Swap Zine Issue #10 by Swap Zine

king walrus barks the blues

Take a broken heart, throw on some rusty

chains, hook it all up to an old Cadillac and drag that sucker slowly down a dark and dirty country road. The result? Gravel, guitar and raw, down-and-dirty blues. Welcome to King Walrus territory. Three shady characters hang around this part of town: Singer/songwriter/guitarist Garland Miller, drummer Max Triplett and bassist Christian Cortez. The King Walrus and his trusty Magicians sat down with Swap! to talk about the band, the brotherhood and the blues. Swap: Where you all from? Garland: (vocals, guitar): I grew up in Nipomo, aka. “a little farm town with a popular steak house.” It was an average, conservative upbringing. The town was a lot smaller when I was a kid. The main street was a dirt road... Christian (bass): I was born in Santa Maria. I lived there all my life. Max (drums): I grew up in Santa Maria. Swap: How did you sell your souls to rock ‘n’ roll? Christian: Both of my parents grew up in the ’60s, so I’m a direct result of that. The first CD I bought myself was Rubber Soul, I think. I lived in a major Beatles household. My dad had a fender Stratocaster sitting in the back of his closet that he bought when he was kid. It didn’t happen right away, but the guitar slowly ended up disappearing from his closet and reappearing in my room. It literally fell in my lap. I would just noodle on it for hours. Max: In junior high, I made some friends who were into punk. Punk rock was my first love and a gateway to all kinds of different types of music.

BLUES BROTHERS: From left, the Wizard (drummer Max Triplett), the Walrus (vocalist/guitarist Garland Miller) and the Conqistidor (bassist Christian Cortez).

Garland: I started playing music when I was 14, in high school. My mom was a piano player who sang in church. I always wanted to play piano, but I picked up guitar. In church, we sang worship songs. But we weren’t singing hymnals like “Amazing Grace.” We sang the newer stuff. I didn’t like it. That was one of the biggest reasons why I started to play my own music—because I grew up listening to that worship music always in the background. My mom used to sing me Diana Ross and the Surpremes and Marvin Gaye and Ike & Tina…and that’s how I got into the kind of music I wanted to play.

See WALRUS, pg. 6

Hayley Thomas

ared Kirby was working the wood mill at Ernie Ball, fretting the guitars and creating the pick guards, when he had an epiphany. Amidst the blaring sounds of the warehouse, where laser cutting machines ground out the rough shapes of future guitars, he saw his own future staring back at him. “I realized just how amazing wood is. Just the beauty you can get out of it and how fun it is to work with,” Kirby said during a recent interview with Swap. Hundreds of Ernie Ball guitars now wear Kirby’s marking — a “J” hidden between the neck and body of each axe. Although still employed for Ball, Kirby has found a more personal outlet for his love affair wood: Salvage Audio. His Etsy shop features rustic bookshelf and table speakers crafted from salvaged scraps. Compared to run-of-the-mill ipod speakers, Kirby’s boxes are a mix of rustic sophistication with a crafty edge: Pretty much everything you wouldn’t associate with the current tech climate. The combination of woodworking and music makes sense for Kirby. The artist has sang in his fair share of screamo-y post hardcore bands back in high school and he’s always reveled in working with his hands — even if the nuns at his Southern California Catholic School didn’t put much value on woodshop. The 25-year-old’s DIY philosophy is clear. “I would rather make it than buy it. So, when I was looking for an ipod [sound system] for my living room and found myself hating all the ihome stuff, I figured I could build it myself,” he said. And build it, he did. One day, while walking near his house at Chorro and Broad, Kirby came across a dumpster filled to the brim with choice scraps. We’re talking interesting knots and peeling paint. How could he resist the allure? “Someone was redoing a fence, so they took out all the old wood and put in new stuff,” said Kirby. “It’s about finding the beauty in what other people consider trash. It’s about bringing that beauty out. “ For most people, trash + passion doesn’t equate art — much less a business plan — but for Kirby, the equation made perfect sense. So, he got to sanding down his first box. However, the dream could have ended then and there. “I didn’t go any further with it because I was an addict and an alcoholic,” he said. After a self-induced stay at a Santa Barbara rehab, Kirby emerged from the haze, determined to put his demons behind him. “When I came back to SLO, I felt great, but I didn’t have much to do. I put all my energy into this,” he said. “It was a huge turning point for me.” And to think, it all came from a pile of “trash.” Thankfully, SLO’s trash bins have continued to be good to Kirby. All the wood used for his

See SALVAGE, pg. 3

Dunbar Brewing: Uncaged! Patrick Hayes

I stepped into Santa Margarita’s legendary Dunbar Brewing for the first time last September. Some fellow musicians were in town for a show, and Dunbar owner Chris Chambers happened to be a buddy of theirs from way back — back to when the brewery was in Los Osos. So, we swung by. Like you probably have, I knew of Dunbar by reputation, but hadn’t bothered to stop in. When I finally walked into the the postage-stamp sized brewery, my first thought was, “What the fuck? The capacity here is like 12!” Despite the horrifically cramped quarters, I managed to have one of the best nights of my life. The musicians had to play in the Brewing Cell. Thanks to some poorly written paragraph in the goddamned Patriot Act, breweries must ensure that their tanks are secured and protected, which led to the musicians playing behind the cage (erected to save us all from the beer terrorists). Speaking of the beer…holy shit. Quality beverages. I was able to put down a few of their Scottish Ales before deciding that I should switch to the shitty canned beer they had available for those of us that had to drive the grade later in the night. It was a good choice, I assure you. Dunbar brews the kind of beers that make you sad when you are staring on the corporate-chosen selection of alcoholic beverages that are on display at Albertsons. Chambers crafts the kind of beers that will make you drive over the stupid hill to get them because they just aren’t available anywhere else. Drinking at Dunbar is like having a beer with your buddy that knows a thing or three about beers and damn if he didn’t pick up something special to share with you. So, I’ve told you about the great beer and the awesome music and how happy I was to be there right? So, what’s the catch? The catch is the old place sucked. I don’t say that lightly. As much as I had a good time, as much as I loved the beer, as much as I loved the music, it really sucked. Why? You try having a good time in a closet with 11 of your closest friends. Might sound cool, but it got pretty sweaty pretty fast. So what can you do? Well, if you are Chris Chambers, you move Dunbar to a bigger location. Makes sense right? The brewery recently relocated to a roomier spot at 2200 El Camino Real. Amazingly, Chambers has managed to save every part of its hole in the wall charm. Somehow, the place still feels like going to your buddy’s house, even though now it is in a big enough space you can comfortably avoid your exgirlfriend that happened to show up at the same time as you. What makes Dunbar special, outside the killer beers, is the sense that they really care about what they are doing. It makes the bar feel more like the bars and pubs in my fantasy world are: A community gathering place that feels as warm and inviting as hanging out at your 23-year-old Uncle’s apartment when you are 17. It’s one of the few places I think I would feel pretty comfortable rolling into by myself in hopes of finding a friend. The only way a bar gets this kind of feel is when the folks running it are doing it out of love for the craft. Above all else, that much is true. Chambers likes his beer. So, I encourage you to put down that PBR, saddle up and head out to Dunbar Brewing and have a few pints. In fact, if you want to add to the local comfortable vibe, feel free to buy a few for me while you are there. I promise to give them a good home.

MEET BREWER CHRIS CHAMBERS, owner of Dunbar Brewing in Santa Margarita. He loves Johnny Cash, his rusty, old truck and brewing the finest (and perhaps strongest) beer in town. The brewery and venue recently relocated to newer, roomier digs at 2200 El Camino Real in Santa Margarita. For those nostalgic for the old brewery cage, don’t worry. The metal bars have been craftily incorperated in to the new bar’s design. Cheers to that!

Thanks for one year in SLO!

I said it in issue #1, and I’ll say it again. “The world is run by those who show up.” I really, really don’t want to run the world, but I do want to take responsibility for my little corner of the world here in SLO. My mission? To provide a space for artists, musicians, writers and small business owners to connect and collaborate. Yes, I’m aware of the internet. I love the internet. But I also love print media. Why? I don’t really know. When I was nine, all I wanted was a typewriter for Christmas, and I loved to bang away on it. It felt just satisfying. Right now, you’re holding this piece of paper in your hands. Maybe you’ll recycle it. Maybe you’ll share it with a friend. Maybe it will become the carpet for your bird

cage (or worse). Regardless, it’s “out there” and the process of creating it is always worth it. Friendships and forged and new material is revealed, people share more about themselves than they thought they would. What does that lead to? More music and art shows, more face-to-face interviews, more bands forming, more fun. The world is what you make it. You — our fearless writers, artists, advertisers and readers — have helped to create and maintain this world of Swap. Thank you! In 2013, the zine embarks on its ambitious, second year with a new format, double the distribution and an energized, take-noprisoners attitude. As always, I hope you will stop, swap and participate! — Hbomb

Contact:

Contributors:

Advertise:

Hayley Thomas, editor in chief swapzineslo@gmail.com Reid Cain, ad media director reidcain@gmail.com

Biba Pickles, Reid Cain, Chris Lambert, Gino Sandovall, Alex Hauschild, Morgan Condict, Brittany App, Patrick Hayes, Maude Henry

Swap! is a free publication produced six times annually and distributed in and around downtown SLO. For more information, visit us at swapzines lo.com or email swapzineslo@gmail.com.

BOO BOO RECORDS Explore your inner-free spirit during the Age of Aquarius! LPs / CDs / DVDs / Books / Tickets / Posters / T-Shirts / Turntables & Needles

10% Off

New Vinyl RECORDS

Coupon valid from Jan. 20th until Feb. 18th. Hug-an-Aquarius month special.

sale LPs excluded

Handmade from reclaimed wood

salvageAudio.com

Listening to your mind’s ear The Smell of William Tell Chris Lambert Sometime around 2003, I disembarked from the Pop-Punk party bus. Not because of the music itself, but because of the indirect mainstream spotlight that was suddenly being pointed at “hip” young consumers like me and my friends. So I swiftly unbuckled my studded belt, washed the ‘medium hold’ gel out of my hair, and was successfully proselytized into the Church of 80s Pop. So imagine my surprise when, in the Summer of 2006, just a month after graduating from high school, I found myself the unwitting frontman of a pop-punk band. I formed this band with two of my friends under the misguided notion that I could use it as a vehicle to demonstrate my affinity for groups like The Cure and The Psychedelic Furs. They fought back with MxPx and The All-American Rejects, and my crystalline 18 year-old vision was compromised. Poor me. For a while, we struck a balance that worked, and very quickly began to experience the highs and lows of being an up-and-coming band. Within months of forming, we were packed with all of our equipment into the back of a small van, and opening for groups like Shiny Toy Guns and Red Jumpsuit Apparatus at the Bakersfield Dome. We played dive bars and laser tag arenas too. We had heartfelt talks in my garage, and we hated each other’s guts. We had food fights on the freeway. We were hired to play private parties for the local Girl Scout troop, and paid in frozen yogurt gift certificates. At one point, we were condescendingly preached to by a prospective middleaged manager as he, literally, waited tables at Olive Garden. But our peak and our rock bottom came simultaneously from the unlikeliest of sources. In November of 2006, just four months after playing our first show, we were booked to open for a handsome stubbly-faced man named William Tell, who had previously been the guitarist of a group called Something Corporate. Now, for three teenagers in a small local band, Something Corporate were like pop-punk royalty, and to say that we were intimidated in the ex-guitarist’s presence would be like saying that the Titanic was a boat. We were still kids, and we were understandably stupefied to be sharing a tiny backstage area with an established musician. I mean, if we hit it off, he might ask us to follow him on tour as his opener! As male conversations tend to do when they occur at a safe distance from the tender ears of females, ours quickly turned to bodily functions-- and William Tell did no pussyfooting.

Maude Henry

“If you’re relaxed enough, your asshole will expand when you’re sitting on the toilet. Seriously, if you don’t tense up, your shit should come out as big around as this soda can.” Our bassist, bold and incredulous, called his bluff; so William Tell laid down his cards: “I have to go right now. Come with me and I’ll show you.” He gestured towards the small oneperson bathroom next to us. Me and my bassist exchanged laughs, but William didn’t even crack a smile. He was serious, and he was challenging us. Now we found ourselves in a fecal Kobayashi Maru: Deny him, and possibly miss out on the chance of ever being asked to tour with him...or stand in that closet-sized bathroom with him while he took the Browns to the Super Bowl. I would imagine that it’s probably the same thought process that a young aspiring actress goes through when a casting director suddenly takes his pants off. We hesitated, but only for a couple of seconds before we accepted his proposal, checking our dignities at the door. And minutes later, as we stood facing the closed door (I guess we still had a little self-respect), I was hit by two sickening senses at once: the smell of William Tell, and the sudden unanticipated realization that I didn’t want to be famous. And not just because getting there entailed situations like this; I discovered that I really hadn’t ever wanted it. I pictured the brick walls of every backstage room in the country, indistinguishable from one another, as me and my bandmates fell to our knees to kiss the feet of whoever requested it. And as I turned and saw the giddy smile on my bassist’s face, I knew that we weren’t on the same page. That sometime soon, our personal differences would become too great to endure. And holy William Tell — shit, was I right.

When is art, music? When is music, art? Does listening to music inspire your brain cells to create visual images in your ‘mind’s eye?’ While at a gallery or museum, do you find that you hear rich tones and chords in your ‘mind’s ear?’ I do. I’ve been aware of this ‘music as art, art as music’ reality for years. Recently, I was triggered into an electronic frenzy of investigation when I caught wind of ‘graphical notation,’ a.k.a. ‘graphic notation.’ This search also led me back to a musician whose work has captivated me for years. After all this time, he still gives me a sense of peace and calm. The guy I’m referring to is Brian Eno, composer, record producer, singer and visual artist. He also uses graphic notation, which utilizes non-traditional symbols and text to convey information about a piece of music and how it should be performed. Most graphical notation evolved in the 1950s in response to composers’ attempts to write music for experimental and more abstract pieces, where standard musical notation is ineffective. It was developed out of a need to communicate to

SALVAGE, from pg. 1 business is salvaged from in and around San Luis Obispo and the boxes are limited to the bounty of each catch. “The boxes are split into collections named after the Street I reclaimed the wood from,” he said. “For example, right now, I have the Chorro St. Collection and the South St. Collection.” Those collections have grown to encompass different styles. Some are lacquered and shiny, while others feature a more rough-edged appeal. All can be made to order. Kirby even suggests choosing your favorite modern or vintage fabric to compliment the wood. And now, the “rags to riches” part of the story. Well, sort of. Before the holidays, Etsy featured Salvage Audio on their regular eblast across the country. Kirby found that the power of the web is mighty. “Christmas was crazy for me,” he said. “I shipped to Brooklyn, San Francisco, L.A., Pennsylvania. Etsy also did a showcase on their blog about wooden tech accessories, and that kind of blew everything up.” For Kirby, it was like getting hit by lightening. One day, he’s fishing around in the dumpster, and the next, he’s on the holiday hipster wish list. Uncommongoods.com and uncovet.com have recently expressed interest in his work. He’s still looking for local businesses to showcase his pieces. Kirby said he’s always trying to emphasize the point that his products are quality-made, regardless of where the wood came from. The speakers, tweeters and amps are top notch. Kirby found out the hard way not to scrimp on the gear. “I started out trying to do it as cheap as possible, and it didn’t work. So, I went out and got the better quality speakers and better quality amps and it’s a world of difference,” he said. “These are reference speakers, studio quality. iHome is using Chinese-made, paper parts. I use metal woofers.”

performers how the music should sound. Eno -- who makes experimental, acoustic, ambient music - - made use of this technique. Early in his career, he was using electronic machinery, tape delay systems, and what was then described as ‘technology.’ This was at a time long before cell phones were commonly used, and long, long before having a personal computer in your home was commonplace. Enos’s ‘unconventional’ methods, meant that standard ways of committing his music to written form weren’t working. What is abundantly obvious to me is that all of these examples of graphical notation are art. Every single one is gorgeous. Many are not written in the familiar linear form. Some of it looks like plans that have been drawn to build something mysterious. Most of it is in black and white, but there are some pops of color here and there. I think it’s all interesting and thoughtprovoking and fascinating. I think all of it should be framed and appreciated as fine art, because that’s what it is.

The low-ohm speakers are high efficiency, using each watt to its fullest capacity. A Salvage Audio box can fill an entire room — or house — Kirby added. More than producing sound, the little wooden boxes have also filled a void within the artist’s life. Salvaging, working with his hands and producing a unique work of art has brought a sense of personal pride to his daily routine. The best part for Kirby? He did it with his own two mitts. “I don’t like bosses and I feel I have the skills to do this myself,” Kirby said. “I want to be an inspiration — and example. I want people to say, ‘he did it, so why can’t I?’” Check out Jared Kirby’s speakers at SalvageAudio. com and find him on facebook for more information.

BUILT ON ROCK N ROLL: This Salvage Audio Music Box — with aux input for iPhone, iPod, or any music player with a headphone jack — is part of Jared Kirby’s “South Street” collection. Each Box is unique, telling as much about its owner’s style as it does about the city it came from.

FICTION

The Odyssey of the Miniscule Crusty Morgan Condict I felt an itching in my sinuses while brushing my teeth a few weeks back; it got worse and worse, eventually triggering a violent, messy sneeze. I thought very little of the resulting blast of mucus that speckled my mirror, until I noticed what appeared to be a blue maggot among the snottage. I leaned in for a closer look and was shocked to see that the maggot was wiggling. What happened next will be difficult for most to believe... A small head peeked out from one end of the blue maggot and I realized that it was not a maggot at all, but in fact a tiny sleeping bag with a small man inside it, about half the size of a grain of rice. I ran into the next room and grabbed a magnifying glass, and upon returning, carefully set the little man down on my sink. Looking closer at him, I saw that he was wearing tattered clothes and a jacket with various patches sewn onto it. The patches were far too small to read, even with my magnifying glass, but it was clear that he was a teensy-weensy crust punk. Suddenly, his mouth moved and I heard a tiny voice coming from him. So tiny was his voice that I was unable to make out a single word, so I picked him up and set him at the entrance of my left ear. He climbed in and introduced himself. “My name is Alex Fuck and I’m from Rochester, New York.” he said to me in a scratchy voice, brimming with attitude. “I am a tiny ass crust punk who has hitched across the country on unsuspecting giants such as yourself, and this is my story...” Part I - A Hapless First Host Alex Fuck moved about so gracefully that his tiny presence in my ear would have been impossible to detect if not for his voice. As he got situated, he boasted of his ability to pussyfoot his way across even the most sensitive areas of a giant’s body while avoiding detection, and even mentioned the use of certain soft fibres for padding his hands and feet. Once he settled in, I heard him hack up and spit out a gob of something, and when I showed annoyance, Alex assured me that his loogie was “but a speck in your filthy inner ear, caked with wax and dead skin.” Normally, I have a hard time stomaching the ‘everything-is-shit-so-why-use-a-toilet’ attitude of the crust punk types, but for this little guy I was willing to make an exception. I relaxed in my bed and listened intently as Alex began his story. “You must have many questions regarding my origins, but with the safety of my people in mind, I can only reveal so much. There are many of us, hundreds of thousands, living in the walls of a particular Rochester concert hall that I will refer to as simply, The Mother Venue. We are strongly encouraged to live our lives within the walls, and the cities therein are bustling and gorgeous. Naturally, living in an establishment that holds nightly concerts has its social effects; we are a very musical people, and miniature venues - many of which aim to be exact replicas of The Mother Venue — are as common as grocery stores, and serve as the backbone of our society. The outside world is, for obvious reasons, extremely dangerous for people of our size, and even within the walls we face a variety of dangers. Our cities are plagued by invasions from various insects as well as colossal rodents whose tails alone could level a neighborhood with a single lash, and there are, of course, the spiderweb labyrinths through which anybody who wishes to leave the venue must travel. Naturally, very few of us tiny folk ever decide to leave the confines of The Mother Venue, and the few who have were never heard from again. In fact, I am one of only about 75 people who have made the difficult decision to leave, and in my nightmarish escape through the spiderweb labyrinths I passed the cocooned corpses of well over 20 of my fellow deserters. “It was late afternoon when I made it out of the venue. I found myself at the edge of a rather busy sidewalk and I’d have promptly been stepped on had I tried to cross it, so instead I latched on to a chihuahua’s paw and was whisked away to a quaint cafe about two blocks west. It was at this cafe that I boarded my first giant. I knew nothing of hitching, had no idea what to look for in a host and knew no tricks to help me board one. I simply found the nearest giant whose shoelace was touching the ground and I climbed it. He was a twenty-something working away on his laptop, and within a few minutes, I was scaling his denim pant leg, quickly making my way up towards his ear. While climbing along his t-shirt, I paused for a breather and noticed that I was inches away from a massive ORCHID logo. ‘Great’, I thought to myself, ‘I’ve boarded a screamo shithead.’ I’m not sure if this is the case in the world of giants, but within the walls of The Mother Venue, screamo kids are the natural enemies of the crusties. Angry,

See CRUSTY, pg. 8

Be there, be lucky and bring your camera

If and when the apocolypse happens, photographer Steve Miller has a plan Alex Hauschild I wanted to interview New Times photographer Steve Miller. I think he’s one of SLO’s most prolific, inspired artists. Inspiration is heroin to me, so as usual: I’m jealous and hateful of his success. I have a hundred cynical thoughts about photography, which is death, because the thing artists want to express is a pure un-cynical thought into the world, like milk from a bosom. Don’t get in my head about calling myself an artist. “Artist” isn’t a merit-based title. The hippie sewing beanies with dental floss who paints his dog’s toenails is also an artist — it’s just shit art. I once had a super-hot girl reject me on Halloween, she told me I was too old, and maybe a liar. I didn’t care. As she fled for a cab, she said, “You’re a good writer.” So, anyway, I went to interview Steve Miller. I plied him with shots at McCarthy’s and we got to it. Swap: Every day, ten million idiots take ten million crap photographs and every one of them is more important to them than Ansel Adams or Cecil Beaton. How do you keep from hanging yourself? Steve: The biggest difficulty with photography is the fact everyone can get lucky. The reason I have the job I have, is I can be consistent. If someone sends me to a shoot, they know they’re going to get something good enough to print. It may not be the best, it may not be the most outrageous, but it’s going to be something worthy to print. Yeah, it sucks [that] cameras are so prolific now, and it’s incredibly difficult to the psyche because I see stuff every day I wish I had shot. But it’s a combination of being there, being lucky and being open with the camera. Unlike a painter or musician, a melody is a melody. People can’t just make melodies randomly, or maybe they can, but you can’t just throw paint on a canvas and call it finished. Or, maybe you can. Swap: You look like Jesus. Are you spiritual or religious?

Photos by Brittany App

Local photographer Steve Miller looks like Jesus. It’s never gotten him laid. As of press time, still no.

of shooting. The biggest problem I’ve had is that the women I’ve dated have unanimously not liked me taking photos of them. I’ve yet to find that “muse.” I’m not interested in finding a big horde of women, but if I’m interested in a woman and we’re intimate enough, it seems to me that they would be comfortable enough for me to take their photo. Swap: Can’t you just tell them that they might be the inspiration for your “blue period,” like Picasso? Steve: You can’t tell women to do anything. And that’s the thing that sucks. To be truthful, it’s a really depressing thing. If I’m intimate and dating a woman, that means I love the way they look. And that’s not all of it obviously, but of course I’m gonna want to take photographs of her. To have that denial, it’s like ‘Come on, you knew it from the beginning that’s what my life was, not just my profession was’. So, come on and let me take pictures of you. If I’m in love or in lust with someone I’m with, I’m never going to ever get tired of taking pictures of her.

Steve: I’m agnostic. I define agnostic by saying ‘there is a higher power, but there isn’t a dogma associated with that higher power.’

Swap: What about hate? Do you ever hate shoot things?

Swap: Do you get laid a lot because chicks think you look like Jesus? How hot is that?

Steve: Not really, no. Well, I mean there are things I dislike that I have to take pictures for the paper. For my own work, I’m not going to take pictures of things I’m not interested in.

Steve: I’ve never gotten laid looking like Jesus. Although, when I dressed up last year as Jesus and was walking downtown, the reaction was fucking incredible. Ninety-nine percent of the people were freaking out positive, and then one percent were horrified. They were like, ‘You can’t do that. You can’t dress up like Jesus, that’s bad.’ Swap: So, the rule is you can’t dress like Hitler or Jesus. Steve: No, I didn’t say Hitler. Swap: [Local photographer] Brittany App is another one of my idols. She’s totally hot. I heard she’s engaged.

Swap: If you took a picture of something you hated, would it be uglier? Steve: That brings up an ethical question. There are occasions where you’re at a meeting, and politicians might produce different facial features, and depending on the facial features, you could use that to display emotion that will be more powerful than words. Swap: There’s a ton of drinking in San Luis Obispo, but we don’t have a ton of depressed drunks. Steve: We don’t?

Steve: I’m not sure, but she moved in with her boyfriend. Seems pretty serious. I know her pretty well.

Swap: You think we do?

Swap: I think her getting engaged will ruin her art.

Steve: I think there are more than we want to admit it.

Steve: I don’t think so, I think Brittany’s spirit is so strong with the work she does, and the amount of work she does, and the scope of the work she does. It’s not going to affect it.

Swap: So it is kind of hidden, there is an undercurrent of darkness. I mean, we literally have clown crawls, and beneath that is this layer of broken marriages and…

Swap: I think her art would be greatly improved if she hooked up with men of low and despicable character. Do you think she might be into a guy like me?

Steve: I had this really interesting conversation with my brotherin-law recently. We were talking about the apocalypse, which was supposed to happen today. [We decided] the most valuable thing in the apocalypse would be booze. He was going to learn how to distill his own liquor, because liquor is going to be the most valuable commodity to escape from that kind of reality. If you can distill liquor, you can get food and then you can get bullets.

Steve: Why would she want to date a guy like you? I don’t think Brittany needs a bad relationship to do great photography, because she just does it. She did a self-portrait, when we did the “photographer challenge,” with a whip in a corner and it was fucking awesome. Beyond awesome.

Swap: If you’re the guy who has the ability to make liquor, people probably aren’t gonna blow your shit up.

Swap: Have you ever really been in love? Did it ruin your art?

Steve: Yeah, right.

Steve: You know, there were times I thought I was in love, and it put a permanent damper on what I was doing at the time in terms

Swap: Maybe that’s the first artist’s job in the apocalypse. “Hey, don’t shoot me, I made beer!”

hope people see when they look at one of your pictures?

Does it have any bearing on how you approach your art?

Steve: If there’s an image that’s interesting to me, I’m just going to shoot it and that’s it.

Steve: No I’m not familiar with that movement.

Swap: Can’t you put your finger on what interests you?

A self-portrait of local photographer Bittany App, showcasing her “everyday” look.

Steve: Well, you know the Egyptians made beer. Birds get drunk. Swap: Why the hell take pictures anymore? I go on deviantart.com and see ten thousand photographers who are better than I’ll ever be. What’s the point? Steve: There are ten thousand guys who are better than me right now. I started with film, and my pictures were good because it had to do with composition and not Photoshop bullshit. And that’s the funny thin: when I worked at Hearst Castle for 17 years, I saw maybe five Leica’s the entire time, or five Hassleblads, but when the digital revolution started, the number of cameras of that cost just exploded. They didn’t have to pay for their fucking mistakes. If they got one out of 1,000 they’re fine. The ultimate problem is: photographers who are doing their job are getting undermined by guys who just do photography part-time. They start shooting stuff for businesses for a tenth of what they should charge and it fucks up everybody else. Swap: What’s your artistic vision? What do you

Steve: You know it’s funny, because there’s a picture that’s up at Luna Red, this 30 by 60 inch image of this gear that was on the side of a tank out in the California Valley. I love that picture. I love that picture so much and I’ve sold two prints of that thing. I would’ve never expected anyone would want to buy that print. But I love it - it’s just the circle and rust, and this discoloring and a particular image. Swap: You have a dog you love who you probably take lots of pictures of. Do dogs think? Steve: Dogs can think at the very base level. My dog, he wakes me up at 7 a.m. in the morning when he needs to shit and piss and I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I have to get up and put my clothes on, walk out the front door and go all the way around to the backyard. I have to sit there and wait for him to do his business and then we go back inside. So yeah, he thinks. He thinks on a very impulsive level. Swap: That was a trick question. Cartesian philosophy, among others, proves we can never truly experience the thoughts of another being. You can’t be certain dogs think or even exist. You’re a photographer and a film critic, which I believe is the perfect combination. Steve: I wouldn’t call myself a film critic. Swap: What do you think of the Dogme 95 movement? Is it dead or was it rhetoric? The movement declared special effects forbidden.

Swap: That question was really boring. I apologize. Final question: Do you feel it’s possible for a man to truly be a man if he hasn’t had his heart broken at least once?

NEW ALBUM

Wolves

Steve: No. Because they’ll never know the pain, and if they don’t know the pain of getting their heartbroken, that’s part of the creation of art. No, you can’t be. But who hasn’t had their heartbroken? Swap: If you had to take a picture of heartbreak, what would it look like? Steve: I took a picture of heartbreak after I broke up with the girl I was dating, shortly after I started at the New Times. An ex-girlfriend had given me this big red heart. I put it in a trash can and put a flash underneath it and some paper, and the trigger. Then I took the picture with the light coming up from underneath it in the trashcan. Swap: So you became a sixth grader? Steve: Yeah absolutely. Without a doubt. Swap: You’re like, “I’m going to tear this Valentine in half and it’s my heart. waah!” Steve: Yeah, and then it got published in the goddamn paper, too. So yeah, I did take a picture of a heart break. Swap: Will you do it again? Steve: Probably not. For more from writer, photographer and blogger Alex Hauschild, visit www.slocalifornia.com.

What kind of Grrl talk girl are you? Rodi Bragg launches a zine for young women, starts an all-natural beauty line and marches to her own drum

Hayley Thomas I played the “Girl Talk” board game as a kid, and the memory disturbs me now. My friend Heather and I would clear off the crumbs from her mom’s coffee table, set up the super 90s neon, plastic board and revel in that certain trashy tingle of excitement that only came from the possibility of a dangerous, scandalous truth-or-dare scenario. First, spin the spinner and earn points by either performing a dare or divulging a juicy secret (these secrets were almost always about boys). Perform a truth or dare stunt completely, and earn points. Everything’s peachy. Wuss out, however, and you’d be forced to wear the mark. Let me explain: Each game came with sticker sheets filled with tiny red, round stickers. Yup…you guessed it. If you failed to perform your sacred Girl Talk duty, you’d be forced to slap a fake zit on your face. As a result, the most timid or antisocial girls would always end up with face full of pimples. At the time, I couldn’t see how absurd it all was. Now, I picture a bunch of pre-pubescent girls years away from acne — or even our first kisses — acting out the drama of teenagerdom. Even weirder still was what winning the game symbolized: Perform enough truth or dares and you’d get “fortune cards” in the categories of marriage, career, children and “special mo-

ments” (whatever that meant — maybe time pursuing your own passions?). The first girl to win a card in each category got the pleasure of reading her “special fortune” aloud to the group. That final fortune would sort of sum up your future life in a sentence or two: “You will be a famous movie star and have three children” or whatever. I remember always feeling disappointed at my own fortune. There was some sort of disconnect. In the assbackwards world of Girl Talk, appearances were everything and regardless of all the effort you put in stealing your mom’s bra or crank calling your crush, your fate was still completely out of your control. So, when my friend Rodi Bragg recently told me that she had started her own female empowerment zine (dubbed “Grrl” Talk) my pre-teen self received a much-needed shot of confidence. I talked to Bragg recently about the zine, her allnatural skincare line and her advice for local girls. Swap: Start from the very beginning. Bragg: I was born in Templeton and grew up in Paso Robles. I grew up with three boy cousins, so I was into “boy” things like roller blading and Pokémon, but I also had things I liked to do by myself, like journaling.

Swap: Your zine focuses on empowering the ladies. Aren’t you trying to get away from the idea of “guy” stuff and “girl” stuff? Bragg: Well, yeah. My point with the zine is to show that there’s space for girls, too. I feel like there’s certain things girls won’t do if they don’t have a chance. I guess growing up with guys, I got picked on more. Swap: Did music empower you to be stronger? Bragg: When I was 13, I wanted to get a guitar for Christmas, and I got a little toy Elvis guitar. I mean, my family was poor, but still. Now, I’m 23 and I finally have my own drum set. It took 10 years for me to get my own instrument, and a lot of that, I feel, is being discouraged. I’ve had a lot of guy friends who play music, but it was always “their thing.” If I would try, I felt criticized. It felt too competitive.

WE WANNA RIOT: SLO gal about town Rodi Bragg is hell-bent on reviving the Riot Grrrl movement of the early ‘90s with her frank and feminist zine, Grrl Talk, out on Valentine’s Day. RIGHT: Brag holds up her Little Foxes lip balm, one of many all-natural beauty products she’s whipped up over the past year. BELOW: The Girl Talk board game, zits and all.

Swap: Are you doing music now? Bragg: My boyfriend Jeff and I are doing some music together and making songs. We’re called Gutterwitch. Swap: Ha! That is an awesome name. I know you’re really into Cassie Snieder (self-professed shitty comic book artist

See GRRL TALK, pg. 6

GRRL TALK, from pg. 5 and friend to rock and roll). When did you start getting into zines and alternative publications? Bragg: I found out about Cassie Snieder through a pen pal who I met through David Israel, who played at the first punk show I ever went to at the Buchon House in SLO back when I was 18 or so. It was a dirty punk kid house and they had shows in their loft. I like her zines because they’re really funny and she’s really dorky, how she draws herself. It’s personal, but also hilarious. I ended up adding her on facebook and we became pen pals…I met her back in September 2011, which was awesome. Cindy Crab (of the zine Doris) also influences me. She’s really personal and some of it is really silly, too. Swap: I like the personal stories too, but I think it’s hard to do. I don’t necessarily get super personal with what I do, but I strive to push myself. Bragg: Yeah. I want to write about stuff that’s personal, which is why I keep a journal, but at the same time I want to respect my privacy, so I don’t want to put it all out there. Swap: What’s on the roster for Grrl Talk #1? Bragg: The release day is Valentine’s Day, 2013. I, personally, want to write about abortion, because it’s never talked about and girls don’t know what it means. There’s so much propaganda against it. I see so many girls having babies and I don’t think they are necessarily ready. Another thing that bothers me is why this can’t be talked about in schools. I want to clarify what date rape means and the difference between consensual and non consensual situations… Swap: Wow. Is there a balance of lighthearted and serious stuff?

WALRUS, from pg. 1 Swap: The music you’re playing now is dark and bluesy with an edge. Was that vibe always something you gravitated toward? Garland: The Blues Brothers is one of my favorite movies of all time. It’s funny, because the scene I remember most was the hick bar scene where they sing “Rawhide” and “Stand by Your Man.” As a kid, I thought it was the greatest thing ever…I always liked the old blues and soul stuff. In high school, I got stuck on the New York Dolls. I was obsessed for about three or four years. I liked Johnny Thunders and everything about him. And Keith Richards. I mean, they’re really the same. They were great. They could be their own character and top the front man if they wanted to. The Dolls did Bo Diddley and DuWop songs like “There’s Gonna be a Showdown.” So, in general, I was always playing music that was older.

Swap: It seems like you have a lot on your plate with your skin care stuff too, Little Foxes. I love all of it, especially the toner. It makes you think about what you’re putting on your body…there’s so much out there that’s super toxic. Bragg: There’s no legal supervision for beauty products like there is for food. With food, you have to list the ingredients, but with beauty products you don’t. Even if the company is listed as organic or natural, there can still be toxic stuff in there and not tell you.

Swap: So a few bands later, after Threes and Nines, Vomit and The Marquees, you got to pursue that project. Why did it take so long?

Swap: When did you make the leap between knowing that and acting on it?

Garland: I felt like I wanted to do it on my own --- that was how I always wanted to start King Walrus. But then, eventually, you want to evolve and feel rhythm behind you, so that’s why I got a band. With Max and Christian, they play a certain specific style with their own rhythm and timings and personal ways of playing. Now, we’re a bit more rock n roll instead of just bluesy, but I like that, because we can do a back-and-forth thing. I have some really slow songs that are really bluesy and we can always bring it down a notch and show our true colors, but then we can pick up the pace again and have a good time.

Bragg: I’d wanted to make a salve forever, just to heal cuts and scars and stuff and I had been asking around…I kept experimenting and looked up recipes online. Then, it just started growing. It was just cheaper to make it. I had the stuff. It started as a hobby. I try to do all organic and all fair trade, but I am just starting…I am trying to keep consistent. Swap: I’m a lipstick addict… Bragg: The next thing I want to do is a natural lipstick…I tell people about what I’m doing and they ask if it’s my business and they want to support me. I’m also giving out a lot of samples right now. People can contact me right now for more information. Once my recipes and labels are squared away it’ll be on etsy. Right now, I have a toner, salve, lip balm and I’m experimenting with scrubs and sprtizers. I made candles today! Swap: Tell me about your Ladyfest show coming up! Bragg: I want to do a show where at least one girl is in every band. I also want to screen a film at the Palm. Swap: What is it about the Riot Grrrl movement that moves you? Bragg: Basically, what inspires me about it is that it’s just girls playing music but also girls talking about important issues. They’re just bringing it out to the open. It’s about hearing women’s stories. Swap: Who was your strongest female role model growing up? Bragg: MYSELF!

Find out more about Grrl talk, the Ladyfest show and contribute to the zine by emailing Rodi at rodibragg@gmail.com.

Swap: How is King Walrus different than other projects?

Swap: So, you guys all have history. Tell me about that. Max: I met Garland when I was 14. He showed up to my friends garage in Nipomo. Wouldn’t stop talking. He still hasn’t! I met Christian when I was in high school through some mutual friends. We became good buddies when we he joined my last band, Threes and Nines. Swap: What was your first thought when Garland asked you guys to be in this band? Christian: With King Wally it was easy. If Max Triplett is involved I say yes. If

sing for a band. I always wanted to sing like someone else. One day, a few years ago, I was singing for my mom and she said I was off key. She told me to hum it with her. She told me “Just let it go. Whatever you think, just let it go. Just do it.” That’s when I started writing my own songs and doing my own thing. Instead of trying to sing a certain way, I just yell. Swap: But you aren’t “yelling.” You yell-sing. It’s like you don’t even need a mic. Garland: Half the time, I don’t. I’ve seen other people try to sing, and they try to get a certain feeling out of it. But they can’t even get that feeling, because it’s not the feeling they have inside of them. Swap: To counter that, a lot of your songs are about girls who did you wrong, but you have a perfect Christmas tree, kitty Pawlee and a nice girlfriend.

Swap: Technically, you did King Walrus as a solo project for a year or so. Tell me about the concept you had. Garland: It had been an idea of mine for about five or six years. I was in my band Vomit at the time, and we were on tour. I was 19. I got really drunk one night at a backyard show in Sacramento and I said something about starting “my own band,” and my friends were like, “Oh yeah? What are you going to do?” And I was like, “I’m going to be the Walrus!” And Max said “No, you’re going to be the king!” And I said, “That’s right! I’m going to be the KING WALRUS!”That name stuck. At the time, I actually wanted to be a country singer.

Bragg: Ha! That’s why I want other girls to participate, because when I think about what I want for the zine, it’s all too serious, so I want some other stuff to balance it out. Meagan Gonzaga is the main person helping me with Grrl Talk, and we were reading this funny comic the other day. It was “Guys to Watch Out For” and it was like “the raw hippie dude who tries to offer you bananas” and fun things like that. We have a bunch of other ideas we’re bouncing around. We’re meeting once a week to write stuff and draw stuff. It may be weekly or monthly, but we’ll see what happens.

Garland Miller is involved I say yes. I had heard what Garland was doing with his solo stuff, and me and Max loved it. As a band, we literally show up to a show and rip through a set. No practice. The show is practice, which with some bands can’t work, but with King Walrus, it just happens. We don’t really plan it. We all just know how each other play I guess. I love it. With this band, Garland writes all the songs. Me and Max are there to back him up. As far as what everyone brings to the table, Garland is a raw performer. Max is everyone’s favorite drummer. I hold it down the best I can. Garland is the Walrus, Max is the Wizard and I’m the Conquistador.

Garland: I can see my friends going through pain, whether it’s a girl or other parts of life. Especially now. A lot of people are unhappy. I see it every day, and I think it rubs off on all of us. Swap: And you work at a cemetery. Max: The last band I was in was super professional. Practiced three times a week and very serious. All of my drum parts were consciously and methodically thought out and I played the same drum parts every show, hit for hit. King Walrus is the complete opposite. We played four shows before our first practice. We would sit in the back of my truck before the shows and Garland would show Christian what to play on bass, and I would improvise as we would play live. I play a lot more sloppy and I never play the same thing live. But we all know each other really well musically. We’ve played in different bands at separate times, so when we finally all played together for the first time, it just clicked. Swap: Best show so far? Christian: Bill’s Place in Arroyo Grande (with Magazine Dirty) was actually super rad! That was so fun. I’m actually way excited for this show at the sanitarium in SLO. The place is super cool. All I can hope for is to be the rowdiest band on the bill. As long as a few people can leave with the feeling of “ Damn, I would like to be in that band!” then it’s a job well done. Garland: Yes. Bill’s was really fun. SLO Brew was pretty good too. Swap: Magazine Dirty totally went overboard that night! We had a show in L.A. the next day and were super hungover. I think most people were there to see you guys. Can you talk about your singing style? Your vocals are very surprising. You yell-sing. It’s balls-y. Garland: I think you can sing your whole life, learn how to sing at some point or you just can’t sing at all. For me, it took time. I never thought I’d

Garland: It’s a job. I do landscaping and burry people. It gives me a different perspective on life. I see a lot of people in pain all the time. Maybe that reflects on my writing. Especially the darker songs. Swap: What’s next for the band? Garland: We’re going to record soon — hopefully enough material for a 7 inch and a 10 inch, probably with a download card. We’ll be recording with Paul Dutton from Sparrow’s Gate. Swap: I always ask this of bands, but they rarely comply. Tell me a funny story about the band! Max: I walked on stage at SLO Brew, sat on my stool and fell while taking my drum set down with me. The venue was full and I had to put my drums back together and play. Christian: Yeah, I agree. As we go up on stage, we’re all feeling cool, as you always do at SLO brew, and Max goes to sit down on his “drum throne” and the whole thing gives way and he totally beefs it and falls into his drums on stage in front of everyone! It was great. No one really saw, but it was one of those perfect moments, like “Damnit, I’m on the stage for five seconds and something bad already happened.” Thanks to the lovely Bernadette Horton for feeding me home-made cookies and tea during this interview, which was conducted at her and Garland’s cozy, SLO apartment decorated with sparkling Christmas decorations and festive tree. Interview conducted by Hayley Thomas. Kitty cat Pawlee also participated in this interview by making loud noises and being adorable. Go see King Walrus play during Nux Fest in SLO, Feb. 15 - 17!

Burger Mondo! An interview with Burger Records

Swap’s own Biba Pickles took a field trip to L.A. and learned the greatest lesson of all: When in doubt, do it yourself!

Biba Pickles

urger Records is probably my favorite record label, and I have had the great luck of getting to know all the fancy dudes and dudettes down at Burger through being one of KCPR’s music directors. I’ve gotten a lot of their albums from them for KCPR and they have also given me some cool merch just for the hell of it. That’s pretty awesome of them down there. Burger Records is also a record store down in Fullerton that has in-store shows frequently, and they have a bitchin’ selection of records there too. I got a chance to interview Sean Bohrman, who is the co-owner of Burger Records (the label and the record store). I thank him for having time for the interview despite his busy schedule. He is a very busy and luxurious man. Biba Pickles: So tell everyone about Burger Records and how it got started. Sean Bohrman: We started Burger Records in 2007 when Thee Makeout Party needed to release a record and no one would release it. We recorded a few songs and put it on a 7 inch and that’s how it started. So, when we learned how to do stuff like that we hit up Audacity, which was this band around town that we really, really liked, and they were all in high school, they were really young. So we invited them to record an album and we put out “Power Drowning,” which really started us on releasing other bands. It just started as a necessity to release music by ourselves, but once we started releasing Audacity it just became obvious to us what to do. We started hitting up all our friends after that like Apache, The Go, and Traditional Fools, who were all bands that we knew at the time. We said that we wanted to do tapes of their albums, because no one else was doing cassettes or records really at the time, and they said “Yeah” and the record labels were cool with it, so we just did it and we continued to do it. Now, we’re almost 400 tapes deep, and we’re going to keep going. So that’s how the label got started. Me and Lee just put our money together for the first couple of tapes, then we split the money, and from there it just started supporting itself. Now, it’s a giant machine that’s going along. We’re releasing so much stuff — it’s mind boggling. BP: So did Burger Records the label start first or Burger Records the store? SB: We opened the record store in 2009, so that was 2 years after we started the label. We were dedicating all of our free time to the record label, but we were working our day jobs. I was art director at a magazine for 4 and a half years, and I did design work for some newspapers. I could have worked there my entire life, but it was just not what I had hoped for. You know, I had went to college and I went to high school and did all the things that you’re supposed to do, and then I was in an office in a cubicle with a guy that had been working there for 40 years. I just didn’t want to be that person, I didn’t want all this hard work that I had put in for the past 22/23 years of my life to be that. When they wouldn’t let me go on tour with Thee Makeout Party, I quit my job, cashed in my 401k, and started the record store with my friend Brian. He had owned a couple of record stores before, so we started Burger Records together. From that moment all the rest of us dedicated all our time to Burger, and that’s when it really started taking off. We spent all of our time working on Burger, working towards a never ending goal, which is just a never ending light at the end of a never ending tunnel. That’s what it is. That’s what Burger is. BP: When did Burger Records, the record store, start having shows? Did you guys have shows from the very beginning? SB: Yeah, the very first night Audacity played. From then, we’ve been having shows weekly, multiple shows a week sometimes. We’ve probably had about 200 shows here for the past 3 years. BP: Have you ever gotten any noise complaints? SB: We’re in the middle of nowhere, in the industrial part of town pretty much, but the one time, when we first opened, Shannon and The Clams played here. There were about 50 to 100 kids out in front of the store, and the cops stopped by because of all the kids hanging out. They just wanted to see what was going on and they broke up the show, but now we just get everyone to hang out in the alleyway out back and most cops don’t see anybody and they don’t know anyone’s playing, so there’s no problem. BP: That’s amazing; we couldn’t have something like that in SLO. Sound travels in SLO. SB: Well it’s like that in other places in Fullerton too. This is just a perfect spot for us because we’re kind of in the middle of an industrial area. It’s super cheap and its right down the street from the college, like walking distance. So we can do shows and events, and not worry about getting hassled by the cops or having people complain about the noise. When we do have

Feb. 7

SXO, Frog & Peach Nashville Pussy SLO Brew, 8 p.m.

Feb. 8

THE BURGER CREW: Brian (far left holding bottle), Sean (behind Brian with long blonde hair), Patty (girl with the glasses), Bobby (standing next to Patty in Micky Mouse jacket), and Gabe (far right throwing the peace sign). the shows all the businesses are usually closed by us. BP: That’s awesome! So you also started up another record label, a sister label called Wiener Records. Can you tell everyone about that? SB: Wiener Records is a subsidiary. We get so many demos every day in the mail and through the internet, so we’re just giving these people a place to go because we can’t put out everything, even though it might seem like we do. There’s really a lot that we don’t put out, so we’re just giving those people a place to go because we can’t afford to put everything out. It’s been going really well though; we’ve already put out 2 or 3 tapes at the beginning of it. We started out with Wax Witches, that was the first one we put out, now they’re on Burger Records, so things worked out really well for them and for everyone else. We just started it back up again because I didn’t have time to run 2 record labels, so now Gabe from Gap Dream is running it. We’ve been getting a lot done the last 2 months or so, so we’re doing good with that. A lot of people are happy.

March 8

Pioneer Picnic, Linnaea’s Cafe, SLO

March 9

Chad Land, Paso Brewing Co. 8 p.m.

Feb. 9

Spanky, Paso Robles Brewing Co., 8 p.m.

Feb. 14

The Inciters, Frog & Peach, SLO

Feb. 15

BP: Do you guys still have Wiener Records buttons? SB: Yeah, they’re somewhere, but I don’t know where they are now.

Feb. 16

Josh Feldman, Paso Robles Brewing Co. 8 p.m.

SB: Yeah, yeah! Definitely! BP: How did you get the name Burger Records? SB: ‘Cause we love burgers! And it’s a nice slice of America. BP: So, you also have Burger TV that you guys started fairly recently. Can you tell us what it is?

Twist all night: Dancing, drinks, DJs, DuWop, soul, rock n roll, photo booth at the Sanitarium, $5, 8 p.m.

SB: Yeah, Burger TV is our multi-media brain child. We get help in editing, shooting, and all that stuff. It’s a good way to get the bands out there and heard by the public. It’s also a way for people to meet the bands, because you really don’t get a chance to do that when you go out to live shows, so this is a chance to hang out with them and see them do stupid junk with us.

Feb 17

BP: Is there a chance there’d be a spoof or a spin off of Burger TV called Wiener TV?

Mud on the Tire, Paso Brewing Co. 8 p.m.

SB: No, I think that’d be too much work for us. BP: Well, Wiener Records is basically bands that send you stuff they want put out. Maybe if you did Wiener TV it could be along the same lines where bands just send you videos or tapes of them doing stupid stuff or performing wearing Burger Records buttons or other stuff and you can upload it online or have a playlist of stuff, and that’d be staying with the theme of Wiener. SB: Yeah, that’d be a cool idea. BP: So you and Lee were in a band called Thee Makeout party. How did you and Lee meet, and how did you guys form Thee Makeout Party? SB: I didn’t form Thee Makeout Party, but Lee and I met in high school at show at a café. I made fun of him for having long hair, and we became good friends. We collaborated on a lot of things like fliers and stuff, then

See BURGER, pg. 8

Yung Deem, the Kied, Dahzse Braxton, Flip Flop & dj stress one (hip hop), 9 p.m., Z Club, SLO $5

Gary Garrett and Jody Mulgew, Seynberg Gallery, 8 p.m., $15

Nux Fest: Runs through Feb. 17 featuring 30+ bands at different venues around SLO. Email television wrecks@yahoo.com.

BP: I’ll just e-mail Gabe for some.

March 1

Jared’s bluegrass jam Paso Robles Brewing Co., 3 p.m.

Feb. 22

IGLOS (hip hop), 9pm Z Club, SLO $5

American Dirt, TBA Mr. Red’s, Santa Barbara

March 16:

Art against Alzheimers charity art show/ silent auction, 8-11pm at Sally Loo’s, 1804 Osos St. Featuring over a dozen artists. 100% proceeds go to the alzheimers association. Music by Tipsy Gypsies. Dead Volts, Frog and Peach, SLO

March 17

Paddy O’Jar (Irish folky punky rockity) at Frog and Peach, SLO Midnight, 6 a.m. & 9 a.m. The Gillie Wheesels, Paso Brewing Co., 8 p.m.

Ongoing: Sanitarium Music Nights: First Wednesday of the month, variety acts, 7 to 11 p.m., 1716 Osos St. SLO Tectonic Tuesdays: First and third Tuesdays of the month, McCarthy’s Irish pub: DJs spinning garage, punk, soul 9 p.m. Drink specials.

Feb. 23

Toan’s open’s jam: Mondays at Frog & Peach, SLO

Feb. 27

Bluegrass jam: Every Sunday at Paso Robles Brewing Co. starting 2/17., 3 p.m.

Banjer Dan, Paso Brewing Co. 8 p.m.

Reckless Kelly, SLO Brew, 7:30

Send info on shows happening April 1 or later to swapzine slo@gmail.com. Interested in compiling the monthly show listings? Contact Swap! Trade for ad space available!

BURGER, from pg. 7 SB: We just signed a deal with Red Eye to distribute Burger all throughout the world, which is a big thing for us because we’ve been doing everything ourselves from here from the very beginning. We also have a deal with this PR company, and they’re going to really hype up our stuff. There’s a lot of big things happening. It’s probably a lot of work for me, but I’m looking forward to doing it all and getting it all out and the pressure of it all. Also South by Swap’s Biba Pickles, pictured in her favorite shirt South West is coming up and that’s going to take shooting guns the day she hung out with the folks at up a lot of time at the end of March. It’s going to be Burger. Yes, this image was displayed on her personal crazy; it’s going to be a crazy crazy year. Burger’s Christmas card to the record lable. going to blow up even more, and only good things we started a band called The Noise. We were a punk will happen for everyone everywhere. band and all of a sudden people were coming to BP: So what about Burgerama? That’s coming our shows and people talking about us. It was kind up in March. of stupid. We didn’t even know how to play and we didn’t practice, we just broke stuff and set fires. SB: Burgerama II is a sequel to last year’s event, That’s how we became good friends. Then I went and we got a ton of bands on that. We got Black away to college for 4 years to Humboldt, then when Lips, Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti, King Tuff, I came back I joined Thee Makeout Party. They had Hunx, Bleached, White Fence, White Fang, already been around for 4 years because Lee started The Memories, Audacity, Cherry Glazerr, The the band after I had left for college. So yeah, Lee Aquadolls, Pangea, Fuzz, Beachwood Sparks, The and I are still really good friends. Pharcyde’s, Bizarre Ride, and a bunch more. It’s going to be a crazy event. It’s going to sell out, so BP: How many albums did Thee Makeout Party get your tickets now. release with you in it? SB: Just one, we released one LP, one 7 inch, and one flip 7 inch. I’m not on the first 7 inch, the one with the chili pepper on it.

BP: Are you also doing the Burger Boogaloo?

BP: Have you guys ever released any Makeout Party on cassette through Burger?

BP: And that’s happening in the bay area?

SB: Yeah, we released the album on tape and we released the demos we did before we broke up on tape. We did a couple of tapes. BP: What are your future plans, and where do you hope Burger will go from here?

SB: The Boogaloo is going to be happening in July.

SB: Yeah, the Boogaloo is our bay area event. BP: And Burgerama is in the LA area? SB: Yeah. Then there’s Burger Mania which is our SXSW show in Austin. There’s also the Burger revolution show on March 8th. We’re going to be having shows all over the world in Glasgow,

Canada, all over America, Australia, in Tel Aviv, Israel, in Paris, France, in Milan, Italy, shows all over the world.

goes out to the universe too for the aliens out there who are down on themselves. For those entrepreneurial aliens out there.

BP: Do you have anything to say about Fuzz? I know there are some rumors going on about that band, and what it is.

BP: Those are words that can maybe fuel someone into starting a venue in SLO.

SB: I don’t think there’s any rumors anymore, I think people already heard about it. It’s Ty Segall’s new band, and they played at the store in December. It was crazy, but it was a lot of fun. BP: Do you have any parting words to the people of SLO since a lot of people in SLO are catching exposure to Burger a lot now? SB: I would just tell everybody that they can do this themselves. It’s a little bit of luck, but it’s mostly just about having passion about what you do and believing in yourself. And when people tell you that you can’t do things, or that it’s not a good idea, even though you know in your heart it is a good idea and that you can do it, then you should do it. Go for it. Even at the risk of sacrifice of everything that you worked for. Just going after what you want is what people need to do and not be afraid of the consequences, just saying that you tried to do what you wanted to do. Just saying that you tried and attempted it is more than most people can say. I didn’t plan on Burger being what it is or anything, but it blew up, and anyone could do it if they work hard and believe in what they do. And those are my parting words to everyone, everyone in humanity. That

CRUSTY, from pg. 4 emotional hypocrites who champion a genre of music dedicated to whining and weeping at the altar of ex-lovers. When I reached the top of his pathetic shirt, I hesitated before moving onto his skin, aware that a simple misstep could cause my host to scratch me out of existence with his fingernail that was undoubtedly painted black. My climbing was clumsy at best, but I managed to reach his ear without triggering any alarms. I walked inside and collapsed on the waxy flesh just as my host stood up and headed out of the cafe. Exhausted and gasping for air after my first real climb up a giant’s body, I stretched out and relaxed, ready to let my giant host take me where he may. Unfortunately, my joy was short lived, as seconds after my arrival, the entrance was sealed by a massive earbud headphone. I spent the next hour curled up in a ball with my hands over my ears, trying in vain to imagine myself away from the pitch black screamo dungeon that unknowingly held me captive. All the while I could feel my host lumbering along toward a destination unknowable to me. “When at last my host plucked the earbud from his ear, I peeked out to see where we had ended up. We were in his apartment, entering his bedroom, and just as I began moving to the edge of his ear to scope things out, the opening was again obstructed. This time by a cell phone. I sat back down and, not having much of a choice, listened to my host’s conversation. I can’t, in good conscious, tell you exactly who he spoke with or what it was all about - it was far too personal. I can tell you that It was some heavy shit that had nothing to do with a breakup or any of the crap you’d expect. I can tell you that it was the first time I felt sympathy for a screamo kid. I learned from the caller’s farewell that my host’s name was David. When the phone left, the earbud returned and David’s body heaved with sobs. This time, my prison’s soundtrack was Clapton’s ‘Tears in Heaven’, a popular song in the walls of the mother venue, and god damnit, it brought me to tears there in David’s ear. This was bumming me out in a big way and I had to help David get his mind off shit. “LET’S GO GET FUCKED UP!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. I tried it a couple more times, but my cries were lost in Clapton’s guitar. I figured I’d try again in a couple minutes when the song ended; maybe the excitement of

SB: If there is nothing around your town, then that means you have to start it. It’ll be a success. Thank you again Sean for talking to me, and for your compelling words for me and everyone reading this. Special thanks to the rest of the Burger team; Bobby, Lee, Patty, Brian, Gabe, Kyle, and the tons of people who are also involved with Burger.

Lee, co-owner of Burger Records. meeting a tiny crusty and getting drunk with him would be enough to distract David from his troubles for a bit. But next thing I knew, there was a very loud boom and my host jolted, tossing me about violently and causing me to sprain my ankle against the wall of his inner-ear. Then, complete stillness. Clapton still crooned, but now there was a faint light coming from deep inside David’s ear canal. I crawled toward the light source cautiously, but with a pretty good idea of what I was about to discover: blood, brains and skull fragments. David had shot himself. Horrified and in a state of shock, I hurried back to gather my stuff and try my hand at pushing the earbud out of David’s ear. I tried again and again, knowing the horrors that lay ahead if I was unable to access this exit. Look, I’m a strong guy for my size, but god damnit I’m fucking tiny compared to you assholes... the earbud wouldn’t budge. I spent the rest of the night limping my way over the slippery peaks and through the blood-filled valleys of David’s brain matter. To make things worse, David had left ‘Tears In Heaven’ on repeat. Not the ideal soundtrack for wading through pools of blood and climbing mountains of gore on a sprained ankle. “Well, that about wraps up the story of my first day out of the mother venue. I was broken and miserable, but by daylight, I had found my way out of David’s apartment and continued my journey west... Anyhow, I could really use some shut-eye right about now. You don’t mind if I crash in your ear for the night do ya?” “Not at all.” I replied, stunned by Alex’s story. “Make yourself at home.” “Thanks man. Having hitched all the way across the country, I have many more stories for you if you’re up to it. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll tell you about how I fell in love with a giantess on whom I hitched. While you’ve likely been privy to the subtle allure of a woman’s underarm, or those captivating dimples on the lower back, it is an altogether different experience to occupy such nooks for weeks on end... the nocturnal voyages into the forbidden zones... enveloped, almost to death, by your lover’s flesh...” Alex’s voice trailed off, then he cleared his throat. “Anyhow, more on that tomorrow. Good night, man.” “Good night, Alex.” I replied. Minutes later, I was dozing off to the rhythmic, almost inaudible sound of Alex Fuck jerking off in my ear. “Just be sure to clean up.” I whispered.