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the pitch
a dresserful of pleated jeans, but it seems unnecessary. I suggested flipping a coin as a compromise. She wasn’t interested. Breaking up over the details of your future life together seems like a dumb thing for two smart people in love to do.
Inserting This Chances Harm
Running Into No Go
Dear ITCH: “Sex toys aren’t regulated like food
Dear RING: If you were my boyfriend, and you
when it comes to packaging,” said Hannah Jorden, senior staff sex educator at Smitten Kitten (smittenkittenonline.com), a progressive sex-toy and -gear shop in Minneapolis. “It could be latex; some other porous rubbery substance; or even a nasty, rash-inducing, endocrine-disrupting, cancer-causing mixture of PVC and phthalates.” Phthalates, a chemical compound found in everything from cosmetics to shower curtains to sex toys to food packaging, block male hormones, harm fetal genital development, interfere with adult brain function, and may put people at greater risk of breast cancer and testicular cancer. “The trick,” Jorden said, “is to buy only nonporous, nontoxic toys from trustworthy manufacturers and retailers.” So what should you look for when you go dildo shopping? “The best option is medical-grade, platinum-cured silicone,” Jorden said. “Silicone dildos come in lots of different textures and firmnesses, and you can quickly sterilize them by putting them in boiling water for a few minutes or running them through a hot dishwasher cycle. As long as they’re sterilized between uses, silicone dildos can be safely shared with different partners, and they can be used in different orifices without risk of bacterial contamination.” You can put also condoms over older sex toys and continue to use them. “Progressive sex shops, like those that are members of the Progressive Pleasure Club [progressivepleasureclub.com],” Jorden said, “can help figure out which toys are safe.” Jorden recommended a few trustworthy brands: Toys from Fun Factory, Tantus, and Vixen Creations. And here’s a nonporous, nontoxic, nonsilicone option for you: the stainlesssteel toys made by NJoy (njoytoys.com).
months into a relationship with a 30-year-old bisexual woman. We get along wonderfully and fuck wonderfully. Have you ever tried to see who can out-rim whom? Fun stuff. We want a life together. The snag is that she has a dedication to Catholicism and wants us to marry. I’m agnostic on God, but I don’t care for his earthly representatives. I know that a marriage license doesn’t automatically come with a dead bedroom and
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D a n S ava ge
Dear Dan: What is the best way to sanitize a latex dildo? At least I think it’s a latex dildo. I had a yeast infection a few months ago, and before I knew what was up, I used my toy. Now I’m afraid to touch it until I know it won’t reinfect me!
Dear Dan: I’m a 30-year-old straight guy 18
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said you would marry me if you lost a coin toss but not because marriage mattered to me, I would never rim your ass again. Because if my feelings mattered less to you than a coin toss, your ass would have to learn to eat itself. Look at it this way: You fell in love with a woman who wants to spend her life with you, and you want to spend the rest of yours with her. And the woman you want to spend the rest of your life rimming wants to marry the man she spends her life rimming. You’re the one who should compromise.
Dear Dan: I manage a restaurant, and I’m perceived as pretty levelheaded, so employees confide in me. A 21-year-old Mexican employee came to me and blurted out, “I had sex with a woman. Then two months later, I met her husband at a bar. I did not know that she was married! As it turns out, her husband is a good guy. Now I really feel bad and don’t know what to do.” This young man is a very spiritual guy and appears shaken. I asked him how many times he “dated” this woman. He said maybe five and that the sex happened only once. What should I tell him?
Employee Relations Resource Dear ERR: Some married people cheat on their spouses and some married cheaters fuck people who wouldn’t fuck ’em if they knew they were married. It’s unfortunate — and unnecessary. There’s no shortage of people who will fuck married people. Tell him that some married couples have open relationships, some have “don’t ask, don’t tell” understandings about outside sex, some married men are into cuckolding, and some people “cheat” because they’re married to “good guys” or “good gals” who have sexually neglected and/or rejected them. Your employee has no way of knowing if this woman’s husband was wronged. But if a wrong has been committed, he didn’t knowingly do anything wrong, so the wrong isn’t his. Nor is it his to right. He should avoid further contact with this woman, unless he gets an explanation that eases his conscience. And he should avoid becoming buds with the husband, however good a guy he might be. Have a question for Dan Savage? E-mail him at mail@savagelove.net