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Friends, bands, contributors & beloved Swappers: The first time I had a chance to sit down and read all these awesome interviews in one long, undisrupted sitting, I was waiting for the bus in Atascadero with a tube of baby pink lipstick in my hand. I forgot to bring a pen, so the edits ended up as pink smudges. It felt satisfying to know so many friends and fellow musicians contributed to the zine and the compilation. I laughed out loud, got angry, nostalgic and heartened as I read from one interview to the next. They are anything but “boring.” En route to SLO, I realized something pretty profound: We’re all connected. I already knew that subconsciously, but to see it all in black and white – that’s something special. The intertwining lives of band members, friends, lovers and locals - in actual text - is hard to ignore. Even bands that rarely come out to support their fellow SLO bands mentioned and referenced each other. They talked about the need for a sense of community, a shared venue, a place to really call home. Read between the lines and you’ll likely sense two common threads: There’s a major feeling of dissatisfaction with the local scene, but there’s also a strong respect for each others’ varied projects, regardless of the sound. That’s what “The Cause & The Cure” is all about: Breaking barriers, celebrating the shared experience here in SLO County and maybe even sparking a bit of barroom discussion. It’s a talking point, a springboard and a hope that the solution to our problems isn’t so complicated. We have the talent, the heart, the guts and work ethic right here right now to make a lasting mark. But do we have faith in each other? It takes blind faith to strap on a guitar and sing a bunch of songs for strangers. How hard could it be? I want to thank every single person (there are many) who contributed to “The Cause & The Cure” and this issue. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I hope you can sit back with some personal satisfaction and know you were, and always will, be part of it.
Your humble editor, Hayley Hbomb Thomas
swapzineslo@gmail.com
Han Solo’s Baby V.S. KCPR’s BIBA PICKLES!!!
DAN AND BRIAN: WRITE IT IN! WRITE IT IN! DAN: So yeah, our fan
base is like four people and I’m fine with it. BRIAN AND STEVEN: Yeah, we agree with that.
BP: What are the bands that inspired you? Or just bands you listen to and you were like cool, let’s do that, but fuck it up more.
DAN: We like King Uschniwitzk,
that’s what we’re listening to right now. We like him and we like The Ramones. They’re our favorite. BP: Fuck yeah, The Ramones and King Chewbaccaitch!
BIBA PICKLES: Where am I going to sit?
DAN: Sit here. *Kicks beer bottles off
his table like a Hulk assed motherfucker*
BP: Yeah, knock that shit over. How did you come up with the erotic name Han Solo’s Baby?
BRIAN: I was reading something about how Han Solo had kids. DAN: Yeah, Han
our fan base, we’re like fuck everyone. I can’t believe people like us. The only people that like us are Magazine Dirty (this is a band, you should know that). No one else likes us.
BP: People that have bladder infections like you. DAN: They don’t like us either. BP: But I like you (don’t ever let a plumber finger blast you).
Solo fucked Princess Leia and I was like “Han Solo had a baby?”….so yeah, band name. *Dan spits beer all over the front of his shirt like a baby with alcoholism* we were originally called Canonize Me Captain.
DAN: We give bladder infections (Dan is
BP: Yeah, I remember that. That band name sucked. DAN: I know, that was a bad name. That’s why it changed. BP:
BP: Steven, you’re not talking. Is it
So, getting back to VH1’s Behind the Music. When did you guys start going downhill?
DAN: We started downhill. BP: But how did you get more down?
You’re clearly way lower on the hill now. Somehow you did it.
2
DAN: Well we don’t care about
a pseudo-plumber).
BP: It’s because you don’t wash your
hands enough and you love putting fingers in many places. DAN: Yeah, it’s true. true? You like putting fingers in places? STEVEN: You know, I don’t like putting fingers in places.
BP: That makes sense. No wonder
Genny looks pissed (Sorry Genny, but you were in the crosshairs. You’re probably a very pleasant girlfriend for Steven. I saw you with him at a 7-11. That’s dedication.) I’m sorry; I’m not going to put that in the interview, because I know people get pissed off enough at me.
DAN: We also like the Slayer. BRIAN: We love Chewbacca.We like
musics that’s bad enough to be music. You know like, if it doesn’t suck, then I don’t care.
BP: Music that’s so bad, you don’t want to be good DAN: We like bad music. BP: Good, I want you to. I like bad
music too. That’s why I like you guys and I’m sitting in your dirty asshole house. DAN: Hey, I kicked over those bottles for you, ok?!
BP: I know, and it’s great feng shui.
The only thing it’s missing is Ocho’s shit (this is Dan’s Guinea Pig)…So are you guys going to play another show? I feel it’s been a hair past a monkey’s ass since you’ve played. People are starting to forget you’re still together.
DAN: We’ll play a show right now for you. BP: Let’s do it, I’ll record it. DAN: No, but we would if we wanted to.
BP: You would if you hadn’t drunk a 30 pack of PBR. BRIAN: I think that means we should play.
BP: Jesus Dan you’re spilling beer all over the front of your shirt, you’re all
See BABY Page 16
The Stark Naked Truth Glen Starkey says the SLO scene is far from dead - As expected, he’s got the last word on the subject
T
by Pat Hayes he year of our Lord 1997, I was a young man with overly ambitious goals for being a musician in SLO. I read Glen Starkey’s words in the New Times music column as gospel and in a way I still do. Glen has been the single most influential person in the local music press for over 20 years now. When he first started his column in the New Times he was fresh off of a stint as the general manager of the legendary music club D.K.’s. Since then he has gone on to be the definitive voice of the SLO music scene. Glen was kind enough to sit down with me and answer some questions.
SWAP: What was the local music scene like when you first started?
GLEN STARKEY: When I first started, there were literally so few things to write about that I wrote about backyard BBQ’s and stuff - seriously, house parties. There were clubs like DK’s, SLO Brew, Club 667 (and others) and the cops weren’t so cranky about cracking down on people without cabaret license.
New Times music writer Glen Starkey has seen and heard it all over the past two decades. So listen up, punk!!!
G: What would be good
would be if local bands got together and helped share information on how they succeeded.
scene? Is it dead now?
We talked for a bit about “SoundCheck” the local music resource published by New Times featuring local bands. Glen noted (correctly, I think) that it could be an awesome resource for local bands but they are not committing to making it happen.
G: I think it’s wrong to think that the music scene isn’t hap-
S: How have you seen the crowds in SLO change? Are
S: Since ’91 to now what has changed in the music
pening right now. In fact, I think the music scene has never been better in this town. There is so much stuff going on in this community that even when I’m writing 2500-3000 words a week, I’m not even barely covering the scene. I’m covering the big events. To say that there is no music scene is dead wrong.The part of the music scene that totally gets ignored are all those hard-working bar bands, like Mean Gene Band and those guys. They work their asses off and get no glory. What I end up tending to write about is “What is SLOBrew doing” “What is the Z Club doing,” but basically anybody who sends me something, I do my damndest to get it in.
there more or less people out catching bands?
S: What do you think bands are doing or not doing to
and hit the road. When they were on the road they met other bands that said, “You should come to our town and open for us,” and they did. Then Still Time said, “We can get you a good show in SLO.” That’s the kind of camaraderie that really needs to exist on the local music scene. That attitude of “I’ll help you , you help me. We are all in this together.”
help themselves with getting press from someone like you?
G: There are some bands that don’t understand what a
music writer needs to make their job easier. The ones that make me work, I’m just like “Look, I’m not an investigative reporter here, I’m a music columnist and I need you to give me the information about you guys.” The best thing to do is to send it all at one time with all the show info.
S : What would help them?
G: I think there is so much going on that crowds are thin
because there is too much going on. Sometimes when I do my column I’ll list ten things going on, how many people are there [for each one]? You’ve got a county of 200,000 people and if you look at the listings in the New Times we’ve got as much going on as the papers in San Francisco.
S: As someone who has had a unique view of our music
scene, what would you like to see the bands around here do more of?
G: One of things I liked about Still Time is that they went
Read Glen’s work every week in New Times, but only after you’ve eaten all your veggies.
3
St. James is a wiley one by Patrick Hayes
C: St. James Infirmary is Gypsy Funk
P: I’m gonna ask you a question that
Rock, Corn Shuckers is all mountain music, no 7th chords. I throw them in every once in a while [with Corn Shuckers] and everybody is like, “Whoa, Fancy!”
C: I don’t know. We need a venue, we
P: The track on the comp, “Werewolf PATRICK: So, solo act or band?
Waltz,” was also featured as your video for Couch By CouchWest. Why is that your go to track?
CODY: Band.
C: I really like those old school cheesy
P: Is it a real band or just a vehicle for
werewolf movies, there’s no special meaning to it.
your songs with revolving members?
C: That’s funny. I wanted a band. Paul Rigby on Keys and Guitar, B-Ball on drums, Noah on Bass, me on Guitar and singing. For the record.
P: You’re in Mother Corn Shuckers
too and you do your songs with them. What is a Corn Shuckers song and what is a St. James song?
P: What is your next recording project
Reid asked me: What is wrong with out scene?
need more pull. It’s hard to get crowds going. We need a venue and we need musicians so that we could advertise our stuff. Get a clique going, the way that it is all over the place right now is hard. If we had a certain spot that was dedicated to local music all of the time, people would know what to look for and they’d know where to go. Around here you walk into a place and there is a goddamn DJ.
going to be after this?
C: We want to record again as soon as possible. We really slapped this one together. It was recorded at four different spots on Broad street, Noah’s buddies house, my house, the Cocks Lodge and Wet Records.
‘Nuff said! Do the Werewolf Waltz Check out Cody St. Jame’s music & check for local shows on facebook, reverbnation & at www. bigtopshows.com!
of KD Elder: Metal, punk, bluegrass “Hell yeah!” Sonssensibilities - shaken, not stirred The Sons of KD Elder is the kind of rockabilly project you get when you throw a few metal, punk, and bluegrass musicians into a room with their instruments and a keg, then lock the door. The many hours over, you will hear scores of solos from their fiddle player Dave, banjo picking and guitar from Wes and Craig respectively, and foot stomping all around until they emerge perspired and inebriated, as any concertgoer at the end of a KD Elder show should be as well. The fast-paced twang and heavy showmanship of the musicians makes for a fun-filled and entertaining night. If you’ve ever seen a bassist-singer, I bet you’ve never seen a singer pluck away at the neck of his upright bass with both feet planted firmly on its bout. These boys know how to play a show to “a very loyal and rowdy crowd,” says Jeff, their drummer, who, like the rest of the band, depends on their fans to pump them up. “At the end of the show we like them to feel like they can’t wait for the next one.” (Their song is the first track of ‘The Cause & the Cure.”)
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-Thomas
Julian Ross
I
with Crawford C. Crawford
t all started on a Saturday in 1987. I got to spend the night at my friend Shawn’s house. Shawn and I caught wind that there was going to be a party down the street at 9ish. So, we went to the house and knocked on the door. To our surprise two big skinheads opened the door! I said, “We are here for the party!” The skinheads took us in the house and made us drink beer from a fruit punch bowl. After a while, the jocks show up to the party - all the jocks from our high school. Then, all of a sudden, a big fight breaks out and all of the skins and all jocks are fighting each other. Outside, I saw one of the jocks pull a hand gun on the skins. Shawn and I booked it across a field and back to his house. Back to school on Monday after the wild weekend, and there was a rumor going around that the Orange County skinheads wanted to fight our school at the end of the day. The rumor spread quickly, and by the end of school that day, every kid came running out to the back parking lot. There must have been 300 kids! The skinheads pulled up in He’s everyone’s favorite BMX-racing, show-promoting, their 1969 ford LTD and saw all the kids running towards them. goofy-smile pal, CxCxC. He was also part of the action “back They shouted, “Fuck you!” and burned out, racing down the in the day!” Listen up, kiddies. street. We never seen the OC skins again!
DEADVOLTS - SLO’s resident twangNbangers by Dr. Cain
(Guest Starring Butch Boswell & HBomb, for better or WORSE )
DR.C: You guys are the Dead Volts.
You have some members in your band (Patrickrick Hayes Vox/ guitar, Mark Folkrod Drums/ vox, Mike Cross lead guitar, Shawn Hafley a bass player). You play some shows, people hang out and drink beers.
MARK: That’s a good biography, the
end. That was a great interview! Nothing more to say. DR.C: You guys did a record with some other band (Cross Brothers).
HAYLEY TO DR.C: Stop fucking around! DR. C: I am not fucking around.
Why is Hayley even at this interview? Mike is at work and Shawn is MIA. Butch Boswell has managed to show up as well.
DR.C: You guys have been around
SLO in various other bands, but what is on the horizon for the Dead Volts? PATRICK: You only go around once, man. We’re working on a ten-song LP. MARK: It’s better than watching TV!
DR. C: Mark’s going to pick it to
pieces and then you can the project, right, Pat? PATRICK: Hey! Well, we’re working on a recording style that should work for everyone and get it done.
DR. C: You guys are huge propo-
nents of the scene here. You love it, you think it’s so great. MARK: Ugh! DR.C: So tell me what the fuck is wrong with the program around here? BOSWELL: Can I take this one?
Then Hayley and Butch get into an argument about local music. The barman comes over and looks for a place to set a round of beers, but the table is full of empties.
6
PATRICK: You want to set that
down?
HAYLEY: That’s what SHE said! DR.C:
So SLO has a problem with music? PATRICK: Well, we don’t. There is a really good scene if you are playing the right kind of music. If you are a white rap reggae band this is a rad town to play in.
PATRICK: There is a scene here, it
just not necessarily OUR scene. That’s what the Twang and fucking Bang fest and all this other shit (Swap! Zine) is about. The biggest problem, as I can tell, and I am super fucking mega ultra wicked guilty of this, is that the other bands around don’t come out and support each other and help each other out.
BOSWELL: Hold on, It’s not about the bands supporting each other. It’s that the clubs cater to whatever’s popular. They hire DJ’s because they’re cheap. It’s a change in the audience and it will change back. People will want to see live music again.
DR.C: We’ve been saying that for 15 years. BOSWELL: People want to
come and listen to the 80s and dance. PATRICK: Ask the metal heads how shit is going? They seem to be fostering their own little scene just fine.
DR.C: Yeah, They ARE way metal. PATRICK: When the bands help to
create the scene, the fans will want to come and be part of it. If the bands have the attitude, “I’m only out for myself,” then it’s not going to work out. Frankly, that was the idea, the genesis of this whole putting out this fucking CD and doing this shit. It is all because of that whiney little bitch putting that shit in the New Times complaining that ‘No one will come see my band and we’re so good.’ He’s a little baby. Bitch, what have you done for your scene to encourage people to come out?
MARK: ‘Turning’ against the pricks, as the Bible says. DR.C: No Bible questions! PATRICK: All Bible questions! You should do a theology interview with the Dead Volts. DR.C: No.
Then Boswell says something that if his grandparents read it, he would have to have a long talk with them about going to straight to Hell. HAYLEY: The last issue had all kind of pentagrams and upside down crosses. MARK: Muahhhahaha!
PATRICK: Ooook, so, that’s what I
See DV, Page 12
Red eyes in the rain There’s a moody new record on the horizon for Red Eye Junction by Greg Cherry
I’m sitting here with my friend Reid Cain of Red Eye Junction. I first heard of REJ through Patrick Hayes and caught you guys at The Range in Santa Margarita about 3 yrs ago. When did you start the band?
RIED: Ahhhh about 5 years ago. That place is a great venue. GREG: This town
swaps band members like old girlfriends... how many deterrent line-ups have you had?
REID: I’ve had right around...we always
joke and say like 10 drummers, other than that we have a new guitar player, but that’s about it, we had a time where Chad our bass player was in Oklahoma. So, yeah, like 10 drummers and maybe 4 other people. But we always have people that plug in and play.
GREG: So have you always been into
country music? Or what influenced you to play such a classic country sound?
REID: My old man raised me on country. We had a radio in the garage and I would always turn it to some crappy rock station, so he turned it to the country station and drove a screw through it so you couldn’t change it.. So I grew up on it.
GREG: Was REJ your first attempt at playing country music?
REID: Yeah I was living in Oakland with
a bunch of people that hated country music. Then I moved here and I found people who liked it, and somehow they found me. Chad Hoffman was the original guy that started a band with Buck and they would jam in the garage. I would run into him at McCarthy’s and he would be all fucked up and tell me “I got a country band.” I’d tell him to call me, he’d take my number and never call. Then I saw him in sandals and a Grateful Dead shirt, and he said again, “Lets start a country band.” I said Dude, I already told you I’m down, let’s have action. By the third time I told him, “Look dude,
don’t talk to me unless you want to do this, otherwise shut up,” so he showed up and we started rocking.
GREG: Was it intended for you to be the singer? REID: Yeah, I had been working on that style for awhile.
GREG: It’s a very distinct old county sound. REID: It’s an old technique used
by country guys in old honky tonks to amplify their voice over the crowd. It’s a nasally twang to amplify your voice, and I do speak a little more nasally so...
GREG: Pat said one of the best REJ
shows was in a sorority house or something? No cowboy hats or button ups just rockin.
REID: Ha! That show sucked actually, Pat
was there? It was a house we used to just set up in the laundry room and practice and no one played attention. But I guess they did then, I’m shocked Pat was there, I don’t believe him.
is older than I thought it would be. I just thought that because I liked country music, other people my age would come to shows late at night. But, apparently, people have to go to bed at 10 o’clock. A big part of what’s winding us down is that nobody comes to shows.
GREG: You are a very prolific song writer?
REID: I write a lot of songs. I enjoy the
creative process. we have about 3 hrs of original material, i think that’s always more interesting to me when bands play there own shit. Greg: I know you guys toured Europe, any good stories? Did they seem to like country music?
REID: Well, right before we left our
made? Reid: Ahhh 3.5. I got one that’s 3 tracks away from done. I will have it out this year for sure. GREG: Seems that this small town has managed to support a country or alt/country or whatever you want to call it scene, why do you think people here like this kind of music?
drummer quit. So we hired a Belgian, GREG: Hired? yeah found a Belgian drummer to go with us so that was cool. We did like 20 shows in 18 days...and not touring like Motley Crew I can assure you. Pretty much sleep, get up, load van, drive, unload van, play show, load van, drive, unload band, sleep...repeat. It was work. People think touring is party time, well it’s pretty much work time...that probably doesn’t sound very cool. The West Coast tour was way better, Pacific Northwest is awesome. You can camp and that makes it fun, play in the river.
REID: I don’t think there are fans our
GREG: Country life!! Keep your eye
GREG: Well, sorority girls? REID: Ha! GREG: How many records have you
music. I mean our fans...we got nowhere to play anymore because nobody wants to have country music. But our demographic
open for the new album later this year. redeyejunection.com
7
Git some dirt in yer ears! AMERICAN DIRT takes the stage
By Cody & Leah St. James
DAVE Basically two guys are home
CODY: Alright guys, where do you work?
JON B: I work at Cal Poly, I teach English. DAVE: You profess English. JON B: I profess English and I also work construction. DAVE: I roof houses. J.P.: Right now I’m building fences. I used to build cars. BRIAN: He’s an ex custom car builder. J.P.: I am ex awesome! BRIAN: I work for a beer distributor.
CODY: Nice. So How did the band
get started? DAVE: JP and I started playing my songs with him on drums and went through a lot of members. As soon as we locked in Brian his bass playing and harmonies really got us going towards the sound we’re in now. We pretty much dicked around for a good almost three years as a 3 piece. It was like Dave Wilson and the Eternal Openers. We had good material but we knew we needed a fourth member. And Jon came in and. J.P.: And kicked ass! DAVE: The best way to put it is that we had a good thing but we needed a catalyst BRIAN: We needed a kick in the ass. DAVE: Ya, and Jon came in and saw the potential and we got that catalyst.
CODY: What about band
influences? What are you guys into? J.P.: I listen to a lot of punk. DAVE: From a songwriting perspective…David Bezon. BRIAN: The bass player doesn’t know who the fuck that is. DAVE: He’s really lyrically based he does a lot of like dark/hopeful stuff. Like the 8 dark side of humanity but
f*ck it, it is what it is do the best you can sort of thing. JON B: Social D is one of those bands that I secretly love but would like never admit it, I guess. BRIAN: You just did on tape!
CODY: What genre do you play? BRIAN: The first time I ever jammed
with you guys after one of the first songs we learned I was like ‘holy shit dude that sounds like The Replacements.’ And Dave had no idea who The Replacements were, which was pretty cool. JON B: If I could land somewhere between Petty and Nirvana I’d be stoked. DAVE: Somebody at one of our shows asked if we were a Bruce Springsteen tribute band.
CODY: Band name. Where did that
come from? DAVE: It was from an old group of members. It was a result of four guys trying to agree on something. There were a lot of names getting thrown around but American Dirt really stuck. CODY: Where do you guys want to go with your music?
owners, 3 guys have kids, we all have careers. That’s another thing that’s helped shape the band. Nobody with a false pretense that we’re gonna quit our jobs and make a living. It’s all about having a good time with what we’re doing. JON B: Well I’m not hoping on Columbia Records.. DAVE: I think if we could draw like 40 people in one night that would sing along and like know us, we would all think that would be the coolest thing in the world.
CODY: How do you guys feel about covers?
DAVE: Our set used to be half covers
and originals before Bartel joined the band. Jon’s thing was like if you’re gonna play and not get paid, you guys have good songs, just be an original band. The way he put it was ‘You’re confusing the audience.’ If you’re gonna play a 45 minute set as a rock band at a bar you can pull out a cover here and there but establish your sound. And I love playing covers, I think its fun and if you’re gonna play a 2-3 hour bar set and get paid to do it you have to play covers but this band is not that. BRAIN: We’re thinking of bringing back Wagon Wheel.
Americandirtmusic.com
A Shucking good time! with the Mother Corn Shuckers
The band:
CHE MILLER- vocals, guitar, mandolin, songwriter and “drunk” CODY ST.JAMES- vocals, guitar, tenor banjo & sometimes bass MARK HUGHES- vocals, banjo, “sheep herder” JEFF PIENACK- vocals, guitar, harmonica ALAN VOGAN- vocals, upright bass KURT MICHAELS- washboard and percussion LILLIAN DENNIS- fiddle & “making the band look good” CHRIS DENNIS- slide guitar
(Lillian hollering at bandmates to gather round for the interview in the backyard of Che’s house in Shell Beach on Cinco de Mayo. Children are screaming and running around with water guns and Sisco the parrot looks amused).
CHE: You can never get us together standing in one spot at once! SWAP: Tell me about the song you guys chose to put on the comp,
“Double D’s.” It’s very poignant and deep with lots of meaning. CHE: It is something that is true to my heart and I live for on a daily basis. My wife had double Ds! LILLIAN: See, it’s a love song! CHE: But then she had two children and they sucked the life out of her double Ds. SWAP: I wouldn’t agree with that (her boobs look very perky)! How many members did you start with? CHE: We started with four and now we’re eight. SWAP: You have a lot of members and a good stage presence. How do you feel about the current configuration? LILLIAN: It’s so good. We’re supposed to have practice, but we just end up hanging out and talking – CHE: And getting drunk. LILLIAN: As a side effect, we end up making music. SWAP: What’s the worst show you ever played? JEFF: The Halloween gig! (Disturbia Festival) MARK: I did like eight shots of whiskey and three Everclear shots and did a back flip off the back of a truck and landed in the grass. SWAP: That really happened?! CHE: Yes! There was nobody at the show, so we decided to play outside the show and we got drunk. SWAP: And that’s different than your other shows, how? J/K. What’s up with the band name? MARK: Jesus Chrystlers was our first name! CHE: First we wanted “Los Bros,” then “Jesus Chrystlers,” but it was already taken by a 70s punk band. Then we sat down with a big bottle of whiskey… LILLIAN: Our name is best now, because if we mess up a song, we “schucked,” or if we play a song great, but it’s not like the origi-
nal, we “schucked it up.” Or it’s By Hayley T. like, “get to shuckin’ practice!” MARK: There’s going to be a new university called “Schuck U.” SWAP: This is too rich. Cody, you’re new. Reveal something about your band mates you didn’t know till you joined the band? CODY: Hard not to tell what they’re all about just by looking at ‘em! I went to high school with (guitar player Jeff’s) daughter, and I had gotten ridiculously wasted throughout high school at his house without even meeting him. JEFF: (fake yelling) What are you guys all doing out there in the shed??!! Oh, notttttthing, Daaaad! MARK: Jeff’s our oldest member with the youngest child in our band! He’s got a 12 week-old-daughter. SWAP: So Jeff’s the oldest at 61 and Cody is the youngest at 24. That’s pretty cool. Do you guys attract a lot of hobos and vagrants and such? CHE: I came up with a great plan. Stu of Shell Beach surf shop decided to give the homeless guys outside his shop “Shell Beach Surf Shop” shirts, and you know what? That’s a great advertisement! They’re always on the street! We need to start giving Mother Corn shirts out to the homeless! SWAP: You have some loyal fans. Who is the typical Mother Corn Shucker fan? CHE: Mark had a stalker for a while… LILLIAN: There’s so many people (and instruments) in the band, there’s always something for somebody. SWAP: Where’s your favorite place to play right now? BAND: The fuel dock! The Merrimaker! MARK: The diviest bars! LILLIAN: I love it when everybody gets up and dances. CHE: Sometimes it takes a whole set to get there…. MARK: They gotta get liquored up and lacquered down first!
Catch the Shuckers at the San Luis Obispo Farmer’s market on Thursday, June 21 and visit www.mothercornshuckers.com for more shucking music!
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Dirty Magazines stick together XXX All the dirt on SLO’s [geriatric] punk darlings! XXX our own businesses…
CURTIS- Yeah cause
we’re adults with $$$$
EVERYONE ELSE-
Uhhh, I don’t know about that!
CURTIS- We’re adults
that know how to budget. Hayley- Yeah, we’re adult punk rock! Reid- OH GOD!
DAN- How and why was this band formed?
HAYLEY- Oh, God! Reid-
That’s a good question. I have no idea why you guys think we formed this band… GREG- I think it all started at a Hayburner show in Atascadero… It was actually my first conversation with Reid, I mean I had known him before, but it was the first time we actually sat down and drank beers and talked about music. I mentioned something about wanting to be in a band and he was like, “What about a punk rock band?” And I thought it would be fun and uhh…
CURTIS- Reid was
definitely “Sergeant Fury” in this.REID- Yeah, I wanted to start a punk rock band.
CURTIS- Yeah, he brought
everyone together. I mean, I just came in buying comic books (at Dr. Cain’s Comics & Games) and he knew I had been wanting to play music for a while and…
GREG- And a couple days
10
later, everything came together and I was like alright. And
Reid got Hayley on board…
HAYLEY- And I was like,
“I don’t want to be the girl in the band!” Being the girl in the band is always lame! GREG- And I thought having a chick in the band would lower the testosterone levels…HAYLEY- And Greg likes to call women “chicks”…But yeah, this has come to be one of the most favorite projects, I really love it.
GREG- And I really didn’t
want a singer that didn’t play and instrument…CURTISAnd I had never been a lead vocalist, ever.
DAN- So I know you guys
DAN- So what do you guys write songs about? CURTIS- Well, we all write
different songs…and we all have different influences, so whoever writes the song dictates where it’s going to go. GREG- Reid writes most of the stuff. I have written some songs, Hayley has written some songs…
REID- I try to write songs
instead?
GREG- I think that there
are way too many chords in that song…
DAN- But you could turn it punk rock!
REID- If I have to learn how to play guitar, it’s not gonna happen!
HAYLEY- Hey! I am 24! GREG- Are there any solo’s in there?! Haha…REID- The cool thing about this band is that…we’re not all “Hey let’s try to sound like this person!” It’s more like hey, you like the Sonics, I like The Antischism. Let’s stuff them into the same “thing.”
HAYLEY- A “sausage” if you will…REID - Yes.
like any other band, kind of
DAN- So what’s next for
about…CURTIS- You know, about the STREETS…and DRINKIN’ BEERS! HAYLEY- The song I wrote was written when I was 17…
the band? Curtis- Well, we have an EP out, “Bang Bang,” and should have an LP out soon…
GREG- Yeah, we’re ready to
CURTIS- I’ve only written
record, we’ve just got to put it all together. Reid- Yeah, we’re ready for the LP for sure…and you can tell we’re old because we actually call it an LP!
songs about girls so far…
REID- Yeah, that’s true. I’ve
have a pretty rigorous practice schedule…like you guys actually meet up every Sunday…so are those just meet up and get wasted times or are they productive?
written songs about becoming an older punk rocker and…
HAYLEY- No, we totally work. CURTIS- It’s all fun
done a cover of Cinderella by the Sonics and the end of every set I’ve seen you play, but don’t you think that it would be more fitting for you to cover Jethro Tull’s Too Old to Rock ‘n’Roll, Too Young Too Die
with a dash of business HAYLEY- One thing that is weird about this band is that everyone has their shit together…we have jobs or
By Dan Wityak
CURTIS- Observation… REID- Yes… DAN- So you guys have
DAN- Well, is it actually going to be an LP or a CD?
REID- It will be a long-play CD. Hayley- Yes, extra long! Magazine Dirty is: Dirty Curtis Campbell (vox), Greg “Cherry Bomb” Cherry (bass), Chad Nichol (drums) & Dr. Cain. (guitar)
***Photo by Seth Lowe***
The Only Living Neanderthal in New York
“I
By: Ben Simon
started growing them when I was fourteen. It was a Saturday, I believe—because it was already ten o’clock when I checked myself out in the mirror. At the time, my parents were undergoing that legendary divorce, so they had enough issues to deal with. I wasn’t very wellliked in middle school, but it just got worse after these stupid protrusions appeared.” Tears grew in her eyes, which were naturally gray, but were concealed by bright purple contacts. The Dathanite nodded as he took some indecipherable notes on his psychotherapy patient. “Go on,” he mumbled a bit rudely, “how did things get worse?” “Well, there was a group of four boys who did repulsive things such as tasting the tadpoles in the creek by the schoolyard. And they weren’t in grade school anymore. Before my sideburns appeared, these boys wouldn’t pay any attention to me except call me immature names like ‘Bare Clair.’ Anyway, after these horrid sideburns curled around my cheeks, not only did their unoriginal nicknames get worse, but these nicknames were accompanied by actions. They would try to feel my sideburns. This one boy, Kirk, even attempted to pull them from the pores and keep them for himself.” The Dathanite was a bit confused. “Why didn’t you shave them off?” As he stared at the seventeen-year old girl, he noticed that although the golden hair on her cheeks was gone, it slowly was growing back before his eyes. The heavy weeping of Clair Rommack suddenly changed into a narrow dripping of crocodile tears. “Doctor, what’s my diagnosis, anyway?” As the Dathanite looked through his charts, he realized that bizarre hair growth was not a psychological subject. Not wanting to waste this almost-normal girl’s time, he thought up his own diagnosis. “Uh…you’ve come down with Chaubski’s Contraction.” “Chaubski’s Contraction?” “Chaubski’s Contraction. It’s a condition that slowly and steadily turns a normal human, often one of Polish descent, into a Neanderthal.” “I’m only one-eighth Polish.” “So was Varrick Chaubski, the first known victim of this rare condition.” The Dathanite smiled for a nanosecond, realizing that this girl was actually believing him. “Oh, Doctor! Am I going to have to go into Special Ed.?” “Ah, yes. You’ll already have graduated high school by the time you’ve completed the final transformation. You will have realized that you are a C student and not a straight A student anymore. So, you won’t get into that Ivy League college you’ve been saving up for. “Instead, you’ll end up either homeless on the streets of New York, or grilling and flipping at Jack in the Box. And Jack in the Box is much more tolerant of clowns than Neanderthals, you know. You’ll never make much of a promotion
there. “I have seen this case once before, so I am completely familiar with Chaubski and his alarming contraction. I am the one who diagnosed Chaubski back in 1992. You know where he is now?” The Dathanite knew exactly where he was going with this one. “Where?” “In a laboratory. He had to give up his drumming career for experimentation. Sure, human experimentation is illegal, but who says he’s human, anyway?” “I do. They’re Homo sapiens. I know that for sure. My mom’s a history teacher.” “Then she should know that Homo neanderthalis is the correct species. Neanderthals cannot reproduce with ordinary humans. You weren’t expecting to have any children in your adult years, were you?” Clair was about to answer, when the Dathanite cut her off again. “Well, you can’t—wait, you can with Chaubski! How would you like to be the mother of the new Neanderthal population? I have his most recent photo somewhere! Does this interest you?” “No thanks.” Clair shuddered. “I’ll show you him anyway. He’s a very good-looking simian. If you were a Neanderthal, you’d find him the equivalent of Tom Cruise.” Clair frowned. “What’s my mom going to say when I tell her that you suggested intimate relations with…” “By the way, your time is up. Please come back in a couple days, Clair.” As Clair sadly exited her psychotherapist’s office, she realized that she was slouching, much like a Neanderthal. Of course, she was starting to doubt the theories. * * * Mrs. Diane Rommack sat in the lobby of the Corralberg Psychotherapy Ward. She was very annoyed, as her daughter Clair was the gossip of the school, and that did nothing for Diane’s once-prominent reputation. As she read through a strange magazine called Soapbusters for the fifth time (the only other supplied reading material was Highlights), Clair came out of the third door and greeted her. “So, how’d it go, Clairissa?” Diane lifted the stupid magazine from her eyes. “I think my psychiatrist is a quack,” she angrily told her mom. “He said I’m turning into a Neanderthal.” “Look, I think he’s a bit mistaken. You see, the man you always thought was your dad…wasn’t. I was around your age when I met this really hairy man at a club. I think that’s probably it. You’ve just earned some of his genetics.”“… What was his name, Mom?” “Varrick Chaubski.”
11
INS THE SP WITH
Biba Pickles Another riveting installment!
I
t is well known that I love Jew Boys. They’re hot little neurotic sweet morsels. I love them. Almost all my crushes are on nerdy geeky Jews. I want to put my mouth on them. So it goes without saying that I hate Illinois Nazis. Well, all Nazis, actually. For legal reasons, I won’t go into great detail, only greatest detail. When I was 14 or 15 I knew this guy that was a neo Nazi, or at least he acted like he was. He absolutely hated minorities. He was a real asshole. I knew him because we went to school together and I sat next to him in one of my classes. In that class there was this gay guy he hated as well as a girl from Mexico. He was a real dick to them and any other people that weren’t “white.” I had kicked his ass a couple of times for being a dick to people, trying to corner them and such. One day he happened to find out that my family is Mexican and started talking shit to me. That’s when I talked shit to him, with my pen. I stabbed him with my pen during class, and I kept stabbing him until the pen got jammed up into its casing. Made that fucker bleed. The teacher didn’t notice despite we were in front of class and he was too embarVIVA PICKLES! Listen to the Biba rassed that he got his ass served by a Pickles Variety Hour on KCPR Monlittle girl…again (I had beat him up days 4 to 5:30, Wednesdays 2 to 4 and a couple of times before). I ended up Saturdays from 4 to 5 p.m.! Don’t taping the pen to my door at KCPR mess with this lady. LEFT: The pen she too. So that’s it, stabbed a guy one stabbed a Nazi with one time. time. No big deal.
From Dead Volts, pg. 6
think a big part of the problem is. The whole program is fucked because the bands aren’t taking care of each other as well as they should, and again, that’s the pot calling the kettle black.
MARK: I don’t thinking it’s going to change. BOSWELL WITH A MILD SLUR: So that’s whatchu do. A bunch of bands supporting each others. Is any band member going to come out and spend three dollars or even if it’s free? It’s like…it’s like, then you have ten people in the audience instead of two people.
PATRICK: Yes. That’s what starts it. Playing for ten people is way more fun then playing for two. For every band DR.C: Yeah, it’s way more fun to have a few friends there to play for than random people who are there to get drunk and don’t give a shit who’s playing.
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BOSWELL: No way man, I’d rather have ten people there
who are strangers digging your music than ten of your band buddies.
General arguments commence.
HAYLEY: Ideally both, but its great to have your friends there. BOSWELL: Are you doing it for your friends or are you trying to get your music out there?
PATRICK: Well, what about the show we the other night? Who were you hanging out with all night? Your ‘band buddies.’
BOSWELL: Well, yeah, but.. PATRICK: Weren’t they all San Luis musicians?
YES THEY WERE. SUPPORT THE LOCAL SCENE AND GO SEE SOME LIVE MUSIC!
Burn, baby! A chat with the HAYBURNER clan By Jessi Skipton Campbell of Bluebird Salon
And that’s how I met Katelen, through Jared. Now they are engaged! JARED: In a few years we’ll be a five piece band...
JESSI: Has the engaged part had a big impact on the band?
KATELEN: [“Songs from a Trailer”] is a foursong disc that we made about six months ago. We are hoping to do a full length album at some point. HAYLEY: It was recorded at trailer… Jared what do we call your “studio?” JARED: Trailer Fort Studios. HAYLEY: When we were recording it we had, for sound purposes, to put up all these cushions and stuff. JESSI: Who did most of the writing on it? JARED: There’s two original tunes, one of which is written by Hayley, “Birdie on the Wire,” and the other is “Lick and a Promise” written by Katelen. And the other two were cover tunes. We did “Ginseng Sullivan” and “I’ve Just Seen a Face” by the Beatles. JESSI: I love that one; you guys do a great cover of it. KATELEN: That one’s always fun to play. We try to throw in
some fun covers and kinda get people into it. JESSI: Crowd pleasers…?
HAYLEY: I definitely think we are, actually! We want to see the people get up and dance most of the time. JESSI: How did you guys get together? KATELEN: Well Jared and I already knew each other, we were dating and playing music together. Then Jared met Hayley on Craigslist and started playing with Hayley...HAYLEY: I think it’s weird, ‘cause I didn’t know Jared at all, and I was looking to start a band… when we met it was like “So, you want to play some songs?” and I had just learned banjo. I was super intimidated. He has all these instruments in his house! It was the weirdest experience, but it worked out so well.
KATELEN: It definitely has an impact; it changes the dynamic. JARED: I think it’s the same. HAYLEY: I think it adds more closeness. I think, in a band, the most important thing is commitment. If they are committed in marriage, even better! Because that means they aren’t going anywhere. JARED: Only Hayley can destroy this. KATELEN: We are a very cohesive unit! HAYLEY: We all have different strengths and we all compliment each other. JESSI: What would you say your strengths are, individually? KATELEN: I would say Hayley is a great song writer and she’s really good at talking to the crowd; she writes really fun songs that people like to hear. Jared is our lead solo player… any instrument, he can play these amazing solos. HAYLEY: Katelen has an amazing voice; its extremely angelic and she has probably perfect pitch. I’m pretty damn sure. She adds a really ethereal, beautiful quality to the music that we wouldn’t have otherwise. And she lays down the bass really well… JESSI: How does it feel to play with two ladies? JARED: Its actually good; it works well. There are less quarrels I think… There’s only one ego in this group - that’s me! I think we are all really good friends.
13
Totally Tubular!
omas
By Hayley Th
Retrofit’s Katie Cobler talks about crossing the two year mark in SLO & how to get cool on the cheap! There’s nothing “ironic” about Katie Cobler’s love affair with everything 80s. She’s a sincere and honest fanatic, despite the fact she was born in 1984 – effectively missing all the free-wheeling cocaine, big hair and awesome music (I completely missed the decade, too – DANGIT!). When I meet up with Katie, she’s donning acid-wash jeggings (seriously) and a baggy sweatshirt cut off at the shoulder. On the sweatshirt? A very bold very ‘80s Patrick Nagel woman with jet black hair, angular jaw and bold lips. Surrounded by candy-colored sunglasses, splatter-paint purses and racks upon racks of one-of-a-kind finds, she’s at home. Cobler grew up in Bay Area suburbia and loved going to the city to shop. Her obsession with the 80s began in 1990. “I remember back in 1993, I would see these commercials for this dual cassette tape, the “Awesome 80s,” and I loved every song they played. It was like Dead & Alive’s ‘You Spin me Right Round’ and Pete Burns in all of his glory with his hair and makeup. I was like, “Oh my God! I want to marry that man!” Cobler cut her teeth at thrift shops like Buffalo Exchange and Crossroads. She also saw a change occur in the thrift world, where more and more stores were selling re-sale stuff instead of true blue vintage. Cobler still stocks resale – it’s about 25 percent of the merch – but her main focus in on real vintage duds. How’d she end up in SLO? Colber moved to be with her boyfriend – a fellow ‘80s fanatic. She caught word of a Patrick Nagel retrospective show at Just Looking Gallery, and he was working there. The duo now live in a radical “retardedly ‘80s home” in SLO. Cobler said she was working at Trader Joes in AG, not knowing what the heck to do with her life, when she decided to open Retrofit. It was good timing: Decades had just closed, leaving an empty space for vintage lovers downtown. She was persistent when it came to securing her shop at 956 Monterey St. She now shares the space with Ontology, another cool local thrift shop (you should check it out – the mustachioed owner is pretty nice too). Cobler said the local support in SLO is good, but downtown businesses are too often overlooked. Before shelling out your hard-earned cash at a big retailer, why not try Retrofit first? “I might have the authentic vintage version of what Forever 21 is knocking off,” she said. “This whole bodycon dress thing started in the 80s and 90s. My jeans have authentic acid wash, and that’s so much cooler than going into a store and buying what you’re told is cool,” she said. Cobler admits the 80s and 90s were somewhat over-the-top (waterfall bangs, crimped hair, etc), but she’s not throwing the baby out with the bath water. The fashions also boasted cool colors, wild patters and accentuated the
14
Katie Cobler’s got young girls that come in and spend their weekly allowance (so cute) and fashion-forward mavens from Australia, London and beyond checking out her duds. She’s not just a child of the ‘80s - the shop supplies clothes from the ‘70s -‘90s as well as designer resale items you won’t find cheaper. female form. When I asked her what future generations (space hipsters?) will deem as “2000s fashions,” she said it will probably be a mash-up of eras and styles. As for her philosophy when it comes to buying old v.s. new: “If its lasted 30 years to be here today in good condition, it will probably last another 30.” Info: Facebook (Retrofit Clothing) or call 541-8084.
Enjoy the hunt! Go thrifting. Go to the swap meets & go to garage sales! Get your hands dirty and find something unique. Make Alterations! Adding fun buttons only takes minimal sewing skills! (Katie swears she can only sew by hand.) Size doesn’t matter! Find a good deal but it’s too sizes too big? Work with it! Take a plus-size top and wear it as a dress, shop the kid’s section and find cute little t-shirts for way cheap.Cut it up! Take a long floral dress and cut it into a crop-top, fringe a T-shirt, or cut the collar off a sweatshirt for off-the-shoulder awesomeness!
KATIE’S BOSS FASHION TIPS!
KATIE SEZ: “Anything goes. It doesn’t have to be a perfect hem. Scissors should be your best friend!”
From BABY, pg. 2 fucking wet!
DAN: I’m not all wet, you’re all wet. BP: Oh I know, I was like “Look at the gross cum stains everywhere, oooooo.”
DAN: Ugg, we would play a show, but
and rang out his beer cozy on the floor. Classy.* BP: Dan, it smells in here now.
was doing something, so I bit him.
DAN: It didn’t smell until you showed up.
Bauhaus and circle jerk each other. Any last words? Anybody? Because I’m going to write all this shit down and everyone’s going to get pissed while reading this. Hayley’s going to beat me with a broom because of how drunk this interview is.
BP: Have you guys ever been in any fights?
STEVEN: Yes, with our roommate
not now. This is usually the time of night we play though. BP: I bet your neighbors love you Brian: Oh they do. Dan: They have never called the cops, and they bought us avocadoes one time. They said “We love your music, so here are avocadoes.”
Hawkins (Dan and Steven’s roommate). Dan: I almost got into a fight with him too! Steven: He asked me to go outside so he could fight me on the front lawn like a WWF wrestler. He was going through a drunk phase. Brian: I think he wanted to make out with Steven. Steven: That makes sense.
BRIAN: We did get a noise violation at 5
BP: That guy sold me an original Four
p.m. one time. Dan: It was fucking 3 p.m.! Steven: It was from a senator. BP: You got a noise violation from a senator? DAN: Yeah, they’re a bitch.
*At this point, Dan busted a hole in his beer can and beer poured out all over the floor and it was disgusting. He kept drinking it while sitting on the couch. The couch got wet with beer, and then he 16 poured out the rest on the carpet
Loko for $5, and he won’t sell me anymore. DAN: He’s saving them. Brian: For the apocalypse. BP: Brian, have you been in a fight? Brian: Many, I’m in rugby. BP: Did you really go all Mike Tyson on someone?
BRIAN: That’s true. In rugby, this guy
wasn’t supposed to have his hand on the ball, but he put his hand on the ball while I
Dr. Cain’s
BP: Let’s play “In the Flat Field” by
DAN: I made new Han Solo’s Baby
buttons. They’re revamped. I also made buttons that say “My dick will rock you like a hurricane” like the song we have. BP: Cool. Those are on sale. Buy them from Dan Dan the Button man. Dan: Yeah, you can buy them for like a nickel each, man. Steven: A nickel? Brian: MAN! BP: In closing, this has been a sloppy and slutty time talking to Dan Dan the butthole man, big bad racist Brian.
BRIAN: No, why am I the racist?! BP:
Shut up, I’m riffing! AND stone cold sober Steven whose kind of a pussy, and I’m Biba Butthole Pickles. Goodnight America. *Thank you to Tee from TheMoreTheMerrier for carrying me and driving me home.*