Barb Wired
Slightly Sharp & Twisted
By Kactus Kate
“You can take the girl out of Texas, but not the Texas out of the girl”
One weekend we pulled out all the stops to entertain some guests who had flown in from California to visit. So we did what any proud Texans would do with guests from California, we took them on an abbreviated tour of Texas in three days. First, we headed off to San Antonio to tour the Alamo and the Riverwalk. On the way down, we swung off the highway and gave them a quick city tour of Austin—the capitol and home of the University of Texas. Then we stopped off for lunch in Gruene and enjoyed a nice chicken fried steak at The Gristmill on the back deck overlooking the Guadalupe River. After lunch we moseyed on over to Gruene Hall, so they could step inside the oldest dance hall in Texas (built in1878), and of course proudly explained to them that, “this is where George Strait got his start,” pointing at his picture on the wall. And you will not believe this. They actually asked me… “Who is George Strait?!” Are you kidding me? However, being the good Texas hostess that I am, I grudgingly forgave them for that insult. After that, we proceeded on to San Antonio, where we went to 66
JUNE 2013 Tex Appeal
the Alamo and the Riverwalk, rode the little boats, saw all the sites, and enjoyed a good Tex Mex dinner. On the trip, back we took the scenic route through the Hill Country and stopped off at Fredericksburg and Johnson City. Needless to say, by the time we got home, we were pretty wiped out. But at least we had made sure our guests got to see a little of the best of Texas and enjoyed a big ole plate of authentic Texas style BBQ. Apparently, those poor souls out there don’t have smoked brisket. C-a-n y-o-u imagine? Bless their hearts. They kept asking where we get our tri-tip; I told them we don’t have that in Texas. What is it? The evening before they left, we all enjoyed grilled steaks and margaritas on the back patio. As we were sitting there, talking about all the sites we took in and discussing all the sites we should take in the next time they flew out...they said, “You Texans sure are proud of your state. We have never seen anything like it. Everywhere you go –E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y has a Texas flag hanging out. We don’t do that in California, nobody has a state flag unless it’s a state building.” Luckily, I caught myself before I
blurted out the first thing that flashed across my mind… Well if I lived in California—I would never live in California—but if I did, I wouldn’t hang a California flag on my house either. Then, before I could even respond to that, they said, “Nobody in California owns things with the California state on them…as they pointed to a large Texas shape black iron piece hanging on my porch, then pointed to my grill and BBQ utensils, my large clay planter, and my doormat. Whoaaaaa…Nellie, just what are they implying here? That time there was no stopping what I was thinking..and it just rolled off my tongue, quicker than a chickpee… “Well the shape of California is just not attractive like the shape of Texas. Who would want décor that has something that looks like a dirty, stretched-out sock on it?” Ewww..did I really just say that? ‘A dirty, stretched-out sock,’ really? Arghhhh, judging by the look on their faces, I did just say that. BAD hostess BAD! So far, that second tour of Texas has never happened. Hmmmm, time flies. It’s been three years since we saw them last.