LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS
University is a time for learning and discovery. You will meet new people, have new experiences, and form new relationships. We want you to have an enjoyable and safe time at Sussex. That’s why we want to have a conversation with you about intimate relationships, sex, boundaries, and consent. It is important that you feel able to talk about sex with your partners and make the decisions that feel right for you. For more information visit: www.sussex.ac.uk/wellbeing/studentlife/sexualconsent
What is Consent? Consent is about each person who is having sex saying yes. And that’s not just yes to being penetrated but to any sexual contact at all – including kissing and touching any part of someone’s body.
Consent is about saying yes to sex and about respecting a person’s right to say no – whether they are communicating this verbally or nonverbally at any stage of having sex or physical contact and at any point in a relationship.
So if someone does something to you sexually that you don’t want, for example, forcing you into sex when you’ve said no or because you’re unable to say no, then that is sex without consent. And sex without consent is rape or sexual assault.
Talking openly about sex can be embarrassing and difficult, but it is important to be able to communicate what we want, when we want it, and how we want it. Don’t pressure anyone into having sex and don’t do anything that makes them feel uncomfortable. Equally, don’t let yourself be pressured or made to feel uncomfortable. Sex should be about pleasure, and communication is key. In the law, consent has three components: Choice – a person wants and chooses to have sex, each way, each time; Freedom – a person makes this choice freely and does not feel forced into having sex due to their circumstances; Capacity – a person is capable of choosing to have sex and is not too drunk or out of it to know what they are doing.
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The Law: Consent, Sexual Assault and Rape The current legal definition of rape is intentional penetration of another person’s body (vagina, anus or mouth) with a penis, where the person penetrated does not consent to the penetration and the suspect does not reasonably believe that the person consents. The law also criminalises other forms of unwanted sexual touching and refers to this as sexual assault. Touching covers all physical contact, whether with a part of the body or anything else, or through clothing.
Consent is defined by section 74 Sexual Offences Act 2003. According to the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS): ‘Someone consents to vaginal, anal or oral penetration only if s/he agrees by choice to that penetration and has the freedom and capacity to make that choice. Consent to sexual activity may be given to one sort of sexual activity but not another, e.g. to vaginal but not anal sex or penetration with conditions, such as wearing a condom. Consent can be withdrawn at any time during sexual activity and each time activity occurs.’
If you haven’t consented to sexual activity, you have a legal right to take action and you can go to the police and report your rape or sexual assault as a crime – if you want to do so.
In England, the legal age of consent to most forms of sexual activity is 16 for everyone. However, this doesn’t mean that all sexual activity gets the green light once you hit 16. It is a criminal offence for a person to intentionally touch another person sexually without reasonable belief that they consented. In other words, if you know that someone cannot or does not consent to you touching them or making any other kind of sexual advances and you do it anyway, you are breaking the law.
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Consent, sex and relationships at Sussex Here’s what we believe:
At Sussex, we’re committed to creating a culture where everyone can enjoy their rights to respect, equality, diversity and safety.
•• No touching, no kissing, no sex without consent. Get permission or get lost. •• A kiss is not a contract. A dress is not a yes. It doesn’t matter what someone is wearing, if they are in your bed, what time it is, how drunk they are. None of this means yes.
We have a zero tolerance approach to sexual violence, harassment or discrimination in any form – whether by a stranger, someone you know or a partner; online or offline; at home, inside or in a public place.
•• Sexual health and contraception are a shared responsibility. Talk about it. Decide together. Don’t just take a chance. •• We believe and will support survivors. To anyone who has experienced sexual violence: this was not your fault. We believe you and it is okay not to feel okay.
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Myth busting
1 2 3 MYTH 1
MYTH 2
MYTH 3
People are more likely to be a victim of unwanted sexual advances by a stranger in a dark alley.
Some people provoke rape by their sexy clothing or by their behaviour.
People who take drugs or drink alcohol should not be surprised to be a victim of unwanted sexual advances.
Reality: False
Reality: False
Reality: False
The majority of reported cases have been where the person knows the other person.
Provocative clothing does not mean a yes. There is never an excuse to be guilty of unwanted sexual advances towards someone because of what they wear.
If someone is on drugs or is under the influence of alcohol, they’re vulnerable. That does not mean they are consenting to sex or able to give consent. You cannot consent to sex if you are unconscious and you can’t make an informed choice when you are drunk.
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4 5 6 MYTH 4
MYTH 5
MYTH 6
You can’t be sexually assaulted by someone you’re in a relationship with or have had sex with before.
Some people feel guilty after sex so they report it as sexual assault, so we should be careful and treat any allegations as false.
People can only be sexually assaulted by a man with a penis.
Reality: False
Reality: False
Reality: False
People can be sexually assaulted by a partner in a long term relationship. If you don’t want to have sex, that should be taken as a clear no – whether or not you’ve had sex before, there needs to be consent from each partner every time.
There is no evidence that many people lie about being sexually assaulted. But, there is evidence that many people do not report being sexually assaulted because of being ashamed, for fear of being blamed for it and/or because of stigma. There is also an interesting discussion to be had around why some people feel guilty after sex.
Women, men and people with other gender identities can be sexually assaulted by someone of the same or different gender. Although the British legal definition of rape only includes a penis, the use of an object or hands is an assault by penetration.
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Campaigns and support
I HEART CONSENT
SAFER SUSSEX
The NUS I Heart Consent campaign aims to tackle myths, misunderstandings and problematic perspectives about rape, sexual consent and sexual harassment, and educate Sussex students on these issues.
Safer Sussex is a student and survivorled movement comprised of students and various allies, such as Student Union officers, faculty and administrative staff, working towards offering a more holistic and thorough support system for survivors of sexual and domestic violence on campus at Sussex. The campaign supports peer educators and runs a variety of events and workshops for students and staff to tackle myths and misunderstandings about rape, consent and sexual harassment and to promote healthy relationships and a culture of respect, equality, diversity and safety at Sussex. Please email SaferSussexVolunteer@gmail.com if you want to join us to organise events and take part in raising awareness of sexual violence on campus.
‘I Heart Consent’ aims to create a healthy understanding of consent; sexual activity which is sought enthusiastically, rather than viewed as the beginning of a negotiation. www.sussexstudent.com/campaigns/ i-heart-consent
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Asking for Consent ‘Are you okay with me locking the door?’
‘Can I kiss you?’
‘Can you please wear a condom?’
‘Can I put my hand here?’
‘Do you want to change positions?’
‘Does this feel good?’
‘I want to do [?], how would you feel about that?’
‘You can tell me if you want to stop/take a break/do something else.’
‘Do you like this?’
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Sexual violence at UK Universities A 2015 representative survey for The Telegraph of UK university students found that: •• 1 in 3 female students reported having experienced sexual violence, harassment or abuse. •• 1 in 8 male students reported having been subjected to groping or unwanted sexual advances. •• 1% of all students had been raped at University. A 2016 University of Sussex Students Union (USSU) survey found that amongst the 370 respondents: •• A majority (52%) of students perceive levels of sexual harassment in Brighton nightlife to be either fairly or very high. •• A third of students (34%) have seen someone have their drink spiked on a night out in the last 6 months. •• Over a quarter of students (28%) have seen someone sexually assaulted whilst on a night out in the last 6 months. •• Less than a fifth of students would definitely report incidents of sexual harassment or assault to the police.
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Finding immediate help and support for recent sexual violence If you are off campus at night and the weekend.
If you are on campus or in university accommodation at night or at the weekend.
You can also ask to speak to a Residential Support Manager for advice by ringing Security on 01273 873333. Or call JAM, our out-of-hours call-back service, on 02089 383873 and ask for the duty Residential Community Coordinator to return your call.
You can get help from the Campus & Residential support team who will come to you. This team is on 24hr alert and can be contacted out-of-hours through your residential advisor, porter or Security. 01273 873333 or 3333 on an internal phone or go to York House (open 24 hrs)
You can also ring The Saturn Centre (Sexual Assault Referral Centre) 0800 0337797 for advice from the 24hr on-call- team without having to report to the police.
You can also ring The Saturn Centre (Sexual Assault Referral Centre) 0800 0337797 for advice from the 24hr on-callteam without having to report to the police.
Police 999 (emergency) 101 (non-emergency)
Police 999 (emergency) 101 (non-emergency)
During weekdays 9am–5pm You can get help at The Student Life Centre, Ground floor Bramber House. Phone for a priority appointment 01273 876767 or email studentlifecentre@sussex.ac.uk
Have you experienced sexual assault, abuse, violence or harassment? For immediate help and support: www.sussex.ac.uk/ wellbeing/sexualassault
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Other University support available for survivors of sexual violence Far too many of our students are survivors of sexual violence. If you are raped, sexually harassed, or assaulted whilst studying at Sussex, we will believe you. If you experience sexual violence, and choose to report it to the university, it will go through our formal disciplinary procedures. However you choose to move forward, whether this is to report or not, we will respect your decision and provide you with support and guidance.
•• Advice on issues affecting academic work and attendance. •• A Student Life Advisor can help you to report an incident and fill in the form at www.sussex.ac.uk/ogs/policies/ student-discipline/online-forms/ incident-reporting COUNSELLING SERVICE Health Centre Building, 01273 678156 www.sussex.ac.uk/counselling counsellingreception@sussex.ac.uk
STUDENT LIFE CENTRE
•• Available 9am–5pm and some evenings, Monday to Friday in and outside term.
Ground Floor, Bramber House, 01273 876767 www.sussex.ac.uk/studentlifecentre studentlifecentre@sussex.ac.uk
•• Counselling not recommended immediately after any incident, but sign up in advance.
•• Available 9am–5pm Monday to Friday in and outside term.
•• Specialist and professional counselling support for students who have experienced either historical or more recent sexual violence and harassment.
•• Ask for a priority appointment with a Student Advisor. •• Specialist support for students who have experienced either recent or historical sexual violence and harassment.
THE STUDENTS’ UNION SUPPORT AND ADVOCACY TEAM First Floor Falmer House, 01273 877038 www.sussexstudent.com/support advice@sussexstudent.com
•• Sign-posting to appropriate external services.
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Community specialist support for survivors The Portal www.theportal.org.uk is a one-stop shop for the survivors of sexual and domestic abuse in Brighton and Hove and East Sussex. It is run in partnership by RISE, Survivors; Network and CRI.
THE SATURN CENTRE (Sexual Assault Referral Centre) Crawley Hospital, West Green Drive, Crawley, West Sussex RH11 7DH www.saturncentre.org sc-tr.saturncentre@nhs.net •• Available 24 hrs, Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm phone 01293 600469 for an appointment. •• Out of hours phone 0800 0337797 for advice from the on-call team for crisis and medical support following recent sexual violence. •• Collection of forensic evidence so that reporting to the police can be delayed.
The Portal also offers specialist help to women; LGBT; heterosexual men and members of the BME Community.
SURVIVORS’ NETWORK 6a Pavilion Buildings, Brighton BN1 1EE www.survivorsnetwork.org.uk •• Support services for all genders 14-18 years. •• Support services for self-identifying women survivors of sexual abuse above 18 years. •• Helpline: 7pm-9pm, Wednesdays 01273 720110, text 07717 999989 help@survivorsnetwork.org.uk
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RESPECT
•• Drop-ins: 7pm-9pm, Mondays and Thursdays, 01273 203380 dropin@survivorsnetwork.org.uk
0808 802 4040 info@respectphoneline.org.uk www.respect.uk.net
•• Independent Sexual Violence Advisors (ISVA): 01273 203380 x103 referrals@survivorsnetwork.org.uk
•• Runs support services and programmes for men and women who inflict violence in relationship.
•• Counselling: 01273 203380 or email counselling@survivorsnetwork.org.uk
•• Open Monday–Friday, 10am-1pm and 2pm-5pm
SURVIVORS NETWORK AND LGBT SWITCHBOARD
RISE
01273 20450 Sunday 1-5pm www.switchboard.org.uk/projects/ helpline
Freephone: 0300 323 9985 www.riseuk.org.uk •• Runs weekly drop-in surgeries at BUFC Brighton and Hove Town Hall
UK helpline for trans and non-binary survivors of sexual violence and abuse.
•• Provides crisis accommodation in a refuge for women and children escaping domestic abuse.
MANKIND 1 Brunswick Road, Hove, BN3 1DG 01273 911680 www.mankindcounselling.org.uk admin@mankindcounselling.org.uk
•• Provides therapeutic and counselling services. •• Specialist support for women and children, men and LGBT persons.
•• Support for self-identifying men (18+) survivors of sexual abuse and their partners, families and friends through 1:1 counselling, therapeutic groups and couples.
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At Sussex, we’re committed to creating a culture where everyone can enjoy their rights to respect, equality, diversity and safety. We have a zero tolerance approach to sexual violence, harassment or discrimination in any form – whether by a stranger, someone you know or a partner; online or offline; at home, inside or in a public place. This leaflet tells you more about why sexual consent is so important, what the law says and where you can get help if you’ve experienced sexual assault, abuse, violence or harassment. For immediate help and support www.sussex.ac.uk/wellbeing/sexualassault