the people monitoring the voting process said. “People just don’t vote.” Voting booths were placed at the first floor, the Maisonneuve entrance and the atrium. “7 or 8 people voted in the past three hours,” Jenson said, “I was at the metro [voting station] earlier and it was the same.” The voting station attendants are a mix of Dawson students and non-students, hired by the DSU to oversee the election process. They will also be in charge of counting the votes. The executive committee of 2013 will

"Students in Dawson don't see what's going on with the lobbying in Quebec, and all of a sudden they have to vote on a strike," explained Geoffrey Graham. The English media also played its role on the students' and the general population's opinions towards the student movement. "My community wasn't involved," said Cassandra Jones, an anglophone Dawson student. "So all we would see was what the media represented, which was violence and blocked streets." "Editorials in mainstream media were always against the students, portraying them as entitled and whiny babies," stated Jérémie Bédard-Wien. Camelia Mellilo, an English-speaking and red-square wearing Dawson student, believes that there was no real debate in the English community because of the media: "people would only have one source of information, one perspective," she said. As an anglophone, Camelia also struggled to feel included in the movement. "It's difficult when you don't speak the same language as everyone else, you don't really have a voice." Anyhow, Jérémie Bédard-Wien believes that the Quebec student movement will involve more and more English students in the future. "It's not a nationalist movement, nor is [it] a movement of exclusion," he stated. "we can't exclude a whole part of our society." He also believes that the student movement will benefit from including English perspectives in its fights: "collaborating with English associations has allowed us to integrate an intersectional analysis of the fights that we lead." Smaller, departmental student associations have been created since the beginning of the student strike, such as AHCS (Art History and Communications Studies) Graduate Student Association. They are based on a culture of direct democracy. "It's a culture we need to create in order to keep building bridges within our organizations,” concluded Bédard-Wien. "We need to develop what was an embryo of collaboration in last year's strike, and I'm excited to be a part of it."

Due to a mistake on the Editor’s part, last week’s article, “What’s Up With Quebec’s Prisons?” written by Kira London-Nadeau was mistitled. The feature was in fact about the Ontario prison system, not Quebec. Mandy Hiscocks would also like to point out that there is nothing wrong with resorting to sex work as result of financial pressure as the article might suggest. We apologize to the writer and Hiscocks on the behalf of the Plant.

The voting booth at Maisonneuve

Photo Credit: Sam Nazer

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4 VOL. 41 ISSUE 19 - Thursday, April 4, 2013

EDITOR: Devon Wallcott CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

CAR coup d’état JOSHUA GABERT-DOYON STAFF WRITER A leader of the Séléka rebel coalition has successfully carried out a coup in the Central African Republic, declaring himself both president and secretary of defense. Michel Djotodia led rebel troops to the capital on March 24, ending president Francois Bozizé’s almost ten-year rule. Bozizé, who had himself gained power in a coup in 2003, has been granted temporary asylum in Cameroon. The Central African Republic (CAR) has been subjected to turbulent leadership since it declared its independence from France in 1960. The Séléka leader has stated that he sees it, “necessary to suspend the November 27, 2004 constitution, to dissolve parliament as well as the government,” although opposition leader Nicolas Tiangaye is set to remain as prime minister of the CAR. Tiangaye had a part in negotiating the Libreville accord, signed in January. The agreement had sought to put the end to tensions between the CAR’s government and various rebel groups. The Séléka coalition has accused Bozizé’s government of failing to adhere to the accord. 13 South African soldiers were killed in a skirmish with Séléka rebels during the uprising on 24 March. Earlier this year, the South African government sent 200 soldiers to train the Central African Armed Forces, although the recent military engagement has led many to speculate on the true nature of their presence, in part because of South Africa’s mining interests in the country. The Sunday Times, a South African newspaper, released an interview with a South African paratrooper who had

Francoise Bozizé (R) and Michel Djotodia (L)

Photo Credit: msnbcmedia.msn.com

"We were not supposed to be here. We did not come here to do this. We were told we were here to serve and protect, to ensure peace," said the paratrooper, who claims that the Central African rebels used child soldiers in the battle.

Michel Djotodia addresses a crowd of his supporters

Photo Credit: msnbcmedia.msn.com

fought against Séléka rebels during the uprising. "We were not supposed to be here. We did not come here to do this. We were told we were here to serve and protect, to ensure peace," said the paratrooper, who claims that the Central African rebels used child soldiers in the battle. Since the March 24 coup, looting and violence has become prominent, especially within the capital city of Bangui, where power cuts prevented Djotodia from broadcasting a speech over radio. Reports have also emerged of limited drinking water in the capital city. According to Reuters, offices of the aid organization Doctors Without Boarders/ Médecins Sans Frontières have been looted in the country. The Red Cross also announced that it found 78 bodies in Bangui between March 23 and 29, raising concerns of instability in the capital. Djotodia previously headed the Union for Democratic Forces of Unity, a militant group that attempted to overthrow Bozizé in a conflict known as the Central African Republic Bush War. Djotodia has stated that he plans on remaining president of the country until 2016, when Bozizé’s term was set to finish. He also mentioned that as per the Libreville accord the leader of the country in 2016 would “not stand in the presidential election.” The Central African Republic has a significant source of minerals, although most of the population survives on subsistence agriculture. The United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) released a report on March 29th, estimating that 4.1 million “are now directly affected by the crisis,” and in need of humanitarian aid. Canadian gold company Axmin Inc. is in the process of building a 246 million dollar mine in the country.

Small world, big man Hunger Strike MINA MAZUMDER STAFF WRITER A disabled man was awarded approximately US$8,000 from Disneyland in a federal lawsuit due to being stuck for 30 minutes on Disneyland’s ‘’It’s A Small World’’ ride. Jose Martinez, 52, of San Pedro, became stuck on the ride back in Nov. 27 2009, but he filed an official lawsuit in February 2011 due to emotional distress and health issues resulting from the experience at the amusement park. After the ride came to a halt, Martinez was left stranded for half an hour while the theme song of the ride played continuously in a loop. Martinez was stuck in the ride as other passengers were being evacuated, which eventually had left him isolated. According to Martinez, he had requested to move the boat so that he could free himself but there was no way to evac-

uate him. Martinez was the only passenger not rescued when the ride broke down in 2009, and workers failed to call the fire department to free him. Eventually, the paralyzed man was taken off the Disneyland ride and was treated at a first aid station. Martinez suffers from panic attacks and high blood pressure, and according to court records, he also suffers from chronic health conditions such as diabetes, hypertension and anxiety disorder. Even since the age of 16, Martinez suffers from a spinal cord injury that had left him paralyzed on a wheelchair for a lifetime. The entire incident was aggravated by the victim’s need to urinate. His lawyer, David Geffen, has mentioned that his client didn’t medically stabilize for three hours after the ride malfunctioned and he was partially in the cave and partially out. Geffen has also stated: ‘’This is a really important ruling not just for (Martinez), but for anyone that rides the rides at Disneyland – because they do break down

often and they do not tell people. The court’s saying that this kind of injury is foreseeable and that (Disneyland) has a duty to warn people.’’ Geffen told the San Francisco Chronicle. After the incident, Martinez claimed that being trapped in the ride was dangerous for him as he suffers panic attacks, needed to use the public washroom, and had dysreflexia, a medical condition that elevates blood pressure to extreme levels. The lawsuit claimed that Disneyland was to blame for continuing to operate the defected ride and now warning disabled individuals that there isn’t a method of evacuation. Martinez’s attorney says that half the award ordered Friday is for pain and suffering, and the rest is for a violation of disability law. Disneyland spokeswoman, Suzi Brown, said the Anaheim theme park believes it provided appropriate assistance during the incident, and is truly disappointed that the court did not completely agree. Brown says the violations have been addressed.

DEVON WALCOTT INTERNATIONAL NEWS EDITOR Prisoners at Guantanamo Bay Detention center in Cuba have staged a hunger strike is an effort to have their cases reexamined. Between 80-100 of 166 prisoners are reported to have joined the strike, many of whom claim that their cases have never advanced through due process. Many current and passed prisoners of the American prison, including Canadian Omar Khadr, are or have been held for periods of time without having been formally charged for any crimes. Khadr, now 26, was held at the US installation in Cuba from 2002 until 2010, when he was sent back to Canada. His trail was successfully completed, and was sentenced to eight additional years on confinement on Canadian soil. He is eligible for parole sometime in 2013. The hunger strike, some claim, is a pres-

sure tactic against the US government’s inability to process some of the detainees. As part of his 2008 election platform, then-senator Barack Obama promised to close down Guantanamo Bay. He has not, however, and the detention center remains open today. Many in the international community, as in the US, have protested the detention center, saying that it allows the military and the CIA to conduct torture and indefinite detention, which are war crimes. It is a highly debated issue in the public space. Even former president Jimmy Carter voiced his distaste for the program. Stephen J Scanlan, a professor at the University of Ohio who has spent years researching hunger strikes throughout the world, says that strikes likes this tend to lose steam over time. "No matter how powerful the person, no matter how favorable the media coverage, if the willingness of the current political leadership and context isn't there, the success of the strike is not likely to come," Scanlan said. prisoners."

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5 EDITOR: Devon Wallcott CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

VOL. 41 ISSUE 19 - Thursday, April 4, 2013

Buddhist extremists attack muslims ZACKARI BOURGEOIS CONTRIBUTER

Burmese buddhist extremists have been attacking predominately Muslim villages since mid-March. While social unrest has been at a high in the country of Burma, tensions have reached a boiling point between the Rakhine Buddhists and the Muslim Rohinga. The usually somber Buddhists gathered into mobs, attacking Muslims in several small towns, and even in the central city of Meikhtila. With the country in the middle of a transitional period, President Thein Sein has been very careful as to his approach towards the situation, which some believe could prove to be his downfall in the entire ordeal. On Thursday, March 28th, both the police and Sein made comments to the Burmese press, illustrating the grave violence that has occurred, and outlining their intentions moving forward. It was announced that at least 42 people have been killed, 37 religious institutions and 1,227 houses have been damaged or destroyed, and 68 arrests have been made in varying regions of the country. It`s believed that what started these series of Buddhist attacks was an argument between a Muslim shop keeper and his Buddhist customers in Meikhtila, where

Buddhists in Burma

Photo Credit: theepochtimes.com

Quintana also stated he believed police and soldiers alike have stood by while ``atrocities have been committed before their very eyes, including by well-organized ultra-nationalist Buddhist mobs.`` supposedly a Buddhist monk was killed thereafter by a Muslim mob. In his first public appearance pertaining to the violence, Sein made it clear that force would not be used by the Burmese police, at least not until it would seem absolutely necessary.

Sein then continued, stating authorities “did not resort to the use of force immediately, mainly because we do not want to let anything happen to our ongoing democratic transition and reform efforts.” However, there are those that believe more efforts should be made.

U.N rapporteur Tomas Ojei Quintana, praised Sein for his commitment to nonviolence, yet stated he believed the government did need to do more to bring the mounting tribulation between religious groups to a stop. Quintana also stated he believed police and soldiers alike have

stood by while ``atrocities have been committed before their very eyes, including by well-organized ultra-nationalist Buddhist mobs.`` This has only led to fuel a common theory that different figures in Burma, whether it be military members, Buddhist monks, and/or members of the Burmese press, have been trying to organize and/or cause these acts of violence, as a way to rid the country of Muslims, and revert it back to its former state. After Burma, then only referred to as Myanmar, became independent from British rule in 1948, it was faced with conflicts arising between its diversified ethnic minorities. This would in turn weaken the country, and in 1962, a military coup took place. While friction between the Buddhists and Muslims has been nothing new for the last few decades, things took a turn for the worse after Burmas` era of authoritarianism ended in 2011, and Sein became president after a democratic election. Afterwards, in 2012, almost 100,000 were made homeless after violence between the two religious groups. While Sein has made great strides to propel Burma into the international community, these clashes between religious mobs have uncovered a clear problem in the country. Yet with the death toll rising, he has been very vocal in expressing tolerance and religious pluralism, and having his police and military play "a meaningful role in safeguarding property and the rehabilitation of victims."

Korean tensions reach new heights SARINE MOUMDJIAN PRODUCTION MANAGER North Korea vowed on Tuesday to restart its production of nuclear weapons and its uranium-enrichment program, raising the stakes for war against the United States and South Korea. The Korean Central News Agency reported that the state’s atomic energy departments want to readjust its nuclear facilities and the plutonium reactor in Yongbyon. The plutonium reactor, which could potentially fuel nuclear weapons to the state, was shut down in 2007, after an agreement with North Korea, the U.S. and four other nations, according to CNN. According to the New York Times, it is believed that North Korea has extracted enough plutonium for six to eight bombs, fueling concern to the US about their plans. UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon said Tuesday that the North Korea crisis has gone too far, and that international negotiations are much needed, according to CTV. "The current crisis has already gone too

far," he said in a statement from Andorra. "Nuclear threats are not a game. Aggressive rhetoric and military posturing only result in counter-actions, and fuel fear and instability,” reported CNN.

North Korean forces during a training mission

Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesman Hong Lei also expressed his concerns on the matter. "We noticed North Korea's statement, [and] we think [it] is regrettable," he said.

In response to the threats, the United States is preparing for the potential conflict by flying B-52s, a strategic bombing jet, capable of carrying conventional or nuclear weapons, in US-South Korea mil-

Photo Credit: theatlantic.com

"The current crisis has already gone too far," he said in a statement from Andorra. "Nuclear threats are not a game. Aggressive rhetoric and military posturing only result in counter-actions, and fuel fear and instability,” reported CNN.

itary exercises. They are also reinforcing their missile defense batteries in Alaska, according to Yahoo News. China has also placed military forces in the northeastern part of Korea, according to the Washington Times. The Chinese People’s Liberation Army increased its forces in response to the constant threats that North Korea has been declaring. According to the Washington Times, the PLA have stepped up their defense in the border region, and are set to continue military drills all through April. The PLA forces were ordered to go to “Level One” alert status, the highest level of readiness, reported the Washington Times. According to CBC, North Korea is keeping the tension and crisis alive to raise stakes ahead of possible future talks with the United States. Hwang Jihwan, a North Korea expert at the University of Seoul said, “North Korea is asking the world, 'What are you going to do about this?’" They are also saying that the plutonium reactor is aimed at generating electricity, but the amount of fuel spent after a year of the reactor running could build about seven kilograms of plutonium, enough for a nuclear bomb, according to CBC.

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6 VOL. 41 ISSUE 19 - Thursday, April 4 2013

EDITOR: Devon Walcott CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

Mile End Poets’ Festival

Photo credit: Facebook

Pictures from the festival

IAN AH-KI CONTRIBUTOR

It took me a while to understand poetry’s power. In the panel discussion featuring Isis Giraldo, Ian Ferrier, and Mlecrlk, I was lucky to discover poetry in a new dimension, connected to music and artists. Giraldo and Mlecrlk explained music as a form of message embodying emotions, interconnected with poetry in many of their musical art works. When Giraldo was younger she was into the musical world, classical mostly. She started to explore the classical world by

EMILIA GUERGUINOVA CONTRIBUTOR

The Mile End Poets Festival is a festival which takes place annually in Montreal and invites a variety of Canadian poets, musicians, and dancers to share their talent and work with the public. The festival took place this year from March 28 to April 1. Various performers participated on each day of the festival, which was set in a few different cafés and restaurants on Saint-Laurent Street. I attended the last day of the festival, April 1, which took place in the Casa del Popolo, a bar/restaurant located near Mont-Royal metro. The show room was rather small but not too crowded, with a pretty decent level of noise. While sipping my Saint-Ambroise beer, I had the chance to listen to Jane Gabriels sing us some of her newest

playing jazz at 19 years old, studying in Montreal at McGill University. Her father was a poet, but he died before any of his works got published. She got to know more of her dad by reading the works left by him. Giraldo is a musician, and poetry is the medium which helped her compositions. She uses the words and impressions from the poem to create music that connects to her. It is more like a collaboration between a musician and a poet rather than a musician trying to control a poem. She creates her music through emotion and improvisation, without any formulas to embody happiness, or sadness. This is where the poetry comes in to create those feelings. It connects word with music.

Her father’s passion was poetry, sort of a pass time. She thinks that her father could have been a poet if he had had a different life, as he got married and then had Isis. There is no revenue from poetry because possibilities are very limited in North America. He couldn’t really voice his opinions in his poetry during wartime, which limited him. She left Columbia when she was 10 years old and her dad was killed without ever knowing who and why they killed him. Mlecrlk also started to connect to poetry through her singing career. She uses music to communicate and embody emotion. It was only after her second year in art school that she was introduced to spoken word,

which helped her create another way of vocal expression outside of songs. It is with improvisation of words that she connects to music. This is what introduced her to poetry: by marrying voice and vocalizing, the singing and song form with speaking and spoken word. She asked if it is necessary to create a division between poetry and music. Poetry helps her to create different moods, energies, and dynamics in her lyrics. She uses voice to embrace other’s voices, talking about very hard subjects like adultery, sexuality, politics, and government. Panel moderator Ian Ferrier asked her “what does living poetically mean?” She answered with a funny joke which holds a very sad truth: “it means being broke.”

songs. With a mixture of deep and touching lyrics about love and human solitude, as well as a strong and powerful voice, Jane’s style is certainly very unique. A few of her performances were also accompanied by the cello, which added an interesting aspect to her already edgy songs. And to all French-speakers, here is something that you might enjoy: many of the songs she sang included both French and English-language lyrics! Next in line was a very flamboyant young French-Canadian poet whose name I cannot seem to recall. The only poem that he recited lasted almost 7 minutes, and was recited entirely in French. Incredibly rich in figures of speech, especially imagery, metaphors, and comparisons, his poem, written during a trip to Pompeii, depicted very graphically a romantic relationship between two individuals, with the usage of some mysterious and slightly odd figures of

speech at moments. Finally, came the star of the show: Filipino-American poet Regie Cabico. Regie was extremely laid-back with a very joyful personality. His sense of humour is probably what made him so popular amongst the audience and attracted my attention more than the other poets had. Being an openly gay poet, Cabico explored the theme of homosexuality in many of his poems and was extremely straightforward about various sexual practices… Maybe even too straightforward, for some people. Nonetheless, he was able to capture the hearts of the crowd with his charm and even generated many moments of sympathy from the audience’s side when talking about his lack of love and need for affection. Overall, I would give this evening a rating of seven out of 10. It was definitely an interesting and enriching experience, but it was simply not something extraordinary or unforgettable.

Program Coordinator Ian Ferrier

SAMANTHA WOJCIECHOWICZ CONTRIBUTOR

Reading from the festival

Photo credit: Facebook

Last Friday, on the second day of the Miles End Poets’ Festival, Cafe Resonance put on a Beat Piano Benefit. Festival organizer Ian Ferrier established this benefit to raise money to purchase a piano for the café located at 5175 Park Avenue, a quaint little coffee shop with an overflow of customers. My friend and I went down the stairs towards the entrance and were overwhelmed by how crowded the room was. At first, it was hard to find a good seat to watch and listen. Our first seat had no table and was closer to the entrance rather than where the performance was. This unfortunately caused us to have

a difficult time hearing the music, as there were groups of people talking very loudly. This made it hard to hear some of the performances. Fortunately a table became vacant directly in front of the stage, allowing us to hear the performances better. My friend and I decided to try their drinks, she tried a smoothie and I tried a latte. Sadly, it wasn’t our cup of tea. The noise from people talking began to decrease after a worker decided to take the microphone to address the issue. As each performance ended, a man whom I presumed to be the owner of this establishment would thank the artist and introduce us to the next one. Kai Kellough did my favourite piece. He started off with a poem, which mentioned each day of the week and weekend. He pronounced each day slowly, then gradually sped up to the point

She added that it is very hard to survive as a poetic artist even though it is an exciting life. It is all about passion. Also, living poetically is also just being able to see beyond the land of redundancy. This discussion communicated her passion and the connection between poetry and music. Although many people have a generalized idea of poetry as being boring, Giraldo and Mlecrlk show how exciting it could be. Poetry is a literary work which embodies emotions in such a beautiful way, and is much more present than we think, as it relates directly to many musicians’ work.

Photo credit: Facebook

where we couldn’t hear the names. After saying the names fast he then slowed it down and began mixing the order up. I really liked how he used such a simple thing like the names of the days of the week and pronounced them in ways I never would’ve imagined. I also enjoyed his performance of pronouncing the alphabet. This got the crowd laughing, and applauding. The first ever performance by 4x4 with Isis Giraldo was harmonious and in tune. I loved their mix of instruments from the classical use of the cello to the popular use of drums. I really enjoyed the performances, and hope this café succeeds in raising enough money to get a piano. I was happy to contribute towards the purchase.

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7 EDITOR: MJ Cromp CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

VOL. 41 ISSUE 19 - Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Old Port Stroll JOSH FLEISING CONTRIBUTOR

The old port is one of the oldest parts of the city and has seen the progression and development of Montreal economically and culturally. For those who have spent time there it is a haven of relaxation and excitement. "It's an area of the city that should be explored whether you are a tourist or live here," explained Lauren Rudy, an avid fan of the Old Port. "It is one of my favorite places to go and I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it." For individuals like Rudy it is very easy to understand the attraction to this specific section of Montreal, but where would a beginner start? Having spent incredibly large amounts of time in one of the oldest areas of Montreal, it was easy to learn that it is the perfect place to annihilate boredom. Coming out of Place D’Armes metro station you have some of the best places, hidden away in the nooks and crannies of the cobblestone streets. The small cafes like Chez Suzette offer many treats from crepes to escargots. If light lunches aren’t your forte, sports bars and grills such as the Keg are a prime location for a steak. For beer fanatics and Pub connaisseurs there is La Cage Aux Sports to tickle your fancy.

Good Indian food in Montreal is relatively easy to find, but great Indian food is a different story. Kashmir’s door looks nothing more than a hole in the wall, but after climbing a steep flight of stairs you enter a dining room filled with the smells of Indian cuisine. “Prices are a little higher than your average Indian restaurant, but it’s well worth it,” said Omar Khaladesh, a customer of Kashmir. If you enjoy Chinese food then there is a restaurant that serves some of the best Dim Sum in Montreal. On Clark St. the restaurant Ruby Rouge is easy to miss. "It has the best Dim Sum in Montreal," said Christopher Popowitz, a frequent customer at the restaurant. "The service is friendly and they accommodate in English, French and Mandarin." This expansion into trilingual service is caused by the rising popularity of china town. “Earlier on it was just the Asian communities, but we now have plenty of other groups," long time waitress Su said. "It is nice to see this area becoming more popular.” One could assume that so much exploring would have worked up a thirst and one of the best places to go for a drink is Les Trois Brasseurs. Vats of brewing beer line the walls and the smells of pub grub drift from the kitchen as you desperately choose which of the many beers and/or drinks to choose from. “The homebrewed selection is wonderful, the flavors are exquisite and even the

mixed drinks are excellent,” alcohol connaisseur William Mears said. On a summer day it is the best place to stop for a drink or even a bite. While these places fill your hunger and thirst, the museums open a window into the past where you can get your intellectual fix for the day. All of these places are at your disposal to enjoy; a cornucopia of eating, drinking, walking and discovering some of the origins of the city itself. Walking back past the metro station you will find yourself walking into the main hub of Old Montreal. Coming up Saint Sulpice Rd. the Notre Dame Basilica will capture your attention with its tall bell towers and large wooden doors. If architecture floats your boat then a tour of the inside is a must. The museum of Archeology and History will have you looking through a window into the past, literally. Artifacts and exhibitions displayed at the museum reveal the history of the city and of the world. “It really is one of the best museums in Montréal,” said Gina Kioussis, a history student at McGill. “I’ve come here to research for some of my projects and I’m never disappointed.” These destinations are recommended if you are craving an intellectual fix. Hopefully at the end of the day you will be convinced to take your friends to begin another adventure in this awesome part of the city.

Dawsonista ALYSSA LAMBERTI STAFF WRITER

HEY DAWSONISTAS! This spring, the streets are filled with people who may have no ambition to enlist in the army, but have mastered exactly how to look the part. When one thinks of military inspired outfits, the first things that come to mind are khaki pants, oversized denim jackets, camouflage prints, spikes, and lots of green. Really, when looking at it this way, it seems like these items have been in style for a while now. Spikes and denim jackets are really nothing new, but as spring approaches, people have found a way to take these items and make them look a little tougher. Taking inspiration from the rough, utility inspired looks of soldiers, captains and lieutenants, everyone from high fashion designers to regular citizens have found ways to incorporate subtle hints of military gear into their everyday typical clothing items. This is what makes this trend so versatile. It can easily be combined with items you already have in your wardrobe. Firstly, one of the most significant elements of this style is the silhouette. Military outfits are not meant to be figure flattering or high fashion in any way. The clothing is comfortable and loose fitting, styles that are much more functional in conditions that force people to run from danger. In the fashion sense, people have

incorporated that silhouette and called it to toughen up an outfit, but there can be oversized. situations where it can be taken too far. Oversized denim jackets with large Camouflage berets may be a little too breast pockets and epaulettes are the easi- much for the trend at the moment, but the est item to militarize one’s look. Opting for way things are going, they will make their colours such as army green, black, mus- breakthrough soon enough. tard and navy, these jackets represent the From the battlefield to the streets, eager perfect military colour palette. To add citizens have found yet another way to even more of that sharp, intimidating feel, make their everyday outfits a little more inmany people have added studs and spikes teresting. to their jackets. Apparently, everyone still Khaki, camouflage, oversized, the rules wants to be grunge. for this trend are very basic and versatile. Military inspired shirts take on the in- Knowing that, it is easy to see why military fluence from the jackets. Usually blouses, garments have made their way into Spring the shirts are much looser fitting, making fashion. If only the army itself received as the camouflage print much more present. much recognition as their clothing does. To spice up the shirts even more, some people add in some large buttons, leather patches and even military stickers. Moving on from the tops, it also seems that khaki pants are back in. This time, designers have found a way to make them much more figure flattering by making them much skinnier and tighter than pants one would see in the actual army. Whether the pants are a deep green or feature a subtle camouflage print, the pants are definitely another stand out piece of the style. Might as well add studs and spikes to the pants too since, with this style, the sharper the better. If you are following this trend, there is one rule to remember: do not go head to toe military. As much as this trend is all about being very sharp and uniformed, the people following it are not, in fact, in the army. You can wear a military jacket over some plain jeans and a t-shirt, or some camouflage pants and combat bootsSexy chicks Photo credit: marlow35.com

SO, I think it is about time that I write a recipe that consists of actual baking. I have pondered as to whether I should type up a chocolate recipe, for the sake of celebrating the discounted chocolate I am sure everyone is going to go spend their pay check on now, or just as a simple goodie. In the end, chocolate on, but with a healthy twist. Chocolate chip cookies 5 oz dark chocolate chips (about a cup) 1 ½ cup whole wheat flour ½ tsp baking powder ½ tsp baking soda ½ tsp salt 1 cup rolled oats ½ cup nuts (optional if you have allergies) ½ cup light margarine, melted 1 cup splenda 1 tbsp honey ¼ cup egg whites 1 ½ tsp vanilla 1 tsp cinnamon Preheat oven to 350 F. In a bowl, whisk flour, oats, baking soda, baking powder and salt. Add nuts, if using. Whisk in splenda, egg whites, honey, vanilla, cinnamon and melted margarine into flour bowl. Expect the dough to be dry. Add chocolate chips. Mix well. Scoop up dough into small balls and place on a greased cookie sheet. Do not

flatten. Bake for 10 minutes. Serves 30 small cookies. Note: I love chocolate chip cookies with a warm glass of milk on rainy days, which is perfect for this week, considering the fact that we are going to be receiving rain... So cuddle up, and enjoy <3 Blueberry Cobbler smoothie 1 cup frozen blueberries 1 banana ¾ cup skim milk 1 tbsp honey or agave 1 tbsp flaxseed ½ tsp lemon juice ¾ tsp cinnamon 1 tsp vanilla Blend everything together until smooth. Serves 1 large smoothie. Note: Blueberries are crazy these past weeks. Say good bye to our strawberries and hello to the almighty antioxidant-cancer-fighting-super power fruit. Serve cold (obviously)!

Hipster-style Photo credit: blogs.babble.com

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Master 19 Issue - SM.e$S:The Master 13-04-03 8:05 PM Page 8

8 VOL. 41 ISSUE 19 - Thursday, April 4, 2013

EDITOR: Justin Giglio CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

Spirituality vs. religion CHRISTINE BUSTAMANTE CONTRIBUTOR

I grew up in a very religious family. I grew up in a very religious neighborhood. I grew up in a very religious city. Everywhere I turned I saw saints whether it be street names like, St. Catherine or St. Denis or rivers like the St. Lawrence, religion was everywhere. I was told what I had to believe yet I never came around to it. I was a conflicted child drowning in my fears of what was going to happen to me. However those were my younger days. I was cleansed of sin before I knew what sins were. I wore a big white dress and cannibalistically ate the body of a man who had lived long before me. I sang in a choir of infinite Hallelujah’s and numerous Gloria’s. I was slapped in the face by a man in a funny hat as my chosen Godmother rested her hand upon my shoulder. I confessed my darkest juvenile sins to an unknowingly envious man. I put my money, every Sunday in a wicker basket. At Christmas time, I brought myself to church on a full stomach at midnight to celebrate a birthday and then a few months later to mourn a death. I witnessed an annual ascension into heaven. I knew I wasn’t the only one with questions. I couldn’t turn my back on God. I

California man being crucified on Easter

believed too much. I was what one would call, blind faith. Yet I was not Catholic. I was not Buddhist either. I had too many questions for a still mind and a painful joint problem for crossed knees. I was not Jewish. The Sabbath was intolerable and I was too much of a glutton to comprehend dietary laws. I wasn’t protestant, Muslim or any other wonderful organization man has made. I found myself in the Oratory. I knelt down in from of the protector of families and cried to become a part of one. I dropped to my knees in front of tombs, altars and hearts asking for open arms. Nothing happened. I was not a child of Fatima because nothing ever appeared to me. I left there more ashamed than I ever was. God had forgotten me and I felt stupid for saying that as I curled up into a ball

photo credit: vice.com

on my queen sized bed with a full stomach. I was unworthy of God; I was selfish and obsessed with waiting to be labeled. He asked for my help; A dirty, old man shivering in the cold. He told me a story. It was one of sadness, pain but much to my surprise, he said he was happy. He asked for money. Reaching into my pocket, I had a loonie and a five dollar bill. I kept the lesser. I wished him happy holidays and turned away. When I got into my friend’s car, which was in clear view of the man, my friend asked me why I was standing out in the cold talking to myself for five minutes. I guess on that unexpected night, my faith spoke to me. I was given the answer I was looking for. I was not looking for a man made constitution built for the mass control of fully occupied cities. I was not

looking for guidance from a sinning preacher, ‘nor was I searching for a man in gold robes, whose shoes could buy six houses. I searched for understanding. Faith, prayers and miracles are all singular acts performed to help one another in the most unselfish of states. God is a force binding us all together just as scriptures are designed to guide not lead. I am not a regimented Catholic. I am a good person with a kind heart. I have an understanding of good and bad and I humbly accept that I am but a pawn in the game of life. I have a willingness to respect all beliefs regardless if they interfere with others’. I have learnt at a young age the secrets to living a happy life and I pity the constitution that has killed millions of men out of disrespect. However it was

not men killing men but the man in the gold robes interpreting a good book, in part to build the foundations of a multimillion-dollar business. I being a child of God, having a faithful heart, a generous hand, a blind eye and an open ear was not taught any of those things in a stain glass windowed room with an array of wooden pews but in the private moments where defenses were let go and life kicked the ever-loving shit out of me. I believe in God the father, maker of the heavens and the earth and in Jesus Christ, his son- not his only son. I believe he was a brave prophet and spoke of the things no one else would say. He was not conceived of a virgin but of a woman with a pure soul. This prophet did suffer under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried. He rose not from the dead but did ascend into the heavens and is seated at the right hand of the father. He left a lesson to us, in hopes that we would listen as he judges us, the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, and I do not believe in the Holy Catholic church for it is not holy but tainted. I believe in the miracles of saints but not the communion. I believe in the forgiveness of sins and the resurrection of the body and life everlasting. I am not a Catholic. I am a child of God.

Baby Genius ALLISON GARBER CONTRIBUTOR

Ever wonder if you might have turned out differently if your parents had intervened at the right time and in the proper manner? Rather than struggling through your calculus homework or failing to grasp the concepts in your psychology class you could be significantly further ahead than your fellow classmates and far more intellectually advanced if early interventions were implemented. Intelligence is not useful merely to show off in front of your peers but to succeed in both your academic life and in your future. According to John Protzko’s studies in Perspectives on Psychological Science, supplementing infants with fatty acids, enrolling children in early educational interventions, reading to children in an interactive manner and sending children to preschool are all factors that raise the intelligence of young children. Some may say that it is impossible and futile to attempt to increase a child’s level of intelligence, but recent studies have shown that raising a child’s IQ can be made possible with a little help from their parents. One way in which a parent can help is by supplementing their infants with fatty acids. Why is this, you may ask? Fatty acids such as LC-PUFA provide the building blocks for nerve cell development and are consequently vital for the improvement

Future gemius

of mental functions. Correlational studies have shown that an effective way to raise a child’s intelligence is by providing fatty acids to an infant through breast milk, which contains LC-PUFA. Another study demonstrates that by supplementing infants with two types of LCPUFA- docosahexaenoic acid (DHA) and arachidonic acid (ARA)- for short intervals of time (for three months) their IQs are raised by 6.5 points, a fairly substantial amount. Along with this, by simply supplementing the mother with LC-PUFA, a young child’s IQ is raised by more than 3.5 points. Consequently it can be seen through these various studies that raising a child’s IQ can be accomplished simply and effectively by supplementing either the infant or the pregnant mother with LCPUFA or through breast-feeding. I am sure you have all met those people who can solve any math equation and succeed in all subjects but who cannot hold a proper conversation and lack any form of

photo credit: modernmother.com

social skills. This is where early educational interventions come in; intelligence is not simply about succeeding in your academic life but the ability to manoeuvre in a social setting. Educational interventions facilitate a child’s ability to interact with others and therefore help them to develop social skills. Findings have shown that cognitive training improves a child’s intelligence tremendously. Nineteen five-year-olds took part in effortful training for over a month but even though training a child’s memory did not appear to increase IQ , nonverbal reasoning tasks such as performing mental calculations, have proved to be effective. Along with this, narrative talk, the ability of young children to speak freely of their experiences while their parents listen attentively and ask questions, is another way in which a child’s intelligence can be increased. Twenty three-year-olds took part in a study where their mothers were trained to ask their children questions

along with getting them to narrate past events. These lengthy discussions and narrations raised their children’s IQ more than six points. Another study shows that children’s IQ levels were raised by seven points when their mothers were trained to make age appropriate educational materials for them, such as books and puzzles. Enrolling a lower socio-economic status infant in an intense early educational intervention will increase their IQ in young childhood as well. Consequently, various early educational interventions can significantly improve a child’s intelligence while providing them with better social skills. Even if the mere presence of books in a home does not raise a child’s IQ , studies have shown that if parents are provided with books for their kids and are trained to properly educate them by asking them questions about what they read and encourage them to continue reading, the child will become more intelligent. There-

fore, a child who is an active participant in the reading will benefit greatly in the long run, although this generally works when the child is under the age of four. Consequently, the earlier the interactive reading takes place, the larger the benefits. Finally, studies have shown that sending children to preschool raises their IQs by more than four points. Attending preschool exposes a child to the outside world and consequently helps children practice problem solving, social interactions and to confront other intellectual challenges that they may not face at home. In fact, the Quebec Government means to open new and affordable day-care spaces in areas where there are greater amounts of people with low socioeconomic status. Although the amount of time spent at preschool has no effect on intelligence, simply attending, can increase the child’s awareness and comprehension of the outside world. Even if it may be too late to raise your own intelligence, you can always scold your parents for potentially not supplementing you with fatty acids as a child or for not sending you to preschool. But of course, your future success does not depend solely on the proper interventions your parents might or might not have implemented when you were a child. In the end, these factors may not shape children into the next Albert Einstein, but help them to succeed in their future.

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Master 19 Issue - SM.e$S:The Master 13-04-03 8:05 PM Page 9

9 VOL. 41 ISSUE 19 - Thursday, April 4, 2013

EDITOR: Justin Giglio CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

Oral Sex

a boy/girl perspective on fellatio

photo credit: tylershields.com

The first time I ever received a BJ was in high school. It was kind of out nowhere, but the girl was crazy down to give me one (Still not exactly sure why) and so, I did what any horny teenager would do, I said fuck yes. So, after weeks of planning, we decided to do it in the forest next to school. Not the ideal place for a first time but what the

G I R L

hell, right? So, we marched through mud, twigs and some kind of animal carcass to get to the spot we picked out. She pulls out her sweater, lays it on the muddy ground and then gets down on her knees. Now, at this point, I’m shitting bricks. I started to wonder what would happen if she bit it, what if she couldn’t undo my belt and things get awkward,

Fellatio. The first time I heard the word, I was pretty sure it was some important Italian guy or something- maybe a philosopher. Sitting in my very first sex ed class, the word, spoken with confidence and a hint of experience by the grinning nurse at the front of the room, had roused me from my deep fascination with the condoms and safe-sex pamphlets that had just been passed around the class. Being the filthy brown-noser I was, trying to win brownie points and all, I raised my hand and mad bluffed something along the lines of: “Wasn’t he the guy who was all into questioning everything and shit?” The nurse, whilst holding an astoundingly large wooden phallus just inches from her face, answered: “Good try. Fellatio is actually the oral stimulation of the penis.” What the fucking fuck. The thin veil that shielded my 12 year old innocence from the virtually unexplored, and unexplained, world of sex was blown away as fast as a virgin blowing his first load (fast). And so began a new life, armed with some basic fellatio knowledge, graciously bestowed upon me by the school nurse. But, hearing about blowies versus giving a beej is different business entirely. The action of fellation is an art in and of itself and a win-win for both sides. I mean seriously, he’s getting his dick sucked and I? I get complete control over him for like, a full 15 minutes (babe, what do you think about getting another cat?). Win-win. But wetting man-whistles takes much more than some spit and deceitful manipulation in order to get a new cat. God damn, y’all don’t understand. Beejays be hard. It’s a fucking family affair.

what if she sees it and starts laughing hard. She ends up tearing through belt and pants like an Ethiopian child seeing a box of cake for the first time. She pulls down my pants and without even thinking starts rocking my junk. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t one of the best feelings in the world. It’s wet, it’s warm and that thing she did with her tongue was insane. There’s some-

My hands, your balls, the head, the shaft, my mouth… I mean, it takes a fuckload of coordination and to be perfectly honest, I’m not necessarily athletic. Girls gotta be sucking that head, working that shaft, and minding those balls. (#preach) Understand it. Sucking shaft is a blue collar job. By the end of it, my hand is covered in my own spit and I’m pretty sure I’ve either developed a case of tennis elbow or, possibly, acute carpal tunnel syndrome. Not to mention what you’re doing to my fucking throat.

thing absolutely magical about a girl putting your Snozberry in her mouth. Maybe that’s why it feels so awesome, I don’t know, I’m not a psychologist. All I know is I can’t get enough of them. Seriously, whenever I get a chance nowadays, I skip first and second and with a combination of jazz hands and maybe even some interpretive dance, I hint at starting with the South Pole. I realize that taking an elephant trunk in the mouth every now and then is not your idea of a romantic evening. That’s why they call it a job. Its work, most people hate it but it’s rewarding. Personally, if you rock my genie lamp, you get the three wishes and the new car because, as an understanding member of the male gender, I get that it’s not the best feeling in the world. It’s a lot like TittyFucking; you sit there wondering why this is even happening and go into a daze, day dreaming about John Stamos. I’ve never sucked a dick before, but I can’t imagine it tasting like rainbows. Think about it, it’s hot out, your junk is trapped in your skinny jeans like a Chilean miner, you may have forgotten to shower. And before you know it, you’re the proud owner of dick cheese, or shmegma as it’s commonly referred to in the medical community. Yeah, Vomit city. All in all, I bow to you, B-J enthusiast, taking a dick in the mouth is a challenge in itself and honestly, they should give out medals. Do herpes count as medals?

Spoiler: the jackhammer is not a move. Having your dick shoved repeatedly down my throat hurts. It’s kind of like that scene in Pretty Woman where Richard Gere shows up on Julia Roberts’s fire escape to rescue her from her life of poverty – it sounds good, and its in every Brazzers video ever, but we all know that shit doesn’t happen in real life. How is rough deep-throating even sexy? Slurp. Choke. Gag. Slurp. Deep breath. Gag. (vomit?). And the worst, lord jesus, the worst, is the

B O Y

taste of your sweaty ball sack. It happens; there can always be the occasional hot, spontaneous, sweaty moment of post-workout love. But that does not mean that every time we hook up, you’re exempt from having to give things a good little scrub. There is a difference between having that natural “people” taste down there and essentially being like a brick of sweaty camembert that wants to be sucked. That goes for your own personal pube Amazon you got going on, too. Trim that shit.

photo credit: tylershields.com

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Master 19 Issue - SM.e$S:The Master 13-04-03 8:05 PM Page 10

10 EDITOR: Justin Giglio CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

VOL. 41 ISSUE 19 - Thursday, April 4, 2013

Spotted: your unorginality MEAGHAN WESTOVER STAFF WRITER

Once upon a time I’m scrolling down my newsfeed on Facebook and I find this page that some of my friends have liked. It seams pretty funny! So I click on it, I like it, and I see this hilarious status about the guy that looks like Drake. I think sooo true! Whoever made this page is a genius. Well… Guess what? I was wrong. Once this page got more and more popular it became more and more annoying. Have you ever been enjoying your time procrastinating when all of a sudden your news page is bombed with shit about Italians and girls with Canadian Goose coats? I certainly have. Thanks for that, Spotted: Dawson College. Are you having flash backs to yourself writing things like to Spotted: Dawson College and getting on the newsfeed? Well, heres some tips for you to be less annoying and to actually have a status people will actually care about! 1. Spelling: Are you annoyed of those grammar Nazis correcting your status like it’s a school assignment? Well here’s a tip: There is this thing called a dictionary. Pop it out (or just google the words like the rest of us do) and make sure that your grammar is peeeerfect. I know when I see: sht

dats writ3n lik dis I don’t bother reading it at all! 2. For the love of god, be original: Like I said above, there is nothing more annoying then when someone gives a shout out to someone that could be 80% of Dawson. There are many girls with leggings, Canadian goose coats, who wear tights, and that have blond hair in a bun. There is also lots of Italians and guys with snap backs. ‘March 22nd: To that guy with red hat who's so funny...u got swag bro!!’ Yes. Because only one guy in the school has a red hat. When describing someone, try giving something specific, like a tattoo. 3. Don’t give names unless necessary: March 26th: Alexandra b, you're the most beautiful girl my eyes have seen’. SO just for fun I Mio searched Alexandra B. There are about 20. What is this, the Bachelor featuring Dawson College? 4. Don’t be creepy: Seriously. Ive seen some creepy shit posted. March 27th: We finally spoke today, i've liked you even though we never spoke. But now you are taken.. What the heck even? 5. Drake must be really annoyed: Okay guys. Seriously, we all know that Drake’s twin goes to Dawson. It was funny the first time… We also all know that there is a girl with green braids and hot triplets on the basketball team. Did you know that ‘Anthony m is the sexiest of the triplets’ (March 24th) Thanks Dawson: Spotted! I now know!

6. Last but not least: grow a pair: Im finding this really weird how people are trying to hit on girls and asking them out through a computer... (March 23rd”) I couldn’t agree with you more, random person! Ladies and gentleman, what happened to YOLO? Instead of hiding behind your computer how about you tell Alexandra B how you feel? As Im writing this 2,796 people have liked Spotted: Dawson College and there are like 10,000 students at Dawson. The chance that the RIGHT Alexandra B will see that status and know exactly who you are is very slim. So that’s it for the tips on not to be annoying on Spotted: Dawson College! I hope that you found these tips usual and I really hope that you’ll use then on your next adventures on Facebook. It was very hard to find useful quotes for this because I kept accidentally procrastinating… (from being on Facebook and getting distracted) So just for the fun of it, here are some quotes that I scrolled upon that are actually worth reading: March 26th: that awkward moment when the water fountains play hard to get March 22nd: To the cute girl who accidentally touched my junk when we bumped into each other in the hall, you are appreciated March 21st: That awkward moment when the school's antibacterial looks like jizz March 21st: To the people who were in charge of that penny line, for a second I

Way too graceful to be real

photocredit: tumblr.com

thought you were trying to lead the hobos into the school

Very Pinteresting MARIE PIERRE MORISSETTE CONTRIBUTOR Nowadays, there are so many social media websites that one could get lost with all the passwords and usernames related to them. It would not be a great surprise since there are currently six leading social media websites such as Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, and more. Pinterest is the new trend at the moment, since it was ranked as the fastest growing website this year. It is therefore recommended to memorize the password linked to Pinterest because it is conquering the social media markets. Pinterest is a website that combines the benefits of other social media such as sharing, following and posting. Unlike other sites, it is based on creating a page or “board” which is unique to its user. “Pinteresters” can choose from plenty of categories ranging from architecture to daily jokes to see a feed of images from their taste profile. From there they can keep track of all the pictures they decided to “pin” or add to their “board” which can be viewed by “followers”. “I go on Pinterest because it allows

me to discover a lot of stuff. I have found lots of home décor, gift, and travel ideas and I am able to keep them all on my profile, just as if it were a collection of everything I like,” Audrey Cassivi said. Pinterest has created, through a modern elegant design, a place where people with common interests interact with

Photo searching

each other by sharing images and discovering new ideas or items. While discussing about Pinterest and its success Pablo Barriga, a website programmer, said “It allows the reader to post about their identities and feel unique.” Individuals have control over what they see. The rise of popularity of Pinterest is even greater for companies as they al-

ways try to find ways to gain new markets. A great publicity or interesting image can spread so fast because it comes from someone you follow or a friend instead of a big marketing poster on a highway. Businesses have realized that the word to mouth type of advertisement was increasing their sales substantially especially for smaller

photo credit: pinterest.com

companies. An image on Pinterest mentioned that a single picture is worth 1,000 tweets. Through a picture, a company can have a link to their website for the “pinterester” to be redirected to the item that was “pinned”. It makes purchasing very easy. “For Valentine’s day, my boyfriend surprised me with a special ring. He went on my Pinterest page and chose one from all the jewelry pictures I had pinned.” Cassivi said, with a shy laugh. Pinterest buyers spend more money, more often, and on more items than any other top 5 social media websites. Although Pinterest is in an exponential rise, its future is still debatable. “I believe Pinterest will reach a really high peak but it will eventually crash due to competition. Google is definitely planning something. After all they have one of the largest databases of pictures,” said Barriga. Most users are highly addicted to Pinterest for many reasons and they believe other websites such as Facebook will be slowly ending soon due to the increase in unwanted publicities. The debate is on, but only time will tell. In any case, whether Pinterest is the social media for you or not, it is worth taking a look because “it is definitely Pinteresting,” said Olivia Honoré, an occasional visitor of the website.

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Master 19 Issue - SM.e$S:The Master 13-04-03 8:05 PM Page 11

11 VOL. 41 ISSUE 19 - Thursday, April 4, 2013

EDITOR: Justin Giglio CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

Abolition still important AISSA BOODHOO LEEGSMA THE SILHOUETTE HAMILTON (CUP) — She is a woman known for her remarkable fight against racial injustice and advocacy for political prisoners. While Angela Davis now speaks about her past reflexively, it was her discussion of abolition and its connection to current disparities that drew 800 people to a lecture in Hamilton on March 27. Davis was invited to mark the opening of the McMaster Centre for Scholarship in the Public Interest. Henry Giroux, the centre’s director, emphasized Davis’ great commitment to engaged education. “We invited Angela Davis here tonight because she has struggled greatly and with great dignity for decades to demonstrate that education is a form of political intervention,” said Giroux. “She has worked in difficult and shifting circumstances to remind us of the power of education as a central element of inspired self-government.” Davis spoke for close to an hour, first sharing her own personal story. She described how she had an early exposure to activism. She briefly discussed her now infamous early teaching career, which got her fired from UCLA, first because of her support for communism, then later for speaking out on behalf of political prisoners. Davis was later wrongfully jailed for her supposed connections with a murder plot. She argued that the prison-industrial complex, a notion that was central to both her own personal experience and her talk, was first exemplified in slavery in the U.S. The talk itself was meant to mark the 150th anniversary of the Emancipation Proclamation. But Davis’ aim was less

Angela Davis

Photo Credit: lectures.iastate.edu

“The civil rights movement was only necessary because the slave trade had not been fully abolished,” she said. “As a matter of fact, what we call the civil rights movement, we should call the 20th century abolition rights movement.” commemorative and more critical of the underlying implications of the purported ‘end to slavery’ and its continued relevance. “The civil rights movement was only necessary because the slave trade had not been fully abolished,” she said. “As a matter of fact, what we call the civil rights movement, we should call the 20th century abolition rights movement. Because it was about abolishing the vestiges of slavery. If slavery had been abolished … there

would be no second-class citizenship.” Davis argued that slavery was neither abolished nor antiquated. She noted how the actions of the civil rights movement were framed in a narrative that attempts to showcase the U.S as a model of democracy. However, she asserted that the civil rights movement has been narrowly defined and restricted to instances like M.L.K.’s “I Have A Dream” speech, while suppressing activities of groups like the

Black Panthers. But overall, she proclaimed that the emphasis on a continued need and struggle for freedom was integral. While Davis spoke knowledgeably about the pre- and post-Civil War period, she especially captured the audience’s attention when she drew contemporary connections to slavery and the civil rights movement. She used examples such as the Freedom from Apartheid Movement in South Africa, the Dalit Panthers in India and the

Palestinian Freedom Riders as global movements that were inspired by the black freedom struggle. Davis acknowledged that the current era is full of struggles that require social critique and discussion, similar to the dialogue that surrounded the civil rights movement. She urged that ideas should be fostered in the academy yet nurtured and used in practice on social issues. She dismissed the notion that there is a “post-racial society” and the excision of poor people from public and academic consciousness. Davis stressed that critical education was key to questioning, addressing and restructuring oppressive social systems. “The challenges of scholarship and activism are vast today … what is most important about this era is the consciousness and interconnectedness of various struggles. We can no longer focus on a single issue.” Julia Empey, a third-year student in English and history with a minor in religious studies, came out of the event appreciating the magnitude of Davis as a speaker. Empey also noted that the gap between scholarship and activism was still present at McMaster. “There is a desire to see it happen in some pockets of students … but to have that image realized is going to take a lot of work. How do we put these ideas in action? We’ve been told we’ve been given practical tools [through our education]. But we haven’t been taught how to use them.” Davis concluded her talk by using part of a lesser-known speech from M.L.K., stating that, “most of what you know about M.L.K. is, he had a dream, right? And I’m actually kind of tired of that dream.” Instead, Davis spoke about King’s desire to question, to urge broader restructuring and critical consciousness.

Transgender persons and prison KRISTEN MCEWAN THE CARILLON

REGINA (CUP) — When it comes to breaking the law, Canadians are classified into gender segregated prisons based on genitalia rather than if a person considers themselves to be a man or a woman. The University of Regina Justice Studies department held a screening in January of the documentary Cruel and Unusual which depicted the experiences of transgender women in American male prisons. Transgender inmates face a similar situation in Canada. “We don’t have anything that would protect those who are going through the transgender process, to assure that they would be placed in the prison which they would be transitioning into,” said Alisa Watkinson, professor of Social work at the U of R campus in Saskatoon.

Watkinson is also a 20-year board member of the Elizabeth Fry Society in Saskatchewan, which advocates for the care and support of all criminalized women. “You could have someone that’s in conflict with the law who’s going through the process of transitioning to a woman, could be on the hormones and so on, but by the time they get sentenced and sent to a prison, if they’ve got a penis they go to the men’s, if they don’t, they go to the women’s,” she said. Cruel and Unusal revealed how transgendered women — male to female transition — are mistreated and sexually abused within prison cells by other inmates. In the United States, hormone treatments and sex reassignment surgeries (SRS) are withheld from prisoners undergoing the transition. While Stephanie Cox has never been to prison, as a transgender woman, she has experienced the discrimination and ridicule that comes along with transition-

ing from male to female from interactions with other people in public washrooms. With a fear attached to men assaulting women in the washroom, Cox says the only purpose of the washroom is to urinate. She imagines treatment of transgender women in prison would be worse, because in prison, inmates aren’t able to run from the abuse. “A transwoman will go her entire life seeing her body as female, and she might not have sex reassignment surgery because it costs [as much as] $25,000,” Cox said. Society will continue to view her as male. A transwoman, who sees herself as female, will be placed with other men. That’s humiliating and embarrassing because you’re treated as male. You may have seen in the [documentary] that hormones are taken away, so they’ve now taken away your ability to make your body conform with how you view yourself. How your brain views yourself. And it’s also put you in a dangerous situation.”

The documentary explains that many transwomen become “prison wives” and are sexually abused, in order to have protection from other male inmates. The film also explains how these transgender women are placed in segregation within the prison. The isolation prevents the prisoner from being assaulted, however the solitary confinement can be harmful to an individual’s mental and physical wellbeing. The documentary explains that many transwomen become “prison wives” and are sexually abused, in order to have protection from other male inmates. The film also explains how these transgender women are placed in segregation within the prison. The isolation prevents the prisoner from being assaulted, however the solitary confinement can be harmful to an individual’s mental and physical wellbeing. An exact number of transgender men and women in prisons in Canada isn’t known.

“We have no idea how many transgender women we have in men’s prisons nor do we know how many men are in women’s prisons,” Watkinson said. Statistics Canada released a report in 2010 which revealed how many Canadians considered themselves to be gay, lesbian or bisexual. Transgender people were included in the category, however no information was listed for the group.“We don’t have anything that would protect those who are going through the transgender process, to assure that they would be placed in the prison which they would be transitioning into,” said Alisa Watkinson, professor of Social work at the U of R campus in Saskatoon. Cruel and Unusal revealed how transgendered women — male to female transition — are mistreated and sexually abused within prison cells by other inmates. In the United States, hormone treatments and sex reassignment surgeries (SRS) are withheld from prisoners undergoing the transition.

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Master 19 Issue - SM.e$S:The Master 13-04-03 8:05 PM Page 12

12 EDITOR: Jacob Cohen CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

VOL. 41 ISSUE 19 - Thursday, April 4, 2013

One shining moment only one week away JOSH BATEMAN STAFF WRITER

The Sweet Sixteen opened up and the madness just kept on coming. One of the three remaining 1 seeds was the next victim of the Syracuse Orange and their vaunted 2-3 zone defense, as the Indiana Hoosiers and All-American Victor Oladipo were sent home earlier than they would have liked. Marquette then took down 2nd seeded Miami Hurricanes with relative ease, winning 71-61 in another minor upset. Another Cinderella, the 9th seeded Wichita State Shockers, also kept their magical ride going, securing themselves a spot in the Elite Eight with a win over fellow underdog Lasalle (13). Aaron Craft and Ohio State found themselves in similar territory as the previous weekend in their Sweet Sixteen Matchup, with the ball in their hands and the game tied with less than 35 seconds left. Arizona didn’t let Aaron Craft have a repeat of his last game though, as he was forced to pass it off to teammate Laquinton Ross, who promptly made the Wildcats pay as he buried a three to win it for the Buckeyes. The next day, things started going a bit more according to plan, as Oregon (12) and Florida Golf Coast (15) had their great runs put to an end by Louisville

and Florida, who were not going to be the ones to fall to the only remaining double digit seeds in the tourney. Duke then breezed passed Michigan State, setting up a matchup of juggernauts against the Louisville Cardinals. This made the Midwest the only region to see their 1 and 2 face off in the finals. Trey Burke then reintroduced himself to the world, hitting a deep three as time ran out to take the Kansas Jayhawks to overtime in their Sweet Sixteen thriller. The Wolverines did not slow down from there, taking down top seeded Kansas in OT. The Elite Eight began and once again the defense of the Orange was too much for Vander Blue and the Marquette Golden Eagles as Syracuse became the first team into the Final Four, beating Marquette 55-39. Wichita State had Ohio State on the ropes in the West Region final, leading by double digits for most of the game until the Buckeyes finally woke up, cutting the lead to three late. Unfortunately for the Buckeyes, their late game magic ran out and the 9th seeded Shockers kept their unlikely run going. Trey Burke and his Wolverines kept on rolling with their 20 point dismantling of the Florida Gators, becoming the second 4 seed to book their ticket to the Final Four. This set up the first Final Four matchup, with Trey Burke and Michigan aiming to break through Syracuse’s

seemingly impenetrable zone D. Then came the main event: Louisville vs. Duke. This game pitted Coach K against old foe Rick Pitino, who faced off in the famous “Christian Laettner” game between Kentucky and Duke in the 1992 East Region a final, a game many dubbed the best game in the history of college basketball. Sadly, however, this Coach K-Pitino showdown will be remembered for some-

thing much different as Louiville guard Kevin Ware suffered one of the most brutal injuries anyone had ever seen as he broke his leg in a horrific fall. As his Cardinal teammates were huddled around him in tears, Ware gave them one last message: “Don’t worry about me, go out and win this thing”. Once Ware was stretchered off to the hospital, the game continued as the Cardinals fulfilled Ware’s wish, Giving

Coach K and the Blue Devils their second ever Elite Eight loss Louisville made the last Final Four matchup official, as they are set to play the Wichita State Shockers in Atlanta to decide who will play for a shot at college basketball glory. Louisville looks like the favorite to win it, and it would be justice for Ware if they did, but in a tournament like this, we’ve learned to expect the unexpected.

I won’t involuntarily put anyone through having to see the graphic photo of this injury. Go Louisville

Photo Credit: dailymail.co.uk

The most wonderful (sports) time of the year DANIEL SAILOFSKY SPORTS EDITOR

The American calendar year is marked by two incredible periods of time, one lasting a few weeks and the second lasting more than two full months. They are both referred to as Sportsvana (Sports Nirvana), and they are times marked by so much sports excitement that I get emotional even writing about them. Luckily, these tears dropping onto my

Lebron, ye.

Photo Credit: nhlsnipers.com

keyboard are tears of joy, as one of these two magical times has just befallen us. The first period of Sportsvana (copyright Daniel Sailofsky) occurs between mid-October until the MLB World Series ends sometime in early November. During this short, wonderful stretch, the NFL, NBA, and NHL seasons are in their early stages, while the aforementioned MLB season is coming to a thrilling conclusion. Like I said, Sportsvana. But then how are we in Sportsvana right now, oh wise sage, if there’s no NFL season? Good question, loyal readers (all six of you). While the second interval of Sportvana may not comprise of all four American professional sports, it lasts much longer than the first, qualifying it for Sportsvana status. As you (should) know, the MLB season started last Sunday, meaning that we are currently lucky enough to have the MLB, NBA and NHL all running at the same time. This Sportsvana lasts until the beginning of June, when both the NHL and NBA playoffs come to an end. With April Sportsvana, we get the unbridled optimism of the new MLB season, where every team thinks they have a shot at postseason glory (well except you, Houston Astros), the blood and buzzer beaters of the NBA playoffs, and the broken teeth, blocked shots, and overtime winners that come with the chase for Lord Stanley’s mug.

Seriously, read that last paragraph again. If that doesn’t make you excited for Sportsvana V2, then we’re not friends. Oh, did I mention March Madness still isn’t over yet? I guess I forgot to because of all the sports that are buzzing around my brain. I haven’t slept since the MLB season started, and that was three nights ago, so give me a break. Point is, last Monday, I watched Bryce Harper and Stephen Straburg lead the Washington Nationals to a win in their opener in the afternoon, saw Max Pacioretty score two goals to lead the Habs to a win over the ‘Canes, and then topped the night off with the end of the Grizzlies-Spurs game and the ClippersPacers game. The only issue with Sportvana is that it cuts into my time to do other things, like communicate with non-sports fans and do any school work, but really, these are small prices to pay. My phone also dies all the time because I check the Score Mobile app on my phone so many times that people probably think I have a nervous tick of some sort, but like I said, you have to weigh the pros and cons. Now you may think I have a sports obsession, and maybe I do, but don’t blame me, blame Sportsvana. Or rather bless Sportsvana, because sports are great, and according to my calculations, more sports are even greater.

Le premiere etoile/the first star, Carrrrrrrey Price

Two bombs in his first two at bats? Bryce looks alright

Photo Credit: nhlsnipers.com

Photo Credit: bleacherreport.com

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Master 19 Issue - SM.e$S:The Master 13-04-03 8:05 PM Page 13

13 EDITOR: Daniel Sailofsky CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

VOL. 41 ISSUE 19 - Thursday, April 4, 2013

NHL trade deadline passes JACOB COHEN SPORTS EDITOR

Trade deadline officially passed at 3:59:59 on Wednesday, and teams have had the final chance to either gear up for the playoffs or stock up for the draft. Some serious surprises came, with big name players swapping teams. No matter what happened, the race for Lord Stanley’s grail will be a heated one this year. TSN may be the greatest TV station of all time, but they have a habit of completely blowing things out of proportion and over-dramatizing them. Let’s be clear: the Scotties Tournament of Hearts curling tournament is boring as hell no matter how many Scottish bagpipe players you have playing on the side of a highway. The NHL awards ceremony will always be for the most part unwatched no matter how many great NHL clips you play from the previous year. And for the most part, the NHL trade deadline is overhyped. Trade deadline day peaked in 2010. On deadline day in 2007 and 2008, twenty-five trades took place. Twentytwo in 2009, with an NHL record thirtyone in 2010. Since then, sixteen trades in 2011 and twelve in 2012. With the onslaught of trades in 2010 TSN decided to increase their coverage of deadline day. From eight in the morning until late afternoon the entire NHL on TSN staff sit in the newsroom waiting for trades to break down. The first trade didn’t take place this year until 12:23; for the better part of four hours the entire broadcast was pure speculation and filler. Don’t get me wrong – nothing could get me more pumped up than hours of trade rumours directly from the best in the business. But after four hours everyone in the TSN newsroom seemed to be loosing their cool. While the trade at 12:23 was a meaningless minor league swap between Boston and Chicago, it seemed to get the ball rolling. While there was a lot of activity before deadline day, several big deals were made as teams tried to load up for the post-season.

The biggest story is of course the Pittsburgh Penguins. In total the Pens made four deals, trading for Jarome Iginla, Brendan Morrow, Douglas Murray and Jussi Jokinen. While the Pens gave up several draft picks and a couple of prospects their line up was left completely untouched. If Sidney Crosby can make a speedy recovery, the Penguins seem favoured to win it all on paper. ot The biggest news on deadline day came from Columbus (to all the people betting on the Bluejackets to make the biggest acquisition please stand up). First the Bluejackets traded Steve Mason to Philadelphia, and then turned around and traded Derick Brassard, Derek Dorsett, a prospect and a sixth round draft pick for Marian Gaborik. Gaborik has been cold all season, and after dealing Rick Nash to the Blue-shirts over the summer, Columbus has had no star power. With Gaborik, Columbus may actually be able to cling to eighth spot in the league. Other big new came from Buffalo. After dealing veteran defenseman Robyn Re g e h r to Los Angeles, the

Sabres sent their captain Jason Pominville for a first round pick, a second round pick and two prospects. Buffalo is in full rebuild mode, but did retain the services of veterans Ryan Miller and Thomas Vanek. If the Sabres are serious about a rebuild, they may trade one of them at the upcoming draft. With young guys like Cody Hodgson and Tyler Myers to build around, the Sabres will definitely want to gear up as much as possible for the draft. Speaking of rebuild, Calgary’s rebuild seemed to pause on deadline day. After

sending Iginla to Pittsburgh and Bouwmeester to St.Louis, the only Calgary deal on deadline day was trading Blake Comeau to Columbus for a fifth round pick. However, Miika Kiprusoff did announce that he will be retiring at the end of the season and was therefore not traded. The decision was made because of his newborn son, however teams lining up for a top-level goalie were sorely disappointed. Those teams included the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Tampa Bay Lightning. Tampa had to settle for Ben Bishop, sending Cory Conacher and a fourth round pick. Conacher has been one of the top rookies this season, and should fit in nicely with a young Ottawa forward group. As for Toronto, the Roberto Luongo saga will have to wait until the summer. No goalie was added, however they did get their top-four defenseman in the form of Ryan O’Byrne. Hopefully he’s

learned how to keep the puck out of his own net since playing in Colorado, because the Leafs will need him to be an impact player if they hope to make a deep playoff run. Other notable movements include Steve Sullivan to the Devils for a seventh rounder, Matthew Lombardi to the Ducks, Wade Redden to the Bruins, Raffi Torres and Scott Hannan to the

Iginla has already asissted Crosby on one golden goal

Sharks, and earlier in the week Derek Roy to Vancouver, Michal Handzus to the Blackhawks and Jaromir Jagr to the Bruins. As for the Habs, the only move Bergevin made on his first trade deadline day as a general manager was

acquiring Davis Drewiske from the Kings for a fifth round pick. A solid depth defenseman, Drewiske will plug the hole in the defense until Diaz returns from injury (which could be a while). Some Habs fans may be disappointed that Bergevin did not go after names like Jaromir Jagr or Jason Pominville, I believe that big deadline day deals rarely work out. There are tons of stories proving my case: Marian Hossa is the perfect example (in 2008 Hossa moved to Pittsburgh at the deadline, lost in the finals to Detroit and the following year lost in the finals to Pittsburgh as a Red Wing). Other examples include Ilya Kovalchuk in 2010, Brian Campbell in 2008; the list goes on. Rental players have become a hallmark of the NHL trade deadline, but they tend to never pan out. Teams give up future assets for veteran players that rarely deliver a Stanley Cup and leave at the end of the season. With the Canadiens second in the East right now, it would be tragic if we shook up the lineup with a big trade when our team chemistry hasn’t been this good since we finished first in the East in 2008. Bergevin has proved that he is good at assessing talent and pulling the trigger. Francis Bouillon, Brandon Prust and Colby Armstrong have been great acquisitions, Alex Galchenyuk promises brilliance, and the Ryder-Cole trade was pure gold. Ryder has thirteen goals and twenty-eight points this season, while Cole has only nine points and is minuseight. Plus we got a third round draft

Photo Credit: cbc.ca

pick out of it all. The last trade the was that good was Craig Rivet to San Jose for Josh Gorges and the draft pick that gave us Max Pacioretty. TSN may have overhyped trade deadline day again this year, but the day lived up to the hype. Superstars were moved and most playoff contenders made at least one move in preparation. As for predictions, Pittsburgh looks the favourite having added four solid veterans to their line-up. Boston’s top nine are as good as anyone’s with the addition of Jagr, and they have very little to lose on Redden who could be good or could be a bust in which case the Bruins will buy him out. Vancouver’s addition of Derek Roy coupled with retaining both elite goaltenders means they should once again be expected to make at least the conference finals. Minnesota will be hoping for big things with yet another big money acquisition, but don’t underestimate chemistry. Assuming they do make the playoffs, Minnesota will get knocked out first round. For the first time in years Columbus fans (all eighty-four of them) have reason to be excited. They have the superstar in Gaborik, the hot goalie in Bobrovsky and good depth up front. While a Stanley Cup is certainly farfetched a playoff spot is certainly within reach. On the Montreal front, it should be smooth sailing from here to the playoffs. As one of the most consistent teams in the league, all we have to do is keep chugging and a top four finish is easily within our grasp. Boston, Ottawa and Toronto are riding right against our rear-end, so any slip up and our place atop the Northeast Division could easily be taken. Many were disappointed by the prospect of a shortened season, but this season has been one of the more intense ones in the past decade. An entire season’s worth of excitement has been packed into just a couple of month, and with the trade deadline come and gone, there is nothing left but for the teams to battle it out. Look forward to one of the more memorable finishes in recent history. All stats courtesy of tsn.ca

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Master 19 Issue - SM.e$S:The Master 13-04-03 8:05 PM Page 14

14 EDITOR: Monika Cefis CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

VOL. 41 ISSUE 19 - Thursday, April 4, 2013

Submit your comics to the plant Drop them off at2C10 ore-mailthem to m.cefis gmail.com

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Master 19 Issue - SM.e$S:The Master 13-04-03 8:05 PM Page 15

15 VOL. 41 ISSUE 19 - Thursday, April 4, 2013

EDITOR: Monika Cefis CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

Comics

google translate dat rapper

Zach Silberberg

H o r o s c o p e s written by Zachariah, Messenger of the Stars and Michelangelo, Seer of Truths

Aquarius

Gem ini

Libra

January 20 to February 19 Why are true stories called non-fiction? That’s like saying they’re not-not true, so are writings implicitly untrue? Is that why fiction is the default and has to be negated when one refers to texts which depict truth? Think about this next time you’re pooping.

May 21 to June 20 When a man and a woman love each other very much, they conspire to overthrow the government and replace the heads of state with Replicons from the planet Xeptune. Warn your local authorities about the Xeptunian threat, and do not trust men and women who love each other. They are working against you. They are dangerous.

September 23 to October 23 Make it your goal to touch things this week. Run your hands over all sorts of different objects: smooth ones, hard ones, soft ones, bumpy ones. Hot ones, cold ones, ones that are literally on fire. Stick your hand into a fireplace. Touch a jellyfish. Feel salads, feel walls, feel clocks, feel cars, feel raw sewage. Feel regret.

Cancer

Scorpio

June 21 to July 22 When bacon was first invented in 1936 it made up 0.1% of all food products. By the height of its popularity in 2005, bacon was present in a whopping 6% of food items, including most sandwiches and the occasional beverage. If we extrapolate based on these values, it can be estimated that bacon will be found in up to 76% of all foods by the year 2025, with bacon candy and cereals as staples of the average American diet.

October 24 to Novermber 22 Stock up on toast before the government puts an embargo on it. Sure, some will be smuggled in from Russia once in a while but it’s only a matter of time before that whole operation gets shut down too. What makes you think that you’re even well connected enough to get any of that contraband Russian toast before it’s too late? You probably aren’t..

Aries

Leo

Sagittarius

March 21 to April 19 With the new announcement of Finding Dory, the sequel to Pixar’s Finding Nemo, it has become clear that Nemo is about to break into the world of the franchise. Jump on the bandwagon by coming up with the names of the future Finding Nemo sequels. What will Marlin lose next? As a jumping-off point, consider these possible proposals: Finding Bubbles, Finding the Butt, Finding Bruce, Finding Lost Love, Finding Happiness, Finding Betrayal, Finding Innocence.

July 23 to August 22 Can you feel the love tonight? If not, you may be suffering from a Deficiency of Love and will need immediate medical assistance. I prescribe a steady dose of prostitutes and mail-order brides until you can feel the love.

Novermber 23 to Dec 21 It’s important that you break into new social circles. Invite yourself to someone else’s party this week. If they object, blackmail them.

Taurus

Virgo

Capricorn

April 20 to May 20 If anyone wrongs you this week, defend your family’s honor by promptly challenging them to a duel. If possible, use a common love interest as a prize for the victor. Also, keep an eye out for rats; they probably have the plague.

August 23 to September 22 Buy a cauldron and start making mystical brews. Mix the tail of a cat, the wing of a gnat and a lock of Jay Leno’s hair to create a potent anti-acne medication.

December 22 to January 19 Try becoming transfixed with an extremely obscure branch of philosophy, then scolding anyone who hasn’t heard of it. This technique will help you make social progress.

Pisces February 20 to March 20 Chelsea, will you marry me? Okay not really. But could you imagine? I mean there is at least one girl named Chelsea who has a boyfriend who read this and probably totally freaked out because she’s a Pisces and she thought she was getting proposed to. Could you imagine that? Hey, Chelsea! Wow. Sorry. Are you relieved though? Like, what would your reaction have been to a legitimate proposal? Aren’t you a bit young to get settled down? Not that I’m judging your decisions. I really just want you to be happy. But honestly, you need to think about your future. Make the decisions that are right for you. And if your boyfriend WOULD propose in the horoscopes, then you seriously need an upgrade. I hear the guy who writes these is pretty hot.

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