Dr Dick’s Sex Advice I’m bi male, 25, and I have both female and male lovers. Right now, I’m in more of a same sex phase. I’m dating two different guys that I like a lot. Both are really nice and fun and the sex is pretty good. But neither one of these guys — one is 23 and the other is 25, knows how to kiss worth a damn. And I can’t get worked up without kissing. The 23 year old claims to be mostly straight and says kissing is too queer for him. The other guy is all like all open mouth teeth. Yuck! Is it just me, or is kissing a lost art for gay men? Gil You are so right on, Gil! Kissing is a lost art, but not just for gay men. Women tell me that their straight male partners don’t know squat about kissing either. Is it just too intimate a thing for manly men nowadays, or what? And yeah, it is queer for one guy to kiss another guy. It’s supposed to be, for Pete’s sake! What, does the 23 year old think he’ll maintain his “straightness” if he blows and buggers another dude, but doesn’t kiss him? WTF! In my book, kissing is essential to satisfying sex. If ya can’t kiss, I’d be willing to bet you not a good lover either. Oh, that’s not to say that you won’t be able to bump parts, any monkey can do that. But a real good lover involves passion and how’s there supposed to be passion without kissing? That’s what I’d like to know. Kissing is often the first sexual experience we have. Whether it’s a light kiss from a friend, or a deep sensuous French kiss with a potential lover. We can express so much with kissing — love, passion, friendship, commitment — and we can do so while fully clothed.
Kiss OFF!
Kissing someone on the mouth is bliss. But taking those kisses to other places on your partner’s body is a mighty fine idea too. I used to think kissing came naturally to us all, but now I’m convinced that’s not so. It could be we all have an innate ability that just needs to be nurtured before it blossoms. Whatever the case may be; there are some things the kissing challenged ought know. Always make sure that your breath is fresh. There’s nothing worse than kissing someone with bad breath! This is particularly important for those of you who still smoke. Passionate kissing not only involves your mouth, it also involves body contact, hugging and touching. • If you’re all open mouth, teeth and drool, you’re not kissing. • If you rush to jam your tongue into your partner’s mouth and down his/her throat, you’re not kissing. • If you’re biting instead of nibbling, you’re not kissing. • If you’re trying to cover his or her entire mouth with yours like some kind of freaky suction cup, you’re not kissing. • If you’re kissing with your eyes wide open, you’re not kissing. • If your tongue is poking and prodding in your partner’s mouth like it is searching for lost food, you’re not kissing. • If someone is kissing you and you’re not kissing back, you’re not kissing. • If you’re body is stiff, like a frozen slab of beef, you’re not kissing. • If your hands are stationary without a thing to
Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS Sex Therapist, Sexual Health Counselor and Sex Advice Columnist www.drdicksexadvice.com
do, you’re not kissing. • If you think kissing is something ya gotta do just to get laid, you’re not kissing. If you’re pressed for technique, or you’re simply clueless about where to begin, start by giving your partner a quick peck on the cheek or lips. Then move back a little, look him or her in the eye, then move in again for another kiss with a bit more passion this time. Slowly build up the passion and excitement with a series of these kinds of seductive kisses till you’re all over one another like a bad cold. Or try light kissing all over your partner’s face and neck pausing every now and again for a deep sigh and a longing look in his/her eyes. Whatever you do, don’t suck or slobber, save that for the blowjob and the muff diving.
If you think you need practice kissing; and unless you’ve been told that you are a great kisser, you do need practice. And you’re too timid to invite a partner to join you for the exercise, here’s what I propose you do. Make a fist; turn it sideways so that you have the opening between your thumb and forefinger in front of you. Kiss that. Stand in front of a mirror and watch yourself. If you look like they do in the movies, you may be on the right track. When you think you’re getting the hang of it, move on to the real thing. Don’t be shy, we all have to start somewhere. You might invite your partner to give you some feedback on how you’re doing. Remember, practice makes perfect. Good Luck
This, I Shamelessly Tell You Why I Think More People Should Give Asian Men a Chance, Part Two, and Truth, Trust In S/M and Why I Have Problems With Blonde Women by Rajkhet Dirzhud-Rashid
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kay, as I sit here, still reeling from the fact that in the last couple of days I’ve gone from being all nutty over a new financial mess left by the person in charge of keeping my money matters straight, to suddenly having extra money (the first time that’s happened in months!) due to that same person making fast and loose with mine and other people’s money, I start to consider other things. One, that money does corrupt people, and also that I still think my slave/honey and men like him are the greatest thing to happen to me since the day I spoke up and we left my horrible beast of a father behind for what’s turned out to quite an adventure. True, it’s a better adventure now than then, but it’s an adventure nonetheless. Part of that adventure, I realize, started with me being fascinated by the two prints of geishas on my grandmother’s wall, which led to me being riveted by Japanese sci-fi movies like Godzilla, and The Mysterians (rent it if you haven’t seen it and tell me those folks, the aliens aren’t hot). Thus my ‘Asian period’, where all I dated were Asian men, and a couple of Asian women too. Actually I didn’t ‘date’ the women, more like just knocked boots with them and then one, at least, went back to her boyfriend. Now, my Japanese lover/slave. True, a tall, blond guy will still get my heart
jumping, and make me think wicked thoughts, as a certain store clerk did recently, when I happened to see him smoking outside of work and mustered the nerve to flirt (under the guise of condemning that same habit). And cops still make me hot, but my soul gets wet for men who look like they’ve just stepped out of a Destroy All Monsters film, and if they’re wearing the ‘uniform’ black suit, white shirt and tie, all the better. That suit says two things to me: power and sex. Maybe it has to do with that whole idea that Japan once saw itself as the place the sun rose and set (the reason for that red circle on their flag), and the whole samurai/warlord identity from way back. What can I say, power, real power, or the implication of (remember my slave is submissive, but being Japanese, I still am in awe of his elf like beauty, especially when I’m riding him like a pony and his eyes are closed in sheer bliss) turns me on. Like hearing anything spoken in German makes me feel like spreading my legs and saying ‘wilkommen’. Not ‘pc’, I know, but hey, I’m a fan of whatever blows your dress up, and doesn’t hurt others. That’s probably why my slave and I did a scene recently that not only involved him completely trusting me, but even in my experience as a top, was on the cutting edge (pun intended here) for both of us. Nothing
model: Krystal like leaving your slave nearly naked, gagged, with no clothes to wear except what’s in my closets, and cleaning like Cinderella (I had his clothes with me, which turned out to be a challenge, since I also had my purse and gym stuff for my workout). Trust is the essence of s/m and that scene proved that to both of us, and bonded us in a way most people only dream of. In fact I put it to a ‘vanilla’ couple to try the same thing and see what happens. I don’t know if they did, but I can tell you, when I left him to get on the bus, we were both trembling a bit, and I don’t think it was from fear. To me, in a perfect world, people would try this and maybe other stuff we’ve tried and then have the great sex we had and the whole world would be a better place, or I think so anyway. Also, Asian men would get the props they so richly deserve, and be news anchors in prime time, get love scenes on detective shows and be the top banana, not the second one. Maybe in time,
“No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes” - The World According to Malice
who knows? In the mean time, I’m sold on my goldenbrown son of Japan and only Brad Pitt appearing naked in my bedroom could change that. On the other hand, my problem with blonde women, now that’s another story, one that goes back to my childhood and my horrible father making mama cry over him reading porn mags featuring Teutonic women with perfect bodies, all naked and pink. Also that smug attitude of privilege that I’ve been on the not so happy receiving end of hasn’t endeared them to my heart either. Maybe someday dark skin, dark hair and Asian men will be the preference for billboards and magazine covers and I’ll change my mind, or at least soften my attitude toward haughty Britney wannabes. In the mean time, I work on my issues around that, and promise myself to be better in the future, tolerating a bit more and hatin’ a little less the blonde, white woman. This, I shamelessly tell you.
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