therapy
Sli ghtly Sharp & Tw i s t ed By Kactus Kate Art by Trudy Brainard Collier Did you happen to catch that show last week, the one about that magazine writer? Oh, what is that chic’s name? Carrie Bradshaw? Maybe. Anyway, it’s the episode where she gets all crossed up with a cattle guard. No, I didn’t say, school crossing guard. I said a cattle guard. It started out with her leaving to go to an important meeting for her magazine, and let me tell you, she was dressed to impress. She was wearing her best power suit and her favorite Manolo Blahnik stilettos. Well she drives up to the gate at the ranch, and wouldn’t you know it, it was locked. Just her luck, too, because it had been drizzling rain on and off all day long, so things were really wet and messy. Plus, to make matters worse, the wind was howling and blowing at 55 mph. So there she is, muttering under breath, as she gets out of the car and heads over to the cattle guard. She’s walking on her tiptoes to keep the gravel from chewing up the ends of her heels and was a real struggle I tell you, because with the wind blowing so hard, she can hardly keep her balance. Her long curly hair was flapping all over her head in the wind and she can hardly even see where to walk. Well she gets up to the cattle guard and carefully starts across, still on her tiptoes. However, before she could even take the second step, her shoe slips off the wet pipe and she ends up doing one of the most comical, theatrical, balancing acts and maneuvers you ever saw. Luckily, she recovered it, but just as she was about to stand up straight again, another big gust hits her and throws her off balance again. This time it really looked like she was about to bite it. However, right as she was about to go down, she reached out and grabbed a hold of the gate, which saved herself just in the nick of 66
April 2013 Tex Appeal
time. Holding on to the gate for stability, she got across the pipes and unlocked the gate. Then, right as she started to pull it open, another hellacious gust of wind hit and caught the gate, swinging it open with such force, it yanked her right off her feet. There she was, clutching on to that gate with white knuckles and hanging on for dear life as it swung across the cattle guard, dragging her behind it. Anyway, before it was all said and done, her suit was a wet, wrinkled mess, and her right heel was totally gone. It snapped off when the gate dragged her across the pipes. Her hair was a total disaster--one huge heap of mangled, tangled curls. I’m telling you, it was hilarious. You should have seen it. It was one of the funniest episodes I’ve watched in a long time. What? Carrie Bradshaw is the blonde who lives in New York City? No, I’m not talking about her. I never can remember the names of those TV shows. I thought it was on Tex in the City, but maybe it one of those new reality shows— what are they? The Real Women of Texas or The Real Wives of Ranchers? Oh. Wait a minute. Never-mind. Now I remember. It wasn’t on television. That happened to me last week. And come to think of it, it really wasn’t all that funny either.